♪
>> Announcer: FROM
NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN
AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT
INVENTED NEWS.
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
YOUR HOST, ROY WOOD JR.!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: WELCOME TO
"THE DAILY SHOW"!
MY NAME IS ROY WOOD JR.
THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT
NOW!
THIS IS A BIG MOMENT FOR ME.
I WANT TO THANK MY MAMA, I WANT
TO THANK FLORIDA A&M UNIVERSITY,
MOST IMPORTANTLY, I NEED TO
THANK MANHATTAN DISTRICT
ATTORNEY ALVIN BRAGG FOR HAVING
THE INDICTMENT DURING OUR WEEK!
BIG SHOW TONIGHT.
WE HAVE THE HOMIE
SENATOR CORY BOOKER IN HERE IN
CASE THERE IS ANY
POLITICAL NEWS THAT IS COMING
UP.
BUT FIRST, BEFORE CORY BOOKER,
LET'S GET INTO THE HEADLINES.
HIT IT, D.J.!
♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH!
WE AIN'T GOT NO D.J.
LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT.
I KNOW EVERYBODY WANT TO TALK
ABOUT TRUMP, BUT FIRST, LET'S
TALK ABOUT THE OPPOSITE OF
TRUMP.
WOMEN'S BASKETBALL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LAST NIGHT, THE LSU LADY TIGERS
BEAT IOWA IN A TOURNAMENT THAT
HAD RECORD-BREAKING VIEWERSHIP.
BUT IT WASN'T JUST WHO WON THE
GAME THAT LEFT PEOPLE TALKING
>> CONTROVERSY FOLLOWING LAST
NIGHT'S GAME AFTER LSU SOPHOMORE
ANGEL REESE TAUNTED IOWA STAR
CAITLIN CLARK.
COMMENTATORS AND FANS ONLINE
CALLING REESE DISRESPECTFUL AND
UNCLASSY.
BUT REESE POINTED OUT THAT NO
ONE CARED WHEN CLARK HAD MADE
THE SAME GESTURE IN A PREVIOUS
GAME.
>> Roy: OH!
OH!
DID YOU SEE WHAT THAT BLACK
WOMAN DID TO THE WHITE WOMAN WHO
DID THE SAME THING TO A PREVIOUS
WOMAN IN A PREVIOUS GAME?
MUST TWEET!
CAN'T RESIST!
MUST TWEET!
AHHH!
FIRST OFF, CAITLIN CLARK HERSELF
WAS OKAY WITH THE SHIT.
SHE WAS FINE WITH IT BECAUSE
CAITLIN GETS THAT TRASH TALK IS
PART OF THE GAME.
AND I AGREE.
PERSONALLY, I THINK TRASH TALK
IS GOOD FOR SPORTS.
SPORTS IS BETTER WHEN THERE IS
TRASH TALK.
EVEN BETTER WHEN THEY MIGHT
START A RACE WAR.
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME, YOU CAN'T SEE
ME."
TO BE HONEST, MAN, THIS WASN'T
-- THIS WAS SOME GOOD
COMPETITION.
CAITLIN CLARK VERSUS ANGEL
REESE, THIS MIGHT BE THE NEW
MAGIC JOHNSON VERSUS LARRY BIRD.
THIS MIGHT BE THE START OF A
FEUD THAT BLEEDS INTO THE
PROFESSION AND INTO THE WNBA.
YOU THINK CAITLIN CLARK AIN'T
BACK IN IOWA RIGHT NOW TRAINING,
YOU THINK SHE AIN'T DUNKING OFF
THE SIDE OF A BARK?
HELL, LSU MIGHT HAVE MESSED UP
AND CREATED A MONSTER.
THE LAST THING YOU WANT IN YOUR
LIFE IS A WHITE WOMAN WITH A
GRUDGE.
YOU'VE SEEN THEM MOVIES!
THEM WHITE WOMEN GET MAD!
[APPLAUSE]
HEY.
YOU GET A WHITE WOMAN MAD, THEY
KEEP COMING, THEY KEEP COMING,
DID Y'ALL SEE SEE "ALIEN?"
THE ALIEN PISSED OFF SIGOURNEY
WEAVER ONE TIME AND SHE WHUPPED
THE ALIEN'S ASS FOR FOUR
STRAIGHT MOVIES.
THEN SHE WENT AND SET THEIR
PREDATOR ON THE ASS.
LET'S MOVE ON TO THE REAL
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.
THE STATE OF NEW YORK VERSUS
DONALD J. TRUMP.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH, OH, TRUMP WAS INDICTED LAST
WEEK FOR PAYING A PORN STAR HUSH
MONEY.
YOU KNOW TRUMP GOT TO BE MAD.
HE PAID ALL THE HUSH MONEY AND
NOBODY HUSHED.
IT'S IN THE WORD.
HUSH.
SHH, BUT NO AFFAIR HAS BEEN LESS
HUSHED THAN THIS ONE.
EVERYBODY KNOW ABOUT THIS DAMN
AFFAIR.
