ANNOUNCER: From New York City, the only city in America,
it's the show that invented news.
This is The Daily Show, with your host Al Franken.
[cheering, applause]
Welcome.
Welcome to the-- welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Al Franken.
And it's Tuesday, which is the day Trump told us
he was going to be arrested, which it turns out
didn't happen.
So that's the-- so that's the last time I believe
something that guy says.
We've-- we've got a great show for you tonight.
And let's get right into the headlines.
[upbeat music]
Let's begin right here in New York City, the greatest
city in the world.
[cheering, applause]
Its changing its pronouns.
The iconic I Love New York logo is getting a makeover.
The new campaign, We Love New York City,
launched by officials to help the city
rebound from the pandemic.
Designers keeping the big red heart,
but switching up the font a little bit.
Mayor Adams and Governor Hochul on hand in Times Square
to unveil the new logo with the help of Broadway
stars and community leaders.
No one will ever beat New Yorkers down.
And we took the I out of I Love New York,
and we brought the we.
We're in this together.
That's right.
It's not I anymore, it's we, as in we can't afford rent.
[cheering, applause]
Or we just got pushed in front of the subway.
Or-- or we just pushed someone in front of the subway.
But if you're wondering how they
got this incredible new slogan, I
actually have some of the-- some of the runners up here.
Let's see.
Some of the other options were We Love Jew York.
OK.
Jew York, Jew York.
Start Spreading the Jews.
And then they told Kanye to leave the meeting.
And that's when-- that's when they settled
on We Love New York City.
Now, let's move on to a story that's very sad for those
of us who love Fox News.
Because it turns out that a producer for Tucker Carlson
is suing the network, saying that
the network pressured her to lie in the Dominion
voting machines lawsuit.
And I actually wasn't surprised about this at all.
Because all the way back, 20 years ago,
I wrote a book about Fox News called Lies and the Lying
Liars Who Tell Them.
Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, a Fair and Balanced
Look at the Right.
And, in fact, I wanted to treat you guys tonight.
So look-- all of you look under your seats,
and you'll find directions to a local
bookstore where you can buy--
you can buy Lies for $29.99.
OK.
Let's move on to international news.
This week, Vladimir Putin is hosting Chinese President .
Xi Jinping for a three day summit in Moscow.
And a lot of people are upset with Xi
for cozying up to Putin after he's become
an international pariah.
But you know what?
I think that is exactly the time when you really
find out who your friends are.
We should all be so lucky to have a friend like President
Xi, who doesn't judge us for every little crime
against humanity.
In other overseas news, there was a big win
for workers in France, who will now
get to work longer than ever.
Despite weeks of protests from lazy French people
who wanted--
who wanted to keep the retirement age at 62,
the government has now raised the age at which workers can
retire with a pension to 64.
And this is terrible news because is leading
to a revolution in France.
And last time that happened, we all had to listen to Russell
Crowe sing show tunes.
So fix this right now, France.
And I'm sorry, but I have no patience
for people who need to stop working in their early 60s.
I'm 71, and I'm working.
[cheering, applause]
And I haven't lost a--
a step beat.
I'm as sharp as I was when I started on,
uh, Saturday Night Live.
Saturday Night Live.
I haven't lost a step since then,
and that was back in 1975, nearly 20--
40-- a long--
decades.
But let's-- let's get to the story today that makes--
[cheering, applause]
Let's-- let's get to the story today that makes all the other
stories kind of pointless.
According to the UN, we're all going to die.
Just in to CNN, a dire warning about the state
of the planet.
The new UN report warns the climate timebomb is ticking
and the world is running out of time to avoid catastrophe.
This report tells us we need a quantum
leap in climate action.
And every country in the world has
to reduce emissions at warp speed
to try to curb the warming of our planet.
We are nowhere close to making that Paris Agreement
goal of curbing warming to 1.5 degrees
Celsius from pre-industrial levels.
To accomplish all of it, developed
and the richest nations in the world
would need to reach net zero by 2040.
That is going to be nearly impossible.
Wow.
That's awful.
But I guess a shout out to my baby boomers.
Feels like we got the last chopper out of Saigon,
doesn't it?
