1 00:00:03,380 --> 00:00:16,760 Subtitle edited By iMR aka imxpress 2 00:00:39,335 --> 00:00:44,204 Oh, go on! Oh! 3 00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:57,651 What - What - What are you doing? 4 00:01:00,223 --> 00:01:03,954 You're hurting me! 5 00:01:10,032 --> 00:01:12,000 I'm gonna tell my Bernard of you! 6 00:01:12,101 --> 00:01:14,069 You're fucking dead! 7 00:01:52,508 --> 00:01:55,636 Oi! Come back here, you! 8 00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:58,579 Ronnie! 9 00:01:58,681 --> 00:02:01,047 Get off that couch and come out here! 10 00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:03,050 Ronnie! 11 00:04:34,437 --> 00:04:37,634 Oh, shit! Sorry. I didn't see you there. 12 00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,674 Do you live here? 13 00:04:39,775 --> 00:04:42,710 Yeah, I do, unfortunately. 14 00:04:42,812 --> 00:04:44,643 Do you know Louise Clancy? 15 00:04:44,747 --> 00:04:46,510 Yeah. Are you a friend of hers? 16 00:04:46,615 --> 00:04:48,583 Know where she is? 17 00:04:48,684 --> 00:04:51,312 She's at work. 18 00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:55,151 - What time does she get back? - Don't know. About 7:00 or something. 19 00:04:55,257 --> 00:04:57,122 Fuckin' hell. 20 00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:04,155 Do you want to come in for a cup of tea? 21 00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:09,569 Is that all right with you, love? It's just, you know, cold. 22 00:05:09,672 --> 00:05:11,936 Listen, have you got anything for a headache? 23 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:14,373 Ah. Yeah, we have, as it happens. 24 00:05:14,477 --> 00:05:17,935 Like a monkey wrench or something. 25 00:05:18,047 --> 00:05:20,607 - What's all this about? - Oh, yeah. 26 00:05:20,716 --> 00:05:24,243 - That's Sandra, that is. - Hello, Sandra. 27 00:05:24,353 --> 00:05:27,345 This is her place. She's a fucking nurse. 28 00:05:27,456 --> 00:05:30,186 That's her idea of interior design. 29 00:05:30,292 --> 00:05:32,192 Oh, yeah, it's a skeleton. 30 00:05:32,294 --> 00:05:34,762 And this is her cocktail cabinet and all. 31 00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:38,062 There you go. That should do it. 32 00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:40,601 No, it's too big. 33 00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:44,036 - Do you want a cup of tea? - Yeah. 34 00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:47,667 So, are you Louise's boyfriend? 35 00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:49,972 - No. - Oh, right. 36 00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:52,775 - What, you're just, like, a mate? - Primate. 37 00:05:52,882 --> 00:05:56,113 - You must be the missing link then. - Yeah, that's me. 38 00:05:57,787 --> 00:06:01,086 - You're not gonna tell me your name. - No. 39 00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:04,455 - I'm not gonna tell you mine neither. - All right. We'll be strangers. 40 00:06:05,828 --> 00:06:09,286 - I see your boomerang came back then, love. - It's not my fuckin' boomerang. 41 00:06:09,398 --> 00:06:11,866 What about the old diminishing pachyderm formation there? 42 00:06:11,967 --> 00:06:16,836 No, that's all Sandra's collection. She's in Zimbabwe at the moment. 43 00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:20,238 And fuck knows what she's gonna bring back from there. 44 00:06:20,342 --> 00:06:22,936 Polagra or hepatitis "B" or something. 45 00:06:23,045 --> 00:06:25,013 She's with her boyfriend. 46 00:06:33,622 --> 00:06:36,090 So, how is Louise? 47 00:06:36,192 --> 00:06:38,592 I don't know. I don't know her as well as you. 48 00:06:38,694 --> 00:06:42,596 - Do you get on with her? - Well, been out a couple of times. 49 00:06:42,698 --> 00:06:45,565 - Does she like you? - I don't know. 50 00:06:45,668 --> 00:06:48,136 You better ask her. 51 00:06:48,237 --> 00:06:50,296 Most people don't. 52 00:06:50,406 --> 00:06:52,874 Do you find that she's at all jealous of you? 53 00:06:54,443 --> 00:06:56,411 No. 54 00:07:00,015 --> 00:07:04,918 So - So, would you describe yourself as a happy little person? 55 00:07:05,020 --> 00:07:07,614 Yeah. I'm the life and soul. 56 00:07:11,093 --> 00:07:13,561 Have you ever thought, right- I mean, you don't know... 57 00:07:13,662 --> 00:07:17,860 but you might already have had the happiest moment in your whole fucking life... 58 00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:22,097 and all you've got to look forward to is sickness and purgatory? 59 00:07:23,639 --> 00:07:26,073 Oh, shit. 60 00:07:26,175 --> 00:07:29,975 Well, I just live from day to day myself. 61 00:07:30,079 --> 00:07:32,639 I tend to skip a day now and again. You know what I mean? 62 00:07:32,748 --> 00:07:36,479 I used to be a werewolf, but I'm all right now! 63 00:07:36,585 --> 00:07:40,681 Fuckin' hell. I bet they're happy, eh? 64 00:07:40,789 --> 00:07:44,281 All they got to do is sit round, howling at the moon. 65 00:07:44,393 --> 00:07:47,362 It's better than standing on the cheesy fucking thing. Know what I mean? 66 00:07:47,463 --> 00:07:50,261 I mean, tossing all these satellites and shuttles out into the cosmos. 67 00:07:50,366 --> 00:07:52,994 What do they think they're gonna find up there that they can't find down here? 68 00:07:53,102 --> 00:07:54,357 They think if they piss high enough... 69 00:07:54,502 --> 00:07:57,698 they're gonna come across the monkey with the beard and the crap ideas? 70 00:07:57,806 --> 00:07:59,797 And it's, like, "Oh! There you are, captain! 71 00:07:59,909 --> 00:08:04,039 Are you busy? Because I've got a few fundamental questions for you. " 72 00:08:04,146 --> 00:08:06,944 - Are you with me? - Yeah. 73 00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:10,177 'Cause let's face it, right? What are rockets? 74 00:08:10,286 --> 00:08:13,255 I mean, they're just big, metal pricks. 75 00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:18,156 You know, I mean, the bastards aren't satisfied with fucking the Earth up. 76 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:21,821 - They've gotta fuck space and all. - Tell me something, love. 77 00:08:23,632 --> 00:08:26,157 Are you aware of the effect... 78 00:08:26,268 --> 00:08:29,931 you have on the average mammalian, Mancunian... 79 00:08:30,039 --> 00:08:32,166 X-Y'ly chromosome, slavering... 80 00:08:32,274 --> 00:08:34,936 lusty male member of the species? 81 00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:37,239 Uh... yeah. 82 00:08:37,346 --> 00:08:39,405 I thought so. 83 00:08:53,929 --> 00:08:57,922 - Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? - No. 84 00:08:58,033 --> 00:09:02,436 - Do you think women like being raped? - You talk a lot, don't you? 85 00:09:03,939 --> 00:09:06,407 Do you like Japanese food? 86 00:09:06,508 --> 00:09:09,136 Look, I've told you, I'm not interested. All right? 87 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:12,008 - Could I have that a touch harder, please? - Yes. 88 00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:37,334 All right? Enjoying yourself, are you? 89 00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:41,000 I'm having a great time, actually. 90 00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:49,179 - Bloody hell. - Ah, friendly. 91 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,582 What are you doing here? You look like shit. 92 00:09:51,687 --> 00:09:54,815 Just trying to blend in with the surroundings. 93 00:09:58,761 --> 00:10:01,286 Halitosis, halitosis, halitosis 94 00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:07,435 - I can't believe you're here. - I'm not here. 95 00:10:09,538 --> 00:10:12,200 I tell you what. It's a crackin' place you got, love. 96 00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:15,606 - Good. I'm glad you like it. - No, I was being sarcastic. 97 00:10:15,711 --> 00:10:19,272 Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I would have met you off the train. 98 00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:22,214 - I didn't come on the fucking train. - Off the bus then. 99 00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:24,808 - I didn't come on the bus either. - So how did you get here then? 100 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:28,515 Well, basically, there was this little dot, right, and the dot went bang... 101 00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:31,092 and the bang expanded - energy formed into matter. 102 00:10:31,193 --> 00:10:33,491 Matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, the fish to fowl... 103 00:10:33,595 --> 00:10:36,393 the fowl to froggy, the froggy to mammal, the mammal to monkey, the monkey to man. 104 00:10:36,498 --> 00:10:39,558 Amo, amas, amat. Quid pro quo. Memento mori. Ad infinitum. 105 00:10:39,668 --> 00:10:43,126 Sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till doomsday. 106 00:10:43,238 --> 00:10:47,004 - I see you haven't changed. - He's a fuckin' genius, this geezer. 107 00:10:47,109 --> 00:10:49,634 I take it you met my wicky-wacky friend Sophie. 108 00:10:49,745 --> 00:10:52,813 Oh, no. Actually, we haven't been formally introduced. 109 00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:53,713 - Have we, love? - No. 110 00:10:53,815 --> 00:10:57,674 No, we've been sat here in embarrassing silence all afternoon. 111 00:10:59,121 --> 00:11:02,488 - So, how are you? - Peachy creamy. 112 00:11:06,295 --> 00:11:09,594 Are you really? I'm very pleased. 113 00:11:09,698 --> 00:11:13,156 So, how's, um - Work? 114 00:11:13,268 --> 00:11:14,432 - It's all right. - "It's all right. " 115 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,032 It's all right. 116 00:11:16,138 --> 00:11:18,402 - Is it everything you hoped it would be? - Yeah. 117 00:11:19,541 --> 00:11:21,839 What did you hope it would be? 118 00:11:26,348 --> 00:11:28,976 I'm so - I'm sorry. Did you get that? 119 00:11:29,084 --> 00:11:30,452 It's everything she hoped it would be... 120 00:11:30,592 --> 00:11:32,952 but she doesn't fucking know what she hoped it would be. 121 00:11:33,055 --> 00:11:36,684 Oh, and by the way, thank you for this. 122 00:11:36,792 --> 00:11:40,125 I mean, are you taking a piss or what? 123 00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:43,859 "So, Johnny, my address is" - 124 00:11:47,970 --> 00:11:50,461 I'm touched. 125 00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:58,644 - Why have you come? - Oh, can you tell from there? 126 00:11:58,747 --> 00:12:01,375 Do you want a cup of tea? 127 00:12:01,483 --> 00:12:05,783 I'd love a cup of tea! You're fucking generous, you Cockneys, aren't ya? 128 00:12:05,888 --> 00:12:07,583 - Sophie? - Oh, yeah. Ta. 129 00:12:40,589 --> 00:12:44,150 - How's your mum? - Fine. How's yours? Still pulling pints? 130 00:12:44,259 --> 00:12:47,160 She's dead. She's still a good fuck though. 131 00:12:47,262 --> 00:12:50,129 I mean, the rates are a bit extortionate... 132 00:12:50,232 --> 00:12:53,133 but I do get a discount what with being the son and everything. 133 00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:57,365 Apparently, you shouldn't stick anything up your cunt that you can't put in your mouth. 134 00:12:57,472 --> 00:13:00,100 Give us that mug. 135 00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,270 Can I try your coat on, Johnny? 136 00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:08,014 Yeah. 137 00:13:09,084 --> 00:13:11,052 So what you been up to? Have you seen anybody? 138 00:13:11,153 --> 00:13:13,383 Have you seen anybody? 139 00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:17,121 Have you spoken to anybody from Manchester? 140 00:13:17,226 --> 00:13:19,194 Yeah, I phoned June a couple of times. 141 00:13:19,294 --> 00:13:22,354 And was June interested in what you had to say? 142 00:13:23,865 --> 00:13:26,800 Fuckin' hell. I've seen more life in an open grave. 143 00:13:26,902 --> 00:13:27,543 Come on! 144 00:13:27,593 --> 00:13:28,802 - What? - What! 145 00:13:28,904 --> 00:13:31,771 - You don't seem very pleased to see me. - I am pleased to see ya! 146 00:13:31,873 --> 00:13:35,866 You too good for us? Now you've got yourself a posh job in the big "shitty. " 147 00:13:35,978 --> 00:13:37,878 - Me and her are on the fucking dole. - Right. 148 00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:39,346 - You're a career girl. You happy with that? - Yeah. 149 00:13:39,580 --> 00:13:40,803 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 150 00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:42,474 I'm delighted! 151 00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:51,921 Do you want some of this, Johnny? 152 00:13:52,027 --> 00:13:55,428 Fuckin' hell, love. What are you trying to do to me? 153 00:14:01,603 --> 00:14:04,572 Right. Well, I'm going up to my room. Do you want to see it, Johnny? 154 00:14:04,673 --> 00:14:07,233 Is it worth the bother? Is there anything worth seeing? 155 00:14:07,342 --> 00:14:10,072 Why don't you come and find out? It's not very far. 156 00:14:20,889 --> 00:14:22,789 I'm sorry about this. 157 00:14:24,693 --> 00:14:26,593 Yeah. 158 00:14:36,705 --> 00:14:39,333 Oh, move, move. 159 00:14:46,948 --> 00:14:49,109 - Where are you? - I'm in here. 160 00:14:51,687 --> 00:14:53,587 Oh, it's de-lovely. 161 00:14:53,689 --> 00:14:56,920 I see you've got a ceiling at the top with a floor on the lower level... 162 00:14:57,025 --> 00:14:59,118 and a wall at either side. 163 00:14:59,227 --> 00:15:02,355 And only a single bed. Sad, really. 164 00:15:14,142 --> 00:15:17,270 - You've got wonderful breasts. - Don't you mean "tits"? 165 00:15:17,379 --> 00:15:21,315 Are they both the same size, or is one bigger than the other? 166 00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:23,611 I don't know. Do you want to weigh them? 167 00:15:25,287 --> 00:15:27,915 - Is that a proposition? - No, it's a threat. 168 00:15:37,099 --> 00:15:39,567 Are you rich? 169 00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:41,636 Life is for enjoying. 170 00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:43,830 What about a family? Have you got any brothers or sisters? 171 00:15:43,939 --> 00:15:45,907 I try not to remember. 172 00:15:47,609 --> 00:15:51,875 You're sexually frustrated, aren't you? 173 00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,675 - What's funny? - Are you a feminist? 174 00:15:53,782 --> 00:15:56,478 - No. - Do you like fucking? 175 00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:59,053 - Do you like wanking? - Not on my own, no. 176 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:09,760 That's a very ornithological mutilation you've got there, love. 177 00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:12,197 That's my tribal initiation. 178 00:16:13,635 --> 00:16:15,603 Is it really? 