1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,935
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

2
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,665
IS IT CABLE YET?
HEY, HEY, IS IT CABLE?

3
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,336
- YOU'RE WIRED.
- OH!

4
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,505
THIS IS THE SECOND
MOST EXCITING THING

5
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,740
I HAVE EVER HELD
IN MY HAND.

6
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,475
HARRY, YOU READY TO GO?

7
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,978
DICK, WE'VE GOT CABLE,
72 CHANNELS,

8
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,248
AND, UNLIKE PRIMITIVE
FREE TELEVISION,

9
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:53,252
- THIS ONE YOU
GET TO PAY FOR.
- OH!  THAT'S NICE.

10
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,188
- SALLY, ARE YOU FINISHED
IN THE BATHROOM YET?
-<i> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.</i>

11
00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,359
YOU LIVE IN AN ATTIC?
YOU'RE POOR?

12
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,394
THAT'S SO COOL.

13
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,396
- THANKS.
- HI!

14
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,731
- WHO'S THAT?
- THIS IS CHERYL.
SHE'S A CHEERLEADER.

15
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,733
- A WHAT?
- SHOW THEM A CHEER.

16
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,136
- NOT IN FRONT OF
ALL THESE PEOPLE.
- COME ON, COME ON.

17
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,072
OKAY.

18
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,975
READY?!  OKAY!

19
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,846
GO, "R"!  GO, "A"!
GO, "M"!  GO, "S"!

20
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,616
R-A-M-S!
LET'S GO, RAMS!

21
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,219
WHOO!

22
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,321
ALL RIGHT.
SO...

23
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,024
SHE'S PROUD
OF HER SPELLING.

24
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,961
I'LL MEET YOU
IN THE KITCHEN.
WE CAN STUDY IN THERE.

25
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,996
TOMMY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO AUGUST?

26
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,966
AUGUST-- WELL, AUGUST
IS BRIGHT AND INTELLIGENT

27
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,368
AND FUNNY, AND I LOVE
TO BE WITH HER,

28
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:46,138
BUT CHERYL'S EASY.

29
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,440
SO YOU'RE JEOPARDIZING
A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP

30
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,709
- FOR PURE PHYSICAL PLEASURE.
- EXACTLY.

31
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,479
- VERY WELL.  CARRY ON.
- THANK YOU, SIR.

32
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:54,913
SALLY, HERE'S YOUR COAT.

33
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,648
AND I WANT YOU TO BE
ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

34
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,683
THIS IS A PARTY IN HONOR
OF LEONARD HANLIN.

35
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,719
WHY?  NOBODY
LIKES HIM.

36
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,988
THEY HATE HIM,
BUT THEY HONOR HIM.

37
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:06,391
IT'S A HUMAN PHENOMENON
THAT I FIND FASCINATING.

38
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:08,627
BEHIND HIS BACK
THEY DERIDE HIM,

39
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,263
BUT TO HIS FACE
THEY KISS HIS ASS.

40
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,666
WELL, THAT'S JUST THE KIND
OF STUNT YOU CAN SEE
ONLY ON CABLE.

41
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,069
PLUS WE GOT SPORTS,
MUSIC, MOVIES.

42
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,971
OH, AND LOOK.

43
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,574
<i> "EL MUNDO PACÍFICO."</i>

44
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,709
<i> ( TV announcer</i>
<i> speaking Spanish )</i>

45
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,048
- AH, THAT'S<i> MUY BUENO.</i>
- NO.

46
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,718
( speaking Spanish throughout )

47
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,900
- OH.
- ENGLISH,
SPANISH, FRENCH...

48
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:52,037
- ( overlapping dialogue )
- I KNOW, I KNOW.

49
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,072
EARTH-- GO FIGURE.

50
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,445
DR. HANLIN,
IT IS AN HONOR
TO HAVE YOU HERE.

51
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,481
WELL, THANK YOU,
DEAN SUMNER.

52
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,516
AND, YOU,
BE A PLEASANT TOADY

53
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,419
AND BRING ME ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE, WOULD YOU?

54
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,454
DR. HANLIN,

55
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,856
WE SO ADMIRE
YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

56
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,693
WELL, I ADMIRE YOUR
COURAGE, MRS. SUMNER.

