1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,969
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

2
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,968
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M WAXING THE FLOOR.

3
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:40,305
IT'S NICE TO KNOW
THAT EVERY TIME I TAKE
SOME RESPONSIBILITY,

4
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,674
I MOVE A STEP CLOSER
TO MY PROMOTION.

5
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,676
YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
TO THE TOP.

6
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:47,346
AND I DON'T CARE WHO
I STEP ON TO GET THERE.

7
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,348
WELL, NICE JOB, HARRY.

8
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,617
HA!  FLOOR'S SO SHINY,
I CAN SEE UP MY OWN DRESS.

9
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,888
THAT'S ENOUGH.

10
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,823
SALLY--

11
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,097
- YOU TOUCHED MY RADIO.
- NO, I DIDN'T.

12
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,332
YES, YOU DID.
I ALWAYS LEAVE IT TUNED

13
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,334
TO BIG COUNTRY 902.1.

14
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,836
I TURNED IT ON, AND OUT
CAME MUCHO SALSA 106.

15
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,839
WELL, YOU USED MY LEG RAZOR
TO SHAVE YOUR STUPID FACE.

16
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,276
THAT'S BECAUSE THE DELICATE
HANDLE IS EASIER TO GRIP.

17
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,178
LISTEN, MR. ANAL,
I AM SICK--

18
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,181
HEY!  AM I GONNA HAVE
TO SEPARATE YOU TWO?

19
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,518
ALL WE SEEM TO DO IS ARGUE
EVER SINCE WE CAME HERE.

20
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,888
- I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- WE STUDIED NINE GALAXIES
IN PERFECT HARMONY.

21
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,057
AND WE DIDN'T LEAVE
SCUFF MARKS.

22
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,228
WE SEEM TO BE ANNOYED
WITH EACH OTHER.

23
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:39,598
AND AS FASCINATING
AS THAT IS, IT'S
IRRITATING AS HELL.

24
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,367
- SALLY?
- I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T LISTENING.

25
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,836
I JUST GOT A SHOOTING PAIN
IN MY HEAD WHEN YOU
BEGAN TO SPEAK.

26
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,838
AUGUST FINDS US
QUITE CHARMING

27
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,040
IN OUR NAIVE DETERMINATION
TO STAY TOGETHER.

28
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:52,043
YOU TELL YOUR LITTLE
GIRLFRIEND AUGUST
TO MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.

29
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:56,014
- YEAH, AND DON'T DRINK
OUT OF THE MILK CARTON.
- ( spits ) FINE.

30
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,383
LOOK AT THIS.
WE'RE FAILING HERE.
WE'RE A FAMILY.

31
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,120
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE GETTING ALONG.
WE'VE GOT TO WORK ON THIS.

32
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:04,156
COULD YOU PLEASE
TAKE THIS ARGUMENT
OFF MY LINOLEUM FLOOR?

33
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,191
- COME OFF IT, HARRY.
- HARRY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

34
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:09,461
I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR PROMOTION
IF YOU DON'T SAY "REALLY"
IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES.

35
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,762
- REALLY?
- YOU LOSE.

36
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,764
DICK, SHE TRICKED ME.

37
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,933
I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT!

38
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,803
WELL, I GUESS

39
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,406
I JUST CAN'T HAVE
NICE THINGS.

40
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,292
( screams )

41
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,962
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
UNDER MY DESK?
- SLEEPING.

42
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:47,466
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THE TOP OF YOUR
DESK IS HARD AND COLD.

43
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,701
YOU DO HAVE A BED
AT HOME, DON'T YOU?

44
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,770
YES, BUT I CAN'T
STAND MY HOUSE.

45
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,605
IT'S FILLED WITH...

46
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,641
FAMILY.

47
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:59,545
- IF I LIVED WITH MY BROTHER,
IT WOULDN'T LAST A WEEK.
- YOU HAVE A BROTHER?

