1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,436
WHY DO WE HAVE TO
COME TO SCHOOL TO TALK
TO TOMMY'S TEACHERS?

2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,672
- IT'S A WASTE OF TIME.
- WHY CAN'T THEY
COME TO US?

3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,976
THE HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS
ON THIS PLANET ARE
SO FULL OF THEMSELVES.

4
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:13,345
IT'S ALL THOSE
TV COMMERCIALS
GLORIFYING LEARNING.

5
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,280
YOU KNOW,
"THE MORE YOU KNOW."

6
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,618
IT MAKES THEM
DRUNK WITH POWER.

7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,786
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S GOING
TO CHANGE RIGHT NOW.

8
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,889
WHERE'S THIS
MR. RANDELL, ANYWAY?

9
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,891
WHEN THAT MEALYMOUTHED
LITTLE WORM SHOWS UP,

10
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,460
I'M GOING TO TEACH HIM
THE MEANING OF THE WORD--

11
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,762
HIYA.

12
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,399
- DR. AND MRS. SOLOMON?
- NO.

13
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,468
NO, NO, NO.

14
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,238
I'M HIS SISTER,
A WOMAN.

15
00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:43,708
NOT MARRIED.
JUST ME,

16
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,278
SINGLE SALLY.

17
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,714
MR. RANDELL, I'D LIKE
TO GET OUT OF HERE WHILE
I'M STILL CLEAN-SHAVEN.

18
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,751
SO YOU CAN
BEGIN LAVISHING
TOMMY WITH PRAISES

19
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,786
ANYTIME YOU'RE READY.

20
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,156
WELL, THE TRUTH IS
THAT...

21
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,291
I THINK TOMMY CAN DO
A LOT BETTER.

22
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,593
BE CAREFUL, SIR.
YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT THE CREATURE

23
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,296
I'VE COME TO
THINK OF AS MY SON.

24
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,266
HE COULD DO BETTER.

25
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,768
YOU KNOW...

26
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,804
- WHATEVER.
- EXCUSE US.

27
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,273
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I DON'T KNOW.

28
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,974
HE'S GIVING OFF THIS VIBE.
CAN'T YOU FEEL IT?

29
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,509
YES, I THINK I DO.

30
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:21,346
DOES IT FEEL
LIKE A STABBING PAIN
IN YOUR LEFT BUTTOCK?

31
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,883
- NO.
- THEN I APPEAR TO BE
SITTING ON A TACK.

32
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:30,089
DR. SOLOMON,
TOMMY'S VERY BRIGHT,
NO QUESTION.

33
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,157
UNFORTUNATELY, TOMMY'S
HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE
FITTING IN.

34
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,426
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
FITTING IN?
- EXCUSE ME,

35
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,828
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING
ABOUT THE THICKNESS
OF YOUR NECK

36
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,298
AND THE BROADNESS
OF YOUR SHOULDERS

37
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,967
THAT MAKES ME THINK
YOU'D BE AN AGILE HUNTER

38
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,369
AND PROVIDE WELL
FOR OUR CHILDREN.

39
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,273
I CHAPERONE THE SCHOOL
DANCE EVERY YEAR.

40
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,976
- WOULD YOU--?
- YES.

41
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:53,512
- GREAT.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT TOMMY?

42
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,414
HE'S FINE.
GREAT KID.

43
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,049
WELL...

44
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,419
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO
IN THE FIRST PLACE?

45
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,588
NEXT TIME, YOU MIGHT TRY
ORGANIZING YOUR THOUGHTS

46
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,123
ON A LITTLE INDEX
CARD FIRST.

47
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,591
- COME ON, SALLY.
- OW!

48
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,328
- WASN'T HE CUTE?
- TOTALLY ADORABLE.

49
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,331
- A LITTLE ON
THE SCATTERED SIDE, THOUGH.
- HE ASKED ME TO A DANCE.

50
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,366
- I GET TO GO DANCING!
- NICE.

51
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,936
WHAT'S DANCING?

52
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,938
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

53
00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,471
HARRY, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?

54
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,607
UH, SURE.
JUST GIVE ME A SECOND

55
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,542
TO FINISH WHAT
I WAS DOING.

56
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,652
OKAY, WHAT IS IT?

57
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,890
- CAN YOU DANCE?
- HMM.

