1 00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,797 Oh, that feels so good. 2 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,843 Oh, lucky me. Coffee and a live sex show. 3 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,720 - I'm sorry, what? - I'm sorry. 4 00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,473 - Nothing. I was just reading to Emma. - From Cosmo? 5 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,020 Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh: 6 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,189 "Climax Your Way to Better Skin." 7 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:28,485 So I have to go shopping today, which is my least favorite thing. 8 00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,821 I'm so bad at picking out clothes. 9 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:35,159 So you need someone who knows fashion to, uh, tell you what looks good. 10 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,369 Not me. Not me. Not me. 11 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,289 - Oh, hey, Rach? - Yeah? 12 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:44,168 - Maybe you could take Charlie shopping? - Oh, well... 13 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,754 - I'm sure you have better things to do. - You kidding? 14 00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:49,631 Rachel loves to shop, and she has great taste. 15 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:53,052 She's the one that taught me not to wear white after Labor Day... 16 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:57,723 ...and to always, always, always put on underwear when trying on clothes. 17 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:02,227 If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help. 18 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,646 Okay. Yeah, let's shop. 19 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:09,401 Okay, you are gonna come back with some very classy clothes. Ha-ha-ha. 20 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,820 And some slutty lingerie. Slutty! 21 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,575 Okay, great. All right, bye. 22 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,827 Pain in the ass! 23 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:22,748 - That's off, right? - What's the matter, Pheebs? 24 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,044 Ugh, Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight and he's gonna be there. 25 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:31,757 She was like, "Don't worry. I asked him and he's totally okay with seeing you." 26 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,761 So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally okay with seeing him. 27 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,764 - You're not. You're hung up on him. - Exactly. 28 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,351 You want him to eat his heart out, so you have to look fabulous. 29 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,728 I didn't even think about that. 30 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,689 Ugh. Sexual politics! 31 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,026 Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping. 32 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,404 - Come and I'll help you find something. - That'd be great. 33 00:01:54,572 --> 00:02:00,119 Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you, trying on slutty lingerie together. 34 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:05,499 - That's not what we're gonna do. - Why'd you ruin it? Who was I hurting? 35 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:51,920 Wow. Fortunately, she has a very pretty face. 36 00:02:55,925 --> 00:03:01,680 I still can't believe this. My uterus is an inhospitable environment? 37 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,892 I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess. 38 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,895 I can't believe my sperm have low motility. 39 00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:12,733 While I was growing up, they sure seemed to be in a hurry to get places. 40 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:14,610 - Hi there. - Hi. 41 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,863 I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your tests last week... 42 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,782 ...but I wanted to talk to you about your options. 43 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:21,992 Okay. 44 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,246 Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great... 45 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,124 ...you never know, so keep having sex on a regular basis. 46 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,335 Oh, damn it! 47 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:36,632 Don't worry. After a while, you'll tune it out. 48 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,136 Given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success... 49 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:45,390 ...would be surrogacy or insemination using a sperm donor. 50 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,310 Okay. 51 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,773 If you feel that neither of those is right for you, you could always adopt. 52 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,608 Is that a hint? 53 00:03:54,776 --> 00:04:00,447 Because we love you, Dr. Connelly, but we don't want you to be our child. 54 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,746 Wow. Talk about an inhospitable environment. 55 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:13,377 Hi. Okay, you ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping? 56 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,630 - Let's do it. - All right, have a good time. 57 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,383 Not gonna find any clothes in there. 58 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,927 - Hey, you guys. - Hi. 59 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:26,431 Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference? 60 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,934 - Uh, Chris Bailey? - Yeah, right. 61 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,562 When was the last time he made a submission deadline for an abstract? 62 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,944 Why are you laughing? 63 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,739 Just seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist. 64 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,533 It's fun. Yeah. 65 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,369 - You're up for keynote speaker? - Yeah. 66 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,329 - Who's deciding? - Professor Sherman. 67 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,666 - I'm meeting with him today. - He's a pretty tough guy to impress. 68 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,294 I think I know how to dazzle him. 69 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:59,423 Oh, you're not gonna to do a magic trick, are you? 70 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,133 Pfft. No. 71 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,686 - Hey, guys. - I want to ask you something. 72 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:16,064 I may get to speak at this paleontology convention. 73 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:19,693 If I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me. 74 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:24,948 I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work and/or are sick. 75 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,493 - It's in Barbados. - But you come first. 