1 00:00:00,533 --> 00:00:02,902 ♪ ♪ Announcer: FROM NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT 2 00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:12,312 INVENTED NEWS. THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH YOUR HOST, HASAN MINHAJ! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 3 00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:31,331 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Hasan: THANK YOU! WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 4 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:37,937 I'M HASAN MINHAJ! THIS IS THE AMERICAN DREAM, BABY! WORKED HERE FIVE YEARS TO 5 00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:44,878 SUBSTITUTE TEACH FOR A WEEK. WE'VE GOT SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT, SO LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE HEADLINES! 6 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,782 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NOW LOOK, THERE'S SO MANY PRESSING ISSUES IN THE WORLD: 7 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:57,724 THE WAR IN UKRAINE. A TRAIN DERAILMENT IN OHIO. NATURAL DISASTERS IN TURKEY. BUT WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANY OF 8 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:05,331 THAT, BECAUSE APPARENTLY, THE BIGGEST STORY IN THE NEWSPAPER IS ON THE COMICS PAGE. NEWSPAPERS ACROSS THE COUNTRY 9 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:11,905 ARE DROPPING THE "DILBERT" COMIC STRIP AFTER SCOTT ADAMS WENT ON A TIRADE CALLING BLACK AMERICANS A HATE GROUP AND ADVISING 10 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:21,981 WHITE PEOPLE TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM. REFERENCING A POLL FROM THE THAT INDICATED 53% OF BLACK 11 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:27,821 AMERICANS AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT, IT'S OKAY TO BE WHITE. IF NEARLY HALF OF ALL BLACKS 12 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:35,395 ARE NOT OKAY WITH WHITE PEOPLE, THAT'S A HATE GROUP. THE BEST ADVICE I WOULD GIVE TO WHITE PEOPLE IS TO GET THE HELL 13 00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:39,399 AWAY FROM BLACK PEOPLE. YOU HAVE TO GO JUST GET AWAY. YOU JUST HAVE TO ESCAPE. SO THAT'S WHAT I DID. 14 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:47,407 I WENT TO A NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE, YOU KNOW, HAVE A VERY LOW BLACK POPULATION. Hasan: OH, MY GOD! 15 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:52,612 HE JUST KEPT GOING! HE IS LIKE, BLACK PEOPLE ARE HATE GROUP. WHITE PEOPLE SHOULD STAY AWAY 16 00:01:52,612 --> 00:02:05,325 FROM BLACK PEOPLE. I STAY AWAY FROM BLACK PEOPLE. AND KANYE HEARD THIS AND WAS LIKE, WHOA, MY BROTHER, PACE 17 00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:11,498 YOURSELF. BY THE WAY, WHY DO YOU HAVE A PODCAST? YOU HAVE ONE OF THE MOST 18 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:14,968 SUCCESSFUL COMIC STRIPS IN THE WORLD! BUT HE'S PODCASTING AT "Youtube.com/RealCoffeeWith 19 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:19,739 ScottAdams?" LIKE, WHY? BRO, YOU GOT RICH OFF DOODLES, TAKE THE W! 20 00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:28,982 BE HAPPY. THE GUY WHO CREATED THE COOL "S" THING FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL WISHES HE COULD BE YOU! 21 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:37,090 I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU GUYS. IT HAS BEEN A MINUTE SINCE WE TALKED, AND I HAVE RUB SHOULDERS 22 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:45,565 WITH THE ILLUMINATI. AND I'VE NOTICED ONE THING ABOUT A CERTAIN TYPE OF RICH PERSON. WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS OF 23 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:52,705 THEIR OWN, THEY HAVE TO JUST MAKE UP PROBLEMS JUST TO MAKE THEIR LIVES INTERESTING. RIGHT, THEY ARE JUST SITTING AT 24 00:02:52,705 --> 00:03:04,551 HOME IN THE JACUZZI LIKE, "WHAT IF I TWEET ABOUT TRANS HIGH SCHOOL SWIMMERS?" I CAN GUARANTEE YOU, 25 00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:11,724 J.K. ROWLING HAD ZERO OPINIONS ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE WHEN SHE WAS ON WELFARE. BY THE WAY -- 26 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:19,766 [APPLAUSE] THIS IS WHY, I THINK WE NEED A WEALTH TAX. WE NEED A WEALTH TAX, NOT FOR 27 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:25,572 INFRASTRUCTURE, OR SCHOOLS, NONE OF THAT BERNIE SHIT. RICH PEOPLE, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. 