48
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,547
THAT'S GREAT.
TELL ME ABOUT HIM.

49
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,349
WELL, HE HASN'T QUITE
GOTTEN SETTLED YET.

50
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,485
I DON'T THINK HE'S
MET THE RIGHT WOMAN,

51
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,721
NOT THAT WOMEN ARE
PUT OFF BY HIM.
WELL, SOME ARE.

52
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:14,059
- MOST ARE.
- WHAT DOES HE DO?

53
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,061
SOMETHING DIFFERENT
EVERY YEAR.

54
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,730
RIGHT NOW HE'S
RESTORING HOUSES.
I HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM.

55
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,567
- IS THIS HIM?  WHAT A GUT.
- NO, THAT'S MY MOTHER.

56
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,638
- THAT'S ROY.
- WHY DON'T YOU CALL HIM?
I'D LIKE TO MEET HIM.

57
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,907
- WE DON'T GET TOGETHER MUCH.
- YOU DON'T GET ALONG?

58
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,076
- NO, IT'S JUST HARD.
- DOES HE LIVE FAR AWAY?

59
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,078
FROM MY HOUSE?

60
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,581
THREE, FOUR BLOCKS.

61
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:39,050
- SO YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE
NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.

62
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,885
- YOU DON'T SEE HIM.
- NOT VERY MUCH.

63
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,722
- BUT YOU'D LIKE
TO SEE HIM?
- N-NOT VERY MUCH.

64
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,758
- THEN YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

65
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,993
- WELL, WHY DON'T
YOU CALL HIM?
- FINE, I'LL CALL HIM.

66
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,830
- YES!
- WE'VE BEEN MEANING
TO GET TOGETHER.

67
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,833
- I'LL ASK HIM TO DROP BY.
- WONDERFUL.

68
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,969
AND WHEN HE GETS HERE,
JUST ACT NORMAL.

69
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,971
I'D ASK YOU
TO DO THE SAME,

70
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,474
BUT I'M AFRAID
THAT SHIP HAS SAILED.

71
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,844
<i> HELLO. </i> ROY?

72
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,284
TOMMY, WOULD YOU SIGN
MY WORKSHEET?

73
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,286
SURE.  WHAT
DID YOU DO?

74
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,888
WELL, I PRE-PEELED
ALL THESE BANANAS

75
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,823
FOR EATING EASE.

76
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,894
- WELL, GOOD JOB, HARRY.
- YEAH.

77
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,863
<i> MANGIA.</i>
<i> MANGIA.</i>

78
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,800
NOW I KNOW
WHY I LIKE YOU, TOMMY.

79
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,002
YOU'RE ALWAYS
SUPPORTIVE AND PATIENT
WITH YOUR FAMILY.

80
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:34,105
JUST THE KIND
OF GUY I AM.

81
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,008
YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME
TAKING CARE OF OTHER
PEOPLE'S NEEDS,

82
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,811
- EXCEPT MINE.
- YEAH, WELL--

83
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:43,047
WAIT, AM I IN TROUBLE?
HOW DID I GET IN TROUBLE?

84
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,717
YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE.
WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

85
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,052
I REALLY HOPE WE
DON'T HAVE TO BREAK UP.

86
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,389
BREAK UP?  WE'RE NOT--
WHEN DID WE BREAK UP?

87
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,558
I THINK IT WOULD BE GOOD
IF WE FOCUSED MORE
ON EACH OTHER.

88
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,828
I'LL SHOW YOU FOCUSED.
LET'S GO TO A MOVIE
FRIDAY NIGHT.

89
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,130
- I DON'T KNOW.
- AUGUST, PLEASE.
PLEASE?

90
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,700
- YOU'RE SO NEEDY.
- I'M SORRY.

91
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,638
NO, I LIKE THAT
IN A MAN.

92
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,112
NO, SALLY, I WILL
NOT APOLOGIZE.

