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00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,803
Greg Gumbel: WELCOME BACK
TO SAN DIEGO, EVERYONE,
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00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,172
THE SITE OF
SUPER BOWL XXXII,
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00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,841
WON BY THE DENVER BRONCOS
31-24.
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00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,709
TERRELL DAVIS,
THE MOST VALUABLE--
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RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
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THE BIG WOMEN ARE ANGRY!
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SAVE YOURSELVES
WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME!
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00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,483
SECURITY!
I NEED SECURITY!
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00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:19,517
NO! I'M TRYING
TO WARN YOU!
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00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,518
THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!
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00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,254
THEY'RE READY
TO TAKE OVER!
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Dick, narrating:
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
IT BEGAN SO INNOCENTLY.
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IT WAS A DAY
LIKE ANY OTHER.
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I CAN STILL REMEMBER.
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00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,331
I WAS TEACHING
A CLASS IN PHYSICS.
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00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,966
HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG,
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00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:36,835
JANUARY 12,
EARTH YEAR 1998.
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00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,536
THERE ARE
SOME NEW STUDENTS
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00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,005
IN MY CLASS TODAY.
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00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,840
I USUALLY DON'T
ALLOW STUDENTS
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00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,709
TO JOIN MY CLASS
MID-SEMESTER,
22
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,376
BUT I MADE AN EXCEPTION
THIS TIME
23
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,746
BECAUSE THEY WALKED IN
AND SAT DOWN.
24
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:52,317
KEPLER'S THIRD LAW
STATES WHAT? CLASS?
25
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,453
A BODY IN MOTION
TENDS TO...
26
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:58,223
STAY IN MOTION.
27
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,925
NO, NO. BUG, I'M LOOKING
FOR A PLANETARY LAW.
28
00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:02,361
YEAH, PLANETS,
YOU KNOW,
29
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,395
HEAVENLY BODIES?
30
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,932
KEPLER'S THIRD LAW.
ANYBODY.
31
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,470
THE SQUARE OF
A PLANET'S PERIOD OF ORBIT
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00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,473
IS PROPORTIONAL
TO THE CUBE OF
ITS AVERAGE DISTANCE
33
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,474
FROM THE SUN.
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TH-TH-THAT--THAT'S
VERY GOOD, UH...
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GABRIELLA.
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GABRIELLA.
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[BELL RINGS]
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SO, UH, YOU WANT TO
ORBIT AROUND MY PLANET?
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00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:30,722
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,257
YES, I DO, AND...
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YES, I WOULD.
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YOU WOULD?
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ARE YOU SURE
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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ABSOLUTELY.
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00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,300
OHHHH!
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DR. SOLOMON?
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00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,603
GABRIELLA, IT WAS
A PLEASURE TO HAVE
YOU IN CLASS.
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I DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT SCIENCE,
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00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,942
BUT YOU ARE
SUCH A GOOD TEACHER.
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OH, SURE.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
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HI. WHO'S
UNDER THE DRYER?
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00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,653
FAST EDDIE'S
APPLIANCE REPAIR.
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00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,621
MAKE SURE YOU
GET THE GUARANTEE.
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00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,723
OK.
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00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,324
SO, UH, EDDIE,
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00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,525
YOU WANT A SODA
OR SOMETHING?
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00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:09,795
YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT
NOT BE TOO COLD.
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00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,763
I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THE REFRIGERATOR.
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00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,240
YOU'RE NOT EDDIE.
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NO. EDDIE
GAVE ME THE SHOP.
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00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,846
WHY?
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00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,881
BECAUSE I ASKED FOR IT.
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00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,317
REASONABLE.
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SO, UH...
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00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:34,953
WOULD YOU
LIKE A SODA?
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THANKS.
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00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:39,091
I LIKE IT WHEN
MEN GIVE ME THINGS.
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ME, TOO.
69
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,799
SOMETIMES THE BARBER
GIVES ME A LOLLIPOP.
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00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,601
DID YOU GO
TO THE BARBER TODAY?
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00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,337
NO.
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00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,206
DID YOU?
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00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,675
YES.
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Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG,
JANUARY 14.
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FOR SOME REASON,
THE MEN OF RUTHERFORD, OHIO,
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ARE IN THE BEST SPIRITS
I'VE EVER SEEN.
