1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,585 - Okay, Chandler. - Okay. 2 00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:05,671 And your horoscope says: 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,258 "On the 5th, a special someone is going to give you a gift." 4 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:12,052 - Oh, well, thank you in advance. Mm. - Ha, ha. 5 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,763 "But the 12th brings a lover's spat." 6 00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,558 You're going to make a joke about my special present. 7 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,853 Why would you do that? 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:25,733 Oh, wait. "On the 19th, a secret crush announces itself." 9 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,656 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 10 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,200 Oh, my God! It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 11 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,122 That's right. It's your first day. 12 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,584 Are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick? 13 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,253 Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? 14 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,839 I've dreamed about this for years. 15 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,425 Why have I not been preparing? 16 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,762 No, Joey, you're gonna be great. 17 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,599 But I gotta act with a robot. I don't know anything about technology. 18 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,727 I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn. 19 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,231 And that's only because it's there when you turn it on. 20 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,986 Our lover's spat will start a little early this month. 21 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,446 I'll be waiting. 22 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:58,075 Are you judging them by their covers? Because you're really not supposed to. 23 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,954 I'm deciding which one to use. I'm going to start writing another book. 24 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,874 Because the last one was such a big seller? 25 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:10,003 Well, if you must know, I have written 14 books. 26 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,548 And as I'm the only one who has read them... 27 00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:16,260 ...I can tell you that they have all been very well received. 28 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,054 - Hey. - Hey. 29 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,973 - Hi. - What are you doing later? 30 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,475 Oh, Rachel and I have to get our hair cut. 31 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,645 - We do? - I want to see what he wants first. 32 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,774 I just found out Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me. 33 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,568 Wait a minute. Hold the phone. 34 00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:35,070 You're not Elizabeth's dad? 35 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,742 Come on, guys. I really want this guy to like me. 36 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,495 It would really help me out if you guys could be here... 37 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,831 ...to make me look good. - Of course we'll help. 38 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,541 - We'll be here. - Thanks. 39 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,544 We know how tough those parent-teacher conferences can be. 40 00:02:55,884 --> 00:03:00,512 - So here's your office set. - Wow, huh? 41 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,975 Mac Machiavelli, Private Investigator. Eh? 42 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,686 - Let's get you to wardrobe for a fitting. - Okay. 43 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,646 Hey, uh, when do I meet the robot? 44 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:12,107 Why don't we do that right now? He's right here. 45 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,776 - Okay. - Joey Tribbiani, this is... 46 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:18,197 Wow! He's so lifelike. 47 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:20,574 Unbelievable. 48 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,660 This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E. 49 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,038 How do you do there, buddy? 50 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,291 - I'll let you two guys get acquainted, huh? - Okay. 51 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,792 Sorry about that. 52 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,881 - Uh, so where's C.H.E.E.S. E? - C.H.E.E.S.E. Is right here. 53 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,347 Nice to meet you, Mac. 54 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:50,354 - This is the temporary robot, right? - No. Why? 55 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:53,815 Well, I just thought it was gonna be a really cool robot. 56 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:57,152 Like the Terminator, or, uh, when I first saw you. 57 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:01,949 I spent two years developing this machine. It's absolutely state of the art. 58 00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:05,452 I'm sorry. It doesn't look like it can do anything. 59 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,662 It can do this. 60 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,839 Hey... Oh, ha, ha. 61 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:23,262 This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller. 62 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,847 It's great to meet you, Paul. 63 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,476 I prefer that Liz's boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens. 64 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,021 Uh, of course. Mr. Stevens. 65 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,482 Good. So, Ross... 66 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,901 ...what's your problem? 67 00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,113 Excuse me? 68 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,282 Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age? 69 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,201 Heh. It's funny... 70 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,538 Um, it's not funny. 