1 00:00:03,490 --> 00:00:05,253 - Hi. - Hi! Hi, Ben. 2 00:00:05,692 --> 00:00:07,626 - Hi. - We have a bathroom emergency. 3 00:00:07,927 --> 00:00:09,087 Go ahead. 4 00:00:09,362 --> 00:00:14,527 Before we do, are any of Joey's special "romance" magazines in there? 5 00:00:17,036 --> 00:00:19,368 - No. - Okay, all clear. 6 00:00:19,873 --> 00:00:21,306 Thanks, Phoebe. 7 00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:24,908 That's Rachel. 8 00:00:25,812 --> 00:00:27,074 But whatever. 9 00:00:28,781 --> 00:00:31,909 - Everything okay in there? - Don't talk to me now. 10 00:00:32,852 --> 00:00:34,820 Just like his daddy. 11 00:00:36,189 --> 00:00:37,781 Could you do me a big favor? 12 00:00:38,091 --> 00:00:40,389 I have a meeting at the dean's office. 13 00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:42,594 Can you watch Ben for an hour? 14 00:00:43,897 --> 00:00:46,263 - What about Monica? - She isn't home. 15 00:00:47,066 --> 00:00:50,297 So it would just be me alone? 16 00:00:51,738 --> 00:00:53,000 Ben would be there. 17 00:00:56,376 --> 00:00:57,673 What's the matter? 18 00:00:58,845 --> 00:01:01,746 I've never done that before. Me and him, alone. 19 00:01:02,282 --> 00:01:03,544 He's not an ex-con. 20 00:01:04,217 --> 00:01:05,844 Okay, okay... 21 00:01:06,152 --> 00:01:08,882 - What do I do with him? - I don't know, talk to him. 22 00:01:09,122 --> 00:01:10,919 Entertain him. Keep him alive. 23 00:01:13,059 --> 00:01:15,152 - Okay. - Ben, come here. 24 00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:19,261 I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour, okay? 25 00:01:19,499 --> 00:01:20,397 Gonna be okay? 26 00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:22,598 - I think so. - I wasn't talking to you. 27 00:01:24,737 --> 00:01:27,467 - I'll be okay. - Okay. I'll see you soon, buddy. 28 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,108 - Be back in an hour. - Bye Dad. 29 00:01:35,815 --> 00:01:38,682 - So this is fun, huh? - Not really. 30 00:01:41,654 --> 00:01:45,522 - Okay. Want something to drink? - Okay. 31 00:01:45,725 --> 00:01:48,159 Great. All right, how do you feel about Diet Coke? 32 00:01:48,428 --> 00:01:50,862 - I'm not allowed to have soda. - Okay. 33 00:01:51,097 --> 00:01:53,622 Well, that's pretty much all that we have. 34 00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:56,666 Have you ever had a virgin margarita? 35 00:01:57,303 --> 00:01:58,964 What's a virgin? 36 00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:02,303 Water it is. 37 00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:07,937 The One With The Truth About London 38 00:02:42,815 --> 00:02:45,613 What about the second minister? I kind of liked him. 39 00:02:45,885 --> 00:02:49,719 - You mean the spitter? - Come on. He wasn't that bad. 40 00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:52,514 Easy for you to say, you'd be wearing a veil. 41 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,960 - And the third guy? - He kept staring at your chest. 42 00:02:57,563 --> 00:02:58,894 Can you blame him? 43 00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,666 I don't like the idea of me saying, "I do"... 44 00:03:02,935 --> 00:03:04,835 ...while he's thinking, "I'd do it too." 45 00:03:06,973 --> 00:03:09,806 - Well, then we still have a problem. - With what? 46 00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:14,412 We need someone to perform our wedding but they're all boring or annoying... 47 00:03:14,714 --> 00:03:16,511 ...or keep staring at the ladies. 48 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:21,784 You should have one of us do it. 49 00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:24,956 We're getting "married" married, not "6th-grade" married. 50 00:03:25,892 --> 00:03:27,416 No, it's a real thing. 51 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,059 Anyone can be ordained on the Internet and perform weddings and stuff. 52 00:03:31,297 --> 00:03:34,664 - Are you serious? - A friend of mine did it. It's totally legal. 53 00:03:34,901 --> 00:03:36,266 I call it! 54 00:03:37,303 --> 00:03:39,134 What? It was my idea! 55 00:03:39,339 --> 00:03:42,467 Thank you very much, but neither of you is marrying us. 56 00:03:42,775 --> 00:03:45,471 Does calling it not mean anything anymore? 57 00:03:45,912 --> 00:03:48,278 We're having a legitimate clergy member. 