1 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,200 And they wonder why those of us in our twenties... 2 00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:27,699 refuse to work an 80-hour week... 3 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,899 just so we can afford to buy their BMWs... 4 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,999 why we aren't interested... 5 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,699 in the counterculture that they invented... 6 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,699 as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution... 7 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:41,199 for a pair of running shoes. 8 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,799 But the question remains... 9 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,299 what are we going to do now? 10 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:50,300 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 11 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,399 Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. 12 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,800 The answer is... 13 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,899 The answer is... 14 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,800 I don't know. 15 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,500 Good save, Lelaina. 16 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,699 I'm not a valedictorian, but I play one on TV. 17 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,700 We all know you slept your way to the podium. 18 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,599 My favorite part about graduating now would be... 19 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,599 dodging my student-loan officer for the rest of my life. 20 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,099 He will be in cahoots... 21 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,099 with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy... 22 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:48,999 who's been after my ass for years. 23 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,699 Troy Dyer, I brought you back a souvenir. 24 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:52,699 Ah... 25 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,699 You know, you can still go back next year and graduate... 26 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,199 still get your BF.A. 27 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,199 Oh, can I? And then I can hang this on my rearview mirror... 28 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,699 to brag to all my good buddies back home that I graduated. 29 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,300 Well, I through with the whole life drama. 30 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,199 Well, I know this sounds cornball... 31 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:18,500 but I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. 32 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:24,100 And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. 33 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:28,099 And you wonder why we never got involved. 34 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,599 Three words... November sixteenth nineteen-ninety... 35 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,500 Oh, totally drunk and out of my mind! 36 00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:34,400 It would have been a poetic experience... 37 00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:36,799 if I weren't such a gentleman, which I am. 38 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,200 Just let it go, Dyer. Surrender the fantasy. 39 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,199 Hey, Sammy, what's your goal? 40 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,900 My goal is to... 41 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,700 Like a career or something. 42 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,199 Lainie, I think the moment has been appropriately captured. 43 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,199 Would you please take your face out of the camera? 44 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,699 Come on. It's for my documentary. 45 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,100 Her... 46 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,500 Documentary. 47 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,400 Think fast. 48 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,299 Here's the deal. 49 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,799 I'm going to take Sam against his will... 50 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,299 and straighten him out because I truly believe... 51 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,700 that if we can get two women on the Supreme Court... 52 00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:31,000 we can get at least one on you, Sam. 53 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,300 I'm Superman. 54 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,299 - I can fly. - She's toast. 55 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,299 Aah! 56 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,799 Quick, Vickie. What's your social security? 57 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,799 Uh... 851-25-9357. 58 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,799 Very impressive. 59 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,600 It's the only thing I really learned in college. 60 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,800 Sometimes I get that "not so fresh" feeling. 61 00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:01,799 Conjunction junction, what's your function? 62 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,799 Hooking up words and phrases and clauses 63 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,299 Conjunction junction, how's that function? 64 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,800 Got three favorite cars that get most of my... 65 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,800 Honey, honey. No, no, no. 66 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,799 Is yours good? 67 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,799 It doesn't seem fresh. 68 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,600 I'm sorry. 69 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,699 Well, I guess it's about time... 70 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,000 for me to give you your graduation present, huh? 71 00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,799 Your... gas card. 72 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,699 I'll pay that bill for one year. 73 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:04,899 And since Helen Anne's got herself a brand-new Infinity... 74 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,899 we're gonna give you her old BMW. 75 00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:09,099 You can pick it up at our house. 76 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:13,399 - BMW? BMW? - Yeah. 77 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,399 Tom, didn't you listen to her speech today? 78 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,499 She didn't want a BMW. 79 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,499 Mom, I'll handle this. 80 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,000 I'm not gonna sit here and listen again... 81 00:05:22,001 --> 00:05:24,699 to some strange ethical argument about a damn car. 82 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,500 Now, it's got four wheels. It runs well. 83 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,200 And, little darling, after you've been... 84 00:05:28,201 --> 00:05:29,799 in the real world for a while... 85 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,200 you're gonna appreciate that car. 86 00:05:31,201 --> 00:05:33,500 Yeah. Just think of all those starving children in Africa... 87 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,499 who don't even have cars. 88 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,200 Troy, does your father give you gifts like that? 89 00:05:37,201 --> 00:05:38,299 Mom. 90 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,999 Well, actually, my father's dying of prostate cancer... 91 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,400 so I don't really trouble him much for gifts. 92 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,399 See, Tom. 93 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,299 You don't want a BMW. Tell him, Lelaina. 94 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:55,099 Charlane, she can make up her own mind. 95 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:59,100 Dad, don't talk to her that way. She's not a child. 96 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,900 Well, she married one. 97 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,200 What? 98 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,199 All right. Excuse me. Come on, come on. 99 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,299 Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW... 100 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,199 until I can afford to buy a regular car myself, OK? 101 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,199 OK, Mom? 102 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,999 Please? 103 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600 Mom, please, come on. 104 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,300 Get a Ford. 105 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,399 SINGING: Just to float on the sea 106 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:09,100 Find myself on a page of history 107 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,599 You know, as I ride along 108 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,599 I can always hear the song 109 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:22,100 about you and where you're meant to be 110 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,099 Well, you're gonna tell me the answers 111 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,500 I'll know when you come back to me 112 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:48,499 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 113 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:52,100 I hear you call, I will run 114 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:59,299 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 115 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:04,100 We won't cry, because it could be fun 116 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,399 Well, I'm gonna tell you the answers 117 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,400 You'll know when you come back to me 118 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:35,499 Gonna be all right 119 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,100 When you come back to me 120 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,199 Good morning! 121 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,599 Ha ha ha ha! 122 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,199 Yes. Good morning, ladies and... gentleman! 123 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,599 I see a gentleman right over there! 124 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,699 Good morning! 125 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,699 Good morning! Boy, I tell you... 126 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,499 it is a good morning with this audience. 127 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,099 Ha! Well, today, for all you dieters... 128 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,699 guiltless goodies from chef Skinny Ninny. 129 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,699 Whoa. Mmm! 130 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,699 And we'll also be visiting with a man... 131 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:51,100 right here from Houston who is battling Alzheimer's. 132 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,499 A beautiful and touching story... 133 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,099 of the triumph of the human spirit. 134 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:01,299 He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers. 135 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,599 Now let's take a peek inside our "Video View"... 136 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,000 and see what we have in store for today. 137 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,599 It's a special report 138 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,899 on children's birthday party themes... 139 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,399 taped on location... 140 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,499 at 8-year-old Davy Robbins' party... 141 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,299 exclusively for our "Video View" collection. 142 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,699 Ha ha ha! 143 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:27,399 So... come sit with me. 144 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,800 Relax. Have a cup of joe. 145 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,500 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 146 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,800 Well, anyway, it's gonna be a good day. Good morning! 147 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,500 You're beautiful. 148 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,400 We're clear. 149 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,300 Am I here to amuse you, Miss Pierce? 150 00:10:55,301 --> 00:10:56,899 Am I here to make you laugh? 151 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,400 Is that the real reason I'm on this show? 152 00:10:58,401 --> 00:10:59,900 Mr. Gubler, when I prepare your note cards... 153 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,400 you're supposed to get your own espresso. 154 00:11:01,401 --> 00:11:02,900 Didn't you get my "espress yourself" memo? 155 00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:04,300 I don't have time for your little mind games. 156 00:11:04,301 --> 00:11:05,899 I'd like to remind you... 157 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,899 that we're laying people off around here. 158 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,900 I can find an intern who will do your job for free like that. 159 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,099 SINGING: I been locked out 160 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,399 I been locked in 161 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,399 But I always seem to come back again 162 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,599 And the view, when I look from my window... 163 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,899 Oh, that's a much better size. That looks great. 164 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:36,899 That would go really well with the EZ-Fits. 165 00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,900 So... Oh, buttoning it up. That's even better. 166 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,999 Yeah, roll 'em right up. 167 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,000 It's liberating, isn't it? 168 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,999 I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste 169 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,399 A flannel for my face 170 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,999 Pajamas, a hairbrush 171 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,199 new shoes, and a case 172 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,399 I said to my reflection 173 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,500 Let's get out of this place 174 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,499 Past the church and the steeple 175 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,400 The laundry on the hill 176 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,600 Murder, there's one committed each 7 seconds. 177 00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:22,699 Hello. I got cut off. I'm sorry. 178 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,499 Tempted by the fruit of another 179 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,400 Waa waa 180 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,899 Hello? What? 181 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,400 Tempted, but the truth is discovered 182 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,599 No, no, no. Listen, he needs us, OK? 183 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,299 If he makes videos, we show them, OK? 184 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:47,099 It's symbiotic. It's like a "chicken or the egg?" 185 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,899 It's both of them working together. 186 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,999 Yeah, uh-huh. Well, let me tell you something. 187 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,399 No, no, no. I'm not scared of... 188 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,899 Jesus! 189 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,399 Aah! 190 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,399 MAN ON TELEPHONE: Michael, don't laugh at me. 191 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,399 What? 192 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,999 No, I'm in an accident. I got in an accident. 193 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,599 Yeah, I'm fine. 194 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,400 No. I'll call you back, all right? 