THERE IS UNCONTACTED TRIBES IN
THE AMAZON WHO KNOW THAT TRUMP
BONE BONED STORMY DANIELS.
"I DO NOT KNOW WHO THAT IS BUT I
DO KNOW THAT STORMY DANIELS
SPANKED TRAMP WITH A MAGAZINE."
NOW IF YOU NOTICE, I DID NOT DO
A NATIVE ACCENT, I'M NOT TRYING
TO GET CANCELED ON MY FIRST DAY.
I AM HOLDING IT, MY BAD BUT I
DID NOT DO NO ACCENT.
THE POINT IS, TRUMP HAS BEEN
INDICTED, AND TOMORROW, THE
CIRCUS IS COMING TO TOWN.
>> NEW YORK CITY THIS MORNING
PREPARING TO BECOME THE SETTING
OF AN UNPRECEDENTED LEGAL AND
POLITICAL DRAMA, AS DONALD TRUMP
RETURNS TO FACE THE CRIMINAL
CHARGES AGAINST HIM.
MR. TRUMP EXPECTED TO FACE SOME
30 SEPARATE CHARGES.
THE FIRST EVER FILED AGAINST A
FORMER PRESIDENT.
IN THE INDICTMENT HANDED LAST
THURSDAY, STILL SECRET AND UNDER
SEAL UNTIL HIS ARRAIGNMENT.
MR. TRUMP'S ARRAIGNMENT TUESDAY
WILL INCLUDE BEING PROCESSED AT
THE COURTHOUSE WITH FINGERPRINTS
AND A DNA SAMPLE EXPECTED TO BE
TAKEN AS WELL.
BUT HE LIKELY WON'T BE
HANDCUFFED AND SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS WILL PROTECT HIM AT EVERY
TURN.
>> Roy: THAT'S RIGHT.
TRUMP HAS GOT TO PROVIDE A DNA
SAMPLE.
WHICH, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
THAT IS KIND OF HOW WE GOT IN
THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
THE UPSIDE WITH TRUMP'S DNA
COMING OUT THE NYPD CAN VERBALLY
SOLVE A BUNCH OF COLD CASES FROM
THE '80s.
[APPLAUSE]
WHY ARE THEY ARRANGING HIM LIKE
HE IS A NORMAL PERSON?
HE ATE A NORMAL PERSON.
TRUMP ANTI-NORMAL PERSON.
NORMAL PERSON DON'T BRING THE
SECRET SERVICE TO BE ARRESTED.
AND TO BE HONEST, I KIND OF FEEL
SORRY FOR THE SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS.
YOU GET ASSIGNED TO A FORMER
PRESIDENT, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO
BE GOING TO BASEBALL GAMES, WIND
SURFING.
YOU GET ASSIGNED TO TRUMP, YOU
GOT TO GO TO RIKERS!
YOU GOT TO TAKE A SHANK FOR THIS
MAN!
YOU GOT TO TASTE TEST THE TOILET
WINE, MAKE SURE IT AIN'T POISON!
YOU GOT TO DIG THE ESCAPE
TUNNEL, THEN DUG THE DIRT AND
THE SOFTBALL FIELD.
"I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY
DONALD TRUMP SHOWED UP WITH SIX
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.
HE THOUGHT I WAS."
MORGAN FREEMAN, TERRIBLE.
BUT IT WAS NOT ALL BAD FOR
TRUMP.
IMPORTANT TO REPORT, HE IS
RAISED $5 MILLION SINCE THE NEWS
DROPPED ON THURSDAY.
$5 MILLION!
THIS MAN IS BAWLING, $5 MILLION.
YOU KNOW HOW MANY CIGARETTES AT
WILL GET YOU IN PRISON!
HONESTLY, THIS MIGHT BE TEACHING
THIS MAN THE WRONG LESSON.
TRUMP WILL START TELLING PEOPLE
TO SNITCH ON HIM FOR OTHER
CRIMES CRIMES THAT HE DID.
HE WILL BE THE FIRST MAN IN
HISTORY TO PAY ON HUSH MONEY.
GOING TO JAIL MIGHT BE THE NEW
WAY TO FUND RAISE IF YOU ARE A
POLITICIAN.
HILLARY PROBABLY SITTING AROUND
LIKE, HELL, $5 MILLION, SHIT,
MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE LOCKED ME
UP.
AND TRUMP SUPPORTERS AREN'T JUST
SUPPORTING HIM WITH DONATIONS.
THEY SOUND LIKE THEY READY TO DO
WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO AVENGE
HIM.
>> AFTER TRUMP'S INDICTMENT,
SOME ON SOCIAL MEDIA CALLS FOR
WAR AND SAID IT IS TIME FOR A
REAL INSURRECTION.
>> THIS THING OPENS UP A WHOLE
PANDORA'S BOX HERE, AND I DON'T
REALLY THINK THE LEFT
UNDERSTANDS WHAT THEY'RE GETTING
THEMSELVES INTO.
>> IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE THEY ARE
PUSHING THE POPULATION TO REACT.
WE THINK THEY ARE DEMORALIZED
AND PASSIVE, LET'S SEE IF THEY
REALLY ARE.
