1
00:01:23,839 --> 00:01:28,120
Into love and out again,

2
00:01:28,293 --> 00:01:31,671
thus I went, and thus I go.

3
00:01:35,814 --> 00:01:39,186
Spare your voice,
and hold your pen...

4
00:01:39,383 --> 00:01:42,344
Well and bitterly I know.

5
00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:45,243
All the songs were ever sung,

6
00:01:45,448 --> 00:01:48,882
all the words were ever said...

7
00:01:49,855 --> 00:01:52,134
Could it be, when I was young,

8
00:01:52,159 --> 00:01:55,162
some one dropped me on my head?

9
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:16,877
Oh, I'm rather glad
that you caught me like this,

10
00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:18,906
because it gives me
an opportunity

11
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:19,931
to give you a little talk

12
00:02:19,955 --> 00:02:22,288
on the art of making
motion pictures

13
00:02:22,313 --> 00:02:24,359
in your own home.

14
00:02:24,652 --> 00:02:28,431
Of course, you all know
that you can...

15
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,412
...that you can make
motion pictures

16
00:02:35,437 --> 00:02:36,774
in your own home.

17
00:02:36,816 --> 00:02:40,801
All you need to have is a home

18
00:02:41,121 --> 00:02:46,951
and a small camera
like this... somewhere.

19
00:02:46,976 --> 00:02:50,515
And quite a lot of film,
as you see.

20
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,498
Oh, well.
Never mind.

21
00:02:52,523 --> 00:02:54,370
Now with these essentials,

22
00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:56,510
you can take pictures
of any interesting events

23
00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:59,302
that may happen
in your own household.

24
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,940
If any interesting events
ever do happen

25
00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:02,430
in your own household.

26
00:03:02,522 --> 00:03:05,526
And you can make
a record of all trips

27
00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,612
and of the progress
of the children

28
00:03:07,637 --> 00:03:09,172
down the path of life.

29
00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:11,965
And you can also
entertain your friends

30
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,201
into the bargain.

31
00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:16,759
Now the other night, we had a party
of friends in for dinner.

32
00:03:16,784 --> 00:03:20,724
And after dinner, instead of
going out on the town,

33
00:03:20,749 --> 00:03:22,107
as they say,

34
00:03:22,149 --> 00:03:25,240
or settling down
for a dull game of bridge...

35
00:03:25,265 --> 00:03:25,949
Cut!

36
00:03:25,974 --> 00:03:28,105
Wonderful Bob.
The rest of this is voice-over.

37
00:03:29,823 --> 00:03:31,646
Thank you, everyone!
An early lunch today!

38
00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:34,494
Let's be back
in one hour, please.

39
00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:36,787
Try to be back in one hour.

40
00:03:37,922 --> 00:03:39,682
Bob,
we'll be in the living room after lunch.

41
00:03:39,707 --> 00:03:40,707
How are you feeling, Bob?

42
00:03:40,731 --> 00:03:42,530
I'm fine.
Just hurting inside.

43
00:03:42,574 --> 00:03:44,785
The top one's a corker.

44
00:03:49,973 --> 00:03:52,510
Look at that.
The higher authority.

45
00:04:01,377 --> 00:04:02,488
If it comes through,

46
00:04:02,522 --> 00:04:03,882
it'll be the first ever
nomination.

47
00:04:03,906 --> 00:04:05,054
For a husband-and-wife team.

48
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,119
Did you hear that darling?

49
00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:08,984
We could be the first husband-and-wife
team ever nominated for an Oscar.

50
00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:11,303
Oh shit.
Now I'll have to see the picture.

51
00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:14,554
Mr. Selznick should know
by this afternoon.

52
00:04:15,278 --> 00:04:16,625
Bob!

53
00:04:16,938 --> 00:04:18,714
Alan, how are you?

54
00:04:18,818 --> 00:04:20,818
It's good to see you.

55
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,183
Oh, Mrs. Parker.

56
00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,956
Mr. Benchley.

57
00:04:25,778 --> 00:04:27,154
Oh, Bob, you look terrific.

58
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:28,843
Oh well, when I dress up,

59
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:31,057
I still manage to look
like a house detective.

60
00:04:31,191 --> 00:04:32,650
It's the tie.

61
00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:34,847
Listen, you must come up
to Roxbury drive.

62
00:04:34,872 --> 00:04:36,943
I'll whip up some tomato curry
with spring lamb.

63
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:37,854
That will be fine.

64
00:04:37,879 --> 00:04:41,018
Alan enjoys whipping
young lambs.

65
00:04:41,751 --> 00:04:42,570
Darling.

66
00:04:43,207 --> 00:04:44,679
Well, great to see you, Bob.

67
00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,854
Darling, I'll prepare them
for our scene.

68
00:04:47,475 --> 00:04:49,154
We did a little fix for Goldwyn.

69
00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:50,797
He told us people want
a happy ending.

70
00:04:50,829 --> 00:04:52,595
Dorothy reminded him
that in all history,

71
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,704
no single person
ever had such a thing.

72
00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:57,696
Goldwyn doesn't know
what she's talking about.

73
00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:04,184
You must tell me
the moment you know.

74
00:05:04,743 --> 00:05:07,347
He can be such a Fawn's ass.

75
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:11,930
Well, Mrs. Parker,
Goldwyn.

76
00:05:12,064 --> 00:05:13,321
Mr. Benchley,
out here,

77
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:16,223
the streets are
paved with Goldwyn.

78
00:05:16,281 --> 00:05:18,563
Careful, man.
Stepped in something.

79
00:05:18,637 --> 00:05:20,906
Little art going by.

80
00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,509
I'm seeing Don Stewart tonight.

81
00:05:24,743 --> 00:05:26,560
We're going to go out
for a hot-fudge gin.

82
00:05:26,585 --> 00:05:27,650
Donny needs a break.

83
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,934
From his leagues
and guilds and Soviets.

84
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:33,306
Union is a five-letter word,
Mr. Benchley.

85
00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:34,567
What do you know about that?

86
00:05:34,592 --> 00:05:35,904
And I expect to see you

87
00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:37,410
at the writers' fund raiser.

88
00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:39,114
Oh, you sent me
that little card.

89
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,699
I couldn't make it out
with the red ink.

90
00:05:40,723 --> 00:05:42,274
On the first.

91
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,523
I promised Gertrude and the boys

92
00:05:44,576 --> 00:05:46,671
I'd launch the big Benchley
expedition that weekend.

93
00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:47,586
These are not the days

94
00:05:47,611 --> 00:05:49,405
for timid,
selfish little things.

95
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,538
Mrs. Parker,
it's no small affair,

96
00:05:51,623 --> 00:05:53,041
getting all those people...

97
00:05:53,066 --> 00:05:56,736
Years I've wasted being a
party girl and smartass.

98
00:05:56,761 --> 00:05:59,442
You were a pretty smart
party gi...

99
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:00,668
Ass.

100
00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:02,427
Ready for you on the set.

101
00:06:02,452 --> 00:06:04,412
Bit of a party girl myself.

102
00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:07,627
Visiting hours
are over, Mr. Benchley.

103
00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:10,410
Let's do it again
sometime soon, Mrs. Parker.

104
00:06:10,986 --> 00:06:12,806
You'll find us
next door to Caligula.

105
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,666
Oh, does that hurt?

106
00:06:16,368 --> 00:06:18,251
Must have been so colorful
in the twenties.

107
00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:20,628
Was it?
I barely remember.

108
00:06:32,284 --> 00:06:33,606
So many famous writers

109
00:06:33,631 --> 00:06:35,851
are from the Algonquin roundtable,
Mrs. Parker.

110
00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:38,061
Ah, but no real giants.

111
00:06:38,086 --> 00:06:40,249
Just a bunch of
loudmouths showing off,

112
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,612
writing it up in their
columns the next day.

113
00:06:42,704 --> 00:06:45,135
It's no mermaid tavern,
I promise you that.

114
00:06:45,182 --> 00:06:47,902
Will you get me
a cup of coffee, dear?

115
00:06:48,299 --> 00:06:49,449
They love it, darling.

116
00:06:49,474 --> 00:06:52,042
They love our new ending.

117
00:06:52,052 --> 00:06:54,271
Brilliant scene, Dottie.
Alan.

118
00:06:54,302 --> 00:06:55,991
Thank you, Farleigh.

119
00:06:56,052 --> 00:06:57,553
So, how was Bob?

120
00:06:57,915 --> 00:06:59,467
It's so silly.
We're all out here,

121
00:06:59,492 --> 00:07:00,605
and we never see him.

122
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:03,728
Alan, Mr. Benchley
has sold out to Hollywood.

123
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:04,969
Really?

124
00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:07,580
A perfect happy-ending
scene, Dottie.

125
00:07:07,605 --> 00:07:08,981
Bravo.

126
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:11,254
How very kind of you, Seymour...

127
00:07:11,303 --> 00:07:13,426
You monumental shit.

128
00:07:13,451 --> 00:07:15,575
Darling, please
don't use that word.

129
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,504
Well, sorry,
you monumental shit.

130
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:21,077
Alan.

131
00:07:21,452 --> 00:07:22,522
Yes.

132
00:07:22,547 --> 00:07:24,923
Veronica, make your heart sing!

133
00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:26,535
Just put it on the floor, dear.

134
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,557
And action!

135
00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:32,811
I came in such a hurry,
my heart is still pounding.

136
00:07:32,836 --> 00:07:37,216
And I thought it was
Valentine's day.

137
00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:48,390
I suppose it was colorful.

138
00:07:51,031 --> 00:07:52,032
Cut!

139
00:08:23,899 --> 00:08:24,690
Ahem.

140
00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:26,014
Oh.

141
00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:27,820
Oh, yes.
Delightful.

142
00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:31,082
How are you today,
Mr. Crowninshield, sir?

143
00:08:31,187 --> 00:08:34,338
Oh, the mail elf is here.

144
00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:36,478
Mr. Elf.

145
00:08:36,827 --> 00:08:39,506
Do you have anything
for me in there?

146
00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:40,886
What's with the sign?

147
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,378
Sorry. We're not allowed
to discuss our salaries.

148
00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:45,428
Crownie's posted a memo.

149
00:08:47,465 --> 00:08:49,559
There's a love letter
from a soldier in there.

150
00:08:49,584 --> 00:08:50,630
A real letter?

151
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,162
No. Another post card.

152
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,535
War must have run him
short on paper I suppose.

153
00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:56,982
What's the difference
between the red...

154
00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:57,994
Don't touch that!

155
00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:02,863
"Dear, if you can send
a cake of working soap,

156
00:09:02,888 --> 00:09:06,451
I think I can arrange
to buy this castle. Ed."

157
00:09:07,638 --> 00:09:10,310
Such passion.
I am overwhelmed.

158
00:09:10,394 --> 00:09:12,070
"If I were better paid,"

159
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:14,293
I might feel happier about
murdering time.

160
00:09:14,318 --> 00:09:15,778
In an overheated theater...

161
00:09:15,976 --> 00:09:18,407
"Indeed, given the state
in which I hobbled home,"

162
00:09:18,436 --> 00:09:20,321
bruised and beaten
by the mediocrity

163
00:09:20,346 --> 00:09:22,027
"of both author and cast..."

164
00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:24,591
My, our vines do bear
tender grapes...

165
00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:26,249
"I can only guess
that my refusal"

166
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,538
to list their names here

167
00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:29,707
is due to a lingering sense
of playground honor...

168
00:09:29,757 --> 00:09:31,214
I'm not going to tell on them.

169
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,301
Like it, Crownie?

170
00:09:32,326 --> 00:09:34,295
I would have liked it
better if it hadn't been...

171
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,378
Another dull thug.

172
00:09:35,403 --> 00:09:37,791
From another one of
your prodigious producers.

173
00:09:37,816 --> 00:09:39,245
That had nothing to do with it.

174
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,543
How silly of me.

175
00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:43,211
Was it a very big advertisement
he was going to take out?

176
00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:45,719
Not that it matters,
but, yes, a quarter page.

177
00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:48,017
Benchley, why didn't you cut
that bit about her salary?

178
00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:49,309
Would that it were in my power

179
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,954
to alter
Mrs. Parker's wages.

180
00:09:50,979 --> 00:09:53,397
Get rid of that ludicrous sign.
Didn't you see my memo?

181
00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:55,424
I'm hungry.
Aren't you?

182
00:09:55,449 --> 00:09:56,808
No. I'm Mr. Sherwood.

183
00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,894
Great Scott! I'm Francis
vanity fair not the morgue.

184
00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:02,231
You inspire deathless prose.

185
00:10:02,256 --> 00:10:03,851
I think we'd better
feed Mrs. Parker

186
00:10:03,876 --> 00:10:05,314
before she gets cranky.

187
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,138
Be careful you know.

188
00:10:06,163 --> 00:10:07,523
She bites the hand that feeds her.

189
00:10:07,547 --> 00:10:10,761
Oh, I do not.
Do I?

190
00:10:49,642 --> 00:10:51,249
Oh, shit.

191
00:11:02,849 --> 00:11:04,630
I thought I was late.

192
00:11:05,425 --> 00:11:07,367
Not so anyone would notice.

193
00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:09,398
Only three hours.

194
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,883
What are we doing?
May I come in?

195
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,826
It smells like home.

196
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:48,671
Thank you.

197
00:11:52,229 --> 00:11:54,194
You must be terribly hot.

198
00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:56,326
No. No.
Not at all.

199
00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:16,048
Oh, dear.
We can't.

200
00:12:16,728 --> 00:12:17,482
Why not?

201
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,181
Don't you want to
feel married again?

202
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:22,314
I have to be at the
theater in half an hour.

203
00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:24,695
Musical?

204
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,783
No. Ibsen.

205
00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:28,608
Who's he?

206
00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:30,130
You'll like it, idiot.

207
00:12:30,155 --> 00:12:32,680
Gun goes off in the third act.

208
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,728
So, where is this
mythical husband of yours?

209
00:12:41,142 --> 00:12:43,440
Tonight I rank third
in his affections,

210
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:46,138
behind misters Hague and Hague.

211
00:12:46,343 --> 00:12:48,095
Please.

212
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,879
I look pitiful enough.

213
00:12:58,385 --> 00:13:00,012
Oh...

214
00:13:00,095 --> 00:13:03,683
Let's hope the actors don't put
too much glug into their lines.

215
00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:12,612
Eddie!

216
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,651
Eddie, are you hungry?

217
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:26,644
Eddie.

218
00:13:28,663 --> 00:13:30,391
Eddie, wake up.

219
00:13:30,432 --> 00:13:31,429
Oh, God.

220
00:13:31,538 --> 00:13:34,040
Eddie, wake up.
Wake up.

221
00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:38,232
Kiss me.

222
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:41,501
Oh, I missed you.

223
00:13:44,761 --> 00:13:52,351
Lady, lady, never speak of
the tears that burn your cheek...

224
00:13:52,644 --> 00:13:54,487
She will never win him,

225
00:13:54,577 --> 00:13:59,123
whose words had shown
she feared to lose.

226
00:13:59,392 --> 00:14:02,691
Be you wise and never sad,

227
00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:05,629
you will get your lovely lad.

228
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:09,356
Never serious be, nor true,

229
00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:13,055
and your wish
will come to you...

230
00:14:13,931 --> 00:14:16,398
And if that
makes you happy, kid,

231
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,147
you'll be the first it ever did.

232
00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:27,956
There's the phone.

233
00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:33,279
Young Mr. Benchley,
where are you going over there?

234
00:14:34,671 --> 00:14:35,657
Hello.

235
00:14:35,682 --> 00:14:38,039
Hello, Gertrude.
It's Dorothy.

236
00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:40,626
Something's come up with work.

237
00:14:40,869 --> 00:14:43,035
May I speak with
Mr. Benchley, please?

238
00:14:43,105 --> 00:14:44,833
Certainly.
One moment.

239
00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:48,113
It's Dorothy.

240
00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:51,719
On a Sunday.

241
00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:53,021
A Sunday.

242
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,974
Mrs. Parker,
what happened?

243
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,692
Crownie fired me.

244
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,825
He took me out to lunch,

245
00:15:01,889 --> 00:15:03,682
and then he fired me.

246
00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:06,442
He didn't even have
the nerve to say why.

247
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:09,597
You and I both know why.

248
00:15:10,538 --> 00:15:12,539
I've wrecked my career.

249
00:15:12,861 --> 00:15:14,926
Kindly direct me to hell.

250
00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:17,211
Take two aspirin,
lightly grilled.

251
00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,784
I'll be in on the next train.

252
00:15:21,669 --> 00:15:22,920
Well...

253
00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:23,838
Don't tell me.

254
00:15:23,863 --> 00:15:25,823
I suppose she started crying.

255
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:27,602
They fired her.

256
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,129
She did get a bit weepy, yes.

257
00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,427
And then the bastard offered me

258
00:15:33,452 --> 00:15:35,787
a satisfactory rate.

259
00:15:35,812 --> 00:15:37,132
What does that mean?
Satisfactory.

260
00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:38,124
Exactly.

261
00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:41,278
For a few little pieces at home.

262
00:15:41,388 --> 00:15:43,108
Like I'm a spoiled virgin

263
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:44,722
and no one else would have me.

264
00:15:44,747 --> 00:15:45,982
You're not spoiled.

265
00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:46,721
I'm not?

266
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,991
Just highly seasoned.

267
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,670
What does that mean, Bob?

268
00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:58,134
What were you two doing
when I was overseas?

269
00:15:58,175 --> 00:15:59,927
Nothing, ed,

270
00:15:59,969 --> 00:16:02,823
which is a lot more
than you weren't doing.

271
00:16:04,181 --> 00:16:06,183
Do you mind?

272
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,801
I'm leaving.

273
00:16:08,414 --> 00:16:11,194
I was expecting a raise,
I really was.

274
00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:31,901
Do you mind?

275
00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:33,983
Yes, all right.
Then I'll stop.

276
00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:35,692
The day will arrive

277
00:16:35,717 --> 00:16:38,117
when they come to me on their
knees and beg me to drum.

278
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:39,818
There will be three
of you today?

279
00:16:39,844 --> 00:16:42,017
Yes. Only three.

280
00:16:43,315 --> 00:16:44,916
I wonder what
the least expensive item is

281
00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,132
on this menu.

282
00:16:46,157 --> 00:16:47,202
The eggs.

283
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:51,385
Uh, yes, I believe
I'll have the eggs.

284
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,649
Same for me, please.
Loosely scrambled,

285
00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,322
like my brains.

286
00:16:55,577 --> 00:16:57,537
Could I get a half-order?

287
00:16:58,624 --> 00:16:59,707
Hello, guppies!

288
00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:01,343
What colossal trumpery

289
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,453
is taking place at vanity fair?

290
00:17:03,478 --> 00:17:06,706
Well, Mr. Sherwood
was replaced last week.

291
00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:08,617
By the woman who gives
music lessons

292
00:17:08,642 --> 00:17:10,394
to Conde Nast's daughter.

293
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,789
A woman, I might add,
who's so full of charm,

294
00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,100
she's practically
panting with it.

295
00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:17,662
And then Mrs. Parker
was fired...

296
00:17:17,716 --> 00:17:18,840
Because, I presume,

297
00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:21,098
vanity fair is a magazine
of no opinion,

298
00:17:21,223 --> 00:17:22,329
and she has plenty.

299
00:17:22,377 --> 00:17:23,268
And you, Benchley?

300
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,352
We hear your income is
running well into one figure.

301
00:17:26,201 --> 00:17:27,702
Go ahead, Rob.
Tell them.

302
00:17:27,877 --> 00:17:29,491
I trust this is for publication.

303
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,474
Benchley,
one can't simply repeat rumors.

304
00:17:31,499 --> 00:17:33,039
And do it with some complexity.

305
00:17:33,064 --> 00:17:36,424
I am resigning from
vanity fair...

306
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,140
There will be five of you today?

307
00:17:38,213 --> 00:17:39,445
Yes. Only five.

308
00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:43,387
I'm, uh... I'm resigning
from the magazine.

309
00:17:44,265 --> 00:17:47,291
Because Mrs. Parker's dismissal
was remarkably stupid...

310
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,707
Hello, Helen!

311
00:17:48,732 --> 00:17:50,538
And unfair.

312
00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:51,550
Helen Hayes.

313
00:17:51,575 --> 00:17:54,457
And if I've learned anything...

314
00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:57,482
I've allowed them
to seat five in the booth.

315
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,419
I know it's a little disorderly,

316
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:02,731
but I think we can keep them
from being disruptive.

317
00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:06,301
Everyone, Ross and I have set

318
00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:07,807
a September date
for the wedding!

319
00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:09,221
Congratulations!

320
00:18:09,246 --> 00:18:10,075
Call me Cox.

321
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,100
It's damned embarrassing.

322
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,786
And I'm keeping my maiden name.

323
00:18:12,811 --> 00:18:13,939
No goddamn music!

324
00:18:13,964 --> 00:18:17,021
No marching down the
aisles to Mendelssohn!

325
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:18,796
I insist on picking out
the wedding ring

326
00:18:18,821 --> 00:18:20,889
and making all the arrangements.

327
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:22,660
It's settled!

328
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,379
We must remodel
that ghastly house

329
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,338
before I move in.

330
00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:26,847
Does that mean you're
moving out?

331
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,974
Aleck,
you left the tub full this morning.

332
00:18:28,999 --> 00:18:31,228
In the hopes
that you might take a bath.

333
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,207
I tell you, that house
reeks of sex.

334
00:18:34,232 --> 00:18:35,587
Aleck, how would you know?

335
00:18:35,612 --> 00:18:37,867
A childhood bout of the mumps

336
00:18:37,892 --> 00:18:39,590
killed the impulse in me.

337
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:40,833
Don't apologize.

338
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,362
Celibacy sharpens the senses.

339
00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:44,013
Is this a dagger
I see before me?

340
00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:46,569
I think this calls for
a cele-bation.

341
00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:47,949
I may not be able to vote red,

342
00:18:47,974 --> 00:18:49,311
but I can certainly drink it.

343
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,012
Where's my bread?

344
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,132
I'm hungry!

345
00:18:54,397 --> 00:18:57,190
Bring them some celery
and some popovers or something.

346
00:18:57,215 --> 00:18:59,354
Mr. Case already
told me, sir.

347
00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:01,627
Well, I knew that.

348
00:19:02,513 --> 00:19:04,317
Are you nervous?
Don't be nervous.

349
00:19:04,342 --> 00:19:05,695
I'll take care of you.

350
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,876
Your royal highnesses,
I give you Marc Connelly,

351
00:19:08,901 --> 00:19:10,940
fact-finder for
the Morning Telegraph.

352
00:19:10,987 --> 00:19:12,562
Ah, the chorus girl's breakfast.

353
00:19:12,603 --> 00:19:14,543
Well, I don't actually write
for the Telegraph.

354
00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:16,124
- 11.
- 11?

355
00:19:16,149 --> 00:19:17,525
A bald man.

356
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:18,676
Feel of a strange.

357
00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:20,621
It feels just like
my wife's behind.

358
00:19:21,739 --> 00:19:22,861
So it does!

359
00:19:22,886 --> 00:19:24,859
Ha ha ha!

360
00:19:24,884 --> 00:19:26,298
Listen, everyone.

361
00:19:26,368 --> 00:19:28,956
Ross is in the planning stages
of a brand-new weekly.

362
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:29,678
Really?

363
00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:31,623
Something similar to what you're doing now,
Ross?

364
00:19:31,647 --> 00:19:33,510
Just what the world
is waiting for,

365
00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:35,687
another publication for
little old ladies in Dubuque.