76 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,162 I'm there. 77 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,414 - We'll see you guys. - Bye. 78 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,459 - See you. - Hey. 79 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:39,963 - So how did it go at the fertility clinic? - Not as much fun as last time. 80 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,592 Apparently, you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample. 81 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,303 So, uh, what did the doctor say? 82 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:50,182 There's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt her whole life of carrying a child... 83 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,269 ...and she just felt that watching a surrogate would be too hard for her. 84 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,646 - So you're ruling out surrogacy? - Yeah. 85 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,815 So I don't have to learn what that means? 86 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,070 Aside from adoption, the only other choice is insemination... 87 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,280 ...so we're talking about sperm donors. 88 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:09,159 Enough said. I'm there for you, man. Where is she, upstairs? 89 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,205 How do you feel about all this? 90 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:18,377 I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child, but there isn't one. 91 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:22,339 Come on, Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it. 92 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,508 What? 93 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:30,013 What? No! I'm not gonna give them Ben! 94 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:39,272 The data we're receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing... 95 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,483 ...of these fossils are staggering. 96 00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:42,734 Mm-hm. 97 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,071 I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given. 98 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,324 But if they're off by even a 100,000 years or so... 99 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:53,328 ...then you can just throw most of our assumptions... 100 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,789 ...you know, right in the trash. 101 00:06:55,957 --> 00:07:00,043 So, what I'm saying is... 102 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,045 Is that... 103 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:07,050 Is that, uh, repercussions could be huge. 104 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:10,971 I mean, not just in paleontology, but if you think about it... 105 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:15,350 ...in evolutionary biology, uh genetics, uh, geology. 106 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,145 I mean, truly, the mind boggles. 107 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,651 Well, that's not what you want. 108 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,200 - Incentive for Men? - I'll take some of that. 109 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,035 - That's for men. - I know. 110 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,829 When I go to the party later... 111 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:40,000 ...Mike will know I'm over him because I'll smell like another guy. 112 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,127 Yeah. 113 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,336 Okay. 114 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,007 Oh, good, I'm dating a Russian cabdriver. 115 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,428 Seriously, does anyone buy this? I smell like beets. 116 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:58,018 I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads in them. Where are those? 117 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,396 Um, on Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. 118 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:05,275 Um, I think what you want is over here. 119 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,278 See, I told you I needed someone. 120 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,823 By the way, as a thank you, I would really love to take you out. 121 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,243 - Really? - Joey and I are going to a movie tonight. 122 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,662 - You want to come? - Oh, I can't. 123 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,832 Because I've seen them. 124 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,545 You've seen all the movies? 125 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:29,007 Yeah. I'm a big fan. 126 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,634 Of the movies. 127 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,928 You know, motion pictures. 128 00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,471 The talkies. 129 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,892 Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room? 130 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,101 - Sure. - Okay. 131 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,187 Maybe we could do something else. 132 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:46,816 You know, that depends on what it is. I've done a lot of stuff. 133 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,954 So, what were you doing out there? Do you not like Charlie? 134 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:03,083 She's okay. I don't know, I just don't get a really good vibe from her. 135 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,585 - Why? - I don't know. 136 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:10,882 You know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart... 137 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,717 ...and tall, you know... 138 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:16,388 ...and just swept Joey off his feet. Nobody else has a chance. 139 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,931 Who else? 140 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:19,808 Anybody. 141 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:21,935 You. 142 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,770 Me. 143 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,273 You know, Monica's mom. 144 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,236 - You like Joey? - Shh! Phoebe! 145 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:35,865 All right, look, I do. I have a little thing for him. Just... 146 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,660 - Oh, my God. - It's just physical. 147 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:43,290 I have it totally under control, okay? It's just when I see them together... 148 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,626 ...sometimes, I just get a little jealous. 149 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,463 Wow. Isn't that ironic that he liked you, and now you like...? 150 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,132 I get it! 151 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,552 All right, as long as it's under control. 