93
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,247
- AND LET ME
TELL YOU WHAT--
-<i> ( dial tone )</i>

94
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,183
HELLO?  HELLO--

95
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,788
<i> ( line rings )</i>

96
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:26,124
SALLY, I AM THE HIGH
COMMANDER, AND YOU ARE
NOT ALLOWED TO HANG UP ON--

97
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,126
<i> ( dial tone )</i>

98
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,061
HELLO?

99
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,599
-<i> ( line rings )</i>
- SALLY?

100
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:43,608
DR. SOLOMON, THIS
IS MY BROTHER ROY.

101
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:46,110
WHOA!  YOUR HEAD
IS HUGE.

102
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:48,112
OH, THANK YOU.

103
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,215
- ENORMOUS!
- IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU.

104
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,217
HOW DO YOU GET
ANY WORK DONE

105
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,353
WITH ALL THESE
18-YEAR-OLD BUTTS
WAVING IN YOUR FACE?

106
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,855
I TRY, I TRY.

107
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,890
- SO, TELL ME
ALL ABOUT YOURSELF.
- WELL...

108
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,427
I MEAN, IT MUST
BE FASCINATING
RESTORING HOUSES.

109
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:06,465
I DON'T RESTORE HOUSES.
I SELL VINYL SIDING.

110
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,034
I THINK YOU
UNDERESTIMATE THE EFFECT

111
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,371
VINYL HAS ON HOUSES.

112
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:15,974
LISTEN TO HER.
SHE'S ALWAYS BRAGGING
ON ME 'CAUSE SHE LOVES ME,

113
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,976
- 'CAUSE SHE'S
MY MONKEY GIRL.
- DON'T DO THE MONKEY GIRL--

114
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,712
AREN'T YOU
THE MONKEY GIRL?
NO, YOU'RE THE MONKEY GIRL.

115
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,681
- YOU WANT TO HEAR
THE MONKEY SOUND?
- PLEASE.

116
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:25,083
PLEASE, NOT THE MONKEY SOUND!
NO-- OW!  NO, STOP.

117
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,085
AH, AH, AH, AH!

118
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,721
THIS IS WONDERFUL.
PLAYFUL SIBLING AGGRESSION.

119
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,723
IT'S FANTASTIC.
PLEASE CONTINUE.

120
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,158
Mary:
<i> NO-- </i> AH, AH, AH,
<i> AH, AH, AH, AH!</i>

121
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,061
YOU MUST BE ROY.
WE'VE SPOKEN.

122
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,531
- I'M NINA.
- HEY!  IT'S NICE
TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

123
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,800
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

124
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:45,236
GOSH, YOU DON'T SOUND
BLACK ON THE PHONE.

125
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,407
IT'S JUST SOMETHING
I PICKED UP IN SPY SCHOOL.

126
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,877
OOH, HE'S NICE.

127
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,013
I HAVE A GREAT IDEA.

128
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,349
WHY DON'T THE TWO OF YOU
COME OVER FOR DINNER
TONIGHT AT 7:00?

129
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,652
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

130
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:04,255
- I THINK THE MONKEY
MIGHT WANT TO GO.
- YES, YES, YES!

131
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,292
OH, WONDERFUL.
ROY, YOU ARE
THE PERFECT BROTHER.

132
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,795
THIS IS THE GUY YOU SAID
WAS A POMPOUS ASS?

133
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,998
THAT'S ME.

134
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,557
SALLY, THE ALBRIGHTS WILL
BE HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.

135
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,993
THIS IS A SPECIAL OCCASION.
WHERE'S THE SALMON MOUSSE,

136
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,595
THE DUCK TERRINE,
THE SMOKED CHUB?

137
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,332
YOU KNOW, DICK,

138
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,735
I HAVE A CLEAVER
IN MY HAND.

139
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,337
I GOT A DATE
WITH AUGUST.
DON'T WAIT UP.

140
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:55,339
OH, NO.  NO, NO.

