1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,003 ( '50s rock music playing ) 2 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,800 Man on radio: And the winning lottery numbers are: 3 00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:38,337 - 2, 21... - UH-HUH. 4 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,339 - 51... - YES. 5 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,908 9, 27... 6 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,910 - and 48. - ( all cheering ) 7 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:48,080 WE WON AGAIN! 8 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,383 AH! THAT WAS FUN. AH, YES. 9 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,385 A DOLLAR WELL SPENT. 10 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,055 - IF LUCK WERE MONEY, WE'D BE RICH. - YES. 11 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,826 HEY, LOOK AT THEM. 12 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,563 THEY'RE NOT KISSING. THEY'RE NOT GROPING. THEY'RE... 13 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,565 OOH, I KNOW THIS. 14 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,900 CUDDLING, CUDDLING IS INTERESTING. 15 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,303 IT'S BOTH ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL. 16 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,738 YES, BUT IT'S MORE THAN THAT. 17 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,575 IT IMPLIES AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. 18 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,178 HOW DO YOU ESTABLISH THAT WITH A WOMAN? 19 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,180 WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? 20 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,515 - BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WOMAN. - YEAH, FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS, 21 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,818 BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN FIGURED OUT HOW TO TAKE OFF MY BRA YET. 22 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,820 I WANT A HUG. 23 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,956 I WANT TO HUG DR. ALBRIGHT. I WANT TO HUG HER RIGHT NOW. 24 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,492 - SHE'S NOT HERE. - I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HUG SOMEBODY. 25 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,802 IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WITH YOU. 26 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,804 MY HEART WASN'T IN IT, EITHER. 27 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,508 I JUST LET YOU DO IT 'CAUSE YOU'RE HIGH COMMANDER. 28 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,344 I FEEL... SO CHEAP. 29 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,158 DICK, I CAN'T TAKE THIS HOUSEWORK ANYMORE. 30 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,161 I WAS PUT ON THIS MISSION BECAUSE OF MY MILITARY SKILLS. 31 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,163 THESE HANDS ARE LETHAL WEAPONS, 32 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:14,166 BUT NOW THEY'RE ALL RED AND DRY FROM HARSH DETERGENTS. 33 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,302 STOP COMPLAINING. YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS TO BE THE WOMAN, 34 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,771 JUST LIKE TOMMY'S ASSIGNMENT IS TO STUDY EARTH CULTURE. 35 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,906 RIGHT, AND I'M ON IT. THAT'S WHY I'M READING 36 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,842 "BETTY AND VERONICA'S SUMMER FUN." 37 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:29,248 MY GOD! THESE ARE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS? 38 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,050 OKAY, YOU GUYS, I WAS OUT WALKING, 39 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,785 AND SOMEONE STARTED FOLLOWING ME. 40 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,854 - OH, MY GOD. - HE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM. 41 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,657 - YOU LET HIM IN OUR HOME? - WELL, YEAH. 42 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,793 HE MIGHT BE WORTH STUDYING. COME ON IN! 43 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,563 - AW! - OH! 44 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,501 WHAT A GOOD LITTLE MAN. 45 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,836 - HARRY, THAT'S A DOG. - YOU KNOW, 46 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,072 YOU ARE JUST SO QUICK TO LABEL. 47 00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,546 OH, HE'S SO HUGGABLE. 48 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:03,382 OH, MAMA. 49 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,751 I'VE GOT TO GET TO THE OFFICE AND DR. ALBRIGHT. 50 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,021 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH HIM? 51 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,023 WELL, I'M GOING TO START 52 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,025 BY ESTABLISHING COMMUNICATION. 53 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,127 OH, HAVE A SEAT, MY FRIEND. 54 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,063 THERE. 55 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,901 ( barking ) 56 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:26,271 - WHAT'S HE TRYING TO SAY? - HE SAID THAT LASSIE'S A GUY. 57 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,545 - GOOD MORNING, DR. ALBRIGHT. - GOOD MORNING, DR. SOLOMON. 58 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,415 - I HAVE YOUR PHYSICS BOOK. - OH, THANK YOU. 59 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,651 OH! PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. 60 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,687 - I'M NOT MUCH OF A HUGGER. - OH. 61 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:46,925 LOOK WHO I FOUND WANDERING DOWN THE HALLS. 