1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,003
( '50s rock music playing )
2
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,800
Man on radio:
And the winning
lottery numbers are:
3
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:38,337
- 2, 21...
- UH-HUH.
4
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,339
- 51...
- YES.
5
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,908
9, 27...
6
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,910
- and 48.
- ( all cheering )
7
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:48,080
WE WON AGAIN!
8
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,383
AH! THAT WAS FUN.
AH, YES.
9
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,385
A DOLLAR WELL SPENT.
10
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,055
- IF LUCK WERE MONEY,
WE'D BE RICH.
- YES.
11
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,826
HEY, LOOK AT THEM.
12
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,563
THEY'RE NOT KISSING.
THEY'RE NOT GROPING.
THEY'RE...
13
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,565
OOH, I KNOW THIS.
14
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,900
CUDDLING, CUDDLING
IS INTERESTING.
15
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,303
IT'S BOTH ROMANTIC
AND SEXUAL.
16
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,738
YES, BUT IT'S
MORE THAN THAT.
17
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,575
IT IMPLIES AN INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIP.
18
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,178
HOW DO YOU ESTABLISH
THAT WITH A WOMAN?
19
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,180
WHY ARE YOU
LOOKING AT ME?
20
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,515
- BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WOMAN.
- YEAH, FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS,
21
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,818
BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN
FIGURED OUT HOW TO
TAKE OFF MY BRA YET.
22
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,820
I WANT A HUG.
23
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,956
I WANT TO HUG DR. ALBRIGHT.
I WANT TO HUG HER RIGHT NOW.
24
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,492
- SHE'S NOT HERE.
- I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO HUG SOMEBODY.
25
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,802
IT'S JUST NOT
THE SAME WITH YOU.
26
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,804
MY HEART WASN'T
IN IT, EITHER.
27
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,508
I JUST LET YOU DO IT
'CAUSE YOU'RE HIGH COMMANDER.
28
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,344
I FEEL... SO CHEAP.
29
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,158
DICK, I CAN'T TAKE
THIS HOUSEWORK ANYMORE.
30
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,161
I WAS PUT ON
THIS MISSION BECAUSE
OF MY MILITARY SKILLS.
31
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,163
THESE HANDS ARE
LETHAL WEAPONS,
32
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:14,166
BUT NOW THEY'RE
ALL RED AND DRY
FROM HARSH DETERGENTS.
33
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,302
STOP COMPLAINING.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS
TO BE THE WOMAN,
34
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,771
JUST LIKE TOMMY'S ASSIGNMENT
IS TO STUDY EARTH CULTURE.
35
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,906
RIGHT, AND I'M ON IT.
THAT'S WHY I'M READING
36
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,842
"BETTY AND VERONICA'S
SUMMER FUN."
37
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:29,248
MY GOD! THESE ARE
HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS?
38
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,050
OKAY, YOU GUYS,
I WAS OUT WALKING,
39
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,785
AND SOMEONE STARTED
FOLLOWING ME.
40
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,854
- OH, MY GOD.
- HE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM.
41
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,657
- YOU LET HIM IN OUR HOME?
- WELL, YEAH.
42
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,793
HE MIGHT BE WORTH STUDYING.
COME ON IN!
43
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,563
- AW!
- OH!
44
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,501
WHAT A GOOD LITTLE MAN.
45
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,836
- HARRY, THAT'S A DOG.
- YOU KNOW,
46
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,072
YOU ARE JUST
SO QUICK TO LABEL.
47
00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,546
OH, HE'S SO HUGGABLE.
48
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:03,382
OH, MAMA.
49
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,751
I'VE GOT TO GET
TO THE OFFICE
AND DR. ALBRIGHT.
50
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,021
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO WITH HIM?
51
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,023
WELL, I'M GOING TO START
52
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,025
BY ESTABLISHING
COMMUNICATION.
53
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,127
OH, HAVE A SEAT, MY FRIEND.
54
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,063
THERE.
