1 00:00:00,633 --> 00:00:04,704 ♪ ♪ Announcer: FROM NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT 2 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:17,217 INVENTED NEWS. THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH YOUR HOST, CHELSEA HANDLER! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 3 00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:33,366 ♪ ♪ Chelsea: OH, HELLO, EVERYBODY. WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 4 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:43,843 I'M CHELSEA HANDLER! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THIS IS WHERE I GET TO SPEND A WEEK TALKING SHIT ABOUT ALL THE 5 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:51,651 WHACK JOBS AND HOT MESSES OUT THERE, BUT I DO IT SITTING BEHIND A DESK, BECAUSE I'M A PROFESSIONAL. 6 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:59,893 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THERE'S A LOT OF EXCITING NEWS THAT TRANSPIRED OVER THE WEEKEND, AND I'M ALSO ON 7 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:08,701 ECSTASY, SO LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 8 00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:17,076 OKAY, LET'S KICK THINGS OFF WITH THE BIG STORY THAT BURST INTO THE NEWS OVER THE WEEKEND: SOMEONE IN CHINA HAD A BIG 9 00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:22,549 BIRTHDAY PARTY AND LOST ONE OF THEIR BALLOONS. ANOTHER MAJOR STORY THIS MORNING, THE ONGOING DRAMA 10 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:28,855 SURROUNDING THAT CHINESE SPY BALLOON SHOT DOWN OFF THE SOUTH CAROLINA COAST THIS WEEKEND. 11 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:32,826 AS NAVY DIVERS SEARCH FOR DEBRIS, THIS VIDEO SHOWS WHAT APPEARS TO BE PART OF THE BALLOON BEING BROUGHT BACK TO 12 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:39,332 SHORE ON SUNDAY. THE BALLOON, WITH A PAYLOAD THE SIZE OF THREE BUSES, FIRST ENTERED U.S. AIRSPACE OVER THE 13 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:48,641 ALEUTIAN ISLANDS LAST TUESDAY. IT MOVED TO CANADA, REENTERING U.S. AIRSPACE OVER IDAHO. ONCE THE BALLOON REACHED 14 00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:52,412 THE ATLANTIC COAST, IT WAS SHOT DOWN WITH A SINGLE SIDE WINDER MISSILE FROM AN F-22 FIGHTER JET. 15 00:01:52,412 --> 00:02:00,487 WHOO! BOOM! I ORDERED THE PENTAGON TO SHOOT IT DOWN, ON WEDNESDAY AS 16 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:10,363 SOON AS POSSIBLE. THEY DECIDED THAT THE BEST TIME TO DO THAT WAS WHEN IT GOT OVER WATER. 17 00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:16,102 Chelsea: WOW, JOE BIDEN REALLY LIKED GIVING THAT ANNOUNCEMENT. HE HOPPED OFF HIS BIG, STRONG 18 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:25,211 PLANE, AND HE WALKED OVER WITH HIS AVIATOR SUNGLASSES, LOOKING LIKE A REAL TOUGH GUY, POPPING A BALLOON. 19 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:31,484 GIVING OFF SOME SERIOUS "TOP GUN: MAVERICK" VIBES. THE STRAIGHT KIND. HONESTLY, THOUGH, POOR 20 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:41,628 JOE BIDEN. OBAMA GOT TO ORDER THE ASSASSINATION OF BIN LADEN, AND ALL HE GETS TO DO IS MURDER A 21 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:54,507 BAG OF HELIUM. AND AS YOU HEARD, THIS BALLOON WAS THE SIZE OF THREE BUSES. I LOVE MEASURING THINGS IN 22 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:59,979 BUSES. AND FOR THE RICH PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT A BUS IS, THEY'RE THOSE BIG YELLOW 23 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:06,486 VEHICLES THAT BRING MATT GAETZ'S GIRLFRIENDS TO SCHOOL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SO THE BALLOON WENT OVER ALASKA, 24 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:12,759 THEN THROUGH CANADA, AND INTO U.S. AIRSPACE. AND BY THE WAY, CANADA, THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP ON THAT. 25 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:19,532 CANADA SAW THE BALLOON AND THEY WERE LIKE, "OH, LOOK, ONE OF THOSE CHINESE LANTERNS!" AND I HOPE THAT BALLOON WASN'T 26 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:29,976 SPYING ON