1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,335 ( '50s rock music playing ) 2 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,329 Male radio deejay: We're still taking calls on those UFO sightings. 3 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,331 I'm on the line with Jennifer 4 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,433 who claims to have actually met aliens. 5 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:38,203 Jennifer: Gary, I have been sucked up by alien spacecraft many times, 6 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,905 - Gary: Uh-oh. - and I can tell you they are among us. 7 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,342 Gary: Really? Now, what do you suppose they want? 8 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,810 - Jennifer: Well, they want my eggs... - Uh-huh. 9 00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,812 ...to start their own alien race. 10 00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,148 Gary: Whoa, thanks for calling. Hello. You're on the air. 11 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,584 Man: I saw four aliens in a car. 12 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:56,688 - I think it was a Rambler. - Whoa, stylish. 13 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,023 - EVERYONE FULLY FORMED? - All: UH-HUH. 14 00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,627 - YEAH. - EVERYONE GOT 10 FINGERS AND 11 TOES? 15 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,732 - CHECK. - GOOD. I GUESS WE'RE IN. EVERYONE COMFORTABLE? 16 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,601 I HAVE THREE HOLES IN MY FACE. 17 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,772 CAN ANYONE GET YOUR HEAD TO SWIVEL TO THE REAR? 18 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,410 - All: NO. - THEN HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LICK YOUR BACK? 19 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,914 MAYBE YOU DO WHAT THEY'RE DOING? 20 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,686 LOOK. LIFE-FORMS, AND THEY'RE CLEANING EACH OTHER. 21 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,522 All: AW! 22 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,524 LOOK AT US. 23 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,560 I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOOK LIKE THEM. 24 00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:37,496 - ( all laughing ) - YEAH. 25 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:42,100 IS ANYBODY ELSE SWEATING UNDER THEIR BREASTS? 26 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,638 NO. IN FACT, I DON'T HAVE ANY. 27 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,573 I HAVE TINY ONES. 28 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,780 - ( horn honks ) - QUICK, LOOK. 29 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,649 THAT WOMAN IS GOING TO DRIVE WITH HER FEET. 30 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,984 DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE A HOME? 31 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:03,755 UH, NO, WE DON'T, BUT THANK YOU FOR THE IDEA. 32 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,893 SEE? SHE CALLED US PEOPLE. 33 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,962 ( engine starts ) 34 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,964 ( "Louie, Louie" plays on radio ) 35 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,868 LISTEN. 36 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,138 - IT'S THAT SIGNAL THEY KEEP SENDING INTO SPACE. - ♪ Louie, Louie ♪ 37 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,975 ♪ Oh, no, me gotta go ♪ 38 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,877 ♪ Aye, yi-yi-yi, I said ♪ 39 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,246 ♪ Louie, Louie. ♪ 40 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,750 Dick: Our home for this mission is Earth, a third-rate planet. 41 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,453 I got a teaching job at a third-rate university. 42 00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,621 Now we're looking at a third-floor apartment. 43 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,857 COME IN. COME ON IN. 44 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:42,360 IT'S THE ATTIC, SO IT'S KIND OF SMALL, BUT IT'S FURNISHED. 45 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,597 - WE LOVE IT. - YEAH, IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN A CAR. 46 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,599 YEAH. WE'LL TAKE IT. 47 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,835 THIS USED TO BE THE RUMPUS ROOM BACK IN THE '60s. 48 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,606 THIS CARPET HAS SEEN MORE BUTTS THAN SANTA CLAUS' LAP. 49 00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,178 OOH! WHAT IS THIS STUFF? 50 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,581 THIS SWEATER? IT'S ANGORA. 51 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:06,250 WELL, IT'S WONDERFUL. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. 52 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,519 - OOH! - I LIKE THE COLOR. 53 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,022 WELL, IT'S VERY NICE. 54 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,725 YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU? 55 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:17,062 WELL, MRS. DUBCEK, I CAN STAND HERE AND CHEW YOUR FAT DAY ALL DAY, 56 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,732 BUT TIME HAS NO MANNERS. BYE, NOW. 57 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,101 SALLY, I WANT YOU TO OBSERVE HER. 58 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,737 FIND OUT WHAT WOMEN ON THIS PLANET DO. 59 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,172 - WHY CAN'T HARRY DO IT? - BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WOMAN. 