55
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,901
( barking )
56
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:26,271
- WHAT'S HE TRYING TO SAY?
- HE SAID THAT LASSIE'S A GUY.
57
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,545
- GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT.
- GOOD MORNING, DR. SOLOMON.
58
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,415
- I HAVE YOUR PHYSICS BOOK.
- OH, THANK YOU.
59
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,651
OH! PLEASE
DON'T DO THAT.
60
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,687
- I'M NOT MUCH
OF A HUGGER.
- OH.
61
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:46,925
LOOK WHO I FOUND
WANDERING DOWN THE HALLS.
62
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,494
- MARY.
- OH, MY GOD!
63
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,730
- OH!
- OH!
64
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,732
OH!
65
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,301
DR. RICHARD SOLOMON,
66
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:59,571
THIS IS DR. JEFF WILLIS,
MY OLD DEAR FRIEND.
67
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,774
HI. ACTUALLY, MARY AND I
USED TO SHARE THIS OFFICE.
68
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,776
- AMONG OTHER THINGS.
- NINA.
69
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,279
SO, WHAT BRINGS
YOU TO TOWN?
70
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,948
A BOOK SIGNING.
MY NOVEL'S BEEN PUBLISHED.
71
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,016
"ECHOES OF MY STEPFATHER."
72
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,018
YES.
73
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,055
YOU'VE FINALLY FINISHED.
OH, IT'S WONDERFUL!
74
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,491
- OH!
- MMM!
75
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,493
OH! I'VE GOT
TO GET TO CLASS.
76
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,795
WE HAVE GOT TO GET
TOGETHER AND CATCH UP.
77
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,231
- YOU GOT IT.
- CALL ME.
78
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,199
- OH!
- OH!
79
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,837
OH!
80
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,708
SHE IS SOMETHING ELSE.
81
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,811
HMM, I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW GOOD YOU LOOK.
82
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,314
- YOU STILL PLAYING
RACQUETBALL?
- EVERY DAY.
83
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,016
- OOH! I LOVE IT!
- I LOVE IT MORE!
84
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:50,088
- YOU DON'T PLAY
RACQUETBALL.
- ( chuckles )
85
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,491
POOR, SWEET, MISGUIDED,
86
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,594
AMNESIAC NINA,
OF COURSE I DO.
87
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,464
I'VE GOT SOME TIME TO KILL.
I'D LOVE TO PLAY.
88
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,267
- I'VE GOT SOME TIME TO PLAY
I'D LOVE TO KILL.
- ( chuckling )
89
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,384
- CAN I HELP YOU?
- NO, THANKS.
JUST LOOKING.
90
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,489
HEY! IT SAYS "MEN"
ON THE DOOR.
91
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,990
AND YOU MADE THE CUT?
92
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,860
- OOH, SALLY.
- DICK.
93
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,995
HERE'S EVERYTHING YOU NEED
TO KNOW ABOUT RACQUETBALL.
94
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,997
THANKS FOR BRINGING
THIS, LIEUTENANT.
95
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,367
I FOUND MYSELF
STARTING TO TALK
TO THE SCRUBBING BUBBLES,
96
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,536
SO I FIGURED
I BETTER TAKE A WALK.
97
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,271
THIS IS NEWTONIAN PHYSICS--
TRAJECTORY AND VELOCITY.
98
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,374
AN IMBECILIC BABY
COULD DO IT.
99
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,543
WELL, I'M OFF
TO THE GAMES.
100
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,545
PLAY FIERCELY
AND ANNIHILATE
YOUR OPPONENT.
101
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,747
AS IT ALWAYS WAS
AND ALWAYS WILL BE.
102
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,718
HEY...
103
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,221
IT'S DRY ALREADY.
PUT YOUR SHORTS ON.
104
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I WON!
105
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,061
I WON!
106
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,899
I WON, I WON, I WON,
I WON, I WON!
107
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,171
DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?
I WON.
108
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,408
- CONGRATULATIONS, DICK.
- THAT WAS SO EASY.
