1
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,423
- Hi, guys.
JOEY: Hey, Phoebe.

2
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,924
Hey, oh, how did it go?

3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,175
Um, not so good.

4
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,178
He walked me to the subway and said,
"We should do this again."

5
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:16,056
- Ouch.
- What? He said, "We should do it again."

6
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,307
That's good, right?

7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,602
Uh, no. Loosely translated,
"We should do this again," means:

8
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,855
"You will never see me naked."

9
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,274
Since when?

10
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,819
Since always. It's, like, dating language.

11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:32,239
You know, like, "It's not you,"
means, "It is you."

12
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,992
"You're such a nice guy," means:

13
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,161
"I'm gonna be dating
leather-wearing alcoholics...

14
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,788
...and complaining about them to you."

15
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,292
Or, you know, um, "I think we should see
other people," means:

16
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,002
"Ha, ha, I already am."

17
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,880
And everybody knows this?

18
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,049
Oh, yeah. Cushions the blow.

19
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,801
Like when you're a kid
and your parents put your dog to sleep...

20
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,429
...and they tell you it went off
to live on some farm.

21
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,682
That's funny.
No, because, uh, our parents actually did...

22
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,393
...uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.

23
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,313
Uh, Ross?

24
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:08,567
Ha, ha. Hello.
The Milner's farm in Connecticut?

25
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,195
The Milners,
they had this unbelievable farm.

26
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,947
They had horses and rabbits
that he could chase.

27
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,991
And it was...

28
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,954
Oh, my God. Chi-Chi.

29
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,095
CHANDLER: "So how does it feel
knowing you're about to die?"

30
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,640
Warden, in five minutes
my pain will be over.

31
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:26,728
But you'll have to live with the knowledge
that you sent an honest man to die.

32
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,648
- Hey, that was really good.
- Yeah?

33
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,191
- Yeah.
- Thanks. Let's keep going.

34
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:36,238
Okay. "So, what do you want
from me, Dimon? Huh?"

35
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:42,661
I just wanna go back to my cell,
because in my cell, I can smoke.

36
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,621
"Smoke away."

37
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,964
Heh.

38
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,384
[COUGHING]

39
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,513
I think this is probably why Dimon
smokes in his cell alone.

40
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,391
- What?
- Relax your hand.

41
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,351
Let your wrist go.

42
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,603
- Not so much.
- Whoa.

43
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,062
Hey.

44
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,107
All right. Now try taking a puff.

45
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,984
Right.

46
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,239
- Okay, no, give it to me.
- No, no, no. I'm not giving you a cigarette.

47
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:22,784
No, it's fine. It's fine. Look, do you want
to get this part or not? Here.

48
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,622
All right. Now, don't think
of it as a cigarette.

49
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:30,834
Think of it as the thing
that has been missing from your hand.

50
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,962
When you're holding it, you feel right.

51
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,506
- You feel complete.
- You miss it?

52
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,342
No, not so much.

53
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,346
All right. Now we smoke.

54
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,601
Oh, my God.

55
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,693
No, no, no.

56
00:03:56,903 --> 00:04:00,072
They say it's the same as the distance
from the tip of a guy's thumb...

57
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,907
...to the tip of his index finger.

58
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,290
That's ridiculous.

59
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,168
Can I use either thumb?

60
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,589
All right. Don't tell me, don't tell me.

61
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,260
Decaf cappuccino for Joey.

62
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,972
Coffee, black.

63
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,307
Latte.

64
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,602
And an iced tea.

65
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:34,231
- I'm getting pretty good at this.
- Excellent. That's very good.

66
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,857
Good for me.

67
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,451
[MUMBLING]

68
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,457
- You okay, Phoebe?
- Yeah, no, it's not even worth...

69
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,001
It's my bank.

70
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,460
What did they do to you?

71
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,504
It's nothing, it's just... Okay.

72
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,340
I'm going through my mail,
and I open up their monthly "statement."