28 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:34,013 THE WEALTH TAX IS ACTUALLY A SHOT THAT [BLEEP] UP TAX. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SPEND MORE TIME WORKING, KISSING 29 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:40,053 YOUR LOVED ONES! GETTING GROCERIES. YOU KNOW, BEING A NORMAL PERSON. BECAUSE NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T HATE 30 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:46,893 BLACK PEOPLE. WE ARE ALL TOO BUSY HATING THAT ONE SQUEAKY WHEEL ON THE SHOPPING CART. 31 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:57,837 BUT LET'S MOVE ON TO ONE OF GREAT DEBATES OF OUR TIME. NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH COCAINE CAN A BEAR DO. 32 00:03:57,837 --> 00:04:02,208 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE COVID ORIGIN DEBATE THAT IS HEATING UP THIS WEEK. AND THIS JUST IN: AN UPDATED 33 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:07,380 CLASSIFIED INTEL REPORT SAYING THAT THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY HAS ASSESSED THAT THE SOURCE OF THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC 34 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:12,385 LIKELY CAME FROM A CHINA LAB LEAK. BUT THERE IS ONE MAJOR CAVEAT: SOURCES AT THE DEPARTMENT OF 35 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:28,968 ENERGY TELL CNN THAT THE REPORT HAS, QUOTE, "LOW CONFIDENCE." Hasan: LOW CONFIDENCE? HOW CAN YOU CONCLUDE SOMETHING 36 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:35,108 WITH LOW CONFIDENCE? THAT IS NOT A CONCLUSION. I THINK THE WORD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS... 37 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:41,314 GUESS. BY THE WAY, CONCLUSION WITH LOW CONFIDENCE IS SUCH A [BLEEP] BOI MOVE. 38 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:50,590 YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE AND THEY GO, "BABE, WHAT ARE WE?" AND YOU ARE LIKE, "SARAH, I COULD TELL YOU FOR SURE... 39 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:57,964 I DON'T KNOW." [LAUGHS] EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD LOW CONFIDENCE, THE DEPARTMENT OF 40 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:04,037 ENERGY CAME OUT AND SAID COVID WAS A LAB LEAK. AND NOW EVERY [BLEEP] IDIOT I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH IS LIKE 41 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:11,577 "APOLOGIZE TO ME RIGHT NOW, HASAN, I TOLD YOU I WAS RIGHT AND IF YOUR HAND IS BIGGER THAN YOUR FACE, YOU ARE GAY!" 42 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:17,617 NOW TO EVERYBODY TOUCHDOWN DANCING ABOUT THIS, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ROCKING WITH THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY? 43 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:25,258 OH, YOU'VE BEEN [BLEEP] WITH THEM SINCE DAY ONE? WHAT'S YOUR SECOND FAVORITE REPORT FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF 44 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,528 ENERGY? PERSONALLY, I LOVE THEIR REPORT ON "WALK-IN FREEZERS COMPLIANCE CERTIFICATION," BUT HEY, THAT'S 45 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:37,270 JUST ME. BECAUSE I'M A REAL ONE. BUT HERE'S THE KEY DETAIL EVERYBODY IS FORGETTING WHILE 46 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:50,383 THEY GOT THE TWITTER FINGERS. THE ENERGY DEPARTMENT IS 1 OF 9 INTELLIGENCE GROUPS THAT HAVE ASSESSED COVID'S ORIGIN. 47 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:56,723 TWO HAVE SAID LAB LEAK, FIVE SAY IT CAME OUT OF NATURAL CAUSES, AND TWO SAY THEY DON'T KNOW. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 48 00:05:56,723 --> 00:06:02,995 I PERSONALLY SIDE WITH THEM. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS GOING ON. THE FBI SAYS THIS, THE NIC SAYS 49 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:11,437 THAT, I AM HOLDING OUT UNTIL THE DMV CHIMES IN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT? 50 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:22,648 NOW HERE'S THE THING I AM WONDERING. WHY DID THIS WHOLE "LAB VERSUS VERSUS RED SOX OF COVID 51 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:26,285 OF THE CULTURE WAR IN THE FIRST PLACE? AND TO ME, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE WHEN SOME PEOPLE STARTED SAYING 52 00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:33,025 IT CAME FROM A LAB, OTHER PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "HEY, YOU CAN'T SAY THE CHINESE ARE TRYING TO POISON EVERYBODY ON 53 00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:42,034 PLANET EARTH, THAT IS RACIST! YOU SHOULD SAY THAT COVID CAME FROM A WET MARKET WHERE CHINESE PEOPLE EAT WEIRD ANIMALS." 54 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:50,143 BUT THAT SOUNDS WAY MORE RACIST! AND I SAY THIS AS A KID WHO HAD TO EAT WEIRD ETHNIC FOOD IN THE LUNCHROOM. 55 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:57,350 EVERY DAY, I WOULD PULL OUT MY ROTI, AND EVERYONE WOULD BE LIKE "EWWW! WHAT IS THAT?" 56 00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:05,558 ALL I WANTED WAS LUNCHABLES, BUT MY MOM WOULD NEVER BUY THEM. SHE BE LIKE, "HASAN, ARE YOU CRAZY? 57 00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:12,165 YOU WANT LUNCHABLES? THOSE THINGS ARE MADE IN A LAB! AND THEY WILL KILL YOU!" AND SHE SAID IT WITH HIGH 58 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:16,169 CONFIDENCE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FOR MORE ON THE LAB LEAK, WE TURN NOW TO MY FRIEND, 59 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:24,010 COLLEAGUE, AND MORTAL ENEMY, RONNY CHIENG. RONNY! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 60 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:30,683 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT. WHERE DID COVID COME FROM? TELL US! 61 00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:35,688 WHAT THE [BLEEP]! HOW THE [BLEEP] SHOULD I KNOW? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME, BY THE WAY? 62 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:40,993 I DIDN'T DO IT. WE COULD BE TALKING ABOUT THE DEBT CEILING, OR RACIST DILBERT, BUT OF COURSE, YOU WANT TO 63 00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:47,967 PIGEONHOLE THE ASIAN GUY TO DO THE COVID STORY. Hasan: YES, YES, YES, I'M GOING TO PIGEONHOLE YOU. 64 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:56,576 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY, RONNY? BECAUSE WHEN I WAS A CORRESPONDENT, I WAS PIGEONHOLED! 65 00:07:56,576 --> 00:08:02,415 MY HOLE WAS PIGEONED CONSTANTLY! THAT IS DISGUSTING. Hasan: YEAH, IT WAS. ANY TIME THERE WAS A SUBWAY 66 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:06,686 BOMBING, THEY WENT TO THE MUSLIM GUY, AS IF I'M ON GROUP CHAT WITH ISIS. MY MOST VIRAL CLIP ON THIS SHOW 67 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:15,161 WAS A PHOTO OF ME WEARING A HIJAB NEXT TO JON STEWART! SO YEAH, THE ASIAN CORRESPONDENT IS GONNA COVER THE ASIAN STORY. 68 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:23,269 AND IT HAS TO BE FUNNY, AND IT HAS TO BE DEEMED COMEDICALLY ACCEPTABLE BY Vulture.com. GO! 69 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:31,077 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, [BLEEP] VULTURE. ALL RIGHT? SECOND OF ALL, 70 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:34,247 WHY DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT IT? YOU'RE THE EXPERT IN LECTURING US ABOUT THE WORLD DESPITE NEVER HAVING LEFT AMERICA! 71 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:38,050 RIGHT? AND AREN'T YOU "ASIAN" TOO? YOU TALK ABOUT IT! Hasan: NO, NO, YOU SAID IT 72 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:45,324 YOURSELF, RONNY. YOU SAID RIGHT HERE ON THE SHOW THAT INDIANS, WE'RE NOT REALLY ASIANS. 73 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:49,395 WHY DON'T YOU ROLL THE TAPE? LET'S BE CLEAR, INDIANS ARE NOT ASIANS. OKAY? 74 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:53,733 OKAY? I LOVE HOW INDIANS TRY TO HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. LIKE, BEING INDIAN AND ASIAN. 75 00:08:53,733 --> 00:09:06,512 PICK A LANE. I BROUGHT RECEIPTS, [BLEEP]! YOU KEEP THE RECEIPTS IN YOUR 50 LOADED SHOE BOXES. 76 00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:10,650 YEAH, I SAID IT. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ROLL THE TAPE, I'LL SAY IT RIGHT NOW. INDIANS ARE NOT ASIANS. 77 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:18,157 BY THE WAY, I AM MORE THAN JUST ASIAN. I ALSO LIVED IN AUSTRALIA. WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME ABOUT 78 00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,960 KANGAROOS. Hasan: FINE, TELL ME ABOUT KANGAROOS. THERE'S, LIKE, RED ONES. 79 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:25,531 AND THEN THERE'S GREY ONES. AND RED ONES CAN JUMP 10 FEET HIGH, AND THEY HAVE CLAWS THAT CAN RIP YOUR DICK OFF THROUGH 80 00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:28,834 YOUR JEANS. Hasan: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT KANGAROOS. STOP TALKING LIKE AN ANGRY 81 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:36,676 SNAPPLE CAP! YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE WHAT IS ON THE SHOW, RONNY, I AM THE BOSS, I DECIDE, RONNY. 82 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:45,017 WHAT DO YOU DECIDE? YOU ARE A GUEST HOST. YOU ARE A GUEST IN MY HOUSE. I AM NOT THE TOKEN ASIAN GUY. 83 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:52,758 I AM IN MOVIES NOW. I WAS IN "MEGAN." [APPLAUSE] Hasan: OH OH, YOU WERE IN 84 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:57,463 THE MOVIE "MACON" IN THEATERS RIGHT NOW? WHAT WAS YOUR ROLE? I PLAYED THE TOKEN ASIAN GUY 85 00:09:57,463 --> 00:10:04,503 AT THE TECH COMPANY! BUT IT WAS SATIRE! THAT WAS SATIRE! Hasan: I COULD HAVE SWORN 86 00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:11,811 THAT I AM YOUR BOSS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT SAYS MY NAME ON THE DESK. IT SAYS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH 87 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:22,855 HASAN MINHAJ, BY THE WAY, THAT IS MY REAL NAME, RONNIE CHANG. THAT IS ALSO MY REAL NAME. IT IS ON MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. 88 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:31,998 A NAME THAT YOU REFUSE TO SPELL PHONETICALLY AND THEN WHEN YOU EVERYONE PRONOUNCES IT, YOU CRY TO ELLEN? 89 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:40,439 AND THEY CALLED ME HASAN! I AM SO OPPRESSED! Hasan: YOU, BYE-BYE, RONNY, EXPRESS EMOTION. 90 00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:45,444 I SHOWED SOME VULNERABILITY COME ON YOU. I SHOWED SOME OTHER EMOTION BESIDES ANGER, SOMETHING YOU 91 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:50,916 MIGHT NOT BE FAMILIAR WITH. I KNOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ANGER. YOU LOVE A JOB WHERE YOU CAN REACH ABOUT EVIL CORPORATIONS IN 92 00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:59,392 AMERICA BUT AS SOON AS THE NBA REACHES OUT WITH A CELEBRITY ALL-STAR GAME, YOU JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO SCORE ZERO POINTS! 93 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:06,298 ZERO-POINT! Hasan: RONNY, STOP THIS. STOP THIS! [BLEEP] STOP IT RIGHT NOW! 94 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:16,642 WE CAN'T BE FIGHTING LIKE THIS. THERE IS WHITE PEOPLE HERE. HOW ARE WE GOING TO STOP ASIAN HATE IF WE HATE EACH OTHER? 95 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:21,981 YOU ARE RIGHT. I AM SORRY. I AM LASHING OUT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY LOVE "THE DAILY SHOW" 96 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:28,821 AND I'M SCARED YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT CANCELED LIKE YOUR NETFLIX SHOW, WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED. 97 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:34,026 Hasan: IT WAS CALLED "PATRIOT ACT." IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE DESPITE OUR DIFFERENCES, YOU ARE 98 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:44,270 RIGHT, WE DO HAVE A BIGGER RESPONSIBILITY TO THE ASIANS AND THE ASIANS. BECAUSE WHEN WE FIGHT, THE WHITE 99 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:51,677 PEOPLE WIN. AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT. EXACTLY. GOT TO BRING THE SEGMENT HOME. 100 00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:57,817 SO LET'S EACH SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND SHOW SOME EMOTIONAL GROWTH. ARE YOU SERIOUS? 