1
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:05,937
[SLURPING]

2
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,944
NICE!
NICE!
NICE!

3
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:13,511
I'M NOT GOING
TO LIE TO YOU FELLAS.

4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,682
DON LIKES THE LADIES.

5
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,016
IN ADDITION
TO LIKING 'EM,

6
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,053
DO YOU EVER
GET THE COURAGE
TO TALK TO ONE?

7
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,521
NOT REALLY.

8
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,523
FORTUNATELY,
THE GOOD LORD CREATED

9
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:27,859
A NICE LITTLE ICEBREAKER
CALLED JAYWALKING TICKETS.

10
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,329
YOU KNOW,
I JUST REALIZED

11
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,864
SOMETHING
ABOUT THESE LADIES.

12
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,033
NOT ONE OF THEM
IS MARY ALBRIGHT,

13
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,435
AND YET
I'M INCREDIBLY
TURNED ON BY THEM.

14
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,636
OH. WELL,
GOOD FOR YOU, DICK.

15
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:39,971
I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER TO KISS THEM

16
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:43,108
OR GET ON MY KNEES
AND BARK LIKE A DOG.

17
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:44,542
WELL,
AS A POLICE OFFICER,

18
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:48,480
I MUST TELL YOU
THAT EACH APPROACH
HAS ITS STRENGTHS.

19
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:51,650
[ALL SLURPING]

20
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,719
NICE!
NICE!
NICE!

21
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,054
HEY.

22
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,055
LOOK.

23
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,124
I DROPPED MY WALLET.

24
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,225
YOU DON'T
HAVE A WALLET.

25
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,994
HEY!
I FOUND A WALLET.

26
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:04,530
OOH! AND IT'S
GOT 200 BUCKS IN IT.

27
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:05,964
OOH, IT'S
YOUR LUCKY DAY.

28
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,033
WELL, SHOULDN'T
WE RETURN IT?
YEAH.

29
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:11,537
SURE. THAT'S... KIND
OF WHAT I WAS...SAYING.

30
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,740
[ALL SLURPING]

31
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:18,677
NICE!
NICE!

32
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,178
WOOF WOOF WOOF!

33
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,713
WOOF WOOF WOOF
WOOF WOOF!

34
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,919
MARY! NINA!
HEY, MARY!

35
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:03,421
GOOD MORNING,
DR. SOLOMON.

36
00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,723
OH! THE MOST AMAZING
THING HAPPENED TO ME.

37
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:09,428
I TOLD YOU, THE SUPERMARKET
DOOR OPENS FOR EVERYBODY.

38
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:10,429
NO!

39
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,430
NO! NO!

40
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:12,931
NO. I WAS OUT
WITH THE BOYS,

41
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,434
AND I ACTUALLY
NOTICED OTHER WOMEN!

42
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:18,103
THE SKINNY ONES
HAD BEAUTIFUL CHEEKBONES,

43
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:20,105
AND THE MORE AMPLE ONES--

44
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,539
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY,

45
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,775
BABY GOT BACK!

46
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,447
THAT'S FASCINATING.

47
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,782
OH, DID YOU SEE ANY
WITH BIG GAZONGAS?

48
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,418
SOME.

49
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,620
THE POINT IS,

50
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,955
UP UNTIL NOW,
THE SIGHT OF A WOMAN
OTHER THAN YOU

51
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:40,459
HELD THE SAME APPEAL
TO ME AS, SAY,
A PLATE OF EGGS.

52
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:44,729
NUTRITIOUS, YES,
BUT ULTIMATELY
WAY TOO GASSY.

53
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,564
NOW ALL THAT'S CHANGED.

54
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:47,566
IT HAS?
MM-HMM.

55
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,033
I FINALLY
FEEL READY

56
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,535
TO GO ON
MY FIRST NEW DATE.

57
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:51,970
WOMEN OF RUTHERFORD,

58
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,105
LOOK OUT!

59
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:57,175
EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS THINKING.

60
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:03,414
SALLY, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOK ON THIS GUY'S FACE

61
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:04,649
WHEN WE RETURNED HIS WALLET.

62
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:09,187
IT WAS THE MOST
SATISFYING EXPERIENCE
OF MY LIFE.

