Any similarities to real people or events
is purely coincidental.
The Crime Channel. All crime all the time.
Excuse me, son. Where do you keep the anti-acids?
That aisle, right-hand side. Third shelf from the bottom.
That'll be $3.72.
Aren't you a little young to be working the night shift...
...hombre?
I lied about my age.
How old are you, son?
Fourteen.
Shouldn't you be doin' your homework
for school or something?
Don't go.
Just sittin' around reading "Girls and Guns"
and smokin' marijuana in the walk-in freezer,
and dreaming about pussy, huh?
How'd you know?
Been there.
Sometimes I watch TV.
Oh, yeah? What do you watch?
Them reality kind of shows.
Like, people get killed and stuff.
Tell me, son...
you plannin' on selling cigarettes for the rest of your life?
I haven't really thought about it.
I guess you might have noticed that 45 laying on the counter.
Yeah. I was kinda wondering about that.
Think you can grab it...
faster than me?
Yeah.
Well...
That's pretty damn good, small fry.
I want you to give me all that money out of the cash register.
Well...
what about my gun?
It ain't loaded.
Well...
Yeah, that's right.
After you put the money in that smiley face bag...
hand me that night drop, too.
We ain't got no night drop.
You must think I'm a lot stupider than I look, hombre...
'cause I know that night drop turns over at exactly 1:35 a.m.
If you're thinking that armored car's gonna be pulling up soon,
and you might be privy to a hellacious gun fight
where yours truly just might buy the proverbial farm...
you're dead wrong.
'Cause right about now, the driver of the said vehicle
will be pulling over to the side of the road
to help a beautiful young lady,
in roadway distress.
Hi.
My goodness, mister, I'm so glad you stopped.
I was starting to get a little scared being out here all alone.
With hardly anything on to protect me from the elements.
- Uh-huh. - Ohh, wow!
Wow!
Look at all those tools.
I bet you have yourself a ripe 'ol time.
Handcuffs...
I just love handcuffs.
- Really? - Um-hmm.
Hey, can I play with them?
Come on. Just for a little while.
It might be fun, don't you think?
Okay.
Oh, thanks.
Wow!
Boy, that's some mighty hard steel, isn't it?
Mmm-mmm.
Oh, it's so...
Wow. Look at you.
Such a big, big strong man.
Oh, baby. Come to daddy!
- Oh, baby. - My cuffs... anything you want.
My goodness, aren't you a live one.
Gee wiz...
You know what?
Baby, I just don't think I know you well enough
to be sharing your saliva.
Whoo!
So, he'll be unzipping his pants...
and wanking his hooter right about now,
and have a right fine story to tell the boys at the bar...
and I won't be having no trouble with the police.
Right on time.
That sound's pure music to my ears.
Gosh, mister...
you sure know your convenience stores.
It's my business to know convenience stores.
- Yes. - Okay, squirt...
fill up the rest of that smiley bag and I'll be on my way.
Hey uh...
how much money you figure's in this here bag?
Uh, right about five-hundred dollars.
What's this?
Ten percent of the gross.
Don't spend it all on dope.
Thanks.
Hey, man...
you forgot your gun.
It's yours, kid. Get your ass out of the rat race.
That's right, son...
you got yourself a real occupation.
Man, why are you giving me this gun?
Well, when I was your age...
someone did the same for me.
I was a lot like you, and...
he was a lot like me.
Just returnin' the favor.
I got two pieces of advice for you, small fry...
never believe a word anyone says...
and never rob a store with a loaded gun.
Never!
Yes, sir.
That way no one gets hurt.
People ask me why I chose a life outside the law.
They say, "Watty Watts you're a smart man.
Why do you feel you gotta hold up every two bit convenience store,
between Dallas and Tyler?"
And I say to them...
"You ever think to ask Merle Haggard or Loretta Lynn
why they sing country?"
"You ever wonder why Morrison became a rock star?"
Hell no. Things just happen.
You see, I'm an artist.
Whether it's cooking breakfast or ripping off convenience stores,
I'm an artist.
Disabysmal.
Through repetition of danger, we become accustomed to it.
Difficulty at the beginning.
To find one's place in the infinity of being,
one must be able to both separate and to unite.
You see if you want something in life,
you gotta be able to go out there and take it.
Nobody's gonna hand it to you on a plate.
When I was a young boy...
my granddaddy, who had been a professional bounty hunter,
he said to me, "Watty only two things you need in life
to get by on this planet.
Love and a 45."
Well howdy, young lady.
What is a fine looking young woman such as yourself
doing on one these dangerous, deserted, back country Texas roads?
Hey, baby.
Did you get us some grocery money?
I just might have.
Perhaps you'd like to join me in my chariot
for a little romp in the moonlight?
Perhaps I would.
Her name is Starlene Cheatham. I'm Watty Watts.
We specialize in risk management.
Stop that Watty Watts.
You better quit it or I'm gonna whip your behind.
Hey, that felt kinda good.
You know what?
I was just thinking of something.
Oh yeah, what were you thinking?
I was thinking how today's gonna be the day.
What day is that?
The day you make an honest woman out of me.
Where's that damn ring?
Come on, Star. You've been saying that everyday since you were fifteen.
There ain't gonna be no ring today.
Mm-hmm. I know today's gonna be the day.
Yes.
I think I'm gonna have to tickle you
till you ask me the big question.
And if that doesn't work...
I'm gonna hold that gun up to your head...
till you ask me what I like.
Wait.
- Huh? - Did you hear that?
I don't want to hear it, baby.
Listen. Wait who is that?
Go see who that is.
Oh shit.
Okay. Rain down on the bugs.
Come on, little bugs.
- Creepy, You pissin' again? - Drink it up.
Well, if it ain't my favorite two homicidal maniacs...
Creepy Cody and Dinosaur Bob.
How you boys doin'?
Watty Watts.
I hope we didn't wake you too early this fine morning.
Yeah, we been partying all night.
