1 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,373 NO. 2 00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,617 OH! BAZOOKA JOE... 3 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,655 YOU'RE AN IMBECILE! 4 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,959 - GOOD MORNING. - DR. ALBRIGHT. 5 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,301 I AM ABOUT TO REVEAL 6 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,037 SOMETHING ASTOUNDING. 7 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,906 I THINK YOU'RE OVERESTIMATING YOURSELF. 8 00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,410 BEHOLD! AN ATM CARD. 9 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,412 OH. 10 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,414 CONGRATULATIONS. 11 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,815 YOU'RE NOW A MEMBER OF A VERY ELITE GROUP 12 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,785 OF 200, 300 MILLION AMERICANS. 13 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:56,588 MY NAME IS RAISED. YOU CAN TOUCH IT IF YOU WANT. 14 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,390 NO, THANKS. 15 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:02,061 WHEN I PRESS IT INTO MY FOREHEAD, 16 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,930 YOU CAN READ MY NAME BACKWARDS. 17 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:08,333 PACE YOURSELF, WE HAVE A WHOLE SEMESTER. 18 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,602 NINA, DID I SHOW YOU MY NEW-- 19 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,605 YES, YOU DID, AND, NO, I DON'T WANT TO FEEL IT. 20 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,942 I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. 21 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,611 TO CELEBRATE, WHY DON'T I USE MY NEW ATM CARD 22 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,347 TO WITHDRAW MONEY FROM ONE OF MANY CONVENIENT LOCATIONS, 23 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,150 EVEN AFTER BUSINESS HOURS, 24 00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:27,219 AND TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT? 25 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,754 - ALL RIGHT. - REALLY? 26 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,557 - YES. - YOU'RE NOT JUST TOYING WITH ME? 27 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,993 YOU DO UNDERSTAND IT'S DINNER, OUT? 28 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,595 YES, 29 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,863 BUT IT CAN'T JUST BE DINNER OUT OF THE HOUSE. 30 00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,967 IT ALSO HAS TO BE DINNER OUT OF THE CAR. 31 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:45,770 YES. NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PUT THIS CARD INTO THE ATM, 32 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,939 PUNCH IN MY SECRET CODE, 1-2-3-4-- 33 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,645 OH, NO! 34 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,448 I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO REVEAL MY CODE TO ANYONE! 35 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,318 OOH, WELL, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO KILL US. 36 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,452 ( groans ) 37 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,387 ( '50s rock music playing ) 38 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:37,556 - THAT WAS THE MALL. WASN'T IT GREAT? - HOW WOULD I KNOW? 39 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,558 THE ESCALATOR BROKE DOWN, 40 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,127 AND I WAS STUCK THERE FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. 41 00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:45,129 YOU KNOW, I THINK THE ENTIRE PLANET 42 00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:47,432 SHOULD BE COVERED BY ONE BIG ROOF. 43 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,834 AND WE SHOULD NEVER BE MORE THAN 15 FEET 44 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,803 FROM A WIENIE ON A STICK. 45 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,906 - TOMMY, LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT FOR YOU. - A BASKETBALL? 46 00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:58,610 - I'VE DECIDED THAT YOU SHOULD JOIN YOUR SCHOOL'S TEAM. - WHY? 47 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,612 BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU EXPERIENCE 48 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,648 THE HUMILIATION OF ADOLESCENT BOYS AT THE HANDS OF BITTER ADULTS 49 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,084 TRYING TO REWRITE THE FAILURES OF THEIR YOUTH. 50 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,488 IT'LL BE FUN. 51 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,491 ALL RIGHT, WHO RIPPED THE RADIO OUT OF THE DASHBOARD? 52 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,796 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - THE RADIO, IT'S GONE. 53 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:21,132 WAIT A MINUTE, I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED HERE. 54 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,401 YOU SEE IT ALL THE TIME ON THE NEWS. 55 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,804 OH, UH... TOUPEES. 56 00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,374 NO, CRIME. WE'RE VICTIMS OF CRIME! 57 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,376 WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? 