109
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,344
YOU OFFERED ME
NO CHALLENGE AT ALL.
110
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,380
YEAH, I WAS KIND OF
OFF MY GAME.
111
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:24,249
OFF YOUR GAME?
YOU PLAYED LIKE
A LITTLE GIRL.
112
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,653
TOO BAD MARY WASN'T
HERE TO SEE IT.
113
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,823
THAT REMINDS ME, I GOTTA RUN.
I'M MEETING HER FOR LUNCH.
114
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:36,595
WELL, I HOPE YOU
TWO GIRLS HAVE FUN.
115
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,769
WHY AM I SO HOSTILE
TO THIS JEFF PERSON?
116
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,771
HE'S NEVER DONE
ANYTHING TO ME.
117
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,073
IN FACT, HE SEEMS
LIKE A PERFECTLY
TOLERABLE... TWIT.
118
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,611
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
I HATE HIM
119
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,846
JUST BECAUSE DR. ALBRIGHT
LIKES HIM. WHY?
120
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,848
IT'S CALLED JEALOUSY.
121
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,083
IT'S WHAT HAPPENS
TO MOOSE WHEN REGGIE
FLIRTS WITH MIDGE.
122
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,855
IF YOU'D READ A LITTLE,
YOU'D KNOW SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS.
123
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,858
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ.
LIEUTENANT, GET OUT HERE.
124
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,461
- I HAVE A NEW
ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.
- YES? FINALLY.
125
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,931
I WANT YOU TO FIND
OUT WHAT MAKES A MAN
SO IRRESISTIBLE
126
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:16,234
THAT A WOMAN
HAS NO INTEREST
IN ANY OTHER MAN.
127
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,737
- THAT'S STILL
A CHICK JOB.
- YES...
128
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,642
BUT IT'S ALSO A CHICK JOB
TO HELP THE HIGH
COMMANDER SCORE.
129
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,580
YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT LOVE?
I'LL SHOW YOU LOVE.
130
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,649
SCRUFFY, COME HERE.
COME HERE.
131
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:34,319
OH, SEE?
HE LOVES ME
FOR NO REASON.
132
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,555
HE LIVES JUST TO BASK
133
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,857
IN THE LIGHT
OF MY SMILE.
134
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,496
AND THE BEST THING IS,
WE BOTH SCARE THE MAILMAN.
135
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,534
( sighs )
WHY CAN'T DR. ALBRIGHT
136
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:53,204
LEAP INTO MY LAP
AND LICK MY FACE?
137
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,741
WELL, SOME BREEDS ARE
MORE SKITTISH THAN OTHERS.
138
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,251
YOU TWO WERE
HERE LAST NIGHT.
139
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,725
MISS?
140
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,963
MISS!
141
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,232
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY IN
SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP.
WHY'D YOU PICK THIS GUY?
142
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,768
- WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- HEY, I'M TALKING TO THE LADY.
143
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,272
HE'S NOT TERRIBLY ATTRACTIVE.
HE'S GOT BAD TASTE IN CLOTHES.
144
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:31,576
- EVEN I CAN TELL HE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.
- I WOULDN'T SAY--
145
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,246
AH! IT'S THE CAR,
ISN'T IT?
146
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,181
NO!
147
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:41,486
( whispers )
YES, IT'S THE CAR.
148
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,488
THANK YOU.
149
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,327
( whistles )
150
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,997
( kissing )
151
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,212
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- TEMPTING YOU WITH
THE GREAT TASTE OF BACON.
152
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,553
I'M GOING TO TAKE
THESE FOLDERS IN TO NINA,
153
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,155
AND WHEN I COME BACK,
YOU'LL BE GONE.
154
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,093
HI. MARY HERE?
155
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,763
UH, NO, SHE JUST
LEFT FOR CLEVELAND.
156
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,799
LOOK, SHE'S BACK.
157
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,702
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M ON MY WAY
TO A MEETING,
158
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,672
BUT I WANTED TO STOP OFF
AND GIVE YOU A PRESENT.
