1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,546
Hey. You're not gonna believe this.

2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,549
I made up a joke
and sent it in to Playboy.

3
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,718
They printed it. Yeah.

4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,680
I didn't know they prints jokes.

5
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:17,683
They print jokes, interviews,
hard-hitting journalism.

6
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,727
It's not just about the pictures.

7
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,438
It didn't work on Mom,
it's not gonna work on us.

8
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,733
Here, check it out. It's the first one too.

9
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,485
Right there.

10
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,863
GROUP:
Ha, ha.

11
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,364
CHANDLER:
That is funny.

12
00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,700
It was also funny when I made it up.

13
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,871
- What?
- I made that joke up.

14
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,914
Uh, oh, oh. No, you didn't. I did.

15
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:45,669
Uh, uh, oh. Yes, I did. I told Dan and he said it
was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

16
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,921
Hey, tell Dan thanks.

17
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,009
[LAUGHING]

18
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,427
What?

19
00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:57,389
I'm sorry. I was just reading the joke below it.
Man, that one is funny.

20
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:03,103
Monica, you remember me
telling you that joke, right?

21
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,147
- No.
- Seriously?

22
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,441
You tell a lot of jokes.

23
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,444
Look, it's my joke.

24
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:14,073
But if it makes you feel any better,
they don't print the name.

25
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,784
So it doesn't really matter
who gets credit.

26
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:17,993
Yeah, I guess.

27
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:20,913
- Hey, guys.
- Joey, Playboy printed my joke!

28
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,957
No, it's mine! It's my joke. Call them!
They'll tell you!

29
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,250
- My joke!
- My joke!

30
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:26,877
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

31
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,962
Jokes? What...?

32
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,757
You guys know they have naked chicks
in there, right?

33
00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:16,635
Dude! You have got to turn on
Behind The Music.

34
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:20,430
The band Heart is having a really tough
time and they may break up.

35
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,641
Let's watch that at your place.

36
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:26,311
Monica's watching a show. I don't
want to miss when they were skinny.

37
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,523
Hey, Chandler.
You know what we should do?

38
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:33,402
You and I should go out
and get some new sunglasses.

39
00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,071
What? No, I want to watch this.

40
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:42,578
- Did your cable go out?
- No. No, that's VH1.

41
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,706
I gotta tell you, the music
these kids listen to today...

42
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,416
...it's a lot of noise to me.

43
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,336
Why is your cable out?

44
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:55,174
Uh... Oh, because I haven't
really paid the bill. Heh, heh.

45
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,886
If you need money, would you
please let me loan you some money?

46
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,555
No, Chandler. Forget about it, okay?

47
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,767
I know things have been tight since
Janine moved out. God, was she hot.

48
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,811
- Whoa.
- I know, yeah.

49
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:12,024
Look, I can handle it, all right?
I can listen to the radio.

50
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,277
And Ross gave me this great book.

51
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:19,698
Want to see if the joke stealer
will let us watch the show at his place?

52
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,158
Sure.

53
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,954
- Paid your phone bill?
- Not so much.

54
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,755
- Hey.
MONICA & RACHEL: Oh.

55
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,590
It's only you.

56
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,968
- What are you doing?
- We are looking at a Playboy.

57
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,386
I want to look too!

58
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:45,974
Yikes!

59
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,979
Do you think these pictures
are trying to tell a story?

60
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,233
Sure. Like in the case
of this young woman...

61
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,735
...she has lost her clothes.

62
00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:01,990
So she rides naked on the horse, she's
crying out, "Where are they? Where are they?"

63
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,620
She's not gonna find them,
lying in the grass like that.

64
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,999
PHOEBE:
Oh. Yeah.

65
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,835
Remember the days when you'd
go out to the barn...

66
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,713
...lift up your shirt and bend over?
RACHEL: Yeah.

67
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,512
You see, now, I would date this girl.

68
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,348
She's cute, she's outdoorsy.

69
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,768
And she knows how to build a fire.
That'll come in handy.

70
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,520
I got a question.

71
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:35,399
If you had to pick one of us to date,
who would it be?

72
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,943
- I don't know.
- Me neither.