58 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:35,513 THE RADIO'S GONE. I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO. 59 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,650 ( all singing bass beat ) 60 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,719 ♪ ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST ♪ 61 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,822 - ( singing bass beat ) - ♪ ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST ♪ 62 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,057 ♪ AND ANOTHER ONE'S GONE AND ANOTHER ONE'S GONE ♪ 63 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,258 ♪ ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST. ♪ 64 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,565 I CAN'T BELIEVE DICK DID THIS TO ME. 65 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,067 WHY DO I HAVE TO PLAY BASKETBALL? 66 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,236 I KNOW. TEAM SPORTS ARE SO INFANTILE. 67 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,238 IT'S ALL MASCULINE POSTURING. 68 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,807 - ALL THE PREENING AND FLEXING. - EXACTLY. 69 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:05,644 WHAT I REALLY HATE IS THAT THERE'S SOME PRIMITIVE PART OF ME 70 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:08,079 THAT REALLY RESPONDS TO THAT. 71 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,616 AND WHAT I REALLY HATE 72 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,985 IS BEING CURSED WITH THE HEART OF A CHAMPION. 73 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,864 - WHAT IS HARRY DOING? - IT'S PART OF MY NEW SECURITY PROCEDURES. 74 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,066 - Harry: OH! RED ALERT! - ( horn blares ) 75 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,204 THERE'S A SQUIRREL APPROACHING THE BUILDING. 76 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,976 THIS SEEMS A BIT EXTREME, LIEUTENANT. 77 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,812 WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, HIGH COMMANDER, BUTT OUT. 78 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,948 SECURITY'S MY DOMAIN. I'LL TAKE THE BLAME FOR THE RADIO. 79 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,284 - OH, PLEASE. - NO, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GUARDING THE RAMBLER 80 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,887 INSTEAD OF SHOPPING FOR LOOFAHS. 81 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,889 YOU'RE OVERREACTING. 82 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:54,493 DICK, I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THIS PLANET IS IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD. 83 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:58,296 ( sighs ) WE HAVE BEEN ON FAR WORSE PLANETS THAN THIS, 84 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,766 INHABITED BY CREATURES WITH FAR WORSE BREATH. 85 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:04,669 I MEAN, AT LEAST WE'RE ON A PLANET THAT'S GOVERNED BY LAWS. 86 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,905 YOU'RE TOO DISTRUSTFUL OF HUMANS. 87 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,374 IT'S JUST THOSE TWO LITTLE EYES 88 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:11,710 RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR HEAD 89 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,513 MAKES 'EM ALL LOOK LIKE THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING. 90 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:17,348 - KNOCK, KNOCK. - ( horn blares ) 91 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,851 HI, HI. I HEARD ABOUT YOUR CAR RADIO. 92 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,353 - DID YOU CALL THE COPS? - I DON'T THINK THAT'S NECESSARY. 93 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:24,489 DON'T BE SILLY. YOU GO DOWN TO THE STATION, 94 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,858 YOU ASK FOR OFFICER FRANCO, 95 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,927 AN ITALIAN GENTLEMEN, VERY NICE. 96 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,597 HE CAME RIGHT OVER WHEN MY BOYFRIEND 97 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,866 GOT BEAT UP IN MY LIVING ROOM. 98 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,268 YOUR BOYFRIEND GOT BEAT UP IN YOUR OWN HOUSE? 99 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,538 YEAH. WELL, MY HUSBAND DIDN'T CARE FOR HIM. 100 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,940 OH. 101 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,281 ( phone ringing ) 102 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,617 WOW. 103 00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:56,121 ( inhales ) I SMELL THE FIST OF JUSTICE. 104 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,125 I SMELL DOUGHNUTS. 105 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,629 CAN'T YOU FEEL IT, HARRY-- 106 00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,631 THE STIFLING SENSE OF ORDER? 107 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,367 THE DISCIPLINE? THE ALMOST ROBOTIC LACK OF EMOTION? 108 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,436 THE FLUORESCENT LIGHTS? 109 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,472 GOD HELP ME. 110 00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,407 ( inhales ) I LOVE IT. 111 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,711 WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 112 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,448 JUST LET ME BE NEAR YOU. 113 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,486 OKAY. 114 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,488 MY NAME'S OFFICER DON. 115 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:33,524 WELL, OFFICER DON, WE'RE HERE TO REPORT A CRIME. 116 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,027 I BLAME MYSELF. I DROPPED MY GUARD. 117 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,997 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. CRIME HAPPENS. 