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People said there was a curse
on the dukes of Bournemouth.
4
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:47,047
The seventh duke lost all his hair in a bet.
5
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:52,386
In 1640, the fifth duke,
while on a drinking spree,
6
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,556
went to church on a cow
and set fire to the choir.
7
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,934
He fled to France,
where he lived and subsequently died,
8
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,687
under the illusion that he was a footstool.
9
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,897
The ninth duke married his horse
10
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:08,402
and scandalized society
by riding his wife at Ascot,
11
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,321
where she came in third in the second race.
12
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,157
In the 1920s, the 12th duke
13
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,828
was present at the opening
of the tomb of King Tutankhamen.
14
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:19,955
In the excitement which followed,
15
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:23,083
he was accidentally bitten on the buttock
by a deranged donkey
16
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,169
and died three days later.
17
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,796
Forty years later, the 14th duke
18
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,674
became a victim of the '60s.
19
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,427
He didn't die, but married an American,
20
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,721
a model, Lucinda,
21
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:38,849
who, in those days,
called herself "Available Space".
22
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:43,937
They had a baby
23
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:47,900
who would one day become
the 15th duke of Bournemouth.
24
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,902
They christened him simply
25
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:53,947
Thomas Henry Butterfly Rainbow Peace.
26
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,044
He was accidentally
abandoned in a restaurant.
27
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,591
Left behind like a tip.
28
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:19,765
I was so happy all of the time
29
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,351
With my baby, I was oh-so fine
30
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,187
Oh, my God! We've forgotten the baby!
31
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,064
Oh, shit.
32
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,484
By the time they remembered him,
33
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,819
he had disappeared in his Moses basket
34
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,572
with only a monogrammed blanket
and a silver rattle.
35
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,492
Darling, do you remember the baby's name?
36
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:43,539
The curse of the Bournemouths
had struck again.
37
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:50,921
Someone came and stole my baby away
38
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,381
Hey, hey, hey, hey
39
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:57,135
Someone came
and stole my whole life away
40
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:01,682
I was so happy all of the time
41
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,977
With my baby, I was oh-so fine
42
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:08,313
But you came right along
and knocked me for a song
43
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:11,775
You took everything that should be
mine, mine, mine, mine
44
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:16,029
Someone came
and stole my happiness away
45
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:17,990
Hey, hey, hey, hey
46
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:22,786
Now somehow that someone's
gonna have to pay
47
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:27,082
I lost my baby when he stepped in
48
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,127
He took my life and everything
49
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:33,589
He stole my baby, now I'm so blue
50
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:37,009
Tell me what to do
51
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:42,055
Someone came and stole my baby away
52
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,640
Hey, hey, hey, hey
53
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:48,353
Someone came
and stole my happiness today
54
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:52,649
He came along, he did me wrong
55
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:56,486
Now my whole life's gone
56
00:03:56,528 --> 00:04:01,575
Someone came
and stole my whole life away
57
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,578
He's gonna have to pay, some way
58
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,956
He's gonna have to pay, some day
59
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:10,792
Yes, he's gonna have to pay
60
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,859
More reports of the puma
61
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,779
that has been terrorizing residents
living on the Bournemouth estate.
62
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,698
Gita, turn that off.
63
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,867
You'll be late for school.
64
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,036
Now, go to the bathroom and wash.
65
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,288
I can't, Mom. Ranji's in there.
66
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,542
Still? What does he do in there?
67
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,636
Ranjit! Come out of there at once!
68
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,891
Ranjit, you'll be late for your work.
69
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,145
Ranjit Patel! Come out here at once!
70
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,400
Oh, all right, Mum! I'm sorry.
71
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,360
Bye, everybody.
72
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,695
Bye, Ranji.
73
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:20,821
See you later.
74
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,327
I, too, suffered
from the curse of the Bournemouths.
75
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,246
I work for them.
76
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,582
My name's Tommy Patel,
77
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,168
and I grew up here in Southall.
78
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,505
Every day, I commuted
from our little corner shop
79
00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:42,092
to my city job,
where I worked as a commodities broker
80
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,678
on the trading floor
of Bournemouth and Bournemouth.
81
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,431
Yeah, Nigel, no, no, don't go higher
than a quarter of a million.
82
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,850
Honestly, I promise you
it'll never go higher than that.
83
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,935
Believe me. Trust me. Okay, bye.
84
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,021
Angela, where the hell is that coffee?
85
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,272
It's coming!
86
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,899
It should be here now!
87
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,150
Yes, master.
88
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,277
Come on, girl. Pull your finger out.
89
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,279
What have you been sitting on all weekend?
90
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,073
May I remind you of sexual harassment
in the workplace?
91
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,285
Very sweet of you, my darling,
but I'm far too busy right now.
92
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,121
I saw that!
93
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,124
Don't have to worry
about me, dear. I'm bisexual.
94
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,043
Whenever I want sex, I have to buy it.
95
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,754
Patel. I've got a job for you.
96
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,591
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Andrews, I can't possibly.
I'm right in the middle of a deal.
97
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,551
Yes, obviously. Just drop it.
98
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,470
I want you to meet
this very important American
99
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:27,971
and show him round for a few days.
100
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,264
I'm far too busy, sir.
101
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,183
That is an order from the Chairman.
102
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,936
This is a VIP from New York.
103
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,188
I want you to hold his hand
and show him London.
104
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,065
Why me?
105
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,775
Because I don't like you.
106
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,028
Bugger it up and you'll be out of a job.
107
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,115
Great.
108
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:06,844
Excuse me. Could you help me, please?
I want Conduit Street.
109
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,513
-Huh?
-I'm trying to find Conduit Street.
110
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,181
-Conduit Street?
-Yeah.
111
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,225
See the lights?
112
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,518
Yeah.
113
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:20,357
Morning. Morning, gents.
114
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:22,818
Morning.
115
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,154
Conduit Street?
116
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,116
Get a taxi.
117
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,578
Coming around.
118
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,540
Morning. Morning.
119
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,043
Whoa!
120
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,172
I'm sorry. Oh!
121
00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:45,132
You all right?
122
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,302
I don't know who you are,
but this is not a skating rink, okay?
123
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,387
I'm Henry Martin.
I was just following the line in the marble.
124
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,556
-Follow the line in the marble right outside.
-It's so smooth.
125
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,016
There's a little kiddie's park over the road...
126
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,434
Well, I'm from the New York office.
127
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,727
And I'm supposed to
meet somebody here and...
128
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,313
Oh, hi! Hello! I'm meeting you.
129
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,606
I'm Tommy Patel.
130
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,816
-Oh, hi, Tommy.
-I love the skates!
131
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,359
Thanks. This marble is so smooth.
132
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,195
I've been on cobblestones
and bridges all morning.
133
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,238
I mean, I don't know
if these things are gonna catch on here
134
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,199
'cause you really should be sober to do it.
135
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,700
But these are gonna revolutionize commuting.
136
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,410
I beat the tube. I beat the traffic.
137
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,621
There's no parking fees.
You want to try them?
138
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,497
Hey, you!
139
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,291
It's all right, Jobson, he's with me.
140
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,876
I thought he might be.
141
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,085
Hello, Jobson.
142
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:23,921
Oh, my God, it's you, sir.
143
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,255
Didn't expect to see me, huh?
144
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,381
No, I did not.
145
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,091
I'll be around for a while, so...
146
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,344
So, oh! How nice.
147
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,639
Well, I'll leave you with Mr. Patel.
148
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,265
Good luck.
149
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,851
Okay, let's get to work.
150
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,437
Go upstairs to petty cash,
get £200. You hungry?
151
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,272
-Yes.
-Get about £300, okay?
152
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,649
What's the name of the pub across the street?
153
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,484
It's the Dick? The Dickhead? The Dick?
154
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,277
-The Richard III!
-Richard III!
155
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,322
Go upstairs, get the money.
And I'll meet you across the street in the pub.
156
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,657
In the pub?
157
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:56,370
It's a long way to go
158
00:08:57,079 --> 00:09:00,332
It's a long way to Tipperary
159
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:03,794
To the sweetest girl I know
160
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,172
Goodbye, Piccadilly
161
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:10,342
Farewell, Leicester Square
162
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,177
Tommy! That's my mate, Tommy. Say hi.
163
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,512
Hi!
164
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,638
Hi, hi.
165
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,432
-You got the money?
-Yes, I got 300, cash.
166
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,101
Give it to Mona, would you?
167
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,644
-What?
-Thanks, babe.
168
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:27,526
What else you got for me?
169
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,819
I got some theater tickets.
170
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,529
Wait, wait, let me guess.
171
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:34,324
Cats, Les Mis, and...
172
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,201
What's the one with the helicopter?
173
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:37,786
-Mrs. Saigon.
-Mrs. Saigon.
174
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:38,954
Yeah.
175
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,372
Great!
176
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,751
Who needs a pair?
Who needs a pair?
177
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,171
Couple of stalls.
Unobstructed views of the chopper!
178
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,006
Hi. You, sir. Yes, sir.
179
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,509
Fine, enjoy yourself.
It's kind of a Sound of Music meets Platoon.
180
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:56,180
Look at that! 50 quids, huh?
Come on. Let's see a show!
181
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,767
Now, she was a great Hamlet.
182
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,186
Sure.
183
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,022
I just don't remember
the banana scene in Hamlet.
184
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,773
Yeah, it's sort of a tropical interpretation.
185
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,484
I'll tell you, if Shakespeare
were alive today, he would die.
186
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,279
Oh, my darling
187
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,864
Oh, my darling
188
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:17,034
Oh, my darling Clementine
189
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,538
Look at that view, man.
190
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,708
I feel great!
191
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:30,547
...two million pounds.
I'm gonna buy two million pounds...
192
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,008
Are you all right?
193
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,551
No.
194
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,347
What happened to you then last night?
195
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,603
He did.
196
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,022
-Morning, fellows.
-Morning.
197
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,024
Hey, Glen...
198
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,652
Uh-oh.
199
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,407
Patel?
200
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,786
There is some money
missing from petty cash.
201
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:04,248
Ah! Yes, sir. I can explain that, sir.
202
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:06,416
Did you take £500?
203
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,043
No, sir.
204
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,461
-No?
-No, sir.
205
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:12,673
Yes, sir.
206
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:17,052
Yes, I took £300, sir.
207
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,762
Three?
208
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,806
Three
209
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:24,601
plus two equals...
210
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,729
Equals five.
211
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,815
Five. I took £500, sir.
212
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,568
What did you want it for?
213
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,404
It was for the barmaid.
214
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,616
It was... No, it was for the...
215
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,952
The bar...
216
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:43,662
It was for the bar mitzvah.
217
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:44,955
The what?
218
00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:02,848
I borrowed it.
219
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,475
I borrowed it, sir.
220
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,146
I see. And you will see the Chairman
first thing on Monday morning.
221
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:11,690
And I shall recommend that you're fired.
222
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:15,152
Wait! I can explain everything, sir.
223
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,072
Bloody Henry!
224
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,534
After all those years of
crawling at the office, he got me fired!
225
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,996
It was back to the comer shop.
226
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,874
But the Hindu gods were smiling on me.
227
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,670
For that weekend, fate kindly intervened.
228
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:37,883
My boss, the Chairman and
14th duke of Bournemouth
229
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,513
fell off the back of his yacht.
230
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:47,684
The curse of the Bournemouths
had struck again.
231
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:53,857
Good luck.
232
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,610
When I reported for dismissal on Monday,
233
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,529
there was a new chairman.
234
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,203
Hello, Tommy.
235
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,664
Guess who's a duke?
236
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:11,375
Holy shit!
237
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:15,170
-You are...
-The 15th duke of Bournemouth.
238
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,132
My God!
239
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,135
You lucky bastard!
240
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,388
Congratulations!
241
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,722
Thanks, man.
242
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,391
I'm sorry about your father.
243
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,978
Oh, well, he was a mean son of a bitch.
244
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,772
I never really got to know him.
245
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,901
He was uptight and
emotionally dead, like all Brits.
246
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,653
Oh, no offense.
247
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,071
But you're American.
248
00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:43,699
Mom's American,
sent me to school in the States.
249
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:47,494
Didn't want me growing up a masturbating
wreck from an English public school.
250
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,246
Why ever not, if you're gonna be a duke?