159
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,741
OH!
160
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,410
"THANKS FOR BUGGING ME
TO WRITE MY BOOK."
161
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,047
- OH, JEFF!
- ( Jeff chuckles )
162
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,649
IT'S A THIMBLE.
I COLLECT THEM.
163
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,119
IT'S AN ANCIENT UKRAINIAN
QUILTING THIMBLE.
164
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,455
THERE'S SOME WRITING.
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO GET IT TRANSLATED.
165
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,624
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN
SO BUSY WITH THE BOOK.
166
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,060
SPEAKING OF TIME,
DON'T YOU HAVE A MEETING?
167
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,062
RIGHT.
I GOTTA GO. BYE.
168
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,364
- OH!
- OH!
169
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,533
DAMN,
THEY DID IT AGAIN!
170
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,136
OH!
171
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,073
I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO FIND SOMEONE WHO
CAN TRANSLATE UKRAINIAN.
172
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,408
THAT'S NOT UKRAINIAN.
IT'S TURKISH.
173
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,311
LOOK, THERE'S
A DIACRITICAL MARK
OVER THE "O."
174
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,313
( speaking Turkish )
175
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,119
WELL, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
176
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,555
"MAY THESE ALWAYS POINT ME
TOWARD THE SPOILS OF WAR."
177
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,127
THIS ISN'T A THIMBLE.
IT'S TURKISH NIPPLE ARMOR.
178
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,068
WELL, IT'S...
179
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,707
IN FACT, IT'S
VERY VALUABLE.
180
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,276
WELL, ESPECIALLY
IF YOU HAVE A PAIR.
181
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,782
OH! DON'T TELL JEFF.
182
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,318
- THIS WILL BE OUR SECRET.
- YES, OUR SECRET.
183
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,588
IT WILL BE SOMETHING
JEFF WILL NEVER HAVE.
184
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,591
WELL, IT'S THE THOUGHT
THAT COUNTS.
185
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,593
THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
VERY EXPENSIVE.
186
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,362
SO YOU LIKE
EXPENSIVE THINGS?
187
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,364
NO.
188
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:10,001
SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
IN LIFE COST NOTHING--
189
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,003
A PICNIC ON A SUNNY DAY,
190
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,372
A LOVELY POEM
READ ALOUD,
191
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,641
WATCHING MY FRIENDS FAIL.
192
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,643
WELL, I HAVE
A MARVELOUS IDEA.
193
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,779
I'LL WRITE A POEM ABOUT
YOUR FRIENDS FAILING
194
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:24,015
- AND READ IT TO YOU ALOUD
ON A SUNNY PICNIC.
- THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
195
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,317
- HOW ABOUT SATURDAY
AFTERNOON?
- WHY NOT?
196
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,224
I HAVE A DATE.
197
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,394
JEFF DOESN'T
HAVE A DATE...
198
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,065
BUT I HAVE A DATE.
199
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,000
YES!
200
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,240
"WOMEN WHO RUN
WITH THE WOLVES,"
201
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,743
"WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH,"
"WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO FAST,"
202
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:55,413
"WOMEN WHO LOVE TO READ
ABOUT WOMEN WHO LOVE
TOO MUCH AND TOO FAST."
203
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,348
OH, MY GOD.
204
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,423
EXCUSE ME.
205
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,425
YOU TWO HAVE BEEN
TOGETHER, WHAT,
206
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,427
100, 150 YEARS?
207
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,495
42 THIS APRIL.
208
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:14,565
42 YEARS.
IMPRESSIVE.
209
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,936
YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN
HE WAS SOMETHING
REALLY SPECIAL, HUH?
210
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,571
- OH, YES.
- TELL ME, WHY'D
YOU PICK HIM?
211
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,209
WELL, HE WAS VERY SWEET
212
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,911
AND AFFECTIONATE.
213
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,381
HE HAD A REAL FLAIR
FOR ROMANCE.