CANADA. BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING SUSPICIOUS GOING ON THERE. UNLESS YOU WANT AERIAL SHOTS OF 27 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:37,951 MOOSE GETTING EACH OTHER FROM BEHIND, YOU CAN MOVE ON. AND AS USUAL, AMERICA WENT HAYWIRE AND BROUGHT OUT WAY TOO 28 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:43,856 MUCH FIREPOWER TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM. THEY BROUGHT TWO FIGHTER JETS AND SHOT A MISSILE THROUGH A 29 00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:55,368 BALLOON. WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY? COULDN'T WE HAVE JUST HIRED ANOTHER HOT AIR BALLOON TO FLOAT 30 00:03:55,368 --> 00:04:02,241 BY AND SHOOT IT WITH A BB GUN? OR JUST WAITED FOR IT TO GET STUCK IN A CEILING FAN? DID WE REALLY NEED THE FIGHTER 31 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:11,217 JETS TO TURN THIS THING INTO THE WORLD'S SADDEST USED CONDOM? BUT HEY, WHY NOT SHOOT IT WHEN YOU HAVE A TRILLION DOLLAR 32 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:20,493 DEFENSE BUDGET AND ALL OF THESE ROCK-HARD MISSILES LYING AROUND. TRUMP MUST BE SO JEALOUS. WHAT I DON'T GET IS, WHY DOES 33 00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:26,399 TRYING TO EVEN NEED TO SEND THIS BALLOON IN THE FIRST PLACE? THEY ARE ALREADY SPYING ON US WITH TIKTOK. 34 00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:33,206 IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE CHINESE SPIES BECAME THE FIRST PEOPLE EVER TO GET SICK OF TIKTOK? WERE THEY LIKE, I SWEAR TO GOD, 35 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:42,749 IF I SEE ONE MORE BASIC BITCH MAKE A LASAGNA AND A SLOW COOKE¶ COOKER. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 36 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:54,160 AND BY THE WAY, CHINA, IF YOU'RE LISTENING, WHICH YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE, NEXT TIME, WHY YOU DON'T MAKE YOUR BALLOON THE COLOR OF 37 00:04:54,160 --> 00:05:00,933 BLUE, SO WE CAN'T SEE IT IN THE SKY? OR IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT WHITE, AT LEAST WRITE "THE MOON" 38 00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:08,374 ON IT. NO ONE HERE WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. I CERTAINLY WON'T. 39 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:13,513 IN OTHER EXCITING NEWS, MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, AKA CAPITOL-STORMING BARBIE, HATES HER JOB. 40 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:18,651 WHICH IS SO FUNNY, BECAUSE THE REST OF US ALSO HATE HER HAVING HER JOB. BECOMING A MEMBER OF CONGRESS 41 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:28,327 HAS MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE. THE NATURE OF THIS JOB, IT KEEPS MEMBERS OF CONGRESS AND SENATORS IN WASHINGTON SO MUCH OF THE 42 00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:34,867 TIME, TOO MUCH OF THE TIME, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, THAT -- THAT WE DON'T GET TO GO HOME AND SPEND MORE TIME WITH OUR 43 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:40,907 FAMILIES, OUR FRIENDS, AND, YOU KNOW, ALL IN OUR DISTRICT OR MAYBE JUST BE REGULAR PEOPLE, BECAUSE THIS JOB IS SO DEMANDING 44 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:55,088 AND IT'S TURNED INTO PRACTICALLY YEAR-ROUND. Chelsea: FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE NOT A REGULAR PERSON, YOU MORON! 45 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,790 YOU'RE A CONGRESS PERSON, BECAUSE YOU CAMPAIGNED AND SOMEHOW WON, WHICH REQUIRES YOU TO WORK! 46 00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:06,065 YEAR-ROUND! I ALSO DON'T WANT TO WORK YEAR-ROUND, AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T! 47 00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:19,378 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] TO QUOTE KIM K. FOR A SECOND, "GET YOUR [BLEEP] ASS UP AND WORK!" 48 00:06:19,378 --> 00:06:29,489 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THE POINT IS, IF YOU DON'T LIKE BEING IN CONGRESS, THEN GO WORK AT FOOT LOCKER, BITCH! 