1
00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:09,729
This is one hell of a way
to spend Christmas.
2
00:01:09,979 --> 00:01:12,982
- Mulcahey!
- Sir.
3
00:01:13,232 --> 00:01:19,196
Secure the sidewalk.
No one gets in or out.
4
00:01:37,004 --> 00:01:42,008
I have a present for you!
Pigs!
5
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:53,060
Let the children go!
Damn you, Ripper!
6
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,836
Slater!!
7
00:02:21,086 --> 00:02:26,549
Do no even think it, Slater.
Wait for the hostage negotiator.
8
00:02:26,799 --> 00:02:29,385
Goddamn it, Jack,
I am talking to you!
9
00:02:29,635 --> 00:02:33,264
The last time you pulled this
jive, jitterbug, tough gonad shit -
10
00:02:33,514 --> 00:02:36,141
- people lost bodyparts!
11
00:02:36,392 --> 00:02:41,646
If you go in there,
you will lose your badge!
12
00:02:41,855 --> 00:02:44,149
Jack, as Mayor of this city, -
13
00:02:44,399 --> 00:02:48,152
- you and I have had our tiffs,
but this is the Lieutenant Governor.
14
00:02:48,403 --> 00:02:52,823
- When the Governor gets here, call me.
- Do not let Slater in.
15
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:56,285
Repeat: Do not let him in!
16
00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:59,121
Piece of cake.
17
00:02:59,371 --> 00:03:04,334
Do you want to be a farmer?
Here is a couple of acres.
18
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:10,923
- Dekker, the next one I will hurt.
- Slater, do not go in there!
19
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:20,932
Check fire. There is a plain-clothes
officer in the building.
20
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:28,439
- Jack, what kept you?
- Dad!
21
00:03:30,441 --> 00:03:36,363
Andy is getting nervous.
I promised him you would come.
22
00:03:36,613 --> 00:03:43,411
I gave him my word he could
watch you die. Lose the cannon.
23
00:03:43,662 --> 00:03:47,957
Has he hurt you, Andrew?
24
00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:53,379
Did you say hurt, Jack?
What do you know about hurt?
25
00:03:53,629 --> 00:03:58,717
- You put me in a cage for ten years.
- You deserved the death penalty.
26
00:03:58,967 --> 00:04:01,678
Yes, whatever.
27
00:04:01,928 --> 00:04:06,516
Things crawl around in my head
and sit on my chest when I wake up.
28
00:04:06,766 --> 00:04:09,769
Do you know what it is like?
29
00:04:10,019 --> 00:04:17,025
Your illegal search rendered
the bloody axe inadmissable. Remember?
30
00:04:17,276 --> 00:04:21,363
Now lose the gun.
31
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:34,875
All right, I am unarmed.
Let the boy go.
32
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:41,298
Just one gun, Jack?
You must be kidding.
33
00:05:02,275 --> 00:05:06,613
- Is that all, sport?
- Yes, that about does it.
34
00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:10,283
Then step away.
35
00:05:12,535 --> 00:05:15,204
Chop-chop.
36
00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:21,710
Unless you consider this a weapon.
37
00:05:27,965 --> 00:05:33,345
Brilliant, Jack. Brilliant.
I surrender.
38
00:05:33,596 --> 00:05:36,015
- That is a live grenade.
- Sure.
39
00:05:36,265 --> 00:05:42,145
You will sacrifice your son to get me.
I am flattered, but I doubt it.
40
00:05:42,395 --> 00:05:48,067
Andy, pick up the grenade.
Go on.
41
00:05:51,654 --> 00:05:55,532
Show it to me.
42
00:06:00,328 --> 00:06:05,542
Jack, that toy cannot
hurt the boy.
43
00:06:05,792 --> 00:06:09,795
But this one can.
44
00:06:28,646 --> 00:06:31,190
Focus!
45
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:36,361
Come on, focus!
46
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:41,283
People are trying to sleep.
47
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:46,663
The film is out of focus.
The film... Never mind.
48
00:06:46,913 --> 00:06:50,541
Nick!
49
00:07:10,226 --> 00:07:14,521
Nick, are you okay?
50
00:07:14,813 --> 00:07:19,609
The climax is on the fritz.
51
00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:34,540
I never used to do that, Danny.
52
00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:41,171
It is okay. I have seen this Slater
six times. I was just worried.
53
00:07:41,421 --> 00:07:45,592
The new Jack Slater opens
this weekend.
54
00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:53,474
Like I did not know that.
"They killed his cousin. Big mistake!"
55
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:56,393
"Jack Slater IV."
56
00:07:56,643 --> 00:08:02,399
I am checking the print tonight.
Midnight. Just myself.
57
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:10,156
I could get you admittance,
if that sort of thing appeals to you.
58
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:14,285
See it before it opens?
Who do I have to kill?
59
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:21,374
Just get to school.
You will only be four hours late.
60
00:08:45,813 --> 00:08:51,193
Treachery, conspiracy, sex,
sword fights, madness, ghosts.
61
00:08:51,444 --> 00:08:53,946
And everybody dies.
62
00:08:54,196 --> 00:08:57,324
Shakespeare's "Hamlet"
could not be more exciting.
63
00:08:57,574 --> 00:09:02,287
And though he may seem
incapable of taking action, -
64
00:09:02,537 --> 00:09:09,377
- he is one of the first
action heroes.
65
00:09:10,253 --> 00:09:16,925
You will now see a scene from
the film by Laurence Olivier.
66
00:09:17,176 --> 00:09:21,304
You may have seen him in the
Polaroid commercial -
67
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:27,643
- or as Zeus in
"Clash of the Titans".
68
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:32,857
O bosom black as death.
69
00:09:35,025 --> 00:09:40,447
Help angels.
All may yet be well.
70
00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:43,700
Now he is praying.
71
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:48,246
And now I will do it.
72
00:10:00,424 --> 00:10:07,638
- And so he goes to heaven.
- Do not talk, just do it.
73
00:10:09,599 --> 00:10:13,310
Hey, Claudius.
74
00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:20,150
You killed my father.
75
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,154
Big mistake.
76
00:10:25,071 --> 00:10:28,241
Something is rotten
in the state of Denmark.
77
00:10:28,491 --> 00:10:34,246
And Hamlet
is taking out the trash.
78
00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:44,923
- Stay thy hand, fair prince.
- Who said I am fair?
79
00:10:50,094 --> 00:10:55,349
No one is going to tell
this sweet prince goodnight.
80
00:10:55,599 --> 00:11:00,562
To be... or not to be.
81
00:11:00,812 --> 00:11:04,858
Not to be.
82
00:11:20,831 --> 00:11:25,960
The whole morning?
He was not?
83
00:11:26,044 --> 00:11:31,924
No, he was not at school today.
He is sick as a lamb.
84
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:37,721
Tell me the story of your life
starting this morning, first period.
85
00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:40,348
And make it good.
86
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:48,481
Something along the lines of:
"I cut so I could donate a kidney."
87
00:11:48,481 --> 00:11:54,361
Were you at the movies again?
That crazy guy is an accessory.
88
00:11:54,612 --> 00:11:59,866
- Nick is not crazy.
- Damn it, Danny!
89
00:12:00,117 --> 00:12:09,458
I lied to a principal. And what for?
So you can go to the movies?
90
00:12:09,709 --> 00:12:11,460
Sorry.
91
00:12:11,711 --> 00:12:14,630
I did not choose this.
92
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:20,552
I did not ask to become a widow
before the age of forty.
93
00:12:20,802 --> 00:12:22,387
I know that.
94
00:12:22,637 --> 00:12:26,599
Give me a hug.
95
00:12:26,891 --> 00:12:30,019
- I will not cut again.
- Let me hear the "P" word.
96
00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:34,231
I promise.
97
00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:40,195
Jesus! I am late.
I have to get to work.
98
00:12:40,404 --> 00:12:44,324
Lock the top lock
the minute I close the door.
99
00:12:44,574 --> 00:12:50,997
And do not open for anyone.
Bye. I love you.
100
00:13:42,544 --> 00:13:46,798
Are you alone?
Okay. Move it!
101
00:13:51,969 --> 00:13:56,348
Do yourself to the drain.
102
00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:02,020
Tough guy.
103
00:14:03,271 --> 00:14:09,443
Do it.
I will make it easier for you.
104
00:14:10,403 --> 00:14:14,156
Go ahead.
105
00:14:15,199 --> 00:14:18,368
Do it.
106
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,917
What is it with you?
You have junk!
107
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:32,757
No jewelry, no VCR.
A shit TV worth twenty bucks.
108
00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:36,760
Go fish, amigo.
109
00:14:39,304 --> 00:14:43,475
Remember your mom says
you are to go straight home.
110
00:14:43,725 --> 00:14:48,729
She will be there
when the shift is over.
111
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:54,735
If we find the guy,
I will give you a call.
112
00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:34,521
- I almost gave up on you.
- I am sorry.
113
00:15:43,613 --> 00:15:49,452
- What do you think?
- I have never seen anything like it.
114
00:15:49,702 --> 00:15:56,083
- It is not too tight, is it?
- No. It is the style.
115
00:15:56,333 --> 00:16:03,173
I always wanted to be a magician.
But my hands were too tiny.
116
00:16:03,423 --> 00:16:09,178
My father worked here
and got me my first job. Usher.
117
00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:18,687
I worked myself up to projectionist.
It is not much, but it is showbiz.
118
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,276
So, is the print ready?
119
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:31,115
Just a minute, young man.
Are we not forgetting something?
120
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:38,705
You have to have a ticket to see
a movie. And I have just the one.
121
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:47,630
When I was your age, Harry Houdini
played here and I met him backstage.
122
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:51,676
And he made a gesture
like this.
123
00:16:51,926 --> 00:16:56,472
And all of a sudden
this was in his hand.
124
00:16:56,722 --> 00:17:01,643
And he said to me:
"This is a magic ticket."
125
00:17:01,893 --> 00:17:07,482
"I got it from an Indian magician,
who got it from a Tibetan magician."
126
00:17:07,732 --> 00:17:13,612
"It is a passport to another world.
It was mine."
127
00:17:13,863 --> 00:17:17,908
"And now it is yours."
128
00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:24,039
And now it is yours.
129
00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:30,378
- What does it do, Nick?
- I never had the courage to find out.
130
00:17:30,628 --> 00:17:36,675
I have always wanted to try,
but I was afraid it would not work.
131
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:43,431
At your age Houdini was like a god
to me. What if he was faking?
132
00:17:43,682 --> 00:17:47,518
And then again...
133
00:17:47,518 --> 00:17:54,608
- What if it did work?
- What if it did?
134
00:17:55,401 --> 00:17:59,071
Houdini said something else.
He said:
135
00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:09,205
"This ticket has a mind of its own.
It does what it wants to do."
136
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:14,209
That always made me edgy.
137
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:22,008
I guess there is only one way
to find out then. Right?
