1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,713
- She totally winked at me!
- She did not wink at you.

2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,882
You always think somebody's
winking at you.

3
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,390
Huh.

4
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,448
I say "Tupelo Honey"
by Van Morrison.

5
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,991
No way!

6
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,994
The most romantic song ever
was "The Way We Were."

7
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:24,333
Ah, I think the one that Elton John wrote
for, um, that guy on Who's the Boss?

8
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,295
- What song was that?
- Um.

9
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,673
[SINGING]
Hold me close, young Tony Danza

10
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,846
PHOEBE: Hi, Monica.
ROSS: Hi, Mon.

11
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,681
RACHEL:
Hey, Mon.

12
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,976
Oh, my God!

13
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,978
- Has she slept at all?
ROSS: Nope.

14
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,064
It's been three nights in a row.

15
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,066
She finally stopped crying yesterday.

16
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,361
But then she found one of Richard's
cigar butts on the terrace...

17
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:56,949
Oh. Okay, that explains it.
I got a call at 2 in the morning...

18
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,368
...and all I could hear
was this squeaky sound.

19
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,204
So I thought,
"Oh, it's a mouse or a possum."

20
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:07,209
Then I realized, like, okay...

21
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:11,421
...where would a mouse or a possum
get the money to make the phone call?

22
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,635
CHANDLER: Morning.
- Morning. Hey.

23
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,637
You made pancakes?

24
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,888
[SCOFFS]

25
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,307
Yeah, like there's any way
I could ever do that.

26
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,019
[SINGING]
Monica and Rachel had syrup

27
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:29,439
Uh, uh
Now I can get my man to cheer up

28
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,859
[LAUGHING NASALLY]

29
00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,443
Good morning, Joey.

30
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:34,903
Good morning.

31
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,030
Here's a thought.

32
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:40,075
Why don't you stay home from work
and just hang out with me?

33
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,326
Oh, I wish.

34
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,705
You have that report to finish,
and I've got to see my lawyer.

35
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,041
I can't believe I date
a girl who's getting divorced.

36
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,669
- I'm such a grownup.
- Ha-ha-ha.

37
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,546
I gotta go, I gotta go.

38
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,089
Not without a kiss.

39
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,383
Maybe I won't kiss you
so you'll stay.

40
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,760
Kiss her. Kiss her!

41
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,470
[BOTH MOAN]

42
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,223
I'll see you later, sweetie.
Bye, Joey.

43
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:05,434
[MOCKING TONE]
Bye-bye, Janice.

44
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,146
So when are you dumping her?

45
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,397
Nope.

46
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,648
Not this time.

47
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,318
Heh. Come on, quit yanking me.

48
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,448
I'm not yanking you.

49
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,035
- This is Janice.
- Yeah, I know.

50
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,786
She makes me happy.

51
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,038
[JOEY SCOFFS]

52
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,081
Okay. All right.

53
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,752
You look me in the eye and tell me,
without blinking...

54
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,755
...that you're not breaking up
with her. No blinking.

55
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,507
[JOEY CHUCKLES]

56
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,384
I'm not breaking up with her!

57
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,558
Ah!

58
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,851
[MOUTHS]
What's that?

59
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,520
God, look what I found in the drain!

60
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,147
What?

61
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,525
It's some of Richard's hair!

62
00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,236
What do I do with this?

63
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,405
Getting it away from me
would be job one.

64
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,660
It's weird, but I don't want
to throw this away.

65
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,870
This is all I have left of him.

66
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,622
Gross...

67
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,624
...drain hair.

68
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,292
Ew!

69
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:22,261
Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny
little person drowning in your cereal.

70
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,596
[MONICA SIGHS]

71
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,808
- God, what is wrong with me?
- You need to get some sleep.

72
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,309
I need to get some Richard.

73
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,065
You broke up with him for a reason.

74
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:39,236
I know. I know.
I'm just so tired of missing him.

75
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,531
Tired of wondering why he
hasn't called. Why hasn't he?

76
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,825
Maybe because you told him not to?

77
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,911
What are you, the Memory Woman?