49 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:36,696 BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART OF WHAT SHE SAID. THIS IS: I HAVE PEOPLE COME UP TO ME 50 00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:49,275 AND SAY CRAZY THINGS TO ME, OUT OF THE BLUE IN PUBLIC PLACES, THAT THEY BELIEVE CAUSE THEY READ IT ON THE INTERNET. 51 00:06:49,275 --> 00:07:02,889 Chelsea: WELL, IF THAT'S NOT THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE Q-ANON. THIS WOMAN THOUGHT 9/11 WAS A 52 00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:11,564 HOAX, THAT THE CLINTONS KILLED JFK JR., AND THAT JEWS ARE IN CHARGE OF 53 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:17,436 SPACE LASERS. BUT PLEASE, DON'T COME AT HER WITH CRAZY IDEAS. SHE MIGHT BELIEVE THEM. 54 00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:22,575 ANYWAY, MOVING ALONG. LUCKILY FOR MTG, WE CAN'T SPEND THE WHOLE ENTIRE SHOW TALKING ABOUT HER, BECAUSE SHE HAS A 55 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:27,380 COWORKER WHO IS EVEN MORE UNSTABLE. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BROKE MILLIONAIRE, HALF-BLACK, GAY, 56 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:38,391 JEWISH VOLLEYBALL STAR, DRAG QUEEN GEORGE SANTOS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HIS 57 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:48,334 RESUME KEEPS GROWING. JUST THIS WEEK, HE'S BEEN ACCUSED OF GROPING AND AID, AND I WILL SAY, THIS IS THE FIRST 58 00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:53,272 THING ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES THEM SOUND LIKE HE DOES BELONG IN CONGRESS. THINGS ARE REALLY STARTING TO 59 00:07:53,272 --> 00:08:01,848 CLICK FOR HIM. BUT BEFORE WE COULD EVEN LET THAT SINK IN, WE GOT HIT WITH THIS OTHER CRAZY LIE. 60 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:08,020 MEANWHILE, GEORGIA SANTOS IS ALSO A BROADWAY PRODUCER. AT LEAST WHAT TO THAT'S WITH THE EMBATTLED LAWMAKER TOLD 61 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:13,626 POTENTIAL DONORS WHEN HE WAS RUNNING FOR OFFICE IN 2021. BLOOMBERG REPORTS SANTOS TOLD SUPPORTERS THAT HE WAS A 62 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:20,166 PRODUCER ON THE SHORT-LIVED BROADWAY PRODUCTION "SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK." THE OFFICE OF THE PLAYS PRODUCER 63 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:25,571 CONFIRMED THAT SANTOS DID NOT WORK ON IT. THE PLAY ONLY RAN FOR A SHORT TIME AND WAS PLAGUED WITH 64 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:31,077 TECHNICAL ISSUES AND ACTOR INJURIES. AND LOST MILLIONS OF DOLLARS DURING ITS RUN AND FRANKLY H 65 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:37,783 AREA SCORES FOR SANTOS TO LIE ABOUT. A SPOKESMAN FOR THE SHOW SAID "OF ALL OF THE TRIBULATIONS THE 66 00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:45,024 PRODUCERS OF "SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK" HAD TO ENDURE, WE ARE VERY PLEASED, PROUD, AND RELIEVED TO REPORT THAT WORKING 67 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:54,033 WITH GEORGIA SANTOS WAS NOT ONE OF THEM. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: I DO NOT GET THIS 68 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:58,838 DUDE. HOW COULD HE LIE SO MUCH, AND NOT GET BETTER AT LYING? WHY WOULD YOU PICK THE MOST 69 00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:07,246 EMBARRASSING BROADWAY SHOW TO LIE ABOUT? THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "YOU HEARD OF THE TITANIC. 70 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:12,585 I WAS THE CAPTAIN. MAYBE THIS GUY IS SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS BECAUSE EACH NEW SCANDAL MAKES YOU FORGET ABOUT 71 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:18,024 THE LAST ONE. I HAVE ALREADY FORGOTTEN THAT HE STOLE MONEY FROM A DEAD DOG. THAT'S RIGHT. 72 00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:24,230 YOU HEARD MONEY. HE STOLE FROM A DOG AND THEN GHOSTED THAT DOG. WHO GHOSTS A DOG? 73 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:30,002 WE'VE ONLY KNOWN THIS GUY FOR FIVE WEEKS. HOW ARE WE ALREADY ON SEASON 19 OF HIS SCANDALS? 