[theme music]
ANNOUNCER: From New York City, the only city in America,
it's the show that invented news.
This is The Daily Show with your host, Hasan Minhaj.
[cheering]
Hi.
Hey, everybody.
I'm Hasan Minhaj.
And I'm on day two of hosting The Daily Show.
I'm back, baby.
Listen-- no, no, no, no. Settle in.
Listen, listen.
It's days like today that I remember what my old boss
Jon Stewart used to say to me.
Hasan, please, stop name dropping me
when you tell stories.
[laughter]
Miss you, J-Stew.
We got a lot to talk about tonight.
So let's get into headlines.
[cheering]
Let's kick things off with TikTok.
It's the app that taught me how to make spaghetti
in a washing machine.
But it also gave me adult ADHD.
Look at my pen.
Isn't this cool?
Fo-- focus, focus.
But if you work for the government,
your TikTok days are numbered.
Because the White House just announced
that federal agencies have 30 days to delete TikTok
from all government phones.
Yeah, that's right.
President Joseph R. Boner Killer thinks
that China could spy on us.
But that's stupid because they use balloons now, Joseph.
And you know what?
China also thinks that this ban is stupid.
REPORTER: A Chinese official is responding to this move
this morning saying, quote, "As the world's most powerful
country, the US needs to be more self-confident
instead of being so afraid of an app loved by young people."
[laughter]
OK, China.
Oh, what, you trying to press me?
Oh, you think America isn't self-confident?
We call our national champions world champions.
You understand?
Listen, we called dibs on the moon.
That's our moon.
We invaded the wrong country and stayed there for 20 years.
You think I don't have the self-confidence to just
mindlessly stare at my phone?
I'll do it right now, China.
I'll give my soul to this thing right now, Chi--
[bleep] ADD, [bleep] ADD.
But seriously, do you want to know how I know that China
is really playing us?
China doesn't use the same TikTok.
Chinese TikTok has a time limit for kids.
It's capped at 40 minutes because China
is smart enough to follow the fourth rule
of the 10 Crack Commandments--
never get high on your own supply.
[laughter]
But let's move on because Biden isn't
just moving against TikTok.
He's also trying to kill student debt.
And today the Supreme Court heard
arguments about whether canceling student
debt was legal.
Now, you know this issue.
There's basically two camps, right?
There's one group that says let's go clear history
on everybody's student debt.
Right?
What do you think about that?
[cheering]
Don't do that.
Just to be clear, I'm not paying your student loan debt.
I'm Hasan Minhaj.
I'm not Oprah, OK?
[laughter]
But then there's another group of Kirkland Signature dads
going, hey, I had to work 30 hours a day
to pay off my student debts.
I got [bleep] by life, and so should you, kids.
And, dads, I hear you.
No one should be happy.
But I promise you, even if student debt gets canceled,
life is going to curb stomp your kids anyway.
They're already [bleep].
They don't have health insurance.
They're not going to be able to buy a house.
And at some point, they'll run out of clean water.
So don't worry, boomers.
You'll get what you always wanted--
vengeance on your own children.
[laughter]
Now the big story that I want to talk about
is all the drama in news media.
Apparently, everyone at GMA is [bleep] the same guy.
But these days, the most scandalous place in TV news
is Fox News.
Now you're probably thinking, Fox News, oh, shit.
They're still out here, smashing in these streets,
calling women hags.
Nope!
Those days are over.
They're dealing with this--
cumbersome, ugly hardware.
These are voting machines made by Dominion, who no one had
ever heard of until Fox put them at the center
of a mass conspiracy.
Fox said Dominion stole the election
with these R2-D2-looking janitor carts.
And now Dominion is suing Fox for $1.6 billion.
And the lawsuit is airing out Rupert
Murdoch's dirty laundry.
There was breaking news tonight involving Fox News
and owner Rupert Murdoch, acknowledging under oath
that Fox News hosts endorsed false election fraud claims.
REPORTER: It's a candid admission from Fox News boss
Rupert Murdoch about how his network handled Donald Trump's
lie about the 2020 election.
Murdoch acknowledging quote, "some of our commentators
were endorsing false claims that the election was somehow
stolen from former President Trump."