63
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,622
WHAT KIND OF REWARD
DID YOU GET?

64
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,524
REWARD?

65
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,728
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE SOMETHING
TO SHOW HIS APPRECIATION.

66
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,531
WE GOT NOTHING.

67
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,435
HE UNAPPRECIATED US.

68
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,436
THAT TOOL!

69
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:25,737
GYARRHH!

70
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:31,943
OK, DICK, I RECOMMEND
YOU START WITH
THE SELF-HELP SECTION.

71
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,112
NOW, THE WOMEN THERE
ARE NUTTY,
BUT VULNERABLE.

72
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,179
ENOUGH SAID.

73
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,448
SALLY...

74
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,450
LET'S SAVOR
THESE LAST MOMENTS

75
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,118
BEFORE I MEET
MY NEW GIRLFRIEND,

76
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,453
BECAUSE WHEN I DO,

77
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,954
I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW
ANY INTEREST IN YOU

78
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,723
OR THE REST OF THE FAMILY
EVER AGAIN.

79
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,525
THAT SADDENS ME.

80
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,730
HELLO, I'VE...

81
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:55,166
HAD SEX BEFORE.
I KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

82
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,905
SHE OBVIOUSLY
DOESN'T SPEAK
A WORD OF ENGLISH.

83
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,139
HI.
I'M DICK SOLOMON.

84
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,741
I'M TIGHT
WITH THE MONEY,

85
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,409
BUT NEVER
WITH THE LOVIN'.

86
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,378
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.

87
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:11,416
DICK, I THINK
YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE
MORE CASUAL, OK? UM...

88
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,450
WATCH.

89
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,419
HI.

90
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,420
HI.

91
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,454
WANT TO GET
SOME COFFEE?

92
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,522
NO.

93
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:18,757
SEE? IT'S EASY.

94
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,425
YOU GOT TO BE
DOING SOMETHING WRONG,

95
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,661
'CAUSE I CAN PRACTICALLY GRUNT
AND THEY'RE INTERESTED.

96
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:23,662
GRUNT?

97
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,029
YEAH. HERE, WATCH.

98
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,433
HUHH!

99
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,934
WANT TO GET
A CUP OF COFFEE?

100
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,869
NO.

101
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,572
HUHH!

102
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:43,448
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN
WHY I STRUCK OUT LAST NIGHT

103
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,450
WHEN ALL SALLY HAD TO DO
WAS GRUNT?

104
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,785
I DON'T KNOW, DICK.

105
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,253
COULD BE THE BOOBS.

106
00:04:49,255 --> 00:04:52,189
THEY ARE TERRIFIC.

107
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:53,925
YOU'RE SO LUCKY
TO BE THE WOMAN.

108
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,894
OH, HEY, MEN ARE WEIRD,
YOU KNOW.

109
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,228
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
NICE TO THEM AT ALL,

110
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,897
AND THEY'RE PRACTICALLY
GROVELING AT YOUR FEET.

111
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,031
HELLO, SALLY.

112
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,566
WATCH THIS.

113
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,334
HEY, DON, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE HAIRCUT.

114
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,303
UH-HUH.
YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME
TO THE POLICEMEN'S BALL?

115
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,505
SEE?
I'M JUST KIDDING.

116
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,474
I SEE. YOU WANT
TO GO WITH ME TO
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL?

117
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,909
NO.

118
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,011
LOOK, IF YOU'LL
JUST WALK IN WITH ME,

119
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,512
I'LL BUY YOUR TICKET,

120
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,081
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
25 BUCKS IN CASH.

121
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,082
OK.

122
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,016
HEE HEE.

123
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:21,252
I'D BUY A TICKET,

124
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:25,089
BUT "MR. GENUINE COWHIDE"
DIDN'T GIVE ME NO REWARD.

125
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,991
WE GOT STIFFED.

126
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,093
HOW ABOUT YOU, DICK?

127
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,227
WILL THERE BE LADIES?

128
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:31,429
HOW DOES A ROOMFUL OF
DRUNKEN METER MAIDS SOUND?

129
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,430
VERY PROMISING.

130
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,365
HEE HEE. YEAH.