57
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,063
AN AUDUBON PRINT
OVER THE MANTLE

58
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,065
PASSING FOR ART--

59
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,000
THAT TAKES GUTS.

60
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,671
LOOK WHO I FOUND.
IT'S DR. SOLOMON.

61
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:29,241
WELL, AN HONEST MAN
IN A DEN OF BOOTLICKERS,

62
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,110
NOT THAT I DON'T ENJOY
HAVING MY BOOTS LICKED.

63
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,313
IT'S JUST THAT I FIND
YOU ALL CONTEMPTIBLE.

64
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,550
SO TELL ME, DICK,
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY WORK?

65
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,486
MECHANISTIC
AND DISTURBINGLY FASCIST,

66
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:44,789
BUT PRETENTIOUS
HIGH SCHOOLERS MIGHT FIND
IT THOUGHT-PROVOKING.

67
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,126
I THINK IT'S
GROUNDBREAKING.

68
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:51,062
I DON'T NEED THE OPINION
OF A WATER BOY WITH TENURE.

69
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,164
I'M TALKING
TO MY FRIEND.

70
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,001
I LIKE YOU, SOLOMON.

71
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,371
WELL, I DON'T
LIKE YOU.

72
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:02,674
BUT I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY HATES ME MORE
THAN YOUR FRIEND,

73
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,577
- DOCTOR, UM...
- ALBRIGHT.

74
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:09,314
YES.  PROBABLY BECAUSE
I TURNED HER DOWN.

75
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,015
I NEED SOMETHING
FROM THE BAR.

76
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,418
YES, THAT SHOULD SOLVE
ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

77
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,121
WELL, THEN LET'S
GET DRINKING.

78
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:19,224
- EXCUSE ME.
- CAN I HELP YOU?

79
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,226
WELL, SOMEBODY
SAID THERE WAS

80
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,862
A GIANT FLAMING
JACKASS OVER HERE.

81
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:28,600
THEY PUT IT OUT.

82
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,702
I HATE THAT MAN.

83
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,971
I WISH THERE
WAS SOME WAY
HE COULD BE--

84
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:36,441
- NICER?
- NO, DEAD.

85
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,878
WELL, YOU'RE
PUBLISHED AGAIN.
CONGRATULATIONS.

86
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,481
NINA, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

87
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,416
YOU'RE A SECRETARY.

88
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,090
YOU'RE DR. SOLOMON'S
SISTER.

89
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:55,093
YOU'RE A LOT
BETTER-LOOKING
THAN HE IS.

90
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,629
HEY, I'M UP HERE.

91
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,565
YES, ALL WOMEN WOULD
LIKE TO THINK THAT.

92
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,436
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO HAVE YOUR EYEBALLS

93
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,238
IN THE BOTTOM
OF A MARTINI GLASS?
'CAUSE I CAN DO IT.

94
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,240
OH, OO-OOH!

95
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,677
THE AMAZON'S GOING
TO MANHANDLE ME.

96
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,382
YOU'RE NOT WORTH
A BROKEN NAIL.

97
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,491
- ( groans )
- DR. HANLIN?

98
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,394
DR. HANLIN!
SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1.

99
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,799
- I THINK HE'S DEAD.
- ( all gasping )

100
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,401
DR. ALBRIGHT,
YOU GOT YOUR WISH!

101
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,012
OKAY, SO THE KINDS
OF TRIANGLES ARE

102
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,081
ISOSCELES,
EQUILATERAL, SCALENE.

103
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,916
AND WHAT'S
THE OTHER ONE?

104
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:55,620
WHY DO I HAVE TO KNOW
THIS IF I'M GOING
TO BE A TEACHER?

105
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,125
YOU WANT A SODA?

106
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,328
'KAY.

107
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,930
THERE'S JUICE, TOO,
IF YOU'D RATHER HAVE
THAT, OR WATER.

108
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,931
HI.

109
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,237
AUGUST, YOU'RE HERE.

110
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,040
YEAH, WE HAVE
A SCIENCE PROJECT,
REMEMBER?