251
00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:51,123
Tommy, just because I've been made a duke
252
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,916
doesn't mean anything's
gonna change between us.
253
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,126
Get my drink, would you?
254
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,086
-Hmm.
-Hmm?
255
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,966
Here they are, sir.
256
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,927
What the bloody hell are you doing in here?
257
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:05,512
All right, here we go.
258
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:07,055
You're both fired!
259
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:08,807
Oh, dear.
260
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:10,809
Shall I tell him?
261
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,394
No, I should tell him really, I guess.
262
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:14,354
Oh, please. Can I tell him?
263
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:18,442
Mr. Andrews, this is the
new duke of Bournemouth.
264
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,611
But you're a Yank!
265
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:22,279
And you're history.
266
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,615
-I'm what?
-You're fired.
267
00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:34,291
Goodbye!
Bye! Don't slam the door.
268
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,419
Ha! Come on,
let's have a drink. Let's celebrate.
269
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,087
Congratulations, sir.
270
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,131
You can kiss ass later, Brittle.
271
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,466
Thank you, sir.
272
00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:52,309
Tommy, this is my ancestral home.
273
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,645
What, Harrods?
274
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,772
Oh, no, this telephone booth.
275
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,025
-Cheers!
-Still don't understand.
276
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,610
Read this.
277
00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:05,072
"The Bournemouth baby
disappeared in his Moses basket,
278
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,491
"with only a monogrammed
blanket and a silver rattle."
279
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,326
I am the Bournemouth baby.
280
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,328
Oh.
281
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:14,164
"Few days later,
the baby was found in a telephone booth
282
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:15,457
"outside Harrods."
283
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:18,168
This is my first home. Now it's my fourth.
284
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170
Well, no, fifth if you include
the south of France.
285
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:22,756
There's the apartment in New York, too,
but it's not much bigger than this.
286
00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:25,300
"The baby was found in his Moses basket."
287
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,427
Mummy still has that Moses basket.
288
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:29,304
Pity though, somebody stole the rattle.
289
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,014
Solid silver, 1748.
290
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:33,725
All right, you two, what's going on?
291
00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:35,185
Ah, Officer!
292
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,062
We've decided to have
dinner in another booth,
293
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,982
but the service here was fantastic!
294
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,068
He's the Bournemouth baby.
295
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:46,363
Henry, you're not supposed to tip policemen.
296
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:48,657
Well, I can't give him a drink.
He's on duty.
297
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,327
Sleep tight, gents.
298
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,876
Oh. There it is. Come on.
299
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:04,840
There's a step here now.
300
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,633
Where? Oh, thank you.
301
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,767
Drunk again, sir?
302
00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:18,478
That's okay, butler. So are we.
303
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:42,753
I was incredibly
hungover at temple next day.
304
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:47,549
And very late for Henry's father's funeral.
305
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:02,397
Excuse me.
306
00:17:07,611 --> 00:17:09,112
Psst. Tommy!
307
00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:11,406
I got a seat for you here!
308
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,367
Excuse me.
309
00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:25,045
Sorry I'm late.
310
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,381
That's okay. You haven't missed anything yet.
311
00:17:57,995 --> 00:17:59,955
You know what?
I don't think I'm gonna come in.
312
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:01,331
Oh, don't be shy. Come on!
313
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,125
No, I'm not really dressed for this.
314
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,419
Look at the way he's dressed.
Come on, come on.
315
00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:07,421
You'll have a great time.
316
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,966
Yes, I know. Thank you, General.
It really is a shame.
317
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,968
Anyway, look, there's football
on in the lounge if you get bored.
318
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,929
Folks, this way. Hi, Cybil.
Hats over there, tea upstairs.
319
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,601
Yes!
320
00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,985
And she says, "I'm not holding anything
that rough without gloves."
321
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:34,364
You want some?
322
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,326
Loosen up. Mingle. It's a party.
323
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,995
Anyway, they start hiking...
324
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,089
Don't I know you?
325
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:52,758
No.
326
00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:55,928
You sure look familiar. Who are you?
327
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:57,804
I'm a friend of Henry's.
328
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,642
You remind me of my late husband.
329
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:04,019
-I do?
-Of course, I haven't seen you naked.
330
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,521
No.
331
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:07,231
He was hung like a badger.
332
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,234
Really? Is that good?
333
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:12,861
Only if you're a badger.
334
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:19,076
Mmm. You lucky boy.
335
00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:21,745
She fancies you.
336
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:23,330
Really? How can you tell?
337
00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:24,831
She fancies everybody.
338
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,876
That's Henry's mother,
the black sheep to the family.
339
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,920
She took so many strokes in the '60s,
340
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,588
they called her the U.S. Open.
341
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,507
A real man-eater.
342
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,510
But perhaps you like being eaten.
343
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,471
Kitty Farrant.
344
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,557
Hi. My name's Tommy Patel.
345
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:42,766
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Patel.
346
00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:43,934
Please, call me Tommy.
347
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,228
No, I think Mr. Patel will do for now.
348
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:49,773
I do love your flowers.
What are you, an old hippie?
349
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:51,692
No, I'm an Asian.
350
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,735
Oh, of course, yes.
351
00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:55,946
I spotted that straight away.
352
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,782
Blond hair, blue eyes. Typical Asian.
353
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,745
Mmm-mmm.
354
00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:09,001
You're definitely for it.
355
00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:11,378
Oh, I think that's just a facial tic.
356
00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:19,261
Excuse me.
357
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:24,308
Dreadful girl. Her father's in beer.
358
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,518
Come.
359
00:20:28,187 --> 00:20:30,230
So, we meet again.
360
00:20:30,856 --> 00:20:32,191
Yes.
361
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:36,403
Look at them.
362
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,239
Don't the English ever enjoy themselves?
363
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,201
Well, it is a funeral.
364
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,702
It's not their funeral.
365
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:46,830
No. Oh, I'm sorry about your husband.
366
00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,498
You didn't have to sleep with him.
367
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:49,875
His idea of a good time in bed
368
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,585
was three newspapers and a cup of tea.
369
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,128
More tea, sir?
370
00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:54,296
No, thank you.
371
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:56,590
He thought foreplay was a kind of golf.
372
00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,676
Really, a hot water bottle
is more fun in bed than most Brits.
373
00:21:00,219 --> 00:21:02,137
It's a wonder they ever reproduce.
374
00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:05,641
I must mingle.
375
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,728
If there's anything you want, anything at all,
376
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,105
just ask.
377
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,861
They are all counted, sir.
378
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:20,447
-Oh, I'm sorry...
-No need to explain.
379
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:24,368
I myself come from the lower classes.
380
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:27,996
Oh, relax, would you? Keep the spoon.
381
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:31,166
I've got thousands of them.
He's such a creep, isn't he?
382
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,382
Where did you get this, Ranjit?
383
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:40,759
Henry gave it to me. It's nice, isn't it?
384
00:21:41,051 --> 00:21:42,719
What's the matter, Mum? You sick?
385
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:45,013
No.
386
00:21:45,556 --> 00:21:47,850
It's time I told you certain things, Ranjit.
387
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:49,476
Like what, Mum?
388
00:21:49,685 --> 00:21:51,895
Like why you don't like curry.
389
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,857
And why you don't look like your father.
390
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:58,569
Ranjit, you were adopted.
391
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:01,071
You are not really a Patel.
392
00:22:02,239 --> 00:22:03,907
You mean I'm not really Asian?
393
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,785
No, I'm sorry.
394
00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:16,211
Ranjit, the agency made us take you in.
395
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:18,839
Because we needed the money.
396
00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:20,591
What, you mean you were paid to take me?
397
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,926
Yes. £3.10 a week.
398
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,846
Oh, great!
399
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:29,474
Ranjit, when you came from the agency,
400
00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:31,894
you had only two possessions in the world.
401
00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,609
This monogrammed blanket,
402
00:22:39,610 --> 00:22:41,111
and this silver rattle.
403
00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:56,126
Yeah. You're adopted,
all right. See? That's you.
404
00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:02,257
It says you were brought in
by an anonymous woman reeking of garlic.
405
00:23:02,299 --> 00:23:03,675
Garlic?
406
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:07,179
She insisted you be adopted
by a member of the working class
407
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:09,223
to save you from the curse of money.
408
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:10,891
How very thoughtful.
409
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:13,101
Yeah. Here we are.
410
00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:15,979
Indian family, name of Patel.
411
00:23:16,188 --> 00:23:19,483
And the lawyer who handled the case
was called Shadgrind.
412
00:23:19,983 --> 00:23:21,235
Shadgrind?
413
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:25,614
Shadgrind and Shadgrind,
-68
-B, Billingsgate Court.
414
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:26,740
And the date?
415
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,117
Fifth of June.
416
00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:31,036
It's the same date.
417
00:23:31,662 --> 00:23:32,829
Pardon?
418
00:23:32,955 --> 00:23:34,581
There's no doubt about it.
419
00:23:34,915 --> 00:23:36,333
What, sir?
420
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:38,836
I am the Bournemouth baby!
421
00:23:41,046 --> 00:23:42,589
You are a baby.
422
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,341
I should be Henry!
423
00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:49,388
Delightful, really. You must have one of these.
424
00:23:51,098 --> 00:23:52,307
Mmm.
425
00:23:55,352 --> 00:23:56,687
Your Grace,
426
00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,355
my lords, ladies and gentlemen,
427
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,275
I give you the new duke!
428
00:24:01,859 --> 00:24:03,402
The new duke!
429
00:24:04,403 --> 00:24:05,779
Thank you.
430
00:24:05,946 --> 00:24:07,155
Speech!
431
00:24:07,406 --> 00:24:08,657
Oh, no, no, no, no.
432
00:24:08,699 --> 00:24:10,367
Excuse me. I have to go throw up.
433
00:24:10,826 --> 00:24:11,869
What?
434
00:24:11,952 --> 00:24:13,537
-Just a diet thing.
-What?
435
00:24:13,704 --> 00:24:17,374
Well, first of all, let me say how truly
appreciative I am that you are all here,
436
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:20,878
to tell you how wonderfully comfortable I am
437
00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:23,172
in this, my new humble home.
438
00:24:25,424 --> 00:24:27,301
I'm really thrilled
439
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:32,055
to know that this is all mine!
440
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,731
They say it's lonely at the top.
441
00:24:41,190 --> 00:24:43,400
But it's a damn sight lonelier at the bottom.
442
00:24:44,193 --> 00:24:46,153
And I was tired of being there.
443
00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:48,238
I thought I'd do a little checking up
444
00:24:48,322 --> 00:24:51,074
to see just exactly
what should have been mine.
445
00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:00,000
Shit!
446
00:25:02,336 --> 00:25:04,087
-Hello.
-Hello, Jim.
447
00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:07,591
It was definitely time to seek legal advice.
448
00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:14,014
Ah!
449
00:25:14,598 --> 00:25:17,059
So, you were one of mine, were you?
450
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:18,393
Yes, I was.
451
00:25:18,894 --> 00:25:22,773
There were so many of you orphans.
Unwanted children all over the place.
452
00:25:22,898 --> 00:25:25,817
People went sex-mad in the '60s, you know?
453
00:25:26,485 --> 00:25:29,613
They seemed to do it just for fun. Weird.
454
00:25:30,656 --> 00:25:34,576
So, you believe yourself to
be the duke of Bournemouth, do you?
455
00:25:34,952 --> 00:25:36,578
Yes, I'm absolutely convinced of it.
456
00:25:36,787 --> 00:25:40,874
Mmm-hmm. Well, legally,
I'm afraid, you haven't a leg to stand on.
457
00:25:41,959 --> 00:25:43,502
But the blanket and the rattle.
458
00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,087
Ah, could have been stolen.
459
00:25:45,838 --> 00:25:47,130
Well, the date.
460
00:25:47,297 --> 00:25:48,799
It was coincidence.
461
00:25:49,842 --> 00:25:51,677
I'm sorry, Mr. Patel,
462
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,429
but where is the present duke
supposed to have come from?
463
00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:57,599
Well, he must have been adopted.
464
00:25:58,308 --> 00:26:01,520
And that's what you'd tell the House of Lords
Committee for Privileges, is it?
465
00:26:01,895 --> 00:26:03,397
-Yes.
-Yes.
466
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,191
Mr. Patel, you cannot adopt a duke.
