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♪ ♪
Announcer: FROM
NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN
AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT
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00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:18,451
INVENTED NEWS.
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
YOUR HOST, ROY WOOD JR.!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:34,801
♪ ♪
Roy: WELCOME TO
"THE DAILY SHOW!"
I AM ROY WOOD JR.
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00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:42,008
YES, I AM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
NOW THIS IS --
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00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:59,426
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NOW WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."
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00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:04,664
THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT AS GUEST
HOST.
NO, NO, DON'T CRY, BECAUSE
YOU'RE ALL INVITED TO THE AFTER
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00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:17,143
PARTY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE AIN'T NO AFTER PARTY.
WE ARE ON A BASIC CABLE BUDGET.
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00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:20,780
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE COMING TO SEE?
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
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00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:29,456
SO LET'S GET INTO HEADLINES!
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT
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00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:33,927
NOW.
SO MUCH GOING ON THIS WEEK.
CHICAGO HAS A NEW MAYOR.
RFK JR. IS RUNNING FOR
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00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:43,369
PRESIDENT.
AND THE TAMPA BAY RAYS ARE
UNDEFEATED!
THE TAMPA BAY RAYS!
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00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:48,341
GOOD FOR THEM.
YOU KNOW, THEY PAY THEIR PLAYERS
AND BURGER KING, DID YOU KNOW
THAT?
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00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:54,681
IF THERE IS ONE THING I LOVE
MORE THAN BASEBALL, IT IS FOOD,
AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I LOVE
MORE THAN FOOD, IT IS FOOD
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00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:58,284
LAWSUITS.
THIS MORNING, IT IS A BATTLE
OF THE BOWLS.
CHIPOTLE MEXICAN GRILL FILING A
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00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:03,356
LAWSUIT IN CALIFORNIA AGAINST
SALAD CHAIN SWEETGREEN, ALLEGING
SWEETGREEN'S NEW CHIPOTLE
CHICKEN BURRITO BOWL VIOLATES
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00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:09,696
CHIPOTLE'S TRADEMARK RIGHTS.
CHIPOTLE CLAIMING SWEETGREEN'S
VERY SIMILAR AND DIRECTLY
COMPETITIVE BOWL IS AN ATTEMPT
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00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:16,703
TO CAPITALIZE ON THEIR BRAND,
ARGUING THE COMPETITOR'S AD USES
THE SAME FONT AND STYLE AS
CHIPOTLE'S BRANDING AND FEATURES
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00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:27,914
A SIMILAR COLOR TO THEIR
TRADEMARKED ADOBO RED.
CHIPOTLE SAYS SWEETGREEN
SHOULD CHANGE THE NAME OF ITS
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00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:36,356
NEW BOWL BY, ONE, PUTTING THE
WORD CHIPOTLE IN LOWER CASE AND
RENAMING IT AS A "CHICKEN BOWL
WITH CHIPOTLE."
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00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:46,299
Roy: THAT'S RIGHT, THE TWO
WHITEST RESTAURANTS IN AMERICA
ARE FIGHTING OVER WHO GETS TO
USE A MEXICAN WORD.
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00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:51,738
AND HONESTLY,
WHAT THE HELL IS CHIPOTLE MAD
ABOUT?
YOU NAMED YOURSELF AFTER A
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00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:58,811
SEASONING.
THAT'S ON YOU.
HONESTLY, BOTH OF THESE
COMPANIES NEED TO GET SUED JUST
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00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:06,719
FOR USING THE WORD "BURRITO
BOWL."
IF IT AIN'T WRAPPED UP, IT AIN'T
A BURRITO!
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00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:14,394
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
STOP, STOP IT!
IT'S JUST SHIT IN A BOWL.
YOU PUT SHIT IN A BOWL AND YOU
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00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:23,803
GO, THIS IS OUR BURRITO BOWL.
BITCH, THAT'S DRY CHILI!
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY OUR ALL
NEW PB&J SANDWICH BOWL?"
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00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:31,210
SORRY, DID I SAY I WANTED THAT?
I COULD HAVE SWORE I WANTED A
SANDWICH.
MOVING ONTO A BIG STORY TODAY.
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00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:37,817
ONE OF AMERICA'S SUPREME COURT
JUSTICES IS IN A MAJOR
CORRUPTION SCANDAL.
AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO.
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OKAY, IT'S CLARENCE THOMAS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT.
A SIMPLY BLOCKBUSTER
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00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:48,828
BOMBSHELL REPORT.
GET THIS: SUPREME COURT JUSTICE
CLARENCE THOMAS DID NOT DISCLOSE
LUXURY TRIPS AROUND THE WORLD
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00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:54,233
WORTH HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF
DOLLARS.
PROPUBLICA SAYS
JUSTICE THOMAS HAS FOR YEARS
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00:03:54,233 --> 00:04:01,341
ACCEPTED FREE CHARTER JET
FLIGHTS AND STAYS ON A YACHT AND
LUXURY RESORTS FROM REAL ESTATE
DEVELOPER HARLAN CROW.