138
00:18:24,928 --> 00:18:29,932
Please retain your stub, sir.
139
00:18:32,393 --> 00:18:36,980
- Shall we see if Slater wins?
- Jack Slater cannot lose.
140
00:18:37,231 --> 00:18:41,943
Never has, never will.
141
00:19:23,064 --> 00:19:27,944
Oh, Frankie.
142
00:19:29,111 --> 00:19:37,077
Frankie, why do you
keep on with the insults?
143
00:19:37,327 --> 00:19:43,917
- I would not insult you, Mr. Vivaldi.
- When you lie, that is an insult.
144
00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:50,381
You are Jack Slater's favourite cousin.
You talk all the time.
145
00:19:50,631 --> 00:20:00,265
I must know what Slater knows
and you are going to tell me.
146
00:20:00,807 --> 00:20:03,560
Does he know
that me and Torelli -
147
00:20:03,810 --> 00:20:09,899
- have just signed
a secret pact to control -
148
00:20:10,149 --> 00:20:14,737
- all drugs
in Southern California?
149
00:20:14,987 --> 00:20:22,702
We mostly talk
muzzle velocities. Guns.
150
00:20:36,715 --> 00:20:40,177
Meet Mr. Benedict.
151
00:20:40,427 --> 00:20:45,765
The genuine article.
And you better believe it.
152
00:20:46,015 --> 00:20:53,606
Sometimes he likes to bake
while he shoots people.
153
00:20:54,106 --> 00:21:00,445
I am saying that Mr. Benedict
can take you out as easy as cake.
154
00:21:00,695 --> 00:21:05,116
Pie, you Sicilian schmuck.
155
00:21:05,366 --> 00:21:13,165
The man is a surgeon.
156
00:21:13,541 --> 00:21:20,589
Do you want me to make him
operate on you?
157
00:21:20,839 --> 00:21:24,926
I swear I do not know.
158
00:21:30,306 --> 00:21:36,645
Dump him at his place.
But take it easy.
159
00:21:37,938 --> 00:21:45,820
He bought it. He actually believes
me and Torelli are banding together.
160
00:21:46,070 --> 00:21:53,452
The beauty part is, nobody knows
different. Until after the funeral.
161
00:21:53,702 --> 00:21:58,332
Then everybody knows.
162
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:09,884
Everybody knows
Tony Vivaldi is number one.
163
00:22:10,134 --> 00:22:15,973
You are going to pay.
164
00:22:17,724 --> 00:22:21,520
Is this right?
It does not look like a crack house.
165
00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:29,652
Do you want 60 guys dancing on
the lawn throwing cocaine around?
166
00:22:43,623 --> 00:22:46,542
- What is up, guys?
- Quiet. This is a drug bust.
167
00:22:46,793 --> 00:22:50,546
Drug bust? You must be joking.
168
00:22:50,796 --> 00:22:56,802
My cousin Frank lives here.
The only drugs he has is aspirin.
169
00:22:57,052 --> 00:23:00,680
If you touch that front door,
you are going to need them.
170
00:23:00,931 --> 00:23:07,270
It must be a mistake.
We received an anonymous tip.
171
00:23:10,106 --> 00:23:13,108
Frank?
172
00:23:29,123 --> 00:23:32,460
Jack, listen to me.
173
00:23:32,710 --> 00:23:35,254
- Who did this?
- Listen to me.
174
00:23:35,504 --> 00:23:38,674
This is important.
175
00:23:38,924 --> 00:23:47,932
Tony Vivaldi and the Torelli mob
are joining forces.
176
00:23:49,142 --> 00:23:52,812
I am out of here.
177
00:24:01,903 --> 00:24:05,281
Sorry, Frank.
178
00:24:27,260 --> 00:24:30,304
It is a bomb!
179
00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:43,650
He is okay. Minor wound.
Both cops dead.
180
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:05,420
Two days to retirement.
181
00:26:16,151 --> 00:26:20,238
Nick?
182
00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:50,683
- Who the hell are you?
- Do not shoot me! I am a kid.
183
00:27:00,192 --> 00:27:04,654
- How did you get here?
- I do not think you want to know.
184
00:27:04,904 --> 00:27:09,909
Close your eyes, stay flat
and do not move!
185
00:27:28,176 --> 00:27:30,720
You are driving with no hands!
186
00:27:30,970 --> 00:27:36,975
You have to practice
and never do it in heavy traffic.
187
00:27:45,024 --> 00:27:50,029
I iced that guy,
to cone a phrase.
188
00:27:51,697 --> 00:27:56,618
Wait... The bad puns,
the voice, the hard rock.
189
00:27:56,869 --> 00:28:02,165
This is really happening.
190
00:28:03,792 --> 00:28:09,755
This is not happening.
Repeat: This is not...
191
00:29:37,586 --> 00:29:41,298
I threw up. Sorry.
I thought I was going to die.
192
00:29:41,548 --> 00:29:47,637
I am sorry to disappoint you, but you
will live to enjoy the fruits of life.
193
00:29:47,887 --> 00:29:55,144
Acne, shaving, premature
ejaculation and divorce.
194
00:30:16,205 --> 00:30:21,168
Does this suck weenie or what?
195
00:30:21,835 --> 00:30:25,004
This is a movie set.
196
00:30:25,255 --> 00:30:32,344
This is a movie. That is how
the scenery changed, right?
197
00:30:39,059 --> 00:30:45,773
You are going to play chicken, right?
Just like Jack Slater.
198
00:30:49,068 --> 00:30:52,863
Fasten your seat belt, please.
199
00:30:53,113 --> 00:30:58,744
Your fingers?
Cross as many as you can.
200
00:31:39,573 --> 00:31:46,412
I am in the movie.
Holy cow, I am in the movie.
201
00:31:50,249 --> 00:31:55,546
Nick, Houdini was not faking.
202
00:32:24,781 --> 00:32:28,743
Jack, did you see that?
203
00:32:33,581 --> 00:32:40,295
I was just in a real police station.
And this is much nicer.
204
00:32:40,545 --> 00:32:45,216
Slater, it is your ex-wife
on line two!
205
00:32:45,466 --> 00:32:48,928
You stay.
She is always calling me.
206
00:32:49,178 --> 00:32:52,890
Hello, sweetheart.
It is nice to hear your voice.
207
00:32:53,140 --> 00:33:00,981
- Oiler! You team up with Waterman.
- Give me a partner, Sarge.
208
00:33:02,983 --> 00:33:06,861
That is right.
209
00:33:07,904 --> 00:33:13,784
Of course.
No, just as you said.
210
00:33:14,994 --> 00:33:20,290
Krause!
You team up with the rabbi.
211
00:33:30,466 --> 00:33:34,345
- How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
- Practice!
212
00:33:34,595 --> 00:33:38,932
John Practice, you S.O.B.
Why are you not in Washington?
213
00:33:39,182 --> 00:33:43,311
The Bureau thinks there is
something going on between...
214
00:33:43,561 --> 00:33:47,106
Vivaldi is joining forces
with Torelli.
215
00:33:47,357 --> 00:33:52,987
- How do you do that?
- I do not sit around eating donuts.
216
00:33:53,237 --> 00:33:57,574
Those are government donuts.
I have to call D.C.
217
00:33:57,824 --> 00:34:00,410
Good for you.
218
00:34:00,660 --> 00:34:04,914
Watch it, Jack.
He killed Mozart.
219
00:34:05,165 --> 00:34:09,043
- In a movie?
- "Amadeus". It won 8 Oscars!
220
00:34:09,293 --> 00:34:13,047
I saved him in 'Nam,
so I will be on the lookout.
221
00:34:13,297 --> 00:34:17,885
Now, no more movies.
222
00:34:17,968 --> 00:34:22,055
Slater!!
223
00:34:23,014 --> 00:34:26,768
The city council is chewing my eggs
off for your plane crash!
224
00:34:27,018 --> 00:34:31,147
The mayor is parading up my
Lincoln Tunnel for that beach stunt!
225
00:34:31,397 --> 00:34:33,899
Everybody wants to know
what it will be!
226
00:34:34,149 --> 00:34:38,278
- Do I make myself clear?!
- I am just doing my job.
227
00:34:38,528 --> 00:34:41,865
You have given us the worst
reputation in the country!
228
00:34:42,115 --> 00:34:45,702
The Chamber of Commerce is doing
cartwheels in my cocoa factory!
229
00:34:45,952 --> 00:34:49,080
Ratcliff, you are on duty
with the cat.
230
00:34:49,330 --> 00:34:53,209
Hiya, Toots!
231
00:34:54,126 --> 00:34:59,172
- Join me for a flea bath later?
- Touch me again and I will kill you!
232
00:34:59,423 --> 00:35:02,425
- I can prove this is a movie.
- Who are you?
233
00:35:02,676 --> 00:35:04,803
It is a cartoon cat.
234
00:35:05,053 --> 00:35:10,141
He is supposed to be back.
He was only suspended a month.
235
00:35:10,391 --> 00:35:16,897
Listen to me. An animated cat
just walked into the squad room.
236
00:35:17,147 --> 00:35:21,526
- He will do it again tomorrow.
- That cat is one of my best men.
237
00:35:21,776 --> 00:35:25,029
Who is that smiling twerp?
238
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:29,242
I love the way you fight, knowing
how you really feel about each other.
239
00:35:29,492 --> 00:35:33,662
How do I feel about this
sack of puppy poo?
240
00:35:33,913 --> 00:35:37,332
You are dearest friends.
After your wife left you -
241
00:35:37,583 --> 00:35:41,419
- Jack told everyone he drove
her to the diphtheria clinic.
242
00:35:41,670 --> 00:35:44,172
When he came back, you said:
243
00:35:44,422 --> 00:35:49,927
"You saved me from humiliation.
You are my dearest friend."
244
00:35:50,177 --> 00:35:52,847
- You promised not to tell.
- I did not.
245
00:35:53,097 --> 00:35:55,974
- Then how did he know?
- "Jack Slater I".
246
00:35:56,225 --> 00:35:59,936
- Won what?
- No, the first Jack Slater.
247
00:36:00,187 --> 00:36:01,521
You told your dad?
248
00:36:01,771 --> 00:36:06,859
I told no one.
I do not know this kid.
249
00:36:07,735 --> 00:36:13,073
He seems to know
a lot about us.
250
00:36:13,324 --> 00:36:16,952
The state of New York has
never heard of you, Mr. Madigan.
251
00:36:17,202 --> 00:36:18,662
- What is your name?
- Danny Madigan.
252
00:36:18,912 --> 00:36:22,666
- Where are you from?
- How did you get in my car?
253
00:36:24,709 --> 00:36:31,340
I fell off a bridge into your car.
He saved my life.
254
00:36:31,590 --> 00:36:35,177
Truth at last.
Now why were they after you?
255
00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,180
My cousin Frank found out
some drug information.