I THINK IT IS TIME FOR AN AR-15
AND I THINK MOST PEOPLE KNOW
THAT.
BECAUSE THEY AGITATING FOR
UNREST.
THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO
INTERPRET THIS.
I AM READY FOR WHATEVER IS NEXT.
AND I HOPE EVERY OTHER MAN OUT
THERE WATCHING THIS SHOW, WELL,
I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR
WHATEVER IS NEXT.
IF THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT, LET'S
GET TO IT.
>> Roy: LOOK, LOOK, I CAN'T
SPEAK FOR ALL OF THEM THAT WE
JUST SAW, BUT LET ME TELL YOU
THIS MUCH.
WHEN A BLACK MAN WEARING A
LEATHER JACKET, HE AIN'T [BLEEP]
AROUND.
DOUBT THEM OTHER FOLKS IF YOU
WANT BUT DO NOT DOUBT THIS MAN.
LOOK AT BLADE'S GRANDDADDY.
PROBABLY GOT THE SWORD RIGHT
THERE UNDER THE DAM DAMN SEAT.
BUT YOU GOT TO GIVE IT UP TO
THESE TRUMP SUPPORTERS.
YOU GOT TO GIVE THEM CREDIT.
THEY TALK ABOUT SHOWING UP TO
THE COURTHOUSE, SHOWING UP TO
THE COURTHOUSE, KNOWING THAT THE
NYPD WILL BE THERE!
AND THE NYPD WILL BE READY, I
DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE
FOOTAGE OF THE NYPD, BUT THEY
WILL PASS.
THEY MAKE THE PLAYOFFS EVERY
YEAR.
YOU KNOW, THE NYPD, THEY MIGHT
NOT BEAT THESE MAGA PROTESTERS
TOO BAD.
THEY MIGHT RECOGNIZE THEM FROM
DOING JANUARY 6TH TOGETHER.
[APPLAUSE]
DON'T CLAP FOR THE POLICE GOING
TO JANUARY 6TH.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT AS PASSIONATE AS REPUBLICANS
ARE, YOU GOT TO GIVE THEM
CREDIT.
THIS CASE IS BEING QUARTERBACKED
BY A BLACK DISTRICT ATTORNEY,
AND NOT ONCE HAVE THEY CALLED
HIM THE N-WORD!
THAT IS AMAZING!
EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.
HEY THERE.
I AM VERY PROUD OF Y'ALL.
YOU ARE VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS
BUT AT NO POINT HAVE YOU GONE
ALL THE WAY TO PUBLICLY USING
THE N-WORD.
AND THAT IS GROWTH.
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I
SEE YOU AND I SEE YOUR PROGRESS
AND THAT IS JUST A LITTLE PAT ON
THE BACK FROM YOUR OLD UNCLE
ROY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NOW TO BE HER, HERE IS WHAT IS
WEIRD ABOUT THE REACTION FROM
TRUMP SUPPORTERS.
THEY ARE GETTING READY FOR
REVENGE FOR WHAT DEMOCRATS DID
TO DONALD TRUMP.
BUT THEY ARE ALSO CELEBRATING
WHAT DEMOCRATS DID TO
DONALD TRUMP.
BECAUSE THEY THINK IT WILL HELP
HIM WON THE ELECTION.
SO HELP ME BREAK ME DOWN A
LITTLE BIT MORE, TURN TO THE
HOMEY RONNY CHIENG.
RONNY CHIENG!
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOOD TO SEE SEE YOU, RONNY.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SOME PEOPLE
THINK GETTING ARRESTED IS
ACTUALLY GOING TO HELP TRUMP?
>> YEAH!
BECAUSE THEY ARE RIGHT!
OF COURSE GETTING ARRESTED IS
GOING TO HELP TRUMP!
YOU KNOW HOW BAD AS BAD AS HE'S
GOING TO LOOK WHEN HE WALKS INTO
THE REPUBLICAN DEBATES WITH
A FACE TATTOO?
NOW HE HAS GREAT GRAD.
YOU ARE BLACK.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
>> Roy: RONNIE, JAIL IS NOT AN
INSTANT PATH TO GREATNESS.
YOU KNOW JAIL IS NOT AN INSTANT
PATH TO GREATNESS.
YOU ARE AN ASIAN.
YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS.
>> YEAH, I AM ASIAN WHICH IS WHY
I KNOW TRUMP IS GOING TO BE LIKE
THAT NELSON MANDELA OF THE
PEOPLE WHO PUT NELSON MANDELA IN
JAIL.
EVERYONE THINKS THEY WANT
UPSTANDING LEADERS.
BUT WHAT THEY REALLY WANT, BAD
BOYS WHO DON'T GIVE A [BLEEP]!
BILL CLINTON GOT A BLOW JOB IN
THE OVAL OFFICE AND THAT IS
STILL THE MOST POPULAR THING HE
EVER DID.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> OH, YEAH?
NAME ONE OTHER THING HE DID.
SPEED WHEN HE PLAYED SAXOPHONE
ON ARSENIO HALL.