Explosive, newly-revealed testimony in the Dominion
voting systems lawsuit.
Shocking new revelations, new bombshell admissions
under oath.
Oh, is it a bombshell?
Is it?
Is it shocking?
Is it explosive?
What?
Fox knew the election wasn't stolen,
but they said it anyways?
That's not shocking.
If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle,
that would be shocking.
Now I'm not shocked.
But I will say I am very entertained.
Because of this lawsuit, a bunch of Fox News hosts
had to release their text messages.
And y'all know this.
Yeah. No, no, no.
You know this.
There's LinkedIn you.
And then there's iMessage you.
That's the deep, dark underbelly
of who you really are.
And, boy oh boy, were these iMessages good.
REPORTER: New court filings show that in private Fox hosts
Tucker Carlson, Laura Ingraham, and Sean Hannity
were brutally ridiculing the claims of election fraud
and the people who were making them.
REPORTER: Top Fox hosts privately trashed the Trump
legal team for lying.
As Tucker Carlson texted Laura Ingraham,
"Sidney Powell is lying.
It's insane."
Ingraham responded, "Sidney is a complete nut."
REPORTER: Tucker Carlson referred to Donald Trump
as a demonic force.
REPORTER: The private mockery also targeted
Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani.
Sean Hannity wrote, Giuliani is "acting
like an insane person," while Ingraham
remarked, "Such an idiot."
[laughter]
Oh, my god.
Do you realize what this means?
These people are
secretly, sane.
[laughter]
They also don't respect anyone they have on their show.
These guys are texting each other all day
about how bullshit Fox News is.
Their group chat is basically MSNBC.
[laughter]
But out of everything we learned about Fox News,
there was one text that came out in discovery
that truly freaked me out.
It's when Tucker Carlson said Fox
News had to be more supportive of Donald
Trump's election claims.
REPORTER: Tucker Carlson wrote his producer Alex Pfeiffer,
"Do the executives understand how much credibility and trust
we've lost with our audience?
We're playing with fire for real.
An alternative like Newsmax could be devastating to us."
Do you understand what he's saying here?
He's saying, if I don't say this bullshit,
my viewers will leave me.
This whole time we thought Fox News
was manipulating its viewers.
But it turns out the viewers were manipulating Fox News.
[laughter]
So just think of it like this, OK?
Tucker Carlson is a moral vacuum, a hole,
if you will, who glorifies election deniers,
so a glory hole.
And his viewers expect him to please them with his mouth.
And he's constantly terrified that they'll find a new, more
satisfying glory hole.
And that's why Tucker Carlson will never stop sucking.
[laughter]
For more on these revealing texts,
we turn to a man I've known for years,
my good friend Michael Kosta.
My dude, Michael.
[cheering]
What's happening, man?
So great to see you, Michael Kosta.
Now let's talk about this.
These text messages, they're devastating for Fox, right?
Absolutely, they're so embarrassing.
I mean, being caught texting with your coworkers,
how humiliating, you know?
What kind of losers have friends at work?
[laughter]
I thought we were friends.
And that's what's especially embarrassing for these hosts
is that they could have avoided all this just by not giving
their phones to the court.
The court won't know about your embarrassing texts
if you don't give them your texts.
Duh.
No, they didn't give them their texts.
They were forced to turn them over with a subpoena.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Michael, a court can force you to hand
over your text messages.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Texts are private.
HASAN MINHAJ: No, no, no, they're not.
You can get them through a legal process called--
oh, my god.
Let's focus.
Listen, let me ask you this.
Do you think this lawsuit will finally end the election
fraud claims once and for all? - I guess.
It depend-- so-- so wait.
So wait.
You're telling me that-- that if--
Oh, my god.
If somebody hypothetically was running a slip and fall
insurance scam with my grandma and her roommate
at the nursing home--
What?
--a court could get those text messages?
Yeah, easily, Michael.
That would be very incriminating too.
OK, well, the blue bubbles, but not the green, right?
Because--
What?
Because Beatrice--
Beatrice is on Android and is just too set
in her ways to switch, right?
They can get every kind of bubble, Michael.