118 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,167 ON THE SURFACE, RUTHERFORD MAY LOOK LIKE SMALL TOWN AMERICA, 119 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,268 BUT JUST BENEATH THE WELL-MANICURED LAWNS 120 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:47,005 LIES A HOTBED OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. 121 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,240 WE MAY BE IN THE SHADOW OF CLEVELAND, 122 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,843 BUT IT'S IN THE SHADOWS WHERE EVIL LURKS. 123 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,682 WOW! HEY, WHEN YOU DO THIS, 124 00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,585 IT SORT OF LOOKS LIKE "NYPD BLUE." WOW. 125 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,587 OH, MY. 126 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,422 "NYPD BLUE." 127 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,928 Don: NOW, WHAT HAPPENED? 128 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,896 THE RADIO WAS STOLEN OUT OF OUR RAMBLER. 129 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,498 - A.M. WITH THOSE PUSH BUTTONS? - YES. 130 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,101 THOSE SICK BASTARDS! 131 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,404 - FILL OUT THIS FORM. - FORM? THEN WHAT HAPPENS? 132 00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:22,640 - I MAKE A COPY OF IT. - AND THEN? 133 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:25,210 THEN ON THURSDAY A GIRL COMES IN AND FILES IT. 134 00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,612 PAPERWORK. IF I HAD MY WAY, 135 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,548 I'D BE OUT IN THE STREETS PUTTING THE RATS BACK IN THEIR HOLES. 136 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,951 WELL, DON, IF I HAD A GUN LIKE THAT, 137 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,121 I WOULDN'T BE SITTING BEHIND A DESK UNTIL I RAN OUT OF BULLETS. 138 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,499 HI. 139 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,601 SO WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR? 140 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,670 WELL, THEY PICKED ME UP FOR VAGRANCY, 141 00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:55,106 BUT THAT'S NOT THE REAL REASON. 142 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,341 I'M HERE BECAUSE THEY KNOW. 143 00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:00,444 THEY KNOW I'M FROM THE PLANET CLARION IN THE BARD SPIRAL 144 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,613 ON THE CEPHEUS DRACOND BORDER. 145 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,019 DO YOU KNOW STEVE? 146 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,224 DEAR LORD, 147 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,994 IF IT BE WITHIN YOUR GREAT WISDOM AND MERCY, 148 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,096 PLEASE GRANT US THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE 149 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:21,132 TO BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THE CENTRAL HIGH MUSKRATS AND-- 150 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,835 - EXCUSE ME, COACH. - WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PRAYER. 151 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,105 DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD BE BOTHERING GOD OVER A BASKETBALL GAME? 152 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,575 - THIS IS IMPORTANT. - THE OTHER TEAM'S PRAYING, TOO. 153 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,347 SO OUR GOD IS STRONGER THAN THEIR GOD? 154 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,416 THERE'S ONLY ONE GOD, SOLOMON. 155 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:41,519 AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING A CONFLICT OF INTEREST HERE? 156 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,388 YES! ALL RIGHT, FIRST IN, OUT ON THE COURT! 157 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,225 LET'S GO! HUSTLE IT OUT THERE! GET OUT THERE! 158 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,627 - THERE YOU GO. - COACH, WHAT ABOUT ME? 159 00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:51,629 I'M SORRY. YOU'RE NOT TALL ENOUGH. 160 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,965 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 161 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,935 YOU'RE TOO DAMN SHORT! GET OUTTA HERE. 162 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,805 - OH! - ( ATM beeps ) 163 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:03,975 WHY, YES, I WILL HAVE ANOTHER TRANSACTION, 164 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:07,812 AND THIS TIME IN... ESPAÑOL. 165 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,751 I'LL BE DONE IN A MINUTE. I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT MY LIMIT IS. 166 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:15,753 - TAKE YOUR TIME. - LOOK AT THIS. 167 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:19,090 I PUT THE CARD IN, AND MONEY COMES OUT. CARD IN, MONEY OUT. 168 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,092 ( chuckles ) OH! 169 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,095 YOU SEE THIS? AS MUCH AS I WANT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 170 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,697 - ISN'T IT AMAZING? - YEAH. NOW GIVE IT TO ME. 171 00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,833 WHAT? NO, NO, NO. 172 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,436 THIS IS MY MONEY, BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN CARD-- 173 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,505 QUIT FOOLIN' AROUND. I SAID, HAND IT OVER. 174 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,674 NO, LET ME EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU AGAIN. 