78
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,915
They're not breaking up!
Chandler and Janice?

79
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,584
They're not breaking up!
He didn't blink!

80
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,505
I'm not surprised.
Have you seen them together?

81
00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,965
They're really cute.

82
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,093
"Cute"? This is Janice!

83
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,594
You remember Janice?

84
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:07,264
Yes, I remember. She's annoying.
But you know what?

85
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,183
She's his girlfriend now.
I mean, what can we do?

86
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:14,021
There you go! That's the spirit
I'm looking for! "What can we do?"

87
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:15,856
Huh?

88
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,567
All right, who's first, huh? Ross?

89
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,403
Chandler's our friend,
and Janice makes him happy.

90
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,364
So I say we be adult about it
and accept her.

91
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,366
We'll call that Plan B.

92
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,931
Honey...

93
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,434
...I was wondering...
- Mm.

94
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:56,438
...do you still have
that, um, Navy uniform?

95
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,609
No, I had to return it
to the costume place.

96
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:01,860
Oh.

97
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,196
I think I have an old band uniform
from high school.

98
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,324
You remember not having sex
in high school, right?

99
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,368
Yeah.

100
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,623
Well, honey, what about you?

101
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,874
- What?
- I mean...

102
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,125
[SIGHS]

103
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:22,297
Do you have any fun, you know,
fantasy-type things?

104
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,883
No.

105
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,178
Come on. You gotta have one.

106
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,180
Nope.

107
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,849
- Ross, you know what?
- What?

108
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,728
If you tell me, I might do it.

109
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,236
[ROSS CLEARS THROAT]

110
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,154
Okay.

111
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,073
- Ahem.
- Um.

112
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:52,160
Did you ever see, um,
Return of the Jedi?

113
00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,876
Yeah.

114
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,839
Do you remember the scene...

115
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,676
...with, um, Jabba the Hutt?

116
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,515
Jabba had as his prisoner...

117
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,891
...Princess Leia.

118
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,687
Oh.

119
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,856
Princess Leia was wearing...

120
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:25,694
...this, um, gold bikini thing.

121
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,031
It was pretty cool.

122
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:36,705
Yeah, Princess Leia and the gold bikini?
Oh, every guy our age loved that.

123
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,333
- Really?
- Mm-hm. Mm.

124
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,421
It's huge! That's the moment when
she stopped being a princess...

125
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,424
...and she became, like, you know,
a woman.

126
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:52,220
Did you ever do the Leia thing?

127
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,972
Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.

128
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,392
[GIGGLES]

129
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,270
Really? That great, huh?

130
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,773
No, it's just that I got this new
pager, and I have it on "vibrate."

131
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,275
[CHUCKLES]

132
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,489
See you.

133
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:11,740
Hey.

134
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:12,991
RACHEL:
Hi, you guys!

135
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,744
Look who I found standing
outside the Szechuan Dragon...

136
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,622
...staring at a parking meter.

137
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:23,084
- Ahem. Mon. Hi.
- Hi.

138
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,463
- Why aren't you at work?
- Oh, they sent me home.

139
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,131
Why?

140
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:31,176
Because I don't work
at the Szechuan Dragon.

141
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,512
RACHEL:
You really need to get some sleep.

142
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,846
I know I do.

143
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,473
- Hi.
- Hi.

144
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,517
Guess what?
They published my paper.

145
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,853
- Oh! Really? Let me see, let me see.
- Uh-huh.

146
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,230
Rach, look!

147
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,564
RACHEL: No.
- Ooh.

148
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,316
Hi. Ha, ha.

149
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,236
Ha, ha! Oh.

150
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,030
Where is my strong Ross Skywalker
to come rescue me?

151
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,823
[LAUGHS]

152
00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,579
There he is!

153
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,585
- Hey.
- Wheel!

154
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,088
- Of!
- Fortune!

155
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,590
This guy's so stupid.

156
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,259
It's Count Rushmore!

157
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,473
You should really go on this show.

158
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:24,020
I got three tickets to
the Rangers tonight. What do you say?

159
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,231
I say I am there!

