1
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:05,838
PHOEBE:
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:09,508
Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree.

3
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:13,012
Oh, my God, you should see the size
of his Christmas balls!

4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,474
BOTH: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.

5
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:19,351
How much did you tip the super?

6
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,896
Yeah, we were gonna give 50,
but we don't wanna look bad.

7
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,232
Oh, this year
we just made him cookies.

8
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,609
And 25 it is.

9
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,654
Heh. You gave him cookies?

10
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,740
- Money is so impersonal.
RACHEL: Yeah.

11
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,700
Cookies says someone really cares.

12
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,746
All right, we're broke,
but cookies do say that.

13
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:40,998
I can see that.

14
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,292
A plate of brownies told me a limerick.

15
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:50,049
Pheebs, let me ask you something.
Were these, uh, "funny" brownies?

16
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,509
Not especially.

17
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,179
But, you know,
I think they had pot in them.

18
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,768
So, you guys, who else did you tip
with cookies?

19
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:03,187
Uh, the mailman, the super...

20
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:04,396
[BANG ON DOOR]

21
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,191
Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.

22
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,526
JOEY:
Oh, my God.

23
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,111
RACHEL:
What?

24
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,072
Uh, I don't think you're gonna like this.

25
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,323
RACHEL:
Oh, wow.

26
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,366
Oh, gosh.

27
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:19,828
Oh, these are cookies
smashed in the Sports section.

28
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:21,955
And he did my crossword puzzle.

29
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:25,918
Yeah, but not very well,
unless 14 across, "Gershwin musical"...

30
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:30,255
...actually is "Bite me, bite me, bite me."

31
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,183
I can't believe it's Christmas already.
You know?

32
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,145
One day you're eating turkey,
the next thing you know...

33
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,314
...your lords are a-leaping
and your geese are a-laying. Heh.

34
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:34,945
Which is why geese are
so relaxed this time of year.

35
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,615
- Hey, guys.
MONICA & CHANDLER: Hey.

36
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:40,993
Hey, Rach.

37
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,079
I, uh, got you a little present.

38
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,958
I'll open it.

39
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,419
It's a Slinky!

40
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,713
Ha, ha. Remember, huh?

41
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,090
[SINGS] Walks downstairs
Alone or in pairs

42
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,134
Everyone knows it's...

43
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,138
Just a big spring.

44
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,932
You're still mad because of the whole...

45
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,518
Horrible list of reasons not to be with me?

46
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,354
How about we just call it
"the unfortunate incident"?

47
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,273
[CHUCKLES]

48
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,736
Hey, Gunther.
You got stairs in your place?

49
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,197
- Yeah.
- Go nuts.

50
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,700
- Hey, guys.
MONICA & CHANDLER: Hey.

51
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:22,910
[ROSS GRUNTS]

52
00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,119
What's in the bag?

53
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,496
Mm, just some presents.

54
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,707
Come on, show us what you bought.

55
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,834
You know you want to.

56
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,712
Okay.

57
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,509
This is a picture frame
from Ben to my parents.

58
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,261
Oh, that's cute.

59
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,473
Some "Hers" and "Hers" towels
for Susan and Carol.

60
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,979
And, uh, I got this blouse for Mom.

61
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,232
- Ross, that is gorgeous!
- Yeah?

62
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:56,068
MONICA:
Look at these authentic fake medals!

63
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,070
Mom's gonna be voted "best dressed"...

64
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,364
...at the make-believe military academy!

65
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,660
- Hey.
- Hey.

66
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,955
- Happy Christmas Eve Eve.
- You too.

67
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,207
Oh, my God! Where did you get this?

68
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,085
Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.

69
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,586
This is my father!

70
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,421
This is a picture of my dad!

71
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,631
[ROSS CHUCKLES]

72
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,552
Uh, Pheebs, that's the guy
that comes in the frame.

73
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,972
No, it's my dad. I'll show you.

74
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,391
I thought your dad was in prison.

75
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,184
No, that's my stepdad.

76
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:32,729
My real dad's the one that
ran out on us before I was born.

77
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,898
How have you never been on Oprah?

78
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,819
Look, see? This is him.

79
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:42,656
My mother gave me this picture
before she died. Same guy!

80
00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:48,370
Honey, uh, this is a picture
of the frame guy...

81
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,248
...posing in front of a blue screen
with a collie.