58 00:03:48,548 --> 00:03:50,982 And when I say legitimate, I mean gay... 59 00:03:51,284 --> 00:03:53,548 ...and in control of his saliva. 60 00:03:55,555 --> 00:03:58,490 - Is that lemon poppy seed? - You don't want these. They're stale. 61 00:03:58,725 --> 00:04:01,785 - I'm leaving them outside for the pigeons. - I call them! 62 00:04:14,474 --> 00:04:16,704 Ben, you know, when you were a baby... 63 00:04:17,477 --> 00:04:19,104 ...we'd hang out all the time. 64 00:04:19,379 --> 00:04:21,040 I was your daddy's girlfriend. 65 00:04:21,347 --> 00:04:23,372 But you're not anymore. 66 00:04:25,251 --> 00:04:28,084 - No, I'm not. - Because you guys were on a break... 67 00:04:28,354 --> 00:04:30,322 Hey, we were not on a... 68 00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:34,115 That's fine. You know what Ben? 69 00:04:34,327 --> 00:04:38,195 One day when you are a lot older, I'm gonna tell you that entire story... 70 00:04:38,398 --> 00:04:41,526 ...over a real pitcher of margaritas. Okay? 71 00:04:43,569 --> 00:04:47,300 - When's my daddy coming back? - Fifty-two minutes. 72 00:04:51,677 --> 00:04:53,645 So no brothers or sisters, huh? 73 00:04:53,846 --> 00:04:56,337 That must be nice. You don't have to share stuff. 74 00:04:56,549 --> 00:04:57,948 Sharing is good. 75 00:05:00,219 --> 00:05:02,710 You're one of those. 76 00:05:03,256 --> 00:05:07,158 You know what, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other. 77 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,955 - Really? Like how? - Well, you know, we would... 78 00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:13,562 ...we'd repeat everything the other said... 79 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:17,269 ...or we'd jump out of closets to scare each other... 80 00:05:17,537 --> 00:05:20,938 ...or switch the sugar with salt so they put salt on their cereal. 81 00:05:21,441 --> 00:05:22,465 That's a good one. 82 00:05:24,377 --> 00:05:26,845 - Yeah, you like that one? - Yeah, you're funny. 83 00:05:27,213 --> 00:05:28,407 I'm funny? 84 00:05:28,815 --> 00:05:29,873 Oh, thank God. 85 00:05:31,017 --> 00:05:32,609 Well, hey, I got a ton of these. 86 00:05:33,686 --> 00:05:35,483 You want a good one? Here's a good one. 87 00:05:36,122 --> 00:05:38,022 You take a quarter... 88 00:05:39,725 --> 00:05:43,058 ...and you blacken the edge, right? 89 00:05:43,362 --> 00:05:46,763 And then you say, "I bet you can't roll this quarter... 90 00:05:46,933 --> 00:05:49,163 ...to your chin without it leaving your face." 91 00:05:49,402 --> 00:05:54,339 And when they do it, they're left with a line down the center of their face. 92 00:05:54,707 --> 00:05:56,436 Can I do it to you? 93 00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:00,210 I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid. 94 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,018 So did you find anyone to marry you yet? 95 00:06:10,256 --> 00:06:14,488 No, but "Horny for Monica" minister called... 96 00:06:14,694 --> 00:06:17,026 ...wondering if we're still together. 97 00:06:18,231 --> 00:06:20,597 - We'll never find anybody. - Then let me do it. 98 00:06:20,867 --> 00:06:22,266 - Joey... - I've been thinking. 99 00:06:22,468 --> 00:06:25,266 I'm an actor, so I won't get nervous in front of people. 100 00:06:25,471 --> 00:06:27,336 - Joey, please... - No, no, no. 101 00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:30,839 I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts. 102 00:06:31,711 --> 00:06:34,271 Everyone knows I'm an ass man. 103 00:06:35,948 --> 00:06:37,882 - That's true. - The most important thing... 104 00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:41,517 ...is, it won't be some stranger who barely knows you. 105 00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:45,212 It'll be me. And I swear, I'll do a really good job. 106 00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:48,689 Plus, I love you guys and it would really mean a lot to me. 107 00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:53,857 - Well, we haven't found anybody else. - Might be kind of cool. 108 00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:56,091 - So I can do it? - Yeah, you can do it. 109 00:06:56,369 --> 00:06:58,530 All right! Okay! 110 00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:01,568 Okay, I gotta get started on my speech. 111 00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:03,068 Wait a minute. 