60 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:31,042 THAT BRINGS UP A VERY GOOD QUESTION: WHY AM I THE WOMAN? 61 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,646 BECAUSE YOU LOST. 62 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,349 DICK? 63 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,453 I CAN'T SEE THROUGH MY EYELIDS. 64 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,789 OPEN THEM. 65 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,892 ( gasps ) OH! 66 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,828 THEY'RE MANUAL. 67 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,968 OH, GOOD. YOU'RE HERE. 68 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,437 DID YOU COPY THE MAINFRAME IN THE LIBRARY? 69 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,372 I GOT A LITTLE DISTRACTED. 70 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:05,744 - AGAIN? WHAT HAPPENED? - I WAS WATCHING THESE WOMEN PLAY VOLLEYBALL, 71 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,713 AND THEY WERE ALL JUMPING UP AND DOWN, 72 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,650 UP AND DOWN IN THESE LITTLE SHORTS. 73 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,418 AND SOME CAN'T JUMP AS HIGH AS THE OTHERS, BUT IT'S OKAY. 74 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:17,689 IT'S MORE THAN OKAY. IT'S REALLY OKAY. I MEAN-- 75 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,859 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? - I DON'T KNOW. 76 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,128 WE CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT THAT INFORMATION. 77 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,296 SO ACCESS THE MAINFRAME, ENTER THE NET, DOWNLOAD, 78 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,866 AND THEN GO STRAIGHT HOME AS SOON AS YOU'RE FINISHED. 79 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,802 - WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M A CHILD? - YOU ARE A CHILD. 80 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,672 - I'M OLDER THAN YOU. - WELL, NOW I'M BIGGER, 81 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:37,276 AND ON THIS PLANET SIZE MATTERS. 82 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,778 - GOOD MORNING, DR. SOLOMON. - AH, NINA. 83 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,047 HERE'S YOUR MAIL. THIS IS NOTHING. NOTHING. 84 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,550 THIS IS SOMETHING, BUT THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. 85 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,787 THIS IS AN INVITATION TO A PARTY AT THE DEAN'S HOUSE. THIS IS NOTHING. 86 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,556 AND IF YOU DON'T STOP STARING AT WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE WATCHING, 87 00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,692 YOU'RE GONNA LOSE SOMETHING. 88 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:57,162 TOMMY'S JUST ON HIS WAY TO THE LIBRARY. AREN'T YOU, TOMMY? 89 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,164 UH, YEAH, I AM NOW. 90 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,833 I HAVE TO GO LOOK UP THE WORD "THROB." 91 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,037 HE'S OLDER THAN HE LOOKS. 92 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,373 - I HAVE TO FILE SOME THINGS FOR YOU. - ( sniffing ) 93 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,575 WHAT IS THAT? ( sniffing ) 94 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,945 IT'S YOU! YOU SMELL SO NICE. 95 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,480 THANKS. I TRY. 96 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,018 THAT HAD BETTER BE YOUR NOSE. 97 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,157 IS YOUR WIFE OUT OF TOWN? 98 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,660 MRS. SOLOMON IS NO LONGER WITH US. 99 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,364 SHE, UH... BURNED UP ON REENTRY. 100 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,734 I HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO USED TO BURN UP ON REENTRY. 101 00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,669 HE WALKS WITH A LIMP NOW. 102 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,240 - GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT. - GOOD MORNING, NINA. 103 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,076 - GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT. - NINA, WOULD YOU TELL DR. SOLOMON 104 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,112 HE PARKED IN MY SPACE AGAIN? 105 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:50,348 - ( sighs ) YOU PARKED IN HER SPACE-- - I KNOW. IT WAS EMPTY. 106 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,784 WOULD YOU TELL HIM I'M GOING TO HAVE HIM TOWED? 107 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:56,287 TELL HER I ALREADY HAVE ALL THE TOES I NEED. I AM FULLY FORMED. 108 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,757 THAT'S MY PARKING SPACE. 109 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,726 OH, SO YOU HAVE A CAR. 110 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:05,163 NINA, GO TO THE CHEM LAB. TELL THEM I SENT YOU. 111 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,933 GET A PIPE BOMB, PUT IT IN DR. SOLOMON'S CAR AND BLOW IT UP. 112 00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:14,505 FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, I HAVE A RED VOLVO. 113 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,676 PLEASE, DR. ALBRIGHT! 114 00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,678 WE BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER. 115 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,149 DR. SOLOMON, WE SHOULD GET ALONG. 