1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,804
♪ ♪
Announcer: FROM
NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN
AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT
2
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:12,912
INVENTED NEWS.
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
YOUR HOST, SARAH SILVERMAN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
3
00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:31,064
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Sarah: WELCOME TO
"THE DAILY SHOW!"
4
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:37,737
I'M SARAH SILVERMAN, AND SINCE
THIS IS MY FIRST NIGHT HOSTING,
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS,
SO I DID THAT THING WHERE YOU
5
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:48,081
PICTURE THE AUDIENCE NAKED.
WHICH IS PERFECT, BECAUSE
NOW I'M NERVOUS AND HORNY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
6
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:54,854
NOW, SOME OF YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW
WHO I AM, SO LET ME INTRODUCE
MYSELF IN THE MOST
"DAILY SHOW"-Y WAY POSSIBLE:
7
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:58,958
USING A RIGHT-WING TALKING HEAD
PUNDIT MONTAGE.
ROLL IT!
SARAH SILVERMAN IS A COMPLETE
8
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:02,228
BUFFOON AND AGGRESSIVELY
UNFUNNY.
SHE'S A COMEDIAN.
I DON'T FIND THERE'S ANYTHING
9
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:08,835
FUNNY ACTUALLY ABOUT HER.
A VULGAR COMIC.
WHO'S MOSTLY FAMOUS FOR
SAYING DIRTY WORDS IN A LITTLE
10
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:12,238
GIRL VOICE.
SHE'S A CLOWN IN HER DAILY
LIFE.
AN ABSOLUTE FOOL.
11
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,642
SHE IS A JEZEBEL.
DIABOLICALLY DUMB.
SHE IS A WITCH.
SHE'S NOT FUNNY.
12
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:24,918
SHE IS A GOD-HATING WHORE.
BOY, I WOULD LIKE TO HIT HER
WITH A PIE.
Sarah: THESE RIGHT-WING
13
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:32,625
PEOPLE REALLY [BLEEP]
HATE ME!
WHAT AM I, A GENDER-NEUTRAL
BATHROOM OVA HERE?
14
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:37,664
WHAT AM I, A STARBUCKS CUP THAT
JUST SAYS HAPPY HOLIDAYS,
OVA HERE?
WHAT AM I, A GROWN WOMAN WITH
15
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:45,839
OPINIONS OVA --
OH, YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S A LOT TO TALK
16
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:50,443
ABOUT, SO LET'S GET INTO
HEADLINES!
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
17
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:58,184
LET'S KICK THINGS OFF WITH THE
BIG RIHANNA CONCERT LAST NIGHT.
SHE IS SO COOL.
SHE DID IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
18
00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:04,591
OF A FOOTBALL GAME!
SHE DOESN'T CARE.
SHE DROPPED SOME PRETTY EXCITING
NEWS.
19
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,528
OVERNIGHT, RIHANNA MAKING A
SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT.
THE SUPERSTAR REVEALING SHE'S
PREGNANT WITH HER SECOND CHILD
20
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:16,369
IN FRONT OF A PACKED STADIUM
DURING THE APPLE MUSIC
SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW.
THE REP CONFIRMING THE GROWING
21
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:23,343
FAMILY TO ABC NEWS AFTER SHE
WOWED FANS FROM A FLOATING
PLATFORM IN THE SKY.
Sarah: THAT'S RIGHT, RIHANNA
22
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:33,353
REVEALED SHE WAS PREGNANT, BY
BRINGING ALONG ALL THE SPERM
THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
23
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:38,992
I MEAN, AND OF COURSE THE ONE
THAT DID.
IT WAS INSIDE HER.
SERIOUSLY, DID YOU SEE THAT,
24
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:45,131
PREGNANT WOMEN?
DID YOU SEE IT?
RIHANNA JUST DID A SUPER BOWL
HALFTIME SHOW WHILE PREGNANT.
25
00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:52,705
AND YOU WANT MY SEAT ON THE
SUBWAY?
NOT ANYMORE, LADIES.
NO WAY.
26
00:02:52,705 --> 00:03:07,820
THE BAR HAS BEEN RAISED.
SO HOLD IT.
OH, THANK YOU.
BUT YOU KNOW, RIHANNA ISN'T THE
27
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:13,192
ONLY ONE WHO HAS A SURPRISE
ANNOUNCEMENT.
I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW
HERE THAT I...
28
00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:21,501
HAVE DIARRHEA.
SOME PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED THAT
RIHANNA DIDN'T BRING OUT
KANYE WEST
29
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:30,743
DURING "ALL OF THE LIGHTS," BUT
IT MAKES SENSE WHEN YOU REALIZE
THERE WASN'T ENOUGH SPACE FOR
HER DANCERS TO FORM A SWASTIKA.
30
00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:40,954
I CAN SAY THAT BECAUSE I AM A
NAZI.