62 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,494 - MARY. - OH, MY GOD! 63 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,730 - OH! - OH! 64 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,732 OH! 65 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,301 DR. RICHARD SOLOMON, 66 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:59,571 THIS IS DR. JEFF WILLIS, MY OLD DEAR FRIEND. 67 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,774 HI. ACTUALLY, MARY AND I USED TO SHARE THIS OFFICE. 68 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,776 - AMONG OTHER THINGS. - NINA. 69 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,279 SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO TOWN? 70 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,948 A BOOK SIGNING. MY NOVEL'S BEEN PUBLISHED. 71 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,016 "ECHOES OF MY STEPFATHER." 72 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,018 YES. 73 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,055 YOU'VE FINALLY FINISHED. OH, IT'S WONDERFUL! 74 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,491 - OH! - MMM! 75 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,493 OH! I'VE GOT TO GET TO CLASS. 76 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,795 WE HAVE GOT TO GET TOGETHER AND CATCH UP. 77 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,231 - YOU GOT IT. - CALL ME. 78 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,199 - OH! - OH! 79 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,837 OH! 80 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,708 SHE IS SOMETHING ELSE. 81 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,811 HMM, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW GOOD YOU LOOK. 82 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,314 - YOU STILL PLAYING RACQUETBALL? - EVERY DAY. 83 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,016 - OOH! I LOVE IT! - I LOVE IT MORE! 84 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:50,088 - YOU DON'T PLAY RACQUETBALL. - ( chuckles ) 85 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,491 POOR, SWEET, MISGUIDED, 86 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,594 AMNESIAC NINA, OF COURSE I DO. 87 00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,464 I'VE GOT SOME TIME TO KILL. I'D LOVE TO PLAY. 88 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,267 - I'VE GOT SOME TIME TO PLAY I'D LOVE TO KILL. - ( chuckling ) 89 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,384 - CAN I HELP YOU? - NO, THANKS. JUST LOOKING. 90 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,489 HEY! IT SAYS "MEN" ON THE DOOR. 91 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,990 AND YOU MADE THE CUT? 92 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,860 - OOH, SALLY. - DICK. 93 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,995 HERE'S EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT RACQUETBALL. 94 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,997 THANKS FOR BRINGING THIS, LIEUTENANT. 95 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,367 I FOUND MYSELF STARTING TO TALK TO THE SCRUBBING BUBBLES, 96 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,536 SO I FIGURED I BETTER TAKE A WALK. 97 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,271 THIS IS NEWTONIAN PHYSICS-- TRAJECTORY AND VELOCITY. 98 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,374 AN IMBECILIC BABY COULD DO IT. 99 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,543 WELL, I'M OFF TO THE GAMES. 100 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,545 PLAY FIERCELY AND ANNIHILATE YOUR OPPONENT. 101 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,747 AS IT ALWAYS WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE. 102 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,718 HEY... 103 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,221 IT'S DRY ALREADY. PUT YOUR SHORTS ON. 104 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,125 I WON! 105 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,061 I WON! 106 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,899 I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON! 107 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,171 DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS? I WON. 108 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,408 - CONGRATULATIONS, DICK. - THAT WAS SO EASY. 109 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,344 YOU OFFERED ME NO CHALLENGE AT ALL. 110 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,380 YEAH, I WAS KIND OF OFF MY GAME. 111 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:24,249 OFF YOUR GAME? YOU PLAYED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. 112 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,653 TOO BAD MARY WASN'T HERE TO SEE IT. 113 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,823 THAT REMINDS ME, I GOTTA RUN. I'M MEETING HER FOR LUNCH. 114 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:36,595 WELL, I HOPE YOU TWO GIRLS HAVE FUN. 115 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,769 WHY AM I SO HOSTILE TO THIS JEFF PERSON? 116 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,771 HE'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO ME. 117 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,073 IN FACT, HE SEEMS LIKE A PERFECTLY TOLERABLE... TWIT. 118 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,611 BUT FOR SOME REASON, I HATE HIM 119 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,846 JUST BECAUSE DR. ALBRIGHT LIKES HIM. WHY? 120 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,848 IT'S CALLED JEALOUSY. 121 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,083 IT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO MOOSE WHEN REGGIE FLIRTS WITH MIDGE. 122 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,855 IF YOU'D READ A LITTLE, YOU'D KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. 123 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,858 I DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ. LIEUTENANT, GET OUT HERE. 124 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,461 - I HAVE A NEW ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU. - YES? FINALLY. 