*
>> Announcer: FROM
NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN
AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT
INVENTED NEWS.
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
YOUR HOST, DESI LYDIC!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
*
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: WELCOME TO
"THE DAILY SHOW!"
I'M DESI LYDIC.
WELL, IT'S NIGHT TWO AND SO FAR,
I'VE OUTLASTED TUCKER CARLSON
AND DON LEMON.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS NOT HARASS
ANYONE.
THAT CAMERA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
GIVE US A LITTLE TWIRL, HONEY.
YEAH!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
SO LET'S GET INTO HEADLINES!
*
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S BEGIN WITH SOME
SHOCKING NEWS ABOUT THE 2024
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
IT TURNS OUT THAT THE GUY WHO
SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE WANTING TO
BE PRESIDENT NOW WANTS TO
CONTINUE BEING PRESIDENT.
>> WE DO HAVE REAL BREAKING NEWS
THIS MORNING, AS PRESIDENT BIDEN
IS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCING HE IS
RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION.
THE PRESIDENT LAUNCHED HIS
CAMPAIGN WITH A VIDEO THAT TOOK
AIM AT REPUBLICANS OVER
ABORTION, SOCIAL SECURITY, AND
CULTURE WARS.
>> WHEN I RAN FOR PRESIDENT FOUR
YEARS AGO, I SAID, WE'RE IN A
BATTLE FOR THE SOUL OF AMERICA,
AND WE STILL ARE.
THIS IS NOT A TIME TO BE
COMPLACENT.
THAT'S WHY I'M RUNNING FOR
RE-ELECTION.
>> Desi: THAT'S RIGHT.
JOE BIDEN IS RUNNING FOR
REELECTION.
WELL, NOT RUNNING EXACTLY.
THE MAN IS 80 YEARS OLD.
LET'S SAY HE'S "STAIR LIFTING"
FOR PRESIDENT.
YEAH.
[LAUGHS]
IF JOE BIDEN DOES WIN, HE WOULD
BE 86-YEARS-OLD WHEN HE REACHES
THE END OF HIS SECOND TERM.
HOPEFULLY.
WHICH IS ONE REASON WHY 70% OF
AMERICANS DON'T THINK HE SHOULD
RUN AGAIN.
AND TO BE FAIR, 86 IS OLD.
NOT JUST FOR PRESIDENT, BUT FOR
ANY JOB.
IF MY LYFT DRIVER ROLLED UP AND
WAS 86 YEARS OLD, I'D BE LIKE,
"DO YOU NEED HELP GETTING HOME?"
BUT MAYBE IT WOULD BE GOOD TO
HAVE AN OLD MAN PRESIDENT.
IF THE ECONOMY COLLAPSES, HE
COULD FIND A NEVER ENDING SUPPLY
OF QUARTERS BEHIND HIS EAR.
ALTHOUGH, THERE IS ONE THING HE
DOES HAVE GOING FOR HIM.
DONALD TRUMP.
SHOCKINGLY, PULL MYS SHOW THAT
MOST PEOPLE DON'T WANT HIM TO
RUN EITHER.
AND IN TRUMP'S CASE, IT'S NOT
JUST ABOUT HIS AGE.
WAS ALSO HIS TENDENCY TO STEAL
STUFF, LIKE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS
AND THE ELECTION.
HE IS IN COURT EVERY WEEK.
HUSH MONEY, TAX.
HE HAS A NEW TRIAL STARTING
TODAY AND YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW
THAT.
THIS GUY HAD SO MANY VARIETIES
OF LEGAL TROUBLE THAT HE COULD
BE AND EVERY "LAW & ORDER."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE GUY IS GOING FOR A CRIME
EGOT.
THOSE ARE AMERICA'S CHOICES.
A GUY WHO IS AN 80TH YEAR OF
LIFE AND A GUY WHO IS FACING 80
YEARS TO LIFE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT SUCKS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY,
AMERICA ONLY HAS TWO PEOPLE.
ALTHOUGH, THERE IS ONE OTHER
PERSON WHO SUDDENLY HAS A LOT OF
TIME ON HIS HANDS.
TUCKER CARLSON.
[AUDIENCE REACTS]
YEAH.
YESTERDAY, CARLSON GOT FIRED
FROM HIS JOB AT FOX NEWS, AND IT
WAS A HUGE SURPRISE TO EVERYONE,
INCLUDING TUCKER.
APPARENTLY, THEY ONLY TOLD HIM
10 MINUTES BEFORE ANNOUNCING IT
PUBLICLY, WHICH IS SO COLD.
I MEAN, THAT'S BARELY ENOUGH
TIME TO PACK UP ALL HIS NAZI
MEMORABILIA!
NOT TO MENTION, HE WAS FOX'S
MOST POPULAR ANCHOR, AND THEY
STILL FIRED HIM!
THAT'D BE LIKE IF MSNBC FIRED...