179 00:16:24,045 --> 00:16:27,173 - That was fuckin' athletic, that was. - I think I ruptured my chakras. 180 00:16:28,383 --> 00:16:31,375 Is there an instruction manual for this garb? 181 00:16:31,486 --> 00:16:34,046 No. It's an intelligence test. 182 00:16:34,156 --> 00:16:36,590 Now, what is this? A granny, a sheepshank... 183 00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:39,319 or the infamous round turn and two half hitches... 184 00:16:39,428 --> 00:16:41,623 as mentioned in the Book of Ezekiel? 185 00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:44,858 - Are you finished? - Hardly fuckin' begun. 186 00:16:44,966 --> 00:16:48,333 It's just I think I'm gonna get into difficulties when I reach the hippie shit up here. 187 00:16:48,437 --> 00:16:52,066 - You know what I mean? - Yeah. Well, you've tried the stairs. 188 00:16:52,174 --> 00:16:54,870 I think we should take the escalator. 189 00:16:54,976 --> 00:16:56,967 Simple really. 190 00:16:57,078 --> 00:17:00,878 - So is this. - Thanks for the mammaries. 191 00:17:02,617 --> 00:17:05,313 Could you ask her to order me a taxi, please? 192 00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:09,379 - This is terribly disappointing. - You don't like rejection, do you, Jeremy? 193 00:17:09,491 --> 00:17:12,949 - Could we have a taxi, please? - No problem... sir. 194 00:18:37,546 --> 00:18:39,446 Whee! 195 00:19:00,135 --> 00:19:02,603 It's really cozy, this. 196 00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,008 Will you let me come again, Jerry? 197 00:19:10,278 --> 00:19:12,746 You're dead handsome, you know. 198 00:19:16,518 --> 00:19:18,486 What work do you do? 199 00:19:21,389 --> 00:19:23,357 I'm a dancer, actually. 200 00:19:26,161 --> 00:19:28,686 Don't you wanna know me name? 201 00:19:28,797 --> 00:19:30,697 It's Giselle. 202 00:19:33,234 --> 00:19:35,202 Are you married? 203 00:19:38,239 --> 00:19:41,697 What? 204 00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:46,145 Kiss me. 205 00:20:02,831 --> 00:20:05,527 Oh, don't. It's yucky! 206 00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:07,534 Get it off! 207 00:20:11,873 --> 00:20:13,898 Are you glad I came? 208 00:20:14,009 --> 00:20:16,807 What are you doing? Get off me! 209 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:23,144 You're hurting me! 210 00:20:23,251 --> 00:20:26,118 - Have you ever thought of committing suicide? - No. 211 00:20:26,221 --> 00:20:29,782 I'm going to commit suicide on my 40th birthday... 212 00:20:29,891 --> 00:20:31,791 if I'm still around. 213 00:20:31,893 --> 00:20:33,827 - Why? - I don't want to be old. 214 00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:36,419 Do you? 215 00:20:57,986 --> 00:20:59,954 Fuck. 216 00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:05,593 Oh, God. 217 00:21:32,654 --> 00:21:36,385 - Oh. Have a fag. - Yeah, thanks. I will. 218 00:21:47,268 --> 00:21:50,032 What are you reading? 219 00:22:00,448 --> 00:22:04,009 Will you stop fucking about and fidgeting in my peripherals? I'm trying to concentrate. 220 00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,384 She's got a very little waist, Sophie, ain't she? 221 00:22:08,656 --> 00:22:11,022 She's got little tits and all. 222 00:22:15,296 --> 00:22:18,163 - Are you not cold? - I'm reading about the butterfly effect. 223 00:22:18,266 --> 00:22:20,097 What's the butterfly effect? 224 00:22:20,201 --> 00:22:22,726 Every time a butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo... 225 00:22:22,837 --> 00:22:25,362 this old granny in Salford gets a bilious attack. 226 00:22:25,473 --> 00:22:28,203 What happens if a butterfly flaps its wings in Salford? 227 00:22:29,544 --> 00:22:32,172 - That's not the point. - Oh, is it not? 228 00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:37,878 - What are you doing in London, Johnny? - What are you doing in London? 229 00:22:37,986 --> 00:22:41,251 - I've told you what I'm doing in London. - You've told me nothing. 230 00:22:43,091 --> 00:22:46,527 - The last time I saw you, I told you - - Fuckin' hell! Were you born irritatin'? 231 00:22:48,196 --> 00:22:50,289 What have you come downstairs for anyway? 232 00:22:50,398 --> 00:22:52,866 I fell asleep with the window open. I was cold. I came down. 233 00:22:52,967 --> 00:22:55,367 I had to pee. I've made some tea. I'm here. All right? 234 00:22:55,470 --> 00:22:58,633 - What's that, the greatest story ever told? - I live here. 235 00:23:02,944 --> 00:23:06,641 So what happened? Were you bored in Manchester? 236 00:23:06,748 --> 00:23:10,616 Was I bored? No, I wasn't fuckin' bored. I'm never bored. 237 00:23:10,718 --> 00:23:13,585 That's the trouble with everybody. You're all so bored. 238 00:23:13,688 --> 00:23:16,156 You've had nature explained to you, and you're bored with it. 239 00:23:16,257 --> 00:23:18,953 You've had the living body explained to you, and you're bored with it. 240 00:23:19,060 --> 00:23:21,654 You've had the universe explained to you, and you're bored with it. 241 00:23:21,763 --> 00:23:23,890 So now you just want cheap thrills and plenty of 'em... 242 00:23:23,998 --> 00:23:26,660 and it don't matter how tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new... 243 00:23:26,768 --> 00:23:30,295 as long as it's new, as long as it flashes and fucking bleeps in 40 different colors. 244 00:23:30,405 --> 00:23:33,704 Well, whatever else you can say about me, I'm not fuckin' bored. 245 00:23:33,808 --> 00:23:35,776 Yeah. All right. 246 00:23:36,878 --> 00:23:39,142 So how's it all going for you? 247 00:23:39,247 --> 00:23:41,112 It's a bit boring, actually. 248 00:23:42,317 --> 00:23:44,308 You're not enjoying yourself? 249 00:23:46,254 --> 00:23:48,745 Have you made many friends? 250 00:23:48,857 --> 00:23:50,757 No. 251 00:23:50,859 --> 00:23:54,454 Have you got a goblet or something, because me heart's bleedin'. 252 00:23:56,965 --> 00:23:59,525 When are you going back to Manchester? 253 00:23:59,634 --> 00:24:02,262 - When are you going back to Manchester? - I'm not going back. 254 00:24:02,370 --> 00:24:04,270 - Why not? - You know why not. 255 00:24:04,372 --> 00:24:05,964 Do I? 256 00:24:08,009 --> 00:24:10,307 I thought you said you never wanted to see me again. 257 00:24:10,411 --> 00:24:12,879 I don't ever want to see you again. So will you fuck off back upstairs? 258 00:24:12,981 --> 00:24:16,781 - Why are you such a bastard, Johnny? - Monkey see, monkey do. 259 00:24:16,885 --> 00:24:21,549 What does that mean? 260 00:24:23,524 --> 00:24:27,722 - Oh, this fucking cough. - A butterfly must have flapped its wings. 261 00:24:31,466 --> 00:24:34,026 So have you got to get up for work now, yeah? 262 00:24:35,436 --> 00:24:38,132 No. It's too early. 263 00:24:39,741 --> 00:24:41,709 I'm going back to bed. 264 00:24:54,188 --> 00:24:58,215 So is she, uh, a Buddhist or something, this nurse? 265 00:24:58,326 --> 00:25:00,851 No, she's a Catholic. 266 00:25:00,962 --> 00:25:03,487 What's she doing with the old fat chap in the house then? 267 00:25:03,598 --> 00:25:07,034 I don't know. I think she fancies him or something. 268 00:25:07,135 --> 00:25:09,228 Louise is a Catholic. Did you know that? 269 00:25:09,337 --> 00:25:12,306 - She's not, is she? - Oh, fuckin' hell! 270 00:25:21,015 --> 00:25:23,813 You know what frightens me about the human body? 271 00:25:23,918 --> 00:25:25,715 What? 272 00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:29,187 Well, it's like the, uh, most sophisticated mechanism in the entire universe... 273 00:25:29,290 --> 00:25:31,417 and yet it's so fuckin' quiet, isn't it? 274 00:25:31,526 --> 00:25:36,395 - Know what I mean? - Don't know. Mine makes enough noise. 275 00:25:36,497 --> 00:25:39,295 It's like this, uh, wet, pink factory. 276 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,868 What the fuck are they making in there? I mean, what's the product? 277 00:25:41,970 --> 00:25:45,428 You never see no delivery trucks coming or going, do you? 278 00:25:46,975 --> 00:25:50,672 - I could have been a doctor. - Do you wanna examine me? 279 00:25:50,778 --> 00:25:53,747 - You don't believe me, do you? - I believe everything you say. 280 00:25:53,848 --> 00:25:56,476 - I've got "A" level psychology. - You haven't. 281 00:25:58,953 --> 00:26:02,855 "Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker. " 282 00:26:02,957 --> 00:26:05,425 - What do you think of that? - It's a load of bollocks. 283 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:09,229 I thought of that. 284 00:26:10,264 --> 00:26:13,461 - Do you not agree with it? - Don't know. 285 00:26:13,568 --> 00:26:16,366 Well, that's 'cause you weren't fuckin' listening, were you? 286 00:26:16,471 --> 00:26:19,440 What's this? A test or something? 287 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,750 Don't. Stop it. 288 00:26:34,856 --> 00:26:36,949 Just pack it in. Stop it! 289 00:26:37,992 --> 00:26:39,960 Keep buggering about. 290 00:26:42,997 --> 00:26:45,795 - Let me get a watch, Johnny. - Will you keep still? 291 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:49,199 - Look, you can get me a watch. - Don't want a fucking watch. 292 00:27:01,082 --> 00:27:03,050 I really like you, Johnny. 293 00:27:05,086 --> 00:27:07,520 You don't know me. 294 00:27:07,622 --> 00:27:09,613 I think I do. 295 00:27:09,724 --> 00:27:12,420 - But you don't fucking know me! - Oh, shit! 296 00:27:12,527 --> 00:27:14,427 Fucking hell! 297 00:27:14,529 --> 00:27:16,463 - You still like me? - I love you. 298 00:27:16,564 --> 00:27:18,498 - What? - I'm in love with you, Johnny. 299 00:27:18,599 --> 00:27:20,794 Don't laugh. I'm serious. 300 00:27:28,242 --> 00:27:32,474 I understand you, Johnny. I do. 301 00:27:46,527 --> 00:27:48,893 Johnny! No! No! 302 00:27:48,996 --> 00:27:51,658 Johnny! 303 00:27:55,670 --> 00:27:57,638 Ta-ra, Mr. Halpern. 304 00:28:31,873 --> 00:28:33,841 What's the matter? What's going on? 305 00:28:33,941 --> 00:28:35,909 Fucked if I know. 306 00:28:45,653 --> 00:28:47,644 I'm too old for all this. 307 00:28:49,390 --> 00:28:52,655 Why don't we go out? Go out for a drink or somethin'? 308 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,092 Why don't you go out? Go for a drink or somethin'. 309 00:28:55,196 --> 00:28:57,391 'Cause I want to go out with you. 310 00:28:58,432 --> 00:29:00,400 Is this good? 311 00:29:07,241 --> 00:29:10,472 What are you doing? Where are you going? 312 00:29:10,578 --> 00:29:12,546 - I'm cold. - Johnny, I just - 313 00:29:12,647 --> 00:29:14,615 Get off of me. 314 00:29:22,757 --> 00:29:26,056 How - Do you ever get the feeling that you're being followed? 315 00:29:27,094 --> 00:29:30,791 Look, will you just leave me alone, give me a bit of room or something? 316 00:29:54,755 --> 00:29:56,655 Fucking hell! 317 00:29:58,993 --> 00:30:01,553 Johnny! Johnny! 318 00:30:03,164 --> 00:30:06,133 What's all that about? What are you playin' at? 319 00:30:09,971 --> 00:30:11,871 - Where are you going, Johnny? - Off my head. 320 00:30:11,973 --> 00:30:14,168 - I'm coming with you. - No, you're not. 321 00:30:14,275 --> 00:30:16,629 - I want to come with you! - Don't you fucking come with me! 322 00:30:17,712 --> 00:30:20,374 - Are you comin' back? - What the fuck for? 323 00:31:14,535 --> 00:31:16,435 Maggie! 324 00:31:27,648 --> 00:31:29,548 Maggie! 325 00:31:31,619 --> 00:31:34,588 You all right there, chief? 326 00:31:40,194 --> 00:31:42,287 - Have you lost somebody? - Yeah? 327 00:31:42,396 --> 00:31:46,355 - Are you looking for somebody? - Fuck off, cunt! 328 00:31:58,245 --> 00:32:00,509 - Got a fag? - Yes, thanks. 329 00:32:00,614 --> 00:32:02,946 - Yeah, I got one. - Giz one. 330 00:32:03,050 --> 00:32:04,677 - Please. - What? 331 00:32:04,785 --> 00:32:07,913 - Say please. - Just fucking giz one. Come on, mister. 332 00:32:08,022 --> 00:32:11,423 You've got a lovely way about you. Has anybody ever told you that? 333 00:32:11,525 --> 00:32:14,085 "Thank you. " It's all right. 334 00:32:24,105 --> 00:32:26,573 Maggie! 335 00:32:26,674 --> 00:32:28,801 - She's gone, mate. - Eh? 336 00:32:28,909 --> 00:32:31,434 Those days are over. 337 00:32:31,545 --> 00:32:34,514 Have you seen a lassie wandering about here? 338 00:32:34,615 --> 00:32:37,812 - What? - A lassie - black hair, blue jeans. 339 00:32:37,918 --> 00:32:41,149 I saw a little border collie padding off down there towards the fire. 340 00:32:41,255 --> 00:32:43,223 Yeah? 341 00:32:44,258 --> 00:32:47,227 - Have you lost your bird or something? - Aye. Have you seen her? 342 00:32:47,328 --> 00:32:49,421 Black hair. 343 00:32:49,530 --> 00:32:51,430 - No. - Fuckin' hell! 344 00:32:51,532 --> 00:32:54,330 Stupid fuckin' cunt's gone and got lost. 345 00:32:54,435 --> 00:32:56,562 - Are you from Scotland? - Uh? 346 00:32:56,670 --> 00:32:58,433 - Are you Scots? - Aye. 347 00:32:58,539 --> 00:33:02,873 - What's it like up there? - Fucking shite. I'll kick her fanny, man. 348 00:33:02,977 --> 00:33:05,445 - Do you dream in Scotch? - Uh? 349 00:33:05,546 --> 00:33:08,174 Like, dream about sporran-clad, caber-tossing haggis... 350 00:33:08,282 --> 00:33:10,250 galloping over porridge-covered glens? 351 00:33:10,351 --> 00:33:11,978 Fucking shite! 352 00:33:12,086 --> 00:33:15,283 I sent off for one of those little Linguaphone packages - "Talk Shite in a Fortnight. " 353 00:33:15,389 --> 00:33:18,847 It's all going very well. I haven't quite got the hang of the transitive verbs yet. 354 00:33:18,959 --> 00:33:21,427 Will you fuckin' shut it? 355 00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:28,533 - So, what you doin' down here? - Eh? 356 00:33:28,636 --> 00:33:31,628 Why are you here in London, old Bodhi Dharma? 357 00:33:31,739 --> 00:33:34,230 Put my old man in hospital. 358 00:33:34,341 --> 00:33:36,002 - Your dad? - Aye. 359 00:33:36,110 --> 00:33:38,772 - How did you do that then? - Cracked him on the nut with a poker. 360 00:33:38,879 --> 00:33:41,507 - What for? - He was fuckin' asking for it! 361 00:33:41,615 --> 00:33:44,550 - Maggie! - So, what, is he in a bad way? 362 00:33:44,652 --> 00:33:46,552 Fuckin' right. He's half dead. 363 00:33:46,654 --> 00:33:50,021 - What does your mum think about it? - She's off her fuckin' nut. 364 00:33:50,124 --> 00:33:52,251 - So, you're, like, on the run, yeah? - Aye. 365 00:33:52,359 --> 00:33:55,795 - Yeah, me too. - Yeah? The cops after you? Yeah? 366 00:33:55,896 --> 00:33:58,831 - Can you tell me something, jock? - What? 367 00:33:58,933 --> 00:34:02,061 - What's all that about? - Eh? 368 00:34:02,169 --> 00:34:05,468 That - the old Highland fling there. You know you're doing that? 369 00:34:05,573 --> 00:34:08,041 - What? - That - you know, "and for my next tick" - 370 00:34:08,142 --> 00:34:11,168 That. Look, it - it just happened again. I'm not imagining it. 371 00:34:11,278 --> 00:34:12,543 Fuck off, eh? 372 00:34:12,633 --> 00:34:15,408 You do that in the sack, with the old tick, spit - "Maggie!" 