58
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,826
- I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT I'LL TRY.
-<i> ( techno pop music playing )</i>

59
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,063
( snapping fingers )

60
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,998
WHY, YES, I CAN.

61
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,868
IT APPEARS
I'M QUITE GOOD.

62
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,006
- HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?
- I HAVE NO IDEA.

63
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,609
I THINK IT'S SORT OF
A BUILT-IN FUNCTION.
YOU TRY.

64
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,383
WOW!  YOU SUCK.

65
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,757
YOU MUST FEEL
LIKE CRAP.

66
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,327
THAT'S IT,
SPANK ME.

67
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,965
<i> ( indistinct</i>
<i> audio on TV )</i>

68
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,835
- TOMMY, I TALKED TO YOUR
TEACHER, MR. RANDELL.
-<i> ( TV clicks off )</i>

69
00:03:56,837 --> 00:04:00,171
- HE SAID THAT
YOU'RE NOT FITTING IN.
- OF COURSE I'M NOT FITTING IN.

70
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:03,508
- TO FIT IN, YOU
HAVE TO BE SOMETHING.
- WELL, WE'RE SOMETHING.

71
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:06,244
WE'RE HUMAN BEINGS.
WHY, HAS ANYONE
SAID DIFFERENTLY?

72
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,781
NO, IT'S JUST
EVERYBODY AT SCHOOL
IS SOMETHING EXTRA.

73
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,450
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN
OR ITALIAN-AMERICAN

74
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:15,553
OR ASIAN-AMERICAN,
AUDIO-VISUAL AMERICAN.

75
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,557
WELL, WE'RE HUMAN-AMERICAN.
THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.

76
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,960
DICK, IT'S PART
OF MY MISSION
AS AN ADOLESCENT

77
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,995
TO REBEL AGAINST
MY UPBRINGING.

78
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,498
IF YOU DON'T
TELL ME WHAT WE ARE,
THEN I CAN'T DO MY JOB.

79
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,335
ALL RIGHT,
IF WE HAVE TO BE PART
OF SOME GROUP, WE WILL BE.

80
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,404
I'LL DO SOME RESEARCH.
I'LL ASK AROUND.

81
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,640
I'LL FIND OUT WHAT
THE BEST THING TO BE IS.

82
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,677
- BY THE END OF
THE WEEK, WE'LL BE THAT.
- WHAT SHOULD I BE TILL THEN?

83
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,912
WELL, WE'RE
CARBON-BASED LIFE-FORMS.

84
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,581
JUST TELL EVERYONE
WE'RE CARBO-AMERICANS.

85
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,124
AZTEC, TOLTEC,

86
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,226
TOLTEC, INCA, INUIT,

87
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,896
BEDOUIN, INDIAN,

88
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,231
SIKH.
( clears throat )

89
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,233
AZTEC, TOLTEC,
TOLTEC, INCA, INUIT,

90
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,068
BEDOUIN, INDIAN, SIKH.

91
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:07,071
AZTEC, TOLTEC,
TOLTEC, INCA,
INUIT, BEDOUIN, IN--

92
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,107
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AT MY DESK?

93
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,776
ANTHROPOLOGY,
IT'S FASCINATING.

94
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,778
SUCH A WEALTH
OF CULTURES.

95
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,781
UP UNTIL NOW, I ALWAYS
THOUGHT THAT WHAT
YOU DID WAS POINTLESS

96
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:19,183
AND OF NO INTEREST
TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.

97
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,021
IT'S CERTAINLY
NOT AS FASCINATING
AS PHYSICS.

98
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,089
I MEAN, EVERYBODY
LOVES MATH.

99
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,995
NINA, WHAT
IS THAT THING
ON YOUR HEAD?

100
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,998
- IT'S CALLED A<i> DAKU.</i>
- I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

101
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,833
THANK YOU.
IT'S AUTHENTIC.

102
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,602
- IT MAKES ME FEEL CONNECTED
TO MY ANCESTORS.
- OH.

103
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:40,872
SO THAT'S
THE TRADITIONAL HEADDRESS
OF ANCIENT SECRETARIES?

104
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,781
NO, OF MY AFRICAN
ANCESTORS.

105
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,350
IN CASE YOU
HAVEN'T NOTICED,
I'M BLACK.

106
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,421
WELL, OF COURSE
I NOTICED.