Yeah, I see you boys are lookin' proper and prim this morning.
Man, we've been in a different time zone.
For us it's four 'o clock in the afternoon.
Well, it ain't four o'clock in the afternoon for me, boys.
We didn't think so, Watty.
What ya doin' to my tomatoes, man?
- He's watering 'em. - I eat those tomatoes, assholes.
Well, we stopped by to remind you today is payday.
Why don't you two speed freaks get lost?
I haven't eatin' my breakfast yet.
You know, I hate breakfast. It makes me want to puke.
You just...
Go on back to...
Whatever it was you were doing.
Oh...
How's that pussy?
I don't think I caught your meaning there, Bob.
As least for your sake I hope I didn't.
Watty...
Hey, we just came by to remind you that today,
Pecro wants his fucking money.
You know how Pecro can get.
- Get the two grand. - Get the money, fucker.
I got your money, boys.
I just need to retrieve it.
Good. We're gonna see you again sooner or later.
Sooner than later.
Hey, Watt, who was that?
Two asshole Bible salesmen.
What'd they want?
To save my soul.
Hey...
Come over here and hold me.
Uh-huh.
Do you love me, Watt?
More than anything.
More than your car likes oil?
More than my car likes oil.
More than a preacher likes God?
More than Jimmy Swaggart loves to sweat.
Well, I think you'd better kiss me then, huh?
Is that who I think it is?
Yeah.
You promised me you weren't gonna have
anything to do with him, Watt.
Man, you promised me.
I gotta make car payments, don't I?
I told you I didn't want anymore of your
Goddamn prison buddies over at the house.
Especially not him.
Why can't y'all meet at a pool hall or something?
I told him to call me if he had any leads.
Why can't he use the damn phone?
'Cause he thinks all the lines are bugged.
Look, I don't like him, okay?
He's an drug addict and an asshole.
And he's a male chauvinist pig.
- Watty. - Keep your voice down.
Star, listen.
All I want is a little financial solvency.
I told Billy to come by if he had anything cooking.
There's just some things that you just don't understand.
Hey, you understand this, all right.
You're not gonna let that asshole in this house.
Watty! - I'm serious.
Watt!
- Fuck! - It's about time, Hoss.
- How you doin' there Watty? - All right, Billy.
- Oh, Goddamn. - See you in a minute.
Starlene. How are ya?
Mmm.
You know, your lookin' awful pretty today.
Hurts me.
But you know, you always looked real good to me.
- You know that, don't you? - You look the same, Billy...
but I can't say that I like it that much.
Mmm.
Hey, Star...
- Let me ask you question. - I probably couldn't stop you.
How come you don't like me so much, huh?
'Cause you're scum. Pure and simple.
Watty might not see it, but I do.
You're a piece of white trash.
And I don't trust ya for as far as I can toss ya.
Damn it, I know you wanta have sex with me.
Yeah, have sex with that.
Ohh! Goddamn!
Ain't you sassy.
- Hey. - Hey, Watty, what's up?
What's goin' on, Billy?
Nothin'. You know, she's joking around like she always does.
Hey, man. I'm having me a good fuckin' day today.
You interested in makin' the best score of the year?
Tell me about it in the car.
Oh, okay.
Hey I'm gonna see you later, honey.
I'm uh, I'm gonna be goin', okay?
Hey...
Just don't do anything stupid, all right?
Take a look at that.
- That ain't for me, is it? - No, it's not for you, stupid.
It's a weddin' ring.
What'd you...
Watty, did you take a stupid pill?
What do you mean by that, man?
- Just what I said. - What are you saying?
- What the fuck are you... - Hey, fuck you, man!
I have no time for your bullshit.
I've got a problematical situation going on.
I borrowed two-thousand dollars from Father Pecro
to buy that wedding ring.
See, you're a stupid asshole.
Well, I couldn't help it, man, it was on sale.
How much of the money do you have?
Four-hundred and fifty bucks.
You're bitch whipped, man. You're fuckin' bitch whipped.
I if don't get that money to Pecro,
I'll be wiping me up in the same hand, you know?
Well, it looks like you're in world of shit partner.
But, today just happens to be your lucky day.
Yeah, what's the score, Billy boy?
I found us a choice fuckin' spot, man.
Over in Creedmore by the box factory.
You mean that bait shop that's got the Orange Knee-Hi sign?
I'm not talkin' about that fuckin' place.
I'm talkin' about a place about a hundred yards over.
You mean that place that's got them real good hot links?
It's got a big red billboard.
What about that place? It's penny-ante bullshit.
Just hold on to your horses, Watty, okay?
Have you no faith in me?
I've been gettin' real sweet on the girl who works the day shift.
She told me...
that the owner's gettin' himself a brand new bass boat.
Oh, well, that's bad ass, Billy. I'm real happy for him.
There's some damn good fishing around here...
But what the fuck do I need with a bass boat?
He's buying the boat with cash, Watty.
He's got it locked up in the safe,
because he thinks his wife's gonna take it,
and go out on a shopping spree.
You know how them bitches get. He's all paranoid.
The money's right there in the safe.
How much money you figure he's got in there?
What I'm figuring is ten-thousand dollars, man.
Ten grand?
Where in the hell did you get these?
I got 'em at the discount store, man.
They were in the bargain bin.
Oh, God, Billy. Just give me my gun.
Okay, Billy, Let's check to make sure these babies ain't loaded.
- Check. - Check.
Hey, man, you sure you don't want any of this?
I don't think it's such a good idea
for you to be doin' that shit before a job.
Cleans out my brain.
Turns your brain into chewing gum.
- I'm cool. - You better be cool.
- Are you ready? - Born on a green light, Daddyo.
Let's go.
Okay, honey, just remain real calm.
I'm here to rob this place and I aim to do it right.
Give me all your money.
Look at the funny man.
Y'all say this is a robbery?
Y'all say there's some money?
There ain't no money.
So, why don't you two jokers get lost?