175 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,110 THIS $300 IS MINE, 176 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,946 JUST LIKE THE 100 I JUST PUT IN MY WALLET. 177 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:44,048 YAH! WHOA! YAH! 178 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:45,984 ( Dick grunting ) 179 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,387 THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 180 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:52,056 WHAT WAS I THINKING, LETTING YOU GO OUT BY YOURSELF? 181 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:55,059 A MAN WHO COULD STEAL A WALLET IS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING. 182 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,295 HE COULD HAVE PUT YOU IN A VAT OF SALINE 183 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,463 AND HARVESTED YOUR ORGANS OVER A PERIOD OF MONTHS, 184 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:01,933 FORCING YOU TO REGENERATE KIDNEY AFTER KIDNEY AFTER-- 185 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,202 - WILL YOU STOP! - NOW, JUST RELAX. 186 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,670 - YOU'VE GOT TO CALM DOWN. - HOW CAN I CALM DOWN? 187 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,773 I FEEL SO UTTERLY EXPOSED 188 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,808 AND VULNERABLE, 189 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:14,279 AND NOT IN THAT FUN SPANKY WAY. 190 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,614 IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE SAFE NOW. 191 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,984 WHAT KIND OF A PLACE IS THIS WHERE YOU CAN'T WAVE HANDFULS OF MONEY AROUND 192 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,420 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? 193 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,956 SIR, DID THIS GUY HAVE ANY DISTINGUISHING MARKS? 194 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,591 HIS SKIN WAS RATHER NICE. 195 00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,595 WELL, MR. SOLOMON, I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE PRETTY UPSET, 196 00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:34,365 SO I'LL JUST BE GIVING MY HOME PHONE NUMBER... TO YOUR SISTER. 197 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,805 CALL IF YOU HAVE ANY... NEEDS. 198 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:48,146 - OH, WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? - IT WAS LATE. 199 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,816 WHY DID I HAVE TO BE AT THAT PLACE AT THAT TIME, TAKING OUT ALL THAT MONEY? 200 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,085 - DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. - I DON'T, I BLAME YOU! 201 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,087 - WHAT?! - YOU HAD TO AGREE TO GO OUT WITH ME. 202 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,689 YOU ALWAYS TURN ME DOWN. WHY DID YOU PICK NOW TO SAY YES? 203 00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:00,892 - I DON'T KNOW. - YOU SEE, YOU WEREN'T THINKING. 204 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,927 YOU CAN'T TAKE A RANDOM ACT 205 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:05,096 AND TURN IT AROUND TO BLAME AN INNOCENT PERSON. 206 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,532 - JUST WATCH ME. - WHY DID I THINK TONIGHT WOULD BE ANY DIFFERENT? 207 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:11,035 - YOU ARE INSANE. - IT'S THE WORLD THAT'S INSANE! 208 00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,304 THEY TALK ABOUT THE UNIVERSE BEING RANDOM. HA! 209 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,606 - THIS IS THE PLACE THAT'S RANDOM. - I'M LEAVING. 210 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,776 PEOPLE ASSAULTING TOTAL STRANGERS 211 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:20,211 FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO TAKE THEIR MONEY! 212 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,446 - THAT'S RIGHT, RUN AWAY FROM THE PROBLEM! - ( door closes ) 213 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:25,316 SOONER OR LATER YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT 214 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,451 THAT THE EARTH IS A COLD, DARK AND EVIL PLACE 215 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,453 CRAWLING WITH CRAZED NE'ER-DO-WELLS 216 00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,455 AND ARSENATE JACKANAPES! 217 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,557 WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT! 218 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,629 - LIEUTENANT! - YES, SIR. 219 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,299 THIS PLANET HAS CROSSED THE LINE. 220 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,301 ASSEMBLE THE GIANT ROBOT. 221 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,908 - WE DIDN'T PACK IT. - WE DIDN'T? WHY NOT? 222 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:53,178 I WANTED TO, BUT YOU NEEDED THE ROOM FOR YOUR EXERCISE BIKE, 223 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,180 WHICH, I MIGHT ADD, YOU NEVER USE. 224 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:04,522 THE STRENGTHS OF THE REFRACTED LIGHT 225 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,290 VARIES... 226 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,394 IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS VELOCITY 227 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,764 - AS MEASURED IN LIGHT YEARS PER SECOND. - DR. SOLOMON. 