152 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,763 You can't do anything about it. He's already dating her. 153 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,974 She is a nice person. That wouldn't be right. 154 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:04,102 I know, I know. So it's just not a big deal. 155 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,521 - So can we keep this between us? - Sure. 156 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:10,817 Great, because I gotta get out of here. The smell of beets is killing me. 157 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,909 - Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin? - Mm. 158 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,416 - Hi, honey. - Hey. 159 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,669 I brought a friend home for dinner. This is Zack from work. 160 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:33,131 Oh, of course. It's so nice to see you again, Zack. 161 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,967 - You too. - You guys haven't actually met before. 162 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,011 But, boy, you're both polite. 163 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,180 Have a seat. I'll get you a beer. 164 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,515 - I got it. - Thanks. 165 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,938 - So Zack's pretty nice, huh? - Yeah, I guess. 166 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:53,276 So how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his? 167 00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,281 Excuse me? 168 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,910 We're talking about sperm donors, and Zack may be the guy. 169 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:07,123 Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic. I mean, he's sperm-tastic! 170 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:13,046 Chandler, this is crazy. Well, what did you even say to him? 171 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,508 "Come up. Meet my wife. Give us your sperm." 172 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:20,387 I invited him to dinner so you'd get a chance to get to know him. 173 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,807 With a sperm bank, you never meet the guy, get to check him out. 174 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,393 - Chandler! - I'm telling you, he's great. 175 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,730 I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I think he'd be the way to go. 176 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,192 I'm not going to be a part of this. 177 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,697 You can't bring some random guy home and expect him to be our sperm donor. 178 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:39,906 Okay. 179 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,576 - Zack? - Thanks. 180 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:47,122 Do you have a coaster? I don't want to make a ring. 181 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,457 Tell me about yourself, Zack. 182 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,674 Oh, God, do you think she heard? It'd be so bad if she heard. 183 00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:01,928 Maybe she didn't hear. I'll go into that dressing room and talk. You stay here. 184 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,055 - See if you can hear me. - Okay, great. 185 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,270 Oh, thank God, I can't hear a word that you're saying. 186 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:15,066 - I didn't say anything yet. - Well, get back in there and talk. 187 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,444 I'm Rachel. 188 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:21,406 It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends. 189 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:22,866 What? 190 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,494 Well, some things are just hard to say to your face. 191 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:32,000 Okay, well, I heard that. Which means that she heard it too. 192 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:36,129 - We have a problem. - Oh, what are we gonna do? 193 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,131 Just be honest with her. 194 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,091 Oh, my God! 195 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:42,594 It is annoying when parents put babies on the phone. 196 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,763 All right, enough out of you! 197 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,315 - Hello? - I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there? 198 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,318 No, she, uh, went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up? 199 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,447 I'm meeting with Professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker. 200 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,991 - How's it going? - It could be better. 201 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:09,287 He, um... He fell asleep. 202 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,457 What? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda! 203 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,669 - Barbados. - Fine, I'll rent a car and drive. 204 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,964 You have to get that job. 205 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,425 What am I supposed to do? He's out cold. 206 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,303 In fact, he was just talking in his sleep before... 207 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:29,849 ...and evidently he wants someone named Fran to "spank him harder." 208 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,311 - Well, just wake him up. - I can't. 209 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:37,857 If he realizes that I'm the one who put him to sleep, I won't get the job. 210 00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:39,526 Ooh, that's a tough one. 211 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,612 Oh, wait a minute. This happened to me before. 212 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:48,034 Yeah, I was auditioning for a play, and the producer fell asleep. I... 213 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,328 No, wait a minute. 214 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,080 It was me who fell asleep. 215 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:57,126 I mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while? 216 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,800 - Hey, guys, dinner's ready. - I'm gonna go wash up first. 217 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,009 Thanks. 218 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:12,851 What do you think? I want his genes for my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones. 219 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,604 Okay, there's enthusiastic, and there's just plain gay. 220 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,900 - You don't like him. - I think he's fine. 221 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,319 But we don't know anything real about him. 222 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:27,824 - I wish we could get more information. - All right, just follow my lead. 223 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:32,161 - You guys have a great place here. - Thanks. I'm crazy about our place. 224 00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,122 Hey, speaking of crazy... 