Oh man, she's high as a kite.
What the hell's goin' on, huh?
Okay, lady...
now you just tell me where the money is...
and we'll get it ourselves, okay?
Hey...
you're kinda cute.
Wanta get high with me?
You do not wanta fuck with me lady.
Tell me where that money is. The money for the bass boat.
- Where the hell is it!? - I told you...
I put all the money in my main line.
Quit fucking around with us, you stupid bitch.
I know there's some fucking money in here
for some Goddamn bass boat.
Get it out of the fucking safe now!
Billy Mack?
Is that you, hon?
Honey!
Oh, man! That is fucking great.
That's fucking beautiful, man. She seen your face.
Billy, you stupid asshole.
Watty...
you hear them fuckin' sirens?
What the fuck did you do?
Fuckin' trip the fuckin' alarm?
You stupid fucked up bitch.
Fuck me again like you did last night.
You called the cops you fuckin', fucked up bitch!
Billy, what the hell you doin'?
She seen my fuckin' face, Watt. What the fuck.
The cops are on their fuckin' way.
You seen my fuckin' face, bitch.
She seen my fuckin' face, Watty.
She seen my fuckin' face.
Calm down, Billy. Just calm the fuck down!
You done fucked up now. You seen my fuckin' face.
You fucked up.
I think I shot her.
Oh, Christ, Billy. What have you done?
Oh shit!
I think I shot her.
Do you hear that sound? It's the fuckin' cops...
and you just blew your girl friend's brains all over the place.
- She was my face, man. - Shut up!
Now I'm not leaving here without the money...
so you gotta go get it now!
Find the fuckin' money!
Come on, man! Come on!
Get off of me.
Watty, she doesn't look good.
Hurry up, Billy! Hurry up, man!
I got it.
Damn them fuckin' pigs.
He's chasing a speeder on the highway.
Get off of me.
Come on, man. Let's get out of here now!
That stupid fuckin' bitch!
Bitch! Bitch!
Why did she have to fuckin'...
I killed her!
Fuck!
Damn!
Watty...
Watty.
Watty I did a bad thing. Watty!
Up until now, I always considered myself happy.
I had a beautiful girlfriend...
a car and a trailer home.
But at this moment I knew my life had taken an unwelcome turn.
I'd been a con and a thief for twenty-five years,
but I never hurt no one.
Billy had violated the code, he'd packed a loaded gun.
Speed snortin' psychopath sittin' next to me,
had interrupted the flow of my happiness.
He had killed someone in my presence...
and in all likelihood, my life had been fucked.
Hey...
I'm hungry, man. I think I need to eat.
I need to get me some breakfast.
Billy, you are crazy.
You're gonna take me to some fuckin' breakfast,
and you're gonna pay for it now.
You got that fuckin' right?
Now!
I really fucked up.
Just eat your damn eggs.
They're gonna find me.
You know they fry you that shit.
They gonna fry me.
Remember when we was back in Huntsville?
They fried Clarence.
I know you remember that fuckin' smell.
You could hear him screaming all the way down the cellblock.
His eyes were comin' out of his fuckin' head.
Shut the fuck up, man!
They ain't gonna do shit.
You know they will. I got my prints all over that safe.
Hell, you didn't do shit, man.
You're practically in the clear.
They'll probably let you off on probation.
Shut the fuck up, man!
We're getting out of here right now,
before somebody calls the freakin' cops.
Come on, let's go.
We're not goin' nowhere till I finish my damn breakfast.
Christ, Billy, put that fuckin' thing away, man.
Okay.
I want you to...
I want you to take your car keys,
and I want you to drop them fuckers in my plate now.
You're crazier than a road lizard, Billy.
Maybe I am, but I ain't goin' back to that place.
And I ain't goin' to that fuckin' chair.
I'm gonna go down south, take that money...
go get me some margaritas down there in Mexico.
'Cause I know what you'd do...
You and your stupid girl friend. You'd take that money...
and you'd turn me in, wouldn't you?
That's what you'd do! I'm not stupid, man!
Now you take them keys out of your pocket,
and you put 'em on my plate now.
Before I paint the fuckin' wall with the back side of your head.
Now!
Fuck you, Billy!
Have a nice day.
Get it out!
Get this fuckin' fork out of my neck!
Run, Watty Watt.
You better watch your back.
I figured that Billy Mack would probably bleed to death
at some rest stop off the highway.
I regretted having to fork him in the neck,
but, I swear to God he'd have shot me if I hadn't.
I'd often liked Billy, but he was crazy...
And I hope that he was killed.
I got a I Ching, where the hell is it?
I don't know.
What the hell happened?
The job got fucked!
Fuckin' Billy shot the counter girl.
Then he made me take him to breakfast...
then he tried to kill me so I stuck a fork in his neck.
I'm not sure if I killed him or not.
In any case, I got the money but we gotta go on a little vacation.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did I just hear you say you think that y'all killed someone?
I didn't kill anyone. Billy killed that counter girl,
except for maybe I killed Billy. I'm not sure.
Maybe? What the hell are you saying?
I told you I stuck a fork in his neck and it looked to me like
he was getting ready to bleed to death in the not so distant future.
- What you do that for? - I told you!
He killed that girl and it looked like he was ready to kill me!
I can't believe that asshole actually killed someone.
Well, he sure as hell did. And we sure as hell got to get
the hell out of Dodge pronto till things cool off a bit.
- You got the money? - It's in the car.
Where we gonna go?
Well, I was thinkin' Mexico sounds pretty good.
- How about you? - Mexico?
Watty, are you shitting me? Your gonna take me to Mexico?
Oh my God! That'll be so much fun.
- We can practice our Spanish. - We sure can.
What should I bring? What's the weather like?
- Hot. - I don't have to bring much, do I?
- Hey... - What?
You know you don't have to come with me, Star.
Baby, I'd follow you to Oklahoma.
- You mean that, baby? - I sure do.
Well all right.
- Wait, wait. - What?