IT WAS REALLY COOL THAT RIHANNA
DID THEIR SHOW WAY UP ON THOSE
31
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:47,393
PLATFORMS BUT IT WAS A LITTLE
BIT RISKY BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE
BEEN FOLLOWING THE NEWS AT ALL,
THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE IN
32
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:52,665
THE SKY.
THIS WEEKEND, THE U.S. SHOT
DOWN THREE FLYING OBJECTS OVER
NORTH AMERICAN AIR SPACE,
33
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:58,538
BRINGING THE TOTAL TO FOUR IN
JUST OVER A WEEK.
QUESTIONS MOUNTING AFTER MORE
UNIDENTIFIED OBJECTS DISCOVERED
34
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:06,012
OVER U.S. AND CANADIAN AIR
SPACE.
A THIRD MYSTERY OBJECT IN JUST
THREE DAYS SHOT DOWN BY A U.S.
35
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:12,552
FIGHTER JET OVER LAKE HURON
SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
THREE INCIDENTS IN LESS THAN A
WEEK AFTER THAT CHINESE SPY
36
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:20,660
BALLOON WAS SHOT DOWN OFF THE
CAROLINA COAST, BUT A SENIOR
U.S. OFFICIAL SAYING THESE THREE
ARE DIFFERENT FROM THAT SPY
37
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:28,635
BALLOON.
Sarah: THE COMMANDER OF NORAD
SAID THE LAST THREE OBJECTS WERE
SIMILAR IN SIZE AND SHAPE, AND
38
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:33,439
HE DECLINED TO CATEGORIZE THEM
AS BALLOONS, SAYING THEY WERE
UNABLE TO DETERMINE HOW THEY
STAY ALOFT.
39
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:48,921
NOW, WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE
POSSIBILITY OF ALIEN ACTIVITY,
HE WOULD NOT RULE ANYTHING OUT.
[APPLAUSE]
40
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:53,459
Sarah: YOU AREN'T RULING
OUT ALIENS?
I LOVE HOW WE'RE NOT RULING
ANYTHING OUT, BUT WE'RE SHOOTING
41
00:04:53,459 --> 00:05:02,735
EVERYTHING DOWN.
IS IT A KITE, IS IT ALIENS
IS IT THE OLD MAN FROM "UP?"
WHO CARES.
42
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:10,143
WE WILL FIGURE IT OUT WHEN WE
SEARCH THROUGH THE WRECKAGE!
THE OFFICIAL EXPLANATION IS THAT
AFTER THE CHINESE BALLOON LAST
43
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:14,547
WEEK, THE GOVERNMENT ADJUSTED
THE RADARS TO MAKE THEM MORE
SENSITIVE, AND ONCE THEY DID,
THEY REALIZED THERE'S ALL KINDS
44
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:23,189
OF SHIT FLYING UP THERE ALL THE
TIME!
IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU START PAYING
ATTENTION TO WHAT INGREDIENTS
45
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:37,036
ARE IN YOUR FOOD AND YOU REALIZE
THAT EVERYTHING HAS GUAR GUM AND
IT.
WHAT IS GUAR GUM.
46
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:45,378
GUAR GUM.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT
WE'RE EATING IT, BABY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
47
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:54,353
THE AUDIENCE LOVES TO TURN TO
THE CAMERA TWO.
AND YOU MIGHT BE ASKING,
"WHERE IS SPACE FORCE?
48
00:05:54,353 --> 00:06:00,493
ISN'T DEALING WITH UFOs
LITERALLY THEIR THING?"
BUT SOME OF THIS STUFF THEY'RE
FINDING IS TOO LOW IN THE
49
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:10,203
ATMOSPHERE FOR SPACE FORCE'S
JURISDICTION.
THEY'RE IN THIS, LIKE, WEIRD
ZONE BETWEEN THE SKY AND SPACE.
50
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:23,349
IT'S LIKE THE EARTH'S TAINT.
REALLY, WHAT WE NEED IS
A TAINT FORCE!
TO PROTECT THIS IN-BETWEEN AREA,
51
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:38,865
THIS NO-MAN'S-LAND.
IT'S A VERY SENSITIVE ZONE.
IT CAN GET A LITTLE HAIRY
AT TIMES, WORKING THERE CAN
52
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:46,372
STAND.
BUT TAINT FORCE WILL BE THERE
WHEN THE SHIT GOES DOWN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
53
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:55,181
MOVING ON TO A CRAZY STORY:
THE MAKERS OF M&Ms WERE FINED
$14,000 AFTER TWO WORKERS FELL
INTO A VAT OF CHOCOLATE.
54
00:06:55,181 --> 00:07:04,757
SO, EVERYONE, BE ON THE LOOKOUT
FOR THE NEWEST OPTION IN THE
CANDY AISLE:
HUMAN FLESH.
55
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:13,432
AND THE GOOD NEWS IS, WITH NO
GUYS FELL AND,
THEY FOUND THE BONES OF
AUGUSTUS GLOOP.