What are you-- are you my [bleep] dad?
Let's focus on Fox News.
Listen.
Jesus Christ.
What's happening right now is an existential crisis.
Financial loss is one thing, but the integrity
of journalism in newsrooms-- - Jesus.
What are you doing?
I'm-- I'm just clearing some space off my phone.
I mean, Jesus Christ, I have a lot of texts.
Dude, deleting texts is not going to work.
It's not going to help anything.
A court can still find them in the cloud.
Well, yeah, but not if it's password protected.
It's password protected.
Yeah, is your password 1111?
Oh, my god.
They're going to know everything,
and they're going to flip Beatrice for sure.
Nana, you-- you have to smother Beatrice.
Do it with the pillow that says, bless this mess.
Kosta, are you live texting a murder plan?
No, Hasan. I'm not stupid.
I'm emailing her. It's a totally different app.
They can still do that!
It's the same thing! Oh, my god!
- OK, I got it. - What are you doing?
Watch this. Watch this.
Boom. - Oh, my god.
Boom, all right?
There, good luck nabbing me now, federales, OK?
Talk to my lawyer, Poland Spring.
[laughter]
Hey, would you mind calling me an Uber?
It's just--
What's your address?
Panama.
Michael Kosta, everyone.
Panama, just any--
any address.
All right, when we come back, I'm going full hater on tech.
Don't go away.
[cheering]
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
If you're like me, your life is both owned
and ruined by technology.
So I went to talk to someone about how
to break free from it all.
Even though I've made a career of standing in front
of screens and flailing my arms,
I have a secret to tell all of you.
I hate technology.
Every new gizmo and gadget claims to be
highly useful and easy to use.
But if that were true, then why are
we so frustrated by technology all the goddamn time?
I decided to sit down with Marques Brownlee, aka, MCBHD,
who's been heralded as the greatest tech
reviewer on planet Earth, bringing
us endless videos of the newest high tech piece of shit.
But could he convince me to join his techno mania cult?
Marques, you are like the Kim Kardashian of technology.
What you say moves product, and you do have a lot of junk
in your trunk to review.
Has that been said, or are you just?
That's a metaphor, yeah, I'm proposing that.
I like that.
You have dedicated your life to reviewing technology.
Why?
There is a quote you've probably heard.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
If you have a certain expectation
and the tech actually gives you that output you expect,
like that working, I love that.
And when it doesn't work, what does it feel like?
Incredibly frustrating.
Yeah, to me, it feels like an abomination to society.
- It's rough. - Yeah.
Here's my problem.
My brain is melting right now, because I
have to juggle 100 apps just to communicate with eight people.
Mm-hmm.
When I was in college, there were three
ways to get a hold of me.
Call me if you're confident, text me if you're shy,
email me if you're smart.
Now, it's 100 apps.
iMessage, friends, Android, annoying friends, Signal,
pretentious college friends, WhatsApp, annoying family
members, Instagram DMs, horny randos, Twitter DMs,
angry political randos, Evite, psychos, paperless post,
liberal psychos.
That's just messaging, Marques.
Yeah.
So you do have the option to not try any
of the things you don't want.
Until I go to a restaurant, you go, hey, can I get a menu?
Yeah.
And they go, oh yeah, just scan the QR code.
I go, no, no, no, I went to this restaurant
to avoid being on my phone.
And then they're like, oh, you have to also
pay through your phone.
In order to do that, you have to create
a username and password.
- Oh, OK, so-- - Do you see what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just made this, I'll have the tuna melt,
six steps harder.
There's a Goldilocks zone of like going
a little bit into tech and seeing real benefit
before going too far.
But we got to try a whole bunch of bad ideas
before we find one or two cool things Hasan might like.
Marques wanted to prove to me that tech could be useful
and user-friendly by doing what he's known
for, a product demo.
Secretly, I suspected it would turn into an episode of,
"This Shit Doesn't Work."
These new tech-enhanced products
were a smart toothbrush, smart hover
shoes, and a smart printer.
And of course, all of these were supposed to be
as easy as one, two, three.
All right, let's see.
Lean slightly forward to move forward,
slightly backward to go backwards,
and step off to get off.
OK.