74 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:37,877 I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PUT HIS SCANDALS THROUGH A "WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE" SO I CAN MEMBER THEM. 75 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:48,054 9/11, VOLLEYBALL, SPIDER-MAN, DEAD DOG. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS. 76 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:54,293 FOR OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO END. THIS WEEKEND, WE ALMOST GOT THERE. 77 00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:58,631 NOW TO THE OTHER BIG STORY WE'RE FOLLOWING, THE DANGEROUS ARCTIC BLAST THAT IS SMASHING RECORDS ACROSS THE NORTHEAST. 78 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:03,135 MANY SPOTS HAVEN'T FELT TEMPERATURES THIS BRUTALLY COLD IN DECADES. WINDCHILLS IN PORTLAND 79 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:09,241 REACHING MINUS 45. AND IN BOSTON, 39 BELOW. UNCHARTED TERRITORY FOR BOTH CITIES. 80 00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:16,882 THE ONCE IN A GENERATION COLD REACHING THE PEAK OF NEARBY MOUNT WASHINGTON, WHERE IT FELT LIKE A JAW-DROPPING MINUS 108. 81 00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:22,221 WE'VE GOT FREQUENT GUSTS NEAR 80 MILES PER HOUR. METEOROLOGIST FRANCIS TARASIEWICZ MEASURES CONDITIONS 82 00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:28,127 OUTSIDE EVERY HOUR. BEFORE I REALLY KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON, MY LEGS SEEMED TO HAVE BEEN KNOCKED OUT FROM UNDERNEATH 83 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:33,399 ME AND I WAS ON THE GROUND. THE MOUNT WASHINGTON OBSERVATORY'S LIVE STREAM SHOWED THE INTENSE CONDITIONS. 84 00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:43,709 NASA SAYS THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN WAS SLIGHTLY COLDER THAN THE AVERAGE ON MARS. Chelsea: I DON'T UNDERSTAND 85 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:58,090 WHAT "COLDER THAN MARS" MEANS. USE A REFERENCE THAT ORDINARY AMERICANS CAN UNDERSTAND. WAS IT COLDER THAN THREE BUSES? 86 00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:04,730 I HOPE IT'S NO SO COLD THAT ELON MUSK WON'T BE ABLE TO MASTURBATE WHEN HE GETS THERE! FOR MORE ON THIS EXTREME 87 00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:15,641 WEATHER, LET'S GO LIVE TO DULCE SLOAN, WHO IS CURRENTLY ON LOCATION ON MOUNT WASHINGTON. NO, NO, NO. 88 00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:19,011 ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'M IN MY BED. Chelsea: BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REPORT ON THE RECORD 89 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:26,152 LOW TEMPERATURES IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. LISTEN, WHITE LADY, YOU GOT THE WRONG ONE! 90 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:34,060 YOU NEEDED ME TO GO TO A MOUNTAINTOP THAT TELL YOU ONE NEGATIVE 108 DEGREES IS COLD? YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW IT WAS COLD 91 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:41,734 OUTSIDE? BECAUSE THE UBER EATS MAN TOLD ME IT WAS COLD, AND THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW. 92 00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:48,707 Chelsea: HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REPORT ON THE WIND IF YOU ARE IN BED? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE. 93 00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:53,045 NO, MA'AM. I KNOW YOUR TRICKS! THE ONLY REASON ANYBODY WANTS A REPORTER OUT IN THIS WEATHER IS 94 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:57,450 TO WATCH THEM FALL AND LAUGH AT IT. NOPE, NOPE. YOU 95 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:03,155 YOU'RE NOT SLICK. I CAN'T FALL DOWN IF I AM LAYING DOWN. HA! 96 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:09,462 CHECK-MATE! [APPLAUSE] Chelsea: YOU REALLY THINK, AS A WOMAN, I WOULD PUT ANOTHER 97 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:18,237 WOMAN IN THAT SITUATION? BITCH, I DON'T KNOW YOU! I GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M 98 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:26,178 FALLING OFF A MOUNTAIN LIKE A FROZEN MUFASA! AHHH! IF YOU WANT TO REPORT ON THE 99 00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:33,352 COLD, YOU GO OUTSIDE, BLONDE LADY. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CAN HANDLE IT. YOU LOOK LIKE THIS BE 25 FROM 100 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:39,692 "FROZEN" ANYWAY. Chelsea: BUT I HAVE TO BE HERE AT THE DESK. LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN. 101 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:43,529 SHEA SAYS SHE HAS TO BE "AT THE DESK." Chelsea: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? 102 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:47,099 NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! I'M NOT AT WORK. Chelsea: YOU ARE AT WORK! LISTEN. 103 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:50,169 LISTEN. LISTEN. THERE'S TOO MUCH SHIT GOING ON OUTSIDE. 104 00:12:50,169 --> 00:13:01,514 FIRES, FLOODS, BALLOON PARTS FALLING FROM THE SKY LIKE A BAD PORNO. I AM AN INSIDE REPORTER NOW. 105 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:08,287 OKAY, THERE'S PLENTY TO REPORT ON HERE. IT IS 71 DEGREES, I'M WATCHING "SCANDAL" UNDER FLEX AND WE ARE 106 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:13,626 SEEING A MASSIVE PILEUP OF DISHES IN THE SINK, WHICH IS NOT MY FAULT! I CAN'T DO THE DISHES, I'M AT 107 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:20,099 WORK! Chelsea: DULCE, YOU PUT ME IN A BAD SPOT HERE, I WAS HOPING FOR SOME OR ANY REPORTING ON 108 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:28,941 MOUNT WASHINGTON. OH, DON'T WORRY, LISTEN, I'M A PROFESSIONAL. I CAN GET YOU A REPORT ON 109 00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:34,980 MOUNT WASHINGTON. I GOT MY SOURCES RIGHT HERE. YOU KNOW, MY UBER EATS DRIVER. SENT HIM THERE TO GET THE SCOOP. 110 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:45,791 I'LL MESSAGE HIM NOW. WHAT'S UP WITH THE MOUNTAIN? IS IT COLD AND SHIT? OH, HE SENT ME A VIDEO. 111 00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:51,931 [LAUGHS] HE FELL DOWN! [LAUGHS] [LAUGHS] 112 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:58,437 I LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I TELL YOU WHAT, IT WON'T BE ME, BITCH! [LAUGHS] 113 00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:06,345 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: THANKS FOR NOTHING, DULCE. DULCE SLOAN, EVERYBODY. 114 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:12,284 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE LATEST DIET FAD THAT LETS YOU LOSE WEIGHT 115 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,285 AND KILL SOMEONE. 116 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:57,696 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 117 00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:05,104 IF YOU'RE LIKE MOST AMERICANS, YOU LOVE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT WHILE NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT. BUT NOW, THERE'S A NEW DRUG THAT 118 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:10,776 REALLY CAUSES WEIGHT LOSS! THERE'S JUST ONE SMALL DOWNSIDE. YOU MAY HAVE SEEN PHOTOS OF CELEBRITIES AND OTHERS SHOWING 119 00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:17,049 OFF DRAMATIC WEIGHT LOSS. SOME SAY IT IS DIET AND EXERCISE, YET MILLIONS OPENLY CREDIT DRUGS USED TO TREAT 120 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:22,488 OBESITY AND DIABETES FOR GETTING SO SKINNY. OZEMPIC IS A DRUG THAT WAS DEVELOPED TO TREAT DIABETES, BUT 121 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:28,360 IN RECENT MONTHS, DEMAND FOR THAT DRUG HAS SOARED BECAUSE ONE ITS SIDE EFFECTS IS WEIGHT LOSS. MANY ARE NOW CALLING FOR THIS 122 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:35,601 TREND TO END BECAUSE IT IS CAUSING A SHORTAGE OF MEDICINE THAT THEY DESPERATELY NEED. THE COMPANY THAT MAKES OZEMPIC 123 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:39,538 BLAMES THE SHORTAGE IN AN INTERMITTENT DISRUPTIONS. THE COMPANY ALSO SAID WHILE DOCTORS MIGHT BE PRESCRIBING 124 00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:44,343 OZEMPIC FOR WEIGHT LOSS, THE COMPANY DOES NOT PROMOTE DOING SO. Chelsea: COME ON. 125 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,713 