467
00:26:06,984 --> 00:26:08,861
That is the whole point.
468
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,368
Of course, it would be
quite different if he died.
469
00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:18,495
Why?
470
00:26:19,288 --> 00:26:22,666
Well, you see, three dukedoms
have died out in the past 10 years.
471
00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:25,836
There's Newcastle, Portland and Leeds.
472
00:26:26,003 --> 00:26:28,172
And the House of Lords
don't like that, you see.
473
00:26:28,213 --> 00:26:30,841
The House of Lords like
to keep the dukedoms ticking along.
474
00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:33,510
So if you turned up out of the blue,
475
00:26:33,552 --> 00:26:35,304
claiming that you were the true heir,
476
00:26:35,345 --> 00:26:38,015
you'd have a pretty good case, yes.
477
00:26:38,140 --> 00:26:40,642
If he was dead.
478
00:26:42,394 --> 00:26:43,645
Oh, I see.
479
00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:47,357
So unless there's an accident...
480
00:26:49,443 --> 00:26:50,986
-A what?
-An accident.
481
00:26:52,446 --> 00:26:53,697
Accidents happen, don't they?
482
00:26:53,739 --> 00:26:56,867
You know, car crashes, shooting accidents,
483
00:26:56,909 --> 00:26:58,702
people falling out of windows,
484
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:01,371
or drinking mercuric chloride in brandy,
485
00:27:01,413 --> 00:27:02,664
which not only conceals the taste,
486
00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,334
but also makes subsequent
chemical detection practically impossible.
487
00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:07,419
That sort of thing, you know, accidents.
488
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:09,671
An accident?
489
00:27:09,713 --> 00:27:11,048
Mmm.
490
00:27:11,173 --> 00:27:13,967
Though not much hope of that, is there?
491
00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:16,887
No, no, no.
492
00:27:17,095 --> 00:27:19,348
Of course, that's just a legal opinion.
493
00:27:20,974 --> 00:27:22,351
So...
494
00:27:24,228 --> 00:27:25,604
Big estate, is it?
495
00:27:25,687 --> 00:27:26,772
Oh, yes, vast.
496
00:27:26,855 --> 00:27:29,233
Pity. Well, goodbye.
497
00:27:30,108 --> 00:27:34,071
Unless, of course, anything happens,
God forbid, in the accident department,
498
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:36,740
in which case, au revoir.
499
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:40,202
Thanks anyway.
500
00:27:42,788 --> 00:27:44,081
A duke.
501
00:27:44,540 --> 00:27:46,917
Should I look up, proudly,
to be admired by the people?
502
00:27:48,085 --> 00:27:50,587
Or down, disdainfully, at the throng?
503
00:27:51,630 --> 00:27:53,423
Why don't I give you a few things?
504
00:27:53,465 --> 00:27:54,967
Thank you, Your Grace.
505
00:27:55,133 --> 00:27:56,927
-Too much?
-Not at all, Your Grace.
506
00:27:59,137 --> 00:28:00,430
-Wonderful.
-Really?
507
00:28:00,472 --> 00:28:01,974
-Really good.
-What do you guys think?
508
00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:03,767
You still look like a dick.
509
00:28:03,851 --> 00:28:05,394
A cute dick, though.
510
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:07,938
Take one of me in front of the fountains.
511
00:28:08,063 --> 00:28:10,107
Certainly, Your Grace. Wonderful!
512
00:28:11,984 --> 00:28:13,902
You know, I'm the first duke under 5'6".
513
00:28:13,944 --> 00:28:14,945
Really, Your Grace?
514
00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:17,155
Except for the third duke, who was beheaded.
515
00:28:18,532 --> 00:28:20,367
-Can you see the irises?
-Yes, Your Grace.
516
00:28:20,450 --> 00:28:23,120
Let's do one with the pumas.
No, no, no, let's do one with the house.
517
00:28:24,079 --> 00:28:26,790
It's supposed be a portrait,
not a real-estate brochure.
518
00:28:27,583 --> 00:28:29,668
An American duke.
Do you know how rare that is?
519
00:28:29,793 --> 00:28:33,005
Yes. Oh! I'd give anything to live here.
520
00:28:33,964 --> 00:28:36,133
Yes, I'm sure you will.
521
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,386
Well, anybody feel like a swim?
522
00:28:39,928 --> 00:28:41,555
Yes, I'll swim, Henry.
523
00:28:45,225 --> 00:28:47,769
And this is the great Hall of Saddlers,
524
00:28:47,811 --> 00:28:49,813
the ducal home of the Bournemouths.
525
00:28:50,314 --> 00:28:52,274
This is the family coat of arms.
526
00:28:52,316 --> 00:28:54,443
And there you can see the distinctive puma,
527
00:28:54,651 --> 00:28:56,445
which has been the family emblem
528
00:28:56,486 --> 00:28:58,697
since the third duke, Tristram,
529
00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:02,159
went to South America,
where he lost a leg on safari.
530
00:29:02,284 --> 00:29:04,077
-Oh, very careless of him.
531
00:29:04,328 --> 00:29:07,372
This picture over here
is Lady Virginia Martin,
532
00:29:07,915 --> 00:29:10,125
who gave her all for charity.
533
00:29:11,210 --> 00:29:13,795
And this is the long-suffering Duchess Diana
534
00:29:14,338 --> 00:29:15,923
with her parrot.
535
00:29:16,882 --> 00:29:18,842
And this is Colonel Dicky Martin,
536
00:29:18,926 --> 00:29:21,345
who, as a result of a famous
military operation,
537
00:29:21,637 --> 00:29:23,347
became Mrs. Betty Young.
538
00:29:24,473 --> 00:29:27,392
This is the register
of the births of the Bournemouths.
539
00:29:27,684 --> 00:29:29,728
And here you can see the latest heir,
540
00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:32,314
Thomas Henry Butterfly
Rainbow Peace Martin.
541
00:29:47,538 --> 00:29:49,373
Good afternoon, everyone.
542
00:29:50,916 --> 00:29:53,794
I'm Henry Martin,
the 15th Duke of Bournemouth.
543
00:29:55,170 --> 00:29:56,547
Now, on other tours,
544
00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:59,550
I know you don't even get to see
a real duke, let alone meet one.
545
00:29:59,716 --> 00:30:00,968
So this is your lucky day.
546
00:30:01,051 --> 00:30:03,554
I want to begin by
shaking everybody's hands. Hello.
547
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,556
Just a little old custom
from back home in the States.
548
00:30:05,597 --> 00:30:08,183
Don't be afraid. You're gonna be able to tell
all your friends and families
549
00:30:08,225 --> 00:30:09,810
that you shook hands with a real, live duke.
550
00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:12,563
Take a break, Watson.
Now, I'm gonna show you parts of this house
551
00:30:12,646 --> 00:30:14,731
-that are never before seen on this tour.
-But...
552
00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:17,067
You know what?
I'll answer all the questions in a little while.
553
00:30:17,150 --> 00:30:18,694
But for now, follow me.
554
00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:23,407
This is the white china puma in
here which is worth over £30,000.
555
00:30:26,743 --> 00:30:27,953
Oy!
556
00:30:28,829 --> 00:30:30,330
Where are you going?
557
00:30:31,915 --> 00:30:33,250
Come back!
558
00:30:34,459 --> 00:30:37,004
You can't go in there. It's private apartments.
559
00:30:40,174 --> 00:30:41,592
Come back!
560
00:30:42,467 --> 00:30:43,760
Bollocks!
561
00:30:53,645 --> 00:30:56,064
At last, the penny dropped.
562
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,567
The Duchess was my real mother.
563
00:30:59,193 --> 00:31:00,777
Butler, I'm just going for a swim.
564
00:31:01,069 --> 00:31:02,279
Very well, Your Grace.
565
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,553
Oh, Rainbow Peace.
566
00:31:30,432 --> 00:31:32,559
Oh, my little Rainbow Peace.
567
00:31:35,604 --> 00:31:37,147
Where are you?
568
00:31:54,331 --> 00:31:56,667
One move and I'll blow your balls off!
569
00:31:56,708 --> 00:31:59,336
Please. Stop.
570
00:32:00,212 --> 00:32:02,214
Don't! No, wait!
571
00:32:02,297 --> 00:32:05,175
Oh! Why, Mr. Patel, it's...
572
00:32:05,425 --> 00:32:06,552
It's you.
573
00:32:07,177 --> 00:32:09,179
Yes. Hello.
574
00:32:10,848 --> 00:32:12,474
I was just...
575
00:32:13,851 --> 00:32:15,394
Um, I was...
576
00:32:16,103 --> 00:32:19,022
Relax. It's okay. I know what you want.
577
00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:21,024
You do?
578
00:32:21,149 --> 00:32:22,860
Clear as the nose on your face.
579
00:32:24,486 --> 00:32:25,821
Oh!
580
00:32:26,738 --> 00:32:29,241
The nose. Yes, I suppose it is.
581
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,202
You can tell a lot by the nose.
582
00:32:32,244 --> 00:32:34,580
I took one look at it and I knew at once.
583
00:32:35,247 --> 00:32:38,375
Ah, that's great. I'm so happy.
584
00:32:38,542 --> 00:32:39,710
So, what do we do now?
585
00:32:39,751 --> 00:32:42,713
It's pretty obvious, isn't it? We're both adults.
586
00:32:42,754 --> 00:32:44,047
You mean, we go for a swim?
587
00:32:44,131 --> 00:32:46,758
Come on.
Don't play the little innocent with me, darling.
588
00:32:46,842 --> 00:32:48,177
I think I'm missing something.
589
00:32:48,218 --> 00:32:50,053
Oh, I'll be the judge of that.
590
00:32:50,387 --> 00:32:52,431
-Come on, let's do it now!
-Do what?
591
00:32:52,723 --> 00:32:54,850
Ah, does nobody do it in this damn country?
592
00:32:54,892 --> 00:32:56,101
-Get your pants off.
-Stop!
593
00:32:56,185 --> 00:32:58,395
Stop? You can't just arouse a woman,
594
00:32:58,478 --> 00:33:00,063
and then yell stop, even if you are English.
595
00:33:00,522 --> 00:33:02,524
Now, if you'll follow me
through this withdrawing room.
596
00:33:02,566 --> 00:33:04,735
I know what you're thinking,
but the origin of drawing room
597
00:33:04,776 --> 00:33:06,278
is to withdraw.
598
00:33:06,361 --> 00:33:08,363
Because it is the room to which you withdrew.
599
00:33:09,781 --> 00:33:11,700
-Gotcha!
Mummy?
600
00:33:12,284 --> 00:33:14,119
-Oh, my God, it's Henry.
-What?
601
00:33:15,245 --> 00:33:16,622
One sec. Mummy!
602
00:33:18,790 --> 00:33:20,334
Ah! She's not there. Come on in.
603
00:33:21,168 --> 00:33:24,671
These are the private chambers
of the Duchess of Bournemouth,
604
00:33:24,963 --> 00:33:27,799
never before seen by you, the public.
605
00:33:29,092 --> 00:33:30,594
Exciting, isn't it?
606
00:33:30,761 --> 00:33:33,472
Now, I want to show you
something absolutely fascinating.
607
00:33:33,555 --> 00:33:35,849
-Oh, bitte. Die Toiletten, bitte.
-What?
608
00:33:35,933 --> 00:33:37,309
Over there.
609
00:33:37,976 --> 00:33:40,103
This is the very basket
610
00:33:40,145 --> 00:33:42,773
in which I was lost and found again.
611
00:33:43,607 --> 00:33:44,775
I guess that kind of makes me sort of
612
00:33:44,858 --> 00:33:47,402
the Moses of the English aristocracy,
wouldn't you say?
613
00:34:02,835 --> 00:34:04,336
Feel free to take a picture.
614
00:34:05,045 --> 00:34:07,965
These, of course, will be available
on postcards soon, but for now...
615
00:34:21,978 --> 00:34:24,063
Here's one with the little slippers.
Lace, of course.
616
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,880
Note the official coat of arms of the
family on the upper of the boot.
617
00:34:49,297 --> 00:34:50,716
Ah, good!
618
00:34:51,341 --> 00:34:52,926
Now a rare treat.
619
00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:55,637
Authentic 19th century plumbing.
620
00:34:56,847 --> 00:34:58,682
-Come on in, there's room for everyone.