228 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,433 - WHAT IS IT, LEON? - WHY ARE YOU WRITING LIKE THAT? 229 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,869 BECAUSE WE LIVE IN WORLD WHERE, AS SOON AS YOU TURN AROUND, 230 00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,471 SOMEONE IS WAITING TO STAB YOU IN THE BACK AND STEAL YOUR WALLET. 231 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,608 DR. SOLOMON, YOU HAVE TO HAVE MORE FAITH IN PEOPLE. 232 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,112 YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT DEEP DOWN THERE'S A BASIC DECENCY-- 233 00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:29,480 OH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 234 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,951 YOUR CHIRPY OPTIMISM HAS NO PLACE IN REALITY. 235 00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,954 GUESS WHAT. SANTA CLAUS IS DEAD! 236 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:40,091 BEATEN SENSELESS FOR HIS SHINY BLACK BOOTS! 237 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,260 AND HIS REINDEER DON'T GIVE A DAMN! 238 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,228 ( class bell rings ) 239 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,833 YOU KNOW, DR. SOLOMON, 240 00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:52,670 YOU SEEM TO BE CARRYING AROUND SO MUCH BAGGAGE. 241 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,540 YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY OF IT, SO GET AWAY FROM ME! 242 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,115 LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH IT COSTS. 243 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,184 I DON'T CARE HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO ACCOMPLISH. 244 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,452 I WANT A SECURITY SYSTEM THAT WILL GUARANTEE 245 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,454 THAT EVERY MOMENT OF OUR LIVES 246 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,991 WILL BE FILLED WITH A SENSE OF ABSOLUTE SAFETY AND CONTENTMENT. 247 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:16,261 THAT WOULD BE THE ELECTRO FORT 2000. 248 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:19,730 THE ALARM CONNECTS DIRECTLY TO OUR COMMAND CENTER DOWNTOWN 249 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:23,268 WHERE WE IMMEDIATELY DISPATCH TRAINED PATROLMEN TO YOUR DOOR. 250 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,336 I SEE. I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION. 251 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,338 - SURE. - WHERE DO I BURY MY FAMILY 252 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,674 AFTER THE BURGLARS HAVE PUMPED BULLETS INTO THEIR SKULLS 253 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,776 WHILE YOUR GUYS ARE STROLLING OVER? 254 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,181 THAT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. 255 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,716 TOMMY? WHERE'S TOMMY? HE SHOULD BE HERE. 256 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,119 IT'S ALL UNDER CONTROL. HE'S IN THE DRIVEWAY PLAYING ONE-ON-ONE. 257 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,421 TOMMY-- TOMMY, I'M SORRY. 258 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,290 I DIDN'T KNOW I'D BE THAT GOOD. I'VE NEVER PLAYED BEFORE. 259 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,028 YOUR COMPANY IS OBVIOUSLY RUN BY AMATEURS. 260 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,030 THIS IS TOTALLY UNSATISFACTORY. 261 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,265 ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU A FEW SCHEMATICS 262 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,634 THAT I DREW UP. 263 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,804 NOW, THE GIANT SWINGING BLADE 264 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,106 WOULD FALL FROM HERE. 265 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:06,044 STEEL SPIKES PLUNGE INTO THE BURGLAR'S EYES HERE. 266 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,479 AND THE CONVEYOR BELT DROPS THE CARCASS 267 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:12,317 INTO THE TANK OF GREAT WHITE SHARKS HERE, 268 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,153 HERE... AND HERE. 269 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,257 IT'LL WORK. 270 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,760 NOW, THAT'S A PLAN. 271 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,032 LET'S GO, GIRLS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! 272 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,600 - COACH. - WHAT? 273 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,503 WE'RE UP 40 POINTS WITH TWO MINUTES TO GO. COME ON, PUT ME IN. 274 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,505 I PROMISE I WON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. 275 00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,674 I'LL JUST STAND THERE. 276 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,844 - NO. - OH, COME ON, COACH. 277 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,779 MY GIRLFRIEND'S WATCHING. 278 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,316 THIS IS NOT JUST MY CHANCE. 279 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,752 THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE BELOVED COACH STRICKLAND 280 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,688 AND NOT AS COACH SUCKLAND. 281 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,525 - THAT WASN'T MINE. - ( whistle blows ) 282 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,628 OKAY, SOLOMON, ENOUGH. I'LL PUT YOU IN. JUST SHUT UP. 283 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,098 - THANKS, COACH. - YOU KNOW WHERE PLAYER HANSEN IS? 284 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,101 - THE GUY WITH THE NECK THICKER THAN MY WAIST? - YEAH, THAT'S HIM. 285 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:06,704 - YOU GO STOP HIM FROM DRIVING THE LANE. - ALL RIGHT. 