- Come on, Star. - I just wanta take a picture.
I wanta remember you face. Come on.
- What are you doin'? - You know what I'm doin', baby.
You make me feel so good.
It's the sole reason why the good Lord put me on this earth.
Huh-Hum.
I apologize for the rude interruption, ma'am.
You shouldn't be hanging around with this larcenist variety of white trash.
Well, well.
If it isn't my favorite ex-convict, Watty Watts.
Why Ranger Rex, what a pleasant surprise.
I'm so glad you could stop on over...
but seeing how you don't have a warrant...
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut our visit a little short.
Oh, how thoughtless of me, Watts.
I plumb forgot all about my warrant.
Here, let me reacclimate your privates for you.
You mother fucker!
Easy there, missy.
Simp just had four cups of that Italian coffee.
He's a little twitchy.
Fuck you!
Whoo, I bet that hurt pretty good, huh cowboy?
With all the go-go juice up in your little cojones.
Yeah, me and Simp were just cruising the neighborhood,
knowing your feeling towards robbing and stealing
we just stopped on in to have us a little chat.
Well, I've been livin' the straight and narrow
so why don't you take your chicken-fried, fascist ass,
out of my fuckin' house before I call the cops.
We are the cops, shit brain.
You know what it feels like to hold a gun up to a punk's head?
I don't really like guns.
Feels real good.
I guess you wouldn't be knowing nothin' about a particular messy
convenience store job over in Creedmore?
The way I see it, a few jokers went in there...
looking for a big score...
lost their cool and blew a two-by-two hole
in the back of one pretty little cashier's head.
Now normally...
...this would be just another big night in Texas.
But, it just so happens the cashier was a local sheriff's little girl.
You know what that makes her, Watts?
A very bad trip.
A very bad trip for whoever pulled that trigger.
And seeing how the sheriff of Creedmore happens to be my brother,
what do you think that makes that dead little girl to me, Watts?
Huh?
Your wife?
- Watty. - That's right...
that makes her my niece.
And what does that mean?
It means I might have to smoke the low-rent punk that blew her away.
And seeing I got my sights on you,
you might want to consider something very seriously.
You see I'm on the right side of the law.
That means I can get away with murder.
Course you being on the wrong side...
that puts you in rather a bad pinch, don't it?
I can smell that job all over you, Watts.
Like a six-day-old pair of underwear.
I didn't do shit, man.
I'm sorry.
Fuck you, you son-of-a-bitch!
I'll fuckin' take your life. I swear to God.
I'll kill you.
Goddamn you, son-of-a-bitch.
Get this fuckin' bitch off of me!
I'll fuckin' kill you! I swear to God I will!
Simp, shoot this piece of shit.
Oh fuck.
It's beautiful.
It's so fuckin' pretty.
We were heading to San Antone to say good-bye to Star's parents
and I just couldn't get the image of Clarence out of my head.
Billy had been right;
Once you smell someone frying...
you can't ever think clearly again.
Before all this happened,
I'd entertained notions of moving out of Texas with Star as my wife
and tryin' to make a straight go of it.
I'd begun to feel that luck was an unrenewable resource
and my days as a felon were numbered.
If we made it across the border...
I would definitely entertain the notion
of taking up auto mechanics.
Which is the only other thing I know how to do.
I didn't feel much for the cops that we killed.
They would have done the same thing to us,
and walked away smiling.
Hello?
Hello. Mrs. Cheatham.
- Yes. - Hi. This is Woody...
...Woodpeck.
I'm a friend of your daughter.
Starlene? You're a friend of Starlene's?
We haven't heard from her in along while.
Hello? Hello?
Are you there?
Hello?
Turn that down a bit, please Star.
There's something I wanta ask you, Star.
Well ask it.
I just don't know what the future will hold...
and if I should ever end up face down in a narrow grave
I just don't know what you'd do.
Yeah?
There's somethin' I just need to know.
There's somethin' I just gotta ask you.
Yeah?
Starlene, you know I love you, baby.
I'd go to hell and back just to see you smile.
And I know you'd do the same for me.
The killers of the two Texas Rangers have been identified
as Watty Watts and Starlene Cheatham.
They're descried as a Caucasian male and female...
in their early twenties...
and are suspected to be driving a blue 1972 Plymouth Roadrunner.
If you have any information related to this insidious,
senseless and violent crime,
please call 1-8OO-FOR-CRIME.
Now back to the hits that made America great.
Starlene...
Yeah?
Will you marry me?
Wattford Reynold Watts,
I sure as hell will marry you right here and now.
Goddamn! All right!
I can't believe it.
Hey, hey, hey...
Look at what I got you, sweetheart.
Oh, my God. Oh my...
Oh my God.
You got me a ring!
- It's for me? - Uh-huh.
It's so beautiful. Would you look at that?
It looks like real diamonds and everything.
Well they are. I drove clear over to Tyler to get 'em.
Baby, how did you ever afford to buy this for me?
I've been saving up.
Well... are we ready to begin with the ceremony?
We are your honor.
Okay, kids, here we go.
Now, do you, ah...
Wattford Reynold Watts.
Wattford Reynold Watts...
take this woman...
to be your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
And do you, ah...
Watty and Starlene.
Crazed killers with drop-dead good looks...
murders, movie stars or both.
Next on Crime Spree.
Um, I'm awfully sorry to be pointing this here gun at you,
Justice Thurman, sir, but...
it looks like we're wanted and I wanta marry this girl
right here and now.
Looks like it's gonna be a shotgun wedding, hon.
And what if I say no?
Then I probably have to shoot you dead.
So, where were we in the ceremony?
Well, I just said "I do."
Right. So, do you, um...
Starlene Cheatham.
Take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
I sure as hell do.
Well then, uh, here, give her the ring, son.
Oh, thank you very much, Justice Thurman, sir.
Here you go, sweetheart.
You may kiss the girl.
Don't you try anything Justice Thurman, sir.