373 00:34:15,516 --> 00:34:17,814 - Must be a great fucking shag. - Are you taking a piss? 374 00:34:17,918 --> 00:34:20,546 - You're fucking giving it away, aren't ya? - Fucking come on, cunt! 375 00:34:20,654 --> 00:34:23,623 Cut your fucking head open! Eh? 376 00:34:23,724 --> 00:34:26,318 - What's it like being you? - Eh? 377 00:34:26,427 --> 00:34:29,055 - A bit hectic? - Fuck off, poof! 378 00:34:31,932 --> 00:34:34,400 Do you believe in self-fulfilling prophecy? 379 00:34:34,502 --> 00:34:37,027 Eh? 380 00:34:37,137 --> 00:34:39,105 You know, like Nostradamus. 381 00:34:40,441 --> 00:34:42,875 He was, like, this 16th-century astrologer... 382 00:34:42,977 --> 00:34:47,038 and he wrote in one of his quatrains that this goon called Hister would invade Poland. 383 00:34:47,147 --> 00:34:49,377 So Hitler reads that and thinks, "Hister, Hitler. 384 00:34:49,483 --> 00:34:51,417 Must mean me", and invades Poland. 385 00:34:51,519 --> 00:34:54,977 So when the guy prophesied that the world would end in 1999, which he did... 386 00:34:55,089 --> 00:34:57,717 does that therefore mean that we're fulfilling the prophecy... 387 00:34:57,825 --> 00:34:59,725 by precipitating the Apocalypse? 388 00:34:59,827 --> 00:35:01,454 - You with me? - What? 389 00:35:01,562 --> 00:35:04,531 You think the world will end in 1999? 390 00:35:06,700 --> 00:35:08,600 Listen, mate, what do you think of this? 391 00:35:08,702 --> 00:35:11,671 Why don't you go have a little wander around and go look for the wee lassie, and I'll wait here? 392 00:35:11,772 --> 00:35:13,797 - If she turns up, I'll keep her here until you get back. - Aye? 393 00:35:13,908 --> 00:35:15,808 - How does that grab ya? - You gonna be here, eh? 394 00:35:15,910 --> 00:35:18,140 - Yeah. - Right. If she gets back, right... 395 00:35:18,245 --> 00:35:20,304 tell her to fucking wait here till I get back. 396 00:35:20,414 --> 00:35:23,008 If she wanders off, knock her out. You slap her good for me, right? 397 00:35:23,117 --> 00:35:25,108 - Yeah, I'll tie her up. - Aye. 398 00:35:25,219 --> 00:35:27,983 - You gonna be here, eh? - Yeah. Oh, listen. What's her name again? 399 00:35:28,088 --> 00:35:29,988 - Maggie. - Oh, yeah. 400 00:35:30,090 --> 00:35:32,058 Be back in a minute, right? 401 00:35:48,142 --> 00:35:50,110 Excuse me, love. 402 00:35:51,712 --> 00:35:54,078 Hello! 403 00:35:54,181 --> 00:35:57,150 - Are you Maggie? - Piss off! 404 00:36:03,657 --> 00:36:05,784 - Oh, you're Maggie. - What? 405 00:36:05,893 --> 00:36:08,157 - Is your name Maggie? - How'd you ken that? 406 00:36:08,262 --> 00:36:11,959 It's just a hunch. Are you looking for the, uh, petulant dwarf? 407 00:36:12,066 --> 00:36:14,500 - Eh? - Sprechen Sie Deutsches? 408 00:36:14,602 --> 00:36:17,162 - Archie! - Yeah, th - that's the fella. 409 00:36:17,271 --> 00:36:20,707 I was told to wait here for you. You're Maggie, he's Archie, I'm nobody. 410 00:36:20,808 --> 00:36:23,276 - He's gone off looking for you, love. - What, you've seen him? 411 00:36:23,377 --> 00:36:25,504 Look, would you just come and sit over here now? 412 00:36:25,613 --> 00:36:27,979 Fuck off, you dirty cunt. 413 00:36:28,082 --> 00:36:31,882 I know I've not had a bath for a good few seasons, but there's no need to hurt my feelings. 414 00:36:31,986 --> 00:36:34,420 He'll be back in a minute. 415 00:36:34,521 --> 00:36:37,149 - What, he's been here? - He's been here, he's been there. 416 00:36:37,257 --> 00:36:39,157 He's been all over the fuckin' shop. 417 00:36:39,259 --> 00:36:41,784 - Did he have the chips with him? - He had a huge one on his shoulder. 418 00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:44,864 - Fuckin' wee radge! - Come on. No need to knock the young lad. 419 00:36:44,965 --> 00:36:47,798 He's a wonderful exponent of the old Socratic debate. 420 00:36:52,373 --> 00:36:55,501 Listen, love, I've got this great idea. 421 00:36:55,609 --> 00:36:58,237 Why don't you have a little wander round, see if you can find the wee lad? 422 00:36:58,345 --> 00:37:01,803 I'll wait here. And if he turns up, I'll keep him here till you get back. 423 00:37:01,915 --> 00:37:04,713 I'm fucking starvin'. 424 00:37:04,818 --> 00:37:07,378 - Do you wanna get something to eat? - He's got all the money, hasn't he? 425 00:37:07,488 --> 00:37:09,456 - Who, laughing boy? - Aye. 426 00:37:10,557 --> 00:37:13,754 - Well, I've got a few bob on me. - What if he comes back and we're no here? 427 00:37:13,861 --> 00:37:16,830 - We'll leave him a note. - He won't be able to read it. 428 00:37:19,066 --> 00:37:21,534 Well, we'll get him on his bleeper. Come on. 429 00:37:35,382 --> 00:37:37,543 Can you feel all those vibrations? 430 00:37:37,651 --> 00:37:40,211 No. 431 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,949 Just stand still a minute, love. Try and feel it through your feet. 432 00:37:46,060 --> 00:37:49,257 Do you not get all those tremblings and mumblings coming up through your bones? 433 00:37:49,363 --> 00:37:52,127 Not really, no. 434 00:37:52,232 --> 00:37:55,668 Do you not get, like, a sense of, like, a whole other world underneath all this? 435 00:37:55,769 --> 00:37:57,737 You know, like, the guts of London? 436 00:37:57,838 --> 00:38:00,306 What with all the tube trains and everything, the city's viscera... 437 00:38:00,407 --> 00:38:03,535 and the subterranean fucking fistulas and conduits and colons... 438 00:38:03,644 --> 00:38:06,112 and bunkers and dungeons and tombs and all that. 439 00:38:06,213 --> 00:38:08,773 What, about hell and the sewers, like? 440 00:38:08,882 --> 00:38:12,011 You know that wherever you are in London, you're only 30 feet away from a rat. 441 00:38:12,119 --> 00:38:13,012 Aye. 442 00:38:13,119 --> 00:38:14,883 - Does that freak you out? - No. 443 00:38:14,988 --> 00:38:17,786 - Do you believe in hell? - Aye. 444 00:38:17,891 --> 00:38:20,257 - So do you believe in the devil? - Aye. 445 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,329 - What do you think he looks like? - He looks like that, doesn't he? 446 00:38:23,430 --> 00:38:26,729 What, a little nudist homonculus with a pink quiff? 447 00:38:26,834 --> 00:38:29,564 - No, he looks like a snake. - Let's have a look at that. 448 00:38:30,904 --> 00:38:33,600 - It's Archie, isn't it? - It's my good luck charm. 449 00:38:33,707 --> 00:38:36,232 - Has it brought you much? - Has it fuck. 450 00:38:36,343 --> 00:38:38,470 - Are you superstitious? - No. 451 00:38:38,579 --> 00:38:40,979 What do you wear a good luck charm for then? 452 00:38:41,081 --> 00:38:43,549 Are we gonna get something to eat or what? 453 00:38:47,488 --> 00:38:50,582 Have you ever seen a dead body? 454 00:38:50,691 --> 00:38:53,091 Only me own. 455 00:38:58,098 --> 00:39:00,658 Where was you thinking of sleeping tonight? 456 00:39:00,768 --> 00:39:03,669 - Don't know. - Where did you kip down last night? 457 00:39:03,771 --> 00:39:05,898 - In the park. - Was that not cold? 458 00:39:06,006 --> 00:39:08,099 Aye. 459 00:39:08,208 --> 00:39:10,176 Where are you thinking of sleeping, like? 460 00:39:10,277 --> 00:39:12,245 Wherever I drop. 461 00:39:13,781 --> 00:39:16,511 - How old are you, love? - Twenty-three. 462 00:39:16,617 --> 00:39:19,711 - Do your mum and dad know you're down here? - No. 463 00:39:19,820 --> 00:39:22,584 - Will they not be worried about you? - No. 464 00:39:22,689 --> 00:39:24,657 How old are you, like? 465 00:39:25,726 --> 00:39:28,627 - How old do you think I am? - About 40. 466 00:39:30,531 --> 00:39:32,965 - I'm 27. - Oh, get the fuck. 467 00:39:40,941 --> 00:39:44,240 - Where the fuck have you been? - Where the fuck have you been? 468 00:39:44,344 --> 00:39:47,973 - Eh? - I've been waitin' on you! 469 00:39:48,081 --> 00:39:50,641 - What the fuck you been doin' now? - You've got all the money! 470 00:39:50,751 --> 00:39:53,049 - I've been fucking looking all over for ya! - Well, I was with him. 471 00:39:53,153 --> 00:39:56,953 - What do you - Fuck! - I was fucking with him! 472 00:39:57,057 --> 00:39:59,184 - Daft cunt. - Fuckin' ask him! 473 00:39:59,293 --> 00:40:01,193 - Fuck off! - Fuckin' ask him! 474 00:40:01,295 --> 00:40:03,422 - Fuckin' daft bitch! Eh? - Where's my chips? 475 00:40:03,530 --> 00:40:06,829 That was fuckin' years ago. 476 00:40:06,934 --> 00:40:10,062 - Fucking here are your fucking chips! - Don't come near me! 477 00:40:10,170 --> 00:40:12,070 Fucking cunt! 478 00:40:57,117 --> 00:40:59,085 Did he hurt you? 479 00:41:00,954 --> 00:41:02,979 What do you mean? 480 00:41:03,090 --> 00:41:06,617 You know, when you were fucking. 481 00:41:06,727 --> 00:41:08,922 Why? Did he hurt you? 482 00:41:12,799 --> 00:41:16,166 Do you think you were made for each other? 483 00:41:16,270 --> 00:41:19,364 - Well, we went out for a year. - A year? 484 00:41:19,473 --> 00:41:22,101 Fucking hell, give me a year! 485 00:41:24,111 --> 00:41:27,569 Do you ever feel like topping yourself? 486 00:41:29,783 --> 00:41:33,913 - Oh, God. I wish I was at home. - Glad I'm not. 487 00:41:34,021 --> 00:41:38,014 Yeah, well, I don't mean with me mum and dad. I just mean in Manchester. 488 00:41:38,125 --> 00:41:41,617 - You reckon it's different there, do you? - Yeah. People talked to you. 489 00:41:41,728 --> 00:41:45,186 - Well, I'm talking to you. - Yeah, but you talk a pile of shit. 490 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:51,960 Doesn't matter where you are anyway. Might as well be in Zimbabwe with Sandra. 491 00:41:54,174 --> 00:41:56,972 Are you gonna do any washing up before she gets back? 492 00:41:57,077 --> 00:42:00,205 Yeah, of course I am. When is she getting back? 493 00:42:01,348 --> 00:42:03,578 Sunday. 494 00:42:03,684 --> 00:42:06,482 Well, it's four fucking days away, innit? 495 00:42:16,496 --> 00:42:19,624 "Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor harken unto him... 496 00:42:19,733 --> 00:42:22,429 "neither shall thou pity him, neither shall thou stare... 497 00:42:22,536 --> 00:42:25,198 "neither shall thou conceal him, but thou shalt surely kill him... 498 00:42:25,305 --> 00:42:27,432 with thy hand" - 499 00:42:40,387 --> 00:42:42,355 Lost me place now. 500 00:42:44,191 --> 00:42:46,659 "And thou shalt stone him with stones till he die... 501 00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,888 "because he has sought to force thee away from the Lord, thy God, and" - 502 00:42:49,997 --> 00:42:52,295 Fuckin' hell. Why hast thou forsaken me? 503 00:42:52,399 --> 00:42:54,299 Bastard. 504 00:43:01,875 --> 00:43:03,775 Hmm. 505 00:43:19,292 --> 00:43:23,228 Is that it now then? Are you through with the regulation pacing? 506 00:43:23,330 --> 00:43:25,298 Are you all set to deploy the fatuous sarcasm? 507 00:43:25,399 --> 00:43:27,594 Well, I've beaten you to it. 508 00:43:27,701 --> 00:43:29,828 Would you like a mint? 509 00:43:29,936 --> 00:43:32,598 What's this, a new policy? Ply the culprit with menthol? 510 00:43:32,706 --> 00:43:34,674 Extra strong. 511 00:43:37,778 --> 00:43:39,939 I get through four packets of these a night. 512 00:43:40,047 --> 00:43:43,039 You want to be careful, don't you? I don't want your poxy mint. 513 00:43:43,150 --> 00:43:46,984 Oh. Waste not, want not. 514 00:43:47,087 --> 00:43:48,952 And other clichés. 515 00:43:49,056 --> 00:43:51,786 Ah, but a cliché is full of truth, otherwise it wouldn't be a cliché. 516 00:43:51,892 --> 00:43:53,860 Which is in itself a cliché. 517 00:43:57,297 --> 00:44:00,357 - Tell me, have you read the book of Hosea? - What now? 518 00:44:00,467 --> 00:44:03,994 - "For they are the children of whores. " - There's no need to get personal, mate. 519 00:44:05,172 --> 00:44:08,630 What, will you stop fucking about? If you're gonna stick the boot in, get on with it. 520 00:44:22,656 --> 00:44:24,590 Have you got nowhere to go then? 521 00:44:24,691 --> 00:44:28,058 I've got an infinite number of fucking places to go. The problem is where you stay. 522 00:44:28,161 --> 00:44:31,528 - You with me? - Indeed. Yes. 523 00:44:31,631 --> 00:44:33,895 So, listen, is there much security in this job? 524 00:44:35,569 --> 00:44:37,594 Too much. 525 00:44:41,475 --> 00:44:45,275 What is it that goes on in this particular postmodernist gas chamber? 526 00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,313 Nothing. It's empty. 527 00:44:50,350 --> 00:44:53,342 So what is it that you're guarding? 528 00:44:53,453 --> 00:44:55,751 Space. 529 00:44:56,790 --> 00:44:59,088 You guarding space? 530 00:44:59,192 --> 00:45:02,787 That's stupid, isn't it, because someone could break in there and steal all the fucking space... 531 00:45:02,896 --> 00:45:05,364 and you wouldn't know it had gone, would you? 532 00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:08,400 Good point. 533 00:45:11,171 --> 00:45:13,071 All right. 534 00:45:54,648 --> 00:45:59,278 All right, pally, I appreciate you've got a job to do, and it's, "Move on! Move on! Move on!" 535 00:45:59,386 --> 00:46:01,354 But it's fucking freezing out there, and I was a Caesarean. 536 00:46:01,454 --> 00:46:03,354 - Come on, quick. - What? 537 00:46:03,456 --> 00:46:05,356 Come in. 538 00:46:09,062 --> 00:46:11,860 - You serious? - Through that door, smartish. 539 00:46:18,371 --> 00:46:20,839 It's a funny smell in here. 540 00:46:20,941 --> 00:46:22,841 Come on. 541 00:46:26,279 --> 00:46:28,747 Quite a waste of space, all this, isn't it? 542 00:46:28,848 --> 00:46:31,510 Could sleep a thousand flea-bitten tramps in here. 543 00:46:31,618 --> 00:46:33,711 What's all that? 544 00:46:33,820 --> 00:46:36,288 They say it's a fucking jungle out there. Have you seen it in here? 545 00:46:36,389 --> 00:46:38,857 I mean, where's the bloody monkeys? 546 00:46:38,959 --> 00:46:41,223 Look, dad! Will you just back off? 547 00:46:41,328 --> 00:46:43,796 - What is it you're after? - You must be invisible. 548 00:46:43,897 --> 00:46:46,832 - What? - I must be seen. 549 00:46:46,933 --> 00:46:48,833 Follow me. 550 00:47:01,815 --> 00:47:03,715 Sit there. 551 00:47:05,218 --> 00:47:09,052 - Am I allowed to smoke in here? - No. You'll set off the alarm. 552 00:47:10,490 --> 00:47:12,924 Now, I'm not gonna look at you. 553 00:47:13,026 --> 00:47:15,426 It mustn't look like I'm talking to anybody. 554 00:47:15,528 --> 00:47:18,395 If you're seen in here, I'm out of a job. 555 00:47:18,498 --> 00:47:20,762 See what I mean? 556 00:47:20,867 --> 00:47:23,836 If they see you talking to yourself like that, you'll be out of a job anyway. 557 00:47:23,937 --> 00:47:26,497 They'll come after you with a big butterfly net. 558 00:47:26,606 --> 00:47:30,064 Oh, yes. I'll stand like this then. 559 00:47:31,911 --> 00:47:34,072 - Well, that's better, isn't it? - What? 560 00:47:34,180 --> 00:47:36,171 In, out of the cold. 561 00:47:37,684 --> 00:47:40,152 Yeah. 562 00:47:40,253 --> 00:47:42,221 Yeah. Thanks very much. 563 00:47:45,659 --> 00:47:48,150 It's funny being inside, innit? 