1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,335
( '50s rock music playing )
2
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,329
Male radio deejay:
We're still taking calls
on those UFO sightings.
3
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,331
I'm on the line
with Jennifer
4
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,433
who claims to have
actually met aliens.
5
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:38,203
Jennifer:
Gary, I have been sucked up
by alien spacecraft many times,
6
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,905
- Gary: Uh-oh.
- and I can tell you
they are among us.
7
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,342
Gary:
Really? Now, what do
you suppose they want?
8
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,810
- Jennifer:
Well, they want my eggs...
- Uh-huh.
9
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,812
...to start their own
alien race.
10
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,148
Gary:
Whoa, thanks for calling.
Hello. You're on the air.
11
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,584
Man:
I saw four aliens in a car.
12
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:56,688
- I think it was a Rambler.
- Whoa, stylish.
13
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,023
- EVERYONE FULLY FORMED?
- All: UH-HUH.
14
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,627
- YEAH.
- EVERYONE GOT
10 FINGERS AND 11 TOES?
15
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,732
- CHECK.
- GOOD. I GUESS WE'RE IN.
EVERYONE COMFORTABLE?
16
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,601
I HAVE THREE HOLES
IN MY FACE.
17
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,772
CAN ANYONE GET YOUR HEAD
TO SWIVEL TO THE REAR?
18
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,410
- All: NO.
- THEN HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO LICK YOUR BACK?
19
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,914
MAYBE YOU DO WHAT
THEY'RE DOING?
20
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,686
LOOK. LIFE-FORMS,
AND THEY'RE CLEANING
EACH OTHER.
21
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,522
All: AW!
22
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,524
LOOK AT US.
23
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,560
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE LOOK LIKE THEM.
24
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:37,496
- ( all laughing )
- YEAH.
25
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:42,100
IS ANYBODY ELSE SWEATING
UNDER THEIR BREASTS?
26
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,638
NO. IN FACT,
I DON'T HAVE ANY.
27
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,573
I HAVE TINY ONES.
28
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,780
- ( horn honks )
- QUICK, LOOK.
29
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,649
THAT WOMAN IS GOING
TO DRIVE WITH HER FEET.
30
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,984
DON'T YOU PEOPLE
HAVE A HOME?
31
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:03,755
UH, NO, WE DON'T,
BUT THANK YOU
FOR THE IDEA.
32
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,893
SEE? SHE CALLED
US PEOPLE.
33
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,962
( engine starts )
34
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,964
( "Louie, Louie"
plays on radio )
35
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,868
LISTEN.
36
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,138
- IT'S THAT SIGNAL THEY
KEEP SENDING INTO SPACE.
- ♪ Louie, Louie ♪
37
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,975
♪ Oh, no, me gotta go ♪
38
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,877
♪ Aye, yi-yi-yi,
I said ♪
39
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,246
♪ Louie, Louie. ♪
40
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,750
Dick:
Our home for this mission
is Earth, a third-rate planet.
41
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,453
I got a teaching job
at a third-rate university.
42
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,621
Now we're looking
at a third-floor apartment.
43
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,857
COME IN.
COME ON IN.
44
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:42,360
IT'S THE ATTIC,
SO IT'S KIND OF SMALL,
BUT IT'S FURNISHED.
45
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,597
- WE LOVE IT.
- YEAH, IT'S SO MUCH
BIGGER THAN A CAR.
46
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,599
YEAH.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
47
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,835
THIS USED TO BE THE RUMPUS
ROOM BACK IN THE '60s.
48
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,606
THIS CARPET HAS
SEEN MORE BUTTS THAN
SANTA CLAUS' LAP.
49
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,178
OOH! WHAT IS
THIS STUFF?
50
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,581
THIS SWEATER?
IT'S ANGORA.
51
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:06,250
WELL, IT'S WONDERFUL.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE IT.
52
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,519
- OOH!
- I LIKE THE COLOR.
53
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,022
WELL, IT'S VERY NICE.
