NARRATOR: Previously on Friends:
Seventeen hours, I have been at this.
- How many centimeters am I dilated? - Three.
Just three? I'm dilated three.
- We've talk about having babies someday. - So we're gonna try?
- Right here? - No, not here.
Maybe here.
This is your grandmother's engagement ring.
I want you to give it to Rachel.
- Mom, no. - Ross, this isn't just some girl...
...you picked up in a bar and humped.
- Hey, I take it you're visiting someone? - Uh-huh, yeah.
- Wanna visit someone else? - Yeah, I would like that.
- That's him. - Great. Well, go get him.
Or maybe you could go in first.
Hi, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray. I have a few routine questions.
Do you sleep with women and never call them again?
Oh, my God.
[MONICA GASPS]
Should we tell Rachel there's an empty, private room right next door to hers?
We could. Or we could have sex in it.
Well, let me think about that. While I remove my pants.
Okay, mister. Fertilize me.
[JANICE LAUGHING NASALLY]
Does that sound like Janice?
If it's not, then there's two of them.
And that would mean it's the end of the world.
H93'-
- Hey. - Hi.
I can't believe this is taking so long. How are you doing?
Oh, not bad. You know that feeling...
...when you're trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass?
Weirdest thing. Did I hear--?
Mother of God, it's true.
Chandler Bing.
Janice.
Notjust Janice. Janice in labor. Contracting and everything.
Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis.
You remember, Chandler.
Janice, I didn't know you were pregnant.
Who's the unwitting human whose essence you've stolen?
It's you.
This is yours.
What?
Ha, look how nervous he gets! We haven't slept together in years!
[LAUGHING NASALLY]
That's funny. Does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Okay, I've got one for you. If you had to, which would you rather eat?
A Seeing Eye dog or a talking gorilla?
I'd have to say the talking gorilla.
Because at least I could explain to him that you're making me eat him.
- Oh. Somebody went to college. - Yeah.
Wow. What is it? I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just my foot itches like crazy.
On. I'll get it.
Wow. I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me.
Relax. It's not like we're forking.
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Oh, that's five, Ross. Five women have had five babies...
...and I have had no babies.
Why doesn't she want to come out?
You know what I think it is?
I think you made such a nice home for her...
...over the last nine months that she just doesn't want to leave.
Oh. Look at you making up crap for me.
- Oh, God. Ooh, ooh... - Okay. Okay.
Twenty-one hours. You're a hero.
Doctor, you gotta do something. You gotta give me drugs...
...or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out.
Actually, I think you're ready to go to the delivery room.
- What? - Ten centimeters.
You're about to become a mom.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Ha-ha-ha, beat you, sucker. Oh, baby.
Oh, my God. That's the doctor who was in my room before.
Oh. Okay, Mr. Percocet.
I'm telling you, the guy from that show was here...
...in my room, asking me all these weird questions.
Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Rachel's having her baby.
That's him. You know him?
Okay. Okay. I-- Okay. Um... This--
I sent my friend, Joey, in here to find out stuff about you.
Um, if it, you know-- If it helps, you came off great.
A lot better than I'm coming off right now.
I don't believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor?
Fake? Excuse me? Hello?
And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy?
You're right, that was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It's just that I liked you so much. Can we just start over?
I don't think so.
Uh, if I may?
Look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right?
Now, maybe it would help if you knew some personal stuff about her.
Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer.
Uh, she gave birth to her brother's triplets.
Oh, oh, oh. Her twin sister used to do porn.
- Joey, we're trying to dial down the crazy. - Right.
Um...
Look, we don't really know each other, so it'd be really easy to just forget this...
...but there seems to be something between us. And I don't know about you...
...but that doesn't happen to me a lot.
- It doesn't happen to me, either. - Me, neither.
- Push.Push. RACHEL: Ooh, ooh, ooh...
We're gonna push for five more seconds.
Five, four...