195 00:13:08,401 --> 00:13:09,700 I'm gonna call you... 196 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,599 When you said you would sue... 197 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,499 Well, it's not really my idea. 198 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,900 It's just I got my lawyer guy telling me, you know... 199 00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:17,900 something, like, about my rates or... 200 00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:21,799 Right. You mean, like sue in a courtroom for money? 201 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,000 I don't even know... 202 00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:24,600 because I've never really done anything like this before. 203 00:13:24,601 --> 00:13:25,800 I mean, do you have a lawyer or something? 204 00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:28,999 No, I don't have a lawyer. I don't have a dentist. 205 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,499 I'm... You know, I make four-hundred dollars a week. 206 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,299 What do you do? 207 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:36,000 Well, at the moment, I'm working... 208 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,700 I'm sorry. I just... I got to... 209 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,200 Hello. 210 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,199 Yeah. What is it? 211 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,799 You know, I don't care... 212 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,099 if she does twelve books of herself naked, OK? 213 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:50,199 It doesn't... 214 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,199 That's Dr. Zaius from "Planet of the Apes." 215 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,899 Oh. 216 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,400 I'm sorry. No. Someone else is in here. 217 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,200 Yeah? Well, let her say that to me. 218 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,099 - No, don't do that. - Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 219 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,900 No, no. You can... That's all right... 220 00:14:02,901 --> 00:14:04,500 I was... Go ahead. You want to touch it? 221 00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:05,700 It's all right. Yeah. No, go ahead. 222 00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:07,599 No, I was talking to... 223 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,399 Look, can I talk to you later? Can we... When? OK. OK. 224 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,699 Um... OK. 225 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,000 Um... uh... 226 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:20,499 You know what? Just forget it. 227 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,300 Really, just forget the whole thing... 228 00:14:22,301 --> 00:14:24,100 because it was probably my fault anyway. 229 00:14:24,101 --> 00:14:26,599 And I'll get in trouble, and it just doesn't... 230 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,599 And you seem very sweet. 231 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,799 And you seem to like Dr. Zaius. 232 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,200 Oh. Ha ha. 233 00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,400 - Oh, no. - That's... 234 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,299 I'm sorry. 235 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,399 That's... He was just a collector's... No big... 236 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,799 Well, we can... 237 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,500 - You know what? - No, here's his head. 238 00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:48,199 It's really... you know... I think he's gone. 239 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,399 I'm, like, ruining your whole life here. 240 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,599 No, no, you're not. Really. 241 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,899 Just don't... Just don't touch anything else... 242 00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,700 and I think we'll be fine. 243 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:02,299 Michael Grates, vice president regional programming... 244 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,399 "In Your Face" TV. We've seen it. 245 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,299 It's like MTV, but with an edge. 246 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,699 - Yeah. So, is it a date? - Yeah, yeah. 247 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,699 - Dinner? - Coffee. 248 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,699 - Coffee or cappuccino? - He ended up saying decaf. 249 00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,699 Oh, no. Early night. Is there any precoffee activity? 250 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,099 Um... I don't think so. 251 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,699 Did he ask you to go out or to hang out? 252 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:22,100 Go out. He definitely said go out. 253 00:15:22,101 --> 00:15:23,799 Hey. How are you doing? 254 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,999 - Oh, shit. - What? 255 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,399 I forgot to tell you something. 256 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,399 Are you out of your mind? 257 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,700 Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got fired from the newsstand. 258 00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:35,000 He needs a place to stay till he can find a new job... 259 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,599 and get his own place. 260 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,600 Vickie, that's the American dream of the nineties. 261 00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:40,199 That could take years. 262 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,199 Look at it like a built-in security system. 263 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,600 We'll have a man around the house. 264 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:46,100 We'll have a hall monitor. That's what we'll have. 265 00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:48,600 I don't even know if this is allowed in the building. 266 00:15:48,601 --> 00:15:51,199 It's not like Mr. Roper's gonna burst in. 267 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,199 I'll just stay on the couch. 268 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,199 Vickie, he will turn this place... 269 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,000 into a den of slack. 270 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,600 What the hell is your problem? 271 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,099 I have to work around here, and unfortunately, Troy... 272 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,999 you are a master at the art of time suckage. 273 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,100 Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster girl for the workers party... 274 00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:13,699 but until I get that toehold in the burger industry... 275 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,100 I got a little time to suck. 276 00:16:15,101 --> 00:16:18,199 I'd rather check into a shelter than deal with her shit. 277 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,899 I know how much you love to mainline in misery here. 278 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,100 But you don't have to. 279 00:16:22,101 --> 00:16:26,099 I can get you a job interview at my dad's plant. 280 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,099 What is that? Part of my lease agreement? 281 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:30,499 It's either that or a credit check. 282 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:32,499 It's cool, Troy. You can stay. 283 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:33,899 Welcome to the maxi pad. 284 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,899 Yeah, with the new dry-weave... 285 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:39,700 it actually pulls moisture away from you. It's good. 286 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,200 You won't even know I'm here. 287 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,100 Should I get married? Should I be good? 288 00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:48,600 Should I astound the girl next door 289 00:16:48,601 --> 00:16:50,600 with my velvet suit and my Faustus hood? 290 00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:52,500 And not take her to movies but to cemeteries 291 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:55,500 and tell her of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets? 292 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,599 What "Hey, That's My Bike"... 293 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,099 ...would like to do eventually. as a band... 294 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,299 is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie. 295 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,199 Or Richard Simmons. 296 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,100 You know how, in his commercials... 297 00:17:07,101 --> 00:17:09,899 how he travels around, surprises people jogging. 298 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:13,599 As you can see, I have the occasional run-in... 299 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,899 with an anti- "Hey, That's My Biker." 300 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:20,100 And to those people, I say nobody... 301 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:24,399 Nobody can eat fifty eggs. 302 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,699 - Lainie? - Whatie? 303 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,599 The next time you make microwave brownies... 304 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,499 I'd really consider using a microwave. 305 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,899 It's just a thought. 306 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,899 You know, I finally figured out... 307 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,799 what your problem is, Dyer. 308 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,599 What's that? I'm not a Pepper? 309 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,099 You suffer from the philosopher groupie syndrome. 310 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:46,599 You're this guy with, like, a 180 I.Q... 311 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,299 ten units away from a degree in philosophy... 312 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,299 and you always fall for these dumb groupie types. 313 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,099 Now... they are not all dumb. 314 00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,099 Most of them are just very, very depressed. 315 00:17:57,100 --> 00:18:00,099 Do you find me attractive, sitting here, eating brownies? 316 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,100 You do. You're strangely attracted to me right now. 317 00:18:02,101 --> 00:18:04,100 You're oddly, oddly attracted to me. 318 00:18:04,101 --> 00:18:06,100 It turns you on, doesn't it? You like to watch, don't you? 319 00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:09,099 Come on. Come on! Aah! 320 00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,599 Here. Ha ha ha! 321 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,099 Don't! Come on. It's not funny. Give it back. 322 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,500 - Give what back? - Give it back! 323 00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:16,500 Give what back? Give the brownies back? 324 00:18:16,501 --> 00:18:18,999 - Aah! - Brownies, brownies. 325 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,999 Oh, I love brownies. My name's Lelaina. 326 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,800 Hey, don't! Hey, watch the camera. 327 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:25,300 Don't throw it at me. That's not nice. 328 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,199 Mr. Gubler, do you have time to take a look... 329 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,699 at what I've done here? 330 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,699 I need my questions. 331 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,199 Oh, well, here's the research that I did. 332 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,699 You might want to read it... 333 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:47,299 because this guest has quite a history in politics. 334 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,200 Just give me my questions. 335 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:01,300 Excusez-moi. 336 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,299 - You all alone? - Not anymore. 337 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,899 If I could bottle the sexual tension... 338 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,699 between Bonnie Franklin and Schneider... 339 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,599 I could solve the energy crisis. 340 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,299 Excuse me. 341 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:19,599 Don't bogart that can... man. 342 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,700 - Are you retarded? - No. I'm rhyming. 343 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:27,000 It's not easy. Sure, I make it look easy. 344 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,999 You guys better not be inhaling. 345 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,199 Hi. 346 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:37,499 Lelaina, Vickie was just promoted to manager of the Gap. 347 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,999 - Shut up. - It's not even a big deal. 348 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,499 The old manager tried to kill herself... 349 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,599 by eating a whole pot of poinsettias. 350 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,599 Still, I'm so proud of you. Wait. 351 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,699 I'll be making four-hundred dollars a week, though. 352 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:52,699 We're never gonna have rent problems again. 353 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,699 Troy, aren't you excited? 354 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:57,599 I'm bursting with fruit flavor. 355 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,599 You guys, I just thought of something. 356 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,799 I'm manager of the Gap. 357 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,299 I'm responsible for all those t-shirts... 358 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:09,099 French-cut, v-necked, ribbed, what have you. 359 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,399 Dude, I'm in trouble. 360 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,399 No, you're not, Vick. I know you can do it. 361 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,799 I just do not understand why this moment... 362 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,199 has to be Memorexed. 363 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,899 Sammy, don't you realize? 364 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:22,799 This is your one opportunity to play a small part... 365 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,299 in what is destined to be greatness. 366 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:27,899 Lainie here is gonna revolutionize... 367 00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,299 "Good Morning, Grant." 368 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:32,799 Oh, my god! I'm so sorry! I had no idea! 369 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,299 Look who's mocking. All you do around here, Troy... 370 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,799 is eat and couch and fondle the remote control. 371 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,599 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 372 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,599 Well, then what good are you? 373 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,499 You're a pathological optimist. 374 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,899 You're pathological. 375 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,799 Oh, would you two just do it and get it over with? 376 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,300 I'm starving. 377 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,799 Oh! 378 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,700 Hello. You've reached the winter of our discontent. 379 00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,799 Uh... hold on. It's some Michael character. 380 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,300 Oh. 381 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,799 - Who's Michael? - Let's order a pizza. 382 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,799 Lelaina, if we promise to pay you back... 383 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,299 will you spot us a pizza? 384 00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:15,799 Don't have any cash. 385 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,299 Dominoes takes checks. 386 00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:18,500 OK, great. 