225 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:39,252 ...do you have a history of mental illness in the family? 226 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:44,799 Uh, no. Although, I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis. 227 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,386 That's really not the kind of thing we're looking for. 228 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,055 Okay. 229 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,268 So, um, tell me, how'd you guys meet? 230 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,730 Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. 231 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,607 I've got a better question for you: 232 00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:04,319 Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes? 233 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,780 No. 234 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:11,784 Uh, heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout? 235 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,831 You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh? 236 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,375 We're just making conversation. 237 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:23,004 Yeah, well, okay. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny. 238 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,924 You know what's not funny? Male pattern baldness. 239 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:33,306 You guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight, and I'm flattered... 240 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,767 ...and quite frankly, a little frightened. 241 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,227 Can we just talk about something else? 242 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:39,812 - Sure. - All right. 243 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,856 This ravioli's delicious. 244 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,277 I notice you're enjoying that ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. 245 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,321 Did you have braces as a child? 246 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,949 - No, I didn't. - Yes! 247 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,496 We're teeth people, Zack. 248 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:05,004 Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard. 249 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,297 - Good plan. - Okay. 250 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:11,010 - What? Where are you going? - Oh, I'm sorry, Rachel. 251 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:14,514 I don't have time for your childish games, okay? 252 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,266 I still have to find something incredible to wear... 253 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:20,436 ...so I can beat Mike at "Who's More Over Who"! 254 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:26,943 - Hey. Hi. - Hey. 255 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,570 - Where have you been? - Trying on clothes. 256 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:34,575 Oh, really? In the dressing room? Well, that's so weird. 257 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:39,998 Phoebe and I were in the dressing room. Gosh, it's just such a small world. 258 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,709 Rachel, I heard you two guys whispering. 259 00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:46,004 Oh, God, you did, you heard. Okay, look, let me explain. 260 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,172 There's nothing to explain. I heard you. 261 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,674 Phoebe likes Joey. 262 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,680 Yeah. 263 00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,560 I don't understand it. I mean, Phoebe likes Joey... 264 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,688 ...and then she's here to buy a dress to impress another guy? 265 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:08,651 Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all. 266 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,696 It's, like, she's nympho. 267 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,532 - Wow! - Yeah. 268 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,536 You know, by the way, I heard you tell her not to do anything. 269 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:23,041 Thanks for sticking up for me. God, you are such a nice person. 270 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,418 I try. 271 00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,745 Oh! 272 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:08,503 Oh, my God, you really want me to be the keynote speaker? 273 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,130 Thank you! 274 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,093 You're welcome. 275 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,774 Wow! You look... 276 00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,944 ...stop-eating hot! 277 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,240 Which is like the highest level of hotness. 278 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:41,744 Okay, are you sure? Because I am really dreading going to this party. 279 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:42,954 Then don't go. 280 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,874 Mike knows I'm coming. If I don't show up, he'll think it's because of him... 281 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:51,838 ...and then I'm gonna lose face. That's a very serious thing in my culture. 282 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:57,468 All right, then you go to that party, and you pretend to be over Mike. 283 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,180 Afterward, you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk. 284 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,099 You got it. Okay. 285 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,810 But not on the wine that you made, okay? 286 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,897 Because I just don't want to go back to the emergency room. 287 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:20,950 David? 288 00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,702 Phoebe! Hi. 289 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,288 - Oh, my God! - Hi. 290 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,291 Wow! You look unbelievable. 291 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,209 Oh, yeah, well... 292 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:33,838 What are you doing here? 293 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,966 Well, I'm back from Minsk. Uh, permanently. 294 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,342 Well, what happened? 295 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,344 Remember how I was trying to achieve... 296 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,389 ...the positronic distillation of subatomic particles? 297 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,016 Yeah. 298 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,728 Well, after eight years of research, I discovered... 299 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,397 ...that it can't be done. 300 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,274 Well... 301 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,777 ...great that you're back. How are you? 302 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,821 - Good. Good. Life is good. - Good. 303 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,825 - Well, I'm seeing someone. - Oh. 304 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,577 - Good for you. - Yeah. 305 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:09,123 She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and, um... 306 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,751 It's actually because of you that we're together. 