107
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,723
AND, DR. ALBRIGHT,
YOU ARE?

108
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,526
COULD I BE
ANY WHITER?

109
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,666
WHAT?

110
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,568
I'M SORRY,
ALL YOU PEOPLE
LOOK ALIKE TO ME.

111
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,469
- EXCUSE ME?
- WHAT WAS THAT?

112
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:15,173
NOTHING, I JUST DON'T SEE WHY
PEOPLE HAVE TO DIVIDE UP

113
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,175
INTO THESE
ARBITRARY SUBSETS.

114
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,744
- I MEAN,
SKIN COLOR?  PLEASE.
- Nina: AHEM--

115
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:22,213
YOU MAY SEE COLOR,
BUT I SEE PEOPLE.

116
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,884
AREN'T WE FORTUNATE
TO HAVE SOMEONE
SO ENLIGHTENED?

117
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:29,454
- ( sighs )
- O PIOUS ONE,
SHOW US THE WAY.

118
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,591
THIS VERGES
ON SARCASM.

119
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:35,560
YOU KNOW, MY HERITAGE
HAPPENS TO BE VERY
IMPORTANT TO ME.

120
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:39,163
AS IT SHOULD BE.
I'M IRISH, AND I'M
VERY PROUD OF THAT.

121
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,332
AND YOU'RE... WHAT?

122
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:44,002
ME?  UH,
I-I-I'M, UH...

123
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,071
ONE OF THOSE, UH...

124
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,406
YOU KNOW, ONE OF
THE REALLY GOOD ONES.

125
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,944
YOU'RE THIS
BIG ANTHROPOLOGIST.
YOU TELL ME.  WHAT AM I?

126
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,081
- CERTIFIABLE.
- YES, THAT'S
WHAT I AM--

127
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,916
CERTIFIABLE.

128
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,951
CERTIFIABLE AND
DAMN PROUD OF IT,

129
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,854
AS MY FATHER WAS BEFORE ME
AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM

130
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,856
AND HIS FATHER
BEFORE HIM.

131
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,858
CERTIFIABLE.

132
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,027
OF COURSE,
WE NO LONGER PRACTICE.

133
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,736
YOU SEE, SALLY,
DANCING IS ALL
ABOUT ATTITUDE.

134
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,571
WATCH HARRY.

135
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,941
SEE, I GOT
THAT "HIP-HOP, STREET,
DON'T CARE ABOUT NOTHIN'

136
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,943
'CAUSE I'M ALL OF THAT

137
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,145
AND A SIDE OF FRIES"
KIND OF ATTITUDE.

138
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,247
RIGHT, WHEREAS
MY ATTITUDE IS MORE

139
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:32,150
♪ GOT HOME FROM TEACHING
PHYSICS AND I'M WONDERING
WHAT'S FOR DINNER ♪

140
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,654
♪ BUT I AIN'T
GONNA SWEAT IT 'CAUSE
I AIN'T EVEN FROM HERE. ♪

141
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,656
Both:
HEY!  HO, HO!

142
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,658
HEY!  HO, HO!

143
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:42,594
♪ ALTHOUGH WE DIS 'EM,
WE LOVE THIS SOLAR SYSTEM ♪

144
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,768
- I HATE THIS!
- WHAT?

145
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,604
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I HAVE TO LEARN TO DANCE
TO BE WITH THIS GUY.

146
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,006
WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU
REALLY WANT MR. RANDELL,

147
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,008
USE THE SKILLS YOU'RE
COMFORTABLE WITH.

148
00:07:57,010 --> 00:08:00,211
SHOOT A TRANQUILIZER DART
INTO HIS NECK AND DRAG HIM
BACK TO YOUR PLACE.

149
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,449
HARRY, THAT IS
NOT THE BEHAVIOR
OF A HUMAN FEMALE.

150
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:08,286
EXACTLY.  I WANT TO
CHARM HIM, BEGUILE HIM.

151
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,189
I WANT HIM TO BUY ME
A<i> PWESENT.</i>

152
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,892
- TOMMY, HOW WAS SCHOOL?
- AWFUL.

153
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:17,428
I LOST MY MATH BOOK,
AND I COULDN'T CONVINCE
ANYBODY THAT I WAS SAMOAN.

154
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,598
WELL, DON'T WORRY.