366
00:19:35,718 --> 00:19:38,769
Don't ask us to be on your advisory board.
It'll ruin our appetites.

367
00:19:38,793 --> 00:19:39,758
Speak for yourself.

368
00:19:39,783 --> 00:19:41,343
Does that mean you're
interested, Aleck?

369
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:43,010
Ross, you remind me a great deal

370
00:19:43,035 --> 00:19:44,543
of my grandfather's coachman.

371
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:46,869
Some horse's ass
would know the coachman.

372
00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:48,455
Oh, here's Kaufman!

373
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,197
George, over here!

374
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:51,694
Table for one, sir?

375
00:19:51,719 --> 00:19:53,399
Everyone, I'd like you
to meet my assistant

376
00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:55,473
at the New York Times,
George S. Kaufman.

377
00:19:55,951 --> 00:19:57,005
A Jew.

378
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,382
- Gesundheit.
- Shalom.

379
00:19:58,407 --> 00:20:00,112
I'm no longer
your assistant, Aleck.

380
00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:01,377
You haven't converted, I trust.

381
00:20:01,402 --> 00:20:02,951
No, just promoted.

382
00:20:02,976 --> 00:20:04,616
Feeling alright George?
You look terrible.

383
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,016
Terrible would be
an improvement.

384
00:20:06,041 --> 00:20:07,782
- Harold Ross, American Legion Weekly.
- You shouldn't touch George.

385
00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:09,126
George doesn't like
to be touched.

386
00:20:09,151 --> 00:20:10,751
So how many more will there be
for lunch?

387
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,621
There will be two of everybody!

388
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,314
Mr. Case
won't like this.

389
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,508
Oh, well.
Case closed.

390
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,308
Yes, Bob?
You rang?

391
00:20:21,418 --> 00:20:25,713
I... I... I'm afraid
I have...

392
00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:29,531
I am resigning my position
at Vanity Fair.

393
00:20:29,602 --> 00:20:30,331
Why?

394
00:20:30,356 --> 00:20:33,047
Well, because my job,
if you could call it that,

395
00:20:33,072 --> 00:20:35,322
as Managing Editor
is no longer attractive

396
00:20:35,347 --> 00:20:38,478
without the extraordinary
talents of Mrs. Parker

397
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,718
and Mr. Sherwood.

398
00:20:41,877 --> 00:20:43,708
This is not a reckless decision.

399
00:20:43,733 --> 00:20:44,796
I'm a careful man,

400
00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:45,936
one who often wears a belt,

401
00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,341
as well as suspenders.

402
00:20:47,402 --> 00:20:49,625
Bravo.
Bravo, Bob.

403
00:20:51,429 --> 00:20:52,752
Think of us fondly, please,

404
00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:54,703
as ships departing
a sinking rat.

405
00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:58,129
Well, make a good union man.

406
00:20:58,761 --> 00:21:00,177
What was that all about?

407
00:21:00,682 --> 00:21:03,320
Uh, Mr. Woollcott,

408
00:21:03,622 --> 00:21:06,583
have to remind you,
as of this week,

409
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:08,583
drinking alcohol
here is illegal.

410
00:21:08,674 --> 00:21:11,927
Geoplenarian,
I am interested only in things

411
00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:15,092
that are illegal, immoral,
or fattening.

412
00:21:15,117 --> 00:21:16,785
It's wine, not alcohol.

413
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:17,856
Ice, please.

414
00:21:17,881 --> 00:21:18,717
Kaufman.

415
00:21:25,892 --> 00:21:27,710
Are you all right,
Mrs. Parker?

416
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,247
Oh, that man is a mess.

417
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:32,302
Kaufman... oh, I think
he's rather quick.

418
00:21:32,398 --> 00:21:33,815
- Is that what his name is?
- Yeah.

419
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,165
Oh, I never saw such a thing.

420
00:21:36,190 --> 00:21:37,910
He's a twitchy fella.

421
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:44,322
Mr. Benchley, are you
quite sure about this?

422
00:21:44,347 --> 00:21:45,847
Positive, Mrs. Parker.

423
00:21:46,896 --> 00:21:50,814
Listen, you can't buy the kind
of advertising they'll be giving us.

424
00:21:50,839 --> 00:21:52,176
We'll be freelancers.
Oh, my God.

425
00:21:52,201 --> 00:21:54,036
We'll write only what we like,

426
00:21:54,061 --> 00:21:57,337
not slave over a hot desk
for people like Conde Nast.

427
00:21:57,409 --> 00:21:59,864
Have you told Gertrude?

428
00:22:00,017 --> 00:22:01,143
Pardon.

429
00:22:07,127 --> 00:22:08,540
Is there a problem?

430
00:22:08,565 --> 00:22:09,605
Don't worry about a thing.

431
00:22:09,630 --> 00:22:11,070
I've set this kind
of fracture before

432
00:22:11,094 --> 00:22:11,923
without much pain,

433
00:22:11,924 --> 00:22:13,324
but we must get started
immediately.

434
00:22:13,348 --> 00:22:14,841
Mrs. Beemish,
please take a seat.

435
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:15,785
Does it hurt?

436
00:22:15,810 --> 00:22:16,684
Oh, it's dreadful.

437
00:22:16,709 --> 00:22:17,749
Please don't try to speak.

438
00:22:17,773 --> 00:22:19,365
I need room to work.

439
00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,106
We'll rent an office together,

440
00:22:24,131 --> 00:22:24,882
move in,

441
00:22:24,907 --> 00:22:25,886
cheer each other on.

442
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,471
You can try your dainty
hand at fiction,

443
00:22:27,495 --> 00:22:29,842
and I'll start my history

444
00:22:29,867 --> 00:22:32,676
of the queen Anne humorists...
Both of them.

445
00:22:33,538 --> 00:22:35,260
Mr. Benchley...

446
00:22:35,878 --> 00:22:38,960
I feel as though you're
proposing marriage.

447
00:22:39,076 --> 00:22:41,624
Many torments lie
in the small circle

448
00:22:41,649 --> 00:22:43,567
of a wedding ring.

449
00:22:43,688 --> 00:22:45,182
What if it doesn't work?

450
00:22:45,207 --> 00:22:47,023
Well, we'll just yearn a living.

451
00:22:47,048 --> 00:22:50,245
But first, we need a name
for the office door.

452
00:22:51,024 --> 00:22:53,121
Utica Drop Forge
and Tool company.

453
00:22:53,146 --> 00:22:54,120
Perfect.

454
00:22:54,145 --> 00:22:55,847
Robert Benchley, president.

455
00:22:56,204 --> 00:22:58,736
Dorothy Parker, president.

456
00:22:59,824 --> 00:23:00,990
Dorothy...

457
00:23:02,989 --> 00:23:04,240
I could kiss you,

458
00:23:04,939 --> 00:23:07,543
but I'm not sure
it would come out right.

459
00:23:08,618 --> 00:23:10,154
You're afraid you might

460
00:23:10,179 --> 00:23:12,623
melt the gold in my teeth.

461
00:23:13,991 --> 00:23:14,706
Huh?

462
00:23:14,878 --> 00:23:16,843
Afraid I might lose you.

463
00:23:18,294 --> 00:23:20,446
I know I'm losing Eddie.

464
00:23:20,794 --> 00:23:23,024
I couldn't bear losing you, too.

465
00:23:23,816 --> 00:23:25,896
You'd have to wear a pretty
large hole in your pocket

466
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,157
to lose me,
Mrs. Parker.

467
00:23:27,182 --> 00:23:30,530
Madame, Monsieur,
the eggs are getting cold.

468
00:23:30,555 --> 00:23:31,890
Ah.

469
00:23:44,019 --> 00:23:45,479
Much better.

470
00:23:45,863 --> 00:23:47,965
Have to be comfortable
when I sit down to write,

471
00:23:47,990 --> 00:23:49,678
because that's where I shine.

472
00:23:54,091 --> 00:23:55,550
Park Bench.

473
00:23:55,676 --> 00:23:56,885
Mm-hmm.

474
00:23:56,910 --> 00:23:58,658
May I tell her who's called?

475
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,148
Does the cent sign
go before or after?

476
00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:02,076
After.

477
00:24:02,489 --> 00:24:03,715
This is Mr. Nichols.

478
00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:06,172
Wants to know
where your story is.

479
00:24:06,356 --> 00:24:07,511
Oh.

480
00:24:08,503 --> 00:24:10,504
Tell him something, will you?

481
00:24:12,071 --> 00:24:14,862
I'm afraid Mrs. Parker's had
some sort of an attack.

482
00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:17,145
They're in the process now
of freezing her appendix.

483
00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:18,636
The doctor thinks we may get it

484
00:24:18,661 --> 00:24:20,369
to listen to reason this way.

485
00:24:21,819 --> 00:24:25,274
Yeah. All right.
Certainly.

486
00:24:25,299 --> 00:24:26,233
Good-bye.

487
00:24:28,223 --> 00:24:30,247
Has to be in by tomorrow.

488
00:24:30,833 --> 00:24:33,544
Oh. Shit.

489
00:24:34,779 --> 00:24:38,014
I may die before a train of
thought leaves the station.

490
00:24:38,039 --> 00:24:39,265
Me, too.

491
00:24:41,316 --> 00:24:43,056
Let's change places.

492
00:24:43,081 --> 00:24:44,299
All right.

493
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,087
Hmm... well.
Pardon me.

494
00:24:50,112 --> 00:24:51,905
Excuse me.

495
00:25:02,778 --> 00:25:07,201
We'd build a little bungalow,
if you and I were one,

496
00:25:07,469 --> 00:25:13,223
and carefully we'd plan it
so we'd get the morning sun.

497
00:25:14,041 --> 00:25:17,243
I'd rise each day at rosy dawn

498
00:25:17,268 --> 00:25:19,792
and bustle gaily down.

499
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,922
In evening's cool,
you'd spray the lawn

500
00:25:22,947 --> 00:25:25,504
when you come back from town.

501
00:25:26,347 --> 00:25:29,256
If you and I were one, my dear,

502
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:32,108
a model life we'd lead.

503
00:25:32,584 --> 00:25:35,825
We'd travel on
from year to year,

504
00:25:35,850 --> 00:25:38,933
at no increase of speed.

505
00:25:40,078 --> 00:25:44,195
Ah, clear to me
the vision of the things

506
00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:46,616
that we should do.

507
00:25:47,111 --> 00:25:50,990
And so I think it best, my love,

508
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:53,147
to string along as two.

509
00:25:53,172 --> 00:25:54,191
Here, dear?

510
00:25:54,216 --> 00:25:55,912
Oh, to the right.

511
00:25:58,768 --> 00:26:00,790
Oh, how do you do?
I'm Neyso McMain.

512
00:26:00,815 --> 00:26:01,743
I'm your neighbor.

513
00:26:01,768 --> 00:26:03,011
Would you like a drink?

514
00:26:03,807 --> 00:26:05,433
Sworn off.
Thank you.

515
00:26:05,691 --> 00:26:08,299
Oh, well, if you should
ever want to come by,

516
00:26:08,324 --> 00:26:10,419
my door is open, day and night.

517
00:26:10,739 --> 00:26:12,473
Hotel Algonquin.
Please hold.

518
00:26:14,769 --> 00:26:16,979
O'Neill's won
the Pulitzer, Aleck!

519
00:26:17,217 --> 00:26:19,135
Hey, John.
How are you?

520
00:26:19,687 --> 00:26:21,660
Hello, Mr. Woollcott.
How you doing?

521
00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,124
You know everyone.
Everyone, Will.

522
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,459
Mr. Benchley.

523
00:26:25,792 --> 00:26:27,672
- How do you do? Robert Benchley.
- Will Rogers.

524
00:26:27,924 --> 00:26:29,154
Nice to meet you, Miss Parker.

525
00:26:29,179 --> 00:26:31,467
I never liked a man
I didn't meet.

526
00:26:33,228 --> 00:26:34,870
Thank you, I guess.

527
00:26:35,047 --> 00:26:37,247
So, Aleck, Will Rogers for president.
What do you think?

528
00:26:37,271 --> 00:26:38,605
Now get out of here.

529
00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:39,790
Now that women have the vote,

530
00:26:39,815 --> 00:26:40,855
what do you think, ladies?

531
00:26:40,879 --> 00:26:42,786
Well it is a lovely hat.

532
00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:46,140
Everybody knows it's the hat
that gets you in the white house.

533
00:26:47,468 --> 00:26:50,346
This must be the smallest table in
the biggest city on the planet here.

534
00:26:50,371 --> 00:26:51,916
You folks got sore knees
under there?

535
00:26:52,242 --> 00:26:54,905
We need a Ouija board.
We'd divine the future.

536
00:26:56,485 --> 00:26:58,547
Future looks
pretty divine to me.

537
00:26:58,572 --> 00:27:05,081
Georges, tell Mr. Case
I've had a great idea.

538
00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:06,996
He might not believe it, sir.

539
00:27:07,021 --> 00:27:09,245
If Ziegfeld changed the name
of the show...

540
00:27:10,298 --> 00:27:11,440
I'm sorry.
What did you say?

541
00:27:11,465 --> 00:27:13,152
Wisdom, every word.

542
00:27:13,534 --> 00:27:14,689
Serge.

543
00:28:40,131 --> 00:28:43,600
Ross, use the word "dog"
in a sentence.

544
00:28:45,774 --> 00:28:47,118
We'll give you time.

545
00:28:47,143 --> 00:28:48,083
Get her a drink.

546
00:28:48,108 --> 00:28:49,451
Oh yeah!
Would you like a drink?

547
00:28:49,476 --> 00:28:51,478
- Welcome.
- Please, come.

548
00:28:54,945 --> 00:28:57,620
Well, Neyso, I think if you
loiter in your studio long enough,

549
00:28:57,645 --> 00:28:59,463
the whole world will
drift in and out.

550
00:28:59,736 --> 00:29:00,737
That's the point.

551
00:29:00,950 --> 00:29:02,217
Sour trumpet at the end

552
00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:03,887
of a third-rate marching band.

553
00:29:04,074 --> 00:29:06,254
Round of cards?
I'll get the girls.

554
00:29:06,279 --> 00:29:07,612
The girls?

555
00:29:07,839 --> 00:29:09,216
Poker.
Yes, I'd love to.

556
00:29:09,241 --> 00:29:10,659
You're a celebrity,
George, face it.

557
00:29:10,684 --> 00:29:12,419
Right.
A temporary one.

558
00:29:12,745 --> 00:29:13,776
There's not another kind.

559
00:29:13,801 --> 00:29:15,231
My point exactly.

560
00:29:15,632 --> 00:29:16,889
Come on, Don.
Ardent fidelity.

561
00:29:16,914 --> 00:29:18,794
That's the first thing that
springs to your mind

562
00:29:18,818 --> 00:29:20,162
when you think
of Mrs. Parker.

563
00:29:20,236 --> 00:29:21,476
Well, it's not the first thing,

564
00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:24,792
but gradually, I work
my way back around.

565
00:29:25,575 --> 00:29:27,148
Let's take a walk through here.

566
00:29:27,173 --> 00:29:28,828
I'll show you some
of Miss McMain's

567
00:29:28,853 --> 00:29:31,481
extraordinarily
useless object d'art.

568
00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:32,858
Your apartment is just lovely.

569
00:29:32,883 --> 00:29:35,260
You think?
It's that Slavic architecture.

570
00:29:36,026 --> 00:29:37,918
It's just like a dormitory here.

571
00:29:38,224 --> 00:29:39,473
Oh, ho.

572
00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:42,266
Just like a dormitory here.

573
00:29:42,291 --> 00:29:44,411
I was just saying, the Par...
well, here they are now.

574
00:29:44,435 --> 00:29:46,596
The Parkers live just
across the hall.

575
00:29:46,706 --> 00:29:48,296
That's why...

576
00:29:48,394 --> 00:29:50,597
It's really so kind of you
letting Robert sleep over

577
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,035
when he works late.

578
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,304
Why sometimes I think
you see more of him than I do.

579
00:29:54,329 --> 00:29:55,661
Well I'm always very modest.

580
00:29:55,686 --> 00:29:56,742
You know that, Gertrude.

581
00:29:56,767 --> 00:29:59,418
Well it must be wonderful to
never have babies waking you up.

582
00:29:59,645 --> 00:30:02,272
They don't allow
babies in dormitories.

583
00:30:02,470 --> 00:30:04,582
Not that there's anything
wrong with babies.

584
00:30:04,607 --> 00:30:07,063
Oh if there were, Gertrude,
you'd be arrested by now.

585
00:30:07,088 --> 00:30:10,029
Ha ha! Well...

586
00:30:11,114 --> 00:30:14,396
I'm sorry. I...
I didn't understand.

587
00:30:14,958 --> 00:30:16,751
For being so good with them.

588
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:17,936
Thank you.

589
00:30:17,961 --> 00:30:19,715
And you are good
with them, God knows.

590
00:30:19,858 --> 00:30:20,751
They worship her.

591
00:30:20,776 --> 00:30:22,928
I don't think they
know who I am even.

592
00:30:23,281 --> 00:30:24,401
Aren't you and Eddie anxious

593
00:30:24,425 --> 00:30:25,811
to start a family of your own?

594
00:30:25,860 --> 00:30:29,023
Oh, good...
heavens no.

595
00:30:29,750 --> 00:30:32,076
My mother was 42
when I was born.

596
00:30:32,101 --> 00:30:34,075
Of course, then she
promptly went and died on me,

597
00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:37,270
so maybe waiting
isn't such a good idea.

598
00:30:37,301 --> 00:30:39,657
Reminds me,
I need another drink.

599
00:30:39,682 --> 00:30:41,735
- Anybody?
- Uh, no. No.

600
00:30:42,495 --> 00:30:45,222
You know, my mother
was 34 when she had me,

601
00:30:45,530 --> 00:30:47,279
but then again,
she had the good graces

602
00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,582
to wait until I was 12
before she passed away.

603
00:30:49,888 --> 00:30:53,202
She was always
the politest of women.

604
00:30:53,412 --> 00:30:55,477
Oh, well, here's
a lovely picture...

605
00:30:55,502 --> 00:30:56,857
Benchley and his two wives.

606
00:30:56,882 --> 00:30:57,824
Not nice, Aleck.

607
00:30:57,849 --> 00:30:58,994
Oh, come on, Sherry.

608
00:30:59,019 --> 00:31:01,354
Don't say it's
an intellectual relationship.

609
00:31:01,379 --> 00:31:02,344
What does that mean?

610
00:31:02,369 --> 00:31:03,611
Yes, what does that mean?

611
00:31:03,636 --> 00:31:06,139
In their minds,
they "mmm" like bunnies.

612
00:31:06,164 --> 00:31:07,911
Oh, Mr. Benchley.

613
00:31:09,105 --> 00:31:10,924
How's Eddie doing?
He seems all right.

614
00:31:11,002 --> 00:31:14,241
Well, I think he's
off the morphine, anyway.

615
00:31:14,583 --> 00:31:16,236
Now he wants to move
back to Hartford

616
00:31:16,261 --> 00:31:18,221
to be near his family.

617
00:31:18,592 --> 00:31:20,177
I don't know.

618
00:31:20,282 --> 00:31:22,360
Maybe it'll be easier
for him there.

619
00:31:22,736 --> 00:31:25,268
At least they know
how to keep house.

620
00:31:26,372 --> 00:31:29,006
Wifely chores can be
lethal, Mr. Benchley.

621
00:31:29,103 --> 00:31:30,563
Only if done properly.

622
00:31:31,239 --> 00:31:33,110
You're much too hard on yourself,
Mrs. Parker.

623
00:31:33,135 --> 00:31:34,358
A little garbage gives a house

624
00:31:34,383 --> 00:31:35,602
that lived-in feeling.

625
00:31:36,510 --> 00:31:37,210
Robert.

626
00:31:37,234 --> 00:31:39,272
Pull a bed sheet
over it or something.

627
00:31:39,741 --> 00:31:41,326
The coward's way out?

628
00:31:41,696 --> 00:31:42,839
Robert.

629
00:31:43,321 --> 00:31:45,791
Excuse me, please.
I must find the ladies room.

630
00:31:45,816 --> 00:31:47,898
It's just to the left here.
Right...

631
00:31:48,184 --> 00:31:49,888
Right around the corner there.

632
00:31:50,007 --> 00:31:52,146
Do you know where
the ladies room is?

633
00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:53,533
Here, take one of mine.

634
00:31:53,558 --> 00:31:54,697
No, I don't drink.

635
00:31:54,722 --> 00:31:56,473
All right.
It's just in the back.

636
00:31:57,881 --> 00:32:00,937
Oh, uh, you've, uh,
forgotten your, uh...

637
00:32:00,962 --> 00:32:03,141
Soul, as usual.

638
00:32:05,343 --> 00:32:07,338
If our Mrs. Parker
used her body

639
00:32:07,363 --> 00:32:08,800
the way she uses her mouth...

640
00:32:08,825 --> 00:32:10,466
Dottie, 20 questions.

641
00:32:10,491 --> 00:32:11,868
I'm thinking of a person.

642
00:32:11,893 --> 00:32:13,991
I'm so happy for you, Ross.

643
00:32:14,502 --> 00:32:15,854
Would he be the kind of man

644
00:32:15,879 --> 00:32:17,816
to put the wings back on flies?

645
00:32:18,069 --> 00:32:19,614
I know nothing about entomology.

646
00:32:19,639 --> 00:32:22,199
Compassion, not bugs.
Right?

647
00:32:23,830 --> 00:32:25,531
Who's that sitting
with deems Taylor?

648
00:32:25,556 --> 00:32:26,854
Mary Kennedy.

649
00:32:26,879 --> 00:32:28,958
She's consoling him
through his divorce.

650
00:32:29,572 --> 00:32:30,602
But if I were you,

651
00:32:30,761 --> 00:32:33,171
I would be paying more
attention to my own flanks

652
00:32:33,196 --> 00:32:35,054
than to his at the moment.

653
00:32:37,258 --> 00:32:41,020
Paula, I see you've met
my little husband.

654
00:32:41,167 --> 00:32:43,033
Oh! So this
is Eddie.

655
00:32:43,058 --> 00:32:43,852
Hmm.

656
00:32:43,877 --> 00:32:45,796
Well, how's your arm, dear?

657
00:32:45,821 --> 00:32:46,767
My arm?

658
00:32:46,918 --> 00:32:48,542
Why, yes.
Dottie said you broke it.

659
00:32:48,567 --> 00:32:50,268
Sharpening a pencil?

660
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,169
Did she?
Excuse me.

661
00:32:53,398 --> 00:32:55,911
You did say that,
didn't you, Dot?

662
00:32:56,158 --> 00:32:58,816
Paula, your slip is showing.

663
00:32:59,041 --> 00:33:00,289
It's on purpose, dear.

664
00:33:00,314 --> 00:33:01,606
Hmm.

665
00:33:01,867 --> 00:33:04,066
How like your acting that is.

666
00:33:04,091 --> 00:33:05,380
Excuse me.

667
00:33:06,449 --> 00:33:08,366
Ha ha ha.

668
00:33:08,877 --> 00:33:10,643
Ah, hello, Frank.

669
00:33:10,945 --> 00:33:13,063
Take care of your body, Paula,

670
00:33:13,275 --> 00:33:14,731
because when it goes,

671
00:33:14,756 --> 00:33:16,653
you'll have nothing left.

672
00:33:20,978 --> 00:33:23,334
Shouldn't you leave some
for the other guests, Eddie?