54
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,725
YOU'RE NOT FROM
AROUND HERE, ARE YOU?
55
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:17,062
WELL, MRS. DUBCEK,
I CAN STAND HERE AND CHEW
YOUR FAT DAY ALL DAY,
56
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,732
BUT TIME HAS NO MANNERS.
BYE, NOW.
57
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,101
SALLY, I WANT YOU
TO OBSERVE HER.
58
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,737
FIND OUT WHAT WOMEN
ON THIS PLANET DO.
59
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,172
- WHY CAN'T HARRY DO IT?
- BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WOMAN.
60
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:31,042
THAT BRINGS UP
A VERY GOOD QUESTION:
WHY AM I THE WOMAN?
61
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,646
BECAUSE YOU LOST.
62
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,349
DICK?
63
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,453
I CAN'T SEE
THROUGH MY EYELIDS.
64
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,789
OPEN THEM.
65
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,892
( gasps )
OH!
66
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,828
THEY'RE MANUAL.
67
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,968
OH, GOOD.
YOU'RE HERE.
68
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,437
DID YOU COPY THE MAINFRAME
IN THE LIBRARY?
69
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,372
I GOT A LITTLE
DISTRACTED.
70
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:05,744
- AGAIN? WHAT HAPPENED?
- I WAS WATCHING THESE WOMEN
PLAY VOLLEYBALL,
71
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,713
AND THEY WERE
ALL JUMPING
UP AND DOWN,
72
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,650
UP AND DOWN
IN THESE LITTLE SHORTS.
73
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,418
AND SOME CAN'T JUMP
AS HIGH AS THE OTHERS,
BUT IT'S OKAY.
74
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:17,689
IT'S MORE THAN OKAY.
IT'S REALLY OKAY.
I MEAN--
75
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,859
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- I DON'T KNOW.
76
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,128
WE CAN'T LEAVE
WITHOUT THAT INFORMATION.
77
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,296
SO ACCESS THE MAINFRAME,
ENTER THE NET, DOWNLOAD,
78
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,866
AND THEN GO STRAIGHT HOME
AS SOON AS YOU'RE FINISHED.
79
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,802
- WHY ARE YOU TALKING
TO ME LIKE I'M A CHILD?
- YOU ARE A CHILD.
80
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,672
- I'M OLDER THAN YOU.
- WELL, NOW I'M BIGGER,
81
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:37,276
AND ON THIS PLANET
SIZE MATTERS.
82
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,778
- GOOD MORNING, DR. SOLOMON.
- AH, NINA.
83
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,047
HERE'S YOUR MAIL.
THIS IS NOTHING.
NOTHING.
84
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,550
THIS IS SOMETHING,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
85
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,787
THIS IS AN INVITATION TO
A PARTY AT THE DEAN'S HOUSE.
THIS IS NOTHING.
86
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,556
AND IF YOU DON'T STOP
STARING AT WHATEVER
IT IS YOU'RE WATCHING,
87
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,692
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE
SOMETHING.
88
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:57,162
TOMMY'S JUST ON HIS WAY
TO THE LIBRARY.
AREN'T YOU, TOMMY?
89
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,164
UH, YEAH, I AM NOW.
90
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,833
I HAVE TO GO LOOK UP
THE WORD "THROB."
91
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,037
HE'S OLDER
THAN HE LOOKS.
92
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,373
- I HAVE TO FILE
SOME THINGS FOR YOU.
- ( sniffing )
93
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,575
WHAT IS THAT?
( sniffing )
94
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,945
IT'S YOU!
YOU SMELL SO NICE.
95
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,480
THANKS. I TRY.
96
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,018
THAT HAD BETTER BE
YOUR NOSE.
97
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,157
IS YOUR WIFE
OUT OF TOWN?
98
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,660
MRS. SOLOMON IS
NO LONGER WITH US.
99
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,364
SHE, UH... BURNED UP
ON REENTRY.
100
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,734
I HAD A BOYFRIEND
WHO USED TO BURN UP
ON REENTRY.