125 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,931 I WANT YOU TO FIND OUT WHAT MAKES A MAN SO IRRESISTIBLE 126 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:16,234 THAT A WOMAN HAS NO INTEREST IN ANY OTHER MAN. 127 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,737 - THAT'S STILL A CHICK JOB. - YES... 128 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,642 BUT IT'S ALSO A CHICK JOB TO HELP THE HIGH COMMANDER SCORE. 129 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,580 YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT LOVE? I'LL SHOW YOU LOVE. 130 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,649 SCRUFFY, COME HERE. COME HERE. 131 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:34,319 OH, SEE? HE LOVES ME FOR NO REASON. 132 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,555 HE LIVES JUST TO BASK 133 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,857 IN THE LIGHT OF MY SMILE. 134 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,496 AND THE BEST THING IS, WE BOTH SCARE THE MAILMAN. 135 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,534 ( sighs ) WHY CAN'T DR. ALBRIGHT 136 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:53,204 LEAP INTO MY LAP AND LICK MY FACE? 137 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,741 WELL, SOME BREEDS ARE MORE SKITTISH THAN OTHERS. 138 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,251 YOU TWO WERE HERE LAST NIGHT. 139 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,725 MISS? 140 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,963 MISS! 141 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,232 YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY IN SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP. WHY'D YOU PICK THIS GUY? 142 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,768 - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? - HEY, I'M TALKING TO THE LADY. 143 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,272 HE'S NOT TERRIBLY ATTRACTIVE. HE'S GOT BAD TASTE IN CLOTHES. 144 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:31,576 - EVEN I CAN TELL HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING. - I WOULDN'T SAY-- 145 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,246 AH! IT'S THE CAR, ISN'T IT? 146 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,181 NO! 147 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:41,486 ( whispers ) YES, IT'S THE CAR. 148 00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,488 THANK YOU. 149 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,327 ( whistles ) 150 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,997 ( kissing ) 151 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,212 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - TEMPTING YOU WITH THE GREAT TASTE OF BACON. 152 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,553 I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE FOLDERS IN TO NINA, 153 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,155 AND WHEN I COME BACK, YOU'LL BE GONE. 154 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,093 HI. MARY HERE? 155 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,763 UH, NO, SHE JUST LEFT FOR CLEVELAND. 156 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,799 LOOK, SHE'S BACK. 157 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,702 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I'M ON MY WAY TO A MEETING, 158 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,672 BUT I WANTED TO STOP OFF AND GIVE YOU A PRESENT. 159 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,741 OH! 160 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,410 "THANKS FOR BUGGING ME TO WRITE MY BOOK." 161 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,047 - OH, JEFF! - ( Jeff chuckles ) 162 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,649 IT'S A THIMBLE. I COLLECT THEM. 163 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,119 IT'S AN ANCIENT UKRAINIAN QUILTING THIMBLE. 164 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,455 THERE'S SOME WRITING. I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GET IT TRANSLATED. 165 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,624 WELL, YOU'VE BEEN SO BUSY WITH THE BOOK. 166 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,060 SPEAKING OF TIME, DON'T YOU HAVE A MEETING? 167 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,062 RIGHT. I GOTTA GO. BYE. 168 00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,364 - OH! - OH! 169 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,533 DAMN, THEY DID IT AGAIN! 170 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,136 OH! 171 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,073 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN TRANSLATE UKRAINIAN. 172 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,408 THAT'S NOT UKRAINIAN. IT'S TURKISH. 173 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,311 LOOK, THERE'S A DIACRITICAL MARK OVER THE "O." 174 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,313 ( speaking Turkish ) 175 00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,119 WELL, WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 176 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,555 "MAY THESE ALWAYS POINT ME TOWARD THE SPOILS OF WAR." 177 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,127 THIS ISN'T A THIMBLE. IT'S TURKISH NIPPLE ARMOR. 178 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,068 WELL, IT'S... 179 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,707 IN FACT, IT'S VERY VALUABLE. 180 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,276 WELL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A PAIR. 181 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,782 OH! DON'T TELL JEFF. 182 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,318 - THIS WILL BE OUR SECRET. - YES, OUR SECRET. 183 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,588 IT WILL BE SOMETHING JEFF WILL NEVER HAVE. 184 00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,591 WELL, IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. 185 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,593 THIS MUST HAVE BEEN VERY EXPENSIVE. 186 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,362 SO YOU LIKE EXPENSIVE THINGS? 