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AS FOR ME,
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I'M GETTING TO KNOW
GABRIELLA BETTER.
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00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:37,281
DICK, DON'T YOU FIND IT
JUST A LITTLE BIT ODD
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THAT A WOMAN
THAT GORGEOUS
LIKES YOU?
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YOU WOULDN'T
THINK IT WAS ODD
IF I WERE MICK JAGGER.
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00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,989
YEAH, BUT MICK JAGGER'S
NOT A SMALL-TOWN
COLLEGE PROFESSOR.
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EXACTLY. AND YET
HE STILL GETS WOMEN.
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NEXT TIME,
TRY THINKING BEFORE
YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
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DICK, SALLY,
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00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,165
I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET CHLOE.
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Dick: HI.
88
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HELLO.
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I'M EXTREMELY
BEAUTIFUL,
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00:03:56,770 --> 00:04:00,038
AND I'M TOMMY'S
NEW GIRLFRIEND.
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00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,007
WAIT. IS THAT TRUE, TOMMY?
92
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,007
YES.
93
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,676
AND YES.
94
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,047
A WOMAN LIKE THAT
IS NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE AVAILABLE
95
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,581
TO A HIGH SCHOOL KID.
96
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,618
THAT'S WHY WE GOT HIM
A SUBSCRIPTION TO PLAYBOY.
97
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,752
AND NOW WE
CAN CANCEL IT.
98
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:15,988
BA-BAM!
99
00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:17,188
SO WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
100
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,857
LET'S SEE.
OH, I KNOW.
101
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,458
ENJOY THE HELL
OUT OF IT.
102
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,859
AS YOU WERE,
LIEUTENANT.
103
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SO...
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HOW ARE THINGS?
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AH, SAME OLD,
SAME OLD.
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YOU?
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CAN'T COMPLAIN.
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YES!
YES!
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Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG,
JANUARY 15.
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GABRIELLA HAS GIVEN ME
A PHOTO OF HER.
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I'M TRYING TO DETERMINE
WHICH ANGLE
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WILL BE MOST VISIBLE
TO DR. ALBRIGHT TO BEST MOCK HER
113
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FOR HAVING
BROKEN UP WITH ME.
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I THINK THAT THEY SHOULD
JUST TURN THE CLASS
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INTO A SEMINAR.
116
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WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY?
WHO IS THIS A PICTURE OF?
117
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,834
WHAT?
118
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,936
WELL, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SO NOSY,
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I'LL TELL YOU.
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IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE--
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DR. ALBRIGHT!
DR. ALBRIGHT, LOOK!
122
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WHAT IS IT?
123
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TICKETS TO
THE SUPER BOWL!
124
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,243
WHERE DID THESE
COME FROM?
125
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,045
FRANK LEGGETT,
CLASS OF '94.
126
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OH, MY GOD.
127
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HIS TEAM IS PLAYING
IN THE SUPER BOWL.
128
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EEEEE!
129
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,395
WHY WOULD HE SEND YOU
THE TICKETS?
130
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,597
OH, UH, FRANK WAS HAVING
A LITTLE TROUBLE
131
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,532
MAINTAINING HIS
ACADEMIC ELIGIBILITY.
132
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,168
I JUST GAVE HIM A LITTLE
HELP AND GUIDANCE.
133
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,537
"YOUR CLASSES
WERE SO EASY.
134
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,506
THANK YOU FOR
LETTING ME COAST."
135
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,809
HE WAS
A BRILLIANT STUDENT.
136
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,844
HE SPELLED EASY
WITH A "Z."
137
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,547
OH, WHO CARES?!
138
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,183
I HAVE 2 TICKETS
TO THE SUPER BOWL!
139
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,419
SO, UH, WHO ARE YOU
GONNA TAKE?
140
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,553
OH.
141
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,922
OHH, UM...
142
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,926
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'VE KNOWN NINA LONGER.
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WHOO!
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SAN DIEGO,
HERE I COME!
145
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WHOO!
146
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,742
VIDEOTAPE FOR MASCHA.
147
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:52,911
TAKE 8.
148
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,230
WHO'S YOUR DADDY?