673
00:33:23,430 --> 00:33:26,308
I have to exercise my arm after
all those weeks in a cast, dear.

674
00:33:26,653 --> 00:33:28,308
I never said such a thing.

675
00:33:28,333 --> 00:33:29,551
Sure, you did.

676
00:33:29,965 --> 00:33:32,173
They know better than
to expect anything from me,

677
00:33:32,374 --> 00:33:33,616
thanks to you.

678
00:33:34,152 --> 00:33:36,615
You don't want to
become the town drunk, Eddie.

679
00:33:36,812 --> 00:33:38,014
Not in Manhattan.

680
00:33:38,039 --> 00:33:40,455
You know, I think that you
ought to drink more, dear.

681
00:33:41,417 --> 00:33:43,695
Then maybe you could
stop nagging me.

682
00:33:47,935 --> 00:33:53,503
I may be a dimwit
and a lousy drunk, dear,

683
00:33:53,528 --> 00:33:55,864
but you and your friends...

684
00:33:58,489 --> 00:33:59,357
Eddie.

685
00:33:59,382 --> 00:34:00,633
Oh!

686
00:34:01,294 --> 00:34:04,358
It's ok. It's ok.
It's ok.

687
00:34:33,268 --> 00:34:34,710
I'm sorry.

688
00:34:35,246 --> 00:34:36,831
I'm sorry. I...

689
00:34:36,882 --> 00:34:39,116
I didn't know what to do,

690
00:34:39,141 --> 00:34:42,729
so I... I just
held my breath.

691
00:34:44,161 --> 00:34:45,812
Are... are you
all right?

692
00:34:48,811 --> 00:34:50,908
I'm just so grateful
Robert doesn't drink.

693
00:34:51,487 --> 00:34:52,452
His uncle did, you know,

694
00:34:52,477 --> 00:34:54,329
so he's seen the damage done.

695
00:34:57,052 --> 00:34:59,127
Do you really like that?

696
00:35:00,538 --> 00:35:01,831
Not much.

697
00:35:02,724 --> 00:35:05,143
But it's better than
a sock in the eye.

698
00:35:09,223 --> 00:35:10,182
Ha ha ha!

699
00:35:10,207 --> 00:35:13,334
So anyway, I asked him
if he'd ever read.

700
00:35:13,359 --> 00:35:14,707
Edna Ferber's new book.

701
00:35:14,732 --> 00:35:16,358
It's a very full book.

702
00:35:16,671 --> 00:35:17,984
Full of what, Ross?

703
00:35:18,009 --> 00:35:19,418
Full of not being edited.

704
00:35:19,770 --> 00:35:22,613
And this from the editor of
American legion magazine, mind you.

705
00:35:22,638 --> 00:35:25,461
You could do with a little
trimming yourself, my dumpling.

706
00:35:25,486 --> 00:35:27,657
So it's thin, thinning, or needs thinning.

707
00:35:27,682 --> 00:35:29,122
Three words Aleck
has never heard of.

708
00:35:29,146 --> 00:35:31,417
That's almost
a subjective completion.

709
00:35:31,442 --> 00:35:34,684
What Ross means is that
stories flow easily

710
00:35:34,709 --> 00:35:36,164
from Edna's fingertips.

711
00:35:36,189 --> 00:35:39,268
I understand she fairly
whistles at her typewriter.

712
00:35:39,293 --> 00:35:41,562
And there was that poor
sucker Flaubert

713
00:35:41,587 --> 00:35:43,805
just rolling around
on the floor for days,

714
00:35:43,830 --> 00:35:45,676
looking for just
the right words.

715
00:35:46,483 --> 00:35:48,651
Well, Dottie, I do
love your pieces,

716
00:35:48,825 --> 00:35:50,640
and when Ross launches
his new magazine,

717
00:35:50,665 --> 00:35:52,295
you'll have to be part of it.

718
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,154
No other woman
writes like you do.

719
00:35:54,179 --> 00:35:55,638
Who would want to?

720
00:35:56,127 --> 00:35:58,224
Listen, I read your
new piece in the smart set

721
00:35:58,249 --> 00:35:59,369
over and over again, Dottie.

722
00:35:59,393 --> 00:36:00,489
It was wonderful.

723
00:36:00,514 --> 00:36:01,815
How sweet, Ross.

724
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,651
Didn't he understand
it the first time?

725
00:36:06,387 --> 00:36:08,450
Alan, dust off your tutu.
It's official.

726
00:36:08,475 --> 00:36:10,080
We've rented
the 49th street theater

727
00:36:10,105 --> 00:36:11,271
for Sunday, April 30th.

728
00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:13,881
Bravo!
Hey!

729
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,920
As our treasurer, I feel
compelled to ask...

730
00:36:16,944 --> 00:36:17,620
How much?

731
00:36:17,645 --> 00:36:19,365
Nothing to worry about.
I made a great deal.

732
00:36:19,447 --> 00:36:21,101
They gave us the sleeves
off their vests.

733
00:36:21,126 --> 00:36:22,685
Kaufman should have negotiated.

734
00:36:22,710 --> 00:36:23,868
He's the Christ killer.

735
00:36:23,893 --> 00:36:25,363
One more slur
upon my race, Aleck,

736
00:36:25,388 --> 00:36:26,889
and I'm walking away
from this table,

737
00:36:26,914 --> 00:36:29,105
out of the dining room,
and away from this hotel.

738
00:36:29,427 --> 00:36:32,962
I trust that Mrs. Parker will
walk out with me... halfway?

739
00:36:34,143 --> 00:36:35,493
Raoul Fleischmann was 14

740
00:36:35,518 --> 00:36:37,186
before he realized he was a Jew.

741
00:36:37,211 --> 00:36:39,371
That's nothing. I was 16
before I realized I was a boy.

742
00:36:39,599 --> 00:36:41,270
What convinced you?

743
00:36:41,739 --> 00:36:42,760
Gravity.

744
00:36:42,785 --> 00:36:44,339
Sex laws of a Newton.

745
00:36:44,995 --> 00:36:46,644
Mmm. Chemin de fer.

746
00:36:46,669 --> 00:36:47,920
Mirabile dictum.

747
00:36:47,945 --> 00:36:49,487
Oh!
Oh!

748
00:36:49,660 --> 00:36:51,100
What on earth
are they talking about?

749
00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,690
And don't tell me
you understand.

750
00:36:52,715 --> 00:36:54,459
Too much for your precious ears.

751
00:36:55,868 --> 00:36:59,200
Why, speaking of
stage-struck Jewish nuns,

752
00:36:59,428 --> 00:37:00,829
here's Edna!

753
00:37:01,409 --> 00:37:03,774
You almost look like
a man today, Edna.

754
00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:05,266
So do you, Aleck.

755
00:37:07,213 --> 00:37:09,132
Madam Ferber's so
diligent in her duties,

756
00:37:09,157 --> 00:37:10,816
I'm surprised
she's deigned to join us.

757
00:37:10,860 --> 00:37:12,889
Well, coffee and sandwiches
aren't my usual,

758
00:37:13,154 --> 00:37:15,034
but don't make me out
a dullard to your friends.

759
00:37:15,059 --> 00:37:17,023
I always say, "there's
no good sauce for play"

760
00:37:17,048 --> 00:37:18,054
like hard work."

761
00:37:18,213 --> 00:37:19,715
Please, sit down.

762
00:37:20,358 --> 00:37:21,690
Bite your tongue, mistress,

763
00:37:21,715 --> 00:37:24,007
before our Mrs. Parker
does it for you.

764
00:37:26,095 --> 00:37:27,350
Ah, the two of you split

765
00:37:27,375 --> 00:37:29,135
without having written
a flop yet, hey, Marc?

766
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:29,920
That'll be the day.

767
00:37:29,944 --> 00:37:32,526
Oh, flops...
These days, they're just a play

768
00:37:32,551 --> 00:37:34,399
where no one wears
evening clothes.

769
00:37:34,424 --> 00:37:36,946
An Edna Ferberating statement
if ever I've heard one.

770
00:37:36,971 --> 00:37:39,431
Oh, that couldn't be
Ferber from the truth.

771
00:37:39,678 --> 00:37:40,707
You know what I admire?

772
00:37:40,732 --> 00:37:42,172
It's an artist who's got enough brio

773
00:37:42,196 --> 00:37:43,678
to embrace main street.

774
00:37:43,781 --> 00:37:44,941
Though the range of his works

775
00:37:44,965 --> 00:37:47,194
may be from bad to horrible?

776
00:37:47,517 --> 00:37:49,281
I think far too wide a stretch

777
00:37:49,306 --> 00:37:51,121
is made of the word "artist,".

778
00:37:51,630 --> 00:37:53,934
Because I don't think that word is elastic.

779
00:37:55,416 --> 00:37:59,202
If I did, I'd be better company.

780
00:37:59,846 --> 00:38:01,351
Well, I think

781
00:38:01,376 --> 00:38:04,671
you're wonderful
company, Mrs. Parker.

782
00:38:04,696 --> 00:38:07,313
Homemade fudge, anyone?

783
00:38:07,767 --> 00:38:08,830
Edna, uh...

784
00:38:08,855 --> 00:38:10,481
I love your fudge, George.

785
00:38:10,527 --> 00:38:12,035
Who's the actual producer

786
00:38:12,060 --> 00:38:13,308
of no good ring?

787
00:38:13,637 --> 00:38:15,055
My little dream Princess,

788
00:38:15,279 --> 00:38:18,991
I will plan, cast, and Polish
the entire revue

789
00:38:19,070 --> 00:38:21,281
with my usual
revolutionary taste.

790
00:38:21,367 --> 00:38:22,702
The devil you will.

791
00:38:25,535 --> 00:38:28,300
Ladies and gentlemen,

792
00:38:28,442 --> 00:38:32,942
tonight, 12 rounds in 3 acts.

793
00:38:33,230 --> 00:38:36,413
Of unregulated artistic impulse.

794
00:38:37,091 --> 00:38:39,302
In the well-lit corner,

795
00:38:39,842 --> 00:38:41,092
the vicious circle.

796
00:38:41,117 --> 00:38:43,695
Of the hotel Algonquin.

797
00:38:44,246 --> 00:38:45,372
Algonquin.

798
00:38:45,397 --> 00:38:47,203
And in the darkened corner,

799
00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:48,465
well, the sort of thing

800
00:38:48,490 --> 00:38:51,213
one usually finds in
a darkened corner.

801
00:38:51,727 --> 00:38:54,736
Tonight, the no-walkout rule

802
00:38:54,761 --> 00:38:56,400
will be in effect.

803
00:38:56,811 --> 00:38:58,152
And our judges this evening

804
00:38:58,177 --> 00:39:00,662
will be your trampled
sensitivities.

805
00:39:00,974 --> 00:39:03,810
We shall be quite vulgar
and unduly exhibitionist,

806
00:39:03,835 --> 00:39:06,836
chief characteristic
distinguishing man from beast,

807
00:39:07,414 --> 00:39:11,293
and so now, as usual,
we'll shoot ourselves.

808
00:39:19,383 --> 00:39:21,440
♪ We got the blues

809
00:39:21,465 --> 00:39:25,386
♪ we believe we said before
we got the blues ♪

810
00:39:25,749 --> 00:39:29,210
♪ They're little flappers,
never growin' up ♪

811
00:39:29,266 --> 00:39:32,448
♪ And they've all been flappin'
since Belasco was a pup ♪

812
00:39:32,473 --> 00:39:33,485
♪ We got the blues

813
00:39:33,510 --> 00:39:34,546
♪ they've got the blues

814
00:39:34,547 --> 00:39:35,387
♪ we got the blues...

815
00:39:35,411 --> 00:39:36,363
♪ they've got the blues

816
00:39:36,388 --> 00:39:37,745
Didn't know you played.

817
00:39:37,823 --> 00:39:39,699
Yes. That was
my execution.

818
00:39:40,093 --> 00:39:42,440
♪ We got the blues

819
00:39:42,465 --> 00:39:45,801
♪ I'm an ingenue,
and I've got the blues ♪

820
00:39:46,130 --> 00:39:49,357
♪ As everyone
can plainly see ♪

821
00:39:50,029 --> 00:39:53,730
♪ It's 'cause an ingenue
must promise to ♪

822
00:39:53,755 --> 00:39:56,502
♪ Imprison
her virginity ♪

823
00:39:57,119 --> 00:40:01,038
♪ I check my maidenhead
in my producer's bed ♪

824
00:40:01,063 --> 00:40:03,939
♪ Oh, gosh, I guess
the joke's on me ♪

825
00:40:04,478 --> 00:40:05,516
♪ We got the blues...

826
00:40:05,541 --> 00:40:06,959
They're extremely depressed,

827
00:40:07,277 --> 00:40:10,071
and there's nothing
that I can do about it.

828
00:40:10,632 --> 00:40:13,342
Ah, the prodigal bum
has returned.

829
00:40:13,384 --> 00:40:14,229
How's it going?

830
00:40:14,254 --> 00:40:15,237
Hey, it's great.

831
00:40:15,421 --> 00:40:16,789
Why are you writing numbers?

832
00:40:16,814 --> 00:40:17,981
Mmm. My report.

833
00:40:18,278 --> 00:40:19,905
Report? What about
the sketch, man?

834
00:40:19,930 --> 00:40:20,720
Your sketch.

835
00:40:20,745 --> 00:40:22,924
- Sketch?
- Your sketch. You're next. You're on.

836
00:40:22,949 --> 00:40:24,429
You wanted an account
of the finances.

837
00:40:24,453 --> 00:40:26,276
That's what Connelly told me.

838
00:40:26,954 --> 00:40:29,040
Don't point the scinger
of forn at me, Benchley.

839
00:40:29,065 --> 00:40:29,963
Dorothy...

840
00:40:29,988 --> 00:40:31,112
- If you want to drink, ruin your life...
- Share this with...

841
00:40:31,136 --> 00:40:33,437
your friend who I believe
is in need of inspiration.

842
00:40:33,577 --> 00:40:35,886
Liquor makes people
behave unlike themselves.

843
00:40:35,911 --> 00:40:37,376
Why on earth would you want people

844
00:40:37,418 --> 00:40:38,568
to behave like themselves?

845
00:40:38,626 --> 00:40:39,876
Well, in your case, I...

846
00:40:40,044 --> 00:40:40,791
Ahem.

847
00:40:46,324 --> 00:40:49,048
It's like a train station.

848
00:40:50,210 --> 00:40:51,165
Don't look at me

849
00:40:51,190 --> 00:40:52,905
in that tone of voice,
Mr. Benchley.

850
00:40:52,930 --> 00:40:54,598
May I see that, please?

851
00:40:54,870 --> 00:40:55,775
Thank you.

852
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,422
Oh, it's my uncle Albert.

853
00:40:57,842 --> 00:40:59,042
That's exactly how he smelled.

854
00:40:59,067 --> 00:40:59,907
What's it taste like?

855
00:40:59,932 --> 00:41:01,246
Like it smells.

856
00:41:01,271 --> 00:41:02,481
Now, give it here.

857
00:41:03,553 --> 00:41:05,141
I won't be the cause
of your corruption.

858
00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:06,315
My corruption?

859
00:41:06,340 --> 00:41:07,894
Two minutes, you're on.

860
00:41:08,525 --> 00:41:10,845
Come along and hold me up,
Mrs. Parker.

861
00:41:10,878 --> 00:41:13,763
♪ Never growing up

862
00:41:13,788 --> 00:41:16,664
♪ and we've all been flapping
since Belasco was a pup ♪

863
00:41:16,817 --> 00:41:17,989
♪ We got the blues

864
00:41:18,014 --> 00:41:19,054
they've got the blues.

865
00:41:19,079 --> 00:41:20,180
♪ We got the blues...

866
00:41:20,205 --> 00:41:22,165
Too bad Eddie
didn't stick around.

867
00:41:22,552 --> 00:41:25,394
He likes leg and Fanny numbers.

868
00:41:25,964 --> 00:41:27,778
He went back to Hartford?

869
00:41:28,815 --> 00:41:31,156
And it was all going so well.

870
00:41:31,714 --> 00:41:33,340
♪ ...blues ♪

871
00:41:33,836 --> 00:41:36,370
♪ Copeland and Connelly,
Connelly and Copeland ♪

872
00:41:36,395 --> 00:41:38,430
♪ The playwrights
of the prairie ♪

873
00:41:38,455 --> 00:41:40,999
Hey, girls, how'd you like
to be in a show?

874
00:41:41,060 --> 00:41:42,304
Yeah!
Yeah!

875
00:41:42,329 --> 00:41:44,338
All right, let's go back
to the dressing room.

876
00:41:44,363 --> 00:41:46,489
And, uh, talk.

877
00:41:47,227 --> 00:41:48,482
What's funny is a laugh

878
00:41:48,507 --> 00:41:50,369
wrapped inside a fact.
That's funny.

879
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:51,377
That's funny.

880
00:41:51,402 --> 00:41:53,913
That would be some of our
Mrs. Parker's unprintable verse.

881
00:41:53,938 --> 00:41:55,565
Come on. Come on.

882
00:41:55,754 --> 00:41:58,970
You're in a Broadway theater now.
I want you to behave yourself.

883
00:41:59,086 --> 00:42:01,338
Careful, please!

884
00:42:03,505 --> 00:42:05,549
Oh, careful of the tomatoes.

885
00:42:05,823 --> 00:42:07,149
Wonderful!
Wonderful!

886
00:42:07,174 --> 00:42:08,841
New careers for everyone.

887
00:42:08,944 --> 00:42:10,278
Very nice.

888
00:42:15,426 --> 00:42:17,384
It's an obsession
with women's clothing.

889
00:42:17,409 --> 00:42:19,769
Oh, you look wonderful, ravishing.

890
00:42:19,794 --> 00:42:21,835
Jane, listen,
I can't go to this party.

891
00:42:21,860 --> 00:42:23,547
Please, can we not go?

892
00:42:23,601 --> 00:42:24,801
Get out of my way, Ross.

893
00:42:24,826 --> 00:42:26,316
I'm here with
someone with talent.

894
00:42:26,385 --> 00:42:27,103
Oh!

895
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:31,253
Thank you, Mr. Sherwood
and your lovely companions.

896
00:42:31,877 --> 00:42:33,867
Certainly, "he who gets flapped"

897
00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:37,640
loses nothing in its translation
from the original Russian.

898
00:42:38,087 --> 00:42:39,066
And now,

899
00:42:39,091 --> 00:42:43,138
it is with a great sense
of mystery that I...

900
00:42:43,163 --> 00:42:45,077
Try to pay attention,
Mrs. Parker.

901
00:42:45,102 --> 00:42:46,088
Don't break a leg.

902
00:42:46,113 --> 00:42:48,313
- Mr. Robert Benchley...
- I'll enter from the trenches.

903
00:42:48,337 --> 00:42:49,824
And his report.

904
00:43:04,629 --> 00:43:06,297
I shall, uh,

905
00:43:06,574 --> 00:43:09,184
take but a very few moments
of your time this evening.

906
00:43:09,432 --> 00:43:10,712
I realize that you'd much rather

907
00:43:10,736 --> 00:43:14,895
be listening to this
interesting entertainment

908
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,214
than to a dry financial report.

909
00:43:17,490 --> 00:43:18,439
Ahem.

910
00:43:18,979 --> 00:43:21,356
But, uh, I am reminded
of a story.

911
00:43:22,274 --> 00:43:25,097
Which you have probably,
all of you, heard.

912
00:43:25,414 --> 00:43:28,249
Uh, it seems that there
were these two Irishmen

913
00:43:28,328 --> 00:43:30,049
walking down the street,

914
00:43:30,074 --> 00:43:32,761
but when they came up...
They came to a...

915
00:43:32,786 --> 00:43:34,865
Oh, I should have said
that in the first place,

916
00:43:34,890 --> 00:43:38,898
that the store belonging to
the Irish... the first Irishman...

917
00:43:40,192 --> 00:43:42,205
The first fella's store...

918
00:43:45,566 --> 00:43:47,900
Uh, well, anyway...

919
00:43:48,885 --> 00:43:50,649
The, uh, parrot...

920
00:43:53,997 --> 00:43:56,211
Now, in connection
with reading this report,

921
00:43:56,236 --> 00:43:57,670
there are one or two points which.

922
00:43:57,695 --> 00:43:59,839
Dr. Murnie wanted brought up
in connection with it,

923
00:43:59,949 --> 00:44:02,029
and he has asked me
to bring them up in...

924
00:44:02,112 --> 00:44:03,173
To bring them up.

925
00:44:03,992 --> 00:44:06,053
The first is in regard to

926
00:44:06,099 --> 00:44:07,739
the work that we are
trying to do up there

927
00:44:07,763 --> 00:44:09,627
at our little place
at Silver Lake...

928
00:44:09,799 --> 00:44:11,376
A work that we feel

929
00:44:11,401 --> 00:44:14,029
not only fills a very definite
need in the community,

930
00:44:14,318 --> 00:44:16,916
but also fills
a very definite need...

931
00:44:18,484 --> 00:44:19,750
in the community.

932
00:44:19,775 --> 00:44:20,711
Ahem.

933
00:44:21,545 --> 00:44:23,186
Uh, the... I don't think

934
00:44:23,187 --> 00:44:25,692
many of our members of our society

935
00:44:25,717 --> 00:44:28,911
realize just how big the work
is we're trying to do up there.

936
00:44:29,660 --> 00:44:31,540
For instance, I don't
think it's generally known

937
00:44:31,564 --> 00:44:34,103
that most of our boys
are between the age of 14.

938
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,731
Uh, we feel that by taking
the boy at this age,

939
00:44:39,756 --> 00:44:42,938
we can get closer
to his real nature,

940
00:44:43,813 --> 00:44:46,803
and a boy has a very
real nature, you may be sure.

941
00:44:48,922 --> 00:44:52,679
Dottie, I'd like you to meet my
new discovery... Baby Vomit.

942
00:44:53,066 --> 00:44:54,787
Beware, her Lacy sleeve

943
00:44:54,812 --> 00:44:57,017
has a bottle of vitriol
concealed in its folds.

944
00:44:57,186 --> 00:44:58,600
Well get a load of this guy.

945
00:44:58,756 --> 00:45:02,069
Blows into Tony's like something
cut loose from the Macy's day parade,

946
00:45:02,276 --> 00:45:04,615
brings me here to meet
one of my favorite writers,

947
00:45:04,682 --> 00:45:05,905
forgets my name.

948
00:45:05,930 --> 00:45:07,911
Well, it's Charles.
Charlie.

949
00:45:08,228 --> 00:45:09,896
Charlie MacArthur.

950
00:45:10,258 --> 00:45:12,424
Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Vomit.

951
00:45:19,176 --> 00:45:21,032
Charlie's new at the American.

952
00:45:21,057 --> 00:45:24,023
Very amusing fellow from
Chicago with theatrical ambitions.

953
00:45:24,125 --> 00:45:25,688
I thought I'd come
lay him at your feet

954
00:45:25,713 --> 00:45:27,614
like the faithful
retriever that I am.

955
00:45:27,684 --> 00:45:29,170
Bad dog, Aleck.

956
00:45:29,498 --> 00:45:31,228
I heard your husband
might be away.

957
00:45:31,253 --> 00:45:33,904
Well, his wife's in Chicago.

958
00:45:34,332 --> 00:45:36,332
Aleck, do you meddle in
all your friends' sex lives

959
00:45:36,356 --> 00:45:37,849
just because they have them?

960
00:45:37,874 --> 00:45:39,175
I knew you'd be pleased.

961
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,661
Now, it seems to me
that the people who criti...

962
00:45:43,246 --> 00:45:45,290
Why, criticize, that, uh...

963
00:45:47,274 --> 00:45:49,317
The, uh, the people who...

964
00:45:49,872 --> 00:45:53,657
Why, as a matter of fact, it was
done just as, uh, economically as...

965
00:45:55,364 --> 00:45:56,775
as is possible.

966
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,791
Even more so.

967
00:46:01,558 --> 00:46:03,956
Mr. Rossiter, uh,
unfortunately,

968
00:46:03,997 --> 00:46:05,678
our treasurer...

969
00:46:06,890 --> 00:46:07,791
Uh...

970
00:46:08,523 --> 00:46:10,003
Mr. Rossiter, our treasurer,

971
00:46:10,485 --> 00:46:14,121
unfortunately is
confined to his home

972
00:46:14,305 --> 00:46:16,558
with a bad head cold,

973
00:46:17,231 --> 00:46:19,162
and, uh, I, uh...

974
00:46:19,887 --> 00:46:20,926
Excuse me.

975
00:46:20,951 --> 00:46:22,243
Ahem.

976
00:46:26,906 --> 00:46:28,100
Oh.

977
00:46:29,959 --> 00:46:30,897
Well...

978
00:46:32,403 --> 00:46:34,060
The joke seems to be on me.

979
00:46:34,399 --> 00:46:36,374
Mr. Rossiter has pneumonia.

980
00:46:38,427 --> 00:46:39,446
Who is this guy?

981
00:46:39,578 --> 00:46:41,353
Robert Benchley, Life Magazine.

982
00:46:41,454 --> 00:46:43,001
That's Benchley,
the drama critic?

983
00:46:43,026 --> 00:46:44,247
Mm-hmm.
A Saint.

984
00:46:44,272 --> 00:46:45,857
A Saint, no less.

985
00:46:46,307 --> 00:46:48,160
Well, it's a good thing
he's so goddamn funny.

986
00:46:48,215 --> 00:46:50,682
Yes, it is.
It's a goddamn good thing.

987
00:46:50,953 --> 00:46:52,400
- Aleck.
- What, Ruth?

988
00:46:52,425 --> 00:46:55,148
- We're next.
- Don't worry. Calm down, Ruth.

989
00:46:55,351 --> 00:46:58,271
The treasurer's, uh, report.

990
00:47:07,297 --> 00:47:08,617
He was the best
thing in the show,

991
00:47:08,641 --> 00:47:10,071
so into my column he goes.

992
00:47:10,677 --> 00:47:12,221
Robert is a writer,
not an actor.

993
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,697
Besides, he would never
have time for performing,

994
00:47:14,857 --> 00:47:16,964
what with myself and
the boys in Scarsdale,

995
00:47:16,988 --> 00:47:18,503
and his job with the magazine.

996
00:47:18,528 --> 00:47:19,808
As it is, he's got to be careful

997
00:47:19,832 --> 00:47:21,440
he doesn't work himself
into the ground.

998
00:47:21,465 --> 00:47:23,676
I know, I've seen it
happen before, Gertrude.

999
00:47:23,701 --> 00:47:26,140
Never underestimate
the power of applause.

1000
00:47:26,663 --> 00:47:29,909
Marc, from one's self
expect applause.

1001
00:47:29,951 --> 00:47:33,332
- He noblest lives and noblest dies...
- Help me. Help me, Mrs. Parker.

1002
00:47:33,955 --> 00:47:36,226
Well, Irving Berlin
and Sam Harris...

1003
00:47:36,251 --> 00:47:37,958
right behind you,
directly behind you...

1004
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,834
want me and the
treasurer's report.

1005
00:47:39,859 --> 00:47:41,777
To be in their next revue.

1006
00:47:41,802 --> 00:47:42,875
Oh, how do you do?

1007
00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:45,529
Uh, ahem.
It seems that, well, I... I... I...

1008
00:47:45,695 --> 00:47:47,883
I... I... I...

1009
00:47:48,423 --> 00:47:51,521
I couldn't justify
a critic like myself being...

1010
00:47:51,677 --> 00:47:53,770
Well, having a paid job
on stage...

1011
00:47:54,285 --> 00:47:56,005
But I didn't want to offend them
and say no,

1012
00:47:56,029 --> 00:47:59,394
so I asked for $500,
and I thought they'd just laugh,

1013
00:47:59,395 --> 00:48:00,543
and the next thing I know,

1014
00:48:00,568 --> 00:48:02,481
Harris is gleaming at me
with those...

1015
00:48:02,506 --> 00:48:05,091
And saying, "for $500,
you better be awfully good."

1016
00:48:05,265 --> 00:48:08,451
I'm a bit flustered.
I guess we'll see what happens.

1017
00:48:08,820 --> 00:48:10,340
Congratulations.
I'm Charles MacArthur.

1018
00:48:10,364 --> 00:48:12,524
- How do you do?
- I'm Robert Benchley. - I'm so sorry.

1019
00:48:12,548 --> 00:48:15,455
Excuse me. I have to
tell my... my wife.

1020
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,898
Excuse me, Gertrude.

1021
00:48:18,410 --> 00:48:20,485
Would you like a drink
before kissing me?

1022
00:48:26,182 --> 00:48:27,182
Yes.

1023
00:48:27,671 --> 00:48:29,731
If I don't drive
around the park,

1024
00:48:29,756 --> 00:48:32,634
I'm pretty sure to make my Mark.

1025
00:48:32,925 --> 00:48:36,678
If I'm in bed
each night by 10:00,

1026
00:48:36,679 --> 00:48:41,308
I may get back my looks again.

1027
00:48:41,350 --> 00:48:45,854
If I abstain from fun and such,

1028
00:48:45,896 --> 00:48:50,233
I'll probably amount to much,

1029
00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:55,363
but I shall stay the way I am,

1030
00:48:55,404 --> 00:48:58,190
because I do not give a damn.

1031
00:48:58,315 --> 00:48:59,751
Tim and I a-hunting went,

1032
00:48:59,782 --> 00:49:01,263
spied three women in a tent.

1033
00:49:01,288 --> 00:49:03,031
They being three, we being two,

1034
00:49:03,056 --> 00:49:05,998
I bucked one,
and Tim bucked two.

1035
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:10,325
Oh, here's Bobby's station.

1036
00:49:11,593 --> 00:49:13,985
One man's descent into hell,

1037
00:49:14,067 --> 00:49:15,672
where we're all waiting for you.

1038
00:49:15,733 --> 00:49:17,460
Say hello to my father,
will you, Rob?

1039
00:49:19,684 --> 00:49:21,268
If I can find him.

1040
00:49:26,623 --> 00:49:28,393
This place ought to be closed.

1041
00:49:28,435 --> 00:49:29,894
By law.

1042
00:49:29,936 --> 00:49:31,396
Ha ha ha!

1043
00:49:31,651 --> 00:49:33,319
And thank you.

1044
00:49:33,854 --> 00:49:35,855
That's what I thought you'd say.

1045
00:49:36,347 --> 00:49:38,060
Rob, how do you feel?

1046
00:49:38,085 --> 00:49:40,212
How do I feel? I...

1047
00:49:40,404 --> 00:49:44,147
I must say, I...
Feel like an angel.

1048
00:49:44,172 --> 00:49:45,465
Ha ha!

1049
00:49:45,660 --> 00:49:46,994
Some friendly advice, Benchley.

1050
00:49:47,035 --> 00:49:48,672
The best way to avoid a hangover

1051
00:49:48,697 --> 00:49:49,790
is to stay drunk.

1052
00:49:49,815 --> 00:49:52,015
How does a sophisticated
gentleman know when he's drunk?

1053
00:49:52,039 --> 00:49:55,097
When he can't pronounce
sophisticated anymore.

1054
00:49:55,122 --> 00:49:56,488
Isn't she adorable?

1055
00:49:56,862 --> 00:49:57,987
She's delirious.

1056
00:49:58,330 --> 00:49:59,845
That's why she's adorable.

1057
00:49:59,870 --> 00:50:02,372
Well, to get back to me,

1058
00:50:02,695 --> 00:50:04,179
I was wondering how
it could have been

1059
00:50:04,204 --> 00:50:06,835
so awful drinking with Eddie.

1060
00:50:08,136 --> 00:50:09,829
And so much fun

1061
00:50:09,854 --> 00:50:12,666
drinking with all of you.

1062
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,885
Is that a loaded question?

1063
00:50:16,171 --> 00:50:17,880
Because you're married to him.

1064
00:50:18,256 --> 00:50:20,848
Might be more fun sleeping
with somebody else, too.

1065
00:50:21,075 --> 00:50:21,798
Ahem.

1066
00:50:21,823 --> 00:50:23,091
Oh, dear, dear,

1067
00:50:23,105 --> 00:50:26,515
is the, um, subject in
danger of turning to sex?

1068
00:50:26,696 --> 00:50:27,828
No more than usual.

1069
00:50:27,853 --> 00:50:29,293
Because we wouldn't
want Charlie here

1070
00:50:29,317 --> 00:50:31,652
to think that's all
we ever talk about.

1071
00:50:31,959 --> 00:50:33,011
Don't look now, toots,

1072
00:50:33,036 --> 00:50:35,628
but no matter how much
you talk about sex,

1073
00:50:35,751 --> 00:50:38,212
you never know how
the other fellow does it.

1074
00:50:38,386 --> 00:50:40,278
Why would you want to know that?

1075
00:50:40,303 --> 00:50:41,522
Well, you would know

1076
00:50:41,547 --> 00:50:43,862
if you were an experienced woman,

1077
00:50:44,471 --> 00:50:48,326
but of course, it would be
bad manners to tell,

1078
00:50:48,351 --> 00:50:50,343
now, wouldn't it?

1079
00:50:56,351 --> 00:50:59,452
Cops are here.
Everybody speak easy.

1080
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,162
Through the kitchen.

1081
00:51:12,510 --> 00:51:14,046
This way.

1082
00:51:15,019 --> 00:51:16,725
All right, everybody.

1083
00:51:16,867 --> 00:51:17,857
Settle down.

1084
00:51:17,882 --> 00:51:20,013
We're going to take
a little ride.

1085
00:51:20,158 --> 00:51:21,651
One at a time.
Come on.

1086
00:51:22,553 --> 00:51:24,737
You're coming with us
this evening.

1087
00:51:26,266 --> 00:51:28,108
- Nice faces.
- Lovely hats, too.

1088
00:51:29,938 --> 00:51:31,212
Put your drink away!

1089
00:51:31,782 --> 00:51:34,173
Ha ha! This is
wonderful!

1090
00:51:35,754 --> 00:51:38,174
Oh, shit! I left
my purse inside.

1091
00:51:38,199 --> 00:51:39,679
That's all right.
They'll return it...

1092
00:51:39,703 --> 00:51:41,663
Federal good manners
act and all.

1093
00:51:41,742 --> 00:51:43,702
Wait here.
I excel at this.

1094
00:51:44,033 --> 00:51:44,739
What?

1095
00:51:51,149 --> 00:51:54,234
Press. The American.
Mind if I take a look?

1096
00:51:54,453 --> 00:51:56,712
This fella conks me on the head,

1097
00:51:56,737 --> 00:51:58,405
and thus goes my heart.

1098
00:51:58,705 --> 00:52:00,290
Ah, love conks her all.

1099
00:52:00,315 --> 00:52:03,024
He's wild and mad and fleet.

1100
00:52:04,070 --> 00:52:05,390
I may have him mounted.

1101
00:52:05,415 --> 00:52:07,000
Yes, one would assume.

1102
00:52:21,990 --> 00:52:22,986
Philip.

1103
00:52:26,169 --> 00:52:27,379
Here we are.

1104
00:52:27,670 --> 00:52:28,645
Taxi.

1105
00:52:28,670 --> 00:52:29,809
- Hello!
- I'm engaged.

1106
00:52:29,834 --> 00:52:30,954
- He's engaged.
- Oh you are?

1107
00:52:30,978 --> 00:52:33,278
Then be happy.
Congratulations.

1108
00:52:33,312 --> 00:52:35,230
- Lousy goddam New Yorker.
- Now, now now.

1109
00:52:35,255 --> 00:52:38,126
Gentlemen! Would you
strike this man?

1110
00:52:38,151 --> 00:52:39,791
Want to do something
about it, pip-squeak?

1111
00:52:39,815 --> 00:52:41,014
New York will be deprived

1112
00:52:41,039 --> 00:52:43,710
of its annual Gilbert
and Sullivan revival,

1113
00:52:43,823 --> 00:52:44,645
I think.

1114
00:52:44,670 --> 00:52:46,057
Oh the hell with him.
Let's walk.

1115
00:52:46,058 --> 00:52:47,169
Nice meeting you, however.

1116
00:52:47,194 --> 00:52:49,931
I love the rain.
I am sister to the rain.

1117
00:52:49,956 --> 00:52:51,666
My place is closest, sister.

1118
00:52:51,824 --> 00:52:53,075
Well just missed my last train.

1119
00:52:53,100 --> 00:52:54,251
I guess I'm coming, too.

1120
00:52:54,390 --> 00:52:56,048
I'm a late sleeper.

1121
00:52:56,073 --> 00:52:57,929
I'll be sure
to boil my eggs gently

1122
00:52:57,954 --> 00:52:59,030
and not scrape my toast.

1123
00:52:59,143 --> 00:53:00,110
Hello. Excuse me.

1124
00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:03,005
Hey, wait, there.
47th and 7th, please.

1125
00:53:03,383 --> 00:53:04,982
Thank you very much.

1126
00:53:10,518 --> 00:53:11,737
Thank you.

1127
00:53:13,754 --> 00:53:14,680
Hello.

1128
00:53:16,013 --> 00:53:16,875
Oh.

1129
00:53:20,058 --> 00:53:21,017
Hello.

1130
00:53:23,124 --> 00:53:25,437
Thank you for the robe.

1131
00:53:26,111 --> 00:53:27,295
Cheers.

1132
00:53:29,253 --> 00:53:31,838
My apartment
is shamefully undeveloped

1133
00:53:31,942 --> 00:53:33,193
compared to yours.

1134
00:53:33,751 --> 00:53:36,145
Ah, well, a friend helped
me fix up the place.

1135
00:53:36,858 --> 00:53:38,896
I should say a few friends.

1136
00:53:42,016 --> 00:53:44,012
Oh, do you enjoy Swinburne?

1137
00:53:44,610 --> 00:53:47,863
Look... before you start
analyzing my books,

1138
00:53:48,585 --> 00:53:50,286
there's something
I should clear up.

1139
00:53:50,483 --> 00:53:52,620
You didn't pick
them out, either.

1140
00:53:54,736 --> 00:53:55,861
I lied when I told you

1141
00:53:55,886 --> 00:53:57,994
you were one of
my favorite writers.

1142
00:54:05,316 --> 00:54:07,610
And I lied when I smiled.

1143
00:54:10,341 --> 00:54:12,458
It's just that I've read
more about you...

1144
00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:15,203
What Dorothy Parker
thinks of this or that...

1145
00:54:15,302 --> 00:54:16,970
than your actual writing.

1146
00:54:18,492 --> 00:54:20,786
Not counting the fluff,
of course.

1147
00:54:22,067 --> 00:54:23,735
Fluff pays the rent.

1148
00:54:25,582 --> 00:54:28,654
Yeah, but if I were you,
I'd be worried.

1149
00:54:28,679 --> 00:54:29,974
Oh, how dare you?

1150
00:54:29,999 --> 00:54:31,266
How dare you?

1151
00:54:34,157 --> 00:54:34,857
Come.

1152
00:54:34,911 --> 00:54:35,611
What?

1153
00:54:36,012 --> 00:54:36,803
Come here.

1154
00:54:37,186 --> 00:54:38,465
What, I'm supposed to worry.

1155
00:54:38,490 --> 00:54:41,114
Because a self-confessed
liar and sycophant

1156
00:54:41,139 --> 00:54:42,665
whose place looks like it's been

1157
00:54:42,690 --> 00:54:44,400
decorated by the Junior League

1158
00:54:44,425 --> 00:54:45,863
tells me to?

1159
00:54:46,406 --> 00:54:47,355
That's right.

1160
00:54:48,543 --> 00:54:50,016
I'm not going in there.

1161
00:54:50,808 --> 00:54:51,925
Why?

1162
00:54:52,668 --> 00:54:54,420
Because I've read my share.

1163
00:54:55,015 --> 00:54:56,160
Oh, really?

1164
00:54:56,569 --> 00:54:57,378
Yeah.

1165
00:54:57,821 --> 00:55:00,042
Well, did you know
that I sold a short story

1166
00:55:00,067 --> 00:55:02,012
that took months to write?

1167
00:55:02,165 --> 00:55:03,100
That's, um...

1168
00:55:03,781 --> 00:55:06,374
Fiction, for your information.

1169
00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:08,944
My low brow is not
congenital, Dot.

1170
00:55:09,317 --> 00:55:10,255
I saw it.

1171
00:55:10,506 --> 00:55:13,091
About a henpecked husband
living in the suburbs...

1172
00:55:13,998 --> 00:55:15,660
seemed a lot like Benchley.

1173
00:55:26,842 --> 00:55:28,465
Now, don't be mad.

1174
00:55:29,059 --> 00:55:30,152
Dream bigger.

1175
00:55:31,427 --> 00:55:32,594
Like you?

1176
00:55:33,173 --> 00:55:35,038
Yeah, like me.

1177
00:55:35,964 --> 00:55:38,258
And you're going to
help, I suppose.

1178
00:55:38,464 --> 00:55:40,668
Sure.
Whatever you want.

1179
00:55:41,610 --> 00:55:42,814
It could be...

1180
00:55:43,111 --> 00:55:44,693
one of the very best.

1181
00:55:45,147 --> 00:55:46,805
I think you'd want to find out.

1182
00:55:49,249 --> 00:55:51,723
And this must be some
sort of sophisticated

1183
00:55:51,748 --> 00:55:54,180
Midwestern farm-boy routine.

1184
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,351
Uh... what's my line?

1185
00:55:57,376 --> 00:56:00,456
- For a little person, you talk an awful lot.
- You want to hitch up a mule...

1186
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,673
...and plow my fertile fields?

1187
00:57:29,299 --> 00:57:31,965
No, but I'm glad
you're by the book.

1188
00:57:36,632 --> 00:57:39,093
I felt we were pretty good
together for the first time.

1189
00:57:39,385 --> 00:57:41,923
I guess adultery takes practice.

1190
00:57:45,518 --> 00:57:47,770
Double adultery
cancels itself out.

1191
00:57:50,496 --> 00:57:53,654
Questionable logic,
but I like the theory.

1192
00:57:56,033 --> 00:57:58,124
What does your wife
think about it?

1193
00:57:58,286 --> 00:58:01,705
Ah... don't worry
about her.

1194
00:58:02,364 --> 00:58:03,865
We're clean.

1195
00:58:04,774 --> 00:58:05,832
Mmm.

1196
00:58:06,893 --> 00:58:08,864
How can you wake up
so beautiful?

1197
00:58:11,884 --> 00:58:13,259
Oh, Charlie.

1198
00:58:14,767 --> 00:58:17,217
I'm going to wear
my heart on my sleeve

1199
00:58:17,242 --> 00:58:20,333
like a wet, red stain.

1200
00:58:43,610 --> 00:58:46,294
A runaway train colliding.

1201
00:58:46,425 --> 00:58:48,690
You knew it was dangerous
when you introduced them.

1202
00:58:48,721 --> 00:58:51,075
Cupid is judged on precision,
not perils.

1203
00:58:51,117 --> 00:58:52,305
Don't look now, toots,

1204
00:58:52,330 --> 00:58:54,787
but this is the one
she's been waiting for.

1205
00:58:54,812 --> 00:58:57,255
Oh, it's a little
something for Woodrow.

1206
00:59:01,645 --> 00:59:03,686
We're engaged, everybody.

1207
00:59:05,012 --> 00:59:06,805
Dorothy's dog and I.

1208
00:59:09,036 --> 00:59:10,371
Sit.

1209
00:59:12,464 --> 00:59:14,023
Keep it down, everybody.

1210
00:59:15,848 --> 00:59:18,736
...the bombs exploding
all around me.

1211
00:59:20,386 --> 00:59:22,137
I was overcome with a...

1212
00:59:22,351 --> 00:59:24,395
a powerful feeling of optimism.

1213
00:59:25,849 --> 00:59:27,129
So I said to myself,

1214
00:59:27,154 --> 00:59:30,380
"MacArthur, this is
the lowest point in your life.

1215
00:59:30,619 --> 00:59:33,108
From here on, everything
will be an improvement."

1216
00:59:39,924 --> 00:59:41,217
Get more.

1217
00:59:48,086 --> 00:59:48,980
Queen's bet 5.

1218
00:59:49,005 --> 00:59:50,765
I don't know how wonderful
they are together.

1219
00:59:50,789 --> 00:59:52,995
They're an ideal couple.
I'd liked to have them both ♪♪

1220
00:59:53,020 --> 00:59:54,940
MacArthur's got a terrific
head on his shoulders.

1221
00:59:54,964 --> 00:59:56,450
Yeah,
and a different one each night.

1222
00:59:56,729 --> 00:59:59,615
I remind you, there are two
sides to mistress Dorothy.

1223
00:59:59,698 --> 01:00:01,265
Offensive and defensive.

1224
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:03,106
Our founder.

1225
01:00:03,504 --> 01:00:04,344
If a man pursued her,

1226
01:00:04,368 --> 01:00:05,577
she wouldn't be interested.

1227
01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:07,136
Let that man pursue
another woman, and

1228
01:00:07,161 --> 01:00:09,054
she'll fall deliriously
in love with him.

1229
01:00:09,079 --> 01:00:10,856
With claws flashing
and tears falling.

1230
01:00:11,073 --> 01:00:14,733
She's available, but she's the
goddamndest fortress at the same time.

1231
01:00:14,758 --> 01:00:16,382
Yeah, a fortress of cards.

1232
01:00:16,407 --> 01:00:18,656
Our founder.

1233
01:00:18,862 --> 01:00:21,024
She really knows how to suffer.

1234
01:00:21,049 --> 01:00:23,438
The greatest little
runner-downer there ever was.

1235
01:00:23,496 --> 01:00:24,875
Dottie can't be suffering

1236
01:00:24,900 --> 01:00:26,930
and still say all
those funny things.

1237
01:00:28,250 --> 01:00:30,954
♪ There wasn't a soul
to greet me there ♪

1238
01:00:30,979 --> 01:00:32,870
♪ A lone stranger
on your shore ♪

1239
01:00:32,895 --> 01:00:35,188
♪ But Irish luck
was with me there ♪

1240
01:00:35,213 --> 01:00:39,161
♪ And wishes came galore ♪

1241
01:00:39,186 --> 01:00:40,251
Happy birthday, Dottie.

1242
01:00:40,276 --> 01:00:41,676
Happy birthday, Dot.

1243
01:00:42,393 --> 01:00:45,195
Don't you think 29's
dangerously ripe, darling?

1244
01:00:45,297 --> 01:00:46,359
Nah.

1245
01:00:46,959 --> 01:00:48,393
Just how I like 'em.

1246
01:00:53,051 --> 01:00:55,583
The tide's out.
The table's set.

1247
01:00:56,407 --> 01:00:57,585
Everybody like clams?

1248
01:00:57,610 --> 01:00:58,410
Mmm.

1249
01:00:58,438 --> 01:00:59,939
Come on, Marc.

1250
01:01:00,238 --> 01:01:01,478
Can't we just whistle for them?

1251
01:01:01,595 --> 01:01:02,837
They don't have ears.

1252
01:01:02,916 --> 01:01:03,939
Grab that.

1253
01:01:06,923 --> 01:01:08,061
Dottie.

1254
01:01:09,527 --> 01:01:10,464
Oh.

1255
01:01:10,654 --> 01:01:12,231
Thank God.
Nobody saw.

1256
01:01:12,577 --> 01:01:13,524
Oh.

1257
01:01:15,095 --> 01:01:16,819
I can't even get
morning sickness

1258
01:01:16,844 --> 01:01:18,351
when you're supposed to.

1259
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:19,787
Are you sure?

1260
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:24,206
- Dottie.
- Oh, Neyso, I wish the lord I weren't.

1261
01:01:33,354 --> 01:01:36,450
In April,

1262
01:01:37,502 --> 01:01:40,735
my one love came along,

1263
01:01:41,478 --> 01:01:45,674
and I ran the slope
of my high hill.

1264
01:01:45,744 --> 01:01:48,703
To follow a thread of song.

1265
01:01:49,359 --> 01:01:53,192
His eyes were hard as porphyry.

1266
01:01:53,409 --> 01:01:56,711
With looking on cruel lands.

1267
01:01:57,136 --> 01:02:00,404
His voice went slipping over me

1268
01:02:00,429 --> 01:02:04,350
like terrible silver hands.

1269
01:02:05,717 --> 01:02:09,033
In April,

1270
01:02:09,529 --> 01:02:12,940
my love went whistling by,

1271
01:02:13,832 --> 01:02:17,816
and I stumbled here
to my high hill.

1272
01:02:18,128 --> 01:02:20,702
Along the way of a lie.

1273
01:02:21,714 --> 01:02:24,967
Now what should I do
in this place.

1274
01:02:25,188 --> 01:02:28,268
But sit and count the chimes,

1275
01:02:28,775 --> 01:02:33,029
and splash cold water
on my face.

1276
01:02:33,454 --> 01:02:37,511
And spoil a page with rhymes?

1277
01:02:59,123 --> 01:03:00,953
Aw. What happened?

1278
01:03:00,978 --> 01:03:02,521
Did you fall asleep?

1279
01:03:04,936 --> 01:03:06,516
I went two hours in the theater

1280
01:03:06,541 --> 01:03:08,613
imagining you were
dead somewhere.

1281
01:03:08,914 --> 01:03:11,350
Oh, Jesus Christ, Dot.
I'm sorry.

1282
01:03:11,494 --> 01:03:13,166
Ah, don't be.
It was more entertaining

1283
01:03:13,191 --> 01:03:15,106
than the play I was watching.

1284
01:03:15,404 --> 01:03:17,235
I'll... I'll just
get dressed.

1285
01:03:17,272 --> 01:03:19,352
Cause that guy gave up
on the whole thing quite early

1286
01:03:19,376 --> 01:03:21,520
and spent most of the
evening on the floor

1287
01:03:21,545 --> 01:03:23,457
as a member of a
volunteer search party.

1288
01:03:23,721 --> 01:03:24,944
To aid the lady on my left

1289
01:03:24,969 --> 01:03:26,673
in retrieving a missing rubber.

1290
01:03:26,761 --> 01:03:28,825
Oh, I left my lipstick
here yesterday.

1291
01:03:35,714 --> 01:03:38,899
You know, it must be just as hard

1292
01:03:38,934 --> 01:03:40,570
to get that look right in life

1293
01:03:40,625 --> 01:03:42,419
as it is onstage.

1294
01:03:46,998 --> 01:03:48,958
Well, someone has to leave.

1295
01:03:49,641 --> 01:03:51,299
If you ask me, it ought
to be the someone

1296
01:03:51,324 --> 01:03:53,467
who already has
their clothes on,

1297
01:03:54,724 --> 01:03:56,150
but then...

1298
01:03:56,499 --> 01:03:58,792
you're the writers.

1299
01:04:02,394 --> 01:04:03,720
I'm just an actress.

1300
01:04:10,793 --> 01:04:12,927
Dorothy, cut the theatrics.

1301
01:04:13,299 --> 01:04:15,010
We're both still married.

1302
01:04:16,783 --> 01:04:18,683
We're in no position to...

1303
01:04:20,121 --> 01:04:21,859
Look, you know my situation.

1304
01:04:22,014 --> 01:04:24,218
And you know mine
while you're up.

1305
01:04:25,914 --> 01:04:28,412
I said I'd help take care of it,
and I meant it.

1306
01:04:32,883 --> 01:04:34,467
Here's your lipstick.

1307
01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:36,794
Does the gangplank
need painting?

1308
01:04:40,363 --> 01:04:41,476
Dorothy...

1309
01:04:41,864 --> 01:04:43,444
You know I adore you,

1310
01:04:44,467 --> 01:04:45,947
but I'm not going to
make any excuses.

1311
01:04:45,971 --> 01:04:47,838
Oh, no.
Goodness, no.

1312
01:04:47,863 --> 01:04:50,748
It's all my fault.
Really, it is.

1313
01:04:51,632 --> 01:04:54,023
Well, I wish
I didn't have to go,

1314
01:04:54,048 --> 01:04:55,594
and let's hope I
won't be rushing back

1315
01:04:55,619 --> 01:04:57,658
as fast as my little
legs can carry me.

1316
01:04:58,261 --> 01:04:59,089
I can't tell you

1317
01:04:59,114 --> 01:05:01,825
how much I'll... miss you.

1318
01:05:03,252 --> 01:05:04,888
Just drive, please.

1319
01:05:14,331 --> 01:05:15,916
Where is he?

1320
01:05:16,270 --> 01:05:18,020
Did he telephone?

1321
01:05:19,372 --> 01:05:21,504
Why am I so cold?

1322
01:05:21,969 --> 01:05:23,046
It's the anesthesia.

1323
01:05:23,071 --> 01:05:24,625
We had to give you extra.

1324
01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:26,267
You must have been further along

1325
01:05:26,291 --> 01:05:27,628
than you told the doctor.

1326
01:05:41,675 --> 01:05:43,060
Your hangover is going

1327
01:05:43,085 --> 01:05:45,496
straight to the
Smithsonian, Mrs. Parker.

1328
01:05:45,604 --> 01:05:48,018
Once it kills me and
becomes famous, you mean.

1329
01:05:48,043 --> 01:05:49,502
Jesus.
Don't say that.

1330
01:05:50,374 --> 01:05:53,174
You know, there's a lesson
for all of us in this.

1331
01:05:53,704 --> 01:05:55,206
What's that, Sherry?

1332
01:05:56,815 --> 01:05:58,183
Well, I don't know.

1333
01:05:59,866 --> 01:06:01,128
Good night, everyone.

1334
01:06:02,451 --> 01:06:05,198
Yes, well,
it's getting to be that time,

1335
01:06:05,223 --> 01:06:06,042
isn't it?

1336
01:06:06,657 --> 01:06:07,758
Coming, Dot?

1337
01:06:10,812 --> 01:06:12,540
Time does flit.

1338
01:06:12,605 --> 01:06:14,065
Oh, shit.

1339
01:06:15,829 --> 01:06:16,552
Good night.

1340
01:06:17,230 --> 01:06:19,235
Damn it. My watch
has stopped.

1341
01:06:19,513 --> 01:06:20,594
Oh?

1342
01:06:25,891 --> 01:06:28,101
You wound it too tightly.

1343
01:06:30,951 --> 01:06:32,718
Perhaps it is in need
of lubrication.

1344
01:06:32,743 --> 01:06:34,508
Let's go wild tonight!

1345
01:06:35,349 --> 01:06:37,146
There's plenty of
time to do nothing

1346
01:06:37,171 --> 01:06:38,537
once you're dead.

1347
01:06:39,161 --> 01:06:40,490
Please don't use that word.

1348
01:06:40,515 --> 01:06:42,475
What do you say,
Mr. Benchley?

1349
01:06:42,588 --> 01:06:44,734
You want to go wild tonight?

1350
01:06:45,821 --> 01:06:47,489
Thank you Mr. Benchley.

1351
01:06:48,502 --> 01:06:49,597
Mr. Benchley?

1352
01:06:51,373 --> 01:06:52,290
Fred!

1353
01:06:52,315 --> 01:06:53,089
Hmm?

1354
01:06:53,515 --> 01:06:56,270
Oh, perhaps I should
see you home, Mrs. P.

1355
01:06:56,442 --> 01:06:59,172
We can recite crossing
the bar along the way.

1356
01:06:59,419 --> 01:07:00,879
What do you think?

1357
01:07:01,367 --> 01:07:04,312
I can't sleep worth sour apples.

1358
01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:08,264
I keep seeing these little...

1359
01:07:08,289 --> 01:07:11,066
hands and feet...

1360
01:07:11,450 --> 01:07:13,435
And a head full of curly hair,

1361
01:07:13,460 --> 01:07:15,437
just like Charlie's.

1362
01:07:15,901 --> 01:07:17,861
God is standing over me

1363
01:07:18,012 --> 01:07:20,342
in a doctor's jacket...

1364
01:07:20,958 --> 01:07:24,605
Shaking his long,
rubber-gloved finger.

1365
01:07:24,630 --> 01:07:27,047
That's very phallic.
Don't you think?

1366
01:07:27,813 --> 01:07:30,979
But I... I...
Can't understand

1367
01:07:31,004 --> 01:07:32,270
what God is saying.

1368
01:07:32,473 --> 01:07:35,933
Because he's got a
mask over his face.

1369
01:07:38,794 --> 01:07:40,607
Isn't that just like him?

1370
01:07:43,590 --> 01:07:47,074
Oh, you poor, hungry thing.

1371
01:07:52,457 --> 01:07:53,731
All right.

1372
01:07:54,866 --> 01:07:56,534
Up we go.

1373
01:07:59,575 --> 01:08:00,892
Ooh.

1374
01:08:11,540 --> 01:08:13,250
Look, Woodrow.

1375
01:08:13,275 --> 01:08:15,235
It's raining.

1376
01:08:15,775 --> 01:08:17,644
We want the rain...

1377
01:08:17,762 --> 01:08:19,722
The wanton rain.

1378
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:21,392
Ooh.

1379
01:08:23,291 --> 01:08:25,953
Oh, you're simply all...

1380
01:08:26,169 --> 01:08:28,588
worn-out, aren't you?

1381
01:08:31,006 --> 01:08:32,016
Just...

1382
01:08:33,128 --> 01:08:35,867
Hungry and worn-out.

1383
01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:38,587
Well...

1384
01:08:39,725 --> 01:08:42,632
We don't want
to have a breakdown.

1385
01:08:44,229 --> 01:08:46,189
Got to keep you healthy.

1386
01:08:46,339 --> 01:08:47,478
Hmm?

1387
01:08:48,894 --> 01:08:50,384
There you are.

1388
01:08:51,511 --> 01:08:52,855
Mmm.

1389
01:08:58,138 --> 01:09:00,031
There you go, darling.

1390
01:09:01,429 --> 01:09:03,691
A nice dinner for you.

1391
01:09:17,458 --> 01:09:20,715
Oh, hello, Johnny.
It's Mrs. Parker.

1392
01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:23,417
Yes, I'll be needing you
to deliver up some dinner

1393
01:09:23,442 --> 01:09:25,669
before theater tonight, dear.

1394
01:09:27,037 --> 01:09:28,848
Oh, whatever's the special...

1395
01:09:29,273 --> 01:09:31,170
And a large pot of coffee.

1396
01:09:31,498 --> 01:09:32,526
Thank you.

1397
01:09:38,119 --> 01:09:39,211
Oh.

1398
01:09:40,374 --> 01:09:41,841
All right.

1399
01:09:58,713 --> 01:10:01,876
Tragedies don't
kill us, Woodrow.

1400
01:10:02,937 --> 01:10:04,754
Messes kill us.

1401
01:10:05,423 --> 01:10:07,985
I can't stand messes.

1402
01:10:09,052 --> 01:10:12,066
Oh, where's the fucking aspirin?

1403
01:10:58,231 --> 01:11:00,524
The sun's gone dim,

1404
01:11:00,690 --> 01:11:03,253
and the moon's turned black,

1405
01:11:04,107 --> 01:11:07,902
for I loved him,
and he didn't love back.

1406
01:11:17,030 --> 01:11:19,408
You were a mess lying there...

1407
01:11:22,221 --> 01:11:23,979
Bleeding and drooling.

1408
01:11:27,907 --> 01:11:29,854
You were pathetic...

1409
01:11:30,525 --> 01:11:31,609
And disgusting.

1410
01:11:33,593 --> 01:11:34,870
Is that all?

1411
01:11:35,914 --> 01:11:37,708
I only know 15 adjectives.

1412
01:11:40,863 --> 01:11:44,616
You don't have to tie double knots,
Mr. Benchley.

1413
01:11:44,976 --> 01:11:47,918
These are not
your son's Oxfords.

1414
01:11:53,475 --> 01:11:55,435
Do you still love me, Fred?

1415
01:11:55,726 --> 01:11:57,322
Of course I do,
Mrs. Parker.

1416
01:11:57,961 --> 01:12:00,300
But you think I'm a kill-joy.

1417
01:12:03,450 --> 01:12:05,160
No, I don't,

1418
01:12:06,486 --> 01:12:08,151
but if you don't eat
more solid foods

1419
01:12:08,176 --> 01:12:09,456
and stay away from razor blades,

1420
01:12:09,480 --> 01:12:11,721
you could arouse
that suspicion in others.

1421
01:12:13,629 --> 01:12:14,816
I hear mice.

1422
01:12:14,888 --> 01:12:16,279
Shall I discourage them?

1423
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:20,554
Do I look...
All right?

1424
01:12:24,588 --> 01:12:26,120
Now you do.

1425
01:12:27,258 --> 01:12:28,425
Come in.

1426
01:12:42,174 --> 01:12:43,068
Well...

1427
01:12:44,060 --> 01:12:46,683
Aside from F.P.A.,
who withers easily,

1428
01:12:46,906 --> 01:12:49,672
it seems as though all your
friends are here, Mrs. Parker.

1429
01:12:52,239 --> 01:12:53,367
Yes...

1430
01:12:53,835 --> 01:12:55,629
And Paula, too.

1431
01:13:00,041 --> 01:13:01,979
It must be rough now
that Benchley and Charlie

1432
01:13:02,004 --> 01:13:03,721
are such good friends, huh?

1433
01:13:05,046 --> 01:13:06,442
It's not so bad.

1434
01:13:06,961 --> 01:13:08,638
I just let him ignore me.

1435
01:13:12,286 --> 01:13:13,438
You know, people still think

1436
01:13:13,463 --> 01:13:15,422
he's banging me every night,

1437
01:13:15,746 --> 01:13:18,248
and sometimes I
wish to God he were.

1438
01:13:19,835 --> 01:13:21,311
But only sometimes.

1439
01:13:23,918 --> 01:13:26,417
You know, he sent me
$30 for the operation.

1440
01:13:28,261 --> 01:13:30,524
Judas making a refund.

1441
01:13:55,199 --> 01:13:58,618
Oh, for Christ's sake.

1442
01:14:07,397 --> 01:14:08,573
There you are.

1443
01:14:08,598 --> 01:14:11,229
Fred, how long do you think
we can keep this thing up?

1444
01:14:11,529 --> 01:14:12,505
Keep what up?

1445
01:14:12,530 --> 01:14:14,187
You performing six nights a week

1446
01:14:14,212 --> 01:14:16,163
and me covering first acts.

1447
01:14:16,335 --> 01:14:17,913
We need the money,
Mrs. Parker.

1448
01:14:18,112 --> 01:14:21,543
You only need enough money
to keep body and soul apart.

1449
01:14:22,606 --> 01:14:24,954
Shh. Remember,
Mrs. Parker,

1450
01:14:24,979 --> 01:14:27,190
speak easy.

1451
01:14:27,495 --> 01:14:28,539
Open up.

1452
01:14:29,162 --> 01:14:30,264
This is a raid.

1453
01:14:34,513 --> 01:14:36,258
Oh, God.

1454
01:14:40,440 --> 01:14:41,980
Please, Mrs. Parker.

1455
01:14:43,050 --> 01:14:44,273
You're running a fever, Fred.

1456
01:14:44,298 --> 01:14:46,013
People will think I'd
beat you in private.

1457
01:14:46,038 --> 01:14:47,303
You're running it ragged.

1458
01:14:47,328 --> 01:14:48,968
Probably how I managed
to get so much done

1459
01:14:48,992 --> 01:14:50,421
and still look so dissipated.

1460
01:14:50,446 --> 01:14:52,538
I'll bet you haven't
eaten a thing all day.

1461
01:14:52,563 --> 01:14:54,987
Au contraire. I found a
little French place nearby,

1462
01:14:55,012 --> 01:14:56,291
completely without charm.

1463
01:14:56,316 --> 01:14:58,728
We'll have one brown
and one clear, please.

1464
01:15:01,418 --> 01:15:03,866
Oh, for crying out loud, Fred.

1465
01:15:03,891 --> 01:15:05,510
The last thing you need is that.

1466
01:15:05,535 --> 01:15:07,405
- What?
- What? What about your family?

1467
01:15:07,455 --> 01:15:08,207
Who?

1468
01:15:08,512 --> 01:15:09,790
I forbid you.

1469
01:15:10,073 --> 01:15:11,233
May I remind you,
Mrs. P., you

1470
01:15:11,257 --> 01:15:14,425
that I'm not a fictional creation
of hers. It could easily...

1471
01:15:14,450 --> 01:15:17,240
What could you possibly say
to a thing like that?

1472
01:15:18,033 --> 01:15:20,064
"Did you go to the circus
this year?"

1473
01:15:20,292 --> 01:15:21,698
Oh, no, no. Better.

1474
01:15:21,799 --> 01:15:23,291
"When do your tonsils
come out?"

1475
01:15:23,316 --> 01:15:25,364
How about "your regal
presence at the bar"

1476
01:15:25,389 --> 01:15:27,524
has inspired my soul
to an upheaval"?

1477
01:15:27,549 --> 01:15:30,065
Hmm? That's the source of
all great literature...

1478
01:15:30,090 --> 01:15:31,846
An upheaved soul.

1479
01:15:35,525 --> 01:15:37,944
I, uh... have
a question to ask.

1480
01:15:37,969 --> 01:15:39,081
Mm-hmm.

1481
01:15:39,862 --> 01:15:41,613
A serious one.

1482
01:15:46,189 --> 01:15:47,432
Anything.

1483
01:15:49,611 --> 01:15:52,228
Why do you think...

1484
01:15:53,256 --> 01:15:55,063
that we...

1485
01:15:55,643 --> 01:15:56,943
Yes?

1486
01:15:57,885 --> 01:15:59,177
You and I...

1487
01:15:59,608 --> 01:16:01,413
That would be "we," yeah.

1488
01:16:03,098 --> 01:16:04,980
Have never misbehaved?

1489
01:16:10,057 --> 01:16:11,805
I'm referring
to what we don't do

1490
01:16:11,830 --> 01:16:13,956
in spite of everything.

1491
01:16:14,146 --> 01:16:16,607
What we don't do, hmm.

1492
01:16:21,270 --> 01:16:23,064
Mrs. Parker, really.

1493
01:16:25,815 --> 01:16:27,228
Tell me.

1494
01:16:28,216 --> 01:16:29,498
Now.

1495
01:16:32,087 --> 01:16:33,613
Well... ahem.

1496
01:16:33,724 --> 01:16:35,926
I suppose we respect
each other too much.

1497
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,756
Ah. We don't respect
anyone.

1498
01:16:38,781 --> 01:16:41,116
Well, Mrs. Parker,
suppose it didn't work.

1499
01:16:42,504 --> 01:16:44,005
Suppose it did.

1500
01:16:47,705 --> 01:16:49,487
No. No, no.

1501
01:16:49,512 --> 01:16:51,793
It's a lot easier to take
disappointment when you're young

1502
01:16:51,817 --> 01:16:53,191
or dumb or don't expect much,

1503
01:16:53,216 --> 01:16:55,625
but we're old and smart and...

1504
01:16:55,982 --> 01:16:58,034
Don't bat those
ingenue eyes at me.

1505
01:16:58,059 --> 01:16:59,765
You know what I'm talking about.

1506
01:16:59,790 --> 01:17:01,709
That's the trouble.
You know entirely too much.

1507
01:17:01,826 --> 01:17:04,138
Oh, gee, and I was thinking

1508
01:17:04,163 --> 01:17:05,957
I must not know enough,

1509
01:17:06,288 --> 01:17:07,660
because the things I want most

1510
01:17:07,685 --> 01:17:09,293
I can't seem to get.

1511
01:17:09,761 --> 01:17:12,373
That's because you've
forgotten how to have fun.

1512
01:17:14,392 --> 01:17:15,703
Oh, really?

1513
01:17:16,884 --> 01:17:17,844
Fun?

1514
01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:22,714
I'll show you some fun.

1515
01:17:25,132 --> 01:17:26,753
- What are you doing?
- Yes, you.

1516
01:17:26,813 --> 01:17:28,002
What are you doing?

1517
01:17:32,191 --> 01:17:34,652
You looked in need
of rescue, dear.

1518
01:17:35,101 --> 01:17:36,296
What's your name?

1519
01:17:36,407 --> 01:17:37,107
Joanie.

1520
01:17:37,152 --> 01:17:38,771
Sit down, Joanie.

1521
01:17:39,325 --> 01:17:40,315
Joanie Gerard.

1522
01:17:40,340 --> 01:17:41,967
How do you do?
I'm Robert.

1523
01:17:42,740 --> 01:17:45,200
Are you an actress,
Joanie Gerard?

1524
01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:47,149
I'm a Western Union girl.

1525
01:17:47,174 --> 01:17:48,213
Yeah. Oh.

1526
01:17:48,238 --> 01:17:50,138
But I want to be an actress.

1527
01:17:50,163 --> 01:17:52,832
Oh, you dear, brave soul.

1528
01:17:53,371 --> 01:17:54,296
You're in luck.

1529
01:17:54,786 --> 01:17:56,865
Freddy is a talent scout,
aren't you, Fred?

1530
01:17:57,227 --> 01:17:58,180
Really?

1531
01:17:58,291 --> 01:18:00,106
Oh, well, after a fashion.

1532
01:18:00,681 --> 01:18:02,197
And this is Mrs. Parker,

1533
01:18:02,222 --> 01:18:04,515
my good friend and
favorite living writer.

1534
01:18:04,899 --> 01:18:06,243
But not much fun.

1535
01:18:06,268 --> 01:18:08,231
You're a real, living writer?

1536
01:18:08,314 --> 01:18:09,982
Currently on leave.

1537
01:18:11,846 --> 01:18:15,193
Jeez, I feel like I ought to drop a
curtsy or something.

1538
01:18:16,103 --> 01:18:18,574
Her curtsy, your pants, my teeth.

1539
01:18:19,248 --> 01:18:20,564
Ha ha! All right.

1540
01:18:20,589 --> 01:18:22,875
So...
What do you say?

1541
01:18:23,063 --> 01:18:24,595
Shall we go wild tonight?

1542
01:18:24,816 --> 01:18:26,074
Yeah, Fred.
What do you say?

1543
01:18:26,099 --> 01:18:27,291
You want to go wild?

1544
01:18:27,316 --> 01:18:30,072
I could outline
several opera plots

1545
01:18:30,097 --> 01:18:31,602
I've been working on.

1546
01:18:31,681 --> 01:18:32,442
Oh!

1547
01:18:32,997 --> 01:18:35,208
Oh, forget him, dear.

1548
01:18:35,609 --> 01:18:38,651
I've just been released
from our lady of malpractice,

1549
01:18:38,839 --> 01:18:40,883
and I want to go wild.

1550
01:18:41,305 --> 01:18:42,992
How do I learn how?

1551
01:18:43,763 --> 01:18:45,524
Aah!
Aah!

1552
01:18:55,823 --> 01:18:57,950
Uh! Uh!

1553
01:18:58,334 --> 01:18:59,231
Oh! Oh!

1554
01:19:02,311 --> 01:19:03,054
Uh! Uh!

1555
01:19:03,226 --> 01:19:05,248
Artists... that's why
we invite them.

1556
01:19:06,412 --> 01:19:07,698
Ha ha!

1557
01:19:07,879 --> 01:19:09,464
Bravo, George.

1558
01:19:09,608 --> 01:19:10,806
Bravo!

1559
01:19:10,831 --> 01:19:12,511
Mind us, you cretins!

1560
01:19:14,008 --> 01:19:15,324
Well played!

1561
01:19:16,798 --> 01:19:18,308
That wasn't very sporting, George.

1562
01:19:18,333 --> 01:19:19,261
Well...

1563
01:19:19,856 --> 01:19:21,630
Do we have a game?

1564
01:19:21,810 --> 01:19:22,912
I'll sing an opera.

1565
01:19:23,155 --> 01:19:24,604
You gentlemen see
if you can name it.

1566
01:19:24,705 --> 01:19:26,164
All right.

1567
01:19:26,370 --> 01:19:27,871
Here we go.

1568
01:19:35,571 --> 01:19:38,007
I would say that is,
uh... Joe Green.

1569
01:19:38,032 --> 01:19:39,658
Yes. It's definitely
Joe Green.

1570
01:19:39,957 --> 01:19:41,349
Joe Green?
Giuseppe Verdi.

1571
01:19:41,851 --> 01:19:42,903
Don't look now, toots,

1572
01:19:42,928 --> 01:19:45,644
but unmarried Yale barristers
have been spotted

1573
01:19:45,669 --> 01:19:47,728
cavorting on the south lawn.

1574
01:19:48,705 --> 01:19:52,029
Oh, a girl can get splinters

1575
01:19:52,054 --> 01:19:54,312
sliding down a barrister.

1576
01:19:54,458 --> 01:19:55,856
What else?

1577
01:19:56,368 --> 01:19:58,975
What about our athletic friend
down there?

1578
01:19:59,000 --> 01:20:00,927
He's built like a horse.

1579
01:20:00,952 --> 01:20:03,444
Always so optimistic.

1580
01:20:03,693 --> 01:20:05,913
Well, he keeps waving
his mallet in my direction.

1581
01:20:05,938 --> 01:20:07,961
It must mean something.

1582
01:20:09,039 --> 01:20:11,380
What are you doing?
This isn't polo, you cretin.

1583
01:20:11,930 --> 01:20:14,094
Descend from your perch,
my little mourning dove,

1584
01:20:14,119 --> 01:20:17,392
and show this neomalthusian
how it's done.

1585
01:20:18,852 --> 01:20:20,380
Mind if I join you?

1586
01:20:21,772 --> 01:20:24,467
You must be picking
wallflowers, Scott.

1587
01:20:25,241 --> 01:20:28,146
Well, Sherry, I read your latest
short story... "Extra, extra."

1588
01:20:28,278 --> 01:20:30,320
It was as fine a bit of
writing I've ever read...

1589
01:20:30,707 --> 01:20:31,449
Thank you.

1590
01:20:31,474 --> 01:20:34,784
Short, lean, acid, so good.

1591
01:20:35,895 --> 01:20:37,864
This is a magazine of the city.

1592
01:20:37,889 --> 01:20:39,090
A smart magazine.

1593
01:20:39,115 --> 01:20:41,490
And not for the little
old lady in Dubuque.

1594
01:20:42,204 --> 01:20:43,401
You have a title?

1595
01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:45,939
♪ Ba Ba Ba Ba-da

1596
01:20:45,974 --> 01:20:48,134
♪ Ba Ba Ba Ba-da
Ba Ba-da Ba Ba-da ♪

1597
01:20:48,159 --> 01:20:49,128
What's in a name?

1598
01:20:49,153 --> 01:20:51,529
A name is simply a name.

1599
01:20:51,627 --> 01:20:53,366
It's who you know, darling.

1600
01:20:53,391 --> 01:20:54,736
It's who you know.

1601
01:20:54,860 --> 01:20:56,826
Most of our friends
will be contributing.

1602
01:20:57,265 --> 01:20:59,040
Dorothy Parker, for one.

1603
01:20:59,065 --> 01:20:59,857
George Kaufman.

1604
01:20:59,882 --> 01:21:00,606
F.P.A.

1605
01:21:00,631 --> 01:21:01,593
Bob Benchley.

1606
01:21:01,618 --> 01:21:02,898
They're all devoted to the idea.

1607
01:21:02,922 --> 01:21:05,643
They've never really heard
of anything like it and...

1608
01:21:06,023 --> 01:21:07,390
So, we're...

1609
01:21:07,835 --> 01:21:08,857
George, come here!

1610
01:21:08,858 --> 01:21:10,441
Is he through that wicket?

1611
01:21:11,587 --> 01:21:12,893
Wicket's crooked, Marc.

1612
01:21:12,918 --> 01:21:13,789
Ha!

1613
01:21:13,927 --> 01:21:14,958
Whose ball is this?

1614
01:21:15,015 --> 01:21:15,764
You cheat.

1615
01:21:15,789 --> 01:21:16,564
Whose ball is this?

1616
01:21:16,589 --> 01:21:17,344
That's Edna's.

1617
01:21:17,369 --> 01:21:19,019
Oh, for God's sake!

1618
01:21:19,635 --> 01:21:21,566
Now what do you want to do, huh?

1619
01:21:22,564 --> 01:21:24,367
I've always wanted
to write a novel.

1620
01:21:24,467 --> 01:21:25,881
- Or a play.
- How old are you?

1621
01:21:26,263 --> 01:21:27,382
- 28.
- 28.

1622
01:21:27,406 --> 01:21:28,370
<i>Alec you're out of time.</i>

1623
01:21:28,371 --> 01:21:29,382
Don't let the time pass.

1624
01:21:29,407 --> 01:21:31,458
If you want to write
something, you write it.

1625
01:21:31,565 --> 01:21:33,667
Don't turn 40 be
wishing that you had.

1626
01:21:34,652 --> 01:21:36,296
Aah!

1627
01:21:36,448 --> 01:21:38,201
Why is Harpo the only one of us

1628
01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,101
who enjoys performing like a seal?

1629
01:21:41,374 --> 01:21:43,188
Please don't answer that.

1630
01:21:43,456 --> 01:21:44,778
It's a magazine for a man

1631
01:21:44,803 --> 01:21:46,114
who knows his way
aound the city.

1632
01:21:46,139 --> 01:21:48,471
- Or want to know.
- Yes. A man not unlike myself.

1633
01:21:49,535 --> 01:21:51,073
What's this magazine
about, Ross...

1634
01:21:51,098 --> 01:21:52,796
Shipping news?

1635
01:21:53,411 --> 01:21:55,071
It's a magazine about New York.

1636
01:21:55,096 --> 01:21:56,231
For people with manners.

1637
01:21:56,256 --> 01:21:58,705
Yeah.
M-manners.

1638
01:21:59,817 --> 01:22:01,177
Well, if it's about New York,

1639
01:22:01,202 --> 01:22:02,913
why not call it the New Yorker?

1640
01:22:03,944 --> 01:22:05,571
Now, that's brilliant.

1641
01:22:07,892 --> 01:22:09,080
Hello.

1642
01:22:09,782 --> 01:22:12,356
I hope you like
to gamble, Dorothy,

1643
01:22:12,785 --> 01:22:14,015
because I just made a bet

1644
01:22:14,040 --> 01:22:15,830
that I can make you smile.

1645
01:22:15,992 --> 01:22:18,758
Oh, I hate to see
anyone lose money.

1646
01:22:18,846 --> 01:22:20,806
It's so hard to find.

1647
01:22:22,050 --> 01:22:25,266
Don't go away. I must eat
something before I pass out.

1648
01:22:29,421 --> 01:22:31,125
Attention, everyone.

1649
01:22:31,756 --> 01:22:33,423
Maybe Dorothy would consent

1650
01:22:33,448 --> 01:22:35,642
to recite one of her
little things for us.

1651
01:22:35,666 --> 01:22:37,167
<i>Oh! Great idea.</i>

1652
01:22:37,521 --> 01:22:41,003
Well, maybe I'll just
digest my little supper

1653
01:22:41,028 --> 01:22:42,789
and sing for it later.

1654
01:22:42,814 --> 01:22:44,156
Oh, please, Dorothy.

1655
01:22:44,181 --> 01:22:46,332
Something bilious for dessert.

1656
01:22:46,357 --> 01:22:48,836
No. Something bubbly,
Mrs. Parker.

1657
01:22:48,875 --> 01:22:50,475
Something bubbly bilious.

1658
01:22:50,500 --> 01:22:52,126
Double bubbly,
but don't bill us.

1659
01:22:52,151 --> 01:22:53,116
Ha ha ha ha!

1660
01:22:53,141 --> 01:22:55,301
One more drink,
and I'll be under the host.

1661
01:22:55,392 --> 01:22:57,131
Oh, please, Mrs. Parker.

1662
01:22:57,156 --> 01:23:00,156
Do honor us with one of
your darling little poems.

1663
01:23:04,397 --> 01:23:05,881
Resume.

1664
01:23:06,957 --> 01:23:08,636
Razors pain you.

1665
01:23:08,972 --> 01:23:10,886
Rivers are damp.

1666
01:23:11,231 --> 01:23:13,043
Acids stain you,

1667
01:23:13,259 --> 01:23:15,409
and drugs cause cramp.

1668
01:23:16,003 --> 01:23:17,753
Guns aren't lawful.

1669
01:23:17,932 --> 01:23:19,739
Nooses give.

1670
01:23:19,973 --> 01:23:22,385
Gas smells awful.

1671
01:23:23,066 --> 01:23:24,970
You might as well live.

1672
01:23:31,095 --> 01:23:32,542
Another cheerful poem.

1673
01:23:32,597 --> 01:23:37,677
Bravo!

1674
01:23:39,541 --> 01:23:41,697
- What a fascinating woman.
- Nice going.

1675
01:23:49,175 --> 01:23:50,222
Dorothy!

1676
01:23:58,212 --> 01:24:01,018
So,
is it true that you live in a rat-hole?

1677
01:24:01,466 --> 01:24:03,378
Oh, I like my apartment.

1678
01:24:03,729 --> 01:24:05,567
It's just big enough
to lay my hat

1679
01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:07,616
and a few friends.

1680
01:24:09,544 --> 01:24:12,474
Did you know my family's
in bird sanctuaries?

1681
01:24:12,959 --> 01:24:13,979
It's true.

1682
01:24:14,518 --> 01:24:15,781
Rather interesting.

1683
01:24:16,864 --> 01:24:19,512
Let's say I buy
a peacock for $5.00,

1684
01:24:19,652 --> 01:24:21,203
throw it up in a tree,

1685
01:24:21,459 --> 01:24:24,077
and then charge, oh,
any Tom, dick, and Harry

1686
01:24:24,102 --> 01:24:25,433
$2.00 apiece just to...

1687
01:25:10,236 --> 01:25:13,472
Oh, don't worry,
uh... Roger.

1688
01:25:13,899 --> 01:25:15,859
I don't review rehearsals.

1689
01:25:17,725 --> 01:25:19,727
Oh, God.

1690
01:26:25,200 --> 01:26:28,353
Her mind lives in a quiet room,

1691
01:26:28,667 --> 01:26:32,087
a narrow room, and tall,

1692
01:26:32,817 --> 01:26:36,081
with pretty lamps
to quench the gloom.

1693
01:26:36,587 --> 01:26:39,396
And mottoes on the wall.

1694
01:26:39,874 --> 01:26:43,549
There all the things
are wax and neat

1695
01:26:43,694 --> 01:26:46,671
and set in decorous lines.

1696
01:26:47,008 --> 01:26:51,917
And there are posies,
round and sweet,

1697
01:26:52,469 --> 01:26:55,470
and little, straightened vines.

1698
01:26:56,217 --> 01:27:00,852
Her mind lives tidily,
apart from cold

1699
01:27:00,877 --> 01:27:02,468
and noise,

1700
01:27:02,493 --> 01:27:04,837
and pain.

1701
01:27:05,519 --> 01:27:10,065
And bolts the door
against her heart,

1702
01:27:10,186 --> 01:27:12,626
out wailing in the rain.

1703
01:27:14,279 --> 01:27:16,598
I think I was born
to live in a hotel.

1704
01:27:16,746 --> 01:27:18,016
It helps me concentrate

1705
01:27:18,041 --> 01:27:19,385
knowing I can
just sign for things

1706
01:27:19,410 --> 01:27:20,614
whenever I need them.

1707
01:27:20,840 --> 01:27:22,300
Yes, it's wonderful.

1708
01:27:22,702 --> 01:27:25,206
But, of course, the bill
always comes through

1709
01:27:25,231 --> 01:27:26,550
at the end of the month.

1710
01:27:26,777 --> 01:27:29,276
I trust that won't be a problem.

1711
01:27:29,497 --> 01:27:31,290
Scout's honor.

1712
01:27:32,420 --> 01:27:35,611
Well, I think this hotel's
always been very lucky

1713
01:27:35,636 --> 01:27:36,819
for writers, Mrs. Parker.

1714
01:27:37,241 --> 01:27:38,176
For example.

1715
01:27:38,248 --> 01:27:41,617
Do you have any idea how
many important plays

1716
01:27:41,642 --> 01:27:42,893
have been written here?

1717
01:27:43,044 --> 01:27:45,393
Well, well.
How fortunate.

1718
01:27:45,561 --> 01:27:47,281
I'm working on a play.

1719
01:27:47,345 --> 01:27:48,186
And if you're right,

1720
01:27:48,211 --> 01:27:50,858
we won't have to worry
about the rent, now, will we?

1721
01:27:52,094 --> 01:27:54,638
I wouldn't go away
from you for anything!

1722
01:27:54,749 --> 01:27:56,189
There's nothing in the world that...

1723
01:27:56,213 --> 01:27:58,057
No, no. Stop, please.
You mustn't move.

1724
01:27:58,229 --> 01:27:59,649
- Please. You mustn't move!
- Stop!

1725
01:27:59,674 --> 01:28:01,274
- You mustn't move on his speech!
- Stop!

1726
01:28:01,298 --> 01:28:04,292
- Oh, my! I can't work like this!
- Dorothy, don't you think

1727
01:28:04,317 --> 01:28:05,717
she ought to be
wearing a brassiere?

1728
01:28:05,741 --> 01:28:07,464
Oh, God, no.

1729
01:28:07,543 --> 01:28:11,087
We've got to have something
in this show that moves.

1730
01:28:16,310 --> 01:28:17,769
Good afternoon,
Mr. Benchley.

1731
01:28:17,794 --> 01:28:18,635
Hello.

1732
01:28:18,660 --> 01:28:19,673
Loved the play.

1733
01:28:19,698 --> 01:28:22,319
Let's hope it's a big
financial success!

1734
01:28:23,426 --> 01:28:25,739
I owe him three
months on the rent.

1735
01:28:25,927 --> 01:28:28,300
Well, at least you got
fantastic reviews.

1736
01:28:28,325 --> 01:28:31,524
Yes. And some were even
from total strangers.

1737
01:28:31,549 --> 01:28:33,979
Ha ha ha!

1738
01:28:34,474 --> 01:28:36,719
Oh, I suppose it was dull,

1739
01:28:36,744 --> 01:28:39,212
and you all have my apologies.

1740
01:28:40,631 --> 01:28:42,676
But how can you know
about your own?

1741
01:28:43,159 --> 01:28:44,280
You can't.

1742
01:28:44,358 --> 01:28:46,878
I want to know who decided to
open it two days before Christmas.

1743
01:28:46,902 --> 01:28:48,750
I hear your Mr. Benchley.

1744
01:28:48,775 --> 01:28:51,604
Has taken up residence
at Polly Adler's brothel.

1745
01:28:51,763 --> 01:28:53,383
Well, that is, of course,

1746
01:28:53,408 --> 01:28:55,554
when he's not
with that little show girl.

1747
01:28:55,695 --> 01:28:57,751
Maybe it wouldn't hurt
to work that in.

1748
01:28:57,842 --> 01:29:00,510
The play's about Benchley
anyway, isn't it, Dot?

1749
01:29:00,535 --> 01:29:02,772
Look on the bright side,
Dorothy you can thank ♪♪

1750
01:29:02,797 --> 01:29:03,963
Bobby.

1751
01:29:03,988 --> 01:29:06,224
- Hello, Broun.
- My place has got your name.

1752
01:29:06,249 --> 01:29:07,049
Written all over it.

1753
01:29:07,073 --> 01:29:08,399
Thank you, Don.
Thank you.

1754
01:29:10,098 --> 01:29:11,892
Miss Hunt, how do you do?

1755
01:29:12,826 --> 01:29:14,132
Miss Ferber.

1756
01:29:19,057 --> 01:29:20,817
Well, when they laughed
at the mandolin duet,

1757
01:29:20,841 --> 01:29:22,582
I wanted to bash
their skulls in.

1758
01:29:22,906 --> 01:29:25,066
Could have used a French horn.

1759
01:29:25,586 --> 01:29:27,513
I think it's more
of a magnificent tragedy

1760
01:29:27,538 --> 01:29:29,069
than it is a comedy.

1761
01:29:29,696 --> 01:29:31,488
It's a wonderful play,
and that's final.

1762
01:29:31,776 --> 01:29:33,820
I'm afraid so.

1763
01:29:34,136 --> 01:29:37,262
We did a cool $90 at
yesterday's matinee.

1764
01:29:37,380 --> 01:29:39,051
Philip's closing it next week.

1765
01:29:39,158 --> 01:29:39,912
What?

1766
01:29:39,937 --> 01:29:42,073
Mr. Woollcott, we really
have to clear the room

1767
01:29:42,098 --> 01:29:43,766
to prepare for
the dinner service.

1768
01:29:44,202 --> 01:29:45,577
Clear the room?

1769
01:29:45,658 --> 01:29:47,258
- Obviously has no taste.
- You imbecile!

1770
01:29:47,282 --> 01:29:49,077
Do I look like
a piece of furniture?

1771
01:29:49,078 --> 01:29:51,565
Well, actually,
an entire showroom

1772
01:29:51,590 --> 01:29:53,021
on a good day.

1773
01:29:53,864 --> 01:29:56,335
Ha! Let's go up to
my room, everybody.

1774
01:29:57,024 --> 01:29:58,366
You coming, Fred?

1775
01:29:58,391 --> 01:30:00,277
I think I'll catch up
with you later.

1776
01:30:03,327 --> 01:30:04,544
At Polly's?

1777
01:30:04,606 --> 01:30:07,259
Why don't we say
at Tony's, Mrs. Parker?

1778
01:30:07,284 --> 01:30:08,568
Thank you, sir.

1779
01:30:09,826 --> 01:30:10,802
Please, Mr. Benchley.

1780
01:30:10,827 --> 01:30:12,457
I've never been to a whorehouse.

1781
01:30:12,791 --> 01:30:14,083
Mrs. Parker...

1782
01:30:14,617 --> 01:30:17,193
It's not unlike the
theater in many ways.

1783
01:30:18,313 --> 01:30:19,761
Satisfied?

1784
01:30:20,720 --> 01:30:22,692
No. Ha ha!

1785
01:30:23,273 --> 01:30:24,900
Never, I suppose.

1786
01:30:35,144 --> 01:30:37,313
"For Polly.
"Long may she wave".

1787
01:30:37,619 --> 01:30:39,065
Al Tennyson.

1788
01:30:39,661 --> 01:30:40,886
Yeah,
Mr. Benchley.

1789
01:30:40,911 --> 01:30:42,455
Oh, that's very good.

1790
01:30:42,942 --> 01:30:45,353
I prefer a real whorehouse

1791
01:30:45,378 --> 01:30:46,551
to the theater.

1792
01:30:46,576 --> 01:30:47,603
Oh, yes.

1793
01:30:48,099 --> 01:30:49,561
If a girl can't sing here,

1794
01:30:49,562 --> 01:30:51,042
she has the good
manners to fake it.

1795
01:30:51,067 --> 01:30:52,051
What's the going rate?

1796
01:30:52,076 --> 01:30:54,038
I like the looks
of that one there.

1797
01:30:54,063 --> 01:30:55,014
She's a guest.

1798
01:30:55,039 --> 01:30:56,309
Well, so am I.

1799
01:30:56,583 --> 01:30:57,667
Oh, Bobby,

1800
01:30:57,692 --> 01:30:59,332
are you going to read
to me again tonight?

1801
01:30:59,356 --> 01:31:01,366
Oh, another county heard from.

1802
01:31:01,551 --> 01:31:03,699
Um, I'd like you
to meet my good friend,

1803
01:31:03,724 --> 01:31:05,671
Mrs...
Mrs. Parker.

1804
01:31:07,157 --> 01:31:08,074
Mrs. Parker...

1805
01:31:08,558 --> 01:31:09,479
Is she all right?

1806
01:31:09,504 --> 01:31:10,954
I think she should lie down.

1807
01:31:11,234 --> 01:31:12,527
Here we are.

1808
01:31:12,709 --> 01:31:15,678
Yes, I think
I hit my... ass.

1809
01:31:15,875 --> 01:31:17,827
Take her to
the lavender room, Coco.

1810
01:31:17,873 --> 01:31:18,859
Yes, Miss Adler.

1811
01:31:18,884 --> 01:31:20,799
Oh...
I'm so sorry.

1812
01:31:21,369 --> 01:31:23,129
- It's right this way.
- I'll go up with her.

1813
01:31:23,153 --> 01:31:25,404
I had medical training
in the army, you know.

1814
01:31:29,952 --> 01:31:32,629
Suspicions confirmed, Fred.

1815
01:31:32,957 --> 01:31:36,076
I am a drunken whore.

1816
01:31:36,348 --> 01:31:38,307
You're an artist, Mrs. Parker.

1817
01:31:38,441 --> 01:31:40,437
Sometimes artists
lose their balance.

1818
01:31:40,623 --> 01:31:41,722
Ah...

1819
01:31:41,747 --> 01:31:45,345
I'm little Dorothy with the
curse of the Rothschilds

1820
01:31:45,346 --> 01:31:47,138
hanging over her head.

1821
01:31:47,644 --> 01:31:49,456
You're the artist,
Mr. Benchley.

1822
01:31:49,481 --> 01:31:50,375
No, no. Not me.

1823
01:31:50,400 --> 01:31:51,544
Don't lay that on me.

1824
01:31:51,569 --> 01:31:53,904
I've discovered I have
no real talent for writing.

1825
01:31:54,730 --> 01:31:57,002
I can't quit because
I'm too famous.

1826
01:31:58,537 --> 01:31:59,565
All right?

1827
01:32:01,291 --> 01:32:03,305
Here we are.

1828
01:32:04,145 --> 01:32:05,857
You lean down here.

1829
01:32:06,493 --> 01:32:08,456
I want to check
your temperature.

1830
01:32:43,349 --> 01:32:45,745
You need some rest,
Mrs. Parker.

1831
01:32:47,335 --> 01:32:48,668
Mr. Benchley...

1832
01:32:50,992 --> 01:32:52,618
Yes, Mrs. Parker.

1833
01:32:53,046 --> 01:32:54,969
Oh! Ha ha!

1834
01:33:09,490 --> 01:33:10,451
Oh...

1835
01:33:11,108 --> 01:33:12,609
Christ.

1836
01:33:14,278 --> 01:33:15,740
Oh...

1837
01:33:17,847 --> 01:33:20,391
Goddamn it, Thurber.

1838
01:33:21,030 --> 01:33:21,827
Is Ross in?

1839
01:33:21,852 --> 01:33:23,157
Yes, but he's engaged right now.

1840
01:33:23,182 --> 01:33:24,262
You'll have to take a seat.

1841
01:33:24,286 --> 01:33:25,231
Excuse me, miss!

1842
01:33:25,256 --> 01:33:26,673
Reject them!
Do it over again!

1843
01:33:26,698 --> 01:33:28,074
Thurber's crazy.
You talk to him.

1844
01:33:28,099 --> 01:33:30,059
Finally! I've been
wondering what happened to you.

1845
01:33:30,083 --> 01:33:31,052
Do you have the article?

1846
01:33:31,077 --> 01:33:32,537
Yeah, this was due on the third.

1847
01:33:32,989 --> 01:33:34,851
Somebody was using the pencil.

1848
01:33:36,026 --> 01:33:37,066
You look terrible, Dottie.

1849
01:33:37,090 --> 01:33:38,772
Have you not been sleeping?

1850
01:33:38,989 --> 01:33:40,157
Woodrow Wilson died.

1851
01:33:40,314 --> 01:33:41,611
Yes. I heard.

1852
01:33:41,769 --> 01:33:42,935
About a year ago.

1853
01:33:43,037 --> 01:33:44,174
Last week.

1854
01:33:44,547 --> 01:33:45,432
You have me there.

1855
01:33:45,457 --> 01:33:47,960
This is not a charitable
donation, Ross.

1856
01:33:47,985 --> 01:33:49,345
I'm fighting them off
at the hotel,

1857
01:33:49,369 --> 01:33:50,816
and my bank account
is so overdrawn,

1858
01:33:50,841 --> 01:33:52,235
it's positively photographic.

1859
01:33:52,260 --> 01:33:54,095
You'll be paid eventually.
I promise.

1860
01:33:54,435 --> 01:33:56,724
Don't believe him, Dottie.
He owes me for years.

1861
01:33:56,813 --> 01:33:58,448
Jane, for Christ's sake, please.

1862
01:33:58,479 --> 01:34:00,606
Dottie, really,
this is just wonderful.

1863
01:34:00,631 --> 01:34:02,631
Herbert Spencer once said,
"a genius can do readily

1864
01:34:02,698 --> 01:34:03,978
what nobody else can do at all,"

1865
01:34:04,003 --> 01:34:05,347
and that's what I'm doing.

1866
01:34:05,422 --> 01:34:08,336
Look Dottie, I can't read this right now,
I've got an art meeting in 5 minutes.

1867
01:34:08,360 --> 01:34:10,083
That's not a thing to
be doing at my age,

1868
01:34:10,108 --> 01:34:11,567
sitting around making up stories

1869
01:34:11,592 --> 01:34:12,811
about broken-hearted sissies.

1870
01:34:12,836 --> 01:34:14,291
Dottie, where are you going?

1871
01:34:34,330 --> 01:34:35,738
Mrs. Parker.

1872
01:34:38,106 --> 01:34:40,433
I just wanted to see
if you still answered to that.

1873
01:34:46,200 --> 01:34:48,610
We are still married,
aren't we, Eddie?

1874
01:34:48,918 --> 01:34:50,127
I guess so.

1875
01:34:50,427 --> 01:34:52,692
I guess we ought to talk about
getting a divorce, then.

1876
01:34:54,113 --> 01:34:55,032
Not today.

1877
01:34:55,299 --> 01:34:56,139
I'm feeling too good.

1878
01:34:56,172 --> 01:34:57,394
Oh, is it catching?

1879
01:34:57,419 --> 01:34:58,519
Sure. Why not?

1880
01:35:01,463 --> 01:35:03,128
You look swell, Eddie.

1881
01:35:03,707 --> 01:35:04,677
Do I, really?

1882
01:35:05,039 --> 01:35:05,866
Truly.

1883
01:35:05,891 --> 01:35:06,860
Thanks.

1884
01:35:07,527 --> 01:35:08,871
You look beautiful.

1885
01:35:09,074 --> 01:35:10,816
Oh, where the hell
are you looking?

1886
01:35:10,841 --> 01:35:11,838
At you.

1887
01:35:11,863 --> 01:35:13,473
No. I'm...

1888
01:35:14,051 --> 01:35:16,207
Lower than worms.

1889
01:35:17,223 --> 01:35:20,034
I miss feeling safe, Eddie.

1890
01:35:20,413 --> 01:35:21,779
I do miss that.

1891
01:35:22,587 --> 01:35:24,236
Is that what we were?

1892
01:35:24,793 --> 01:35:26,345
You could have fooled me.

1893
01:35:28,735 --> 01:35:30,662
You're not going
to cry, are you?

1894
01:35:34,177 --> 01:35:35,674
Woodrow died.

1895
01:35:35,884 --> 01:35:37,252
Did he?
I'm sorry.

1896
01:35:38,429 --> 01:35:40,378
I'm all alone again and broke.

1897
01:35:40,510 --> 01:35:41,542
See?

1898
01:35:42,995 --> 01:35:44,211
I'm flush.

1899
01:35:44,567 --> 01:35:45,987
Let me buy you a present.

1900
01:35:52,223 --> 01:35:53,615
Now you can buy me lunch.

1901
01:35:53,709 --> 01:35:56,451
If you promise
not to be very dull.

1902
01:35:58,136 --> 01:36:00,074
I'd love to, dear, but I can't.

1903
01:36:00,256 --> 01:36:02,503
I'm meeting someone,
and I'm late.

1904
01:36:03,924 --> 01:36:05,333
Another time, though.
I insist.

1905
01:36:05,719 --> 01:36:08,376
Actually,
I'm meeting someone, too.

1906
01:36:09,920 --> 01:36:11,949
It's really been
lovely seeing you.

1907
01:36:17,099 --> 01:36:17,962
Dear...

1908
01:36:19,035 --> 01:36:20,014
Oh.

1909
01:36:22,627 --> 01:36:26,223
I do not like my state of mind.

1910
01:36:26,640 --> 01:36:31,564
I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.

1911
01:36:32,089 --> 01:36:36,926
I hate my legs, I hate my hands,

1912
01:36:37,083 --> 01:36:41,051
I do not yearn
for lovelier lands.

1913
01:36:41,592 --> 01:36:44,583
I dread the
dawn's recurrent light.

1914
01:36:44,608 --> 01:36:47,168
I hate to go to bed at night.

1915
01:36:47,744 --> 01:36:51,711
I snoot at earnest, simple folk.

1916
01:36:51,736 --> 01:36:55,780
I cannot take the gentlest joke.

1917
01:36:56,335 --> 01:37:00,297
I find no peace
in paint or type.

1918
01:37:00,635 --> 01:37:02,970
My world is but a lot of tripe.

1919
01:37:03,245 --> 01:37:06,350
I'm disillusioned,
empty-breasted.

1920
01:37:06,571 --> 01:37:11,033
For what I think,
I'd be arrested.

1921
01:37:11,778 --> 01:37:13,614
I am not sick,

1922
01:37:13,957 --> 01:37:16,229
I am not well.

1923
01:37:16,634 --> 01:37:19,980
My quondam dreams
are shot to hell.

1924
01:37:20,434 --> 01:37:22,812
My soul is crushed,

1925
01:37:22,893 --> 01:37:25,869
my spirit sore.

1926
01:37:26,291 --> 01:37:30,254
I do not like me anymore.

1927
01:37:30,945 --> 01:37:34,906
I cavil, quarrel,
grumble, grouse.

1928
01:37:34,931 --> 01:37:38,766
I ponder on the narrow house.

1929
01:37:39,137 --> 01:37:44,558
I shudder
at the thought of men...

1930
01:37:47,483 --> 01:37:50,206
I'm due to fall in love again.

1931
01:37:52,211 --> 01:37:54,670
Well, I'll mention it
to her again, Mr. Case,

1932
01:37:54,695 --> 01:37:57,601
but there really isn't
that much I can do.

1933
01:37:57,626 --> 01:37:59,532
It's a very difficult situation.

1934
01:38:02,093 --> 01:38:02,970
Dottie?

1935
01:38:06,073 --> 01:38:07,319
I'd like to talk to you.

1936
01:38:07,682 --> 01:38:08,962
Cheese it, the fuzz.

1937
01:38:08,987 --> 01:38:12,282
Mrs. Parker.

1938
01:38:13,123 --> 01:38:14,483
I don't know how
he's going to feel

1939
01:38:14,507 --> 01:38:17,295
about an untrained puppy
piddling on his rugs.

1940
01:38:17,438 --> 01:38:19,318
He didn't like it much
when the trained one did.

1941
01:38:20,213 --> 01:38:23,165
Plus, I have to write him
another I.O.U. for the rent.

1942
01:38:23,270 --> 01:38:25,147
Well, they wouldn't
throw you out.

1943
01:38:25,408 --> 01:38:27,702
You're good for
too much publicity.

1944
01:38:28,010 --> 01:38:28,999
How was lunch?

1945
01:38:29,118 --> 01:38:30,452
Did they talk about me?

1946
01:38:30,595 --> 01:38:32,555
Of course they talked about you.

1947
01:38:33,628 --> 01:38:34,973
Rex...

1948
01:38:35,673 --> 01:38:37,523
Learn to read, darling.

1949
01:38:39,462 --> 01:38:43,424
It's time to think
about serious work.

1950
01:38:45,579 --> 01:38:47,372
Thinking is working, isn't it?

1951
01:38:47,545 --> 01:38:48,508
Well, of course it is.

1952
01:38:48,533 --> 01:38:50,183
It's the kind that I do best.

1953
01:38:50,416 --> 01:38:52,829
Why don't you write
a novel, dear?

1954
01:38:53,172 --> 01:38:54,452
You could probably knock one off

1955
01:38:54,476 --> 01:38:55,542
in, say, 20 or 30 years.

1956
01:38:55,592 --> 01:38:58,677
Oh, yes.
Why not a novel?

1957
01:38:59,617 --> 01:39:01,826
I put as much work
into writing nonsense.

1958
01:39:01,851 --> 01:39:03,091
As I do the things that matter,

1959
01:39:03,115 --> 01:39:05,576
and it's the nonsense
everybody notices.

1960
01:39:06,266 --> 01:39:07,623
And you know what?

1961
01:39:07,757 --> 01:39:09,842
By the time I'm paid
for what I do,

1962
01:39:09,867 --> 01:39:12,193
the money's already gone.

1963
01:39:13,287 --> 01:39:16,176
But you can dream
on a book, can't you?

1964
01:39:17,112 --> 01:39:18,447
Absolutely.

1965
01:39:20,977 --> 01:39:22,796
Have we ever touched?

1966
01:39:37,758 --> 01:39:39,593
Hello,
Mrs. Parker.

1967
01:40:05,107 --> 01:40:06,205
Mmm.

1968
01:40:13,312 --> 01:40:16,727
What do you think we should
drink this one, too, hmm?

1969
01:40:17,267 --> 01:40:18,891
How about to us?

1970
01:40:19,904 --> 01:40:22,378
Yes, it's too bad
we don't look prettier.

1971
01:40:23,421 --> 01:40:25,283
We were pretty once,
though, weren't we?

1972
01:40:25,381 --> 01:40:26,414
Hmm?

1973
01:40:27,419 --> 01:40:30,005
You might not think it matters,

1974
01:40:30,344 --> 01:40:31,642
but I do.

1975
01:40:32,492 --> 01:40:33,862
I'll tell you why.

1976
01:40:34,259 --> 01:40:38,115
Because, my dear,
it all turns on that.

1977
01:40:38,840 --> 01:40:41,687
All those little sags and...

1978
01:40:42,518 --> 01:40:43,443
What is going on here?

1979
01:40:43,468 --> 01:40:44,769
Yes, it's London zoo.

1980
01:40:45,023 --> 01:40:46,482
Listen.
I've had enough.

1981
01:40:46,556 --> 01:40:47,297
I really have.

1982
01:40:47,322 --> 01:40:49,033
Is that this woman's dog?

1983
01:40:49,058 --> 01:40:50,778
We've had these
interruptions on this set...

1984
01:40:50,802 --> 01:40:51,594
I did it.

1985
01:40:54,006 --> 01:40:55,581
Nicotine, nicotine pip-squeak.

1986
01:40:56,104 --> 01:40:56,891
Listen, Sergei.

1987
01:40:56,932 --> 01:40:58,834
This is not
the steppes of Russia.

1988
01:40:58,865 --> 01:41:01,196
This is the
United States of America.

1989
01:41:07,579 --> 01:41:09,475
So Zanuck says give him
a death scene.

1990
01:41:09,500 --> 01:41:10,709
That'll win an Oscar.

1991
01:41:10,734 --> 01:41:13,294
I'm telling you, this guy couldn't
play dead if you cremated him.

1992
01:41:13,318 --> 01:41:13,834
Move over.

1993
01:41:13,859 --> 01:41:15,279
What's wrong, Dottie?

1994
01:41:15,304 --> 01:41:17,759
I never worked
on a picture that I liked,

1995
01:41:18,003 --> 01:41:20,816
and I never worked on
a picture that liked me.

1996
01:41:20,920 --> 01:41:21,987
Dottie, I need a line.

1997
01:41:22,012 --> 01:41:23,332
There's a guy
standing on a ledge,

1998
01:41:23,356 --> 01:41:24,954
and his wife's
got to say something.

1999
01:41:25,099 --> 01:41:27,226
No. Let her push
the son of a bitch

2000
01:41:27,251 --> 01:41:28,334
without speaking.

2001
01:41:28,359 --> 01:41:29,073
Over!

2002
01:41:29,551 --> 01:41:31,427
Hey, Dottie. Saw Alan
on the lot this morning.

2003
01:41:31,550 --> 01:41:32,908
Standing right beside wardrobe.

2004
01:41:33,018 --> 01:41:35,729
Wearing a dress, no doubt.

2005
01:41:36,036 --> 01:41:36,743
Hi, Harry.

2006
01:41:36,768 --> 01:41:37,936
Harry.

2007
01:41:38,174 --> 01:41:40,473
- You guys hear about Bob Benchley?
- No.

2008
01:41:40,510 --> 01:41:41,210
Hi, Dottie.

2009
01:41:41,234 --> 01:41:42,794
Hey, listen, Harry.
I need a line.

2010
01:41:43,115 --> 01:41:44,016
Forget about that.

2011
01:41:44,041 --> 01:41:45,659
Harry, what about Benchley?

2012
01:41:46,498 --> 01:41:48,567
He, uh, he died.

2013
01:41:50,266 --> 01:41:51,360
You're kidding.

2014
01:41:52,259 --> 01:41:52,977
How?

2015
01:41:53,633 --> 01:41:56,469
Cirrhosis of the liver,
hemorrhaging.

2016
01:41:56,756 --> 01:41:58,849
They say Marc Connelly
ran around the Stork club

2017
01:41:58,874 --> 01:42:00,334
looking for blood donors.

2018
01:42:00,642 --> 01:42:02,101
God, Benchley.

2019
01:42:02,651 --> 01:42:04,731
I talked to him just
before I left town.

2020
01:42:06,039 --> 01:42:06,810
Dottie...

2021
01:42:06,835 --> 01:42:08,631
Oh, that's just dandy.

2022
01:42:13,771 --> 01:42:16,877
Well, if it isn't
Mr. Dorothy Parker.

2023
01:42:17,064 --> 01:42:18,016
Hello, Dottie.

2024
01:42:18,141 --> 01:42:19,128
Thought I might as well get
my things

2025
01:42:19,152 --> 01:42:20,552
- out of your way.
- What's in here?

2026
01:42:20,576 --> 01:42:22,729
- If that's what you want.
- This is mine, you shit!

2027
01:42:23,016 --> 01:42:23,950
You queer!

2028
01:42:23,975 --> 01:42:25,695
You can't use that anymore,
and you know it.

2029
01:42:25,720 --> 01:42:28,453
Oh, surely not because of your
wartime adventures in London.

2030
01:42:28,478 --> 01:42:30,566
Everybody knows
it's a lie, Dottie,

2031
01:42:30,591 --> 01:42:31,796
and so do you.

2032
01:42:31,821 --> 01:42:34,381
Just because you fucked another
woman doesn't make it all better.

2033
01:42:34,652 --> 01:42:36,110
Goodbye, darling.

2034
01:42:36,714 --> 01:42:37,855
Oh, that's right.

2035
01:42:37,892 --> 01:42:40,758
Take your toys and gallop away,
sidesaddle!

2036
01:42:40,935 --> 01:42:43,487
And don't forget to bore a
hole in the hobby-horse,

2037
01:42:43,576 --> 01:42:45,744
you fucking idiot!

2038
01:43:09,357 --> 01:43:10,969
Oh, Fred.

2039
01:43:13,647 --> 01:43:15,405
Dear Fred.

2040
01:43:17,220 --> 01:43:21,781
You lovely, wonderful shit.

2041
01:44:20,089 --> 01:44:22,341
Department of Mass Hysteria
and Indecision.

2042
01:44:22,366 --> 01:44:24,016
The new year you
ordered is due shortly

2043
01:44:24,041 --> 01:44:25,988
and may be picked up
at the will-call desk.

2044
01:44:27,399 --> 01:44:28,837
Where have you been all evening?

2045
01:44:28,862 --> 01:44:30,071
Hello, Charlie!

2046
01:44:30,096 --> 01:44:31,836
Anyone seen my noisemakers?

2047
01:44:31,861 --> 01:44:33,297
Alan, you are a noisemaker!

2048
01:44:33,322 --> 01:44:35,125
Where are my damn noisemakers?

2049
01:44:35,150 --> 01:44:36,708
I think she likes you better.

2050
01:44:36,733 --> 01:44:38,926
Yes. Meow, too.

2051
01:44:41,051 --> 01:44:43,846
James, my stomach hurts.

2052
01:44:44,535 --> 01:44:46,659
I like champagne,
but it doesn't like me.

2053
01:44:46,698 --> 01:44:48,852
Oh, you're just being
modest, Mary.

2054
01:44:49,192 --> 01:44:50,327
Ha ha ha!

2055
01:44:50,822 --> 01:44:52,404
Are you nauseous, dear?

2056
01:44:52,429 --> 01:44:53,160
My stomach.

2057
01:44:53,185 --> 01:44:54,352
Your stomach.

2058
01:44:54,778 --> 01:44:57,895
Well, pardon my pussy.

2059
01:44:57,920 --> 01:44:59,801
Everywhere I draw breath
is a social hall!

2060
01:44:59,826 --> 01:45:01,619
Then go breathe somewhere else!

2061
01:45:01,644 --> 01:45:03,489
Aleck, I'm sure Jane means...

2062
01:45:04,131 --> 01:45:05,257
Aleck!

2063
01:45:05,806 --> 01:45:07,444
If you were a true
gentleman, Aleck,

2064
01:45:07,469 --> 01:45:08,306
you'd pinch my ass!

2065
01:45:08,331 --> 01:45:10,652
Aleck, what the hell?

2066
01:45:10,677 --> 01:45:11,575
Calm down, please.

2067
01:45:11,600 --> 01:45:13,627
Will you please
calm down, Aleck?

2068
01:45:16,965 --> 01:45:19,968
Didn't I give you a dollar
when I got the Giant Tuesday?

2069
01:45:24,063 --> 01:45:25,478
You know, Charlie,

2070
01:45:27,253 --> 01:45:30,203
I actually made-believe
we'd be married someday.

2071
01:45:31,011 --> 01:45:32,721
I even decided what to wear.

2072
01:45:32,746 --> 01:45:34,840
Ah, Jesus Christ, Dot.

2073
01:45:35,306 --> 01:45:38,643
A rather pinkish gray
with butterfly orchids.

2074
01:45:40,041 --> 01:45:41,536
Your passion for unhappiness

2075
01:45:41,561 --> 01:45:42,972
is goddamn endless.

2076
01:45:45,108 --> 01:45:46,986
But you're fine, aren't you?

2077
01:45:47,931 --> 01:45:49,667
You're all well.

2078
01:45:51,471 --> 01:45:53,021
Just wish you
wouldn't sentimentalize

2079
01:45:53,046 --> 01:45:54,516
all the time.

2080
01:45:55,670 --> 01:46:01,938
And I wish I never learned
to take off my clothes.

2081
01:46:17,513 --> 01:46:19,216
Happy new year, Charlie.

2082
01:46:19,939 --> 01:46:20,942
Dottie.

2083
01:46:22,368 --> 01:46:24,594
Happy new year, John Peter.

2084
01:46:26,141 --> 01:46:28,851
Harpo, you'll appreciate this.

2085
01:46:29,323 --> 01:46:32,862
The wisdom tooth...
A comedy in three acts.

2086
01:46:34,562 --> 01:46:35,303
Act one...

2087
01:46:35,328 --> 01:46:36,371
Ha ha ha!

2088
01:46:36,396 --> 01:46:37,217
Scene one.

2089
01:46:38,251 --> 01:46:39,343
It gets better.

2090
01:46:39,804 --> 01:46:41,389
"A men's washroom.

2091
01:46:41,970 --> 01:46:45,286
Four washbasins are against
the wall, running diagonally."

2092
01:46:48,065 --> 01:46:50,230
- Why would I ruin the night? It would be...
- Are you talking about quitting your job?

2093
01:46:50,254 --> 01:46:51,087
Oh, here.

2094
01:46:51,112 --> 01:46:52,803
Here. One of
your friends.

2095
01:46:52,993 --> 01:46:54,434
Why don't you tell her
about the fact

2096
01:46:54,458 --> 01:46:55,973
that you want to leave.

2097
01:46:56,045 --> 01:46:57,465
Too late, Mary.

2098
01:46:58,505 --> 01:46:59,338
Hmm?

2099
01:46:59,417 --> 01:47:00,858
Oh!

2100
01:47:01,790 --> 01:47:02,985
Did he swallow a nut?

2101
01:47:03,643 --> 01:47:05,403
- Have you been drinking, Ross?
- Heavily.

2102
01:47:05,550 --> 01:47:07,828
Don't, for a minute,
think I'm not incoherent.

2103
01:47:07,931 --> 01:47:09,932
I would never not think that.

2104
01:47:10,106 --> 01:47:11,234
There you two are.

2105
01:47:11,259 --> 01:47:13,181
I've been toothing this
comb with a fine...

2106
01:47:13,206 --> 01:47:15,383
Put us back together,
Dr. Benchley.

2107
01:47:15,451 --> 01:47:17,130
We're broken into little bits.

2108
01:47:17,155 --> 01:47:18,315
What seems to be the problem?

2109
01:47:18,339 --> 01:47:19,937
Oh God! You, sir,
appear pained enough

2110
01:47:19,962 --> 01:47:21,996
to have appeared in my column.

2111
01:47:22,927 --> 01:47:25,705
I suppose I should say something
amusing about leaving life,

2112
01:47:26,888 --> 01:47:29,449
but I'm afraid I don't find
any of this amusing anymore.

2113
01:47:29,474 --> 01:47:31,351
What is everybody staring at?

2114
01:47:31,563 --> 01:47:33,042
That's rude of me.