155
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,901
THE ANSWER TO
ALL OUR PROBLEMS IS
RIGHT HERE IN THIS BOOK.

156
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:26,237
IT'S LOADED WITH EVERY
POSSIBLE GENRE OF HUMAN.

157
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,239
IT'S LIKE A CATALOG.

158
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,909
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PICK,
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE.

159
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:34,045
- SO WHO DO YOU
WANT TO JOIN, HMM?
- THEY'RE TOO SCRAWNY.

160
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,082
- MM-HMM.  THEM?
- NO, UGLY FLAG.

161
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,552
NAH, TOO MANY GODS.

162
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:44,489
I'M NOT PUTTING THAT
ON MY HEAD.

163
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,290
AH-HA!  HERE WE GO.

164
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:49,460
CANADIANS.
YEAH, RIGHT.

165
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,734
NOW, LET'S HAVE
A LOOK AT EINSTEIN'S
BOUNDARY CONDITIONS

166
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,736
ACCORDING TO THE THEORY
OF RELATIVITY.

167
00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,038
EINSTEIN, A JEW,

168
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,141
NEVER COULD HAVE MADE
THIS BREAKTHROUGH,

169
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,377
HAD IT NOT BEEN
FOR THE EARLIER WORK
OF COPERNICUS, POLISH,

170
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,080
OR TYCHO BRAHE,

171
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,750
THE UNLUCKY DANE
FROM PRAGUE.

172
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,752
WHICH BRINGS UP
ANOTHER QUESTION--

173
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,621
HOW MANY PUERTO RICANS
DO WE HAVE IN CLASS?
ANY PUERTO RICANS?

174
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,893
- LEON, WHAT ARE YOU?
- YOU DON'T HAVE
TO ANSWER THAT.

175
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:25,196
- DUTCH.
- I LOVE YOUR TULIPS
AND YOUR DIKES.

176
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,965
OH, THANK YOU.

177
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:30,802
HOWEVER, I TURN
YOUR PEOPLE DOWN BECAUSE
OF THE SILLY SHOES.

178
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,705
OKAY, NO PUERTO RICANS?
ANY LATINOS IN GENERAL?

179
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,707
ANYONE WITH
LATINO INFORMATION?

180
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:39,110
DR. SOLOMON,
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
I FIND THIS OFFENSIVE.

181
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,914
PITTMAN,
YOU WON'T BE LEFT OUT.
I'LL GET TO THE ASIANS.

182
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,650
WHY ARE YOU
SUDDENLY SO INTERESTED
IN WHAT EVERYBODY IS?

183
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,852
- I HAVE TO KNOW.
IT'S IMPORTANT.
- NO, IT'S NOT.

184
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,854
- YES, IT IS.
- NO, IT'S NOT.

185
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,090
THE ONLY THING THAT
MATTERS ABOUT A PERSON

186
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,092
IS WHAT THEY
HAVE INSIDE.

187
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,127
OH, YEAH?
THEN HOW COME

188
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,629
YOU ONLY DATE
GOOD-LOOKING GUYS?

189
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,199
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- YOU TURNED HIM DOWN.

190
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,134
SHUT UP!

191
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,539
HERE ARE YOUR BOOKS.
I READ EACH ONE OF THEM,

192
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:11,876
AND I'M JUST AS CONFUSED
AS I EVER WAS.

193
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:14,312
YOU READ 15 BOOKS
IN ONE NIGHT?

194
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,314
I TOOK A COUPLE
OF HOURS OUT

195
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,249
TO WATCH JAPANESE
GOLF ON CABLE.

196
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:23,654
THE PROBLEM IS,
THESE BOOKS ARE
FULL OF DRY FACTS

197
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:25,656
BUT NO VALUE JUDGMENTS.

198
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:28,392
I MEAN, THIS
IS YOUR FIELD--
YOU TELL ME.

199
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:31,495
OUT OF ALL THE POSSIBLE
ETHNIC GROUPS, WHICH ONE
IS THE BEST?

200
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:34,766
OH, NO, THERE'S NO BEST.
IT'S ALL SUBJECTIVE.

201
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:38,103
- WHICH DO YOU FIND
THE MOST INTERESTING?
- THERE ARE SO MANY.