111
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,478
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- I THINK I WANT A SODA.

112
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,046
OH-HH!  HELLO,

113
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,982
AUGGIE.

114
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,953
CHERYL.
THERE'S SOMETHING
DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU.

115
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:32,090
IS IT YOUR HAIR?  NO.

116
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,025
OH, YOU'RE
HOLDING A BOOK.

117
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,199
TOMMY, COULD
YOU HURRY UP?

118
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,201
I'M REALLY THIRSTY.

119
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,606
CHERYL'S HELPING ME
WITH MY MATH HOMEWORK.

120
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,175
SHE IS.

121
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:54,345
YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT
TO HANG OUT WITH CHERYL,
THAT'S OKAY.

122
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,115
WE HAVEN'T MADE ANY
SERIOUS DECLARATIONS
OF OUR FEELINGS,

123
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,150
SO THERE ISN'T
THE ISSUE OF OWNERSHIP.

124
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,219
BUT-- AND,
JUST LIKE CHERYL,

125
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,955
THIS IS A BIG "BUT"--

126
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,090
YOU COULD AT LEAST
BE HONEST WITH ME.

127
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,192
NO, AUGUST, WAIT.
AUGUST, HOLD ON.

128
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,194
I'M SORRY.
AUGUST, I'M SORRY.

129
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,434
HELLO!

130
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,836
I THOUGHT YOU
WERE BRINGING ME
SOMETHING TO DRINK.

131
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,505
OH, RIGHT.
SORRY.  SORRY.

132
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,507
- DIET.
- SORRY.

133
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,443
SORRY, SORRY.

134
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:30,148
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYBODY DIE BEFORE.

135
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,150
I KNOW,
IT'S AMAZING.

136
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,986
ONE MINUTE, HE'S ACTIVE,
AND THE NEXT, HE'S INERT.

137
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,823
FIRST HE'S LIMBER,
AND THEN HE'S STIFF.

138
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,158
HIS EYES ARE TWINKLY,
THEN THEY'RE MILKY.

139
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,561
HE'S ROSY, THEN SALLOW.
OILY, THEN DRY.

140
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,330
- GURGLY, THEN SILENT.
- WILL YOU STOP!

141
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:49,334
DICK?  DICK,
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

142
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:52,437
- WHAT?
- I KILLED HIM.

143
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,673
OH, THAT'S
JUST GREAT.

144
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,676
DIDN'T I SAY
BEST BEHAVIOR?

145
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,946
- I NEVER MEANT TO KILL HIM.
- WHY CAN'T YOU BE
LIKE DR. ALBRIGHT?

146
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,782
SHE WANTED HIM DEAD,
BUT DID SHE ACT
ON IT?  NO...

147
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,550
BECAUSE SHE'S
A LADY.

148
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,022
- THE POLICE ARE HERE.
WE'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
- WE WILL.

149
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,358
- JUST WALK OUT CALMLY.
- OKAY, HERE WE GO.

150
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,927
- ( stammers )
LOOK CASUAL.
- OKAY.

151
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,135
NO.  NO, NO.

152
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:27,138
I THINK WE ALL KNOW
WHY DR. HANLIN DIED.

153
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,676
HE HAD A BAD HEART.

154
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,013
HE IGNORED
HIS DOCTOR'S ADVICE.
HE BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF.

155
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,015
- OH, THANK GOD!
- YES!

156
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,350
- LET'S EAT!
- ALL RIGHT!
( laughs )

157
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:46,057
- PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
- Albright:<i> WHAT?</i>

158
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,427
PROMISE ME THAT YOU'LL
NEVER DO WHAT DR. HANLIN
DID AT THE PARTY.

159
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,163
FEEL UP THE CATERER?
I WON'T.

160
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,465
PROMISE ME YOU'LL
NEVER COLLAPSE

161
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,569
AND BE HAULED AWAY
UNDER A SHEET,

162
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,638
BECAUSE THE THOUGHT
OF YOU LYING THERE,

163
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,740
PURPLE, RIGID
AND DISTENDED,

164
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,976
JUST MAKES ME
SO SAD.

165
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,548
'KAY.