STOP STEALING MEDICATION FROM DIABETES PATIENTS! IF YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, JUST DO A JUICE CLEANSE AND SPEND 126 00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:54,119 NEXT THREE DAYS ON THE TOILET LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. IF OZEMPIC ISN'T GOING TO BE 127 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:57,857 ABLE TO STOP CELEBRITIES FROM TAKING IT FOR WEIGHT LOSS, THEY COULD AT LEAST CHANGE THEIR ADS TO WARN DIABETICS ABOUT IT. 128 00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:03,762 PEOPLE WITH TYPE 2 DIABETES ARE EXCITED ABOUT HOW OZEMPIC TREATS BLOOD SUGAR AND WEIGHT LOSS. 129 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:08,634 THANKS TO OZEMPIC COME I HAVE A TON MORE ENERGY NOW, WHICH I NEED TO COME FIGHT OFF THE HORDES OF REAL HOUSEWIVES TRYING 130 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:16,775 TO STEAL MY OZEMPIC. I SAID GET BACK, LISA! ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DOSE PER WEEK. 131 00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:24,650 AND A PANIC ROOM TO HIDE FROM THE TIKTOK INFLUENCERS. I'M NOT GOING OUT LIKE BILLY. THEY STRIPPED HIM TO HIS BONES 132 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:30,356 FOR HIS OZEMPIC. THEY EVEN DID A TIKTOK DANCE WHILE THEY DID IT. OZEMPIC IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. 133 00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:35,694 IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO KILL FOR OZEMPIC, IT MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR YOU. CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR TO SEE IF 134 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:42,067 YOU ARE HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR EXTENDED FIST FIGHTING. IN THE EVENT OF A CELEBRITY ATTACK, OZEMPIC SLEEK PEN CAN BE 135 00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:49,742 HAD AN INSIDE OF YOUR RECTUM. OZEMPIC HAS GIVEN ME THE FREEDOM TO LIVE MY -- OH, SHIT, ITS CHELSEA HANDLER! 136 00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:55,981 ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT OZEMPIC TODAY. THANKS, OZEMPIC. THANKS, OZEMPIC. 137 00:16:55,981 --> 00:17:00,519 THANKS, OZEMPIC. I DON'T HAVE IT, I SWEAR! THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS. OZEMPIC. 138 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:05,324 YOU WILL PROBABLY SURVIVE IT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: ALL RIGHT, STAY TUNED BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK, 139 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,493 SENATOR RAPHAEL WARNOCK WILL BE JOINING ME ON THE SHOW. 140 00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:48,868 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 141 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,771 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A U.S. SENATOR AND SENIOR PASTOR OF THE HISTORIC EBENEZER BAPTIST CHURCH. 142 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:55,241 HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK, "PUT YOUR SHOES ON AND GET READY!" PLEASE WELCOME 143 00:17:55,241 --> 00:18:01,013 SENATOR RAPHAEL WARNOCK! ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: WELCOME! 144 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:08,321 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HI. Chelsea: HELLO. HI. 145 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:13,226 HOW ARE YOU? Chelsea: I AM SO DELIGHTED TO BE SITTING DOWN WITH YOU. YOU ARE JUST THE STAR OF THE 146 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:17,029 DEMOCRATIC PARTY AND I AM JUST SO DELIGHTED TO BE SITTING HERE WITH YOU, BECAUSE WHO WASN'T ROOTING FOR YOU THAT I KNEW? 147 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:21,567 NO ONE! [LAUGHTER] THAT WAS A VERY, VERY TIGHT RACE THAT YOU WERE IN. 148 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:26,439 WELL, THANK YOU. IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE AND I AM PROUD OF WHAT GEORGIA DID. Chelsea: YEAH. 149 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:31,110 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NOW YOU DON'T HAVE AN ELECTION, YOU DON'T HAVE A RUNOFF OR A SPECIAL ELECTION OR ANY ELECTION 150 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:39,285 FOR THE NEXT SIX YEARS? THAT'S RIGHT. MY NAME WAS ON THE BALLOT FIVE TIMES IN TWO YEARS. 