1 00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,637 ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New York City, 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,038 the only city in America, 3 00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,541 it's The Daily Show. 4 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:11,011 Tonight-- Ukraine continues to fight, 5 00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:14,281 election season is here again, 6 00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:16,650 and Ziwe. 7 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:21,455 This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 8 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,858 (cheers and applause) 9 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,669 What's going on, everybody? Welcome to The Daily Show. 10 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,638 I'm Trevor Noah. Thank you so much for tuning in. 11 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:41,842 Thank you for coming out in person. Look at this. 12 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,610 Look at you. Wow. 13 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,747 Take a seat, everybody. Take a seat. Thank you for being here. 14 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,215 Wow. Take a seat. Let's do it. 15 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,517 Take a seat. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. 16 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,253 We got this thing. You guys are a really great audience. 17 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,689 I can tell already. You know how I know? 18 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,158 Is because you chose to be in a room with me knowing 19 00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,360 that I've just returned from a super spreader event in D.C. 20 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,496 -So, uh, that's love. I feel it. -(applause and cheering) 21 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,431 I feel it. I hope it's love that I feel. 22 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:06,533 We've got a really great show for you tonight. 23 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,102 From the hit Showtime talk show Ziwe, 24 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,871 Ziwe is joining us, everyone. 25 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,873 -(applause and cheering) -Yeah. 26 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,675 It'd be weird if it was someone else. 27 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,743 Plus, the midterm elections are heating up, 28 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,345 and so, we're going to find out 29 00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,615 which politicians are morphing into Donald Trump. 30 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,950 So, let's do this, people. 31 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,185 Let's jump straight into today's headlines. 32 00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:28,088 -♪ ♪ -(applause and cheering) 33 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,629 Okay, let's kick things off 34 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,398 with the latest news coming out of Ukraine. 35 00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,869 It has now been ten weeks since Vladimir Putin decided 36 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,737 to man-spread in the worst way possible. 37 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,273 And all over the world, everyone has been inspired 38 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:49,443 and impressed by the fortitude of the Ukrainian people. 39 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,278 I mean, I know I am. 40 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,014 You know, if the Russian army came to my apartment and said, 41 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,550 "Trevor, this apartment belongs to Russia," 42 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,585 I'd have just been like, "Ah, okay." 43 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,321 (speaking Russian) "I'll sleep on the couch? Fine." 44 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,424 But Ukraine hasn't done that. No, they've not backed down. 45 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:07,060 And over the weekend, the country got some moral support 46 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,396 from the United States 47 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,798 when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi lead a small group 48 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:15,135 of Democratic Congress people on a surprise visit 49 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,705 to President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in Kyiv. 50 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,408 Yeah. And when I say surprise, I mean it was a surprise to us. 51 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:24,411 -(laughter) - Not like... I hope it wasn't a surprise to Ukraine. 52 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,846 You know, they've got enough going on 53 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,080 without having to rush out 54 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,782 at the last minute for a veggie platter. 55 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,351 Just like, "Nancy's here! Nancy's here! What does she eat? 56 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,554 "Get some hummus, uh, maybe also a kente cloth. 57 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:34,955 She likes those." 58 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,258 Meanwhile, many countries have condemned Russia 59 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,493 since the invasion. 60 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,795 But Israel, specifically, 61 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,932 has had one thing that has particularly upset them. 62 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,500 You see, before launching their war, 63 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,570 Russia claimed the reason it was invading was 64 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,306 to remove Ukraine's Nazi government from power. 65 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,408 That's what they said. Yeah. And people were like, 66 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:59,112 "Well, that's weird, because Zelenskyy is literally Jewish." 67 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,315 But okay. It was a weird accusation. 68 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,083 Yeah, and so now, 69 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,685 Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov-- 70 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,154 he tried to explain Russia's comments. 71 00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,957 And if he was trying to make things worse with Israel, 72 00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,758 well, mission accomplished. 73 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,361 Israel is summoning the Russian ambassador for talks 74 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,496 after Russia's foreign minister claimed in an interview 75 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,832 that it doesn't matter that the Ukrainian president 76 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,869 is Jewish, since, "Hitler had Jewish blood," and that 77 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,204 "the worst anti-Semites are Jews." 78 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,807 Israel's Foreign Minister, Yair Lapid, said Lavrov's remarks are 79 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,776 both an unforgivable and outrageous statement as well as 80 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:33,080 a terrible historical error, and that the lowest level of racism 81 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:36,183 against Jews is to accuse Jews of anti-Semitism. 82 00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:40,854 Did this guy say that Jews are the worst anti-Semites? 83 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,556 You couldn't think of anyone else? 84 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,892 Everyone else above them? What... 85 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,593 That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, 86 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,395 and I've heard ridiculous things. Yeah, I once heard 87 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,098 someone say that Hawkeye should get his own spin-off movie. 88 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,301 (laughs) I'm sorry, no. No. I'm not watching archery 89 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,837 for three hours, that's just the Olympics. 90 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,539 That's an insane thought. What else does this guy believe? 91 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,674 That the Johnson & Johnson is the cool vaccine? 