131
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:38,636
[MUSIC PLAYING]

132
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,444
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.

133
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:49,514
FOR A LARGER WOMAN,
YOU HARDLY SWEAT AT ALL.

134
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,386
HEY, JACKASS,
WANT TO DANCE?

135
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,854
SURE.

136
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:01,292
SHE LOOKS NICE.

137
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,594
HELLO.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO--

138
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,028
NO.

139
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,698
Bandleader: OK, MEN,
THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN WAITING FOR.

140
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,200
IT'S A LINEUP.

141
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,402
THIS NEXT ONE
IS LADIES' CHOICE.

142
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,405
COME ON, LADIES,

143
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,307
CHOOSE YOUR PARTNERS.

144
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,342
[MUSIC BEGINS]

145
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:37,428
DICK, HAVE I TOLD YOU
THAT I'VE BEEN IN THERAPY
FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS?

146
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,596
NO. IS IT HELPING?

147
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,598
NOT RIGHT NOW
IT ISN'T.

148
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,601
WELL, DON, AT LEAST
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.

149
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,602
YEAH.

150
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:45,603
DANCE?

151
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:46,604
OH, YES!

152
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:47,605
NOT YOU.

153
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:48,740
LATER, DICK!

154
00:06:58,718 --> 00:06:59,884
HI.

155
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,218
HI.

156
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,286
YOU'RE ON MY COAT.

157
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:03,321
OH.

158
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,865
WELL, UH, YOU COULD PUT
AN AD IN THE PERSONALS.

159
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:17,968
YOU JUST DESCRIBE YOURSELF
AND THE KIND OF WOMAN
YOU WANT TO MEET.

160
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,470
OK. HERE, UH,

161
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,105
TAKE THIS DOWN.

162
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,242
UH, DESPERATE,
LONELY WHITE GUY...

163
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,910
SEEKS
ACCLAIMED BEAUTY QUEEN.

164
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,146
RUNNERS-UP
NEED NOT APPLY.

165
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,748
YOU TAKE
THE RUNNERS-UP...

166
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:34,051
JUST NO
"MISS CONGENIALITY."

167
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:35,420
HERE.

168
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,422
HOW ABOUT THIS?

169
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:38,990
"IF YOU BELIEVE
IN MIRACLES,

170
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,426
"LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,
AND BREAKFAST IN BED,

171
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,994
CONTACT ME FOR
ADVENTURES IN TRUTH."

172
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,930
[GASPS]

173
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,533
WHAT A WONDERFUL LINE!
THAT'S BRILLIANT!

174
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:58,376
YEAH?
WHAT'S UP?

175
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,011
IT'S US.

176
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,881
THE GUYS WHO
RETURNED YOUR WALLET.

177
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:05,483
RIGHT. WHAT
CAN I DO FOR YOU?

178
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,885
WELL, UH,
WE WERE JUST WONDERING

179
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:12,123
HOW YOU AND YOUR WALLET
WERE DOING.

180
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,224
GREAT.

181
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,392
SO THEN IT'S,
UH, WORKING OUT?

182
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,061
HAVING YOUR WALLET
BACK AND ALL?

183
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,128
YEAH.

184
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,295
AND, UH, TELL ME,

185
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:19,463
WHEN YOU DID GET
YOUR WALLET BACK,

186
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:21,566
DID YOU FEEL
A HUGE SENSE OF...

187
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:22,567
RELIEF?

188
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:23,735
MAYBE EVEN,
OH, I DON'T KNOW,

189
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,469
SAY, GRATITUDE?

190
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,405
I SURE DID.
THANKS, GUYS.

191
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:30,675
OH, THERE GOES MY PHONE.
I GOTTA GO. BYE.

192
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,912
I DIDN'T HEAR
HIS PHONE RINGING.

193
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,914
THAT GUY IS GOOD.

194
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,221
OH, GOOD NEWS, DICK.

195
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,922
YOUR AD
IS GETTING RESPONSES.

196
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:45,923
OOH.
HOW--HOW MANY?

197
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:47,658
5, BUT 3 OF THEM
WERE HANGUPS.