82
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,668
It's not a blue screen. It's just...

83
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,671
Maybe it was just really clear that day.

84
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,093
Okay, I have to talk to my grandmother.

85
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:06,305
MONICA: Wait a minute, honey!
ROSS & JOEY: Pheebs.

86
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,016
CHANDLER: Whoa.
RACHEL: Wow.

87
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,309
[CLEARS THROAT]

88
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,061
I'm trying to get my boss's
ex-wife to sleep with me.

89
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,272
ALL:
Joey.

90
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,692
Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem,
everyone's all ears!

91
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,947
FRANCES:
Esther Livingston.

92
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:26,992
Gone!

93
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:30,704
Um... Hi, Pooh.

94
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,165
Hi, Gram. Ahem, what you doing?

95
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,876
Oh, just updating the phone book.

96
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,338
Um, Gram? Um...

97
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,757
Can I see the pictures of my dad again?

98
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,759
Oh.

99
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,010
Oh, sure, sure.

100
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,637
Uh... Huh, how come?

101
00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,474
Just, you know, to see him.

102
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:52,642
Oh, sure. Here.

103
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,061
All right, uh...

104
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:57,230
This is the one
of your father in a meadow.

105
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,818
And, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite.

106
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,447
And here he is at a graduation.

107
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:13,705
Another graduation.

108
00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,750
Is this really my father?

109
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,919
Is it really your...?

110
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,545
[LAUGHS]

111
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,547
Well, of course it is.

112
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,718
I smell smoke. Maybe because
someone's pants are on fire!

113
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:28,845
Well, I...

114
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,890
In all the years we've been
grandmother and granddaughter...

115
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,600
...you've never lied.

116
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:34,851
[SIGHS]

117
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:39,272
All right, that's not your father.
It's a picture of a guy in a frame.

118
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:42,651
Oh, God.

119
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,654
It was your mother's idea.

120
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,240
She didn't want you
to know your real father...

121
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,367
...because it hurt her so much when he left.

122
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,577
I didn't wanna go along with it.

123
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:56,123
But then she died
and it was harder to argue with her.

124
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,086
Not impossible, but harder.

125
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,881
All right.
So he's not a famous tree surgeon?

126
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:13,640
And I guess he doesn't live in a hut in Burma
where there's no phones?

127
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,519
Last I heard, he was
a pharmacist somewhere upstate.

128
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,312
That makes no sense.

129
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,649
Why would the villagers
worship a pharmacist?

130
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,278
Honey.

131
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,613
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.

132
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:32,826
Anyway, that's all I know.

133
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,661
[SIGHS]

134
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,455
That...

135
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,958
...and this.

136
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,045
This...

137
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,923
...is the real him.

138
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,218
Oh.

139
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:55,056
I remember my father
all dressed up in the red suit...

140
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,393
...the big black boots
and the patent leather belt...

141
00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:01,646
...sneaking around downstairs.
He didn't want us to see him...

142
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:06,526
...but he'd be drunk, so he'd crash
into something and wake everybody up.

143
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,863
That doesn't sound like
a very merry Christmas.

144
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,240
Who said anything about Christmas?

145
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:17,871
- Hi.
- Anyone hear from Phoebe yet?

146
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,414
No, nothing.

147
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:20,999
I hope she's okay.

148
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,168
JOEY:
I know exactly what she's going through.

149
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,712
How do you know
what she's going through?

150
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,464
She told us.

151
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,594
What do you got there, Monica?

152
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,054
Stuff for the party.

153
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:37,140
Aren't you guys supposed to be shopping?

154
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,975
You didn't buy presents yet?

155
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,853
Tomorrow's Christmas Eve!
What are you gonna do?

156
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,023
Don't you have to be Claymation
to say stuff like that?

157
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,861
Oh, by the way, Mon, I don't think
the mailman liked your cookies.

158
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,905
Here are the ornaments your mom sent.

159
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,243
MONICA:
Well...

160
00:08:56,452 --> 00:09:00,580
Maybe the mailman liked the cookies.
We just didn't give him enough.

161
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,792
Monica, pigeons learn faster than you.

162
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:06,419
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

163
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,093
Hey, Rach. Ahem.

164
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:16,221
I think I know what will
make you feel better.

165
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:19,224
How about you make a list about me?

166
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,601
Forget it. I'm not gonna stand here...