214
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,217
IT WAS THE CAR,
WASN'T IT?
215
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,855
THAT WAS THE CLINCHER.
216
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,527
- FINALLY.
DID YOU GET 'EM?
- YES.
217
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,529
- PERMISSION TO
SPEAK FREELY, SIR?
- YEAH, SURE.
218
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,799
YOU AND I HAVE FLOWN
A LOT OF MISSIONS TOGETHER.
219
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,433
IF YOU ASKED ME TO PUT OUT
THE SUN WITH MY BARE HANDS,
220
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,136
I WOULD,
NO QUESTIONS ASKED,
221
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,703
BUT IF YOU EVER SEND ME OUT
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT
222
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,806
TO PICK UP A BUNCH OF
WOMEN'S MAGAZINES AGAIN,
223
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,809
I WILL KILL YOU.
224
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,811
THIS MAY SOUND
SILLY TO YOU,
225
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,946
BUT I HAVE A DATE
WITH DR. ALBRIGHT,
226
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,082
AND I WANT TO BE SURE
TO SAY THE RIGHT THING.
NOW HELP ME OUT HERE.
227
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,185
DICK, THEY'RE POINTLESS.
THEY'RE MIND-ALTERING.
228
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,287
THEY IMPOSE ARBITRARY
STANDARDS ON WOMEN.
229
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,957
IT'S LIKE PROPAGANDA FOR
SOME SORT OF ESTROGEN CULT.
230
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,126
JUST READ.
231
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,128
OKAY.
232
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,033
OKAY, HERE'S A TOPIC.
YOU COULD DISCUSS BIOLOGY.
233
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,102
- WHY?
- ACCORDING TO
A RECENT SURVEY,
234
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,871
7 OUT OF 10 WOMEN
HAVE MULTIPLE ORGANISMS.
235
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,011
- YOU HAVE TO.
- Harry: NO, YOU'RE
NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
236
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,613
YOU HAVE TO.
CHECK TO THE LEASE.
237
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:39,150
- WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- MRS. DUBCEK DOESN'T
LIKE SCRUFFY.
238
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,052
THE LEASE SAYS NO PETS.
239
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,087
BUT HE'S SO CUTE.
240
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,123
NO! I'M ALLERGIC
TO DOGS.
241
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,026
MY THROAT CLOSES OFF
AND I CAN'T BREATHE.
242
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,594
- BUT HE'S SO CUTE.
- NO! I CAN'T BREATHE.
243
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:53,331
NO, NO. SORRY.
NO, THE POOCH
CANNOT STAY.
244
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,167
BUT HE'S SO CUTE!
245
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,502
- NO!
- ( door slams )
246
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,504
THAT'S TOO BAD, HARRY.
247
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,907
I GUESS YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.
248
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:05,310
YES, SCRUFFY AND I
249
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,312
MUST KILL MRS. DUBCEK...
250
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,650
AND HIDE HER BODY
UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS.
251
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,130
WH--
252
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,033
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WE'RE GOING ON OUR PICNIC.
253
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,535
- DIDN'T YOU GET
MY MESSAGE?
- NO. WHY?
254
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,605
OH, MY GOD.
I'M SO SORRY.
I HAD TO CANCEL.
255
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:38,576
- CANCEL?
- WELL, IT'S JEFF'S
BOOK SIGNING PARTY.
256
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,479
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I BEAT HIM IN RACQUETBALL.
257
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,616
I CAN'T MISS IT.
HE DEDICATED
HIS NOVEL TO ME.
258
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,753
OH, NO, YOU
CAN'T MISS THAT.
259
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,856
- WHY DON'T YOU COME?
- COME?
260
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,858
NO, I'VE GOT
THINGS TO DO.
261
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,527
I HAVE TO TAKE
MY BLACK FOREST HAM,
MY WHEEL OF BRIE,
262
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,829
MY CABERNET SAUVIGNON,
MY LIMOGES TRIVET,
263
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,499
THROW THEM
IN THE FRONT YARD
AND SET THEM ABLAZE
264
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,601
IN A BIG BONFIRE
AS A TRIBUTE
265
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,037
TO JEFF'S BOOK SIGNING!