198
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,929
OK. UM, "SUCCESSFUL,
SELF-MADE BUSINESSWOMAN.

199
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:54,099
ENJOYS CLASSICAL MUSIC,
LONG WALKS,
AND THE ARTS."

200
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,133
OH, I LOVE THE ARTS!

201
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,935
"PASSIONS INCLUDE KARATE
AND REVENGE."

202
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,069
YES!

203
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,371
NO.
THAT'S A RED FLAG.

204
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,874
OK, THE SECOND ONE
IS, "YOUR WORDS
OPENED MY HEART.

205
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,376
"IF YOU WANT
TO HEAR MORE,

206
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,378
"MEET ME
AT JOHNNY FOAM'S
TONIGHT AT 8:00.

207
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,980
"I'LL BE WEARING
A WHITE CARNATION.
YOU WEAR ONE, TOO.

208
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,048
MUST HAVE JOB."

209
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,449
I HAVE A JOB! OH!

210
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,883
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

211
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:17,222
WHAT A SPECTACULAR STORY
THIS WILL MAKE
FOR OUR GRANDCHILDREN!

212
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,226
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME COFFEE?

213
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:26,297
THAT'S SWEET OF YOU
TO OFFER, BUT I
ALREADY HAVE A DATE.

214
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,267
HELLO, MARY.

215
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,402
OH, HELLO, DICK.

216
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,004
I'D ASK YOU
TO SIT DOWN...

217
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,471
BUT I'M
MEETING SOMEONE.

218
00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:36,074
[WHISPERING]
So am I.

219
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,313
OH, NO!

220
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,314
OH, NO!

221
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,448
UGHHH!

222
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,918
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ANSWERING A PERSONAL AD?

223
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,753
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
ONLY TWISTED WEIRDOES
PLACE THOSE THINGS?

224
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,589
WELL, I DO NOW!

225
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,623
OK.

226
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,925
HERE'S THE DEAL:

227
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,160
WE SPEAK OF THIS...

228
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,762
TO NO ONE!

229
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,431
I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO SPEAK OF THIS
TO<i> YOU!</i>

230
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,366
OHHH! UGHHH!

231
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,368
UH, MISS,

232
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,403
DO YOU STILL WANT
TO HAVE THAT CUP
OF COFFEE WITH ME?

233
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,272
I'M THE WAITRESS.

234
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,273
I KNOW.

235
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,209
[SOBS]

236
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,949
HEY.

237
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,851
WHAT'S WITH
THE NERD KIT?

238
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:22,520
WELL, SINCE I'M
DESTINED TO BE ALONE
THE REST OF MY LIFE,

239
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,655
I--I THOUGHT
I NEEDED SOMETHING
TO KEEP ME BUSY,

240
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,191
SO I STOPPED
BY THE HOBBY SHOP.

241
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,425
OHH! CHOO-CHOOS!

242
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,693
HANDS OFF!

243
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,361
YOU CAN ONLY PLAY WITH THEM

244
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,930
WHEN YOU'VE COMPLETELY
LOST THE ABILITY

245
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,398
TO ATTRACT
THE OPPOSITE SEX.

246
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,866
I'M GOING
TO GO SEE A MOVIE.

247
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,502
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

248
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,807
HELLO?

249
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,308
WHO?

250
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,510
PAUL?

251
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,145
OH. YEAH,
YOU CAN COME OVER.

252
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,148
I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL BE HERE. WHATEVER.

253
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,582
THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING.

254
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:52,650
WHO'S PAUL?

255
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,985
SOME BOZO I MET AT
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.

256
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,320
HE'S COMING OVER
TOMORROW.

257
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,821
WELL,
IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM,

258
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,124
WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM
COME OVER?

259
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,324
RESEARCH.

260
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,492
I WANT TO SEE
IF THERE'S ANY LIMIT

261
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,827
TO THE ABUSE
A MAN WILL TAKE
ON THIS PLANET

262
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,662
BEFORE HE FINALLY
TELLS ME TO GO TO HELL.

263
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,866
AH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST BEING MEAN.

264
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,734
NOT THIS TIME.

265
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,359
HEY, RICK, UM...

266
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,194
DID YOU BY ANY CHANCE
SEE A WALLET
ANYWHERE AROUND HERE?