149
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:17,569
YOU'RE MY LITTLE
SCHMOO-SCHMOO.
150
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,270
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
151
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,439
OH, UH, MAKING A TAPE
FOR MASCHA.
152
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,741
IN CASE
SHE NEEDS A HARRY FIX
153
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:25,176
IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT.
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THAT'S SO SWEET.
155
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SALLY, LOOK.
156
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,819
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR
FOR GABRIELLA.
157
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,020
WHAT'S CAVIAR?
158
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,254
RUSSIAN FISH EGGS.
159
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,255
VERY EXPENSIVE.
160
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,490
YEAH, I KNOW.
161
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,192
YOU AND TOMMY
HAVE SPENT A FORTUNE
ON THESE WOMEN.
162
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:43,461
LOOK, $700 FOR A NECKLACE,
$400 FOR EARRINGS.
163
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,596
GUYS, LOOK WHAT
I BOUGHT FOR CHLOE.
164
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,499
HOW MUCH DID THAT COST?
165
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,499
$50.
166
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:49,767
$50?
167
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,169
A MONTH FOR
THE NEXT 16 YEARS.
168
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,005
ONE SECOND.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
169
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,339
CAN SOMEBODY
PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME
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00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,575
WHY RUTHERFORD, OHIO,
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00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,610
IS SUDDENLY BRIMMING OVER
WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
172
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,113
JUST DYING
TO DATE LOSERS?
173
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,481
WELL, I'M BETTING IT
HAS SOMETHING TO DO
174
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,116
WITH EL NIÑO.
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HELLO, DON.
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YEAH. HI, SALLY.
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00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,831
I SAID, "HELLO, DON."
178
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,433
YEAH, I HEARD YOU.
179
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,276
CAN I BUY YOU A COFFEE?
180
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:34,879
WAIT A SECOND.
WAIT. WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK YOU CAN HAVE ME?
181
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,782
LOOK AROUND.
TIMES HAVE CHANGED.
182
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,953
I'M GOING TO
THE LADIES' ROOM.
183
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,055
ANYBODY CARE
TO JOIN ME?
184
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,968
A SUCKER?
THIS IS IT?
185
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,970
I'M TRYING. HE'S
NOT RESPONDING RIGHT.
186
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,705
WELL, TRY HARDER.
187
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,440
LADIES,
188
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:08,413
WE WILL NOT REST
UNTIL WE HAVE ACHIEVED
THE TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION.
189
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,315
EXCUSE ME, BUT
WHAT DID YOU SAY--
190
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,487
Sally: DICK!
191
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,456
I'M UP HERE.
OH, I'M SILLY.
192
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,824
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.
193
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,161
YOU WEREN'T
AT THE SCHOOL OR--
OH, HELLO.
194
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,564
WHY DOES YOUR WIFE
ALWAYS BOTHER US?
195
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,701
NO, I'M NOT HIS WIFE.
I'M HIS SISTER, AND,
UH, RIGHT NOW,
196
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,237
WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE
A LITTLE BROTHER/SISTER
CHAT.
197
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,738
SALLY, ANYTHING
YOU HAVE TO SAY
TO ME
198
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,441
YOU CAN SAY
IN FRONT OF
GABRIELLA.
199
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,275
OK, UM...
200
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:42,279
YOU KNOW THOSE
HEMORRHOID SUPPOSITORIES
YOU ALWAYS BUY--
201
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,949
ALL RIGHT,
IN THE KITCHEN!
IN THE KITCHEN!
202
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:49,521
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK,
MY PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL
LITTLE SNOWFLAKE.
203
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:50,522
MMM...
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
204
00:09:50,524 --> 00:09:52,090
Sally: DICK!
205
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:55,427
HURRY UP!
I MISS MY GABBY.
206
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:57,629
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED
OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.
207
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:00,298
THESE WOMEN ARE
PART OF SOME STRANGE,
ORGANIZED COVEN.
208
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,334
THEIR GOAL IS
TO DOMINATE THE WORLD.
209
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:04,803
I HEARD THEM, DICK.
THEY'RE DANGEROUS.
210
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:07,738
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT SIZZLING SIBERIAN
SEX KITTEN IN THERE
211
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,074
DOESN'T REALLY LOVE ME?