141
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,341
DR. ALBRIGHT
AND HER BROTHER

142
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,510
- ARE COMING
TO DINNER TONIGHT.
- SO?

143
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,679
YOU'VE GOT TO SEE
THEM TOGETHER.

144
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:04,249
THEY'RE JUST...
ADORABLE.

145
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,852
THEIR RELATIONSHIP
IS EVERYTHING THAT
OUR FAMILY'S ISN'T.

146
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,921
WELL, THEN YOU JUST
TAKE GOOD NOTES

147
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:13,958
BECAUSE TONIGHT IS MY CHANCE
TO GET INTO BRAVILLE.

148
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,795
YOU CAN GO TO BRAVILLE
SOME OTHER TIME.

149
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:19,597
Mary:
<i> HELLO! </i> IS IT
<i> SAFE TO COME UP?</i>

150
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,599
COME ON UP!
COME ON UP!

151
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,402
WELCOME,
ALBRIGHT CHILDREN.

152
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,872
OH, ALLOW ME
TO TAKE YOUR COATS.

153
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:31,710
DICK, MAKE A NOTE OF IT.
I AM TAKING INITIATIVE
AND THEIR COATS.

154
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,644
GOOD FOR YOU, HARRY.

155
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:37,381
THAT'S MY BROTHER
HARRY,

156
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,550
AND THIS IS TOMMY,
MY SON.

157
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:42,020
HEY, PARTNER!
HOW'RE YOU DOIN'?

158
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,623
HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
A QUARTER?

159
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,793
OH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE TRYING TO
IMPRESS A YOUNGSTER

160
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:52,563
WITH WHAT YOU THINK
IS A MYSTIFYING FEAT
OF TRICKERY.

161
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,565
HE'S A SMART ONE,
THIS ONE.

162
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,135
CUT YOUR HAIR.
YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL.

163
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,303
HERE.  SIT DOWN.

164
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:03,141
EVERYBODY JUST MAKE
YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.
LET ME HAVE THAT.

165
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,977
- CAN I HAVE
A GLASS OF THAT NOW?
- HARRY, TAKE THE WINE.

166
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,212
WINE TAKEN.

167
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,214
JORDAN H. ALMONDS!

168
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,784
YOU ARE ONE
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

169
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,853
WHY DOES
EVERY MAN I MEET

170
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,856
HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THAT
LIKE I'M GOING TO FORGET?

171
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,259
SALLY, AS SIBLINGS,

172
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,427
ROY AND MARY
ARE FUN-LOVING

173
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,997
AND PLAYFUL.

174
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,299
YOU KNOW, MARY AND I ARE
THICK AS THIEVES.

175
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,301
MONKEY, REMEMBER THE TIME

176
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:33,237
MOM FOUND ALL MY "PLAYBOYS,"
AND YOU SAID THEY WERE YOURS,

177
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,174
AND YOU HAD TO SPEND
TWO YEARS IN THERAPY?

178
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,243
HARRY, COME ON IN HERE.

179
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,713
LET'S ALL, UH...
BE SOCIABLE.

180
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,882
- HERE--
- I WAS SITTING THERE.

181
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,884
JUST--
JUST RELAX.

182
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:49,287
INTERACT NATURALLY.

183
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,992
OKAY, ROY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

184
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,394
WHY DON'T YOU START
THINGS OFF BY TELLING US

185
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,529
SOME AMUSING FAMILY STORY?

186
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,665
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW AMUSING THIS IS,

187
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,002
BUT THIS IS<i> THE</i> MOST
AMAZING THING THAT
EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

188
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,739
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR
YOUR STUPID STORY.

189
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,476
NO, I THINK THEY DO WANT
TO HEAR MY STUPID STORY.

190
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:14,445
NO, THEY DON'T.

191
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,982
YES, THEY DO WANT
TO HEAR MY STUPID STORY.