WELL, IMAGINE IF THERE WAS A
SHOW PEOPLE WATCHED ON MSNBC --
IT WOULD BE LIKE FIRING THEM.
AND LOOK, I KNOW PEOPLE LOVE
MAKING FUN OF TUCKER BUT JUST
PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES.
SAY YOU'RE THIS MASSIVE PIECE OF
SHIT WITH NO REAL FRIENDS AND
GIGGLE LIKE TICKLE ME ELMO AND
A DUMB FLOPPY HAIR CUT AND YOU
ALWAYS HAVE YOUR MOUTH OPEN LIKE
YOU ARE DRYING YOUR TEETH --
WHERE MY GOING WITH THIS?
OH, TUCKER IS AN ASSHOLE.
NOW WE STILL DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT GOT TUCKER FIRED.
MAYBE IT WAS THE LIES THAT COST
FOX NEWS $787 MILLION.
MAYBE IT WAS INSULTING HIS
BOSSES AND PRIVATE TEXTS.
MAYBE IT WAS HIS OVERALL VIBE OF
CREEPY DAD DRIVING THE
BABYSITTER HOME.
OR MAYBE IT WAS THIS.
>> "THE DAILY BEAST" REPORTS
THAT TUCKER'S REPEATED USE OF
"THE C WORD" WAS A KEY FACTOR IN
HIS DEMISE.
ACCORDING TO TEXT MESSAGES FROM
THE DOMINION LAWSUIT, HE
RETURNED TO TRUMP LAWYER SIDNEY
POWELL AS THE C-WORD AND A
FORMER PRODUCER HAD A SHOW
ALLEGES SHE HEARD THE WORD
AROUND THE OFFICE CONSTANTLY.
>> FEMALE POLITICIANS WHO CAME
ON THE SHOW WERE MOCKED.
THERE WERE DEBATES ABOUT WHO
THEY'D RATHER SLEEP WITH.
C-WORD ALL THE TIME.
>> Desi: THEY USE C-WORD ALL
THE TIME?
LIKE, HOW DO YOU USE THE C-WORD
AT THE OFFICE ALL THE TIME?
"SUSAN'S TAKING LUNCH ORDERS,
TELL THAT [BLEEP], I WILL HAVE A
[BLEEP] SALAD.
HOLD THE [BLEEP].
DO YOU WANT TO SHARE THE
[BLEEP]?
FOR THE AUDIENCE AT HOME, I KNOW
THAT JUST GOT [BLEEP].
I JUST SAID THE WORD [BLEEP].
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S OKAY.
TUCKER IS ALLOWED TO SAY THE
C-WORD BECAUSE HE IS ONE.
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE VACCINE
SKEPTICAL WHITE GUY FACING A
SUDDEN CAREER MOVE.
LET'S TALK ABOUT AARON RODGERS.
AFTER 18 YEARS PLAYING FOR THE
GREEN BAY PACKERS, RODGERS HAS
DECIDED TO CHANGE TEAMS, AND
BECAUSE HE'S AARON RODGERS, HE
DID IT IN THE WEIRDEST WAY
POSSIBLE.
>> BIG NEWS FROM THE NFL.
FOUR-TIME MVP AARON RODGERS IS
PACKING HIS BAGS FROM GREEN BAY
TO JOIN THE NEW YORK JETS.
>> LAST YEAR, A DOWN YEAR BY
RODGERS' STANDARDS.
THE TEAM MISSED THE PLAYOFFS.
AND IF YOU SAW RODGERS WALK OFF
THE FIELD AFTER THE REGULAR
SEASON FINALE, YOU MIGHT HAVE
THOUGHT THAT WAS IT FOR HIS
CAREER.
BUT THEN IN THE OFF SEASON, HE
WENT ON A DARKNESS MEDITATION
RETREAT TO CONTEMPLATE HIS
FUTURE.
HE SAID HE WAS LEANING TOWARD
RETIREMENT WHEN HE WENT IN.
HE DECIDED HE WANTED TO PLAY FOR
THE JETS WHEN HE CAME OUT.
>> Desi: [LAUGHS]
>> Desi: YEAH, AARON RODGERS WAS
LIKE,
"I NO LONGER FEAR DARKNESS.
TRADE ME TO THE JETS."
SO YES, AARON RODGERS DECIDED TO
GO TO THE JETS AFTER SPENDING
FOUR DAYS IN COMPLETE DARKNESS.
WHICH, FIRST OF ALL, YOU CAN
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES.
BUT ALSO,
THIS GUY DOES AYAHUASCA, AND I
GOT TO SAY, I DON'T THINK IT'S
WORKING.
IMAGINE TAKING A SUBSTANCE THAT
OPENS YOUR MIND TO THE DEEPEST
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE, AND
YOU COME OUT GOING,
"WHOA...
I SHOULD DO THE SAME JOB BUT IN
A DIFFERENT CITY!"