73
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,009
Easy.

74
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,680
And there's 500 extra dollars
in my account.

75
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:10,142
Oh, Satan's minions at work again.

76
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,312
Yes, because now I have to go down there
and deal with them...

77
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:16,732
- What are you talking about? Keep it.
- It's not mine.

78
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,568
I didn't earn it.
If I kept it, it would be like stealing.

79
00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:23,363
Yeah, but if you spent it,
it would be like shopping.

80
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,699
Okay. Okay.

81
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,993
Let's say I bought
a really great pair of shoes.

82
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,495
Do you know what I'd hear
with every step I took?

83
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,123
"Not mine. Not mine. Not mine."

84
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,168
And even if I was happy, okay,
and skipping...

85
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:39,546
...I'd hear, "Not mine. Not mine."

86
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,381
We're with you. We got it.

87
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:46,636
Okay, I'd never be able to enjoy it.
It'd be like this giant karmic debt.

88
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,222
Chandler, what are you doing? Hey.

89
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,266
What are you doing?

90
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,355
Oh, gross.

91
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,399
- What is this?
- I'm smoking. I'm smoking. I'm smoking.

92
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,194
I can't believe you.
You've been so good for three years.

93
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,988
And this is my reward.

94
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:09,659
Hold on a second. Just think about what
you went through the last time you quit.

95
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,745
Okay, so this time I won't quit.

96
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:14,456
- Put it out.
- All right. I'm putting it out.

97
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,376
Oh, no.

98
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,544
I can't drink this now.

99
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,675
All right, I'm gonna go change.
I've got a date.

100
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,345
Is this Alan again? How's it going?

101
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:32,682
It's going pretty good, you know?
It's nice and we're having fun.

102
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,851
- So when do we get to meet the guy?
ROSS: Yeah.

103
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,812
Let's see, today's Monday...

104
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:38,897
- Never.
- Come on.

105
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,109
- No, not after what happened with Steve.
- What are you talking about?

106
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:45,779
[LISPING]
We love Steve. Steve was sexy.

107
00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:49,741
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Sorry.

108
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,078
Look, I don't know how I feel about him yet.
Give me a chance to figure it out.

109
00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:54,913
Well, then can we meet him?

110
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,456
No.

111
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,250
[LISPING]
Sorry.

112
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,171
Why should I let them meet him?

113
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,299
I bring a guy home and within five minutes
they're all over him.

114
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:10,345
I mean, they're like coyotes picking off
the weak members of the herd.

115
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:15,392
Listen, as someone who's seen
more than her share of bad beef...

116
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:19,396
...I'll tell you, that is not
such a terrible thing.

117
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,107
Come on, they're your friends.
They're looking out after you.

118
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:25,652
I know, I know. I wish that once I'd
bring a guy home they actually liked.

119
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:29,573
Well, you do realize that the odds
of that happening are a little slimmer...

120
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,616
...if they never get to meet the guy.

121
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,120
Let it go, Ross.

122
00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:37,080
Yeah? Well, you didn't know Chi-Chi.

123
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,419
MONICA:
Do you all promise?

124
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,338
- Yeah, we promise. We'll be good.
JOEY: We promise.

125
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,467
Chandler, do you promise to be good?

126
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,637
[THUNDER CRASHING]

127
00:07:56,058 --> 00:08:00,270
You can come in, but your filter tip
little buddy has to stay outside.

128
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,195
ROSS:
Hey, Pheebs.

129
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:13,241
"Dear Ms. Buffay: Thank you
for calling attention to our error.

130
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:17,579
We have credited your account $500.
We're sorry for the inconvenience...

131
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,665
...and hope you'll accept
this football phone...

132
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,921
...as our free gift." Do you believe this?

133
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:29,382
Now I have $1000 and a football phone.

134
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,345
What bank is this?

135
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:34,638
[DOOR BUZZES]

136
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,389
Okay, it's him.

137
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,100
- Who is it?
ALAN: Alan.