187 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,364 NO. 188 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:10,001 SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IN LIFE COST NOTHING-- 189 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,003 A PICNIC ON A SUNNY DAY, 190 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,372 A LOVELY POEM READ ALOUD, 191 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,641 WATCHING MY FRIENDS FAIL. 192 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,643 WELL, I HAVE A MARVELOUS IDEA. 193 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,779 I'LL WRITE A POEM ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS FAILING 194 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:24,015 - AND READ IT TO YOU ALOUD ON A SUNNY PICNIC. - THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL. 195 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,317 - HOW ABOUT SATURDAY AFTERNOON? - WHY NOT? 196 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,224 I HAVE A DATE. 197 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,394 JEFF DOESN'T HAVE A DATE... 198 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,065 BUT I HAVE A DATE. 199 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,000 YES! 200 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,240 "WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES," 201 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,743 "WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH," "WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO FAST," 202 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:55,413 "WOMEN WHO LOVE TO READ ABOUT WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH AND TOO FAST." 203 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,348 OH, MY GOD. 204 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,423 EXCUSE ME. 205 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,425 YOU TWO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER, WHAT, 206 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,427 100, 150 YEARS? 207 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,495 42 THIS APRIL. 208 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:14,565 42 YEARS. IMPRESSIVE. 209 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,936 YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN HE WAS SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL, HUH? 210 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,571 - OH, YES. - TELL ME, WHY'D YOU PICK HIM? 211 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,209 WELL, HE WAS VERY SWEET 212 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,911 AND AFFECTIONATE. 213 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,381 HE HAD A REAL FLAIR FOR ROMANCE. 214 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,217 IT WAS THE CAR, WASN'T IT? 215 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,855 THAT WAS THE CLINCHER. 216 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,527 - FINALLY. DID YOU GET 'EM? - YES. 217 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,529 - PERMISSION TO SPEAK FREELY, SIR? - YEAH, SURE. 218 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,799 YOU AND I HAVE FLOWN A LOT OF MISSIONS TOGETHER. 219 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,433 IF YOU ASKED ME TO PUT OUT THE SUN WITH MY BARE HANDS, 220 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,136 I WOULD, NO QUESTIONS ASKED, 221 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,703 BUT IF YOU EVER SEND ME OUT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT 222 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,806 TO PICK UP A BUNCH OF WOMEN'S MAGAZINES AGAIN, 223 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,809 I WILL KILL YOU. 224 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,811 THIS MAY SOUND SILLY TO YOU, 225 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,946 BUT I HAVE A DATE WITH DR. ALBRIGHT, 226 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,082 AND I WANT TO BE SURE TO SAY THE RIGHT THING. NOW HELP ME OUT HERE. 227 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,185 DICK, THEY'RE POINTLESS. THEY'RE MIND-ALTERING. 228 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,287 THEY IMPOSE ARBITRARY STANDARDS ON WOMEN. 229 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,957 IT'S LIKE PROPAGANDA FOR SOME SORT OF ESTROGEN CULT. 230 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,126 JUST READ. 231 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,128 OKAY. 232 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,033 OKAY, HERE'S A TOPIC. YOU COULD DISCUSS BIOLOGY. 233 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,102 - WHY? - ACCORDING TO A RECENT SURVEY, 234 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,871 7 OUT OF 10 WOMEN HAVE MULTIPLE ORGANISMS. 235 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,011 - YOU HAVE TO. - Harry: NO, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. 236 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,613 YOU HAVE TO. CHECK TO THE LEASE. 237 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:39,150 - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - MRS. DUBCEK DOESN'T LIKE SCRUFFY. 238 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,052 THE LEASE SAYS NO PETS. 239 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,087 BUT HE'S SO CUTE. 240 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,123 NO! I'M ALLERGIC TO DOGS. 241 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,026 MY THROAT CLOSES OFF AND I CAN'T BREATHE. 242 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,594 - BUT HE'S SO CUTE. - NO! I CAN'T BREATHE. 243 00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:53,331 NO, NO. SORRY. NO, THE POOCH CANNOT STAY. 244 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,167 BUT HE'S SO CUTE! 245 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,502 - NO! - ( door slams ) 246 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,504 THAT'S TOO BAD, HARRY. 247 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,907 I GUESS YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. 248 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:05,310 YES, SCRUFFY AND I 249 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,312 MUST KILL MRS. DUBCEK... 