267
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,195
OH, YEAH.

268
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,863
OH, GOD,
THANK YOU!

269
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:43,735
AND NOW WHAT BETTER WAY
TO EXPRESS MY THANKS
THAN, UH,

270
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:47,005
WITH AN ALWAYS-WELCOME
CASH REWARD.

271
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,606
THANKS.

272
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,811
ONCE AGAIN, I'M
A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.

273
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,484
HELLO, SALLY.

274
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,952
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE ON DUTY.

275
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,820
I AM, BUT DICK
ASKED ME TO PICK UP

276
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,823
SOME LITTLE PLASTIC MEN
AT THE HOBBY SHOP.

277
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,492
HE SAID IT WAS URGENT.

278
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,326
OH, DON,
I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT HIM.

279
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:10,828
NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT.

280
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,830
HE NEEDS A CHICK,
SALLY,

281
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:13,831
AND FAST.

282
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,666
COULD YOU
FIX HIM UP, DON?

283
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:18,335
WELL, I DON'T
KNOW ANYONE, BUT...

284
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,639
MAYBE BIBI DOES.

285
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:22,740
BIBI, DON?

286
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,274
BIBI, BABY.

287
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:29,179
I...MET HER AT
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.

288
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:31,916
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

289
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,184
[TOOT TOOT]

290
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,486
I GOT THE STUFF, DICK.
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?

291
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,187
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?!

292
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,256
I'VE GOT A COMMUTER LINE
DUE AT 6:13

293
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:42,126
AND NO ONE'S THERE
TO BOARD THE TRAIN!
[BLOWS TRAIN WHISTLE]

294
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,996
OH, NO!
THE ERIE-LACKAWANNA'S
RIGHT ON TIME!

295
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,964
HERE, DON, HAND ME
THOSE COMMUTERS!

296
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,099
OK.

297
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,301
OK, JUNIOR, YOU HOLD
THE VICAR'S HAND NOW.

298
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,270
PORTER! PORTER!

299
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,806
OH, GOOD.
WE MADE IT.

300
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,808
UH...DICK,

301
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,810
WHY DON'T WE TAKE
A LITTLE BREATHER

302
00:12:58,812 --> 00:12:59,978
AND GET
A COUPLE OF DRINKS?

303
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,345
OH. WHEN?

304
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:04,549
I GOT TO GLUE
THE ORANGE ROOF
ON MY HOWARD JOHNSON'S.

305
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,816
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND,
BUT, YOU KNOW,

306
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,785
MAYBE THINGS WILL
SLOW DOWN A BIT.

307
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,853
OH. NOT LIKELY.

308
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:10,822
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
ALL ABOARD!

309
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,590
NEXT STOP, WHITE PLAINS!

310
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:13,825
CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO.

311
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,126
[BLOWS TRAIN WHISTLE]

312
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,332
DR. SOLOMON,
THIS ARRIVED IN THE MAIL.

313
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,333
OH, GOOD.

314
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,169
MY HOSPITAL'S HERE.

315
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,373
YOUR TINY LITTLE DOCTORS
WILL BE SO RELIEVED.

316
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,942
HMM. I GUESS.

317
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,811
DICK,
WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?

318
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,647
WELL, NOBODY LIKES ME.

319
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,782
OH, I FIND THAT
HARD TO BELIEVE.

320
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:38,783
YOU DO?

321
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:39,784
WELL, SURE.

322
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:42,620
OH, OK,
SO WE BROKE UP,

323
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:46,124
BUT--BUT I SAW
SOMETHING IN YOU ONCE.

324
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:49,894
SURELY SOMEONE ELSE
WILL SEE THAT, TOO.

325
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,062
REALLY?

326
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,563
THAT MEANS A LOT,

327
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:56,367
COMING FROM SOMEONE
WHO'S PRETTY GREAT
HERSELF.

328
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,269
WELL, I MEANT IT.

329
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,538
I MEANT IT, TOO.

330
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,640
THANK YOU.

331
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,142
YOU WANT TO DO IT?

332
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,710
NO!

333
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,779
I UNDERSTAND
COMPLETELY.

