1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,961
Oh. Hey, Ross.

2
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:07,923
I'm so glad someone's here.
Could you zip me up?

3
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,969
- Sure.
- Thank you.

4
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,847
Can you believe no one
between my apartment and here...

5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,099
...offered to do that for me?

6
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,809
People.

7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,688
So why are you so dressed up?

8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,356
Oh, Mike's picking me up for a date.

9
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:28,193
Oh, yeah? Now, how's that going?
Is it getting serious?

10
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,822
I don't know. I don't know.
I mean, you know, I like him.

11
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,325
But, you know, am I ready to take
my Grade A loins off the meat market?

12
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,619
I'm not quite sure.

13
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,167
You know, I really admire
your whole dating attitude.

14
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,462
It's so healthy. I'm always like,
"Is this moving too fast?

15
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,214
Is this moving too slow?
Where's this going?"

16
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,633
Yeah, I know.
You are a bit of a drama queen.

17
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:57,598
You're so much better off, you know?
You just go from guy to guy having fun...

18
00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,768
...and not worrying that it
never turns into anything serious.

19
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,271
I wouldn't say "never."

20
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,815
You know, there is that guy.

21
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,610
Okay, well, what about?

22
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,696
Okay, well, there has gotta be someone.

23
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:17,618
- There isn't! That's what I'm saying.
- Oh, my God, you're right!

24
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:21,371
I know. And yet, here you are,
all ready for the next date.

25
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,709
I can't believe
I never realized this before.

26
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:30,130
I'm in my 30s, and I've never been
in a long-term relationship.

27
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,050
Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?

28
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:36,762
No, no, no.

29
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,680
Um, there's nothing wrong with you.

30
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:44,269
I mean, you don't strike me as the type
of person that wants to get married anyway.

31
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,772
I want to get married!

32
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,233
No, please...
Please don't cry because of me.

33
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,777
Pheebs,
I don't know what I'm talking about, okay?

34
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,695
I've been divorced three times.

35
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,198
Well, at least you've been married.

36
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,868
Oh, my God.
I want to trade lives with Ross?

37
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,748
Phoebe.

38
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,960
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. I'm excited about our date.

39
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:13,048
Mike, this is Ross Geller.
Ross, this is Mike...

40
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,383
[CRYING]

41
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,303
- Sorry, I didn't catch that.
- Mike Hannigan.

42
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,055
- Oh, Ross Geller.
- Hey.

43
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,476
- Uh, so are you sure you're ready to go?
- Uh-huh.

44
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,353
How do I look?

45
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,525
- Do you have a compact in your purse?
- No.

46
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,527
You look great.

47
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,697
- Hey, Joey.
- This girl won't turn around.

48
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,408
I can't tell whether she's hot or not.
What do you think?

49
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:26,622
Joey, I am not going
to objectify women with you.

50
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,916
But if her face is as nice as her ass...

51
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,835
- Whoo, Mama.
- All right. Thanks.

52
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,380
- Hey, have you talked to Chandler?
- He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.

53
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,716
- How come?
- I don't know. He has to work.

54
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,677
There's some big rush on the...

55
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,764
Uh...

56
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,308
One of these days,
I'm gonna have to start listening...

57
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,018
...when he talks about his job.

58
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,731
Hey, why don't you fly out there
and surprise him?

59
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,275
Maybe I will go.

60
00:03:55,693 --> 00:04:00,656
Yeah. We'll have a little second
honeymoon at the Tulsa Ramada.

61
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,366
Oh, and you know what
you should bring?

62
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,953
Your black see-through teddy
with the attached garters.

63
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,334
- How do you know I have one of those?
- Didn't until just now.

64
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,298
Ugh. Hot. Not hot.

65
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,342
Hot!

66
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,595
Excuse me?

67
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:28,725
Uh, I said that I think you're hot.

68
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:32,145
And, uh, now I'm embarrassed. Heh.

69
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,481
Oh, I thought you said "hi."

70
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,234
That would've been better.

71
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,612
I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey.

72
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,989
I'm Hayley.

73
00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:46,451
Oh. Look, I don't normally ask out women
that I meet in coffeehouses.