>> THAT IS ANOTHER FORM OF
BLOWING, OKAY?
FACE IT!
ROY, IT IS 2023.
BEING INDICTED NOW MEANS YOU ARE
A STRONGER CANDIDATE.
IT IS LIKE BEING A RAPPER OR
MARTHA STEWART.
OKAY, IN FACT, I AM CALLING IT.
TRUMP IS NOW THE OFFICIAL FRONT
RUNNER FOR PRESIDENT!
>> Roy: DON'T SAY THAT, DON'T
SAY THAT.
[BOOS]
>> I JUST SAID IT ON
"THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
ROY WOOD JR.
>> Roy: DON'T SAY "WITH
ROY WOOD JR."
."
>> "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
ROY WOOD JR. IS OFFICIALLY
SAYS --
>> Roy: NO, NO.
>> THAT DONALD TRUMP IS NOW THE
LEAD CANDIDATE IN THE
PRESIDENTIAL RACE.
>> Roy: SERIOUSLY.
THAT IS YOUR PRODUCTION?
TRUMP WINS?
>> YEAH.
UNLESS JOE BIDEN CAN ALSO GET
INDICTED FOR SOMETHING EVEN
CRAZIER.
I AM TALKING HUNTER BIDEN CRAZY.
NONE OF THIS CLASSIFIED
DOCUMENTS BULLSHIT.
NO ONE GIVES A [BLEEP] ABOUT
DOCUMENTS!
I AM SAYING AT THE NEXT CABINET
MEETING, BIDEN HAS TO BEAT PETER
JUDGED-—-DASH PETE BUTTIGIEG DEATH.
HE COULD STEAL A NUCLEAR BOMB
AND USE IT TO BEAT PETE BUDDHA
PETE BUTTIGIEG DEATH.
>> Roy: POSSESSION WITH INTENT
TO DISTRIBUTE, WRITING BAD
CHECKS WOULD BE -- WAIT A
MINUTE, MAN.
DON'T MAKE ME SUGGEST CRIMES FOR
THE PRESIDENT, MAN!
YOU ARE SAYING IN ORDER TO WIN,
BIDEN HAS TO FIGHT FIRE WITH
FIRE?
>> EXACTLY!
THAT IS A GREAT PITCH.
HE SHOULD SHOULD SET THE
WHITE HOUSE ON FIRE.
WITH PETE BUTTIGIEG INSIDE.
SO BIDEN HAS TO ONE UP TRUMP.
IF TRUMP GOES TO PRISON, BIDEN
HAS TO GO TO SOLITARY AND GET
THE DEATH PENALTY AND THEN, JUST
TO BE SAFE, GO TO HELL.
SO BASICALLY, WHOEVER GOES TO
HELL FIRST, WE WILL WIN THE
ELECTION BECAUSE THAT IS
DEMOCRACY, BABY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: THEY HAVE TO GO TO
HELL?
YOU MAKE HELL SOUND LIKE A SWING
STATE.
>> EXACTLY.
HELL IS LIKE OHIO EXCEPT NOT AS
BAD.
>> Roy: THAT'S ENOUGH.
RONNY CHIENG, EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR RONNY CHIENG.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE WILL FIND
OUT HOW TO TEACH BLACK HISTORY
TO WHITE PEOPLE.
SO DON'T GO AWAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
NOW DONALD TRUMP AIN'T THE ONLY
BULLSHIT COMING OUT OF FLORIDA.
GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS IS
MAKING NEWS FOR HIS APPROACH TO
TEACHING BLACK HISTORY, OR
SHOULD I SAY, LESS OF IT.
SO I MADE A QUICK TRIP DOWN TO
FLORIDA TO FIND OUT MORE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LAST APRIL, RON DeSANTIS
SIGNED THE STOP WOKE ACT WHICH
PROHIBITS EDUCATION AND MAKES
PEOPLE FEEL ENGLISH ON THE
ACCOUNT OF RACE, COLOR, SEX, OR
NATIONAL ORIGIN.
IN OTHER WORDS, IT IS BASICALLY
ILLEGAL NOW IN FLORIDA TO MAKE
WHITE PEOPLE FEEL BAD ABOUT
SLAVERY.
KEITH FLAUGH IS AN EDUCATION FOR
RON DeSANTIS AND A SUPPORTER
OF THE STOP WOKE BACK.
>> WE HAVE TEACHERS COMING OUT
OF HIS LIBERAL COLLEGES, THEY
BELIEVE OUR COUNTRY IS EVIL.
THEY ARE TEACHING YOUNG CHILDREN
THAT IT'S ABOUT THE COLOR OF
YOUR SKIN, NOT YOUR CHARACTER.
>> Roy: OKAY, BUT HOW DO WE
TALK ABOUT RACE IN THIS COUNTRY
IN A WAY THAT KEEPS PEOPLE FROM
BEING SO DAMN SENSITIVE?
>> I DON'T KNOW THAT I HAVE AN
ANSWER TO THAT.
>> Roy: BECAUSE THAT'S THE
ISSUE.