192
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,985
Dick:
<i> THIS IS FASCINATING.</i>
<i> ROY, ROY, ROY!</i>

193
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,988
PLEASE CONTINUE.

194
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:27,125
YOU'RE GOING TO THINK
I'M CRAZY, BUT...

195
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,293
I WAS ONCE... ABDUCTED

196
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,295
BY AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT.

197
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,101
( groans )

198
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,742
EXCUSE US.

199
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,877
Mary:
<i> YOU PROMISED YOU</i>
<i> WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT.</i>

200
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,113
I PROMISED I WOULDN'T TALK
ABOUT YOUR CHIN IMPLANT.

201
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,882
NO, NO, NO!
WE'RE NOT KILLING ANYONE.

202
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,927
SPACECRAFT, YOU SAY?

203
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,035
Roy:
I GUESS A LAYMAN

204
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,171
WOULD CALL IT
AN ABDUCTION,

205
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,874
BUT WHAT THOSE SPACE PEOPLE
DID TO ME THAT NIGHT

206
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,943
WAS MORE OF
A SPIRITUAL KIDNAPPING.

207
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,182
YEAH, RIGHT,

208
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,485
ALIENS TRAVELED BILLIONS
OF LIGHT YEARS THROUGH SPACE

209
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,487
TO RAM A PROBE

210
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,555
UP ROY ALBRIGHT'S BUTT.

211
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:36,427
TELL US ABOUT
THE SPACE PEOPLE, ROY.

212
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,997
I'M DRIVING ALONG THE ROAD
ONE NIGHT REALLY LATE,

213
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,399
AND THEN I PULL OFF
INTO THIS CORNFIELD.

214
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,634
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,

215
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,970
I SEE THIS RIP
IN THE ATMOSPHERE.

216
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,406
AND THEN HOVERING
RIGHT OVER MY HEAD

217
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,910
IS THIS GIANT
HOVERING THING.

218
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,515
IT WAS
A WEATHER BALLOON.

219
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,488
EXCEPT WEATHER BALLOONS
DON'T POKE YOU IN THE EYES
WITH NEEDLES.

220
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,160
WELL, THAT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE ANYONE WE KNOW.

221
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,064
I MEAN...

222
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,433
<i> WE</i> KNOW.

223
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:19,003
- GO ON.
- I'M IN THE SPACESHIP,

224
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,405
AND I'M SURROUNDED
BY ALL THIS...

225
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,774
- FOAM?
- EXACTLY.

226
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:25,776
ROY, YOU WERE NEVER
IN A SPACESHIP.

227
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:28,446
I WAS IN A SPACESHIP
AND I HAVE THE SCARS
TO PROVE IT!

228
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,349
ROY LEWIS ALBRIGHT,
IF YOU HAVE ONE DECENT
BONE IN YOUR BODY,

229
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:34,518
YOU WILL NOT
DO THIS TO ME.

230
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,955
SO, ANYWAY,
YOU CAN SEE WHERE...

231
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,057
THAT'S IT, NO MORE.
I NEED SOME AIR.

232
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,760
- DR. ALBRIGHT!
- LET HER GO, DICK.
GO ON, ROY.

233
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,195
THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
I'M BEING SUCKED UP

234
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,297
INSIDE THIS BIG HOSE.

235
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,366
- Sally: THE BIG HOSE?
- THE BIG HOSE.

236
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,871
Dick:
ROY, WILL YOU EXCUSE US?

237
00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,145
- Sally:
NOW WE HAVE TO KILL HIM.
- YOU ARE OVERREACTING.

238
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,345
DICK,
HE COULD TURN US IN.

239
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,114
DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE THE SUBJECT

240
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,050
OF SOME ALIEN AUTOPSY SHOW
ON THE FOX NETWORK?

241
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,052
YOU'RE JUMPING
TO CONCLUSIONS.

242
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,155
AND FOX IS
NOT A NETWORK.