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00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:07,914
CROW IS A CONSERVATIVE MEGA
DONOR.
CROW TELLS PROPUBLICA, HE'S
NEVER TRIED TO INFLUENCE THE
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00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:19,659
JUSTICE ON LEGAL OR POLITICAL
ISSUES.
Roy: YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
NO, NO, I AM SURE THIS
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00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:27,734
BILLIONAIRE REPUBLICAN DIDN'T
WANT TO INFLUENCE NOBODY.
NO, NO, HE JUST WANTED TO GO ON
VACATION WITH CLARENCE THOMAS,
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00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:33,606
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT
CLARENCE THOMAS IS CLEARLY A BAG
OF FUN.
JUST BE STRAIGHT UP!
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00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:47,787
WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO PULL UP ON
MIAMI BEACH WITH OLD CT?
"COME ON, CLARENCE, WE DOING
TEQUILA SHOTS!"
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00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:51,357
"OH, CLARENCE LOVES TEQUILA
SHOTS."
I DON'T KNOW WHY I MADE HIM
SOUND LIKE SLING BLADE.
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00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:56,996
HERE IS MY QUESTION.
IF YOU AREN'T STRENGTHENED BY
LACK A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE,
WHY ARE YOU SPENDING ALL THIS
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00:04:56,996 --> 00:05:06,272
MONEY ON LUXURY YACHTS AND
PLANES FOR CLARENCE THOMAS?
YOU COULD HAVE BOUGHT
BRETT KAVANAUGH FOR A BOTTLE OF
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00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:15,481
JAGER AND A SOUTHWEST BUS PASS.
THIS IS A DEAL!
LET'S MOVE ON TO SPORTS NOW.
EARLIER THIS WEEK, WE TOLD YOU
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00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:22,488
HOW LSU BEAT IOWA IN THE WOMEN'S
NCAA BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP AND
THERE WAS SOME EPIC TRASH TALK
THIS WEEK BETWEEN ANGEL REESE
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00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:31,297
AND CAITLIN CLARK, AND TEMPERS
HAVE BEEN BUBBLING ALL WEEK.
BUT FINALLY, FINALLY, A
PEACEMAKER HAS EMERGED.
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00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:37,203
DID FIRST LADY JILL BIDEN GET
SO EXCITED ABOUT THE WOMEN'S
BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME,
SHE PUT HER FOOT IN HER MOUTH?
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00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:43,876
AS SHE CELEBRATED LSU'S VICTORY
OVER IOWA, DR. JILL SUGGESTED
BOTH TEAMS COME TO
THE WHITE HOUSE.
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00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:49,782
I KNOW WE BOTH HAVE THE
CHAMPIONS COME TO
THE WHITE HOUSE, WE ALWAYS DO,
SO WE WILL HAVE LSU COME, BUT
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00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:59,492
YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING TO TELL
JOE, I THINK IOWA SHOULD COME
TOO, BECAUSE THEY PLAYED SUCH A
GOOD GAME.
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00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:08,835
Roy: YES, YES.
NO, YOU ARE WRONG!
SHE'S TALKING ABOUT PEACE AND
UNITY!
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00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:18,644
WHY SHOULDN'T THE LOSERS BE
STANDING PROUD WITH THE WINNERS?
COME ON, JILL, YOU ARE TRYING TO
TURN THE WHITE HOUSE INTO A
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00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:25,218
PARTICIPATION TROPHY.
NOBODY LIKES PARTICIPATION
TROPHIES!
EVEN THE KIDS DON'T LIKE
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00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:29,922
PARTICIPATION TROPHY IS!
NOBODY!
NOBODY HAS EVER CAME HOME AFTER
SCHOOL, AFTER THE BIG GAME WITH
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00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:38,364
THEIR TROPHY LIKE, "YO, CHECK IT
OUT, I STRUCK OUT 12 TIMES!"
FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TURN
TO DESI LYDIC.
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00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:47,440
DESI!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW ARE YOU DOING, DESI?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
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00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:52,345
NOW DESI COME AWAY FROM TALKING
ABOUT THE STORY AROUND THE
BUILDING ALL WEEK AND I KNOW YOU
WILL AGREE ME, THE WHOLE THING
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00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:59,018
ON THIS ISSUE COMES DOWN TO ONE
WORD, AND THAT WORD IS...
RACISM.
Roy: SEXISM.
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00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:09,262
I'M SORRY, YOU THINK IT'S
RACISM?
ROY, I KNOW RACISM WHEN I SEE
IT, AND THIS IS TEXTBOOK RACISM.
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00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:14,400
A MOSTLY WHITE TEAM GETTING AN
INVITE TO THE WHITE HOUSE FOR
LOSING
IS WHITE PRIVILEGE AT ITS MOST
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00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:26,646
INSIDIOUS.
[APPLAUSE]
IF I MAY QUOTE MALCOM X...