112 00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:06,144 Internet ministers can have sex, right? 113 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:15,614 - Hey, Pheebs. How's it going? - I have a headache. A horrible headache. 114 00:07:15,821 --> 00:07:19,951 - I'm sorry. Can I get you something? - Oh, my God, you've got to stop chattering. 115 00:07:20,927 --> 00:07:23,589 Here, take a couple of these. 116 00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:25,955 - What is it? - It's Hexedrin. 117 00:07:26,165 --> 00:07:28,258 Oh, no, I don't believe in Western medicine. 118 00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:32,631 If you just apply pressure to these points right here... 119 00:07:33,072 --> 00:07:36,371 Then your hands starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. 120 00:07:38,477 --> 00:07:42,277 While we're waiting for these pills to kick in, I'm gonna sit you down on the couch. 121 00:07:42,515 --> 00:07:45,313 Come on. Get some nice soft pillows under your head. 122 00:07:45,551 --> 00:07:48,281 I'm gonna turn the TV on. You can watch whatever you want. 123 00:07:48,487 --> 00:07:53,686 Sit down. I'm gonna make you some tea, and then I'm gonna rub your feet. 124 00:07:54,994 --> 00:07:56,655 My head! 125 00:08:04,303 --> 00:08:05,395 Coming. 126 00:08:13,846 --> 00:08:15,973 I have a bone to pick with you. 127 00:08:18,184 --> 00:08:19,708 - Uh-oh. - Yes. 128 00:08:19,952 --> 00:08:22,216 Ben learned a little trick. 129 00:08:24,757 --> 00:08:27,988 - Oh, did he pull the old...? - That's right. That's right. 130 00:08:29,428 --> 00:08:32,022 Saran wrap on the toilet seat... 131 00:08:32,264 --> 00:08:34,994 ...so the pee goes everywhere. 132 00:08:36,869 --> 00:08:38,894 - Oh, that. - Yeah, that. 133 00:08:39,305 --> 00:08:41,398 You know I hate practical jokes. 134 00:08:41,741 --> 00:08:45,404 They're mean, they're stupid and I don't want my son learning them. 135 00:08:45,711 --> 00:08:49,807 Saran wrap on the toilet seat? Isn't that just a little funny? 136 00:08:50,082 --> 00:08:51,606 - I was barefoot. - Oh. 137 00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:55,043 This is exactly what I'm talking about. 138 00:08:55,221 --> 00:08:57,712 You're not laughing with someone, you're laughing at them. 139 00:08:57,957 --> 00:08:59,891 And laughing at someone is not nice. 140 00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:02,953 So you're one of those too. 141 00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:07,663 Tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right? 142 00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:12,571 Yes. 143 00:09:15,341 --> 00:09:18,310 It' amazing. My headache is completely gone. 144 00:09:18,544 --> 00:09:21,707 - What were those pills called? - Hexedrin. 145 00:09:21,914 --> 00:09:23,848 I love you Hexedrin. 146 00:09:25,117 --> 00:09:27,711 Oh, look, it comes with a story. 147 00:09:29,221 --> 00:09:31,712 Phoebe, those are like the side effects and stuff. 148 00:09:31,924 --> 00:09:33,118 Say what? 149 00:09:33,325 --> 00:09:35,122 You know, the possible side effects. 150 00:09:35,327 --> 00:09:37,227 Oh, my God. 151 00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:41,399 "Dizziness. Nervousness. Drowsiness. 152 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,161 Facial swelling. Nausea. Headache..." 153 00:09:45,371 --> 00:09:47,032 Headache. 154 00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:52,602 "Vomiting. Stomach bleeding. Liver damage." 155 00:09:52,812 --> 00:09:57,112 I don't recall any of these coming up when you gave me these little death capsules. 156 00:09:57,983 --> 00:10:01,680 Oh, I'm sorry. "Extra strength" death capsules. 157 00:10:01,887 --> 00:10:05,186 None of that ever happens. They just put it on there for legal reasons. 158 00:10:05,391 --> 00:10:07,052 Why? 159 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:08,822 In case it happens. 160 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:14,391 - Hey. - Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani. 161 00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:16,626 - You got ordained? - Yeah. 162 00:10:16,836 --> 00:10:20,169 Just got off the Internet. Man, there's a lot of porn out there. 163 00:10:21,774 --> 00:10:23,605 Our minister. 