71 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,374 I don't like you going out with my daughter, Ross. 72 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,294 Okay, um, I can see that. 73 00:04:55,461 --> 00:05:00,799 But I think if you give me, um, one chance, I can change your mind. 74 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,427 - Okay. - What? 75 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,763 Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. 76 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,057 You've got one minute. 77 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,977 - Daddy. - Fine. 78 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,479 Two minutes. Go. 79 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,694 A minute and 50 seconds. 80 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,071 Okay, um... 81 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,408 I want you to know, I have never done anything like this before. 82 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,703 I mean, I've been in, um, relationships in general. 83 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:33,040 But I've never done it with a student. I mean, not... 84 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,627 Not "it." We haven't done "it." 85 00:05:37,795 --> 00:05:41,798 Uh... We, I mean... I mean, we've done stuff... 86 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:47,637 Okay. Okay. A joke. A joke. Lighten the mood. 87 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,682 Um, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish. 88 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:54,644 - I'm Irish. - And the Irish guy wins the joke. 89 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,647 - Ross? - Ross! 90 00:05:57,815 --> 00:06:01,985 - How crazy that we would run into you. - Oh, my God! Thank you. 91 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,904 Um, uh... 92 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,198 Mr. Stevens, I'd like you to meet my friends. 93 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,283 This is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler. 94 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:12,746 So you're Elizabeth's father, huh? I can see now where she gets her... 95 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,082 ...rugged handsomeness. 96 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,711 Is there a Mrs. Stevens? 97 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,881 There's a Mr. Bing! 98 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:28,720 No, unfortunately, Lizzie's mom passed away shortly after she was born. 99 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,848 - I raised her by myself. - Oh... 100 00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,142 I get that a lot. 101 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:38,021 Okay, um, why don't we all take a seat, you know? Heh. 102 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,733 And, uh, I'll get us all some, uh, coffees. 103 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,569 Yeah, why don't you... Ahem. Uh... 104 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,239 And you guys can talk about whatever you want. 105 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,409 Whatever pops into your head. 106 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,830 It is so strange seeing Ross here, this time of day... 107 00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,457 ...because usually he's at the children's hospital. 108 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,086 Yeah. But not looking for dates. 109 00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:07,676 So, um, Monica is Ross' sister. 110 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,469 He's a great brother! 111 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,513 - I had a sister. - Oh. 112 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,390 - She passed away. - Oh... 113 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,642 You don't have to do that every time. 114 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:20,522 But, uh, Ross is a great guy. I was roommates with him in college. 115 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,108 Funny story, heh, ha, ha... 116 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,319 Your roommate in college died, didn't he? 117 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,656 A part of him did, yes. 118 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,285 Okay! Here we are, Paul, Elizabeth. 119 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,079 I hope you guys were finding something to talk about. 120 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,123 - Yes. We were just... - Sorry I'm late. 121 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:42,169 But I am ready, ready to talk you up. Heh. 122 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,921 - When does Liz's father get here? - I'm already here. 123 00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:48,675 Oh, Ross is so great. 124 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:57,142 Honey, you got the kind with the little girl. You said we'd get the kind with the baby. 125 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,645 - You said the baby creeps you out. - The little girl creeps me out. 126 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,231 - You said the baby. - Why would the baby creep me out? 127 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,151 Why would the little girl creep you out? 128 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,695 I'm sorry. Can you please talk a little slower. 129 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,198 - This is for your book? - It's about relationships. 130 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,992 You know, the traps, the pitfalls, what not to do. 131 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,995 - Keep going. This stuff's great. - What? 132 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,705 Excuse me. 133 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:22,667 And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. 134 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:28,965 And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it's a compliment. 135 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,891 - Oh, hi! Hi. - Hi. Hi. 136 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,436 - I left my keys here somewhere. - Oh, well, let's look for them. 137 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,897 Under here... Oh, hey! 138 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,066 Hey! Are these them? 139 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,527 No. 140 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,322 - All right. - Oh. 141 00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,033 - Here they are. - Good. 142 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,868 - Thanks for your help. - Wait! Sorry! 143 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,870 - Mr. Paul? - Just call me Paul. 144 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:02,082 Paul. Um, I just wanted you to know that... 145 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,668 ...you know, Ross really is a great guy. 146 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:08,421 Maybe you could date him then. It would save me the trouble of killing him. 147 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,636 Are you okay? 148 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,639 You just don't look old enough to have a 20-year-old daughter. 149 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,599 Well, we were very young when we had her. 150 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:24,396 - Ah. We? - Yeah, it usually takes two people to... 151 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,940 Oh, no! Yes! Of course. I know that. 152 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:31,695 What I meant was are you still "we" or are you just you? 153 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,989 I'm just me. Yeah. 154 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,825 My wife died shortly after Lizzie was born. 155 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,159 Oh. 156 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:42,122 - So you raised her all on your own? - Yes, I did. 157 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,583 Oh... 158 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,087 - Hey. - Hey. 159 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,006 - How was your first day? - Great. 160 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,633 Except I got a little attitude from the robot. 161 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:57,137 Damn those robots. They're supposed to be our faithful servants! 162 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,724 It wasn't the robot, it was the guy who controls him. 163 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:04,227 He doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. Knock over the sandwich table... 164 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,771 ...right when I was reaching for one. Ugh. 165 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,607 Why don't you get him fired? 166 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:12,444 I may have to. I hate to do it. But I'm the star, you know? 167 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,905 There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. 168 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,118 Excuse me. 169 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,579 Joey Tribbiani. 170 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:26,458 Joe! I'm glad I found you! I got an audition for you. 171 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,628 - Wow. - The thing is, it's kind of on the q.t. 172 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:33,715 The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. 173 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,842 It's the lead in a series. 174 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,761 Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 175 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,348 I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 176 00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:43,767 Uh-oh. 177 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,229 Joey? 178 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,274 Hi, Ross. 179 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,781 I was just getting him to like you. 180 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,247 Joey? 181 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,626 - Joey! - Hey, Ross. 182 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,628 Ross, Joey is not here. 183 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,047 Okay, I'll just wait for him in here! 184 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,800 Ross, it's okay. You can come out. 185 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,427 Yeah, Ross. It's okay. It's me... 186 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,429 ...Mr. Stevens. 187 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,726 Oh, I didn't... Oh, my gosh. I didn't even see you. 188 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,938 Sure you did. You came in, got all awkward and ran to the bedroom. 189 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,065 You were shouting, "Joey, Joey!" 190 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,111 - Bye, Rachel. - Bye. 191 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,946 - I'll call you later. - Okay. See you! 192 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,740 - Bye, Ross. - Ah, hoo. Ha, ha. 193 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,787 What? What the...? How did...? What? 194 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:51,126 You know, he lost his keys. So he was looking for them. 195 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:52,711 In your mouth? 196 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,506 No. 197 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,758 Downstairs. And we got to talking... 198 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:03,221 ...for two hours. I really liked him. I invited him for a cup of coffee. 199 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,307 You were at the coffee house! 200 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,395 Ross, what's the big deal? So I kissed the guy. 201 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,816 He's my girlfriend's father. Okay? It's weird! 202 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:18,111 - You dated my sister. - That was different! 203 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:22,407 - What? Why? - This is weird for me! 204 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:26,286 Ross, look. This is good for you, okay? 205 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,539 Let's face it. So far the guy's not loving you. 206 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,959 But I can turn that around. I've got the inside track. 207 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,005 We could all go out to dinner. And I could talk you up. 208 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:41,509 Plus the guy is a very, very successful lawyer. 209 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,888 - How is that important? - Oh, it's important. 210 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,643 There's a million guys out there who can play Mac... 211 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,187 ...and there's only one robot. 212 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:55,857 And this one guy who controls it. I didn't know he could get me fired. 213 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,026 - What am I gonna do? - Well, Joey. 214 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,487 You're a pretty charming guy. 215 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,864 Thanks. But I have a problem to deal with. 216 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,284 No, sweetie. You've got to win over the guy who controls C.H.E.E.S.E. 217 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:10,371 Go back there and kiss some serious robot ass! 218 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,374 That's not a bad idea! 219 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:18,087 If I have to turn on the charm tomorrow, I'm not wasting any of it on you guys. 220 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,591 Oh, actually I got a little bit saved for you, Pheebs. 221 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,639 So do you think, uh, Joey is more charming than me? 222 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,391 Yeah. That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side. 223 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,685 Yeah, you wish. 224 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,359 - "You wish." - Phoebe, stop writing about us. 225 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,987 I'm not writing about you. I'm writing about other people. 226 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,908 - Who? - Marsha and Chester. 227 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:52,121 Okay, fine. Fine. Then you know what? I will just write about Phyllis. 228 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,331 - Hmm. - Huh. 229 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,001 - "Phyllis is sitting in the chair." - I see what you're doing. 230 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,963 - "Phyllis sees what I'm doing." - Oh, ho. 231 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:05,426 Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter. 232 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,934 Morning! Hey! 233 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,436 How's my favorite genius and his robot buddy? 234 00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:19,315 - Don't touch him! - Okay. All right. Um... 235 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:24,279 Wayne, level with me. I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. 236 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,657 They even have actors coming in to read for my part. 237 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,326 Come on, man. You gotta give me a second chance. 238 00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:33,079 I love this little guy... Aah. 239 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:37,792 Okay. That's why you didn't want me to touch him, right? There you go. 240 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,839 Stupid! I can't believe this! God. 241 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,010 Hey, how are you doing? 242 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,393 So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up. 243 00:14:55,561 --> 00:15:00,148 So Ross selflessly offered to take me. 244 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,525 - What a nice story. - Heh. 245 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,235 So Ross was in college... 246 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,864 ...and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her prom. 247 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:14,787 Wow. I definitely did not see that one backfiring. 248 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:18,458 - I'm gonna go to the bathroom. - Yeah. Take your time. 249 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:25,006 Just so you know, I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as... 250 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:29,260 Ross, look. I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs. 251 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:33,056 It's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie... 252 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,976 ...and partly because they just keep coming to me. 253 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,107 I have to admit that after all the wonderful things Lizzie has told me... 254 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:48,988 ...and the many, many, many stories that Rachel has told me... 255 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,282 ...that, well... 256 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,118 ...you're not... 257 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,704 ...all bad. 258 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,458 "Not all bad." 259 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,504 I'm sorry I was so harsh. But you have to understand. 260 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:08,216 I still look at Lizzie like she's a 12-year-old girl. 261 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:12,345 You know, I know what you mean. I do that, too. 262 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:18,893 - I beg your pardon? - No! I don't see her as a 12-year-old girl. 263 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:23,147 I mean, I have a son who's, um, 6, and I still think of him as a baby. 264 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,817 - You have a son? - Yeah. My ex-wife and I... 265 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,778 ...uh, share custody of Ben. And, uh... 266 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,614 Just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms... 267 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,574 ...as I'm sure you are with your wife. 268 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,702 Oh! I'm sorry. 269 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,913 It's unbelievable! 270 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:42,000 Don't worry. I just didn't realize you were married. 271 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,794 Oh, we were. But that was just a... 272 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:51,759 I mean, that was just a big drunken mistake. 273 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,055 You're back. 274 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,351 You two were married? 275 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,479 Oh, whoops. I'm sorry. You were talking about Emily. 276 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,444 We said we would meet at the coffee house at 6:00. 277 00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:12,530 - We said 7:00. - We said 6:00! 278 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,699 The only way that I said 6:00... 279 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:19,954 ...would be if I said the sentence, "Let's meet at 7:00, not at 6:00." 280 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,166 If I had said 7:00, I would have said something like: 281 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:27,420 - "Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass. -00!" 282 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,715 - Hi! - Oh, my good God! 283 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,176 - I know what time you said. - What? 284 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,721 Well, actually I know what time Chester and Marsha said. 285 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,767 - What time? - Quite an interesting turn of events. 286 00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:44,771 Suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? Let's see. 287 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:47,648 Ooh. Very interesting. 288 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,443 Yeah, well this certainly clears things up. 289 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,112 - What does it say? - I will tell you... 290 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,448 ...as soon as you thank me for writing my book. 291 00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:00,620 Thank you for writing your book. It's a great book... 292 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,749 ...and you are the queen of everything. 293 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,877 Thanks. So are you. 294 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,135 I told you I should not wear this color. 295 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:25,019 "Monica... Marsha and Chester are planning on seeing a movie Sunday night. 296 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,355 "Marsha thinks they're supposed to meet at 6:00. 297 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,440 Chester thinks it's at 7:00." 298 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,611 - You knew we would miss the movie? - That's right. 299 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,448 Instead of telling us, you decided to write it in your stupid book? 300 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,868 "Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis." 301 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,001 I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job. 302 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,796 I'm so sorry, man. Is there anything I can do? 303 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,383 Yeah. Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard. 304 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,724 Hey, Joey, I want to talk to you. 305 00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:08,312 Yeah? I don't want to talk to you, Wayne. I hate you. You ruined my life. 306 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,107 - Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. - Hi. How are you? 307 00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:15,403 Joey, I'll get you your job back if you help me out. 308 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,613 Why should I help you out? 309 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:21,701 - The reason he just said. - What do you need? 310 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,330 I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman. 311 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:30,126 You know, Sarah. I wish I could talk to her. 312 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,670 - Are you in love with her? - Yeah. 313 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,590 Her. All of them. Anyone. 314 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,050 Yeah. I've been there, my friend. 315 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,262 Listen, I guarantee you keep your job... 316 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,265 ...if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do. 317 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:49,687 Oh, Wayne, it's not something you can teach. It's something you're born with... 318 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,607 You can teach it. I can show you right now. 319 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,735 I mean, if you think about it... 320 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:59,113 ...Ross did learn something from each marriage. 321 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:02,200 - How to make the next one even shorter? - Oh. 322 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,993 Wait a minute. That's not fair. 323 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:07,330 He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was to Emily. 324 00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,665 He just didn't tell me. 325 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,254 Maybe I have to pee again. 326 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,261 Well, this is fun. 327 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,764 So Ross... 328 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,807 ...did you kill any of these wives? 329 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,392 You know what? I... 330 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:33,105 I have had enough of this. I care a great deal about your daughter. 331 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,733 And I have treated her with nothing but respect. 332 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:39,403 - So if you've got a problem with me... - Are you yelling at me? 333 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,530 God, no. 334 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:46,494 You know what, Daddy? If you don't like Ross, that's fine. 335 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,956 It doesn't matter to me. I'm gonna go out with him anyway. 336 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:52,041 Really? 337 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,418 Well, if it doesn't matter to her... 338 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,630 ...it doesn't matter to me. Still not yelling. 339 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:03,302 Well, what can I say? 340 00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,266 This doesn't make me like you better. 341 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,769 That's okay. I'm not so crazy about myself right now either. 342 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,522 - Then we agree? - Yeah, I guess so. 343 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,482 - Neither of us like Ross. - I like Ross. 344 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:19,360 Oh, heh, kids! 345 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,949 Wait. I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is. 346 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,743 That's okay, Rach. We're not liking Ross right now. 347 00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:30,538 - Oh! Well, I got a lot of those, too. - Uh... 348 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,336 Well, it turns out you were right, C.H.E.E.S.E. 349 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:40,923 - That shipment never made it to Omaha? - You got it. 350 00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:44,885 And the rabbi's beard? 100 percent horse hair. 351 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,679 Nice catch, C.H.E.E.S.E. 352 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,978 It's your line, C.H.E.E.S.E. 353 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,733 Wayne! Wayne!