TRYING TO TALK ABOUT THE RACE
PART OF IT, JUST A LITTLE BIT ON
PEOPLE GO, "THAT IS MAKING ME
FEEL BAD!"
TOUGH IN YOUR ASS UP.
>> YOU THINK YOU CHALLENGE THAT
BY TEACHING YOUNG KIDS IN
KINDERGARTEN THAT BECAUSE THEY
ARE WHITE, THEY HAVE BENEFITED
FROM RIGHT TO PRIVACY?
>> Roy: I WASN'T YELLING AT
YOU BY THE WAY.
>> I GET IT.
I GET IT.
>> Roy: SO YOU BELIEVE THAT
THERE IS INSTITUTIONAL RACISM IN
THIS COUNTRY?
>> I DON'T KNOW THAT I -- I
DON'T KNOW THAT -- YOU JUST SAID
"I BELIEVE" AND I DON'T KNOW --
I DON'T KNOW THAT MY OPINION
MATTERS IN THAT SITUATION.
I THINK YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE
FACTS.
AND -- AND I DON'T KNOW THAT I
AM PREPARED TO STATE AN OPINION
ON THAT.
>> Roy: SO MAYBE THE REAL
QUESTION SHOULD BE, WHOSE
FEELINGS ARE WE REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT HURTING?
WE TALK ABOUT ALL OF THE RACISM,
RACISM SYSTEMIC INEQUALITY, THEN
WE HAVE ANOTHER CLASS THAT IS
JUST CALLED "THE GOOD WHITE
FOLKS."
YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEEN A
QUESTION MARK IF YOU BLACK MAN
GOT KICKED OUT AND THEN
BRAD PITT HELP THEM GET
FREE.
YOU LEARN ABOUT BRAD PITT.
YOU LEARN ABOUT SOME OF DOCTOR
KING'S WHITE FRIENDS.
WOULD THAT HELP --
GIVEN WHAT YOU ARE SAYING --
>> I DON'T THINK THAT HELPS AT
ALL BECAUSE WHAT YOU ARE DOING
IS YOU ARE TEACHING --
>> Roy: YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
BRAD PITT.
I JUST EDUCATED YOU.
THE IDEA OF TEACHING A CLASS ON
GREAT WHITE PEOPLE IN HISTORY IS
JUST TOO GOOD TO RESIST.
HI.
I'M ROY WOOD JR.
AND WELCOME TO THE ONLY HISTORY
CLASS DEDICATED TO THE MANY
GREAT CONTRIBUTIONS OF WHITE
FOLKS.
AND THEREFORE, THE ONLY CLASS
SANCTIONED BY THE STATE OF
FLORIDA BECAUSE IT MAKES WHITE
PEOPLE FEEL GOOD.
WELCOME TO...
THE "GREAT WHITES."
LET'S START WITH THE GREATEST
WHITE OF ALL.
GEORGE WASHINGTON.
BORN IN 1732, GEORGE WASHINGTON
LED THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION
AGAINST THE BRITISH EMPIRE,
SECURED THE COUNTRY'S FREEDOM,
AND THEN SERVED AS A NATION'S
FIRST PRESIDENT.
WASHINGTON THEN RETIRED TO HIS
BEAUTIFUL PLANTATION IN VIRGINIA
WITH HIS WIFE AND...
OVER 300 SLAVES AS PART PART OF
AN ECONOMIC SYSTEM BUILT ON THE
SUBJUGATION OF BLACK BLACK PEOPLE.
GEORGE WASHINGTON ALSO HELPS
CREATE THE TRADITION OF
PRESIDENTIAL.
GOOD WORK, GEORGE WASHINGTON.
ONE OF THE OTHER GREAT BOYS IN
HISTORY THAT WE OFTEN DON'T
TALKED ABOUT IS A BRILLIANT
WHITE MAN NAMED THOMAS EDISON.
OUT OF HIS LAB IN NEW JERSEY
COME AT US CREDITED WITH OVER
1,000 PATENTS IN HIS LIFETIME.
AMONG THOSE PATENTS HE IS
CREDITED FOR IS THE MOTION
PICTURE.
THAT IS WHERE WE WOULD NOT HAVE
MOVIES, TV SHOWS, OR FOOTAGE OF
BLACK PEOPLE GETTING PAID UP BY
THE POLICE.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
MINE IS "SHREK"."
ANOTHER ONE IS JACK RYAN.
JACK WAS A SUCCESSFUL INVESTMENT
BANKER WHO RAN FOR SENATE IN
ILLINOIS IN 2004.
DURING HIS CAMPAIGN, IT CAME OUT
THAT RYAN HAD ASKED HIS WIFE TO
PERFORM SEXUAL ACTS ON HIM IN
PUBLIC.
DISGRACED JACK WAS FORCED TO
STEP DOWN FROM THE RACE, LEADING
TO AN EASY VICTORY FOR HIS
OPPONENT...
BARACK OBAMA, WHO WOULD GO ON TO
BECOME PRESIDENT.