Roy: NO, NO, NO.
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00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:34,086
YOU MAY NOT QUOTE MALCOLM X.
GOT IT, GOT IT.
Roy: I HEAR WHAT YOU ARE
SAYING, DESI, BUT THIS CLEARLY
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00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:37,590
SEXISM.
THIS OFFER, THIS WOULD'VE NEVER
HAPPENED IN MEN'S EXPORTS.
BUT WOMEN ARE EXPECTED TO GET
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00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:44,797
ALONG AND SHARE THE PRIZE SIMPLY
BECAUSE THEY'RE WOMEN.
IF I COULD QUOTE THE GREAT
GLORIOUS DYNAMO...
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00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:54,040
GLORIA STEINEM...
NOPE, NOPE.
LOOK, ROY, IT IS RACIST TO HONOR
WHITE LOSERS THE SAME AS
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00:07:54,040 --> 00:08:00,713
BLACK WINNERS.
TRUST ME.
I HAVE A UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE ON
RACE, AS A PERSON TALKING TO A
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00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:12,258
BLACK MAN RIGHT NOW.
Roy: DESI, LET ME EXPLAIN
TO YOU HOW INTERNALIZED SEXISM
WORKS.
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00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:19,398
LET ME EXPLAIN SEXISM.
NO, NO.
Roy: DOCTOR JILL BIDEN
TREATED THESE ADULT WOMEN LIKE A
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00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:26,072
BUNCH OF HIGH SCHOOLERS WHO ALL
HAD TO BE INVITED TO THE SLUMBER
PARTY NO MATTER WHAT.
THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO.
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00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:32,211
AND I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT, BECAUSE
I WATCHED "THE HANDMAID'S TALE"
FOR A COUPLE SEASONS.
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00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:36,515
THAT'S THE NAME.
IS IT "HANDMAIDEN'S" OR
"HANDMAID TALE?"
I DON'T KNOW.
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00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:43,556
I ONLY WATCH "ATLANTA."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LOOK!
WHETHER IT'S RACISM OR SEXISM --
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00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:51,898
AND IT'S RACISM -- I THINK WE
CAN BOTH AGREE ON TWO THINGS.
ONE, I KNOW ALL THE LYRICS TO
"GANGSTA'S PARADISE."
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00:08:51,898 --> 00:09:04,110
AND TWO, THIS WAS NOT
JILL BIDEN'S FINEST MOMENT.
Roy: YES, DR. JILL BIDEN MADE
A MISTAKE.
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00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:10,449
MAYBE NEXT YEAR, THE WHITE HOUSE
SHOULD HAVE VICE PRESIDENT
KAMALA HARRIS EXTEND THE INVITE.
YOU KNOW?
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00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:21,160
ANOTHER STRONG WOMAN.
A STRONG BLACK WOMAN.
Roy: WHO MADE U.S. HER-STORY.
NOT TO MENTION,
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00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:29,402
SHE KNOWS HOW TO KICK IT AT THAT
COOKOUT, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Roy: THAT'S RIGHT, GIRL
BOSS.
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00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:38,110
YEAH!
[APPLAUSE]
Roy: DESI LYDIC, EVERYBODY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,613
ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'LL TALK ABOUT WHY COLLEGE HAS
GOT TO GO.
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00:09:47,987 --> 00:10:11,110
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Roy: YEAH, YES, YEAH,
WELCOME BACK TO
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00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:15,981
"THE DAILY SHOW."
NOW, DO YOU REMEMBER BACK IN THE
DAY, YOU'D BE FLIPPING THE
CHANNELS AND YOU'D SEE AN AD FOR
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00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:22,554
ONE OF THOSE FOR-PROFIT
COLLEGES?
BE SOME DUDE IN A T-SHIRT IN A
PARKING LOT, TELLING YOU TO GET
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00:10:22,554 --> 00:10:26,725
YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
FIRST OFF, HOW YOU GONNA TELL ME
TO GET IT TOGETHER?
YOUR SHIRT DOESN'T HAVE A
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00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:32,631
COLLAR.
OR WORSE,
THEY LEVEL UP AFTER A LITTLE
WHILE, AND GET
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00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:37,035
MASTER-P'S SON RAPPING TO
INSPIRE YOU TO GET AN EDUCATION.
♪ I SAY ICDC ♪
♪ CALL UP ICDC COLLEGE ♪
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00:10:37,035 --> 00:10:44,643
♪ I SAY ICDC ♪
♪ I'M SO ICDC COLLEGE ♪
Roy: DO YOU LIKE READING
AND SHIT?
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00:10:44,643 --> 00:10:53,185
I THINK THAT IS THE FIRST TIME A
DUDE
LOST A RAP BATTLE TO HIMSELF.
BUT THE THING IS, PEOPLE WHO
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00:10:53,185 --> 00:11:00,225
GRADUATED FROM THESE FOR-PROFIT
SCHOOLS ARE OFTEN DROWNING IN
DEBT OR END UP WITH A DEGREE
THAT NOBODY RESPECTS.