73
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,569
Rachel.

74
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:41,738
What?

75
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,200
I don't know.

76
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,286
Me neither.

77
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,959
You know, you forget how many
great songs Heart had.

78
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,419
CHANDLER:
Yeah.

79
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,841
"Barracuda" was the first song
I learned to play on the keyboard.

80
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,594
So you heard it, you repeated it...

81
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,514
...so that must mean you wrote it.

82
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,352
Oh, you guys with this joke.
Well, I gotta say...

83
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:15,397
...I know I cracked up,
but I'm not even sure I got it.

84
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,065
What?

85
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,026
You didn't get it?

86
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,528
The doctor is a monkey.

87
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:22,904
[BOTH LAUGH]

88
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,657
And monkeys
can't write out prescriptions.

89
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,035
[CHANDLER & ROSS LAUGHING]

90
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:30,871
You are not allowed
to laugh at my joke.

91
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:33,165
Your joke?

92
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,293
Well, I think the Hef would disagree.

93
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,837
Which is why he sent me a check...

94
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:41,298
...for $100.

95
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:44,843
So you stole my joke
and you stole my money?

96
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,137
I was gonna stick it in the ATM.

97
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,265
But now I think I'll show
the sexy teller...

98
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,310
...that I am a published writer.

99
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,771
Well, she'll know that you stole the joke.

100
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,481
You gonna follow me down there?

101
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,524
- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna go now.

102
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,109
Okay.

103
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,822
- Here you go.
- Oh.

104
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,366
Ah.

105
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,618
Uh, Gunther?

106
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,621
I can't pay for this now,
because I'm not working.

107
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,499
I've had to cut down
on some luxuries like...

108
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,210
...paying for stuff, so...

109
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,963
Well, if you want, you can work here.

110
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,049
Uh, I don't know.

111
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:25,509
It's just...

112
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,262
See, I was a regular on a soap opera,
you know?

113
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:32,391
And to go from that to this,
it's just...

114
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,435
And plus, I'd have to wait
on all my friends.

115
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,437
Okay. But the money's good.

116
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:40,524
Plus, you get to stare at Rachel
as much as you want.

117
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,486
What?

118
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,780
Flexible hours.

119
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,825
Maybe I could be a waiter.

120
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,451
Could I use the phone?

121
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,043
She picked Rachel.

122
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:04,714
She tried to back out of it, but
it was obvious. She picked Rachel.

123
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,051
He took my joke. He just took it.

124
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:11,513
This is wrong.
You know what else is wrong?

125
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,473
Phoebe picking Rachel.

126
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,600
You know who else picked Rachel? Ross.

127
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,687
You know what else Ross did?
He stole my joke.

128
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,691
I'm gonna get a joke journal,
you know?

129
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,403
And document the date and time
of every single one of my jokes.

130
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,905
Good idea. Know what's a bad idea?

131
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,408
- Picking Rachel.
- That's right.

132
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:33,952
[THUD]

133
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,620
Did you hear something?

134
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:40,000
Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing
into my brain and stealing my thoughts.

135
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,878
It's coming from the living room.

136
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,385
I finished my book.

137
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,017
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

138
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,604
- Hey, you guys.
- Hey.

139
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,898
Don't you guys look cute.

140
00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,066
You guys make a cute couple.

141
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,195
Monica, what are you doing?

142
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:12,491
Just trying to re-create some of
the fun that we had at my place the other day.

143
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,035
Remember?
When you picked Rachel over me?

144
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,787
That was funny. Ha, ha, ha.

145
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,624
- It was kind of funny.
- It wasn't funny at all!

146
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,793
Why would you do that?

147
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,962
Why didn't you pick me?

148
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,506
Fine.

149
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,885
The reason I was leaning a little
bit more toward Rachel than you...

150
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:33,970
...is just, you know, you're...

151
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,723
...high maintenance.
Let's go to lunch.

152
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,392
That is completely untrue.

153
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,937
You think I'm high maintenance?
Prove it.

154
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,774
You write out a list,
and we'll go through it point by point.

155
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,070
No, you're right, you're easygoing.

156
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,575
You're just not as easygoing
as Rachel. She's just more...