256
00:36:38,430 --> 00:36:44,144
Do not believe
what Vivaldi told him.
257
00:36:44,394 --> 00:36:48,564
- How do you know about Vivaldi?
- I know what is going on.
258
00:36:48,815 --> 00:36:54,111
- If you would just listen...
- I have the perfect listener for you.
259
00:36:54,361 --> 00:36:56,655
Meet your new partner.
260
00:36:56,905 --> 00:37:01,201
Oh no... Better to die.
261
00:37:01,451 --> 00:37:05,622
You will love it, Jack.
We are perfect buddy material.
262
00:37:05,872 --> 00:37:09,959
I teach you to be vulnerable,
you teach me to be brave.
263
00:37:10,209 --> 00:37:18,258
I am Jack Slater's new partner.
We work together in this film.
264
00:37:18,550 --> 00:37:21,761
You know I am right.
If this was the real world, -
265
00:37:22,012 --> 00:37:27,475
- they would not make us partners,
but send me to a social worker.
266
00:37:27,725 --> 00:37:31,771
How do I know they tortured Frank
and stashed him behind his door?
267
00:37:32,021 --> 00:37:35,482
I saw it on screen.
This is a movie.
268
00:37:35,733 --> 00:37:39,111
You are very clever, and I would
be roaring with laughter, -
269
00:37:39,361 --> 00:37:42,072
- but they killed my cousin.
And that is a...
270
00:37:42,322 --> 00:37:46,951
"Big mistake." That is what
you were going to say, right?
271
00:37:47,201 --> 00:37:52,957
- How would I know that?
- No one likes a smart-ass.
272
00:37:53,207 --> 00:37:58,378
Then shoot me. Point your gun
at my head and pull the trigger.
273
00:37:58,629 --> 00:38:03,299
Come on. Do it.
I double dare you.
274
00:38:03,550 --> 00:38:08,554
But you are not going to do it.
You do not kill kids in the movies.
275
00:38:08,805 --> 00:38:12,600
Because you are the good guy.
276
00:38:12,850 --> 00:38:16,770
You really believe you are
inside a movie, do you not?
277
00:38:17,020 --> 00:38:23,860
You have ten minutes to prove it.
And then I shoot you.
278
00:38:29,490 --> 00:38:32,660
- Schwarzenegger films?
- Foreign films are in the back.
279
00:38:32,910 --> 00:38:40,542
- No, this guy is an action star.
- Down the centre on the left.
280
00:38:46,631 --> 00:38:49,717
No, it is not possible.
281
00:38:49,967 --> 00:38:54,596
What? He is fantastic.
It is his best performance ever.
282
00:38:54,847 --> 00:39:00,185
- It was you in that movie.
- You were in a movie?
283
00:39:00,435 --> 00:39:06,190
Yes, called "Girl of My Dreams".
It starred you.
284
00:39:06,441 --> 00:39:11,112
We had a very romantic
scene together.
285
00:39:11,362 --> 00:39:16,033
- What is the store's phone number?
- 5552310.
286
00:39:16,283 --> 00:39:18,827
What is your home number?
287
00:39:19,077 --> 00:39:22,205
You can give it to him.
I am a police officer.
288
00:39:22,455 --> 00:39:25,792
- 5553812.
- Amazing.
289
00:39:26,042 --> 00:39:30,713
I will bet that everyone
has a 555 number.
290
00:39:30,963 --> 00:39:36,009
There can only be 9999 numbers
that start with 555.
291
00:39:36,260 --> 00:39:41,514
- How many people live in L.A.?
- Eight or nine million.
292
00:39:41,765 --> 00:39:44,851
That is why we have area codes.
293
00:39:45,101 --> 00:39:47,979
- Is this your kid?
- Oh no.
294
00:39:48,229 --> 00:39:52,441
He is a mental patient
that I am taking downtown.
295
00:39:52,691 --> 00:39:58,113
What about this girl?
She is too attractive to work here.
296
00:39:58,363 --> 00:40:04,661
I agree. I think she should work
with us. Undercover of course.
297
00:40:04,911 --> 00:40:08,706
The point is there are
no unattractive women here.
298
00:40:08,956 --> 00:40:12,751
Where are the ordinary women?
299
00:40:13,002 --> 00:40:17,923
- Nowhere. This is a movie.
- No, this is California.
300
00:40:18,173 --> 00:40:23,553
And thanks. It was sweet
the way you got that girl's number.
301
00:40:23,803 --> 00:40:27,306
Okay, Mr. Non-believer.
I will take you to the house -
302
00:40:27,557 --> 00:40:34,772
- where your cousin Frank was tortured.
I have seen it on screen.
303
00:40:35,022 --> 00:40:36,523
It is like that one.
304
00:40:36,773 --> 00:40:41,736
But on the other side of the road.
It has an ocean view.
305
00:40:41,987 --> 00:40:47,075
There is something
you do not understand.
306
00:40:47,325 --> 00:40:55,666
This ticket is magic. Any second
we will drive right into a theatre.
307
00:40:57,292 --> 00:41:00,504
Maybe I need to warm it up.
308
00:41:00,754 --> 00:41:05,592
Of course. My decoder ring has
to warm up all the time.
309
00:41:05,842 --> 00:41:10,304
The house looked European.
Like a postcard from Italy.
310
00:41:10,554 --> 00:41:12,098
Like that one.
311
00:41:12,348 --> 00:41:19,855
In fact, just like that one!
The bad guys are in there.
312
00:41:20,063 --> 00:41:25,151
- I think you should wear this.
- I have not earned it yet.
313
00:41:25,401 --> 00:41:31,532
You just solved the entire case
and revolutionised police training.
314
00:41:31,782 --> 00:41:37,329
I have studied human character,
terrorist psyche, fingerprints.
315
00:41:37,579 --> 00:41:42,709
I have taken courses in surveillance,
hostage negotiation and psychology.
316
00:41:42,959 --> 00:41:45,461
And all I had to do was drive
around the neighbourhood -
317
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:50,091
- and point at a house and say:
"The bad guys are in there."
318
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:52,426
Trying to be funny?
319
00:41:52,676 --> 00:41:56,388
Yes. I am the famous comedian
Arnold Braunschweiger.
320
00:41:56,638 --> 00:42:01,601
- Schwarzenegger.
- Gesundheit.
321
00:42:14,071 --> 00:42:15,906
May I help you?
322
00:42:16,156 --> 00:42:20,619
Yes. Could I speak to
the drug dealer of the house?
323
00:42:20,869 --> 00:42:29,335
We are out killing drug dealers.
Do you have any in the house?
324
00:42:31,420 --> 00:42:35,883
Be ready for anything.
325
00:42:36,467 --> 00:42:38,593
Where are you going?
326
00:42:38,844 --> 00:42:43,139
I will be back.
You did not know I would say that.
327
00:42:43,390 --> 00:42:47,602
- You always say that.
- I do?
328
00:42:47,852 --> 00:42:54,900
Everybody waits for you to say it.
It is like your calling card.
329
00:42:54,942 --> 00:42:58,487
You are interested in
drug dealers?
330
00:42:58,737 --> 00:43:03,450
Jack, that is the henchman
with the glass eye.
331
00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:09,121
- Are you a henchman?
- No, I only go as far as lackey.
332
00:43:09,372 --> 00:43:12,958
- Anything else?
- Take off your sunglasses.
333
00:43:13,209 --> 00:43:17,629
- Who is asking?
- The Tin Man.
334
00:43:17,879 --> 00:43:23,009
- I suggest you hit the bricks.
- No. They are the wrong colour.
335
00:43:23,259 --> 00:43:30,683
Oh, dear. Let us change them.
Would arterial red suit you?
336
00:43:33,978 --> 00:43:40,317
Make no mistake.
They are very well trained.
337
00:43:41,776 --> 00:43:48,616
I snap my fingers again and tomorrow
you emerge from several canine rectum.
338
00:43:48,866 --> 00:43:52,786
Or you and Toto can go back to Oz.
Questions?
339
00:43:53,037 --> 00:43:57,207
Yes. Two of them.
340
00:43:57,457 --> 00:44:01,127
Why am I wasting time on
a putz like you -
341
00:44:01,378 --> 00:44:06,924
- when I could be doing something
dangerous like rearranging my socks?
342
00:44:07,175 --> 00:44:16,183
And how will you snap your fingers
after I rip off both your thumbs?
343
00:44:20,395 --> 00:44:24,190
Have a nice day.
344
00:44:28,653 --> 00:44:37,619
He had one with a bull's-eye earlier.
He calls his boss a Sicilian schmuck.
345
00:44:51,132 --> 00:44:55,719
How did Slater find out?
Will you tell me?
346
00:44:55,969 --> 00:45:01,057
I want him to join me, but he
keeps going after the bad guys.
347
00:45:01,308 --> 00:45:04,894
Where is it written
that I am a bad guy?
348
00:45:05,144 --> 00:45:12,151
Find out who talked and have
him killed. Then, Slater.
349
00:45:12,776 --> 00:45:18,156
- What is it with you?
- We should call off the funeral.
350
00:45:18,407 --> 00:45:22,661
Are you crazy?
When I say blood bath, there is...
351
00:45:22,911 --> 00:45:26,164
A blood bath.
352
00:45:26,414 --> 00:45:33,254
I will find out more about
Slater's short friend.
353
00:45:33,504 --> 00:45:38,800
- He must be guilty of something.
- Yes, of acting like an asshole.
354
00:45:39,051 --> 00:45:42,137
If I arrest him,
I have to arrest Congress.
355
00:45:42,387 --> 00:45:45,807
- Why did your park there?
- In case my ex-wife is here.
356
00:45:46,057 --> 00:45:49,936
She is not.
Her name was not in the credits.
357
00:45:50,186 --> 00:45:54,106
- Who does the doctor treat?
- Patients.
358
00:45:54,356 --> 00:45:58,193
- What is the elbow of my jacket doing?
- Wearing thin?
359
00:45:58,443 --> 00:46:01,446
Bingo!
360
00:46:01,696 --> 00:46:04,908
That was a stretch.
361
00:46:05,158 --> 00:46:10,705
- Do you drive this on the weekends?
- No, that is my girl's car.
362
00:46:10,955 --> 00:46:13,374
Knock on the door.
363
00:46:13,624 --> 00:46:20,839
Your ex-wife is not home.
Her name was not in the credits.
364
00:46:24,050 --> 00:46:25,426
Meredith?
365
00:46:25,677 --> 00:46:29,180
- I hope you mean Whitney.
- Sorry. Whitney.
366
00:46:29,430 --> 00:46:34,143
You are not Skeezy, are you?
367
00:46:34,518 --> 00:46:37,312
Daddy!
368
00:46:37,563 --> 00:46:41,566
- Stop it, Daddy!
- You have gained some weight.
369
00:46:41,816 --> 00:46:47,238
Hi. I am Danny Madigan
and my life has not been long yet.