116 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,419 I'M VERY INTELLIGENT. YOU HAVE AN IMPRESSIVE RÉSUMÉ. 117 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,689 I AM THE HIGH COMMANDER. 118 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,024 I MUST ADMIT, WHEN I FIRST MET YOU, 119 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,127 I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOUR FLAMBOYANT NATURE AND BIG HEAD. 120 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,664 THANKS, BECAUSE I ALMOST WENT WITH A SMALLER ONE. 121 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,100 EVEN THOUGH I AM DRAWN TO GENIUS, 122 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,102 THIS IS A SMALL OFFICE 123 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,404 AND YOU ARE BEHAVING LIKE A BIG HOSE MONKEY. 124 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,240 YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF, WOMAN. 125 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,209 KNOCK IT OFF. 126 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,947 WHAT IS MY THESIS DOING OUT OF MY DESK? 127 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,949 - I TOOK IT OUT. - MY DESK WAS LOCKED. 128 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,451 WHICH MADE IT VERY DIFFICULT TO OPEN. 129 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,054 YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE A NOTE OF THAT. 130 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,123 - YOU READ IT? - I MEMORIZED IT. 131 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,959 WELL, IT'S JUST A FEW THOUGHTS. 132 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,795 - A FEW BRILLIANT THOUGHTS. - REALLY? 133 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,165 THAT'S QUITE A COMPLIMENT COMING FROM SOMEONE WITH YOUR CREDENTIALS. 134 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,267 - I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT. - ENJOYED IT? 135 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,203 IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER READ. 136 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,107 YOUR THEORY ON "MAN AND THE ANIMAL WITHIN," 137 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,242 IT'S HILARIOUS. 138 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,377 NINA SAID YOU HAD NO SENSE OF HUMOR. 139 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,379 SHE IS SO WRONG. 140 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,381 THE CONCLUSIONS THAT YOU DRAW 141 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,550 ARE LAUGH-OUT-LOUD FUNNY. ( high-pitched laughter ) 142 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,719 I SEE. 143 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,055 DR. SOLOMON, YOU HAVE CROSSED A LINE. 144 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,223 YOU HAVE BELITTLED MY WORK, 145 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:43,061 AND YOU HURT MY FEELINGS. I DON'T LIKE YOU. 146 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:48,466 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. - OF COURSE YOU DON'T. YOU'RE A MAN. 147 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,301 HA! 148 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,470 THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG! 149 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,343 OKAY, SO MEATLOAF IS BREAD CRUMBS, 150 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:02,346 - SPICES AND GROUND BEEF? - THAT'S IT. 151 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:05,784 - GROUND BEEF IS ESSENTIALLY NOTHING MORE THAN A COW? - YEAH. 152 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,553 WELL, DOESN'T IT SCREAM WHEN THEY STUFF IT IN THE GRINDER? 153 00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:12,891 OH, NO. THAT SUCKER'S BEEN DEAD FOR HOURS. 154 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,162 I HAVE DEAD COW ON MY HANDS? 155 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,199 ( shouting ) 156 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,534 ( screaming ) 157 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,138 WOMEN. ( chuckles ) 158 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,408 YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM, AND YET, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. 159 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,045 SO "P" ITSELF IS ALWAYS EVEN. 160 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,114 AND WE CAN WRITE "P" EQUALS 2S, 161 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,416 WHERE "S" IS SOME OTHER INTEGER. 162 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,818 SUBSTITUTING "P," WE FIND "P" TO THE SECOND POWER 163 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,454 EQUALS 2S TO THE SECOND POWER, EQUALS 4S TO THE SECOND POWER, 164 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,856 EQUALS 2Q TO THE SECOND POWER. 165 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,259 AND WE FIND? WHO CAN TELL ME? ANYONE? 166 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,697 OKAY, I'M GETTING AHEAD OF EVERYONE. 167 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,235 - LET'S SIMPLIFY. HOW FAR AWAY IS CLEVELAND? - 52 MILES. 168 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,404 - SOMEONE GIVE ME ANOTHER ANSWER. - AN HOUR AWAY. 169 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,473 CLEVELAND IS AN HOUR AWAY. SOMEONE GIVE ME ANOTHER ANSWER. 170 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,343 - A $9 BUS TICKET. - CLEVELAND IS $9 AWAY. 171 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,445 A FELONY CHARGE. THE FEDERAL COURTHOUSE IS THERE. 