164 00:10:23,909 --> 00:10:27,072 I can now officially marry anybody I want. 165 00:10:27,279 --> 00:10:31,238 Hey, you guys seem happy. If you ever want to get marry, you give me a call. 166 00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:33,714 If not, you give me a call. 167 00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:39,487 I have liver damage. 168 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,227 Phoebe, your liver is right here. 169 00:10:44,597 --> 00:10:47,532 Okay, well, then I must be disoriented. 170 00:10:49,935 --> 00:10:53,234 I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. Want to hear it? 171 00:10:53,506 --> 00:10:56,498 Listen, this is just the first draft, so... 172 00:10:57,510 --> 00:11:00,502 "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion... 173 00:11:00,813 --> 00:11:04,476 ...to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. 174 00:11:07,353 --> 00:11:10,322 It is a love based on giving and receiving... 175 00:11:10,589 --> 00:11:13,023 ...as well as having and sharing. 176 00:11:13,292 --> 00:11:18,059 And the love that they give and have is shared and received. 177 00:11:20,032 --> 00:11:22,694 And through this having and giving... 178 00:11:23,002 --> 00:11:25,630 ...and sharing and receiving... 179 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:33,471 ...we too can share and love and have... 180 00:11:34,146 --> 00:11:35,909 ...and receive." 181 00:11:38,851 --> 00:11:40,716 Should we call the spitter? 182 00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:53,464 - Hey, Rachel. - Hi. 183 00:11:53,799 --> 00:11:56,063 What a surprise. What are you doing here? 184 00:11:56,802 --> 00:11:59,100 I was just in the neighborhood... 185 00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:02,704 ...and I passed by your building and thought, "What's up with Carol... 186 00:12:03,042 --> 00:12:04,703 ...and sweet little Ben?" 187 00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:08,211 - That's nice. Well, come on in. - Okay. 188 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,573 I'll make some coffee and we can chat. 189 00:12:10,783 --> 00:12:12,512 I'd love that. I would love that. 190 00:12:14,854 --> 00:12:17,049 So where is sweet little Ben? 191 00:12:17,356 --> 00:12:19,324 I would love to have a little... 192 00:12:22,728 --> 00:12:24,252 I found him! 193 00:12:25,297 --> 00:12:27,094 Very funny. Come here. 194 00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:30,897 That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you, okay? 195 00:12:31,237 --> 00:12:33,535 - Rachel, you want sugar? - Yes, but... 196 00:12:33,839 --> 00:12:35,636 Do I want sugar in my coffee? 197 00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:41,640 No, just some milk would be good, Carol. Thanks. 198 00:12:41,947 --> 00:12:44,677 Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? 199 00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:47,750 "Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?" 200 00:12:48,654 --> 00:12:50,212 - Don't do that. - "Don't do that." 201 00:12:50,489 --> 00:12:54,186 - Your dad doesn't like pranks. - "Your dad doesn't like pranks." 202 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,625 - Oh, damn it! - "Oh, damn it!" 203 00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:58,329 No! Don't say that. 204 00:12:59,064 --> 00:13:00,554 - Damn it! - Go back to repeating. 205 00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:02,265 - Damn it! - Oh, crap! 206 00:13:02,568 --> 00:13:03,557 "Oh, crap!" 207 00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:11,132 I feel like my face is swelling. Is my face swelling? 208 00:13:11,343 --> 00:13:14,369 Phoebe, your face is fine. None of this stuff is gonna happen to you. 209 00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:17,208 - Stop being a baby. - Interesting you should call me that... 210 00:13:17,416 --> 00:13:19,850 ...now that I may never have one. 211 00:13:21,353 --> 00:13:23,878 Okay, I got some more written, ready? 212 00:13:24,089 --> 00:13:25,818 Yeah, okay. 213 00:13:26,892 --> 00:13:30,658 "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share... 214 00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:35,862 ...I can't help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving... 215 00:13:36,035 --> 00:13:39,994 ...and giving..." And then I can't think of a good word for right here. 216 00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:42,934 - How about "receiving"? - Yes! 217 00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:48,275 See, Joe, not that that's not great... 