212
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,508
NO.
213
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,544
BUT IS ONLY USING ME
IN A PLOT TO DOMINATE
THE WHOLE WORLD?
214
00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:13,611
YES!
215
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,613
HA HA HA HA HA!
216
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,616
THAT'S
THE MOST RIDICULOUS
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
217
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,418
SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND.
218
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,653
Gabriella: DICK!
219
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:25,090
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
220
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:29,094
WELL, I GUESS
IT'S UP TO ME TO GET
TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
221
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:34,765
AND IF I HAVE TO SMASH
DICK'S FANTASY AND LEAVE HIM
A BLUBBERING IDIOT,
222
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,201
THEN ALL THE BETTER.
223
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,007
THAT...
224
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,308
AND THAT.
225
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,310
OOH!
226
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,712
AND THIS.
227
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:49,814
I'M GONNA TRY IT ON.
228
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:50,815
OOH, I'LL HELP.
229
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,917
NO, YOU DON'T,
BAD BOY.
230
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:56,787
WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE
A MARKETING SURVEY
OR SOMETHING?
231
00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:58,222
WHAT?
232
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,357
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE
A MARKETING SURVEY?
233
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:01,492
OK.
234
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,564
EXCUSE ME. I CAN'T
SEEM TO FIND MY SIZE.
235
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,565
AND THAT WOULD BE?
236
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:08,766
AN 8.
237
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,368
YOU HAVE 2s AND 4s
238
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,271
AND A COUPLE OF ZEROS.
239
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,874
WELL, I'M SORRY, MISS,
BUT WE DON'T REALLY
CARRY THE PLUS SIZES.
240
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:20,611
SINCE WHEN DID 8
BECOME A PLUS SIZE?
241
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,113
IN THE CLOTHING
BUSINESS,
242
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,282
WE HAVE TO CATER
TO THE DEMANDS
OF THE BUYER.
243
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,284
I'VE BEEN SHOPPING HERE
A LONG TIME,
244
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,319
AND I DEMAND SERVICE.
245
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:32,089
YOU KNOW, HON,
IT'S REALLY UNATTRACTIVE
WHEN A HEAVY GAL YELLS.
246
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,294
SO, WOULD YOU
BUY THIS PRODUCT?
247
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,963
IN A HEARTBEAT.
248
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,931
HOW MUCH
WOULD YOU PAY
FOR THIS PRODUCT?
249
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:43,968
WHATEVER THOSE
PRETTY LADIES SAY.
250
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,670
SO, WOULD YOU
GIVE UP ALL
THAT YOU HOLD DEAR
251
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,539
AND DEVOTE YOUR
LIFE TO OBTAINING
THIS PRODUCT?
252
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,841
SURE.
253
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,176
WHAT IS
THIS PRODUCT?
254
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,211
I HAVE NO IDEA.
255
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,885
WHAT DO YOU SEE
WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME?
256
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,888
OOH, I SEE SOMEONE
WHO'S SWEET,
257
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,723
FUN TO BE WITH,
258
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,625
MAYBE A LITTLE
INSECURE, BUT...
259
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,795
I LIKE THAT
ABOUT YOU.
260
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:14,198
DON'T YOU THINK
I'M BEAUTIFUL?
261
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,434
WELL,
SURE, YOU'RE CUTE,
262
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,835
EVEN WITH THE MOLE.
263
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:24,575
WELL, THEN, DON'T YOU
WANT TO GIVE ME ANYTHING?
264
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,444
OH, OF COURSE I DO.
265
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:29,347
I WANT TO GIVE YOU
THE MOUNTAINS
AND THE RIVER
266
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,848
AND THE TREES.
267
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:34,018
WELL, I GUESS
I WAS JUST HOPING FOR
SOMETHING MORE LIKE...
268
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,253
EXTREMELY
EXPENSIVE JEWELRY.
269
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,755
HMM?
270
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,256
OK.
271
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:42,393
I WAS KEEPING THIS
FOR A SURPRISE, BUT...
272
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,731
I HAD THE BARBER TAKE
A LITTLE OFF THE TOP.
273
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,666
JUST FOR YOU.