172 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,949 YES! CLEVELAND IS A FELONIOUS ASSAULT AWAY. 173 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,951 SOMEONE ELSE. YES, LEON. 174 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,953 WELL, COME ON, LEON. SPEAK UP. 175 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,056 NO, NEVER MIND. I HAD THIS IDEA, BUT IT'S WRONG. 176 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,159 LEON, OF COURSE IT'S WRONG. 177 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:24,095 I MEAN, THE ODDS AGAINST YOUR BEING RIGHT ARE... 178 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,230 STAGGERING! 179 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,733 YOU HAVE A GREAT ADVANTAGE. YOU KNOW THE OUTCOME. 180 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,835 YOU WILL BE WRONG. DON'T FEAR IT. 181 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,837 EMBRACE YOUR WRONGNESS. 182 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,306 LEON, HOW FAR AWAY IS CLEVELAND? 183 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,876 CLEVELAND IS AN ETERNITY AWAY 184 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,878 IF YOUR HEART IS THERE. 185 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,613 LEON, THAT IS SO PROVOCATIVE. 186 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,050 WHERE CLEVELAND EQUALS "P" 187 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,052 AND ETERNITY EQUALS "Q," 188 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,054 TRANSPOSING THE LOGARITHM OF THE HEART, 189 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,056 WHERE THE HEART IS AN UNKNOWN, 190 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,058 WE FIND THAT WE ARE FOREVER 191 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,460 IN CLEVELAND. 192 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:59,397 NO, I'M SORRY, LEON. YOU'RE WRONG. 193 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,399 YES, CARYN. 194 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,401 I THINK THAT LEON MEANT 195 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,470 THAT CLEVELAND CAN FEEL LIKE AN ETERNITY AWAY. 196 00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,540 OH, IT'S A FEELING. 197 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,379 YES, I KNOW ALL ABOUT FEELINGS. 198 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,381 EVERYTHING'S JUST GOING FINE, 199 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,818 AND SOMEBODY HAS A FEELING, 200 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,820 AND KABOOM! 201 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,888 SUDDENLY THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. 202 00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,158 I THINK WE CAN ALL DO WITHOUT FEELINGS. WHO'S WITH ME? 203 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,360 YOUR GRADE DEPENDS ON IT. 204 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,396 DR. SOLOMON, 205 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:36,067 I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AFFECT MY GRADE, BUT I HAVE A THOUGHT. 206 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,336 - YES? - YOU HAVE TO HAVE FEELINGS. 207 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,639 FEELINGS ARE LIKE THE CORE OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE. 208 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,874 THE CORE OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE? 209 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,410 OF COURSE. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. 210 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,047 - ( school bell rings ) - TOMORROW, I WANT YOU ALL 211 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,883 TO WRITE A PAPER FOR ME ABOUT FEELINGS. 212 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,952 TELL ME HOW IT FEELS TO USE 213 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,821 ONLY 10% OF YOUR BRAIN. 214 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,691 OOH, EVERYONE WAS AWAKE. 215 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,727 NINA, WHERE IS DR. ALBRIGHT? I HAVE TO TALK TO HER. 216 00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:06,031 SHE'S GONE FOR THE DAY, BUT SHE'LL BE AT THE DEAN'S PARTY TONIGHT. 217 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,999 DEAN SUMNER'S PARTY. TELL HIM I'LL BE THERE. 218 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,002 I'LL DROP EVERYTHING AND DO THAT RIGHT NOW. 219 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,172 - I'M NOT SURE HOW TO GET THERE. - I CAN PICK YOU UP. 220 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,440 THAT WON'T HURT YOUR BACK? 221 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,244 I'LL BE IN A CAR. 222 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,346 GOOD. COME BY AND BLOW THE HORN. 223 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,749 I LOVE TO HEAR PEOPLE HONK. 224 00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,751 WHAT, ARE YOU FROM MARS? 225 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,453 MARS? 226 00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,389 OH, NO. 227 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,429 ( '50s rock music playing ) 228 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,579 - HI. - HI. 229 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,982 - YOU'RE ON THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM, AREN'T YOU? - YEAH, I AM. 230 00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:01,819 I WATCHED YOU JUMP UP AND DOWN THIS AFTERNOON. 231 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,022 - YOU'RE REALLY GOOD. - THANKS. WE WON. 232 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:08,192 OH... IT'S A GAME. 233 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,194 UM, ANYWAY, MY NAME'S-- 234 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,463 - CAN I TALK TO YOU? - COME ON, MAN. 235 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,032 MAY I REMIND YOU THAT WE ARE NOT TO ALTER 236 00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,468 THE LIVES OF THE INHABITANTS OF THIS PLANET IN ANY WAY? 237 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,704 YEAH, BUT SOME OF THEM ARE JUST ASKING FOR IT. 238 00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:24,475 PULL IT TOGETHER. I'M EXTENDING OUR MISSION FOR ONE MORE NIGHT. 239 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,645 - WHY? - I HAVE FACULTY OBLIGATIONS. 240 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:32,383 DON'T DO THIS TO ME. I NEVER SLEEP. I'M EXHAUSTED. 241 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,085 BESIDES, YOU DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO ALTER THE SCHEDULE. 242 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,623 - I'M IN COMMAND. - YEAH? WELL, I'M IN PUBERTY, PAL. 243 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:45,196 I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD. 244 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,731 I COULD POP AT ANY MINUTE. 245 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,369 AREN'T YOU EXAGGERATING JUST A LITTLE? 246 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,604 - GIVE ME YOUR MIND FOR JUST A SECOND. - PLEASE. 247 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,540 COME ON. JUST GIVE ME YOUR MIND. 248 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,280 - OH! THAT'S DISGUSTING! - I KNOW. 249 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,315 - YOU THINK LIKE THAT? - ALL THE TIME. 250 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,817 WE'VE GOTTA GET YOU OUT OF HERE. 251 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,723 - DICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M UNPACKING. 252 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,526 I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. WE'RE GOING TO STAY A LITTLE LONGER. 253 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,528 I'M A DEAD MAN. 254 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,830 OH, D-- W-W-W-- WHOA, THAT'S MINE. 255 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,100 BE CAREFUL. IT'S, UH... 256 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,902 VERY VALUABLE. 257 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:27,872 YOU KNOW, I HAVE AN URGE TO HOLD THAT. 258 00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,208 - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT'S FOR. - MAY I? 259 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,977 PLEASE. 260 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,480 - I FIND THIS VERY SATISFYING. - I KNOW. 261 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,715 - I LIKE THIS. - I KNOW. 262 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,852 I WONDER WHAT DR. ALBRIGHT IS DOING RIGHT NOW. 263 00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:44,855 GIVE THAT BACK. LET'S BREAK IT UP HERE. 264 00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,026 I WILL BE SO GLAD TO GET OUT OF THIS BODY. 265 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,028 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M UNPACKING. 266 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,531 - THE COMMANDER WANTS TO STAY A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. - WHAT FOR? 267 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,599 BECAUSE WE CAN'T LEAVE YET. 268 00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:59,237 DID YOU KNOW THAT OUR BODIES CAN PRODUCE FEELINGS? 269 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,373 I GOT A WHOLE LOT OF THEM FROM DR. ALBRIGHT THIS AFTERNOON. 270 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,708 - REALLY? - YES. AND I'M GOING TO A PARTY 271 00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,445 TO SEE IF I CAN GET A LITTLE TONIGHT. 272 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,380 OH, DICK, NO. 273 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,815 I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S A CRIME AGAINST SCIENCE 274 00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,951 NOT TO EXPERIMENT WITH OURSELVES. 275 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,953 COULDN'T WE JUST CONDUCT THESE EXPERIMENTS 276 00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,955 IN THE PRIVACY OF OUR OWN HOME? 277 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,391 - WHAT CAN SHE DO THAT I CAN'T? - LIEUTENANT. 278 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,427 - WHAT? - PERMISSION TO SPEAK FREELY? 279 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,295 - PERMISSION GRANTED. - SIR, 280 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,998 WOULD YOU JUMP UP AND DOWN FOR US? 281 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,733 OH, YEAH, AND PUT YOUR HANDS 282 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,869 BACK BEHIND YOUR HEAD LIKE THIS. 283 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,839 - I WILL NOT. - PLEASE, FOR SCIENCE, TRULY. 284 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,010 NO. IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO HELP. 285 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,579 IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW COMFORTABLE WE WOULD FEEL 286 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,581 WORKING TOGETHER AFTER AN EXPERIMENT LIKE THAT. 287 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,351 - IT'LL BE FINE. - GO AHEAD. DO IT. 288 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,853 - IN YOUR DREAMS! - EVERY NIGHT. 289 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,156 - LOOK, ABSOLUTELY NOT. - OKAY, FINE. 290 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,493 YOU LEAVE ME NO OTHER CHOICE. NOW WE HAVE TO EXPERIMENT AT A PARTY. 