167
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:22,978
...and make a list.

168
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,146
Okay, you're whiny...

169
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:28,275
...you are obsessive, you are insecure...

170
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,193
...you're gutless.
- Heh.

171
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,445
You don't ever just seize the day.

172
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,657
You liked me for a year
and you didn't do anything about it.

173
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:39,077
And, uh... Oh, you wear
too much of that gel in your hair.

174
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,417
See, there. You, uh...

175
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,168
All right, you did what I said.

176
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,378
[ROSS CHUCKLES]

177
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,629
- And you know what?
- Hmm?

178
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,590
You're right. I do feel better.

179
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:52,841
Thank you, Ross.

180
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:03,435
Yeah, in Albany. Could I have
the number of Frank Buffay?

181
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,564
Okay. Um, in lthaca?

182
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,900
All right, um, Saratoga?

183
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,403
Oneonta?

184
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:17,365
You know what?
You shouldn't call yourself Information!

185
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,496
Hey.

186
00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:27,542
Hello, Grandma.
If that is, in fact, your real name.

187
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,921
Come on now, Pooh.
Don't still be mad at me.

188
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,383
- How's it going?
- Oh, not so good.

189
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,929
Upstate's pretty big.
He's pretty small. You do the math.

190
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,600
Well, I think you're better off without him.

191
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,561
Oh, honey, I know he's your daddy.

192
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,939
But to me,
he's still the irresponsible creep...

193
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:54,194
...who locked up your mom
and stole her Gremlin.

194
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:59,366
I know. I just wanted to know
who he was, you know?

195
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,452
Yeah, I know.

196
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:03,703
[FRANCES SIGHS]

197
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,205
Okay.

198
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:09,709
I wasn't completely honest with you
when I told you that, uh, I didn't know...

199
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,170
...exactly where he lived.

200
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,130
What do you mean?

201
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,385
He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown.

202
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,264
If you hit the Dairy Queen,
you've gone too far.

203
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,308
You can take my cab.

204
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,851
Wow.

205
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:28,311
Thank you.

206
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:29,729
[FRANCES CHUCKLES]

207
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:33,316
- Nobody else drives that cab.
- Uh-huh. Got it.

208
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,734
Oh.

209
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,237
- I'm gonna see my dad!
- Ha-ha-ha.

210
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,240
- Thank you.
- Oh. Ha, ha.

211
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,866
Mm, okay. Oh.

212
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,369
Wish me luck, Grandpa.

213
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:53,837
Hey.

214
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,422
Phoebe here with the cab yet?

215
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:58,258
Yeah, she brought the invisible cab.

216
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,759
Hop in!

217
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,179
She'd better get here. The stores close at 7.

218
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,224
It'll be two hours to Phoebe's dad's house...

219
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,518
...they'll meet, chat, swap life stories.

220
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,353
We'll still have plenty of time.

221
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,646
[CAR HORN HONKS]

222
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,732
- Hey, here she comes!
- Hey.

223
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,067
JOEY:
Hey, hey.

224
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,069
Hi.

225
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,698
PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.

226
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,450
Can you believe this?

227
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,952
In like two hours I'm gonna have a dad.

228
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,495
[SQUEALS]

229
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,247
Yeah, big stuff.

230
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,874
- Okay, let's go.
- Okay.

231
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,042
- Here, you have to hold this.
- Okay.

232
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,506
"Brake, left. Gas, right"?

233
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:40,717
Uh-huh, that's my cheat sheet.

234
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,307
- Where's my seat belt?
- That side doesn't have one.

235
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,185
The paramedics had to cut through it.

236
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:56,191
- Hey.
- Hey.

237
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,361
[TIRE SCREECHES]

238
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,782
Come on, just tell me. Please, please.

239
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:04,991
[MONICA WHIMPERS]

240
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:09,204
For the 16th time,
no, I do not think you're obsessive.

241
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,583
- Oh, it's hot in here!
MONICA: Rach, get the heat.

242
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,503
- Ross, turn the heat down, please?
- Sure.

243
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,838
There's a difference between obsessive...

244
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,173
Ross, the heat!

245
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:24,469
Okay. Heat, heat, heat.
And I'm the obsessive one?

246
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:26,429
Okay.

247
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,348
This way is on.

248
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,476
So this is...

249
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,311
[RADIATOR HISSING]

250
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,104
...off.