74
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,412
Ha!

75
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,458
Gesundheit.

76
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,383
- But...
- I would love to go out with you.

77
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,386
Really? Great.

78
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,389
Did I...? Did I actually ask you?

79
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,767
Oh, um, that's just where you were going.
I figured I'd help you out.

80
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:14,062
You don't seem like the kind of guy
who does this a lot?

81
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,273
Ha!

82
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,861
Seriously, Gunther. You should
see someone about that cold.

83
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,738
If it gets much worse, you could die.

84
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,245
- So how'd the date go?
- Well, it was awful.

85
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,040
Every time I thought about
what you said, I started crying.

86
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:36,001
- So he hasn't called?
- Would you call this girl:

87
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,421
[CRYING]
"Thanks for a lovely evening"?

88
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,799
Now I feel terrible. This is all my fault.

89
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,552
[IN NORMAL VOICE] You know what
you should feel terrible about?

90
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,846
This could have been my serious guy.

91
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,515
He was sweet and smart and funny.

92
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,101
Do you know how hard it is
to meet a guy like that?

93
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,729
We are a rare breed.

94
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,402
What a great dinner.

95
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,029
Yeah, and hey, thanks again...

96
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,740
...for letting me have that last piece of cake
at the restaurant.

97
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:11,119
Ha, ha. You're welcome again.
I'm gonna go make some coffee.

98
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,914
- Can I get you anything?
- Uh, do you have any cake?

99
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,624
[LAUGHING]

100
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,214
JOEY:
So this is going pretty good.

101
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,634
Dinner was nice.
We've got a lot in common.

102
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,844
Ooh, Victoria's Secret. Huh.

103
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,805
We even like the same books.

104
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,893
Ooh. There's a scary painting.

105
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,104
Wait a minute.

106
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,773
I think I've been scared
by that painting before.

107
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,861
You know what?
This whole place looks familiar.

108
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,155
I have definitely been in this apartment.

109
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,158
I know I've seen
this weird plant before.

110
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,662
Ow! It did that the last time!

111
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,790
Oh, my God.
I've gone out with this girl before.

112
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,334
Yeah! We had sex on this couch!

113
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,212
And then on that chair, and... No.

114
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,339
No, we didn't do it here...

115
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:08,301
...which is weird, because it seems
like a perfectly good place.

116
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,178
Ow. That's why.

117
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,766
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

118
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:22,482
Hey, Mike. Uh, sorry to just drop by
like this. Can I come in?

119
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,109
Sure.

120
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,403
Who are you?

121
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,406
I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend
from the coffeehouse?

122
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,574
Right, yeah.

123
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,784
I really, really need to talk
to you about something.

124
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,245
Okay. Unless...

125
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,582
You're not gonna try
and get me to join a cult, are you?

126
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,209
- No.
- Oh...

127
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:44,588
No, it's just, you know,
you have that look.

128
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,257
Damn Supercuts.

129
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,305
- Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. No.

130
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,725
Oh, Phoebe is great. But, um...

131
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,894
I'm an idiot, okay?

132
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:03,607
Look, right before you guys went out,
I accidentally got her all upset.

133
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,984
Oh. That's why she was weird.

134
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,945
Yes, yeah. I said something stupid...

135
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,573
...about her never having
had a serious relationship.

136
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,785
But you should know, she is
so much fun. A wonderful person.

137
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:20,123
- Please, don't blow her off.
- I'm not gonna blow her off.

138
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,251
I actually just got off the phone with her.
We're going out tomorrow night.

139
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:28,131
I mean, I hope that's okay with you,
stranger from the coffeehouse.

140
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,426
Well, then, I didn't need to bother you.

141
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:36,264
Um, you or the four other
Mike Hannigans I bothered.

142
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,562
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Is that true what you said?

143
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,940
Phoebe's never had
a serious relationship?

144
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,443
Of course she has.

145
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,154
If she's never had
a serious relationship...

146
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,615
...do you think I'd go
around broadcasting it...

147
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:58,203
...like some kind of unstoppable moron?

148
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,166
- But you did say it.
- Yes. Yes, I did.