AND NOW HIS WIFE IS DEAD AND
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HAVE
HEALTH CARE ALL BECAUSE OF THE
GREAT JACK RYAN!
THANK YOU TO THIS UNCONSCIONABLE
HORNINESS.
AND FINALLY, THE WORLD OF
SPORTS.
WHICH IS LITTERED WITH GREAT
WHITES, INCLUDING THE GREATEST
COACH WHO EVER LIVED.
PHIL JACKSON.
WITH THE CHICAGO BULLS IN THE
'90s, JACKSON EMPLOYED A
GROUNDBREAKING OFFENSIVE SCHEME
CALLED PASS THE BALL TO THE BALL
HITTING BLACK DUDE.
JACKSON WOULD LATER FIND
CHAMPIONSHIP SUCCESS WITH OTHER
BALL HITTING BLACK DUDES, LIKE
SHAQ AND KOBE.
THIS LOGISTICS CHAMPIONSHIPS.
JORDAN LED THE LEAGUE IN SCORING
TEN TIMES MANLY THANKS TO GREAT
WHITES WHO PASSED HIM THE BALL.
THEY COULD HAVE EASILY LED THE
LEAGUE IN SCORING THEMSELVES BUT
OUT OF SHEER SELFLESSNESS, THOSE
GREAT WHITES LET MICHAEL DO IT
INSTEAD.
NEAREST TO YOU, BUT I'M AFRAID
THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR
TODAY.
JOIN ME NEXT WEEK WHEN WE TALK
ABOUT THE BRILLIANT WRIGHT
BROTHERS AND HOW THEIR
INNOVATIONS IN AIR TRAVEL LED TO
THE BLACK WALL STREET AND
"TOP GUN" WILL BE.
NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE "SHREK"."
THEY ARE BOTH FIRE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: STAY TUNED.
BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK,
SENATOR CORY BOOKER WILL BE
JOINING ME ON THE SHOW!
DON'T GO AWAY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: WELCOME BACK.
WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
MY GUEST TONIGHT REPRESENTS THE
GREAT STATE OF NEW JERSEY IN THE
UNITED STATES SENATE.
PLEASE WELCOME
SENATOR CORY BOOKER!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪
YES!
NEW JERSEY!
>> YES!
>> Roy: NEW JERSEY IN THE
BUILDING.
>> I THINK YOU LOOK SO GOOD
BEHIND THAT DESK.
>> Roy: WELL, THANK YOU,
BROTHER!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I APPRECIATE THAT.
>> I AM NOT A NEW JERSEY BUT CAN
I JUST SAY, THE END OF THE
"THE DAILY SHOW" SPEED DATING,
LET'S JUST SETTLE AND GO
PERMANENT RIGHT NOW.
>> Roy: THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HANG ON NOW, WE GOT TO SEE WHAT
ELSE "THE DAILY SHOW" BRINGS TO
THE TABLE.
LET'S TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM THAT
JUST LANDED IN NEW YORK CITY.
NOW IN WASHINGTON, WHAT IS YOUR
FEELING RIGHT NOW WITH
EVERYTHING WITH THE TRUMP
INDICTMENT?
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK THIS
INDICTMENT IS GOING TO PARALYZE
BIPARTISANSHIP ON ACTUALLY
GETTING LAWS PASSED IN THE NEXT
YEAR?
BECAUSE TRUMP HAS A WAY OF SET
WOW SUCKING THE WIND OUT OF
CONVERSATION.
>> IN THE SENATE, I DON'T THINK
IT WILL HAVE MUCH EFFECT AT ALL.
YOU'VE HEARD MITCH McCONNELL
STAY EERILY SILENT.
THIS IS A MOMENT IN AMERICAN
HISTORY THAT IS PRETTY
SIGNIFICANT.
I BELIEVE DEEPLY IN DEMOCRATIC
PRINCIPLES, I BELIEVE IN THE
IDEA OF THE RULE OF LAW BUT WE
HAVE HAD A NATION THAT HASN'T
LIVED UP TO THOSE PRINCIPLES ALL
THE TIME, AS BRIAN STEPHENSON
SAYS, HE SAYS, WE HAVE A
CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM THAT
TREATS YOU BETTER IF YOU ARE
RICH AND GUILTY THAN IF YOU ARE
POOR AND INNOCENT.
[APPLAUSE]
FOR ME, THIS IS ONE OF THOSE
TOUGH MOMENTS, DONALD TRUMP HAS
FLAUNTED THE RULE OF LAW OR
SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF HIS
CAREER, AND DID IT IN A BULLYING
WAY, WHETHER IT WAS "LOCK HER
UP" OR EVEN THE EXONERATED FIVE,
THE CENTRAL PARK FIVE COME AFTER
THEY WERE EXONERATED, FAILING TO
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT WAS A
TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE.
[APPLAUSE]
I THINK THAT THE SENATE IS GOING
TO BE FINE, THERE WILL BE PEOPLE
TRYING TO FIND COMPROMISE, GET
THINGS DONE, BUT I DO THINK THIS
IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS WHERE
THERE IS A 34 COUNT INDICTMENT
THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE
WHAT IS IN IT, I THINK THERE IS
A LOT OF RUSHING TO ASSUME
PARTISAN POSITIONS IN THIS.
AS A GUY WHO BELIEVES IN
DEMOCRACY, BELIEVES IN THE RULE
OF LAW, BELIEVES IN DUE PROCESS,
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
>> Roy: TO THE POINT OF
EVERYONE RUSHING TO CHOOSE A
SIDE, IF THAT'S WHAT REPUBLICANS
ARE SAYING PUBLICLY -- GOES
>> Roy: THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN
THE 34 COUNT INDICTMENT.
>> Roy: IS THERE A CAFETERIA
IN THE SENATE?
WHAT ARE THEY SAYING IN THE
CAFETERIA?
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?
>> YOU FORGET THIS, BUT TRUMP
HAS BEEN ON TRIAL TWICE IN THE
SENATE AND HE HAS HAD
REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS, BOTH
PARTIES, PEOPLE IN BOTH PARTIES
VOTED TO CONVICT HIM, DIDN'T
HAVE ENOUGH TO MEET THE
THRESHOLD FOR CONVICTION.
BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF FOLKS ON
BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE THAT
THINK THAT THIS IS A GUY WHO HAS
CAUSED SO MUCH DAMAGE TO OUR
POLITICAL SYSTEM, HAS REALLY
SHAKEN THE FOUNDATIONS OF OUR
DEMOCRACY, IDEAS ABOUT OUR
DEMOCRACY THAT WE HAVE TAKEN
GRANTED OVER THE YEARS, HE HAS
REALLY THREATENED.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU
WOULD BE SITTING THERE AT YOUR
WORKPLACE AND YOU WOULD BE
OVERRUN BY PEOPLE STORMING THE
CAPITOL, WAVING THE CONFEDERATE
FLAG, HAVING T-SHIRTS
CELEBRATING THE HOLOCAUST --
>> Roy: VIKING HAS.
>> NOT TO MENTION VIKING HATS
AND MORE.
SO THIS IS A GUY WHO HAS TRULY
STRAINED THE VERY DEMOCRACY OF
OUR NATION, AND WE HOPE TO HOLD
HIM ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT.
HE IS UNDER INVESTIGATION IN
MULTIPLE JURISDICTIONS.
THIS IS A LONG THING TO PLAY
OUT.
I'M JUST ONE OF THOSE FOLKS THAT
CAME TO WASHINGTON TO FOCUS ON
CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORM BECAUSE
WE HAVE THIS NATION WHERE WE
STILL HAVE PEOPLE -- LOOK, ONE
OUT OF EVERY THREE INCARCERATED
WOMEN ON THE PLANET EARTH ABOUT
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
WE INCARCERATE PEOPLE AT LEVELS
HERE THAT ARE OUTRAGEOUS.
SO TO ME, HE IS NOT MY CENTRAL
FOCUS.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET HIM TEAR ME
AWAY FROM THE IMPORTANT WORK WE
NEED TO DO IN WASHINGTON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: OKAY.
SO WITH SOME OF THAT IMPORTANT
WORK, LET'S TALK A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT POLICE REFORM.
YOUR FRIEND, OUR FRIEND,
SENATOR TIM SCOTT -- ALL BLACK
PEOPLE KNOW EACH OTHER.
[LAUGHTER]
I KNOW THEM BUT THEY DON'T KNOW
ME.
[LAUGHTER]
HE HAD A POLICE REFORM DEAL THAT
HE WAS TRYING TO GET PAST, AND
IT HAD A LOT OF THE RIGHT THINGS
IN IT ABOUT MORE BODY CAMERAS,
LESS CHOKE HOLDS, MORE
REGULATIONS.
BUT THE DEMOCRATS FILIBUSTER THE
BILL.
IN A TIME WHEN YOU NEED SOME
LEVEL OF MEETING IN THE
MIDDLE -- AND IT FEELS LIKE THAT
POLICE REFORM BILL THAT
TIM SCOTT WAS TRYING TO PUT
TOGETHER WAS AN ATTEMPT AT
MEETING IN THE MIDDLE -- CAN WE
REALLY SHOW THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
IN THIS ELECTION CYCLE THAT
NOTHING IS BETTER THAN
SOMETHING?
>> YEAH, SO LOOK, MY EXPERIENCE
IN WASHINGTON HAS BEEN GETTING
BIG BILLS DONE.
SOME OF THEM WITH TIM SCOTT,
WHETHER IT IS CRIMINAL JUSTICE
REFORM, WE PASSED THE FIRST STEP
ACT UNDER TRUMP.
WE DID ANOTHER BELL THAT HAS
CREATED BILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF
INVESTMENT IN LOW INCOME AREAS,
TIM AND I RODE TOGETHER,
CALLED OPPORTUNITY ZONES.
HECK, EVEN THINGS THAT PEOPLE
DON'T THINK ABOUT.
BY A SICKLE CELL ANEMIA A
DISEASE THAT DISPROPORTIONATELY
AFFECTS AFRICAN AMERICANS,
UNDERFUNDED THAN OTHER DISORDERS
THAT AFFECT LESS PEOPLE.
WE HAVE NOT FOUND A COMMON
GROUND NECESSARY TO GET A BILL
INTRODUCED.
WE ARE STILL WORKING ON IT.
WE ARE STILL HAVING DIALOGUE,
LITERALLY, AS MOST RECENTLY AS
LAST WEEK TO TRY TO FIND A WAY.
BECAUSE WE BOTH AGREE.
TIM HAS TOLD COMPELLING STORIES
ON THE SENATE FLOOR ABOUT WHAT
IT'S LIKE GROWING UP AS A BLACK
MAN IN AMERICA, HAVING THAT THIS
ABORTIONDISPROPORTIONATE TREATMENT.
WE ARE ON DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE
AISLE BUT WE HAVE A FRIENDSHIP
AND I'M HOPEFUL WE CAN GET
SOMETHING DONE.
>> Roy: LAST THING.
YOU ARE A BIG ADVOCATE ABOUT
NUTRITION AND HEALTH, AND EATING
RIGHT.
I KNOW YOU WAS IN WHOLE FOODS,
AND THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT FOR
MY 40 MINUTES.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH DETAIL YOU
LOOKING AT EACH ORANGE BEFORE
YOU PUT IT IN THE CART.
BUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT FOOD AND
HEALTH AND THE WAY THAT WE HAVE
FOOD DESERTS IN MINORITY
COMMUNITIES, TALK TO ME A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT THE FARM BILL AND ALSO
WHY THE McDONALD'S SHAKE
MACHINE IS ALWAYS BROKEN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHICH EVER ONE YOU HAVE TIME
FOR.
>> ONE OF THE BIGGEST CRISES WE
ALWAYS TALK ABOUT IS WHY IS
THERE SUCH A DEMAND FOR
HEALTH CARE IN THIS COUNTRY.
WE HAVE A NATION AT ONE END OF
EVERYTHING GOVERNMENT DOLLARS
ABOUT IS BEING SPENT ON
HEALTH CARE, AND THE MAJORITY OF
THAT, 70, 80% IS FOR PREVENTABLE
DISEASES, A MAJORITY OF THAT IS
DIET-RELATED DISEASES.
THE FARM BILL, WHICH SHOULD HAVE
SOME RELATION TO WHAT WE SHOULD
BE EATING, ONLY ABOUT 7-10% OF
OUR SUBSIDIES GO TO THE THINGS
THAT NUTRITIONISTS TELL US TO
EAT THE MOST OUT.
SO KIDS CAN WALK UP INTO A
BODEGA OR TO A CORNER
GROCERY STORE AND FIND A TWINKIE
PRODUCT CHEAPER THAN AN APPLE.
NOT BECAUSE IT IS THE TRUE COST.
BUT BECAUSE WE SUBSIDIZE
EVERYTHING IN THE TWINKIE OR THE
HAPPY MEAL AND NOT ENOUGH STUFF,
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES.
SO HE WALKED TO ANOTHER STORE,
YOU FIND A BUCKET OF SALAD AT
COST 15 BUCKS BUT YOU CAN GO
DOWN THE STREET AND GET A DOLLAR
MEAL.
WE HAVE TO STOP SUBSIDIZING SO
MUCH OF THE EMPTY NUTRITION,
HYPER PROCESS, SUGAR-FILLED
FOODS THAT GET SO MUCH OF OUR
SUBSIDIES AND NOT ENOUGH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THIS FARM BILL CAN REFLECT WHAT
AMERICANS SHOULD BE EATING BY
EXPANDING ACCESS TO FRESH,
HEALTHY FOODS THAT FAMILIES
WANT.
>> Roy: WELL, SENATOR, I WISH
YOU LUCK.
TRYING TO GET A BILL PASSED THIS
YEAR WHILE THE ASSHOLE TAKES UP
ALL THE MEDIA CYCLE.
>> I AM GRATEFUL MORE THAN YOU
KNOW.
IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Roy: SENATOR CORY BOOKER,
EVERYBODY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK
BREAK.
BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER
THIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR
TONIGHT.
BUT BEFORE WE GO, PLEASE
CONSIDER DONATING TO THE
NONPROFIT I SEE ME, AN
ORGANIZATION DISMANTLING THE
SCHOOL TO PRISON PIPELINE BY
INCREASING LITERACY RATES IN
CHILDREN OF COLOR.
IF YOU CAN, PLEASE DONATE AT THE
LINK BELOW.
HERE IT IS.
YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN."
>> JURISDICTION TO GO AFTER THE
CAMPAIGN ELECTION CHARGE, SO IT
IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM
TO PROVE THAT FELONY.
>> SO THIS IS SUCH A TOUGH CASE
FOR HIM TO MAKE, WHY IS HE
BRINGING IT?
>> I THINK THERE IS NO QUESTION
ABOUT IT, THAT HE WANTS TO
HUMILIATE PRESIDENT FRAUD --