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Narrator on videotape:
THIS IS PENDLETON UNIVERSITY
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WHERE TODAY'S STUDENTS
MEET TOMORROW'S CHALLENGES.
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ALL RIGHT. NOW, HARRY,
HERE ARE THE KEYS.
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AND REMEMBER, HAVE THEM
FILL UP THE TANK,
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CHECK THE WIPER FLUID,
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AND HANG A NEW PINE TREE
AIR FRESHENER.
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WHAT ABOUT
THE 3 FLAT TIRES?
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IF YOU HAVE TIME.
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WHOA!
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YOU GOT TV
IN YOUR OFFICE?
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OH. WHAT ARE YOU
WATCHING, MARY?
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IT'S A PROMOTIONAL VIDEO
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THE UNIVERSITY SENDS OUT
TO PROSPECTIVE STUDENTS.
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THEY'RE
MAKING A NEW ONE.
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OH, REALLY?
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WILL THEY NEED A PROFESSOR
TO BE IN IT?
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YES. IN FACT,
THEY ASKED ME.
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OH. THEY ASKED YOU.
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YES. THEY SAID THAT
THEY WERE LOOKING
FOR PROFESSORS
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WHO WERE CHARMING
AND ARTICULATE
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AND EMBODIED
ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE.
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WELL, THAT CERTAINLY
DOES DESCRIBE...YOU.
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DON'T FEEL BAD.
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NO, NO. I DON'T.
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I'M FAR TOO BUSY
IN MY ROLE AS EDUCATOR
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TO SULLY MYSELF
WITH SOME POINTLESS
EXERCISE IN NARCISSISM.
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UM, JUST
OUT OF CURIOSITY,
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WHO'S THE DIRECTOR?
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ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS,
ACTUALLY.
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AUBRY PITMAN.
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PITMAN!
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OH, HE'S
MY FAVORITE STUDENT.
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SUCH A WONDERFUL
YOUNG MAN.
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HE'S THE ONE
WITH THE BANDANNA?
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YEAH, RIGHT.
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IT'S OFFICIAL.
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I'M GONNA KILL WARREN.
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WHO'S WARREN?
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THE GUY I'M--
WAS DATING.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO DRIVE ME TO THE DENTIST,
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AND HE BACKED OUT.
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WHY ARE YOU GOING
TO THE DENTIST?
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I'M HAVING
MY WISDOM TEETH REMOVED.
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WOULDN'T IT
MAKE MORE SENSE
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TO HAVE EXTRA ONES
INSTALLED?
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DON'T MESS WITH ME.
NOT TODAY.
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NINA, I CAN GIVE YOU A RIDE
TO THE DENTIST'S OFFICE.
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REALLY?
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YOU DRIVE?
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LIKE A MANIAC.
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COME ON.
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HEY, GUYS.
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[CARTOON PLAYING]
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TOMMY, DO YOU REALIZE
HOW RUDE YOU'RE BEING?
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I'M SORRY.
I'LL TURN IT DOWN.
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THANK YOU.
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NO, NO.
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I SHOULD GO.
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HEY, DON, YOU KNOW WHAT
WE SHOULD DO TONIGHT?
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YES.
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BUT WHAT WERE YOU
THINKING?
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WE SHOULD GO BACK
TO YOUR PLACE
AND WATCH TV.
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THEY'RE SHOWING
A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT
ON CABLE.
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OH. SOUNDS LIKE FUN,
BUT I GOTTA WORK
LATE TONIGHT.
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OH, BUT I DON'T GET
THE SURGERY CHANNEL.
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OH. WELL, SALLY,
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THERE'S NO REASON
YOU GOTTA MISS IT.
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WHY DON'T I
GIVE YOU MY KEY?
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GREAT. I'LL PUT IT
UNDER YOUR MAT
WHEN I'M DONE.
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SAY, WHEN YOU'RE DONE,
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WHY DON'T YOU JUST...
HANG ON TO IT?
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REALLY?
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YOUR KEY?
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OH, DON,
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
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OH, LOOK!
IT'S A SCHLAGE!
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MY FAVORITE.
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ALL RIGHTY, NINA.
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WE'LL SEE YOU
IN A FEW DAYS,
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AND I'LL TAKE OUT
THE OTHER 2 WISDOM TEETH.
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NINA, ARE YOU OK?
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[MUFFLED, DOPEY]
HARRY.
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OH, YOU WAITED
ALL THIS TIME.