266
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,417
EXCUSE ME, I'M LOOKING
FOR JEFF WILLIS.
267
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:22,520
HE'S WITH HIS PUBLICIST.
HE'LL BE OUT SHORTLY.
268
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,522
- ARE YOU A FRIEND?
- YES.
269
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,690
I'M VERY CLOSE
TO THE STEAMING PUSTULE.
270
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,729
HARRY, I'VE SOLVED
YOUR PROBLEM.
271
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,665
THIS YOUNG LADY NEEDS
A DOG FOR HER LITTLE GIRL.
272
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,335
OH, HE'S PERFECT.
273
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,337
OH, NO.
274
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,339
SCRUFFY'S NOT ABOUT
TO RUIN HIS LIFE
275
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:45,043
BY RUNNING OFF
WITH SOME BLONDE HE MET
AT A COCKTAIL PARTY.
276
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,978
AH, NO.
277
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,986
THE MAN OF THE HOUR.
278
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:58,923
- OH, GOD.
- YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY
CLEVER, DON'T YOU?
279
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,392
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT
EVERY WORD IN YOUR BOOK
280
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,028
WAS PUBLISHED YEARS AGO!
281
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,630
PERHAPS YOU'VE READ
THE DICTIONARY.
282
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,273
YOU INVITED ME.
THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
283
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,275
JEFF WILLIS,
284
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,311
I CHALLENGE YOU FOR
THE HAND OF THE WOMAN
WE BOTH LOVE!
285
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,780
EMILY, I KNEW YOU
WERE CHEATING ON ME.
286
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,715
NO. HE'S LYING,
I SWEAR.
287
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,717
- YOU LOVE HER?
- MY OWN WIFE?
288
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,887
- YOU LOVE HER?
- I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
289
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:33,458
LAY OFF HER, JEFF.
I'M THE ONE THAT'S BEEN
SLEEPING WITH YOUR WIFE.
290
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,460
MY OWN BROTHER?
291
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,196
ONE ANSWER, AND I'LL
GET OUT OF YOUR WAY.
YOU LOVE HER?
292
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,532
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE SEX IS GREAT.
293
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,236
YOU SATANIC BASTARD.
294
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,306
- NO!
- YOU FRAUD!
295
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,810
- WHAT AN INTERESTING FAMILY.
- LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
296
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,447
( yelling )
297
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,586
( yelling continues )
298
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,458
THIS IS VERY HARD
FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?
299
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,693
IT'S THE HARDEST THING
I'VE HAD TO DO
300
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,863
IN MY ENTIRE TIME
ON THIS PLANET.
301
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,565
SCRUFFY, COME HERE.
302
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,306
YOU'RE GETTING
ON MY NERVES, MUTT.
303
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,308
SO TAKE A HIKE.
304
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,879
GO WITH THE KID.
305
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,782
I'M BAD NEWS, JUNIOR.
I'M TROUBLE, I TELL YA.
306
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,819
JUST GO!
307
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,090
OH.
( chuckles )
WHO AM I KIDDING?
308
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,659
WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK
HIM OVER TO OUR PLACE?
309
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,294
OH, SURE.
310
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,396
HARRY, YOU CAN COME OVER
311
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,665
AND PLAY WITH SCRUFFY
ANYTIME YOU WANT TO.
312
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,000
- REALLY?
- YEAH, WE'D LOVE IT.
313
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,571
AFTER MY EX-HUSBAND,
IT'S A PLEASURE
314
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,873
TO MEET A MAN
WHO'S SO CARING.
315
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,808
OH.
316
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,818
WELL, JEFF'S BROTHER
317
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,820
NEEDS HIS JAW WIRED.
318
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,557
- I HOPE YOU'RE
PROUD OF YOURSELF.