IT ALL SEEMS LIKE SUCH A WASTE
OF TIME!
HE IS DOING ALL THIS WEIRD
STUFF.
HIS POOR BRAIN IS PROBABLY LIKE,
CAN WE JUST GO BACK TO
CONCUSSIONS?
AND SPEAKING OF ILLEGAL DRUGS,
LET'S MOVE ON TO OUR FINAL
STORY: THE BATTLE OVER ABORTION
PILLS.
TWO WEEKS AGO, A JUDGE IN TEXAS
BANNED THE ABORTION PILL
NATIONWIDE FOR "SAFETY REASONS,"
BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WOMEN HAVE
USED IT SAFELY FOR OVER TWO
DECADES, HE'S A MAN AND HE JUST
KNOWS BETTER.
NOW THANK GOD THE SUPREME COURT
HAS TEMPORARILY HALTED THAT
DECISION, AT LEAST UNTIL
CLARENCE THOMAS COMES BACK FROM
HIS ALL-EXPENSES-PAID CRUISE.
BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP INDIVIDUAL
STATES FROM ENACTING THEIR OWN
BANS, AND OVER A DOZEN STATES
ALREADY HAVE, INCLUDING WYOMING,
WHICH BANS BOTH MIFESPRISTONE,
AND A SECOND ABORTION PILL,
MISOPROSTOL.
BUT WE LOOKED INTO IT AND IT
TURNS OUT, IT IS NOT A BAND FOR
EVERYONE.
YOU CAN STILL GET MISOPROSTOL IN
WYOMING AS LONG AS YOU'RE A DOG,
OR A CAT OR A HORSE.
BECAUSE VETERINARIANS IN WYOMING
CAN STILL PRESCRIBE
THE PILL FOR ANIMALS.
WHICH MEANS IF YOU'RE A WOMAN IN
WYOMING WHOSE RIGHTS ARE BEING
RESTRICTED, YOU NEED TO GET
CREATIVE.
*
>> GOOD GIRL.
I AM YOUR MOMMY.
>> HI.
YOU MUST BE DESI.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SEEING
ME.
>> MY GIRL.
WAFFLES.
>> OF COURSE.
WHAT CAN WE DO FOR WAFFLES
TODAY?
>> WAFFLES WAS WONDERING IF YOU
COULD WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR
THE ABORTION PILL?
>> OKAY.
WHEN DID YOUR DOG BECOME
PREGNANT?
TWO WEEKS AGO, APPARENTLY.
THANK YOU.
IT'S NOT REALLY A GREAT TIME FOR
HER, YOU KNOW, SHE'S REALLY
TRYING TO FOCUS ON HER CAREER.
>> OH, I SEE.
AND WHAT DOES SHE DO FOR A
LIVING?
>> Desi: SHE IS A SLED DOG.
SHE IS A SLED DOG.
>> SHE'S A SLED DOG SLED DOG.
>> Desi: YEAH, AND SHE IS ALSO
A BOMB SNIFFING DOG, AND AS YOU
KNOW, PREGNANCY REALLY MESSES
WITH THE OLFACTORY ORGANS.
>> NO, THAT'S NOT A THING.
>> Desi: MOSTLY, SHE'S A
THERAPY DOG.
AREN'T YOU, RUFFLES?
>> I THOUGHT HER NAME WAS
WAFFLES.
>> Desi: THIS IS CRAZY THAT
THIS WOULD HAPPEN RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS USES
PROTECTION.
>> YOU MEAN SHE IS FENCED IN?
>> Desi: SHE'S FENCED AND
ALL RIGHT.
DOGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!
DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE DOGS
ARE?
>> I DO.
I AM ACTUALLY A VETERINARIAN.
>> Desi: THERE'S DOG FOOD,
DOGGY DAY CARE, DOGGY
TAE KWON DO LESSONS, DOGGY
DIAPERS, DOGGY COLLEGE, THAT IS
THE FIRST 18 YEARS.
>> MOST DOGS DON'T HAVE THAT
LONG.
>> Desi: SHE ALREADY HAS TWO
PUPPIES AT HOME AND THEY ARE
SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF HER,
QUITE LITERALLY.
AND THIS IS HER [BLEEP]
DECISION.
THIS IS HER DECISION!
AND THAT IS WHY THESE PILLS
EXIST.
SO PLEASE, GIVE HER THE PILLS,
PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
DID I SAY PLEASE?
*
>> IT'S OKAY.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN
HERSELF.
WE CAN PRESCRIBE ABORTION PILLS
FOR YOUR DOG.
*
OKAY.
>> Desi: THANK YOU.
HEY!
THAT'S MY DOG.
>> Desi: I'M SO SORRY.
I AM SO SORRY.
[APPLAUSE]
COULD YOU PRESCRIBE AN ABORTION
PILL?
YOU KNOW, FOR MY DOG?
>> YEAH.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
I MEAN, HER NAME?