621
00:34:58,724 --> 00:35:00,767
-I was just, you know...
622
00:35:02,352 --> 00:35:03,604
Shit!
623
00:35:21,330 --> 00:35:23,832
The next day,
I went fishing for evidence.
624
00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:27,044
Let's have a look. The Bournemouth baby.
625
00:35:27,127 --> 00:35:29,213
Yes, I remember the case very well.
626
00:35:30,088 --> 00:35:32,674
There was definitely something odd going on.
627
00:35:33,884 --> 00:35:35,677
-Odd?
-Mmm.
628
00:35:36,053 --> 00:35:38,055
I was on duty at the time.
629
00:35:38,180 --> 00:35:39,306
That's not him.
630
00:35:39,389 --> 00:35:40,599
Are you sure, Your Grace?
631
00:35:40,682 --> 00:35:42,893
Of course I'm sure.
He's not even circumcised.
632
00:35:42,935 --> 00:35:44,478
Excuse us a moment.
633
00:35:44,561 --> 00:35:45,812
What?
634
00:35:48,982 --> 00:35:50,734
Okay, okay, all right, all right.
635
00:35:52,152 --> 00:35:53,278
She's very upset.
636
00:35:53,362 --> 00:35:54,613
Naturally, sir.
637
00:35:54,738 --> 00:35:56,406
Let's have another look, shall we?
638
00:35:56,573 --> 00:35:57,866
All right, it's him.
639
00:35:57,908 --> 00:36:00,827
Yes, right.
Call off the search. The baby's found.
640
00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:07,084
I often wondered what happened
to the other little baby.
641
00:36:07,251 --> 00:36:08,919
'Cause, of course,
we had to close the file on him,
642
00:36:08,961 --> 00:36:10,295
now that he was no longer missing.
643
00:36:10,379 --> 00:36:11,755
Poor lad.
644
00:36:12,256 --> 00:36:14,383
A lady comes to see me a few days later.
645
00:36:14,758 --> 00:36:16,176
Where have they taken him?
646
00:36:16,593 --> 00:36:18,846
"Who?" says I.
-The Harrods baby.
647
00:36:19,096 --> 00:36:21,682
"Oh," says I. "He went back
to his rightful home."
648
00:36:21,974 --> 00:36:23,100
Where might that be?
649
00:36:23,225 --> 00:36:25,853
Says the lady.
"Saddlers, the ducal house," I tells her.
650
00:36:25,936 --> 00:36:27,271
He's going to be a duke.
651
00:36:28,146 --> 00:36:29,439
Thank you, Constable.
652
00:36:29,481 --> 00:36:32,025
She said finally and writes down the address.
653
00:36:32,359 --> 00:36:33,819
Did she smell of garlic?
654
00:36:34,027 --> 00:36:35,696
Knock your head off.
655
00:36:36,113 --> 00:36:37,656
She must have been his real mother.
656
00:36:37,781 --> 00:36:39,783
I wonder what ever happened to her.
657
00:36:40,492 --> 00:36:43,954
Your favorite, eggs, Italian style.
658
00:36:44,079 --> 00:36:46,039
Oh, Bully, I've missed this!
Wait till you guys taste this!
659
00:36:46,123 --> 00:36:47,791
This is the best dish in the world.
660
00:36:47,875 --> 00:36:49,585
Smells delicious. What's in it?
661
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,296
It's the garlic. That's the secret.
662
00:36:53,297 --> 00:36:54,381
More wine, Mrs. Bullock?
663
00:36:54,590 --> 00:36:57,301
Oh, no. You'll be getting me tipsy.
664
00:36:58,552 --> 00:37:01,972
Still, to think that I should live
to see the day that he's a duke.
665
00:37:02,472 --> 00:37:03,682
To you, Bully.
666
00:37:03,765 --> 00:37:05,017
Cheers.
667
00:37:05,184 --> 00:37:07,436
Oh, my little baby!
668
00:37:07,936 --> 00:37:09,146
Please.
669
00:37:10,147 --> 00:37:12,482
Just like my own flesh and blood he is.
670
00:37:12,983 --> 00:37:14,818
Bless his little cotton socks.
671
00:37:15,319 --> 00:37:18,197
I missed him so
when they packed him off to America.
672
00:37:18,572 --> 00:37:20,157
How long have you been here, Mrs. Bullock?
673
00:37:20,616 --> 00:37:22,284
Ever since he was a baby.
674
00:37:22,659 --> 00:37:24,745
Such a sweet little baby he was.
675
00:37:24,828 --> 00:37:26,580
No trouble at all.
676
00:37:27,456 --> 00:37:29,499
And such a difficult birth.
677
00:37:30,167 --> 00:37:32,836
And to think now he's come into his fortune.
678
00:37:34,254 --> 00:37:36,215
Ah, there's your cab, Tommy.
Can you drop me off?
679
00:37:36,298 --> 00:37:37,299
Yeah, sure.
680
00:37:38,258 --> 00:37:39,593
You're not going now, are you, Kit?
681
00:37:39,801 --> 00:37:41,428
Big day tomorrow.
682
00:37:42,221 --> 00:37:43,847
Am I on your way?
683
00:37:43,972 --> 00:37:46,016
Everything's on the way to Southall.
684
00:37:51,522 --> 00:37:53,607
Well, would you like to come up for a coffee,
685
00:37:53,690 --> 00:37:56,109
or would you just like to
come up and screw me?
686
00:37:57,611 --> 00:37:59,363
Coffee would be lovely. Thank you.
687
00:37:59,446 --> 00:38:02,282
You needn't wait.
I'll make sure he gets to bed.
688
00:38:04,201 --> 00:38:05,869
Keep the change.
689
00:38:19,591 --> 00:38:20,968
Well?
690
00:38:21,635 --> 00:38:23,303
Are you just gonna stand there drooling,
691
00:38:23,387 --> 00:38:24,513
or are you going to come in?
692
00:38:26,723 --> 00:38:28,517
I think I'll just drool for a little.
693
00:38:31,019 --> 00:38:32,354
-Oh!
694
00:38:32,437 --> 00:38:34,982
What's that naughty man doing there?
695
00:38:37,150 --> 00:38:38,819
Just having a coffee!
696
00:38:54,877 --> 00:38:56,044
Now,
697
00:38:57,087 --> 00:38:58,714
how would you like your coffee?
698
00:38:59,590 --> 00:39:01,049
With or without?
699
00:39:01,967 --> 00:39:03,177
Mmm?
700
00:39:18,192 --> 00:39:19,610
Oh, Kitty.
701
00:40:06,823 --> 00:40:08,325
Well, hello.
702
00:40:08,367 --> 00:40:10,744
So, you woke up finally.
703
00:40:10,827 --> 00:40:13,914
Kitty, you are magnificent.
704
00:40:13,997 --> 00:40:15,666
I know.
705
00:40:15,707 --> 00:40:18,085
You're gonna have to marry me now.
706
00:40:18,168 --> 00:40:20,337
-Don't be silly.
-I'm serious.
707
00:40:20,379 --> 00:40:23,632
Oh, be real, Tommy.
You don't have any money.
708
00:40:23,674 --> 00:40:26,552
And besides, I'm already engaged.
709
00:40:27,219 --> 00:40:28,303
You're what?
710
00:40:28,345 --> 00:40:29,721
You were my final fling.
711
00:40:30,305 --> 00:40:31,473
I was what?
712
00:40:31,807 --> 00:40:34,017
Mmm. Sex before marriage
is so much more exciting
713
00:40:34,601 --> 00:40:36,019
with somebody else, don't you think?
714
00:40:37,271 --> 00:40:38,689
What do you mean, "Somebody else"?
715
00:40:38,897 --> 00:40:41,316
You were perfect for the job.
716
00:40:42,025 --> 00:40:43,110
The job?
717
00:40:43,777 --> 00:40:45,612
Oh, come on, Tommy.
718
00:40:45,696 --> 00:40:47,322
I needed someone I could trust.
719
00:40:47,739 --> 00:40:49,825
Someone who wouldn't tell Henry.
720
00:40:50,325 --> 00:40:51,785
What the hell's Henry got to do with it?
721
00:40:51,910 --> 00:40:54,746
I'm marrying Henry, stupid.
722
00:40:55,664 --> 00:40:57,541
I'm going to be a duchess!
723
00:40:58,917 --> 00:41:01,545
Look! It's in all the newspapers.
724
00:41:09,553 --> 00:41:10,637
You're marrying Henry.
725
00:41:10,971 --> 00:41:12,639
Now, don't be jealous.
726
00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:19,188
Jealous? Why would I be jealous of Henry?
727
00:41:19,938 --> 00:41:24,359
He only has my house,
my title, my horses, my cars,
728
00:41:24,401 --> 00:41:25,986
and now he's got you.
729
00:41:26,570 --> 00:41:27,863
I'll kill him.
730
00:41:29,615 --> 00:41:31,074
-Hello.
731
00:41:31,867 --> 00:41:32,910
Oh, my God!
732
00:41:33,327 --> 00:41:34,536
-Into the cupboard!
-What?
733
00:41:34,578 --> 00:41:35,746
Into the cupboard, quick!
734
00:41:35,787 --> 00:41:36,997
-Why?
-It's Henry!
735
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,248
-What are you doing?
-Quick!
736
00:41:38,332 --> 00:41:39,750
Stop! Don't be ridiculous!
737
00:41:39,791 --> 00:41:41,710
Oh, please, Tommy!
He can't possibly find you here!
738
00:41:41,752 --> 00:41:42,836
He'll never understand.
739
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:44,963
-Forget it!
-Oh, please, Tommy! Just for me!
740
00:41:45,047 --> 00:41:47,007
-Oh, but, Kitty!
-Oh, shut up!
741
00:41:47,424 --> 00:41:48,509
Ow!
742
00:41:50,093 --> 00:41:51,845
Kitty, I'm not gonna go along with this.
743
00:41:51,929 --> 00:41:53,639
I'm gonna face Henry and I'm gonna tell him...
744
00:41:53,722 --> 00:41:56,350
Tommy, if you care about me,
you won't say another word.
745
00:41:56,433 --> 00:41:58,018
-Now, I'll handle this.
746
00:41:59,311 --> 00:42:00,812
Of course I understand.
747
00:42:00,896 --> 00:42:03,315
You're lovely. You're a wonderful lover.
748
00:42:03,398 --> 00:42:05,317
-Thanks. Bye.
749
00:42:06,777 --> 00:42:07,986
Ow!
750
00:42:12,908 --> 00:42:13,992
Darling!
751
00:42:14,076 --> 00:42:15,327
Hello, kitten.
752
00:42:18,288 --> 00:42:20,165
I thought we were meeting at the restaurant.
753
00:42:20,249 --> 00:42:22,125
Well, I thought I'd surprise you.
754
00:42:22,167 --> 00:42:23,710
-You alone?
-No.
755
00:42:24,294 --> 00:42:26,088
I've got a man in here.
756
00:42:26,129 --> 00:42:27,840
You're very funny.
757
00:42:28,257 --> 00:42:29,591
I was on the phone.
758
00:42:29,633 --> 00:42:31,385
-Did you see the papers?
-Yes.
759
00:42:31,468 --> 00:42:33,387
I'm so excited, Henry.
760
00:42:37,140 --> 00:42:38,809
-Tommy.
-What?
761
00:42:38,851 --> 00:42:40,978
I am gonna ask Tommy to be my best man.
762
00:42:41,019 --> 00:42:44,356
Great. Yes, Tommy'd make
an excellent best man.
763
00:42:44,439 --> 00:42:45,774
That's what I thought, too.
764
00:42:45,816 --> 00:42:48,151
Can we eat, darling? I'm starving.
765
00:42:48,569 --> 00:42:50,821
I'm not leaving now, Kitty.
We're engaged, remember?
766
00:42:50,904 --> 00:42:52,114
Oh, no, Henry, not now.
767
00:42:52,155 --> 00:42:53,365
Oh, yes, Kitty, right now.
768
00:42:53,448 --> 00:42:54,575
Shouldn't we have lunch first?
769
00:42:54,658 --> 00:42:56,827
Kitty, I'm a red-blooded American.
I have lunch after.
770
00:42:56,910 --> 00:42:57,995
Yes.