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THAT'S SO SWEET.
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OH, MY GOD.
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YOU'VE BEEN DRUGGED.
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IS THAT HOW YOU
GET YOUR JOLLIES,
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YOU SICK BASTARD?
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HARRY, NO.
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I DON'T
FEEL SO GOOD.
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CAN WE GO HOME NOW?
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SURE.
COME ON, NINA.
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00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:59,971
I'LL MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY
EVER HURTS YOU AGAIN.
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I NEED TO SEE HER
FRIDAY.
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00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:02,941
UNTIL FRIDAY.
95
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,482
SO THE VARIABLE "X"
SHOULD EQUAL THE COSIGN
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00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,784
OF THE ORBITAL
TRAJECTORY "T,"
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WHICH IS WHAT? ANYONE?
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00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,120
PITMAN, HOW ABOUT YOU?
99
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THE ILLUSTRIOUS DIRECTOR
IN OUR MIDST.
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I DON'T KNOW.
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OH, OF COURSE YOU DO.
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COME ON, GIVE IT A SHOT,
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MON AUTEUR DU CINEMA.
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WELL...4.
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YES. "4" IS CORRECT.
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YOU ARE BRILLIANT.
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ALL HAIL PITMAN.
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DR. SOLOMON?
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LEON, YOU'RE NOT
HAILING PITMAN.
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UH, HAIL PITMAN.
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00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,048
BUT ISN'T "4" WRONG?
112
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OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
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WELL, WHEN I ANSWERED "4,"
114
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YOU SAID I WAS DUMBER
THAN A BUCKET OF HAIR.
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YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.
116
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,660
NO, HE'S RIGHT.
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HE SAID THAT IF THE ORBITAL
TRAJECTORY WAS "4,"
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THEN THE EARTH
WOULD SPIN OUT OF ORBIT
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AND CRASH INTO THE SUN.
120
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AND THEN YOU TOLD US
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TO "SHUN
THE IDIOT CHILD LEON,
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"FOR HE
HAS KILLED US ALL
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WITH HIS CRETINOUS
ANSWER OF 4."
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FINE, FINE. PITMAN,
SAY ANOTHER NUMBER.
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9?
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CORRECT.
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ALL HAIL PITMAN.
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AAH!
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AAH!
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EASY THERE,
SLEEPYHEAD.
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THIS SOUP IS HOT,
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AND, AFTER ALL
YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH,
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THE LAST THING YOU NEED
IS A GOOD SCALDING.
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00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,534
HOW LONG HAVE I
BEEN ASLEEP?
135
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MM, IT'S BEEN
ABOUT 6 HOURS.
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AND YOU'VE BEEN
STANDING OVER ME
THE WHOLE TIME?
137
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,007
OH, NO. NO, EVERY
COUPLE OF MINUTES,
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I HAD TO GO
TO THE MICROWAVE
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TO REHEAT THE SOUP.
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OOH, WOW.
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THAT'S THE...STRANGEST,
NICEST THING
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ANYBODY'S
EVER DONE FOR ME.
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00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:55,286
THANK YOU.
144
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:56,788
OH, IT'S OK.
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OH, BY THE WAY,
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND--
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BUT WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP,
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00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,259
THE LIGHT
HIT YOU JUST RIGHT,
148
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,094
AND I HAD
TO DRAW A PORTRAIT.
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00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,502
I ASSUME
YOU LIKE ROLLER SKATING.
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00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,109
HEY, DON.
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SALLY, HI.
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I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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THIS KEY IS SO AWESOME.
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SO, YOU REALLY HAD
A GOOD TIME HERE
LAST NIGHT
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WITHOUT ME.
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DID YOU HAVE
SOME FRIENDS OVER?
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UH-UH. JUST ME.
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OH. I WATCHED SOME FAT GUY
GETTING A PIG VALVE.
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00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,767
SORRY I MISSED IT.
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YEAH, ME, TOO.
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HEY. DON, HOW'S
A WESTERN OMELET SOUND?
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OH, IT SOUNDS GREAT.
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TERRIFIC.
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THROW IN SOME BACON
IF YOU GOT IT, ALL RIGHT?
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00:06:55,215 --> 00:07:00,085
♪ AND THE ROCKETS'
RED GLARE ♪
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♪ THE BOMBS
BURSTING-- ♪
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GOOD MORNING.
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00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,655
WHY ARE YOU
SO CHEERFUL?