138
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,102
Chandler. He's here.

139
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,608
Okay, please be good. Please?

140
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:48,527
I mean, remember how much
you like me.

141
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,237
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

142
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:54,491
Hi. Alan, this is everybody.
Everybody, this is Alan.

143
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:58,370
- Hi.
GROUP: Hey.

144
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,457
[LISPING] I've heard so much
about all you guys.

145
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,174
MONICA:
Thanks, I'll call you tomorrow.

146
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,679
Okay.

147
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:19,307
Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin.

148
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,351
Who's gonna take the first shot?

149
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,727
Hmm?

150
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:24,521
Come on.

151
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,898
I'll go.

152
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,987
Let's start with the way
he kept picking at...

153
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,655
You know, I'm sorry, I can't do this.

154
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,323
Can't do it. We loved him.

155
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,118
GROUP: We loved him.
- Wait a minute.

156
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,412
We're talking about someone
that I'm going out with?

157
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,414
GROUP: Yes.
- And did you notice?

158
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:43,957
GROUP:
Yeah.

159
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:51,464
Know what was great?
The way his smile was kind of crooked.

160
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,675
Yes, yes. Like the man in the shoe.

161
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,677
What shoe?

162
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,430
From the nursery rhyme.

163
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,890
"There was a crooked man
who had a crooked smile...

164
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,727
...who lived in a shoe for a while..."

165
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,024
So I think Alan...

166
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,442
...will become the yardstick...

167
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:13,403
...against which all future boyfriends
will be measured.

168
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,779
What future boyfriends?

169
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,532
No, no. I think this could be,
you know, "it."

170
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:18,825
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

171
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:22,495
I'd marry him just for his
David Hasselhoff impression alone.

172
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,332
You know I'm gonna be doing that
at parties, right?

173
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,630
- You know what I like most about him?
- What?

174
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,675
The way he makes me feel about myself.

175
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,055
ALL:
Yeah.

176
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,861
Hi.

177
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,365
How was the game?

178
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,117
Well...

179
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,870
- We won!
- We won! Thank you! Yeah.

180
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,624
Fantastic. I have one question:
How is that possible?

181
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,002
- Alan.
- He was unbelievable.

182
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:14,756
He was like that Bugs Bunny cartoon
where Bugs is playing all the positions.

183
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:18,426
But instead of Bugs, it was first base, Alan.
Second base, Alan...

184
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,475
I mean, it was like he made us
into a team.

185
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,686
Yep. We sure showed
those Hasidic jewelers...

186
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,522
...a thing or two about softball.
- Nice.

187
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,441
Can I ask you guys a question?

188
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,111
Do you ever think that Alan
is maybe sometimes...

189
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:40,281
- What?
- I don't know. A little too Alan?

190
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:43,910
Oh, no. That's not possible.
You can never be too Alan.

191
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,832
Yeah, it's his innate Alan-ness
that we adore.

192
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,376
- I, personally, could have a gallon of Alan.
- Oh!

193
00:11:57,383 --> 00:12:00,218
- Hey, Lizzy.
- Hey, Weird Girl.

194
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,138
- I brought you alphabet soup.
- Did you pick out the vowels?

195
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,349
Yes, but I left in the Y's.
Because, you know, "Sometimes Y."

196
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,768
Um, I also have something else for you.

197
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,061
Saltines?

198
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,647
No, but would you like $1000
and a football phone?

199
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,607
What?

200
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,318
Oh, my God.

201
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,196
- Oh, my God. There's really money in here.
- I know.

202
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,115
Weird Girl, what are you doing?

203
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,242
Oh, I want you to have it. I don't want it.

204
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,412
No, no. I have to give you something.

205
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,247
No, it's fine. You don't...

206
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,374
Do you want my tinfoil hat?

207
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,461
No, because you need that.
No, it's okay. Thanks.

208
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,796
Please. Let me do something.

209
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,840
Okay, all right. I'll tell you what.