771
00:42:58,036 --> 00:43:01,707
Kitty, I've waited until we were officially
engaged. Now, get on the bed. Come on.
772
00:43:08,046 --> 00:43:09,256
Ow!
773
00:43:09,339 --> 00:43:11,091
Gosh, Henry, that's huge!
774
00:43:12,634 --> 00:43:15,971
That is the biggest one I have ever seen.
775
00:43:16,013 --> 00:43:18,932
And the jeweler says if you don't like
the setting, you can change it.
776
00:43:19,016 --> 00:43:20,017
Oh!
777
00:43:22,853 --> 00:43:24,688
Oh, God!
778
00:43:25,439 --> 00:43:27,441
Oh, it's magnificent!
779
00:43:29,484 --> 00:43:32,613
Oh, Henry. Gorgeous!
780
00:43:33,322 --> 00:43:34,489
Oh, Henry.
781
00:43:35,824 --> 00:43:37,326
Oh, Henry.
782
00:43:44,041 --> 00:43:46,043
I'll kill him!
783
00:43:46,793 --> 00:43:49,087
Well, I should put some trousers on first!
784
00:43:50,881 --> 00:43:52,049
Dino!
785
00:43:55,010 --> 00:43:58,180
Don't look! How disgusting!
786
00:43:58,222 --> 00:44:01,308
What a dreadful man! Not a stitch on!
787
00:44:01,558 --> 00:44:03,894
I felt utterly humiliated.
788
00:44:04,311 --> 00:44:07,481
And all I could think of was revenge.
789
00:44:19,076 --> 00:44:21,828
Get some lessons, will you? Who is this guy?
790
00:44:40,097 --> 00:44:42,266
Yes! Yes!
791
00:44:44,101 --> 00:44:47,271
The next weekend,
Henry invited me down to Saddlers.
792
00:44:48,063 --> 00:44:51,066
But for an accident, it would have been mine.
793
00:44:52,609 --> 00:44:55,153
Perhaps with another accident,
794
00:44:55,529 --> 00:44:57,281
it still could be.
795
00:44:59,116 --> 00:45:00,784
Great car, Tom!
796
00:45:01,535 --> 00:45:04,121
Thanks for the other day. You saved my life.
797
00:45:04,162 --> 00:45:06,248
Tommy! I'm so glad you're here.
798
00:45:06,290 --> 00:45:08,166
Come on in. I'm dying to show you the house!
799
00:45:08,250 --> 00:45:11,295
I'm afraid one of the pumas
has escaped again, Your Grace.
800
00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:13,297
Well, go and catch it.
What is the problem?
801
00:45:13,422 --> 00:45:15,048
Can we find a cage that works?
802
00:45:15,674 --> 00:45:18,635
I've put you in the blue room. Next to mine.
803
00:45:20,971 --> 00:45:24,308
I'd lock your door.
You'd be safer with the puma.
804
00:45:28,812 --> 00:45:31,607
I prepared Henry a lethal cocktail
805
00:45:32,149 --> 00:45:35,527
of mercuric chloride laced with brandy.
806
00:45:38,363 --> 00:45:39,990
Oh. It's you, sir.
807
00:45:40,032 --> 00:45:41,158
Good evening, Mrs. Bullock.
808
00:45:41,575 --> 00:45:42,951
Do you need something, sir?
809
00:45:43,327 --> 00:45:46,496
No, thank you, Mrs. Bullock.
I have everything I need.
810
00:45:53,837 --> 00:45:54,838
I think so, Henry.
811
00:45:55,547 --> 00:45:57,341
Yeah, it's great, isn't it?
812
00:46:02,095 --> 00:46:03,680
Pity you don't ride, Tom.
813
00:46:03,764 --> 00:46:05,682
Hey, Tommy,
Kitty's great in the saddle, isn't she?
814
00:46:05,933 --> 00:46:07,518
Yeah, she certainly is.
815
00:46:08,018 --> 00:46:10,020
I'm sure the Duchess will look after you.
816
00:46:10,812 --> 00:46:11,855
Ow!
817
00:46:14,358 --> 00:46:16,485
-Just for you.
-Cheers.
818
00:46:17,152 --> 00:46:18,695
-Later, darling.
-Mmm-hmm.
819
00:46:22,908 --> 00:46:25,869
Here you are, Henry.
A little thank-you from me.
820
00:46:27,037 --> 00:46:28,539
What a super pal you are.
821
00:46:28,830 --> 00:46:30,582
That's a thoughtful gift, Tom.
822
00:46:30,666 --> 00:46:32,376
A little drink to help you on your way.
823
00:46:32,793 --> 00:46:34,920
Very sweet of you. Cheers.
824
00:46:35,587 --> 00:46:36,839
Bye.
825
00:46:41,677 --> 00:46:43,178
Milord!
826
00:46:48,559 --> 00:46:52,980
Who hath created all creatures
great and small,
827
00:46:53,063 --> 00:46:56,483
grant that we may find this day,
828
00:46:56,567 --> 00:47:00,529
one, or even two that we may chase
829
00:47:00,904 --> 00:47:05,117
and destroy, to Thy almighty purpose.
830
00:47:05,242 --> 00:47:06,577
Amen.
831
00:47:06,660 --> 00:47:09,538
Hunting's immoral! It degrades foxes!
832
00:47:10,038 --> 00:47:11,832
Freedom for vermin!
833
00:47:18,005 --> 00:47:19,423
Don't come near me!
834
00:47:32,686 --> 00:47:34,354
-No, wait!
-What for?
835
00:47:35,397 --> 00:47:36,815
Fascist pig!
836
00:47:47,826 --> 00:47:49,161
He's dead.
837
00:47:52,497 --> 00:47:53,749
Pull!
838
00:47:58,128 --> 00:47:59,546
Wow!
839
00:47:59,630 --> 00:48:01,423
Wow, you're good!
840
00:48:02,633 --> 00:48:04,134
Your turn, sir.
841
00:48:08,972 --> 00:48:10,349
-Pull?
-Yes, sir.
842
00:48:10,432 --> 00:48:12,059
Pull!
843
00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:18,482
Was that close?
844
00:48:18,565 --> 00:48:20,317
Oh, Henry, bad luck.
845
00:48:21,235 --> 00:48:24,613
Have another go, darling. Go on.
846
00:48:24,655 --> 00:48:26,365
Give me another gun.
I gotta hit something.
847
00:48:26,448 --> 00:48:28,158
Let me just keep trying until I get it.
848
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,412
I, uh, suggest the eyes open, sir.
849
00:48:35,249 --> 00:48:36,416
Pull!
850
00:48:41,004 --> 00:48:42,089
Pull!
851
00:48:52,599 --> 00:48:54,643
-Great shot, Henry!
-Well played, sir!
852
00:49:09,533 --> 00:49:10,701
Mummy!
853
00:49:11,368 --> 00:49:14,204
I was just showing Mr. Brittle the view.
854
00:49:17,291 --> 00:49:20,002
So far, Henry's luck had held.
855
00:49:20,419 --> 00:49:22,629
But could he survive the wedding?
856
00:49:46,069 --> 00:49:48,780
Distasteful though a stag night is,
857
00:49:48,864 --> 00:49:51,909
it gave me a chance to get Henry plastered.
858
00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:03,170
Doreen had been a triumph as Hamlet.
859
00:50:03,253 --> 00:50:06,548
Now she played
the naughty bride to perfection.
860
00:50:07,257 --> 00:50:10,552
Unlike Doreen, I had something up my sleeve.
861
00:50:44,670 --> 00:50:46,797
It was "Good night, Henry".
862
00:50:47,339 --> 00:50:50,551
He should run out of gas
somewhere over the North Sea.
863
00:51:12,656 --> 00:51:14,867
Was it you?
No!
864
00:51:30,799 --> 00:51:33,093
He's come back!
865
00:51:38,223 --> 00:51:39,474
Wow!
866
00:51:41,351 --> 00:51:44,021
Sit down!
867
00:51:47,691 --> 00:51:49,276
Where the hell is he?
868
00:51:49,359 --> 00:51:51,737
Um... Oh, I have no idea.
869
00:51:51,820 --> 00:51:54,448
Perhaps he's changed his mind.
870
00:51:54,531 --> 00:51:56,033
Just a thought.
871
00:51:59,870 --> 00:52:02,206
Do sit down, ladies and gentlemen.
872
00:52:02,789 --> 00:52:04,875
Hey! Whose bike is this?
873
00:52:04,917 --> 00:52:05,959
It's my bike.
874
00:52:06,043 --> 00:52:07,669
Great. There you go.
875
00:52:09,171 --> 00:52:10,672
Hey! I've got a better bike!
876
00:52:10,714 --> 00:52:13,634
I've got a better bike at home for you!
877
00:52:15,385 --> 00:52:16,553
Tommy.
878
00:52:16,595 --> 00:52:19,681
Don't worry. I'm sure
Henry will surface sooner or later.
879
00:52:20,682 --> 00:52:23,060
Hey! I'm here!
880
00:52:25,312 --> 00:52:29,024
I made it! Darling, I'm so sorry.
881
00:52:29,608 --> 00:52:31,944
Please forgive me. I know you will.
882
00:52:32,027 --> 00:52:33,445
-But what a party, Tommy!
883
00:52:33,529 --> 00:52:34,947
What a best man you've been!
884
00:52:35,030 --> 00:52:38,534
Incredible. The food, the fish, the chips!
The guys! Everything.
885
00:52:38,575 --> 00:52:41,578
Tommy.
Doreen was incredible. Okay?
886
00:52:41,954 --> 00:52:43,455
All right, let's get married!
887
00:52:50,337 --> 00:52:51,922
Sorry I'm late, folks!
888
00:52:53,382 --> 00:52:54,842
Everybody still.
889
00:53:00,848 --> 00:53:02,432
-Thank you.
890
00:53:06,770 --> 00:53:08,522
Now one with the Duchess, please.
891
00:53:10,190 --> 00:53:12,234
I think he means me.
892
00:53:17,573 --> 00:53:20,784
Congratulations. You finally made it.
893
00:53:21,326 --> 00:53:23,245
You're too kind,
894
00:53:23,287 --> 00:53:24,705
Mummy.
895
00:53:27,958 --> 00:53:30,002
Goodbye, everyone. Thanks so much. Thanks.
896
00:53:30,085 --> 00:53:31,628
Come on, darling. Here you go.
897
00:53:32,754 --> 00:53:33,755
Whoa!
898
00:53:34,506 --> 00:53:36,049
Thanks again.
899
00:53:37,968 --> 00:53:39,803
Bye-bye, everyone! Whoa!
900
00:53:40,512 --> 00:53:42,472
See you in France, Tommy!
901
00:54:01,450 --> 00:54:03,327
Magnificent, isn't it?
902
00:54:03,994 --> 00:54:05,370
What the hell are you doing here?
903
00:54:05,454 --> 00:54:09,666
Well, I hadn't realized
just how vast the estate was.
904
00:54:09,750 --> 00:54:11,168
What of it?
905
00:54:11,251 --> 00:54:13,670
Well, plenty to go around, that's all.
906
00:54:13,754 --> 00:54:15,172
What do you mean?
907
00:54:15,214 --> 00:54:18,675
I've been investigating your claim.
It's looking rather good.
908
00:54:18,717 --> 00:54:20,677
I spoke to Mrs. Bullock.
909
00:54:21,386 --> 00:54:23,013
She's very worried, incidentally.
910
00:54:23,055 --> 00:54:24,097
Why?
911
00:54:24,181 --> 00:54:27,351
She thinks that someone's
trying to do away with her son.
912
00:54:27,434 --> 00:54:29,770
Henry, you know. Drink?
913
00:54:32,356 --> 00:54:34,733
Uh... No. No, thank you.
914
00:54:34,816 --> 00:54:35,817
Ah.
915
00:54:36,318 --> 00:54:39,154
Not your poison, eh?
916
00:54:40,489 --> 00:54:41,532
Only joking.
917
00:54:43,075 --> 00:54:44,076
Look, what are you implying?
918
00:54:44,368 --> 00:54:47,079
I'm implying that somebody needs a partner.
919
00:54:48,413 --> 00:54:49,498
Don't be absurd.
920
00:54:49,540 --> 00:54:52,876
Tom, all this could be ours.
921
00:54:53,627 --> 00:54:54,670
I think you better leave.