202
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:42,006
UM... I LOVE
THE CREATIVE AMBITION
OF THE MAORI PEOPLE,

203
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,175
UH, THE POLYNESIAN
CULTURE

204
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,444
WITH ITS JOYOUS
EMBRACE OF NATURE,

205
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,446
UH, THE QUIET
DIGNITY OF--

206
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,481
- WHAT'S THE SEXIEST?
- ITALIANS.

207
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:54,318
- ITALIANS?
- SMOKY, SWARTHY.

208
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,221
GOTTA HAVE 'EM.

209
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,223
OH, GOTTA GO.

210
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,859
ITALIAN?

211
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,493
<i> ( mandolin playing )</i>

212
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,171
♪ IN NAPOLI ♪

213
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,775
♪ WHERE LOVE IS KING ♪

214
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:22,981
♪ WHERE A BOY
MEETS A GIRL ♪

215
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:28,152
♪ HERE'S A-WHAT-A
THEY SING ♪

216
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,223
♪ WHEN-A DA MOON ♪

217
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,693
♪ HITS YOUR EYE
LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE ♪

218
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,997
♪ THAT'S AMORE ♪

219
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:44,402
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-<i> BUONA SERA, SIGNORA.</i>

220
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,171
( speaking Italian )

221
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:51,675
♪ WHEN-A DA WORLD
SEEMS TO SHINE ♪

222
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,777
♪ LIKE-A YOU'VE HAD
YOU TOO MUCH WINE ♪

223
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:56,280
♪ THAT'S AMORE ♪

224
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,885
♪ THERE'S A RING
TING-A-LING-A-LING ♪

225
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,154
♪ TING-A-LING-A-LING
AND WE SING  ♪

226
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,390
♪ VI... ♪

227
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,026
♪ TA BELLA ♪

228
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,997
♪ HEARTS WILL PLAY
TIPPY-TIPPY-TAY
TIPPY-TIPPY-TAY ♪

229
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,832
♪ LIKE A GAY... ♪

230
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:18,002
♪ TAR... ANTELLA ♪

231
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,471
( sings in Italian )

232
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,407
( playing melody )

233
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,747
Man:
<i> WHAT THE HELL'S</i>
<i> GOING ON OUT THERE?!</i>

234
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,816
NOTHING, MR. WAGNER!

235
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:35,486
WOULD YOU PLEASE GET OUT
OF HERE BEFORE SOMEBODY
CALLS THE COPS?

236
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:39,057
THE COPS,
THEY CANNOT-A
THWART MY PASSION!

237
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,059
I WILL STAND
RIGHT HERE

238
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:44,395
TILL A PACK OF WILD DOGS,
THEY CHASE-A ME AWAY!

239
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,631
-<i> ( dogs barking )</i>
- DOGS!

240
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,800
- RUN!
- ( Sally screams )

241
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,735
<i> ( barking continues )</i>

242
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:04,048
USUALLY WHEN A STUDENT
GETS HURT, WE LET THEM
GO HOME EARLY.

243
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,450
SOMEONE FROM YOUR FAMILY
COULD COME PICK YOU UP.

244
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,452
SOMEONE LIKE...

245
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,189
SALLY.

246
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,425
WHY DID YOU SAY
HER NAME LIKE THAT?

247
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,794
ALL I SAID WAS...

248
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,430
SALLY.

249
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:23,000
NO, THANK YOU.
I DON'T REALLY NEED
TO GET PICKED UP.

250
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:25,670
- EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG,

251
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:28,406
BUT I'M KIND OF NEW
AT BEING KOREAN.

252
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,451
OOPS.  YOU LEFT THIS
IN MY DRIVEWAY.

253
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,087
- WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?
- I BACKED OVER IT

254
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,656
FIVE OR SIX TIMES.

255
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,491
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

256
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,961
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

257
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,431
HOW BADLY
YOU EMBARRASSED ME
LAST NIGHT?

258
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,566
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW HARD IT IS

259
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,568
TO FIND A CONCERTINA
IN OHIO?

260
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,870
WHAT THE HELL WAS
GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD?

261
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:03,474
I KNOW WHAT THIS IS.
YOU DON'T LIKE ITALIANS
AS MUCH AS YOU CLAIM.

262
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,110
WAIT A MINUTE,
SINCE WHEN DON'T
YOU LIKE ITALIANS?

263
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:09,547
PLEASE, WE'RE DISCUSSING
PREJUDICE HERE, SOMETHING
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

264
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:15,286
- I'M BLACK.
- OH!