Okay, Watt, smile.
Here, you don't mind taken' one of us right quick,
before we tie your arms?
I guess not.
Thank you, sir. I feel real bad about this, but...
I can tell you that you've performed a most gracious and noble deed.
And don't think we don't appreciate your cooperation.
Oh, hey... one more time.
Okay.
Thanks. I mean we can't rightly be spending our honeymoon
in the slammer now, can we?
No, they don't let you have sex in the slammer, son.
Oh, Justice Thurman, sir,
I'm just gonna have to, uh...
disconnect your phone, but, I'm gonna put it in the bushes
so you can retrieve it later on.
Makes sense I guess.
Can I get you a book or something like that?
Well, uh...
if you could turn me toward the television,
I'd be much obliged.
Okay. The count of three, baby.
One, two, three.
Mr. Thurman, sir, this is something I hate to do,
but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to it.
You just tell me if it feels real uncomfortable.
That feel okay.
- Honey, look at him. - Yeah, well...
I'm afraid we're gonna have to get goin', but...
I'm gonna have to steal your car,
but I'm gonna be leaving you mine, okay?
So, she's a 1972, Plymouth Roadrunner...
She's a bute. So we'll consider this more than a fair exchange.
Now you take real good care she's a collector's item.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for making our relationship legal.
Oh...
We won't ever forget this moment.
Just do it fast...
and keep doin' it hard.
Make sure you get them wings right, okay?
You got it.
You are so radical now.
- Shut up. - You shut up.
Look, I gotta concentrate here, okay?
I'm gonna go to the store and get some K-Y and some cigarettes.
Good.
Sorry about all the blood, man. I've never done a head before.
Yeah, a lot of blood in the head.
Yeah, whatever, man.
Ow...
What the fuck are you doin', man?
Sorry, man.
Ow...
See now, I guarantee you don't want to fuck with me.
Is that right?
Shit. What the fuck y'all doin' here?
Givin' you a tattoo, baby.
Now, sit your ass back down in this chair
so I can finish what he started.
Creepy...
Hey...
what the fuck is up with you guys?
You think you can just come in my place
and start fucking with the customers, huh?
That is exactly what I think.
You have a problem with that?
No. You guys are cool.
Sit down, don't speak till you're spoken to.
Okay.
Billy...
I almost didn't recognize you, Bill.
- Nice tattoo. - Thank you.
Believe it or not, I used to be quite an artist with a needle...
In all sorts of ways.
Put a needle in my hand, I'm a regular Victor Van Gogh.
Van Gogh cut his own ear off.
That's right, Creepy.
Bet you didn't know that, Billy.
- Yeah, I did know it. - I think I missed a spot.
Oh, there's another one.
Fuck you!
- You drive fast, Billy. - Yeah, real fast.
But I admire that in a man.
I like a man who dances with speed.
Hey, how is that crystal treatin' you?
Look, it's fuckin' great.
I know you guys always done me right.
That's right. We always done you right!
Shut up, Creepy!
I wouldn't do that, Billy.
Now what Creepy meant to say, Billy...
is that we always considered you to be a good friend.
We done a lot of nice things for you.
It's only logical that we'd expect you to do the same for us.
Don't you think that's logical, Billy?
Yeah. I think that's fuckin' logical.
Now, why were you driving so fast to San Antone?
You got some family down here?
I'm here to get a taco, what the fuck is it to you?
You know what, Billy, I don't like your tone.
This would have noting' to do with Watty Watts,
and that little job y'all pulled off over in Creedmore?
We're lookin' for Watty.
We want to see if he can give a hand with this little problem
that we're having.
You that's too fuckin' bad,
'cause I haven't seen that son-of-a-bitch in a month.
That's not the answer I wanted to hear.
That's not the answer we wanted to hear, asshole.
- Whoops, wrong place. - Hey, up against the wall.
Sweetheart...
sit down next to Tattoo Joe over there...
if you want to retain that full figure of yours.
You guys mind if I smoke?
Smoke 'em up, honey.
Whoo-Whoo!
Choo-Choo-Choo.
Creepy, lock the door and turn off the neon.
Billy...
Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy.
I have something to confess to you.
I lied about being a tattoo artist.
I really don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Fuckin' shit.
It is gettin' a little unsanitary, don't you think?
Yeah.
But the lure of the arts have always held sway over me...
and I will be glad to continue.
That is if you don't want to tell me the right answers to my questions.
You want to tell me the right answers, don't you, Billy?
Yeah, I guess so.
Oh, Billy.
You gotta let me get a piece of that action.
All we want is what we're owed.
Plus a little interest.
Yeah. A little interest.
Come on, Billy...
let's get out of this piss hole.
Wait a minute.
I want to give you something. You look a little tuckered out.
This is gonna perk you up.
This is extra special stuff.
We've been on it all week.
It will develop your killer instinct.
Bulls eye. I'm gonna fill you with love.
One one-thousand, Two one-thousand...
Three! Are you ready to rock, Billy?
I was born on a green light, daddyo!
Hey, Billy!
I'll get it, honey. Just go on watching your show.
Just a minute, I'll be right there.
Hi, mom.
Starlene! Oh, baby!
I haven't seen you for so long.
Well, here I am!
Mom, what's with that gun?
Nothing honey.
I never answer the door after dark without it.
Why don't you just hand me over that gun now, okay?
Who is that good lookin' young stud there with you?
Howdy, Tahylene.
You just come here right now and get you some sugar, Watty.
You been stayin' out of jail?
- Yes, ma'am. - That's good.
Um-hum.
Oh my God. Look at that ring.
Oh! Oh my God. Is that what I think it is?
Me and Watty tied the knot.
Far fuckin' out. Y'all are married?
That's right, ma.
Oh, baby.
- Wait till your daddy hears. - Yeah.
- Vergil! - Daddy!
Vergil, you're not gonna believe this.
Vergil ripped his own throat open
during a heavy acid trip in the early sixties.