564 00:47:48,261 --> 00:47:51,856 'Cause when you are inside, you're still actually outside, aren't ya? 565 00:47:51,965 --> 00:47:54,263 And then you can say, when you're outside, you're inside... 566 00:47:54,367 --> 00:47:56,733 because you're always inside your head. 567 00:47:56,836 --> 00:47:58,736 - Do you follow that? - Yes. 568 00:47:58,838 --> 00:48:01,966 Sometimes when I'm sitting here, I turn the lights off, sit in the dark. 569 00:48:02,075 --> 00:48:05,169 That always makes me feel like I'm sitting outside. 570 00:48:05,278 --> 00:48:07,906 So, what do you do with yourself here every nighttime? 571 00:48:08,014 --> 00:48:10,414 I read, and I think. 572 00:48:10,517 --> 00:48:12,747 What do you think about? 573 00:48:12,852 --> 00:48:14,979 - I think about my life. - And is that horrendous for you? 574 00:48:15,088 --> 00:48:16,749 No, certainly not. 575 00:48:16,856 --> 00:48:20,792 Is it horrendous for your wife? Are you married, mate? 576 00:48:20,894 --> 00:48:23,158 Well, technically I'm married... 577 00:48:23,263 --> 00:48:27,597 although my wife is 5, 919 miles away and I haven't seen her for 13 years. 578 00:48:27,701 --> 00:48:30,431 It's all going very well then? Where is she? 579 00:48:30,537 --> 00:48:32,505 - She's in Bangkok. - Saucy. 580 00:48:36,743 --> 00:48:40,042 - They're not worth it, are they? - Whores and harlots. 581 00:48:41,214 --> 00:48:43,307 When was the last time you had a fuck? 582 00:48:46,019 --> 00:48:48,078 Is that an embarrassing question for you? 583 00:48:48,188 --> 00:48:50,918 It is, rather. Yes. 584 00:48:51,024 --> 00:48:52,958 I'm sorry. 585 00:48:55,228 --> 00:48:57,128 Step this way. 586 00:48:57,230 --> 00:49:00,028 I want to reveal to you the mysteries of my trade. 587 00:49:04,170 --> 00:49:07,503 - What do you think that is? - A, uh, Dadaist nun? 588 00:49:07,607 --> 00:49:11,407 Wrong. This little lady is the representative of my employer. 589 00:49:11,511 --> 00:49:13,945 - How do you do, love? - Watch. 590 00:49:14,047 --> 00:49:17,676 Very Zen. 591 00:49:17,784 --> 00:49:23,222 My existence at this moment, on this spot, is now trapped and recorded. 592 00:49:23,323 --> 00:49:27,020 Twenty-three moments, 23 sites, every two hours. 593 00:49:27,127 --> 00:49:29,493 That's my job. 594 00:49:29,596 --> 00:49:32,292 Well, could they not train a tall chimpanzee to do that? 595 00:49:32,399 --> 00:49:35,857 Or a small chimpanzee with a bigger gizmo? 596 00:49:35,969 --> 00:49:38,096 I expect they could, yes. 597 00:49:38,204 --> 00:49:40,570 - What's your name, son? - Brian. 598 00:49:40,673 --> 00:49:42,641 Hello, Brian. Johnny. 599 00:49:42,742 --> 00:49:44,676 Well, Brian, congratulations. 600 00:49:44,778 --> 00:49:48,407 You succeeded in convincing me that you do have the most tedious fucking job... 601 00:49:48,515 --> 00:49:50,483 in England. 602 00:49:51,751 --> 00:49:53,719 Come on. 603 00:50:04,497 --> 00:50:08,228 - Yes, it is a boring job. Bloody boring, actually. - All right, all right. 604 00:50:08,334 --> 00:50:12,532 But all you can see is the tip of the iceberg, the present, the tedious here and now. 605 00:50:12,639 --> 00:50:16,700 What you're incapable of seeing is the rest of time, the rest of the iceberg - 606 00:50:16,810 --> 00:50:19,404 past and the future, my future... 607 00:50:19,512 --> 00:50:22,072 which is a very interesting place to be. 608 00:50:22,182 --> 00:50:24,377 The good thing about this job is that it gives me time and space... 609 00:50:24,484 --> 00:50:27,920 to contemplate the future at my leisure, whilst the city sleeps... 610 00:50:28,021 --> 00:50:32,014 free from the cacophonous curiosity of the hoi polloi. 611 00:50:32,125 --> 00:50:34,593 So, you see, it's not a boring job. 612 00:50:35,829 --> 00:50:37,922 And I'm not boring either. 613 00:50:38,031 --> 00:50:42,161 - Am I allowed to smoke on the stairs? - No. There's alarms all over the building. 614 00:50:43,536 --> 00:50:46,835 So you think you can make the present palatable by projecting into the future? 615 00:50:46,940 --> 00:50:50,239 You're living in the past, pal. It's the future that fucks you up, Brian. 616 00:50:50,343 --> 00:50:52,402 It's the maggot in the apple. 617 00:50:52,512 --> 00:50:54,980 See, you're all pissed off with the present, Bri... 618 00:50:55,081 --> 00:50:56,981 and there's nothing wrong with the present. 619 00:50:57,083 --> 00:51:00,541 The present's fine. The present's perfect. The present's peachy fucking creamy. 620 00:51:00,653 --> 00:51:04,111 The only thing wrong with the present is the bastard doesn't exist... 621 00:51:04,224 --> 00:51:07,022 because the present is the future, and the future is the past... 622 00:51:07,126 --> 00:51:09,424 and it's all the same fucking bag of bones anyway. 623 00:51:09,529 --> 00:51:11,997 It's a constant process of coming into being and passing away... 624 00:51:12,098 --> 00:51:13,998 coming into being and passing away. 625 00:51:14,100 --> 00:51:17,228 - The future is now. - But the present does exist. We're in it now. 626 00:51:17,337 --> 00:51:20,738 You were just then, when you said it, but you're not in it now, you're not in it now, you're not in it now. 627 00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,604 You're forever being kicked up the ass by the future. You with me? 628 00:51:23,710 --> 00:51:25,644 That's what I mean. 629 00:51:25,745 --> 00:51:28,714 See, I'm in the present, but I'm not in the present. 630 00:51:28,815 --> 00:51:31,079 I'm in the future. 631 00:51:31,184 --> 00:51:33,448 Exactly. 632 00:51:33,553 --> 00:51:37,853 Has nobody not told you, Brian, that you've got this kind of gleeful preoccupation with the future? 633 00:51:37,957 --> 00:51:40,255 I wouldn't even mind, but you don't even have a fucking future. 634 00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:42,555 I don't have a future. Nobody has a future. 635 00:51:42,662 --> 00:51:46,462 The party's over. Take a look around you, man. It's all breaking up. 636 00:51:46,566 --> 00:51:49,194 Are you not familiar with the Book of Revelations of Saint John... 637 00:51:49,302 --> 00:51:51,600 the final book of the Bible prophesying the Apocalypse? 638 00:51:51,704 --> 00:51:53,797 Yes, as it happens, I'm familiar with all the books of the Bible. 639 00:51:53,907 --> 00:51:58,003 I'm very happy for you. "He forced everyone to receive a mark on his right hand... 640 00:51:58,111 --> 00:52:01,308 "or on his forehead so that no one shall be able to buy or sell... 641 00:52:01,414 --> 00:52:03,712 "unless he has the mark, which is the name of the beast... 642 00:52:03,816 --> 00:52:06,284 or the number of his name, and the number of the beast is 666. " 643 00:52:06,386 --> 00:52:08,354 - 666! I know about it. - Great. 644 00:52:08,454 --> 00:52:11,719 I know about Nostradamus. Nostradamus talked about three brothers. 645 00:52:11,824 --> 00:52:16,352 Did he mean the Kennedy brothers or was he talking about three bits of the Soviet Union? 646 00:52:16,462 --> 00:52:18,930 - You see? You just can't tell. - Fuck Nostradamus! 647 00:52:19,032 --> 00:52:22,627 I'm not talking about Nostradamus or Mother Shipton or Russell Grant or Mystic-fucking-Meg. 648 00:52:22,735 --> 00:52:25,636 I'm talking about the holy fucking book! 649 00:52:25,738 --> 00:52:29,435 What can such a specific prophecy mean? 650 00:52:29,542 --> 00:52:31,976 What is the mark? 651 00:52:32,078 --> 00:52:35,775 Well, the mark, Brian, is the bar code, the ubiquitous bar code... 652 00:52:35,882 --> 00:52:38,214 that you'll find on every bog roll and every packet of johnnies... 653 00:52:38,318 --> 00:52:40,218 and every poxy pork pie. 654 00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:43,949 And every fucking bar code is divided into two parts by three markers. 655 00:52:44,057 --> 00:52:47,322 And those three markers are always represented by the number six. 656 00:52:47,427 --> 00:52:49,691 Six, six, six. 657 00:52:49,796 --> 00:52:54,699 Now, what does it say? "No one shall be able to buy or sell without that mark. " 658 00:52:54,801 --> 00:52:58,601 And now, what they're planning to do in order to eradicate all credit card fraud... 659 00:52:58,705 --> 00:53:01,674 and in order to precipitate a totally cashless society... 660 00:53:01,774 --> 00:53:04,743 what they're planning to do, what they've already tested on the American troops... 661 00:53:04,844 --> 00:53:09,406 they're gonna subcutaneously laser-tattoo that mark onto your right hand or forehead. 662 00:53:09,515 --> 00:53:11,642 They're gonna replace plastic with flesh. 663 00:53:11,751 --> 00:53:13,241 Fact! 664 00:53:13,353 --> 00:53:16,720 In the same Book of Revelations, when the seven seals are broken open... 665 00:53:16,823 --> 00:53:19,451 on the Day of Judgment and the seven angels blow the trumpets... 666 00:53:19,559 --> 00:53:23,325 when the third angel blows her bugle, wormwood will fall from the sky... 667 00:53:23,429 --> 00:53:26,227 wormwood will poison a third part of all the waters... 668 00:53:26,332 --> 00:53:29,426 and a third part of all the land, and many, many, many people will die. 669 00:53:29,535 --> 00:53:33,232 Now, do you know what the Russian translation for "wormwood" is? 670 00:53:33,339 --> 00:53:35,273 - No. - Chernobyl. 671 00:53:35,375 --> 00:53:36,842 Fact! 672 00:53:36,943 --> 00:53:39,571 On August the 18th, 1999... 673 00:53:39,679 --> 00:53:43,137 the planets of our solar system are gonna line up into the shape of a cross. 674 00:53:43,249 --> 00:53:45,717 - I don't believe in astrology. - I'm not talking about astrology! 675 00:53:45,818 --> 00:53:47,718 I'm talking about astronomy. 676 00:53:47,820 --> 00:53:51,620 They're gonna line up in the fixed signs of Aquarius, Leo, Taurus and Scorpio... 677 00:53:51,724 --> 00:53:55,182 which just happen to correspond to the four beasts of the Apocalypse... 678 00:53:55,294 --> 00:53:57,194 as mentioned in the Book of Daniel. 679 00:53:57,296 --> 00:53:59,196 Another fucking fact! 680 00:53:59,298 --> 00:54:02,324 Do you want me to go on? The end of the world is nigh, Bri. 681 00:54:02,435 --> 00:54:04,403 The game is up! 682 00:54:06,005 --> 00:54:08,371 I don't believe that. 683 00:54:08,474 --> 00:54:10,942 Life can't just come to a stop. 684 00:54:16,215 --> 00:54:18,683 All right, I'm not saying that life will end... 685 00:54:18,785 --> 00:54:21,777 or the world will end or the universe will cease to exist... 686 00:54:21,888 --> 00:54:23,788 but man will cease to exist. 687 00:54:23,890 --> 00:54:27,326 Just like the dinosaurs passed into extinction, the same thing will happen to us. 688 00:54:27,427 --> 00:54:30,988 We're not fucking important. We're just a crap idea. 689 00:54:31,097 --> 00:54:33,463 I'm not gonna cease to exist. 690 00:54:33,566 --> 00:54:35,659 I'm gonna be here in the future. 691 00:54:35,768 --> 00:54:39,363 What is this fucking fixation with the future? 692 00:54:39,472 --> 00:54:42,441 Listen, pal, I've got chronic systolic palpitations... 693 00:54:42,542 --> 00:54:44,567 and acute fucking neuralgia. 694 00:54:44,677 --> 00:54:47,544 - What about these toilets? Can I smoke in here? - No, you fucking can't! 695 00:54:49,282 --> 00:54:51,307 - Let me ask you a question. - What? 696 00:54:51,417 --> 00:54:54,045 Have you ever had the sense that you've lived in a time different from this one? 697 00:54:54,153 --> 00:54:56,121 - What, you mean, like, in a past life? - Could be, yeah. 698 00:54:56,222 --> 00:54:59,191 - Well, in my past life, I was dead. - Ah, well, you see, I wasn't. 699 00:54:59,292 --> 00:55:02,261 I know I was here in the past, before I was born. 700 00:55:02,361 --> 00:55:04,989 So I know I'm gonna be here in the future, after I've died. 701 00:55:05,098 --> 00:55:10,400 I see. And in this alternative existence, did you still have the same noxious body odor? 702 00:55:10,503 --> 00:55:13,131 There's no need to be personal. It's what I believe. 703 00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:15,366 - Shall I tell you what I believe? - You don't believe in anything. 704 00:55:15,475 --> 00:55:17,909 - Oh, I do, Brian. - Yeah? What do you believe? 705 00:55:18,010 --> 00:55:22,174 Do you think that the amoeba ever dreamed that it would evolve into the frog? 706 00:55:22,281 --> 00:55:24,181 Of course it didn't. 707 00:55:24,283 --> 00:55:27,582 And when that first frog shimmied out of the water and employed its vocal cords... 708 00:55:27,687 --> 00:55:30,656 in order to attract a mate or to retard a predator... 709 00:55:30,757 --> 00:55:33,555 do you think that that frog ever imagined that that incipient croak... 710 00:55:33,659 --> 00:55:36,822 would evolve into all the languages of the world, into all the literature of the world? 711 00:55:36,929 --> 00:55:38,829 Of course it fucking didn't. 712 00:55:38,931 --> 00:55:42,492 And just as that froggy could never possibly have conceived of Shakespeare... 713 00:55:42,602 --> 00:55:45,435 so we can never possibly imagine our destiny. 714 00:55:45,538 --> 00:55:48,166 I know what my destiny is. 715 00:55:48,274 --> 00:55:51,243 Yeah, but what you're experiencing, as far as I can gather... 716 00:55:51,344 --> 00:55:54,711 with all these manifestations of, uh, regression and precognition... 717 00:55:54,814 --> 00:55:57,783 and transmigratory astral fucking chatterings... 718 00:55:57,884 --> 00:56:01,342 is just the equivalent of that first primeval grunt... 719 00:56:01,454 --> 00:56:03,581 because evolution isn't over. 720 00:56:03,689 --> 00:56:06,988 Man isn't the be-all and fucking end-all. 721 00:56:08,494 --> 00:56:11,861 Look, if you take the whole of time, represented by one year... 722 00:56:11,964 --> 00:56:14,660 we're only in the first few moments of the first of January. 723 00:56:14,767 --> 00:56:16,735 There's a long way to go. 724 00:56:16,836 --> 00:56:19,566 Only now we're not gonna sprout extra limbs and wings and fins... 725 00:56:19,672 --> 00:56:21,970 because evolution itself is evolving. 726 00:56:22,074 --> 00:56:25,874 And whereas you, through some process of extrasensory recall... 727 00:56:25,978 --> 00:56:29,607 might imagine that you were some - I don't know - some 17th-century Dutch girl... 728 00:56:29,715 --> 00:56:31,683 living in a windmill in old Amsterdam... 729 00:56:31,784 --> 00:56:35,982 one day you'll realize that you've had not just one or two past or future existences... 730 00:56:36,088 --> 00:56:39,922 but that you were, and are, everybody and everything that has ever been... 731 00:56:40,026 --> 00:56:42,494 or will ever be. 732 00:56:42,595 --> 00:56:45,155 Hang on a minute. You just contradicted yourself. 733 00:56:45,264 --> 00:56:47,164 Oh, how'd you make that out? 734 00:56:47,266 --> 00:56:50,463 Downstairs you were predicting the end of the world. Now you're talking about the future. 735 00:56:50,570 --> 00:56:53,266 - How do you explain that, eh? - Easy. 736 00:56:53,372 --> 00:56:55,636 When it comes, the Apocalypse itself... 737 00:56:55,741 --> 00:56:59,370 will be part of the process of that leap of evolution. 