92 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,243 Who are you, man? 93 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,546 And keep in mind, all of this is happening because 94 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,347 Russia painted themselves into a corner. You see, 95 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,551 what they did is they claimed that their war was about 96 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,320 "denazifying" Ukraine, and everyone could tell that 97 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,454 that was bullshit. You know? 98 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,056 They should have given an excuse that 99 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,792 wasn't so easy to disprove. They should have said they were 100 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,596 going in to defeat, like, Ukraine's ghosts. Yeah. 101 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,631 Oh, yeah, no, think about it. T-Then they could just declare 102 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,366 victory and-and go home. They could just be like, 103 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,435 (Russian Accent): "All ghosts have been removed from spooky 104 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:31,738 "positions in Ukrainian government. Is shame you cannot 105 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,640 "see how successful we are, because, as I said, 106 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,609 "they are ghosts. Anyway, we win. War is over. 107 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,744 Goodbye now, goodbye." 108 00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,382 (regular accent): But let's move on 109 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,818 to a story that's actually an update 110 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,720 from something that we covered last week. 111 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,923 And it takes place in England, the country holding on 112 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,893 to the rest of the world's artifacts for "safekeeping." 113 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,261 (English accent): "Yes, because, I mean, if someone 114 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,163 "colonized you, then they would take all your stuff. 115 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,865 At least, with us, it's safe. Think about it." 116 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,766 (regular accent): Now, last week, a British lawmaker 117 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,035 was busted for watching pornography on his phone 118 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,738 during a session of Parliament. Right? This was a big deal. 119 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,040 Yeah. Yes. Because this is England. This is not France, 120 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,644 right? Caused a huge uproar. And it was such a big uproar, 121 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:14,581 in fact, that the MP resigned from his position 122 00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,416 and issued an apology 123 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,219 and an explanation for why he was 124 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:23,457 watching porn on the job. And-and apparently, he says 125 00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:27,127 he was actually looking for some equipment for his farm 126 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,530 and things took a wrong turn. 127 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,865 Funny enough, it was tractors that I was looking at. 128 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,202 And, um, so, I did get into another website, um, 129 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:38,405 it had a sort of very similar name. Um, and I 130 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,674 watched it for a bit, which I shouldn't have done. 131 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:45,646 But my-my crime, mo-- biggest crime, um, is that 132 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,315 on another occasion I went in a second time. 133 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,956 Oh, man. 134 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,192 Yeah, this guy says he was looking for a website 135 00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,195 for farmers and accidentally ended up on a sex site 136 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:02,563 with a similar name. 137 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,464 (English accent): "No, no, no, I wanted Cornhub.com! 138 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,733 Oh, bother. Oh, bother. No!" 139 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,236 (regular accent): You know, if I'm honest with you, 140 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,771 it actually sounds like he's telling the truth, honestly. 141 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,340 No, because, like, he-he incriminates himself there, 142 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,043 you know? He says he tried to search for farm equipment, 143 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,245 landed in a porn website, switched it off. 144 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,214 But then he says that, later, "I was like, oh, maybe I should 145 00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:23,050 look for another tractor." 146 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,485 I actually like that. 147 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,387 Because in the beginning, I didn't buy this guy's excuse. 148 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,857 That he was just looking for "tractors" and farm equipment. 149 00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,725 And then I... 150 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:35,462 I-I-I started googling farm equipment. 151 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,130 And, people, you'd be shocked 152 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:40,567 at how naughty farm equipment actually sounds. 153 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,802 You could... It could happen. 154 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,170 Google could, like, throw you off. 155 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,506 Yeah, farm stuff. They've got pipe layers. 156 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,908 They've got spinner spreaders. 157 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,078 They got backhoes. They got turf sprayers. 158 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,780 They got double-furrow plows. 159 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,315 It all sounds obscene. 160 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,451 Yeah, all I wanted was to start a farm 161 00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,587 to raise my giant cocks, and now you've ruined me. 162 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,389 (laughter) 163 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,124 But, you know, what's amazing to me about this story 164 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,526 is how politicians can lose their jobs 165 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,060 for normal things that everyone does, right? 166 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,562 Like watching porn or having an affair. 167 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,264 But if they're busted for doing something 168 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:11,832 that destroys other people's lives, 169 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,400 then nothing happens. You know? 170 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,035 People are like, "Hey! Did you just make a deal 171 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,503 "with a corporation that allowed them 172 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,738 "to pollute our rivers and our lakes, 173 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,173 which made a ton of people sick?" 174 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,440 Be like, "Yes, I did." 175 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,876 "Well, at least you weren't watching porn. 176 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,545 "Just try not to do it again. 177 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,413 "All right, that's all that matters. 178 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,749 That's all that matters." 179 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,084 (applause) 180 00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:32,686 And finally, 181 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,856 this next story takes place in space, 182 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,491 Earth's attic. 183 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,227 For decades now, humans have been obsessed 184 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,496 with trying to get to Mars. 185 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:46,200 Why? Well, we just want to see what it's like, you know? 186 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,835 It's not like there's anything wrong with Earth. 187 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,070 We just want to see what's going on out there, you know? 188 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,505 Yeah, it's the same way your dad 189 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,773 is currently looking for apartments. 190 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,641 The marriage is fine. He just... 191 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,410 He just needs a place to hang, you know? 192 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,845 The important thing is that it's not your fault. 193 00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,079 It's not your fault. 194 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,014 Anyway, the point is humans are desperate 195 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,917 to find out everything we can about Mars. 196 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,285 You know, did it used to have water? 197 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,921 Can it support life? Can it be gentrified? 198 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,623 And now, 199 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,192 thanks to NASA, we've discovered 200 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,729 something amazing on the Red Planet. 201 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,465 NASA says its Ingenuity Mars Helicopter 202 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,901 recently discovered and surveyed the debris 203 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,137 from the agency's Perseverance rover mission on Mars 204 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,472 one year ago. 205 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,808 NEWSWOMAN: NASA photos show both the parachute 206 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,710 that helped the rover land on Mars 207 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,646 as well as the cone-shaped backshell 208 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,648 that protected it during its fiery descent 209 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,883 toward the martian surface 210 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,286 on February 18, 2021. 211 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,089 NASA says being able to look at some of the components 212 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,058 that enabled the rover to get safely to the martian surface 213 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:49,062 could provide valuable insights for future missions. 214 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,099 (laughter) 215 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:54,968 That's it? 216 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,870 Wait, are you kidding me? That's-that's... 217 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,072 NASA's big discovery on Mars 218 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,575 is some garbage that they left there? 219 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,043 (laughter and applause) 220 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,745 Why are you announcing... What are you... 221 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,713 Like, I expect this shit from a five-year-old, 222 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,016 not the greatest space agency in the world. 223 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,817 "Look, Mommy, I found a poop in the toilet." 224 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,519 "That's your poop, you (bleep) idiot." 225 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,887 (laughter and applause) 226 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,389 What? 227 00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,758 How is NASA proud that we left trash on Mars? 228 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,892 Think about that. Huh? 229 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,327 If anything, we should be embarrassed. 230 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,697 The first thing we do on another planet is litter? 231 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,065 (laughter) 232 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,167 I mean, I guess it's good to set expectations early, 233 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,702 but still, guys. 234 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,937 Can you imagine 235 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,739 what the martians think of us right now? 236 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,043 "Sheila! Sheila! 237 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,512 "The two-legged freaks came back again 238 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,180 "and left more trash! 239 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,748 "I swear to Glorp, 240 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:44,484 if they move here, we're going to Venus." 241 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,655 Yeah, I don't care if it's further from your sister. 242 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,758 At least it doesn't have these shaved monkeys showing up 243 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,794 and leaving their shit on our lawn! 244 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:57,297 I would love some tea. Thank you, honey. 245 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,334 All right, that's it for the headlines. 246 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,002 (cheering and applause) 247 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,837 Before we go to break, 248 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,205 let's check in on the stock market 249 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:08,242 with our finance expert Michael Kosta, everybody! 250 00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,377 (cheering and applause) 251 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,980 -What's going on, Michael? -Yeah. 252 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,648 What's happening in the market today? 253 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,950 Well, you know, the market, I am crushing it. 254 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,052 -I am crushing the market. -S-So you say. 255 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,221 -So you say. -I'm crushing. I got a hot tip for you, 256 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,557 and I got a hot tip for all you. Uh, and so-- 257 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,326 But before we get into it, that story, uh, about Mars, 258 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:29,062 I mean, you don't have to go to Mars to photograph trash. 259 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,999 You know? New York City hasn't picked up trash in Brooklyn 260 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,200 since 2020. 261 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,801 If you want to see-- if you want to see 262 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:37,337 some out-of-this-world trash, go to 34 Macon Street. 263 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,072 That's where I live. Okay? 264 00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,674 -Um, let's get... -I don't think you should give your address 265 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,476 -on TV, but carry on. -Yeah. Right. 266 00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:45,045 Let's-- Actually, one other thing. That-that minister, 267 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,980 -the-the one who was watching porn? -Yeah? 268 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,116 That's... that's-that's not funny. 269 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,552 You know, that-that is appalling. 270 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,488 It is disgusting. It is very unprofessional. 271 00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:55,989 'Kay? 272 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:00,427 -O-Okay. -Yeah. Let's get to the stocks. 273 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,362 -Cool. -Okay? All right. 274 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,965 -Wow. -Now, typically, an expert investor like myself, 275 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,067 I would say invest in the S&P, 276 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,069 invest in the DGIA 277 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,338 or even an ETF like the VTI. 278 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,073 But-but when things... 279 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,875 when things are this volatile, 280 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,277 you need an alternative investment strategy. 