*
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: WHEN WE COME BACK, MY
INTERVIEW WITH TRANSPORTATION
SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG.
DON'T GO AWAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
*
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
AS A BASIC BITCH, ONE OF MY
FAVORITE INTERESTS IS TRAVEL.
IT'S RIGHT AFTER LIVING,
LAUGHING, AND LOVING.
SO WHEN I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO
INTERVIEW TRANSPORTATION
SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG, I TOOK
IT.
CHECK OUT MY INTERVIEW WITH HIM
AT THE D.O.T. OPERATIONS CENTER.
SO SORRY.
SECRETARY BUTTIGIEG, THANK YOU
SO MUCH.
I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING LATE.
I TOOK AMTRAK.
OKAY.
SECRETARY BUTTIGIEG, WE ARE HERE
AT THE DEPARTMENT OF
TRANSPORTATION, WHICH IS THE
HUB, THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM
OF AMERICA'S INFRASTRUCTURE.
YET, AMERICA IS A DIVIDED
NATION.
SO HOW DO YOU BRING US ALL
TOGETHER WITH PROJECTS THAT
NORMALLY BRING US TOGETHER?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: I THINK
EVERYBODY LOVES A GOOD
TRANSPORTATION PROJECT.
EVEN THOUGH NOT EVERYONE VOTED
FOR THE INFRASTRUCTURE LAW, I
HAVE YET TO MEET ANYBODY WHO IS
UPSET WHEN WE ARE FIXING AN
AIRPORT TERMINAL, UPGRADING A
BRIDGE SO THAT WE CAN HAVE A
BETTER, SAFER, MORE CONVENIENT
EXPERIENCE GETTING AROUND THE
COUNTRY.
>> Desi: WHAT HAVE BEEN THE
BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS AT THE
D.O.T. SINCE HE TOOK OVER?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: SO WHEN WE
GOT HERE, FIRST OF ALL, THE
BIGGEST QUESTION BACK IN 2021
ABOUT EVERLY AIRLINES WAS
WHETHER THEY WERE GOING TO GO
OUT OF BUSINESS.
BUT THEN AS TO DEMAND RETURN, WE
STARTED FINDING NEW TOOLS FOR
HOLDING THEM ACCOUNTABLE FOR HOW
THEY TREAT CUSTOMERS.
>> Desi: WHAT ARE SOME AREAS
OF THE D.O.T. COULD IMPROVE ON?
LIKE, HAVE YOU HAD ANY
ROADBLOCKS?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: I SEE WHAT
YOU DID THERE.
>> Desi: THANK YOU.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: WE ARE
DOING A LOT TO HOLD COMPANIES
ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR SAFETY
PRACTICES.
RIGHT NOW, THE FINES ARE CAPPED.
FOR EXAMPLE, IF WE CATCH A
COMPANY IN AN EGREGIOUS
VIOLATION INVOLVING HAZARDOUS
MATERIAL THAT GET SOMEONE
KILLED, THE HIGHEST, TOUGHEST
LINE UNDER THE LAW THAT WE CAN
ASSESS IS ABOUT $250,000.
THAT IS NOT ENOUGH IN MY VIEW TO
GET THE ATTENTION OF A
MULTIBILLION-DOLLAR RAILWAY
COMPANY LIKE NORFOLK SOUTHERN.
RIGHT NOW, THERE'S A BIPARTISAN
PROPOSAL IN THE SENATE, CALLED
THE RAILWAY SAFETY ACT, AND IT
WOULD DO A NUMBER OF THINGS THAT
I HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR THAT I
THINK WOULD MAKE A BIG
DIFFERENCE.
RIGHT NOW, WE ARE DEALING WITH
SOME, NOT ALL, BUT SOME
REPUBLICANS ON CAPITOL HILL WHO
ARE SAYING, WELL, WE DON'T WANT
TO DO TOO MUCH TOO FAST WHEN IT
COMES TO GETTING TOUGH ON
RAILROAD COMPANIES.
IN MY VIEW, WE NEED TO ACT NOW.
>> Desi: WHY DO YOU THINK SOME
REPUBLICANS ARE STALLING ON
THIS?
IS IT BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BUSY
FOCUSED ON STARTING CULTURE
WARS?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: WELL, I DO
THINK THE CULTURE WARS ARE
GETTING IN THE WAY SOMETIMES.
JUST THE OTHER DAY, I WAS
TESTIFYING IN THE APPROPRIATIONS
SUBCOMMITTEE, EXPLAINING HOW OUR
BUDGET WAS GOING TO HELP WITH
THINGS LIKE RAILROAD SAFETY, AIR
TRAFFIC CONTROL, AND OTHER
TRANSPORTATION NEEDS, AND WE HAD
TO TAKE A BREAK SO THAT THEY
COULD ALL GO AND VOTE ON A BILL
TO KICK TRANSGENDER TEENAGERS
OFF SPORTS TEAM'S.