307 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,795 I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy... 308 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,048 ...and I just said, "Boy, I want that." 309 00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:20,551 - Mike and I broke up. - You're kidding me. 310 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:24,847 Because I'm not seeing anybody. I just totally made that up. 311 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,058 - Really? - I don't know why, I'm sorry. 312 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,852 I guess I just didn't want to lose face. 313 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,271 I understand. 314 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:35,858 Yeah. Okay. So then, okay... 315 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,946 So we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone. 316 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,365 - That's so not like us. - Yeah, I know. 317 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:47,078 Well, this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that... 318 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,122 ...but, um, do you have someplace that you need to be right now? 319 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,332 Well... 320 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:53,668 No. 321 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,589 - Well, do you want to get a drink? - I'd love to. 322 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,716 - Great. - Okay. 323 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,721 Uh, do you smell beets? 324 00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:08,641 Oh, all right, stay upwind of me. 325 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:14,605 Hey, there's Phoebe. Is that Mike she's with? 326 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,316 No, that's David. 327 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:20,236 There's a third guy? 328 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,906 Tip of the iceberg. 329 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,202 I'm gonna take off now. 330 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,913 You're gonna let me go home, aren't you? 331 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457 Sure you don't want to stay a little longer? 332 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,751 No, I should get home. I'm kind of tired. 333 00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:37,628 Are you always tired? 334 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,673 Because that could be a sign of clinical depression. 335 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:45,136 No, it's tiring to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. 336 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,098 - I'll see you tomorrow. - Okay. 337 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,308 Bye. 338 00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:53,936 I think we found our sperm. 339 00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,480 He does seem pretty perfect. 340 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,025 Yeah? You think so? Should I ask him? 341 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,737 No. 342 00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,531 Why not? Just because his great-grandmother was obese? 343 00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,367 Our kid's gonna get that from you anyway. 344 00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,705 No, that's not it. 345 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:17,335 It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before... 346 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:22,423 ...I just realized I don't care if he is the most perfect guy in the world. 347 00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:26,260 - He's not you. - Yeah, he's better! 348 00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:30,097 No, he's not. 349 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:34,602 If I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by him... 350 00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,354 ...or anyone else. 351 00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:41,233 - Really? Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure. 352 00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:43,819 Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. 353 00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:47,198 I was just doing it because I thought that was what you wanted. 354 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,951 I'm the husband. I'm supposed to bring the sperm. 355 00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,704 That is so sweet. 356 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:55,956 I love you. 357 00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,712 So you know this leaves us with... 358 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,506 Adoption. 359 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,217 How do you feel about that? 360 00:23:07,677 --> 00:23:10,304 I think I feel okay about it. 361 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,141 Actually, I think I feel really good about it. 362 00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:16,310 Me too. 363 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:21,232 I wanna find a baby that needs a home, and I wanna raise it with you. 364 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,111 And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way. 365 00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,157 So this is it? We're really gonna adopt? 366 00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:31,992 Yeah. 367 00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,997 - Oh, my God! We're gonna be parents! - We are gonna be great parents. 368 00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,416 And it could be soon. 369 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:41,752 I mean, think about it. Right now, somewhere out there... 370 00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,588 ...our baby could be being conceived. 371 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:49,301 Wait. If we're lucky, and we're really, really, really quiet... 372 00:23:49,469 --> 00:23:53,139 ...we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking. 373 00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:00,062 Hey, Zack. 374 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,398 Hey, Chandler. 375 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,400 I wanted to apologize for last night. 376 00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:06,944 I got the feeling we made you uncomfortable. 377 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,279 - No, you didn't. - Really? 378 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,156 No, you did. 379 00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:12,992 My wife and I have some boundary issues. 380 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,286 Sometimes we ask inappropriate questions. 381 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,037 We're working on it. 382 00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:20,541 - Here are the boards for Friday's pitch. - Thank you. 383 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:26,505 You wouldn't know if she's planning on keeping her baby, would you?