370
00:46:47,488 --> 00:46:52,827
But from now on,
it will all be downhill.
371
00:46:53,077 --> 00:46:54,662
- You look wonderful.
- Thank you.
372
00:46:54,912 --> 00:46:58,582
So, who is your friend?
He is cute.
373
00:46:58,832 --> 00:47:02,419
No, he is hopelessly insane.
374
00:47:02,669 --> 00:47:05,672
He probably loved you in
"Gone With the Wind".
375
00:47:05,922 --> 00:47:09,008
- This is her first movie.
- Do you see?
376
00:47:09,258 --> 00:47:12,011
- Who is Skeezy?
- It is a sorority thing.
377
00:47:12,261 --> 00:47:15,848
They assign you a freshman
and when he comes by you kiss him.
378
00:47:16,098 --> 00:47:19,434
- Do you have to kiss him?
- Dad, come on!
379
00:47:19,684 --> 00:47:26,941
If the phone rings for me, I will be
out of the shower in less than an hour.
380
00:47:27,191 --> 00:47:30,403
What a cutie.
381
00:47:30,695 --> 00:47:35,282
That is old evidence.
Counterfeit case. Looks real, right?
382
00:47:35,532 --> 00:47:41,955
It turns funny colours when you
burn it. I used it for alimony.
383
00:47:49,086 --> 00:47:52,965
What is wrong?
384
00:47:56,426 --> 00:48:02,098
You do not happen to have
a cigar, do you?
385
00:48:04,601 --> 00:48:09,480
"I will be back." I know.
386
00:48:26,996 --> 00:48:31,625
Dad! Dad!
387
00:49:03,780 --> 00:49:08,117
He would have been your age.
388
00:49:08,367 --> 00:49:16,959
I know. The Ripper pulled him
down off the roof three years ago.
389
00:49:16,959 --> 00:49:23,882
- Your dad saw everything.
- How do you know all that?
390
00:49:24,048 --> 00:49:28,845
Your dad is in the papers a lot.
I like crime stories.
391
00:49:29,095 --> 00:49:34,933
- That is Skeezy.
- I will get rid of him.
392
00:49:41,231 --> 00:49:44,609
Hello, Toto.
393
00:49:48,029 --> 00:49:52,283
There and there and there.
394
00:49:52,533 --> 00:49:56,829
Let go of me!
395
00:49:58,955 --> 00:50:06,212
- Good evening. Is Uncle Jack here?
- He is off tracking a lead.
396
00:50:06,337 --> 00:50:10,257
Joe, would you teach her
the virtue of silence?
397
00:50:10,508 --> 00:50:14,011
Benedict, if you harm
a hair on her head...
398
00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:17,472
Stop!
399
00:50:32,736 --> 00:50:37,074
You were saying?
400
00:50:38,283 --> 00:50:45,456
Now, I believe it was
Sherlock Holmes who said:
401
00:50:45,707 --> 00:50:48,960
"Eliminate all logical
solutions to a problem -
402
00:50:49,210 --> 00:50:53,505
- and the illogical becomes
invariably true."
403
00:50:53,756 --> 00:51:02,222
I know your name is Daniel Madigan,
but how do you know mine?
404
00:51:03,556 --> 00:51:09,478
Slater showed me some mugshots.
We made your face easy.
405
00:51:09,729 --> 00:51:14,441
Daniel Madigan from New York.
A long way from home.
406
00:51:14,692 --> 00:51:17,819
- When did you get here?
- Just.
407
00:51:18,070 --> 00:51:22,032
Then how do you know
what I said on the terrace?
408
00:51:22,282 --> 00:51:24,242
I heard a recording.
409
00:51:24,492 --> 00:51:29,914
- Are there microphones in the statues?
- You would not believe how many.
410
00:51:30,164 --> 00:51:35,252
- And the eye I was wearing?
- I saw it.
411
00:51:35,502 --> 00:51:39,506
I saw it in a movie. There were
micro-cameras in the statues.
412
00:51:39,756 --> 00:51:47,221
I have killed people smarter
and younger than you.
413
00:51:53,811 --> 00:51:59,941
This is between you and Slater.
Take the money in the desk -
414
00:52:00,192 --> 00:52:06,823
- and leave me and Meredith...
Whitney, alone.
415
00:52:08,825 --> 00:52:12,912
Holy shit, boss.
It looks like two K in here.
416
00:52:13,162 --> 00:52:18,125
Just a minute. Give it to me.
417
00:52:22,837 --> 00:52:32,012
These bills are marked, right?
You tried to sucker me with them.
418
00:52:32,388 --> 00:52:35,057
Burn it.
419
00:52:35,307 --> 00:52:38,560
- Burn it?
- Yes, burn it.
420
00:52:38,810 --> 00:52:44,899
Do not play games with grown-ups.
You will get hurt.
421
00:53:05,251 --> 00:53:08,713
Big mistake.
422
00:53:25,311 --> 00:53:30,191
Great, is it not?
I will hurt you a little bit.
423
00:53:30,441 --> 00:53:39,366
Freeze! Lose the guns or I redecorate
in brain matter grey. Got it?
424
00:53:39,491 --> 00:53:44,746
Kill me and I will kill him.
425
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:53,254
Leave it. Get the door.
426
00:54:00,594 --> 00:54:03,847
Boss?
427
00:54:42,340 --> 00:54:46,886
Do not give up your day job.
428
00:55:17,289 --> 00:55:20,876
Jack!
429
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:28,382
Do not leave home without it.
430
00:55:36,223 --> 00:55:42,646
- Where are you going?
- I have to catch the red-eye.
431
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:55,866
I do not believe this.
I am in the movie and...
432
00:55:56,116 --> 00:56:00,287
I am missing the action!
433
00:56:02,122 --> 00:56:06,125
Get the hell out of here!
434
00:56:20,555 --> 00:56:23,892
Back up the top!
435
00:56:29,772 --> 00:56:36,445
Next time we get thicker armour.
Like a tank.
436
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,423
Chicken it is.
437
00:57:06,764 --> 00:57:13,229
This is going to work.
It is a movie. I am a good guy.
438
00:57:15,981 --> 00:57:26,199
I am a comedy sidekick.
Oh, shit! It is not going to work!
439
00:57:51,389 --> 00:57:58,270
- I think I scared them.
- You did great. Come on.
440
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:00,480
Benedict has the ticket.
441
00:58:00,730 --> 00:58:06,819
Too bad.
I wanted it for my collection.
442
00:59:42,866 --> 00:59:46,160
You are travelling through
another dimension.
443
00:59:46,411 --> 00:59:51,832
My name is Skeezy.
S-K-E-E-Z-Y.
444
01:00:38,333 --> 01:00:42,128
Say this.
445
01:00:44,172 --> 01:00:49,677
- Grow up.
- Just say this one word.
446
01:00:49,927 --> 01:00:55,099
- Is it another movie proof?
- Maybe.
447
01:00:55,349 --> 01:01:00,687
- I do not want to say it.
- Say what?
448
01:01:00,937 --> 01:01:07,735
You cannot say it, because
this movie is PG-13. Admit it.
449
01:01:07,985 --> 01:01:12,656
Slater. The guy with the missing eye,
I saw his licence plate.
450
01:01:12,907 --> 01:01:16,410
Good for you.
451
01:01:17,619 --> 01:01:24,751
- You mean the guy with the glass eye?
- No, when he ran it was missing.
452
01:01:25,001 --> 01:01:28,921
It has got words.
453
01:01:29,255 --> 01:01:33,759
"Vengeance is..."
454
01:01:34,009 --> 01:01:36,303
No!
455
01:01:49,232 --> 01:01:53,027
Did you catch that?
456
01:01:59,282 --> 01:02:01,201
Some of it may be English.
457
01:02:01,451 --> 01:02:03,870
See if this is clear enough:
458
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:09,584
Give me your badge!
And you will not get it back.
459
01:02:17,466 --> 01:02:25,181
Wohlschläger, team up with
the digitalised Humphrey Bogart.
460
01:02:34,523 --> 01:02:37,651
Are you making some changes?
461
01:02:37,901 --> 01:02:42,864
Why not come and work the funeral
with me? I would not miss it.
462
01:02:43,114 --> 01:02:48,411
Torelli has spent a bundle. He has
a helicopter circling the building.
463
01:02:48,661 --> 01:02:52,331
A rooftop funeral in Long Beach.
How is that for taste?
464
01:02:52,581 --> 01:02:56,502
- Who died?
- Leo the Fart. Shot yesterday.
465
01:02:56,752 --> 01:02:59,421
Somebody tried for Torelli
and missed.
466
01:02:59,671 --> 01:03:05,260
Leo was tough. Only he could not
sneak up on you.
467
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:12,183
If you change your mind,
I will be in front of the hotel.
468
01:03:27,989 --> 01:03:33,494
- Where are we, anyway?
- Home.
469
01:03:46,506 --> 01:03:48,841
How did you know
there was a guy in there?
470
01:03:49,091 --> 01:03:54,305
There always is. It costs me
a fortune in closet doors.
471
01:03:54,555 --> 01:03:57,683
Like in "Slater II -
The Sagittarius Strangler".
472
01:03:57,933 --> 01:04:02,771
Soon you will meet the Madigan
Strangler. I just got fired.
473
01:04:03,021 --> 01:04:09,569
What you find so entertaining is my life.
I am not even a cop anymore.
474
01:04:09,819 --> 01:04:15,324
He only took your badge, because you
destroyed more of the city than usual.
475
01:04:15,574 --> 01:04:21,955
Jack, you are everybody's hero.
It will all be okay again. Trust me.
476
01:04:22,205 --> 01:04:29,795
No, Danny. It is getting harder.
I only wanted to be a decent cop.
477
01:04:30,046 --> 01:04:34,091
But I kept getting involved
in crazy adventures.
478
01:04:34,341 --> 01:04:38,136
But the craziest part is,
I kept surviving.
479
01:04:38,387 --> 01:04:44,684
These are the sequels.
They have to get harder.
480
01:04:44,851 --> 01:04:48,938
Look on the good side.
You have a great daughter.
481
01:04:49,188 --> 01:04:53,359
And your ex-wife would not call
if she did not want you back.
482
01:04:53,609 --> 01:04:57,821
Do you think she cannot tell
the real voice from a taped one?
483
01:04:58,071 --> 01:05:05,495
I pay a cashier to call me at work,
so the guys think I have a life.
484
01:05:05,745 --> 01:05:11,167
My ex-wife is happily remarried.
She never calls.
485
01:05:11,417 --> 01:05:16,588
And Whitney. Why can she not be
a normal teenager?
486
01:05:16,838 --> 01:05:21,509
On prom night she stays home
to field strip an AK-47.
487
01:05:21,760 --> 01:05:28,266
She will die a young maid.
I am going to buy it soon, too.
488
01:05:28,516 --> 01:05:34,480
No way. You cannot die
until the grosses go down.