281 00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,079 And that's why I like to promote 282 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:22,649 the Monetary International Liquidated Fund, okay? 283 00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,585 -Okay. -It all-- I-If you need to know more about it, 284 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,520 you just grab your computer, go somewhere safe, 285 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:29,256 and type in M-I-L-F. 286 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,924 Okay? Now... 287 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,093 now, lock the door. 288 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,095 Uh, experts like myself like to, you know, 289 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,164 "do your research," so to speak. 290 00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,565 If-if you-- if you want something 291 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,467 a little more aggressive, 292 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,102 maybe not as used, there's always 293 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,305 the annuity net asset loan, okay? 294 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,375 Uh, just type in A-N-A-L. 295 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,511 And, uh, look, look, look, look, 296 00:11:50,611 --> 00:11:51,812 sometimes it's gonna hurt. 297 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,547 Uh, but... 298 00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:54,982 you're gonna get out of your comfort zone 299 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,216 and there's gonna be growth. 300 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,552 Now... 301 00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,054 it's not just all ticker symbol recommendations 302 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,222 from an expert like myself. 303 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:05,092 I r-- I read a heartbreaking story recently 304 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,829 of a young woman who ruined her father's inheritance. 305 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,964 And we have to learn from these types of stories, 306 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,766 because it helps us to protect our money, 307 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,334 to be smart with our finances. 308 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,337 Uh, grab your computer and just google, uh, 309 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,941 "stepdaughter blows father's load." 310 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,210 -Um... -(laughter, groaning) 311 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,247 I think you'll take a lot away from it, personally. 312 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,917 -But, uh, al-- Oh, my hot tip. My hot tip. -Yeah. 313 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,319 All of you, hot tip, uh, you know those privacy screens 314 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,987 that we put on computers so people can't look 315 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,455 -at our computer screens? -Oh, yeah. 316 00:12:35,556 --> 00:12:36,890 -You have 'em on your phone as well. -Yeah. Yeah, exactly. 317 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,659 Yeah. We should buy those. 318 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,094 Yeah. Invest in those. 319 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,462 -Invest in those. Michael Kosta, everybody. -Yeah. 320 00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,198 -Yeah, you should buy them. Thank you. -(cheering, applause) 321 00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:45,666 Thank you so much, Michael. 322 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,201 All right, don't go away, 'cause, when we come back, 323 00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:49,770 Republicans want to punch each other in Ohio 324 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,206 and Ziwe is still joining us on the show. Don't go away. 325 00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:54,341 (cheering and applause) 326 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,983 (applause and cheering) 327 00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:11,924 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 328 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:15,327 America is once again getting ready for the midterms-- 329 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:19,298 the time of year when voters ask for a refund. 330 00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,600 But before you get to election day, 331 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,335 you have to make it through the primaries, 332 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,703 which is when the voters decide 333 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,939 which candidates they really hate, 334 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,141 and which ones they only kind of hate. 335 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:31,811 And tomorrow, there's a major primary happening in Ohio, 336 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:35,014 which everyone is watching. Because you know what they say. 337 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:39,485 "As Ohio goes, so goes the nation." Yeah. 338 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,420 So America better pray Ohio doesn't switch 339 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,589 to natural deodorants, because, uh, 340 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,124 yeah, that shit doesn't work. Have you tried it? 341 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,493 It's just a rock. Now I stink, and my armpits hurt. 342 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,930 Anyway, Ohio Republicans are battling it out 343 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,599 for the right to represent The Buckeye State in the Senate. 344 00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,334 And when I say "battling it out," I mean it. 345 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:59,371 Because their debates have almost come to blows. 346 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,840 NEWSWOMAN: And a GOP Senate debate in Ohio 347 00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:04,310 almost getting violent when candidate Josh Mandel rose 348 00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,079 from his seat to get in the face of Mike Gibbons. 349 00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:11,984 -Oh. -Come on, come on. 350 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,286 Sit down. 351 00:14:14,386 --> 00:14:15,621 Yeah? 352 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,057 We'll square it away. Come on, you guys. 353 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:25,631 Yeah! Kiss him! Kiss him on the lips! 354 00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,633 (applause and cheering) 355 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,636 Oh, is that... is that not what's happening? 356 00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,838 Sorry. I misread the situation. 357 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,373 Seemed like there was a lot of sexual tension there. 358 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:37,543 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, man, look, I knew 359 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,044 American politics were unpredictable, 360 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,746 but I never thought the Republican Party 361 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,048 would pick its leaders Wakanda style, you know? 362 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:46,685 It's just like, "It's the strength of the Black Panther." 363 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,622 In fact, maybe that's something they should add to the debate. 364 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,090 Right? 'Cause I was watching this, and was like, 365 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,025 "Yeah, you could you have, like, a section 366 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,694 where the politicians get to duke it out. 367 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,897 Yeah, it'll get more voters engaged in politics, 368 00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,433 and the candidates would be a lot more willing to comprise 369 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,635 if they knew the other person could beat their ass. 370 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,969 You know. Just be like, 371 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,038 "I'm never raising taxes on the rich! 372 00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,406 "Okay, maybe a little. Maybe a little bit. 373 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:09,275 Maybe a little bit. I see your point." 374 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:12,445 Now as it stands, the GOP race has five main candidates 375 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,879 vying for the top spot. 376 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,082 But there's one name everyone keeps talking about-- 377 00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:17,683 J.D. Vance. 378 00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,186 He's a Yale graduate, a venture capitalist, 379 00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:24,356 and he became famous for writing the book turned horrible movie, 380 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,892 Hillbilly Elegy, right, where he explained 381 00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:30,429 that white people become racist because they're poor. Yeah. 382 00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,099 That's why they say the "N" word with a hard "R," 383 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,601 -because they can't afford a vowel, but... -(laughter) 384 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:38,737 ...what makes... what makes J.D. Vance unique 385 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,907 in this field of Republicans is all the trash that he's talked 386 00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:45,344 about their dear leader-- Donald Jellyfish Trump. 387 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,880 I'm a Never Trump guy. I never liked him. 388 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,415 NEWSWOMAN: In February of 2016, he wrote, 389 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:53,185 "Trump's actual policy proposals range from immoral to absurd. 390 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,386 "Mr. Trump is unfit 391 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,222 for our nation's highest office." 392 00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,692 Three months later, he wrote, "Trump is cultural heroin. 393 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,161 "He makes some people feel better for a bit, 394 00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,263 "but he cannot fix what ails them, 395 00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,465 and one day, they'll realize it." 396 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,067 NEWSWOMAN 2: A former roommate of Mr. Vance 397 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:11,103 sharing his text messages from 2016, 398 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:14,039 in which Mr. Vance reportedly told people 399 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,608 how he thought that Donald Trump 400 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,210 was going to be "America's Hitler." 401 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,345 VANCE: I can't stomach Trump. 402 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,480 I think that he's noxious. 403 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,450 Wow. "I think Trump's noxious." 404 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,786 I can only imagine that when Trump heard that, 405 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,888 he was probably like, "What does 'noxious' mean?" 406 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,023 (laughter) 407 00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:36,128 JD Vance slammed Trump in every way possible. 408 00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,898 Every way possible. But in his defense, 409 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,066 he did all of that before he realized 410 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,002 that Trump was gonna win. 411 00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,837 'Cause, you see, now that Trump 412 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,907 has the GOP in the palm of his tiny hands, 413 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:51,477 JD Vance is now fully on board the Trump train. 414 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,312 And I mean fully. And it's not just him. 415 00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:55,081 Basically everyone in this race 416 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,716 has spent the entire campaign 417 00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:01,554 trying to show that they were the Trumpiest. 418 00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,656 Trump fought back, and so have I. 419 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,858 MAN: Trump and Gibbons are businessmen with a backbone. 420 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,993 Trump saved our economy before. 421 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,229 Gibbons knows how to do it again. 422 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,465 WOMAN: There are pretenders in the Senate race. 423 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,468 Jane Timken is the real Trump conservative. 424 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,836 MAN 2: Josh Mandel. 425 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,972 Pro-God. Progun. Pro-Trump 426 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:22,875 -(audience groaning) -Wow. 427 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:25,511 Pro-God and Pro-Trump. 428 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,413 So he's saying those two are different things? 429 00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:30,549 Ooh, this dude's candidacy is toast. 430 00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,985 But this is some serious devotion. 431 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,754 "I'm the real Trump conservative." 432 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,689 "I can save the economy just like Trump." 433 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:40,359 "I once shook Trump's hand, and I haven't washed it since. 434 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:44,263 My doctor said it's why I get sick so often." 435 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:47,733 So, yeah, basically, everyone spent this entire race 436 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:51,036 trying to get the seal of approval from King Donald. 437 00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:53,439 Even the people who secretly don't think too highly of him, 438 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,040 which we see time and time again. 439 00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,308 It's normal now, right? 440 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,744 Whether it's JD Vance or Kevin McCarthy 441 00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,379 or countless other Republicans, 442 00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:03,716 the entire party right now is basically mean girls. 443 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,285 They'll talk shit about Trump behind his back, 444 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:07,520 but then to his face, it's all like, 445 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,488 "Oh, my God, Donald, you look so hot. 446 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,958 "Oh, my God. I wish I had your FUPA. 447 00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,126 Oh, my God." 448 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,861 (laughter and applause) 449 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,830 And guess what? Guess what? In the end, 450 00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,866 after months of competing to see who... 451 00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:24,003 who could stick their nose the furthest up Trump's ass, 452 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,371 the Trump endorsement 453 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:28,274 went to none other than JD Vance. 454 00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,543 Although, clearly, Trump doesn't really care 455 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,178 about these people as much as they care about him. 456 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,414 Because listen to what Trump says 457 00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,483 when he tries to promote JD Vance. 458 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,852 This happened in a speech yesterday. 459 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:40,853 That's what they're waiting for. 460 00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:42,121 They're waiting for one race. 461 00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:43,889 You know, we've endorsed Dr. Oz. 462 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:45,624 -We've endorsed... -(light clapping) 463 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,992 JP, right? 464 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,694 JD Mandel, 465 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,362 and he's doing great. 466 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,697 They're all doing good. 467 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,032 Yeah, that was weird. 468 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,467 That was weird. 469 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,435 You could see. E-Even the-- even the crowd was looking, like, 470 00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,003 "Aw, man." They look like parents 471 00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,572 watching their kid bombing in a spelling bee. 472 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,540 They're just like, "Aw, that's... 473 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,843 Those are your genes. Yeah." 474 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,479 'Cause you realize, not only did Trump mess up JD Vance, 475 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,214 right, which is a tongue twister, 476 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,849 he also combined his name 477 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,651 with another candidate, Josh Mandel. 478 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:13,786 Which is so shitty. 479 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,087 I feel bad for JD Vance, 480 00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:18,758 because now he's gonna have to change his name 481 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,460 to JP JD Mandel. 482 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,962 Yeah. 'Cause if you're a Republican, 483 00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:25,030 Trump is never wrong. 484 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:28,000 At the GOP Starbucks, whatever name Trump calls, that's you. 485 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,436 "J-J-JD JP Mandel?" 486 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,471 "Yeah, that's me. I'll take it." 487 00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,777 So that's the Republican Senate race in Ohio right now. 488 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,279 And, honestly, anything can happen. Anything. 489 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:41,414 In fact, there's even a chance 490 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,748 that all of these MAGA candidates, 491 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,251 they could split the vote and then Matt Dolan, 492 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,420 the one candidate in the race who doesn't think 493 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,422 Joe Biden stole the election with the help of aliens 494 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,756 and zombie Osama bin Laden, 495 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,758 he could actually squeeze out a win. 496 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,693 And so for all the voters out there 497 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,896 who don't really like any of these candidates 498 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,698 and you're in Ohio, remember that you can still write in 499 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,701 the name of the true underdog in this race, 500 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,937 JP JD JC 501 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,973 JG J-Man Mandel. I'm rooting for you, buddy. 502 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:09,608 All right, don't go away. After the break, 503 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,110 Ziwe's gonna join me on the show. 504 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,311 We'll be right back. 505 00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,447 (cheering and applause) 506 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:25,323 (applause and cheering) 507 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,227 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 508 00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:32,931 My guest tonight is writer and comedian Ziwe. 509 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,233 She's also here to talk about being the star 510 00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:39,370 of her second season of her hit Showtime series Ziwe. 511 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,805 Are there any marginalized communities 512 00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:42,307 you want to apologize to? 513 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,842 I don't know. Maybe the Patois community. 514 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,977 Hmm. 515 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:50,982 Nah. 516 00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:52,217 Uh, I don't feel like 517 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,486 I've truly done anything offensive, so... 518 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,920 You don't see it as cultural appropriation. 519 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:57,689 You see it as, like, a celebration of culture? 520 00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:00,525 -Mm-hmm. -And then, it's like social justice warriors 521 00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:01,526 can, like, go kick rocks? 522 00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:04,028 Yeah, yeah. 523 00:21:08,466 --> 00:21:10,668 Yeah. 524 00:21:11,836 --> 00:21:13,004 No comment. Got it. 525 00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:15,106 Please welcome Ziwe! 526 00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:18,276 -(applause and cheering) -♪ ♪ 527 00:21:28,653 --> 00:21:31,489 Hello. 528 00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,060 -Welcome to the show, Ziwe. -Thank you for having me. 529 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,761 I'm beyond excited to be here. 530 00:21:36,861 --> 00:21:38,530 -You're beyond excited. -Yes. 531 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,733 I am enthralled by everything that you're doing, genuinely, 532 00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:44,536 because, like, you have what has quickly become, 533 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,539 -like, people's favorite show on TV, because... -Wow. 534 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:49,207 Yeah, because, I mean, we just saw in that clip. 535 00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:52,377 You've created a show that is uniquely you 536 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,045 in that you'll interview people, 537 00:21:54,145 --> 00:21:57,582 and it's like the most awkward interview of all time. 538 00:21:57,682 --> 00:21:59,584 -(laughter) -People would say that. 539 00:21:59,684 --> 00:22:02,921 I don't make it awkward on purpose. 540 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:06,024 -I'm just a little strange. -Okay, okay. -(laughter) 541 00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:07,592 But here's the thing. 542 00:22:07,692 --> 00:22:09,461 So I remember when you first started this. 543 00:22:09,561 --> 00:22:11,730 -This was, uh... It was on YouTube originally right? -Yes. 544 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,332 And then, it really blew up on Instagram, 545 00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:15,667 like, during the pandemic. 546 00:22:15,767 --> 00:22:17,869 And I would watch people, and they would talk to you 547 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,404 on Instagram, like, the biggest celebrities. 548 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,606 They'd be like, "Oh, I'm gonna let Ziwe interview me." 549 00:22:21,706 --> 00:22:24,275 And they looked like idiots sometimes. 550 00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:26,277 And then, other times, they just looked like 551 00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,012 they didn't know what was going on. And I was like, 552 00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:29,481 "Why-why do they...?" How do you get the people 553 00:22:29,581 --> 00:22:32,851 -to keep talking to you? -Well, I celebrate icons, 554 00:22:32,951 --> 00:22:35,787 and I enable icons to say iconic things. 555 00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:38,890 (laughter, applause) 556 00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:42,093 Oh, I love that. 557 00:22:42,193 --> 00:22:44,662 Oh, man. 558 00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:47,298 So when people come to the show, 559 00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:49,868 -do they know the vibe ahead of time? -Yes. 560 00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:51,503 -Okay. -There are... The episodes are available 561 00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:53,738 for streaming. 562 00:22:53,838 --> 00:22:55,340 But it seems like they don't expect it sometimes. 563 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,708 Like, they feel, you know? 564 00:22:56,808 --> 00:22:58,309 -Like, we love it as the viewers. -Yeah. 565 00:22:58,343 --> 00:23:00,845 And then we watch, like, your guests, and it seems like 566 00:23:00,945 --> 00:23:03,214 they've just been hit by, like, a ten-ton truck. 567 00:23:03,314 --> 00:23:04,849 -(laughter) -Yeah, I think... 568 00:23:04,949 --> 00:23:08,620 Well, so, I am very personable, and so, I connect with them, 569 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,457 and maybe that's surprising-- that I'm so kind and hospitable. 570 00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:14,759 (laughter) 571 00:23:14,859 --> 00:23:18,897 I also love that the show has, like, all these segments 572 00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,899 that you've created that have gone not just viral, 573 00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:23,168 but is, like, into people's hearts. 574 00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:24,969 So, you know, we've got the guest segments 575 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,271 where you interview people. 576 00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:29,774 -Um, you also have the music, which... -Yes. 577 00:23:29,874 --> 00:23:31,643 There's gonna be an album at some point, yes? 578 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:33,978 -Yeah? -Yes, definitely, definitely. 579 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:35,313 I identify as a pop star. 580 00:23:35,413 --> 00:23:36,714 -Yeah? -Yes. 581 00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:38,349 'Cause I love... What is it, "Don't Be Poor"? 582 00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:40,585 -"Stop Being Poor." Yes. -"Stop Being Poor." Yes. 583 00:23:40,685 --> 00:23:42,620 -That's a bomb. -Thank you. Thank... 584 00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:44,756 And, you guys, are you guys living by Reaganomics today? 585 00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:46,291 (laughter) 586 00:23:46,357 --> 00:23:47,859 It's a very powerful song. It's a... 587 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:51,129 Like, the lyrics don't match, but it's, like, it's a... Yeah. 588 00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:52,764 Yeah. I-I like... 589 00:23:52,864 --> 00:23:55,333 I just think that trickle-down economics, it works. 590 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:57,836 And I think if you look at yourself in the mirror 591 00:23:57,936 --> 00:24:00,338 and say, "Stop being poor," eventually it will happen. 592 00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:02,741 And that's why I'm running for Congress. 593 00:24:02,841 --> 00:24:04,876 -(laughs) -(cheering and applause) 594 00:24:08,313 --> 00:24:11,416 It-it feels like this is the kind of show 595 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,918 that you probably couldn't have made 596 00:24:14,018 --> 00:24:15,420 years and years ago. 597 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,090 Like, it's so unique. It's so you. It's so specific. 598 00:24:19,190 --> 00:24:22,093 It's loved by people who know exactly what the show is about. 599 00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:24,262 Like, do you think you could have always done this? 600 00:24:24,362 --> 00:24:26,264 H-Has this always been, like, your brand of comedy? 601 00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,266 Um, so, can I have always done this? 602 00:24:28,299 --> 00:24:31,102 No. Because this show pulls from, like, Real Housewives 603 00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:33,371 and Eric Andre and Colbert Report. 604 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:35,473 -Mm-hmm. -So, these things didn't exist 15 years ago. 605 00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:38,443 -Right. -Um, but the brand of comedy is consistent. 606 00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:39,978 Again, this is my personality. 607 00:24:40,078 --> 00:24:43,481 Um, it's a hyperbolic character, but there's a kernel in there. 608 00:24:43,581 --> 00:24:45,417 This is you, like, deep down inside. 609 00:24:45,517 --> 00:24:49,054 I mean, I, Ziwe, am kinder than the character Ziwe. 610 00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:51,289 -(laughter) -Thank you. 611 00:24:51,356 --> 00:24:54,526 You are also... You are also, um, supremely talented 612 00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:56,127 not just as the character Ziwe but as yourself. 613 00:24:56,294 --> 00:24:57,362 -I mean, writing. -Thank you. 614 00:24:57,462 --> 00:24:59,297 Like, creating, performing. The whole... 615 00:24:59,364 --> 00:25:02,434 You have, like, a very specific vision for what you want. 616 00:25:02,534 --> 00:25:04,636 Some people don't get it at all. 617 00:25:04,736 --> 00:25:06,838 Like, I heard that your parents don't... 618 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:08,339 -Oh, yeah. -They don't get what you do. 619 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,141 No, they have no understanding of what I do. 620 00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:11,309 Do your parents know what you do? 621 00:25:11,409 --> 00:25:13,111 Well, my mom sort of... 622 00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:14,813 -She goes, like, I talk to people, I guess? -Yeah. 623 00:25:14,913 --> 00:25:17,415 She-she sort of... But I... But I... But yeah, she gets it. 624 00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:19,451 I think she gets it a little bit more, you know what I mean? 625 00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,986 My parents think that I just talk to Gayle King for a living. 626 00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:24,456 So, like, once a year, they see me on CBS This Morning, 627 00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:26,157 and they're like, "Wow, Gayle's great." 628 00:25:26,257 --> 00:25:27,592 Are they... Are they proud of you, though? 629 00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:28,993 Like, 'cause I know, like, Nigerian parents 630 00:25:29,094 --> 00:25:30,762 are, like, very proud when their kids do anything. 631 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,430 Like, Nigerian parents are just like, "You're crushing it," 632 00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:33,665 -whatever you're doing. -Mm. 633 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:34,966 So, are they proud of what you're doing? 634 00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:36,334 They're definitely proud of what I'm doing, 635 00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:38,169 although they do wish that I was a doctor. 636 00:25:38,269 --> 00:25:40,305 But it's a little late. 637 00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:41,906 -That's what I was wondering. -Yeah. 638 00:25:42,006 --> 00:25:43,441 'Cause Nigerian parents have that vibe. Very much like, 639 00:25:43,541 --> 00:25:45,510 "What are you doing on TV, huh?" 640 00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:47,078 "Are you causing trouble?" 641 00:25:47,178 --> 00:25:49,013 They literally are like, "Don't tell people your last name. 642 00:25:49,114 --> 00:25:50,949 -We don't want people to know who we are." -Wow. 643 00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,685 Wow. Um, so, you have all these guests on the show. 644 00:25:53,785 --> 00:25:55,920 -You have, um... I mean, like in that clip, for instance. -Yeah. 645 00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:57,956 So, for people who don't understand the c-context, 646 00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,859 -Chet Hanks, Tom Hanks's son. -Yes. Yes. 647 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:03,128 He, like, blew up again online 648 00:26:03,294 --> 00:26:05,597 because, like, you know, he-he-he'll speak... 649 00:26:05,697 --> 00:26:07,298 He'll say things, like, in patois, 650 00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:08,833 and then people were like, "Oh, you're appropriating 651 00:26:08,933 --> 00:26:10,168 Jamaican culture." 652 00:26:10,301 --> 00:26:11,603 And it was a really interesting story, though, 653 00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:13,405 because Jamaicans were like, "We love this guy. 654 00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:14,839 "He's doing it properly. He understands our culture. 655 00:26:14,939 --> 00:26:16,007 This is our vibe." 656 00:26:16,107 --> 00:26:17,142 And then people in America were like, 657 00:26:17,308 --> 00:26:18,343 "This is disgusting. Don't do it." 658 00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:19,711 And Chet was like, "I don't give a damn 659 00:26:19,811 --> 00:26:21,212 what anyone says. I don't care about you." 660 00:26:21,312 --> 00:26:22,881 But then you got him to come on your show. 661 00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:24,082 -Yeah. -No... He doesn't, like, speak to anybody. 662 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:25,583 -How did you get him to come on? -Well, 663 00:26:25,683 --> 00:26:27,285 Chet and I went to college together, 664 00:26:27,385 --> 00:26:28,887 -and so... Yeah, fun fact. -Oh. 665 00:26:28,987 --> 00:26:31,389 And, so, um, I tried to book him for my Instagram Live, 666 00:26:31,489 --> 00:26:32,690 and he did not want to do that. 667 00:26:32,791 --> 00:26:34,793 And then we had a guest drop out. 668 00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:36,127 He was... We were texting. 669 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:37,562 He was congratulating me for whatever. 670 00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:40,532 And I asked again, and he flew in two days later. 671 00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:41,900 -That's amazing. -Yeah. 672 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,268 -You just were like, "Come in, Chet." -(applause) 673 00:26:43,368 --> 00:26:45,270 Yeah. Yes. Brave! 674 00:26:45,336 --> 00:26:47,839 It's brave that I text Chet Hanks. 675 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,774 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 676 00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:51,009 iCloud hacks. 677 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:53,878 Um, no, it's-it's... It was great. 678 00:26:53,978 --> 00:26:55,580 I mean, he asked... he asked if we could promote 679 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,515 his fitness app, which we do on the show. 680 00:26:57,615 --> 00:26:58,783 -Yeah? -So there's about 20 minutes of Chet 681 00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,318 -in the next episode. -I like that. 682 00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:02,287 Yeah. Chester Marlon Hanks. You got to love him. 683 00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:04,189 You also interviewed, uh, Charlamagne tha God. 684 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,458 -Yes. -Yes. Uh, Lenard. And, um... 685 00:27:06,558 --> 00:27:09,027 -Lenard. -I-I mean, he's-he's a controversial figure, 686 00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:10,462 -like, you know, for some people. -Mm. 687 00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:12,664 And then others are like, "Oh, he's just doing his thing." 688 00:27:12,764 --> 00:27:14,666 Was that, like, a clash of the titans for you? 689 00:27:14,766 --> 00:27:16,501 Was it a clash of the titans? No. 690 00:27:16,601 --> 00:27:18,536 I-I like to think that I'm embracing 691 00:27:18,636 --> 00:27:19,804 every single one of my guests, 692 00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:21,606 giving them a warm hug. 693 00:27:21,706 --> 00:27:23,675 (chuckling) 694 00:27:25,110 --> 00:27:26,411 (laughter) 695 00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:29,347 (laughing) 696 00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:31,282 I like that you think that. 697 00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:34,853 And I like that they have this feeling, you know? 698 00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:36,254 Who-who do you think's been your favorite guest, 699 00:27:36,354 --> 00:27:37,722 like, of season one, at least? 700 00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:39,791 Uh, it's hard to-- Every-- It's-- 701 00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:42,660 Guests are like children. You can't pick a favorite. 702 00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:44,329 -But you can. -Fr-- You can. 703 00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:46,831 But, like, Fran Lebowitz is so different than Andrew Yang, 704 00:27:46,931 --> 00:27:48,400 -which is different than Phoebe Bridgers. -Okay. Okay. 705 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,335 -They're different energies. -Yeah, yeah. But you can-- 706 00:27:50,435 --> 00:27:53,271 but you can pick. Every parent knows... 707 00:27:53,371 --> 00:27:56,007 every parent, deep down inside, knows knows. 708 00:27:56,107 --> 00:27:57,275 They say they don't, 709 00:27:57,375 --> 00:27:58,476 -but they know. -You're an only child. 710 00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:00,044 -That's why you say that. -No, no, no, no, no. 711 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:03,081 -Okay. -I've got-- I've got two brothers, and my mum knows. 712 00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,618 I mean... 713 00:28:06,718 --> 00:28:08,019 it's like-- it's like every parent knows. 714 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:09,954 -Every kid also assumes it's them, by the way. -Yeah. 715 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,957 But... I think every parent knows. 716 00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:14,559 But do they say? 717 00:28:14,659 --> 00:28:17,295 Oh, okay. So you won't say but you know. 718 00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,797 So don't say it. Just look at me and I'll know. 719 00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:21,299 Just-just look at me and think of your favorite. 720 00:28:22,734 --> 00:28:24,769 (laughter) 721 00:28:25,837 --> 00:28:27,672 Now I know. 722 00:28:27,772 --> 00:28:29,107 Yeah. I know. 723 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,076 -(cheering and applause) -I can feel that. I know now. 724 00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:32,510 I know. 725 00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,548 The show's become a-a critical smash hit. 726 00:28:36,648 --> 00:28:38,616 You-You've turned portions of it into, like, 727 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:40,251 -a live performance as well. -Mm. 728 00:28:40,351 --> 00:28:41,986 Um, you've-you've created something completely new, 729 00:28:42,087 --> 00:28:43,521 completely different. What do you-- what do you plan 730 00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:44,956 to do for the future? Like, where's Ziwe gonna go 731 00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:46,291 for-- from this? I mean, obviously, you're gonna keep 732 00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:47,392 -doing the show, hopefully. -Yes. 733 00:28:47,492 --> 00:28:48,426 And then what do you want to do? 734 00:28:48,526 --> 00:28:49,627 The White House. 735 00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:50,962 The presidency. 736 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:51,963 (cheering and applause) 737 00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:53,765 Oh, like the actual... 738 00:28:53,865 --> 00:28:54,966 Oh, wow. 739 00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,434 All right, so then let's talk about it. 740 00:28:56,534 --> 00:28:58,837 So Ziwe becomes president. What are some of your policies? 741 00:28:58,937 --> 00:28:59,938 Stop being poor. 742 00:29:00,038 --> 00:29:02,273 Yeah. Okay. Powerful. 743 00:29:02,373 --> 00:29:03,975 -Nobody has thought of that. I like that. -Yes. 744 00:29:04,075 --> 00:29:05,777 No one has said that. I don't think there's any politician 745 00:29:05,877 --> 00:29:07,712 who's thought of that as a-- It-it may work. 746 00:29:07,812 --> 00:29:09,047 Very powerful. Um... 747 00:29:09,147 --> 00:29:11,116 Any-any other ideas for-- to fix the country? 748 00:29:11,282 --> 00:29:13,451 -Get rich myself. -Yes, okay. Okay. 749 00:29:13,551 --> 00:29:15,386 All right. A-Anything in addition to that? 750 00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:19,124 Um, Bratz dolls for every human and American. 751 00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:20,191 Wow. 752 00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:22,227 These are powerful, powerful policies 753 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:23,595 that you are... that you're putting forward. 754 00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:25,397 Thank you. I haven't thought about my platform, 755 00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:27,365 but you don't really need a platform anymore. 756 00:29:29,234 --> 00:29:30,835 You just got to be. 757 00:29:30,935 --> 00:29:32,070 Famous. 758 00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:34,239 (laughing) 759 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:38,510 Oh, man! 760 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:40,078 All right, people, don't forget-- new episodes 761 00:29:40,245 --> 00:29:42,313 of Ziwe stream Fridays on Showtime. 762 00:29:42,414 --> 00:29:44,649 We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. 763 00:29:44,749 --> 00:29:46,785 (cheering and applause) 764 00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:53,724 (cheering and applause) 765 00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,426 Well, that's our show for tonight. 766 00:29:55,526 --> 00:29:57,862 But before we go, before we go, 767 00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:01,299 please consider supporting Counseling4Kids, 768 00:30:01,399 --> 00:30:03,034 an organization founded with the goal 769 00:30:03,134 --> 00:30:05,369 of providing mental health services to children 770 00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:08,106 in Los Angeles County's foster care system. 771 00:30:08,206 --> 00:30:10,041 Counseling4Kids has grown 772 00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:12,977 to serve approximately 1,600 children per year 773 00:30:13,077 --> 00:30:15,646 with a large team of highly skilled licensed therapists 774 00:30:15,746 --> 00:30:18,783 providing assessments and weekly therapy to children and youth. 775 00:30:18,883 --> 00:30:20,451 So if you can support them in their work, 776 00:30:20,551 --> 00:30:21,986 then please donate at the link below. 777 00:30:22,086 --> 00:30:23,921 Until tomorrow, stay safe out there. 778 00:30:24,021 --> 00:30:25,723 And, remember, if people think 779 00:30:25,823 --> 00:30:27,625 you're a piece of trash on Earth, 780 00:30:27,725 --> 00:30:29,227 just go to space. They'll love you. 781 00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,829 Now here it is, Your Moment of Zen. 782 00:30:31,929 --> 00:30:33,898 ♪ ♪ 783 00:30:34,866 --> 00:30:37,201 One joke that he did say that I-- that I kind of like, 784 00:30:37,301 --> 00:30:39,470 by Biden, he said Republicans seem to support 785 00:30:39,570 --> 00:30:41,105 some guy named Brandon. 786 00:30:41,205 --> 00:30:42,907 I kind of like that. But that was the only thing 787 00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:44,942 that I thought was worthy of laughing at. 788 00:30:45,042 --> 00:30:46,410 -So, Jimmy goes to Washington. -I'm okay. 789 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,346 Yeah, I don't know how this would've went if I was sober, 790 00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:49,947 -but I feel good about it. -I agree. Okay. 791 00:30:50,047 --> 00:30:52,450 I didn't watch any of it last night. 792 00:30:52,550 --> 00:30:55,720 I was busy squeezing my dog's butt glands 793 00:30:55,820 --> 00:30:58,322 and watching Is It Cake? 794 00:30:58,423 --> 00:31:00,992 So, that's all I've got.