274
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:56,140
SOMETIMES I FEEL
LIKE SUCH A FAILURE.
275
00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:58,042
OOH, WHY?
276
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:01,045
HARRY, I HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
277
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,180
I'M NOT
FROM AROUND HERE.
278
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:09,053
I'M NOT FROM
AROUND HERE, EITHER.
279
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,322
I'M NOT
LIKE OTHER WOMEN.
280
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,492
I'M NOT LIKE
OTHER GUYS.
281
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,127
I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY.
282
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,897
I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHY, EITHER.
283
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,932
WE HAVE SO MUCH
IN COMMON.
284
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,701
WE DO.
285
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,647
Sally, narrating:
LIEUTENANT'S LOG.
286
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,649
YES, I HAVE ONE, TOO.
287
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:42,786
THE COFFEE SHOP IS LOUSY
WITH THESE LEGGY PREDATORS.
288
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,089
I MUST GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF THIS AT ANY COST.
289
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,612
PREPARE FOR CONTACT
290
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,681
WITH PRELL.
291
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,749
[STATIC]
292
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,685
[TUNING]
293
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:19,357
LADIES, WE HAVE COME
A LONG WAY FROM VENUS.
294
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,525
I WOULD LIKE
TO COMMEND YOU ALL
295
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,294
ON YOUR HARD WORK
AND DEDICATION...
296
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:27,131
IN HEELS, I MIGHT ADD.
297
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,334
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE
RUTHERFORD, OHIO?
298
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,567
MMM.
299
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:33,737
BECAUSE IT IS
SO DELIGHTFULLY AVERAGE,
300
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,340
A PETRI DISH
OF THE MUNDANE.
301
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,742
DOES THE EXPERIMENT
GO WELL?
302
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:43,080
EVERY MAN TESTED
SCORED 100% ON
THE WEAKNESS SCALE.
303
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,615
EXCELLENT!
304
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:49,220
NOW IT'S TIME FOR US
TO MOVE WEST TOWARDS
OUR FINAL DESTINATION:
305
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,088
AREA 32.
306
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,590
[TOILET FLUSHES]
307
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,725
SEARCH THE STALLS!
308
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:02,065
EXCUSE ME. I JUST, UH,
NEED TO WASH MY HANDS.
309
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,233
WHY WERE YOU
HIDING IN THERE?
310
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,234
I WASN'T HIDING.
311
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,270
THEN WHY WEREN'T
YOUR FEET VISIBLE?
312
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,006
THIS IS PRETTY
EMBARRASSING, BUT, UM...
313
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:13,410
SOMETIMES I JAM MY FEET
AGAINST THE STALL DOOR,
314
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,179
YOU KNOW, FOR LEVERAGE.
315
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:20,918
I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING
ENOUGH GRAINS LATELY
SO IT'S BEEN WAAAA!
316
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:21,919
YOU'RE LYING.
317
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,287
YEAH, I'M LYING.
318
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:24,922
IT'S BECAUSE
I WANT TO JOIN YOU.
319
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,923
JOIN US?
320
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,424
HMM.
321
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,093
YOU'VE
GOT SPLIT ENDS.
322
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,630
NO. SHE'S TALL ENOUGH,
323
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,698
SHE'S GOT
THE BONE STRUCTURE.
324
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,867
PERHAPS WE CAN USE HER,
325
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:41,439
THAT IS, IF SHE CAN
ENDURE OUR MAKEOVER.
326
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,944
[BALALAIKA PLAYING]
327
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,013
[SINGING IN RUSSIAN]
328
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,601
♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪
329
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,103
♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪
330
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,604
♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪
331
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,605
♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪
332
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:15,773
RRRRRRRRRRR!
333
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,108
OY! OY! OY! OY!
334
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,442
♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪
335
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:19,476
♪ LA LA LA LA LA-- ♪
336
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,813
UM, I JUST NEED TO GET
SOMETHING FROM MY ROOM.
337
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,815
YOU MIND IF I GO ALONE?
338
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,817
NOT AT ALL.
GREAT.
339
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,420
OOH, MASCHA!
340
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,821
HELLO, HARRY.
341
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,324
I DIDN'T COME
TO SEE YOU.
342
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,692
I CAME TO TAKE
YOUR SISTER...
SHOPPING.
343
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:36,793
MMM.
344
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:39,062
LOOK, I KNOW
HOW YOU LIKE THINGS.
345
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:40,731
AND SO, UM...
346
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,467
I MADE YOU SOMETHING.
347
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,571
NOT REAL GOLD,
MACARONI.
348
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:50,174
I SPRAY-PAINTED IT.
349
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:54,912
THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY
NO MARKET VALUE.
350
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,514
AND YET...
351
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,148
I'M TOUCHED.
352
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,852
YOU'RE EITHER
REALLY CHEAP
353
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,521
OR REALLY DEEP.
354
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:08,425
I'D LIKE TO THINK
THAT I AM BOTH.
355
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,662
I DON'T KNOW WHY,
BUT I WANT TO GIVE YOU
SOMETHING, TOO.
356
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,031
OH, NO,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
357
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,941
I HAVE TO GO NOW,
HARRY.
358
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,278
GOOD-BYE.
359
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:36,887
OK, LADIES,
LET'S GO!
360
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,221
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?
361
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,323
OH, I'M SORRY, DICK,
362
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,725
BUT I'VE GOT SOME BUSINESS
TO TAKE CARE OF.
363
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,126
OUCH!
364
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:44,961
SALLY, YOU CAN'T GO.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE US
DINNER.
365
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,963
UH, YOU HAVE TO BUY
YOUR OWN DINNER.
366
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,799
UM, HERE'S
A GROCERY LIST.
367
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,300
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU READ IT
368
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:52,636
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU HAVE TO BUY.
LET'S MOVE!
369
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,639
EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY,
IT'S A GOOD READ,
THAT GROCERY LIST.
370
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,641
I HEARD YOU,
MISS PRONUNCIATION.
371
00:17:57,643 --> 00:18:00,745
Sally: THE LIST, DICK!
READ THE LIST!
372
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,946
WELL, SHALL WE
GO GROCERY SHOPPING?
373
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:04,882
NO, NO.
THAT'S SALLY'S JOB.
374
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:08,752
NO, I THINK
THE MOST PRUDENT THING
FOR US TO DO NOW
375
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:12,957
IS JUST TO, UM,
SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR
THE GIRLS TO COME BACK.
376
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:20,331
Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG,
JANUARY 18.
377
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:24,836
LIKE LOCUSTS,
THEY CAME EN MASSE
WITHOUT WARNING.
378
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:28,706
THEN, IN A CLOUD
OF SPARKLY POWDER
AND PERFUME...
379
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,475
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
380
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,709
THEY WERE GONE.
381
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,912
HEY, GUYS.
382
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,080
I WAS JUST WONDERING
HAVE ANY OF YOU--
383
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:39,116
NO, WE HAVEN'T SEEN
KIRSTA AROUND.
384
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,451
WILL YOU
GIVE IT A REST?
385
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,619
YOU DON'T HEAR ME
WHINING ON AND ON
ABOUT GABRIELLA.
386
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,087
ONLY 24 HOURS A DAY.
387
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,423
MMM, PLEASE. IT'S NOT
LIKE YOU LOST MASCHA.
388
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,758
MASCHA, MASCHA,
MASCHA.
389
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:48,925
WHY I OUGHT TO--
390
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:50,027
HEY, HEY, HEY!
391
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,765
WHY DON'T WE STOP
KIDDING OURSELVES?
392
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,333
WE KNEW IT COULDN'T
LAST FOREVER.
393
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,335
THE THING
I MOST REGRET
394
00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:00,904
IS I DIDN'T TAKE
ANY PICTURES OF
GABRIELLA AND ME.
395
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:03,074
NOW NO ONE'S
GOING TO BELIEVE ME
396
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,576
WHEN I TELL THEM
I SLEPT WITH HER.
397
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:06,743
YOU DIDN'T.
398
00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:09,046
YOU SEE, IT'S
STARTED ALREADY!
399
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:15,852
JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
SHE'S A WINTER.
400
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:18,688
OH, I ALWAYS
THOUGHT I LOOKED
BEST IN WARMER TONES.
401
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,190
OH, YOU WERE WRONG.
402
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:23,227
SHE HAS COMBINATION SKIN
AND A DRY T-ZONE.