250 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,650 AND HIDE HER BODY UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS. 251 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,130 WH-- 252 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,033 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - WE'RE GOING ON OUR PICNIC. 253 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,535 - DIDN'T YOU GET MY MESSAGE? - NO. WHY? 254 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,605 OH, MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY. I HAD TO CANCEL. 255 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:38,576 - CANCEL? - WELL, IT'S JEFF'S BOOK SIGNING PARTY. 256 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,479 BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I BEAT HIM IN RACQUETBALL. 257 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,616 I CAN'T MISS IT. HE DEDICATED HIS NOVEL TO ME. 258 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,753 OH, NO, YOU CAN'T MISS THAT. 259 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,856 - WHY DON'T YOU COME? - COME? 260 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,858 NO, I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO. 261 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,527 I HAVE TO TAKE MY BLACK FOREST HAM, MY WHEEL OF BRIE, 262 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,829 MY CABERNET SAUVIGNON, MY LIMOGES TRIVET, 263 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,499 THROW THEM IN THE FRONT YARD AND SET THEM ABLAZE 264 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,601 IN A BIG BONFIRE AS A TRIBUTE 265 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,037 TO JEFF'S BOOK SIGNING! 266 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,417 EXCUSE ME, I'M LOOKING FOR JEFF WILLIS. 267 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:22,520 HE'S WITH HIS PUBLICIST. HE'LL BE OUT SHORTLY. 268 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,522 - ARE YOU A FRIEND? - YES. 269 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,690 I'M VERY CLOSE TO THE STEAMING PUSTULE. 270 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,729 HARRY, I'VE SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM. 271 00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,665 THIS YOUNG LADY NEEDS A DOG FOR HER LITTLE GIRL. 272 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,335 OH, HE'S PERFECT. 273 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,337 OH, NO. 274 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,339 SCRUFFY'S NOT ABOUT TO RUIN HIS LIFE 275 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:45,043 BY RUNNING OFF WITH SOME BLONDE HE MET AT A COCKTAIL PARTY. 276 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,978 AH, NO. 277 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,986 THE MAN OF THE HOUR. 278 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:58,923 - OH, GOD. - YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY CLEVER, DON'T YOU? 279 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,392 I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT EVERY WORD IN YOUR BOOK 280 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,028 WAS PUBLISHED YEARS AGO! 281 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,630 PERHAPS YOU'VE READ THE DICTIONARY. 282 00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,273 YOU INVITED ME. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. 283 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,275 JEFF WILLIS, 284 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,311 I CHALLENGE YOU FOR THE HAND OF THE WOMAN WE BOTH LOVE! 285 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,780 EMILY, I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME. 286 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,715 NO. HE'S LYING, I SWEAR. 287 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,717 - YOU LOVE HER? - MY OWN WIFE? 288 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,887 - YOU LOVE HER? - I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE. 289 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:33,458 LAY OFF HER, JEFF. I'M THE ONE THAT'S BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR WIFE. 290 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,460 MY OWN BROTHER? 291 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,196 ONE ANSWER, AND I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR WAY. YOU LOVE HER? 292 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,532 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THE SEX IS GREAT. 293 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,236 YOU SATANIC BASTARD. 294 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,306 - NO! - YOU FRAUD! 295 00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,810 - WHAT AN INTERESTING FAMILY. - LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. 296 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,447 ( yelling ) 297 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,586 ( yelling continues ) 298 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,458 THIS IS VERY HARD FOR YOU, ISN'T IT? 299 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,693 IT'S THE HARDEST THING I'VE HAD TO DO 300 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,863 IN MY ENTIRE TIME ON THIS PLANET. 301 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,565 SCRUFFY, COME HERE. 302 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,306 YOU'RE GETTING ON MY NERVES, MUTT. 303 00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,308 SO TAKE A HIKE. 304 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,879 GO WITH THE KID. 305 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,782 I'M BAD NEWS, JUNIOR. I'M TROUBLE, I TELL YA. 306 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,819 JUST GO! 307 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,090 OH. ( chuckles ) WHO AM I KIDDING? 308 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,659 WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK HIM OVER TO OUR PLACE? 