160
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,108
Cool! Oh.

161
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,359
Is Ross going too?

162
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,902
No. Janice.

163
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,113
Janice?

164
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:37,242
Because I just feel bad for Ross,
you know?

165
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:42,163
We always go together. We're like
The Three Hockey-teers, you know?

166
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:47,210
I may be way out on a limb here,
but do you have a problem with Janice?

167
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,004
No!

168
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,880
Yes...

169
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,175
Oh, God, how do I say this? Uh...

170
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,095
Oh! Ah!

171
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,140
You know that girl from the
restaurant with the hair?

172
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,351
Ooh! That girl that I hate?
Ugh! She drives me crazy. Ew.

173
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,312
Oh.

174
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:09,774
Look, I don't hate Janice.
She's just a lot to take, you know?

175
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,738
- Well, there you go.
- Oh.

176
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,698
Don't look at me like that.

177
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,326
She drove you nuts before too,
remember?

178
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,621
I'm crazy about her now.
This could be the real thing.

179
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,873
Capital R, capital T!

180
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,711
Don't worry, those are
the right letters.

181
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,632
Look, what do you want me to say?

182
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,217
I want you to say that you like her!

183
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,346
I can't. It's like this chemical thing,
you know?

184
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,474
Every time she starts laughing,
I just wanna...

185
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,396
...pull my arm off so
I have something to throw at her.

186
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,775
Thanks for trying.

187
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,318
[SIGHS]

188
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:57,489
Oh, and by the way,
there is no Count Rushmore!

189
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,909
Then who's the guy that painted
the faces on the mountain?

190
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,416
- Ugh.
- How could you tell her?

191
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,461
I didn't think
it would be that big a deal!

192
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,505
Oh. She didn't think
it would be a big deal!

193
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,965
Who are you talking to
when you do that?

194
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:21,596
Look, that was supposed to be
a private, personal thing between us.

195
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:26,017
Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay?
We tell each other everything.

196
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,019
Guys do the same thing.

197
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,106
I mean, what about all that
locker-room stuff?

198
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:34,150
That's different.
That's like, uh, who dated a stripper?

199
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,821
Or who did it on the back
of the Staten Island ferry?

200
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,781
- Both of those Joey?
- Yeah.

201
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,282
[CHUCKLES]

202
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,536
But you don't talk about
your girlfriend...

203
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,914
...and the intimate stuff
you do with her.

204
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,792
- Not even with your best friend?
- No.

205
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,043
That is so sad.

206
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,131
You're missing out on so much.

207
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,050
I mean, the bonding and the sharing...

208
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,971
...and knowing they're going through
the same thing you are.

209
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:07,642
Oh. So, what, you tell each
other everything?

210
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,561
Pretty much.

211
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,025
Did you talk about
the Night of Five Times?

212
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,157
Do you tell people about
the Night of Five Times?

213
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,659
Uh, honey, that was with Carol.

214
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:28,079
I know, but it's still worth
mentioning, I think.

215
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:33,209
Relax every muscle in your body.

216
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,878
[SOOTHING MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO]

217
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:39,174
Listen to the plinky-plunky music.

218
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,844
Okay, now close your eyes...

219
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:46,014
...and think of a happy place.

220
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,057
Tell me your happy place.

221
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,685
Richard's living room, drinking wine.

222
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:56,065
No, no, no. Not a Richard thing.
Just put down the glass and get out.

223
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,194
I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.

224
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:04,199
Okay, fine. Use my happy place.
Just don't move anything in there.

225
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,618
I'll try not to.

226
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,872
Okay. All right, so,
you're in a meadow...

227
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,917
...millions of stars in the sky...

228
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,127
You think breaking up was a mistake?

229
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,713
There are no questions
in the happy place.

230
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:26,387
Just the warm breeze and the
moonlight flowing through the trees.

231
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,890
I'll bet he's over me.
I'll bet he's fine.

232
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:32,769
Betting and wagering of any kind
are not permitted in the happy place.

233
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,229
Okay?

234
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,899
There's just, you know,
the lovely waterfalls...