738 00:56:59,478 --> 00:57:02,106 Yeah. Well, whatever happens... 739 00:57:02,215 --> 00:57:04,683 mankind will not cease to exist. 740 00:57:04,784 --> 00:57:09,050 He must. By the very definition of apocalypse, mankind must cease to exist... 741 00:57:09,155 --> 00:57:11,248 at least in a material form. 742 00:57:11,357 --> 00:57:13,257 What do you mean, "in a material form"? 743 00:57:13,359 --> 00:57:15,327 - Well, he'll evolve. - What into? 744 00:57:15,428 --> 00:57:17,953 Into something that transcends matter. 745 00:57:18,064 --> 00:57:20,726 Into a species of pure thought. Are you with me? 746 00:57:20,833 --> 00:57:22,960 Yeah. Like a ghost. 747 00:57:23,069 --> 00:57:26,038 No, not like a fucking ghost, you big girl's blouse! 748 00:57:26,138 --> 00:57:28,766 Into something that's, like, well beyond our comprehension. 749 00:57:28,875 --> 00:57:30,843 Into a universal consciousness. 750 00:57:30,943 --> 00:57:34,435 Into God, who is, by the same principle... 751 00:57:34,547 --> 00:57:37,175 that time is. 752 00:57:37,283 --> 00:57:41,549 - You don't believe in God. - Of course I believe in God. 753 00:57:44,690 --> 00:57:47,158 You see, the thing is, Brian... 754 00:57:48,394 --> 00:57:50,726 that God is a hateful god. 755 00:57:52,298 --> 00:57:54,198 Must be... 756 00:57:54,300 --> 00:57:57,997 because if God is good, then why is there evil in the world? 757 00:57:58,104 --> 00:58:01,631 Why is there pain and hate and greed and war? 758 00:58:02,975 --> 00:58:04,943 Doesn't make sense. 759 00:58:06,812 --> 00:58:10,407 But if God is a nasty bastard, then you can say, "Why is there good in the world? 760 00:58:10,516 --> 00:58:13,383 Why is there love and hope and joy?" 761 00:58:15,554 --> 00:58:20,082 Well, let's face it. Good exists in order to be fucked up by evil. 762 00:58:20,192 --> 00:58:23,423 The very existence of good enables evil to flourish. 763 00:58:23,529 --> 00:58:26,157 Therefore, God is bad. 764 00:58:27,566 --> 00:58:30,467 And it doesn't matter how many past or future existences you have... 765 00:58:30,569 --> 00:58:34,232 because they're all gonna be riddled with grief and anguish... 766 00:58:34,340 --> 00:58:36,308 and sickness and death. 767 00:58:38,444 --> 00:58:40,776 You see, Brian, God doesn't love you. 768 00:58:41,814 --> 00:58:44,408 God despises you. 769 00:58:44,517 --> 00:58:46,485 So there's no hope... 770 00:58:47,753 --> 00:58:50,517 and mankind is just a component of the device... 771 00:58:50,623 --> 00:58:53,524 by which the devil creates itself. 772 00:58:53,626 --> 00:58:55,594 Are you with me? 773 00:58:57,797 --> 00:58:59,731 You see, what I'm saying, basically, is... 774 00:58:59,832 --> 00:59:02,300 you can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs... 775 00:59:02,401 --> 00:59:04,767 and humanity is just a cracked egg... 776 00:59:04,870 --> 00:59:08,328 and the omelet... stinks. 777 00:59:16,615 --> 00:59:19,049 Yeah. 778 00:59:37,436 --> 00:59:40,462 Oh. And what's through the round window? 779 00:59:45,778 --> 00:59:49,680 - Who's that? - Good question. 780 00:59:49,782 --> 00:59:52,080 Have you seen her before? 781 00:59:52,184 --> 00:59:54,652 Oh, yeah. She's there every night. 782 00:59:56,655 --> 01:00:00,250 - Good-looking young girl, isn't she? - She's all right. 783 01:00:00,359 --> 01:00:02,589 Does she ever have fellas up there? 784 01:00:02,695 --> 01:00:04,595 No. 785 01:00:05,931 --> 01:00:08,900 Have you ever seen her, like, you know, totally naked? 786 01:00:11,437 --> 01:00:13,337 Once. 787 01:00:14,607 --> 01:00:16,507 What's she up to, eh? 788 01:00:16,609 --> 01:00:19,635 I mean, what's her game, taunting people in the middle of the night, eh? 789 01:00:20,946 --> 01:00:24,746 She probably gets a kick out of it, like you get a kick out of watching her. 790 01:00:24,850 --> 01:00:27,876 - I'm doing no such thing. - Well, I am. 791 01:00:27,987 --> 01:00:29,955 Have you got a hard-on? 792 01:00:31,090 --> 01:00:33,957 No, I haven't, as a matter of fact. 793 01:00:34,060 --> 01:00:36,528 You wouldn't tell me if you had, would you? 794 01:00:36,629 --> 01:00:38,756 No, I don't think I would. 795 01:00:42,868 --> 01:00:45,336 - Did you make these yourself? - I did, yeah. 796 01:00:45,438 --> 01:00:47,338 I thought so. 797 01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:50,705 Well, listen, I might be back in a couple of minutes. 798 01:00:50,810 --> 01:00:53,608 Be good. If you can't be good, be careful. 799 01:00:53,712 --> 01:00:56,579 - And other clichés. - Yeah. 800 01:00:56,682 --> 01:01:00,140 Well, tatty-bye, Bri. 801 01:01:02,288 --> 01:01:04,188 Yes. 802 01:01:16,535 --> 01:01:19,561 Charles? What? 803 01:01:24,076 --> 01:01:26,340 Hello? 804 01:01:26,445 --> 01:01:29,005 What the fuck's going on? Where the bloody hell's Dorfman? 805 01:01:29,115 --> 01:01:31,913 The bastard's cost me 30 grand already. 806 01:01:35,821 --> 01:01:38,790 Fuck! 807 01:01:38,891 --> 01:01:40,984 Sorry about that. 808 01:01:49,902 --> 01:01:51,870 Oh, I'm sorry, love. 809 01:01:51,971 --> 01:01:54,804 That's not you on the top floor, is it, dancin'? 810 01:01:54,907 --> 01:01:56,807 Yeah. Why? 811 01:01:56,909 --> 01:02:00,140 Oh, right. Um, you're a lovely mover. 812 01:02:02,481 --> 01:02:04,506 I'm sorry, pet. I'm, uh, freaking you out. 813 01:02:04,617 --> 01:02:07,245 - Where's Bhapu? - Bhapu? 814 01:02:07,353 --> 01:02:10,151 - It's cold. - Listen, I'd better explain meself. 815 01:02:10,256 --> 01:02:12,724 You see, me brother's working as an "insecurity" guard... 816 01:02:12,825 --> 01:02:16,317 in that fucking monstrosity round the back, and we can see straight into your room. 817 01:02:17,429 --> 01:02:19,659 It's very nice. 818 01:02:19,765 --> 01:02:22,632 Anyway, he's got his boss coming round, so he's told me to schlep round the streets... 819 01:02:22,735 --> 01:02:25,761 for a couple of hours, and I said I'd come and say hello to Isadora Duncan... 820 01:02:25,871 --> 01:02:28,169 keep you company. 821 01:02:28,274 --> 01:02:31,675 I know it's a bit cheeky, but, uh, I'm a cheeky young monkey. 822 01:02:33,179 --> 01:02:36,444 - Do you want to come in? - Is that all right? 823 01:02:45,658 --> 01:02:48,650 Hmm. How long have you been growing that? 824 01:02:48,761 --> 01:02:51,730 - About two inches. - Hmm. It's nice. 825 01:02:52,798 --> 01:02:55,460 You've had a few, haven't you, love? 826 01:02:55,568 --> 01:02:58,537 - Do you want to come in? - Thought you'd never ask. 827 01:03:09,448 --> 01:03:12,679 - Am I allowed to smoke in here? - Yeah. 828 01:03:12,785 --> 01:03:15,379 Thank Christ for that. 829 01:03:15,487 --> 01:03:17,455 Do you want a drink? 830 01:03:18,524 --> 01:03:21,357 - Mmm. - I think I better have, don't you? 831 01:03:21,460 --> 01:03:24,327 Got a bit of fucking catching up to do, huh? 832 01:03:25,364 --> 01:03:27,662 Here's to the monarchy. 833 01:03:29,034 --> 01:03:30,729 What's funny? 834 01:03:30,836 --> 01:03:32,804 I'm not laughing. 835 01:03:34,206 --> 01:03:36,674 So do you live here on your own, yeah? 836 01:03:38,978 --> 01:03:41,071 Is this what you're reading? 837 01:03:41,180 --> 01:03:43,910 Jane Austen by Emma. 838 01:03:44,016 --> 01:03:46,814 - It's my favorite book. - Is it really? 839 01:03:48,954 --> 01:03:50,922 I don't read much myself. 840 01:03:59,598 --> 01:04:02,465 You from Ireland? 841 01:04:02,568 --> 01:04:06,095 No. Why? 842 01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:09,631 What's that, a damp patch? 843 01:04:10,976 --> 01:04:12,876 Oh. 844 01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:16,978 I never noticed that before. 845 01:04:34,366 --> 01:04:36,800 How's it going inside there? 846 01:04:37,836 --> 01:04:40,464 Mmm. Baby. 847 01:04:44,710 --> 01:04:47,907 Baby. 848 01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:03,060 How old are you, love? 849 01:05:05,731 --> 01:05:08,461 It's funny, 'cause from over there, you look a lot younger. 850 01:05:09,802 --> 01:05:11,997 I think me big brother's quite taken with you. 851 01:05:12,104 --> 01:05:14,766 He's up there every night, having a bit of a wank about you. 852 01:05:14,873 --> 01:05:17,671 Are you with me? 853 01:06:08,961 --> 01:06:10,724 What's the matter? 854 01:06:11,797 --> 01:06:14,095 Don't do that. 855 01:06:14,199 --> 01:06:16,292 What, that? 856 01:06:16,402 --> 01:06:17,869 Or that? 857 01:06:20,205 --> 01:06:22,173 Don't you like that? 858 01:06:23,475 --> 01:06:25,443 You don't have to hurt me. 859 01:06:28,213 --> 01:06:30,010 I'm sorry. 860 01:07:43,789 --> 01:07:45,347 Bite me. 861 01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:49,928 Fucking bite me. 862 01:07:52,231 --> 01:07:54,358 - Come on. - Hey! 863 01:07:54,466 --> 01:07:56,434 Hey! Hey! 864 01:08:17,055 --> 01:08:19,023 Who's this? 865 01:08:21,093 --> 01:08:23,061 Who's this? 866 01:09:03,468 --> 01:09:05,868 Please, will you? 867 01:09:40,238 --> 01:09:41,796 I can't, love. 868 01:09:44,610 --> 01:09:46,578 You look like me mother. 869 01:10:01,827 --> 01:10:04,796 Think you can recapture your youth by fuckin' it? 870 01:10:07,566 --> 01:10:10,797 You don't wanna fuck me. You'll catch something cruel. 871 01:11:11,363 --> 01:11:13,263 Bonjour. 872 01:11:13,365 --> 01:11:15,765 What's going on? What are you doing here? 873 01:11:15,867 --> 01:11:19,268 Well, I was over here, like this, but that didn't really work for me... 874 01:11:19,371 --> 01:11:21,271 so I thought I'd try over here. 875 01:11:21,373 --> 01:11:24,274 But I don't think there's much future in this one either. 876 01:11:24,376 --> 01:11:27,436 Fuckin' hell. Have you got any suggestions? 877 01:11:27,546 --> 01:11:30,276 - Nope. - So what do you do now? 878 01:11:31,349 --> 01:11:33,749 - I'm gonna get some breakfast. - Yeah, I could do with something to eat. 879 01:11:33,852 --> 01:11:36,252 - Can I come with ya? - Have you got any money? 880 01:11:36,354 --> 01:11:39,255 - Nope. - Well, how are you gonna pay for it? 881 01:11:39,357 --> 01:11:41,257 I'm not. 882 01:11:41,359 --> 01:11:44,385 Well, I'm hungry. 883 01:11:46,965 --> 01:11:50,423 - Did you have to go and beat her up? - I never beat her up. 884 01:11:52,637 --> 01:11:55,731 - You shagged her though? - No. 885 01:12:03,648 --> 01:12:05,616 You don't believe me, do you? 886 01:12:07,452 --> 01:12:10,649 - She's older than you. - Bollocks. 887 01:12:10,756 --> 01:12:12,724 Poached egg. 888 01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:18,560 That skirt's a bit short, innit, love? It's disgraceful. 889 01:12:26,271 --> 01:12:29,729 - What's this? - That's where I'm gonna live. 890 01:12:31,576 --> 01:12:33,544 Where is it? 891 01:12:33,645 --> 01:12:35,613 Ireland. 892 01:12:35,714 --> 01:12:38,114 I've lived in that cottage before. 893 01:12:38,216 --> 01:12:40,184 What, in one of your past lives? 894 01:12:41,653 --> 01:12:44,383 Yes, as a matter of fact. 895 01:12:46,458 --> 01:12:48,426 Fuckin' shit-hole, innit? 896 01:12:52,798 --> 01:12:55,926 - Don't waste your life. - What? 897 01:12:56,034 --> 01:12:59,265 Don't waste your life. 898 01:13:14,486 --> 01:13:17,649 - What time does this place close? - 4:00. 899 01:13:17,722 --> 01:13:20,919 Uh, listen, can you tell me where I can get something to eat round here? 900 01:13:21,026 --> 01:13:22,926 What? 901 01:13:23,028 --> 01:13:24,928 - You've got a very nice smile. - Have I? 902 01:13:25,030 --> 01:13:26,657 Oh, yeah. 903 01:14:12,143 --> 01:14:14,111 Sorry, sir. 904 01:14:22,087 --> 01:14:24,055 I'll take that, sir. 905 01:14:27,425 --> 01:14:29,893 Your lady companion is joining you, sir? 906 01:14:31,863 --> 01:14:35,560 Uh, no, she can't make it today, pal. The old sciatica's playing up and everything. 907 01:14:35,667 --> 01:14:37,999 - You know? - Come on. 908 01:14:39,237 --> 01:14:41,228 What? 909 01:14:42,274 --> 01:14:45,209 - Out of the car. - Well, I've only just got in the car. 910 01:14:45,310 --> 01:14:47,073 Get out of the fucking car! 911 01:14:47,178 --> 01:14:50,670 All right, Parker. Keep your hat on. 912 01:15:00,425 --> 01:15:03,758 Well, that was lovely. Thank you. 913 01:15:03,862 --> 01:15:05,989 Keep in touch. 914 01:15:30,689 --> 01:15:32,657 Oh, fuck. 915 01:15:41,366 --> 01:15:44,460 - Who are you? - Sebastian Hawks. 916 01:15:44,569 --> 01:15:46,469 - Nice to meet you. - Yeah. 917 01:15:46,571 --> 01:15:48,471 Um, what you doin' here? 918 01:15:48,573 --> 01:15:50,871 - I'm an acquaintance of Sandra's. - Oh, yeah? 919 01:15:50,976 --> 01:15:54,878 - I just popped round to say hello. - Well, Sandra's away at the moment, actually. 920 01:15:54,980 --> 01:15:56,880 Really. 921 01:15:56,982 --> 01:15:59,883 I hope you don't mind, but I helped myself to a beer. 922 01:15:59,985 --> 01:16:03,682 Yeah, I noticed. Is that your champagne and all? 923 01:16:05,023 --> 01:16:09,153 - You like champagne, do you? - Yeah. I do, as it happens. 924 01:16:09,260 --> 01:16:11,285 This is a very nice flat. Don't you think? 925 01:16:11,396 --> 01:16:13,557 How did you get in here? 926 01:16:13,665 --> 01:16:15,724 Tell me, do you have any problems with the central heating? 927 01:16:15,834 --> 01:16:17,324 Oh, are you the plumber? 928 01:16:17,435 --> 01:16:19,596 Let's just say I've got a vested interest in the property. 929 01:16:19,704 --> 01:16:22,264 Fuckin' hell. You're the landlord. 930 01:16:22,374 --> 01:16:26,071 - I'd rather you thought of me as a friend. - Oh, shit. 931 01:16:26,177 --> 01:16:29,271 What, is Sandra behind on the rent or something? 932 01:16:29,381 --> 01:16:31,508 Was your tattoo painful? 933 01:16:31,616 --> 01:16:33,083 Yeah. 934 01:16:33,184 --> 01:16:35,584 Good. 935 01:16:37,689 --> 01:16:39,623 You're very beautiful, aren't you? 936 01:16:40,725 --> 01:16:42,249 Am I? 937 01:16:43,395 --> 01:16:46,023 In a quirky sort of way. 938 01:16:48,133 --> 01:16:50,033 - Are you a nurse? - Yeah. 939 01:16:50,135 --> 01:16:52,035 Psychiatric. 940 01:16:55,573 --> 01:16:57,837 These are a very fetching pair of tights. 941 01:16:57,942 --> 01:17:00,775 Oh, you like them, do ya, Mr. Landlord? 942 01:17:00,879 --> 01:17:03,780 Can we have that champagne now, please? 943 01:17:03,882 --> 01:17:06,476 Did you buy them like this, or are the holes self-inflicted? 944 01:17:06,584 --> 01:17:10,281 Nah. A spider spun them, and that's where he had a tea break. 945 01:17:11,589 --> 01:17:14,285 Fucking hell! That's a bit excessive, innit? 946 01:17:14,392 --> 01:17:17,293 - I rather like this belt too. - Oh, God. 947 01:17:17,395 --> 01:17:20,831 Here we go. 948 01:17:22,567 --> 01:17:25,468 - Excuse me. Where do you think you're going? - I'm going home. 949 01:17:25,570 --> 01:17:27,470 - What, you're leaving me? - Yeah. 950 01:17:27,572 --> 01:17:30,473 I've come all this way to see you, and you're going. I can't believe it. 951 01:17:30,575 --> 01:17:33,476 - I'm stunned. I'm flabbergasted. - So we'll get you a tissue. 952 01:17:33,578 --> 01:17:36,206 Sounds promising. Do you live nearby? 953 01:17:36,314 --> 01:17:39,477 - I might do. - I mean, is it within walking distance? 