56
00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:20,039
[APPLAUSE]
SOME NICE CLOSURE FOR THE GLOOP
FAMILY.
THE TRUTH IS THAT A LOT OF JOBS
57
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:25,878
ARE DANGEROUS.
AND THAT'S WHY ONE NEW IDEA
GOING AROUND IN SOME STATES IS
PARTICULARLY ODD.
58
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:30,783
SOME STATE LEGISLATURES
LOOKING TO FILL A NEED IN THE
LABOR MARKET ARE CONSIDERING
CHILD WORKERS AS A SOLUTION.
59
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:38,558
LAWMAKERS IN IOWA AND MINNESOTA
INTRODUCED BILLS LAST MONTH TO
LOOSEN LABOR REGULATIONS AROUND
AGE AND WORKPLACE SAFETY.
60
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:43,729
MINNESOTA'S BILL WOULD ALLOW
16 AND 17-YEAR-OLDS TO WORK
CONSTRUCTION JOBS.
AND THE IOWA MEASURE AIMS TO
61
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:51,504
ALLOW 14 AND 15-YEAR-OLDS TO
WORK CERTAIN POSITIONS IN THE
MINING, MEAT PACKING, AND
LOGGING INDUSTRIES.
62
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:57,810
THE IOWA PROPOSAL WOULD ALSO
SHIELD BUSINESSES FROM
CIVIL LIABILITY IF A YOUTH
WORKER GETS SICK, INJURED, OR
63
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:03,983
KILLED ON THE JOB.
[BOOS]
Sarah: WE'RE DOING GREAT,
EVERYONE!
64
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:08,554
THEY'RE GONNA LET 14-YEAR-OLDS
WORK IN MINING, LOGGING, AND
MEAT PACKING?
THOSE ARE, LIKE, THE THREE MOST
65
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:18,898
DANGEROUS JOBS!
WHAT, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY
OPENINGS IN THE UKRAINIAN ARMY?
YOU KNOW THAT THEY HAVE TO FILL
66
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:23,236
THESE POSITIONS TOO.
ALL IT WOULD TAKE FOR TEENAGERS
TO WORK IN A MINE
IS A VIRAL TIKTOK CALLED THE
67
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:33,512
BLACK LUNG CHALLENGE.
[APPLAUSE]
AND THESE LAWMAKERS KNOW IT'S
DANGEROUS, BECAUSE THEY'RE
68
00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:39,785
SHIELDING THE COMPANIES IF THE
KIDS GET KILLED ON THE JOB.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, THEY WILL
HAVE OOMPA LOOMPAS COME OUT
69
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:51,297
EVERY TIME A KID DIES.
A LITTLE WONKA HEAVY TODAY.
I'M SURE THIS WILL SURPRISE YOU,
BUT THE LAWMAKERS SPONSORING
70
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:55,167
THESE BILLS CALL THEMSELVES
PRO-LIFE.
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
IF WOMEN AREN'T FORCED TO HAVE
71
00:08:55,167 --> 00:09:08,180
BABIES, WHO'S GONNA PACK THIS
GODDAMN MEAT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TURN
72
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:15,121
TO ROY WOOD, JR
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHO IS AT THE IOWA STATEHOUSE.
ROY, HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE
73
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:26,198
POSSIBLY ALLOW THIS?
IT'S OUTRAGEOUS, SARAH!
CHILD LABOR HAS ALMOST NO PLACE
IN THIS COUNTRY.
74
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:35,808
Sarah: WAIT, ALMOST?
WELL, YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME
CHILD LABOR.
YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO
75
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:44,817
RAISE A KID?
CARD TO BUY CLOTHES, GOT TO FEED
THEM TWO OR THREE TIMES A DAY,
GOT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, THEN
76
00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:52,925
YOU GOT TO GO TO THE DENTIST.
TEETH AIN'T NOTHING BUT MOUTH
BONES.
GOT TO PAY FOR CHILD CARE --
77
00:09:52,925 --> 00:10:00,366
ASSUMING YOU CAN FIND CHILD CARE
BECAUSE THE LAST THING SCARED OF
COVID, NOW YOU GOT TO PAY FOR
AFTER-SCHOOL CARE, THEN AFTER
78
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:07,173
SCHOOL CARE, THAN THE SUMMER
CAMP BECAUSE THE SCHOOL YEAR IS
ONLY NINE MONTHS OF THE YEAR BUT
WHERE DOES IT STOP?
79
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:17,783
THESE KIDS HAVE GOT TO PAY THEIR
OWN WAY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Sarah: SURE, BUT, LIKE,
80
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:22,788
SMALL THINGS, LIKE, WORKING AT
McDONALD'S OR BABYSITTING OR
MOWING LAWNS.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
81
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:32,098
MOWING A LAWN AND CHAINSAWING A
REDWOOD?
IT'S ALL YARD WORK.
THE TREE AIN'T NOTHING BUT
82
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:40,406
TALLGRASS.
Sarah: ROY, THESE ARE THE
WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS JOBS!