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00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:06,165
THE FACT IS, IF YOU WANT TO
DEGREE SOMEONE RESPECTS, OH, YOU
GOT TO GET YOU ONE OF THESE,
BABY.
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00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:14,473
THIS IS MY ACTUAL COLLEGE
DEGREE, BROADCAST JOURNALISM,
BITCHES, FOR MY FOUR YOUR
INSTITUTION.
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00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:16,942
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FLORIDA A&M, FOUR YOUR
INSTITUTION.
NONE OF THAT PARKING LOT
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00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:24,349
BULLSHIT.
COST ME ABOUT $60,000.
SHOULDA BEEN $45,000, BUT I
FLUNKED A YEAR BECAUSE I SKIPPED
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00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:28,787
SCHOOL DURING MIDTERMS TO OPEN
FOR TOMMY DAVIDSON.
TRUE STORY.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT
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00:11:28,787 --> 00:11:38,063
COLLEGE DEGREES?
YOU EVER NOTICE,
WHEN YOU GET A COLLEGE DEGREE,
YOUR PARENTS ALWAYS WANTED TO
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00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:44,236
TAKE A PICTURE WITH IT.
THEY BEACH EASING.
LOOK AT MY MAMA.
MY MAMA SMILING HARDER THAN ME.
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00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:49,308
SHE'S WORKED IN HIGHER EDUCATION
FOR ALMOST FOUR DECADES SO YOU
KNOW SHE IS HAPPY ABOUT THE
DEGREE.
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00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:55,881
I'M SMILING TOO -- TO BE FAIR,
I'M SMILING, BUT THE ONLY REASON
I'M SMILING IS BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
SEEN THE INVOICE YET.
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00:11:55,881 --> 00:12:02,821
BUT NOW, THE ONCE EXALTED
FOUR-YEAR DEGREE IS
STARTING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE THE
PARKING LOT EDUCATION.
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00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:06,758
IT IS NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE
STARTING TO DOUBT THE WHOLE
THING.
MORE AND MORE AMERICANS ARE
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00:12:06,758 --> 00:12:09,828
ASKING THEMSELVES, IS A COLLEGE
DEGREE STILL WORTH IT?
FOR HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR
RAINES LUCAS, HIS BIGGEST
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00:12:09,828 --> 00:12:17,236
CHALLENGE ISN'T GETTING INTO
HIS DREAM SCHOOLS, IT'S PAYING
FOR THEM.
IT'S JUST NOT SENSIBLE TO GO
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00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:21,540
SOMEWHERE AND TAKE ON HUNDREDS
AND HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS
DOLLARS IN DEBT.
MANY TOP EXECUTIVES ARE
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00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:27,179
QUESTIONING THE PURPOSE OF A
COLLEGE DEGREE, INCLUDING
ELON MUSK.
THERE'S NO NEED EVEN TO HAVE
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00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:38,023
A COLLEGE DEGREE, AT ALL.
Roy: LISTEN,
YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN THE DUDE
WHO WHO BOUGHT TWITTER SAYS
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00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:52,237
COLLEGE IS A BAD INVESTMENT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JUST TAKE A SECOND.
THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE.
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00:12:52,237 --> 00:12:56,708
[LAUGHS]
NOW WE TALKED ABOUT ABOLISHING
THE POLICE AND ABOLISHING
PRISONS, BUT I THINK IT'S TIME
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00:12:56,708 --> 00:13:01,680
TO ASK AN HONEST QUESTION.
IS IT TIME TO ABOLISH COLLEGE?
WE'LL TRY TO ANSWER IT IN
ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF
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00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:11,390
"LONG STORY SHORT."
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YES.
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00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:16,295
THERE ARE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH
COLLEGE.
WE CAN JUST SAY THAT OFF THE
TOP.
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00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:20,966
THERE'S A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH
COLLEGE.
YOU GOT ANNOYING ROOMMATES,
YOU'VE GOT UNFAIR PROFESSORS.
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00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:25,370
SOMETIMES, AFTER A NIGHT OF
UNDERAGE DRINKING, A BUNCH OF
JAMAICAN NIGHT CLUB OWNERS
DECIDE TO PULL A GUN ON YOU
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00:13:25,370 --> 00:13:31,677
AFTER A SMALL DISAGREEMENT OVER
A COVER CHARGE TO GET IN
THEIR ESTABLISHMENT.
ALSO A TRUE STORY.
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00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:40,118
BUT ONE OF THE MAIN PROBLEMS IN
RECENT YEARS IS THAT COLLEGE HAS
GOTTEN WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.
FROM THE TIME PRINCE HAD HIS
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00:13:40,118 --> 00:13:48,827
ASS CHEEKS OUT UNTIL WHEN
MEGAN THEE STALLION HAD HER ASS
CHEEKS OUT -- ABOUT 40 YEARS --
THE AVERAGE COST OF COLLEGE HAS
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00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:59,171
RISEN NEARLY 500%.