403
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,762
WE MUST EXFOLIATE.
404
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:28,064
UH, UH, COULDN'T WE
JUST MOISTURIZE ME?
405
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,232
DO YOU WANT TO BE
ONE OF US OR NOT?
406
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,334
YES, YES!
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!
407
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,336
I NEED THE FIDO BENT.
408
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,473
2000?
3000.
409
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,110
NOW OPEN!
410
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:43,247
UHH! AAAH!
411
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,852
WHOA, LOOK, HARRY.
412
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,186
IT'S MASCHA'S COMPACT.
413
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,254
OOH, LET ME HOLD IT.
414
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:56,760
OOH, I CAN STILL
FEEL THE HEAT FROM
HER SLENDER FINGERS.
415
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,261
[STATIC]
416
00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:02,899
HELLO? COME IN, SASSOON.
THIS IS PRELL.
417
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:04,434
WHAT WAS THAT?
SHE WAS HOT.
418
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:05,936
[STATIC]
419
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:08,672
Prell: HEY, WHO IS THAT?
420
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,408
OH, MY GOD!
421
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,142
DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT THIS IS?
422
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:17,748
IT'S A MULTIPHASE
MICRO TRANSMITTER AND
ROSE-PINK BLUSH IN ONE!
423
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,986
THIS PLANET DOESN'T
HAVE THAT TECHNOLOGY.
424
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:25,489
HOLY COW!
WE WEREN'T JUST
DATING LEGGY BABES.
425
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:29,660
WE WERE DATING
LEGGY BABES FROM BEYOND.
426
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,595
OH, MY GOD!
427
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,597
WE'RE ALIENS OURSELVES
AND THEY FOOLED US!
428
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:35,165
WHAT CHANCE DO
REGULAR HUMANS HAVE?
429
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,133
WE'RE SUCH IDIOTS!
SALLY TRIED
TO WARN US.
430
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,134
WHERE'S
THAT SHOPPING LIST?
431
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:39,536
OH, WHOA!
WAIT A SECOND! WAIT.
432
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:41,372
I THINK I PUT IT
IN THE TRASH.
433
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,374
OH, WAIT. HERE IT IS.
434
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:44,875
OH, NO!
435
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,043
WHAT?
436
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,979
NONE OF THE GROCERIES
WE NEED ARE ON THIS LIST.
437
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:53,717
NO, IT'S JUST SOME LONG,
INVOLVED MESSAGE ABOUT SALLY
INFILTRATING THEIR GROUP
438
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:54,885
AND HEADING TO CALIFORNIA.
439
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,120
OH.
OH.
440
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,121
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
441
00:20:58,123 --> 00:20:59,757
SHE WAS ASKING
FOR OUR HELP,
442
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,659
AND WE WEREN'T
THERE FOR HER.
443
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,327
OH, WHO KNOWS WHAT
THEY'RE DOING TO HER NOW.
444
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,829
WE WERE SITTING
ON OUR DUFFS
445
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,331
WHILE
SHE'S SINGLE-HANDEDLY
TRYING TO SAVE EARTH!
446
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:11,669
EARTH. MAYBE IT ISN'T
THE BIGGEST PLANET
IN THE GALAXY
447
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,270
OR THE ROUNDEST...
448
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,174
BUT I'VE COME TO
THINK OF IT AS HOME.
449
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:19,109
I WAS GONNA
RETIRE HERE,
450
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,211
YOU KNOW,
IN BOCA.
451
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:25,382
POOR MASCHA,
IN THEIR CLUTCHES.
452
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,384
SHE'S ONE OF THEM,
YOU IDIOT!
453
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:29,386
WE'VE GOT TO SAVE EARTH,
AND WE'VE GOTTA SAVE SALLY!
454
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:30,721
LET'S GO!
455
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,623
WAIT!
456
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,259
WAIT IF WE RUN INTO
ONE OF THOSE CUNNING,
MANIPULATIVE WOMEN?
457
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:37,994
YOU'RE RIGHT.
EVERYONE GRAB A COMB
AND A DINNER JACKET.
458
00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:39,396
LET'S GO!
459
00:21:43,201 --> 00:21:46,136
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CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
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