489
01:05:34,730 --> 01:05:38,775
Vivaldi said something would
happen at a funeral.
490
01:05:39,026 --> 01:05:42,320
We should look into
this funeral.
491
01:05:42,570 --> 01:05:44,197
Whatever.
492
01:05:44,447 --> 01:05:48,534
Jack, it is a funeral
for a guy named Fart.
493
01:05:48,784 --> 01:05:50,328
Funeral?
494
01:05:50,578 --> 01:05:57,251
Someone tried to kill Torelli,
but hit Leo the Fart instead, right?
495
01:05:57,501 --> 01:06:05,174
Wrong. Did Benedict take the shot?
Most likely. Would he miss? No way.
496
01:06:05,425 --> 01:06:10,805
- Unless he wanted to miss.
- Did he mean to miss? Why?
497
01:06:11,055 --> 01:06:15,934
Because Leo the Fart was
very, very fat. Get it?
498
01:06:16,185 --> 01:06:17,603
No, I do not.
499
01:06:17,853 --> 01:06:22,315
They broke in, cut Leo open
and stuffed him with T.N.T.
500
01:06:22,565 --> 01:06:28,821
He goes off at the funeral and
takes out the whole Torelli mob.
501
01:06:29,071 --> 01:06:34,201
That is what this is all about.
Vivaldi will blow up that funeral.
502
01:06:34,451 --> 01:06:39,039
It would not be a bomb. We have had
a dozen explosions in this movie.
503
01:06:39,289 --> 01:06:42,459
Do not start that again.
504
01:06:42,709 --> 01:06:45,128
- Nerve gas!
- What are you talking about?
505
01:06:45,378 --> 01:06:49,340
Some nerve gas has been stolen
from military trucks.
506
01:06:49,590 --> 01:06:54,678
They could have put it inside him.
Do you know what that means?
507
01:06:54,928 --> 01:07:00,183
Leo the Fart will pass gas
one more time.
508
01:07:12,987 --> 01:07:14,446
Mr. Torelli.
509
01:07:14,697 --> 01:07:19,993
I hope it is all right I am here.
I do not want to be a fourth wheel.
510
01:07:20,243 --> 01:07:24,038
Fifth wheel.
511
01:07:25,415 --> 01:07:33,339
Did you hear that, Benedict?
Family. Go pay your respects.
512
01:08:06,369 --> 01:08:09,163
- Stay in the car.
- No, I am coming with you.
513
01:08:09,413 --> 01:08:11,707
Let us say this is a movie.
514
01:08:11,957 --> 01:08:17,045
If someone says, "Stay in the car",
and the guy does not, what happens?
515
01:08:17,296 --> 01:08:19,423
- He saves the day.
- Or gets killed.
516
01:08:19,673 --> 01:08:22,133
Good point. I will stay.
517
01:08:22,384 --> 01:08:26,679
Wait a minute!
What if that gets me killed?
518
01:08:26,929 --> 01:08:32,518
There is a gun in
the glove compartment.
519
01:08:35,187 --> 01:08:39,107
- Practice!
- Makes perfect.
520
01:08:41,026 --> 01:08:44,946
The Fart is a bomb
to take out the Torelli mob.
521
01:08:45,196 --> 01:08:53,120
That explains the mortuary break in.
Let us use the service entrance.
522
01:08:55,747 --> 01:08:59,501
- Who do you work for, John?
- What do you mean?
523
01:08:59,751 --> 01:09:05,965
We both know there is
no side entrance to this hotel.
524
01:09:07,008 --> 01:09:13,847
I am sorry, Jack. I did not
want it to go down this way.
525
01:09:14,139 --> 01:09:19,311
Danny said not to trust you.
He said you killed Moe Zart.
526
01:09:19,561 --> 01:09:23,523
- Moe who?
- Zart.
527
01:09:24,065 --> 01:09:26,984
I kill many people.
I cannot remember them all.
528
01:09:27,235 --> 01:09:31,030
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
529
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:34,992
In a bodybag
if you do not drop that.
530
01:09:35,242 --> 01:09:37,744
That is doubtful, kid.
531
01:09:37,995 --> 01:09:42,040
Real doubtful.
532
01:09:43,708 --> 01:09:48,880
Thank you for the fingerprints.
You are about to murder Jack Slater.
533
01:09:49,130 --> 01:09:53,175
Chain yourself to that pipe.
534
01:09:53,425 --> 01:09:57,387
These drug guys have more money
than the government.
535
01:09:57,638 --> 01:10:02,350
So you cut a deal with
a scumbag like Vivaldi.
536
01:10:02,600 --> 01:10:08,564
Vivaldi made up with Torelli, but it
was a phoney. He will destroy him.
537
01:10:08,814 --> 01:10:13,611
In exchange for leaving him alone,
he gives me a profit percentage.
538
01:10:13,861 --> 01:10:16,655
I will be rich, Jack.
You will be dead, but...
539
01:10:16,905 --> 01:10:18,949
Freeze!
540
01:10:19,199 --> 01:10:21,576
Toss me the cuffs.
541
01:10:21,826 --> 01:10:27,373
You idiot. You made the classic
movie mistake. Do not explain so much.
542
01:10:27,623 --> 01:10:33,045
You had to get in a last few words.
Had you fired, you would have won.
543
01:10:33,295 --> 01:10:37,341
But you are the typical villain.
Dumb.
544
01:10:37,591 --> 01:10:41,177
You are no genius yourself, kid.
545
01:10:41,428 --> 01:10:46,849
- The Fart goes off in 7 minutes.
- Get my car.
546
01:10:47,100 --> 01:10:51,103
Move it.
547
01:10:52,354 --> 01:11:01,905
I would love to stay and watch,
but I have to establish my alibi.
548
01:11:02,322 --> 01:11:05,199
Arrivederci.
549
01:11:05,450 --> 01:11:07,326
Did you want to save the day?
550
01:11:07,577 --> 01:11:12,081
- You are not doing anything.
- I would steal your thunder.
551
01:11:12,331 --> 01:11:17,878
No, you stay here and make sure
everything goes as planned.
552
01:11:18,128 --> 01:11:25,134
You have had Slater in front of the
8-ball before, but you screwed it up.
553
01:11:28,930 --> 01:11:32,892
That is "behind" the 8-ball.
You moron.
554
01:11:33,142 --> 01:11:40,732
Somebody once told me I talk
too much. No more words.
555
01:11:41,358 --> 01:11:46,738
- Whiskers! Where have you been?
- Sorry, Jack. Fur ball problem.
556
01:11:46,988 --> 01:11:51,283
Seal off the area. There will be
a chemical explosion in 5 minutes.
557
01:11:51,534 --> 01:11:58,081
- Thanks, Whiskers. I owe you one.
- Forget it. You have often saved me.
558
01:12:00,417 --> 01:12:05,797
Do you see the hook of that crane?
Get it up on the roof in 2 minutes.
559
01:12:06,047 --> 01:12:10,051
How do I do that?
560
01:12:34,656 --> 01:12:40,412
Help me move that crane!
I have to get it to the roof!
561
01:12:40,662 --> 01:12:45,333
Wait!
You have to work this thing!
562
01:12:53,591 --> 01:12:57,886
I cannot even drive.
563
01:13:27,622 --> 01:13:31,834
Pardon me.
564
01:13:41,843 --> 01:13:47,140
He was a good man.
A flatulent man.
565
01:13:49,058 --> 01:13:53,729
Do you hear this?
Help me! Get me out of here!
566
01:13:53,979 --> 01:13:58,817
My God! This man is not dead!
567
01:14:06,115 --> 01:14:09,619
Get out of the way!
This man needs a doctor!
568
01:14:09,869 --> 01:14:12,830
- This man needs a doctor!
- I am a doctor.
569
01:14:13,080 --> 01:14:18,168
Are you a doctor?
Check his chin.
570
01:14:18,377 --> 01:14:21,838
The doctor has fainted.
Can somebody help this man?
571
01:14:22,088 --> 01:14:28,886
I will take the corpse...
The patient... Look, an elephant!
572
01:14:34,350 --> 01:14:39,187
Do not shoot! He will drop Leo!
573
01:15:00,415 --> 01:15:03,585
Do not shoot!
574
01:16:11,480 --> 01:16:14,525
Oh, shit!
575
01:17:00,442 --> 01:17:04,529
That is a no-fly zone, fellow.
576
01:17:49,945 --> 01:17:57,202
Danny! He is ticking!
Move the crane as fast as you can!
577
01:18:18,180 --> 01:18:23,226
Danny, stop the crane now!
578
01:18:23,476 --> 01:18:28,231
Drop! Go, go, go!
579
01:18:31,525 --> 01:18:35,737
Drop, you gas bag!
580
01:18:55,714 --> 01:19:00,302
Everybody out of here!
581
01:19:38,712 --> 01:19:42,632
Silent but deadly.
582
01:19:44,717 --> 01:19:50,473
- Bring the car around.
- The helicopter landed on it.
583
01:19:50,723 --> 01:19:52,850
I hate when that happens.
584
01:19:53,100 --> 01:19:58,313
Tar actually sticks
to some people.
585
01:20:06,404 --> 01:20:10,533
Hey, Dad!
I thought you could use some clothes.
586
01:20:10,783 --> 01:20:12,159
Thank you, honey.
587
01:20:12,409 --> 01:20:21,251
- Is this not a little convenient?
- You always said this was a movie.
588
01:20:24,712 --> 01:20:28,341
So how did it go?
589
01:20:29,550 --> 01:20:33,262
How did it go?
590
01:20:34,888 --> 01:20:41,853
I am dying out here.
I want to know how it went.
591
01:20:47,066 --> 01:20:50,027
How did it went?
592
01:20:50,277 --> 01:20:52,154
Splendid.
593
01:20:52,404 --> 01:20:54,948
What?
594
01:20:55,199 --> 01:20:57,326
It went splendidly.
595
01:20:57,576 --> 01:21:04,541
I cannot hear you.
I do not want to miss a thing.
596
01:21:04,582 --> 01:21:08,085
Benedict, get your stuff.
Was it beautiful?
597
01:21:08,336 --> 01:21:10,546
Perfect in every detail.
598
01:21:10,796 --> 01:21:13,757
Were the gas tanks okay?
599
01:21:14,008 --> 01:21:17,386
Like clockwork.
You should have been there.
600
01:21:17,636 --> 01:21:22,265
Men, women and children
dropping left and right.
601
01:21:22,515 --> 01:21:27,812
Wait, I want to enjoy it all.
Come on, tell me.
602
01:21:28,062 --> 01:21:33,275
They were writhing and screaming
and leaping to their doom to escape.
603
01:21:33,525 --> 01:21:36,320
- Really?
- No, I am lying.
604
01:21:36,570 --> 01:21:42,992
It was a complete balls-up, and my
day has been terrible thanks to you.