IT'S GOTTEN SO EXPENSIVE, THAT
AMERICAN KIDS NEED TO FLEE THE
COUNTRY JUST TO GET AN
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00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:03,609
EDUCATION.
WITH TUITION PRICES SOARING
AT HOME, AMERICAN STUDENTS ARE
FLOCKING TO EUROPE FOR CHEAPER
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00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:07,446
COLLEGE OPTIONS.
THERE ARE AT LEAST 44 SCHOOLS
ACROSS EUROPE WHERE AMERICANS
CAN EARN THEIR BACHELORS DEGREE
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00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:12,484
FOR FREE.
ALL PUBLIC COLLEGES IN GERMANY,
ICELAND, NORWAY, AND FINLAND ARE
FREE FOR RESIDENTS AND
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00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:24,062
INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS.
Roy: HOW CRAZY IS IT THAT
STUDYING ABROAD USED TO BE FOR
RICH KIDS?
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00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:27,899
THAT WAS HER PRETENTIOUS RICH
PEOPLE.
NOW IF YOU A BALLER, YOU NEED TO
GO TO SCHOOL IN AMERICA.
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00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:39,711
"OH, YOU STUDIED IN BERLIN?
YOU BROKE BITCH.
I WENT TO THE OHIO STATE
UNIVERSITY.
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00:14:39,711 --> 00:14:48,820
FETCH ME CAVIAR!"
NOW IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THESE
DEGREES ARE SO EXPENSIVE,
BUT WHAT MAKES IT WORSE IS
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00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:54,660
THEY'RE NOT NECESSARILY
PREPARING YOU TO EARN THE MONEY
BACK.
JUST 1 OUT OF 10 BUSINESS
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00:14:54,660 --> 00:15:01,266
LEADERS BELIEVE COLLEGE
GRADUATES HAVE THE SKILLS
NEEDED TO WORK IN THEIR
WORKPLACES.
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00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:04,836
AND EMPLOYERS AREN'T THE ONLY
ONES QUESTIONING WHAT COLLEGES
ARE TEACHING.
SO ARE THE GRADUATES THEMSELVES.
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00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:10,342
EVER WISH YOU PICKED A
DIFFERENT MAJOR BACK IN COLLEGE?
TURNS OUT, NEARLY EVERY TWO OF
EVERY FIVE AMERICAN COLLEGE
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00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:16,314
GRADS REGRET THE CHOICE THEY
MADE.
LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS ARE THE MOST
LIKELY TO HARBOR THAT DEEP
124
00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:22,854
REGRET.
NEARLY HALF OF THEM SAY THEY
WISHED THEY PICKED ANOTHER FIELD
OF STUDY.
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00:15:22,854 --> 00:15:34,232
THE MOST REGRETTED MAJOR?
JOURNALISM.
[APPLAUSE]
Roy: NO, NO.
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00:15:34,232 --> 00:15:41,907
NO.
DON'T ZOOM IN ON MY PAIN!
GO BACK UP TO MY FACE!
NO REGRETS ABOUT GOING TO THE
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00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:48,647
SCHOOL AND PAYING MONEY TO LEARN
JOURNALISM JUST TO GET ON TV TO
PLAY A FAKE JOURNALIST!
I HAVE NO REGRETS!
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00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:53,652
I DID REAL WORK!
I DID REAL JOURNALISM!
SHOW ME THE WORK!
Roy: HOSPITAL SPOKESPERSON
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00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:57,989
BROOKE WILSON DECLINED TO SPEAK
WITH FAMU 46 ON CAMERA ABOUT THE
EVENTS THAT LED UP TO THE
HOSPITAL'S IMPROMPTU INSPECTION
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00:15:57,989 --> 00:16:04,930
FROM ACA.
Roy: YOU TELLING ME THAT
WASN'T REAL JOURNALISM?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:21,012
THAT WAS HARD-HITTING JOURNALISM
IN MY DADDY'S SUIT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I HAD TO DIG IN THE CLOSET FOR
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00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:25,283
THE VHS TO FIND THAT.
THE POINT IS, MANY COLLEGE
DEGREES AREN'T EVEN SETTING YOU
UP FOR A CAREER.
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00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:33,525
NOW, BACK IN THE DAY, IT DIDN'T
MATTER THAT MUCH, BECAUSE JUST
HAVING A DEGREE MADE YOU
SPECIAL.
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00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:38,797
IN 1960, AROUND 8% OF THE
POPULATION HAD A BACHELOR'S
DEGREE.
BUT TODAY, THAT NUMBER IS AROUND
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00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:45,170
40%.
HAVING A COLLEGE DEGREE NOW IS
LIKE HAVING A KEYLESS ENTRY TO
YOUR CAR.
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00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:53,011
EVERYONE HAS IT.
BUT IN 1987, YOU WAS THE MAN.