218 00:13:48,881 --> 00:13:52,977 ...but one cool thing about having a friend perform the ceremony... 219 00:13:53,285 --> 00:13:54,809 ...is that it can be about us. 220 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,419 It can be more personal. You can tell stories about us. 221 00:14:00,893 --> 00:14:02,986 Like the time you and I went to Atlantic City... 222 00:14:03,228 --> 00:14:06,129 ...and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak? 223 00:14:06,732 --> 00:14:08,097 No. 224 00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:10,635 Not us. 225 00:14:11,737 --> 00:14:13,364 Us. 226 00:14:14,773 --> 00:14:16,172 I got you. Sorry. 227 00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:19,105 So did you ever make him throw up a whole anything? 228 00:14:20,145 --> 00:14:24,377 Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes? 229 00:14:25,651 --> 00:14:27,619 It doesn't say that. 230 00:14:27,853 --> 00:14:31,220 Suddenly somebody knows all about the side effects. 231 00:14:31,857 --> 00:14:37,762 Joey, we want you to tell stories, but romantic stories, nice stories. 232 00:14:39,765 --> 00:14:42,893 Okay! Maybe I'll talk about London, when you hooked up. 233 00:14:43,202 --> 00:14:45,568 Only I won't say "hooked up"... 234 00:14:45,838 --> 00:14:48,932 ...I'll say, "began their beautiful journey... 235 00:14:49,141 --> 00:14:51,473 - There you go. ...by doing it." 236 00:14:53,912 --> 00:14:56,278 - Joe. - Okay, all right. 237 00:14:56,949 --> 00:15:00,077 So how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room... 238 00:15:00,386 --> 00:15:03,822 ...then you're in the bathtub and she's feeding you strawberries? 239 00:15:05,424 --> 00:15:08,325 - Isn't that what happened to you? - Yeah! 240 00:15:10,796 --> 00:15:12,957 I call that "London style." 241 00:15:14,299 --> 00:15:15,823 That didn't happen with us. 242 00:15:16,135 --> 00:15:19,627 Maybe you should say it is, because "London style" sounds nice. 243 00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:22,698 Okay, uh... 244 00:15:23,108 --> 00:15:27,408 I was sad that night because this guy thought I was Ross' mom. 245 00:15:28,347 --> 00:15:32,078 And Chandler was really sweet and he consoled me and... 246 00:15:32,384 --> 00:15:34,909 ...we drank too much. - Yeah, baby. 247 00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:41,684 I was a gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said good night. 248 00:15:43,562 --> 00:15:46,759 - But then, later that night... - Yeah, baby. 249 00:16:13,325 --> 00:16:16,726 Cute P.J.s. Really living it up here in London, huh? 250 00:16:18,197 --> 00:16:21,928 Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company after... 251 00:16:22,701 --> 00:16:24,362 ...9:15. 252 00:16:25,304 --> 00:16:26,430 Is Joey here? 253 00:16:26,705 --> 00:16:30,903 Last I saw he was with a bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries. 254 00:16:31,543 --> 00:16:35,240 You're not still upset about what that guy told you, are you? 255 00:16:36,315 --> 00:16:37,543 Wouldn't you be? 256 00:16:37,983 --> 00:16:41,749 It's been a really emotional time and you've had a lot to drink... 257 00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:43,578 You have to let that go, okay? 258 00:16:43,922 --> 00:16:46,755 You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. 259 00:16:47,826 --> 00:16:48,690 Really? 260 00:16:48,961 --> 00:16:52,328 You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... 261 00:16:59,671 --> 00:17:01,070 Whoa, what's going on? 262 00:17:01,306 --> 00:17:02,238 We just made out. 263 00:17:02,508 --> 00:17:04,601 - We're making out? - Not anymore. 264 00:17:05,477 --> 00:17:09,038 - But we don't do that. - I know, I thought it would be fun. 265 00:17:10,349 --> 00:17:11,247 How drunk are you? 266 00:17:11,517 --> 00:17:16,318 Enough to know I want to do this. Not so much that you should feel guilty. 267 00:17:18,023 --> 00:17:19,217 That's the perfect amount. 268 00:17:26,265 --> 00:17:27,823 - You know what's weird? - What? 269 00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:30,328 - This doesn't feel weird. - I know. 270 00:17:30,602 --> 00:17:34,663 - You're a really good kisser. - Well, I have kissed over four women. 271 00:17:36,975 --> 00:17:39,341 Want to get under the covers? Okay. 272 00:17:48,754 --> 00:17:50,187 Wow, you are really fast! 273 00:17:50,489 --> 00:17:53,458 It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. 