166
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,816
YOU KNOW WHAT WE
SHOULD DO RIGHT NOW?

167
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:14,085
RUN OUT OF HERE,
GRAB A COUPLE OF HORSES,

168
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,087
RIGHT BAREBACK THROUGH
THE WOODS ALL NIGHT

169
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,023
AND MAKE LOVE
IN A MEADOW AT SUNRISE.

170
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,227
I HAVE A CLASS
IN FIVE MINUTES,

171
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,197
AND THAT'S JUST THE FIRST
OF MY RESERVATIONS.

172
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:29,333
FORGET CLASS.
LET'S LIVE!

173
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,670
LET'S TASTE DANGER.

174
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:34,238
LET'S GO FOR THE GUSTO,
CONSEQUENCES BE DAMNED.

175
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,141
LET'S DRIVE FAST
AND EAT CHEESE.

176
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,344
ARE YOU INSANE?

177
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,515
I'VE SIMPLY AWAKENED
TO THE SENSUAL
POSSIBILITIES

178
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,451
OF EVERYTHING
AROUND ME.

179
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,589
( sniffs )

180
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,358
YOU KNOW, I THINK
SHE'S FULLY INFLATED.

181
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,427
WHAT IS IT, NINA?

182
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,631
THIS LETTER
JUST CAME FOR YOU.
IT'S FROM DR. HANLIN.

183
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,867
"DEAR DR. SOLOMON,

184
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,704
IF YOU ARE READING THIS,
IT MEANS THAT I AM DEAD.

185
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,206
AS ONE HONEST MAN
TO ANOTHER,

186
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:11,275
IT IS MY DYING WISH
THAT YOU DELIVER
AN HONEST EULOGY

187
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,945
WITHOUT ANY EMBELLISHMENT
OR FLATTERING CRAP."

188
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,115
AN HONEST EULOGY,
I CAN DO THAT.

189
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,350
NO, YOU CAN'T.

190
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,220
AN HONEST EULOGY
FOR THAT MAN WOULD
BE INSULTING.

191
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,056
WELL, I'LL JUST HAVE
TO FIND SOMETHING
TO SAY ABOUT HIM

192
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,626
THAT'S BOTH HONEST
AND UPLIFTING.

193
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,661
OH, HOW ABOUT

194
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,763
"WE LOVE HIM MORE TODAY
THAN YESTERDAY"?

195
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,401
S-P... I-R... I-T!

196
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,537
GO, SPIRIT, LET'S HEAR IT!
GO, SPIRIT, LET'S HEAR IT!

197
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:42,273
<i> S-P... I-R... I-T!</i>

198
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,543
-<i> GO, SPIRIT! </i> LET'S HEAR IT!
<i> </i> GO, SPIRIT!  LET'S HEAR IT!
- OH, GOSH!

199
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:50,481
Dick:
<i> OH, THAT IS--</i>

200
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,617
SHE'S GOT THE SPIRIT.
ISN'T SHE WONDERFUL?

201
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:56,121
YEAH, THE MAGIC
NEVER ENDS.

202
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,523
- MRS. DUBCEK,
DID YOU HEAR THIS?
- YES, I HEARD IT.

203
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,125
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
IS GOING ON UP HERE,

204
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:03,261
BUT I HAVE PLASTER
FALLING INTO MY JACUZZI.

205
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,764
I'VE NEVER HEARD IT
CALLED THAT BEFORE.

206
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:11,803
- TAKE IT OUTSIDE.
- LATER, TOMMY.

207
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:16,041
SO, TOMMY, CAN'T
FIND FULFILLMENT

208
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,043
IN A MEANINGLESS
RELATIONSHIP

209
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,679
WITH A SUPERFICIAL,
SIMPLEMINDED BIMBO?

210
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,447
I KNOW.  I'M JUST
AS BAFFLED AS YOU ARE.

211
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,852
MRS. DUBCEK,

212
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,188
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INVOLVED
IN FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS?

213
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,491
WELL, NOT FOR MYSELF--
FOR MY SECOND HUSBAND.

214
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:37,829
- LOVELY FUNERAL, VERY NICE.
- WELL, I--

215
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,965
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON THIS EULOGY.
WHAT WAS HIS LIKE?