Smart toothbrush.
It's got a ton of sensors and it
might be able to shed some light on something
you can do better. - All right.
Let's see how easy it is. - Sure.
Look at that.
Sticker reminding you how easy it is.
Can I plug it in right here?
Yeah.
All right?
All right, this is it? - Yeah.
All right, back to the future.
I can't believe there's no straps.
Says, twist me.
Yeah.
Ah.
What happens when you open it?
Somewhere around, there we go.
There's a tab.
Because the sticker says effortless.
Well, wait, wait.
Why is it going?
Why is it possessed?
Shoot, shoot.
I connect this to app, right?
App Store app.
The problem is, I just don't want my dentist to have
even more info about me. - Why not?
Because I haven't been brushing
the fool happy birthday.
Oh, sorry, it says do not turn the power
of until the initialization is complete.
This takes about six minutes.
We're just going to sit here for six minutes.
Where do I apply?
So if I apply, yeah.
So we have to make an account.
[knocking]
We do have to type a Wi-Fi password.
There's your keyboard.
So you got to type, by the way, there's capitals.
Marques!
I have to switch between uppercase and lowercase?
And then down.
You know relationships end because of stuff like that.
I'll set up my own account.
You're going to use your fold government name?
Yeah, I'm going to do exactly what it asks me to.
I cook by the book, man.
Idiot.
I give it a password.
And then you just straighten your feet?
How do you feel?
I feel like a baby giraffe.
Oh, I have to [inaudible].
Yeah, you want a password again?
Yeah, can you send it to me?
Unable to register user.
Please try.
This is what I'm saying! Try again.
What does it say now? - Doesn't work.
You know what, man? [bleep] this.
How do I get off?
Uh.
It's not your thing, it's my thing, bro.
Oh, you don't.
Please try one more time, third time.
It doesn't work. Login failed.
Login failed!
And we're.
What is it printing?
Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, let's have our final product,
shall we?
I mean.
This shit doesn't work!
It doesn't work!
It didn't work.
I felt like I had just proved to Marques
that his entire life was a lie.
But he had a slightly different perspective.
The goal of tech is really to just work every time
and be as easy as possible.
Yeah.
So I would just say to have patience
with the things that don't work yet,
because maybe they will soon.
But printers are just [inaudible]..
Printers are doomed.
So maybe the way to fix shitty modern technology
is by becoming more patient and understanding users.
[screaming]
Why can you work?
Here's an app.
[whirring]
Open can.
Close, you can!
Close!
The shit doesn't work!
[growling]
Thank you, Marques.
All right, stay tuned, because when we come back,
Rebel Wilson will be joining me on the show.
Don't go away.
[cheering]
[cheering, applause]
Welcome back to The Daily Show!
My guest tonight is an actor you may know from Bridesmaids
and Pitch Perfect.
She's here to talk about the new dating app she recently
launched, called Fluid.
Please welcome Rebel Wilson!
[cheering, applause]
Whoa!
Yes, I'm spreading Fluid across America.
They love you, Rebel.
Ah, hi, guys.
[cheering, applause]
You should do a guest host week.
Oh, I don't know whether I could do what you do.
Sometimes I've done hosting gigs, and they terrify me.
Like, because-- I hosted the British Academy Awards,
the BAFTAs, and it was terrifying.
HASAN MINHAJ: Is it because, like, British actors
take themselves very seriously?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I made a joke about a male actor,
and then his wife came up to me and was like, you
know he's married, right?
And I'm like, yeah, I wasn't, like, trying
to get with him or anything.
I was just--
HASAN MINHAJ: (LAUGHING) OK.
So it's very hard to host.
Well--
I'm glad you're hosting.
Speaking--
[cheering, applause]
All right.
Speaking of getting with people,
you recently got engaged?
Yes, I did.
Congratulations.
[cheering, applause]
You got engaged at Disneyland!
Yes, I got engaged in Disneyland.
The happiest proposal place on Earth.
Yeah, so basically, it's not like I'm
obsessed with Disneyland. It's just--
Are you--
I go there every weekend.
Oh, my god!
Like, every important holiday and every important
life event.
So I did actually get to sleep inside Disneyland
for my 40th birthday.
So I got to sleep overnight, and I
got those little disability scooters and went
around just by myself.
I was cruising around.
Why sleep in an empty theme park?
That's like a horror movie.
It was really fun.
And then, I tried to break into the churros thing,
and then I couldn't get that many, but it was fun.
Yeah.
You know-- but were the rides open overnight?
No.
They shut 'em, eventually.
There's this whole thing with Disney adults.
You know this, right?
Maybe I'm one of them.
No!
Did you know, Hasan, there's actually gangs at Disneyland.
There are, like, these gangs of adults that
have cool names like the White Rabbits
or Children of Thanos, Coco Locos.
Like, yeah, they have all these gangs,
and sometimes they wear matching vests.
And they walk around and, like, do
gang stuff inside Disneyland.
So there's, like, an initiation
where you have to, like, stab Goofy or something?
It was-- actually, one of the initiations
was you had to steal the apple from the Snow White ride.
And the apple kept getting stolen so many times,
that they had to make it a hologram,
not a physical apple anymore.
But don't ask me how I know about Disneyland gangs,
because I will not say.
Yeah.
It's not like you're wearing gang colors right now at all.
No.
Right.
But I will say, I did get banned from Disneyland for 30
days, because I took a photo in a secret bathroom
inside Disneyland, which is illegal--
at Disneyland.
And I got officially banned for 30 days.
But they called me up and said, Rebel,
what 30 days do you not want to come to Disneyland,
because you're away filming a movie or something?
And I said, oh, June would be fine.
HASAN MINHAJ: That's how I know you're a celebrity.
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
Like, Disneyland has Met Gala rules, where
they're like, no photos here.
And then, you break it, and then they're like, look,
we have to punish you, but looking
at your Google Calendar, what month works for you?
Yeah.
Do you-- as a Disney adult, do you have
beef with quidditch adults?
Because there's adults that play in quidditch leagues.
Oh. (LAUGHING) Do they?
Yeah, yeah.
You're laughing at them?
I mean, I like Harry Potter as well.
You're like, yeah.
Yeah, oh, my god.
Dorks.
No, I don't have beef with everyone.
I'm just, like, spreading love, and you know.
Yeah.
[laughter]
- Can I ask you a question? - OK.
I always wanted to--
I haven't done it yet.
But I heard there is this, like, Disney Illuminati.
It's called Club 33.
Uh-- yeah, I know about this.
HASAN MINHAJ: So--
Because I'm in it.
I'm in it.
HASAN MINHAJ: So what--
this is a private conversation.
Yeah.
I mean, it is-- yeah.
You're not supposed to say you're in it.
You're not supposed to reveal other celebrities who
are in it, or other members.
But yeah, I am in it.
And we do secret cool shit together.
Like, sometimes we go into Disneyland at 5:00
AM in the morning, just run around.
- Oh, my god. - Yeah, we do--
Really?
Yeah.
I have a secret gathering this weekend in Palm Springs.
Because Walt Disney used to go there to find inspiration.
HASAN MINHAJ: I don't know if you're [bleep] with me
right now.
No, this is totally real.
Sometimes I say things that sound like jokes,
but it's totally real.
But it's totally real? OK.
Yeah.
I'll go on a Reddit deep dive and confirm.
Yeah.
I want to talk to you about this amazing dating app
you have, called Fluid. - Thank you.
It's new.
Like, none of the other dating apps have thought of this,
and I was like, well, I thought of it, so trademark that shit.
Yeah, it's called Fluid, and basically, when I was--
I wasn't so lucky in love.
I was kind of like a late bloomer.
And when you joined a dating app,
which I did-- this one called Raya,
and you had to, like, tick--
you had to label yourself, and then label
what you were interested in.
HASAN MINHAJ: OK.
And to me, I kind of, like--
it felt really weird to, like, tick a box
and say, yes, I'm that.
And so I wanted to create a dating app where
you don't have to label yourself,
so it's love without labels.
And to me, it's really important,
because I think sexuality is so much more
nuanced and complex than just labeling yourself like you're
a can of food or something.
And so I wish that Fluid was an app that was available,
like, five years ago, because that would
have really helped me a lot.
HASAN MINHAJ: I was pretty dating apps.
So you've never been on one?
Never been. i'm.
MS-DOS.
I'm like Windows 95.
Old-school chivalry.
My move was, in college, with my wife,
I basically just went to the registrar's office,
and then took all the classes she was taking.
Oh, that's-- yeah.
Until she broke up with her boyfriend.
Ah!
Yeah, yeah, I was laid back in the cut.
You have to respect how long I held my plank.
Because I was premed for two years.
OK?
And I should not be premed.
I should not--
Just, wait.
When you say, plank, what do you mean?
I'm like-- you know when you're, like, exercising,
they're like, hold the plank! - OK, oh, yeah.
Maybe that's just that Barry's Bootcamp that I go to.
Yeah. All right.
OK. Yeah.
But the question that I had was, how
do you initiate conversation?
REBEL WILSON: That's a good question.
Yeah, because people are going to be going on Fluid.
They're going to be matching, and then they're like, ah,
what do I do?
What do I say?
HASAN MINHAJ: How do you-- how do you start?
Do what I do-- koala emoji.
Just put it in, bang.
Like, you match with someone, send them a koala emoji.
It could mean multiple things.
I mean, maybe it particularly worked for me,
because I'm Australian.
Yeah.
But yeah.
I mean, it's interesting what-- some people just do, like,
a wave emoji or something, like,
not even just a sentence. (LAUGHING) Just an emoji.
I was like, what are you supposed to write back
when someone does the hey? HASAN MINHAJ: I have no idea.
Yeah. I mean, it's hard.
HASAN MINHAJ: Well, the hey is kind of just--
do you take it as-- is that too much?
No.
HASAN MINHAJ: Or are you like, oh, they're waving me down,
like hey--
What would be too much-- he's, like, calling you "babe"
in the first message.
You don't get to "babe" until you've been on, like,
five dates at least, I think.
HASAN MINHAJ: Yeah, "babe" is a lot.
Yeah, or like, just saying, what about we
meet at Starbucks at 11:00 AM?
Like, you know--
HASAN MINHAJ: What's wrong with that?
'Cause you wouldn't walk up to somebody in a bar.
HASAN MINHAJ: I love-- I would love--
But then, it wouldn't be your opening line.
You've got to have a bit of banter.
OK, so-- yeah.
So what I recommend to people is
to do a little bit of banter.
And then, get down to business about when and where
you're going to meet up-- in a public place, for
safety, always.
HASAN MINHAJ: Right.
I did one experiment called the Year of Love
in 2019, where I went out with everybody who asked
me out, as an experiment.
So--
HASAN MINHAJ: How is that not a movie?
- Oh, it should be. - It should be.
Yeah, I think I might--
You just yes-and-ed every-- that's, like,
the craziest improv class.
Yeah.
Everybody who said "yes," unless they
were in a federal prison--
OK.
--I went out with. That was the one caveat.
Uh-huh.
And so I did get really good at dating,
because I felt like, in my 20s, I was studying and working,
so I didn't really date much, so I had no experience.
So I spent one year really focusing on dating.
But yeah, I would just say, banter it off, and then set up
a meeting in a public place. HASAN MINHAJ: OK.
Safety.
Yeah.
Can I ask you about that opening "hey"?
OK.
Do you go, capital H-E-Y?
Do you go-- this is serious. - That's shouting.
That's shouting.
What?
Yeah, if you capitalize that.
What about--
It's like saying-- (SHOUTING) Hey!
No, no, no.
And then, you could come off as aggressive.
No, Rebel, all caps--
capital H, capital E, capital Y, exclamation point--
that's-- (SHOUTING) Hey!
It's more like, hey.
Yeah, you want to do, like, more like a Hamilton
"hey," which is like, hey.
You know?
Oh, you're so cool.
You know what I realized do?
So I would do lowercase.
When you text, do you use punctuation?
Do you capital-H-E-Y, or do you do all lowercase?
Are you like, "hey"?
I do punctuation.
Maybe it's because I'm a law school graduate.
HASAN MINHAJ: Yeah, me, too.
But I didn't know--
I didn't know that's corny now.
Like, now, it's all ironic detachment.
I think that's a sign of good education.
Yeah. OK, thank you.
Thank you.
[applause]
I wanted to ask you, what is an instant red flag
for a dating profile?
OK, there's some things--
a man holding a fish.
[laughter]
(LAUGHING) Why?
He loves nature!
No, something weird about it.
Also, girl on a horse.
No.
Horse girls?
They're a bit--
What about Machu Picchu-- what about Machu Picchu guy?
I have a lot of guy friends that are like,
sunglasses, Machu Picchu.
- Oh, what is Machu-- - It's in Peru.
It's like a--
Oh, and they're near the pyramids or something--
It's kind of like-- it's not the pyramid.
That's in Egypt, but-- - Oh, OK.
Yeah.
But it is like a civilization built into a mountain,
but they'll be, like, at the top of it,
and they're just like, "I'm Mike," you know?
And it's just like, sunglasses and--
Like, they're saying they've climbed this,
and they might climb you?
HASAN MINHAJ: I think what they're--
well, OK. - Is that--
- I thought it-- - That could be hot.
That could be hot.
I think it was more like, I'm well-traveled,
and I'm interesting.
Oh, OK, OK.
Yeah, well, you can read lots of things.
I mean, I definitely-- when I was on the apps,
I would look at people's phones and try to, like,
work out things about them.
And if I thought they were, like, cool--
HASAN MINHAJ: Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, but sometimes you can never tell, and some of them
do have a criminal record.
[laughter]
HASAN MINHAJ: How many criminals have you dated?
A couple.
(LAUGHING) Oh, my god.
I do have the number of the FBI.
What?
Because they volunteered to check people out for me.
Yeah.
HASAN MINHAJ: OK, we're putting Fluid, the app, here.
Wait, what?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know whether they do this for all actors,
but they're like, if you ever want
a background-check somebody, you let us know
their name and their number.
And so I did.
It turns out that guy had an assault charge from Chicago.
And yeah, and then-- and then, I said, how bad is that?
Because he was quite hot.
And then, they go, oh, I wouldn't
let my daughter date him.
So I said, OK, and I ended it.
So the FBI has really helped me.
HASAN MINHAJ: OK.
(LAUGHING) I can't believe I'm saying that.
[applause]
I do love the FBI.
The peaks and valleys of that story
is kind of like Machu Picchu.
Yeah, OK.
HASAN MINHAJ: OK.
Obviously, you founded this amazing app.
And--
Not many females in tech.
Yeah.
So I was like, let me get in there.
It's an amazing-- Yeah, OK.
That's an amazing accomplishment.
[cheering, applause]
How do you think this app would have changed
your life five years ago?
Um, I think it would have--
I was someone who, like--
I was kind of dating guys, but I didn't
think I was 100% straight.
But I just-- I grew up in a very conservative
Christian background, and so I never quite explored
that area, whereas the cool thing with Fluid is, like,
maybe a woman would have popped up,
and I would have been like, oh, yeah.
And there's no judgments to, like, chat
to someone on Fluid, and you would have just chatted
to them, and maybe I would have, like, gotten
to know somebody quicker.
Yeah, so I kind of wish it was around earlier,
and that's why I wanted to make it and put it
out there, and have it be a free app
that people could download.
And hopefully, it will help lots of people find love.
And you could be, like, totally straight on it.
You could be gay.
You could be, like, in any of the intersectional queerness
that's out there, and find love on this.
And it actually just widens the dating pool.
And sure, some people you won't be interested
in, and then the algorithm will learn not to send
you too many of those people.
But they might show you a wild card.
It's like when you're shopping for, like, a cheesecake,
and you might not know what flavor you want until you
see it in front of you. HASAN MINHAJ: Right.
And then, yeah--
[cheering, applause]
And you're like, oh, yeah--
That's amazing.
That's tasty.
Everyone, please be sure to check
out the Fluid dating app.
Rebel Wilson, thank you so much.
Thank you.
OK.
We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll
be right back after this.
Rebel Wilson!
[cheering, applause]
[applause]
That's our show for tonight.
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Now here it is, your moment of zen.
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