149
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,337
And I will also say...

150
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,839
...what I'm about to say...

151
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,842
...vis-à-vis...

152
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,761
...the following.

153
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:21,560
Phoebe has never had
a serious relationship...

154
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,312
...since...

155
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,984
...her super-serious relationship...

156
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,402
...with...

157
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,153
...Vikram.

158
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,408
- Vikram?
- What? That's a real name.

159
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,456
[SINGING]
Oklahoma, where the wind comes

160
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,417
sweeping down the plain

161
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,544
Stop it.

162
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,255
Why couldn't they have
sent me to Texas?

163
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,632
Seven o'clock.

164
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,552
Maybe I'll hit the gym.

165
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,728
Ah, who am I kidding?
Pay-per-view porn.

166
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,535
- Do not disturb! Do not disturb!
- Surprise!

167
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,458
- Monica?
- Is everything all right?

168
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,793
Yeah, everything's great. I was just, uh...

169
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,630
...watching some
regular television there.

170
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,050
What a pleasant surprise.

171
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,852
- I'm gonna go freshen up, okay?
- Okay, honey.

172
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,901
Ooh. That was close.

173
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,819
[PHONE RINGS]

174
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,864
- Hello.
MONICA: Rach, it's me.

175
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:02,327
Okay, I just got to Chandler's room,
and I caught him...

176
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,579
...molesting himself.

177
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:08,458
Ugh. That couldn't have been pretty.

178
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,752
But you know, guys do that.

179
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,420
Uh, well, the weird part is...

180
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:16,049
...he was getting off
to a shark-attack show.

181
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,970
- No!
- Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!

182
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,479
- While watching sharks?
- Yeah.

183
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,981
Are you sure that's what he was doing?

184
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,068
Do you know how many times
I've seen him jump up like that?

185
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,320
Believe me, I know what he was doing.

186
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,782
Man. Sharks.

187
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,243
I always knew there was something weird
about that dude.

188
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,830
You promised to love him
no matter what.

189
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:51,167
"What" means, like, if he gets a disease
or kills someone.

190
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:55,130
- Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws.
- Oh.

191
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,425
You know what, honey?
Guys are just different.

192
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,177
They like things
that we can't understand.

193
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,680
You know, I once dated this guy
who wanted to pretend...

194
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:07,016
...that he was an archeologist,
and that I was this...

195
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,938
...naughty cavewoman
who he unfroze from a block of ice.

196
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,859
Ew, are you talking about my brother?

197
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,236
Yeah, I didn't disguise that very well, did I?

198
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,157
- Hey.
- Hi.

199
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,534
Listen to this.
I went out with this girl last night.

200
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,661
Halfway through our date I realized...

201
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,246
...I already slept with her.

202
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,167
You've slept with all the women
in New York...

203
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,669
...and now you're going around again?

204
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,337
That's not even the weird part.

205
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,715
I don't think she remembered
sleeping with me!

206
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,675
But you don't remember
sleeping with her.

207
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,012
Yeah, but she should remember sleeping
with me. I am very memorable!

208
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,640
- You guys know.
- How do we know?

209
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,185
- We've never slept with you.
- And whose fault is that?

210
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,689
What's the big deal?
You forgot, she forgot.

211
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,776
- Maybe you were having an off night.
- Hey!

212
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,239
I never have an off night. Okay?

213
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:06,785
Although, sometimes if I'm a little bloated,
I don't feel that sexy.

214
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,037
But even then, I'm better than most.

215
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:13,666
Honey, why don't you just let it go
and ask her out again?

216
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,669
Yeah, you're both so slutty,
you don't remember who you slept with.

217
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,546
You're made for each other.

218
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,342
Interesting. Yeah.

219
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,013
All right, well, I'll go out with her again
and I'll try to get past it.

220
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,557
No salt! Bloaty!

221
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,476
- Joey?
- What?

222
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,728
You don't think sharks are sexy, do you?

223
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,355
No.

224
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,650
Wait a minute.
Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?

225
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,321
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

226
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,572
It's open!

227
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:48,117
- Hey.
- Hey. Mike called! We're going out again!

228
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,203
- Yay! Yay!
- Yay.