286 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,706 - GOOD JOB. - ( whistle blows ) 287 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:14,212 - ( bodies crash ) - ( crowd moans ) 288 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,851 - GOOD MORNING. - HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 289 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:24,188 WIRED, THANK YOU. MY ENTIRE HOUSE IS WIRED FOR SECURITY. 290 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,857 THIS AFTERNOON I'M GETTING AN ALARM SYSTEM FOR THE CAR. 291 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:29,927 OH, GOOD. NOW ALL YOU NEED IS AN ARMED GUARD 292 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,064 TO WALK YOU FROM THE HOUSE TO THE CAR. THEN YOU'LL BE ALL SET. 293 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,099 WHAT A GOOD IDEA. 294 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,002 - A BIG SCARY ONE. I COULD HIRE A CRIMINAL. - OOH. 295 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:41,772 THEY'RE TAKING MY MONEY ANYWAY. WHY NOT GIVE IT TO THEM HOURLY? 296 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,942 ALL RIGHT, STOP. NOW YOU ARE A VICTIM. 297 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,311 YOU HAVE LOST ALL TRUST IN HUMANITY. 298 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,847 DO YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN TRUST PEOPLE? 299 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,049 - YES, I DO. - REALLY? 300 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,555 DO YOU TRUST ME? 301 00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:01,726 - OF COURSE I DO. - AND WHY NOT? 302 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,127 YOU WORK WITH ME. YOU SEE ME EVERY DAY. 303 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,230 YOU KNOW THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU. 304 00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:09,266 IF YOU CAN'T TRUST ME, YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYONE. 305 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,003 DO YOU TRUST ME? HUH? HUH? HUH? 306 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,906 DR. SO-- OOH. 307 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:19,477 THE... POLICE CALLED. THEY HAVE YOUR MUGGER. 308 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,479 - THEY WHAT? - THEY HAVE YOUR MUGGER. 309 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,481 - THIS IS GREAT! - YOU HAVE TO IDENTIFY HIM. 310 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,483 ( chuckles ) OH, NO. 311 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:29,420 - YOU'VE GOT TO CONFRONT HIM. - NO, NO! 312 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,089 IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO REASSERT CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE. 313 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:33,924 YOU'LL FEEL BETTER, BELIEVE ME. 314 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,861 WELL, WILL YOU GO WITH ME? 315 00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,863 YES, BUT GIVE ME A MINUTE. 316 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,532 THERE'S ONE THING THAT I REALLY HAVE TO DO. 317 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,545 OKAY. LET'S GO. 318 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,216 I'LL GET THE CAR. 319 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,992 YOU KNOW, I'M REAL PROUD OF YOU. 320 00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:12,096 FOR WHAT, THE WAY I SLIPPED IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS? 321 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:16,367 NO, FOR THE WAY YOU WERE UNASHAMED 322 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,369 TO SHOW HOW NONATHLETIC YOU ARE. 323 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,472 LOOK, AUGUST, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS. 324 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,709 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING THAT YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD DO, 325 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,176 BUT IT'S JUST NOT WORKING. 326 00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:28,145 AND I'M SORRY IF THIS REDEFINES 327 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,080 THE PARAMETERS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. 328 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,383 BUT YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT ME 329 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,518 FOR WHO I AM, REGARDLESS IF I'M SHORT 330 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,687 OR LOUSY AT BASKETBALL OR WHATEVER! 331 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:47,298 YOU KNOW, I KIND OF LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE ASSERTIVE LIKE THIS. 332 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,967 - YOU DO? - BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. 333 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:53,704 OH. WELL, HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BE ASSERTIVE? 334 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,540 - WELL, TOMMY, IF I TOLD YOU THAT-- - RIGHT, RIGHT. 335 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,677 I'LL FIGURE IT OUT, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT. IS NOW A GOOD TIME? 336 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,579 SURE. 337 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,416 - COME ON. - OKAY. 338 00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:12,055 OKAY, MR. SOLOMON, IT'S TIME TO FINGER YOUR PERP. 339 00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:15,025 BELIEVE ME, I'VE TRIED, BUT SHE JUST WON'T LET ME. 340 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,100 NO, WE NEED YOU TO I.D. YOUR ASSAILANT. 