265
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,588
RIGHT, RIGHT.

266
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,758
NINA IS... BLACK.

267
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,536
- SALLY, COME
OUT OF THERE.
-<i> GO AWAY!</i>

268
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,705
THEN WE'RE COMING IN!

269
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,874
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

270
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,978
SURE, YOU CAN PUT ON
A TIGHT LITTLE DRESS
AND LOOK SEXY AND GORGEOUS,

271
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,980
BUT YOU KNOW
HOW MEN ARE--

272
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,148
ALL THEY CARE ABOUT
IS HOW YOU DANCE.

273
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,584
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
- I'M AFRAID.

274
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,187
- OF WHAT?
- I'M AFRAID I'M GOING
TO DO SOMETHING STUPID,

275
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,255
AND HE WON'T
LIKE ME.

276
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:53,858
DON'T LEAK.
I HATE IT
WHEN YOU LEAK.

277
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,160
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
- I HAVE NO IDEA.

278
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:59,730
DICK, MAYBE I'M
JUST SHOOTING PORK
IN A BARREL HERE,

279
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,933
BUT ISN'T THAT
EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT DR. ALBRIGHT?

280
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,436
- OH, PLEASE.
- THAT IS SO WRONG.

281
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,006
- WHAT I HAVE
WITH DR. ALBRIGHT...
- MR. RANDELL IS YOUNG...

282
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,608
-<i> ( knock at door )</i>
- ( overlapping dialogue )

283
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,276
COME IN!

284
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,412
OW.

285
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,515
SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
BUT, SALLY, YOUR
DATE'S HERE.

286
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,418
- WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
YOU'RE GOING TO DO.

287
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,586
- YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT!
YOU KNOW WHY?
- WHY?

288
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,523
BECAUSE YOU'RE ONE OF US.
AND ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT IS YET,

289
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,691
- WHEN I FIND OUT,
THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE.
- THANK YOU.

290
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:29,360
- EVERYBODY READY?
- READY.

291
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,262
LET'S GO.

292
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,464
NOW GO OUT THERE
AND BE A GIRL!

293
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,074
YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.

294
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:45,076
- COME ON!
- THANK YOU.

295
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,412
- THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.
- ( overlapping dialogue )

296
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,149
<i> ( slow pop</i>
<i> instrumental playing )</i>

297
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,621
WELL...

298
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,525
- WELL... SO--
- WHAT?

299
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,161
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO--
- BEAR YOUR CHILDREN?

300
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,266
NO.  I WAS GOING
TO SAY "DANCE."

301
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,469
OH.

302
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,205
UH, THAT WAS REALLY
EMBARRASSING, WASN'T IT?

303
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,040
NO.

304
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,376
NO, NOT AT ALL.
SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO?

305
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,744
BEAR YOUR CHILDREN?

306
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,515
DANCE?

307
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,584
OH.  UM...

308
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,986
WELL, SEE,
I DON'T REALLY THINK
THAT THAT WOULD--

309
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,921
OKAY.

310
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,338
AH.

311
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,373
NOW, THIS I CAN DO.

312
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,279
I WAS KIND OF AFRAID
TO COME HERE TONIGHT.

313
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:59,217
- WHY?
- I JUST WASN'T SURE
I'D HAVE A GOOD TIME.

314
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:02,953
OH.  ARE YOU HAVING
A GOOD TIME?

315
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,888
OH, YEAH.

316
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:09,793
CAN I PUT MY ARM
AROUND YOU?

317
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,729
YES.

318
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,700
CAN I PUT MY HEAD
ON YOUR SHOULDER?

319
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,270
PLEASE.

320
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,450
CAN I PUT MY HAND
IN YOUR POCKET?

321
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,687
DO YOU NEED CHANGE?

322
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,624
DESPERATELY.

323
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:44,595
Sally:
YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL.
MY WHOLE FRONT IS WARM.

324
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,732
- YOU MIND IF I
TURN AROUND?
- WELL, I--

325
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,237
MMM.

326
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,206
TOASTY.

327
00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:00,811
I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU
ON THE SPOT, BUT IF
WE DON'T KISS SOON,

328
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,813
MY HEAD'S GOING
TO EXPLODE.

329
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,183
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GOOD FOR THAT?
CALCIUM.