229
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:55,083
- Quick thing. I went to talk to Mike.
- Yeah.

230
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,459
What?

231
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,212
What did you...? What did you do, Ross?

232
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,798
Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.

233
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,010
I went over there, you know,
to tell him how...

234
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,806
How great you are. Ahem, but...

235
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,642
Well, you know me. Blah, blah, blah.

236
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,731
- And I ended up telling him, um, that...
- What?

237
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:23,194
Um, you had a six-year-long
relationship...

238
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,280
...with a guy named Vikram.

239
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,950
What? Why?

240
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,744
Well, he seemed...

241
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:36,791
...to bum hard when I told him you'd
never been in a serious relationship.

242
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,007
If you hadn't just had a baby
with my best friend...

243
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,552
...I swear to Lucifer...

244
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,806
...a rabid dog would be feasting
on your danglers right now.

245
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:56,311
Phoebe, I think you'll feel differently
when you know...

246
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,855
...a little bit about Vikram.

247
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,399
Okay, he's, um...

248
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,861
He's a kite designer.

249
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:10,158
And he used to date Oprah.

250
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:15,496
I'm not going along
with some lie you made up, Ross.

251
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,082
- I'm just gonna be honest with him.
- Good.

252
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,584
Yeah, just be honest with him.

253
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,253
- Yeah, I have nothing to be ashamed of.
- No.

254
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,756
Okay, so, all right,
I haven't been in a relationship...

255
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,883
...that lasted longer than a month.

256
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,510
Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend.

257
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:34,307
You know, if he can't handle it,
then he can leave. Which he will.

258
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:38,102
And, you know, that's okay.
So I'll just be alone forever.

259
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,022
You know, all right.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

260
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,817
I'll go on walking tours
with widows and lesbians.

261
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,861
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

262
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,197
- I'll get it.
PHOEBE: Okay.

263
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:56,204
I'm trying to remember the last time
I opened a door and you weren't there.

264
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,960
Phoebe, are you okay?

265
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:07,006
Uh-huh. Yeah. There's just, um...

266
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,634
There's something you should know.

267
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,347
Vikram just called.

268
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,811
So it was really a shock
after 25 years of marriage...

269
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,897
...my parents getting divorced.
I took it the hardest...

270
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,525
...because I was the youngest.
- Mm-hm. Sure. Yeah.

271
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,194
How can you not remember me?

272
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,071
What?

273
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,198
How could you not remember
that we slept together?

274
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,326
- What? When?
- I don't know.

275
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:39,205
I really, really think
I would remember sleeping with you.

276
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,792
Come on, come on.
Search your brain, all right? It was...

277
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,587
...a certain amount of time ago.
Okay, I was here. You were here.

278
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,215
We had sex here, here, here...

279
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,300
Not there.

280
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,595
- Anything?
- No, it's not ringing any bells.

281
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,931
My God, woman.

282
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,976
How many people have you been with
not to remember this?

283
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:03,271
Hey, Hayley.
We really gotta fix that doorknob.

284
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,149
Joey?

285
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,401
Oh.

286
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,780
I slept with you!

287
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,369
And you obviously remember me.
Hey, I still got it!

288
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,787
So we're good.

289
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,291
I'll let myself out.

290
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,337
And I said, "Okay, Vikram...

291
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,673
...you can't just call
every time you get lonely.

292
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,924
- Yeah.
- You know?

293
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,553
You gave up that right
when you slept with Rachel."

294
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,098
Rachel? I thought she just
had a baby with Ross.

295
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,559
Yeah, well...

296
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,227
Yeah.

297
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,647
You know, but Emma's birth certificate
might say "Geller"...

298
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,776
...but her eyes say "Mukherjee."

299
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,947
That is so wrong.
And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?

300
00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,034
I know. But he calls,
and my heart goes to him.

301
00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:03,414
You know, that bastard is one
smooth-talking freelance kite designer.

302
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,960
I think there's somebody
better out there for you.

303
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,589
I mean, you know, I'm...
I'm not saying me, but...

304
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,176
Maybe me.

305
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,595
Oh.

306
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,723
And you don't have to worry about
glue-sniffing with me.