309 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,294 OH, SURE. 310 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,396 HARRY, YOU CAN COME OVER 311 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,665 AND PLAY WITH SCRUFFY ANYTIME YOU WANT TO. 312 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,000 - REALLY? - YEAH, WE'D LOVE IT. 313 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,571 AFTER MY EX-HUSBAND, IT'S A PLEASURE 314 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,873 TO MEET A MAN WHO'S SO CARING. 315 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,808 OH. 316 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,818 WELL, JEFF'S BROTHER 317 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,820 NEEDS HIS JAW WIRED. 318 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,557 - I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELF. - YOU'RE MAD AT ME. 319 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,758 THAT'S FINE. I'M MAD AT YOU. 320 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,796 - WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME? - YOU'RE THE EXPERT. 321 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,898 YOU TELL ME. 322 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,634 DR. SOLOMON, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? 323 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,570 I WANT... 324 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,739 I WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND. 325 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,344 - OH. - ARE YOU SURPRISED? 326 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,180 TO BE HONEST, 327 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,182 NOT REALLY. 328 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,019 WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 329 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,055 HONESTLY, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT YOU 330 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,325 THAT... SEEMS ODD. 331 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:50,995 IT'S AS IF YOU WERE OUT OF SYNC WITH EVERY OTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET. 332 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,564 HOW CAN THAT BE? EVERY DAY I GO OUT OF MY WAY 333 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,799 TO DO THINGS THAT APPEAR NORMAL. 334 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,669 WHAT YOU JUST SAID, THAT'S NOT NORMAL. 335 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,839 - WHAT ELSE? - WELL, YOU... 336 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,675 YOU ACT AS IF YOU'RE FEELING EVERYTHING FOR THE FIRST TIME. 337 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,678 YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR EMOTIONS. 338 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,381 YOU TRIED TO FEED ME DOGGY TREATS. 339 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,619 AND? 340 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,687 YOU'RE MOVING WAY TOO FAST. 341 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,857 WHATEVER IS GOING TO HAPPEN BETWEEN US, 342 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,126 LET'S LET IT EVOLVE NATURALLY. 343 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,295 ALL RIGHT, I CAN GO ALONG WITH THAT. 344 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,730 - GOOD. - WHY DON'T WE SHAKE ON IT? 345 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,768 - WHY DON'T WE HUG ON IT? - NO, THAT'S TOO-- 346 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,770 DR. ALBRIGHT, PLEASE? 347 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,039 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS HUG IS TO ME. 348 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,643 IT WOULD GIVE MY LIFE A DEGREE OF MEANING THAT I'VE ONLY DREAMED OF. 349 00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,282 - ALL RIGHT. - ( gasps ) 350 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,120 NO, I CAN'T HUG UNDER THIS PRESSURE. 351 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,390 TRY. 352 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,602 THERE. 353 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,537 THAT'S ALL I WAS ASKING FOR. 354 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,576 I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY. 355 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,782 YOU KNOW, JEALOUSY DEFIES ALL LOGIC. 356 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,818 JEFF'S A NICE PERSON. 357 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,920 DR. ALBRIGHT'S A NICE PERSON. 358 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,988 BUT... THE THOUGHT OF THEM 359 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,057 BEING HAPPY TOGETHER JUST MADE ME CRAZY. 360 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,059 YOU THINK THAT'S BAD? 361 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,430 CLARK KENT GETS JEALOUS BECAUSE LOIS LANE LIKES SUPERMAN. 362 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,266 NOW, THAT IS CRAZY. 363 00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:38,669 DICK, YOU KNOW, I FINALLY FIGURED OUT 364 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,771 WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN A MAN. 365 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:44,275 THEY WANT HIM TO DRIVE A BIG, POWERFUL VEHICLE. 366 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,545 YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULD BE A BUS DRIVER? 367 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:50,514 HEY, YOU'LL BE BEATING THEM OFF WITH A STICK. 368 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:54,017 DICK, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT FROM THE LADIES, 369 00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,986 - THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. - WHAT? 370 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,790 GET A DOG. 371 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,825 - WAIT-- - HARRY, YOU DIDN'T--? 372 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,829 NO. 373 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:24,315 ( '50s rock music playing )