YOU REALLY WANT CHILDREN
83
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:45,978
DOING THEM?
THEY ARE THE ONES THAT WANT
TO GROW UP FASTER.
WE ARE JUST JUST LETTING THEM.
84
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:53,919
"WHY CAN'T I HAVE A DRIVER'S
LICENSE?"
YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE A DRIVER'S
LICENSE FOR A FORKLIFT.
85
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:57,790
DRIVE THAT!
WITH THE PALLET AROUND.
Sarah: ROY, CALL ME NAIVE,
BUT CHILDHOOD IS NOT A TIME TO
86
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:04,997
WORK.
IT IS A TIME FOR CHILDREN TO
LEARN AND GROW AND EXPLORE THE
WORLD IN THEIR WONDERMENT.
87
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:12,138
I AGREE WITH THAT.
UNTIL HE'S A TEENAGER IS.
TEENAGERS ARE NOT EXPLORING THE
WORLD IN WONDERMENT, THEY'RE
88
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:16,675
THROWING EGGS AT MY HOUSE!
THOSE PUNKS NEED TO BE PUT TO
WORK!
THEY GOT TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR
89
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:24,917
HANDS!
YOU LIKE RUINING MY PAINT,
KEVIN?
I WILL WHIP YOUR ASS!
90
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:32,958
PUT HIM ON THE FACTORY LINE, LET
HIM DEBONED 100 CHICKENS IN OUR,
YOU BITCH!
YOUR FINGERS HURT, YEAH, IT'S
91
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:36,228
HARD WORK.
Sarah: ROY, JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE JUST MAD AT YOUR
NEIGHBOR'S KID, IT DOESN'T MEAN
92
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:42,701
THEY DESERVE DANGEROUS WORK
CONDITIONS.
THEY COULD LOSE FINGERS!
SARAH, HOW MANY FINGERS DO
93
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:53,112
YOU REALLY NEED?
THESE ARE THE STARS.
YOU NEED THESE, YOU NEED THIS IN
CASE YOU GET MARRIED, BUT WHEN
94
00:11:53,112 --> 00:12:01,720
WAS THE LAST TIME YOU USED YOUR
PINKY?
PINKY JUST FREELOADING ON THE
REST OF THE FINGERS.
95
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:06,826
IT'S THE NEPO BABY OF THE HAND.
PLUS, THESE KIDS ARE YOUNG
ENOUGH, THOSE FINGERS CAN STILL
GROW BACK.
96
00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:10,262
THEY GOT TIME.
Sarah: I'M SORRY, BUT THERE'S
NO PLACE IN OUR SOCIETY FOR
CHILD LABOR.
97
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:17,036
IT'S A SCOURGE OF HUMANITY THAT
WE HAVE LUCKILY MOVED PAST, AND
IT BRINGS NOTHING POSITIVE TO
THE WORLD.
98
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:30,583
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION:
YOU GOT AN iPHONE?
Sarah: UM, I DO.
WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES IT?
99
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,620
Sarah: I MEAN, APPLE?
KIDS, SARAH!
CHINESE KIDS!
SO HAND OVER YOUR iPHONE, UNLESS
100
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:44,964
YOU WANT TO BE A HYPOCRITE.
Sarah: I'M GOING TO CHOOSE
HYPOCRITE.
[APPLAUSE]
101
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:51,403
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M
GONNA GO SIGN MY NEIGHBOR'S KID
102
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:56,642
UP FOR THE COAL MINES.
KISS YOUR PINKY GOODBYE, KEVIN!
I'M COMING!
Sarah: ROY WOOD, JR.,
103
00:12:56,642 --> 00:13:01,580
EVERYBODY!
ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'LL TAKE A LOOK BACK AT
HISTORY'S MOST IMPORTANT WOMAN.
104
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:38,450
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Sarah: WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
105
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:43,155
THIS PAST WEEKEND WAS THE
INTERNATIONAL DAY OF WOMEN AND
GIRLS IN SCIENCE.
IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT IT,
106
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:47,026
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SEXIST.
IT'S AN IMPORTANT DAY TO HONOR
THE WOMEN WHO HAVE MADE
CONTRIBUTIONS TO HUMANITY'S
107
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:52,231
UNDERSTANDING OF SCIENCE.
WHICH IS WHY I WANTED TO TAKE
THIS MOMENT TO HONOR ONE WOMAN
WHO'S LIFE HASN'T RECEIVED THE
108
00:13:52,231 --> 00:14:00,272
RECOGNITION IT DESERVES.
WHEN YOU ASK PEOPLE ABOUT THE
GREATEST FEMALE SCIENTISTS OF
THE 20TH CENTURY, THEY WILL GIVE
109
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:06,111
YOU THE SAME NAMES.
MARIE CURRY.
JANE GOODALL.
OCTAVIA SPENCER.
110
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:14,219
BUT THEY ALWAYS LEAVE OUT THE
MOST IMPORTANT PERSON.