- YOU'RE MAD AT ME.
319
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,758
THAT'S FINE.
I'M MAD AT YOU.
320
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,796
- WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME?
- YOU'RE THE EXPERT.
321
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,898
YOU TELL ME.
322
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,634
DR. SOLOMON, WHAT DO
YOU WANT FROM ME?
323
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,570
I WANT...
324
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,739
I WANT TO BE
YOUR BOYFRIEND.
325
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,344
- OH.
- ARE YOU SURPRISED?
326
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,180
TO BE HONEST,
327
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,182
NOT REALLY.
328
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,019
WELL, THEN WHAT'S
THE PROBLEM?
329
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,055
HONESTLY, THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT YOU
330
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,325
THAT... SEEMS ODD.
331
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:50,995
IT'S AS IF YOU WERE
OUT OF SYNC WITH EVERY
OTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET.
332
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,564
HOW CAN THAT BE?
EVERY DAY I GO
OUT OF MY WAY
333
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,799
TO DO THINGS
THAT APPEAR NORMAL.
334
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,669
WHAT YOU JUST SAID,
THAT'S NOT NORMAL.
335
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,839
- WHAT ELSE?
- WELL, YOU...
336
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,675
YOU ACT AS IF YOU'RE
FEELING EVERYTHING
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
337
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,678
YOU HAVE NO CONTROL
OVER YOUR EMOTIONS.
338
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,381
YOU TRIED TO FEED ME
DOGGY TREATS.
339
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,619
AND?
340
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,687
YOU'RE MOVING
WAY TOO FAST.
341
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,857
WHATEVER IS GOING
TO HAPPEN BETWEEN US,
342
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,126
LET'S LET IT
EVOLVE NATURALLY.
343
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,295
ALL RIGHT, I CAN
GO ALONG WITH THAT.
344
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,730
- GOOD.
- WHY DON'T WE
SHAKE ON IT?
345
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,768
- WHY DON'T WE HUG ON IT?
- NO, THAT'S TOO--
346
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,770
DR. ALBRIGHT, PLEASE?
347
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,039
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW IMPORTANT
THIS HUG IS TO ME.
348
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,643
IT WOULD GIVE MY LIFE
A DEGREE OF MEANING THAT
I'VE ONLY DREAMED OF.
349
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,282
- ALL RIGHT.
- ( gasps )
350
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,120
NO, I CAN'T HUG
UNDER THIS PRESSURE.
351
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,390
TRY.
352
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,602
THERE.
353
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,537
THAT'S ALL
I WAS ASKING FOR.
354
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,576
I WANT TO HAVE
YOUR BABY.
355
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,782
YOU KNOW, JEALOUSY
DEFIES ALL LOGIC.
356
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,818
JEFF'S A NICE PERSON.
357
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,920
DR. ALBRIGHT'S
A NICE PERSON.
358
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,988
BUT... THE THOUGHT
OF THEM
359
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,057
BEING HAPPY TOGETHER
JUST MADE ME CRAZY.
360
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,059
YOU THINK THAT'S BAD?
361
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,430
CLARK KENT GETS JEALOUS
BECAUSE LOIS LANE
LIKES SUPERMAN.
362
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,266
NOW, THAT IS CRAZY.
363
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:38,669
DICK, YOU KNOW,
I FINALLY FIGURED OUT
364
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,771
WHAT WOMEN REALLY
WANT IN A MAN.
365
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:44,275
THEY WANT HIM TO DRIVE
A BIG, POWERFUL VEHICLE.
366
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,545
YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULD
BE A BUS DRIVER?
367
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:50,514
HEY, YOU'LL BE BEATING
THEM OFF WITH A STICK.
368
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:54,017
DICK, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW
HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
FROM THE LADIES,
369
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,986
- THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
- WHAT?
370
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,790
GET A DOG.
371
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,825
- WAIT--
- HARRY, YOU DIDN'T--?
372
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,829
NO.
373
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:24,315
( '50s rock music playing )