157
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,119
...flexible and mellow. That's all.

158
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,750
Well, people are different.

159
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:08,880
Yeah, Rachel will do whatever you want.
You can just walk all over her.

160
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:13,927
What? Are you saying, that I'm
a pushover? I'm not a pushover.

161
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,347
Oh, okay. You're not a pushover.

162
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,768
You think I'm a pushover.
Well, watch this.

163
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,853
You're not invited to lunch!

164
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,565
What do you think?
I think that's pretty strong.

165
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,025
Come on, Monica, let's go to lunch.

166
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,902
Pssh.

167
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,780
You start working on that list.

168
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,868
- I cannot believe her.
- I know. Where do you want to eat?

169
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:43,623
- Oh... Oh, I love that Japanese place.
- I'm sick of Japanese. Not going there.

170
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:46,334
- Wherever you want to go is cool.
- All right.

171
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,632
Oh, hey, Gunther...

172
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:54,467
...check this out.

173
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,970
[GUNTHER LAUGHING]

174
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,681
Yeah. Man, that Chandler cracks me up.

175
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,813
Hey, Ross, you want anything to drink?
I'm heading up there.

176
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,441
- Yeah. I'll take a coffee. Thanks.
- Sure.

177
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,276
- Coffee?
- No.

178
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,069
Coffee? I'm going up there.

179
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,529
- RACHEL: No.
- No, thank you.

180
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,491
You need anything?
I'm heading up there.

181
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,243
I'd love ice water.

182
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:21,995
You got it.

183
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:24,706
Joey, what are you doing?

184
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,291
Just being friendly.

185
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,046
Joey, you're not supposed to go back there.

186
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,256
No, it's okay. Right, Gunther?

187
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,176
Don't wink at me.

188
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,304
And put on your apron.

189
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,515
Okay. Heh, heh.

190
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,394
I don't see you asking other
paying customers to put on aprons.

191
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,440
- Joey, do you work here?
- No.

192
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,192
- Waiter.
- Yeah!

193
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,660
Joey, what's going on?
Why didn't you tell us you work here?

194
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,078
Uh...

195
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:09,376
It's kind of embarrassing. I mean,
I was an actor, now I'm a waiter.

196
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,836
It's supposed to go
in the other direction.

197
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,382
So's your apron.
You're wearing it like a cape.

198
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:19,803
I mean, the job's easy
and the money's good, you know?

199
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:23,973
I guess if I'm hanging out here,
I might as well get paid for it. Right?

200
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,435
I just feel kind of weird
serving you guys, you know?

201
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:28,770
MONICA:
It'll be great.

202
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,439
Come on, I did it and it was fine.

203
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,149
Why would it be weird?

204
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:36,361
Hey, Joey? Can I get some coffee?

205
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,572
Okay. It doesn't seem that weird.

206
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,492
Seriously, I asked before.
You still haven't gotten it.

207
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,454
See, now it's weird again.

208
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:50,583
I think it's great. You're gonna make
a lot of money. Here's your first tip.

209
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:55,004
Don't eat yellow snow. Ha, ha, ha.

210
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,300
2: 15, coffeehouse.

211
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:04,389
This is great. Finally, I have
someone I can pass my wisdom to.

212
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,559
Let me tell you some things
I learned working at the coffeehouse.

213
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,854
First, the customer is always right.

214
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,566
A smile goes a long way.

215
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:19,988
And if anyone is ever rude to you,
sneeze muffin.

216
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:22,991
Thanks, Rach.

217
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,746
Hey, look, you guys are just terrific,
you know?

218
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,082
How about clearing out
so I can get some new customers, huh?

219
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,376
It's all about turnover.

220
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,379
Joey.

221
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,548
Seriously, can I get my coffee?

222
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,135
I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it right now.

223
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,472
And since you wait,
I'll toss in a free muffin.

224
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,897
Phoebe, we'd like to talk to you.

225
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,690
Okay.

226
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,068
So, maybe I am
a little high maintenance.

227
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,197
And maybe Rachel is
a little bit of a pushover.

228
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,115
But you know what we decided you are?