169
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:06,157
I DON'T KNOW.
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00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,659
I GUESS IT'S
'CAUSE OF HARRY.
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HARRY.
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00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,729
HARRY SOLOMON?
173
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,932
HE'S SO SWEET
AND FUNNY.
174
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,468
OH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
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YOU'RE NOT CONSIDERING
GETTING INVOLVED--
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OH, NO.
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YOU ARE.
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OH, COME ON.
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ARE YOU...
A LITTLE.
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NO, NINA!
181
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,610
OH, YOU'RE ONE
TO TALK.
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00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,879
DR. SOLOMON IS JUST
AS BIZARRE AS HARRY,
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00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,814
AND HE'S COMPLETELY
SELF-CENTERED.
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OH, DON'T BE ABSURD.
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00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,719
BEHOLD THE GLORY
THAT IS ME.
186
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OH, GO FILE SOMETHING.
187
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,792
MARY,
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS.
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00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,494
I'VE JUST BEEN CHOSEN
TO BE YOUR COSTAR
189
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,595
IN THE PROMOTIONAL
VIDEO.
190
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:48,266
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
IT WAS A POINTLESS EXERCISE
IN NARCISSISM.
191
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,767
WELL, NOW
IT HAS A POINT.
192
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,140
Dick: TOMMY?
193
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,610
TOMMY, I NEED YOU
TO RUN MY LINES
WITH ME.
194
00:07:58,612 --> 00:07:59,944
HERE, YOU BE MARY.
195
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,184
"YOU WILL BE INSPIRED
BY OUR SCENIC CAMPUS."
196
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,086
YES, THEY WILL, MARY.
197
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:11,355
IT'S 22 ACRES
OF PARADISE.
198
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:12,957
WAIT. YOU'RE ACTUALLY
GONNA SAY THAT?
199
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:13,958
WELL, OF COURSE.
WHY NOT?
200
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,459
'CAUSE IT'S A LIE.
201
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,361
IT'S A 22-ACRE
RECLAIMED URANIUM MINE.
202
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,800
WELL, IT'S
A LITTLE RADIOACTIVE,
203
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,068
BUT ISN'T EVERY COLLEGE?
204
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,970
LOOK. NONE
OF THIS STUFF IS TRUE.
205
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,239
OH, WHAT
DO YOU MEAN?
206
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,239
LOOK.
207
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,573
"STATE-OF-THE-ART
EQUIPMENT,
208
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,509
"SUPERIOR
STUDENT BODY,
209
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,977
LOW SUICIDE RATE."
210
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,780
YOU'RE RIGHT, TOMMY.
211
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,281
THESE ARE
HORRIBLE LIES.
212
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,449
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
213
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,351
WELL, IF YOU WANT
TO KEEP YOUR INTEGRITY,
214
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,753
YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO QUIT THE FILM.
215
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,856
THESE ARE HORRIBLE LIES.
216
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,491
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
217
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:49,193
♪ HIT ME WITH
YOUR BEST SHOT ♪
218
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:53,131
♪ AND FIRE AWAY ♪
219
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,299
SALLY.
220
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,433
HI, DON.
221
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,035
♪ HIT ME WITH
YOUR BEST SHOT ♪
222
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,704
SALLY. SALLY. SALLY!
223
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:03,107
I WORKED THE GRAVEYARD
LAST NIGHT.
224
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,943
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU
COME IN THIS MORNING.
225
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,613
GLAD TO SEE THAT
YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF
RIGHT AT HOME.
226
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,148
OH, THIS IS
BETTER THAN HOME.
227
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,516
NOBODY TELLS ME
WHAT TO DO.
228
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,551
NOBODY COMPLAINS.
229
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,087
NOT YET, NO.
230
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,602
HARRY, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
231
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,771
ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?
232
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:37,108
NO. I'M COMPLETELY
UNATTACHED.
233
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,743
TOTALLY AVAILABLE.
234
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,213
I'M READY, WILLING,
AND WAITING.
235
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,749
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M
NOT SEEING ANYONE, EITHER.
236
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,184
OH, REALLY?
237
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,622
AND SINCE WE BOTH
LIKE EACH OTHER
238
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,189
AND WE'RE BOTH
NOT SEEING ANYONE...
239
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:53,357
MM-HMM?
240
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,226
DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M
GOING WITH THIS, HARRY?
241
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,494
YES.