274 00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:57,324 - We're gonna see each other naked. - Yep. 275 00:17:58,163 --> 00:18:00,563 - At the same time? - Count of three? 276 00:18:00,832 --> 00:18:03,494 One, two, three. 277 00:18:08,073 --> 00:18:11,770 Well, I think it's safe to say our friendship is effectively ruined. 278 00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:13,875 Eh, we weren't that close anyway. 279 00:18:16,715 --> 00:18:17,943 Joey, Joey, Joey...! 280 00:18:21,954 --> 00:18:22,852 Hey. 281 00:18:23,121 --> 00:18:25,351 Hey, Joe. I was just watching a movie... 282 00:18:29,494 --> 00:18:31,485 Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. 283 00:18:32,497 --> 00:18:33,896 No! 284 00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:36,697 It's cool, I'm still with my bridesmaid. 285 00:18:36,969 --> 00:18:38,402 Where are the condoms? 286 00:18:39,104 --> 00:18:40,401 In my bag over there. 287 00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:48,576 Could you leave me one? 288 00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:53,551 For just you? 289 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:55,211 Yeah. 290 00:18:58,257 --> 00:19:01,852 Why don't you come downstairs with me. There's some really nice girls down there. 291 00:19:02,027 --> 00:19:04,018 No, I'm fine. 292 00:19:04,529 --> 00:19:06,588 All right. There you go, buddy. 293 00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:08,026 Go nuts. 294 00:19:11,336 --> 00:19:12,667 That's what that was? 295 00:19:12,904 --> 00:19:16,840 Because that other thing, I thought you were onto something. But it did nothing for me. 296 00:19:17,309 --> 00:19:20,403 Can we change the topic? Because it's really doing nothing for me. 297 00:19:21,713 --> 00:19:26,082 If I hadn't left you one, you two might've never gotten together. 298 00:19:27,085 --> 00:19:29,883 Imagine if I had sent that hooker like I was gonna? 299 00:19:31,857 --> 00:19:34,189 It's like it was in the stars. 300 00:19:34,626 --> 00:19:36,025 Yeah, totally meant to be. 301 00:19:36,328 --> 00:19:39,627 Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night. 302 00:19:40,432 --> 00:19:42,229 - What? - What? 303 00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:43,893 What? 304 00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:48,495 Who did you originally want to hook up with? 305 00:19:49,841 --> 00:19:52,139 Okay, fine, but please don't be upset. 306 00:19:52,377 --> 00:19:56,370 I was really depressed, okay? And really drunk. 307 00:19:56,715 --> 00:20:00,947 I wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted sex. 308 00:20:01,486 --> 00:20:04,216 So, when I went to your room that night... 309 00:20:04,423 --> 00:20:07,551 ...I was actually looking for Joey. 310 00:20:14,199 --> 00:20:15,461 Yeah, baby. 311 00:20:17,402 --> 00:20:18,960 No, baby. 312 00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:21,532 Oh, my God. 313 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,535 You came looking for Joey? 314 00:20:23,809 --> 00:20:27,870 - Were you planning on telling me this? - No, I didn't think it was important. 315 00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:30,748 It's not important? It's not important? 316 00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:33,779 If it wasn't for a bridesmaid, you'd be marrying him not me. 317 00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:37,148 No. The point is, it was you that was there that night. 318 00:20:37,356 --> 00:20:40,985 It is you that I'm marrying. It is you that I fell in love with. 319 00:20:41,193 --> 00:20:46,688 And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv... 320 00:20:47,899 --> 00:20:51,027 Weird. The most romantic night of my life and I'm runner-up. 321 00:20:51,269 --> 00:20:55,467 Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey wasn't there? 322 00:20:55,741 --> 00:20:57,174 Hey! 323 00:20:58,443 --> 00:21:01,173 I'm a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings. 324 00:21:03,181 --> 00:21:06,173 There's no way you're doing this wedding now, okay? 325 00:21:06,418 --> 00:21:09,854 What? That's not fair. It's not my fault. 326 00:21:10,188 --> 00:21:11,587 I was with my bridesmaid. 