334
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,018
HAVE A GOOD TIME,
SALLY.

335
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,252
I HOPE SHE LIKES YOU.

336
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,388
THANKS.
I HOPE HE TELLS
YOU TO PISS OFF.

337
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,390
I'VE GOT
MY FINGERS CROSSED.

338
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,925
SALLY?

339
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,828
YEAH, I'M UP HERE,
GENIUS.

340
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,563
THROW THOSE
OVER THERE,
WOULD YOU?

341
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:26,764
OK.

342
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,566
I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY,
'CAUSE I MADE DINNER.

343
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:29,567
OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

344
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,735
WELL, ACTUALLY,

345
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,935
YOU SHOULD TASTE IT FIRST
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING.

346
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,604
BRING IT OUT.
I'M STARVING.

347
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,507
OK. ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING
YOU'D SCRUB THE STAINS
OUT OF MY CARPET FIRST.

348
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:37,641
OK, AND THEN DINNER?

349
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,643
AND THEN LAUNDRY.

350
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,577
OH. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

351
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,515
Don: SO--SO--SO...

352
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,284
I'M READING
THE MIRANDA RIGHTS
TO THIS GIRL

353
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,786
WHOSE NAME ACTUALLY
TURNS OUT TO BE...
MIRANDA!

354
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,288
HA HA HA HA!

355
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,023
HA HA HA HA!

356
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,658
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!

357
00:14:58,798 --> 00:14:59,797
ANYTHING--

358
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,298
ANYTHING
FUNNY LIKE THAT

359
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,400
EVER HAPPEN
TO YOU, DICK?

360
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,370
NO.

361
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,306
WOULDN'T
YOU KNOW IT?
WE'RE OUT OF JICAMA.

362
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,008
WE NEED TO GET
SOME JICAMA.

363
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:12,409
COME ON, DICK, LET'S
GET SOME JICAMA.

364
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,345
JICAMA. LET'S
GET SOME JICAMA.

365
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:16,747
WHICH ONE
IS JICAMA?

366
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,248
I DON'T KNOW!

367
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,817
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

368
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,819
I'M THROWING YOU
SLOW BALLS,

369
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,922
AND YOU'RE--YOU'RE DOING
YOUR<i> RAIN MAN</i> IMPRESSION.

370
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,258
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN.

371
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,259
ALL RIGHT.

372
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,661
UM, IF YOU
GET IN TROUBLE,

373
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:32,330
YOU JUST TAKE
A SIP OF YOUR DRINK.
A SIP OF YOUR DRINK.

374
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,231
I'LL NOTICE, AND OLD DONNIE
WILL COME TO THE RESCUE.

375
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,233
OK.

376
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,136
Don: AH.

377
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,837
SO, UH, DICK,

378
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,273
CELIA TELLS ME THAT
SHE FINDS PHYSICS

379
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,775
TO BE A
FASCINATING SUBJECT.

380
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,543
OH, YES!

381
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,781
FETA! OH,
WE'RE OUT OF FETA!

382
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,282
WE NEED
TO GET SOME FETA.

383
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,383
LET'S GET SOME FETA.

384
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,288
WHICH ONE IS FETA?

385
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,789
I DON'T KNOW!

386
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,291
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

387
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,793
LOOK,
YOU HUNG ME OUT
TO DRY THERE.

388
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,661
HUNG YOU OUT TO DRY?
YOU'RE A PHYSICS PROFESSOR.

389
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,130
I JUST
GET SO NERVOUS!

390
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,164
YOU'RE NERVOUS?

391
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:09,800
I GOT PIT STAINS
THE SIZE OF DINNER PLATES!

392
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:13,137
LOOK, I'M JUST STARTING OUT
HERE WITH BIBI, YOU KNOW?

393
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,205
YOU GOT
TO HELP ME OUT, OK?

394
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,539
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY.
ALL RIGHT.

395
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,814
SO, DICK, UM...

396
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,382
DO YOU HAVE ANY...

397
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:26,417
HOBBIES?

398
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,818
HOBBIES?

399
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,953
HOBBIES?
NO, NO--

400
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:30,154
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DO!

401
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,155
CROUTONS!