242
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:59,663
YOU'RE SAYING THAT
WE'LL ALWAYS BE FRIENDS
243
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,199
AND NOTHING MORE.
244
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,502
YEAH, YEAH.
245
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,970
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
246
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:06,938
YEAH.
247
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,741
WELL, TO HELL
WITH FRIENDSHIP.
248
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,743
I WANT YOU, WOMAN.
249
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,247
OH, HARRY.
250
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,650
OH, NINA.
251
00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:27,091
UM, UH...
252
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,592
NINA, I'M READY FOR YOU.
253
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,427
OH. I HAVE TO GO, HARRY,
254
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:32,330
BUT I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
255
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,032
I'LL BE
RIGHT HERE, NINA.
256
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,034
NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS,
257
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,335
I WILL BE
RIGHT HERE.
258
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,769
NO MATTER WHAT OCCURS,
259
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,538
NO MATTER
HOW LONG IT TAKES,
260
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,039
I'LL BE HERE.
261
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,841
ON THAT YOU CAN RELY.
262
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,115
WELL, I'M SORRY,
263
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,417
BUT A PROMISE
IS A PROMISE.
264
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,194
HEY, DON.
265
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,295
TOMMY.
266
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,999
HEY, UH,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
267
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,468
JUST STANDING.
268
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,336
CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
269
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,371
SURE.
270
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,672
WHY?
271
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,974
I GOT NOWHERE ELSE
TO GO.
272
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:18,209
SINCE I GAVE MY KEY
TO SALLY,
273
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,011
SHE'S TAKEN OVER
MY APARTMENT.
274
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,612
YOU JUST GOTTA
TALK TO HER, DON.
275
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,347
YEAH, BUT...
276
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,348
HEY, GUYS.
277
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,983
SALLY. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
278
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:28,052
UH, YOU RAN OUT
OF TOILET PAPER.
279
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:30,688
OH. NOW--
NOW LISTEN, SALLY,
280
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,358
I'M HAVING SOME GUYS
OVER TONIGHT TO, UH...
281
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,226
WATCH SOME FIGHTS
ON PAY-PER-VIEW.
282
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,394
COOL. PARTY.
283
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,563
WELL, IT'S SORT OF A...
A GUYS' NIGHT.
284
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,764
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
285
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,132
YEAH. IT'S A PARTY.
286
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:44,235
BUT...WITH THE GUYS.
287
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,736
I GOT IT.
288
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:46,837
WITH THE GUYS.
289
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:48,106
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
290
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,607
ALL RIGHT. OK.
291
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,143
WELL, I GOTTA GO.
SEE YOU LATER.
292
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,845
HEY, SALLY.
YEAH?
293
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,481
YOU WANNA GO SEE A MOVIE
OR SOMETHING LATER?
294
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,982
OH, NO, I CAN'T.
295
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,652
I'M WATCHING THE FIGHT
WITH THE GUYS TONIGHT.
296
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,353
OK. NOW JUST
FOLLOW ALONG
297
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,088
AND SEE
IF I HAVE IT.
298
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,523
CAN DO.
299
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,025
[TONY BRITISH ACCENT]
HELLO.
300
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,526
I'M DR. MARY ALBRIGHT.
301
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,862
I'M PROUD
TO BE A MEMBER--
302
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:11,929
OK.
303
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:13,331
WHAT'S
WITH THE ACCENT?
304
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,499
WHAT ACCENT?
305
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,168
THIS IS MY FORMAL
SPEAKING VOICE.
306
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,969
ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
307
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,305
NEVER MIND.
308
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,742
UH, PITMAN, WE NEED
TO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT.
309
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,011
DR. SOLOMON HAS SOME
PROBLEMS WITH THE SCRIPT.
310
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,519
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
311
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,788
IT'S JUST A FEW LITTLE
MINOR WORD CHANGES REALLY.
312
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,223
LIKE, UH, HERE WHERE
IT SAYS "SCENIC,"
313
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:40,224
HE'D RATHER SAY
"ATTRACTIVE."
314
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,993
AND INSTEAD OF
"RIGOROUS,"
315
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,628
HE'D PREFER
"CHALLENGING."
316
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,296
AND RIGHT HERE
WHERE IT SAYS,
317
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,564
"THE STUDENT BODY
IS SUPERIOR,"
318
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,998
HE WOULD PREFER
"INFERIOR."
319
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:52,336
CAN WE REHEARSE THIS ONCE
JUST THE WAY IT'S WRITTEN
320
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,938
SO WE CAN HEAR
HOW IT SOUNDS?
321
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,572
ALL RIGHT.
322
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,315
OK.
323
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,784
AND...ACTION.
324
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,819
HELLO.
325
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,321
I'M DR. MARY ALBRIGHT,
326
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,257
AND I'M PROUD
TO BE A MEMBER--
327
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,825
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
328
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,293
WHAT'S WITH THE ACCENT?
329
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,895
WHY DOES EVERYBODY
KEEP ASKING ME THAT?
330
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,365
THE LADY ALBRIGHT
HATH NO ACCENT.
331
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:25,236
FINE. DR. SOLOMON,
FROM YOUR LINE.
332
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,977
"HELLO. I'M
DR. DICK SOLOMON,
333
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,979
"AND I THINK
YOU'LL FIND
334
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,648
THE TRADITION
OF EXCELLENCE
HERE AT PENDLETON--"
335
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,019
YOU KNOW, WHAT'S
TRIPPING ME UP
336
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,319
IS THE WORD
"EXCELLENCE."
337
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,321
IF I COULD JUST SAY,
338
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,623
"TRADITION OF ADEQUACY."
339
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,124
YOU KNOW WHAT?
340
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,693
I DON'T CARE.
341
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,360
YOU CAN REWRITE
WHATEVER YOU WANT,
342
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,530
AS LONG AS IT MAKES
PENDLETON SOUND GOOD.
343
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,998
BUT WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION?
344
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,133
MAYBE WE WANT PEOPLE
TO COME HERE?
345
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:58,402
OH. OH, WELL,
OK THEN.
346
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,443
[EXHALES]
347
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,221
HEY, MOM, LOOK,
348
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,756
HE TOOK MY TOOTH OUT.
349
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,458
THAT'S NICE, HONEY.
350
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,693
HEY, MISTER,
LOOK WHAT I GOT.
351
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,561
OH, THANKS, KID.
352
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,201
YOU JUST ATE MY TOOTH.
353
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,873
WELL, THERE'S NO
GRACEFUL WAY OUT
OF THIS ONE.
354
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,041
OH, MAN.
355
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,644
NOW I WON'T GET A VISIT
FROM THE TOOTH FAIRY.
356
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:40,744
THE TOOTH FAIRY?
357
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:43,548
YOU KNOW. YOU PUT YOUR TOOTH
UNDER YOUR PILLOW,
358
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,050
AND THEN THE TOOTH FAIRY
GIVES YOU 5 BUCKS.
359
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,419
WOW. ARE YOU SURE?
360
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:51,990
YES, AND THE TOOTH FAIRY
WILL VISIT RONNIE TONIGHT.
361
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,794
ARE YOU
COMING ON TO ME?
362
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,432
OK. PLACES, PEOPLE,
363
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,701
AND...ACTION.
364
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,838
HELLO.
365
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,974
I'M DR. MARY ALBRIGHT,
366
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,643
AND I'M PROUD
TO BE A MEMBER
367
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,444
OF THE PENDLETON FACULTY.
368
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:14,946
WELL SAID, MARY.
369
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,447
I'M PROUD, TOO.
370
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,849
I'M DR. DICK SOLOMON,
371
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,585
PROFESSOR OF PHYSICS
HERE AT PENDLETON.
372
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:25,289
WE'RE HERE TO TALK
ABOUT OUR FINE UNIVERSITY.
373
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,559
AND A FINE UNIVERSITY
IT IS, MARY.
374
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,727
IT'S FINE.
375
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,229
IT'S NOT GREAT,
376
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,597
BUT IT'S NOT THE WORST.
377
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:37,735
AT PENDLETON,
OUR STUDENTS COME FIRST.
378
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:41,105
OUR PRIORITY
IS TO GET YOU OUT
OF YOUR PARENTS' HOME
379
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:44,608
AND INTO A CLASSROOMLIKE
ENVIRONMENT.
380
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,978
As ARE EASY TO COME BY
HERE AT PENDLETON,
381
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,447
AS IS DELICIOUS
THIN-CRUST PIZZA.
382
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,019
OUR LAB FACILITIES
ARE STATE-OF-THE-ART.
383
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:57,154
OR AT LEAST THEY
USED TO BE, MARY.
384
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,390
HA HA HA.
HA HA HA.
385
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,325
BUT LET'S
BE REALISTIC.