243
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,858
WE DON'T HAVE
ALL THE FACTS YET.

244
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:17,428
- I'M IN CHARGE OF SECURITY,
AND I SAY WE KILL HIM.
- I AM THE HIGH COMMANDER,

245
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,463
AND I'M PUTTING
THIS DECISION ON HOLD.

246
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,333
I'M GOING TO
CHECK ON DR. ALBRIGHT.
YOU GO ENTERTAIN ROY!

247
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,038
I'LL PULL A QUARTER
OUT OF HIS EAR.

248
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,843
I'LL PULL HIS BRAIN
OUT OF HIS EAR.

249
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,013
- YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH.

250
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:38,116
I'M SORRY ABOUT ROY.
I TOLD HIM NOT
TO TELL THAT STORY,

251
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:41,352
- BUT HE NEVER DOES
ANYTHING I ASK.
- THAT'S SALLY ALL OVER.

252
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:44,722
IT'S HARD BEING THE OLDEST.
THEY THINK WE'RE TRYING
TO RUN THEIR LIVES.

253
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:47,391
WHEN ALL WE'RE TRYING
TO DO IS CONTROL THEM.

254
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,296
DO YOU THINK THAT ROY...

255
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:54,632
ACTUALLY WAS...
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?

256
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,634
NO,

257
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,804
BUT I PRAYED FOR IT
EVERY NIGHT AS A KID.

258
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,806
WHAT ABOUT YOU?

259
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,709
DO YOU THINK THERE'S
INTELLIGENT LIFE UP THERE?

260
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,711
THERE?
( laughs )

261
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,947
NO, NOT THERE.

262
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,883
THERE.

263
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:15,486
- DICK, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
- CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?

264
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,655
OKAY, LET ME
REPHRASE THIS.

265
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,524
( pointed )
DICK, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

266
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,329
EXCUSE ME.

267
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,734
- THIS HAD BETTER BE IMPORTANT.
- I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S
IMPORTANT OR NOT,

268
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,737
- BUT YOU KNOW THAT CORNFIELD
DOWN BY THE INTERSTATE?
- YES.

269
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,606
SALLY TOOK ROY
THERE TO KILL HIM.
BUT SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

270
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,608
OH, DAMN!

271
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,044
SHE'S WILLFULLY
DISOBEYING MY ORDERS.

272
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,780
AND IN A CORNFIELD?
THAT'S SUCH A CLICHÉ.

273
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,886
SO, HEY, THE KIDS WENT
DOWN TO THE CORNFIELD
TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

274
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,889
- LET SAY WE JOIN THEM.
- I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO A CORNFIELD.

275
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,192
MAYBE THE MONKEY WANTS
TO GO TO A CORNFIELD.

276
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,861
- WHAT?
- DOES THE MONKEY WANT
TO GO TO A CORNFIELD?

277
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,863
DON'T YOU DARE.

278
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,799
- ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
- GOOD, LET'S GO!

279
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,701
HELLO?

280
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,404
- AUGUST?
- WE HAD A DATE TONIGHT.

281
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,739
CORNFIELD TIME.

282
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,013
EITHER YOU GO WITH HIM
AND LIVE HIS LIFE,

283
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,115
OR YOU COME WITH ME
AND LIVE YOURS.

284
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,184
BUT HE NEEDS ME.

285
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,186
FINE.

286
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,022
MAYBE NEXT WEEK
YOU CAN TRY AND GET
TO FIRST BASE

287
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:28,626
- WITH YOUR DAD.
- Dick:<i> TOMMY!</i>

288
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,494
BYE-BYE, DICK.

289
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,302
I LIKE THE WAY
YOU WORK.

290
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,071
YOU LOOKED,
YOU SAW, YOU TOOK.

291
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,508
NOW, CAN WE LOSE
FORREST GUMP OVER THERE?

292
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,347
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
I'LL GO TALK TO HIM.