605
01:21:43,243 --> 01:21:50,374
What is this? You were my friend
and now you turn a 360 on me.
606
01:21:50,624 --> 01:21:55,838
180, you stupid
spaghetti-slurping cretin.
607
01:21:56,088 --> 01:22:02,677
If I did a 360, I would end up
back where I started!
608
01:22:03,553 --> 01:22:06,806
Trust me.
609
01:22:08,307 --> 01:22:14,396
If that turd Daniel Madigan can move
through parallel worlds, so can I.
610
01:22:14,646 --> 01:22:22,946
In, steal whatever I want,
and out again. Impossible to catch.
611
01:22:23,196 --> 01:22:26,824
If God was a villain -
612
01:22:27,075 --> 01:22:30,411
- he would be me.
613
01:22:30,661 --> 01:22:37,501
- You want me to vacuum now?
- No. But the pool needs attention.
614
01:22:37,751 --> 01:22:41,046
Very good.
615
01:22:53,974 --> 01:22:58,061
Do not move.
616
01:22:58,812 --> 01:23:05,443
- All right, I will go quietly.
- The hell you will.
617
01:23:10,781 --> 01:23:14,368
That was for blowing up
my cousin Frank's house.
618
01:23:14,618 --> 01:23:20,790
And this is for blowing up
my ex-wife's house.
619
01:23:20,790 --> 01:23:26,337
But this is for
my daughter's black eye!
620
01:23:28,798 --> 01:23:32,801
Usually when I do that,
it leaves a hole.
621
01:23:33,052 --> 01:23:38,223
The ticket.
Jack, he has got the ticket!
622
01:23:38,473 --> 01:23:43,353
It is the key to everything.
It is magic. See?
623
01:23:43,603 --> 01:23:50,943
He has gone over to my world.
The door must still be open. Come on!
624
01:23:51,193 --> 01:23:54,780
I am not worried
that you are crazy anymore.
625
01:23:55,030 --> 01:24:01,202
I am worried that you are right.
But if I go, how do I get back?
626
01:24:01,453 --> 01:24:09,252
You cannot go through life
nit-picking everything. Come on!
627
01:24:11,587 --> 01:24:15,340
To hell with it.
628
01:24:19,553 --> 01:24:23,848
There was nothing to it.
629
01:24:24,015 --> 01:24:29,854
- We are still here.
- Are you sure? Look.
630
01:24:32,606 --> 01:24:35,567
Quickly!
631
01:24:36,527 --> 01:24:41,031
- I want to see about Nick.
- No time.
632
01:24:42,699 --> 01:24:44,450
What the hell?
633
01:24:44,701 --> 01:24:48,079
- We are in New York.
- It all makes sense.
634
01:24:48,329 --> 01:24:51,999
Actually, it makes no sense,
but I will explain. Later.
635
01:24:52,249 --> 01:24:57,504
Just be careful.
Things are different here.
636
01:24:58,714 --> 01:25:00,090
Get out!
637
01:25:00,340 --> 01:25:04,302
Do not get feisty. The car
was a piece of junk anyway.
638
01:25:04,552 --> 01:25:08,181
Drive, bonehead!
639
01:25:09,181 --> 01:25:14,686
Here is another explosion
for your movie.
640
01:25:18,523 --> 01:25:22,277
Not one word.
641
01:25:31,869 --> 01:25:35,581
- My hand hurts.
- Things are different here.
642
01:25:35,831 --> 01:25:38,792
Smash a window with your hand
and it gets hurt.
643
01:25:39,042 --> 01:25:44,297
Great. Could you not
have told me earlier?
644
01:25:46,299 --> 01:25:52,304
- The taxis must be bulletproof.
- We have to get the ticket.
645
01:26:10,196 --> 01:26:14,658
No way, Slater. Listen to me.
It will not work.
646
01:26:14,908 --> 01:26:17,703
You cannot play chicken
in real life. You will crash.
647
01:26:17,953 --> 01:26:20,080
Out of the car, amigo.
648
01:26:20,330 --> 01:26:23,792
This is not the movies.
You have to reload guns...
649
01:26:24,042 --> 01:26:28,045
- Go, Danny! Get out!
- Car crashes can kill you!
650
01:26:28,296 --> 01:26:33,926
You are going to die!
Jack!!
651
01:26:34,134 --> 01:26:37,804
What did I do?
652
01:26:43,226 --> 01:26:47,021
No, please...
653
01:26:55,821 --> 01:26:57,656
Damn, that hurt.
654
01:26:57,906 --> 01:27:00,825
You are lucky to be alive,
you dumb idiot!
655
01:27:01,076 --> 01:27:09,208
'89 Mercury Sable, standard air bag.
Checker cab, no air bag. Who is dumb?
656
01:27:09,458 --> 01:27:15,589
- Just make sure they are dead.
- Give me a break. They are dead.
657
01:27:15,839 --> 01:27:19,342
They always look dead.
In "Die Hard" a guy is hung -
658
01:27:19,593 --> 01:27:24,639
- and at the end of the movie,
he comes back.
659
01:27:24,889 --> 01:27:32,688
All right. Make sure to cover me.
He may have a windshield wiper.
660
01:27:36,149 --> 01:27:40,820
Maybe he used the ticket.
661
01:27:41,237 --> 01:27:46,117
Maybe it is on all the time now.
662
01:27:58,253 --> 01:28:01,214
What is this place?
663
01:28:01,464 --> 01:28:05,551
Where am I now?
664
01:28:06,302 --> 01:28:11,849
Danny, do you have a place
I can sit down?
665
01:28:11,891 --> 01:28:16,562
Yes. Come on.
666
01:28:16,728 --> 01:28:18,772
Nick!
667
01:28:19,022 --> 01:28:23,068
Danny, I was so worried.
Are you okay?
668
01:28:23,318 --> 01:28:25,403
Did you see what happened?
669
01:28:25,653 --> 01:28:31,033
No, I slept in here until I woke up
at 2 a.m. I figured you had gone home.
670
01:28:31,283 --> 01:28:34,828
No, I was in the movie!
671
01:28:35,079 --> 01:28:39,207
I am getting up in the years.
Define "in".
672
01:28:39,458 --> 01:28:45,088
Whitney kissed me! I drove a crane
and dropped Leo the Fart in a tar pit!
673
01:28:45,338 --> 01:28:51,552
I was with Jack Slater
every step of the way!
674
01:28:52,928 --> 01:28:56,223
Oh, my God...
675
01:28:56,890 --> 01:29:00,018
The ticket works?
676
01:29:00,268 --> 01:29:08,025
All this time I never used it,
because I was too frightened.
677
01:29:08,276 --> 01:29:12,655
But it is not too late.
I can still go visit.
678
01:29:12,905 --> 01:29:20,120
Garbo in "Camille".
Jean Harlow. Boy, I had a crush.
679
01:29:20,370 --> 01:29:24,666
Monroe in "Bus Stop".
680
01:29:24,791 --> 01:29:30,671
Forgive me for going on, sir.
I admire your work greatly, too.
681
01:29:30,921 --> 01:29:37,010
- Nick, it is not who you think.
- You mean, it is...?
682
01:29:37,261 --> 01:29:40,764
This is a wonderful moment,
Mr. Slater.
683
01:29:41,014 --> 01:29:45,601
I have never met
a fictional character before.
684
01:29:45,852 --> 01:29:49,897
How new and exciting
this must all be for you.
685
01:29:50,147 --> 01:29:53,525
I have just found out
I am imaginary.
686
01:29:53,776 --> 01:29:56,904
How would you like
to have been made up?
687
01:29:57,154 --> 01:30:04,994
Your job, your marriage, your kids.
Let us push his son off the building.
688
01:30:05,244 --> 01:30:10,541
You will have eternal nightmares,
but you are fictional, so who cares?
689
01:30:10,791 --> 01:30:16,964
I do not find it new and exciting
that my whole life is a damn movie.
690
01:30:17,214 --> 01:30:22,969
You are young and impressionable.
There are worse things than movies.
691
01:30:23,219 --> 01:30:29,350
Politicians, wars, forest fires.
Famine, plague.
692
01:30:29,600 --> 01:30:34,480
- Sickness, pain, warts, politicians.
- You have already mentioned them.
693
01:30:34,730 --> 01:30:39,276
I know. They are twice as bad
as anything else.
694
01:30:39,526 --> 01:30:45,865
Most of my life has been movies, too.
But that is all over for me now.
695
01:30:46,115 --> 01:30:50,453
The theatre is shut.
Soon it is the wrecking ball.
696
01:30:50,703 --> 01:30:56,375
But now I have a new chance.
Can I have the ticket back?
697
01:30:56,792 --> 01:31:01,838
We have one little... hiccup.
698
01:31:02,088 --> 01:31:07,218
- What do you mean?
- Benedict has the ticket.
699
01:31:07,468 --> 01:31:12,514
The madman with the glass eye?
700
01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:17,602
- How are you getting back?
- Good question.
701
01:31:17,853 --> 01:31:23,983
But I would not want to
nit-pick, right, Danny?
702
01:31:25,485 --> 01:31:29,739
Just follow my lead.
703
01:31:32,700 --> 01:31:36,620
Where have you been?
Do you know what time it is?
704
01:31:36,870 --> 01:31:40,040
The police call,
you are nowhere to be found...
705
01:31:40,290 --> 01:31:44,961
- Mom, I am sorry, okay?
- "Okay"?
706
01:31:45,211 --> 01:31:50,966
There are kids with guns everywhere
and that is all you have to say?
707
01:31:51,217 --> 01:31:55,220
- Get in here!
- Mom, wait.
708
01:31:55,471 --> 01:32:02,310
You always say you wish
I had more friends. Well...
709
01:32:07,356 --> 01:32:14,029
Hello, Mrs. Madigan.
Arnold Braunschweiger.
710
01:32:32,838 --> 01:32:38,135
Sweetheart,
do you want to have a party?
711
01:32:39,553 --> 01:32:44,682
- How old are you?
- Forget it.
712
01:32:53,232 --> 01:32:58,653
Take his shoes, man!
713
01:33:02,615 --> 01:33:06,953
Take his shoes?
714
01:33:29,223 --> 01:33:33,769
No screams.
715
01:33:34,269 --> 01:33:38,774
No sirens.
716
01:33:41,234 --> 01:33:44,195
Excuse me!
717
01:33:44,445 --> 01:33:48,032
Excuse me.
718
01:33:48,282 --> 01:33:53,245
I am sorry to bother you.
Would you help me test a theory?
719
01:33:53,495 --> 01:33:59,000
- Sure. What can I do for you?
- Well...
720
01:34:16,808 --> 01:34:25,566
Hello? I have just shot somebody.
I did it on purpose.
721
01:34:28,402 --> 01:34:34,450
I said, I have murdered a man
and I want to confess.
722
01:34:34,700 --> 01:34:39,496
Shut up down there!