Three, two, one. Oh!
Okay, the next contraction should be in about 20 seconds.
- I can't. I can't push anymore. - Sweetie, you're doing great.
Oh, God. Twenty seconds, my ass!
Here we go. Okay, keep pushing.
- Come on. - Push. Wait.
- I see something. - What, you do? You do? Oh, my God.
Don't say "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God," what?
What is that?
That's the baby's buttocks. She's breech.
- Oh, my God. I thought she had two heads. RACHEL: Oh, God.
Is she gonna be okay?
DOCTOR: She's gonna be fine. - Yeah.
She's in a more difficult position, so you're gonna have to push harder.
- Okay. - Go. Come on. Go. Go.
Rachel, you're gonna have to push harder.
- I'm sorry, I can't. I can't. - Yes, you can. I know you can do this.
- Let's go. - I can't do it.
- No, please, you do it for me. _NO__
Let's go. One more time. One final push. Ready? One, two, three.
Good.
ROSS: Keep pushing.
Are you okay?
You have no idea how much this hurts.
Keep going! Keep going!
DOCTOR: Here we go.
Oh, oh! She's upside down, but she's coming. She's coming.
- Oh, God! - Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, she's here.
[RACHEL LAUGHS]
Oh, she's perfect.
Oh, wow. Oh, she's so tiny.
- Where'd she go? - They're just wrapping her up.
Okay. Well, be careful with her, she's really tiny.
Here she is.
[BABY CRYING]
Oh, you.
Oh, thanks for coming out of me.
I know. Oh.
Yes. Oh.
Oh, she's looking at me. Hi. I know you.
- Do we have a name yet? - No, not yet.
That's fine. For now we'll just call her Baby Girl Green.
Oh, no. Baby Girl Geller-Green.
Hello, Baby Girl.
PHOEBE: Can we come in? - Oh, come on in.
- Oh, there she is. MONICA: Oh, she's so beautiful.
Here.
Oh, my God. She's amazing.
Oh, I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex.
It's incredible. I mean, one minute she's inside you...
...and then 47 hours later, here she is.
[CHUCKLES]
She looks so real.
You know what I mean.
- Okay, my turn. My turn. - Aunt Phoebe.
Yes. Oh, baby. Oh, you're so cute.
Oh, I could squeeze your little head.
I won't.
- Honey, what's the matter? - Nothing. Sorry, I just can't stop crying.
The doctor said it's completely normal, with the hormones...
-...plus you're sleep-deprived. - So? You guys are all sleep-deprived.
I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet.
Oh, God.
- What's the matter now? - I was reliving it.
Oh.
So do you know what you're gonna call her yet?
Oh. Wait a minute, it's not gonna be Baby Girl?
I thought that was so original.
Uh, actually, we've narrowed it down to two names.
Yeah, and you know what? I love them both.
So why don't you just pick one, and that'll be it.
Wow, um, okay. Uh, everyone?
This is Isabella.
- Hi, Isabella. - Hi.
[G ROANS]
- What? - That's not her name.
I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella.
- What was the other one, Ross? - Um, Delilah.
Oh, great. Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore.
- Ahem, so I guess we're back to Baby Girl. - Yay.
What are we gonna do?
- It's okay, honey. You'll find a name. - Ugh. Easy for you to say.
You already know what your kids' names are gonna be.
- You do? - Yeah. I had them picked out since I was 14.
Oh, no, it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good, isn't it?
- Well, tell us, what are they? - Um, okay. If it's a boy, it's Daniel.
- And if it's a girl? - I don't want to say.
Oh, stop. Tell us. We're not gonna want it.
Okay. It's Emma.
[GASPS]
Emma.
See, I don't want it.
- Take it. - What?
She's clearly an Emma.
Oh, honey, but you love that name.
Yeah. But I love you more.
Oh.
Besides, you know, nothing goes with Bing. So I'm screwed.