Vergil was born poor...
and when he read that the government was paying students
to participate in experiments with psychedelic drugs...
he volunteered.
They dosed him with something called BZ...
Vergil lost it.
He won a huge settlement in court...
which allowed him to live well without workin'.
Later in his life...
Vergil lost the function in his legs
due to an amphetamine addiction he acquired
while tryin' to lose weight so he could avoid the draft.
He threw a clot and lost the use of his legs.
But Star's parents have never been addicts...
they're just handicapped, suburban hippies.
Praise the Lord!
Well, Vergil, I can't say I have as of yet.
Well, yeah, Vergil, I think that I do...
I'm nothin'... till I'm nothin'.
Hey, thanks. What is it?
It's a far-out trip!
Gee, thanks, Daddy...
maybe you shouldn't have, huh?
Yeah, well, thank you kindly, Vergil...
See, me and Star we're headin' down south to Mexico...
for a long-term honeymoon.
Well!
So, what've you kids been up to today?
Well, we killed two cops on the way over here...
we got married and saw ourselves on TV for the first time.
Well, my goodness, that does sound like a full day!
Starlene, I swear you ought to be a fiction writer!
You've got the weirdest way of talking!
Well, I hate to be rushin' things...
but me and Star we're on a particularly tight time-table.
We kinda gotta get going.
At this hour? Y'all just got here!
Mama, it's my wedding night.
Ready for a little sex?
- Mom! - Goddamn, Thaylene.
God!
Your daddy and me want you guys to have this...
as a stake for the future!
What is it?
Holy shit, Mom, that's 3O thousand dollars!
Your daddy's been savin' up.
That settlement pays us pretty damn good, right?
Whoo!
Daddy!
We're just happy knowin' that y'all have it.
Well, I don't know how to thank y'all...
that's about the nicest thing anyone's ever done for us.
Yeah.
Well, Mexico's callin'!
Yo vivo por Rojo Grande!
Whoo!
What's that mean?
I live for Big Red.
That's all I know in Spanish.
Hey...
maybe we ought to stop in one of those small towns.
We could hold up in one of them little motels...
and maybe you could give me something that I kinda need.
Oh, yeah?
What's that?
I think you know.
Well, why don't you pull out that road map there
and find out where the hell we are
and where the hell we oughta be?
I love bein' on the run with you, Watt.
Coverin' the great state of Texas like tornadoes...
drinkin' that cheap diner coffee with non-dairy creamer...
runnin' from the cops, runnin' from the Feds.
They'll try and stop us,
they'll try and hold down on Watt and Starlene...
but they can't...
because we're movie stars.
Desperadoes and outlaws on the road to freedom.
I swear to God, we remind me of Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty.
It's going to be just like the movies, Watt.
Just like the movies.
Thank God we brought the Polaroid.
Umm...
everybody, uh...
gets caught and killed in those movies, Star.
Summer's upon us, and as we all know
the season brings with it a heatwave of robbery...
assault, rape...
and murder.
Remember folks...
the only think standing between you and the criminal vermin
are your doors.
So secure those doors with the best.
Titanium coated, explosive dead bolts.
From Hyperlock.
Don't stay home without them.
Next on Suburban Minutes...
A retired school teacher buys a gun and get even...
Oh, who the hell could that be?
Wouldn't that be nice.
Howdy, Miss Cheatham.
I'm a friend of your daughter's.
We had summer camp together.
These are my friends Bob and Creepy.
Can we have a moment of your time?
Okay, you gonna do it to me now?
Uh-huh.
We swear...
on the sacrament of our own blood...
That we will die...
before fallin' into the hands of the law.
'Cause stayin' free is better than livin' in a cage.
Now we burn it.
You understand?
Yeah.
There's no turnin' back now.
Goddamn, there's nothin' good on.
Fuckin' cable goin' to the fuckin' dogs.
Remember Thaylene, I'm gonna take this gun out your face...
when you're ready to say something, okay?
Vergil, why can't you tell me how this thing works?
It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Hey, speak up. I can't hear you.
Oh yeah...
Oh, Vergil!
Shame on you.
I love this thing.
Hey, Creepy, we oughta set you up with one of these.
- Suck it, Bob. - Okay.
Now, Vergil...
I wanna talk to you man to hippie...
I know that you don't want to see pretty, trippy...
Thaylene's brains blown out all over the place.
And I want you to know I'm a man of honor.
I've never hurt a bitch unless she had it comin'.
Now...
You know that we are lookin' for Watty Watts?
Yeah, we want to see if he can give a hand
with this little problem that we're havin'.
That's right. A helpin' hand.
I was hopin' that you...
would also give is a hand with the same situation.
More specifically, I was hopin' you would give us a finger.
It's like someone turned the volume down on his ass.
He's flippin' me off.
Maybe we oughta let her talk. She's all crying and shit.
Fuck you, Billy!
You always were a little fuckin' bleedin' heart.
But I guess it's a good thing for you and Vergil, huh?
All right.
Sure.
Let her talk, Billy.
You fuckin' piece of shit! I'll kill you.
I'll kill you if you touch him. If you touch him...
I'll kill you, you bastard!
Tell me where they went.
- No! No! - Give me your finger, Vergil.
Oh! No!
- Thay... - No!
Thay...
Oh my God. They're probably in Mexico by now.
You fuckin' piece of shit.
Thank you!
Back off of me!
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
Creepy...
get that Eisenhower out of your pocket.
'Cause I'm gonna play a game with y'all.
Doesn't that sound fun?
Creepy here, he's gonna throw that coin up in the air...
Billy Boy, you're gonna call it...
if he gets it right then y'all get to live.
Doesn't that sound fair? Huh?
All right, Creepy...
Chuck it.
Call it, Billy.
Heads.
Tails.
Y'all lose.
Oh, shit!
There's that son-of-bitch's girlfriend on the Goddamn TV.
Patching into a live, on-the-air interview...
...with Starlene.