251
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,358
Did you just break the radiator?

252
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,486
No, I was turning the knob and...

253
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,446
...here it is.

254
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:44,864
Well, put it back!

255
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:48,952
ROSS:
It, uh...

256
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,163
- It won't go back.
- Ugh. I'll call the super.

257
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,790
Here, let me try.

258
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:58,169
Oh, oh, that's right.
I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.

259
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,129
Hey, it's Funny's cousin...

260
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:01,422
...Not Funny!

261
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,258
Hi, Mr. Treeger?

262
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,385
It's Rachel Green from upstairs.

263
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,638
Yes, somebody, uh,
broke our knob on the radiator...

264
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,683
...and it's really hot in here.

265
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,853
Yes, it's hot enough to bake cookies.

266
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,983
Well, do you think
we could have a new one by 6?

267
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,986
What? No, no. Tuesday?
We can't wait until Tuesday.

268
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,946
We're having a party tonight.

269
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,447
Okay, tip the man.

270
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,533
If he doesn't like our cookies, too bad.

271
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,493
I won't be blackmailed.

272
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,954
Look, if it gets a little warm...

273
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,831
...it can be a theme party.

274
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,834
Here's a theme:
"Come on in, live like bacon!"

275
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,338
PHOEBE:
Ooh, this is it.

276
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,257
Seventy-four.

277
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,261
Oh, so that's what this is for!

278
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,554
PHOEBE:
Wow.

279
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,682
This is it. I'm gonna meet my dad.

280
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,018
This is, like, the biggest thing ever, huh?

281
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,270
- Yeah.
- Sure is.

282
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,147
Here I go. I'm going in.

283
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,398
All right!

284
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,858
Good luck, Pheebs.

285
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,610
Okay.

286
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:09,157
Here I go.

287
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,243
I'm going.

288
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,460
[HAWAllAN MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

289
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,921
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

290
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,381
Hi.

291
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,967
Welcome to our tropical
Christmas party, heh.

292
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:31,721
Put your coats, sweaters,
pants and shirts in the bedroom.

293
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,601
It's hard to tell because I'm sweating...

294
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,854
...but I use exactly what the gel bottle says.

295
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:46,778
An amount about the size of a pea.
How can that be too much?

296
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,115
MONICA:
Ice?

297
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,911
Ice? Ice squares anyone?
Take a napkin.

298
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,162
All right.

299
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,247
Monica. Monica!

300
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:02,418
Monica, your guests are turning into jerky.

301
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,754
Really? I'm perfectly comfortable.

302
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,007
Ha, ha. Hey! Get in line, buddy.
I was next.

303
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,972
Mr. Treeger.

304
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,556
You said there was a party.

305
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,058
Oh, yeah.

306
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,810
Well, hey, welcome to our sauna.

307
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,855
Uh, is it hot? My body always stays cool.

308
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,483
Probably because I have so much skin.

309
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,194
Hey, cheese!

310
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:32,615
Here's the chance.
Monica, give him cash.

311
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,952
Rachel, give him your earrings.
Something. Anything!

312
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,704
No, I will not cave.

313
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:38,955
I'm with Mon.

314
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:42,417
All right. You know how you say
I never seize the day?

315
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:46,004
Even though he's your super, I'm seizing.

316
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:48,923
Mr. Treeger?

317
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,133
[ROSS CHUCKLES]

318
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,969
Here is 50 bucks. Merry Christmas.

319
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,387
Oh, wow.

320
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,638
I didn't get you anything.

321
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:56,848
[TREEGER CHUCKLES]

322
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,017
Here's five back.

323
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,562
No, that's your Christmas tip.

324
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:07,275
Oh, do you think there's a chance
you can fix that radiator now?

325
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:09,736
No can do. Like I told the girl...

326
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,738
...I can't get a knob until Tuesday.

327
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,157
- Ross?
ROSS: Yeah?

328
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,075
He's playing baseball.

329
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,077
You mean hardball?

330
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,498
Whatever.

331
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,333
What you gonna do?

332
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,669
Excuse me. I'm seizing.

333
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,880
Mr. Treeger?

334
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,215
Here's another 50.

335
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,051
Happy Hanukkah.

336
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:36,345
Will, uh, this help with the knob-getting?

337
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:37,764
No.

338
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:40,892
The place is not open till Tuesday.

339
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,435
Am I not saying it right?

340
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,645
[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

341
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,106
So you really did like my cookies?

342
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:51,110
Oh, yeah, they were so personal.
It really showed you cared.

343
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,326
Nice seizing...

344
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,411
...gel boy.

345
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:04,624
So, uh...

346
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,751
Is this, uh, mistletoe?

347
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,628
[CHUCKLES]

348
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,421
No, uh, that...

349
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,882
That is basil.

350
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,052
- Oh.
- Yeah.

351
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,222
If it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss you.

352
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,349
[BOTH LAUGH]

353
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,184
No, it's still basil.

354
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,074
Okay.

355
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,325
[JOEY CLEARS THROAT]

356
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:40,868
- How far did you get?
- Mailbox.

357
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:44,080
- All right, we're getting closer.
- Uh-huh.

358
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,666
What's going on?

359
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,294
It's just, like, a whole mess of stuff.

360
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:55,049
Like yesterday, my dad was
this famous Burma tree-surgeon guy.

361
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,719
And, you know, now he's, uh,
a pharmacist guy and...

362
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:03,057
Well, maybe he's this
really cool pharmacist guy.

363
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:07,645
Yeah, maybe. And I'll knock on the door...

364
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,065
...and he'll hug me, and I'll have a dad.

365
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,902
I'll go to his pharmacy
and everyone will be nice to me...

366
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:18,072
...because, you know,
I'm Frank's daughter.

367
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,615
So why not go knock?

368
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:28,499
Because, I mean,
what if he's not this great dad guy?

369
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:33,754
What if he's still the dirtbag
who ran out on my mom and us?

370
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,508
- Yeah.
CHANDLER: Hmm.

371
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:40,052
PHOEBE:
You know what?

372
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:43,681
I've already lost a fake dad this week.

373
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,768
I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.

374
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,566
Pheebs, that's okay.
You took a big step today.

375
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,319
- Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah.

376
00:19:56,486 --> 00:20:00,031
Someday, when you're ready,
you'll make it past the hedges.

377
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,075
And when you do,
he'll be lucky to have you.

378
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,828
You guys.

379
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,334
Sorry about your shopping.

380
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,962
CHANDLER:
Oh, that's okay. We'll figure something out.

381
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,383
I know you're not going in there...

382
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:23,095
...but do you think it'd be all right
if I went in and used his bathroom?

383
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,515
That's fine, never mind.

384
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,227
Cool, snow!

385
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,938
Kind of like a blank canvas.

386
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:44,533
Ho-ho-ho-holy crap, is it hot in here!

387
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,038
You mind if I turn the heat down?

388
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:52,625
We could have used
that kind of thinking earlier!

389
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,669
So, Pheebs, how did it go?

390
00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,921
Oh, ahem, I couldn't go in.

391
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,257
MONICA: Honey, I'm sorry.
- Are you okay?

392
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:02,260
Yeah, it's okay,
because I know he's there.

393
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,345
So that's enough for now.

394
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:07,723
Hey, it's after midnight!
Merry Christmas, everyone!

395
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:11,560
MONICA:
Oh, right! Merry Christmas!

396
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,313
The knob was broken...

397
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:18,150
...so I turned it off from underneath.
I hope that's all right.

398
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,498
Rach, these are for you.

399
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,543
Wiper blades.

400
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,503
I don't even have a car.

401
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:41,799
Ha, ha. No, but with this new-car smell,
you'll think you do.

402
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,551
[JOEY LAUGHS]

403
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:47,305
Okay, Pheebs, your turn.

404
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,599
[GASPS]

405
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:52,518
Toilet-seat covers.

406
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,690
Is that what you were doing
while I was getting gas?

407
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,025
CHANDLER: Uh-huh.
JOEY: Mm-hm.

408
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:01,193
You guys!

409
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:02,611
JOEY:
And for Ross...

410
00:22:02,779 --> 00:22:05,197
...Mr. Sweet Tooth.

411
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,244
You got me a cola drink?

412
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:13,205
And a lemon-lime!

413
00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:15,291
[CHUCKLES]

414
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:20,129
Well, this is too much. I feel like
I should get you another sweater.

415
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,884
And last but not least...

416
00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:29,597
They're ribbed for your pleasure.

417
00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:41,942
[English - US - SDH]