DR. INSIDIA.
THE WORLD'S FIRST FEMALE MAD
111
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:21,894
SCIENTIST.
IN THE FIELD OF EVIL,
DR. INSIDIA WAS A RELENTLESS
PIONEER.
112
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:26,999
SHE PUT GENGHIS KHAN'S BRAIN
INTO A CHIP.
SHE MADE KENTUCKY DISAPPEAR.
ALL OF IT.
113
00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:33,072
FOR THREE YEARS, NO KENTUCKY.
SHE PUT A MAN ON THE MOON AS
PUNISHMENT.
HIS BODY IS STILL UP THERE.
114
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:40,412
UNFORTUNATELY, AND THE
1950s, THE MAD SCIENTIST WERE
DOMINATED BY MEN.
SO DR. INSIDIA FACED A LOT OF
115
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:45,417
SEXISM.
ONE TIME, SHE SHRUNK THE
PRIME MINISTER OF LATVIA AND
TRAPPED HIM IN A JAR.
116
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:53,158
THEY GAVE HER A $2 MILLION
RANSOM.
THE NEXT WEEK, A MAILMAN
SCIENTIST KIDNAPS THE SAME
117
00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:59,631
PRIME MINISTER, THEY GIVE HIM $T
ON "ED SULLIVAN."
THE SAME PRIME MINISTER, SAME
JAR.
118
00:14:59,631 --> 00:15:04,703
YOU TELL ME HOW THAT IS NOT
SEXISM.
SHE WAS ALWAYS AT A
DISADVANTAGE.
119
00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:11,910
IT IS HARD TO BUILD A LABORATORY
IN A VOLCANO WHEN YOU ARE NOT
ALLOWED TO OPEN YOUR OWN
CREDIT CARD.
120
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:21,553
THE BANK WAS ALWAYS SAYING,
WHERE IS MR. DR. INSIDIA?
A MAD SCIENTIST, WANTS TO
TERRORIZE BOSTON WITH A
121
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:29,862
RADIOACTIVE MEGAPHONE.
WHAT I CAN TELL ANYONE IS THAT
THE MEGAPHONE WAS DR. INSIDIA'S
IDEA.
122
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:39,938
I TOLD HER IT WAS A STUPID IDEA.
THEN I STOLE IT.
I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT WHOLE
THING BUT IT LAUNCHED MY CAREER.
123
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:47,980
I EVEN LANDED ON "ED SULLIVAN."
IN 1958, DR. INSIDIA
ASSEMBLED BODY PARTS INTO AN
UNHOLY MONSTER.
124
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:54,920
THE FIRST THING IT DID WHEN IT
CAME TO LIFE WAS ASK HER TO GET
A CUP OF COFFEE.
OF COURSE, EVERYTHING GOT WORSE
125
00:15:54,920 --> 00:16:02,761
AFTER SHE HAD HER BABY -- WELL,
CLONED HER BABY.
DR. INSIDIA WAS ASKED TO LEAVE
THE EVIL ALLIANCE HEADQUARTERS
126
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:11,303
BECAUSE THEY WERE UNCOMFORTABLE
WITH HER BREASTFEEDING.
NOW LOOK, AND OUR DEFENSE,
BREASTFEEDING IS GROSS!
127
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:17,709
DR. INSIDIA HAD LIVED LONG
ENOUGH.
I THINK SHE WOULD'VE BECOME A
HOUSEHOLD NAME COME.
128
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:27,252
UNFORTUNATELY, SHE DIED YOUNG.
SOME PEOPLE THINK HER HARD TO
OUT BECAUSE OF SEXISM.
OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT'S BECAUSE
129
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:32,357
THE HEART STOPPING REISHI
ACCIDENT HE FIRED AT HERSELF.
ME COME I THINK IT WAS A LITTLE
BIT OF BOTH.
130
00:16:32,357 --> 00:16:36,662
SHE WAS TRULY A
REVOLUTIONARY.
FOR SCHOOL REFUSED TO TEACH
ABOUT HER WORK.
131
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:43,835
WHY NOT?
I SUPPOSE, BECAUSE OF ALL OF HER
CRIMES.
BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT.
132
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:50,242
HER LEGACY LIVES ON.
SHE IS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME
ABOUT GIRL POWER.
LITERALLY.
133
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:55,214
YOU CAN POWER A STEAM ENGINE
WITH GIRLS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Sarah: WE SEE YOU,
134
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:59,785
DR. INSIDIA.
ALL RIGHT, STAY TUNED BECAUSE
WHEN WE COME BACK, THE HILARIOUS
LIZZ WINSTEAD WILL BE JOINING ME
135
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:00,786
ON THE SHOW.
136
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:37,622
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Sarah: WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
137
00:17:37,622 --> 00:17:42,326
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE
CO-CREATOR OF "THE DAILY SHOW"
AND THE FOUNDER OF ABORTION
ACCESS FRONT, WHICH USES HUMOR
138
00:17:42,326 --> 00:17:45,930
TO DESTIGMATIZE ABORTION AND
EXPOSE THOSE FIGHTING AGAINST
REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS.