101
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,669
HE WALKS WITH
A LIMP NOW.
102
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,240
- GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT.
- GOOD MORNING, NINA.
103
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,076
- GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT.
- NINA, WOULD YOU TELL
DR. SOLOMON
104
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,112
HE PARKED
IN MY SPACE AGAIN?
105
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:50,348
- ( sighs )
YOU PARKED IN HER SPACE--
- I KNOW. IT WAS EMPTY.
106
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,784
WOULD YOU TELL HIM I'M
GOING TO HAVE HIM TOWED?
107
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:56,287
TELL HER I ALREADY HAVE
ALL THE TOES I NEED.
I AM FULLY FORMED.
108
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,757
THAT'S MY PARKING SPACE.
109
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,726
OH, SO YOU HAVE A CAR.
110
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:05,163
NINA, GO TO THE CHEM LAB.
TELL THEM I SENT YOU.
111
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,933
GET A PIPE BOMB,
PUT IT IN DR. SOLOMON'S
CAR AND BLOW IT UP.
112
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:14,505
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE,
I HAVE A RED VOLVO.
113
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,676
PLEASE, DR. ALBRIGHT!
114
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,678
WE BARELY KNOW
EACH OTHER.
115
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,149
DR. SOLOMON,
WE SHOULD GET ALONG.
116
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,419
I'M VERY INTELLIGENT.
YOU HAVE AN IMPRESSIVE
RÉSUMÉ.
117
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,689
I AM THE HIGH COMMANDER.
118
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,024
I MUST ADMIT,
WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,
119
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,127
I WAS ATTRACTED
TO YOUR FLAMBOYANT
NATURE AND BIG HEAD.
120
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,664
THANKS, BECAUSE I ALMOST
WENT WITH A SMALLER ONE.
121
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,100
EVEN THOUGH I AM
DRAWN TO GENIUS,
122
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,102
THIS IS A SMALL OFFICE
123
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,404
AND YOU ARE BEHAVING
LIKE A BIG HOSE MONKEY.
124
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,240
YOU'RE NOT SO BAD
YOURSELF, WOMAN.
125
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,209
KNOCK IT OFF.
126
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,947
WHAT IS MY THESIS
DOING OUT OF MY DESK?
127
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,949
- I TOOK IT OUT.
- MY DESK WAS LOCKED.
128
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,451
WHICH MADE IT
VERY DIFFICULT TO OPEN.
129
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,054
YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE
A NOTE OF THAT.
130
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,123
- YOU READ IT?
- I MEMORIZED IT.
131
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,959
WELL, IT'S JUST
A FEW THOUGHTS.
132
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,795
- A FEW BRILLIANT THOUGHTS.
- REALLY?
133
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,165
THAT'S QUITE A COMPLIMENT
COMING FROM SOMEONE
WITH YOUR CREDENTIALS.
134
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,267
- I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT.
- ENJOYED IT?
135
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,203
IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING
I'VE EVER READ.
136
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,107
YOUR THEORY ON "MAN
AND THE ANIMAL WITHIN,"
137
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,242
IT'S HILARIOUS.
138
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,377
NINA SAID YOU HAD
NO SENSE OF HUMOR.
139
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,379
SHE IS SO WRONG.
140
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,381
THE CONCLUSIONS
THAT YOU DRAW
141
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,550
ARE LAUGH-OUT-LOUD FUNNY.
( high-pitched laughter )
142
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,719
I SEE.
143
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,055
DR. SOLOMON, YOU
HAVE CROSSED A LINE.
144
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,223
YOU HAVE BELITTLED
MY WORK,
145
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:43,061
AND YOU HURT MY FEELINGS.
I DON'T LIKE YOU.
146
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:48,466
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE A MAN.
147
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,301
HA!
148
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,470
THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE WRONG!
149
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,343
OKAY, SO MEATLOAF
IS BREAD CRUMBS,
150
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:02,346
- SPICES AND GROUND BEEF?
- THAT'S IT.
151
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:05,784
- GROUND BEEF IS ESSENTIALLY
NOTHING MORE THAN A COW?
- YEAH.
152
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,553
WELL, DOESN'T IT SCREAM
WHEN THEY STUFF IT
IN THE GRINDER?
153
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:12,891
OH, NO. THAT SUCKER'S
BEEN DEAD FOR HOURS.
154
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,162
I HAVE DEAD COW
ON MY HANDS?
155
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,199
( shouting )
156
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,534
( screaming )
157
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,138
WOMEN.
( chuckles )
158
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,408
YOU CAN'T LIVE
WITH THEM, AND YET,
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
159
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,045
SO "P" ITSELF
IS ALWAYS EVEN.
160
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,114
AND WE CAN WRITE
"P" EQUALS 2S,
161
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,416
WHERE "S" IS
SOME OTHER INTEGER.
162
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,818
SUBSTITUTING "P," WE FIND
"P" TO THE SECOND POWER
163
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,454
EQUALS 2S TO THE SECOND POWER,
EQUALS 4S TO THE SECOND POWER,
164
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,856
EQUALS 2Q
TO THE SECOND POWER.
165
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,259
AND WE FIND?
WHO CAN TELL ME?
ANYONE?
166
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,697
OKAY, I'M GETTING
AHEAD OF EVERYONE.
167
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,235
- LET'S SIMPLIFY.
HOW FAR AWAY IS CLEVELAND?
- 52 MILES.
168
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,404
- SOMEONE GIVE ME
ANOTHER ANSWER.
- AN HOUR AWAY.
169
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,473
CLEVELAND IS AN HOUR AWAY.
SOMEONE GIVE ME
ANOTHER ANSWER.
170
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,343
- A $9 BUS TICKET.
- CLEVELAND IS $9 AWAY.
171
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,445
A FELONY CHARGE.
THE FEDERAL COURTHOUSE
IS THERE.
172
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,949
YES! CLEVELAND IS
A FELONIOUS ASSAULT AWAY.
173
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,951
SOMEONE ELSE.
YES, LEON.
174
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,953
WELL, COME ON, LEON.
SPEAK UP.
175
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,056
NO, NEVER MIND.
I HAD THIS IDEA,
BUT IT'S WRONG.
176
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,159
LEON, OF COURSE
IT'S WRONG.
177
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:24,095
I MEAN, THE ODDS AGAINST
YOUR BEING RIGHT ARE...
178
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,230
STAGGERING!
179
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,733
YOU HAVE A GREAT ADVANTAGE.
YOU KNOW THE OUTCOME.
180
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,835
YOU WILL BE WRONG.
DON'T FEAR IT.
181
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,837
EMBRACE YOUR WRONGNESS.
182
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,306
LEON, HOW FAR AWAY
IS CLEVELAND?
183
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,876
CLEVELAND IS
AN ETERNITY AWAY
184
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,878
IF YOUR HEART
IS THERE.
185
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,613
LEON, THAT IS
SO PROVOCATIVE.
186
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,050
WHERE CLEVELAND
EQUALS "P"
187
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,052
AND ETERNITY EQUALS "Q,"
188
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,054
TRANSPOSING THE LOGARITHM
OF THE HEART,
189
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,056
WHERE THE HEART
IS AN UNKNOWN,
190
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,058
WE FIND THAT
WE ARE FOREVER
191
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,460
IN CLEVELAND.
192
00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:59,397
NO, I'M SORRY, LEON.
YOU'RE WRONG.
193
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,399
YES, CARYN.
194
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,401
I THINK THAT LEON MEANT
195
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,470
THAT CLEVELAND CAN FEEL
LIKE AN ETERNITY AWAY.
196
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,540
OH, IT'S A FEELING.
197
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,379
YES, I KNOW ALL
ABOUT FEELINGS.
198
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,381
EVERYTHING'S
JUST GOING FINE,
199
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,818
AND SOMEBODY HAS
A FEELING,
200
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,820
AND KABOOM!
201
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,888
SUDDENLY THEY
DON'T LIKE YOU.
202
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,158
I THINK WE CAN ALL DO
WITHOUT FEELINGS.
WHO'S WITH ME?
203
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,360
YOUR GRADE DEPENDS ON IT.
204
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,396
DR. SOLOMON,
205
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:36,067
I HOPE THIS
DOESN'T AFFECT MY GRADE,
BUT I HAVE A THOUGHT.
206
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,336
- YES?
- YOU HAVE TO
HAVE FEELINGS.
207
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,639
FEELINGS ARE LIKE THE CORE
OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
208
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,874
THE CORE OF
THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE?
209
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,410
OF COURSE. I NEVER
THOUGHT OF THAT.
210
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,047
- ( school bell rings )
- TOMORROW, I WANT YOU ALL
211
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,883
TO WRITE A PAPER FOR ME
ABOUT FEELINGS.
212
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,952
TELL ME HOW IT
FEELS TO USE
213
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,821
ONLY 10% OF YOUR BRAIN.
214
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,691
OOH, EVERYONE WAS AWAKE.
215
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,727
NINA, WHERE IS DR. ALBRIGHT?
I HAVE TO TALK TO HER.
216
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:06,031
SHE'S GONE FOR THE DAY,
BUT SHE'LL BE AT
THE DEAN'S PARTY TONIGHT.
217
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,999
DEAN SUMNER'S PARTY.
TELL HIM I'LL BE THERE.
218
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,002
I'LL DROP EVERYTHING
AND DO THAT RIGHT NOW.
219
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,172
- I'M NOT SURE
HOW TO GET THERE.
- I CAN PICK YOU UP.
220
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,440
THAT WON'T HURT
YOUR BACK?
221
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,244
I'LL BE IN A CAR.
222
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,346
GOOD. COME BY
AND BLOW THE HORN.
223
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,749
I LOVE TO HEAR
PEOPLE HONK.
224
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,751
WHAT, ARE YOU
FROM MARS?
225
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,453
MARS?
226
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,389
OH, NO.
227
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,429
( '50s rock music
playing )
228
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,579
- HI.
- HI.
229
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,982
- YOU'RE ON THE VOLLEYBALL
TEAM, AREN'T YOU?
- YEAH, I AM.
230
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:01,819
I WATCHED YOU
JUMP UP AND DOWN
THIS AFTERNOON.
231
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,022
- YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
- THANKS. WE WON.
232
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:08,192
OH... IT'S A GAME.
233
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,194
UM, ANYWAY, MY NAME'S--
234
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,463
- CAN I TALK TO YOU?
- COME ON, MAN.
235
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,032
MAY I REMIND YOU THAT
WE ARE NOT TO ALTER
236
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,468
THE LIVES OF THE INHABITANTS
OF THIS PLANET IN ANY WAY?
237
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,704
YEAH, BUT SOME OF THEM
ARE JUST ASKING FOR IT.
238
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:24,475
PULL IT TOGETHER.
I'M EXTENDING OUR MISSION
FOR ONE MORE NIGHT.
239
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,645
- WHY?
- I HAVE FACULTY
OBLIGATIONS.
240
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:32,383
DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
I NEVER SLEEP.
I'M EXHAUSTED.
241
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,085
BESIDES, YOU DON'T
HAVE THE AUTHORITY
TO ALTER THE SCHEDULE.
242
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,623
- I'M IN COMMAND.
- YEAH? WELL, I'M
IN PUBERTY, PAL.
243
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:45,196
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.
244
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,731
I COULD POP
AT ANY MINUTE.
245
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,369
AREN'T YOU EXAGGERATING
JUST A LITTLE?
246
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,604
- GIVE ME YOUR MIND
FOR JUST A SECOND.
- PLEASE.
247
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,540
COME ON.
JUST GIVE ME YOUR MIND.
248
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,280
- OH! THAT'S DISGUSTING!
- I KNOW.
249
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,315
- YOU THINK LIKE THAT?
- ALL THE TIME.
250
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,817
WE'VE GOTTA GET YOU
OUT OF HERE.
251
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,723
- DICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M UNPACKING.
252
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,526
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
WE'RE GOING TO STAY
A LITTLE LONGER.
253
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,528
I'M A DEAD MAN.
254
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,830
OH, D-- W-W-W--
WHOA, THAT'S MINE.
255
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,100
BE CAREFUL.
IT'S, UH...
256
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,902
VERY VALUABLE.
257
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:27,872
YOU KNOW, I HAVE
AN URGE TO HOLD THAT.
258
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,208
- THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT IT'S FOR.
- MAY I?
259
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,977
PLEASE.
260
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,480
- I FIND THIS
VERY SATISFYING.
- I KNOW.
261
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,715
- I LIKE THIS.
- I KNOW.
262
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,852
I WONDER WHAT DR. ALBRIGHT
IS DOING RIGHT NOW.
263
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:44,855
GIVE THAT BACK.
LET'S BREAK IT
UP HERE.
264
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,026
I WILL BE SO GLAD
TO GET OUT OF THIS BODY.
265
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,028
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M UNPACKING.
266
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,531
- THE COMMANDER WANTS TO STAY
A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.
- WHAT FOR?
267
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,599
BECAUSE WE
CAN'T LEAVE YET.
268
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:59,237
DID YOU KNOW THAT OUR BODIES
CAN PRODUCE FEELINGS?
269
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,373
I GOT A WHOLE LOT OF THEM
FROM DR. ALBRIGHT
THIS AFTERNOON.
270
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,708
- REALLY?
- YES. AND I'M
GOING TO A PARTY
271
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,445
TO SEE IF I CAN GET
A LITTLE TONIGHT.
272
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,380
OH, DICK, NO.
273
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,815
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S
A CRIME AGAINST SCIENCE
274
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,951
NOT TO EXPERIMENT
WITH OURSELVES.
275
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,953
COULDN'T WE JUST CONDUCT
THESE EXPERIMENTS
276
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,955
IN THE PRIVACY
OF OUR OWN HOME?
277
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,391
- WHAT CAN SHE DO
THAT I CAN'T?
- LIEUTENANT.
278
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,427
- WHAT?
- PERMISSION
TO SPEAK FREELY?
279
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,295
- PERMISSION GRANTED.
- SIR,
280
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,998
WOULD YOU JUMP UP
AND DOWN FOR US?
281
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,733
OH, YEAH, AND PUT
YOUR HANDS
282
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,869
BACK BEHIND
YOUR HEAD LIKE THIS.
283
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,839
- I WILL NOT.
- PLEASE, FOR
SCIENCE, TRULY.
284
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,010
NO. IT'S NOT THAT
I DON'T WANT TO HELP.
285
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,579
IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T
KNOW HOW COMFORTABLE
WE WOULD FEEL
286
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,581
WORKING TOGETHER AFTER
AN EXPERIMENT LIKE THAT.
287
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,351
- IT'LL BE FINE.
- GO AHEAD. DO IT.
288
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,853
- IN YOUR DREAMS!
- EVERY NIGHT.
289
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,156
- LOOK, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- OKAY, FINE.
290
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,493
YOU LEAVE ME NO OTHER CHOICE.
NOW WE HAVE TO EXPERIMENT
AT A PARTY.
291
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,964
LISTEN TO ME.
WOMEN ARE TROUBLE.
I SHOULD KNOW.
292
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,867
- I'VE BEEN ONE
FOR TWO WEEKS.
- I KNOW.
293
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,869
WHICH BRINGS UP
ANOTHER POINT.
294
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,405
I COMMAND YOU TO SHAVE
UNDER YOUR ARMS.
295
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,341
DOABLE.
296
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,177
I'M SORRY YOU FIND ME
SO OFFENSIVE.
297
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,413
DAMN IT,
PULL YOURSELF
TOGETHER, MAN!
298
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,050
- WE'RE GOING OUT.
- OKAY.
( sniffles )
299
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:22,086
- OKAY. GIVE ME AN HOUR.
- AN HOUR?
300
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,056
YEAH. I GOTTA
ROTATE THESE.
301
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,991
IT'S A PARTY.
302
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,529
( doorbell rings )
303
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,933
DR. SOLOMON,
HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.
304
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,602
- GOOD EVENING, MRS. SUMNER.
- WON'T YOU COME IN?
305
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,305
IF YOU'LL BACK UP.
306
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,975
PLEASE FORGIVE SALLY.
SHE'S NOT FROM OHIO.
307
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:48,646
OOH, I LOVE WHERE
YOU'VE PUT THESE WALLS.
308
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,648
MAY I TAKE YOUR COAT?
309
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,617
IF I CAN KEEP MY PANTS.
310
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,489
LISTEN, I WANT YOU
TO KEEP AN EYE ON
THIS ALBRIGHT EXPERIMENT.
311
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,491
YEAH, SURE.
WHAT ARE THESE?
312
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,661
CRUSTACEANS. I MEAN,
DICK IS ENDANGERING
THIS ENTIRE MISSION.
313
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,897
- MM-HMM, RIGHT.
AND THESE?
- UNBORN FOWL.
314
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:09,733
I'M BEGINNING TO QUESTION
HIS ABILITY TO COMMAND.
315
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,735
YEAH, TOO BAD.
AND THESE ARE?
316
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,737
- COCKTAIL WEENIES.
- COCKTAIL WEENIES.
317
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:17,007
I'VE SEEN THESE BEFORE.
THEY SHOULD BE BIGGER.
318
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,378
NINA, RIGHT?
319
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,380
OH, HI, SALLY.
NICE DRESS.
320
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,349
- IT'S JUST SOMETHING
I THREW ON.
- YEAH.
321
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,885
WELL, YOU
ALMOST MISSED.
322
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,956
- UH, HELLO. HERE I AM.
- YES, THERE YOU ARE.
323
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:36,226
- DR. ALBRIGHT, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT US ALL DAY.
- I HAVEN'T.
324
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,596
I WANT TO TRY AGAIN.
325
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,532
I WANT VERY MUCH
TO FEEL,
326
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,902
AND I WANT, EVEN MORE,
TO BE FELT,
327
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,104
AND I MEAN THAT FROM
THE HEART OF MY BOTTOM.
328
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,640
WELL, YOURS UP.
329
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,044
NO, I WOULDN'T DO THAT.
( stammers )
330
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,980
I MEAN--
I'M NEW AT THIS.
331
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:59,383
YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN
GETTING A FEELING,
332
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,385
AND I'M TRYING
TO IDENTIFY IT.
333
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,888
RUB IT.
MAYBE IT'LL GO AWAY.
334
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,891
I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT
FEEL BETTER.
335
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,927
WELL, YOU COULD START
BY SAYING "I'M SORRY."
336
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:13,597
- OKAY, I'M SORRY.
- YOU COULD SAY IT
AS IF YOU MEANT IT.
337
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,500
OH, OF COURSE.
338
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,369
DR. ALBRIGHT,
I'M VERY SORRY.
339
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,072
THANK YOU.
340
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,341
THAT FELT GREAT.
341
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,244
LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
342
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,847
DR. ALBRIGHT,
I'M VERY SORRY.
343
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,484
OH!
344
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,053
OOH! OHH!
345
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,222
- GET AWAY FROM ME!
- WHAT DID I NOT DO RIGHT?
346
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,391
- GO AWAY!
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
347
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,764
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THEY SEEM TO HAVE
GREATER POWER
348
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,500
WHEN THEY COLLIDE.
I'M NOT WRONG, AM I?
349
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,402
SALLY, WILL YOU EXCUSE US
FOR A MOMENT?
350
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,304
( sighs )
COME ON, GIRLS.
351
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,273
LET'S GO.
352
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:03,681
- YOU'RE COMING ON TO ME.