And that's a reference we baby boomers understand.
Now, part of the problem is the UN's expectation
of collective action.
It's just easy to shirk your part
when everybody has to chip in.
So the solution here is to call out people individually.
The next UN report shouldn't say we
all must lower our emissions.
It should say, Gary, stop driving your car so much.
You don't-- you don't need to visit
your wife's grave every day.
She's not keeping track.
The fact is, on our current path
we're in for a grim future.
And to find out just how grim, let's
go to the future to talk to Desi Lydic.
[cheering, applause]
Hi, Al.
Yes, I am reporting from the year 2075.
Can you believe it?
This face is 93.
Take that, Paul Rudd.
Desi, I'm afraid to ask.
But how is the climate crisis going 60 years from now?
Climate crisis?
We solved that years ago.
Look, the entire world looks like a Lisa Frank folder.
Well, hold on.
We fixed climate change?
How did-- how did that happen?
Well, it started when the UN issued its report on March 20,
2023, warning that we had to radically reduce
carbon emissions by 2040.
So we read the report, and we made all the changes
and saved the world.
Back to you, Al.
Wait.
Wait, Desi.
You're talking about the report from yesterday.
Yeah.
It laid out exactly what we needed to do.
So everyone just came together and did it.
Why wouldn't we?
Well, wasn't doing all that really expensive?
Oh, yeah.
It definitely was.
But the alternative was the destruction of the planet.
So, of course, we just spent the money, obviously.
Back to you, Al.
I can't believe it.
Everything sounds so great in the future.
Oh, it sure is.
[birds chirping]
Hi, little guy.
A grassland sparrow?
I thought those were going extinct.
Oh, they were.
But we turned it around.
We reforested the Amazon.
We got all the plastic out of the ocean,
and upcycled it into friendship bracelets
that we all wear unironically.
Plus, all the children in the world
joined hands and sang in a harmony so beautiful
it ended war forever.
Wow.
Holy crap.
Really?
All that happened?
Oh, my god, no!
You dumb-dumb, I'm being sarcastic.
You think that for some reason we're
gonna suddenly start listening to UN climate reports?
No.
Al, I'm not from the future.
This is all fake.
I am literally in the same room as you right now.
[cheering, applause]
I'm so--
I'm so stupid.
I did-- I just didn't realize that.
Yeah.
I mean, I hate to say it, but we're just
gonna keep on driving Ford Expeditions
and burning fossil fuels until the ocean swallows us whole.
Oh, well, I guess you're right, Desi.
And, you know, that's our--
our satirical point.
If only satire had the power to change
the future for the better.
Yeah.
Well, Al, I mean, the good news is there's still a chance
that our sharp witted satire will
inspire people to make the necessary changes
to save our planet.
Wow.
Really?
No!
Oh, my god!
I am being sarcastic!
Jesus Christ.
Were you really a senator?
Yes.
Yes, I-- I was.
Desi Lydic, everyone.
[cheering, applause]
All right.
When we come back, I'm going to dig around in your trash.
So don't go
[cheering, applause]
Welcome back.
Welcome back to The Daily Show, coming to you
from fabulous New York City.
New York is a city of superlatives--
biggest, tallest, richest, most Duane Readeiest.
But because so many people live in New York,
it's also the trashiest city in the US.
So recently I decided to try and answer
a very basic question.
Do you ever wonder where your garbage actually goes?
As a New Yorker, I've always kind of assumed
that it was taken away by some garbage fairy
after I put it outside my apartment.
Well, it turns out that's not the case.
In fact, I don't know what happens to it.
So I'm here at the 91st Street transfer station to find out.
Hey, Commissioner.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): My guide
is Jessica Tisch, New York's 41st commissioner
of sanitation, a lifelong New Yorker with only
three Harvard degrees.
Tisch formerly held high-ranking positions
in both the city administration and the police department.
And all that has led her to this.
Wow, that is--
that's a lot of trash.
Yeah, no, this isn't a lot of trash for us.
It's probably less than 500,000 pounds of it.
This is what you wanted to do.
Yeah, a girl can dream.
And there it is.
I was desperate to run sanitation.
Why did you want this?
Because sanitation is the essential service.