291 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,964 LISTEN TO ME. WOMEN ARE TROUBLE. I SHOULD KNOW. 292 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,867 - I'VE BEEN ONE FOR TWO WEEKS. - I KNOW. 293 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,869 WHICH BRINGS UP ANOTHER POINT. 294 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,405 I COMMAND YOU TO SHAVE UNDER YOUR ARMS. 295 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,341 DOABLE. 296 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,177 I'M SORRY YOU FIND ME SO OFFENSIVE. 297 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,413 DAMN IT, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN! 298 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,050 - WE'RE GOING OUT. - OKAY. ( sniffles ) 299 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:22,086 - OKAY. GIVE ME AN HOUR. - AN HOUR? 300 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,056 YEAH. I GOTTA ROTATE THESE. 301 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,991 IT'S A PARTY. 302 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,529 ( doorbell rings ) 303 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,933 DR. SOLOMON, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU. 304 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,602 - GOOD EVENING, MRS. SUMNER. - WON'T YOU COME IN? 305 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,305 IF YOU'LL BACK UP. 306 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,975 PLEASE FORGIVE SALLY. SHE'S NOT FROM OHIO. 307 00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:48,646 OOH, I LOVE WHERE YOU'VE PUT THESE WALLS. 308 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,648 MAY I TAKE YOUR COAT? 309 00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,617 IF I CAN KEEP MY PANTS. 310 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,489 LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO KEEP AN EYE ON THIS ALBRIGHT EXPERIMENT. 311 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,491 YEAH, SURE. WHAT ARE THESE? 312 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,661 CRUSTACEANS. I MEAN, DICK IS ENDANGERING THIS ENTIRE MISSION. 313 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,897 - MM-HMM, RIGHT. AND THESE? - UNBORN FOWL. 314 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:09,733 I'M BEGINNING TO QUESTION HIS ABILITY TO COMMAND. 315 00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,735 YEAH, TOO BAD. AND THESE ARE? 316 00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,737 - COCKTAIL WEENIES. - COCKTAIL WEENIES. 317 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:17,007 I'VE SEEN THESE BEFORE. THEY SHOULD BE BIGGER. 318 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,378 NINA, RIGHT? 319 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,380 OH, HI, SALLY. NICE DRESS. 320 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,349 - IT'S JUST SOMETHING I THREW ON. - YEAH. 321 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,885 WELL, YOU ALMOST MISSED. 322 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,956 - UH, HELLO. HERE I AM. - YES, THERE YOU ARE. 323 00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:36,226 - DR. ALBRIGHT, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT US ALL DAY. - I HAVEN'T. 324 00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,596 I WANT TO TRY AGAIN. 325 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,532 I WANT VERY MUCH TO FEEL, 326 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,902 AND I WANT, EVEN MORE, TO BE FELT, 327 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,104 AND I MEAN THAT FROM THE HEART OF MY BOTTOM. 328 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,640 WELL, YOURS UP. 329 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,044 NO, I WOULDN'T DO THAT. ( stammers ) 330 00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,980 I MEAN-- I'M NEW AT THIS. 331 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:59,383 YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN GETTING A FEELING, 332 00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,385 AND I'M TRYING TO IDENTIFY IT. 333 00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,888 RUB IT. MAYBE IT'LL GO AWAY. 334 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,891 I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT FEEL BETTER. 335 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,927 WELL, YOU COULD START BY SAYING "I'M SORRY." 336 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:13,597 - OKAY, I'M SORRY. - YOU COULD SAY IT AS IF YOU MEANT IT. 337 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,500 OH, OF COURSE. 338 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,369 DR. ALBRIGHT, I'M VERY SORRY. 339 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,072 THANK YOU. 340 00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,341 THAT FELT GREAT. 341 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,244 LET'S DO IT AGAIN. 342 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,847 DR. ALBRIGHT, I'M VERY SORRY. 343 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,484 OH! 344 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,053 OOH! OHH! 345 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,222 - GET AWAY FROM ME! - WHAT DID I NOT DO RIGHT? 346 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,391 - GO AWAY! - I DON'T UNDERSTAND! 347 00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,764 WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY SEEM TO HAVE GREATER POWER 348 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,500 WHEN THEY COLLIDE. I'M NOT WRONG, AM I? 349 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,402 SALLY, WILL YOU EXCUSE US FOR A MOMENT? 350 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,304 ( sighs ) COME ON, GIRLS. 351 00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,273 LET'S GO. 352 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:03,681 - YOU'RE COMING ON TO ME. - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS. 353 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,916 IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S IN MY THESIS. 354 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,552 IT'S BASIC ANIMAL ATTRACTION. 355 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,721 WE ALL HAVE THE ANIMAL WITHIN. 356 00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:14,758 SOME ARE ONE SWING CLOSER TO THE TREE. 357 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,363 I'VE SEE YOU PREEN AND STRUT AROUND THE OFFICE. 358 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,167 I ADMIT... 359 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,135 I LIKE IT. 360 00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,106 ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT 361 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,108 WITH YOUR MOUTH TONIGHT? 362 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,277 BECAUSE YOU'VE PAINTED IT BRIGHT RED. 363 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,313 THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. 364 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,481 DR. ERDMAN HAD A THING FOR ME. 365 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,284 DR. WALLACH, DR. ZUCKER, DR. THOMAS, 366 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,521 THE GUY FROM CORNELL WHO WAS HERE FOR A WEEK. THAT WAS INSANE. 367 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,523 E-EXCUSE ME. 368 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,526 I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE TO CLEAN YOU. 369 00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,438 OH! 370 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,841 ( gasps ) 371 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,876 ( panting ) 372 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,079 ( water running ) 373 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,955 OH, DR. ALBRIGHT. 374 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,890 I WAS JUST THINKING OF YOU. 375 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,131 THANKS FOR THE WEENIES. 376 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,968 GOOD NIGHT, DR. SOLOMON. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. 377 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,070 GOOD NIGHT. 378 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,446 Man on radio: ♪ Spinning through space ♪ 379 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,986 ♪ The smile upon your face ♪ 380 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,390 ♪ Welcome to the human race, yeah... ♪ 381 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,458 WHAT A TERRIFIC EVENING. 382 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,627 I JUST HAD A GREAT TIME. DIDN'T YOU? 383 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,329 ( sighs ) WHATEVER. 384 00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,400 I THINK THIS IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE PLACE WE'VE EVER BEEN. 385 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,168 THE PEOPLE ARE SO... COMPLEX. 386 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:08,472 I LOVE THEM. I JUST THINK THEY'RE WONDERFUL. 387 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,441 YOU PROBED HER, DIDN'T YOU? 388 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,978 I MIGHT HAVE SCANNED HER A LITTLE. 389 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:18,682 I THINK WE'VE UNDERESTIMATED THE LIFE ON THIS PLANET. 390 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,752 THE PEOPLE HAVE SO MUCH COURAGE. 391 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,321 HERE THEY ARE, HURLING THROUGH SPACE ON A MOLTEN ROCK 392 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,490 AT 67,000 MILES AN HOUR, 393 00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:29,993 AND THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS THEM FROM FLYING OUT OF THEIR SHOES IS... 394 00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,797 THEIR MISPLACED FAITH IN GRAVITY. 395 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,865 I'M SO GLAD WE'RE STAYING. 396 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,334 I WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT ELSE THEY KNOW, 397 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:40,270 WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY, HOW THEY RAISE THEIR YOUNG, 398 00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,606 WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY DIE, 399 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:45,676 WHY THEY CALL THEMSELVES THE HUMAN RACE. 400 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,778 DID THEY THINK SOMEONE'S GOING TO WIN? 401 00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:52,483 OOH, LOOK. A SHOOTING STAR. 402 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:56,386 ( gasps ) I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE OUR GREATEST MISSION. 403 00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,123 YEAH, HE PROBED HER, ALL RIGHT. 404 00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:06,530 ♪ Isn't that a lovely ride? ♪ 405 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,365 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 406 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:12,269 ♪ Sliding down and gliding down ♪ 407 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,873 ♪ And try not to try too hard ♪ 408 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,376 ♪ It's just a lovely ride. ♪