293
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,486
I CAN HANDLE THIS
MYSELF.

294
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,488
PLEASE, SALLY,
LET ME KILL HIM.

295
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,324
- IT'LL LOOK SO GOOD
ON MY RÉSUMÉ.
- THE ANSWER IS NO.

296
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:02,626
OH, SALLY, PLEASE.

297
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,795
- PLEASE.
- ( sighs )

298
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,498
ALL RIGHT.
YOU WANT THE JOB,
IT'S YOURS,

299
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,500
BUT WE DO IT MY WAY.

300
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,502
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON
OVER THERE?

301
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,638
THE ACTION'S OVER HERE.

302
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,342
COMING!
OKAY, TAKE THIS ROCK.

303
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:22,079
WHEN YOU HEAR ME SAY
THE WORDS, "BIG DIPPER,"
BASH HIM OVER THE HEAD.

304
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:25,649
- CAN YOU DO THAT?
- PREPARE TO BE DAZZLED.

305
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,787
<i> ( owl hooting )</i>

306
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:34,692
- SO YOU COULDN'T
SHAKE HIM, HUH, BABE?
- NO.

307
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,694
UH...

308
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:40,063
ROY, LOOK OVER THERE.
IT'S THE BIG DIPPER.

309
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:42,065
- ROY?
- OH, YES.

310
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:45,302
NO, THAT'S ORION'S BELT.

311
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,507
EXCUSE ME.

312
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,643
GIVE ME THE ROCK, ROCKHEAD!
NOW JUST STAND GUARD.

313
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,645
- PREPARE--
- SHUT UP!

314
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,519
YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND
SEEING THIS MOVIE?

315
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,854
OH, NO.
ANNE BANCROFT,

316
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,989
OLYMPIA DUKAKIS,
AND HOLLY HUNTER?

317
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,893
WHAT TEENAGE BOY WOULDN'T
WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE?

318
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,264
AUGUST, DO YOU GET ALONG
WITH YOUR FAMILY?

319
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:17,435
NO.  MY FATHER DOESN'T
GIVE ME ANY CREDIT.

320
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,537
HE STILL TREATS ME
LIKE A LITTLE KID.

321
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:23,040
- HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE
HOW OLD I AM ON THE INSIDE.
- ME, TOO.

322
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,176
- YOU KNOW, WE REALLY HAVE
A LOT IN COMMON.
- YEAH, WE DO.

323
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:28,178
YOU REALLY WANT
TO SEE THIS MOVIE?

324
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,548
THERE'S NO ONE
IN MY HOUSE.

325
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,584
- I WANT TO SEE
THE MOVIE.
- ME, TOO!

326
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,520
SEE HOW MUCH
WE HAVE IN COMMON?

327
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,522
TWO, PLEASE,
FOR, UM...

328
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,491
"THEY CAME TO TALK."

329
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:47,364
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL,
AREN'T YOU?

330
00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:52,803
YOU KNOW WHAT
REALLY MAKES ME HOT?

331
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,372
TELL ME.

332
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,441
THE BACK
OF A MAN'S HEAD.

333
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:02,379
WELL, THEN FEAST
YOUR EYES ON THIS.

334
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,716
- OH, YEAH!
- WHOA!  DICK IS COMING.

335
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,085
HALT OPERATION KILROY.

336
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,056
DICK,
WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

337
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,092
YOU'LL KNOW THIS ONE.
NOW, IS THAT THE BIG DIPPER--

338
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,328
DON'T TRY TO KISS UP.
YOUR ASS IS GRASS.

339
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,831
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU, ROY.

340
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,868
THIS IS WHERE THAT
UFO STORY ALWAYS ENDS UP--

341
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,970
YOU AND A WOMAN
IN A CORNFIELD.

342
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,005
YOU MAKE ME SICK.

343
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,240
I DID NOT ASK
TO BE BEAMED

344
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:33,276
ON BOARD THAT SHIP
OF UNSPEAKABLE HORROR.