Starlene, are you there?
- I sure am. - How are you doing?
We're doin' great.
Look, I just wanta call up and let all our fans know
that we did what we had to do for love.
We're not blood thirsty killers, we're just newlyweds.
I apologize to the families of those cops that got killed, but they...
...We'll be right back with more of our exclusive...
on-the-air, live telephone interview with Starlene.
On the Crime Channel.
Tough people. Tough news.
Tough reporting. We'll be right back.
Trip on this, Thaylene.
Fuck! Fuckin' bitch!
Fuck it!
Oh, shit, my guts.
My guts are comin' out.
Creepy, somebody...
put my guts back in.
Bite on this. Bite on it. Bite on it.
Bite!
Don't even think about it mother fucker!
Don't even let the thought cross your fuckin' mind.
'Cause I swear to God I will kill you.
I ain't thinkin' about nothin', all right?
What is that smell?
Damn that stinks.
You tell 'em, Bob. You tell 'em, man.
You're gonna make it. You'll make it, Bob.
You'll make it, 'cause...
'cause you gotta make it.
Right?
Bob?
Fuck you, Creepy.
Bob?
You okay, Bob?
Bob, what's happen?
Oh fuck! Oh fuck!
Oh fuck.
Shit man, Bob just died.
Oh, man. Why'd you say that to me?
Why'd you have to say that?
I was just tryin' to do the right thing, Bob.
Oh man! Oh fuck!
Bob died, Billy.
That's just too fuckin' bad, Creepy.
Son of a fuck...
Fuckin' son-of-a-bitch!
Why you doin this to me, man?
'Cause I fuckin' like you.
Cool nickel plated 45, burnin' into my hand.
I prayed that I would have to shoot no one with it...
but I know that I'd kill twelve men dead,
before I'd ever let Star face the cold, steel bars of jail.
Okay, baby, this is it. We gotta go.
We'll cash the check across the border...
We'll be sippin' margaritas by sunset.
- Baby? - Yeah?
I was havin' a dream about you.
Uh-huh. A good dream?
We were movie stars.
You're the movie star, baby.
- Hey, hon... - Uh-huh.
I guess you got a pretty good idea how to use this.
- I guess I do. - Yeah.
You just remember what you promised, okay?
I remember.
Come on, baby move those sweet little cheeks
'cause we gotta vamonos.
Make sure you get those traveler’s checks, okay?
We don't want to get ripped off.
Okay.
Hey...
be cool, baby.
Watt, I was born to be cool.
Did you ever have the sensation
that there were eyes in the back of your head?
And those eyes were lookin' at something
that was lookin' at you.
And you didn't know what it was they were lookin' at
but you knew it was somethin'.
I just kept tellin' myself, that life
has only as many pressures as you create for it.
And I was concentrating extra hard on minimizing ours.
Watt!
Get down! Get down!
What the hell are you doin'?
Nothin' I got the money. Let's go.
Why were you runnin' like that?
- Like what? - Like a bat out of hell.
- What about them cops? - What about 'em?
They was makin' a deposit.
It's a bank.
They didn't see you or nothin'?
Yeah, they winked at me. It's would be so easy Watt.
Easy as pie.
Would you get in the fuckin' car!
I almost blew the whole fuckin' place up!
- Goddamn, Star! - Sorry.
Watty, look.
Yeah, I can see it.
Isn't it good luck to pass in front of a funeral procession?
- You think so? - Yeah. I think so.
- Oh, shit! - What?
- We're out of film. - So?
I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
This is a bad fuckin' idea.
Just simmer down. Worry, worry wart.
- It's just gonna take a minute. - I'm gonna wait outside.
Fine.
- Hi there. - Howdy.
I want me three cartons of that Polaroid 6OO film, please.
Yes, ma'am. Instant happiness.
Yeah.
Just a minute, I gotta go in the back and get it.
Okay.
...movie stars or both?
You decide.
Have you seen these larcenist lovelies?
This just in...
We have the results of the Watty and Starlene poll.
And seventy-five percent say the two misguided lovebirds are...
Innocent.
Ohh!
What the hell you doin'?
I just wanted to see if we won them polls, honey.
Here you go, ma'am.
Thank you.
Hey, mister?
Can I have your autograph?
What are you talking about?
What the hell do you want my autograph for?
'Cause you're on TV mister.
Here you go, man. We gotta go now!
What's your fuckin' problem?
- That is my fuckin' problem. - Oh.
What about your change?
Consider it a bonus. Merry fuckin' Christmas.
Thanks.
Don't you make me drop this film.
Brilliant fuckin' idea, Star. We almost got made in there.
I know, honey. But we got the film.
Fuck the film!
The fuckin' film almost fucked us permanently
and put the fuckin' possibility of it fuckin' us further
out of your fuckin' mind.
Six times.
You just said fuck or fuckin' six times in three sentences.
- Oh... Oh great. - What?
Great. It's the fuckin' cops.
Okay, Star. We're gonna play this real cool.
Cool as ice cream.
This guy doesn't even know who the hell we are.
Excuse me sir, I have to tell you I noticed your...
...registration sticker's gonna expire this month.
Well you don't say.
Didn't I tell you about that the other day?
You sure did, sweetheart. And I put the check in the mail.
You see officer, we got everything in motion.
This car should be legalized in mere days.
And you can rest assured that we'll do our part
in keeping the rules and regulations that make this country great.
Well...
Y'all have a good day now.
- Drive safe. - Bye-bye.
Thank God he's gone.
I hope y'all don't mind me askin', but uh...
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
I don't think so.
I swear to God, y'all look so familiar to me.
- I don't think so. - We gotta be goin'.
We're gonna be late for church.
I swear to God...
I could of sworn I seen you on the TV.
Okay.
I know where I seen you guys now.
- Honey, what's he doin'? - I real sorry, y'all...
I gonna have to ask you to get out of the car real slow.
Put your hands on your head...
Who the hell just shot that cop?