216
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,634
WELL, IT WAS
AN OUTDOOR SERVICE.

217
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,970
AND THEN THIS WOMAN
CAME ALONG, ASKING
FOR DIRECTIONS

218
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:49,140
BECAUSE SHE WAS LOST
AND SHE COULDN'T FIND
HER WAY HOME.

219
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,209
AND WE WERE SO TOUCHED,

220
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,244
THAT WE JUST FORGOT
ABOUT CARL'S EULOGY

221
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,213
AND JUST PLANTED HIM.

222
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,918
SO I-- I JUST
NEED TO FIND

223
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,920
SOME BABBLING
ECCENTRIC

224
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,823
TO CREATE A DIVERSION.

225
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,092
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ON SATURDAY?

226
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,595
YOU'RE JUST LUCKY

227
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,964
YOU'RE SO
DAMNEDABLY HANDSOME.

228
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,137
WHY DOES DEATH HAVE
TO BE SO INCONVENIENT?

229
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,707
MMM, TO DIE,
TO SLEEP.

230
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,376
TO SLEEP,
PERCHANCE TO DREAM.

231
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,545
OHH!

232
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,148
THERE'S THE RUB,

233
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,583
FOR IN THAT SLEEP
OF DEATH

234
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,753
WHAT DREAMS MAY COME...

235
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:41,459
WHEN WE HAVE SHUFFLED OFF
THIS MORTAL COIL

236
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,629
MUST GIVE US PAUSE.

237
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:48,133
- WHAT'S THAT FROM?
- I DON'T KNOW, SOME
MEL GIBSON MOVIE.

238
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,772
MEL GIBSON,
HE'S DREAMY.

239
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,141
All: MMM!

240
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,214
IF WE MEASURE
"X" IN GRAMS

241
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,216
AND "Y" IN CENTIMETERS
PER SECOND,

242
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,920
THEN "Z" IS MEASURED
IN A UNIT OF ENERGY
WE CALL ERGS.

243
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:12,323
THE COMPLETE CONVERSION
OF ONE GRAM OF MASS
INTO ENERGY

244
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:16,995
THUS RELEASES
ONE TIMES THREE TIMES
10 TO THE 10th POWER SQUARED,

245
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,563
WHICH BRINGS ME
TO ANOTHER POINT--
YOUR LIVES ARE FRAGILE,

246
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,632
AND YOU'RE ALL
GOING TO DIE!

247
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,504
YOUR TIME IS SHORT,

248
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,506
AND I BARELY KNOW
ANY OF YOU.

249
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,910
CLOSE YOUR BOOKS.

250
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,681
I WANT TO SIT
AMONG YOU.

251
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,450
I WANT TO SHARE
YOUR THOUGHTS,
LEARN YOUR FEARS,

252
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:42,553
EXPOSE YOUR
DARKEST SECRETS.
WHO'S FIRST?

253
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,589
- BUG, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
- UH...

254
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:49,260
- WHY ARE YOU CALLED BUG?
- I GOT HIT BY A VOLKSWAGEN.

255
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,798
- AND, LEON.
- WHAT?

256
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,000
- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- HERE.

257
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,169
YOU SEE?
THIS IS FASCINATING.

258
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,238
UH, WHO'S NEXT?
PITMAN.

259
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:04,042
UH... WHAT ABOUT
YOU, DR. SOLOMON?
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

260
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:11,149
OKAY.

261
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,118
I'M SURE THAT
YOU'VE ALL HEARD OF
THE RADIO TELESCOPE.

262
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,120
WELL... FUNNY STORY.

263
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,557
TRUE STORY.
I'M NOT HUMAN.

264
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,927
-<i> ( class bell rings )</i>
- WELL, THAT'S ALL
THE TIME WE HAVE.

265
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:24,929
AND BY THE WAY,

266
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:28,066
I ASSUME THAT SOME OF YOU
HAVE TAKEN A CLASS
FROM DR. HANLIN.

267
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:31,069
DOES ANYONE HAVE
ANY STORIES ABOUT HIM?
OH, GOOD.