Every day New Yorkers leave 24 million
pounds of trash and recycling.
24 million pounds.
We don't do our job for one day--
Yeah.
--everyone in New York City notices.
If we don't do our jobs for two or three days,
that's a public health crisis.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): Commissioner Tisch
has already been a dynamo of innovation,
bringing new ideas and a breath of fresh air
to Gotham's piles of garbage.
We announced this week that we're changing the set-out
times for trash to 8:00 PM.
REPORTER: This week the Department of Sanitation
launched its first all-borough composting program.
The biggest swing that you can take at cleaning up
our streets is to shut down the all-night,
all you can eat rat buffet.
Tell me about-- because you have been associated with
the word rat and rats because you said
something that went viral.
The rats don't run the city.
We do.
The rats don't run the city.
Rats don't run the city.
We do.
[music playing] Welcome to New York.
We do.
And it's like, Mom, I think I went viral.
Jesse Tisch took it to the rats.
The idea is 1/3 of the material in these black bags
is food.
As we're trying to take the food,
compost it, and create soil.
Now, the rats won't like that.
The rats will hate that.
But the rats don't run the city.
We do.
Yeah.
JESSICA TISCH: All right, look out.
A truck's coming.
- I think-- you know what? - Let's go.
- This would be really-- - No, no, no, we have to go.
Let's go. - This is mine.
- Let's go. - OK.
Watch out. There's trash here.
I'm stepping in cabbage.
There it is!
Woo!
Isn't it amazing?
Holy moly.
How much--
AL FRANKEN: Oh.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): From here, the trash
is loaded into containers and put on barges, then
makes a stop at Staten Island.
ISLANDER: Hey, yo, what are you, googootz?
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): But not even trash
wants to stay there.
So then it shuffles off to Buffalo
by rail, where it's burned to generate electricity.
Look at that.
What's that?
JESSICA TISCH: That's Scrappy, our composting mascot.
Can you come over here?
I-- I got a bone to pick with you.
You clearly modeled scrappy after me--
the glasses, the teeth, the-- kind of the Jewfro.
What about the eyebrows?
AL FRANKEN: Those are my eyebrows.
JESSICA TISCH: Exactly. You should be flattered.
It's our composting mascot.
I'm-- I'm honored.
Thank you.
Thank you, Scrappy.
OK, go away.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): So far, I've
learned that I'm a composting bin, that trash travels more
than I do, and that I don't have to bring my own garbage
bag to the transfer station.
And that's thanks to New York's unsung heroes, the trash
collectors, like Nick, who let me
ride along his night shift through Manhattan's
West Village.
All right, all right, let's get ready to roll, you know?
The quicker we get it done, the quicker
the rats don't have food.
AL FRANKEN: You want to know something?
The rats don't run this city.
[laughter]
That's true.
Yes, correct, they don't.
We run the city.
What about this thing about just the trash not being out?
That is a very smart idea because you know what?
I guess sanitation has been doing it for 70, 80 years,
putting it out at 4:00 PM.
Sits out for 16 hours.
Yeah.
It does make sense to put it out at 8:00 PM.
Less time on the street, less rats.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): It was going to be a long night.
I wondered if I was ever going to make it as a garbage man.
Hey, I'm working here!
[laughter]
Hey, we're picking up garbage here.
[car horn]
We're picking up garbage here, OK?
We're going to move.
But we're picking up garbage here.
[car horn]
[bleep] hole.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): Turns out I was a natural.
- You're doing it wrong. - OK.
You're dragging. It's too heavy.
Like that?
Your back is going to go out.
Jesus Christ.
Hey, this is easy.
You ever spend three hours trying to write a joke
and not be able to?
Oh, OK, no.
This is nothing.
All right, ready?
Got another 10 blocks to go.
OK, you know, I think you guys are fine without me.
And so can you give me a lift home?
I'm on the Upper West Side.
All right, you want to go in the back though.
AL FRANKEN (VOICEOVER): Even though Nick refused to give me
a ride home, I knew it was because he
has something much more important to do--
keep our streets clean.
After all, this is New York City.
We all need to work together with mutual respect to do--
[car horn]
[bleep] you.
[laughter]
[cheering]
A big thank you--
a big thank you to Commissioner Jessica Tisch,
Nick, and Tommy, and everyone at the Department
of Sanitation.
You people are amazing.
We'll be right back with Succession's Alan Ruck right
after this.
[cheering]
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight is a wonderful actor
who plays Connor Roy on the Emmy Award-winning
HBO series Succession.
Hey.
Hey, can you take on?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Just polling, and, yeah, 10 days out and--
Nice.
What are you at now?
Solid, still holding.
Yeah, 1%.
It's just the fear is in these last days
it could get squeezed.
Squeezed down from 1?
Because that's the lowest number.
No, there's decimals.
[laughter]
Please, welcome Alan Ruck.
[cheering]
Hello, Senator.
Hello.
Somehow you got a bigger Welcome than Lindsey Graham
last night.
I don't know how that happened.
I love the show.
My wife and I watch it every Sunday night.
We're looking forward to Sunday for the premiere.
Thanks.
Now, this is the saga of the Roy family.
Yeah.
AL FRANKEN: [laughs] Yeah, and Connor is the oldest son.
Mm-hmm.
And you are maybe the least accomplished.
It's safe to say that, yeah.
[laughter]
Accurate.
AL FRANKEN: OK, and I know this is going
to be the last season, right?
Yeah, it is.
So how does it end?
Ah!
I can't do it, not even for you.
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
AL FRANKEN: OK, well, you're--
we see in that clip you're running for president.
Yes, I am.
OK, so you can't tell us whether or not you win.
[laughter]
No, but I'm working that 1%, man.
[laughter]
I mean, that's leverage.
OK, it might have been a tip off that maybe you don't.
But you never know.
Things get weird, right?
It's a crazy show.
It's surprising.
Yeah, you can't outguess Jesse Armstrong, so yeah.
The show-- it's going off the air.
Yeah.
That must-- you must--
it looks like you guys love each other.
You guys love working with each other.
I've never seen-- it looks like a tremendous amount of fun.
It's a brutal, brutal emotional show.
But it's also quite funny.
Yeah, it is.
It's wickedly funny, and I think
something that helps it along is that all
the actors are wonderfully--
they're just wonderful, intelligent, kindhearted
people that are playing all these bastards, you know?
So it adds something to it that you can't
help but like them even though they're
miserable human beings.
And I am going to miss everybody terribly.
But I think Jesse's smart to end it on this high note.
Yeah, well, sometimes things run their course.
But I just-- I'm going to miss seeing it.
But I can't wait to--
it's Sunday is when it starts.
So it starts this Sunday.
Yeah, coming up.
Does somebody end up getting the leadership of the company?
Because a lot of this has been all about one
of the siblings--
Succession, yeah.
AL FRANKEN: Succession.
Yeah.
[laughter]
Nice Jack Benny.
Of course.
Yeah, I can just say that someone does.
AL FRANKEN: Oh, wow.
OK, that's good to know.
Yeah.
I just can't wait to see it.
And it's just been a masterful show.
My congratulations to everyone.
Yeah, wonderful bunch of people.
Yeah.
Well, congratulations.
This has been the best bunch I've ever worked with, truly.
So-- and I've been doing this a long time now.
Yeah.
And I know some of the other people you've worked with.
And they're going to be really sorry to hear that.
They're going to be really pissed.
Yeah.
[laughter]
Alan-- Alan Ruck.
[cheering]
Thank you.
Season 4 of Succession will premiere
March 26 on HBO and HBO Max.
OK, we're going to take a quick break.
And we'll be right back after this.
[cheering]
That's our show for tonight.
But before we go, when I was in the Senate,
one of my favorite pieces of legislation
was matching service dogs with veterans with PTSD.
The organization Hero Dogs raises, trains, and places
wonderful and life-changing service dogs with veterans
to support them in their work.
Please, donate at the link below.
Now here is your Moment of Zen.
Boy Meets World star Ben Savage
is hoping to take on his latest role, boy meets Congress.
So boy meets Congress.
REPORTER: Boy meets Congress?
Coming up, boy meets Congress?
It's actually also boy meets Congress because why not?
ANNOUNCER: MTV.