What's going on?
Well, my eye is a little itchy.
Uh, mine too. Yeah.
Wow, it's really red. You should go see my eye doctor.
Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend.
Richard, that's all I ever hear. Richard, Richard, Richard.
Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice.
Okay. So Richard, Richard.
It's not Richard, okay? It's this new guy. He's really good.
I'm sorry. I'm not going to an eye doctor.
- Oh, God. Here we go. - What?
Any time anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's...
...she, like, freaks out. Watch.
Ross, come on.
All right, fine. I have a weird thing with my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
ALL: All right.
Hey, Rach. You know that great song? Um, "Me, myself and eye."
Aah! Monica. Come on.
Does anyone wanna get some lunch? All those in favor, say "eye."
Ross, stop it. Come on.
How much did I love The King and "Eye."
- Chandler. - Me too, me too.
Just stop it. That's enough. Come on.
[GROANS]
- You okay there, man? - Yeah. I got too excited.
All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
- Oh, give him a kiss for me. ROSS: All right. Bye.
- Bye. - Bye.
Later.
I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that.
I didn't mean to be so out there, but I am furious with him.
Wow, um...
Calm down?
I'm trying, but, man, that guy can push my buttons.
Why are you so mad at him?
- Look, I don't wanna talk about it, okay? - Well, it seems like...
You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking.
Has anyone seen my list, by the way?
Uh, no. What's it look like?
- Um, a piece of paper and it says "Ross." - I see.
Hey.
I just got off the phone with Estelle. Guess what?
I got the lead in a movie.
CHANDLER: You got the lead in a movie? What's the movie about?
Oh, it's called Shutterspeed. It's really cool.
Yeah, um, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in, like, a day, right?
And then she disappears. But I find out where she lives.
And when I get there, this old lady answers the door. I say, "Where's Betsy?"
Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead 10 years."
Ooh. Chilling.
Oh, and the best part is we're filming in the desert outside of Vegas.
- You know what that means, buddy. - Yeah, I know.
Road trip. Yeah, we can rent a car. I just have to be there by Tuesday.
Oh, wait. My grandmother's dead.
Well, uh, we can talk about that too, Pheebs.
No, no, her cab.
She probably won't be using it. You could drive it to Las Vegas.
All right. Thanks, Pheebs.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are we gonna do about my job?
- Oh, uh, not go. - All right, great. Road trip, baby.
Is this okay with you?
Chandler, you don't have to ask for my permission.
- You can go. - Thank you.
Hey, Rach, come on, you're gonna be late for the eye doctor.
All right. Let's get this over with. Ugh.
RACHEL: Oh, no.
Look what I did.
I mean, look at this mess.
I mean, we're gonna probably have to clean this up, you know?
I mean, we're gonna have to reschedule.
If you thought that this mess was gonna bother me, you are wrong.
All right, let's go, Blinky.
Chandler.
Oh, hey, Joey. What's up?
I can't decide which route to take to Vegas.
Hey, you've traveled a lot, right?
- Yeah, I've been around. - Okay.
So which route should I take? The northern route or the southern route?
Ooh, if you take the north route, there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees.
Great. Problem solved.
But on the southern route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Well, back to square one.
Oh, I know a way that you can decide.
All right, I'm gonna ask you a series of questions...
...and you answer as quickly as you can.
- Yes. - Good. But wait.
Here we go. I want you to relax.
Take a deep breath.
Clear your mind. Which do you like better...
...peanut butter or egg whites? - Peanut butter.
- Rather be a fireman or a swimmer? - Swimmer.
- Rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? - Monica. Oh.
I always thought it'd be Rachel.
- No thinking, no thinking. Tie or ascot? - Ascot.
- North route or south route? - North.
- Bam, there you go. Huh? - Wow.
That was incredible. Beard of bees here I come.
- Hey. - Oh, this guy again.
Hey, what's up?
Uh, not much. You guys wanna see a movie tonight?
- Sure. What do you wanna see? - I don't know. Um...
I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game.
Um, no, thank you.
What's with her?
I don't know. But I know how we can decide.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick, okay?
- What's better, action or comedy? - Action.
Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Dude, you are sick.
Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
Oh, my God. What does that thing do?
- Uh, that's an eye removal machine. - All right, I'm out of here.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Hi, Rachel, I'm Dr. Miller.
Monica told me you were a little nervous, but everything's gonna be just fine.
- So we're done then. - Almost, but first we gotta start.
- This is the glaucoma test. Sit down. - Uh-huh.
- Okay. - Put your chin here.
RACHEL: Mm-hm.
Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Uh, a what?
A small puff of air. Now, come on.
- Here we go. - All right.
One, two, three.
Okay.
I'm sorry. All right.
Ha, ha, I'm gonna stay in here this time. Okay.
- Ready? - Uh-huh.
- One, two... - I'm sorry.
You know what? I'm gonna hold her head.
- That's okay. - Okay.
Okay.
- One... - Uh-huh.
...two... - Oh! I'm sorry.
You know what? You're young. You probably don't have glaucoma.
I'm okay.
Okay, so it was very, very nice to meet you, sir.
- Ow! Hey, what are you...? Are you crazy? - Okay.
You got a small, minor infection in that left eye.
I want you to take these drops for a week and you'll be as good as new.
No, I don't put things in my eye.
Okay then. I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
- Great. - And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Okay, just give me the damn drops.
Dr. Miller?
P-E-C-F-D.
Very good, Monica.
- You know where they are. - I sure do.
And you don't get one.
You know, I gotta tell you, those eye drops are a miracle.
My eye is 100 percent better.
- They're still in my coat. - Damn.
- Hey. - Hey, you ready to go?
Listen, how cold is it gonna be there?
Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?
- What? - I love you.
Man, I wish Ross was coming with us. I'm gonna miss him.
Thanks a lot. I just got that jerk out of my mind.
Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Uh, no, not really. It's an independent film.
So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
I see, but once you get your first paycheck, you'll be springing for a suite.
Lead in the movie, they must be paying you a lot.
Oh, yeah. Check this out. For every dollar Shutterspeed makes...
...one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Did you not hear the plot of the movie?
"She's been dead for 10 years."
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
- Hey. - Hey.
I just wanted to say goodbye to you guys.
And to see if maybe you guys will place a little bet for me.
Twenty bucks on black 15.
- You got it. ROSS: All right.
- All right. Bye-bye, now. RACHEL: Bye, you guys.
- I'm gonna say goodbye at the car. - Okay.
Anybody wanna say goodbye to me at the car?
Oh, honey, I'll say goodbye to you at the car if you don't mind the pus.
See you.
But wait a minute. The pus is good. It means it's healing.
Hey, Pheebs. What you reading?
Pheebs?
Hello?
Phoebe?
Come on.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.
Pheebs, are you mad at me or something?
Because if you are, please tell me what it is I did.
- Well, if you don't know, I can't help you. - Well, I don't know.
Well, I can't help you.
Okay, well, whatever it is, I am very, very sorry. Okay?
Apology accepted.
Okay.
- So we're good? - Uh-huh.
All right.
I'll, uh, see you later, okay?
- Bye, fat ass. - All right.
Phoebe, come on, will you please tell me what it is that made you so mad at me?
I don't know. I don't remember.
Well, if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
Oh, no. I am mad at you. I know that much.
But I am sorry about the "fat ass" thing...
...because you actually have a very sweet little heinie.
Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You might have to take over soon.
We've been driving for a half-hour. And you haven't looked at the road once.
Don't worry. It's out there.
[HORN HONKS]
- Maybe I just need lunch. - Yeah.
You wanna eat? My treat.
Isn't that Ross' money?
Yeah, okay.
Ross' treat. Where do you wanna eat?
- I don't know. - Oh, hey, I know how we can decide.
All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you questions...
...and then you have to answer real fast, okay?
So, uh, clear your mind. Clear it right out. Clear it out.
Okay.
- Would you rather be too wet or too dry? - Too dry.
- Do you believe in ghosts? - No.
- Is this movie gonna be my big break? - No.
- What? - Yes.
- Dude, you said no. - I also said yes.
You don't think this is gonna be a big break for me?
No.
I don't believe this.
Look, Joe, I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high.
What are you talking about? I'm the lead in a movie.
They're not even paying you. This doesn't even sound like a real movie.
You know, I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
Because, Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.
Is that why you're on this trip? Huh? To make me feel like a loser?
- Because if it is, I'd rather be alone. - You don't want me on the trip?
Not if you're like this.
Tell you what, the next time you ask me a question like that, I'll lie.
Yeah, I don't want you on the trip.
All right, fine. Why don't you pull over? I'll get out now.
Fine.
[TIRES SCREECH] [HORN HONKS]
Get out.
You're not supposed to stop on a bridge.
- Get out. - Fine.
[HORNS HONKING]
CHANDLER: Wait. Wait. There's no sidewalk.
Yeah. I'm gonna die here.
Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?
No.
Are you angry with me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
No, that made me feel precious.
Oh, I know. Is it because he's always correcting people's grammar?
You know, "whom, whom." Sometimes it's "who."
Yeah? Sometimes it's...
Oh, did you beat him at a board game?
He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
- Okay, I'm the baby. - Hey. Stop it.
- Hey. MONICA: What are you doing here?
Joey kicked me out of the car on the bridge.
- Why? CHANDLER: I don't know. He went crazy.
We were playing that game where you ask a question and have to answer fast.
Oh, that game should not be played without my supervision.
Well, I don't know what made him mad.
All I said was that, uh, I didn't think this was gonna be his big break...
...that this movie wasn't gonna do anything for him...
...and that it didn't sound like a real movie.
Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge.
What's in the bag?
Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me...
...so I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road.
- Who wants the teddy bear with one leg? - I do.
Okay.
- Not even close. - Okay, well, help me. I can't do this.
All right, come on. Let's do it.
- All right. - Sit down.
- All right, put your head back. All right. - Yes. Okay.
- Now, open your eyes. - Okay, they are.
- How many fingers am I holding up? - Four.
Oh, my God, I was thinking four.
- Really? - Yes.
All right, why don't we start with a practice one, okay?
- No drops. - Great.
On three. One, two, three.
My pillow's all wet.
Well, you said it was practice.
- Then why did you move? - Because I knew you were lying.
- All right. Come here. Come on. - What are you doing? Monica.
Stop it! Oh, my God, stop it.
I am going...
- Turn it over. - Aah!
I am going to get...
[RACHEL SHRIEKS]
Get these drops in your eye.
Oh, my God. You really are freakishly strong.
Aah! Aah! Monica, stop it!
Damn, it's empty.
Wow. If Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune.
[PHONE RINGS]
Ooh, that is definitely Chandler, Joey or Ross.
Or Rachel.
Hello? It's Joey.
I'm so glad you called. Chandler told me what happened. He's really upset.
Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests.
What did you do to his sweater vests?
Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio.
Monica, listen, is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
MONICA: Yeah, hold on one second.
- Hey, dude. JOEY: Hey, Pheebs.
Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat.
- What is it? - Oh, that's my grandma.
And thanks, Joey. She's having a really great time.
Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him.
Joey, Chandler's here. He was wondering if...
[DIAL TONE]
Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
He won't even talk to me.
How am I gonna apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?
Maybe you should send him something.
So when he gets to Las Vegas, he'll know that you're sorry.
That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of porn?
Oh, no, don't say I'm sorry with porn.
You know what you should send him? A carton of cigarettes.
Because that way he can trade it for protection.
No. That's prison.
Okay, Pheebs.
I know how we're gonna figure this out.
Okay. Clear your mind...
...and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Mm-hm.
- What's better, flora or fauna? - Fauna.
- Simon or Garfunkel? - Garfunkel.
- Why are you mad at me? - You said I was boring. Oh.
When did I say you were boring?
Oh, my God, I remember now. We were playing chess.
Phoebe, you and I have never played chess.
Oh, come on. Yes.
Remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing. You said I was boring.
And then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz.
Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
Hey. Stanley. Hey.
Your leading man is here. Let's get to work.
Um, slight change of plans. We've shut down.
What? Why?
It's a money thing. We don't have any.
- Ha, ha. You're kidding, right? - No.
- What? - It's probably just temporary.
We're hoping to get more money soon, so if you could just, uh, hang out.
Hang out? How long?
I don't know. A week. Maybe two. The money'll turn up.
People always wanna invest in movies. Hey, you're not rich, are you?
- No. - Worth a shot.
Well, Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay?
- Hey, pal. Are you Joey Tribbiani? - Yeah.
These got left for you.
Thanks.
"Congratulations on your big break."
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
JOEY [OVER PHONE]: Monica, it's Joey. - Hey, Joey.
Aw, you remember me even though you're a big star.
JOEY: Aw, come on. It'll be years before I forget you.
Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh?
Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
JOEY: Uh, yeah, yeah, I got all that going on.
Listen, uh, make sure you tell Chandler he couldn't have been more wrong.
Uh-oh, I gotta go, Monica. My, uh, sushi's here.
Sorry about that. Thanks for waiting. Okay.
Everybody smile.
Okay.
Thanks a lot. Enjoy your stay at Caesar's. We hope it's toga-rific.
Ugh. Kill me. Kill me now.
- Hey, Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide? - Yeah.
- Go! RACHEL: Aah!
What are you doing? Get off! Oh, my God!
MONICA: Hold it open. Okay. - Aah!
We'll see you in about three or four hours.
[English - US - SDH]