YOU HAD A KEYLESS ENTRY AND
EVERYONE WAS LIKE --
137
00:16:53,011 --> 00:17:02,921
"BLOOP BLOOP!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST DID?"
UNLOCK THE DOOR."
"DO IT AGAIN!"
138
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:08,260
"YOU ARE THE DEVIL, THAT IS
MAGIC!"
SO HERE'S WHERE WE ARE.
WE GOT PEOPLE SPENDING MORE
139
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:14,633
MONEY THAN EVER TO GET A DEGREE
THAT MEANS LESS THAN EVER.
WHICH HAS LEFT PEOPLE ARE
LOOKING FOR ALTERNATIVES.
140
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:17,702
SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKING
APPRENTICESHIPS.
SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKING CLASSES
ONLINE.
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00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:24,543
IN SOME EMPLOYERS ARE SAYING,
HELL, WE WILL JUST RENEW
OURSELVES.
IN FACT, GOOGLE HAS A $50 MUCH
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00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:32,918
EDUCATION SERVICE THAT THEY HAVE
USED THE PLACE OVER 75,000
PEOPLE INTO JOBS THAT OVER 150
DIFFERENT COMPANIES.
143
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:41,259
JOBS THAT GOOGLE WILL SOON
REPLACE WITH AI, BUT THAT IS NOT
THE POINT.
SO, LONG STORY SHORT: COLLEGE IS
144
00:17:41,259 --> 00:17:50,101
TOO EXPENSIVE,
IT DOESN'T HELP YOU GET THE JOB,
YOU CAN LEARN THE SAME STUFF ON
THE COMPUTER OR A NICE LANDOR
145
00:17:50,101 --> 00:17:57,242
BERLIN, THE EMPLOYERS WILL TRAIN
YOU FOR FREE, THIS IS A BIGGER
SCAM THAN BITCOIN, WE SHOULD
ABOLISH COLLEGE!
146
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:05,016
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE GOT TO ABOLISH COLLEGE FROM A
MAN!
PHONE RINGING]
147
00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:16,895
HEY, MAMA...
YES, MA'AM, I KNOW YOU BEEN IN
HIGHER EDUCATION FOR 40 YEARS.
MAMA, I KNOW YOU MARCHED, YOU
148
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:21,132
TOLD ME THE STORIES.
YES, I WILL PUT THE DIPLOMA BACK
ON THE WALL.
I WANT TO TALK BAD ABOUT
149
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:28,707
COLLEGE.
YES, MAMA.
OKAY, SIDE NOTE:
COLLEGE IS NECESSARY.
150
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:36,948
IT BROADENS YOUR HORIZONS.
AND I AM ABSOLUTELY A BETTER MAN
BECAUSE OF THE DEGREE, AND THE
INVALUABLE LIFE-LONG FRIENDSHIPS
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00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:49,761
I MADE ALONG THE WAY.
[APPLAUSE]
SO MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE TO
ABOLISH COLLEGE, BUT WE NEED TO
152
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:56,868
FIND A WAY
FOR ITS BENEFITS TO OUTWEIGH ITS
COSTS.
BECAUSE IF A FOUR-YEAR DEGREE IS
153
00:18:56,868 --> 00:19:03,208
GONNA LEAVE YOU WITH CRIPPLING
DEBT AND PEOPLE NOT RESPECTING
THE DEGREE, THEN MAYBE WE ALL
OWE PARKING LOT T-SHIRT MAN AN
154
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:11,983
APOLOGY.
BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE ALL
VICTIMS OF FOR-PROFIT EDUCATION.
STAY TUNED.
155
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:15,387
WHEN WE COME BACK, AUTHOR
JERRY CRAFT WILL BE JOINING ME
ON THE SHOW.
SO DON'T GO AWAY.
156
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:19,624
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M GOING TO PRETEND YOU ARE
157
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:52,090
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Roy: YEAH, YEAH!
WELCOME BACK TO
158
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:56,094
"THE DAILY SHOW."
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A
"NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING
AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR
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00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:59,931
WHOSE NEW BOOK IS CALLED
"SCHOOL TRIP."
PLEASE WELCOME JERRY CRAFT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
160
00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:04,569
♪ ♪
YES!
MR. CRAFT.
YES, SIR.
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00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:10,275
Roy: FIRST OFF, SHOUTS OUT
TO THE TIE.
I SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH
THE TIE.
162
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:24,589
YOU'VE GOT SOME OF THEM BLACK
"PEANUT" CHARACTERS.
YEAH, GOT FRANKLIN HERE.
Roy: FIRST OFF,
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00:20:24,589 --> 00:20:28,893
CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING
BANNED.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
164
00:20:28,893 --> 00:20:33,531
Roy: CONGRATULATIONS.
I KNOW THAT MUST FEEL AWFUL.
I KNOW THAT IS A TERRIBLE
FEELING TO WRITE A BOOK AND THEN
165
00:20:33,531 --> 00:20:37,735
SOMEBODY GO, "OH, YOUR BOOK IS
TOO GOOD!