723
01:34:52,299 --> 01:35:00,724
You look uncannily like him,
only you are much more intelligent.
724
01:35:00,974 --> 01:35:05,478
Good morning, good afternoon.
What kind of eggs do you want?
725
01:35:05,728 --> 01:35:09,106
Scrambled.
Have you guys been up all night?
726
01:35:09,357 --> 01:35:11,317
Why did you not tell me
Jack was a cop -
727
01:35:11,567 --> 01:35:17,197
- and that you spent the night
looking at mug shots?
728
01:35:17,447 --> 01:35:19,741
Why did you not tell me
you had no friends?
729
01:35:19,991 --> 01:35:28,124
And why do you go to the movies at
night and make your mother worried?
730
01:35:29,125 --> 01:35:36,840
- You have turned him into a wimp.
- I think not. Toast?
731
01:35:37,090 --> 01:35:44,472
No thanks.
Jack, are you okay?
732
01:35:44,556 --> 01:35:50,436
We talked. I have never just talked
to a woman before. It is neat.
733
01:35:50,686 --> 01:35:53,814
Neat?
734
01:35:54,064 --> 01:35:58,693
Wimp. Next they will be
talking about sex.
735
01:35:58,944 --> 01:36:02,405
Me and Jack are going out.
I am helping him on a case.
736
01:36:02,655 --> 01:36:10,287
Oh, no. Your licence to kill has expired.
Come and eat some eggs.
737
01:36:10,538 --> 01:36:17,002
I have to help. I am the only witness.
Like in that Harrison Ford movie.
738
01:36:17,252 --> 01:36:19,838
There is no comparison.
739
01:36:20,088 --> 01:36:23,341
- We are not Jewish.
- Amish.
740
01:36:23,591 --> 01:36:27,095
Irene, do not worry.
741
01:36:27,345 --> 01:36:32,266
There are 8 million in the city
and I am good at catching people.
742
01:36:32,516 --> 01:36:38,688
And the future of the world
may be at stake...
743
01:36:39,022 --> 01:36:43,067
Can you turn this up?
744
01:36:45,737 --> 01:36:48,781
- What is that?
- Mozart.
745
01:36:49,031 --> 01:36:55,370
- The guy Practice killed?
- That is right, Jack.
746
01:36:55,621 --> 01:36:59,875
Do you like classical music?
747
01:37:00,333 --> 01:37:06,255
I do not know. I think I will.
748
01:37:14,722 --> 01:37:18,892
- Did you say who you really were?
- Yes. A cop from L.A.
749
01:37:19,142 --> 01:37:25,189
- I mean really.
- Real enough. For now.
750
01:37:25,982 --> 01:37:30,403
- Are you going to catch him?
- I always catch everybody.
751
01:37:30,653 --> 01:37:33,322
By spotting him from up here?
752
01:37:33,572 --> 01:37:39,619
Give me a break. It is the first
time I have been anyplace real.
753
01:37:39,870 --> 01:37:47,585
This ticket, it worked in one movie.
Could Benedict use it again?
754
01:37:47,835 --> 01:37:52,423
On other movies?
Why would he do that?
755
01:37:52,673 --> 01:37:57,886
I do not know.
But it is a start.
756
01:37:58,136 --> 01:38:03,600
The possibilities are limitless.
But I have realised -
757
01:38:03,850 --> 01:38:08,145
- that freedom would elude me
until Jack Slater was, -
758
01:38:08,396 --> 01:38:11,690
- forgive the pun,
taken out of the picture.
759
01:38:11,941 --> 01:38:18,530
And I thought
you might be inclined to help.
760
01:38:18,780 --> 01:38:24,285
This must all be strange to you.
But if you do this right, -
761
01:38:24,535 --> 01:38:29,582
- the world is your oyster.
Trust me.
762
01:38:29,832 --> 01:38:37,547
You will be free to do whatever
you want beyond your wildest dreams.
763
01:38:37,798 --> 01:38:44,929
And you will never have to go
back to this film again.
764
01:38:45,221 --> 01:38:47,348
You have never heard
of this man, -
765
01:38:47,598 --> 01:38:53,729
- but his actual name is
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
766
01:38:53,979 --> 01:38:59,109
There are a thousand theatres
and we have looked for 5 hours.
767
01:38:59,359 --> 01:39:02,862
- We are close to catching him.
- No, to catching pneumonia.
768
01:39:03,113 --> 01:39:08,242
In my world they just leave clues.
Or they show up and kidnap me.
769
01:39:08,492 --> 01:39:13,330
That stuff does not happen here,
because this world stinks!
770
01:39:13,580 --> 01:39:19,211
The world is what you make of it.
You can give up and go home.
771
01:39:19,461 --> 01:39:27,510
- You believed in me in the movies.
- But here you are just...
772
01:39:27,510 --> 01:39:31,514
Just what?
773
01:39:48,946 --> 01:39:54,118
Jack, there he is!
774
01:40:16,013 --> 01:40:18,890
Are you nuts?!
775
01:40:19,516 --> 01:40:22,185
- You crazy asshole!
- He is just a cabbie!
776
01:40:22,435 --> 01:40:26,898
In the movies they say "Make my day"
or "I am your worst nightmare".
777
01:40:27,148 --> 01:40:32,945
"Rubber-baby-buggy-bumpers".
You did not know I would say that!
778
01:40:33,195 --> 01:40:38,325
- Where did he go?
- He was reading a paper.
779
01:40:39,743 --> 01:40:47,583
- He has been going to the movies.
- That is not the half of it.
780
01:40:48,167 --> 01:40:51,545
We are live from New York.
781
01:40:51,795 --> 01:40:57,050
We are moments away from
the premiere of "Jack Slater IV".
782
01:40:57,301 --> 01:41:00,762
And here is the man
they have come to see.
783
01:41:01,012 --> 01:41:07,977
It is Arnold Schwarzenegger
and his wife, Maria Shriver.
784
01:41:08,227 --> 01:41:10,896
- Good to see you.
- Are you a big fan of Slater?
785
01:41:11,147 --> 01:41:15,400
I have enjoyed it.
It was just beautiful.
786
01:41:15,651 --> 01:41:21,031
The National Enquirer.
Do not talk to them.
787
01:41:23,658 --> 01:41:29,080
Do not plug the restaurants.
I hate that. It is so tacky.
788
01:41:29,330 --> 01:41:31,707
- Why go to the movies?
- To get help.
789
01:41:31,957 --> 01:41:35,502
Benedict can do anything.
But we know who he is.
790
01:41:35,752 --> 01:41:38,463
- So he must take us out.
- He cannot get to you.
791
01:41:38,713 --> 01:41:43,009
He does not have to.
All he has to do is get to him.
792
01:41:43,259 --> 01:41:47,972
- Benedict will kill Schwarzenegger.
- Who is Slater.
793
01:41:48,222 --> 01:41:50,850
Bingo!
794
01:41:51,100 --> 01:41:57,898
In this movie we only kill 48 people.
In the last one we killed 119.
795
01:41:58,148 --> 01:42:04,654
But we make up for it with a good
story, emotions, depth, dimensions.
796
01:42:04,904 --> 01:42:09,408
There are thousands here tonight
and millions around the world.
797
01:42:09,659 --> 01:42:14,705
- I directed and produced it.
- This guy is a success story.
798
01:42:14,955 --> 01:42:17,457
- Only in America.
- Only in Hollywood.
799
01:42:17,708 --> 01:42:21,920
And at Planet Hollywood we have
some incredible memorabilia.
800
01:42:22,170 --> 01:42:25,882
It is absolutely fabulous...
801
01:42:26,132 --> 01:42:31,137
You embarrassed me.
How could you do that?
802
01:42:31,387 --> 01:42:36,058
Chris, it is the Ripper
from "Jack Slater III". Scary.
803
01:42:36,308 --> 01:42:40,854
- Let us "axe" him a question.
- Look at this method villain.
804
01:42:41,104 --> 01:42:45,608
Rip, what brings you here?
805
01:42:46,567 --> 01:42:51,780
- I thought I might kill someone.
- You should start with your designer.
806
01:42:52,031 --> 01:42:57,286
Nobody wants to miss out.
The notables just keep coming.
807
01:42:57,536 --> 01:43:02,248
Excuse me, sir.
Could I see your invitation?
808
01:43:02,499 --> 01:43:07,628
Pete, it is okay. I am his agent.
Jesus Christ, Tom. Come here.
809
01:43:07,879 --> 01:43:14,676
It is Tom Noonan,
the actor who played the Ripper.
810
01:43:14,927 --> 01:43:17,971
Are you nuts? Do you want to
play axe killers for ever?
811
01:43:18,221 --> 01:43:23,226
I need the manager's office for
10 minutes. Here is 50 bucks.
812
01:43:23,476 --> 01:43:26,354
What do you think
Slater says about America?
813
01:43:26,604 --> 01:43:30,316
I do not want to hear it.
I am not a big fan of Arnold.
814
01:43:30,566 --> 01:43:36,947
She is. Arnold turns her on. I just
want to be there when it happens.
815
01:43:37,197 --> 01:43:41,618
Good, you have the props, too.
Whip out a Hibachi -
816
01:43:41,868 --> 01:43:47,165
- and we can make some shish-kebab.
I will rent you a tuxedo.
817
01:43:47,415 --> 01:43:51,710
Tell him it is me.
818
01:43:51,961 --> 01:43:57,090
Did Nicholson go to the premiere of
"Batman" dressed as the Joker? No.
819
01:43:57,341 --> 01:44:04,889
Murray, get me your brother-in-law.
Yes, it is important.
820
01:44:13,772 --> 01:44:19,069
- What do you think about this?
- I would never miss the premiere.
821
01:44:19,319 --> 01:44:23,656
Where am I sitting? Where?
Where am "I" sitting?
822
01:44:23,907 --> 01:44:29,745
There are two balconies.
I believe you are in the lower one.
823
01:44:29,995 --> 01:44:34,750
You stay here. And be careful.
824
01:44:43,508 --> 01:44:50,389
Someone should be checking
the other balcony. Definitely.
825
01:44:58,772 --> 01:45:06,195
Arnold! The deal is done, right?
"Slater V". The soundtrack.
826
01:45:47,692 --> 01:45:49,652
I will be...
827
01:45:49,902 --> 01:45:56,867
Jack, it is the Ripper!
He has brought back the Ripper!
828
01:45:57,117 --> 01:46:01,746
Benedict has brought back
the Ripper!
829
01:46:02,789 --> 01:46:06,209
Everybody down!
830
01:46:11,130 --> 01:46:13,716
Get off me!
831
01:46:20,555 --> 01:46:23,558
Get the hell off me.
832
01:46:24,767 --> 01:46:27,854
I should be informed
when there is to be a stunt.
833
01:46:28,104 --> 01:46:32,691
You are the best look-alike
I have seen.
834
01:46:45,745 --> 01:46:50,374
If you get to L.A., call my office.