327 00:21:11,823 --> 00:21:13,791 And who's to say I would've said yes? 328 00:21:14,025 --> 00:21:16,050 I mean, I would've said yes. 329 00:21:17,429 --> 00:21:20,193 You are making way too big a deal out of this. 330 00:21:20,432 --> 00:21:21,956 Everything worked out okay. 331 00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,496 It's just weird, okay? 332 00:21:23,802 --> 00:21:27,738 I don't want to be saying my vows with the mental image of you and Monica. 333 00:21:28,039 --> 00:21:30,735 I need... I don't know what I need. I need a walk. 334 00:21:31,009 --> 00:21:34,376 - Wait, Chandler, it's not a big deal. - It is to me. 335 00:21:34,646 --> 00:21:37,774 You wanted to sleep with Batman and settled for Robin. 336 00:21:42,154 --> 00:21:45,180 - This is crazy. - No, Robin is so gay. 337 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,329 Phoebe, what were you thinking? How could you tell him that? 338 00:21:51,530 --> 00:21:53,964 I don't know. I'm sorry, it just came out. 339 00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:56,259 It's a side effect. 340 00:21:58,503 --> 00:22:01,336 - So now what have we agreed? - No more pranks. 341 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,009 - What else? - You and Daddy were not on a break. 342 00:22:05,310 --> 00:22:06,299 Very good. 343 00:22:09,848 --> 00:22:12,510 Rachel, what are you doing here? 344 00:22:13,084 --> 00:22:15,780 I'm just visiting my good friend Carol. 345 00:22:16,321 --> 00:22:18,516 - Your good friend? - Yeah. 346 00:22:19,124 --> 00:22:20,386 What's her last name? 347 00:22:22,894 --> 00:22:24,122 Carol... 348 00:22:24,830 --> 00:22:26,320 ...Lesbian. - Nice. 349 00:22:29,434 --> 00:22:33,268 - By the way, that line down my face... - What line? 350 00:22:33,472 --> 00:22:36,339 "What Line?" The line that prompted a student... 351 00:22:36,575 --> 00:22:39,874 ...in my last class of the day to say: 352 00:22:40,111 --> 00:22:42,045 "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?" 353 00:22:44,015 --> 00:22:45,880 All right I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. 354 00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:48,712 - But you were so mad already. - Of course I was mad. 355 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:52,412 I told you I hate this stuff. Okay? It's not funny. 356 00:22:52,691 --> 00:22:53,817 - Hey, Ross. - Hi. 357 00:22:54,025 --> 00:22:55,492 - What's not funny? - Practical jokes. 358 00:22:55,694 --> 00:22:57,628 Well, I think they're funny. 359 00:22:57,996 --> 00:23:00,863 - You have a line down your face. - What? 360 00:23:04,035 --> 00:23:07,471 - Okay, maybe they're not funny to you... - Oh, my God! 361 00:23:07,706 --> 00:23:08,764 Or Carol. 362 00:23:10,108 --> 00:23:12,440 But they're funny to kids. And who is it hurting? 363 00:23:12,811 --> 00:23:17,805 I'll tell you who it hurts. It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class... 364 00:23:18,016 --> 00:23:21,508 ...so he has to go to the principal's office wearing nothing but a catcher's mitt. 365 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,483 That was you? 366 00:23:25,290 --> 00:23:27,315 We heard about you in junior high. 367 00:23:27,526 --> 00:23:31,189 Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged!" 368 00:23:34,366 --> 00:23:36,266 I will be! 369 00:23:38,303 --> 00:23:41,204 I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. 370 00:23:41,740 --> 00:23:43,367 - Okay? - Fine. Fine. 371 00:23:43,642 --> 00:23:47,134 Once I taught him that stuff, he called me "fun Aunt Rachel." 372 00:23:47,445 --> 00:23:49,379 And I loved being fun Aunt Rachel. 373 00:23:49,614 --> 00:23:53,550 But I'll go back to being boring and uncomfortable Aunt Rachel. 374 00:23:55,687 --> 00:23:58,747 No, it's not what I want. 375 00:24:00,191 --> 00:24:02,386 I'm glad you guys were bonding but... 376 00:24:02,627 --> 00:24:04,618 Look, he doesn't have any siblings. 377 00:24:04,896 --> 00:24:07,057 Somebody has to teach him this stuff. 378 00:24:07,365 --> 00:24:10,892 I haven't taught him anything a normal 6-year-old doesn't know. 379 00:24:11,236 --> 00:24:13,067 - Crap! - I gotta go. 380 00:24:21,713 --> 00:24:23,510 - Hey. - Hey. 381 00:24:23,782 --> 00:24:29,482 You want this scone? It came for me but it would rather sleep with you. 382 00:24:29,688 --> 00:24:31,155 Nothing even happened. 383 00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:37,057 - Look, I know you want to do the wedding... - No. If you don't want me to do it... 384 00:24:37,295 --> 00:24:41,561 ...I accept that. I don't care about that. I just don't want you to be upset. 