THAT WAS A PRIORITY FOR THE
HOUSE G.O.P. THAT DAY.
SO THESE THINGS REALLY ARE
GETTING IN THE WAY OF OUR
ABILITY TO GET WORK DONE.
WE ARE LITERALLY BUILDING
BRIDGES, AND THEY ARE LITERALLY
BANNING BOOKS.
>> Desi: IS THE DEPARTMENT OF
TRANSPORTATION GOING WOKE?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: I DON'T
THINK IT IS WOKE TO BUILD GOOD
INFRASTRUCTURE.
I JUST SAW FOX NEWS TAKING A RUN
AT ME FOR THE WORK WE ARE DOING
ON THE SAFETY, INCLUDING THE USE
OF CRASH TEST DUMMIES THAT
SIMULATE MEN, WOMEN, AND
CHILDREN.
AND SOMEHOW, THIS IS CONSIDERED
A WOKE PRIORITY TO HAVE A FEMALE
CRASH TEST DUMMIES EVEN THOUGH
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN
AROUND FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
>> Desi: FOX NEWS HAS MADE
LOADS OF FALSE STATEMENTS ABOUT
YOU OVER THE YEARS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DO YOU THINK IT IS LAWSUIT TIME?
CASH IN ON SOME OF THAT
$787 MILLION IN COIN?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: DOES SOUND
LIKE THERE IS A LOT OF MONEY IN
THAT BUT PROBABLY WOULD BE A BIT
OF A DISTRACTION IN MY CASE.
>> Desi: POSSIBLY, BUT YOU
KNOW, IT COULD HELP FUND SOME OF
THESE PROJECTS.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: YEAH, I
THINK I WOULD PREFER TO STICK
WITH THE APPROPRIATIONS PROCESS.
BUT THE AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THAT
LAWSUIT IS AS MUCH IS THE SUM OF
OUR NATIONWIDE TRANSPORTATION
INFRASTRUCTURE PROGRAMS.
>> Desi: THAT COULD REPAIR AT
LEAST HUNDREDS OF FEET OF TUNNEL
TUNNEL.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: DEPENDING
ON THE TUNNEL.
>> Desi: SECRETARY BUTTIGIEG,
THANK YOU FOR CHATTING WITH US.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: THANKS FOR
JOINING US.
>> Desi: REAL QUICK, BEFORE I
GO, CAN I JUST GET A QUICK
REIMBURSEMENT FOR THE TRAIN THAT
I TOOK OUT HERE?
I WAS LITERALLY ON THE TRAIN FOR
ABOUT 12 HOURS STRAIGHT.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: SORRY TO
HEAR THAT.
>> Desi: THIS WAS LIKE THE
BEST TRAIN THAT AMERICA HAS TO
OFFER.
IF I COULD JUST GET A LITTLE
REFUND.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: GOING TO
HAVE TO TAKE IT UP WITH AMTRAK.
>> Desi: OKAY.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: YOU KNOW,
SURE.
I WILL SEND IT ALONG FOR YOU.
>> Desi: THANK YOU.
THEY COULD USE YOUR STAMP OF
APPROVAL.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: WE DON'T
ACTUALLY DO STAMPS ANYMORE.
>> Desi: HEY, THANKS.
THANK YOU, SECRETARY.
IT REALLY WAS AN HONOR.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
APPRECIATE IT.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: ENJOY YOUR
TRIP.
>> Desi: THIS IS AN
INCREDIBLE.
DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE A SPIN
AROUND?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: YOU ARE
WELCOME TO LOOK AROUND A LITTLE
BIT.
>> Desi: OKAY, GREAT.
>> Sec. Buttigieg: OR I CAN
JUST DESCRIBE THINGS TO YOU.
>> Desi: THAT'S OKAY, I WILL
JUST SNEAK IN TO SOME OF THESE
DESKS.
WHAT DOES THIS DO?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: PLEASE
DON'T TOUCH THIS.
>> Desi: THIS?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: REALLY ANY
OF THAT.
>> Desi: HELLO, OPERATOR?
HOW DO I TURN THIS ON?
>> Sec. Buttigieg: AGAIN,
PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THAT.
>> Desi: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OVER HERE?
>> WORKING, MAMA.
>> Desi: CAN I BORROW YOUR
BADGE?
JUST QUICK.
I WILL GIVE IT BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: STAY TUNED, BECAUSE
WHEN WE COME BACK,
YVETTE NICOLE BROWN WILL BE
JOINING ME ON THE SHOW.
SO DON'T GO AWAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN
EMMY-NOMINATED ACTOR WHOSE NEW
APPLE TV PLUS SHOW IS CALLED
"FROG AND TOAD."
>> HELLO, TOAD.
>> RABBIT.
THIS IS A DELICIOUS SMELLING
CAKE YOU HAVE RIGHT HERE AND YOU
MIGHT NEED SOMEONE TO TRY IT FOR
YOU.
VERY IMPORTANT TO MAKE SURE A
CAKE LIKE THIS TASTES AS GOOD AS
IT SMELLS.
>> OH, I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE YOU
A TASTE, TOAD.
BUT THIS CAKE WAS BAKED FOR A
VERY SPECIAL DAY.
>> VERY SPECIAL DAY?
WHAT VERY SPECIAL DAY IS IT FOR?
>> TUESDAY.
>> TUESDAY IS TOMORROW.
>> YES.
AND YOU ARE WELCOME TO COME BACK
AND HAVE A PIECE THEN.
>> Desi: [LAUGHS]
PLEASE WELCOME
YVETTE NICOLE BROWN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
*
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> WELL, WELL, WELL.
>> Desi: YES.
>> I FEEL WE NEED TO DO THAT
VIDEO SAYING "LOOK AT US."
WOULD YOU HAVE EVER THOUGHT?
>> Desi: LOOK AT US.
YOU, YVETTE, YOU HAVE AN
INCREDIBLE QUALITY OF
WALKING INTO A ROOM AND LIGHTING
THE PLACE UP.
>> HONEY!
>> Desi: YOU DO!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: YOU BRING SO MUCH
WARMTH AND JOY.
WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?
IS IT NOT READING THE NEWS?
>> [LAUGHS]
>> Desi: IS IT PILLS,
EDIBLES, HOW DO I GET IN ON
THIS?
>> IT IS LEGAL IN CALIFORNIA.
I'M DETERMINED TO LET NOT WHAT
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE WORLD NOT
DESTROY ME.
I DON'T WANT TO BE THE PROBLEM.
I'M TRYING TO MAKE THINGS A
LITTLE BIT BETTER.
IT'S TOUGH OUT THERE.
Y'ALL KNOW.
>> Desi: [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH, WILL BE NO.
THAT IS KIND OF WHAT YOUR SHOW
IS ABOUT.
"FROG AND TOAD" IS ALL ABOUT
CELEBRATING EACH OTHERS
DIFFERENCES, WHICH FEELS LIKE
SOMETHING THAT IS VERY NEEDED
RIGHT NOW.
>> YEAH, WE ARE IN A TOUGH TIME
AS A NATION.
LISTEN, IF YOU GUYS FOLLOW ME ON
TWITTER, I'M NO LONGER VERIFIED,
BUT IT'S ME.
AND IF YOU DON'T, YOU SHOULD, BS
FANTASTIC.
>> I LIKE TO THROW ELBOWS.
IT IS IMPORTANT WHEN YOU HAVE A
PLATFORM, TO USE IT FOR GOOD.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMIND PEOPLE
THAT IT'S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT,
JUST LIKE FROG AND TOAD SAID,
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A JERK
ABOUT IT.
>> Desi: THAT'S RIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO YOU ARE SAYING THAT THERE IS
A POSSIBILITY THAT THIS SHOW
ISN'T JUST FOR CHILDREN.
>> OH, ABSOLUTELY.
THIS IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT
APPLE TV PLACE IN GENERAL, I DO
ANOTHER SHOW ON THERE CALLED
"SHAPE ISLAND," THEY HAVE THE
SHOWS THAT ARE ANIMATED THAT
LOOK LIKE THEY ARE JUST FOR KIDS
AND THEY WORK PERFECTLY FOR KIDS
BUT THIS IS A TIDBIT THAT IS
SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN LEARN
FROM TOO.
"FROG AND TOAD" IS LIKE THAT --
WHO IS OLD LIKE ME?
WHO READ THE BOOKS WHEN THEY ARE
BABIES?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH.
SO THIS WAS A BOOK SERIES THAT
TAUGHT ME HOW TO READ.
ONE OF THE BOOK SERIES I READ
WHAT I WAS A KID, IT TAUGHT ME
HOW TO READ.
IT IS GOOD FOR THAT.
I KNOW IT MAY BE BANNED
SOMEWHERE.
>> Desi: FLORIDA AND TEXAS.
>> DIFFERENCES MAKE US SPECIAL
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PULL US
APART.
>> Desi: I FEEL LIKE IT IS A
VERY GOOD SERIES FOR GROWN MEN
TO WATCH.
>> GROWN MEN, REPUBLICAN MAY BE.
>> Desi: WATCHING HEALTHY MALE
RELATIONSHIPS.
>> DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ANGER AND
GUNPLAY.
>> Desi: MY SON IS SEVEN YEARS
OLD AND HE IS A HUGE FAN OF THE
BOOK SERIES.
IT IS ONE OF THE FIRST BOOKS
THAT HE ACTUALLY READ.
HE ASKED -- HE WROTE A QUESTION.
>> FOR ME?
>> Desi: IT IS A QUESTION
ABOUT "FROG AND TOAD."
"FROG AND TOAD," GAY?
[LAUGHTER]
HE ASKED ED.
HE ASKED FOR.
>> LISTEN, PERHAPS.