PLEASE WELCOME LIZZ WINSTEAD!
139
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:48,599
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
GET OVER HERE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
140
00:17:48,599 --> 00:17:58,876
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WOW, YOU GUYS SPRUCED UP THE
PLACE SINCE LAST TIME I WAS HER¶
141
00:17:58,876 --> 00:18:04,715
HERE.
Sarah: DOING PRETTY GOOD.
I MEAN --
Sarah: COME A LONG WAY.
142
00:18:04,715 --> 00:18:10,688
I WOULD SAY SO.
IF YOU WATCH SOME OF THE OLD
EPISODES, YOU CAN SEE LIGHTS
WHICH IS.
143
00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:16,661
AND I --
Sarah: YOU REALLY CREATED
THIS WHOLE IDEA OF --
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
144
00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:21,732
OF COMEDY NEWS.
YOU KNOW?
DO YOU KNOW HOW GROUNDBREAKING
IT WOULD BE AT THE TIME?
145
00:18:21,732 --> 00:18:31,175
WELL, I KNEW THAT THE MEDIA
WAS CONSISTENTLY DISAPPOINTING.
AND SO IT SEEMED LIKE
LOW-HANGING FRUIT.
146
00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:41,085
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SHOW CAUGHT
ON AND INSTEAD OF THE MEDIA
BEING LIKE, YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE
147
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:48,159
SHOULD REALLY BE REALLY
INVESTIGATING STORIES, THEY WERE
LIKE, FUNNY GRAPHICS.
THAT'S WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTS.
148
00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:57,735
Sarah: SO YOU FOUND IT
ABORTION ACCESS FRONT.
I DID!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
149
00:18:57,735 --> 00:19:04,275
Sarah: DO YOU SEE THIS AS
KIND OF A NATURAL EVOLUTION FROM
"THE DAILY SHOW" FOR YOU?
100%.
150
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:10,481
Sarah: BECAUSE -- EXPLAINED
WHAT IT IS.
BUT THEY DEAL WITH ABORTION WITH
HUMOR.
151
00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:19,357
THE TRUTH IS, WHETHER IT WAS
THIS SHOW, WHETHER IT WAS
WHEREVER I HEARD IT, IT IS LIKE,
KNOWING THAT YOU CAN EXPOSE
152
00:19:19,357 --> 00:19:26,731
HYPOCRISY WITH HUMOR AND KNOWING
THAT, DONE WELL, YOU CAN MAKE
CHANGE, IT KIND OF WAS A NATURAL
EVOLUTION BECAUSE NO ONE WAS
153
00:19:26,731 --> 00:19:30,635
TALKING ABOUT ABORTION.
PEOPLE SIDE LOAD IT, THEY WERE
TALKING ABOUT IT.
SO THE REASON I CREATED IT IS
154
00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:40,144
BECAUSE I WANTED TO SPEAK TRUTH
TO POWER.
ALSO, IF EVERYBODY FELT FREAKED
OUT WHEN ROE V. WADE FELL,
155
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:45,983
LIKE -- DID ALL OF YOU FEEL
LIKE, WHAT DO I DO?
[APPLAUSE]
I WANTED TO GIVE PEOPLE AN
156
00:19:45,983 --> 00:19:52,490
ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.
SO WITH ABORTION ACCESS FRONT,
WE DECIDED, WHAT WE WANT TO DO
IS CREATE PROGRAMS THAT FOLKS
157
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:58,396
CAN JUMP INTO, WE WILL MEET YOU
WHERE YOU ARE.
IF YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES, AND I
WERE TO GIVE, WE HAVE FUN THINGS
158
00:19:58,396 --> 00:20:03,901
IN THE STREET, WE CAN HELP
YOU LEGISLATIVELY.
WE HAVE THIS GREAT PROGRAM
CALLED OPERATION SAVE ABORTION.
159
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:09,140
IT IS PRETTY SIMPLE.
A FIVE-PART SERIES, GET TOGETHER
WITH YOUR FRIENDS, DO IT, LEARN
HOW YOU CAN DO MORE THAN JUST
160
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:15,746
MARCH, BECAUSE I JUST FEEL LIKE
YOU ARE IN ANGER FLUFF ARE
POINT.
Sarah: ANGER FLUFFER.
161
00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:21,852
[LAUGHTER]
I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE REALLY
WANT TO GET INVOLVED SO WITH US,
IT IS LIKE, WE JUST WATCH THE
162
00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:25,923
SUPER BOWL.
100 MILLION OTHER ADS WITH
PEOPLE WHO ARE FUNDING
ANTIABORTION GARBAGE AND WE ARE
163
00:20:25,923 --> 00:20:34,899
HAVING BAKE SALES OR TRY TO GET
PEOPLE SERVICES, RIGHT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I AM NOT GOING TO SAY YOU SHOULD
164
00:20:34,899 --> 00:20:40,371
DONATE, BUT YOU SHOULD DONATE.