Start drivin' or you're next fuckface.
Jesus, Billy Mack. What the fuck are you doin' here?
I'm not havin' a very good day today.
So don't fuck around with me, okay?
You look like such a fuckin' loser with that tattoo, Billy.
And I bet I can pull this trigger faster than you can...
What do you say?
Put that damn gun down Star, before I get killed.
No Watty, you put your gun down. I know what I'm doin'.
But after Billy blows my fuckin' head off...
It won't matter now, will it?
Well why do you have to point that gun at me, huh?
I don't know, baby. Just instinct I guess.
For your information, I was only gonna blow his brains out
on your account.
You guys shut the fuck up before I kill both of you, okay?
Oh yeah, Billy Mack. How are you gonna kill both of us?
Yeah, Billy, you may kill me before she kills you...
and you may not, but you're bound to die either way.
You guys are fuckin' crazy.
All right, everybody just calm the fuck down here, okay Billy?
You don't want to kill us, and we don't want to kill you...
especially with a cop lyin' here and everyone all around...
so why don't we just put our guns down on three, okay?
Okay.
Okay...
Okay. Now, altogether...
One...
Two...
Three.
Just fuckin' remember that I can kill one of y'all
before the other can get to me.
Then y'all will be separated... Ooh!
Drive the fuckin' car.
Starlene, what the fuck are you doing?
Puttin' on makeup.
In case we get killed, I wanna make sure I look good
for those cameras.
You just remember, Billy Mack you gotta die, die good.
How are you doing today?
We're doin' fine, hombre. Right, guys?
That's right, honey. "Hombre" means "man".
Yeah, and we're all excited about practicin' our Spanish...
- Señor! - That was good!
- Right, guys? - Si!
And what are you going to be doing in Acuna, Mexico today?
Buyin' stuff...
Go shoppin', get some piñatas, and stuff...
Whoops!
Look what I did!
Did you see what I did?
Okay if we go on, Señor?
Have a good day in Acuna, Mexico!
Gracias.
Give me the fuckin' gun!
I'll blow her fuckin' brains out!
Gimme that fuckin' gun! Drop it!
Watty, drop that fuckin' gun, man!
Don't do it, Billy. Don't fuckin' do it, man!
Whoo-hooo!
Get the fuck out of the car, c'mon!
I'm real proud of you guys...
you did real good back there!
I almost feel like we're a team again.
I almost feel bad about what I gotta do.
You don't have to do anything, Billy.
I fuckin' do have to do something, asshole.
See, 'cause I got these voices inside my head...
What are they sayin' to you, Billy?
They're tellin' me to get my ass in gear!
- Is that comfortable, sweetie? - Go to hell!
'Cause I'm already there, and you're givin' me a blow job!
Party's over, kids! Where's the fuckin' money?
It's in the trunk, man.
You don't wanna hurt her, I'm the one you want.
I know that, man, I'm not fuckin' stupid!
Goddamn, I'm the king of Mexico!
I'm the king of the fuckin' world!
Can we just talk, huh, Billy?
Just you and me, man... just you and me.
What the fuck are you doin'?
Don't you know I'll fuckin' blow her brains out? Right now?
You don't wanna hurt her, man... she's your friend...
we're all friends... we're just a little high-strung right now
this is a high-pressure situation, remember, Billy...
your life has only as many pressures as you create.
Don't make me fuckin' shoot her, man...
I shot so many people today!
Billy, do you remember in Huntsville on "D" Block?
When they flushed your head down the toilet...
kicked you up something awful. Do you remember what I did?
Sure I fuckin' remember, Watty.
I went out and beat the shit out of every one of them, man...
I kicked their asses. Me! And I'm not a violent man!
Don't that mean something, Billy?
Don't that mean anything?
That's past fuckin' history, Watty. This is the present...
and the point is, you fucked me!
And I'm sick of people fuckin' with me!
C'mon, tell the truth, you're always fucking yourself!
This has got nothing to do with her, man!
You just leave her alone, you let her go...
I'll get you the money...
and you and me, man, we can have it out.
I don't fuckin' know, man...
I been speedin' for the past two days...
and I'm not thinkin' very clearly.
Stay the fuck back!
Okay, go get that fuckin' money out of the car...
and you bring it over here...
and maybe I won't blow her fuckin' brains out.
And don't fuckin' try any shit.
Hey Billy, I'm gonna show you a little experiment, okay?
No, fuck that!
I'm gonna reach into my pocket and pull out a dollar bill...
so don't do anything stupid, all right?
You know anything about reflexes, Billy?
I know something about 'em.
People's reflexes are a lot slower than you might think.
Take me, for example. See this dollar bill in my hand?
I bet if I drop it, my left hand ain't fast enough to catch it.
Let's see.
See that?
My left hand don't know what my right hand is doing
before it does it, and they're my hands, man!
What the fuck are you doing?!
Now think if those reflexes were someone else's...
there just ain't enough time to react.
Now let's pretend that my left hand...
is that finger on the trigger...
and my right hand's me...
there's a good chance you can't pull that trigger
before I knock you upside the head.
Know what I mean?
Check it out.
Motherfucker!
I got you, you motherfucker!
Yeah!
Fuck!
Who's sitting on top of the fuckin' world now, huh?
Huh, motherfucker?
Not you, Billy!
What did you?
I just killed you, you asshole.
I Ching, Hexagram 29... Six at the top...
When in the extremity of danger a man loses his right way...
he's entangled in his sins, and has no means of escape.
We had lost our way...
We would find ourselves in Mexico...
I would work as a mechanic and Star would appear on a talk show
all the infinite possibilities of a straight new life
would spread out before us like an ever-expanding pool of blood.
I thought of the people who had died...
and I could hear all their voices screaming in my head.
Screaming, that death...
is not sweet.
I didn't know where we were goin'...
I didn't really know where we had been.
But I knew that we were going together...
and, for a fleeting moment, I felt that we were free.
Really free.
SkyFury