307
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,102
Although, I do smell
the occasional Magic Marker.

308
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,689
Yeah. Uh, anyway, I just...

309
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,442
I think I can make you happy.

310
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,365
- Okay, I can't do this.
- What's wrong?

311
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,577
Well, there is no Vikram.
Ross made him up.

312
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,204
Because I...

313
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,290
I really never have been
in a long-term relationship.

314
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,003
I've never lived with a guy.
I've never even celebrated an anniversary.

315
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,713
So...

316
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,176
You know, if that's too weird for you...

317
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,512
...and you want to leave,
I totally understand.

318
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,099
In fact, I'll close my eyes
to make it less awkward.

319
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,567
You kissed me.

320
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,027
Uh-huh.

321
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,406
- So you don't think I'm a total freak?
- No.

322
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,283
Well...

323
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,618
Look, can I?

324
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,830
Can I think you're a little weird
and also cool...

325
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,666
...for telling me the truth
and also want to kiss you?

326
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,835
I guess so.

327
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,671
Can I think it's cool
that you kissed me...

328
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,424
...and also want to kiss you again?

329
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:42,305
And, um, be a little concerned
about the Magic Markers?

330
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,764
Definitely.

331
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,353
[PHONE RINGS]

332
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,771
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

333
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,357
ROSS [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]:
This is Vikram.

334
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,076
Hi, honey, I'm home.

335
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:05,995
Hi.

336
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,749
- How was your flight?
- Oh, it was great.

337
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,876
Why don't you sit down.

338
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,502
Get yourself comfortable.

339
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:16,339
Because I have a little...

340
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,758
...surprise for you.

341
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,470
Well, well, well. It must be 5 in Tulsa...

342
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:26,390
...because it's sex o'clock in N.Y. C!

343
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:32,396
Okay. This is how much I love you.

344
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,733
NARRATOR [ON TV]:
The great white...

345
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,990
Honey?

346
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,619
Why am I watching
a bunch of sharks swimming around?

347
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,789
Oh, is this...? Is this not the good part?

348
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:54,669
Do you want me to fast-forward
to something toothier?

349
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,090
No, I'm just not sure that you
got the right movie, that's all.

350
00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:02,802
Oh. This is the only one
they had at our video store.

351
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,097
Though they did have something
called Crocodile Killers.

352
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,058
Or does it always have to be sharks?

353
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,229
Does what always have to be sharks?

354
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,606
Honey, look, we can do something else.

355
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,902
Do you want me to
get into the tub and thrash?

356
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:25,074
- What's going on?
- Sweetie, it's okay. It's okay.

357
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,076
I still love you.

358
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:31,247
- Let me be a part of this.
- Let me be a part of this!

359
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,834
I saw what you were doing in Tulsa.

360
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,753
Angry sharks turn you on!

361
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,715
No, they don't.

362
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:45,553
Then why were you watching them
and giving yourself a treat?

363
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:49,390
Oh, my God. When you came in,
I switched the channel.

364
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,226
I was just watching regular porn.

365
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:54,478
Really?

366
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:58,983
Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned,
American, girl-on-girl action.

367
00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:04,405
- Can I tell you how happy that makes me?
- Oh.

368
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,617
You are an amazing wife.

369
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:12,163
Really, you are amazing.
You were actually gonna do this for me?

370
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:15,791
I mean, where do you find the strength
and the understanding for that?

371
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,670
I'm very, very drunk right now.

372
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:31,724
See, ordinarily, I would talk to her,
but my confidence is shaken.

373
00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,477
Did I sleep with her?
Did I not sleep with her?

374
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,937
You know, maybe this is a wake-up call.

375
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:40,232
You know,
about your whole dating attitude.

376
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,986
You're in your 30s and you have
never been in a long-term relationship.

377
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,656
Here you go from woman to woman...

378
00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:50,201
...meaningless experience
to meaningless experience.

379
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,746
Never even worrying that it doesn't
turn into something more serious.

380
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,915
You're right. I love my life!

381
00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:03,881
I actually did sleep with her. Heh.

382
00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:12,014
[English - US - SDH]