954 01:17:42,754 --> 01:17:46,349 No, 'cause, you see, I've got this fascination with all things peripatetic. 955 01:17:46,458 --> 01:17:49,222 - See ya. - Cheeky, aren't I? 956 01:17:52,130 --> 01:17:54,030 Have you stolen the tea cozy? 957 01:17:54,132 --> 01:17:57,795 Love, people can see you wearing that thing. You're not embarrassed? No? 958 01:18:19,858 --> 01:18:22,258 Don't give up. 959 01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:24,260 Oh! Oww! 960 01:18:32,971 --> 01:18:34,871 Put this on. 961 01:18:34,973 --> 01:18:36,873 Oh, what? 962 01:18:36,975 --> 01:18:39,375 Gonna play doctors and nurses now, are we? 963 01:18:39,477 --> 01:18:42,105 Hurry up. 964 01:18:47,886 --> 01:18:50,446 Oh, this is ridiculous. 965 01:18:50,555 --> 01:18:55,788 Listen, I'm really sorry, right, but I've had a bit of a rough week... 966 01:18:55,894 --> 01:18:58,920 and I just don't think I can go through with this. 967 01:18:59,030 --> 01:19:02,466 No! 968 01:19:02,567 --> 01:19:04,967 Oh, you fucker! 969 01:19:05,069 --> 01:19:07,970 Fuck off! Leave me alone! 970 01:19:10,575 --> 01:19:12,736 Oh, don't! 971 01:19:12,844 --> 01:19:14,812 You bastard! 972 01:19:20,084 --> 01:19:22,052 Do you want some beans? 973 01:19:24,088 --> 01:19:26,318 Yeah, cheers. 974 01:19:26,424 --> 01:19:29,825 So, what would you be doing now if I wasn't here? 975 01:19:29,928 --> 01:19:31,828 Don't know. 976 01:19:31,930 --> 01:19:34,455 Having a shower, relaxing. 977 01:19:34,566 --> 01:19:36,466 I could do with a shower meself. 978 01:19:36,568 --> 01:19:40,129 I haven't washed for about a week, as you've probably noticed. 979 01:19:40,238 --> 01:19:42,638 You can have one if you like. 980 01:19:42,740 --> 01:19:44,867 - You sure? - Yeah. 981 01:19:45,910 --> 01:19:47,878 Bathroom's just here. 982 01:19:49,447 --> 01:19:51,472 Fuckin' hell. 983 01:19:51,583 --> 01:19:53,881 What did I do to deserve you, love? 984 01:19:54,919 --> 01:19:56,819 Just press this button. 985 01:19:59,991 --> 01:20:01,891 Now, listen... 986 01:20:01,993 --> 01:20:06,123 you're not gonna creep up on me with a big knife, dressed up as your mother, are you? 987 01:20:06,231 --> 01:20:07,858 No. 988 01:20:12,237 --> 01:20:15,206 But it looks like you already are dressed up as your mother. 989 01:20:27,652 --> 01:20:31,452 Can I have me bag? It's got me duck in it. 990 01:20:38,796 --> 01:20:40,855 Ta. 991 01:21:11,629 --> 01:21:14,223 Oh, dear. 992 01:21:15,566 --> 01:21:17,966 Who lives here, then? Zeus? 993 01:21:21,072 --> 01:21:24,530 - Is all this stuff yours? - No. 994 01:21:24,642 --> 01:21:28,408 All these pseudo Doric midgets with their novelty underpants. 995 01:21:28,513 --> 01:21:31,414 Oh, look at this one, touching time with a barge pole. 996 01:21:31,516 --> 01:21:33,484 I wouldn't. 997 01:21:37,255 --> 01:21:39,815 Is he a Homer-sexual, yeah? 998 01:21:39,924 --> 01:21:42,154 What do you think? 999 01:21:42,260 --> 01:21:44,728 - Where is he? - They're in America. 1000 01:21:44,829 --> 01:21:47,195 - They? - Yeah. 1001 01:21:47,298 --> 01:21:49,630 - When are they gettin' back? - Don't know. 1002 01:21:50,935 --> 01:21:53,062 And they're just letting you stop here for nothing? 1003 01:21:53,171 --> 01:21:55,833 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1004 01:21:55,940 --> 01:21:58,841 - I don't know them. - I don't know. 1005 01:21:58,943 --> 01:22:02,276 - I find all this a bit sad. - Why? 1006 01:22:02,380 --> 01:22:05,042 No, I don't mean that to sound Homer-phobic. 1007 01:22:05,149 --> 01:22:07,481 I mean, I like The Iliad. 1008 01:22:07,585 --> 01:22:10,179 And The Odyssey. Did you get that? 1009 01:22:10,288 --> 01:22:11,755 No. 1010 01:22:15,493 --> 01:22:18,291 So, have you read many of these books? 1011 01:22:18,396 --> 01:22:20,660 No, I haven't. 1012 01:22:20,765 --> 01:22:23,233 Oh. I've read quite a few. 1013 01:22:24,635 --> 01:22:27,126 Oh, look! Do you get it now? 1014 01:22:28,272 --> 01:22:30,866 Do you know this? 1015 01:22:30,975 --> 01:22:34,638 I bet you do. You've most likely done it at school. You just can't remember. 1016 01:22:34,746 --> 01:22:38,477 You know, like, uh, Achilles heel, the wooden horse, Helen of Troy. 1017 01:22:38,583 --> 01:22:40,813 - You know them? - Yeah. 1018 01:22:40,918 --> 01:22:44,183 Yeah, well, that's all it is. Good stuff. 1019 01:22:44,288 --> 01:22:46,119 Cyclops. 1020 01:22:46,224 --> 01:22:48,124 Oh, hello. 1021 01:22:48,226 --> 01:22:50,285 It's, uh, pizza delivery man. 1022 01:22:56,334 --> 01:22:59,098 Do you want those beans? 1023 01:22:59,203 --> 01:23:00,795 Oh, yeah. I forgot. 1024 01:23:32,370 --> 01:23:34,270 Sebastian Hawks. 1025 01:23:34,372 --> 01:23:36,340 Good evening. 1026 01:23:37,708 --> 01:23:40,040 Very nice to meet you, Louise. 1027 01:23:40,144 --> 01:23:42,237 Very nice to meet you. 1028 01:23:42,346 --> 01:23:44,314 I've heard a lot about you. 1029 01:23:50,688 --> 01:23:52,781 - Sophie? - Yeah? 1030 01:23:52,890 --> 01:23:54,790 Yeah, I'm in here. 1031 01:23:54,892 --> 01:23:58,453 - Oh. You all right? - I've never been better. 1032 01:23:58,563 --> 01:24:01,464 We've had a very interesting afternoon. Haven't we, Sophie? 1033 01:24:01,566 --> 01:24:03,466 It's been fascinating. 1034 01:24:17,148 --> 01:24:19,548 For services rendered. 1035 01:24:19,650 --> 01:24:22,141 Fuck off. 1036 01:24:24,755 --> 01:24:27,849 - Who's your friend? - He's the landlord, isn't he? 1037 01:24:27,959 --> 01:24:30,154 - Whose landlord? - Our fucking landlord. 1038 01:24:30,261 --> 01:24:32,559 - Oh, get out of town. - Ask him. 1039 01:24:34,866 --> 01:24:38,666 - What you wearin' Sandra's uniform for? - I don't wanna talk about it. All right? 1040 01:24:39,971 --> 01:24:42,235 - You want a cup of tea? - Yeah. 1041 01:24:47,245 --> 01:24:49,736 So, have you been sittin' on his face all afternoon? 1042 01:24:49,847 --> 01:24:51,974 - I don't need this. - Jesus Christ. 1043 01:24:52,083 --> 01:24:55,780 I get home from work, all I wanna do is put my feet up and watch the telly... 1044 01:24:55,887 --> 01:24:57,912 not get involved in one of your orgies. 1045 01:24:58,022 --> 01:24:59,990 Do you know what I mean? 1046 01:25:04,128 --> 01:25:06,096 What happened to your arm? 1047 01:25:09,867 --> 01:25:11,994 Sophie, what's been going on? 1048 01:25:14,207 --> 01:25:17,106 - Have you put the kettle on? - Yeah. 1049 01:25:17,208 --> 01:25:19,699 Any chance of a coffee, Louise? 1050 01:25:19,810 --> 01:25:21,778 Yeah. Sure. 1051 01:25:23,514 --> 01:25:27,177 - These are a very nice pair of shorts. - Would you take your hands off me, please? 1052 01:25:28,219 --> 01:25:30,119 I apologize. 1053 01:25:33,558 --> 01:25:36,755 Right, pal. Here's your clothes. Get your kit on and sling your hook. 1054 01:25:36,861 --> 01:25:39,125 Here's your shoes, mate. 1055 01:25:42,233 --> 01:25:44,497 Hope I haven't given you AIDS, Sophie. 1056 01:25:44,602 --> 01:25:47,400 - Jesus Christ! - Fucking hell! Are you serious? 1057 01:25:48,472 --> 01:25:50,497 - Merely jesting. - Very funny. 1058 01:25:50,608 --> 01:25:53,076 Mind you, I think AIDS is rather healthy, in its way. 1059 01:25:53,177 --> 01:25:56,305 - You what? - I realize that's not the fashionable thing to say. 1060 01:25:56,414 --> 01:25:59,349 - No, it's not. - But the world is overcrowded, isn't it? 1061 01:25:59,450 --> 01:26:02,214 - Could do with a bit of pruning. - You fucking better be joking. 1062 01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:04,515 You're not going to have children, are you, Louise? 1063 01:26:04,622 --> 01:26:06,522 I might do one day. 1064 01:26:06,624 --> 01:26:08,683 I loathe children, I must say. 1065 01:26:08,793 --> 01:26:11,762 I bet they're not too keen on you neither. 1066 01:26:12,830 --> 01:26:14,730 I'm sure you like fucking. Don't you, Louise? 1067 01:26:14,832 --> 01:26:17,062 - Are you going? - I'm rather enjoying myself, actually. 1068 01:26:17,168 --> 01:26:19,227 - Yeah, well, we're not. - That's a pity. 1069 01:26:19,337 --> 01:26:23,740 You may be the landlord from hell, but that doesn't give you the right to lie on our couch. 1070 01:26:24,909 --> 01:26:27,537 - Whose couch? - Do you want me to phone the police? 1071 01:26:27,645 --> 01:26:29,909 Be my guest. 1072 01:26:30,014 --> 01:26:32,642 Right. 1073 01:26:37,021 --> 01:26:39,512 - Listen, I can't have them in here. - Why not? 1074 01:26:39,624 --> 01:26:43,560 They're gonna look at him in his suit, look at us, and who do you think they're gonna believe? 1075 01:26:43,661 --> 01:26:45,856 There's fucking dope all over the place. 1076 01:26:45,963 --> 01:26:48,454 Well, we're just winding him up. He's loving this. 1077 01:26:48,566 --> 01:26:50,534 What are we gonna do? 1078 01:26:55,573 --> 01:26:57,541 It's very peaceful here, innit? 1079 01:26:59,043 --> 01:27:01,011 Suppose so. 1080 01:27:03,814 --> 01:27:05,873 Are you warm enough? 1081 01:27:05,983 --> 01:27:07,951 Yeah, it's nice. Thanks. 1082 01:27:09,654 --> 01:27:12,623 It's funny, 'cause the silence usually freaks me out. 1083 01:27:13,658 --> 01:27:16,889 You start to pick up on all the small sounds. You know what I mean? 1084 01:27:16,994 --> 01:27:19,326 Like that clock. 1085 01:27:21,832 --> 01:27:24,392 I hate that fucking clock. 1086 01:27:24,502 --> 01:27:26,902 Course you do. It's a clock. 1087 01:27:28,539 --> 01:27:31,508 Is it all right if I stay here tonight? 1088 01:27:34,812 --> 01:27:36,780 Have you ever had a dog? 1089 01:27:40,251 --> 01:27:41,878 No. 1090 01:27:44,221 --> 01:27:47,281 - I don't like dogs. - Why? 1091 01:27:47,391 --> 01:27:49,757 Well, they're either vicious or daft. 1092 01:27:50,661 --> 01:27:52,629 - Why? Have you? - Yeah. 1093 01:27:54,198 --> 01:27:56,189 - Is it dead now? - Yeah. 1094 01:27:56,300 --> 01:27:58,200 Did you bury it? 1095 01:27:58,302 --> 01:28:00,566 Don't know. Me dad took it. 1096 01:28:02,807 --> 01:28:05,640 And what about you? Would you like to be buried or cremated? 1097 01:28:05,743 --> 01:28:07,711 I couldn't give a shit. 1098 01:28:12,550 --> 01:28:17,817 I had this, uh, dream the other night about these two skeletons havin' a fuck. 1099 01:28:17,922 --> 01:28:20,686 Was a right bloody racket. Woke me up. 1100 01:28:20,791 --> 01:28:22,691 Have you got a photo of your mum? 1101 01:28:27,631 --> 01:28:29,861 - What, on me? - Yeah. 1102 01:28:31,969 --> 01:28:33,800 No. 1103 01:28:33,904 --> 01:28:36,873 I think you might find one over at the news agent's, on the top shelf. 1104 01:28:38,576 --> 01:28:40,544 Do you want some beans? 1105 01:28:49,186 --> 01:28:51,086 You've got a very sad face. 1106 01:28:51,188 --> 01:28:53,588 Have I? 1107 01:28:53,691 --> 01:28:56,751 It's all right. I mean, I find that attractive. 1108 01:28:58,763 --> 01:29:00,822 But that's me. 1109 01:29:02,933 --> 01:29:05,902 So, have you got a boyfriend or anything? 1110 01:29:16,814 --> 01:29:18,782 What are you gonna do for Christmas? 1111 01:29:20,918 --> 01:29:22,886 I don't know. What are you gonna do? 1112 01:29:25,523 --> 01:29:27,991 You all right? 1113 01:29:30,361 --> 01:29:32,921 - What's the matter? - Fuck off! 1114 01:30:01,225 --> 01:30:03,193 What's up, love? 1115 01:30:05,229 --> 01:30:07,959 - Is it something I said? - I want you to go. 1116 01:30:08,065 --> 01:30:10,863 - Why? - Can you go, please? 1117 01:30:11,902 --> 01:30:15,099 - Is it 'cause I don't like dogs? - Get out! 1118 01:30:16,207 --> 01:30:19,176 - Don't quite follow, love. - Just fuck off! 1119 01:30:19,276 --> 01:30:22,006 Oh. I see. 1120 01:30:22,112 --> 01:30:24,342 Um - 1121 01:30:24,448 --> 01:30:26,473 Well, perhaps I was jumping to conclusions... 1122 01:30:26,584 --> 01:30:29,485 but I got the impression that I could kip down on the sofa or something. 1123 01:30:29,587 --> 01:30:32,112 - Go! - Go where? 1124 01:30:32,223 --> 01:30:35,124 Have you got any suggestions? 'Cause it's like a fucking Eskimo's grave out there. 1125 01:30:35,226 --> 01:30:37,490 Hey! Hey! 1126 01:30:37,595 --> 01:30:39,290 All right, I'm going! 1127 01:30:39,396 --> 01:30:41,660 Hey! 1128 01:31:30,814 --> 01:31:32,907 It's not easy, is it? 1129 01:31:36,120 --> 01:31:38,088 Do you find that? 1130 01:31:44,995 --> 01:31:47,327 Well... 1131 01:31:47,431 --> 01:31:49,331 just goes to show ya... 1132 01:31:49,433 --> 01:31:52,231 that no matter how many books you read... 1133 01:31:52,336 --> 01:31:55,669 there's some things in this world that you never, ever, ever, ever... 1134 01:31:55,773 --> 01:31:59,402 ever fuckin' understand. 1135 01:32:16,827 --> 01:32:22,322 Oh, thank you for the tea and the bath and the booze. 1136 01:32:24,101 --> 01:32:26,069 And the beans. 1137 01:32:32,876 --> 01:32:37,939 And listen, love, I hope that when you're tucked up tonight all snug and warm... 1138 01:32:38,048 --> 01:32:40,414 underneath your tear-sodden fuckin' duvet... 1139 01:32:40,517 --> 01:32:42,451 and your ankle-length Emily Brontë winding sheet... 1140 01:32:42,553 --> 01:32:46,114 that you spare a thought for me with me head in a puddle of cold dog's piss. 1141 01:32:46,223 --> 01:32:50,592 And I hope that you dream about me. And I hope that you wake up screamin'. 1142 01:32:52,696 --> 01:32:55,096 And I hope that all your fuckin' children... 1143 01:32:55,199 --> 01:32:58,635 are born blind, bow-legged, hare-lipped, homeless hunchbacks! 1144 01:33:13,417 --> 01:33:15,885 Have you ever had an abortion? 1145 01:33:17,087 --> 01:33:18,987 - Have you? - No. 1146 01:33:19,089 --> 01:33:22,320 - I thought I was pregnant once. - Would you have had one? 1147 01:33:22,426 --> 01:33:26,055 In the end, it turned out I wasn't, and he left me anyway, so - 1148 01:33:27,264 --> 01:33:29,164 I wanted to keep mine. 1149 01:33:29,266 --> 01:33:31,166 What happened? 1150 01:33:31,268 --> 01:33:34,669 All my mates said I couldn't look after a baby. 1151 01:33:34,772 --> 01:33:36,672 Too fucking right. 1152 01:33:36,774 --> 01:33:39,334 Did it make you feel shitty? 1153 01:33:39,443 --> 01:33:41,673 It was a nightmare. 1154 01:33:41,779 --> 01:33:43,940 I really loved 'im. 1155 01:33:45,482 --> 01:33:48,383 - He was a philosopher. - Where was this? 1156 01:33:48,485 --> 01:33:50,385 - Paris. - Paris? 1157 01:33:50,487 --> 01:33:53,786 Should have seen the state of his girlfriend. 1158 01:33:55,526 --> 01:33:58,188 Had one when I was 15 and all. 1159 01:33:58,295 --> 01:34:00,286 Jesus, Sophie. 1160 01:34:00,397 --> 01:34:04,857 And that one was worse for my mum. Fucking drama she made out of it. 1161 01:34:07,504 --> 01:34:11,406 I could have been married by now with a four-year-old. 1162 01:34:11,508 --> 01:34:13,806 Do you wanna get married? 1163 01:34:13,911 --> 01:34:15,879 Don't know. 1164 01:34:17,881 --> 01:34:22,215 Just 'cause you have a kid with someone doesn't mean they're gonna stick around. 1165 01:34:22,319 --> 01:34:25,720 My dad didn't. Couldn't fucking wait to get out. 1166 01:34:25,823 --> 01:34:28,724 Well, I don't know if I want to get married... 1167 01:34:28,826 --> 01:34:31,727 but I wouldn't say no to a proper relationship. 