101 00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:08,127 Hasan: I AM DEAD SERIOUS. [BLEEP]. ALL RIGHT. HASAN, YOU ARE GOOD AT MANAGING 102 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:15,835 HAIR. THANK YOU. YOUR ENERGY IS NOT ALWAYS ANNOYING. 103 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:21,707 AND, YOU KNOW, I HAVE SEEN YOU AT "THE DAILY SHOW" GROW TO BECOME THIS FORCE OF NATURE, AND I AM ACTUALLY REALLY HAPPY THAT 104 00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:29,348 YOU ARE HOSTING THIS WEEK. LIKE, IT'S REALLY -- SHUT UP, EVERYBODY! SHUT UP! 105 00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:41,894 Hasan: THANK YOU, RONNY. I JUST WANT TO SAY... I WANT TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO TELL YOU -- WE ARE OUT OF TIME. 106 00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:46,699 RONNY CHIENG, EVERYBODY! WHEN WE COME BACK FROM EVERYBODY, I'M GOING BACK TO 107 00:12:54,700 --> 00:13:20,692 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Hasan: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 108 00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:26,898 YOU KNOW, WE LIVE IN A POLARIZED ERA WHERE NOBODY WANTS TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A CONVERSATION. WELL, I DID, WITH SOME VERY 109 00:13:26,898 --> 00:13:30,469 AND I REGRETTED IT. TAKE A LOOK. AS THE CULTURE WARS WITH YOUR AMERICA, ONE THING THAT ALWAYS 110 00:13:30,469 --> 00:13:37,742 COMES UP IS THE CHILDREN. WE HAVE ONE JOB COME AND LET US PROTECT OUR CHILDREN. PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM 111 00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:42,414 INDOCTRINATION, CRITICAL RACE THEORY. BANNING BOOKS, ESPECIALLY THESE BOOKS, ENDANGERS OUR 112 00:13:42,414 --> 00:13:46,618 CHILDREN. Hasan: BUT AS THE FATHER OF A CHILD ABOUT TO START SCHOOL, I WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT HOW THEY 113 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:51,723 FELT ABOUT THE CULTURE WARS, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, I LOKI WANTED TO KNOW IF THEY THOUGHT I WAS COOL. 114 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:59,464 INSTEAD OF TWEETING ABOUT THE KIDS, I DECIDED TO TALK TO THEM. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT I'M A LITTLE BIT OLDER, 115 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,200 AND -- [LAUGHTER] OKAY. THERE'S A LOT OF STUFF THAT I AM 116 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:07,038 NOT AWARE OF. SO I'M GOING TO NAME SOMETHING AND YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT. 117 00:14:07,038 --> 00:14:14,012 ♪ ♪ Hasan: ADULTS ARE ARGUING A LOT RIGHT NOW ABOUT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE LEARNING, WHAT 118 00:14:14,012 --> 00:14:18,016 SUBJECTS YOU SHOULD BE TAUGHT, WHAT BOOKS YOU SHOULD BE READING. BUT WE NEVER ASK YOU. 119 00:14:18,016 --> 00:14:21,853 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SCHOOL? WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE BOOKS? WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? 120 00:14:21,853 --> 00:14:27,192 I LOVE RACIAL JUSTICE BOOKS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I CAN RELATE TO THAT. "THEY HATE YOU GIVE," OR 121 00:14:27,192 --> 00:14:30,795 "BLENDED." Hasan: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PEOPLE WANTING TO BAN THOSE BOOKS? 122 00:14:30,795 --> 00:14:34,533 NOT GOOD. I FEEL LIKE -- THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. 123 00:14:34,533 --> 00:14:38,503 LIKE, RACIAL INJUSTICE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW AND THESE BOOKS ARE ABOUT RACIAL INJUSTICE SO I THINK WE NEED TO LEARN 124 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:44,042 ABOUT IT IF THEY WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Hasan: DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR TEACHERS ARE TRYING TO 125 00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:48,647 INDOCTRINATE YOU? NO. Hasan: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD "INDOCTRINATE" MEANS? 126 00:14:48,647 --> 00:14:51,249 [LAUGHTER] NO. ♪ ♪ Hasan: LET'S TALK ABOUT 127 00:14:51,249 --> 00:14:55,420 THIS. THOUGHTS ON THE PRESIDENT AND THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION? I THINK IT IS GOOD. 128 00:14:55,420 --> 00:15:02,227 YEAH, I LIKE IT. I FEEL LIKE HE IS A LOT BETTER THAN TRUMP IN MY OPINION. Hasan: SURE. 129 00:15:02,227 --> 00:15:08,700 I FEEL LIKE HE IS NOT THE BEST PRESIDENT, THERE HAVE BEEN BETTER PRESIDENTS BUT HE'S A BIG STEP ABOVE THE TRUMP. 130 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:13,838 Hasan: WHAT ABOUT THIS ERA FEELS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PRESIDENTIAL? HE IS DEFINITELY OLDER THAN 131 00:15:13,838 --> 00:15:19,244 OTHER PRESIDENTS. Hasan: HOW OLD IS TOO OLD TO BE PRESIDENT? TOO OLD TO BE PRESIDENT IS AN 132 00:15:19,244 --> 00:15:28,653 AGE WHERE YOU ARE SCARED THAT YOU MIGHT NOT LIVE TO SEE THE NEXT DAY, BECAUSE A COUNTRY IS DEPENDING ON YOU TO RUN THEM, AS 133 00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:36,461 LONG AS YOU DON'T HAVE ANY, LIKE, MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS, LIKE, SAY, YOU HAVE DEMENTIA AND YOU ARE SORT OF LOSING YOUR 134 00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:42,934 MEMORY A LITTLE BIT. AND PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA, THEY ARE PERFECTLY GOOD PEOPLE, BUT THEY ARE PROBABLY NOT THE BEST 135 00:15:42,934 --> 00:15:50,909 KIND OF PERSON TO RUN A COUNTRY, BECAUSE THEY MIGHT NOT REMEMBER EVERYTHING. Hasan: YEAH, YOU ARE 136 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:55,480 DESCRIBING WHAT JOSEPH R. BIDEN IS GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW. BUT DESPITE THEIR SCATHING AGES AND, WHAT SURPRISED ME AS THE 137 00:15:55,480 --> 00:16:01,052 KIDS I AM TALK TO ARE NOT STEEPED IN THE CULTURE WAR LIKE THE ADULTS. THEY ARE TOO BUSY TRYING TO 138 00:16:01,052 --> 00:16:06,691 FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE ADULTS. ♪ ♪ Hasan: THIS IS SOMETHING THAT A LOT OF MEN IN THEIR 30s 139 00:16:06,691 --> 00:16:10,762 DON'T TALK ABOUT. FEELINGS. HOW DO YOU PROCESS THINGS WHEN YOU'RE SAD OR ANGRY? 140 00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:23,208 I KIND OF KEEP FEELINGS, LIKE, THEY COME IN, AND THEY ALWAYS SINK, SO THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO APOLOGIZE. 141 00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:28,313 YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT AND SOMETIMES YOU ARE NOT RIGHT. YOU JUST CAN'T SAY SORRY SOMETIMES. 142 00:16:28,313 --> 00:16:36,288 Hasan: BUT IF PARENTS ARE SORRY, THAT MEANS, PARENTS AND CHILDREN ARE EQUAL. BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT. 143 00:16:36,288 --> 00:16:44,996 YOU CAN'T? Hasan: [AXIOS] ARE THE THINGS THAT ADULTS TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE LIKE, NO WAY, I 144 00:16:44,996 --> 00:16:49,868 DON'T BELIEVE THAT? SOMETIMES, WHEN THEY SAID SOMETHING WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I THOUGHT THEY WERE LONGING. 145 00:16:49,868 --> 00:16:57,475 Hasan: LIKE WHAT? WHAT DID THEY SAY TO YOU? IF THEY CROSS MY EYES, IT WILL GET STUCK. 146 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:01,346 Hasan: I USED TO DO IT AS A JOKE. AND THEY SAID, YOUR EYES WILL GET STUCK THAT WAY. 147 00:17:01,346 --> 00:17:06,985 IS THAT NOT TRUE? I THOUGHT IT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN. HAS ANY OF YOUR PARENTS EVER 148 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:11,456 TOLD YOU THAT WHEN YOU TURN THE CAR LIGHT ON THAT IT'S ILLEGAL TO LEAVE IT ON? YEAH! 149 00:17:11,456 --> 00:17:17,062 I FOUND OUT IT'S NOT ILLEGAL. Hasan: HOW DID YOU FOUND OUT? I FOUND OUT ON YOUTUBE. 150 00:17:17,062 --> 00:17:22,867 I WAS LIKE, WHAT THE HECK? Hasan: THIS TALK ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA. ARE WE ON SOCIAL MEDIA, TIKTOK, 151 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:28,373 INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, TWITTER? IF YOU LIKE TWITTER IS FOR OLD PEOPLE. YOU KNOW HOW FACEBOOK DIED, 152 00:17:28,373 --> 00:17:33,845 TWITTER IS KIND OF LIKE DYING. MY DAD IS OBSESSED WITH TWITTER. Hasan: DO YOU THINK TWITTER 153 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:43,788 IS GOOD FOR HIM? MAYBE A LITTLE LESS WOULD BE GOOD. BUT I DON'T THINK IT IS GETTING 154 00:17:43,788 --> 00:17:46,157 OUT OF HAND. Hasan: GOT. DO YOU WANT TO JOIN TWITTER BASED ON THE WAY YOUR DAD USES A 155 00:17:46,157 --> 00:17:51,663 QUESTION MARK NOT REALLY COME I DON'T HAVE MONTHS INTEREST IN SOCIAL MEDIA. Hasan: ARE YOUR PARENTS ON 156 00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:56,835 THE PHONE TOO MUCH? MY DAD ALWAYS SAYS I'M ON THE PHONE TOO MUCH WHATEVER TIME I LOOK AT HIM, HE IS ALWAYS ON 157 00:17:56,835 --> 00:18:02,407 ON SLACK OR SOMETHING. I JUST WANT TO TELL THEM TO GET OFF YOUR PHONE, DAD. Hasan: GET OFF YOUR CHEST. 158 00:18:02,407 --> 00:18:07,078 THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO TELL US OFF. GO TO THAT CAMERA AND JUST TELL THEM WHAT'S UP. 159 00:18:07,078 --> 00:18:14,386 GET OFF YOUR PHONE, DAD. YOU NEED TO MAINTAIN A BETTER WORK-LIFE BALANCE. Hasan: YOU HEARD HIM, 160 00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:20,024 PARENTS. STOP WATCHING THIS ON YOUR PHONE AND GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR KIDS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 161 00:18:20,024 --> 00:18:25,330 Hasan: ALL RIGHT, STAY TUNED BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK, THE ONE AND ONLY GIANNIS ANTETOKOUMPO WILL BE 162 00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:29,401 JOINING ME ON "THE DAILY SHOW." 163 00:18:37,910 --> 00:19:07,139 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Hasan: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 164 00:19:07,139 --> 00:19:10,642 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN NBA CHAMPION, DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR, AND TWO-TIME LEAGUE MVP. 165 00:19:10,642 --> 00:19:15,380 BUT YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE "GREEK FREAK." PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR GIANNIS ANTETOKOUNMPO! 166 00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:20,519 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ THANK YOU FOR COMING. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 167 00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:26,258 OH, MAN! WHOO! THIS IS NICE. LOOK AT THAT! 168 00:19:26,258 --> 00:19:30,662 IS THIS COFFEE? Hasan: LITTLE BIT OF COFFEE OR WATER, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HOW ARE YOU DOING, MAN? 169 00:19:30,662 --> 00:19:33,765 I'M GOOD. Hasan: THANKS FOR COMING TO NEW YORK. THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR 170 00:19:33,765 --> 00:19:36,935 HAVING ME. Hasan: NOW I SHOULD BE CALLING YOU HEAD COACH. YOU COACHED ME IN THE -- 171 00:19:36,935 --> 00:19:40,339 I AM THE COACH, YEAH. YOU HAD, LIKE, ZERO POINTS. Hasan: YEAH. BUT YOUR DEFENSE, YOUR ENERGY 172 00:19:40,339 --> 00:19:44,042 WAS GREAT. YOU WERE A GREAT TEAMMATE. Hasan: LISTEN, MAN, HOW IS THE KNEE FEELING? 173 00:19:44,042 --> 00:19:53,218 I FEEL NO PAIN. I AM GOOD, MAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Hasan: YOU HERE ARE IN 174 00:19:53,218 --> 00:19:56,755 NEW YORK BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT AN AMAZING FOUNDATION THAT YOU HAVE. 175 00:19:56,755 --> 00:20:04,062 AND ONE OF THE THINGS YOU ARE SO PROUD TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD IS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY. I WOULDN'T BE HERE. 176 00:20:04,062 --> 00:20:11,103 I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS POSITION TODAY WITHOUT MY FAMILY. WITHOUT THE SACRIFICES THAT MY PARENTS MADE EVERY SINGLE DAY TO 177 00:20:11,103 --> 00:20:16,742 PROVIDE FOR US, TO PUT US IN A POSITION TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO OUT THERE AND ACCOMPLISH OUR DREAMS AND GOALS IN LIFE, 178 00:20:16,742 --> 00:20:24,716 YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT THEM. AND OBVIOUSLY, IT HAS BEEN SIX YEARS NOW, 2017, SIX YEARS THAT 179 00:20:24,716 --> 00:20:34,092 MY DAD HAS PASSED AWAY. IT HAS BEEN IN HONOR OF HIM AND AS I HAVE SAID IN THE PAST, I HAVE SAID A LOT OF TIMES, HE HAD 180 00:20:34,092 --> 00:20:39,264 NO MONEY. HE WAS POOR. HE CAME FROM NIGERIA TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE. 181 00:20:39,264 --> 00:20:45,837 AND WE WERE HIS LEGACY. YOU KNOW, AND I COULD FEEL GROWING UP, HE WAS THE RICHEST PERSON IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, 182 00:20:45,837 --> 00:20:55,046 BECAUSE HE ALWAYS FELT IT WAS BECAUSE HE HAD US. SO WE DECIDED AS FAMILY TO COME TOGETHER AND BUILD THIS 183 00:20:55,046 --> 00:21:03,522 FOUNDATION TO BASICALLY JUST DO WHAT PEOPLE DID FOR US. YOU KNOW, JUST PUT OUR HAND OUT THERE AND GIVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO 184 00:21:03,522 --> 00:21:18,403 BE GREAT IN WHATEVER THEY DECIDE TO DO, AND KIND OF HELP THEM, BE THERE FOR THEM TO GO OUT THERE AND ACCOMPLISH THEIR DREAMS, DO 185 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:22,874 WHAT I DID. Hasan: THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING, MAN. IT IS THE CHARLES ANTETOKOUNMPO 186 00:21:22,874 --> 00:21:32,984 FAMILY FOUNDATION. ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU, MAN, AND THE REASON I WANTED TO BRING YOU ON THE SHOW 187 00:21:32,984 --> 00:21:36,555 TO PLUG THE FOUNDATION, IS YOUR HUMILITY. YOU KNOW, YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THE BIGGEST SUPERSTARS IN THE 188 00:21:36,555 --> 00:21:44,262 WORLD. NOW I KNOW, TALKING TRASH IS IN YOUR STRENGTH. IT'S MY STRENGTH. 189 00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:49,000 SO YOU DO IT FOR ME? Hasan: SO I WROTE YOU SOME TRASH TALK RIGHT HERE TO SOME OF THE TOP PLAYERS IN THE LEAGUE 190 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:54,539 AND I WANT YOU TO GO TO CAMERA 3 RIGHT NOW. TALK THAT [BLEEP] TALK! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 191 00:21:54,539 --> 00:22:08,019 LET'S GO! LET'S GO HEADHUNTING, GIANNIS! OKAY. LISTEN, LUKA... 192 00:22:08,019 --> 00:22:12,190 Hasan: YEAH. EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE RUNNING WITH KYRIE, AND YOU HAVE ALL OF YOUR TEAM, I AM COMING FOR YOU 193 00:22:12,190 --> 00:22:15,694 GUYS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I CAN'T SAY THIS. [LAUGHTER] 194 00:22:15,694 --> 00:22:20,198 Hasan: NO! I CAN'T SAY IT. Hasan: GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, GIANNIS! 195 00:22:20,198 --> 00:22:26,204 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] LET'S DO THIS! Hasan: I WILL DO IT. I WILL BE YOUR SHIT TALK 196 00:22:26,204 --> 00:22:31,042 TRANSLATOR. LET'S DO THIS. GET IT ON ME, LET'S GO. YEAH. 197 00:22:31,042 --> 00:22:36,781 BRO! WHAT'S UP, LUKA? EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE RUNNING WITH KYRIE, THE SCOUTING REPORT IS 198 00:22:36,781 --> 00:22:43,555 OUT ON YOU. YOU YOU'VE GOT SAUSAGE ARMS AND CANKLES. MY MAN, FOR A DUDE FROM 199 00:22:43,555 --> 00:22:54,165 SLOVENIA, YOU SURE LOOK LIKE A DUDE FROM ALABAMA. AND YOU ARE GOING TO GET THIS WORK IN THE POSTSEASON. 200 00:22:54,165 --> 00:23:00,238 THAT IS WHAT YOU GOTTA SAY! OKAY, OKAY, FINE, FINE. HE LIKES LUKA, HE RESPECTS HIS 201 00:23:00,238 --> 00:23:08,513 GAME. DO THAT LeBRON ONE AND WE WILL GET OUT OF HERE. MAKE THIS ONE COUNT! 202 00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:12,918 LeBRON, I LOVE YOUR GAME, MAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Hasan: NO, NO. 203 00:23:12,918 --> 00:23:16,655 [LAUGHS] WHAT IS THIS? I LOVE YOUR GAME. YOU ARE THE KING FOR A REASON. 204 00:23:16,655 --> 00:23:24,896 GOAT, JUST BROKE THE ALL-TIME SCORING RECORD. KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING, MAN. 205 00:23:24,896 --> 00:23:33,405 HE IS A BLUEPRINT. YOU ARE A BLUEPRINT, MAN. Hasan: OH, MY GOD! [LAUGHTER] 206 00:23:33,405 --> 00:23:40,779 ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, MAN. EVERYBODY WE TALKED ABOUT IN THE NBA, PLEASE, DON'T COME KILL ME. 207 00:23:40,779 --> 00:23:48,353 [LAUGHTER] GIANNIS, THIS IS WHAT WE LOVE MOST ABOUT YOU, MAN, IN ALL SERIOUSNESS. 208 00:23:48,353 --> 00:23:51,590 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WORK YOU ARE DOING IN THE LEAGUE. YOU ARE SETTING SUCH A GOOD IMAGE FOR KIDS AROUND THE WORLD. 209 00:23:51,590 --> 00:23:56,795 I AM SO HONORED THAT I'VE GOTTEN A CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE ALL THE AMAZING WORK YOU ARE GOING TO DO 210 00:23:56,795 --> 00:24:03,935 FOR THE CHARLES ANTETOKOUNMPO FOUNDATION. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU SO MUCH. 211 00:24:03,935 --> 00:24:11,276 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] GIANNIS ANTETOKOUNMPO, EVERYBODY! OKAY. 212 00:24:11,276 --> 00:24:14,379 WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS. 213 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:46,280 ♪ ♪ Hasan: THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT BEFORE WE GO, TO SUPPORT THE CHARLES ANTETOKOUNMPO 214 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,018 FOUNDATION, PLEASE HEAD TO THE LINK BELOW. NOW HERE IT IS. YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN."