ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New York City,
the only city in America,
it's The Daily Show.
Tonight-- Ukraine continues to fight,
election season is here again,
and Ziwe.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
(cheers and applause)
What's going on, everybody? Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Thank you for coming out in person. Look at this.
Look at you. Wow.
Take a seat, everybody. Take a seat. Thank you for being here.
Wow. Take a seat. Let's do it.
Take a seat. Let's get into it. Let's get into it.
We got this thing. You guys are a really great audience.
I can tell already. You know how I know?
Is because you chose to be in a room with me knowing
that I've just returned from a super spreader event in D.C.
-So, uh, that's love. I feel it. -(applause and cheering)
I feel it. I hope it's love that I feel.
We've got a really great show for you tonight.
From the hit Showtime talk show Ziwe,
Ziwe is joining us, everyone.
-(applause and cheering) -Yeah.
It'd be weird if it was someone else.
Plus, the midterm elections are heating up,
and so, we're going to find out
which politicians are morphing into Donald Trump.
So, let's do this, people.
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
-♪ ♪ -(applause and cheering)
Okay, let's kick things off
with the latest news coming out of Ukraine.
It has now been ten weeks since Vladimir Putin decided
to man-spread in the worst way possible.
And all over the world, everyone has been inspired
and impressed by the fortitude of the Ukrainian people.
I mean, I know I am.
You know, if the Russian army came to my apartment and said,
"Trevor, this apartment belongs to Russia,"
I'd have just been like, "Ah, okay."
(speaking Russian) "I'll sleep on the couch? Fine."
But Ukraine hasn't done that. No, they've not backed down.
And over the weekend, the country got some moral support
from the United States
when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi lead a small group
of Democratic Congress people on a surprise visit
to President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in Kyiv.
Yeah. And when I say surprise, I mean it was a surprise to us.
-(laughter) - Not like... I hope it wasn't a surprise to Ukraine.
You know, they've got enough going on
without having to rush out
at the last minute for a veggie platter.
Just like, "Nancy's here! Nancy's here! What does she eat?
"Get some hummus, uh, maybe also a kente cloth.
She likes those."
Meanwhile, many countries have condemned Russia
since the invasion.
But Israel, specifically,
has had one thing that has particularly upset them.
You see, before launching their war,
Russia claimed the reason it was invading was
to remove Ukraine's Nazi government from power.
That's what they said. Yeah. And people were like,
"Well, that's weird, because Zelenskyy is literally Jewish."
But okay. It was a weird accusation.
Yeah, and so now,
Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov--
he tried to explain Russia's comments.
And if he was trying to make things worse with Israel,
well, mission accomplished.
Israel is summoning the Russian ambassador for talks
after Russia's foreign minister claimed in an interview
that it doesn't matter that the Ukrainian president
is Jewish, since, "Hitler had Jewish blood," and that
"the worst anti-Semites are Jews."
Israel's Foreign Minister, Yair Lapid, said Lavrov's remarks are
both an unforgivable and outrageous statement as well as
a terrible historical error, and that the lowest level of racism
against Jews is to accuse Jews of anti-Semitism.
Did this guy say that Jews are the worst anti-Semites?
You couldn't think of anyone else?
Everyone else above them? What...
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard,
and I've heard ridiculous things. Yeah, I once heard
someone say that Hawkeye should get his own spin-off movie.
(laughs) I'm sorry, no. No. I'm not watching archery
for three hours, that's just the Olympics.
That's an insane thought. What else does this guy believe?
That the Johnson & Johnson is the cool vaccine?
Who are you, man?
And keep in mind, all of this is happening because
Russia painted themselves into a corner. You see,
what they did is they claimed that their war was about
"denazifying" Ukraine, and everyone could tell that
that was bullshit. You know?
They should have given an excuse that
wasn't so easy to disprove. They should have said they were
going in to defeat, like, Ukraine's ghosts. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, no, think about it. T-Then they could just declare
victory and-and go home. They could just be like,
(Russian Accent): "All ghosts have been removed from spooky
"positions in Ukrainian government. Is shame you cannot
"see how successful we are, because, as I said,
"they are ghosts. Anyway, we win. War is over.
Goodbye now, goodbye."
(regular accent): But let's move on
to a story that's actually an update
from something that we covered last week.
And it takes place in England, the country holding on
to the rest of the world's artifacts for "safekeeping."
(English accent): "Yes, because, I mean, if someone
"colonized you, then they would take all your stuff.
At least, with us, it's safe. Think about it."
(regular accent): Now, last week, a British lawmaker
was busted for watching pornography on his phone
during a session of Parliament. Right? This was a big deal.
Yeah. Yes. Because this is England. This is not France,
right? Caused a huge uproar. And it was such a big uproar,
in fact, that the MP resigned from his position
and issued an apology
and an explanation for why he was
watching porn on the job. And-and apparently, he says
he was actually looking for some equipment for his farm
and things took a wrong turn.
Funny enough, it was tractors that I was looking at.
And, um, so, I did get into another website, um,
it had a sort of very similar name. Um, and I
watched it for a bit, which I shouldn't have done.
But my-my crime, mo-- biggest crime, um, is that
on another occasion I went in a second time.
Oh, man.
Yeah, this guy says he was looking for a website
for farmers and accidentally ended up on a sex site
with a similar name.
(English accent): "No, no, no, I wanted Cornhub.com!
Oh, bother. Oh, bother. No!"
(regular accent): You know, if I'm honest with you,
it actually sounds like he's telling the truth, honestly.
No, because, like, he-he incriminates himself there,
you know? He says he tried to search for farm equipment,
landed in a porn website, switched it off.
But then he says that, later, "I was like, oh, maybe I should
look for another tractor."
I actually like that.
Because in the beginning, I didn't buy this guy's excuse.
That he was just looking for "tractors" and farm equipment.
And then I...
I-I-I started googling farm equipment.
And, people, you'd be shocked
at how naughty farm equipment actually sounds.
You could... It could happen.
Google could, like, throw you off.
Yeah, farm stuff. They've got pipe layers.
They've got spinner spreaders.
They got backhoes. They got turf sprayers.
They got double-furrow plows.
It all sounds obscene.
Yeah, all I wanted was to start a farm
to raise my giant cocks, and now you've ruined me.
(laughter)
But, you know, what's amazing to me about this story
is how politicians can lose their jobs
for normal things that everyone does, right?
Like watching porn or having an affair.
But if they're busted for doing something
that destroys other people's lives,
then nothing happens. You know?
People are like, "Hey! Did you just make a deal
"with a corporation that allowed them
"to pollute our rivers and our lakes,
which made a ton of people sick?"
Be like, "Yes, I did."
"Well, at least you weren't watching porn.
"Just try not to do it again.
"All right, that's all that matters.
That's all that matters."
(applause)
And finally,
this next story takes place in space,
Earth's attic.
For decades now, humans have been obsessed
with trying to get to Mars.
Why? Well, we just want to see what it's like, you know?
It's not like there's anything wrong with Earth.
We just want to see what's going on out there, you know?
Yeah, it's the same way your dad
is currently looking for apartments.
The marriage is fine. He just...
He just needs a place to hang, you know?
The important thing is that it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
Anyway, the point is humans are desperate
to find out everything we can about Mars.
You know, did it used to have water?
Can it support life? Can it be gentrified?
And now,
thanks to NASA, we've discovered
something amazing on the Red Planet.
NASA says its Ingenuity Mars Helicopter
recently discovered and surveyed the debris
from the agency's Perseverance rover mission on Mars
one year ago.
NEWSWOMAN: NASA photos show both the parachute
that helped the rover land on Mars
as well as the cone-shaped backshell
that protected it during its fiery descent
toward the martian surface
on February 18, 2021.
NASA says being able to look at some of the components
that enabled the rover to get safely to the martian surface
could provide valuable insights for future missions.
(laughter)
That's it?
Wait, are you kidding me? That's-that's...
NASA's big discovery on Mars
is some garbage that they left there?
(laughter and applause)
Why are you announcing... What are you...
Like, I expect this shit from a five-year-old,
not the greatest space agency in the world.
"Look, Mommy, I found a poop in the toilet."
"That's your poop, you (bleep) idiot."
(laughter and applause)
What?
How is NASA proud that we left trash on Mars?
Think about that. Huh?
If anything, we should be embarrassed.
The first thing we do on another planet is litter?
(laughter)
I mean, I guess it's good to set expectations early,
but still, guys.
Can you imagine
what the martians think of us right now?
"Sheila! Sheila!
"The two-legged freaks came back again
"and left more trash!
"I swear to Glorp,
if they move here, we're going to Venus."
Yeah, I don't care if it's further from your sister.
At least it doesn't have these shaved monkeys showing up
and leaving their shit on our lawn!
I would love some tea. Thank you, honey.
All right, that's it for the headlines.
(cheering and applause)
Before we go to break,
let's check in on the stock market
with our finance expert Michael Kosta, everybody!
(cheering and applause)
-What's going on, Michael? -Yeah.
What's happening in the market today?
Well, you know, the market, I am crushing it.
-I am crushing the market. -S-So you say.
-So you say. -I'm crushing. I got a hot tip for you,
and I got a hot tip for all you. Uh, and so--
But before we get into it, that story, uh, about Mars,
I mean, you don't have to go to Mars to photograph trash.
You know? New York City hasn't picked up trash in Brooklyn
since 2020.
If you want to see-- if you want to see
some out-of-this-world trash, go to 34 Macon Street.
That's where I live. Okay?
-Um, let's get... -I don't think you should give your address
-on TV, but carry on. -Yeah. Right.
Let's-- Actually, one other thing. That-that minister,
-the-the one who was watching porn? -Yeah?
That's... that's-that's not funny.
You know, that-that is appalling.
It is disgusting. It is very unprofessional.
'Kay?
-O-Okay. -Yeah. Let's get to the stocks.
-Cool. -Okay? All right.
-Wow. -Now, typically, an expert investor like myself,
I would say invest in the S&P,
invest in the DGIA
or even an ETF like the VTI.
But-but when things...
when things are this volatile,
you need an alternative investment strategy.
And that's why I like to promote
the Monetary International Liquidated Fund, okay?
-Okay. -It all-- I-If you need to know more about it,
you just grab your computer, go somewhere safe,
and type in M-I-L-F.
Okay? Now...
now, lock the door.
Uh, experts like myself like to, you know,
"do your research," so to speak.
If-if you-- if you want something
a little more aggressive,
maybe not as used, there's always
the annuity net asset loan, okay?
Uh, just type in A-N-A-L.
And, uh, look, look, look, look,
sometimes it's gonna hurt.
Uh, but...
you're gonna get out of your comfort zone
and there's gonna be growth.
Now...
it's not just all ticker symbol recommendations
from an expert like myself.
I r-- I read a heartbreaking story recently
of a young woman who ruined her father's inheritance.
And we have to learn from these types of stories,
because it helps us to protect our money,
to be smart with our finances.
Uh, grab your computer and just google, uh,
"stepdaughter blows father's load."
-Um... -(laughter, groaning)
I think you'll take a lot away from it, personally.
-But, uh, al-- Oh, my hot tip. My hot tip. -Yeah.
All of you, hot tip, uh, you know those privacy screens
that we put on computers so people can't look
-at our computer screens? -Oh, yeah.
-You have 'em on your phone as well. -Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. We should buy those.
Yeah. Invest in those.
-Invest in those. Michael Kosta, everybody. -Yeah.
-Yeah, you should buy them. Thank you. -(cheering, applause)
Thank you so much, Michael.
All right, don't go away, 'cause, when we come back,
Republicans want to punch each other in Ohio
and Ziwe is still joining us on the show. Don't go away.
(cheering and applause)
(applause and cheering)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
America is once again getting ready for the midterms--
the time of year when voters ask for a refund.
But before you get to election day,
you have to make it through the primaries,
which is when the voters decide
which candidates they really hate,
and which ones they only kind of hate.
And tomorrow, there's a major primary happening in Ohio,
which everyone is watching. Because you know what they say.
"As Ohio goes, so goes the nation." Yeah.
So America better pray Ohio doesn't switch
to natural deodorants, because, uh,
yeah, that shit doesn't work. Have you tried it?
It's just a rock. Now I stink, and my armpits hurt.
Anyway, Ohio Republicans are battling it out
for the right to represent The Buckeye State in the Senate.
And when I say "battling it out," I mean it.
Because their debates have almost come to blows.
NEWSWOMAN: And a GOP Senate debate in Ohio
almost getting violent when candidate Josh Mandel rose
from his seat to get in the face of Mike Gibbons.
-Oh. -Come on, come on.
Sit down.
Yeah?
We'll square it away. Come on, you guys.
Yeah! Kiss him! Kiss him on the lips!
(applause and cheering)
Oh, is that... is that not what's happening?
Sorry. I misread the situation.
Seemed like there was a lot of sexual tension there.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, man, look, I knew
American politics were unpredictable,
but I never thought the Republican Party
would pick its leaders Wakanda style, you know?
It's just like, "It's the strength of the Black Panther."
In fact, maybe that's something they should add to the debate.
Right? 'Cause I was watching this, and was like,
"Yeah, you could you have, like, a section
where the politicians get to duke it out.
Yeah, it'll get more voters engaged in politics,
and the candidates would be a lot more willing to comprise
if they knew the other person could beat their ass.
You know. Just be like,
"I'm never raising taxes on the rich!
"Okay, maybe a little. Maybe a little bit.
I see your point."
Now as it stands, the GOP race has five main candidates
vying for the top spot.
But there's one name everyone keeps talking about--
J.D. Vance.
He's a Yale graduate, a venture capitalist,
and he became famous for writing the book turned horrible movie,
Hillbilly Elegy, right, where he explained
that white people become racist because they're poor. Yeah.
That's why they say the "N" word with a hard "R,"
-because they can't afford a vowel, but... -(laughter)
...what makes... what makes J.D. Vance unique
in this field of Republicans is all the trash that he's talked
about their dear leader-- Donald Jellyfish Trump.
I'm a Never Trump guy. I never liked him.
NEWSWOMAN: In February of 2016, he wrote,
"Trump's actual policy proposals range from immoral to absurd.
"Mr. Trump is unfit
for our nation's highest office."
Three months later, he wrote, "Trump is cultural heroin.
"He makes some people feel better for a bit,
"but he cannot fix what ails them,
and one day, they'll realize it."
NEWSWOMAN 2: A former roommate of Mr. Vance
sharing his text messages from 2016,
in which Mr. Vance reportedly told people
how he thought that Donald Trump
was going to be "America's Hitler."
VANCE: I can't stomach Trump.
I think that he's noxious.
Wow. "I think Trump's noxious."
I can only imagine that when Trump heard that,
he was probably like, "What does 'noxious' mean?"
(laughter)
JD Vance slammed Trump in every way possible.
Every way possible. But in his defense,
he did all of that before he realized
that Trump was gonna win.
'Cause, you see, now that Trump
has the GOP in the palm of his tiny hands,
JD Vance is now fully on board the Trump train.
And I mean fully. And it's not just him.
Basically everyone in this race
has spent the entire campaign
trying to show that they were the Trumpiest.
Trump fought back, and so have I.
MAN: Trump and Gibbons are businessmen with a backbone.
Trump saved our economy before.
Gibbons knows how to do it again.
WOMAN: There are pretenders in the Senate race.
Jane Timken is the real Trump conservative.
MAN 2: Josh Mandel.
Pro-God. Progun. Pro-Trump
-(audience groaning) -Wow.
Pro-God and Pro-Trump.
So he's saying those two are different things?
Ooh, this dude's candidacy is toast.
But this is some serious devotion.
"I'm the real Trump conservative."
"I can save the economy just like Trump."
"I once shook Trump's hand, and I haven't washed it since.
My doctor said it's why I get sick so often."
So, yeah, basically, everyone spent this entire race
trying to get the seal of approval from King Donald.
Even the people who secretly don't think too highly of him,
which we see time and time again.
It's normal now, right?
Whether it's JD Vance or Kevin McCarthy
or countless other Republicans,
the entire party right now is basically mean girls.
They'll talk shit about Trump behind his back,
but then to his face, it's all like,
"Oh, my God, Donald, you look so hot.
"Oh, my God. I wish I had your FUPA.
Oh, my God."
(laughter and applause)
And guess what? Guess what? In the end,
after months of competing to see who...
who could stick their nose the furthest up Trump's ass,
the Trump endorsement
went to none other than JD Vance.
Although, clearly, Trump doesn't really care
about these people as much as they care about him.
Because listen to what Trump says
when he tries to promote JD Vance.
This happened in a speech yesterday.
That's what they're waiting for.
They're waiting for one race.
You know, we've endorsed Dr. Oz.
-We've endorsed... -(light clapping)
JP, right?
JD Mandel,
and he's doing great.
They're all doing good.
Yeah, that was weird.
That was weird.
You could see. E-Even the-- even the crowd was looking, like,
"Aw, man." They look like parents
watching their kid bombing in a spelling bee.
They're just like, "Aw, that's...
Those are your genes. Yeah."
'Cause you realize, not only did Trump mess up JD Vance,
right, which is a tongue twister,
he also combined his name
with another candidate, Josh Mandel.
Which is so shitty.
I feel bad for JD Vance,
because now he's gonna have to change his name
to JP JD Mandel.
Yeah. 'Cause if you're a Republican,
Trump is never wrong.
At the GOP Starbucks, whatever name Trump calls, that's you.
"J-J-JD JP Mandel?"
"Yeah, that's me. I'll take it."
So that's the Republican Senate race in Ohio right now.
And, honestly, anything can happen. Anything.
In fact, there's even a chance
that all of these MAGA candidates,
they could split the vote and then Matt Dolan,
the one candidate in the race who doesn't think
Joe Biden stole the election with the help of aliens
and zombie Osama bin Laden,
he could actually squeeze out a win.