Yoo-hoo.
Aaron Lipman-Guralnick would like to say hello to his future bride.
Oh.
[GASPS]
Wow, he kind of takes your breath away, doesn't he?
He's a keeper. Ha, ha.
- How are you feeling? - Oh, you know, I'm fine.
Can I just say, I really admire what you're doing.
Just raising her all alone.
Oh, I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Oh, sure. Now.
But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?
Well, then he gets a divorce. It's Ross.
I'm telling you, Rachel. Listen to Janice.
They all say they're gonna be there, until they start their real family.
That's never gonna happen with Ross.
That's what I thought about my first husband.
Now, I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father...
...and little Miss New-Boobs.
Really?
I hate to be the one to say it...
...but, honey, you two are on your own.
Well, that's, you know, that's...
We've been alone for the last 20 minutes and we're doing okay.
You know what? Maybe we won't be alone.
Because lately things have been happening...
...between me and Ross, you know?
And right before I went into labor, we had this kiss. You know?
So it might be the beginning of something.
- Hey, Janice. - Oh, hi.
Oh. Who's this little guy?
- Say hello to Aaron, your future son-in-law. - Oh, no, no. Ha, ha.
- I'm gonna leave you three alone. BOTH: Okay.
- Man, you see the kid on that nose? - Uh-huh.
- You know what I was thinking about? - Huh?
Um, that kiss before we left the apartment.
That was something, huh?
Yeah. Yeah, it really was.
But we, we gotta be careful. Heh.
We-- You know, we can't let that happen again, you know?
Right.
We don't want to go down that road, do we?
No. No, of course not. No, that's why I brought it up.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- They didn't have any sodas? - Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
I was talking to this nurse. Completely forgot.
And so it begins.
PHOEBE: She in there?
Yeah. She's putting her down now. That's her.
PHOEBE: Oh.
ROSS: Look at Emma. - I can't decide who she looks more like.
You or Rachel?
Oh, what, are you kidding? She's gorgeous. It's all Rachel.
I'm sorry. For the last time, why aren't you two together again?
No, I know. Because you're not in that place.
Which would be fine, except you totally are.
It's complicated, okay?
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you love her, you always have...
...you have a child together. There's no right answer.
Look, we've been together. Okay, and then apart.
And then together, and then apart.
And now we have a baby.
It's just, if we got together again and it didn't work out?
I could never do that to Emma.
I mean, she came into this world thinking everything-- Now me.
What, do they put something in the water in this place?
It's just, Rachel and I, we're doing really well now.
I know, I know, I know.
If you try to make it more, you might wreck it.
- Yeah, exactly. - Right.
Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were 15.
[KNOCKING ON DQOR]
H93'-
I just saw a woman breastfeeding both of her twins at the same time.
It is like a freak show up here.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
What is it? Hey?
- Really, it's nothing. I'm... - Rach, come on. What?
I've just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone.
What are you talking about: "alone"? What about Ross?
Oh, please. He'll be with his real family. The twins and little Miss New-Boobs.
Okay, how long was I watching that woman?
I'm just saying that, you know...
...someday Ross is gonna meet somebody...
...and he's gonna have his own life.
Right?
Yeah, I guess so.
I just never thought I'd be raising this baby all by myself.
Pretty dumb, huh?
Hey, you listen to me. Listen to me.
You are never, ever gonna be alone.
Okay? I promise I won't let that happen.
Oh, Joey. Oh, sweetie, what would I do without you?
You don't have to worry about that, okay?
Oh, honey, could you grab me my other box of tissues?
They're right on that chair under Ross' coat.
Sure.
Oh, my God.
Joey?
Oh, my God.
Okay.
[BOTH SIGHING]
- That was amazing. - I know.
Hey, do you realize that we may have just changed our lives forever?
We may have started our family.
Nine months from now, we could be here...
...having our own baby.
And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
[English - US - SDH]