385 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:43,458 How can I not be upset? 386 00:24:43,802 --> 00:24:46,635 I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman... 387 00:24:46,972 --> 00:24:48,963 ...and it turns out she wanted you first. 388 00:24:49,274 --> 00:24:52,072 Yeah, for like a half an hour one night. 389 00:24:52,544 --> 00:24:56,071 Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life. 390 00:24:56,348 --> 00:24:58,248 You're so lucky. 391 00:24:58,550 --> 00:25:01,383 Look what I missed out on by not being there. 392 00:25:01,653 --> 00:25:02,711 Although, you know what? 393 00:25:02,921 --> 00:25:05,981 It could never have worked out like you guys did. 394 00:25:06,191 --> 00:25:08,716 Because you guys are perfect for each other. 395 00:25:10,195 --> 00:25:14,256 We look at you and we see you together, and it just... 396 00:25:15,166 --> 00:25:18,067 ...it fits, you know? 397 00:25:18,637 --> 00:25:21,800 And you just know it's gonna last forever. 398 00:25:24,676 --> 00:25:26,473 That's what you should say. 399 00:25:27,712 --> 00:25:28,906 What? 400 00:25:31,516 --> 00:25:34,644 When you're marrying us, that's what you should say. 401 00:25:35,754 --> 00:25:37,483 Really? I could do it? 402 00:25:38,623 --> 00:25:39,885 I'd love you to do it. 403 00:25:40,759 --> 00:25:42,090 Hey. 404 00:25:44,996 --> 00:25:48,932 But those are the words. Those exact words. 405 00:25:49,968 --> 00:25:52,266 Well, I don't remember exactly but... 406 00:25:53,371 --> 00:25:58,240 ...it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving. 407 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,545 I'm sorry to do this to you again... 408 00:26:03,748 --> 00:26:06,216 ...but could you look after Ben for a little bit? 409 00:26:06,418 --> 00:26:08,010 I've got this meeting at school. 410 00:26:08,219 --> 00:26:11,416 And he asked for his "fun" Aunt Rachel. 411 00:26:12,390 --> 00:26:15,621 Well, of course I will watch him. We have fun, don't we, Ben? 412 00:26:17,062 --> 00:26:19,587 - Okay, see you later, pal. - Okay. 413 00:26:24,903 --> 00:26:27,838 - Wait a minute. Ben, I can't do it. - What? 414 00:26:28,039 --> 00:26:30,269 Can't let him go out that way. He's got a meeting. 415 00:26:30,442 --> 00:26:33,434 - You got something here on your back. - What? 416 00:26:34,412 --> 00:26:36,141 That's great. That is great. 417 00:26:36,347 --> 00:26:38,645 What did we just finish talking about, Ben? 418 00:26:38,850 --> 00:26:42,411 "What did we just finish talking about, Ben?" 419 00:26:42,620 --> 00:26:47,080 All right, that's it. Come here. You are in big trouble young man! 420 00:26:47,292 --> 00:26:50,056 Ben, come here! I am not kidding! 421 00:26:50,261 --> 00:26:52,320 You gotta stop doing... 422 00:26:52,564 --> 00:26:54,259 My God! 423 00:27:13,918 --> 00:27:16,785 - So you guys doing okay? - Yeah. 424 00:27:17,088 --> 00:27:20,683 We talked and Monica made me see that I overreacted a little bit. 425 00:27:21,126 --> 00:27:24,687 - Some things are more important. - Yeah, baby. 426 00:27:27,432 --> 00:27:30,993 I'm really glad you guys are okay, but I just keep thinking... 427 00:27:31,302 --> 00:27:34,294 ...what would've happened if you two had hooked up. 428 00:27:37,275 --> 00:27:38,936 Honey, dinner's ready! 429 00:27:44,783 --> 00:27:47,149 What's my little chef got for me tonight? 430 00:27:47,418 --> 00:27:49,181 Your favorite. 431 00:27:49,821 --> 00:27:51,345 Fried stuff with cheese. 432 00:27:53,057 --> 00:27:54,524 And lots of it! 433 00:27:56,060 --> 00:27:57,322 Thanks, sweetheart. 434 00:27:57,762 --> 00:27:59,161 Give me a little sugar... 435 00:28:02,934 --> 00:28:05,129 Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. 436 00:28:09,073 --> 00:28:11,041 How you doing? 437 00:28:15,947 --> 00:28:17,539 Here you go. 438 00:28:18,183 --> 00:28:19,548 Oh, my God. 439 00:28:19,751 --> 00:28:21,378 This is a six-hour pill. 440 00:28:21,586 --> 00:28:24,453 That's it! I'm out of the woods. 441 00:28:24,989 --> 00:28:26,388 What a relief. 442 00:28:26,591 --> 00:28:28,218 Good for you. 443 00:28:28,426 --> 00:28:30,690 It's like a huge weight has been lifted. 444 00:28:30,895 --> 00:28:33,523 Because, look, no hair loss, no rash, no hives. 445 00:28:33,731 --> 00:28:35,892 I'm just so happy! 446 00:28:36,634 --> 00:28:40,730 Because, no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoria...