1 00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:01,768 [theme music] 2 00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:04,538 ANNOUNCER: From New York City, the only city in America, 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:07,641 it's the show that invented news. 4 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:12,946 This is The Daily Show with your host, Marlon Wayans. 5 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:20,053 [cheering] 6 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,433 Oh, welcome to The Daily Show. 7 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,569 I'm Marlon Wayans. 8 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,172 Yes, I'm back for night two. 9 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,842 I had no idea they do this shit every single day. 10 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,644 Nobody warned me that The Daily Show 11 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:47,214 was actually a daily show. 12 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:50,717 I thought that shit was just a fun name or something. 13 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:52,386 All right, we've got a great show for you tonight. 14 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:53,387 Why? 15 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,454 Because I'm on it. 16 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,089 Let's get to the headlines. 17 00:00:56,190 --> 00:01:01,295 [cheering] 18 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:05,832 I was watching Fox News last night because-- 19 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,135 [laughter] 20 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:11,104 Because, apparently, I hate my life. 21 00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:12,472 But I learned something. 22 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:16,410 You know how the whole world remembers January 6 as the day 23 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:20,380 a bunch of violent Trump fans stormed into the Capitol? 24 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:25,085 Well, according to Fox News, we just got the footage wrong. 25 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:28,322 REPORTER: Fox News host Tucker Carlson aired the first clips 26 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,858 of the unseen January 6 surveillance footage 27 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,093 given to him by Speaker Kevin McCarthy. 28 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:36,096 On his show last night, he said the insurrection was mostly 29 00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:38,832 peaceful chaos, adding that the people who forced 30 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,901 themselves into the Capitol weren't 31 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,603 quote, "insurrectionists." 32 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:43,770 They were sightseers. 33 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:44,872 We're going to begin tonight with footage 34 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:45,973 that shows you what was actually 35 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,374 happening inside the Capitol. 36 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,943 And that video tells a very different story about what 37 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,845 happened on January 6. 38 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,681 Protesters queue up in neat little lines. 39 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,484 They give each other tours outside the Speaker's office. 40 00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,153 They take cheerful selfies, and they smile. 41 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,955 They're not destroying the Capitol. 42 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:06,059 They obviously revere the Capitol. 43 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,696 Sightseeing, my Black ass. 44 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,366 If you have to punch a cop on your way in, 45 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,302 you're not sightseeing. 46 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,436 You fight seeing. 47 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,273 [laughter] 48 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:24,077 [applause] 49 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,446 All Tucker Carlson proved is that you 50 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:30,817 can make anything look better by not showing the bad part. 51 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:35,122 How come they never show 9/11 planes taking off? 52 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:42,095 [laughter] 53 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,165 In a way, some of this footage is even more disturbing. 54 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,100 Like, there was this guy at the ride 55 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,502 who was just cleaning shit up. 56 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,571 [laughter] 57 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:54,741 That's a straight up psychopath. 58 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:59,713 I bet this guy goes to the orgies and does Wordle. 59 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:03,884 Guys, I got it. 60 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,720 I got it in four guesses. 61 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:07,721 Come on, guys. 62 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,123 Stop [bleep] each other. 63 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,059 Put your dick away. 64 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:15,963 It's grape! 65 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,098 But enough about January 6. 66 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,634 Let's talk about an even worse crime. 67 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:24,638 Some wax museum in Poland decided to make statues 68 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,874 of the British royal family. 69 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:30,277 And, boy, look how [bleep] up they are. 70 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,213 REPORTER: William and Kate like we've never seen them before. 71 00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:35,482 REPORTER: Wax figures are on display at a museum in Poland, 72 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,484 supposedly in the likeness of Prince 73 00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:38,785 William and Kate Middleton. 74 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,187 REPORTER: Footage of the figures 75 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,923 went viral this week after New Zealand visitors began sharing 76 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,591 them, saying the figures don't look 77 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:49,496 much like the royal couple. 78 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,099 I don't know, people. 79 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,333 They're pretty good statues. 80 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:57,804 I mean, pale skin, scary teeth, the dead eyes 81 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,206 look just like British people. 82 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:02,776 [laughter] 83 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,611 No, seriously, these statues-- 84 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,580 look at their smiles. 85 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,949 They look like they just called Meghan 86 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,450 Markle nigga under her breath. 87 00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:14,721 [laughter] 88 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,657 (STRAINED) Nigga. 89 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,526 [laughs] Nigga. 90 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,628 They look like they're auditioning for the sequel 91 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,265 to Smile. 92 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:29,136 And the Kate one, she's especially [bleep] up. 93 00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,838 She looked like me in White Chicks. 94 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,707 [laughter] 95 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:39,980 [applause] 96 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,583 Now, finally, let's talk about the greatest 97 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:45,085 threat facing America today-- 98 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,589 our kids are eating too much candy, 99 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:49,957 with weed in it. 100 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,125 REPORTER: The FDA has issued a warning about children 101 00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:54,962 accidentally ingesting products with THC, 102 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,763 with many made in packaging that 103 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,299 looks like brand-name candies and cereals, 104 00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,935 something kids could easily confuse. 105 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,136 The FDA warning-- 106 00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,205 "Accidental ingestion of these products 107 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,374 can lead to serious adverse events, 108 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,042 especially in children." 109 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,245 A recent study links the dramatic increase 110 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:14,515 in cases of kids accidentally ingesting cannabis to 111 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,483 the legalization of marijuana. 112 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,887 Researchers have seen a nearly 1,400% 113 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,656 increase, with about 200 cases reported 114 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:28,662 in 2017 compared to more than 3,000 cases in 2021. 115 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,163 Wait. 116 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,799 How can you even tell if a little kid is high? 117 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,669 [laughter] 118 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:39,173 No, because them little [bleep] always sound high. 119 00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:44,845 Daddy, if a cloud had legs, would it be a snowman? 120 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,315 Nigga, you in my stash again? 121 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,918 And weed isn't just dangerous for little children. 122 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:55,556 It's also dangerous for adult children like Chet Hanks. 123 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:59,159 Go suck on your mama dot, you stinking crotches! 124 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:03,830 [spits] Spit on your griney grave. 125 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,432 I'm sorry, Tom. 126 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,902 I'm just saying the shit you'd want to say. 127 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,305 So, parents, please, be responsible. 128 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:14,641 For the health and the well-being of your family, 129 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,910 send me your drugs for safekeeping. 130 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,813 [laughter] 131 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,749 [applause] 132 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,919 I might get some back to you. 133 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,921 For real, though, here's what I want to know. 134 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,825 Why is weed the only drug put in food? 135 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,862 How come there's no crack in edibles? 136 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:35,863 Think about it. 137 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,899 They already got Hershey Krackel. 138 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:39,933 You're halfway there. 139 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,269 Just put the crack in it. 140 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:45,572 And for more on this story, let's go to Dulcé Sloan. 141 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:46,840 Dulcé. 142 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,841 Hello, friends. 143 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:53,647 [cheering] 144 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,083 How can parents stop kids from getting 145 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,184 into their edibles? 146 00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,685 I'll tell you how. 147 00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:01,088 How about these grown-ass adults stop taking 148 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,724 edibles in the first place? 149 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,592 You shouldn't be like a little kid 150 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:09,429 who needs an imaginary plane to eat his vegetables. 151 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,731 You're 35 years old. 152 00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:14,501 Smoke a [bleep] blunt like you pay taxes. 153 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,836 Grow up. 154 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,171 That-- that's a little harsh. 155 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,739 Smoke the drugs. Stop playing with people. 156 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,073 I know, but that's a little harsh. 157 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:22,342 Some people, you know, have-- they like a little flavor 158 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,678 in their high. 159 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,214 Weed has flavor. 160 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,348 The flavor is weed. 161 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,350 [laughter] 162 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:35,155 If you can't handle it, you can't have it. 163 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,824 All these people are trying to eat instead of smoke. 164 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,126 Mm-mm. 165 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:42,262 You smoke to earn your way to the munchies, all right? 166 00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:44,665 [laughter] 167 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,934 Listen. 168 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:47,935 MARLON WAYANS: OK-- 169 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,536 Listen, you can't combine the two. 170 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,537 That's just lazy. 171 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,206 Come on. 172 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,875 OK, but if people are going to take edibles, 173 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,744 how can they stop their kids from getting into them? 174 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,413 Well, look, I want to help because I'm 175 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,715 a good Christian woman. 176 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,016 Hallelujah. 177 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,285 The problem is right now the packaging 178 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,787 is too attractive to kids. 179 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,790 So how about this packaging, OK? 180 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,658 See? Oh, so heavy. 181 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:12,659 Oh, my god. 182 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:13,660 Why me? 183 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,162 Listen-- ooh. 184 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,163 Oh. 185 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:22,569 [laughter] 186 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,705 I mean, this is the hardest part about being single, 187 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:25,839 picking up heavy things. 188 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,307 You know what I mean? 189 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:32,846 See, now, if you put the edibles in the math book-- 190 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:38,752 [cheering] 191 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,120 Who the hell can do advanced algebra? 192 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,622 Come on. 193 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,924 And we all know that math is a lie, right? 194 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,759 So-- because, like, the only thing you really need 195 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,760 is geometry. 196 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,061 Measure wall, change your life. 197 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:53,133 So, listen, if you put the drugs in the math book, 198 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:57,571 the only kids finding them are nerds. 199 00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:01,341 And, frankly, them nerds need to loosen up anyway. 200 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:07,080 Or-- or, you know, just to help-- 201 00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:09,583 [laughter] 202 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,386 Instead-- listen, look, look, look, look, look, look. 203 00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:13,787 Look. 204 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:18,325 Instead of changing the packaging, change the edible. 205 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,060 See? 206 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,497 Green bean edibles with vitamin T, H, and 207 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,166 C. [laughter] 208 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:30,270 [applause] 209 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,638 Dulcé, there's not going to be 210 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:35,876 no adult or kid that's going to be down with that product. 211 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:39,146 But it's good, and it's good for you. 212 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,815 Listen, I hear what you're saying, Mr. Marlon. 213 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,918 And I'mma just tell you, you sound a little stressed, 214 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,053 you know? 215 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,556 So maybe-- just maybe you need a little visit 216 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:50,924 from the airplane. 217 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:51,925 Come on. 218 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:52,960 Come on. 219 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,763 Here comes the plane. 220 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,198 Choo! - Come on. 221 00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,433 No, no. I'll-- 222 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:00,534 B-- b-- b-- b-- b-- 223 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:01,535 Stop. 224 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,170 I'm a grown-ass man. 225 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,171 I'm not about to do that. 226 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,540 Nigga, eat the weed. 227 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,942 [cheering] 228 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,310 Dulcé Sloan, everybody. 229 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,514 [cheering] 230 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:14,548 All right. 231 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,250 When we come back, we're going to have 232 00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:18,986 a weird interview with the mayor of New York City. 233 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:20,387 Don't go away. 234 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,824 [cheering] 235 00:10:31,209 --> 00:10:37,649 [cheering] 236 00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:44,422 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 237 00:10:44,522 --> 00:10:46,625 When they found out I was hosting the show this week, 238 00:10:46,725 --> 00:10:48,560 they asked me if I wanted to interview the mayor 239 00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,328 of New York, Eric Adams. 240 00:10:50,428 --> 00:10:53,131 Now, I'm not really a political guy. 241 00:10:53,231 --> 00:10:56,034 So I said, [bleep] no. 242 00:10:56,134 --> 00:11:00,472 But my dear friend 'Quon is very interested in politics. 243 00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:03,275 So he sat down with Mayor Adams to ask 244 00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:04,609 him the tough questions. 245 00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:05,610 Take a look. 246 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:10,348 [music playing] 247 00:11:10,448 --> 00:11:12,450 How are you, man? 248 00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:13,451 This dude. 249 00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:15,253 [laughs] Good to see you. 250 00:11:15,353 --> 00:11:18,790 You know you late when I beat you here. 251 00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:20,458 - It's all on time. - That's how he rolls. 252 00:11:20,558 --> 00:11:22,193 What's up? Feel me? 253 00:11:22,294 --> 00:11:23,561 I like your work. - Thank you. 254 00:11:23,662 --> 00:11:24,562 Thank you. - You know what I mean? 255 00:11:24,663 --> 00:11:25,563 Thank you. 256 00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:26,831 So, yo, what's up? 257 00:11:26,932 --> 00:11:30,669 This is 'Quon, asking the mayor and real politicians 258 00:11:30,802 --> 00:11:34,806 real questions that the real niggas want to know. 259 00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:36,074 Feel me? 260 00:11:36,174 --> 00:11:37,442 All right. 261 00:11:37,542 --> 00:11:39,978 Mayor, yo, this bug. 262 00:11:40,078 --> 00:11:41,713 Why do I hear that all the time when I meet people 263 00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:43,148 on the train, when I meet people 264 00:11:43,248 --> 00:11:45,817 inside a homeless shelter, when I meet people in the club? 265 00:11:45,850 --> 00:11:48,219 They say, I cannot believe I'm sitting here 266 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,387 kicking it with the mayor. 267 00:11:49,487 --> 00:11:50,889 No, I just can't believe how much 268 00:11:50,989 --> 00:11:52,090 you look like Damon Wayans. 269 00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:53,959 That shit [bleep] me up, son. 270 00:11:54,059 --> 00:11:54,960 Whoa. 271 00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:57,262 Yo, I'm like, yo, big bug. 272 00:11:57,362 --> 00:12:00,599 You put the mask on-- you be Blankman, bro. 273 00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:02,968 Yo, that's wild enough, but it's wild. 274 00:12:03,068 --> 00:12:05,003 Like, yo, I voted for you. 275 00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:06,004 I'm lying. 276 00:12:06,104 --> 00:12:07,305 My moms voted for you. 277 00:12:07,405 --> 00:12:08,907 I don't really [bleep] with that. 278 00:12:09,007 --> 00:12:11,176 No, I don't want them to come get me for jury Duty 279 00:12:11,276 --> 00:12:13,178 Listen, moms-- all the moms did, 280 00:12:13,278 --> 00:12:14,679 man, because they saw-- they saw 281 00:12:14,846 --> 00:12:16,848 in me what they see in you. 282 00:12:16,881 --> 00:12:18,116 Yeah, that's deep. 283 00:12:18,216 --> 00:12:20,518 You-- that's some lady man shit right there. 284 00:12:20,619 --> 00:12:22,487 Yo, Mayor, you buff. 285 00:12:22,587 --> 00:12:23,488 You buff, son. 286 00:12:23,588 --> 00:12:25,090 Got to be. 287 00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:26,191 You the most buff man ever. 288 00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:28,593 You should do an action movie, like some Arnold 289 00:12:28,693 --> 00:12:29,594 Schwarzenegger shit. 290 00:12:29,694 --> 00:12:30,795 Every day is an action movie, man. 291 00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:32,931 Some Arnold "Schwarzenegro" shit. 292 00:12:33,031 --> 00:12:37,302 Yeah, you look like-- yo, like, is being mayor stress? 293 00:12:37,402 --> 00:12:38,603 ERIC ADAMS: It depends, you know? 294 00:12:38,703 --> 00:12:41,339 Stressful is growing up in a neighborhood 295 00:12:41,439 --> 00:12:43,475 not knowing where your meal is going to come from, 296 00:12:43,575 --> 00:12:46,011 eating that hard-ass cheese that they used to make us eat. 297 00:12:46,111 --> 00:12:47,012 That's stress. 298 00:12:47,112 --> 00:12:48,146 Right. 299 00:12:48,246 --> 00:12:49,814 So you plan on softening the government cheese. 300 00:12:49,848 --> 00:12:50,849 You can't soften that, man. 301 00:12:50,949 --> 00:12:52,183 You can melt it. 302 00:12:52,284 --> 00:12:54,085 Tell me the secret because we used to put it in the oven. 303 00:12:54,185 --> 00:12:55,620 And we'd leave it in there for a half an hour, 304 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:56,621 and it was still hard. 305 00:12:56,721 --> 00:12:57,656 You had that same shit! 306 00:12:57,822 --> 00:12:59,057 Yo, I couldn't shit for months. 307 00:12:59,157 --> 00:13:00,225 [laughs] 308 00:13:00,325 --> 00:13:01,526 Yo, this bug. 309 00:13:01,626 --> 00:13:02,527 I had a question. 310 00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:03,628 This is random. 311 00:13:03,728 --> 00:13:07,666 How come I can't buy hot food on my EBT card? 312 00:13:07,832 --> 00:13:08,667 That's a good question. 313 00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:09,668 I didn't even know that. 314 00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:10,835 Bro, just cold shit? 315 00:13:10,936 --> 00:13:12,237 Why poor people got to eat cold shit? 316 00:13:12,337 --> 00:13:14,005 And they shouldn't. I didn't know you can't. 317 00:13:14,105 --> 00:13:15,440 Change that. Veto that. 318 00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:16,508 We changing that bill. 319 00:13:16,608 --> 00:13:17,842 Something we're going to look at it, 320 00:13:17,876 --> 00:13:19,377 and we're going to name the bill after you. 321 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:21,179 - 'Quon. - Yes. 322 00:13:21,279 --> 00:13:22,213 The 'Quon Bill. 323 00:13:22,314 --> 00:13:23,214 ERIC ADAMS: Yes. 324 00:13:23,315 --> 00:13:24,616 You know me hoes I'mma get for that? 325 00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:25,617 'Quon Bill. 326 00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,919 I got a bill named after me, ho. 327 00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:30,655 I got a bill named after me. 328 00:13:30,789 --> 00:13:32,824 No, but real talk, let me get some real serious shit. 329 00:13:32,924 --> 00:13:34,426 You really do be working out. 330 00:13:34,526 --> 00:13:36,461 Got to every morning, man, 5:00 AM. 331 00:13:36,561 --> 00:13:37,796 Oh, 5:00 AM. 332 00:13:37,829 --> 00:13:41,399 Son, do you or do you not be in the clubs? 333 00:13:41,499 --> 00:13:43,268 Because I hear you be partying. 334 00:13:43,368 --> 00:13:44,536 Listen, I'm a nightlife man. 335 00:13:44,636 --> 00:13:45,604 I got to test the product. 336 00:13:45,704 --> 00:13:46,938 So, son, how the [bleep] you going 337 00:13:47,038 --> 00:13:50,809 to say you up at 5:00 AM when you ain't even sleep, son? 338 00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:53,845 Listen, my dad said, you hang out with the boys-- 339 00:13:53,945 --> 00:13:55,080 you got to get up with the men. 340 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,715 Oh, that's real, son. 341 00:13:56,815 --> 00:13:57,816 Yo, I [bleep] with you, Mayor. 342 00:13:57,849 --> 00:13:59,217 I [bleep] with you. 343 00:13:59,317 --> 00:14:00,919 So let me ask you some real shit. 344 00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:01,920 Weed-- 345 00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:03,054 Yes. 346 00:14:03,154 --> 00:14:04,990 You smoke? 347 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,124 That's a tough question, man. 348 00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:07,125 It's legal. 349 00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,361 ERIC ADAMS: [laughs] You know? 350 00:14:09,461 --> 00:14:11,062 No, no, I don't smoke. 351 00:14:11,162 --> 00:14:12,330 Second hand? 352 00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:13,932 ERIC ADAMS: All you got to do is walk down the block. 353 00:14:14,032 --> 00:14:15,000 Second hand is everywhere now. 354 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,268 Yeah, all right. All right. 355 00:14:16,368 --> 00:14:18,536 Listen, we made it legal, but we just don't want it-- 356 00:14:18,637 --> 00:14:20,538 we don't want our children smoking on the way to school. 357 00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:21,673 Right. 358 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,109 Or getting that gummy bears and other bullshit 359 00:14:24,209 --> 00:14:25,543 that they're selling. 360 00:14:25,644 --> 00:14:28,446 You know, we need to be real clear on that. 361 00:14:28,546 --> 00:14:29,514 Because I know you-- 362 00:14:29,614 --> 00:14:30,916 They should smoke after school. 363 00:14:31,016 --> 00:14:32,284 Yeah. Now let's get real. 364 00:14:32,384 --> 00:14:33,285 ERIC ADAMS: Yes. 365 00:14:33,385 --> 00:14:35,153 Man, I soften you up. 366 00:14:35,253 --> 00:14:37,322 Now we got some real shit to ask you. 367 00:14:37,422 --> 00:14:42,327 You said that prayers go out the classroom-- 368 00:14:42,427 --> 00:14:43,328 guns come in. 369 00:14:43,428 --> 00:14:44,329 Mm-hmm. 370 00:14:44,429 --> 00:14:45,497 Now, I'm a church boy. 371 00:14:45,597 --> 00:14:46,898 You know what I'm saying? I may not look it. 372 00:14:46,998 --> 00:14:48,500 I could tell. I could tell. 373 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,968 But my grandmother go to church. 374 00:14:50,068 --> 00:14:50,969 She prayed a lot. 375 00:14:51,069 --> 00:14:52,037 She pray a lot. 376 00:14:52,137 --> 00:14:53,038 That's how you made it. 377 00:14:53,138 --> 00:14:54,906 But, see, prayer don't always work. 378 00:14:55,006 --> 00:14:56,107 Yes, it does. 379 00:14:56,207 --> 00:15:01,246 No, because my grandma prayed over my gay cousin 380 00:15:01,346 --> 00:15:02,247 her whole life. 381 00:15:02,347 --> 00:15:05,150 He's still gay as hell. 382 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,985 If your grandmother prayed for your cousin, 383 00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:11,456 then she going to pray for her to be happy and find peace. 384 00:15:11,556 --> 00:15:14,459 And that peace may not be your peace. 385 00:15:14,559 --> 00:15:16,061 Boss. 386 00:15:16,161 --> 00:15:17,829 That man got bars. 387 00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:18,930 All right, I know. 388 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:20,732 I [bleep] with you, Mayor. 389 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:25,303 Yo, next time, if I vote, voting for you. 390 00:15:25,403 --> 00:15:27,839 So with that said, when exactly did 391 00:15:27,872 --> 00:15:29,841 they take prayers out of the classroom in New York City? 392 00:15:29,908 --> 00:15:31,042 Some time. 393 00:15:31,142 --> 00:15:33,011 They believe constitutionally you're not supposed 394 00:15:33,111 --> 00:15:34,379 to have prayers in school. 395 00:15:34,479 --> 00:15:36,781 And I think that you don't have to do it 396 00:15:36,815 --> 00:15:39,584 in school, around school, but our children 397 00:15:39,684 --> 00:15:40,585 need some spiritual-- 398 00:15:40,685 --> 00:15:42,988 You don't think that's some white shit? 399 00:15:43,088 --> 00:15:44,623 No, I think it's the right shit. 400 00:15:44,789 --> 00:15:45,657 Come on, son. 401 00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:48,393 To be ignorant to prayer, we got here. 402 00:15:48,493 --> 00:15:50,495 Yeah, so you want to put it back in the school. 403 00:15:50,595 --> 00:15:51,896 It's not up to me. 404 00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:55,333 What I want to do is introduce our children to spirituality. 405 00:15:55,433 --> 00:15:56,401 [bleep] with that. 406 00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:58,036 ERIC ADAMS: You know that? - [bleep] down. 407 00:15:58,136 --> 00:15:59,170 I do. 408 00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:01,273 I do because one time I took this dude's chain-- 409 00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:02,707 it was a Jesus chain. 410 00:16:02,807 --> 00:16:04,376 And I felt real bad. 411 00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:05,543 Mm, mm. 412 00:16:05,644 --> 00:16:07,279 You know, I'm sure you gave it back to him. 413 00:16:07,379 --> 00:16:09,080 No, I just felt real bad. 414 00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:11,049 You may have needed it for a reason. 415 00:16:11,149 --> 00:16:12,050 Right. 416 00:16:12,150 --> 00:16:13,285 You know that? 417 00:16:13,385 --> 00:16:15,620 Because I did pawn it during quarantine and got me 418 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,490 that EBT card that I use to get that cold food 419 00:16:18,590 --> 00:16:19,958 that you going to make hot. - You know what? 420 00:16:20,058 --> 00:16:21,059 All right. 421 00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:23,528 Let me ask you real shit people want to know. 422 00:16:23,628 --> 00:16:27,532 Son, what the [bleep] you going to do about the Knicks? 423 00:16:27,632 --> 00:16:28,533 Listen. 424 00:16:28,633 --> 00:16:29,968 You the mayor, son. 425 00:16:30,068 --> 00:16:32,470 You can't have your-- the team, New York team 426 00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:33,605 looking like that. 427 00:16:33,772 --> 00:16:35,774 Spike Lee don't even go to the games no more. 428 00:16:35,807 --> 00:16:37,208 You got to do something, son. 429 00:16:37,309 --> 00:16:39,244 You should go there with all your cops, 430 00:16:39,344 --> 00:16:41,079 and if they don't play right, you 431 00:16:41,179 --> 00:16:42,981 should arrest them [bleep]. 432 00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:45,517 Listen, all I know about New York fans 433 00:16:45,617 --> 00:16:47,319 is the Arnold Schwarzenegger moment. 434 00:16:47,419 --> 00:16:49,788 They'll be back because we going to win. 435 00:16:49,888 --> 00:16:52,257 They been saying that for 30 years. 436 00:16:52,357 --> 00:16:54,859 Willis Reed don't even go to the games no more. 437 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,028 Yo, E, you, I [bleep] with you. 438 00:16:57,128 --> 00:16:59,230 Listen, I'mma give you my math. 439 00:16:59,331 --> 00:17:01,499 Let's link up again, pop some bottles. 440 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,601 We gonna get some business. 441 00:17:02,701 --> 00:17:03,602 You know what I'm saying? 442 00:17:03,702 --> 00:17:05,136 I'm looking for a fifth baby mom. 443 00:17:05,236 --> 00:17:06,137 Love. 444 00:17:06,237 --> 00:17:08,940 My guy, my guy, all day. 445 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,041 All day. 446 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:11,042 Thank you. 447 00:17:11,142 --> 00:17:12,043 Thank you. 448 00:17:12,143 --> 00:17:13,612 [music playing] 449 00:17:13,712 --> 00:17:14,980 [cheering] 450 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,282 All right, thank you, 'Quon. 451 00:17:17,382 --> 00:17:18,550 All right, stay tuned. 452 00:17:18,650 --> 00:17:20,952 When we come back, we got Bomani Jones will 453 00:17:21,052 --> 00:17:22,821 be joining me on the show. 454 00:17:22,887 --> 00:17:24,856 And I bet you this nigga got a turtleneck on. 455 00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,057 So don't go away. 456 00:17:26,157 --> 00:17:29,527 [cheering] 457 00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:43,542 [cheering, applause] 458 00:17:43,642 --> 00:17:46,645 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 459 00:17:46,745 --> 00:17:49,715 My guest tonight is an Emmy winning sports journalist 460 00:17:49,815 --> 00:17:51,817 who hosts the HBO series-- 461 00:17:51,917 --> 00:17:57,489 speaking of HBO, I have a stand-up special 462 00:17:57,590 --> 00:18:03,095 called God Loves Me streaming right now on HBO Max. 463 00:18:03,195 --> 00:18:04,830 And if you want to see me live I'll 464 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:08,167 be in Medford, Massachusetts at the Chevalier Theater 465 00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,069 this Saturday, March 11. 466 00:18:10,169 --> 00:18:12,871 [cheering, applause] 467 00:18:12,972 --> 00:18:15,407 My next guest, Emmy award-winning sports 468 00:18:15,507 --> 00:18:18,043 journalist who hosts a show on HBO. 469 00:18:18,143 --> 00:18:20,145 It's called Game Theory with Bomani Jones. 470 00:18:20,246 --> 00:18:21,480 All right, look. 471 00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:23,382 The thing is, man, people don't fight anymore in the NBA 472 00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:25,417 because they'll damn near throw you in jail. 473 00:18:25,517 --> 00:18:28,787 Like, somehow we all love watching people 474 00:18:28,887 --> 00:18:30,556 fight all the time, except if they 475 00:18:30,656 --> 00:18:31,857 do it in basketball jerseys. 476 00:18:31,957 --> 00:18:32,925 Then, all of a sudden, everybody 477 00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:34,326 wants to call the police and try 478 00:18:34,426 --> 00:18:35,494 to shut the whole party down. 479 00:18:35,594 --> 00:18:37,596 There's an entire generation of fans right now 480 00:18:37,696 --> 00:18:39,832 that have never seen their favorite players 481 00:18:39,932 --> 00:18:41,166 get into a fight. 482 00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:47,606 I once saw Dr. J and Moses Malone double team Larry Bird. 483 00:18:48,607 --> 00:18:49,808 These kids are being deprived. 484 00:18:49,909 --> 00:18:54,680 Please welcome the one and only Bomani Jones. 485 00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,149 [funk music] 486 00:18:57,216 --> 00:19:04,223 [cheering, applause] 487 00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,330 Looking clean, looking clean. - I'm trying, man. 488 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:12,464 I'm trying. 489 00:19:12,564 --> 00:19:14,066 You looking clean, looking like you a Wayans. 490 00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:15,200 Looking like Keenen. 491 00:19:15,301 --> 00:19:16,602 "Kleanen" Ivory Wayans. 492 00:19:16,702 --> 00:19:17,636 That's a hair joke, isn't it? 493 00:19:17,736 --> 00:19:19,071 - Nah, you just-- - Oh, OK. 494 00:19:19,171 --> 00:19:20,439 Y'all look alike. 495 00:19:20,539 --> 00:19:23,509 Well, you look like Damon and Keenen got smooshed together 496 00:19:23,609 --> 00:19:24,977 and then put in a suit. 497 00:19:25,077 --> 00:19:26,579 So let me ask you a question. 498 00:19:26,679 --> 00:19:29,949 What do you think of the whole Ja Morant thing? 499 00:19:30,049 --> 00:19:34,787 Well, I had two thoughts when I saw the last video 500 00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:36,188 with him at the strip club. 501 00:19:36,255 --> 00:19:38,824 Thought number one-- they supposed to be taking they 502 00:19:38,924 --> 00:19:40,125 shirts off. 503 00:19:40,192 --> 00:19:41,427 [laughter] 504 00:19:41,527 --> 00:19:43,896 That is like, do you flip your own burgers at McDonald's? 505 00:19:43,996 --> 00:19:45,197 Like, when you go to the strip club 506 00:19:45,297 --> 00:19:47,633 and you take your clothes off, you doing it backwards. 507 00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:50,703 And then there's the other part that he's in there with a gun. 508 00:19:50,803 --> 00:19:53,906 And, honestly, I thought that gun was too small to even like 509 00:19:54,006 --> 00:19:54,940 rightly pistol whip somebody. 510 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,976 MARLON WAYANS: I thought it was a chain. 511 00:19:57,142 --> 00:19:58,344 Yeah, I did too. 512 00:19:58,444 --> 00:20:00,246 But no, I think that there's a level to this, 513 00:20:00,346 --> 00:20:02,047 though, that's kind of encouraging where people 514 00:20:02,147 --> 00:20:03,582 like me who are in the media see him-- 515 00:20:03,682 --> 00:20:05,251 and like, with Allen Iverson, we would've slammed 516 00:20:05,351 --> 00:20:06,385 him, right? 517 00:20:06,485 --> 00:20:08,454 Like, the world would've just come down on him. 518 00:20:08,554 --> 00:20:10,756 I look at this with just a lot more concern, right? 519 00:20:10,856 --> 00:20:12,958 Like, I see a dude who is acting out. 520 00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:15,961 And you and I both know, man, showing people guns-- 521 00:20:16,061 --> 00:20:17,429 that makes other people show you 522 00:20:17,529 --> 00:20:22,534 guns, except not the side part, the part that look at you. 523 00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:25,371 And so it ain't-- it's not about judging him for me 524 00:20:25,471 --> 00:20:27,172 as much as I hope he gets himself right, 525 00:20:27,239 --> 00:20:28,440 because it's clear that he's not. 526 00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:32,845 But I think when you give these guys this much money, 527 00:20:32,945 --> 00:20:34,246 that young-- 528 00:20:34,346 --> 00:20:37,416 like, if I had a 100-mill that young, I'd be in a strip club 529 00:20:37,516 --> 00:20:38,417 with a gun. 530 00:20:38,517 --> 00:20:39,919 Why not? 531 00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:40,920 Why not? Bop! 532 00:20:41,020 --> 00:20:41,921 Bop! Bop! 533 00:20:42,021 --> 00:20:42,922 Bop! 534 00:20:43,022 --> 00:20:43,956 Bop, bop, bop, bop! 535 00:20:44,123 --> 00:20:44,957 [laughter] 536 00:20:45,124 --> 00:20:48,127 I mean, the first part, I get that. 537 00:20:48,227 --> 00:20:50,262 If I got that much money, I ain't going nowhere 538 00:20:50,362 --> 00:20:51,497 where I think I need a gun. 539 00:20:51,597 --> 00:20:52,264 MARLON WAYANS: Oh, the strip club is coming to me. 540 00:20:52,364 --> 00:20:53,399 We gonna be in my house. 541 00:20:53,499 --> 00:20:55,601 Any time I see somebody with a gun, I'm like, 542 00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:57,436 maybe you just shouldn't go there. 543 00:20:57,536 --> 00:20:59,705 Like, if I think I might need to shoot somebody where I am, 544 00:20:59,805 --> 00:21:00,873 I probably just shouldn't go there. 545 00:21:00,973 --> 00:21:02,675 Right. 546 00:21:02,775 --> 00:21:06,145 OK, so you saw the tweet that LeBron did about his 547 00:21:06,211 --> 00:21:07,413 son, Bronny. 548 00:21:07,513 --> 00:21:08,948 Last night, he tweeted-- 549 00:21:09,048 --> 00:21:10,549 and I want to quote this right. 550 00:21:10,649 --> 00:21:13,385 "Definitely better"-- he said that his son Bronny was 551 00:21:13,485 --> 00:21:15,754 "definitely better than some of these cats 552 00:21:15,854 --> 00:21:19,158 I've been watching on the League Pass today." 553 00:21:19,224 --> 00:21:21,894 Do you think Bronny has what it take? 554 00:21:21,994 --> 00:21:25,564 So I looked at what time LeBron sent that tweet. 555 00:21:25,664 --> 00:21:28,901 It was roughly midnight Eastern. 556 00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:31,704 There were two games on. 557 00:21:31,804 --> 00:21:34,907 And all those teams have better records than the Lakers. 558 00:21:35,007 --> 00:21:35,908 So-- 559 00:21:36,008 --> 00:21:36,909 [crowd clammoring] 560 00:21:37,009 --> 00:21:38,277 Oh, shots fired. 561 00:21:38,377 --> 00:21:39,511 Shots is fired! 562 00:21:39,612 --> 00:21:43,015 No, my only point is, if Bronny's better 563 00:21:43,115 --> 00:21:45,918 than them, then Bring Your Son to Work Day, 564 00:21:46,018 --> 00:21:49,655 bring him out here and you can find out. 565 00:21:49,755 --> 00:21:51,957 MARLON WAYANS: Right. 566 00:21:52,124 --> 00:21:54,927 Unfortunately, for the young man, 567 00:21:55,027 --> 00:21:58,330 he would learn some very hard lessons that day. 568 00:21:58,430 --> 00:21:59,732 And that's the thing, man. 569 00:21:59,832 --> 00:22:02,201 I feel like he's putting a bull's eye on his son's back. 570 00:22:02,301 --> 00:22:04,136 Because getting to the NBA is hard-- 571 00:22:04,236 --> 00:22:05,237 really, really hard. 572 00:22:05,337 --> 00:22:07,840 If he gets there at all, that is a victory. 573 00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:09,608 But if he gets there and his name 574 00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:12,144 is LeBron James, Jr., man, everybody gonna 575 00:22:12,244 --> 00:22:13,412 try to get famous off of him. 576 00:22:13,512 --> 00:22:15,614 Like, if I was LeBron, I'd kind of be like, well, you 577 00:22:15,714 --> 00:22:17,149 know, he's working very hard. 578 00:22:17,249 --> 00:22:20,619 And I'll be proud of him however it ends up. 579 00:22:20,719 --> 00:22:22,254 Like, that's the play you want to make. 580 00:22:22,354 --> 00:22:23,355 Right. 581 00:22:23,455 --> 00:22:25,024 Do you do you think he goes to the Lakers 582 00:22:25,157 --> 00:22:27,159 or you think LeBron's gonna have to go to Cleveland? 583 00:22:27,226 --> 00:22:29,161 What do you think of LeBron versus Jordan? 584 00:22:29,261 --> 00:22:30,162 That's what I want to know. 585 00:22:30,262 --> 00:22:32,831 I like talking to a sports aficionado. 586 00:22:32,932 --> 00:22:34,266 LeBron versus Jordan, which one do you-- 587 00:22:34,366 --> 00:22:35,401 So I'm gona tell you this. 588 00:22:35,501 --> 00:22:37,236 Like, 15 years ago, when I really first started 589 00:22:37,336 --> 00:22:39,605 doing the sports thing, I was adamant 590 00:22:39,705 --> 00:22:42,575 that LeBron James was the best player I had ever seen. 591 00:22:42,675 --> 00:22:44,843 I said this when I was 28. 592 00:22:44,944 --> 00:22:48,447 And then I went on YouTube and I pulled 593 00:22:48,547 --> 00:22:51,150 the Jordan guy up one time, and I've 594 00:22:51,250 --> 00:22:53,619 never said that ever again. 595 00:22:53,719 --> 00:22:56,422 Like, being number two or number three 596 00:22:56,522 --> 00:22:57,623 is really, really, really, really, 597 00:22:57,723 --> 00:22:59,158 really, really, really, really, really good right? 598 00:22:59,258 --> 00:23:01,126 But, dude, there's Jordan and there's just everybody else. 599 00:23:01,226 --> 00:23:03,295 When The Last Dance came on, I was just like, yes. 600 00:23:03,395 --> 00:23:05,164 Now the kids can watch this, and I never 601 00:23:05,264 --> 00:23:06,565 have to talk about this again. MARLON WAYANS: Right. 602 00:23:06,665 --> 00:23:08,334 Right? Like, you got it right here. 603 00:23:08,434 --> 00:23:09,935 Here is your explanation. 604 00:23:10,035 --> 00:23:11,370 And it ain't got nothing to do with LeBron. 605 00:23:11,470 --> 00:23:12,438 It's just all about that dude. 606 00:23:12,538 --> 00:23:13,572 Right. 607 00:23:13,672 --> 00:23:15,274 OK. 608 00:23:15,374 --> 00:23:20,179 I'm not so much a sports fan as I am an anti-sports fan. 609 00:23:20,279 --> 00:23:21,614 Like, I'm a hater. - OK. 610 00:23:21,714 --> 00:23:22,982 Now, I don't love teams. 611 00:23:23,148 --> 00:23:23,983 I hate teams. 612 00:23:24,149 --> 00:23:26,151 There's teams I hate, right? 613 00:23:26,252 --> 00:23:29,021 So who do you got going to the Finals? 614 00:23:29,154 --> 00:23:31,590 Because I'm a Laker hater. 615 00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:33,325 I don't like saying that out loud. 616 00:23:33,425 --> 00:23:35,060 Don't tell LeBron and them, 'cause I like going 617 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,596 to the games and shit. 618 00:23:37,696 --> 00:23:39,665 But I'm a-- I'm a official hater. 619 00:23:39,765 --> 00:23:41,767 Who do you got going to the Finals? 620 00:23:41,867 --> 00:23:44,904 I mean, I think I got Milwaukee on one side. 621 00:23:45,004 --> 00:23:46,639 And on the West, I don't know who's going, 622 00:23:46,739 --> 00:23:49,108 but I want my man Jokic to go. 'Cause Jokic 623 00:23:49,141 --> 00:23:52,745 looks like he just picked up a piece of bread 624 00:23:52,845 --> 00:23:55,614 and went to a personal trainer and was like, this 625 00:23:55,714 --> 00:23:57,116 is what I'm going for. Right? 626 00:23:57,182 --> 00:23:58,684 Like, get you a baguette and be like, 627 00:23:58,784 --> 00:24:00,753 yo, make me look like this-- 628 00:24:00,853 --> 00:24:03,389 and killing everybody, everybody. 629 00:24:03,489 --> 00:24:05,991 I'd love to see that pay off, love to see that pay off. 630 00:24:06,125 --> 00:24:10,229 Plus, we grew up at a time when it was more hardscrabble 631 00:24:10,329 --> 00:24:11,830 tales of basketball players. 632 00:24:11,931 --> 00:24:13,799 Like, they wasn't sending them off to private school early. 633 00:24:13,899 --> 00:24:15,434 Like, you know, dudes had to come from something. 634 00:24:15,534 --> 00:24:17,803 Hey, man, them cats from 'dem countries with all 635 00:24:17,903 --> 00:24:19,305 them consonants in 'em. MARLON WAYANS: Yes. 636 00:24:19,405 --> 00:24:20,306 [laughter] 637 00:24:20,406 --> 00:24:22,141 It's real, dog. 638 00:24:22,207 --> 00:24:24,810 It reminds me of my youth, not my personal youth, 639 00:24:24,910 --> 00:24:26,946 'cause we was doing good. 640 00:24:27,046 --> 00:24:28,747 But when I would get on television 641 00:24:28,847 --> 00:24:30,616 and watch the basketball players, 642 00:24:30,716 --> 00:24:31,617 it reminded me of that. 643 00:24:31,717 --> 00:24:32,851 So which team do you hate? Come on. 644 00:24:32,952 --> 00:24:33,852 It's just me and you here. 645 00:24:33,953 --> 00:24:35,154 The world ain't watching. 646 00:24:35,187 --> 00:24:36,155 [laughter] 647 00:24:36,188 --> 00:24:37,222 You can tell me. 648 00:24:37,323 --> 00:24:38,324 Who you hate? 649 00:24:38,424 --> 00:24:39,925 I don't think I got a basketball 650 00:24:40,092 --> 00:24:40,960 team that I hate right now. MARLON WAYANS: Come on, man. 651 00:24:41,093 --> 00:24:41,961 It's just me and you. Stop this. 652 00:24:42,094 --> 00:24:42,962 I know. 653 00:24:43,095 --> 00:24:44,096 I'm trying to think. 654 00:24:44,129 --> 00:24:45,898 I mean, when I was little, I hated Boston. 655 00:24:45,998 --> 00:24:47,166 But things changed. MARLON WAYANS: Yeah. 656 00:24:47,266 --> 00:24:48,267 Let me rephrase that. MARLON WAYANS: I agree. 657 00:24:48,367 --> 00:24:49,702 When I was little, I hated the Celtics. 658 00:24:49,802 --> 00:24:51,270 I'm up in the air on Boston. 659 00:24:51,370 --> 00:24:54,173 On the Celtics, you know, things changed a little bit. 660 00:24:54,273 --> 00:24:55,174 OK. 661 00:24:55,274 --> 00:25:00,012 You or Stephen A. Smith? 662 00:25:00,112 --> 00:25:01,313 At what? 663 00:25:01,413 --> 00:25:03,582 Who talks more shit? 664 00:25:03,682 --> 00:25:04,583 Oh, Stephen A. 665 00:25:04,683 --> 00:25:05,584 You think Stephen A.? 666 00:25:05,684 --> 00:25:06,719 Stephen A. does. 667 00:25:06,819 --> 00:25:08,220 (IMITATING STEPHEN A. SMITH) I think Stephen 668 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,888 A. talks a lot of shit too. 669 00:25:09,989 --> 00:25:11,290 I like him. (MOCKINGLY) But I really 670 00:25:11,390 --> 00:25:13,125 think "Thannon Tharpe"-- "Thannon Tharpe"-- 671 00:25:13,225 --> 00:25:14,126 Nah, man. 672 00:25:14,226 --> 00:25:15,194 Nah, don't do that to Shannon. 673 00:25:15,294 --> 00:25:16,562 I don't understand a word he's saying-- 674 00:25:16,662 --> 00:25:17,796 - Nah, no, no, no. - --but it is funny as hell. 675 00:25:17,896 --> 00:25:19,732 Nah, man, this why I love Shannon. 676 00:25:19,832 --> 00:25:21,133 I love Shannon 'cause dudes from 677 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,601 the country shouldn't have to change how they talk to make-- 678 00:25:22,701 --> 00:25:23,602 - No, he shouldn't. - --y'all feel good. 679 00:25:23,702 --> 00:25:24,870 I love-- 680 00:25:24,970 --> 00:25:25,938 And that's why I love him so much, 'cause he like-- 681 00:25:26,038 --> 00:25:27,306 I love when he sit there with Skip 682 00:25:27,406 --> 00:25:30,309 and be like, (MOCKINGLY) I'm gonna have me a Black & Mild. 683 00:25:30,409 --> 00:25:31,477 I'm gonna have me some Nyak. 684 00:25:31,577 --> 00:25:34,146 You shut the [bleep] up and do what you gonna do. 685 00:25:34,246 --> 00:25:35,481 I love-- I love me some Shannon. 686 00:25:35,581 --> 00:25:37,549 I like when he was screaming at Ja Morant and his father. 687 00:25:37,650 --> 00:25:38,684 I'll [bleep] y'all up. 688 00:25:38,784 --> 00:25:39,685 You won't [bleep] with me. 689 00:25:39,785 --> 00:25:42,154 And let's be clear. 690 00:25:42,254 --> 00:25:43,956 He would have. 691 00:25:44,089 --> 00:25:45,925 Like, them first two or three people didn't want it. 692 00:25:46,091 --> 00:25:48,127 When Steven Adams came over there with his gold tooth, 693 00:25:48,227 --> 00:25:49,595 I think, all of a sudden, Shannon Sharpe 694 00:25:49,695 --> 00:25:50,829 had a different tone. 695 00:25:50,930 --> 00:25:53,766 But them first three dudes, oh, no, no, no, no, no. 696 00:25:53,866 --> 00:25:56,735 But he did kind of cower when Ja pulled 697 00:25:56,835 --> 00:25:58,103 that little gun out on him. 698 00:25:58,203 --> 00:25:59,271 Let me tell you-- 699 00:25:59,371 --> 00:26:00,272 Pew-pew. 700 00:26:00,372 --> 00:26:01,974 --as country as Shannon Sharpe is, 701 00:26:02,107 --> 00:26:03,742 you ain't gonna pull no little gun 702 00:26:03,842 --> 00:26:05,711 on him and get no reaction. 703 00:26:05,811 --> 00:26:06,845 You don't come from the backwoods 704 00:26:06,946 --> 00:26:08,380 and get scared off by a .380. 705 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,584 That ain't how it works. 706 00:26:11,684 --> 00:26:14,019 OK, Floyd or Ali? 707 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,155 As my brother, who is much larger than me, 708 00:26:16,255 --> 00:26:17,690 used to tell me when I was little-- they make 709 00:26:17,790 --> 00:26:19,024 weight classes for a reason. 710 00:26:19,124 --> 00:26:21,193 MARLON WAYANS: No, I wasn't saying I want them to fight. 711 00:26:21,293 --> 00:26:22,394 Oh. 712 00:26:22,494 --> 00:26:24,597 I'm saying, but who-- in terms of greatness, which 713 00:26:24,697 --> 00:26:25,898 one do you think is greater? 714 00:26:25,998 --> 00:26:27,700 I mean, you gotta go with Ali. 715 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:28,968 And it's-- but it's-- 716 00:26:29,134 --> 00:26:30,035 [cheering, applause] 717 00:26:30,135 --> 00:26:32,137 It's a weird thing, though, because you 718 00:26:32,204 --> 00:26:34,974 kind of gotta go with Ali because he lost before. 719 00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:36,709 Like, Floyd never took a fight that we ever thought, 720 00:26:36,809 --> 00:26:37,910 I don't know. 721 00:26:38,077 --> 00:26:39,545 I think he might-- the only time anybody thought 722 00:26:39,645 --> 00:26:40,879 he was gonna lose a fight is when 723 00:26:40,980 --> 00:26:43,182 he fought Ricky Hatton because white people be wishing. 724 00:26:43,282 --> 00:26:44,183 You know what I'm saying? 725 00:26:44,283 --> 00:26:45,985 Like, that was the only one. 726 00:26:46,085 --> 00:26:48,354 (MOCKINGLY) They're like, maybe this time. 727 00:26:48,454 --> 00:26:49,755 Maybe this one. 728 00:26:49,855 --> 00:26:51,590 People forgot the whole Revolutionary War 729 00:26:51,690 --> 00:26:53,926 and were acolyte Ricky Hatton was from Wichita, 730 00:26:54,093 --> 00:26:55,261 Kansas, right? 731 00:26:55,361 --> 00:26:56,929 Like, no, we supposed to have beef with them. 732 00:26:57,096 --> 00:27:00,099 They're like, no, but we have beef with them. 733 00:27:00,132 --> 00:27:02,301 All right, so your interview with Jake Paul 734 00:27:02,401 --> 00:27:04,603 went viral last month. 735 00:27:04,703 --> 00:27:07,206 You roasted him, and then he lost his fight. 736 00:27:07,306 --> 00:27:09,541 Did that make you happy? 737 00:27:09,642 --> 00:27:10,876 [laughter] 738 00:27:10,976 --> 00:27:13,145 Was that a hateful prayer you put out in the universe? 739 00:27:13,245 --> 00:27:14,446 I'll be honest. 740 00:27:14,546 --> 00:27:16,115 I didn't want to watch the fight 'cause I didn't 741 00:27:16,181 --> 00:27:17,116 want to watch him fight. 742 00:27:17,182 --> 00:27:19,752 Like, he's not actually a fighter. 743 00:27:19,852 --> 00:27:21,120 But he told us-- because I asked him-- 744 00:27:21,186 --> 00:27:23,522 because he fancies himself as a boxing promoter, 745 00:27:23,622 --> 00:27:24,556 like a businessman. 746 00:27:24,657 --> 00:27:26,125 So I'm like, what happens if you lose? 747 00:27:26,225 --> 00:27:27,559 Because I'm thinking about the money of it. 748 00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:30,329 And he's like, well, I don't have a loser mentality. 749 00:27:30,429 --> 00:27:31,997 That seems to be how you live life. 750 00:27:32,131 --> 00:27:33,966 And I'm like, dude, I'm 42 years old. 751 00:27:34,133 --> 00:27:36,402 You're not gonna nanny-nanny boo-boo me into this. 752 00:27:36,502 --> 00:27:38,203 But then I-- - You sure you 42? 753 00:27:38,304 --> 00:27:39,305 I am 42. 754 00:27:39,405 --> 00:27:43,542 Nanny-nanny boo-boo, I thought you were 72. 755 00:27:43,642 --> 00:27:46,078 I thought my grandfather was sitting here for a second. 756 00:27:46,178 --> 00:27:47,346 I said, Earl? 757 00:27:47,446 --> 00:27:48,547 But I'll tell you this. 758 00:27:48,647 --> 00:27:50,482 When I found out Jake Paul had a rematch clause, 759 00:27:50,583 --> 00:27:51,717 I was like, oh, who the loser now, dog? 760 00:27:51,817 --> 00:27:52,718 - Ooh! - It seems like-- 761 00:27:52,818 --> 00:27:54,086 Ooh! 762 00:27:54,186 --> 00:27:55,754 It seems like-- it seems like you had a plan just in case 763 00:27:55,854 --> 00:27:57,289 you got your ass whooped, which by the way, 764 00:27:57,389 --> 00:27:58,624 is a generally good idea. - Right. 765 00:27:58,724 --> 00:27:59,825 You just ain't gotta lie about it. 766 00:27:59,925 --> 00:28:00,826 MARLON WAYANS: Right. 767 00:28:00,926 --> 00:28:03,162 You think he'll whoop your ass? 768 00:28:03,262 --> 00:28:07,666 So it's a dilemma because, on one hand, 769 00:28:07,766 --> 00:28:10,235 there are weight classes for a reason. 770 00:28:10,336 --> 00:28:13,272 On the other hand, I am 42 years old. 771 00:28:13,372 --> 00:28:15,507 I can't lose no fight to Jake Paul. 772 00:28:15,608 --> 00:28:16,875 Why? 'Cause I can't. 773 00:28:16,976 --> 00:28:18,277 Like, I can't go-- 774 00:28:18,377 --> 00:28:20,145 I don't have kids, so I don't have it with them where like, 775 00:28:20,246 --> 00:28:21,146 you can't beat me. 776 00:28:21,247 --> 00:28:23,382 But if Jake Paul beats me up in public, 777 00:28:23,482 --> 00:28:25,584 one of us at some point is going to have to die. 778 00:28:25,684 --> 00:28:27,453 [laughter] 779 00:28:27,553 --> 00:28:28,787 There's no other option. 780 00:28:28,887 --> 00:28:33,826 You gonna be like, Ja Morant, can I use your little gun? 781 00:28:33,926 --> 00:28:36,428 All right, new episodes of Game Theory 782 00:28:36,528 --> 00:28:39,298 with my man Bomani Jones airs Friday nights 783 00:28:39,398 --> 00:28:41,634 on HBO and HBO Max. 784 00:28:41,734 --> 00:28:43,469 OK, we're gonna take a quick break, 785 00:28:43,569 --> 00:28:45,537 but we'll be right back after this. 786 00:28:45,638 --> 00:28:46,739 [cheering, applause] 787 00:28:46,839 --> 00:28:49,875 [funk music] 788 00:28:53,780 --> 00:28:58,718 [cheering] 789 00:28:58,819 --> 00:29:00,287 That's our show for tonight. 790 00:29:00,387 --> 00:29:02,789 But, please, before we go, consider 791 00:29:02,889 --> 00:29:04,424 supporting Black Men Heal. 792 00:29:04,524 --> 00:29:07,394 It's a nonprofit dedicated to providing mental health 793 00:29:07,494 --> 00:29:10,597 treatment, education, and resources to men of color 794 00:29:10,697 --> 00:29:12,866 who often can't get the help they need. 795 00:29:12,966 --> 00:29:15,569 If you can support them in their work, please, 796 00:29:15,669 --> 00:29:17,237 donate at the link below. 797 00:29:17,337 --> 00:29:19,706 Now, here it is, your Moment of Zen. 798 00:29:19,806 --> 00:29:21,808 Good evening, and welcome to Tucker Carlson Tonight. 799 00:29:21,908 --> 00:29:22,809 Happy Monday. 800 00:29:22,909 --> 00:29:24,711 We're about to show you surveillance 801 00:29:24,811 --> 00:29:27,814 footage from Dallas, November 22, 1963. 802 00:29:27,914 --> 00:29:29,883 The mainstream media wants you to believe 803 00:29:29,983 --> 00:29:32,586 that this was a quote, "political assassination." 804 00:29:32,686 --> 00:29:33,854 But look at this footage. 805 00:29:33,954 --> 00:29:36,890 Do you see any political leaders getting assassinated? 806 00:29:36,990 --> 00:29:38,158 I don't. 807 00:29:38,258 --> 00:29:41,061 All I see are proud Americans out for a lovely drive 808 00:29:41,161 --> 00:29:42,496 on a sunny day in Dallas. 809 00:29:42,596 --> 00:29:43,930 Also, this isn't fake. 810 00:29:44,030 --> 00:29:45,765 This is really me, Tucker Carlson. 811 00:29:45,866 --> 00:29:47,234 If someone tells you this is fake, 812 00:29:47,334 --> 00:29:50,604 they are lying to you as part of a global conspiracy. 813 00:29:50,704 --> 00:29:52,205 ANNOUNCER: MTV.