235
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,610
...and the trickling fountains...

236
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:45,740
...and the calming sounds
of the babbling brook.

237
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,742
- Okay, this isn't working.
- Oh.

238
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,452
I'm still awake,
and now I have to pee.

239
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,079
Oh.

240
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,122
So I hear...

241
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,707
...you hate me!

242
00:13:55,918 --> 00:14:00,421
I, uh, never said hate.
I was very careful about that.

243
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:05,844
A little birdie told me you wanting to
rip your arm off and throw it at me.

244
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:11,558
And you got "hate" from that?
You're taking a big leap there, I, uh...

245
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,601
All right, fine, fine, fine!

246
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,605
We have got to do something about
our little situation here.

247
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,399
So this is my idea.

248
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,486
You and me spending
some quality time together.

249
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,030
But what does that...?

250
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,615
For Chandler!

251
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:30,577
Okay. I'm in.

252
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:36,749
Okay! This is what we'll call it:
Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!

253
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:39,002
Does it have to be a day?

254
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:43,631
Yes, because that's how long
it takes to love me.

255
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:48,303
Yeah, I know. Ha.
I sleep in the next room.

256
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,559
I went down to the post office...

257
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,645
...and it turns out it was
those videos that I ordered...

258
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,815
...for Richard about the Civil War.

259
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,109
He loved the Civil War.

260
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,527
[MONICA SOBS]

261
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,739
Do you want us to take you home?

262
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,073
Uh-huh.

263
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,034
[SNIFFLES]

264
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,995
Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.

265
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,173
Women tell each other everything.
Did you know that?

266
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,508
Ha, ha. Yeah.

267
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,511
No, Chandler, everything.

268
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:34,265
Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes.

269
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,852
Technique. Stamina. Girth.

270
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,730
Girth?

271
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,191
Why? Why? Why?

272
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,401
Why would they do this?

273
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,906
Rachel says sharing's great
and supposedly...

274
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,575
...we ought to be doing it.

275
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,954
Uh, do you want to?

276
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,041
- We're not gonna talk about girth?
- No.

277
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,418
- Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah?

278
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,712
All right, you go first.

279
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,632
- Okay. Okay, I'll go first.
- Okay.

280
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,884
So, uh, the other night...

281
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,638
...Rachel and I are in bed
talking about fantasies...

282
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,809
...and I happened to describe
a particular...

283
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,894
...Star Wars thing...

284
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,271
- Princess Leia and the gold bikini.
- Yes.

285
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,524
- I know!
- Yes.

286
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,694
Whoa. Wow.

287
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,404
- Well, that was easy. Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.

288
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,655
Okay, you go.

289
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,906
- Okay.
- Okay.

290
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:35,451
Okay, you know when you're
in bed with a woman...

291
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:36,703
Uh.

292
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:40,248
...and, uh, ahem, you know,
you're fooling around...

293
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,209
...and you get all these
mental images in your brain?

294
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,671
Like Elle MacPherson
or the girl at the Xerox place?

295
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,549
- With the bellybutton ring? Oh.
- Oh! I know.

296
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,301
And then all of a sudden,
your mom pops into your head.

297
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,886
[CHUCKLES]

298
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:57,724
And you're, like,
"Mom, get out of here!"

299
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,601
But after that,
you can't think of anything else.

300
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:06,065
And you can't stop what you're doing.
So it's kind of like you're...

301
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,860
...you know, you know...

302
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,029
You don't know!

303
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,449
Your mom?

304
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:18,202
You're telling me about your mom?
What's the matter with you?

305
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,123
- You said...
- I said "share," not "scare"!

306
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,375
Go sit over there!

307
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,216
- We're back!
JOEY: Hey.

308
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,178
What are you guys doing together?

309
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,306
Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!

310
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,558
[LAUGHS NASALLY]

311
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,518
- Really?
JOEY: Yeah, yeah.

312
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:45,021
We went to a Mets game.
We got Chinese food.

313
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,232
And, uh, you know,
I love this woman. Ha-ha-ha.

314
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,567
[JANICE LAUGHS NASALLY]

315
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,277
You have got competition, buddy.