268
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,604
- I NEED SOMETHING NICE.
- Woman: OH, SORRY.

269
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,211
I KNOW THAT IT WAS
HIS FINAL REQUEST

270
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,313
THAT I BE FORTHRIGHT
AND HONEST,

271
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,949
BUT THE PROBLEM IS,
I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND
ANYTHING GOOD

272
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:48,052
TO SAY ABOUT THIS MAN,
AND I'VE BEEN LOOKING.

273
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,289
YOU KNOW, DICK,

274
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,359
EVERYONE HAS GOODNESS
WITHIN THEM.

275
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:57,395
IF YOU LOOK BENEATH
THE SURFACE FAR ENOUGH,

276
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,231
I THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO DISCOVER

277
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,566
A BASIC INNER CORE
OF GOODNESS

278
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,069
THAT, WELL, MAKES US ALL
CHILDREN OF GOD.

279
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,837
WELL...

280
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:11,742
I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE
TO TRY TO FIND THAT
IN DR. HANLIN.

281
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,879
LEONARD HANLIN?

282
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,524
OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK.

283
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,666
- LISTEN, AUGUST,
ABOUT CHERYL--
- NO.

284
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:39,003
NO, LOOK, WE USED
TO BE INVOLVED.
THAT'S OVER.

285
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,005
I'M OKAY WITH THAT.

286
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:43,441
NOW LET'S NOT LET IT AFFECT
OUR ACADEMIC RELATIONSHIP.

287
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,277
NO, I MADE
A MISTAKE WITH HER.

288
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,913
SEE, I DON'T
WANT CHERYL.
I WANT YOU.

289
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,082
OF COURSE
YOU WANT ME.

290
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,154
WHAT CAN I DO
TO FIX THIS?

291
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,089
YOU COULD TAKE ME
SOMEPLACE NICE.

292
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,427
ALL RIGHT,
UM... OKAY.

293
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,096
THERE'S THIS THING
I GOT TO GO TO
TOMORROW AFTERNOON

294
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:08,666
'CAUSE MY DAD
KNEW THIS GUY.

295
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,668
IT'S, UM...
YOU HAVE TO DRESS UP

296
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:14,172
'CAUSE IT'S REALLY,
REALLY NICE.

297
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,107
SURE.

298
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:22,046
SO WHEN THEY ASKED ME
TO COME TO EARTH,
I THOUGHT, "WHY NOT?"

299
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:25,683
I WAS IN A RUT, WORKING
FOR THE BIG GIANT HEAD.

300
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,521
- YOU KNOW HIM.
- Dick:<i> HARRY!</i>

301
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,656
UH, JUST A MINUTE.

302
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,629
- WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO?
- NOBODY.

303
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,067
DR. HANLIN.

304
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,139
- HOW DID HE GET HERE?
- I GAVE HIM A RIDE.

305
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,844
THIS ISN'T
DR. HANLIN ANYMORE.

306
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,846
IT'S AN EMPTY VESSEL.

307
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,249
SEE, IF HE WERE ALIVE,
COULD I DO THIS?

308
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:02,086
COULD ANY MAN ALIVE
RESIST A FRESH BANANA?

309
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,725
I REST MY CASE.

310
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,061
BUT, DICK, WHEN
OUR MISSION ENDS

311
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,595
AND WE LEAVE THIS PLANET,

312
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,264
WILL OUR BODIES
END UP LIKE THAT?

313
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:16,300
OF COURSE.
IT'S HAPPENED
A MILLION TIMES.

314
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:18,802
WE STUDY A PLANET.
WE TAKE ON THE LIFE-FORMS.

315
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,739
WE FINISH THE JOB.
WE DISCARD THE LIFE-FORMS.
THE END.

316
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,741
DICK, I FEEL
DIFFERENT HERE.

317
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:27,478
I MEAN, I LIKE SALLY.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER
WHEN I'M GONE?

318
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,214
WHAT HAPPENS
TO ALL HER STUFF?

319
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,183
ALL HER SHOES?

320
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,786
YOU WON'T CARE

321
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,788
BECAUSE THE THING
THAT'S REALLY YOU

322
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,790
WILL BE
IN ANOTHER GALAXY,

323
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:43,294
AND SALLY WILL BE...
JUST LIKE DR. HANLIN.