386
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,729
IF YOU GOT INTO
A QUALITY SCHOOL,
387
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,498
YOU WOULD ONLY
FEEL STUPID THERE.
388
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:12,069
BUT YOU CAN BE A GENIUS
HERE AT PENDLETON--
389
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,472
THE HARVARD
OF MEDIOCRITY.
390
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,143
NOT AFFILIATED WITH
HARVARD UNIVERSITY.
391
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,852
DUDES!
392
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,353
SALLY?
393
00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:30,688
I THOUGHT
YOU WEREN'T
COMING TONIGHT.
394
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,356
WHY WOULD I MISS
GUYS NIGHT?
395
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:33,491
[BELCHES]
396
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,492
THE FIGHT'S
STARTED.
397
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,760
ALL RIGHT.
JUST A MINUTE.
398
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,862
THE WHOLE POINT
OF GUYS' NIGHT
WAS THAT WE HAVE--
399
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,130
[RINGSIDE BELL,
THUD]
400
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,131
OOH!
OOH!
401
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,366
WHAT?
WHAT DID I MISS?
402
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:43,634
THE FIGHT.
403
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:44,735
IT'S OVER.
404
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,305
SALLY, YOU MADE ME
MISS THE FIGHT.
405
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:49,774
WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
406
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,108
[RINGSIDE BELL, THUD]
407
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,411
OH! DAMN!
408
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:54,879
YOU MADE ME MISS
THE INSTANT REPLAY.
409
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,380
WELL, I MISSED IT, TOO.
410
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,082
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO KEEPS TALKING.
411
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:01,652
FAR BE IT FROM ME
TO TALK IN MY HOUSE.
412
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,354
ALL RIGHT.
GIVE ME THE KEY.
413
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,955
WELL, HOW
WOULD I GET IN?
414
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,156
YOU WOULDN'T.
415
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,591
LOOK, WHEN I
GAVE YOU THE KEY,
416
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:10,093
IT WAS IN HOPES
THAT WE WOULD SPEND
QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
417
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,562
BUT THERE HASN'T
BEEN ANY QUALITY.
418
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,730
THERE'S JUST
BEEN QUANTITY.
419
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,331
YOU'RE HERE
ALL THE TIME.
420
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:17,201
YOU'RE LEAVING MESSES.
YOU'RE SHAVING YOURSELF
IN WEIRD AREAS.
421
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,502
OOH.
OOH.
422
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,003
OF THE HOUSE.
423
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,238
WILL YOU GUYS
GET OUT?
424
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,443
SO MUCH FOR
GUYS' NIGHT, HUH?
425
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,378
YEAH. THEY ALWAYS
END LIKE THIS.
426
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,113
ONE TIME, I FORGOT
TO USE A COASTER.
427
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,648
ONE TIME, I LEFT
THE TOILET SEAT UP.
428
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:31,615
WILL YOU GET OUT?!
429
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,587
WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOU, DON?
430
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,922
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT'S GOING ON.
431
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,957
YOU'RE TURNING DONVILLE
INTO SALLYBURG,
432
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,259
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
433
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,127
I'M FED UP WITH IT,
SALLY.
434
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:46,997
GOSH. YOU NEVER
YELLED AT ME BEFORE.
435
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,033
I GUESS I SCREWED UP.
436
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,305
STARTING TO THINK
THAT YOU LIKE
MY APARTMENT
437
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:55,840
MORE THAN
YOU LIKE ME.
438
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,341
WAIT JUST A SECOND.
439
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,911
THAT IS NOT EVEN
A LITTLE TRUE,
440
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,512
AND YOU KNOW THAT,
PUMPKIN.
441
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,449
ARE YOU SURE?
442
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,151
OF COURSE I'M SURE.
443
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,454
AM I STILL YOUR LADY?
444
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,590
YOU KNOW IT, BABY.
445
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,592
CAN I STILL COME OVER
446
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,328
AND WE CAN HANG OUT
TOGETHER?
447
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,529
SURE.
448
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,299
CAN I HAVE
THE KEY BACK?
449
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,267
NO.
450
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,337
WOW.
451
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:29,306
YOUR BEDROOM'S
SO MUCH BIGGER
THAN MINE.
452
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:32,076
OOH. AND A BED.
NICE TOUCH.
453
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,745
OH, HARRY,
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
454
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,547
HA HA HA HA HA.
455
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,621
I'M GONNA GO
POUR US SOME WINE.