WE CAN'T LET NOBODY READ IT."
WHAT WAS YOUR THOUGHTS AND
166
00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:42,807
FEELINGS WHEN YOU FIRST FOUND
OUT ABOUT THAT?
I WAS DISAPPOINTED.
I WAS SAD FOR THE KIDS.
167
00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:49,013
BECAUSE -- SO THIS BOOK, THIS IS
MY FIRST BOOK, "NEW KID."
IT IS THE FIRST GRAPHIC NOVEL --
THE ONLY GRAPHIC NOVEL EVER TO
168
00:20:49,013 --> 00:21:04,429
WIN A NEWBERY MEDAL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT WAS THE SECOND BOOK TO WIN A
NEWBERY AND A CORETTA SCOTT
169
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:13,304
KING.
[APPLAUSE]
AND THE ONLY BOOK EVER TO WIN
THOSE TWO AND A KIRKUS PRIZE.
170
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:23,281
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO NOT THE ONLY BLACK BOOK, THE
ONLY BOOK.
NOT THE ONLY BLACK BOOK.
171
00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:26,684
Roy: HOW DO WE GET TO THAT
PLACE?
HOW DO WE GO FROM A BOOK, THE
SAME CHARACTER IN BOTH BOOKS.
172
00:21:26,684 --> 00:21:33,891
THIS IS THE THIRD BOOK WITH THIS
CHARACTER.
SO THE FIRST BOOK, AWARD,
AWARD, AWARD.
173
00:21:33,891 --> 00:21:39,931
THIS BOOK, PEOPLE GO, CRT.
HOW IS THAT CLASSIFICATION EVEN
FAIR WITH THE LITERATURE THAT
YOU HAVE BEEN CREATING?
174
00:21:39,931 --> 00:21:44,268
FAIR?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU ARE FUNNY.
FAIR?
175
00:21:44,268 --> 00:22:01,686
[LAUGHTER]
I MEAN, THAT IS THE POINT OF IT.
IT'S LIKE, THEY CAN READ IT IN
ALBANIAN, ROMANIAN, GREEK, THEY
176
00:22:01,686 --> 00:22:08,559
JUST CAN'T READ IT IN TEXAS.
[AUDIENCE REACTS]
Roy: WHEW.
IT'S ABOUT SOME KIDS WHO DECIDE
177
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:16,200
TO TRAVEL OVER TO FRANCE, AND
THEY TAKE A SCHOOL TRIP.
TO BE ABLE TO WRITE
ABOUT CHILDREN TRAVELING BEYOND
178
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:25,176
THE HORIZON, WHAT WERE YOUR
TRAVELING JOURNEYS WHEN YOU WERE
A CHILD?
WHEN I GRADUATED FROM
179
00:22:25,176 --> 00:22:29,347
COLLEGE, MY DAD TOOK ME TO THE
BAHAMAS.
AND IT WAS 70 YEARS OLD, HIS
FIRST TIME ON THE PLANE, RIGHT?
180
00:22:29,347 --> 00:22:33,818
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T THINK THAT WE
COULD TRAVEL, RIGHT?
AND THEN, WE WENT EVERY YEAR TO
A DIFFERENT PLACE FOR 20 YEARS.
181
00:22:33,818 --> 00:22:39,757
WHEN MY SONS GRADUATED FROM
COLLEGE, I TOOK THEM TO PARIS.
BECAUSE AGAIN, YOU DON'T THINK
THAT YOU CAN DO THOSE THINGS.
182
00:22:39,757 --> 00:22:46,631
RIGHT?
AND SO I MAKE THE BOOKS THAT I
WISH THAT I HAD WHEN I WAS A
KID, THAT MAKES KIDS READERS,
183
00:22:46,631 --> 00:23:03,948
THAT GIVES THEM HOPE BECAUSE YOU
DON'T EVEN KNOW THE THINGS THAT
YOU CAN HOPE FOR, RIGHT?
[APPLAUSE]
184
00:23:03,948 --> 00:23:09,620
SO I READ A REVIEW ONLINE --
THEY TELL ME NOT TO READ
REVIEWS, BUT I DID ANYWAY.
AND THIS WOMAN LITERALLY WROTE
185
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:17,628
"I AM NOT SURE IF MY LARGELY
POOR, LARGELY AFRICAN AMERICAN
STUDENTS WILL BE ABLE TO RELATE
TO THIS BOOK."
186
00:23:17,628 --> 00:23:28,005
SO I AM LIKE, BUT A KID -- YOU
ARE SAYING, A KID CAN RELATE TO
A KID WHO GOES TO WIZARD SCHOOL,
FLIES ON A BROOM AND WAVES A
187
00:23:28,005 --> 00:23:33,778
WAND, BUT YOU CAN'T PICTURE
THESE BLACK KIDS GOING TO PARIS
SO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LET THEM
SEE THE BOOK?