387 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,100 OK. Bye. 388 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,899 The owner of Dominoes supports Operation Rescue. 389 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:26,299 Oh, please. No one gives a shit right now. 390 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,399 We're starving. 391 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,400 Oh, wait. Wait. 392 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,200 - Ta-da! - We're going to eat gas. 393 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:41,299 Ah! 394 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,399 Who's this Michael guy? 395 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,499 Um... 396 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,899 Hey. Vickie just figured something out. 397 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,899 - What? - Something wonderful. 398 00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:53,399 Ha ha ha! Evian is naive spelled backwards. 399 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,199 Uh! Could you turn this up, please? 400 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,800 Please? You won't be sorry. 401 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:01,399 Thank you. 402 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,399 RADIO:... When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? 403 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,999 Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run 404 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,399 Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharona 405 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,699 Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind 406 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:19,099 Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind 407 00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:21,899 My, my, my, I, yi, woo! 408 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:23,599 Hey! 409 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,300 M-m-my Sharona. 410 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,599 Come a little closer, huh? Ah, will ya, huh? 411 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,799 Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona 412 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,399 Keeping it a mystery, it gets to me 413 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,800 Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona... 414 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:45,599 Good times, any time you need them, baby 415 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,899 Good times, ain't no time to be afraid 416 00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:50,900 Thelma's husband Keith has got vodka hidden in the toilet. 417 00:22:50,901 --> 00:22:53,299 Vodka in the toilet. That's a good one. 418 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:54,899 Um... boom boom. 419 00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:56,399 James Dice. 420 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,900 That's a two-parter, man. You can't do that. 421 00:22:57,901 --> 00:22:59,899 J.J. works in the chicken shop. 422 00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,899 He works in a chicken shop. We did that. 423 00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,899 It's the same one when he has that cape on. 424 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:05,399 Drink up, man. 425 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,899 You hate to see that happen to the rookie. 426 00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:09,400 Um... Alderman Davis judges a... 427 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,799 Oh, my god. 428 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,299 Hi. 429 00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,699 Are you a collection agent? 430 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:18,799 Lelaina! 431 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,700 Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there. 432 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:27,999 Oh. 433 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,799 If you ain't the most hardheaded woman... 434 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,299 Great! 435 00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:33,800 Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. Oh, it's me! 436 00:23:33,801 --> 00:23:35,300 Willona dates a deaf guy. 437 00:23:35,301 --> 00:23:36,700 - Good one. - Willona dates a deaf guy. 438 00:23:36,701 --> 00:23:39,299 How about the one when Gary Coleman comes on... 439 00:23:39,300 --> 00:23:41,800 and he's like the little... like, guy doing that... 440 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,099 - Yeah, we did that one. - He was cute, though. 441 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,399 - J.J.'s prom date. - Gotta go. Gotta go. 442 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,999 - Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi. - Hi. 443 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,300 Um... everybody, this is Michael. This is... 444 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,899 Prom date. Prom date. Go. 445 00:23:56,900 --> 00:23:58,400 You know, we should... We should... Yeah. 446 00:23:58,401 --> 00:23:59,600 So, I'm gonna go. 447 00:23:59,601 --> 00:24:00,599 Bye. 448 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,100 Michael throws a party. Sammy, let's go. 449 00:24:02,101 --> 00:24:05,700 Lelaina, you know the punishment for premature evacuation. 450 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,400 Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Shit! 451 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:16,699 I'm making this documentary... 452 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:18,500 about my friends, but it's really about... 453 00:24:18,501 --> 00:24:21,099 people who are trying to find their own identity... 454 00:24:21,100 --> 00:24:24,699 without having any real role models or heroes or anything. 455 00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:28,299 Wow. That... That sounds great. 456 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,799 It seems like your friends would be perfect for that. 457 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,599 Like, um... Like that guy Troy... 458 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,300 - Troy, yeah. - You all done here, sir? 459 00:24:34,301 --> 00:24:35,799 Uh, yeah. yeah. 460 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,300 You don't want to finish that? Because I can... 461 00:24:37,301 --> 00:24:39,799 No, no, no. I'm fine. I had a late... 462 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,799 So, Troy is... You guys just... 463 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,299 It's like you guys living there, just the two of you? 464 00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:45,999 No, no, no, no, no. 465 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,499 It's me and Vickie, but he got fired from his job... 466 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:52,899 and so he needed a place to crash for a couple weeks. 467 00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:56,699 They caught him stealing a Snickers. 468 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,899 He stole a Snickers bar? 469 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,899 Yeah. Ha ha ha! 470 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:04,399 Somehow he can rationalize it... 471 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:09,399 like the establishment owes him a Snickers. 472 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:10,799 Right, right. 473 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,400 Well, I mean... I guess... you know... 474 00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:22,100 You know, you're very beautiful. 475 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,299 I mean... I mean, um... 476 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:28,400 Seriously, you're... 477 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:36,800 I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really good with compliments. 478 00:25:37,900 --> 00:25:39,499 Um... but, uh... 479 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,900 Um... Ha ha! Are you religious? 480 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,099 Um... Ha ha ha! 481 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:50,799 Ha ha ha! I'm sorry. 482 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,800 I guess I'm... I guess I'm, uh... 483 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,099 a non-practicing Jew. 484 00:25:57,100 --> 00:25:59,400 Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin. 485 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,399 Who's this again? 486 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,899 Frampton. Peter Frampton. 487 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:09,399 Frampton... 488 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,900 I can't believe you don't remember... 489 00:26:10,901 --> 00:26:12,399 "Frampton Comes Alive." 490 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,399 That album, like, totally changed my life. 491 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:21,299 The most profound, important invention of my lifetime... 492 00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:23,299 the Big Gulp. 493 00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:25,199 And because, see... No, listen. 494 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,699 You get one in the morning. 495 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:29,499 I'm talking forty-four ouncer, not this thirty-two wimpy... 496 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:32,599 - Wait a minute. Forty four? - Yeah. Forty-four ounce. 497 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:37,899 How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 498 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,399 You get one. 499 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,999 You have your essential vitamins and nutrients... 500 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,499 for the entire day. 501 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,599 Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm sure you're totally covered. 502 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,599 - You do. - Well... 503 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,099 I guess it really doesn't take much to make me happy. 504 00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:54,999 Hey, I'm not materialistic, either. 505 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,499 I mean, I think I'd be working even if I wasn't getting paid. 506 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,999 And I don't, like, want to get, you know... a big house. 507 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,999 I just want, like, a nice house. 508 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,999 I'm not into cars and stuff. 509 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,499 I mean, I like my car. 510 00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:13,499 You're probably not really not into, like... 511 00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,599 expensive, snazzy Italian suits, either. 512 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,599 - Oh, come on. - I'm just kidding. 513 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,399 - No, no, no. - I'm just kidding. 514 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,199 Wait a minute. I'm not like that. 515 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,000 I'm really not. I mean... I mean... 516 00:27:24,001 --> 00:27:26,999 I'm... I'm... I mean... 517 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,299 I know why the caged bird sings and everything. 518 00:27:29,300 --> 00:27:31,099 Oh, yeah? Why? 519 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:34,299 Because he was... in a cage, and he was... 520 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:37,499 I don't know. He had high hopes or something. 521 00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:39,399 OK, I dropped out of school... 522 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,999 before we got to that, all right? 523 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,500 I should have stayed in college... 524 00:27:42,501 --> 00:27:44,500 and got a degree in astronomy or something. 525 00:27:44,501 --> 00:27:46,400 - Oh, god, I love astronomy. - Really? 526 00:27:46,401 --> 00:27:48,099 Yeah. I just... The math, though. 527 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,500 It was the math that just, like... got me every time. 528 00:27:50,501 --> 00:27:52,500 I loved astronomy, too, and I got into class... 529 00:27:52,501 --> 00:27:54,099 and it was like... it was like... 530 00:27:54,100 --> 00:27:59,499 everything was three-squared times pi equals the root of pi. 531 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:02,099 Yeah. And I just wanted to look at the stars. 532 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:05,000 - It was so... - Same here exactly. 533 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,999 I remember being so happy on the roof of our old house... 534 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,099 just staring up at the stars. 535 00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:12,599 Mmm... 536 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,099 I want to do that again. I want to just... 537 00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:19,599 look up at the stars and take the time to... 538 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,699 smell the... 539 00:28:22,700 --> 00:28:24,000 everything. 540 00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:30,199 Because it's like... do you ever have those moments in life... 541 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,199 where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean? 542 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,699 Just for, like, one moment, everything is great. 543 00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:39,599 Not since I graduated, no. But yeah... yeah. 544 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,600 When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... 545 00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:46,599 and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment. 546 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,199 Right. And then it just goes away really quickly. 547 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,599 - Gone. - It just... It's... 548 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,599 I know I've had a couple of those, you know. 549 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,599 I always forget them, but I know I've had them. 550 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,200 Oh, me, too. 551 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:04,000 Like right now... is one. 552 00:29:06,900 --> 00:29:08,900 Yeah... like now. 553 00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:14,699 SINGING: Clouds are stalking 554 00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:17,200 Islands in the sun 555 00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:21,700 Wish I could dry one 556 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:24,400 Out of season 557 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,700 But don't 558 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,900 Hesitate 559 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,900 'Cause your love 560 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,599 Won't wait 561 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,899 Hey, hey, hey 562 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:44,199 Ooh, baby, I love your way 563 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:45,700 Every day 564 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,699 Want to tell you I love your way 565 00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:52,700 Ooh, ooh, ooh 566 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,199 TROY, Ooh, baby, I love your way 567 00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,699 Every day 568 00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:01,600 I want to be with you night and day 569 00:30:01,601 --> 00:30:02,799 Shh! 570 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,700 So, you've been up all night? 571 00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:10,999 I am picking up some very strange vibes in here. 572 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:15,700 They're of the... "I just got laid" variety. 573 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,599 Did he dazzle you... 574 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,499 with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? 575 00:30:20,500 --> 00:30:24,500 Or was it his in-depth analysis of Markie Mark... 576 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,399 that finally reeled you in? 577 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,099 I just would have liked to have been there... 578 00:30:29,100 --> 00:30:31,099 to watch how you rationalized... 579 00:30:31,100 --> 00:30:33,799 sleeping with a yuppy-head cheeseball on the first date. 580 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,199 He's not a yuppy. 581 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,700 He's the reason why Cliff Notes were invented. 582 00:30:39,100 --> 00:30:41,099 Well, that pales in comparison... 583 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:43,400 to the tweaked-out little skanks you date. 584 00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:45,900 To hell with it. What do I care? 585 00:30:45,901 --> 00:30:48,499 What do you care? And why are you acting... 586 00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:50,699 like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden? 587 00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:54,099 I am not acting like anything. 588 00:30:54,100 --> 00:30:56,700 I am calmly reading. 589 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,099 God. If something's bothering you that much... 590 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:03,400 I wish you could just be man enough to talk to me about it. 591 00:31:05,100 --> 00:31:06,900 All right, Lelaina. 592 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,000 I am really in love with you. 593 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,099 Is that what you want to hear? Is it? 594 00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:34,500 Well, don't flatter yourself. 595 00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:39,700 Go to hell. 596 00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:55,099 Since I've been manager here... 597 00:31:55,100 --> 00:31:59,599 our gross has increased over twenty percent. 598 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,199 So... What? 599 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,199 OK. OK. Um... 600 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,699 I guess I'm proud of that. 601 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:09,299 Oh, please. Look at this sweater. 602 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:11,999 People don't know. They don't know what it takes. 603 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,399 I've never been a good example before... 604 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,199 and, um... I've never been good with responsibility. 605 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,899 So, uh... I blame my parents, though. 606 00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:23,700 I think I was conceived on an acid trip. 607 00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:29,699 My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. 608 00:32:29,700 --> 00:32:33,200 And I saw my father about three times a year after that. 609 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,199 And when he found out that he had cancer... 610 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,199 he decided to bring me here... 611 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,699 and he gives me this big pink sea shell... 612 00:32:41,700 --> 00:32:43,199 and he says to me... 613 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,199 "Son, the answers are all inside of this." 614 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,899 And I'm all, like, "What?" 615 00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:50,199 But then I realized that the shell was empty. 616 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,699 There's no point to any of this. 617 00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:53,200 It's all just a... 618 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,699 A random lottery of meaningless tragedy... 619 00:32:56,700 --> 00:32:59,100 and a series of near escapes. 620 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,699 So I take pleasure in the details, you know. 621 00:33:04,700 --> 00:33:08,099 A Quarter-Pounder with cheese. 622 00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:10,199 Those are good. 623 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:16,099 The sky about... ten minutes before it starts to rain. 624 00:33:16,100 --> 00:33:19,600 The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. 625 00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:26,200 And I sit back, and I... I smoke my Camel straights. 626 00:33:28,300 --> 00:33:30,999 And I ride my own melt. 627 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,299 Come on. Come on. No lagging. 628 00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:35,299 The free clinic A.I.D.S. test. 629 00:33:35,300 --> 00:33:37,999 The rite of passage for our generation. 630 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,299 We're so lucky. Come on. 631 00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:44,799 So, Vick, why are you getting tested? 632 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,100 One of my friends tested positive. 633 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,800 To be on the safe side... you know. 634 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,300 Vickie Miner. 635 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,100 WOMAN, LOUDER: Vickie Miner. 636 00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:11,099 You can forget it. 637 00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:13,299 Come on, Grant. That... It's incredible. 638 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:15,599 It's junk. Depressing junk. 639 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,500 You know my rules for the "Video View"... 640 00:34:17,501 --> 00:34:18,999 light and perky. 641 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:23,300 Look, Lelaina, maybe I should talk to Grant alone about this. 642 00:34:26,300 --> 00:34:28,299 Look, she's got real talent... 643 00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:30,299 and I want to put her on staff. 644 00:34:30,300 --> 00:34:32,299 I will not have Miss Pierce on staff. 645 00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:34,299 I will walk out of here if that happens. 646 00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:35,799 You watch. 647 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,499 OK, calm down. It's no big deal. 648 00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,299 We don't have to have her. 649 00:34:40,300 --> 00:34:41,799 Besides, having to look... 650 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,799 at that girl's pointy little face all day... 651 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,399 it would make me ill. 652 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:46,799 Just get rid of her... 653 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,100 like I asked you to do in the first place. 654 00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:58,099 ...I'll get there. 655 00:34:58,100 --> 00:35:00,799 If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 656 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,500 If I don't know... 657 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,399 Ten seconds... 658 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,899 nine, eight, seven... 659 00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:15,300 six, five, four... 660 00:35:24,900 --> 00:35:27,099 Is this a good morning or what? 661 00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:31,499 Ha ha ha! Well, with us today is Libby Kumbaugh... 662 00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:35,399 the author of this book... "Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself? 663 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,099 "Self-Esteem for Parent and Child." 664 00:35:38,100 --> 00:35:40,699 - Good morning, Libby. - Good morning, Grant. 665 00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:45,899 Good morning! Now, Libby... I'm concerned with self-esteem. 666 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:47,999 Personally, I've always had an odd preference... 667 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,400 for very, very young girls. 668 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,500 I... 669 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,000 Being a total prick... 670 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:06,199 ...Iy pear, I... 671 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,699 Why don't we welcome this audience again, huh? 672 00:36:09,700 --> 00:36:10,700 Good morning! 673 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:15,899 I make more of a mess than Ruby does. 674 00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:17,899 Hi. You guys, we have to have a family meeting. 675 00:36:17,900 --> 00:36:19,299 Something's happened. 676 00:36:19,300 --> 00:36:21,100 Oh, no! They've discovered Nutrasweet causes you... 677 00:36:21,101 --> 00:36:22,400 to grow a third eye. 678 00:36:22,401 --> 00:36:23,900 Let me just say that everything's gonna be fine. 679 00:36:23,901 --> 00:36:25,499 Yeah, it's not a big deal. 680 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:26,999 She'll just wear a patch over it. 681 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,399 I'm working out a plan. 682 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:29,899 Yeah, there's a surgeon in Paris. 683 00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:31,399 He'll just remove it for free. 684 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,899 - Just don't panic. - It's not contagious. 685 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:36,300 Would you shut up? I just got fired. 686 00:36:37,300 --> 00:36:38,299 Yeah. 687 00:36:38,300 --> 00:36:40,399 Oh, my god. What happened? 688 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,999 You got fired? 689 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,999 I mean, that just screws up my whole idea of good and evil. 690 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,199 It's not like I had a hysterectomy or anything. 691 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,499 I just... I got fired. I'll find something else, you know. 692 00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:54,499 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 693 00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,299 You're hired. 694 00:36:56,300 --> 00:36:58,299 I need a part-timer. You need a job. 695 00:36:58,300 --> 00:36:59,500 That would be so cool. 696 00:36:59,501 --> 00:37:01,500 It's only, like, five dollars an hour. No big deal. 697 00:37:01,501 --> 00:37:03,000 But it's a pretty good opportunity. 698 00:37:03,001 --> 00:37:04,500 Yeah, it's a dream come true. 699 00:37:04,501 --> 00:37:05,999 It is. 700 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,499 You know, Vick, I said I'm working out a plan. 701 00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:09,999 Yeah. So, what's the plan? 702 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,999 I'm not gonna work at the Gap, for Christ's sake. 703 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,500 OK? 704 00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:19,499 - No. I mean... - Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 705 00:37:19,500 --> 00:37:23,299 Oh, how stupid of me to try to drag you down to my level. 706 00:37:23,300 --> 00:37:26,999 - Vickie, you don't do this, OK? - Shut up. 707 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,399 Come on. This is just... 708 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,700 You know I didn't mean it. Vickie. 709 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,999 You see, this is where Troy was fired... 710 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,499 from his eleventh job. 711 00:37:58,500 --> 00:38:01,000 He was an illustrious office cleaner. 712 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,500 Now if you'll come this way, please... 713 00:38:03,501 --> 00:38:05,900 we will continue our short but happy walking tour... 714 00:38:05,901 --> 00:38:08,099 of the career of Troy Dyer. 715 00:38:08,100 --> 00:38:11,499 And here we have the newsstand... 716 00:38:11,500 --> 00:38:14,499 where Troy dared to ask the question... 717 00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,500 Are employee snacks subsidized? 718 00:38:17,900 --> 00:38:20,199 The answer... tragically, no. 719 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,499 In total, he has been fired... 720 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:25,099 from... yes, count them... twelve jobs. 721 00:38:25,100 --> 00:38:26,599 Twelve? Ouch. 722 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,099 So you shouldn't feel so bad. 723 00:38:29,100 --> 00:38:32,099 One of these mornings, I'm going to wake up before noon and... 724 00:38:32,100 --> 00:38:34,099 Ha ha. Yeah, right. 725 00:38:34,100 --> 00:38:37,099 And I'm gonna turn on the TV... 726 00:38:37,100 --> 00:38:39,100 and there Bryant Gumbel will be, and he'll say... 727 00:38:39,101 --> 00:38:41,199 "Today we have with us... 728 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,099 "the Pulitzer Prize winning documentarian Lelaina Pierce. 729 00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:49,000 "Lelaina, after your first film, Why Barbie Is Bad..." 730 00:38:50,500 --> 00:38:53,099 "You seem to have forgotten all about... 731 00:38:53,100 --> 00:38:54,699 "your best friend, Troy Dyer." 732 00:38:54,700 --> 00:38:56,699 Troy who? 733 00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:58,299 What was that name again? 734 00:38:58,300 --> 00:39:00,999 Oh, right through the heart. 735 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,599 I'll probably be working at the Whole Foods... 736 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:04,600 playing warehouses... 737 00:39:04,601 --> 00:39:06,600 hanging around places like the Radio Shack... 738 00:39:06,601 --> 00:39:08,200 screaming that I used to know you... 739 00:39:08,201 --> 00:39:10,100 and you'll be there in the lights... 740 00:39:10,101 --> 00:39:11,900 and you'll be all beautiful and shit. 741 00:39:11,901 --> 00:39:15,099 Oh, Troy. No, no, no. That'll never happen. 742 00:39:15,100 --> 00:39:18,100 They would never hire you at Whole Foods. 743 00:39:20,100 --> 00:39:23,299 You see, Lainie, this is all we need... 744 00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:26,400 a couple of smokes, a cup of coffee... 745 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,299 And a little bit of conversation. 746 00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:32,599 You and me and five bucks. 747 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,100 You got it. 748 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,100 - You know what? - Hmm? 749 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:46,999 - No, no, no. - What? 750 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,299 Troy, I can't. I can't. 751 00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,299 Why not? You never thought about it? 752 00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:52,599 Well, yes, of course I have, but I... 753 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:53,799 But what? 754 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,600 I can't not be friends with you, OK? 755 00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:57,600 I don't want that. That's not what I'm talking about. 756 00:39:57,601 --> 00:40:01,599 I'm talking about a... you know, evolving. 757 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,200 I just can't handle this right now. 758 00:40:03,201 --> 00:40:05,699 I can't evolve right now. 759 00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:08,199 Why not? Because of Michael? 760 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,600 No. 761 00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:14,200 Yeah. Yes. Yes. 762 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,699 My parents got divorced when I was fourteen. 763 00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:30,799 My dad... the dog... 764 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:34,199 he remarried six months after the divorce. 765 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,699 Wow. That's quick. How did everybody react? 766 00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:41,599 Um... my mom threatened to kill herself in front of me. 767 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,599 Patty got drunk in her closet... 768 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,599 every morning before junior high school. 769 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,399 And you? 770 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,199 Well, um... 771 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,799 Somebody had to remember to take out the trash... 772 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:57,299 sign the report cards, buy the milk. 773 00:40:57,300 --> 00:41:00,799 So, um... that kind of ended up being me. 774 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,299 I don't want to get married... 775 00:41:02,300 --> 00:41:04,199 because I see how my parents are. 776 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,699 And they've been together, like, 26 years... 777 00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:10,399 and they're like brother and sister at this point. 778 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,099 My mother goes to the bathroom with the door open. 779 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:14,699 That's "A." 780 00:41:14,700 --> 00:41:16,499 And "B"... It's disgusting. 781 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,299 I don't want any part of that. 782 00:41:18,300 --> 00:41:20,699 I want first kisses. I want passion... 783 00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:22,599 the whole way through. 784 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:27,099 It's better than having to kiss your husband's ass all the time. 785 00:41:27,100 --> 00:41:28,599 Yeah. 786 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,699 I think that your documentary... 787 00:41:30,700 --> 00:41:32,500 would be perfect for "In Your Face." 788 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,599 - See? Forget it. - No. 789 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,599 You're probably thinking more like, you know... 790 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,199 P B.S. or something. 791 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,599 No. No. You know what it is, though? 792 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,399 It's that I.. Boy. 793 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,299 OK, when I made this thing... 794 00:41:46,300 --> 00:41:48,799 I kind of made this promise to myself... 