1168 01:34:31,829 --> 01:34:34,297 What is a proper relationship? 1169 01:34:35,499 --> 01:34:39,060 Living with someone who talks to ya after they've bonked ya. 1170 01:34:40,671 --> 01:34:44,072 I don't know what they want from you half the time. 1171 01:34:44,174 --> 01:34:48,577 What they start off liking you for, they end up hating you for. 1172 01:34:48,679 --> 01:34:52,206 Don't like you if you're strong. Don't like you if you're weak. 1173 01:34:52,316 --> 01:34:55,808 Hate you if you're clever. Hate you if you're stupid. 1174 01:34:55,919 --> 01:34:58,888 They don't know what they want. 1175 01:35:03,660 --> 01:35:06,754 You think that bastard's fucked off yet? 1176 01:35:07,931 --> 01:35:10,399 Yeah, he must have done by now. 1177 01:35:48,739 --> 01:35:50,639 Is this a stick-up? 1178 01:35:52,743 --> 01:35:55,143 - So you must get that all the time, yeah? - Yeah. 1179 01:35:55,245 --> 01:35:56,872 Just got it again. 1180 01:35:58,248 --> 01:36:02,275 So, is this your job, or a nice little hobby you've got for yourself? 1181 01:36:02,386 --> 01:36:04,354 You're a lovely mover. 1182 01:36:12,930 --> 01:36:14,830 - This your van, yeah? - Yeah. 1183 01:36:14,932 --> 01:36:17,833 It's, like, uh, I don't know, top of the range. 1184 01:36:17,935 --> 01:36:19,835 Very nice. 1185 01:36:19,937 --> 01:36:22,838 - Are you going up the road? - You want a lift? 1186 01:36:22,940 --> 01:36:25,500 - That all right with ya? - Yeah. 1187 01:36:25,609 --> 01:36:27,509 Cheers. 1188 01:36:27,611 --> 01:36:31,012 It's just I been walkin' round the streets all night. You know what I mean? 1189 01:36:31,114 --> 01:36:34,083 These fuckin' feet are on their last legs, I'm tellin' ya. 1190 01:36:37,955 --> 01:36:41,652 - So, how much do you earn for doin' this? - It's none of your fuckin' business. 1191 01:36:41,758 --> 01:36:44,659 I mean, is the pay as substantial as, say, the wages of sin? 1192 01:36:44,761 --> 01:36:47,195 Know what I mean? You with me? 1193 01:36:47,297 --> 01:36:50,924 Listen, captain, is it all right if I have a go at doing this, yeah? 1194 01:36:50,934 --> 01:36:52,834 Oh! God love ya. 1195 01:36:52,936 --> 01:36:57,066 Or does it take, like, thousands of years of state-subsidized government training... 1196 01:36:57,174 --> 01:36:59,074 to do this clobber, yeah? 1197 01:36:59,176 --> 01:37:04,079 You gotta slap on, like, copious quantities of the old industrial sputum there. 1198 01:37:04,181 --> 01:37:06,081 Beg your pardon. 1199 01:37:06,183 --> 01:37:09,084 It's a wonderful career opportunity for me. You know what I mean? 1200 01:37:09,186 --> 01:37:12,485 - I'm gonna play the joker on this one. - Shift - 1201 01:37:12,589 --> 01:37:14,989 - Very well - Aah! - Shift out of the fucking way. 1202 01:37:15,092 --> 01:37:18,323 No, I like Laurel and Hardy, although apparently they didn't get on in real life. 1203 01:37:18,428 --> 01:37:20,521 Another illusion shattered. 1204 01:37:22,432 --> 01:37:25,560 Sorry about that, pal. It's just, I've had a lot of bad experience with walls, you know... 1205 01:37:25,669 --> 01:37:28,069 what with talking to them and climbing them. 1206 01:37:28,171 --> 01:37:31,072 Me dad's driven me up a good few in his time. You know what I mean? 1207 01:37:31,174 --> 01:37:34,075 But I think I've got a secret - a saucy little secret. 1208 01:37:34,177 --> 01:37:37,613 The solipsistic, sagacious little secret is just, you got - you just gotta... 1209 01:37:37,714 --> 01:37:39,614 bang your fuckin' head against 'em. 1210 01:37:39,716 --> 01:37:43,345 Just crack the old pate - Are you with me? 1211 01:37:43,453 --> 01:37:46,889 Have you got it? And that's it. That is the key to enlightenment, which is - 1212 01:37:46,990 --> 01:37:51,552 It's, like, that's why- that's why it's, like, such a potent motif of civilization. 1213 01:37:51,662 --> 01:37:54,563 It's the wall - It's like the Great Wall of China... 1214 01:37:54,665 --> 01:37:58,567 and the wall of Jericho and the Berlin Wall and the wailing wall. 1215 01:37:58,669 --> 01:38:01,570 Now, you see, the Jews, they've almost got it, haven't they? 1216 01:38:01,672 --> 01:38:04,800 A real rockin' and that, you know. Just six inches away and they'll be there. 1217 01:38:04,908 --> 01:38:07,809 They'd have won the fucking race. They'll be there. Are you with me? 1218 01:38:07,911 --> 01:38:10,812 What is all this, anyway? What are you doin'? Cancel everything. 1219 01:38:10,914 --> 01:38:13,815 In the beginning was the word, and the word was "canceled. " 1220 01:38:13,917 --> 01:38:16,818 You get satisfaction out of this? You think you're making a contribution? 1221 01:38:16,920 --> 01:38:19,354 You're, like, sort of publicly promulgating vacuities. 1222 01:38:19,456 --> 01:38:22,016 Are you with me? Fuckin' hell! 1223 01:38:25,162 --> 01:38:27,187 That's it! Blank it all out! 1224 01:38:27,297 --> 01:38:30,198 Blank it all out till you just atrophy and die of fuckin' indifference! 1225 01:38:30,300 --> 01:38:33,201 Can I show you something, pal? You see that at the top of your legs? 1226 01:38:33,303 --> 01:38:36,636 That's your ass, right, and that's your fuckin' elbow. Do you wanna write it down or- 1227 01:38:36,740 --> 01:38:39,334 Oh! 1228 01:38:39,443 --> 01:38:41,343 Fuck. Ow. 1229 01:38:41,445 --> 01:38:43,345 Who's that supposed to be? Me dad? 1230 01:38:43,447 --> 01:38:47,042 You wanna watch that, mate. I've got a dicky sacrum here. 1231 01:38:47,150 --> 01:38:48,617 Shit. 1232 01:38:49,753 --> 01:38:52,654 F- Uh, can you, uh, come back here? 1233 01:38:52,756 --> 01:38:54,656 Uh, did I upset ya? 1234 01:38:58,595 --> 01:39:00,222 Mate! 1235 01:39:01,798 --> 01:39:03,789 You got me bag! 1236 01:39:03,900 --> 01:39:05,993 You fucking tosser! 1237 01:39:06,103 --> 01:39:08,571 You've got - Fuck! 1238 01:39:11,708 --> 01:39:13,801 Fuck! 1239 01:39:13,910 --> 01:39:16,811 All right, listen. Does anybody mind if I scream here? 1240 01:39:16,913 --> 01:39:20,815 Is that okay with you all? 'Cause I'd feel better for it. It won't take long. 1241 01:39:25,856 --> 01:39:27,824 Fuck. 1242 01:39:49,713 --> 01:39:51,943 Who's that? 1243 01:39:52,048 --> 01:39:53,948 Let's get him. 1244 01:39:56,052 --> 01:39:58,020 Let's go. Fuck. 1245 01:39:59,823 --> 01:40:01,791 Let's do it. 1246 01:40:42,032 --> 01:40:44,000 Who's that? 1247 01:41:10,293 --> 01:41:12,557 Oh, Jesus. 1248 01:41:12,662 --> 01:41:15,563 What's been happening to ya? 1249 01:41:15,665 --> 01:41:18,566 Will you shut up, for God's sake. 1250 01:41:24,541 --> 01:41:26,941 - Oww! - I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1251 01:41:27,043 --> 01:41:29,443 Just give us a fag. 1252 01:41:30,647 --> 01:41:32,615 Fucking comedian. 1253 01:41:40,690 --> 01:41:42,590 It's not my fault. 1254 01:41:42,692 --> 01:41:44,592 What's not your fault? 1255 01:41:47,364 --> 01:41:50,265 - Where are you going? - I just want to go to bed. 1256 01:41:50,367 --> 01:41:52,267 Will you be quiet! 1257 01:41:52,369 --> 01:41:55,338 - I fuckin' walked here. - Where from? 1258 01:41:59,476 --> 01:42:01,944 - Which way? - Um - I'm gon - 1259 01:42:04,080 --> 01:42:05,672 I'm gonna be sick. 1260 01:42:16,860 --> 01:42:18,760 Fuckin' hell. What's happened to him? 1261 01:42:18,862 --> 01:42:20,762 Don't know. 1262 01:42:20,864 --> 01:42:22,764 - Johnny. Are you all right, Johnny? - Get off! 1263 01:42:22,866 --> 01:42:24,834 Shh! 1264 01:42:27,804 --> 01:42:31,433 - Is he still here? - I don't know. 1265 01:43:04,341 --> 01:43:06,901 - Right. We'd better get him into bed. - Yeah. 1266 01:43:07,010 --> 01:43:10,411 - You take that end, I'll take this end. - Okay. Don't push me, right? 1267 01:43:10,513 --> 01:43:12,640 I'm not pushin' ya. 1268 01:43:14,351 --> 01:43:17,582 - Careful. That's his bad leg. - Well, what do you want me to do? 1269 01:43:17,687 --> 01:43:19,746 After three. 1270 01:43:19,856 --> 01:43:21,756 One, two, three. 1271 01:43:21,858 --> 01:43:25,089 I wanna go. I wanna go! 1272 01:43:25,195 --> 01:43:27,322 Johnny- 1273 01:43:29,466 --> 01:43:32,367 Johnny! 1274 01:44:14,077 --> 01:44:15,977 I know. 1275 01:44:16,079 --> 01:44:18,639 I know you told me. 1276 01:44:20,550 --> 01:44:25,180 And... I'm not here yet! I'm still wet. 1277 01:44:27,857 --> 01:44:29,825 What did she mean? 1278 01:44:32,062 --> 01:44:34,189 Why not me brother? 1279 01:44:39,269 --> 01:44:42,067 Will it be quiet now? Yeah? 1280 01:44:49,446 --> 01:44:50,970 Are we going? 1281 01:44:51,081 --> 01:44:53,311 Oh, fuck. Shit. 1282 01:45:08,298 --> 01:45:10,698 - Who's this? - It's all right. He's a friend of mine. 1283 01:45:10,800 --> 01:45:14,236 What extraordinary friends you have. 1284 01:45:14,337 --> 01:45:17,306 - He's only got one sock on. - Shut up! 1285 01:45:17,407 --> 01:45:20,808 You seem a bit tense, Sophie. Would you like a massage? 1286 01:45:20,910 --> 01:45:22,810 - A d-d-doctor - - Pardon? 1287 01:45:22,912 --> 01:45:27,178 - Is he the doctor? - You're rather disgusting, aren't you? 1288 01:45:31,821 --> 01:45:33,721 You're not crying, are you, Louise? 1289 01:45:33,823 --> 01:45:36,223 Oh, listen, when are you gonna fuck off? 1290 01:45:36,326 --> 01:45:39,887 This has got nothing to do with you. Right? 1291 01:45:39,996 --> 01:45:43,363 No! No! Stop! 1292 01:45:43,466 --> 01:45:46,026 Leave me alone! 1293 01:45:46,136 --> 01:45:48,104 Ow. Me leg. 1294 01:45:49,639 --> 01:45:51,402 You don't know. 1295 01:45:51,508 --> 01:45:53,339 Aren't people pathetic? 1296 01:45:57,680 --> 01:46:01,446 Right. I'm going to beddy-byes. 1297 01:46:08,525 --> 01:46:11,494 If anyone wishes to join me, I'll be under the duvet. 1298 01:46:18,701 --> 01:46:21,602 - Are you all right? - Yeah. Are you? 1299 01:46:21,704 --> 01:46:23,672 Yeah. 1300 01:46:27,544 --> 01:46:29,444 Come on. I'll give you a hand. 1301 01:46:29,546 --> 01:46:31,844 I'm all right. I walked here. 1302 01:46:56,072 --> 01:46:58,097 Is it here? 1303 01:46:58,208 --> 01:47:00,176 Yeah. 1304 01:47:01,678 --> 01:47:04,579 - Who's that? - Clancy. 1305 01:47:04,681 --> 01:47:06,649 I thought so. 1306 01:47:08,418 --> 01:47:11,387 - I used to know you, didn't I? - Yeah. 1307 01:47:20,730 --> 01:47:23,324 Take me back to Manchester 1308 01:47:23,433 --> 01:47:27,335 When it's raining 1309 01:47:27,437 --> 01:47:29,803 I want to wet me feet 1310 01:47:29,906 --> 01:47:32,966 In Albert Square 1311 01:47:33,076 --> 01:47:35,476 I'm all agog 1312 01:47:35,578 --> 01:47:39,036 For a good, thick fog 1313 01:47:39,148 --> 01:47:41,343 I don't like the sun 1314 01:47:41,451 --> 01:47:45,046 I like it raining cats and dogs 1315 01:47:45,154 --> 01:47:47,679 I want to smell the odors 1316 01:47:47,790 --> 01:47:51,226 Of the Irwell 1317 01:47:51,327 --> 01:47:55,787 I want to feel the soot get in me hair 1318 01:47:56,833 --> 01:47:59,597 Oh, I don't want to roam 1319 01:47:59,702 --> 01:48:03,399 I want to get back home 1320 01:48:03,506 --> 01:48:08,000 To rainy Manchester 1321 01:48:11,814 --> 01:48:13,782 I've got an hard-on. 1322 01:49:22,819 --> 01:49:24,787 What's - 1323 01:49:27,890 --> 01:49:30,791 What are you - 1324 01:49:30,893 --> 01:49:33,293 This is, uh - 1325 01:49:33,396 --> 01:49:35,296 It's disgusting! 1326 01:49:35,398 --> 01:49:37,593 Nobody in my- 1327 01:49:37,700 --> 01:49:39,930 Who's he? 1328 01:49:40,036 --> 01:49:42,664 Y-You've got your boots on it! 1329 01:49:42,772 --> 01:49:44,296 She's - 1330 01:49:44,407 --> 01:49:47,103 And what's this doing - 1331 01:49:47,210 --> 01:49:51,647 This is something I can't - 1332 01:49:51,748 --> 01:49:53,841 I don't - 1333 01:49:53,950 --> 01:49:56,145 It's not - 1334 01:49:56,252 --> 01:50:00,313 I just don't need all this... palaver. 1335 01:50:02,091 --> 01:50:04,059 Oh, shit. 1336 01:50:16,439 --> 01:50:18,339 Okay, who's Jeremy? 1337 01:50:18,441 --> 01:50:20,841 - Who's Jeremy? - What do you mean? 1338 01:50:20,943 --> 01:50:22,843 Sandra. What a nice surprise. 1339 01:50:22,945 --> 01:50:24,845 What are you doing here? 1340 01:50:24,947 --> 01:50:27,609 - How was Zimbabwe? - Shift! 1341 01:50:28,785 --> 01:50:30,685 - Good morning, Louise. - Where's Jeremy? 1342 01:50:30,787 --> 01:50:33,415 - Who's Jeremy? - These are Jeremy's. 1343 01:50:33,523 --> 01:50:35,718 - That's Sebastian's. - No, look. 1344 01:50:35,825 --> 01:50:39,226 "Jeremy Smart. " "Jeremy Smart. " "Jeremy G. Smart. " 1345 01:50:39,328 --> 01:50:42,229 Well, I've never heard of him. 1346 01:50:42,331 --> 01:50:44,731 Sebastian, who - 1347 01:50:44,834 --> 01:50:46,734 Are you Jeremy G. Smart? 1348 01:50:46,836 --> 01:50:48,736 Are you? 1349 01:50:48,838 --> 01:50:51,238 Johnny. Johnny, wake up. 1350 01:50:51,340 --> 01:50:53,501 - Leave him. - Oh, for fuck's sake, Sophie. 1351 01:50:53,609 --> 01:50:55,509 - Sandra's back. - What day is it? 1352 01:50:55,611 --> 01:50:57,738 - It's Friday. - Oh, fuck this. 1353 01:50:57,847 --> 01:50:59,747 - Look at his eye. - Christ. 1354 01:50:59,849 --> 01:51:02,750 He can lie down in my room - Oh, God! 1355 01:51:02,852 --> 01:51:05,252 What are you doing? He's not harming anyone. 1356 01:51:05,354 --> 01:51:08,721 - Have you seen the state of her? Johnny! - I'm here, Johnny. 1357 01:51:08,825 --> 01:51:10,383 Morning, everyone! 1358 01:51:10,493 --> 01:51:14,156 I would actually like to have some kind of explanation for all this because - 1359 01:51:14,263 --> 01:51:16,561 - Having fun? - Can you put these on, please? 1360 01:51:16,666 --> 01:51:19,567 Sophie and I had a fuck on your bed yesterday afternoon, Sandra. 1361 01:51:19,669 --> 01:51:21,569 - Oh, God. - You are just... 1362 01:51:21,671 --> 01:51:23,866 - She was very good, I must say. - Filth! 1363 01:51:23,973 --> 01:51:26,601 - Not as good as you though. - You lying - 1364 01:51:28,311 --> 01:51:30,779 - Nastiness! - We must do it again sometime. 1365 01:51:35,551 --> 01:51:37,451 Will you - 1366 01:51:37,553 --> 01:51:40,147 How can you - 1367 01:51:40,256 --> 01:51:42,554 Everything - 1368 01:51:43,726 --> 01:51:45,626 I can't cope with this. 1369 01:51:45,728 --> 01:51:47,628 You've got five minutes. 1370 01:51:47,730 --> 01:51:51,029 Five minutes to get your things on and get the hell ou- 1371 01:51:51,134 --> 01:51:54,194 I shouldn't worry about it so much if I were you. 1372 01:51:54,370 --> 01:51:57,635 I'd forgotten what a beautiful bottom you've got, Sandra. 1373 01:51:57,740 --> 01:52:00,208 Two minutes. 1374 01:52:03,379 --> 01:52:05,347 Marvelous tits. 1375 01:52:07,884 --> 01:52:11,115 Listen, Sandra, I'm really sorry. We weren't expecting you back. 1376 01:52:11,220 --> 01:52:13,620 I fail to - Why - 1377 01:52:13,723 --> 01:52:15,623 I-It's a pig sty! It's - 1378 01:52:15,725 --> 01:52:18,285 - I know. It just got out of hand. - Obviously! 