188
00:23:33,778 --> 00:23:42,286
THAT IS WORSE THAN BEING BANNED.
[APPLAUSE]
Roy: THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO.
189
00:23:42,286 --> 00:23:45,990
JERRY CRAFT, APPRECIATE YOU,
BROTHER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE BOOK IS "SCHOOL TRIP."
190
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:50,194
IT'S AVAILABLE NOW.
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK
BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS.
191
00:24:02,039 --> 00:24:29,237
{\an7}♪ ♪
192
00:24:29,237 --> 00:24:30,204
{\an7}[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
193
00:24:30,204 --> 00:24:30,930
{\an7}[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Roy: WELL, THAT’S OUR SHOW
194
00:24:30,930 --> 00:24:31,831
{\an7}>> Roy: WELL, THAT’S OUR SHOW
FOR TONIGHT, AND THAT’S MY TIME
195
00:24:31,831 --> 00:24:33,963
{\an7}FOR TONIGHT, AND THAT’S MY TIME
AS HOST.
196
00:24:33,963 --> 00:24:35,105
{\an7}AS HOST.
BUT STAY TUNED FOR YOUR NEXT
197
00:24:35,105 --> 00:24:35,831
{\an7}BUT STAY TUNED FOR YOUR NEXT
GUEST HOST STARTS APRIL 17TH.
198
00:24:35,831 --> 00:24:38,237
{\an7}GUEST HOST STARTS APRIL 17TH.
HIS NAME IS JORDAN KLEPPER.
199
00:24:38,237 --> 00:24:39,699
{\an7}HIS NAME IS JORDAN KLEPPER.
BUT IF YOU STILL WANT TO SEE ME
200
00:24:39,699 --> 00:24:40,864
{\an7}BUT IF YOU STILL WANT TO SEE ME
HOSTING SOMETHING, CHECK OUT
201
00:24:40,864 --> 00:24:42,666
{\an7}HOSTING SOMETHING, CHECK OUT
"THE DAILY SHOW’S" PODCAST:
202
00:24:42,666 --> 00:24:43,369
{\an7}"THE DAILY SHOW’S" PODCAST:
"BEYOND THE SCENES," WHERE I
203
00:24:43,369 --> 00:24:44,105
{\an7}"BEYOND THE SCENES," WHERE I
SIT DOWN WITH CORRESPONDENTS,
204
00:24:44,105 --> 00:24:45,633
{\an7}SIT DOWN WITH CORRESPONDENTS,
WRITERS, PRODUCERS, AND SPECIAL
205
00:24:45,633 --> 00:24:46,369
{\an7}WRITERS, PRODUCERS, AND SPECIAL
GUESTS TO TALK ABOUT SEGMENTS
206
00:24:46,369 --> 00:24:47,171
{\an7}GUESTS TO TALK ABOUT SEGMENTS
AND TOPICS WE’VE COVERED HERE ON
207
00:24:47,171 --> 00:24:48,105
{\an7}AND TOPICS WE’VE COVERED HERE ON
SHOW.
208
00:24:48,105 --> 00:24:49,765
{\an7}SHOW.
FIND IT WHERE EVER YOU GET YOUR
209
00:24:49,765 --> 00:24:51,138
{\an7}FIND IT WHERE EVER YOU GET YOUR
PODCASTS.
210
00:24:51,138 --> 00:24:51,633
{\an7}PODCASTS.
NOW HERE IT IS.
211
00:24:51,633 --> 00:24:52,237
{\an7}NOW HERE IT IS.
YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN."
212
00:24:52,237 --> 00:24:54,468
{\an7}YOUR "MOMENT OF ZEN."
>> EVERYONE DESERVES A DEFENSE,
213
00:24:54,468 --> 00:24:55,204
{\an7}>> EVERYONE DESERVES A DEFENSE,
EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE
214
00:24:55,204 --> 00:24:57,105
{\an7}EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE
PROCESSED, AND ALL OF US SHOULD
215
00:24:57,105 --> 00:24:58,105
{\an7}PROCESSED, AND ALL OF US SHOULD
TAKE A VERY, VERY, VERY DEEP
216
00:24:58,105 --> 00:24:59,600
{\an7}TAKE A VERY, VERY, VERY DEEP
BREATH AND RECOGNIZE THE SOLEMN
217
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,468
{\an7}BREATH AND RECOGNIZE THE SOLEMN
NUMBNESS OF THIS MOMENT, AND
218
00:25:02,468 --> 00:25:04,072
{\an7}NUMBNESS OF THIS MOMENT, AND
HOPE THAT THE FORMER
219
00:25:04,072 --> 00:25:05,732
{\an7}HOPE THAT THE FORMER
PRESIDENT STARTS TO ACT LIKE A
220
00:25:05,732 --> 00:25:07,336
{\an7}PRESIDENT STARTS TO ACT LIKE A
CITIZEN OF THIS COUNTRY, WHICH