795 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,200 that I wasn't going to think about... 796 00:41:50,201 --> 00:41:53,599 where it was gonna end up because I didn't want to... 797 00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,199 unintentionally commercialize it. 798 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:57,799 No, I think that's great. 799 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,799 I mean, I think you should definitely... 800 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,200 not unintentionally do anything... 801 00:42:01,201 --> 00:42:02,799 that you're not comfortable with. 802 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,799 I mean, not that I would intentionally... 803 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,799 Well, plus it's not done yet, you know. 804 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,199 Right. I know. I know. It was just a stupid... 805 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,699 You know... I got to go to New York on Wednesday... 806 00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:14,699 for this huge network meeting thing... 807 00:42:14,700 --> 00:42:17,699 which is totally... God, you would hate it. 808 00:42:17,700 --> 00:42:20,299 I hate it. I just... I just thought... 809 00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:22,299 that they would freak out over your tapes... 810 00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,700 because they never see anything that's really smart... 811 00:42:24,701 --> 00:42:29,299 and has real... you know, quality and is... 812 00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:31,199 good, like you and your work... 813 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:35,199 and I know I'm being selfish and... 814 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,199 Michael, um... 815 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,699 That is literally, literally... 816 00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:45,999 the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me... 817 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:50,000 the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 818 00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:00,699 So, what are you doing for the rest of your morning? 819 00:43:00,700 --> 00:43:02,699 What am... Oh, what am I doing? 820 00:43:02,700 --> 00:43:04,699 What am I doing? 821 00:43:04,700 --> 00:43:06,999 Ooh. Well, I have a job interview. 822 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,199 Lelaina, this thing is from 1988. 823 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,199 I know. Ha ha ha! 824 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,600 So you're, like... six years late. 825 00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:24,599 I thought the ad said that this was a job... 826 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,499 for a production assistant. 827 00:43:26,500 --> 00:43:30,299 Yes. You will be assisting me... 828 00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:34,299 in the production of videotapes, all right? 829 00:43:34,300 --> 00:43:39,099 You're going to make copies for me... many copies. 830 00:43:39,100 --> 00:43:43,899 Oh, is this like a... like a pirate operation? 831 00:43:43,900 --> 00:43:46,900 Do I look like a pirate to you? 832 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:51,799 Now, radio is all instinct, Lelaina. 833 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,199 Do you know where all the radio comes from? 834 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,599 The gut. It's all in the gut. 835 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,599 Because when you think on your feet... 836 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,099 got to go from your gut. 837 00:44:00,100 --> 00:44:03,099 And my gut is telling me that, uh... 838 00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:04,599 this isn't gonna work out. 839 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,699 Maybe your gut's just saying you're hungry or... 840 00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,899 Oh, no, no, no, no. It's telling me that, uh... 841 00:44:10,900 --> 00:44:13,199 you're overqualified for this job. 842 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:16,500 I'm really not that smart. 843 00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,499 No offense, sweetie, but you don't have... 844 00:44:20,500 --> 00:44:22,699 any experience on a newspaper. You're TV. 845 00:44:22,700 --> 00:44:26,099 Well, I'm trying to make my transition to print journalism. 846 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:27,599 Ah. Why? 847 00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,599 Well, newspapers are the last watchdogs... 848 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,099 of our... our government. 849 00:44:31,100 --> 00:44:32,900 They enforce the checks and balances. 850 00:44:32,901 --> 00:44:34,700 And one half-hour of TV only adds up to... 851 00:44:34,701 --> 00:44:36,499 OK. All right. 852 00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:39,099 Define irony. 853 00:44:39,100 --> 00:44:41,199 Irony. Uh... 854 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,699 Irony. 855 00:44:42,700 --> 00:44:44,199 It's a noun. 856 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,199 It's when something is... 857 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,699 ironic. It's, uh... 858 00:44:48,700 --> 00:44:51,999 Well, I can't really define irony... 859 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,700 but I know it when I see it! 860 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,399 Hey. Hey. 861 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,799 Oh, my god. I've never been so glad... 862 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,799 to see anyone in my entire life. 863 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,799 This day has been the biggest nightmare. 864 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,799 I mean, these job interviews, Troy... 865 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,799 the word vivisection, a staggering understatement. 866 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,999 Can you define irony? 867 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,300 It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite... 868 00:45:34,301 --> 00:45:35,999 from the literal meaning. 869 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,600 Yeah. My god. 870 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,899 Where were you when I needed you today? 871 00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:45,799 I... I should go. 872 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,299 Oh, come on. Isn't there some statute of limitations... 873 00:45:49,300 --> 00:45:51,400 for embarrassing incidents? 874 00:45:53,900 --> 00:45:56,100 Your bravado was embarrassing. 875 00:45:59,500 --> 00:46:02,399 Hey, Troy, come on. 876 00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,799 You can stay with me for one cigarette. 877 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,899 I know you can stay with me for one cigarette. 878 00:46:07,900 --> 00:46:11,099 You, me, five bucks, good conversation. 879 00:46:11,100 --> 00:46:12,600 Right? 880 00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:15,700 Lainie... 881 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,799 Troy, you haven't been home in four days. 882 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,700 I mean, where have you been sleeping? 883 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,000 I got to go. 884 00:46:34,700 --> 00:46:38,400 Mom, I need to talk to you about a loan. 885 00:46:43,900 --> 00:46:45,500 Is it for drugs? 886 00:46:47,700 --> 00:46:50,399 No. No, it's not for drugs. 887 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,300 I was f... I lost my job. 888 00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:55,900 But you shouldn't have any trouble... 889 00:46:55,901 --> 00:46:57,500 finding another job, sugar bugger. 890 00:46:57,501 --> 00:46:59,199 No. See, I tried. 891 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,899 I applied for every single opening in my field... 892 00:47:01,900 --> 00:47:05,200 but there's just... There's nothing right now. 893 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:10,400 Hmm. Well... then I hate to say it but... 894 00:47:10,700 --> 00:47:12,199 times are hard. 895 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,100 You're just gonna have to swallow your pride. 896 00:47:15,900 --> 00:47:18,899 Why don't you get a job at Burgerama? They'll hire you. 897 00:47:18,900 --> 00:47:20,999 My lord, I saw on the TV... 898 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,899 they had this little retarded boy working the cash register. 899 00:47:24,900 --> 00:47:28,399 Because I'm not retarded, mom. 900 00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:31,399 I was valedictorian of my university. 901 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:36,000 Well, you don't have to put that down on your application. 902 00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:44,899 Miss Pierce, do you have any idea... 903 00:47:44,900 --> 00:47:48,399 what it means to be a cashier at Wiener Schnitzel? 904 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:52,199 Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders and making change, and, uh... 905 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:53,399 "thank you." 906 00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,099 No. It's a juggling act. 907 00:47:55,100 --> 00:47:59,699 A juggling act? You mean, like, metaphorically? 908 00:47:59,700 --> 00:48:02,399 No. I mean, you got people coming at you from the front... 909 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:04,999 coming at you from the back, from the sides... 910 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,999 people at the condiment exchange... 911 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,099 people at the drive-thru, kids on bikes... 912 00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:12,499 and they're all depending on who? 913 00:48:12,500 --> 00:48:13,999 - Me? - Yeah. 914 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,499 You got time to lean, you got time to clean, buddy. 915 00:48:16,500 --> 00:48:17,799 All right? 916 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,999 You got to be 150 percent on your toes... 917 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,599 150 percent of the time. 918 00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,499 There you go, sir. And have a 'tude, wiener dude. 919 00:48:24,500 --> 00:48:26,000 All rightie. 920 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,499 OK. I'm going to throw a few numbers out at you... 921 00:48:29,500 --> 00:48:32,199 and you put them together in your head as quick as you can. 922 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,299 - OK? - OK. 923 00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:34,800 Eighty-five and forty-five. Go. 924 00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:37,199 One... forty? 925 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,099 Nope. 926 00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:40,299 - One... fifty? - Nope. 927 00:48:40,300 --> 00:48:42,999 - One-sixty? - It's not an auction. 928 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:47,700 Miss Pierce, there's a reason I've been here six months. 929 00:49:06,100 --> 00:49:07,500 WEATHERMAN: For the entire summertime... 930 00:49:07,501 --> 00:49:08,800 occurring in one day. 931 00:49:08,801 --> 00:49:10,800 Then last night we had snow reports in Utah. 932 00:49:10,801 --> 00:49:12,300 Today reports of I-70... 933 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,499 Royalton Hotel. 934 00:49:17,500 --> 00:49:19,000 Oh, hi. Is this the Royalton Hotel? 935 00:49:19,001 --> 00:49:20,499 That's what I said. 936 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:21,999 Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you. 937 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,499 I'm looking for a guest there. His name is Michael Grates. 938 00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:26,400 Hold one moment, please. 939 00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:30,599 That guest is out. 940 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,500 Would you like to leave a message? 941 00:49:32,501 --> 00:49:34,699 Oh... no. That's OK. I'll just try again later. 942 00:49:34,700 --> 00:49:36,000 Thanks. 943 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,599 Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode and welcome to "Wedgie"... 944 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,099 the world of hip couture. 945 00:49:46,100 --> 00:49:48,599 This week, we're in south-central Los Angeles... 946 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,599 at the intersection of Florence and Normandy... 947 00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:52,599 the flashpoint of fashion. 948 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,199 The phattest gangsta trend will increase your peace. 949 00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,099 This bandanna by Donna Karin... 950 00:49:57,100 --> 00:49:59,599 is blue for Crips, red for Bloods... 951 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,300 and only costs seventy-five dollars. 952 00:50:31,100 --> 00:50:33,199 Lainie, have you seen a pack of guitar strings? 953 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,299 I have to bring them to the club. 954 00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:36,899 You know, I hope he knows... 955 00:50:36,900 --> 00:50:40,099 that he still has to pay some rent around here. 956 00:50:40,100 --> 00:50:42,099 I mean... Ha ha. 957 00:50:42,100 --> 00:50:44,900 I don't know where he thinks he's spending his nights, but... 958 00:50:46,300 --> 00:50:47,800 Do you know? 959 00:50:50,100 --> 00:50:53,300 I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. Let's locomote. 960 00:50:59,900 --> 00:51:02,099 Now you can call your own personal psychic... 961 00:51:02,100 --> 00:51:04,199 anytime 24 hours a day... 962 00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,299 thanks to the nationwide Psychic Discovery Network. 963 00:51:07,300 --> 00:51:09,299 You can pick up the phone and talk directly... 964 00:51:09,300 --> 00:51:11,100 with an established professional psychic... 965 00:51:11,101 --> 00:51:13,299 in the privacy of your own home. 966 00:51:13,300 --> 00:51:16,299 I was unhappy in my career, and I needed a change. 967 00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:18,099 But I didn't know what to do. 968 00:51:18,100 --> 00:51:22,100 It's just that nothing is going down according to plan. 969 00:51:22,300 --> 00:51:25,199 I mean, my best friend... 970 00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,699 I feel like I've lost him forever... 971 00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:32,199 and he was like my touchstone, you know. 972 00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,699 WOMAN ON TELEPHONE: This man... 973 00:51:33,700 --> 00:51:35,899 does his name start with the letter "N"? 974 00:51:35,900 --> 00:51:40,699 Because I'm getting a very strong "N" vibration. 975 00:51:40,700 --> 00:51:43,199 Newsstand. "N," newsstand. 976 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:44,699 He used to work at a newsstand. 977 00:51:44,700 --> 00:51:46,199 Uh-huh. 978 00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:48,699 Oh, god. This is unbelievable. 979 00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:51,199 Honey, that's not all I'm getting. 980 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,199 There are people I know from high school... 981 00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:58,199 who are already married and having babies. 982 00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:01,299 I mean, babies, OK? 983 00:52:01,300 --> 00:52:03,000 I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. 984 00:52:03,001 --> 00:52:04,700 Well, honey, I didn't have kids... 985 00:52:04,701 --> 00:52:06,699 until I was on my third husband. 986 00:52:06,700 --> 00:52:08,099 Oh, really? 987 00:52:08,100 --> 00:52:09,500 All Geminis. 988 00:52:11,700 --> 00:52:13,800 You know what I think, Tanell? 989 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,999 I think you still really love Monty. 990 00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:19,199 Yeah, you're probably right... 991 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:20,699 but it don't matter now. 992 00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:22,699 Oh, yes, it does, Tanell. 993 00:52:22,700 --> 00:52:26,699 I know you're afraid, but you've got to find him... 994 00:52:26,700 --> 00:52:29,799 and you've got to tell him how you really feel. 995 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,499 Find him? I got... 996 00:52:32,500 --> 00:52:34,000 Lelaina. 997 00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:36,700 We need to talk to you. 998 00:52:39,900 --> 00:52:42,399 Hold on, Tanell. Hold on. 999 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:44,299 I'm on the phone. 1000 00:52:44,300 --> 00:52:45,699 Yeah, I can see that... 1001 00:52:45,700 --> 00:52:48,100 and we have a four-hundred and six dollar phone bill... 1002 00:52:48,101 --> 00:52:51,399 mainly due to some calls to a 1-900 number. 1003 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,499 Lelaina, I'm so seriously troubled... 1004 00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:56,499 Listen, we'd help you out, but we're broke, too. 1005 00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:58,499 And you know we can't afford a new deposit... 1006 00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:00,900 if the phone gets shut off. 1007 00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:06,599 Maybe you could borrow the money from Michael. 1008 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:09,099 No, Sammy. Jesus. 1009 00:53:09,100 --> 00:53:11,299 Lainie, what are you doing? 1010 00:53:11,300 --> 00:53:13,999 What are you doing? You lay on that couch all day. 1011 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,600 Those pajamas are like your uniform. 1012 00:53:15,601 --> 00:53:17,899 You run up a four-hundred dollar phone bill. 1013 00:53:17,900 --> 00:53:19,599 You watch TV. You chain-smoke. 1014 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:21,500 You don't go outside. You don't do anything. 1015 00:53:21,501 --> 00:53:24,099 Man, you are in the bell jar. 1016 00:53:24,100 --> 00:53:30,099 Look, this is my apartment. I signed the lease. 1017 00:53:30,100 --> 00:53:33,599 I let you move in here when you had no job, no money... 1018 00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:35,599 and you sponged off me for two months! 1019 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,099 Sponged? Uh-huh. 1020 00:53:37,100 --> 00:53:38,699 And now Miss Big Power Marm... 1021 00:53:38,700 --> 00:53:40,100 Miss "I'm manager of the Gap now"... 1022 00:53:40,101 --> 00:53:42,200 you think you can just come in here and push me around?! 1023 00:53:42,201 --> 00:53:44,199 She's not being pushy. 1024 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,899 Sammy, what are you even doing here? You don't live here! 1025 00:53:47,900 --> 00:53:50,099 Hey, my little unemployed waif... 1026 00:53:50,100 --> 00:53:52,899 you're the one who's looking for work now, OK? 1027 00:53:52,900 --> 00:53:55,699 God, you're really enjoying this, aren't you? 1028 00:53:55,700 --> 00:53:57,099 You're high. 1029 00:53:57,100 --> 00:53:59,700 Why don't you go take a walk outside and get some fresh air? 1030 00:54:01,300 --> 00:54:04,099 You've been waiting for this since the day we met. 1031 00:54:04,100 --> 00:54:06,300 Who told you that? Your psychic partner? 1032 00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,599 I'll tell you the problem with your generation. 1033 00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:14,099 You don't have any work ethic. 1034 00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:16,099 Now, you take your friend Troy, for example. 1035 00:54:16,100 --> 00:54:18,599 I went out of my way to set up an interview for him... 1036 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:20,600 and he didn't even bother to show up. 1037 00:54:22,100 --> 00:54:25,399 That wasn't his fault. He asked me to call and cancel. 1038 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,599 And everything was going on. And it slipped my mind. 1039 00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,899 And I'm... sorry, but, you know, I have a work ethic, dad. 1040 00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:35,499 I have a very strong work ethic, you know. Ask anyone. 1041 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:38,299 Then all you got to do is show some ingenuity, hmm? 1042 00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,099 Darling, I love you, and I hate to break your plate... 1043 00:54:41,100 --> 00:54:43,099 but you got to grow up sometime. 1044 00:54:43,100 --> 00:54:47,100 Now, I want you to go out there and show me some ingenuity, hmm? 1045 00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:06,199 Let me talk with you, my baby 1046 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,599 It is bad to say that maybe 1047 00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,899 It is time for you to say we 1048 00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:13,199 Came to share a point of view 1049 00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,199 Living in the never-never 1050 00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:18,299 Dropping out of here together 1051 00:55:18,300 --> 00:55:21,399 I could spend some time forever 1052 00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:24,199 With a girl like you, let me hear you say 1053 00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:28,199 Let's go, ooh 1054 00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:33,699 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1055 00:55:33,700 --> 00:55:36,499 Let's go 1056 00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,499 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1057 00:55:38,500 --> 00:55:42,499 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1058 00:55:42,500 --> 00:55:45,499 Right here on earth. 1059 00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:49,100 Looking for tomorrow 1060 00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,200 Can you see us one day? 1061 00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,800 Beg or steal or borrow 1062 00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:04,100 We could live forever 1063 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,399 Never to say never 1064 00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,099 You will be for me 1065 00:56:11,100 --> 00:56:14,499 I will fight for you, now 1066 00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:16,399 Let's go 1067 00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:18,399 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1068 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:22,400 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah... 1069 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,799 Well, that solves our first problem. 1070 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,700 Rent's due this week. 1071 00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:35,599 Well, well. 1072 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:39,400 Look who finally decided to grace us with his... 1073 00:56:40,900 --> 00:56:42,299 Presence. 1074 00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:44,699 This is... This is, uh, Jean. 1075 00:56:44,700 --> 00:56:45,799 Janine. 1076 00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:50,899 Uh, Janine. Janine. It's a little loud in the club. 1077 00:56:50,900 --> 00:56:52,300 Excuse me. 1078 00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:55,299 Can't stay here, Troy. 1079 00:56:55,300 --> 00:56:57,799 I'm just gonna pick something up. 1080 00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,199 Well... 1081 00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:03,199 Mission accomplished. Now leave. 1082 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,999 I think maybe I'm gonna wait... 1083 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,299 Always the mistress of etiquette, huh, Lainie? 1084 00:57:07,300 --> 00:57:08,799 Just out of curiosity... 1085 00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,000 why are you suddenly acting like a jealous girlfriend? 1086 00:57:11,001 --> 00:57:13,500 All right. We're just trying to pay bills here, OK? 1087 00:57:13,501 --> 00:57:15,799 So, Troy, if you got any money... 1088 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:19,399 Money? Oh, but what's money to an artist? 1089 00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:23,099 To a philosopher? It's just green-colored paper... 1090 00:57:23,100 --> 00:57:25,299 that floats in and out of his life like snow. 1091 00:57:25,300 --> 00:57:27,700 It's nothing you actually have to, I don't know, work for... 1092 00:57:27,701 --> 00:57:28,999 is it, Troy? 1093 00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:30,600 No, not if you have daddy's little gas card. 1094 00:57:30,601 --> 00:57:32,099 You shut up! 1095 00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:34,699 You shut up! I busted my ass to find a job, any job! 1096 00:57:34,700 --> 00:57:36,999 You don't even bother showing up for interviews! 1097 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,200 What is it that you want from me? Huh? What is it? 1098 00:57:39,201 --> 00:57:40,700 You want me to get a job on the line... 1099 00:57:40,701 --> 00:57:42,300 for the next 20 years, until I'm granted leave... 1100 00:57:42,301 --> 00:57:44,700 with my gold-plated watch and my balls full of tumors... 1101 00:57:44,701 --> 00:57:47,000 because I surrendered the one thing that means shit to me? 1102 00:57:47,001 --> 00:57:48,500 Well, honey, you can just exhale... 1103 00:57:48,501 --> 00:57:51,400 because it's not gonna happen, not in this lifetime. 1104 00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:54,399 All right, fine! You don't want to work, fine! 1105 00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,899 Lainie, goddamn it! 1106 00:57:55,900 --> 00:57:58,399 You want to be a band, then be a goddamn band! 1107 00:57:58,400 --> 00:57:59,900 Rehearse every day! Play every night! 1108 00:57:59,901 --> 00:58:01,400 Play three times a night! 1109 00:58:01,401 --> 00:58:05,400 Don't just dick around the same coffeehouse for five years! 1110 00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:08,499 Don't dick around with her or with me. 1111 00:58:08,500 --> 00:58:10,499 I mean, try at something, for once in your life! 1112 00:58:10,500 --> 00:58:12,499 Do something about it, but you know what? 1113 00:58:12,500 --> 00:58:14,999 You better do it now, and you better do it fast... 1114 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,499 because the world doesn't owe you any favors... 1115 00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:18,999 and whether you know it or not... 1116 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,200 you're on the inside track to Loserville, U.S.A... 1117 00:58:21,201 --> 00:58:23,500 just like him. 1118 00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,899 OK. It's just too psychotic in here now. 1119 00:58:35,900 --> 00:58:38,400 All right, Lelaina, let's go for a walk. 1120 00:58:39,700 --> 00:58:40,700 Fine. 1121 00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:45,000 Come on, man. Let them go. 1122 00:58:47,500 --> 00:58:51,299 With pleasure, my friends. With pleasure. Ha. 1123 00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:53,500 "With pleasure"? You know who I really feel sorry for... 1124 00:58:53,501 --> 00:58:54,999 is that poor girl. 1125 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,200 Oh, how about when he sneaks his laundry in with ours? 1126 00:58:57,201 --> 00:58:59,300 It's like I'm pulling that stuff out of the dryer... 1127 00:58:59,301 --> 00:59:00,800 and there's five pairs of his boxers... 1128 00:59:00,801 --> 00:59:02,300 I just washed unknowingly. 1129 00:59:02,301 --> 00:59:04,100 No, I'll just throw it back in his face. 1130 00:59:04,101 --> 00:59:06,199 Yeah, like I'm gonna do his laundry. Yeah. 1131 00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,299 He's weird. He's strange. He's sloppy. 1132 00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:10,399 He's a total nightmare for women. 1133 00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,300 I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet. 1134 00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:16,200 Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? 1135 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,200 Don't you think it would be so much easier? 1136 00:59:21,700 --> 00:59:24,199 Sometimes, but... 1137 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:26,499 Nah. I couldn't go through with it. 1138 00:59:26,500 --> 00:59:28,799 I'd start laughing or something. 1139 00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:31,199 But it's such a shame... 1140 00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,299 because I am so through with men. 1141 00:59:33,300 --> 00:59:35,299 If one more guy walks out on me... 1142 00:59:35,300 --> 00:59:37,299 I don't even know what. I swear. 1143 00:59:37,300 --> 00:59:39,399 What are you talking about... 1144 00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,599 Walk out on you? You walk out on them. 1145 00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:42,999 I've seen you. 1146 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,100 You're out the door before the condom comes off. 1147 00:59:46,100 --> 00:59:48,599 Listen to me, I'm just beating them to the punch. 1148 00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:49,800 OK. 1149 00:59:52,900 --> 00:59:55,899 You don't even know I'm sitting here... 1150 00:59:55,900 --> 00:59:57,400 maybe... 1151 00:59:58,900 --> 01:00:00,700 Probably dying of A.I.D.S. 1152 01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:10,700 And I'm totally alone. 1153 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,300 Vickie... 1154 01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:19,799 Well, uh... 1155 01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:21,500 you're not alone. 1156 01:00:23,500 --> 01:00:27,299 Hey. Look, I'm sorry for everything I said... 1157 01:00:27,300 --> 01:00:30,699 and I'm sorry for being such a bitch... 1158 01:00:30,700 --> 01:00:33,799 but I have to tell you, you're not alone. 1159 01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,899 You're not, and you're not dying of A.I.D.S. 1160 01:00:36,900 --> 01:00:39,899 You don't understand. Every day, all day... 1161 01:00:39,900 --> 01:00:42,399 it's all that I think about, OK? 1162 01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:43,899 Every time I sneeze... 1163 01:00:43,900 --> 01:00:46,899 it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. 1164 01:00:46,900 --> 01:00:49,099 And it's like it's not even happening to me. 1165 01:00:49,100 --> 01:00:51,399 It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show... 1166 01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:52,700 like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? 1167 01:00:52,701 --> 01:00:54,000 And I'm the new character. 1168 01:00:54,001 --> 01:00:55,500 I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S. character... 1169 01:00:55,501 --> 01:00:57,600 and I live in the building, and I teach everybody... 1170 01:00:57,601 --> 01:00:59,800 that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me... 1171 01:00:59,801 --> 01:01:01,299 and then I die... 1172 01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:03,299 and there's everybody at my funeral... 1173 01:01:03,300 --> 01:01:05,800 wearing halter tops and chokers or some shit like that. 1174 01:01:07,100 --> 01:01:09,799 Vickie, stop, OK? Just stop. 1175 01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,999 You're freaking out, and you know what? 1176 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,099 You're gonna have to deal with the results. 1177 01:01:14,100 --> 01:01:15,900 Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them... 1178 01:01:15,901 --> 01:01:17,700 just like we've dealt with everything else. 1179 01:01:17,701 --> 01:01:19,399 This isn't like everything else. 1180 01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,699 I know that, all right? 1181 01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:24,399 But it's gonna be OK, you know? 1182 01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,100 I know it's gonna be OK. 1183 01:01:30,900 --> 01:01:34,400 "Melrose Place" is a really good show. 1184 01:01:42,500 --> 01:01:45,000 WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Lelaina Pierce. 1185 01:01:46,300 --> 01:01:49,100 Is there a Lelaina Pierce here? 1186 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,300 Yeah. 1187 01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:01,899 Hello. Lelaina? 1188 01:02:01,900 --> 01:02:03,199 Ha ha! Hi! 1189 01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:04,900 Look, I had to call you right away. 1190 01:02:04,901 --> 01:02:06,400 Listen, listen. Don't kill me, OK? 1191 01:02:06,401 --> 01:02:07,699 What? What? 1192 01:02:07,700 --> 01:02:09,399 I took the tape, and I showed it. 1193 01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:10,899 No. 1194 01:02:10,900 --> 01:02:13,499 Wait, wait, wait. Listen. They freaked out. 1195 01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:14,999 They want to buy them. 1196 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,899 - No. - Yes. 1197 01:02:16,900 --> 01:02:18,699 They liked it? 1198 01:02:18,700 --> 01:02:21,199 No, no. I mean, they, like, psychotically loved it. 1199 01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,799 They want to pay you for it. 1200 01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,700 I know this isn't P B.S., but is this OK? 1201 01:02:25,701 --> 01:02:28,499 Yes! I was this close to selling fruit at intersections. 1202 01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:30,499 Well, don't, all right? Don't. 1203 01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,100 Just hang on, and I'm gonna get you some money... 1204 01:02:32,101 --> 01:02:33,800 and I'm gonna be down there in a few days... 1205 01:02:33,801 --> 01:02:35,100 and I just... I'm just, like... 1206 01:02:35,101 --> 01:02:36,900 I'm thinking about you every second here. 1207 01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:40,099 Hello! Hello! Hello! 1208 01:02:40,100 --> 01:02:41,599 Hello! Can you hear me now? 1209 01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:43,799 Where are you? 1210 01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:45,099 I'm in a phone booth. 1211 01:02:45,100 --> 01:02:47,199 Why are you on a cellular phone? 1212 01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,699 I don't know. I have no idea. I'm just... 1213 01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:53,199 Michael, Michael, Michael, I... I really miss you! 1214 01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:55,499 I really miss you, too. I love you. Oh! Whoa! 1215 01:02:55,500 --> 01:02:58,499 I mean... I mean... you amaze me. 1216 01:02:58,500 --> 01:03:00,399 No! You amaze me! 1217 01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:02,099 Hello? 1218 01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:03,699 Can you hear me? 1219 01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:05,799 Michael, I'm losing you. 1220 01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:08,500 I'm gonna call you back. Wait. What? 1221 01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:17,500 Pay phone outside... always amazes me. 1222 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,100 Hey. 1223 01:03:20,100 --> 01:03:22,100 "Try me. I'm free." 1224 01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:26,600 Good mag. Good mag. 1225 01:03:28,900 --> 01:03:32,599 - Negatory. - Yeah! All right! 