316
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,528
[JOEY CHUCKLES]

317
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:56,199
Well, I just came by
to give you a kiss.

318
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,617
BOTH:
Mwah.

319
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:02,997
I have to go pick up the baby.
So I'll see you later, sweetheart.

320
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,373
You too, Chandler.

321
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,043
[LAUGHS NASALLY]

322
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,007
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

323
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:18,429
- You still can't stand her, can you?
- I'm sorry, man. I tried! I really did!

324
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:19,931
[SIGHS]

325
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,600
I appreciate you giving it a shot.

326
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,103
But you know, the good thing...

327
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:28,731
...is that we spent the whole day
together and I survived.

328
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:32,151
And what's even more amazing,
so did she. Ha, ha.

329
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,278
It was Bat Day at Shea Stadium.

330
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,657
I guess that's something.

331
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,659
Oh, man, that's huge!

332
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,246
Now I know I can stand to be
around her. Which means...

333
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,123
...I get to hang out with you.

334
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,167
Which is kind of
the whole point anyway. Ha, ha.

335
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,878
Okay.

336
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:57,552
Oh, hey! We, uh, stopped by
the coffee shop and, uh, ran into Ross.

337
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,350
Oh, God.

338
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,103
If it makes you feel any better,
I do it too.

339
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,814
[MOUTHS]
Oh.

340
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,899
- Really?
- Oh, yeah!

341
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,569
I always picture your mom
when I'm having sex.

342
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,076
MAN [ON TV]:
April 12, 1861.

343
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:28,875
The United States garrison
at Fort Sumter was fired upon.

344
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,293
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

345
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,253
It is now under bombardment by...

346
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,921
[PAUSES VIDEO]

347
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,925
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

348
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,391
Dad, what are you doing here?

349
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:49,687
It's your mother's bridge night, so I
came into the city for a Moni-cuddle.

350
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,689
Oh.

351
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,360
Since when did you start
smoking cigars?

352
00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:01,282
I don't.
I just like the smell of them.

353
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,827
So, uh,
what are you really doing here?

354
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,205
I just wanted to make sure
you're okay.

355
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,625
Why wouldn't I be okay?

356
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,210
I saw Richard.

357
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,171
Oh?

358
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,215
So how you doing?

359
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,799
I'm fine.

360
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,094
I'm just a little tired,
but I'm okay.

361
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,097
- Ahem. How's Richard doing?
- You don't want to know.

362
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,017
No, I really, really do.

363
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,811
Well, he's doing terrible!

364
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,565
Really?

365
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:37,485
Worse than when he broke up
with Barbara.

366
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:43,199
- You're not just saying that, are you?
- No, the man is a mess!

367
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,661
- Was he crying?
- No.

368
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,539
Do you think he was waiting till
after you left, so he could cry?

369
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,416
Maybe.

370
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,544
I think so.

371
00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:58,923
Honey, relationships are hard.
Like with your mom and me.

372
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,927
You know, after we graduated from
college, we broke up for a while.

373
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,638
It seems her father,
your grandfather...

374
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:08,432
...wanted her to travel around Europe
like he did.

375
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,352
Of course, he got to do it
on Uncle Sam's nickel...

376
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,773
...because he was also strafing
German troop trains at the time.

377
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,024
However...

378
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,586
[VIDEO RESUMES]

379
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,140
[HUMMING "STAR WARS" THEME]

380
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,609
Okay, here we go.

381
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,946
I am Jabba's prisoner.
And you...

382
00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:07,116
...have a really weird look
on your face.

383
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,743
What? Honey, what is it?

384
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,411
Did I get the hair wrong?

385
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,039
Or what? Did you just
picture it differently? What?

386
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:17,043
No, no. It's, um...
It's not you. It's, um...

387
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:26,052
What is it? Come on, sweetie.
You're, like, freaking me out here.

388
00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:28,346
[SIGHS]

389
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:31,307
I hate Chandler.
The bastard ruined my life!

390
00:22:38,148 --> 00:22:40,149
[English - US - SDH]