We can get you jobs...
835
01:46:50,624 --> 01:46:54,586
I do not like you.
You have only brought me pain.
836
01:46:54,837 --> 01:46:58,632
Jack, help!
837
01:46:59,466 --> 01:47:04,429
Did anyone come out of here?
838
01:47:04,971 --> 01:47:10,476
Did you see a crazy guy
with an axe?
839
01:47:21,069 --> 01:47:25,907
Hey, Jack. What kept you?
840
01:47:27,742 --> 01:47:33,622
- Are you all right, Danny?
- Yes, sir.
841
01:47:35,833 --> 01:47:38,710
I tried to change, Jack.
842
01:47:38,960 --> 01:47:43,590
I really tried to do
what he told me to, but -
843
01:47:43,840 --> 01:47:51,013
- I kept hearing that old music.
I knew you would come here, Jack.
844
01:47:51,263 --> 01:47:55,476
Lose the piece.
845
01:47:57,853 --> 01:48:03,191
There. It is between you and me.
So let the boy go.
846
01:48:03,441 --> 01:48:08,279
We have played this number before.
What comes next?
847
01:48:08,529 --> 01:48:14,243
You throw the gun away...
We have done that part.
848
01:48:14,493 --> 01:48:19,873
And then you tell me to
let the kid go.
849
01:48:20,123 --> 01:48:24,877
I am getting bored.
Let us skip to the end.
850
01:48:35,679 --> 01:48:41,768
Come on, Jack!
Over here, right here!
851
01:49:09,752 --> 01:49:16,258
I will be back!
852
01:49:21,471 --> 01:49:25,516
The hell you will.
853
01:49:27,518 --> 01:49:30,813
Jack!
854
01:49:31,021 --> 01:49:34,608
Danny?
855
01:49:36,276 --> 01:49:42,657
Danny, I will be right there!
I am coming! Hang on!
856
01:49:44,867 --> 01:49:48,788
Just hang on now.
857
01:49:49,705 --> 01:49:55,544
- Jack, help!
- I will be right there!
858
01:49:55,711 --> 01:50:00,215
- I am coming!
- Just hurry!
859
01:50:00,465 --> 01:50:05,511
Hold on, Danny!
And do not look down!
860
01:50:05,762 --> 01:50:09,473
Oh, God, please do not
let him die.
861
01:50:09,724 --> 01:50:15,562
Listen, kid. You grab my hand
and we get out of here.
862
01:50:15,812 --> 01:50:20,609
- I cannot, Jack. I will fall.
- Come on, now.
863
01:50:20,859 --> 01:50:24,654
- Trust me.
- I cannot do it.
864
01:50:24,904 --> 01:50:31,452
Listen to me. Hold on with
your legs and let your hands go.
865
01:50:31,702 --> 01:50:39,167
I will catch you. Believe in me.
I will catch you. Get my hand.
866
01:50:39,417 --> 01:50:43,505
Go for it, Danny!
867
01:51:03,064 --> 01:51:08,319
This hero stuff has its limits.
868
01:51:13,532 --> 01:51:17,953
I need a hospital.
My shoulder is out of the socket.
869
01:51:18,203 --> 01:51:21,623
Will a morgue suffice?
870
01:51:21,873 --> 01:51:25,043
Get down, Danny!
871
01:51:28,462 --> 01:51:32,883
Give it up, Benedict.
The lobby is swarming with cops.
872
01:51:33,133 --> 01:51:38,263
I think I can avoid them.
But if not, I have a little -
873
01:51:38,513 --> 01:51:43,643
- explosive surprise for them.
874
01:51:44,686 --> 01:51:52,901
Since you are about to die, I will
tell you the plot. Think of villains.
875
01:51:53,152 --> 01:51:57,155
Do you want Dracula?
Hang on.
876
01:51:57,406 --> 01:52:03,328
I will fetch him. Dracula?
I can get King Kong.
877
01:52:03,578 --> 01:52:08,499
A nightmare with Freddy Krueger.
A party for Adolf Hitler.
878
01:52:08,749 --> 01:52:16,924
Hannibal Lecter can do the catering.
And a christening for Rosemary's Baby.
879
01:52:17,215 --> 01:52:26,766
If I snap my fingers, they will come.
They are lining up. Do you know why?
880
01:52:27,016 --> 01:52:36,858
Because in this world the bad guys
can win! I shall miss you, Jack.
881
01:52:43,531 --> 01:52:49,662
Did you make a movie mistake?
You forgot to reload the gun.
882
01:52:49,912 --> 01:52:55,751
No, Jack.
I just left one chamber empty.
883
01:53:10,931 --> 01:53:15,394
You broke my arm!
884
01:53:17,479 --> 01:53:24,819
Do you see, Jack?
Bad guys can win.
885
01:53:42,043 --> 01:53:44,462
Now!
886
01:53:44,712 --> 01:53:48,424
No sequel for you.
887
01:53:54,221 --> 01:53:57,683
The ticket.
888
01:54:47,687 --> 01:54:54,651
Take him home. To where
this is just a flesh wound.
889
01:54:55,486 --> 01:55:01,324
Do you not understand?
We must get him back to the movies.
890
01:55:01,574 --> 01:55:06,079
I said: Turn around!
891
01:55:09,373 --> 01:55:15,921
Great! They always run away!
Hang on, Jack.
892
01:55:16,463 --> 01:55:23,636
- Danny, do you know how to drive?
- Sure. I have watched you, right?
893
01:55:59,794 --> 01:56:03,298
Get out of the way!
894
01:56:12,598 --> 01:56:17,102
Nick, fire up the projector!
Slater is dying!
895
01:56:17,352 --> 01:56:23,525
- Do you have the ticket?
- No, but it has to work anyway!
896
01:56:35,494 --> 01:56:39,664
Hold on, Jack. You will make it.
This is going to work.
897
01:56:39,915 --> 01:56:43,626
It has to be here.
898
01:56:48,547 --> 01:56:52,593
Please. Nick, hurry!
The door will not open.
899
01:56:52,843 --> 01:56:58,181
No sweat, kid. You tried.
900
01:57:14,696 --> 01:57:18,658
Where are you going?
Back off! You cannot have him.
901
01:57:18,909 --> 01:57:27,833
I have had it with you, Mister.
Who stays, who goes. This one stays!
902
01:57:32,004 --> 01:57:38,885
I was only curious.
He is not on any of my lists.
903
01:57:39,136 --> 01:57:44,098
Though you are, Daniel.
904
01:57:44,307 --> 01:57:52,273
- Now?
- Oh, no. You die a grandfather.
905
01:57:57,361 --> 01:58:05,076
Wait a minute! Help us.
I know you can get him back.
906
01:58:05,326 --> 01:58:13,792
I do not do fiction.
It is not my field. Sorry.
907
01:58:14,585 --> 01:58:17,879
You are a very brave young man.
908
01:58:18,130 --> 01:58:26,888
Unfortunately, you are not
very bright. If I were you -
909
01:58:28,556 --> 01:58:34,186
- I would look for
the other half of the ticket.
910
01:58:41,318 --> 01:58:46,489
They are all gold.
911
01:58:50,284 --> 01:58:55,414
I have got it, Jack!
I will get you home.
912
01:58:55,664 --> 01:58:58,041
You cannot die.
913
01:58:58,291 --> 01:59:02,670
I know.
Until the grosses go down.
914
01:59:02,921 --> 01:59:07,341
No! This will save us!
915
01:59:07,884 --> 01:59:12,805
Throw that silly thing away.
916
01:59:13,972 --> 01:59:17,059
Holy cow!
917
01:59:38,662 --> 01:59:43,875
Let us hear it for Houdini!
918
01:59:45,626 --> 01:59:50,214
Slater!!!
919
01:59:50,464 --> 01:59:57,888
Has anybody seen Slater?
I want him in my office right now!
920
02:00:14,403 --> 02:00:16,989
Help! Somebody!
921
02:00:17,239 --> 02:00:23,536
They got Jack! Doctor, move!
922
02:00:23,745 --> 02:00:27,790
Take this. Get back
before it changes its mind.
923
02:00:28,040 --> 02:00:30,918
No way.
I will not leave you.
924
02:00:31,168 --> 02:00:35,714
I am an imaginary hero, Danny.
You have a real life.
925
02:00:35,964 --> 02:00:44,430
You are real to me.
You are the best. I need you...
926
02:00:44,681 --> 02:00:51,478
Here where you can always find me.
But I need you there to believe in me.
927
02:00:51,729 --> 02:00:54,231
To take care of your mother.
928
02:00:54,481 --> 02:01:00,237
I would love to... You have
your whole life ahead of you.
929
02:01:00,487 --> 02:01:05,533
And pimples
and premature ejaculation.
930
02:01:08,327 --> 02:01:12,081
- What?
- It is just...
931
02:01:12,331 --> 02:01:17,169
I am scared that I will
never see you again.
932
02:01:17,419 --> 02:01:24,676
Whoever thinks that would be
making a big mistake.
933
02:01:30,848 --> 02:01:33,892
Get out of the way.
Do you want a doctor?
934
02:01:34,143 --> 02:01:37,396
Get out of the way.
I am a doctor.
935
02:01:37,646 --> 02:01:41,066
What happened?
936
02:01:47,905 --> 02:01:54,578
Is this a joke?
This is not even a flesh wound.
937
02:02:11,927 --> 02:02:12,970
Where the hell have you been?
938
02:02:13,220 --> 02:02:16,181
Where the hell have you been?
939
02:02:16,223 --> 02:02:18,558
It is working again.
940
02:02:18,809 --> 02:02:21,978
That door is coming out of
your meagre paycheck!
941
02:02:22,228 --> 02:02:26,524
I have the Eagle Foundation doing
a tango up my Hershey Highway!
942
02:02:26,774 --> 02:02:33,322
I do not care about your highway.
And stop shouting. I am not deaf!
943
02:02:33,572 --> 02:02:38,410
You shout because it is in the script.
You are the comic relief.
944
02:02:38,660 --> 02:02:44,874
And do you know what?
I am the hero. So shut up!!
945
02:02:47,627 --> 02:02:50,254
Hollywood writes our lives.
946
02:02:50,504 --> 02:02:55,467
I do not want to shoot people
and blow up buildings anymore.
947
02:02:55,717 --> 02:03:01,556
You did get to be a magician, Nick.
It really does work.
948
02:03:01,806 --> 02:03:06,769
The ticket is yours, Danny.
And do you know what?
949
02:03:07,019 --> 02:03:12,608
I think the magic was yours, too.
Come on.
950
02:03:12,858 --> 02:03:17,738
Have I told you about the time
my dad took me to see Buffalo Bill?
951
02:03:17,988 --> 02:03:23,535
We met Sitting Bull,
who was his medicine man.
952
02:03:37,464 --> 02:03:45,680
Subtitles by Harry Allen
Scandinavian Text Service