1226 01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,099 Did you hear that? Negative! 1227 01:03:35,100 --> 01:03:37,799 Here. Let me see that. 1228 01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,499 Hey, hey! All rightie! 1229 01:03:40,500 --> 01:03:42,499 Thanks for the help, Lainie. 1230 01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:44,499 A celebration zoom. 1231 01:03:44,500 --> 01:03:47,299 OK. Enough. 1232 01:03:47,300 --> 01:03:49,499 - Ma! - I'm right here, son. 1233 01:03:49,500 --> 01:03:51,499 - Ma. - Yeah? 1234 01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:55,799 I have to tell you some... thing. 1235 01:03:55,800 --> 01:04:01,100 I am... a... homo... sexual. 1236 01:04:02,100 --> 01:04:06,599 Oh, Christ. Is there a support group that I can join... 1237 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:10,099 to help me come to terms with my own homophobia? 1238 01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:12,099 Yes, there is... 1239 01:04:12,100 --> 01:04:14,599 a group which is named P F L.A.G.... 1240 01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:19,500 Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 1241 01:04:20,500 --> 01:04:23,499 Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G. 1242 01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:26,800 I'm beginning to like the sound of that. 1243 01:04:29,300 --> 01:04:31,999 What you've just witnessed here is a preenactment... 1244 01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,800 of events that are about to take place. 1245 01:04:37,100 --> 01:04:43,899 Well... I came out to her, and... 1246 01:04:43,900 --> 01:04:47,799 she's still a little bit upset. 1247 01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:49,600 But you know... 1248 01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,699 You know, I think the real reason... 1249 01:04:53,700 --> 01:04:55,899 that I've been celibate for so long... 1250 01:04:55,900 --> 01:04:59,699 isn't really because I'm that terrified of the big "A"... 1251 01:04:59,700 --> 01:05:02,199 but because I can't really start my life... 1252 01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,700 without being honest about who I am and... 1253 01:05:06,700 --> 01:05:09,199 SAMMY ON TAPE: I want to be in there, too. 1254 01:05:09,200 --> 01:05:14,199 I want to feel miserable and happy and all of that. 1255 01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,199 I mean, I... 1256 01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:18,000 I want to... 1257 01:05:20,300 --> 01:05:23,100 I want to be let back in the house. 1258 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:37,399 Hello. Oh, hi. 1259 01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,699 Um... sorry. 1260 01:05:39,700 --> 01:05:42,699 Just... the door was... 1261 01:05:42,700 --> 01:05:43,900 So I just, um... 1262 01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:47,200 Yeah, she's getting dressed. 1263 01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:50,300 Great. 1264 01:06:00,300 --> 01:06:01,800 I'll just... 1265 01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,599 Oh, I, um... I don't know if she told you... 1266 01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,100 but I just came back from New York... 1267 01:06:14,101 --> 01:06:17,199 with the tapes that she made, and the stuff of you... 1268 01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:19,399 it's really... it's really great stuff. 1269 01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:22,699 Really. That whole... that whole thing about... 1270 01:06:22,700 --> 01:06:26,199 "Nobody can eat all the eggs," that was... 1271 01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:27,699 that was really... 1272 01:06:27,700 --> 01:06:29,700 I was quoting Cool Hand Luke. 1273 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:34,399 Yeah. That's OK. I mean... That's... I know. 1274 01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:37,300 It's... I mean... You know... It's still... It's... 1275 01:06:37,900 --> 01:06:39,899 Hi. 1276 01:06:39,900 --> 01:06:42,299 - Hi. - Hi. 1277 01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:44,599 What happened to your normal clothes? 1278 01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:46,699 Wow! Lelaina, look at you. 1279 01:06:46,700 --> 01:06:49,699 You look... Where'd you get that dress? 1280 01:06:49,700 --> 01:06:52,799 Oh, um... I don't know. I just bought it. 1281 01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,399 But I think I'm gonna go change because... 1282 01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:56,800 No, don't. You look beautiful. 1283 01:06:56,801 --> 01:06:59,099 You look like... You look like... 1284 01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,600 A doily. 1285 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:06,699 - I'm gonna change. - No, don't change. 1286 01:07:06,700 --> 01:07:09,000 And don't go thinking for yourself either, Lainie. 1287 01:07:09,001 --> 01:07:11,099 Hey, what is your glitch, huh? 1288 01:07:11,100 --> 01:07:12,999 My "glitch"? 1289 01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,799 You know what? We're already late. 1290 01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:18,099 No, no, no, no. Hang on a second here. 1291 01:07:18,100 --> 01:07:20,400 Do you have, like, a problem with me or something? 1292 01:07:20,401 --> 01:07:22,700 Because if you do, let's just get this out, all right? 1293 01:07:22,701 --> 01:07:25,399 Seriously, is there, like... I mean, have I, like, uh... 1294 01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:28,099 stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? 1295 01:07:28,100 --> 01:07:29,900 Because.. Because... No, no, no. Excuse me... 1296 01:07:29,901 --> 01:07:32,100 if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you. 1297 01:07:32,101 --> 01:07:34,199 There's no secret handshake. 1298 01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,900 There's an I.Q. prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake. 1299 01:07:39,500 --> 01:07:41,299 I... This is... You... No... 1300 01:07:41,300 --> 01:07:44,199 This guy... you've got this whole thing with the world. 1301 01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:46,999 Don't you? Huh? That's great. That's really wonderful. 1302 01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:48,700 But guess what. I'm a human being, OK? 1303 01:07:48,701 --> 01:07:50,599 We're human beings, people, OK? 1304 01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:54,600 We're not, like, intelligence quotations or whatever. 1305 01:07:54,800 --> 01:07:56,799 - Just ignore him. - No! 1306 01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:58,000 Done. 1307 01:08:01,300 --> 01:08:03,399 Come on. Let's go. You don't need this. 1308 01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:05,200 You don't know what she needs. 1309 01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:10,100 I think I know what she needs in a way that you never will. 1310 01:08:15,900 --> 01:08:17,500 Let's go. 1311 01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:25,899 Baby, tell me that my love ain't good 1312 01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:31,399 I don't treat you right, I don't do you like I should... 1313 01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:33,999 Listen, that's got to be back here, OK? 1314 01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:35,500 - Hi. - Hi. 1315 01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:37,999 So, you ready? 1316 01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:39,899 Well, what's it like? I mean... 1317 01:08:39,900 --> 01:08:41,599 It's great. It's great. 1318 01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,400 I mean, I haven't actually seen it yet... 1319 01:08:43,401 --> 01:08:45,699 but we had our best guys working on it... 1320 01:08:45,700 --> 01:08:48,299 and, you know, we just put some titles on... 1321 01:08:48,300 --> 01:08:50,899 and shaped it a little bit. It's gonna be great. 1322 01:08:50,900 --> 01:08:52,199 OK. 1323 01:08:52,200 --> 01:08:53,799 OK, OK. 1324 01:08:53,800 --> 01:08:55,300 OK. Thanks. 1325 01:08:56,300 --> 01:08:59,399 OK, everybody, it's a special night... 1326 01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:01,399 because, as you know, we're entering into... 1327 01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:02,900 a new phase here at the channel... 1328 01:09:02,901 --> 01:09:04,899 real programming. 1329 01:09:04,900 --> 01:09:07,399 And our first step is this remarkable piece... 1330 01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:08,800 by Lelaina. 1331 01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:14,799 So hang on, because this is going to change... 1332 01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:16,500 the face of "In Your Face." 1333 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,099 What's this? 1334 01:09:47,100 --> 01:09:49,500 It's just transitional stuff. 1335 01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:55,599 MAN, SINGING: La la la-la la 1336 01:09:55,600 --> 01:10:01,999 The story of my life 1337 01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:03,000 We're finished! 1338 01:10:03,001 --> 01:10:06,899 SINGING: School's out forever 1339 01:10:06,900 --> 01:10:10,199 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 1340 01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:12,899 And you wonder why we never got involved. 1341 01:10:12,900 --> 01:10:15,599 SINGING: School's been blown to pieces 1342 01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:17,499 SINGING: Love can make you weep 1343 01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,299 I don't want to get married... 1344 01:10:19,300 --> 01:10:20,700 because I see how my parents are. 1345 01:10:20,701 --> 01:10:22,900 - My parents got divorced... - My parents got divorced... 1346 01:10:22,901 --> 01:10:24,700 - When I was fourteen. - When I was five years old. 1347 01:10:24,701 --> 01:10:27,600 My mother actually goes to the bathroom with the door open. 1348 01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:36,499 I swore to myself I'd never get married. 1349 01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:37,500 I want passion. 1350 01:10:37,501 --> 01:10:40,499 Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about... 1351 01:10:40,500 --> 01:10:43,299 Turns you on, doesn't it? Brownies! 1352 01:10:43,300 --> 01:10:47,599 Would you two just do it and get it over with? I'm starving. 1353 01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:49,599 Oh, my god. 1354 01:10:49,600 --> 01:10:51,100 LELAINA, ON VIDEO: But the question remains... 1355 01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,899 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 1356 01:10:55,900 --> 01:10:58,099 I was told there'd be no math on this exam. 1357 01:10:58,100 --> 01:10:59,599 Can I change my answer? 1358 01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:00,999 The answer is simple. 1359 01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,299 We're on a road to nowhere 1360 01:11:03,300 --> 01:11:05,499 Jesus. 1361 01:11:05,500 --> 01:11:07,499 The answer is... The-the-the answer is... 1362 01:11:07,500 --> 01:11:08,599 Pizza! 1363 01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:09,699 Pizza. 1364 01:11:09,700 --> 01:11:11,300 Pizza. Ha ha. 1365 01:11:21,100 --> 01:11:22,600 Oh... 1366 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:27,099 - It's, um... - Yeah, right. 1367 01:11:27,100 --> 01:11:30,199 We're on a road to nowhere 1368 01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,099 But here we go 1369 01:11:33,100 --> 01:11:34,800 Lelaina. 1370 01:11:43,200 --> 01:11:45,699 Lelaina, look. I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know. 1371 01:11:45,700 --> 01:11:47,700 That was not my work, Michael. That's not what I did. 1372 01:11:47,701 --> 01:11:49,700 That's not what I want. It had nothing! 1373 01:11:49,701 --> 01:11:51,699 I can't believe I trusted you! 1374 01:11:51,700 --> 01:11:53,699 I had no idea! I didn't see it! 1375 01:11:53,700 --> 01:11:56,199 I mean, look. I guess it was probably a little slow... 1376 01:11:56,200 --> 01:11:57,699 and they cut it up a little... 1377 01:11:57,700 --> 01:11:58,699 Cut it up? 1378 01:11:58,700 --> 01:12:00,700 They cut up everything that meant anything to me! 1379 01:12:00,701 --> 01:12:03,200 I mean, I don't even think you realize what you've done. 1380 01:12:03,201 --> 01:12:05,200 You don't get it. You just don't get it! 1381 01:12:05,201 --> 01:12:07,199 I do get it! Look. It just... 1382 01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:09,199 It's, like, you have this great piece of work... 1383 01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:11,199 and we have this audience, these kids... 1384 01:12:11,200 --> 01:12:13,200 and it's like trying to feed them meatloaf or something... 1385 01:12:13,201 --> 01:12:14,700 and they don't want to eat it, right? 1386 01:12:14,701 --> 01:12:16,500 So you have to give them, like, "Here comes the plane. 1387 01:12:16,501 --> 01:12:18,200 "It's coming into the hangar. Open up the hangar." 1388 01:12:18,201 --> 01:12:19,400 But it's still meatloaf. 1389 01:12:19,401 --> 01:12:21,099 It was never meatloaf! 1390 01:12:21,100 --> 01:12:22,699 That's a bad... I just... 1391 01:12:22,700 --> 01:12:24,199 Look, I'm sorry, all right? 1392 01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:25,700 They were just trying to market it. 1393 01:12:25,701 --> 01:12:27,200 And I wish I could be perfect, OK? 1394 01:12:27,201 --> 01:12:28,700 I wish I could be like Troy... 1395 01:12:28,701 --> 01:12:30,700 riding on his melted cheese sandwich and everything. 1396 01:12:30,701 --> 01:12:32,300 Don't you dare bring Troy into this. 1397 01:12:32,301 --> 01:12:33,700 Hey, I wish I could be like him. 1398 01:12:33,701 --> 01:12:35,200 I wish I could live off of creeds and mottoes... 1399 01:12:35,201 --> 01:12:36,700 and all that shit, all right? 1400 01:12:36,701 --> 01:12:38,700 But I'm in the real world here, OK? 1401 01:12:38,701 --> 01:12:41,199 And I have ideals also. 1402 01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:45,099 They're that I... I care about you... 1403 01:12:45,100 --> 01:12:47,199 and I want to make you happy... 1404 01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:48,700 and I'm... 1405 01:12:50,700 --> 01:12:52,199 I just... 1406 01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:53,600 Look... 1407 01:12:56,200 --> 01:12:59,100 I'll make them take the pizza thing out, OK? 1408 01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:06,499 I'm just a bill 1409 01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:09,799 Yes, I'm only a bill 1410 01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:15,799 And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill 1411 01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:20,200 Well, it's a long, long journey to... 1412 01:13:26,900 --> 01:13:29,300 How'd the big premiere turn out? 1413 01:13:32,200 --> 01:13:33,400 Fine. 1414 01:13:40,900 --> 01:13:43,900 They were just videotapes, right? 1415 01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:47,600 Who cares? Ha ha. 1416 01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:55,600 I just worked so hard on them, you know? 1417 01:13:57,900 --> 01:14:00,400 I worked so hard. 1418 01:14:01,900 --> 01:14:04,399 Ah, forget it. I just sound pathetic. 1419 01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:07,100 No, you don't. You don't sound pathetic. 1420 01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:10,899 You know, I know it sounds stupid... 1421 01:14:10,900 --> 01:14:13,400 but it really meant something to me. 1422 01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:19,399 I know it wasn't gonna, you know, end world hunger... 1423 01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:21,899 or, you know, save the planet... 1424 01:14:21,900 --> 01:14:24,300 but it just meant something to me. 1425 01:14:27,600 --> 01:14:29,400 I just don't... 1426 01:14:31,900 --> 01:14:35,099 Understand why things just can't go back to normal... 1427 01:14:35,100 --> 01:14:37,399 at the end of the half-hour... 1428 01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:39,800 like on "The Brady Bunch" or something. 1429 01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:45,200 Well, because Mr. Brady died of A.I.D.S. 1430 01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:51,500 Things don't work out like that. 1431 01:14:53,500 --> 01:14:59,000 I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three. 1432 01:15:00,300 --> 01:15:04,300 Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty-three... 1433 01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:06,100 is yourself. 1434 01:15:10,100 --> 01:15:13,299 I don't know who that is anymore. 1435 01:15:13,300 --> 01:15:14,700 Well, I do. 1436 01:15:17,100 --> 01:15:20,400 And we all love her. I love her. 1437 01:15:21,900 --> 01:15:23,900 Uh... 1438 01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:27,499 She breaks my heart again and again... 1439 01:15:27,500 --> 01:15:29,000 but, uh... 1440 01:15:30,300 --> 01:15:32,000 But I love her. 1441 01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:36,100 I've wanted you like this for all these years. 1442 01:17:19,200 --> 01:17:20,399 Hey. 1443 01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:23,699 Hi. Ha ha. Where are you going? 1444 01:17:23,700 --> 01:17:25,700 I have rehearsal. 1445 01:17:27,400 --> 01:17:30,699 At 8:24 in the morning? 