2115
01:47:34,225 --> 01:47:35,133
Mr. Benchley.

2116
01:47:35,158 --> 01:47:36,288
Mr. Sherwood.

2117
01:47:37,077 --> 01:47:38,277
Mrs. Parker.

2118
01:47:47,517 --> 01:47:49,167
Where are you going, Robert?

2119
01:47:53,012 --> 01:47:55,582
Couldn't have stood another
moment of him looking at me,

2120
01:47:56,331 --> 01:47:58,783
thinking of what a public
clown I turned out to be.

2121
01:47:58,913 --> 01:48:00,204
Oh, Fred.

2122
01:48:00,429 --> 01:48:02,507
That's not what
he was thinking at all.

2123
01:48:03,714 --> 01:48:04,706
Hello.

2124
01:48:09,741 --> 01:48:10,677
Bobby.

2125
01:48:10,702 --> 01:48:12,203
Mademoiselle Gerard!

2126
01:48:13,622 --> 01:48:15,436
- How did it go?
- Great.

2127
01:48:17,410 --> 01:48:19,627
Isn't he just the bee's knees,
Dottie?

2128
01:48:20,028 --> 01:48:21,320
Did you miss me?

2129
01:48:21,418 --> 01:48:23,368
Does the sun miss the stars?

2130
01:48:23,393 --> 01:48:25,394
Did Jackson miss-issippi?

2131
01:48:25,552 --> 01:48:27,864
- Cain miss Abel?
- What do you say we go wild tonight?

2132
01:48:27,961 --> 01:48:29,460
If you insist.

2133
01:48:30,476 --> 01:48:32,232
Little Miss Muffet?

2134
01:48:32,743 --> 01:48:34,136
Christmas cheer?

2135
01:48:35,134 --> 01:48:36,505
I try to worry,
Mrs. Parker,

2136
01:48:36,530 --> 01:48:37,775
but I can't.

2137
01:48:38,834 --> 01:48:40,461
Isn't anybody happy?

2138
01:48:41,356 --> 01:48:43,047
I feel sick to my stomach.

2139
01:48:44,794 --> 01:48:48,130
Tolstoy? I always found
Tolstoy rather dreary!

2140
01:48:48,212 --> 01:48:49,121
Poor Alvan.

2141
01:48:49,146 --> 01:48:50,786
You're right.
Tolstoy isn't very cheerful.

2142
01:48:50,810 --> 01:48:51,873
And sentimental!

2143
01:48:51,898 --> 01:48:53,358
Nor sentimental,
for that matter.

2144
01:48:53,383 --> 01:48:54,884
What's he written?

2145
01:48:55,283 --> 01:48:57,643
He's a doctor,
a psychotherapist.

2146
01:48:57,668 --> 01:48:59,054
A good one, too, actually.

2147
01:48:59,079 --> 01:49:02,598
Because of his understanding
of how pure sorrow

2148
01:49:02,747 --> 01:49:05,399
is no more possible
than pure joy.

2149
01:49:05,424 --> 01:49:08,010
That's hardly reasonable!

2150
01:49:09,380 --> 01:49:11,461
Your friends don't care
for the Russians, I'm afraid.

2151
01:49:13,644 --> 01:49:14,847
Come on, doctor.

2152
01:49:15,179 --> 01:49:17,710
Let's talk about
my sorrow and joy.

2153
01:49:18,100 --> 01:49:19,883
You don't mind, do you, Paula?

2154
01:49:20,696 --> 01:49:21,886
Why, no.

2155
01:49:22,072 --> 01:49:23,751
Well, at least I asked.

2156
01:49:24,035 --> 01:49:25,856
I'm a-Freud of that man.

2157
01:49:27,867 --> 01:49:30,119
Someone pay attention to me!

2158
01:49:39,052 --> 01:49:44,291
My great fear is being a bitter
old woman alone in her room,

2159
01:49:44,924 --> 01:49:47,552
who, despite
all requests for rain,

2160
01:49:47,623 --> 01:49:50,979
will meet her maker
on a bright, sunny day.

2161
01:49:54,196 --> 01:49:56,178
I don't know if this is
a terrible tragedy

2162
01:49:56,203 --> 01:49:58,038
or a big fucking joke.

2163
01:50:05,627 --> 01:50:06,774
Would you like a nut?

2164
01:50:06,799 --> 01:50:07,959
Could you just close the door

2165
01:50:07,983 --> 01:50:10,470
on your way out, please?

2166
01:50:13,888 --> 01:50:15,420
Oh, sit here.

2167
01:50:16,654 --> 01:50:18,019
Please.

2168
01:50:24,067 --> 01:50:25,436
Happy new year, Harp.

2169
01:50:37,300 --> 01:50:41,117
Well... what are you
waiting for?

2170
01:50:43,479 --> 01:50:44,954
Analyze.

2171
01:50:49,140 --> 01:50:51,122
Analysis is a serious business.

2172
01:50:52,153 --> 01:50:53,794
Would it help if I cried?

2173
01:50:54,117 --> 01:50:56,782
One needs an office, for
a certain amount of formality.

2174
01:50:57,213 --> 01:50:59,986
What if I put on a more
expensive dress and then cried?

2175
01:51:02,581 --> 01:51:05,374
Well, it's safe to suggest
that you... examine the need

2176
01:51:05,399 --> 01:51:06,559
you and your colleagues feel

2177
01:51:06,584 --> 01:51:08,040
to spend so much time together.

2178
01:51:08,579 --> 01:51:11,883
They're shits, really,
except for Mr. Benchley.

2179
01:51:12,525 --> 01:51:15,140
That's quite a thing to say
about your best friends.

2180
01:51:18,026 --> 01:51:19,701
Please be sweet.

2181
01:51:21,852 --> 01:51:24,220
Don't know why
I can't work anymore,

2182
01:51:25,949 --> 01:51:29,102
why life is
so goddamned painful.

2183
01:51:32,056 --> 01:51:34,984
If we identify your inability to
work as the primary problem...

2184
01:51:35,009 --> 01:51:36,912
It's a tossup, really,
between that

2185
01:51:36,937 --> 01:51:39,160
and my inability to get laid.

2186
01:51:40,001 --> 01:51:42,891
Then we ought to examine how
your energy is being spent instead.

2187
01:51:43,857 --> 01:51:44,897
What else?

2188
01:51:45,363 --> 01:51:46,455
Your drinking.

2189
01:51:47,255 --> 01:51:50,126
Oh, it doesn't do me
much good anymore,

2190
01:51:50,151 --> 01:51:51,826
but that's about
the extent of it.

2191
01:51:51,851 --> 01:51:53,202
I have to disagree.

2192
01:51:53,631 --> 01:51:56,708
Well, maybe it's the bad
whiskey I've been getting.

2193
01:51:56,733 --> 01:51:59,451
May I say, the real stuff
never made me suffer.

2194
01:51:59,523 --> 01:52:01,660
It's not what you're suffering,
Mrs. Parker.

2195
01:52:01,991 --> 01:52:03,189
It's what you're missing.

2196
01:52:03,484 --> 01:52:06,291
In my opinion, you and your
friends are missing a great deal.

2197
01:52:08,116 --> 01:52:09,476
It's a sign of insecurity,

2198
01:52:09,501 --> 01:52:13,403
this compulsion to be
constantly with each other,

2199
01:52:13,428 --> 01:52:15,446
to be constantly entertaining,

2200
01:52:15,471 --> 01:52:18,664
but never discussing one
subject for long, never in-depth.

2201
01:52:19,391 --> 01:52:21,656
The serious side of
your nature is lost...

2202
01:52:22,264 --> 01:52:23,881
Your purpose.

2203
01:52:24,688 --> 01:52:26,234
And then you can't write.

2204
01:52:28,668 --> 01:52:31,209
I think life is something more
than being able to breathe.

2205
01:52:34,222 --> 01:52:37,156
Do I have to believe
that to feel better?

2206
01:52:40,164 --> 01:52:41,476
Tell me about your mother.

2207
01:52:41,503 --> 01:52:43,389
She died when you were 5.
Correct?

2208
01:52:45,139 --> 01:52:48,339
Actually, it was a month
before my 5th birthday.

2209
01:52:49,444 --> 01:52:51,010
Oh...

2210
01:52:52,186 --> 01:52:54,211
Sometimes I...

2211
01:52:55,138 --> 01:52:58,790
I think I catch a
bit of her voice,

2212
01:53:00,087 --> 01:53:01,700
her scent,

2213
01:53:02,469 --> 01:53:04,425
something she once said,

2214
01:53:04,998 --> 01:53:09,123
and then it...
It slips away.

2215
01:53:10,937 --> 01:53:13,904
Oh, I suppose she loved
me and kept me warm.

2216
01:53:13,929 --> 01:53:15,509
And made sure I ate roughage,

2217
01:53:15,534 --> 01:53:17,110
but the, uh...

2218
01:53:18,894 --> 01:53:23,332
the truth is, I... barely
remember a thing about her.

2219
01:53:24,250 --> 01:53:25,450
That's no reason to be afraid.

2220
01:53:25,474 --> 01:53:26,668
It's good to remember.

2221
01:53:27,124 --> 01:53:28,752
But I'm not remembering.

2222
01:53:28,956 --> 01:53:30,625
I'm just guessing.

2223
01:53:32,511 --> 01:53:34,386
I'm guessing everything.

2224
01:53:35,052 --> 01:53:37,025
It would be
different, if only...

2225
01:53:37,710 --> 01:53:38,584
Ah...

2226
01:53:39,204 --> 01:53:41,998
If only this.
If only that.

2227
01:53:47,223 --> 01:53:48,383
Where are you going, Dorothy?

2228
01:53:48,407 --> 01:53:50,391
I'm returning to my room.

2229
01:53:50,492 --> 01:53:52,695
My anxieties are waiting.
They miss me.

2230
01:53:52,995 --> 01:53:54,483
You think that's a good idea?

2231
01:53:54,925 --> 01:53:56,644
I like my room.

2232
01:53:56,718 --> 01:53:58,553
Everything I need is there.

2233
01:53:59,626 --> 01:54:01,027
Don't you think
you should stay here

2234
01:54:01,051 --> 01:54:03,504
until you face this
pain more directly?

2235
01:54:04,140 --> 01:54:06,164
Face it more directly?

2236
01:54:06,844 --> 01:54:08,971
Um, I face it every day.

2237
01:54:09,424 --> 01:54:11,253
I fall in love with married men,

2238
01:54:11,372 --> 01:54:12,824
but I do it on purpose.

2239
01:54:12,849 --> 01:54:16,586
I drink too much, and
that's because I'm thirsty.

2240
01:54:16,738 --> 01:54:23,032
And I write doodads because
it's a doodad kind of town.

2241
01:54:24,268 --> 01:54:29,231
It's, um, nothing...
personal, doctor,

2242
01:54:30,092 --> 01:54:32,225
but I think my version of pain

2243
01:54:32,250 --> 01:54:34,022
is more fun than yours.

2244
01:54:36,778 --> 01:54:38,132
You're up.

2245
01:54:39,624 --> 01:54:41,042
Mr. Kaufman.

2246
01:54:41,788 --> 01:54:43,510
I'm surprised to see you here.

2247
01:54:43,998 --> 01:54:47,865
You, me, all of Manhattan, and
parts of Schenectady, I'm sure.

2248
01:54:49,404 --> 01:54:51,218
Did she say anything about me?

2249
01:55:13,854 --> 01:55:17,277
Just a little one...
while we're up.

2250
01:55:17,490 --> 01:55:20,225
My dear, do let me
congratulate you.

2251
01:55:20,290 --> 01:55:22,941
You must be terribly proud
and happy...

2252
01:55:23,654 --> 01:55:24,376
Who?

2253
01:55:24,401 --> 01:55:25,255
Dorothy Parker.

2254
01:55:25,280 --> 01:55:26,906
Dorothy Parker, yeah,
the writer.

2255
01:55:26,970 --> 01:55:28,406
I worked with
her and her husband

2256
01:55:28,431 --> 01:55:30,599
in Hollywood a long time ago.

2257
01:55:30,701 --> 01:55:32,204
They had just remarried.

2258
01:55:34,432 --> 01:55:35,911
Didn't she commit suicide?

2259
01:55:35,936 --> 01:55:37,404
Shh. No, no, no.

2260
01:55:37,429 --> 01:55:39,710
- What? I'm just asking a question.
- She was very famous.

2261
01:55:39,792 --> 01:55:42,681
For writing movies or for
marrying the same guy twice?

2262
01:55:43,574 --> 01:55:45,034
For having lunch, mostly.

2263
01:55:45,059 --> 01:55:46,596
Ha ha ha!

2264
01:55:47,637 --> 01:55:49,340
Is that a double?

2265
01:55:49,410 --> 01:55:51,329
You didn't ask
for a double, lady.

2266
01:55:51,386 --> 01:55:52,591
I didn't?

2267
01:55:53,663 --> 01:55:56,250
I meant to.
I promise you.

2268
01:55:58,018 --> 01:55:59,788
I'll get you another one.

2269
01:56:03,134 --> 01:56:05,554
How about a little tummy rub?

2270
01:56:06,284 --> 01:56:08,786
Part of the romance
of digestion.

2271
01:56:09,540 --> 01:56:11,434
I want you to meet her.
Just for a second.

2272
01:56:13,198 --> 01:56:14,836
It's all right.
Go ahead. Sit.

2273
01:56:16,776 --> 01:56:19,281
Mrs. Parker, I hope
we're not disturbing you.

2274
01:56:19,426 --> 01:56:20,397
Well...

2275
01:56:21,160 --> 01:56:22,330
Do you remember me?

2276
01:56:22,919 --> 01:56:24,621
Honey, I don't
remember this morning.

2277
01:56:24,646 --> 01:56:26,351
Ha ha ha!

2278
01:56:27,370 --> 01:56:28,622
I'm Fred Hunter.

2279
01:56:28,647 --> 01:56:30,111
I acted in a picture that you

2280
01:56:30,136 --> 01:56:31,416
and your husband, Alan Campbell,

2281
01:56:31,440 --> 01:56:33,631
wrote several years ago...

2282
01:56:34,182 --> 01:56:35,774
Flight to Nowhere.

2283
01:56:36,397 --> 01:56:38,161
Well, I got cut out, but...

2284
01:56:38,186 --> 01:56:39,153
Honey, if I wrote it,

2285
01:56:39,178 --> 01:56:40,923
they cut me out, too.

2286
01:56:42,199 --> 01:56:44,114
These are two friends
of mine... Marcy and June.

2287
01:56:44,139 --> 01:56:46,155
This is Mrs. Parker,
Dorothy Parker.

2288
01:56:46,379 --> 01:56:47,944
Can we buy you a drink?

2289
01:56:48,271 --> 01:56:50,596
Well, sure.
Ha ha ha!

2290
01:56:50,627 --> 01:56:53,644
Can we get another drink
here for Mrs. Parker?

2291
01:56:53,816 --> 01:56:56,532
I was just telling them
about the old Hollywood days

2292
01:56:56,557 --> 01:56:57,815
and about your husband.

2293
01:56:57,840 --> 01:57:00,306
He was so, so nice to me
when we worked together.

2294
01:57:00,776 --> 01:57:03,028
I don't doubt it.

2295
01:57:04,048 --> 01:57:06,143
Unhappily... oh,
I beg your pardon.

2296
01:57:06,259 --> 01:57:08,746
Happily, I'm away
from Hollywood now,

2297
01:57:08,854 --> 01:57:11,829
and I don't have to
hear about that crap.

2298
01:57:13,289 --> 01:57:14,649
Whatever happened
to that director?

2299
01:57:14,674 --> 01:57:16,074
What was his name?
I can't remember.

2300
01:57:16,098 --> 01:57:17,686
He went to jail,

2301
01:57:18,234 --> 01:57:21,337
for being an American
in the U.S. of A.

2302
01:57:21,834 --> 01:57:23,471
Oh, really. Jail?

2303
01:57:24,025 --> 01:57:26,361
Oh, you mean
because of the... right.

2304
01:57:26,637 --> 01:57:28,096
Thank you.

2305
01:57:28,321 --> 01:57:30,712
Did you, uh, I mean...

2306
01:57:30,737 --> 01:57:32,446
Oh, no, no, dear.

2307
01:57:32,790 --> 01:57:35,431
But I bought a new hat,
just in case.

2308
01:57:36,901 --> 01:57:38,541
Well, there's plenty
of money in Hollywood

2309
01:57:38,565 --> 01:57:39,521
to buy things with.

2310
01:57:39,546 --> 01:57:40,753
Oh, Hollywood.

2311
01:57:40,880 --> 01:57:42,259
Money isn't real.

2312
01:57:42,284 --> 01:57:43,534
It's like...

2313
01:57:43,559 --> 01:57:45,669
Well, I don't know
what the money is like.

2314
01:57:45,694 --> 01:57:48,478
It's like small ice
in your hand.

2315
01:57:49,167 --> 01:57:50,930
We got to go.

2316
01:57:51,050 --> 01:57:52,689
Oh, okay. Great.

2317
01:57:52,714 --> 01:57:55,390
Mrs. Parker, we're on
our way to a movie.

2318
01:57:55,415 --> 01:57:56,906
Would you like to join us?

2319
01:57:57,050 --> 01:57:59,423
Why were you just asking
me about Hollywood?

2320
01:57:59,517 --> 01:58:02,928
The thing has come down
on me like a curtain,

2321
01:58:03,045 --> 01:58:05,339
and I don't want to
remember those things.

2322
01:58:05,521 --> 01:58:07,777
Why are you trying to
split these curtains to me...

2323
01:58:07,802 --> 01:58:10,421
Just a nice woman
trying to talk to you?

2324
01:58:10,517 --> 01:58:12,517
- Fred, we're going to be late.
- Just trying to...

2325
01:58:12,541 --> 01:58:15,398
Okay, alright great.
Well, anyway...

2326
01:58:15,423 --> 01:58:16,695
Fred...

2327
01:58:17,246 --> 01:58:19,315
Always late.

2328
01:58:20,694 --> 01:58:25,636
Someone said they'd have to keep
heaven open after hours for him.

2329
01:58:26,361 --> 01:58:27,656
Ha.

2330
01:58:28,866 --> 01:58:30,978
Well, Mrs. Parker,
it's a pleasure to see you.

2331
01:58:31,003 --> 01:58:33,825
You look...
It's nice to see you.

2332
01:58:42,524 --> 01:58:43,675
Well...

2333
01:58:46,604 --> 01:58:49,916
A dependable
fact-of-life cliche...

2334
01:58:50,435 --> 01:58:54,667
Everything's always worse
than you thought it would be.

2335
01:59:14,442 --> 01:59:16,902
We are here to honor
Dorothy Parker

2336
01:59:16,927 --> 01:59:19,469
because the clean wit
of her verse

2337
01:59:19,705 --> 01:59:22,131
and the sharp perceptions
in her stories.

2338
01:59:22,333 --> 01:59:25,158
Have produced a brilliant
record of our times.

2339
01:59:26,134 --> 01:59:28,382
Because of Mrs. Parker's
true talent,

2340
01:59:28,540 --> 01:59:31,388
her early work gives us
as much pleasure today

2341
01:59:31,526 --> 01:59:33,778
as it did 30 years ago.

2342
01:59:34,090 --> 01:59:35,000
And so...

2343
01:59:35,001 --> 01:59:36,228
What horse shit,

2344
01:59:36,253 --> 01:59:37,936
with apologies to the horses.

2345
01:59:37,961 --> 01:59:40,671
...happily names Dorothy Parker

2346
01:59:40,815 --> 01:59:45,137
as this year's recipient of the
Marjorie Peabody Waite award

2347
01:59:45,246 --> 01:59:47,153
for achievement and integrity.

2348
02:00:21,289 --> 02:00:23,768
I never thought I'd make it.

2349
02:02:15,205 --> 02:02:17,215
Do you miss the glamour
of the jazz age?

2350
02:02:17,240 --> 02:02:21,570
Glamour? They ought to
call it the dingy decade.

2351
02:02:21,634 --> 02:02:24,744
What disturbs you most about
American culture, Mrs. Parker?

2352
02:02:25,859 --> 02:02:31,497
Stupidity, intolerance, and
segregation... particularly segregation.

2353
02:02:32,729 --> 02:02:34,967
Is it true that you
were involved in

2354
02:02:34,992 --> 02:02:36,502
the Spanish Civil War?

2355
02:02:36,759 --> 02:02:39,425
Why do we have to go into that?
Yes, I was!

2356
02:02:40,200 --> 02:02:43,184
Indeed, I should like to say

2357
02:02:44,263 --> 02:02:47,114
it was the proudest thing
I've ever been of.

2358
02:02:47,592 --> 02:02:49,542
I was, for a time,

2359
02:02:49,567 --> 02:02:53,863
with the proudest people
I've ever been of.

2360
02:02:54,096 --> 02:02:56,554
And that doesn't
hurt you, you know.

2361
02:02:57,364 --> 02:03:00,189
What do you think of Kerouac and
the beat generation writers?

2362
02:03:00,546 --> 02:03:03,951
Well, you'll...
You'll take him.

2363
02:03:05,950 --> 02:03:08,469
I think this thing of
the beat generation...

2364
02:03:08,494 --> 02:03:09,648
Do you mind?

2365
02:03:10,021 --> 02:03:11,182
I think it's really nonsense,

2366
02:03:11,206 --> 02:03:13,319
and I think
in a couple of years,

2367
02:03:13,401 --> 02:03:14,812
they'll be forgotten.

2368
02:03:14,959 --> 02:03:18,754
But us, messy as we were
and all that,

2369
02:03:18,842 --> 02:03:20,504
we're not going to be forgotten,

2370
02:03:20,545 --> 02:03:22,734
because some of us
came out of it.

2371
02:03:22,984 --> 02:03:25,516
There came out Benchley.
There came out Fitzgerald.

2372
02:03:25,541 --> 02:03:26,698
There came out Hemingway.

2373
02:03:26,723 --> 02:03:28,099
There came out Broun.

2374
02:03:28,192 --> 02:03:29,903
There came out Sherwood.

2375
02:03:30,059 --> 02:03:32,340
Well, for heaven's sweet sake,

2376
02:03:32,404 --> 02:03:34,405
who's coming out
of the beatniks?

2377
02:03:34,531 --> 02:03:37,332
All right. Kerouac.
All right. All right.

2378
02:03:37,357 --> 02:03:38,591
Ha ha ha!

2379
02:03:38,670 --> 02:03:39,671
Have you thought about

2380
02:03:39,696 --> 02:03:40,936
what you'd like to have written

2381
02:03:40,960 --> 02:03:42,920
on your tombstone,
Mrs. Parker?

2382
02:03:43,250 --> 02:03:47,212
What a morbid thing
to ask a person.

2383
02:03:48,238 --> 02:03:50,652
You've just stolen my heart.

2384
02:03:51,946 --> 02:03:55,205
Actually, I have
composed something

2385
02:03:55,230 --> 02:03:56,740
for my epitaph.

2386
02:03:56,765 --> 02:03:58,872
Something memorable, I hope.

2387
02:03:59,052 --> 02:04:01,099
Well, I'm not a bit surprised.

2388
02:04:01,201 --> 02:04:03,674
Are you going to let
me know what it is?

2389
02:04:13,306 --> 02:04:15,134
Come here, dear.

2390
02:04:15,442 --> 02:04:17,447
Off we go.

2391
02:04:18,478 --> 02:04:19,865
Excuse me.

2392
02:04:21,977 --> 02:04:23,596
What did she say?