330
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,125
( playing blues music )

331
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,064
♪ WHOA, THIS
PLANET SUCKS ♪

332
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,366
♪ LORD, IT MAKES ME
WANNA CRY ♪

333
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,638
♪ YEAH, I SAID
THIS PLANET SUCKS ♪

334
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,140
♪ LORD, IT MAKES
A POOR BOY WANNA CRY ♪

335
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,346
♪ ANYBODY'D KNOW
WE WAS LEAVIN' ♪

336
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,948
♪ LORD, I MIGHT JUST LAY
MY HEAD DOWN AND DIE ♪

337
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,850
TOMMY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

338
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,853
WELL, I'M BLACK NOW.

339
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,922
I'M BLACK,
AND I GOT THE BLUES.

340
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,924
YOU CAN'T BE BLACK.
NINA IS BLACK.

341
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,827
I GET THE IMPRESSION FROM HER
THEY HAVE STRICT RULES
ABOUT THESE THINGS.

342
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:53,831
- ♪ I CAN'T EVEN BE BLACK ♪
- I COMMAND YOU TO PUT
THAT THING DOWN.

343
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,234
♪ HIGH COMMANDER
STARTS BOSSIN' ♪

344
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,669
♪ BEST BELIEVE
YOU BETTER JUMP ♪

345
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,671
( falsetto )
♪ OOH! ♪

346
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,973
- ( screaming )
- ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!

347
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,008
STOP IT!

348
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,478
( amplifier turns off )

349
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,448
WHO DIED AND MADE YOU
T-BONE WALKER?

350
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,816
MRS. DUBCEK, AS LONG
AS YOU'RE UP HERE,

351
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,752
WHAT ETHNIC GROUP
DO YOU COME FROM?

352
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:17,988
WELL, I'M
A LITTLE CZECH,
A LITTLE ROMANIAN.

353
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,991
I'M YOUR BASIC SLAVIC MUTT,
LIKE MY THIRD HUSBAND.

354
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,427
OH.  WHAT WERE
YOUR FIRST TWO?

355
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:27,030
WELL, THE FIRST WAS
IRISH, AND THE SECOND
WAS ONE OF YOUR PEOPLE.

356
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,573
- OUR PEOPLE?
- YEAH.  WELL, YOU KNOW, JEWISH.

357
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,341
- ( Dick gasps )
- All: JEWISH!

358
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,343
OH!

359
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,780
( overlapping dialogue )

360
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,549
SO WHAT TIPPED
YOU OFF?

361
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,351
- WITH YOUR NAME
IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS.
- OUR NAME?

362
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,520
- SOLOMON.
- ( All gasp )

363
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,156
OH, YOU WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL WOMAN!

364
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:55,092
THANK YOU SO MUCH!

365
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:59,129
I HAVE TO GO NOW.

366
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,164
THIS RULES.
I'M STILL A MINORITY.

367
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,166
YOU KNOW, CHICKS
DIG MINORITIES.

368
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,603
OH!  WHO KNEW
THAT SOLOMON WAS
A JEWISH NAME

369
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,005
WHEN WE TOOK IT OFF
THE SIDE OF THAT TRUCK?

370
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:11,208
GO FIGURE.
WE COULD HAVE BEEN
THE WAL-MARTS.

371
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,614
WE'RE JEWISH.

372
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,683
( sobs )
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

373
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,820
MAZEL TOV!

374
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:28,525
I'M SORRY,
IT JUST POPPED OUT.

375
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,963
ISN'T IT GREAT
TO KNOW WHO WE ARE?

376
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,565
I FINALLY FEEL
LIKE I BELONG

377
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:39,169
IN THIS BIG MELTING POT
THEY CALL EARTH.

378
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,072
WHAT A MAGICAL NIGHT.

379
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,909
EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.
I WAS GREAT.

380
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,881
HE REALLY LIKED
MY KISSING,

381
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,717
EXCEPT THE SPITTING
AND BITING.

382
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:56,954
- SO YOU REALLY
LIKE HIM, HUH?
- WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?

383
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,989
HE'S INTELLIGENT, KIND,

384
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,091
SWEET, GENTLE.

385
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,127
SO...

386
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,162
IS HE JEWISH?

387
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,034
( playing "Tradition" )

388
00:21:20,345 --> 00:21:23,013
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>