1446 01:17:30,700 --> 01:17:32,500 Yeah. Ha ha. 1447 01:17:37,700 --> 01:17:39,599 - So... that's it? - No. 1448 01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:41,899 No, that's not... It's not it. 1449 01:17:41,900 --> 01:17:44,200 I just... I, uh... I have to go. 1450 01:18:01,100 --> 01:18:05,700 Got a party mama, got a cokehead dad 1451 01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:14,900 I'm the ultimate inversion, the American man 1452 01:18:17,800 --> 01:18:22,800 Don't feel good, but don't feel bad 1453 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:27,300 It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1454 01:18:32,800 --> 01:18:35,299 I ain't left, I ain't right 1455 01:18:35,300 --> 01:18:36,899 I feel so alone 1456 01:18:36,900 --> 01:18:40,900 Before I was born, I was all gone 1457 01:18:41,100 --> 01:18:44,799 Don't even make sense that I wrote this song 1458 01:18:44,800 --> 01:18:46,099 'Cause... 1459 01:18:46,100 --> 01:18:48,599 Tell me it's not true. 1460 01:18:48,600 --> 01:18:51,800 TROY, SINGING: It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1461 01:18:53,300 --> 01:18:55,800 I'm nuthin' 1462 01:18:58,000 --> 01:18:59,900 Nuthin' 1463 01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:02,500 That's me 1464 01:19:04,700 --> 01:19:06,800 I'm nuthin' 1465 01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:18,299 Lainie, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. 1466 01:19:18,300 --> 01:19:19,600 Come on. 1467 01:19:23,800 --> 01:19:26,099 Thank you. We'll be right back... 1468 01:19:26,100 --> 01:19:28,300 with a new American cheese snack idea. 1469 01:19:30,300 --> 01:19:32,700 You got a phone call. 1470 01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:36,999 Lelaina. 1471 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,199 - Hi. - Hi. 1472 01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:39,500 Don't say anything, all right? 1473 01:19:39,501 --> 01:19:41,799 Look, I screwed up, all right? I know. 1474 01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:44,299 I should have protected you and your work... 1475 01:19:44,300 --> 01:19:45,799 and I didn't, and I'm sorry. 1476 01:19:45,800 --> 01:19:47,299 I'm so sorry that I didn't. 1477 01:19:47,300 --> 01:19:49,499 And I want to make this up to you, OK? 1478 01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:51,400 You mean so much to me, Lelaina... 1479 01:19:51,401 --> 01:19:53,099 and I just... 1480 01:19:53,100 --> 01:19:55,099 Look, two tickets, all right, New York. 1481 01:19:55,100 --> 01:19:56,900 We go, and we give them a presentation... 1482 01:19:56,901 --> 01:19:58,700 of the show the way you want it done. 1483 01:19:58,701 --> 01:20:00,000 Michael, I don't... 1484 01:20:00,001 --> 01:20:01,900 I know. I know, but this time is different. 1485 01:20:01,901 --> 01:20:04,899 I mean, who's the boss, huh? Huh? Tony Danza? No. 1486 01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:06,499 I don't think so. It's you. 1487 01:20:06,500 --> 01:20:07,600 It's your show, and I just... 1488 01:20:10,300 --> 01:20:12,899 I just... you know, feel like maybe... 1489 01:20:12,900 --> 01:20:15,400 I deserve another shot here. 1490 01:20:20,400 --> 01:20:21,899 Well, hi, Lelaina. 1491 01:20:21,900 --> 01:20:23,399 Hi. 1492 01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:24,900 What, is there a frog in your throat... 1493 01:20:24,901 --> 01:20:26,499 or are you just glad to see me? 1494 01:20:26,500 --> 01:20:28,400 Hi, Mike. Thanks for coming down, man. 1495 01:20:28,401 --> 01:20:30,000 No hard feelings. 1496 01:20:37,800 --> 01:20:39,600 Lelaina, you're looking a little peaked. 1497 01:20:40,900 --> 01:20:42,199 Yeah. Are you OK? 1498 01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:43,899 She's fine. She's fine. 1499 01:20:43,900 --> 01:20:45,600 She's just had too many Diet Cokes today. 1500 01:20:45,601 --> 01:20:48,099 Yeah, this girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 1501 01:20:48,100 --> 01:20:49,400 Ha. 1502 01:20:51,100 --> 01:20:53,400 So, are you gonna tell him, or am I? 1503 01:21:04,900 --> 01:21:08,900 Could you excuse me? Could I talk to you? 1504 01:21:14,900 --> 01:21:16,200 Hi. 1505 01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,900 You want to tell me what the hell he's doing here? 1506 01:21:21,901 --> 01:21:24,099 I wanted to talk to you. 1507 01:21:24,100 --> 01:21:25,899 What the hell do you care? 1508 01:21:25,900 --> 01:21:27,899 You totally bailed on me this morning. 1509 01:21:27,900 --> 01:21:29,499 I panicked. It happens. 1510 01:21:29,500 --> 01:21:31,999 I thought we could work it out, you know. 1511 01:21:32,000 --> 01:21:35,699 I mean, I don't know if now is the right time for us. 1512 01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:39,499 Look, I meant everything that I said to you last night. 1513 01:21:39,500 --> 01:21:40,900 Don't look at me like that. 1514 01:21:40,901 --> 01:21:43,400 Don't look at me like that. That's not what I'm saying. 1515 01:21:43,401 --> 01:21:45,999 I'm not saying I... 1516 01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:48,599 Look, you are the only woman... 1517 01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:50,500 that I could ever commit myself to. 1518 01:21:50,501 --> 01:21:52,999 So what? Do I get a medal? 1519 01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:56,099 I win the big commitment cook-off, and you just run away? 1520 01:21:56,100 --> 01:21:58,999 I knew this was gonna happen! I knew this was gonna happen! 1521 01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:01,099 I don't want to lose you. 1522 01:22:01,100 --> 01:22:04,600 I've never been in an experience like this before. 1523 01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:09,700 I've never had sex with somebody that I loved before. 1524 01:22:11,100 --> 01:22:13,599 Oh, well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. 1525 01:22:13,600 --> 01:22:15,900 Welcome to the world of the emotionally immature. 1526 01:22:15,901 --> 01:22:18,099 It's a really nice place to visit. 1527 01:22:18,100 --> 01:22:20,399 Hey, you may run into Michael. He lives here. 1528 01:22:20,400 --> 01:22:22,500 Oh, yeah, right. Michael. Michael. He's so mature... 1529 01:22:22,501 --> 01:22:24,900 because he lets you navigate that entire relationship. 1530 01:22:24,901 --> 01:22:27,100 Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. 1531 01:22:27,101 --> 01:22:29,199 I might do mean things, and I might hurt you... 1532 01:22:29,200 --> 01:22:31,100 and I might run away without your permission... 1533 01:22:31,101 --> 01:22:32,600 and you might hate me forever. 1534 01:22:32,601 --> 01:22:34,800 And I know that that scares the shit out of you... 1535 01:22:34,801 --> 01:22:36,900 because I'm the only real thing that you have. 1536 01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:42,099 Yeah? Well, that ain't real much. 1537 01:22:42,100 --> 01:22:44,600 One, two, three, four. 1538 01:22:46,100 --> 01:22:47,800 Hey, Troy, man, you're on. 1539 01:22:57,600 --> 01:22:58,999 Michael, I'm sorry... 1540 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,967 Listen, I'm sorry, all right? That's what this is all about. 1541 01:23:02,100 --> 01:23:03,500 This one's for you, Lainie. 1542 01:23:18,100 --> 01:23:22,100 Why can't I get just one kiss? 1543 01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:24,300 You told me there'd be some things that I wouldn't miss 1544 01:23:24,301 --> 01:23:25,800 But I looked at your pants 1545 01:23:25,801 --> 01:23:27,100 And I need a kiss 1546 01:23:27,101 --> 01:23:31,100 Why can't I get just one screw? 1547 01:23:31,200 --> 01:23:33,599 Believe me, I'd know what to do 1548 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:35,500 But something won't let me make love to you 1549 01:23:35,501 --> 01:23:40,300 Why can't I get just one ah? 1550 01:23:54,700 --> 01:23:56,699 Oh, nice job. Very well done. Really good. 1551 01:23:56,700 --> 01:23:59,199 I don't want to hear it from you. 1552 01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:02,199 Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not qualified to talk to you. 1553 01:24:02,200 --> 01:24:04,099 I'm sorry I can't be Mister... 1554 01:24:04,100 --> 01:24:06,799 Hey, look at me. I'm Buddha on the mountaintop. 1555 01:24:06,800 --> 01:24:09,200 You know what you are, man? You what what you remind me of? 1556 01:24:09,201 --> 01:24:12,199 You're like that guy, you know, with the... 1557 01:24:12,200 --> 01:24:14,699 with the hat and the bells and the little, you know... 1558 01:24:14,700 --> 01:24:16,099 The court jester. 1559 01:24:16,100 --> 01:24:18,200 Yeah, right. Where everything's so easy to laugh at... 1560 01:24:18,201 --> 01:24:21,199 from a safe distance back in Clever-Clever Land. 1561 01:24:21,200 --> 01:24:23,899 You know what happens to him? 1562 01:24:23,900 --> 01:24:26,199 They find his skull in a grave, and they go... 1563 01:24:26,200 --> 01:24:29,599 "Oh, I knew him, and he was funny." 1564 01:24:29,600 --> 01:24:33,600 And the guy, the court jester, dies all by himself. 1565 01:24:35,200 --> 01:24:37,400 Where'd you hear that, a Renaissance festival? 1566 01:24:42,700 --> 01:24:45,400 Besides, everyone dies all by himself. 1567 01:24:53,300 --> 01:24:55,200 If you really believe that... 1568 01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:59,500 Who are you looking for out here? 1569 01:25:19,100 --> 01:25:25,099 SINGING: You say you want 1570 01:25:25,100 --> 01:25:29,899 Diamonds on a ring of gold 1571 01:25:29,900 --> 01:25:35,099 You say you want 1572 01:25:35,100 --> 01:25:40,199 Your story to remain untold 1573 01:25:40,200 --> 01:25:45,299 But all the promises we make 1574 01:25:45,300 --> 01:25:50,599 From the cradle to the grave 1575 01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:53,200 When all I want is you 1576 01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:11,599 You say you'll give me 1577 01:26:11,600 --> 01:26:16,499 A highway with no one on it 1578 01:26:16,500 --> 01:26:21,499 Treasure just to look upon it 1579 01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:26,399 All the riches in the night 1580 01:26:26,400 --> 01:26:32,599 You say you'll give me 1581 01:26:32,600 --> 01:26:37,499 Eyes in a moon of blindness 1582 01:26:37,500 --> 01:26:41,999 A river in a time of dryness 1583 01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:46,399 A harbour in the tempest 1584 01:26:46,400 --> 01:26:52,299 But all the promises we make 1585 01:26:52,300 --> 01:26:57,899 From the cradle to the grave 1586 01:26:57,900 --> 01:27:04,800 When all I want is you 1587 01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:32,700 Hello. 1588 01:27:34,300 --> 01:27:35,799 Hello? 1589 01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:43,299 SINGING: All I want is you 1590 01:27:43,300 --> 01:27:48,599 All I want is you 1591 01:27:48,600 --> 01:27:53,800 All I want is you... 1592 01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:19,999 - Hey, Lainie. This is Lance. - Hi. 1593 01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:23,999 Um... I just need to know if he's OK. 1594 01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:25,500 Huh? 1595 01:28:27,000 --> 01:28:30,999 OK. All I know is he went back to Chicago... 1596 01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:32,500 alone. 1597 01:28:35,000 --> 01:28:38,000 I'm not supposed to know that, am I? 1598 01:29:02,600 --> 01:29:04,000 Shit. 1599 01:29:24,200 --> 01:29:26,000 Shit. 1600 01:29:34,000 --> 01:29:35,899 Hi. 1601 01:29:35,900 --> 01:29:38,999 I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute... 1602 01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:40,500 before you go. 1603 01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:50,100 See, the thing is that, um... 1604 01:29:53,600 --> 01:29:55,599 Well... 1605 01:29:55,600 --> 01:29:57,599 my dad died. 1606 01:29:57,600 --> 01:29:59,599 Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1607 01:29:59,600 --> 01:30:01,300 No. It... 1608 01:30:02,800 --> 01:30:06,099 What happened was that, um... 1609 01:30:06,100 --> 01:30:12,199 I kind of got this arcane glimpse at the universe. 1610 01:30:12,200 --> 01:30:16,600 And the best thing that I can say about that is... 1611 01:30:23,200 --> 01:30:25,200 I don't know. I... 1612 01:30:29,700 --> 01:30:34,199 I have this... this planet of regret... 1613 01:30:34,200 --> 01:30:36,200 sitting on my shoulders. 1614 01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:43,199 And you have no idea how much I wish that I could go back... 1615 01:30:43,200 --> 01:30:45,999 to that morning after we made love... 1616 01:30:46,000 --> 01:30:48,800 and do everything different. 1617 01:30:50,200 --> 01:30:53,400 But I know that I can't, so... 1618 01:30:54,700 --> 01:30:58,200 I thought that I would come here and tell you something. 1619 01:30:59,700 --> 01:31:02,699 And what I wanted to tell you... 1620 01:31:02,700 --> 01:31:04,699 was that I love you... 1621 01:31:04,700 --> 01:31:08,700 and, uh... just wanted to make sure that that was clear... 1622 01:31:08,800 --> 01:31:11,300 so that there wasn't any confusion. 1623 01:31:17,200 --> 01:31:18,700 Um... 1624 01:31:19,700 --> 01:31:22,700 So, anyway, uh... 1625 01:31:24,200 --> 01:31:25,899 Where are you going? 1626 01:31:25,900 --> 01:31:29,300 I was going to look for you. 1627 01:31:30,800 --> 01:31:32,300 What for? 1628 01:31:35,800 --> 01:31:40,900 Just... wanted to see if you were OK. 1629 01:31:47,400 --> 01:31:50,700 Well, I had a shitty week, you know. 1630 01:32:29,100 --> 01:32:32,099 A froggy went a-courting, and he did ride 1631 01:32:32,100 --> 01:32:36,399 With a sword and a pistol by his side 1632 01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:41,400 Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm 1633 01:32:42,900 --> 01:32:45,900 Well, he rode right up to Miss Mousie's door... 1634 01:32:48,900 --> 01:32:50,400 TROY ON ANSWERING MACHINE: At the beep... 1635 01:32:50,401 --> 01:32:52,400 please leave your name, number, and a brief justification... 1636 01:32:52,401 --> 01:32:53,900 for the ontological necessity... 1637 01:32:53,901 --> 01:32:55,900 of modern man's existential dilemma... 1638 01:32:55,901 --> 01:32:58,399 and we'll get back to you. 1639 01:32:58,400 --> 01:33:00,299 Uh, Lelaina, this is your dad. 1640 01:33:00,300 --> 01:33:02,199 Give me a call when you get this. 1641 01:33:02,200 --> 01:33:03,999 I need you to explain something. 1642 01:33:04,000 --> 01:33:06,900 I just got a nine-hundred-dollar bill on my gas card. 1643 01:33:09,400 --> 01:33:15,899 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 1644 01:33:15,900 --> 01:33:19,500 I hear you call, I will run 1645 01:33:21,100 --> 01:33:26,599 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 1646 01:33:26,600 --> 01:33:30,599 We won't cry, because it could be fun 1647 01:33:30,600 --> 01:33:32,600 What I'm trying to do is constantly find those people... 1648 01:33:32,601 --> 01:33:35,599 find out what makes them the best and bring that... 1649 01:33:35,600 --> 01:33:37,100 Tired of getting razzes for being bald? 1650 01:33:37,101 --> 01:33:38,599 I'm only a young man. 1651 01:33:38,600 --> 01:33:40,600 No more dates where I've been called old man. 1652 01:33:45,600 --> 01:33:48,299 Roy, why are you doing this to me? 1653 01:33:48,300 --> 01:33:49,799 I know we can be happy together. 1654 01:33:49,800 --> 01:33:52,699 You'll chill in time. Right now, I need someone... 1655 01:33:52,700 --> 01:33:55,499 who understands what my music and the band mean to me. 1656 01:33:55,500 --> 01:33:57,799 But it's just music, Roy. 1657 01:33:57,800 --> 01:34:00,599 I'm a human being with deep feelings... 1658 01:34:00,600 --> 01:34:03,799 who feels things deeply. 1659 01:34:03,800 --> 01:34:06,099 Music is feeling, babe. 1660 01:34:06,100 --> 01:34:08,599 The band may be a small dream, but it's the only one I've got. 1661 01:34:08,600 --> 01:34:10,600 I'm Audi 5000. 1662 01:34:13,400 --> 01:34:16,099 Please don't let him get drunk and drive. 1663 01:34:16,100 --> 01:34:18,999 SINGING: Won't be very long 1664 01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:21,800 Till I'm going, going, gone 1665 01:34:35,100 --> 01:34:37,100 You say 1666 01:34:38,100 --> 01:34:41,100 I only hear what I want to 1667 01:34:46,800 --> 01:34:49,100 You say 1668 01:34:50,300 --> 01:34:53,199 I talk so all the time 1669 01:34:53,200 --> 01:34:54,600 So? 1670 01:34:58,600 --> 01:35:01,499 And I thought what I felt was simple 1671 01:35:01,500 --> 01:35:04,399 And I thought that I don't belong 1672 01:35:04,400 --> 01:35:07,399 And now that I am leaving 1673 01:35:07,400 --> 01:35:09,799 Now I know that I did something wrong 1674 01:35:09,800 --> 01:35:11,400 'Cause I missed you 1675 01:35:13,600 --> 01:35:17,600 Yeah, yeah, I missed you 1676 01:35:22,800 --> 01:35:24,900 And you say 1677 01:35:26,300 --> 01:35:28,299 I only hear what I want to 1678 01:35:28,300 --> 01:35:30,799 I don't listen hard, I don't pay attention 1679 01:35:30,800 --> 01:35:32,500 To the distance that you're running 1680 01:35:32,501 --> 01:35:34,099 Or to anyone, anywhere 1681 01:35:34,100 --> 01:35:36,999 I don't understand if you really care 1682 01:35:37,000 --> 01:35:40,799 I'm only hearing negative, no, no, no, no 1683 01:35:40,800 --> 01:35:42,799 No... 1684 01:35:42,800 --> 01:35:46,299 So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up 1685 01:35:46,300 --> 01:35:48,799 And this woman was singing my song 1686 01:35:48,800 --> 01:35:52,099 The lover's in love, and the other's run away 1687 01:35:52,100 --> 01:35:54,799 The lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay 1688 01:35:54,800 --> 01:35:57,499 Some of us hover when we weep for the other 1689 01:35:57,500 --> 01:36:00,499 Who was dying since the day they were born, well 1690 01:36:00,500 --> 01:36:03,499 Well, this is not that, I think that I'm throwing 1691 01:36:03,500 --> 01:36:06,799 But I'm thrown 1692 01:36:06,800 --> 01:36:09,299 And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure 1693 01:36:09,300 --> 01:36:11,299 You try to tell me that I'm clever 1694 01:36:11,300 --> 01:36:13,499 But that won't take me anyhow 1695 01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:17,300 Or anywhere with you 1696 01:36:19,300 --> 01:36:22,299 You said that I was naive and 1697 01:36:22,300 --> 01:36:25,299 I thought that I was strong, no 1698 01:36:25,300 --> 01:36:28,399 I thought, hey, I can leave, I can leave, though 1699 01:36:28,400 --> 01:36:30,399 But now I know that I was wrong 1700 01:36:30,400 --> 01:36:32,300 Because I missed you 1701 01:36:34,500 --> 01:36:39,000 Yeah, I missed you