402
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,089
COME ON!

403
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,027
THERE HE IS.

404
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,462
HERE'S THE PLAN.

405
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,331
YOU TAKE A BITE
OF BISCOTTI AND ACT
LIKE YOU'RE CHOKING,

406
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,267
AND WHEN HE
COMES OVER TO GIVE YOU
THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER,

407
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,869
I'LL PICK HIS POCKET.

408
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:50,040
AND THIS TIME,
WE DON'T GIVE IT BACK
TILL WE GET A REWARD.

409
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:52,043
JUST, UH,
WAIT FOR ME TO GET
OVER TO THE COUNTER.

410
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,785
[GASPING]

411
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,887
[GASPS]

412
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,292
[SPLUTTERING]

413
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,795
[CHOKING]

414
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,630
[SHOUTING]

415
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:13,798
MISS, YOU DON'T--

416
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,733
NO, YOU DON'T--

417
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,310
YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

418
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,479
JUST SITTING HERE
WHILE THIS MAN WAS CHOKING!

419
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:31,616
I WAS CHOKING!

420
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:34,652
WHAT HAVE I GOT TO DO
TO GET YOU TWO GUYS
OFF MY BACK?

421
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,522
WELL, HOW ABOUT COUGHING UP
A REWARD, TIGHTWAD?

422
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:38,756
ALL RIGHT, FINE.

423
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,125
HERE. THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR YOUR
THOUGHTFUL DEED.

424
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,660
PLEASE.
PLEASE HAVE $20.

425
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,261
ACTUALLY...

426
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:48,765
THANK YOU,
BUT WE CAN'T
ACCEPT THIS.

427
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,036
YEAH. GOODNESS
IS ITS OWN REWARD.

428
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,871
WHATEVER.

429
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:59,410
THAT WAS
A CLASSY MOVE THERE,
NOT TAKING THE MONEY.

430
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,112
YEAH. MOST GUYS
WOULD HAVE TAKEN
THE MONEY.

431
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,780
WELL, MOST GUYS
DON'T HAVE CLASS.

432
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,315
I FEEL WARM INSIDE.

433
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,220
NICE!
NICE!

434
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:14,692
SALLY, YOU PUT
THE CHICKEN IN THE OVEN,
LIKE, A MINUTE AGO.

435
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,761
I DON'T THINK IT'S DONE.

436
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,664
YOU MEAN YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO EAT IT?

437
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,435
YES, OF COURSE.

438
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,338
MMM-MMM!

439
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,441
OK, WELL, GOOD,
'CAUSE I HAVE
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

440
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,443
YEAH. YOU REMEMBER
WHEN I SAID

441
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,513
THAT I HAVE
A CHEST OF DRAWERS
FILLED WITH LINGERIE?

442
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,181
OH, YEAH.

443
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:38,816
WELL, I WAS WONDERING

444
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,551
IF YOU WOULD MIND
LIFTING IT UP

445
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,321
AND HAULING IT
TO THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE HOUSE...

446
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,456
AND BACK.

447
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,390
RIGHT NOW.

448
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,559
UH...

449
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:49,560
NO PROBLEM.

450
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,296
HA HA HA--
OH, GOSH.

451
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,699
MY GOD, I'M SO HOT,
I KILLED HIM.

452
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,770
LATELY, I'VE BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME

453
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,238
FOOLING AROUND
WITH MODELS--

454
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,773
[TAPPING CUP]
DICK.

455
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,275
DON THINKS I SHOULDN'T
TALK ABOUT IT.

456
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,343
HE THINKS
MODELS ARE DUMB.

457
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:10,348
BUT, ACTUALLY,
MOST OF THEM ARE
VERY EXCITING AND FUN.

458
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:13,618
WHY IS IT THE FANTASY
OF EVERY LOSER
TO DATE MODELS?

459
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,052
DATE? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

460
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,887
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

461
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,422
MODEL TRAINS.

462
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:21,792
OH, MY GO--
I'M SO--

463
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,428
I--I--I--I THOUGHT
YOU MEANT MODELS.

464
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,163
YOU KNOW. WOMEN.

465
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,164
OH, MODELS!