456
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,989
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
457
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,528
OK. SHE LOST
THE 4 TEETH,
458
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,565
SO THAT'S...20 BUCKS.
459
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,337
YOU KNOW, HARRY...
460
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:04,008
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER
461
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,643
FOR THE RIGHT GUY,
462
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,811
AND ALL ALONG
HE'S BEEN RIGHT HERE
463
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,346
IN MY OWN BACKYARD.
464
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:12,349
I ONCE FOUND
A PERFECTLY GOOD COMB
465
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:13,851
IN MY BACKYARD.
466
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,619
OH, HARRY.
467
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:16,620
OH, NINA.
468
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,656
OH, BABY!
RRRRR!
469
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,629
WAIT. WHAT'S THIS?
470
00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:28,499
OH. YOU WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT
471
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,301
TILL TOMORROW MORNING.
472
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,071
YOU LEFT ME 20 BUCKS?
473
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,707
WELL, YEAH. THAT'S
THE GOING RATE,
ISN'T IT?
474
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,643
GOING RATE?!
475
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,745
WELL, YEAH.
5 BUCKS A POP.
476
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:44,481
THAT SEEMS PRETTY
REASONABLE TO ME.
477
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:47,851
YOU NEED TO GET
YOUR BONY BUTT
OUT OF MY BEDROOM.
478
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,353
WELL, I THOUGHT WE
WERE GONNA HAVE SEX.
479
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:50,554
GET OUT!
480
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,655
WELL, BUT I THOUGHT--
481
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:52,856
GET OUT!
482
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,358
YOU KNOW WHAT?
483
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,460
MAYBE THE MEN
YOU'VE BEEN DATING
AREN'T THE PROBLEM.
484
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,961
NO. MAYBE THE PROBLEM
485
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,796
IS THAT YOU'RE JUST
A LITTLE TOO MOODY.
486
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,747
IT'S MORE THAN
A GOOD SCHOOL.
487
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,050
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
488
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:25,789
AND IT'S NOT
SO MUCH A FACULTY
489
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,359
AS A FAMILY.
490
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,926
HERE WE COME.
491
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,064
I'M PROFESSOR
MARY ALBRIGHT,
492
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,433
AND I'M PROUD
TO BE A MEMBER
493
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:37,834
OF THE PENDLETON
FACULTY.
494
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,404
I'M DR. DICK SOLOMON,
495
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,705
PROFESSOR OF PHYSICS--
496
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:44,841
I'M DR. JUDITH DRAPER,
497
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,344
AND I THINK I SPEAK
FOR MY COLLEAGUES
498
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,079
WHEN I SAY I'M PROUD...
499
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,314
THOSE ARE MY LINES.
500
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,283
THEY CUT US OUT!
501
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,317
JUDITH!
502
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,621
THAT BACK-STABBING,
SCENE-STEALING BITCH!
503
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:59,423
WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY THEY CUT YOU OUT.
504
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,857
YOU WERE SABOTAGING
THE WHOLE PRODUCTION.
505
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:01,959
BUT ME?
506
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,160
OH, YES. HOW DARE
THEY CUT OUT
507
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,062
THE BLOODY QUEEN
OF ENGLAND?
508
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:07,931
SHH! DO YOU MIND?
509
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,867
OUR SCENIC CAMPUS
510
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,736
IS 22 ACRES OF PARADISE.
511
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,139
WOW, DR. DRAPER.
512
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,308
PENDLETON SOUNDS
LIKE THE BEST.
513
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,644
I'M SENDING IN
MY APPLICATION
RIGHT AWAY.
514
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,380
SMART MOVE, BRANDON.
515
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,222
WELL, THE--
THE DIRECTOR DECIDED
516
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:37,060
TO GO A DIFFERENT WAY
WITH IT.
517
00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:39,996
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--
518
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:46,971
OH, HARRY, I'M SORRY THINGS
WITH NINA DIDN'T WORK OUT.
519
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:48,772
RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD.
520
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:52,142
WELL, MAYBE THINGS
DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH NINA,
521
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,144
BUT AT LEAST
I'LL ALWAYS HAVE
522
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,146
A LITTLE PART OF HER
WITH ME.
523
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,681
[RATTLES]
524
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,819
YOU HAVE
HER TEETH IN A JAR?
525
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,921
THAT'S SO ROMANTIC.
526
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,990
I WONDER IF DON'S HOME.