922
00:54:56,463 --> 00:54:59,007
You're right.
If anyone saw us talking together...
923
00:54:59,049 --> 00:55:01,218
-No, I didn't mean that.
-No, no, no. Of course you didn't.
924
00:55:01,552 --> 00:55:02,553
Get out of here!
925
00:55:02,928 --> 00:55:04,513
Good thinking.
926
00:55:04,555 --> 00:55:06,056
I don't want to see you again.
927
00:55:06,098 --> 00:55:08,767
Oh, all right, if you insist.
928
00:55:54,605 --> 00:55:58,108
Kitty and Henry
were nauseatingly happy,
929
00:55:58,192 --> 00:56:00,736
though clearly thrilled to see me.
930
00:56:02,696 --> 00:56:04,281
Life itself was idyllic.
931
00:56:05,490 --> 00:56:08,285
Until one or two little accidents
began to happen.
932
00:56:09,786 --> 00:56:13,123
Somebody put helium in Henry's scuba tank.
933
00:56:14,917 --> 00:56:16,001
Tommy, have you seen Henry?
934
00:56:17,294 --> 00:56:18,545
No. No.
935
00:56:31,225 --> 00:56:34,102
It's okay! I'm fine! Really, I'm all right!
936
00:56:36,063 --> 00:56:37,189
Great.
937
00:56:37,814 --> 00:56:41,693
All that week, the curse continued to strike.
938
00:56:41,902 --> 00:56:44,780
For Germany, I think a black one.
939
00:56:44,821 --> 00:56:46,406
What do you think? Careful with that.
940
00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:48,283
Though, alas, without much success.
941
00:56:48,325 --> 00:56:49,451
That must weigh a ton.
942
00:56:50,494 --> 00:56:52,162
Boy, am I starving!
943
00:56:54,414 --> 00:56:56,250
Here, Tom, let me carve.
944
00:56:56,333 --> 00:56:58,585
-'Cause I think I'm a bit better with a knife.
945
00:57:06,134 --> 00:57:07,886
-Stop it!
946
00:57:12,224 --> 00:57:13,517
A few days later,
947
00:57:13,559 --> 00:57:16,103
somebody tampered with the pool sweep.
948
00:57:48,427 --> 00:57:50,137
Help! Kitty!
949
00:58:24,505 --> 00:58:26,298
Henry?
950
00:58:35,807 --> 00:58:37,100
Henry?
951
00:58:40,229 --> 00:58:42,272
Tommy. Have you seen Henry?
952
00:58:42,689 --> 00:58:44,691
-Oh, no, not at all.
-Oh.
953
00:58:47,736 --> 00:58:50,113
Oh, my God! Henry!
954
00:58:53,951 --> 00:58:55,702
Oh, my dear. Henry?
955
00:58:55,786 --> 00:58:57,287
Hey, you guys, this is great!
956
00:58:57,371 --> 00:58:59,456
You can stay under here for hours!
957
00:59:00,457 --> 00:59:03,877
He was such a lucky bastard!
958
00:59:08,757 --> 00:59:11,426
But I had one more plan.
959
00:59:34,616 --> 00:59:38,078
P-A-T-E-L. Here's my card.
960
00:59:38,370 --> 00:59:40,497
I'm going with you all the way to London.
961
00:59:44,042 --> 00:59:46,170
Remember, Patel is the name.
962
00:59:49,673 --> 00:59:51,925
Having established my alibi,
963
00:59:52,009 --> 00:59:55,512
all I had to do was
make a graceful exit from the train.
964
01:00:31,673 --> 01:00:33,342
Ah, smell the night.
965
01:00:33,383 --> 01:00:34,384
Mmm.
966
01:00:34,551 --> 01:00:36,386
Smells like cow shit.
967
01:00:37,054 --> 01:00:38,472
You're right.
968
01:00:38,555 --> 01:00:40,933
Mmm, they must've put it on the roses.
969
01:00:42,601 --> 01:00:43,810
You know, Henry...
970
01:00:43,894 --> 01:00:44,937
Hmm?
971
01:00:45,020 --> 01:00:47,231
I only married you for your money.
972
01:00:49,525 --> 01:00:51,235
I only married you for your beer.
973
01:00:51,401 --> 01:00:52,528
Mmm.
974
01:00:53,946 --> 01:00:56,323
Would you like to discuss the merger again?
975
01:00:56,406 --> 01:00:58,033
-Huh?
976
01:00:58,242 --> 01:00:59,409
No.
977
01:00:59,701 --> 01:01:01,662
I think I could be talked into it.
978
01:01:03,705 --> 01:01:04,706
Ow!
979
01:01:04,790 --> 01:01:06,667
Oh, God! Oh, no!
980
01:01:11,463 --> 01:01:12,673
Oh, Henry!
981
01:01:18,804 --> 01:01:20,430
Oh, bugger! Dogs!
982
01:01:23,725 --> 01:01:25,811
Nice doggy. Nice. Nice dog. Sit!
983
01:01:31,149 --> 01:01:34,152
Luckily, the dogs
gave up after about a mile.
984
01:01:34,486 --> 01:01:36,154
And as soon as I'd finished bleeding,
985
01:01:36,238 --> 01:01:38,949
I returned to finish the job.
986
01:01:49,835 --> 01:01:52,880
Saddlers, soon to be my Saddlers,
987
01:01:53,297 --> 01:01:55,924
looked peaceful in the afternoon sunlight.
988
01:01:56,425 --> 01:01:57,551
-Gotcha!
989
01:01:57,843 --> 01:01:59,052
Tommy.
990
01:01:59,136 --> 01:02:00,637
Hi! Hello.
991
01:02:00,971 --> 01:02:02,139
This is unexpected.
992
01:02:02,181 --> 01:02:03,307
Yes.
993
01:02:03,348 --> 01:02:04,600
What on earth are you doing here?
994
01:02:04,641 --> 01:02:06,310
Uh, I... I was...
995
01:02:06,351 --> 01:02:08,228
You came to surprise me, you naughty boy.
996
01:02:08,312 --> 01:02:09,313
Yes, I did.
997
01:02:09,354 --> 01:02:11,648
-I knew it. Goody!
-Yes.
998
01:02:11,732 --> 01:02:13,317
Henry and Kitty can't catch us today.
999
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:15,861
-No, they can't.
-Come, come, come, come, come, come.
1000
01:02:15,944 --> 01:02:18,322
So, how are the little lovebirds getting on?
1001
01:02:18,363 --> 01:02:21,658
Oh! Uh, like a house on fire.
1002
01:02:21,700 --> 01:02:24,369
Oh! Oh, you're chasing me!
1003
01:02:31,793 --> 01:02:33,670
Don't look so guilty, Tommy.
1004
01:02:33,754 --> 01:02:34,796
What?
1005
01:02:35,964 --> 01:02:38,091
We haven't done anything...
1006
01:02:38,175 --> 01:02:39,176
...yet.
1007
01:02:40,010 --> 01:02:41,428
Oh, no.
1008
01:02:49,770 --> 01:02:52,606
Your, uh, vitamins, Your Grace.
1009
01:02:52,940 --> 01:02:53,941
Oh.
1010
01:02:54,691 --> 01:02:55,817
Thank you, Butler.
1011
01:02:56,026 --> 01:02:58,946
I put the black sheets
on the bed as you requested.
1012
01:02:59,196 --> 01:03:00,697
No need to wait up, Butler.
1013
01:03:01,031 --> 01:03:03,492
Mr. Patel and I have a lot to discuss.
1014
01:03:04,576 --> 01:03:06,245
I'm sure you have, Madame.
1015
01:03:07,704 --> 01:03:09,331
Sleep well, sir.
1016
01:03:14,545 --> 01:03:15,838
Jealous.
1017
01:04:23,739 --> 01:04:24,781
Forgive me, Your Grace.
1018
01:04:24,865 --> 01:04:26,992
Oh. What is it now, Butler?
1019
01:04:27,367 --> 01:04:29,536
Some bad news I fear, Your Grace.
1020
01:04:30,204 --> 01:04:32,456
Oh, dear. Not the puma again.
1021
01:04:37,961 --> 01:04:39,880
Oh, timing, Butler.
1022
01:04:43,634 --> 01:04:45,135
Oh, Henry!
1023
01:04:46,303 --> 01:04:48,138
What had I done?
1024
01:04:48,805 --> 01:04:51,642
I had gained a fortune, but lost two friends.
1025
01:04:56,104 --> 01:04:58,273
I was doomed to hell as a Christian,
1026
01:04:58,315 --> 01:05:00,901
and a horrendous rebirth as a Hindu.
1027
01:05:05,405 --> 01:05:07,491
Thou shall not kill!
1028
01:05:09,743 --> 01:05:12,996
Thou shall not kill! Thou shall not kill!
1029
01:05:25,551 --> 01:05:26,677
Tommy?
1030
01:05:31,431 --> 01:05:32,516
Am I dead?
1031
01:05:32,850 --> 01:05:34,935
No, silly. You just fainted.
1032
01:05:36,687 --> 01:05:37,855
You're alive!
1033
01:05:38,105 --> 01:05:39,314
Of course we're alive.
1034
01:05:39,606 --> 01:05:40,899
But the fire?
1035
01:05:40,983 --> 01:05:42,359
How did you know about the fire?
1036
01:05:42,442 --> 01:05:43,694
-Wasn't there a fire?
-Yeah.
1037
01:05:43,777 --> 01:05:45,946
You bet there was a fire.
The whole villa burnt down.
1038
01:05:46,029 --> 01:05:47,406
-Boy, is Mummy pissed.
-Mmm.
1039
01:05:47,906 --> 01:05:49,157
Well, how did you get out?
1040
01:05:49,658 --> 01:05:51,410
Well, some jerk woke up the dogs,
1041
01:05:51,493 --> 01:05:52,536
and we took them for a walk.
1042
01:05:52,619 --> 01:05:54,705
And when we got back,
the whole place was an inferno.
1043
01:05:55,956 --> 01:05:57,916
I'm so glad you're alive.
1044
01:05:58,959 --> 01:06:00,294
It takes a lot to kill me, Tom.
1045
01:06:00,711 --> 01:06:01,837
I know.
1046
01:06:02,296 --> 01:06:05,048
Now that everything's gonna be just fine.
1047
01:06:09,428 --> 01:06:10,762
Oh, my God!
1048
01:06:14,725 --> 01:06:18,228
The cook is quite frozen, I fear, Your Grace.
1049
01:06:20,355 --> 01:06:21,398
Bully.
1050
01:06:21,899 --> 01:06:23,483
Poor Mrs. Bullock.
1051
01:06:23,567 --> 01:06:25,235
She always hated frozen food.
1052
01:06:26,445 --> 01:06:29,406
I just came down for a slice of ham, sir,
1053
01:06:29,448 --> 01:06:30,908
and there she was.
1054
01:06:34,036 --> 01:06:35,162
How did this happen?
1055
01:06:35,245 --> 01:06:37,414
The door must have closed on her.
1056
01:06:48,091 --> 01:06:51,011
A few days later,
Kitty invited me to lunch.
1057
01:06:51,803 --> 01:06:53,972
I feel bad, Tommy. It's the curse.
1058
01:06:54,389 --> 01:06:55,516
I'll get you an aspirin.
1059
01:06:55,599 --> 01:06:56,600
No, silly.
1060
01:06:57,100 --> 01:06:58,435
The family curse.
1061
01:06:58,519 --> 01:06:59,937
Oh. I'm sorry.
1062
01:07:00,604 --> 01:07:01,980
Somebody is trying to kill Henry.
1063
01:07:03,190 --> 01:07:04,691
Don't be ridiculous.
1064
01:07:05,025 --> 01:07:06,985
Tommy, do you remember
the night of my engagement?
1065
01:07:08,820 --> 01:07:10,280
How could I ever forget?
1066
01:07:11,657 --> 01:07:13,742
Remember that little incident
after the theater?
1067
01:07:14,618 --> 01:07:15,786
What little incident?
1068
01:07:15,827 --> 01:07:17,454
Oh, come on! You practically raped me.
1069
01:07:17,996 --> 01:07:19,998
-I did what?
-Well, date rape.
1070
01:07:20,332 --> 01:07:22,709
Kitty, how could I date-rape you five times?