466
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,867
TALL, LEGGY MODELS!

467
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,370
NO! NO!
HA HA HA HA!

468
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,672
NO, I WAS TALKING
ABOUT--HA HA HA HA!

469
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,575
DICK WITH BEAUTIFUL MODELS.
THAT'S A FUNNY ONE.

470
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,144
YEAH. IF I WAS
HANGING AROUND WITH MODELS,

471
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,846
WHY WOULD I
BE HERE TONIGHT?

472
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:47,150
OH, I--I AM SO SORRY.

473
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,019
THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG.

474
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,154
YOU SEE, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHY I'M SUCH A LOSER!

475
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:52,422
I'M NOT SUAVE

476
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:54,825
WITH ALL THE SLICK LINES
AND THE RIGHT THINGS TO SAY.

477
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,827
I'M LUCKY TO BE HERE
WITH ANYBODY,

478
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,630
ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN
AS NICE AS THE TWO OF YOU.

479
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,198
OH, YOU'RE
NOT THAT BAD.

480
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,200
NO, REALLY, I--I'M SORRY.

481
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,835
I HAVE RUINED
YOUR WHOLE EVENING.

482
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,004
I'VE JUST COME OUT OF
A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN

483
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,505
THAT I GAVE
MY HEART AND SOUL TO,

484
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,841
AND I-I-I-I'M JUST
NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS.

485
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,043
I'M SORRY.

486
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,611
OHHH!
OHHH!

487
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,616
OH, NO, YOU'RE
DOING JUST FINE.

488
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:20,617
I AM?

489
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:21,619
HE IS?

490
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,254
YES.

491
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,588
YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SUAVE.

492
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,356
OH, DON.

493
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:28,592
I'M NOT. I'M
KIND OF A LOSER.

494
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:31,028
NO, YOU'RE NOT.

495
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:34,598
I'M...TOO SHY
AND SENSITIVE AND...

496
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,233
I GOT
THIS TERRIBLE RASH.

497
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:39,169
PICKLED BEETS!
[STAMMERING]

498
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,308
DICK.

499
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:46,310
THAT CELIA WOMAN
CALLED FOR YOU
AGAIN.

500
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,079
OH, I'M
NOT SURPRISED.

501
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:51,281
I'VE DISCOVERED
THE MOST POWERFUL
APHRODISIAC THERE IS.

502
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,483
WHAT,
SELF-CONFIDENCE?

503
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,119
NO. SELF-LOATHING.

504
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,755
WELL, I THOUGHT
IT WAS 2 TICKETS TO
AN EDDIE MONEY CONCERT

505
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,024
AND A BOTTLE
OF JAGERMEISTER.

506
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,459
NO. NO.
AS I SEE IT,

507
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,795
WOMEN DON'T WANT
A FINISHED PRODUCT.

508
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,964
THEY CRAVE
A FIXER-UPPER.

509
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,332
THAT IS SO WEIRD.
YOU KNOW,

510
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:10,801
WOMEN DON'T WANT MEN
WHO ARE PERFECT,

511
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,304
BUT ALL MEN
WANT A WOMAN WHO IS.

512
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:16,073
WELL, PAUL FOUND
A PERFECT WOMAN AND
IT ALMOST KILLED HIM.

513
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:17,274
OH, THANKS, SWEETIE.

514
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,443
YOU KNOW, HE CALLED
FROM THE HOSPITAL.

515
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,444
HMM.

516
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,512
WHAT A NICE GUY.

517
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:22,613
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

518
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,915
MY PERFECT WOMAN
ISN'T PERFECT AT ALL.

519
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,350
SHE COULD BE SHORTISH,

520
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:27,351
SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC,

521
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:28,852
PERHAPS A BIT BITTER,

522
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:29,853
SOMEONE LIKE--

523
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,355
OH, I DON'T KNOW--

524
00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:32,556
MARY ALBRIGHT.

525
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:33,557
OH, GOD!

526
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:35,893
IT'S JUST
AN EXAMPLE.

527
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,131
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--

528
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:56,980
URGGH!

529
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,917
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

530
00:22:06,426 --> 00:22:08,859
IT WAS BROKEN
WHEN I GOT HERE.