341 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,937 I-I-I HOPE I CAN REMEMBER WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. 342 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,507 I DIDN'T REALLY GET A GOOD LOOK AT HIM. 343 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,843 IT WAS DARK, AND IT HAPPENED SO QUICK. 344 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,346 YOU! ( yells ) 345 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,785 YOU OWE ME $400! YOU--- 346 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,954 - THAT'S A POSITIVE I.D. - TAKE HIS CUFFS OFF! 347 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,090 TAKE 'EM OFF! I WANT A FAIR FIGHT! 348 00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:49,026 RUSTY. 349 00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,998 OH, AND BY THE WAY, MUGGER BOY, 350 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,703 YOUR SKIN IS NOT NEARLY AS CREAMY AS YOU'D LIKE PEOPLE TO THINK! 351 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,740 DR. ALBRIGHT, THANK YOU. 352 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,609 YOU WERE SO RIGHT-- ALL I HAD TO DO WAS CONFRONT HIM. 353 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,678 AND BEAT HIM SENSELESS? 354 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,013 NO, NO, NO, THAT WAS PURE GRAVY. 355 00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:12,750 OH. YOU KNOW, 356 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,586 WE NEVER HAD THAT DINNER. CARE TO JOIN ME? 357 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:19,089 MMM, NO, NOT TONIGHT. 358 00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:21,091 I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING 359 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:24,595 THAT I HAVEN'T DONE FOR QUITE AWHILE-- SLEEP. 360 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,531 OF COURSE, YOU'RE WELCOME TO JOIN ME, IF YOU LIKE. 361 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,102 I'LL PASS. 362 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,037 JUST BEING POLITE. 363 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:39,543 SO, DON, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TORTURE HIM? 364 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:42,079 NO, NO, HE STILL HAS TO GO TO TRIAL. 365 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,181 SO THEN YOU'LL TORTURE HIM AT THE TRIAL? 366 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,183 WE DON'T WORK THAT WAY. 367 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,452 EVERYONE HAS EQUAL RIGHTS. THAT'S THE LAW. 368 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,956 OH, DON, 369 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,892 I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU, 370 00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:58,429 BUT WE COME FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS. 371 00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,864 NO, WE DON'T. 372 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,366 YOU COME FROM A PLACE FILLED WITH LAWS 373 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,668 AND RIGHTS AND FAIR TRIALS. 374 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,507 I COME FROM A PLACE WHERE THE WIND BLOWS COLD 375 00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:11,642 AND THE ONLY THING YOU CAN COUNT ON 376 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,311 IS THAT YOU CAN'T COUNT ON ANYTHING. 377 00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:16,079 YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO? 378 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,886 GOOD-BYE, DON. 379 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,222 IT'S TOO BAD. WE COULD'VE BEEN GREAT. 380 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:29,226 SALLY, YOU'VE GOT ME ALL WRONG. 381 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:33,163 UH, THEY BROUGHT ME UP ON BRUTALITY CHARGES. 382 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,165 THERE'S A VIDEO! 383 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,601 ( sobs ) 384 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,904 I THINK WE SHOULD TRANSFER $500 385 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,706 FROM OUR MONEY MARKET ACCOUNT TO OUR CHECKING ACCOUNT. 386 00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,875 WE DON'T HAVE A MONEY MARKET ACCOUNT. 387 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,778 SHH! IT DOESN'T KNOW THAT. 388 00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:52,115 I'M PROUD OF US FOR COMING OUT HERE TONIGHT. 389 00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:54,284 DR. ALBRIGHT SAID A VERY WISE THING. 390 00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:57,788 SHE SAID IF YOU LET FEAR DRIVE YOU INTO HIDING, 391 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,390 THEN THE CRIMINALS HAVE WON. 392 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:05,529 DICK, THERE'S SOMEONE BEHIND US. 393 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,532 WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE? 394 00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:11,635 - 75, FEMALE, VERY FRAIL. - Dick: WHAT DO WE DO, LIEUTENANT? 395 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:14,104 - KNOCK HER DOWN AND RUN FOR THE CAR. - WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY? 396 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,273 - WE DON'T HAVE TIME. GO! - ( all screaming ) 397 00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,746 ( '50s rock music playing )