345
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:36,747
EXCUSE ME.  BEAMED?
YOU SAID "SUCKED."

346
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,416
- NO, I SAID "BEAMED."
- WHO HEARD "SUCKED"?

347
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,223
- WELL, YEAH.
- YOU'RE LYING.

348
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,591
-<i> I'M LYING.</i>
- HE'S LYING.

349
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,560
I HAVE HAD IT
WITH YOU.

350
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,395
NAME ONE THING
I DID WRONG TONIGHT.

351
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:55,032
YOU LIED,
YOU EMBARRASSED ME,
YOU WERE YOURSELF.

352
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,236
WELL, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO NITPICK,

353
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,471
- I'M LEAVING.
- THANK GOD.

354
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,674
SO, I'LL SEE YOU
ON MOM'S BIRTHDAY?

355
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,844
- YEAH.  YOU WANT TO
GO IN ON A PRESENT?
- NOTHING OVER 40 BUCKS.

356
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,779
YOU GOT IT.

357
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,286
I NEED A RIDE.

358
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,758
- OH, REALLY?
- SALLY.

359
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,159
WHATEVER.

360
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,629
HEY, WAIT FOR ME.

361
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,101
- WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

362
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,804
YOU'RE GOING TO SEE HIM
AT YOUR MOM'S BIRTHDAY?

363
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,674
YEAH.  IT'S A BIRTHDAY.
HE'S FAMILY.

364
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,045
SO, NO MATTER
HOW OBNOXIOUS YOU ARE,

365
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,814
HOW MUCH OF A BURDEN
YOU BECOME,

366
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,516
YOU CAN STILL COUNT ON
THE FORGIVENESS
OF YOUR FAMILY?

367
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,518
YEAH.

368
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,622
EVEN IF THEY TOUCH
YOUR RADIO AND REFUSE
TO MAKE SMOKED CHUB

369
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,624
AND DISOBEY YOUR ORDERS
NOT TO KILL?

370
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,462
YEAH, EVEN THEN.

371
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,900
THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
( gasps )

372
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,868
I'M A BROTHER.

373
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,479
ALL RIGHT, DICK,
COME ON.

374
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:18,949
I DISOBEYED ORDERS.
I DESERVE SOME PUNISHMENT.
WHAT'LL IT BE?

375
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,685
WELL, SALLY,
ORDINARILY I'D SEND YOU
TO SOME DESOLATE MOON

376
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,687
AND MAKE YOU STAND
IN A CRATER

377
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,423
AND THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOU'VE DONE,

378
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,425
BUT I'VE REALIZED

379
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:31,495
THAT I'VE GOT TO
ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS
AND YOUR INADEQUACIES

380
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,497
BECAUSE YOU'RE
MY SISTER NOW.

381
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:36,133
AND EVEN THOUGH
SOMETIMES YOU TICK ME OFF,

382
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:39,469
I THINK I...
I LOVE YOU.

383
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,009
- WHAT?
- YOU'RE MY LITTLE SISTER,

384
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,044
AND I LOVE YOU.

385
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,146
NOW, HOW DOES THAT
MAKE YOU FEEL?

386
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,549
WELL, UM...

387
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,819
I WANT TO BLAME YOU
FOR EVERYTHING AND PUSH
YOU OFF THE ROOF.

388
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:58,188
WELL, THAT'S GREAT,
BECAUSE DR. ALBRIGHT

389
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,524
LOVES HER BROTHER
AND SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY.

390
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,893
GREAT, 'CAUSE
THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

391
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,729
- I'M SO GLAD WE'VE
GOT THAT SETTLED.
- ME, TOO.

392
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,731
WHOA!

393
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,667
<i> ( crashes )</i>

394
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,704
I LOVE YOU, TOO.

395
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,074
Dick:
<i> I'M SO HAPPY!</i>

396
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:25,182
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>