1379 01:52:18,394 --> 01:52:20,794 - A-And what's all that? - He's a friend of mine. 1380 01:52:20,897 --> 01:52:24,628 - Can I make you a cup of tea? - I don't want tea. I don't want - 1381 01:52:24,734 --> 01:52:26,964 I just want - My journey was - 1382 01:52:27,069 --> 01:52:29,489 - He's not very well! - What's the matter with him? 1383 01:52:29,572 --> 01:52:33,702 He's got a lump on his face the size of a boiled egg, and he won't wake up. 1384 01:52:42,852 --> 01:52:44,615 - Did he do this? - Who? 1385 01:52:44,720 --> 01:52:47,985 - Sebasti - Jeremy! - You never warned me about him, did ya? 1386 01:52:48,090 --> 01:52:51,491 - What are you talking about? - Fucking letting himself in with the keys. 1387 01:52:51,594 --> 01:52:54,324 - Bastard! - I don't - 1388 01:52:54,430 --> 01:52:57,399 Right. Let's get this shoe off. 1389 01:52:58,701 --> 01:53:02,364 Have you ever had smoked salmon after making love, Louise? 1390 01:53:02,471 --> 01:53:05,463 - Don't like smoked salmon. - I think you should try it. 1391 01:53:05,575 --> 01:53:07,475 It's rather wonderful. 1392 01:53:07,577 --> 01:53:09,875 Will you undo your fly, Sebastian? 1393 01:53:12,715 --> 01:53:14,683 Would you like me to? 1394 01:53:20,590 --> 01:53:22,558 Honest. 1395 01:53:44,580 --> 01:53:48,914 Oh, do you not want me to slice your prick off and shove it up your ass? 1396 01:53:58,794 --> 01:54:01,285 Maggot-dick. 1397 01:54:11,307 --> 01:54:14,208 - Could you pass me that pillow, please? - Here you go. 1398 01:54:14,310 --> 01:54:17,211 - I can't move, Sandra. - You are worse than useless. 1399 01:54:17,313 --> 01:54:19,213 You all right? 1400 01:54:19,315 --> 01:54:22,216 - You don't think it's broken, do ya? - No, he can move it. 1401 01:54:22,318 --> 01:54:25,287 - You can do that, can't you? - Why would I want to do that? 1402 01:54:25,388 --> 01:54:28,619 Don't even - Not in my room, Sophie! 1403 01:54:28,724 --> 01:54:31,056 - I need a fag. - I don't care. 1404 01:54:31,160 --> 01:54:34,527 - Cop hold of that. - Oh, just don't start, right? 1405 01:54:34,630 --> 01:54:38,896 It really is beyond me the way you girls choose to live your lives. 1406 01:54:39,001 --> 01:54:42,937 My mind just... boggles. 1407 01:54:43,039 --> 01:54:46,270 He's gone back to sleep. 1408 01:54:47,310 --> 01:54:49,175 Was that the front door? 1409 01:54:49,278 --> 01:54:51,212 - He's gone. - Thank God. 1410 01:55:00,423 --> 01:55:02,323 Go slowly, Johnny. 1411 01:55:02,425 --> 01:55:04,325 Now, what you two must do... 1412 01:55:04,427 --> 01:55:08,454 is take this one to Casualty and make sure he gets himself looked at before he goes home. 1413 01:55:08,564 --> 01:55:10,464 - Gonna be sick. - Are you? 1414 01:55:10,566 --> 01:55:13,467 - Get him into the bathroom. - All right! All right! Let's not- 1415 01:55:13,569 --> 01:55:15,469 Just a minute. That's it. 1416 01:55:15,571 --> 01:55:17,835 Make it steady. 1417 01:55:17,940 --> 01:55:19,908 - Here you are. - Okay. 1418 01:55:20,076 --> 01:55:22,567 It's in me tash. 1419 01:55:22,645 --> 01:55:24,840 You wanna get it cut. 1420 01:55:28,617 --> 01:55:30,585 It's in your mouth. 1421 01:55:32,088 --> 01:55:34,249 Have you had a bath lately? 1422 01:55:34,357 --> 01:55:36,587 - I had one yesterday. - As if! 1423 01:55:36,692 --> 01:55:38,626 - I did. - Where have you been, Johnny? 1424 01:55:38,728 --> 01:55:42,164 Down the Via De La Rosa. Don't be nosy. 1425 01:55:44,266 --> 01:55:46,166 - You not going to work? - I'm late. 1426 01:55:46,268 --> 01:55:49,533 - Ah. You'll get the sack. - Yeah. 1427 01:55:49,638 --> 01:55:52,539 It's all right. You can put all your troubles in it. 1428 01:55:52,641 --> 01:55:56,202 - Hey, I lost me bag. - Yeah, I noticed. Where is it? 1429 01:55:56,312 --> 01:55:58,678 - I don't know. It's lost. - Any valuables? 1430 01:55:58,781 --> 01:56:02,182 Yeah, it's got me collection of famous retired glove puppets in there. 1431 01:56:02,284 --> 01:56:04,445 That's it. All gone. 1432 01:56:04,553 --> 01:56:06,817 Did you get it nicked? 1433 01:56:06,922 --> 01:56:10,824 Would you put that out? 1434 01:56:24,407 --> 01:56:26,967 I haven't cleaned me teeth yet. 1435 01:56:27,076 --> 01:56:29,909 Could you not just put 'em in a glass or something, no? 1436 01:56:46,162 --> 01:56:48,926 I remember when you bought these shorts. 1437 01:56:49,031 --> 01:56:51,226 I warned you about 'em then. 1438 01:56:51,333 --> 01:56:53,392 Yeah, well... 1439 01:56:57,706 --> 01:57:00,732 - I only got 'em to piss you off. - Mission accomplished. 1440 01:57:03,145 --> 01:57:06,603 - Is he all right? - Yeah. 1441 01:57:10,486 --> 01:57:14,718 What, is this a spectator sport or something? The hundred-meter vomit? 1442 01:57:20,029 --> 01:57:23,590 Sophie, do you mind if I have a word with Johnny on me own? 1443 01:57:29,972 --> 01:57:32,941 Do you want a word with Louise on your own? 1444 01:57:33,042 --> 01:57:35,306 - Are you being sarcastic? - No. 1445 01:57:36,412 --> 01:57:38,937 Well, do as you're told. 1446 01:57:40,182 --> 01:57:42,150 Right. 1447 01:57:45,120 --> 01:57:48,055 Whose is all this money? Three hundred and eighty pounds. 1448 01:57:48,157 --> 01:57:51,957 It really oughtn't to be left laying, waiting for- 1449 01:58:02,838 --> 01:58:05,807 - Whose is all that? - Don't know. 1450 01:58:12,481 --> 01:58:14,676 Who's been playing ping-pong with your face? 1451 01:58:14,783 --> 01:58:17,343 Sky fell in on me. 1452 01:58:17,453 --> 01:58:19,751 A cloud caught me across the cheek. 1453 01:58:22,424 --> 01:58:25,860 - So, why did you come to London? - Come to run in the marathon. 1454 01:58:25,961 --> 01:58:28,156 Will you give me a straight answer, please? 1455 01:58:30,132 --> 01:58:33,761 Well, I had to get out of Manchester 'cause I was gonna get a beating... 1456 01:58:33,869 --> 01:58:37,600 and I come down here and, uh... get a beating. 1457 01:58:37,706 --> 01:58:39,765 - Were you asking for it? - No. 1458 01:58:39,875 --> 01:58:41,934 I wasn't. They just come out of nowhere. 1459 01:58:42,044 --> 01:58:44,342 - Honest? - Yeah. 1460 01:58:49,084 --> 01:58:51,279 - So, what you gonna do? - What you gonna do? 1461 01:58:52,388 --> 01:58:54,686 What are you gonna do? 1462 01:58:54,790 --> 01:58:57,384 Don't know. Might go home for the weekend. 1463 01:58:57,493 --> 01:58:59,586 Well, there's no place like it. 1464 01:58:59,695 --> 01:59:01,663 Might not come back. 1465 01:59:03,265 --> 01:59:05,233 Are you going back? 1466 01:59:10,639 --> 01:59:12,607 Is that nice? 1467 01:59:14,376 --> 01:59:17,573 - Yeah. - I'm puttin' the "fun" back in fundament. 1468 01:59:17,680 --> 01:59:19,671 Are ya? 1469 01:59:21,250 --> 01:59:24,378 - Well, I'll have to go back sometime, won't I? - And what about us? 1470 01:59:24,486 --> 01:59:26,852 What about us? 1471 01:59:31,560 --> 01:59:34,358 - Do ya hate me? - Fuck off. 1472 01:59:38,767 --> 01:59:41,201 My mum was seven years younger than you when she had me. 1473 01:59:41,303 --> 01:59:41,949 - Don't. - What? 1474 01:59:41,950 --> 01:59:43,328 Just - 1475 01:59:45,107 --> 01:59:47,837 Well, she was. 1476 01:59:49,945 --> 01:59:51,936 - I'm full of shit, aren't I? - Sometimes. 1477 01:59:52,047 --> 01:59:55,915 - Well, I've had it all kicked out of me now. - Oh. Good. 1478 01:59:57,686 --> 02:00:01,588 What if God just put us here for his own entertainment? 1479 02:00:01,690 --> 02:00:06,093 That's all we are - just something for him to have a bit of a laugh at. 1480 02:00:06,195 --> 02:00:07,856 Could be, couldn't it... 1481 02:00:07,963 --> 02:00:10,056 if you think about it? 1482 02:00:13,202 --> 02:00:15,762 Give us your right hand. 1483 02:00:15,871 --> 02:00:17,839 The other way up. 1484 02:00:25,481 --> 02:00:28,279 What's that? 1485 02:00:30,152 --> 02:00:32,916 - That's funny to me. - You're daft, you. 1486 02:00:33,022 --> 02:00:35,320 It's, uh, toilet humor. 1487 02:00:39,028 --> 02:00:41,792 Will you give me a cuddle, Johnny? 1488 02:00:41,897 --> 02:00:43,865 Yeah. 1489 02:01:10,626 --> 02:01:12,526 What's the matter? 1490 02:01:12,628 --> 02:01:15,597 Can you not tell me? 1491 02:01:29,378 --> 02:01:32,779 If no one tells me what's going on, then how am I supposed to- 1492 02:01:32,881 --> 02:01:34,781 I don't understand, Johnny! 1493 02:01:34,883 --> 02:01:37,317 - How was Zambia? - It was Zimbabwe! 1494 02:01:37,419 --> 02:01:40,786 I went to Zimbabwe with my wanker boyfriend - my ex - 1495 02:01:40,889 --> 02:01:42,789 What did I do wrong? 1496 02:01:42,891 --> 02:01:44,791 Did you see any big animals? 1497 02:01:44,893 --> 02:01:49,330 Yes! We saw elephants and rhinos and zebras and lions and vultures. 1498 02:01:49,431 --> 02:01:51,831 - Did you see any monkeys? - We saw many monkeys. 1499 02:01:51,934 --> 02:01:53,834 Were they cheeky? 1500 02:01:53,936 --> 02:01:56,336 It's not good for me, is it, all this, in my condition? 1501 02:01:56,438 --> 02:02:00,272 Well, yes - No - Yes - It's not good for me, it's not good for you. 1502 02:02:00,375 --> 02:02:04,277 - It's not good for any of us! It's utterly- - Oh, excuse me for living! 1503 02:02:08,150 --> 02:02:10,380 Is - Is this it, Johnny? 1504 02:02:10,486 --> 02:02:12,386 Is what it? 1505 02:02:12,488 --> 02:02:15,116 I can't bear it! 1506 02:02:16,825 --> 02:02:18,725 Right. I'm off! 1507 02:02:18,827 --> 02:02:20,727 Off your trolley. 1508 02:02:20,829 --> 02:02:24,890 Oh, don't fucking take the piss out of me, you bastard! 1509 02:02:25,000 --> 02:02:26,900 You don't know! 1510 02:02:27,002 --> 02:02:31,063 All I want - Nobody has any- 1511 02:02:31,173 --> 02:02:33,573 Can you just please try and- 1512 02:02:33,675 --> 02:02:36,769 - I've had enough! Oh, God! - This is a nightmare! 1513 02:02:38,881 --> 02:02:41,782 - If you could just try and pull yourself together- - Where you going? 1514 02:02:41,884 --> 02:02:44,785 - I don't know! - Why don't you come and have a lie-down? 1515 02:02:44,887 --> 02:02:46,787 - I don't care! - Sophie! 1516 02:02:46,889 --> 02:02:49,289 - Here's the keys! - I don't want the keys. 1517 02:02:49,391 --> 02:02:53,487 - Well, I don't fucking want 'em! - I'm not a social worker! 1518 02:02:53,595 --> 02:02:55,495 Sophie. 1519 02:02:55,597 --> 02:02:57,497 Don't be fucking stupid. 1520 02:02:57,599 --> 02:03:00,090 What's the point, Louise? 1521 02:03:00,202 --> 02:03:03,603 Sophie! 1522 02:03:04,439 --> 02:03:07,135 I'm sorry. 1523 02:03:31,567 --> 02:03:33,537 Johnny. 1524 02:03:42,077 --> 02:03:43,977 You all right? 1525 02:03:44,079 --> 02:03:47,139 - Mmm? - I'm going. 1526 02:03:47,249 --> 02:03:50,150 - Where? - Work, to hand me notice in. 1527 02:03:50,252 --> 02:03:53,153 Then I'm coming back here and packing me bags and I'm going home. 1528 02:03:53,255 --> 02:03:55,519 - Do you want to come? - Today? 1529 02:03:55,624 --> 02:03:56,852 - Yeah. - You serious? 1530 02:03:56,959 --> 02:03:58,517 - Yeah. - How? 1531 02:03:58,627 --> 02:04:00,254 Bus. 1532 02:04:03,098 --> 02:04:04,998 - Well, have you got enough dough? - Yeah. 1533 02:04:05,100 --> 02:04:07,227 - 'Cause I've not got nothin'. - I know. 1534 02:04:09,938 --> 02:04:12,839 Do you think you can make it? 1535 02:04:12,941 --> 02:04:14,568 Don't know. 1536 02:04:16,111 --> 02:04:19,410 Well, if you can't, we can stay here till tomorrow. 1537 02:04:31,293 --> 02:04:33,261 I'll see you later. 1538 02:04:34,529 --> 02:04:37,191 Uh, can you leave us a few fags for cancer research? 1539 02:04:37,299 --> 02:04:39,267 Here are your sh - 1540 02:04:40,435 --> 02:04:43,336 I was actually hoping that the air could- 1541 02:04:43,438 --> 02:04:46,066 What are we gonna do about all this? 1542 02:04:46,174 --> 02:04:48,074 I don't know, Sandra. 1543 02:04:48,176 --> 02:04:50,144 Look, I'll see you in a couple of hours. 1544 02:04:50,245 --> 02:04:52,475 - Fine. - Uh, you will come back? 1545 02:04:52,581 --> 02:04:54,481 Yeah. Of course I will. 1546 02:04:54,583 --> 02:04:56,676 - Because I need - - You'll be all right, won't ya? 1547 02:04:56,785 --> 02:05:01,085 - Will I be all right, love? - I'm gonna get the bath cleaned. 1548 02:05:19,041 --> 02:05:21,669 You all know what it does to you... 1549 02:05:21,777 --> 02:05:25,338 and yet you still insist on doing it, so do it. 1550 02:05:25,447 --> 02:05:27,881 Smoke yourself to... 1551 02:05:27,983 --> 02:05:29,883 Well, birds do it, bees do it. 1552 02:05:29,985 --> 02:05:32,351 High heaven. 1553 02:05:32,454 --> 02:05:34,354 Can you tell me something, love? 1554 02:05:34,456 --> 02:05:37,357 Is it true that some babies are born covered in fur? 1555 02:05:37,459 --> 02:05:39,689 Up. 1556 02:05:39,795 --> 02:05:41,695 Thank you. 1557 02:05:41,797 --> 02:05:44,698 And you know, at birth, when you cut the umbilical cord... 1558 02:05:44,800 --> 02:05:48,201 what would happen if, uh- well, if it was never cut? 1559 02:05:48,303 --> 02:05:51,272 I don't need this. I just - 1560 02:05:51,373 --> 02:05:54,069 Well, it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it? Especially at my age. 1561 02:05:54,176 --> 02:05:57,077 Why do you feel the need to take the piss? 1562 02:05:57,179 --> 02:05:58,942 I'm not taking a piss. 1563 02:05:59,047 --> 02:06:01,743 - It's nice, that. Where is it from? - I don't know. 1564 02:06:01,850 --> 02:06:03,545 It's something my dad - 1565 02:06:03,652 --> 02:06:05,916 Now, you see, Sophie just turned that to the wall. 1566 02:06:06,021 --> 02:06:09,218 She's got this kind of irritating proclivity for negation. 1567 02:06:09,324 --> 02:06:11,292 Suppose she thinks it's progressive or something. 1568 02:06:11,393 --> 02:06:14,556 - What is your problem? - Nothing. What's your problem? 1569 02:06:14,663 --> 02:06:17,894 All these silly questions and - 1570 02:06:18,000 --> 02:06:22,061 Well, look, I've never met a nurse before, and I'm just interested in, uh - well, in life. 1571 02:06:22,170 --> 02:06:24,434 I mean, do you think it's worth savin'? 1572 02:06:24,539 --> 02:06:26,439 Of course I do! 1573 02:06:26,541 --> 02:06:29,203 But there is a time and a place... 1574 02:06:29,311 --> 02:06:33,304 and, actually, this isn't the time or- 1575 02:06:34,082 --> 02:06:36,175 - The place? - No. 1576 02:06:36,284 --> 02:06:39,879 And this is where I - 1577 02:06:39,988 --> 02:06:42,183 - Live? - Yes! 1578 02:06:42,290 --> 02:06:44,190 And I'm not feeling very- 1579 02:06:44,292 --> 02:06:45,919 - Sexy? - Comfortable, actually. 1580 02:06:46,028 --> 02:06:47,757 I'm not feeling very comfortable. 1581 02:06:47,863 --> 02:06:51,424 Well, make yourself comfortable, love, or slip into something more. 1582 02:06:53,502 --> 02:06:55,402 My bath - 1583 02:06:55,504 --> 02:07:00,635 Hot toast, hot milk, hot water bottle, bed, sleep. 1584 02:07:00,742 --> 02:07:03,233 - Do you like me? - I don't know you. 1585 02:07:03,345 --> 02:07:06,075 - So - - Do you find me attractive? 1586 02:07:07,949 --> 02:07:09,883 Well, listen, love, it's like this - I find you attractive. 1587 02:07:09,985 --> 02:07:12,886 - Very attractive. - Enough. 1588 02:07:12,988 --> 02:07:14,888 I've had enough. 1589 02:07:14,990 --> 02:07:19,324 It comes at me from all angles. 1590 02:07:19,428 --> 02:07:21,328 Y-You - All of you just - 1591 02:07:21,430 --> 02:07:23,455 I-It's the tin lids - 1592 02:07:23,565 --> 02:07:27,831 When - How will the world ever - 1593 02:07:28,804 --> 02:07:30,897 - End? - Yes!