229
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:08,077
We are sorry to tell you this,
but you, Phoebe, are flaky.

230
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,454
Ha!

231
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,333
That's true, I am flaky.

232
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,421
So, what, you're just okay
with being flaky?

233
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,298
Yeah, totally.

234
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,676
Then I'm okay
with being high maintenance.

235
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,805
Yeah. And I am okay
with being a pushover.

236
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,390
That's great. Good for you guys.

237
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,811
- I am not high maintenance!
- I am not a pushover!

238
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,564
- Who said you were?
BOTH: You did!

239
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,150
I'm flaky. I'll say anything.

240
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,616
JOEY:
Hey, Gunther.

241
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:49,244
Can you cover for me?
I got an audition.

242
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,996
No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed.

243
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,708
Really? I like your natural color.

244
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:01,714
It's a great part. Check it out.
I'm the lead guy's best friend.

245
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,300
I wait for him in this bar and save his seat.
Listen.

246
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,637
"I'm sorry, that seat's saved."

247
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:13,852
- That's the whole part?
- Okay, maybe he's not his best friend, but...

248
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,354
Okay, I'll see you in an hour.

249
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,273
Oh, man.

250
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:22,277
I could totally get that part.
"I'm sorry, this seat is taken."

251
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,822
- Excuse me.
- No, I didn't mean you.

252
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,323
But you believed me, huh?

253
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,411
I believed you were saving this seat
for someone.

254
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,746
So you'd hire me, right?

255
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,624
For what?

256
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,878
Exactly!
All right, everybody listen up!

257
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,881
The coffeehouse will be closed
for about an hour.

258
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,258
CUSTOMERS:
What?

259
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,093
It's for the kids.

260
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:50,096
Yeah, to keep the kids off drugs.

261
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,933
Yeah. It's a very important issue
in this month's Playboy.

262
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,019
I'm sure you all read about it.

263
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,740
- It's my joke.
- It's my joke.

264
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,786
BOTH:
It's my joke.

265
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,624
I don't think we're gonna settle this.

266
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,501
- No. Let's have Monica decide.
- Yeah.

267
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,795
- Hey, Mon!
- Mon, get out here!

268
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,006
ROSS: Monica?
CHANDLER: Okay.

269
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,550
You have to help us decide
whose joke this is.

270
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,801
Why do I have to?

271
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,179
- You're the only one that can be fair.
- Yeah.

272
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,306
I can't be. You're my boyfriend.

273
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,642
But I'm your brother. We're family.

274
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:39,687
That's the most important thing
in the world.

275
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,441
Don't try to sway her.

276
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:46,694
I'm your only chance to have a baby.

277
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,033
- Okay, let's go.
- All right.

278
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:55,870
We'll each tell you
how we came up with the joke...

279
00:15:56,121 --> 00:16:00,083
...then you decide which one of us
is telling the truth. Me.

280
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,043
Chandler, you go first.

281
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,672
I thought of the joke two months ago
at lunch with Steve.

282
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,424
- Did I meet him at Christmas?
- Can I finish my story?

283
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,134
Do you want me to pick you?

284
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:14,639
See, I would never
snap at you like that.

285
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,060
[MOUTHING]
Two babies.

286
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,232
- Continue.
CHANDLER: Okay.

287
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:29,153
Steve said he had to go to the doctor.
And his doctor's name is Dr. Mompey.

288
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:34,450
I said, "Dr. Monkey?" And that is how
the whole Dr. Monkey thing came up.

289
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,415
Are you kidding?

290
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,543
Okay, look, I study evolution.

291
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,211
Remember? Evolution.

292
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,005
Monkey into man.

293
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,923
Plus, I'm a doctor. And...

294
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,176
...I had a monkey.

295
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,264
I'm Dr. Monkey!

296
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,352
- I'm not arguing with that.
MONICA: All right.

297
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,730
I've heard enough. I've made my decision.

298
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,565
CHANDLER: Oh!
ROSS: Okay, so what...? Do tell.

299
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,984
You are both idiots.

300
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,238
The joke is not funny,
and it's offensive to women.

301
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,615
And doctors. And monkeys.

302
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,161
You shouldn't argue
over who gets credit.

303
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:23,249
You should be arguing over who gets blamed
for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world.

304
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,917
Now, let it go.

305
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,003
The joke sucks.

306
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,924
[DOOR SLAMS]

307
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,761
- It's your joke.
- It is not.

308
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,226
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

309
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,696
- Oh, my God, Chandler, there you are.
- Hi.

310
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,449
Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel.

311
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,076
Why don't you tell them...

312
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:01,829
...what you were telling me earlier about me
not being high maintenance.

313
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:08,503
Monica is a self-sufficient,
together lady.

314
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,257
Being with her
has been like being on a vacation.

315
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,554
And what may be perceived
as high maintenance...

316
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,432
...is merely attention to detail...

317
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,975
...and...

318
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,437
...generosity of spirit.

319
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:33,027
Wow. You know what? That is the best
fake speech I think I've ever heard.

320
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,987
Really? I've heard better.

321
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:39,117
Wait, he came up with that himself.
Tell them, Chandler.

322
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,411
I'm out of words.
Should I say it again?

323
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,622
Look, I am not high maintenance!

324
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,707
I am not. Chandler!

325
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,753
You're high maintenance.

326
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:51,963
[GASPS]

327
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,881
You are on my list!

328
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,426
Look, I'm sorry, but you're not...

329
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,471
You're not easygoing,
but you're passionate.

330
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:01,973
And that's good.

331
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:06,102
And when you get upset about little
things, I think I'm pretty good...

332
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,187
...at making you feel better about that.

333
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:11,357
That's good too.
They say you're high maintenance...

334
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,193
...but it's okay, because I like...

335
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,947
...maintaining you.

336
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,583
I didn't even tell him to say that.

337
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,960
MONICA: Aw.
CHANDLER: Okay.

338
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,630
- All right, you're off my list.
- I'm off the list.

339
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,299
Phoebe?

340
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,678
It's okay that you don't want me
to be your girlfriend.

341
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,638
Because I have the best boyfriend.

342
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,560
You know,
suddenly I find you very attractive.

343
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,273
CHANDLER:
How'd the audition go?

344
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,900
Oh, not good. No.

345
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:57,820
I didn't get the part.
And I lost my job here, so...

346
00:19:58,071 --> 00:19:59,947
Wow, that is a bad audition.

347
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,660
Well, how did you lose your job here?

348
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,162
I had the audition...

349
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:10,041
...but Gunther said I had to stay
so he could get his hair dyed.

350
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,418
So I went anyway, and he fired me.

351
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:15,504
He left work in the middle of the day
to do a personal errand...

352
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:19,091
...and left you in charge
when you've been here two days?

353
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,635
That's not right.

354
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,012
What are you gonna do?

355
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,932
Joey, you can't let him get away with that.

356
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:29,310
I won't let him get away with that.
I'm gonna say something to him...

357
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:32,855
I really shouldn't say anything.
No, I should say something to him!

358
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:39,278
Gunther?
I want you to give Joey his job back.

359
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:43,699
- That is really not fair that you have to fire him...
- Okay.

360
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,372
- What?
- He can have his job back.

361
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:53,834
That's right,
he can have his job back.

362
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,838
Glad we got that all straightened out.

363
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,466
RACHEL:
There you go, Joey.

364
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:04,136
- Got your job back.
- That's great. Thanks, Rach.

365
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,223
Pretty nice, huh?
Now who's a pushover?

366
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:10,142
- Rach, you're in my seat.
- I'm sorry.

367
00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:19,485
Hey, I never got to hear who you'd pick
to be your girlfriend.

368
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,114
- I'd pick you, Phoebe.
- Yeah, definitely you, Pheebs.

369
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,907
Yeah, I kind of thought.

370
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,289
MONICA [MOUTHING]: Never.
- It would totally be you.

371
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:33,332
Hey.

372
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:36,877
A question: If you had to pick one
of the other two to go out with...

373
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,587
...who would you pick?

374
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,214
- No way.
- I'm not answering.

375
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:41,966
Joey.

376
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:47,471
No way, I'm not answering that.

377
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:54,520
[English - US - SDH]