210
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,551
You buy me a soda
and then we're even. Okay?

211
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,803
- Okay.
PHOEBE: Okay.

212
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,283
Keep the change.

213
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,077
Thanks, Lizzy.

214
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,453
Sure you don't want a pretzel?

215
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,665
- No, I'm fine. Thanks.
- See you.

216
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,214
Huh.

217
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:02,924
A thumb?

218
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,676
GROUP:
Ew.

219
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,220
I know, I know.
I opened it up and there it was...

220
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:10,849
...just floating in there,
like this tiny little hitchhiker.

221
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:15,395
Maybe it's a contest, you know?
Like "Collect all five."

222
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,148
Does, um, anyone wanna see?

223
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,775
No, thanks.

224
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,237
- Oh, hey, don't do that. Come on.
- Cut that out.

225
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:25,947
It's worse than the thumb.

226
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,534
Hey, this is so unfair.

227
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:34,038
- Why is it unfair?
- So I have a flaw. Big deal.

228
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,958
Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking
isn't annoying?

229
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,335
And Ross, with his over-pronouncing
every single word.

230
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,671
And Monica, with that snort
when she laughs.

231
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,215
I mean, what the hell is that thing?

232
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,470
I accept all those flaws.
Why can't you accept me for this?

233
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,898
Does the knuckle-cracking
bother everybody, or just him?

234
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,359
Well...

235
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:05,528
...I could live without it.

236
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,739
Huh.

237
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:13,119
Well, is it, like, a little annoying? Or
is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?

238
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:19,083
Now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right?
I think it's endearing.

239
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,544
Oh, you do, do you?

240
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:23,922
[LAUGHING]

241
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,381
[SNORTS]

242
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,845
You know, there's nothing wrong
with speaking correctly.

243
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,848
Indeed there isn't.

244
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,769
I should really get back to work.

245
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:41,064
Yeah, otherwise someone might
get what they actually ordered.

246
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:46,694
Oh. The hair comes out
and the gloves come off.

247
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,863
[GROUP SHOUTING]

248
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:05,838
Did you ever go out with a guy
your friends all really like?

249
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,465
No.

250
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,887
Okay. Well, I'm going out with a guy
my friends all really like.

251
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,724
We talking about the coyotes here?

252
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:20,395
Heh. All right. A cow got through.

253
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,772
Can you believe it?

254
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,565
It's just, you know what?

255
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,735
I just don't feel the thing.

256
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,530
I mean, they feel the thing.
I don't feel the thing.

257
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,366
Honey, you should always...

258
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,535
...feel the thing.

259
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,915
Listen, if that's how you feel
about the guy, Monica, dump him.

260
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,042
I know, it's just gonna be really hard.

261
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,128
Yeah, he's a big boy. He'll get over it.

262
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:50,008
No, he'll be fine.
It's the other five I'm worried about.

263
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,343
Do you have any respect for your body?

264
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,637
Don't you realize
what you're doing to yourself?

265
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,098
Hey, you know, I've had it
with you and your cancer...

266
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,100
...and your emphysema
and your heart disease.

267
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:02,937
The bottom line is, smoking is cool,
and you know it.

268
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,816
Ahem. Chandler?

269
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,776
It's Alan. He wants to speak to you.

270
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,820
Really? He does?

271
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,407
Hey, buddy. What's up?

272
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,369
Oh, she told you about that, huh?

273
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,166
Well, yeah. I have one now and then.
Well, yeah, now.

274
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,877
Well, it's not that bad...

275
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,672
Well, that's true.

276
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:36,179
Gee, you know, no one's
ever put it like that before.

277
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,723
Well, okay. Thanks.

278
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,151
God, he's good.

279
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,404
If only he were a woman.

280
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,406
Yeah.

281
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,121
CHANDLER:
Oh, Lamb Chop.

282
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,957
How old is that sock?

283
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:09,921
If I had a sock on my hand
for 30 years, it'd be talking too.