[APPLAUSE]
Sarah: SO YOU STARTED
ABORTION ACCESS FRONT, ALSO
165
00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:48,479
KNOWN AS ABORTION AF.
YES.
VERY COOL SHIRTS IF YOU WANT TO
REALLY GO IN HARD.
166
00:20:48,479 --> 00:21:00,157
Sarah: YEAH, SO YOU FOUNDED
THAT IN 2015.
YEAH.
Sarah: WHAT DID YOU THINK
167
00:21:00,157 --> 00:21:08,833
IN 2015 ABORTION RIGHTS WOULD BE
IN 2023?
WELL, LIZZ WINSTEAD, WE
LIGHTLY STARTED THAT IN 2014.
168
00:21:08,833 --> 00:21:16,007
BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO
GET WORSE.
Sarah: YOU ALWAYS KNEW.
BECAUSE IT WAS HAPPENING IN
169
00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:21,679
THE STATES.
AND NOBODY SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND
STATE POLITICS, NOBODY
UNDERSTOOD THAT, LIKE, THE
170
00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:28,219
REASON ROE V. WADE FELL IS
BECAUSE AN ABORTION CASE IN
MISSISSIPPI MADE IT TO THE
SUPREME COURT.
171
00:21:28,219 --> 00:21:34,492
NOW IF YOU DON'T THINK
MISSISSIPPI SHOULD BE DECIDING
HOW YOU LIVE YOUR REPRODUCTIVE
LIFE, THEN YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR
172
00:21:34,492 --> 00:21:43,034
SHIT TOGETHER AND START PAYING
ATTENTION.
FOR ME, IT WAS ALWAYS THAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
173
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:50,041
AND I MEAN --
Sarah: I WILL SAY THIS, WE
HAVE TO WRAP IT UP, BUT WHEN
SHIT STARTED HAPPENING IN
174
00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:56,814
GEORGIA, AND HOLLYWOOD,
WELL-MEANING, YET COASTAL ELITES
WERE LIKE, I AM PULLING MY
PRODUCTION FROM GEORGIA.
175
00:21:56,814 --> 00:22:03,988
I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY IN
GEORGIA.
AND YOU BROUGHT THREE ABORTION
PROVIDERS --
176
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:11,062
REPRODUCTIVE ACCESS.
Sarah: FROM GEORGIA TO
LOS ANGELES TO SIT DOWN WITH
THESE PEOPLE AND THEY SAID,
177
00:22:11,062 --> 00:22:17,902
PLEASE, DON'T TAKE YOUR
PRODUCTIONS AWAY FROM ATLANTA.
PLEASE.
THIS IS WHAT IS GIVING PEOPLE
178
00:22:17,902 --> 00:22:23,441
JOBS AND BRINGING AN INFLUX OF
ALL OF THIS WONDERFUL STUFF FOR
PEOPLE.
THE PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE
179
00:22:23,441 --> 00:22:31,649
PUNISHED.
IF YOU WANT TO STICK UP FOR THE
PEOPLE OF GEORGIA, THEN BOYCOTT
THE GIANT DONORS THAT ARE GIVING
180
00:22:31,649 --> 00:22:38,289
THESE POLITICIANS MONEY TO MAKE
THESE LAWS.
THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIVING IN
THE PLACES AND SENT TO THE
181
00:22:38,289 --> 00:22:43,461
PEOPLE WHO ARE MOST HARMED ALL
THE TIME AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU
THE ANSWERS TO HELP YOU BE A
BETTER ACTIVIST AND MAKE THE
182
00:22:43,461 --> 00:22:47,698
WORLD BETTER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Sarah: YEAH!
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
183
00:22:47,698 --> 00:22:52,002
SEEING THEIR RIGHTS BEING
STRIPPED AWAY, AND IT IS REALLY
SCARY.
WHAT CAN PEOPLE DO?
184
00:22:52,002 --> 00:23:03,848
I MEAN, I'M JUST GOING TO
SAY, IF YOU GO TO AAFRONT.ORG,
WE CAN GUIDE YOU NATIONALLY, WE
ARE CONNECTORS, UNIFIER'S, WE
185
00:23:03,848 --> 00:23:08,252
ARE THE PEOPLE WHO REALLY WANTED
TO DO SOMETHING AND HELP YOU
FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT SOMETHING
IS.
186
00:23:08,252 --> 00:23:15,559
Sarah: I WAS IN ATLANTA TWO
NIGHTS AGO, I WENT TO STARBUCKS,
THERE WAS A WOMAN WORKING THERE
WHO SAW A PIN ON A BACKPACK THAT
187
00:23:15,559 --> 00:23:26,404
SAID KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY BODY,
AND SHE SAID -- SHE WAS MOVED BY
IT AND SO ANGRY TO BE IN A PLACE
WHERE IT IS NOT LEGAL TO MAKE
188
00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:32,176
YOUR OWN DECISIONS OVER YOUR
BODY AND THE FIRST THING I DID
WAS TEXT LIZZ AND SAY, WHAT CAN
I GIVE HER?