324
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:46,264
WHOA, DICK, HE'S
GOING FOR THE BANANA.

325
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,266
OH, NO!

326
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,269
<i> ( classical music playing )</i>

327
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,937
I NEED TO RUN
THIS EULOGY BY YOU.

328
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,572
JUST SAY WHATEVER
YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.

329
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,241
NO, I THINK I'VE FOUND
A POSITIVE ANGLE.

330
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,710
"OFFICE SPACE
IS AT A PREMIUM
ON THIS CAMPUS,

331
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,712
- SO YOU'LL BE
HAPPY TO HEAR--"
- STOP!

332
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,881
THE MAN IS DEAD.

333
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,550
WE'RE READY TO START.

334
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,588
SEE HOW NICE IT IS?

335
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,260
THIS...
IS THE THING FOR THE GUY

336
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,028
YOU INVITED ME TO?

337
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,799
YEAH.

338
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,234
WHAT?

339
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,880
HOW...

340
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:39,717
CAN WE HONOR
THE MEMORY

341
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:42,587
OF A MAN LIKE
LEONARD HANLIN?

342
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,424
WELL...

343
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,366
HE WAS GOVERNED
BY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS,

344
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,836
AS ARE ALL
LIVING THINGS.

345
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,340
IT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT

346
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,610
THAT HEARTS
AND CLOCKS SLOW DOWN

347
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,978
AS THEY APPROACH
THE SPEED OF LIGHT,

348
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,148
THE POINT
AT WHICH MATTER

349
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,583
IS CONVERTED
INTO ENERGY.

350
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,952
DR. HANLIN'S HEART
APPROACHED THAT SPEED

351
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,887
ON FRIDAY EVENING...

352
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,324
AT 7:57,

353
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,360
ACCORDING TO
THE CORONER,

354
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,796
CONVERTING HIS MATTER
INTO ENERGY,

355
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,699
INTO PURE WHITE LIGHT.

356
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,637
THOUGH HE IS
NO LONGER WITH US,

357
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,574
HE IS ALL AROUND US.

358
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,749
( whispers )
THANK YOU.

359
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:55,159
THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY
BEAUTIFUL.

360
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,665
MATTER TO ENERGY?

361
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:04,235
COULD YOU HAVE
BEEN MORE TRITE?

362
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,738
WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST PHONE IT IN?

363
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,443
<i> ( '20s jazz music</i>
<i> playing on radio )</i>

364
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:17,815
THE FACT THAT SOMEDAY
WE'LL LOSE THESE BODIES

365
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,817
MAKES ME WANT MORE.

366
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,486
I WANT TO SHARE
MYSELF WITH SOMEONE.

367
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,488
AND I THINK
WE ALL KNOW WHO.

368
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,359
I WANT TO SAVOR
EVERY MOMENT.

369
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:31,095
I WANT TO SEE PLACES
OUTSIDE OF OHIO.

370
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,198
HMM, I WANT ONE OF
THOSE BIG CHEESEBURGERS

371
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,133
WITH THREE BUNS.

372
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,204
I WANT ONE
OF THOSE THINGS,

373
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:43,708
YOU SEE PEOPLE WITH THEM.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE
LIKE THIS BIG.

374
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,477
- A BABY?
- YEAH.

375
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,347
AREN'T YOU KIND OF
STUCK WITH A BABY
FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

376
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,383
NO, YOU ONLY HAVE A BABY
FOR, LIKE, TWO YEARS.

377
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,356
MEN.

378
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:01,292
DICK, WHEN ARE WE GOING
TO LEAVE THESE BODIES?

379
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:04,995
WHEN WE'VE
LEARNED EVERYTHING
THERE IS TO KNOW

380
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,764
ABOUT LIFE.

381
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,302
WHOA.  GOOD THING
WE GOT CABLE.

382
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:16,807
Man:
<i> ♪ Life is just</i>
<i> a bowl of cherries ♪</i>

383
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,744
<i> ♪ So live</i>
<i> and laugh at it all. ♪</i>

384
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,514
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>