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME WHEN THE
BOOKS WERE WRITTEN AND WE FOUND
OUT LATER THAT IT WAS HIS WAY OF
WORKING THROUGH SOME THINGS THAT
HE WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHEN
THE WORLD THAT HE COULDN'T BE
WHO YOU WANTED TO BE, HE WROTE
"FROG AND TOAD" SO HE COULD
EXPERIENCE AND SHOW LOVE BY THEL
LIFE.
IT WORKS AS A FRIENDSHIP, AND IT
ALSO WORKS AS A TENDER LOVE
STORY WITH AMPHIBIANS.
>> Desi: THAT'S RIGHT!
UP TO THE VIEWER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED.
>> GET WHAT YOU NEED OUT OF IT.
>> Desi: ROOM FOR US ALL.
>> DO YOU WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY
HOW WE KNOW EACH OTHER?
>> Desi: WE DO KNOW EACH
OTHER.
WE WORKED TOGETHER, SEVERAL
YEARS AGO.
>> BEFORE THAT BABY.
SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS AGO.
>> Desi: A WHOLE OTHER
LIFETIME.
WE WORKED TOGETHER ON A SHOW
CALLED "THE ODD COUPLE."
NOT THE ORIGINAL.
WE ARE NOT THAT OLD.
>> WE ARE NOT THAT OLD, GUYS.
THE REBOOT.
>> Desi: THE REBOOT.
YOU ARE SO FUNNY ON THE SHOW.
>> THIS IS YOUR MOMENT.
YOU ARE SO FUNNY ON THE SHOW.
>> Desi: I PLAYED A MANIAC.
REALLY TRACKS.
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE FIVE
LINES BUT THEY DON'T TRY IN THE
WAY SHINE.
THEN YOU CAME TO
"THE DAILY SHOW," AND YOU HAVE
BEEN AMAZING, AND I AM SO HAPPY
I GET TO BE HERE WITH YOU AND
GET TO CELEBRATE THIS NEW MOMENT
FOR YOU ON THE SHOW, YOU ARE SO
TEDIOUS, AND I ADORE YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: WORKING ON THAT
PROJECT, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS A
SERIES REGULAR ON THE SHOW, AND
WHEN YOU WALK IN AS A GUEST
STAR, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE, YOO
PUT YOUR HANDS, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE TO EAT LUNCH.
I KNEW TOOK ME UNDER YOUR WING.
YOU INTRODUCED ME TO EVERYBODY,
MAJOR I HAD SOMEONE TO SIT AND
EAT WITH AND I WILL NEVER
FORGET THAT.
>> IT WAS MY PLEASURE.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS IS THE THING, WHEN YOU COME
ON THE SHOW, IT IS YOUR HOME.
SOMEONE IS COMING INTO YOUR
HOUSE.
YOU WOULDN'T LET SOMEONE INTO
YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING THEM
WHERE THE BATHROOM IS, SHE CAME
TO MY DOCTOR DRESSING ROOM, GOT
ME SOME DOUBLE STEAK TAPE SO
I DON'T GET OUT OF MY SHIRT.
IT IS MY PLEASURE, BABY.
>> I APPRECIATE THAT.
YOU ARE NOT JUST ON
"FROG AND TOAD."
YOU ARE IN EVERYTHING WHAT YOU
ARE ALSO IN ONE OF MY NEW
FAVORITE SHOWS CALLED THE
"ACT YOUR AGE."
YOU GUYS GOT TO SEE IT.
YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS SHOW!
>> LISTEN, GUYS, ANYBODY HEARD
"THE GOLDEN GIRLS?"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AT YOUNG PEOPLE, DON'T DO THAT.
OUR SHOW IS CALLED
"ACT YOUR AGE" AND IT IS
LITERALLY LIKE A GOLDEN BROWN
GIRLS.
IMAGINE WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE,
A LITTLE MORE MELON INCOME BUT
IS
NOT JUST FOR US.
MEN, WOMEN COME OLD, YOUNG.
WHEN I WAS 12 WATCHING "THE
GOLDEN GIRLS," I WAS NOT A WHITE
RETIREE FROM FLORIDA BUT I STILL
SAW THE HUMANITY, BUT YOU WILL
SEE THIS IN "ACT YOUR AGE."
>> Desi: IT IS YOU, KIM
WHITLEY, ALL THREE OF YOU ARE
LEADS ON THE SHOW, YOU HAVE
GREAT STORY LINES, IT IS SO
FUNNY.
AND THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS,
RIGHT?
>> YOU GUYS WATCH "MARTIN,"
YOU'VE SEEN "MY WIFE AND KIDS,"
AND KIM IS A COMEDIAN THAT HAS
BEEN ON EVERYTHING.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE GOT TO
LEAD A SHOW BECAUSE BLACK
ACTRESSES ARE ALWAYS LIKE THE
METER MAID, THE BEST FRIEND, THE
OFFICE ASSISTANT, AND THIS TIME
IT IS OUR STORIES AND WE ARE
DRIVING EVERY EPISODE AND IT HAS
BEEN AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE.