151 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:46,659 SO CLEARLY, I WANTED THIS JOB, Y'ALL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FINALLY, I HAVE A SIX-YEAR TERM. 152 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:52,331 Chelsea: YEAH, THAT IS VERY REFRESHING NEWS FOR ALL OF US, SO WE NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT SORT OF CHICANERY AGAIN. 153 00:18:52,331 --> 00:19:02,008 I AM EXCITED THAT YOU WROTE A BOOK. IT IS CALLED "PUT ON YOUR SHOES AND GET READY," WHICH IS ABOUT 154 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:06,446 YOU GROWING UP IN A HOUSEHOLD, YOU WERE 1 OF 12 CHILDREN AND YOU WERE NUMBER 11? 1 OF 12 CHILDREN AND MY 155 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:10,116 FAMILY, I'M NUMBER 11 OUT OF 12. MY PARENTS WERE BOTH PREACHERS. CLEARLY, THEY READ THE SCRIPTURE. 156 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:20,126 BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY. Chelsea: IT WAS ALSO NICE OF YOU -- DID YOU WRITE A CHILDREN'S BOOK SO THAT 157 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:31,003 HERSCHEL WALKER WOULD BE ABLE TO READ IT? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] 158 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:46,352 SO I HAVE TWO SMALL CHILDREN. MY DAUGHTER IS 6 AND MY SON IS 4. AND THE TITLE OF THE BOOK, "PUT 159 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:50,523 YOUR SHOES ON AND GET READY," IS SOMETHING MY DAD TOLD ME EVERY MORNING. HE HAD A FIERCE WORK ETHIC. 160 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:55,561 YOU DIDN'T SLEEP LATE IN HIS HOUSE. EVERY DAY, HE SAID, GET UP, PUT YOUR SHOES ON, GET READY. 161 00:19:55,561 --> 00:20:01,067 IT IS SOMETHING I PASSED ON TO MY CHILDREN. FOR ME, IT REPRESENTS PREPARATION, BUT ALSO A SENSE OF 162 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:06,839 PURPOSE, AND THE RECOGNITION THAT ALL OF US HAVE A PLACE, I BELIEVE, IN THE WORLD, WE'VE GOT GIFTS AND THINGS WE ARE 163 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,976 SUPPOSED TO DO. AND I AM FIGHTING EVERY DAY TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERY KID HAS A PLACE IN AMERICA. 164 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:23,856 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: CONSIDERING THE STATE OF POLITICS AND THE DIVISIVENESS 165 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:28,561 OF, YOU KNOW, WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW IN THIS COUNTRY, ARE YOU HOPEFUL ABOUT VOTING RIGHTS? I KNOW THAT IS SOMETHING YOU ARE 166 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:33,099 WORKING HARD FOR, AND ALSO WITH POLICE BRUTALITY, THAT YOU GUYS HAD A CAUCUS WITH THE PRESIDENT. HOW DO YOU SEE THINGS PLAYING 167 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:40,172 OUT IN THIS TIME? LOOK, CHANGE IS SLOW. IT'S DIFFICULT. IT COMES IN FITS AND STARTS, BUT 168 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:45,244 WE HAVE TO KEEP WORKING AT IT. SO I'M NOT ABOUT TO LOSE HOPE. I MEAN, IF THE PREACHER LOSES HOPE, THEN, YOU KNOW, WE ARE IN 169 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:55,922 A DANGEROUS PLACE. SO I'M NOT ABOUT TO LOSE HOPE. AND I WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT WE DIDN'T GET VOTING RIGHTS DONE 170 00:20:55,922 --> 00:21:00,393 LAST CONGRESS. BUT I AM NOT ABOUT TO STOP FIGHTING. THE LAST TIME WE PASSED VOTING 171 00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:08,067 RIGHTS IN THIS COUNTRY, IT PASSED UNDER A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT, PASSED THE SENATE, I THINK 96-0. 172 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:16,442 SOME OF THOSE FOLKS ARE STILL IN THE CONGRESS, AND DEMOCRACY FOR ME IS NOT JUST ONE ISSUE ALONGSIDE OTHER ISSUES. 173 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:20,046 IT IS THE FRAMEWORK IN WHICH WE GET TO FIGHT FOR EVERYTHING WE CARE ABOUT. CLIMATE CHANGE. 174 00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:27,019 THE ISSUES AROUND POLICE BRUTALITY. GIVING PEOPLE ACCESS, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE. 175 00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:32,258 ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE FOUGHT FOR WITHIN THE FRAMEWORK OF OUR DEMOCRACY. SO I'M GOING TO KEEP FIGHTING 176 00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:45,204 UNTIL WE GET VOTING RIGHTS DONE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: AND SPEAKING ON THE SUBJECT OF BOOKS, WE HAVE, 177 00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:52,411 YOU KNOW, A GOVERNOR IN FLORIDA, WHO IS TRYING TO BAN BOOKS AND TRYING TO BAN CRITICAL RACE THEORY, AND LET'S JUST TALK FOR 178 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:58,250 A SECOND ABOUT HOW DAMAGING THAT IS FOR LITTLE CHILDREN GROWING UP IN THIS COUNTRY. OH, I THINK IT IS QUITE 179 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:09,428 UNFORTUNATE. AND WE HAVE TO REJECT THE IDEA THAT OUR CHILDREN WILL BE SO TRAUMATIZED BY THE TRUTH OF OUR 180 00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:20,339 COMPLICATED AMERICAN STORY THAT THEY CAN'T BEAR IT. AND ALL OF US HAVE TO PUSH BACK AGAINST THIS IDEA THAT EDUCATION 181 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:24,677 IS THE ENEMY. ALL OF US, RED, YELLOW, BROWN, BLACK, AND WHITE. BLACK HISTORY IS THE AMERICAN 182 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:31,484 STORY. AND THAT IS WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK. I DEAL WITH THE ISSUE OF RACE IN 183 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:40,092 THIS BOOK, SO I DON'T KNOW IF MY BOOK WILL BE BANNED OR NOT. BUT I WILL TELL YOU, AS A DAD, I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO 184 00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:50,002 TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT WHAT I KNOW THEY WILL ENCOUNTER. AND I THINK I DEAL WITH IT IN A WAY THAT HONORS THE LEGACY OF MY 185 00:22:50,002 --> 00:22:56,042 DAD, WHO, AS I TALK ABOUT IN THE BOOK, WAS -- HE SERVED IN THE ARMY DURING THE WORLD WAR II ERA. 186 00:22:56,042 --> 00:23:05,384 ALL STATESIDE. AND ONE DAY, HE WAS ASKED TO GIVE UP HIS SEAT ON A PUBLIC BUS WHILE WEARING HIS SOLDIER'S 187 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:12,324 UNIFORM. FOR SOME, THE SKIN HE WAS WEARING WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE UNIFORM HE WAS WEARING, AND 188 00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:18,497 SO HE HAD TO GIVE UP HIS SEAT. THAT IS A PART OF THE AMERICAN STORY. BUT HERE'S THE OTHER PART OF THE 189 00:23:18,497 --> 00:23:23,135 AMERICAN STORY. MY DAD HAD TO GIVE UP HIS BUS SEAT. NOW I HAVE A SEAT IN THE 190 00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:37,349 UNITED STATES SENATE. THE KID WHO GREW UP -- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: THAT'S RIGHT. 191 00:23:37,349 --> 00:23:45,224 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. "PUT ON YOUR SHOES AND GET READY" IS AVAILABLE NOW. SENATOR RAPHAEL WARNOCK. 192 00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:46,992 OKAY, WE'RE GONNA TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 193 00:23:51,398 --> 00:24:12,485 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Chelsea: THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT. 194 00:24:12,485 --> 00:24:20,126 BUT BEFORE WE GO, A POWERFUL EARTHQUAKE STRUCK TURKEY AND SYRIA THIS MORNING PROMPTING A MASSIVE RESCUE OPERATION. 195 00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:24,297 IHH HUMANITARIAN RELIEF FOUNDATION TEAMS ARE ON THE GROUND, STARTING SEARCH AND RESCUE ACTIVITIES. 196 00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:30,470 IF YOU CAN HELP THEM IN THEIR WORK, PLEASE DONATE AT THE LINK BELOW. NOW HERE IT IS. 197 00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:37,377 YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN." ♪ ♪ 30 PLUS YEARS OF SERVICE. WON'T RETIRE DESPITE YOUR 198 00:24:37,377 --> 00:24:42,182 BEST EFFORTS, HE REFUSED TO DIE. WHAT IS THAT? ♪ ♪ ON WEDNESDAY, WHEN I WAS 199 00:24:42,182 --> 00:24:48,121 BRIEFED ON THE BALLOON, I ORDER THE PENTAGON TO SHOOT IT DOWN. ♪ ♪