284
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:16,052
Okay, I think it's time to change
somebody's nicotine patch.

285
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,846
Hey.

286
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,807
Where's Joey?

287
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:24,143
Joey ate my last stick of gum,
so I killed him.

288
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,688
Do you think that was wrong?

289
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,151
- I think he's across the hall.
- Thanks.

290
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,195
There you go.

291
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:37,240
Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.

292
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:41,077
Hey, Pheebs, you gonna
have the rest of that Pop Tart?

293
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,915
Does anyone want the rest
of this Pop Tart?

294
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,918
Hey, I might.

295
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,337
I'm sorry.

296
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:55,383
You know, those stupid soda people
gave me $7000 for the thumb.

297
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,635
- Oh, my God.
- Seven thousand dollars?

298
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,221
And on my way over here,
I stepped in gum.

299
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,850
What is up with the universe?

300
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,143
What's going on?

301
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,187
Nothing. I just think it's nice
when we're all here together.

302
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:11,524
It's even nicer when everyone
gets to wear their underwear.

303
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:17,155
- Uh, Joey...
- Oh.

304
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,951
MONICA: Okay.
- Oh, come on.

305
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,120
Please, guys, we have to talk.

306
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,123
Wait, wait. I'm getting a déjà vu.

307
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,624
No, I'm not.

308
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,629
- All right, we have to talk.
- There it is.

309
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,885
Okay, it's about Alan.

310
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:41,846
There's something you should know.

311
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:47,393
Oh, man, there's really
no easy way to say this. Uh...

312
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,813
I've decided to break up with Alan.

313
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,361
Is there somebody else?

314
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,741
No, no, no. It's just...

315
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:04,952
...you know, things change.
People change.

316
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,205
We didn't change.

317
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,709
So that's it? It's over?

318
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,712
Just like that?

319
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,548
You know, you let your guard down.

320
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:20,843
You know, you start to really care
about someone, and I just...

321
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,933
- Look, I could go on pretending...
- Okay.

322
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,393
No. No, that wouldn't be fair to me...

323
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,395
...it wouldn't be fair to Alan,
or to you.

324
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,689
Yeah, well, who wants fair?

325
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:37,777
I mean, I just want things back,
you know, the way they were.

326
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,908
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, she's sorry. I feel better.

327
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,078
I just can't believe this.

328
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:51,958
I mean, with the holidays coming up.
I wanted him to meet my family.

329
00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:56,170
I'll meet someone else.
There'll be other Alans.

330
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:57,546
Yeah, right.

331
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,972
- Are you guys gonna be okay?
- Hey, hey. We'll be fine.

332
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:08,808
We're just gonna need a little time.

333
00:21:09,726 --> 00:21:11,310
I understand.

334
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:17,858
Wow.

335
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:21,988
- I'm really sorry.
- Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry too.

336
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:24,782
But I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved.

337
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,867
- Relieved?
- Yeah, well...

338
00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,412
...I mean, I had a great time with you.

339
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,831
I just can't stand your friends.

340
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:42,383
Remember when we went
to Central Park and rented boats?

341
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,178
That was fun.

342
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:50,266
Yeah. He could row like a Viking.

343
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:57,106
- Hi.
GROUP: Hi.

344
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:00,943
So how'd it go?

345
00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,947
- You know.
- Did he mention us?

346
00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:12,955
He says he's really gonna
miss you guys.

347
00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:20,838
ROSS:
You had a rough day, huh?

348
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,841
- Oh, you have no idea.
ROSS: Come here.

349
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,764
- That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
GROUP: No, no, no.

350
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:31,223
I don't care. I don't care.

351
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:34,560
Game's over. I'm weak. I've gotta smoke.
I've gotta have the smoke.

352
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:37,355
If you never smoke again,
I'll give you $7000.

353
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:40,024
Yeah, all right.

354
00:22:45,822 --> 00:22:47,823
[English - US - SDH]