>> Desi: AND IT IS A HIGHLY
RATED SHOW ON BALANCE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> THE HIGHEST-RATED DEBUT ON
HISTORY.
WE TOOK A LITTLE BREAK BECAUSE
THAT THERE WAS APPARENTLY
SOMETHING CALLED NBA AND PEOPLE
ARE PLAYING GAMES.
NEVER HEARD OF IT.
I DON'T DO IT.
I DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL EITHER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
WE'LL BE BACK IN JUNE AND WE
WILL HAVE NINE MORE NEW
EPISODES.
YOU HAVE TIME TO CATCH UP, YOU
GUYS, BOUNCE TV, PLEASE WATCH
US.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: I HAVE TO ASK YOU --
YES, PLEASE WATCH IT.
I GOT TO ASK YOU A POLITICAL
QUESTION.
>> PLEASE.
>> Desi: YOU ARE VERY
OUTSPOKEN, AN OUTSPOKEN
DEMOCRAT, YOU SUPPORTED BIDEN.
BIDEN JUST ANNOUNCED.
ARE YOU BOOKING HOTEL ROOMS IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE?
>> [LAUGHS]
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO SAY ABOUT
THE SITUATION.
WE HAVE A GREAT PRESIDENT WHO
HAS DONE A LOT FOR US.
IF WE HAD THE SENATE AND THE
HOUSE, HE COULD HAVE DONE EVEN
MORE.
SO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO RIGHT NOW
INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT,
SHOULD HE BE RUNNING, WHY IS HE
RUNNING, JUST GET PEOPLE
REGISTERED AND VOTE FOR AS MANY
DEMOCRATS AS YOU CAN.
WE'VE ALREADY LOST THE RIGHT TO
CHOOSE.
BUT CAN'T READ BOOKS, LIBRARIES
ARE BEING DEFUNDED, THEY ARE
DOING A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS TO
MAKE LIFE HARDER FOR ALL OF US.
IF YOU ARE A MEMBER THIS, THE
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL THAT BIDEN
HAS COME ALL OF THEM VOTED
AGAINST IT.
EVERYTHING THEY NEED A BREAK OR
SOMETHING, THEY ARE TAKING THE
MONEY.
UNDERSTAND THAT THEY SAY ONE
THING AND DO ANOTHER.
BIDEN IS OUR GUY, STAY BEHIND
HIM, LET'S GO!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: WHEN ARE YOU READY
FOR PRESIDENT?
>> NO!
YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO FUNNY, DESI,
BE REALLY SMART TO BE PRESIDENT.
>> Desi: THERE ARE NO RULES
ANYMORE.
>> I USED TO FEEL LIKE I WASN'T
WORTHY OF IT.
I GREW UP -- JIMMY CARTER WAS MY
FIRST PRESIDENT SO I GREW UP
UNDER THAT LEVEL OF DECENCY AND
KINDNESS.
SO THE IDEA THAT SOMEONE LIKE
DONALD TRUMP COULD BECOME
PRESIDENT JUST -- SO I WOULD
NEVER SAY NEVER, BECAUSE I NOW
KNOW THAT WE NEED DECENCY IN
THEIR MORE THAN WE NEED MAY BE
THE SMARTEST PERSON, BUT CAN'T
IT BE GREAT IF YOU DO BOTH?
I THINK I HAVE A LOT LITTLE BIT
OF THAT.
>> Desi: IF YOU DECIDE TO COME
YOU'LL COME BACK ON THE SHOW?
>> ABSOLUTELY, I WILL ANNOUNCE
IT HERE.
>> Desi: YES!
"FROG AND TOAD" PREMIERS
APRIL 28TH ON APPLE TV+.
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK
BREAK BUT WE'LL BE BACK RIGHT
AFTER THIS!
YVETTE NICOLE BROWN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Desi: THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR
TONIGHT, BUT BEFORE WE GO:
PLEASE CONSIDER SUPPORTING
THE BRIGID ALLIANCE.
THEY PROVIDE TRAVEL, LODGING,
AND SUPPORT AND OTHER LOGISTICAL
SUPPORT FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED
ABORTIONS.
IF YOU CAN, PLEASE DONATE AT THE
LINK BELOW.
NOW HERE IT IS, YOU'RE A
"MOMENT OF ZEN."
>> WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS RIGHT
NOW.
BREAKING NEWS.
AARON RODGERS HAS OFFICIALLY
BEEN TRADED TO THE
NEW YORK JETS.
THE JETS ARE SAVING THEIR
FIRST-ROUND PICK THIS YEAR,
THEIR SECOND-ROUND PICK THIS
YEAR --
>> I TOLD YOU!
SORRY!
>> HOLD ON!
HOLD ON!