1071
01:07:23,126 --> 01:07:24,795
Oh, perhaps I did encourage you a bit.
1072
01:07:24,962 --> 01:07:27,005
A bit? You asked me to come up and...
1073
01:07:29,383 --> 01:07:30,843
You asked me to come up and give you one.
1074
01:07:31,218 --> 01:07:33,178
And you did. And I forgive you.
1075
01:07:33,554 --> 01:07:34,847
Oh, thank you.
1076
01:07:34,930 --> 01:07:37,850
But the point is, Tommy, I'm pregnant.
1077
01:07:39,017 --> 01:07:40,143
The baby's yours.
1078
01:07:42,646 --> 01:07:44,648
There really isn't any doubt.
1079
01:07:45,232 --> 01:07:48,735
Your son will be the Duke of Bournemouth.
1080
01:07:50,696 --> 01:07:52,781
Well! Good grief!
1081
01:07:56,368 --> 01:07:57,619
Come on.
1082
01:07:58,996 --> 01:08:00,330
Come on.
1083
01:08:00,372 --> 01:08:02,833
Together, Henry and I experienced
1084
01:08:02,916 --> 01:08:05,335
the joy of traditional English childbirth.
1085
01:08:07,087 --> 01:08:08,172
Down the pub.
1086
01:08:12,301 --> 01:08:13,552
-Oh, wait!
1087
01:08:14,678 --> 01:08:15,929
Hello?
1088
01:08:18,473 --> 01:08:19,765
It's a baby!
1089
01:08:23,937 --> 01:08:25,189
Have a cigar!
1090
01:08:31,111 --> 01:08:32,279
Nanny.
1091
01:08:32,362 --> 01:08:33,697
Yes, Your Grace?
1092
01:08:35,698 --> 01:08:36,783
Come and have some cake.
1093
01:08:36,867 --> 01:08:38,660
Oh, thank you, Your Grace.
1094
01:08:42,872 --> 01:08:44,207
Hello.
1095
01:08:45,584 --> 01:08:47,377
Come and see your daddy.
1096
01:08:47,419 --> 01:08:49,630
Come on. How are you, Tommy?
1097
01:08:50,546 --> 01:08:51,881
Glad to see you.
1098
01:08:51,965 --> 01:08:54,051
Come on, let's go for a bit of a walk, shall we?
1099
01:08:54,134 --> 01:08:55,385
Eh?
1100
01:09:11,984 --> 01:09:14,071
Someday all this will be yours, you know.
1101
01:09:14,154 --> 01:09:15,154
Yeah.
1102
01:09:21,161 --> 01:09:23,538
For as much
as it hath pleased Almighty God
1103
01:09:23,872 --> 01:09:27,084
of His great mercy, to take unto Himself
1104
01:09:27,167 --> 01:09:30,587
the soul of our dear Nanny, here departed,
1105
01:09:30,671 --> 01:09:33,799
we therefore commit her body to the ground.
1106
01:09:33,881 --> 01:09:37,594
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
1107
01:09:37,886 --> 01:09:42,265
in sure and certain hope
of the Resurrection to eternal life
1108
01:09:42,349 --> 01:09:44,600
through our Lord Jesus Christ,
1109
01:09:44,768 --> 01:09:46,603
who shall change our vile bodies...
1110
01:09:46,645 --> 01:09:48,604
You won't be leaving
the country or anything, will you, sir?
1111
01:09:48,689 --> 01:09:50,524
What? No. Why?
1112
01:09:50,816 --> 01:09:54,111
We are continuing our inquiries
into the murder of the nanny.
1113
01:09:54,570 --> 01:09:56,071
Murder?
1114
01:09:56,113 --> 01:09:58,448
Prams just don't explode, do they, sir?
1115
01:09:59,157 --> 01:10:01,118
We believe foul play was involved.
1116
01:10:01,869 --> 01:10:02,953
Surely, you don't think I...
1117
01:10:03,036 --> 01:10:04,663
I don't think anything, sir.
1118
01:10:05,539 --> 01:10:06,748
I'm a police officer.
1119
01:10:14,214 --> 01:10:16,466
Typical of the police
to suspect me of murder
1120
01:10:16,508 --> 01:10:18,552
the first time I was innocent.
1121
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:20,971
Pity about the nanny.
1122
01:10:23,515 --> 01:10:24,808
Sad.
1123
01:10:24,892 --> 01:10:27,477
Good God, Shadgrind.
What the hell are you doing here?
1124
01:10:27,936 --> 01:10:30,314
Well, let's call it a watching brief.
1125
01:10:30,898 --> 01:10:32,649
A shame to lose another witness.
1126
01:10:32,733 --> 01:10:34,902
Still, I have her testimony on file.
1127
01:10:34,985 --> 01:10:36,945
What file? What are you talking about?
1128
01:10:36,987 --> 01:10:38,155
Our case, Tom.
1129
01:10:38,197 --> 01:10:39,823
What do you mean, our case?
1130
01:10:40,324 --> 01:10:42,409
Oh, sorry! I forgot. Stumm.
1131
01:10:43,243 --> 01:10:44,661
I don't know what you're talking about.
1132
01:10:44,703 --> 01:10:46,496
Say no more.
1133
01:10:47,164 --> 01:10:50,250
I told you,
I want nothing more to do with you.
1134
01:10:51,001 --> 01:10:52,336
That's it, Tom. Keep it up.
1135
01:10:52,419 --> 01:10:54,004
Look, piss off!
1136
01:10:54,046 --> 01:10:55,464
Yeah. Once more, a bit louder.
1137
01:10:55,506 --> 01:10:56,924
Why don't you fuck off!
1138
01:10:57,007 --> 01:10:58,550
Excellent. Very convincing.
1139
01:11:11,855 --> 01:11:14,233
Nannies don't just explode.
1140
01:11:14,316 --> 01:11:17,444
Cooks don't just spontaneously refrigerate.
1141
01:11:17,861 --> 01:11:20,948
What was going on? Was it the curse?
1142
01:11:21,949 --> 01:11:23,784
Who would be next?
1143
01:11:36,797 --> 01:11:38,549
Well, we are gonna need a new nanny I guess.
1144
01:11:38,632 --> 01:11:39,758
We definitely are.
1145
01:11:40,050 --> 01:11:43,720
I'll get it, dear. You sit with Henry.
1146
01:11:43,971 --> 01:11:45,681
-Oh, thank you.
-Thanks, Mummy.
1147
01:11:48,559 --> 01:11:50,394
Oh. What's all this noise then?
1148
01:11:51,562 --> 01:11:53,438
What's the matter with you, then, eh?
1149
01:11:53,522 --> 01:11:56,567
Eh? What's the matter with you? Eh?
Here, come with me.
1150
01:12:00,112 --> 01:12:03,156
You like that, do you? You like that, do you?
1151
01:12:04,324 --> 01:12:07,035
I think we need a change, don't you? Eh?
1152
01:12:07,578 --> 01:12:09,079
Come on.
1153
01:12:09,413 --> 01:12:10,414
Yes.
1154
01:12:10,581 --> 01:12:13,041
Come on, then. Come on, it's okay.
1155
01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:18,630
I've got to change your pants.
It's panty-changing time.
1156
01:12:19,214 --> 01:12:22,926
Oh, God! Blimey!
Where does it all come from?
1157
01:12:23,427 --> 01:12:26,597
You're all nice and clean, happy little ferret.
1158
01:12:29,099 --> 01:12:30,225
Oh, hello.
1159
01:12:30,267 --> 01:12:31,351
Oh, it's you, Tommy.
1160
01:12:31,643 --> 01:12:34,771
He was a bit wet,
so I thought I'd change him, you know.
1161
01:12:36,231 --> 01:12:38,108
You treat that baby like it was your own.
1162
01:12:38,525 --> 01:12:40,777
Well, I don't mind changing babies' nappies.
1163
01:12:41,361 --> 01:12:42,988
It's watching them eat that's repulsive.
1164
01:12:44,615 --> 01:12:47,284
Oh, you have such lovely buttocks, Tommy.
1165
01:12:47,367 --> 01:12:48,619
Please, Your Grace, don't start.
1166
01:12:48,660 --> 01:12:50,287
Oh, come on, you love it, really.
1167
01:12:50,329 --> 01:12:51,413
No, please, stop.
1168
01:12:51,580 --> 01:12:54,458
Oh, stop! You're always saying stop.
1169
01:12:54,541 --> 01:12:57,127
I can't, for the life of me,
think why you want to.
1170
01:12:57,211 --> 01:12:59,588
Oh, well, I'm not gonna listen to this.
1171
01:13:04,468 --> 01:13:06,345
Oh, my God!
1172
01:13:07,471 --> 01:13:08,680
What?
1173
01:13:09,765 --> 01:13:11,183
The rattle.
1174
01:13:13,393 --> 01:13:15,354
Only one person in the world had that rattle.
1175
01:13:18,148 --> 01:13:20,651
Oh, my God, it's you. You're my baby.
1176
01:13:21,318 --> 01:13:22,444
No.
1177
01:13:22,486 --> 01:13:24,780
Of course you are! How stupid of me.
1178
01:13:24,821 --> 01:13:26,823
You even look like the Bournemouths.
1179
01:13:27,407 --> 01:13:29,326
Oh, Rainbow Peace!
1180
01:13:29,701 --> 01:13:32,829
You're my little Butterfly Rainbow Peace!
1181
01:13:33,789 --> 01:13:37,125
Oh, God, my baby!
My little baby boy has come back to me.
1182
01:13:37,334 --> 01:13:38,460
Please, Your Grace!
1183
01:13:38,502 --> 01:13:41,129
Oh, your mummy's so glad to see you!
1184
01:13:41,505 --> 01:13:44,132
You don't know how much I missed you,
my little baby bee.
1185
01:13:44,174 --> 01:13:48,178
Baby, baby, kissy, kissy! I love you so much!
1186
01:13:49,555 --> 01:13:51,265
Ow! What's that for?
1187
01:13:51,682 --> 01:13:53,267
That is for trying to seduce your mother.
1188
01:13:53,517 --> 01:13:54,518
Seduce you?
1189
01:13:54,852 --> 01:13:56,520
We won't say another word about it.
1190
01:13:56,603 --> 01:13:58,730
I forgive you. You didn't know.
1191
01:13:58,814 --> 01:14:02,734
Who's been a naughty little boy
for leaving his mummy for so long?
1192
01:14:02,818 --> 01:14:04,319
You left me behind in a restaurant!
1193
01:14:04,736 --> 01:14:06,280
I do hope you're not going to be bitter.
1194
01:14:06,697 --> 01:14:08,031
I'm only bitter about Mrs. Bullock.
1195
01:14:08,824 --> 01:14:09,950
Mrs. Bullock?
1196
01:14:10,033 --> 01:14:12,661
Yes. She was a cook in that restaurant.
1197
01:14:12,703 --> 01:14:13,704
So?
1198
01:14:14,454 --> 01:14:16,915
Mrs. Bullock was Henry's mother.
1199
01:14:17,833 --> 01:14:20,335
Oh, my God!
1200
01:14:23,547 --> 01:14:25,048
Bully was my mother?
1201
01:14:25,132 --> 01:14:28,302
Oh, God. My mother-in-law was a cook.
1202
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:30,053
So I'm not a duke.
1203
01:14:30,095 --> 01:14:31,346
And I'm not a duchess!
1204
01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:34,641
Well, Henry will just
have to renounce the title.
1205
01:14:34,725 --> 01:14:36,351
No, no, no. I won't hear of it.
1206
01:14:36,393 --> 01:14:39,521
He must. We can't have a cook's son
on the ducal throne.
1207
01:14:39,563 --> 01:14:42,191
Far too vulgar. Pity about the baby, though.
1208
01:14:42,733 --> 01:14:44,234
Still, you're young enough.
You can have another.
1209
01:14:44,735 --> 01:14:46,236
No, there's no real need, actually.
1210
01:14:46,320 --> 01:14:48,030
What do you mean there's no real need?
1211
01:14:48,071 --> 01:14:50,073
There's no need for another baby. It's my kid.
1212
01:14:50,115 --> 01:14:52,034
-What?
-That's my child.
1213
01:14:52,242 --> 01:14:53,243
Yours?
1214
01:14:53,452 --> 01:14:56,413
Yes. Kitty and I had a brief, um,
1215
01:14:56,455 --> 01:14:59,124
you know, before she got married.
1216
01:14:59,208 --> 01:15:00,375
You're the child's father?
1217
01:15:00,417 --> 01:15:03,003
-Yes. Kitty said there's no doubt...
1218
01:15:06,215 --> 01:15:09,760
Henry. Henry, I can explain everything.
1219
01:15:11,094 --> 01:15:13,764
-Oh, Henry, please come back!
1220
01:15:13,972 --> 01:15:14,973
Oh!
1221
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,102
So then I grew up in Southall.
1222
01:15:19,144 --> 01:15:23,899
-Mmm-hmm.
-And we had a newsagent and a tobacconist.
1223
01:15:23,941 --> 01:15:25,526
And I had to do that.
1224
01:15:25,609 --> 01:15:29,738
I had to get up first thing in the morning on a
Sunday and do all the Sunday papers.
1225
01:15:29,780 --> 01:15:30,906
Aw.
1226
01:15:34,076 --> 01:15:36,828
You've got to stop him. He heard every word!
1227
01:15:44,294 --> 01:15:46,129
Hey. Can I take this?
1228
01:15:46,171 --> 01:15:48,423
Oh, absolutely, Your Grace.
1229
01:15:49,091 --> 01:15:50,259
Is it all gassed up?
1230
01:15:50,300 --> 01:15:52,010
Oh, yes, I fixed it now, Your Grace.
1231
01:15:52,094 --> 01:15:54,680
You just put your foot down and...
1232
01:15:59,601 --> 01:16:02,312
Sorry. Your ex-Grace.
1233
01:16:14,366 --> 01:16:16,660
Where is he? Good God, Shadgrind.
1234
01:16:16,702 --> 01:16:18,120
Good afternoon, Your Grace.
1235
01:16:18,161 --> 01:16:20,205
What do you mean, "Your Grace"?
What the hell are you doing here?
1236
01:16:20,289 --> 01:16:21,915
Oh, just hot-rodding the Morgan.
1237
01:16:21,999 --> 01:16:23,041
-What?
-Oh, you know,
1238
01:16:23,125 --> 01:16:25,294
making sure Henry's car really takes off.
1239
01:16:25,335 --> 01:16:26,461
What are you talking about?
1240
01:16:26,503 --> 01:16:30,632
Lovely old banger, that car.
Goes like a bomb, eh? Tick, tick.
1241
01:16:30,674 --> 01:16:33,093
Oh, my God. You bombed Nanny!
1242
01:16:33,177 --> 01:16:35,721
No, no, no, Tom.
No, no, that was an accident.
1243
01:16:35,804 --> 01:16:37,806
-An accident?
-I was after the baby.
1244
01:16:39,057 --> 01:16:40,475
Why?
1245
01:16:41,310 --> 01:16:44,229
Well, got to clear the path, Tom,
if you are to inherit.
1246
01:16:45,939 --> 01:16:47,191
You're mad.
1247
01:16:47,691 --> 01:16:48,859
Well, we're all a bit mad.
1248
01:16:48,942 --> 01:16:51,278
Oh, going to watch, are you? Enjoy it!
1249
01:16:51,361 --> 01:16:53,447
Terrific!
1250
01:16:54,531 --> 01:16:57,576
Found the frozen cook yet?
1251
01:17:03,081 --> 01:17:06,126
Marvelous, isn't it?
Not so much as a thank-you.
1252
01:17:18,889 --> 01:17:20,349
Come on, French man!
1253
01:17:24,019 --> 01:17:25,896
Come on, you're in Angleterre!
1254
01:17:29,399 --> 01:17:30,567
Oh, the same to vous!
1255
01:17:30,734 --> 01:17:32,819
Look out! Watch out!
1256
01:18:04,101 --> 01:18:05,352
Come on...
1257
01:18:38,218 --> 01:18:40,137
Look out! Watch out!
1258
01:19:02,618 --> 01:19:03,619
Jesus!
1259
01:19:36,693 --> 01:19:40,781
Oh, Tommy,
what am I going to do without Henry?
1260
01:19:41,782 --> 01:19:43,867
You'll have to marry me, Kitty.
1261
01:19:43,951 --> 01:19:45,369
-What?
-It's the obvious solution.
1262
01:19:45,410 --> 01:19:47,037
I'll look after you.
1263
01:19:47,079 --> 01:19:48,705
But I don't want to marry you, Tommy.
1264
01:19:48,747 --> 01:19:49,831
Why ever not?
1265
01:19:49,873 --> 01:19:51,875
Because I don't love you.
1266
01:19:51,917 --> 01:19:53,085
I love Henry.
1267
01:19:53,168 --> 01:19:55,379
Yeah, yeah. But it's for the sake of our child.
1268
01:19:55,462 --> 01:19:57,756
Tommy, it's not your child.
1269
01:19:57,840 --> 01:19:59,591
-What?
-It's Henry's.
1270
01:19:59,675 --> 01:20:01,468
-But you told me...
-I lied.
1271
01:20:01,844 --> 01:20:03,512
Well, whatever for?
1272
01:20:03,554 --> 01:20:06,598
Because I thought you were
going to murder Henry.
1273
01:20:06,682 --> 01:20:08,141
I was desperate to stop you.
1274
01:20:10,519 --> 01:20:12,563
Oh, God, Kitty, it wasn't like that.
1275
01:20:17,651 --> 01:20:19,236
He didn't kill Henry, actually. I did.
1276
01:20:19,903 --> 01:20:22,614
You know, Your Grace,
1277
01:20:22,906 --> 01:20:25,075
I thought we were supposed to be partners.
1278
01:20:25,117 --> 01:20:27,244
But I can't see any sign of it.
1279
01:20:27,870 --> 01:20:29,246
Can you?
1280
01:20:29,329 --> 01:20:31,456
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!
1281
01:20:31,915 --> 01:20:33,750
What do you think you're doing, Shadgrind?
1282
01:20:33,792 --> 01:20:36,211
Just arranging a tragic suicide pact.
1283
01:20:36,753 --> 01:20:37,754
What?
1284
01:20:37,838 --> 01:20:40,591
Well, I've made myself
the baby's legal guardian.
1285
01:20:40,674 --> 01:20:42,593
You see? Till he comes of age.
1286
01:20:42,634 --> 01:20:46,722
Still, that's 18 years of living here, rent-free.
1287
01:20:46,763 --> 01:20:48,765
Can't be bad!
1288
01:20:51,310 --> 01:20:52,436
Don't be ridiculous.
1289
01:20:52,936 --> 01:20:58,192
So, the family curse strikes again, does it?
What a shame!
1290
01:20:59,735 --> 01:21:03,780
You and I could have been very happy
together, Tom-Tom. Kneel down, please!
1291
01:21:07,075 --> 01:21:08,785
Drop the gun, Shadgrind!
1292
01:21:12,873 --> 01:21:14,374
-Boo.
1293
01:21:16,335 --> 01:21:17,961
Henry! How the hell did...
1294
01:21:18,170 --> 01:21:20,839
I pulled the car over for a piss,
some schmuck took it.
1295
01:21:22,299 --> 01:21:23,425
No, get down!
1296
01:21:28,555 --> 01:21:30,015
-Help!
-Henry!
1297
01:21:30,432 --> 01:21:31,642
Henry, are you all right?
-Right!
1298
01:21:33,227 --> 01:21:34,978
Now, where was I?
1299
01:21:35,062 --> 01:21:39,900
Yes. Three bodies in tragic
mystery love tangle. Hmm.
1300
01:21:45,989 --> 01:21:48,825
Better make that four, Shadgrind! Ha!
1301
01:21:49,284 --> 01:21:50,327
Get me out of this moose!
1302
01:21:50,577 --> 01:21:52,329
Somebody help Henry!
1303
01:21:52,412 --> 01:21:54,289
Henry! Oh, Henry!
1304
01:22:27,281 --> 01:22:28,323
I'm a lawyer.
1305
01:22:31,034 --> 01:22:32,160
Nice puss!
1306
01:22:42,379 --> 01:22:44,047
A puma! A puma!
1307
01:22:46,800 --> 01:22:50,179
I warned you.
You wouldn't listen. Typical, that.
1308
01:22:50,554 --> 01:22:52,806
Marvelous, isn't it? The ingratitude.
1309
01:22:52,890 --> 01:22:56,310
Well, that's a lawyer's lot these days.
1310
01:22:56,977 --> 01:22:59,897
You might as well take me straight
to France, incidentally.
1311
01:22:59,938 --> 01:23:01,982
I tell you, it was a puma!
1312
01:23:02,065 --> 01:23:04,151
That was the last we saw of Shadgrind.
1313
01:23:04,693 --> 01:23:08,697
Though there were rumors that he'd run off to
Beverly Hills and become a film producer.
1314
01:23:09,573 --> 01:23:13,160
Henry forgave me
and we became firm friends.
1315
01:23:15,704 --> 01:23:18,332
I sold my story to the tabloids
1316
01:23:18,415 --> 01:23:21,251
and married my secretary
to prevent her selling hers.
1317
01:23:21,335 --> 01:23:22,544
Bye, Mummy.
1318
01:23:22,586 --> 01:23:24,588
My mother went off with a policeman.
1319
01:23:24,630 --> 01:23:27,090
Come on, Harry. We'll be late for the races.
1320
01:23:27,132 --> 01:23:29,218
And as for Kitty and Henry,
1321
01:23:29,259 --> 01:23:33,263
well, they helped me establish Saddlers
as a major tourist attraction.
1322
01:23:33,347 --> 01:23:35,349
Though naturally, Henry did it his way.
1323
01:23:35,432 --> 01:23:37,059
Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Henry Bullock,
1324
01:23:37,100 --> 01:23:39,686
your host and official guide
for this afternoon's tour.
1325
01:23:39,770 --> 01:23:42,606
You can give your tickets
to Mr. Brittle there. Looking sharp, Brittle.
1326
01:23:42,689 --> 01:23:46,276
And so we all lived happily ever after.
1327
01:23:46,318 --> 01:23:47,694
Well, for a bit, at least.
1328
01:23:49,279 --> 01:23:51,240
I was just born lucky
1329
01:23:51,615 --> 01:23:53,742
Yes, I guess it's true
1330
01:23:53,992 --> 01:24:00,290
But now, my lucky luckiness
has all turned into blue
1331
01:24:02,167 --> 01:24:06,630
Someone came
and stole my baby away
1332
01:24:07,172 --> 01:24:08,298
Hey, hey, hey, hey
1333
01:24:08,382 --> 01:24:13,303
Someone came
and stole my whole life away
1334
01:24:13,887 --> 01:24:17,641
I was so happy all of the time
1335
01:24:17,724 --> 01:24:20,561
With my baby, I was oh-so fine
1336
01:24:20,936 --> 01:24:24,481
But you came right along
and knocked me for a song
1337
01:24:24,523 --> 01:24:27,734
You took everything
that should be mine, mine, mine, mine
1338
01:24:27,818 --> 01:24:32,155
Someone came
and stole my happiness away
1339
01:24:32,698 --> 01:24:33,866
Hey, hey, hey, hey
1340
01:24:33,949 --> 01:24:38,704
Now somehow that someone's
gonna have to pay
1341
01:24:39,329 --> 01:24:43,000
I lost my baby when he stepped in
1342
01:24:43,083 --> 01:24:46,295
He took my life and everything
1343
01:24:46,336 --> 01:24:49,339
He stole my baby, now I'm so blue
1344
01:24:50,007 --> 01:24:53,177
Tell me what to do
1345
01:24:53,260 --> 01:24:57,514
Someone came
and stole my baby away
1346
01:24:58,140 --> 01:24:59,683
Hey, hey, hey, hey
1347
01:24:59,725 --> 01:25:04,271
Someone came
and stole my happiness today
1348
01:25:05,022 --> 01:25:08,859
He came along, he did me wrong
1349
01:25:09,067 --> 01:25:12,446
Now my whole life's gone
1350
01:25:12,529 --> 01:25:17,159
Someone came
and stole my whole life away
1351
01:25:17,826 --> 01:25:20,829
He's gonna have to pay, some way
1352
01:25:20,871 --> 01:25:23,874
He's gonna have to pay, some day
1353
01:25:23,957 --> 01:25:26,710
Yes, he's gonna have to pay