189
00:23:32,176 --> 00:23:37,815
AND SHE GAVE ME AN EMAIL
ADDRESS.
GIVE THIS TO HER AND THIS WOMAN
WILL TELL HER WHERE IN HER AREA
190
00:23:37,815 --> 00:23:44,021
SHE CAN BECOME ACTIVE IN WHAT
YOU CAN DO.
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
EVERYTHING YET THAT DO.
191
00:23:44,021 --> 00:23:50,961
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'RE GONNA TAKE A QUICK BREAK,
BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER
192
00:23:53,464 --> 00:24:11,596
{\an7}[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
193
00:24:11,761 --> 00:24:12,355
{\an7}[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
194
00:24:12,355 --> 00:24:13,223
{\an7}[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Sarah: WELL, THAT’S OUR SHOW
195
00:24:13,223 --> 00:24:13,959
{\an7}>> Sarah: WELL, THAT’S OUR SHOW
FOR TONIGHT BUT BEFORE WE GO:
196
00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:14,926
{\an7}FOR TONIGHT BUT BEFORE WE GO:
PLEASE CONSIDER SUPPORTING
197
00:24:14,926 --> 00:24:15,421
{\an7}PLEASE CONSIDER SUPPORTING
POWER TO DECIDE.
198
00:24:15,421 --> 00:24:16,157
{\an7}POWER TO DECIDE.
THEY GIVE PEOPLE THE TOOLS TO
199
00:24:16,157 --> 00:24:16,926
{\an7}THEY GIVE PEOPLE THE TOOLS TO
DECIDE IF, WHEN, AND UNDER WHAT
200
00:24:16,926 --> 00:24:18,289
{\an7}DECIDE IF, WHEN, AND UNDER WHAT
CIRCUMSTANCES TO GET PREGNANT
201
00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:18,860
{\an7}CIRCUMSTANCES TO GET PREGNANT
AND HAVE A CHILD.
202
00:24:18,860 --> 00:24:20,190
{\an7}AND HAVE A CHILD.
IF YOU CAN HELP THEM IN THEIR
203
00:24:20,190 --> 00:24:20,926
{\an7}IF YOU CAN HELP THEM IN THEIR
MISSION TO ADVANCE SEXUAL AND
204
00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:21,695
{\an7}MISSION TO ADVANCE SEXUAL AND
REPRODUCTIVE WELL-BEING FOR ALL,
205
00:24:21,695 --> 00:24:22,464
{\an7}REPRODUCTIVE WELL-BEING FOR ALL,
PLEASE DONATE AT THE LINK BELOW.
206
00:24:22,464 --> 00:24:23,497
{\an7}PLEASE DONATE AT THE LINK BELOW.
NOW, HERE IT IS.
207
00:24:23,497 --> 00:24:26,421
{\an7}NOW, HERE IT IS.
YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN."
208
00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:27,959
{\an7}YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN."
>> JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE
209
00:24:27,959 --> 00:24:28,893
{\an7}>> JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE
ADDRESS THIS FROM THE
210
00:24:28,893 --> 00:24:29,992
{\an7}ADDRESS THIS FROM THE
WHITE HOUSE WHITE HOUSE, I KNOW
211
00:24:29,992 --> 00:24:31,464
{\an7}WHITE HOUSE WHITE HOUSE, I KNOW
THERE HAS BEEN QUESTIONS AND
212
00:24:31,464 --> 00:24:33,926
{\an7}THERE HAS BEEN QUESTIONS AND
CONCERNS ABOUT THIS, BUT THERE I
213
00:24:33,926 --> 00:24:34,761
{\an7}CONCERNS ABOUT THIS, BUT THERE I
AGAIN, NO INDICATION OF ALIENS
214
00:24:34,761 --> 00:24:37,662
{\an7}AGAIN, NO INDICATION OF ALIENS
OR EXTRATERRESTRIAL ACTIVITY
215
00:24:37,662 --> 00:24:38,629
{\an7}OR EXTRATERRESTRIAL ACTIVITY
WITH THESE RECENT TAKEDOWNS.
216
00:24:38,629 --> 00:24:40,058
{\an7}WITH THESE RECENT TAKEDOWNS.
WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT THE
217
00:24:40,058 --> 00:24:41,464
{\an7}WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE KNEW THAT, ALL
218
00:24:41,464 --> 00:24:43,058
{\an7}AMERICAN PEOPLE KNEW THAT, ALL
OF YOU KNEW THAT, AND IT WAS
219
00:24:43,058 --> 00:24:44,563
{\an7}OF YOU KNEW THAT, AND IT WAS
IMPORTANT FOR US TO SAY THAT FOR