- I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THAT MEANS.
353
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,916
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S IN MY THESIS.
354
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,552
IT'S BASIC
ANIMAL ATTRACTION.
355
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,721
WE ALL HAVE
THE ANIMAL WITHIN.
356
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:14,758
SOME ARE ONE SWING
CLOSER TO THE TREE.
357
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,363
I'VE SEE YOU
PREEN AND STRUT
AROUND THE OFFICE.
358
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,167
I ADMIT...
359
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,135
I LIKE IT.
360
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,106
ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO
SOMETHING IMPORTANT
361
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,108
WITH YOUR MOUTH TONIGHT?
362
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,277
BECAUSE YOU'VE
PAINTED IT BRIGHT RED.
363
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,313
THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS.
364
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,481
DR. ERDMAN HAD
A THING FOR ME.
365
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,284
DR. WALLACH, DR. ZUCKER,
DR. THOMAS,
366
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,521
THE GUY FROM CORNELL
WHO WAS HERE FOR A WEEK.
THAT WAS INSANE.
367
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,523
E-EXCUSE ME.
368
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,526
I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE
TO CLEAN YOU.
369
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,438
OH!
370
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,841
( gasps )
371
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,876
( panting )
372
00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,079
( water running )
373
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,955
OH, DR. ALBRIGHT.
374
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,890
I WAS JUST
THINKING OF YOU.
375
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,131
THANKS FOR
THE WEENIES.
376
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,968
GOOD NIGHT, DR. SOLOMON.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING.
377
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,070
GOOD NIGHT.
378
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,446
Man on radio:
♪ Spinning through space ♪
379
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,986
♪ The smile
upon your face ♪
380
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,390
♪ Welcome to
the human race, yeah... ♪
381
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,458
WHAT A TERRIFIC EVENING.
382
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,627
I JUST HAD A GREAT TIME.
DIDN'T YOU?
383
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,329
( sighs )
WHATEVER.
384
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,400
I THINK THIS IS
THE MOST INCREDIBLE
PLACE WE'VE EVER BEEN.
385
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,168
THE PEOPLE ARE
SO... COMPLEX.
386
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:08,472
I LOVE THEM.
I JUST THINK
THEY'RE WONDERFUL.
387
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,441
YOU PROBED HER,
DIDN'T YOU?
388
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,978
I MIGHT HAVE SCANNED
HER A LITTLE.
389
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:18,682
I THINK
WE'VE UNDERESTIMATED
THE LIFE ON THIS PLANET.
390
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,752
THE PEOPLE HAVE
SO MUCH COURAGE.
391
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,321
HERE THEY ARE,
HURLING THROUGH SPACE
ON A MOLTEN ROCK
392
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,490
AT 67,000 MILES
AN HOUR,
393
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:29,993
AND THE ONLY THING THAT
KEEPS THEM FROM FLYING
OUT OF THEIR SHOES IS...
394
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,797
THEIR MISPLACED FAITH
IN GRAVITY.
395
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,865
I'M SO GLAD WE'RE STAYING.
396
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,334
I WANT TO FIND OUT
WHAT ELSE THEY KNOW,
397
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:40,270
WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY,
HOW THEY RAISE THEIR YOUNG,
398
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,606
WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN THEY DIE,
399
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:45,676
WHY THEY CALL THEMSELVES
THE HUMAN RACE.
400
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,778
DID THEY THINK
SOMEONE'S GOING TO WIN?
401
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:52,483
OOH, LOOK.
A SHOOTING STAR.
402
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:56,386
( gasps )
I THINK THIS IS GOING TO
BE OUR GREATEST MISSION.
403
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,123
YEAH, HE PROBED HER,
ALL RIGHT.
404
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:06,530
♪ Isn't that
a lovely ride? ♪
405
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,365
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
406
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:12,269
♪ Sliding down
and gliding down ♪
407
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,873
♪ And try not
to try too hard ♪
408
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,376
♪ It's just
a lovely ride. ♪