And so for all the voters out there
who don't really like any of these candidates
and you're in Ohio, remember that you can still write in
the name of the true underdog in this race,
JP JD JC
JG J-Man Mandel. I'm rooting for you, buddy.
All right, don't go away. After the break,
Ziwe's gonna join me on the show.
We'll be right back.
(cheering and applause)
(applause and cheering)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight is writer and comedian Ziwe.
She's also here to talk about being the star
of her second season of her hit Showtime series Ziwe.
Are there any marginalized communities
you want to apologize to?
I don't know. Maybe the Patois community.
Hmm.
Nah.
Uh, I don't feel like
I've truly done anything offensive, so...
You don't see it as cultural appropriation.
You see it as, like, a celebration of culture?
-Mm-hmm. -And then, it's like social justice warriors
can, like, go kick rocks?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
No comment. Got it.
Please welcome Ziwe!
-(applause and cheering) -♪ ♪
Hello.
-Welcome to the show, Ziwe. -Thank you for having me.
I'm beyond excited to be here.
-You're beyond excited. -Yes.
I am enthralled by everything that you're doing, genuinely,
because, like, you have what has quickly become,
-like, people's favorite show on TV, because... -Wow.
Yeah, because, I mean, we just saw in that clip.
You've created a show that is uniquely you
in that you'll interview people,
and it's like the most awkward interview of all time.
-(laughter) -People would say that.
I don't make it awkward on purpose.
-I'm just a little strange. -Okay, okay. -(laughter)
But here's the thing.
So I remember when you first started this.
-This was, uh... It was on YouTube originally right? -Yes.
And then, it really blew up on Instagram,
like, during the pandemic.
And I would watch people, and they would talk to you
on Instagram, like, the biggest celebrities.
They'd be like, "Oh, I'm gonna let Ziwe interview me."
And they looked like idiots sometimes.
And then, other times, they just looked like
they didn't know what was going on. And I was like,
"Why-why do they...?" How do you get the people
-to keep talking to you? -Well, I celebrate icons,
and I enable icons to say iconic things.
(laughter, applause)
Oh, I love that.
Oh, man.
So when people come to the show,
-do they know the vibe ahead of time? -Yes.
-Okay. -There are... The episodes are available
for streaming.
But it seems like they don't expect it sometimes.
Like, they feel, you know?
-Like, we love it as the viewers. -Yeah.
And then we watch, like, your guests, and it seems like
they've just been hit by, like, a ten-ton truck.
-(laughter) -Yeah, I think...
Well, so, I am very personable, and so, I connect with them,
and maybe that's surprising-- that I'm so kind and hospitable.
(laughter)
I also love that the show has, like, all these segments
that you've created that have gone not just viral,
but is, like, into people's hearts.
So, you know, we've got the guest segments
where you interview people.
-Um, you also have the music, which... -Yes.
There's gonna be an album at some point, yes?
-Yeah? -Yes, definitely, definitely.
I identify as a pop star.
-Yeah? -Yes.
'Cause I love... What is it, "Don't Be Poor"?
-"Stop Being Poor." Yes. -"Stop Being Poor." Yes.
-That's a bomb. -Thank you. Thank...
And, you guys, are you guys living by Reaganomics today?
(laughter)
It's a very powerful song. It's a...
Like, the lyrics don't match, but it's, like, it's a... Yeah.
Yeah. I-I like...
I just think that trickle-down economics, it works.
And I think if you look at yourself in the mirror
and say, "Stop being poor," eventually it will happen.
And that's why I'm running for Congress.
-(laughs) -(cheering and applause)
It-it feels like this is the kind of show
that you probably couldn't have made
years and years ago.
Like, it's so unique. It's so you. It's so specific.
It's loved by people who know exactly what the show is about.
Like, do you think you could have always done this?
H-Has this always been, like, your brand of comedy?
Um, so, can I have always done this?
No. Because this show pulls from, like, Real Housewives
and Eric Andre and Colbert Report.
-Mm-hmm. -So, these things didn't exist 15 years ago.
-Right. -Um, but the brand of comedy is consistent.
Again, this is my personality.
Um, it's a hyperbolic character, but there's a kernel in there.
This is you, like, deep down inside.
I mean, I, Ziwe, am kinder than the character Ziwe.
-(laughter) -Thank you.
You are also... You are also, um, supremely talented
not just as the character Ziwe but as yourself.
-I mean, writing. -Thank you.
Like, creating, performing. The whole...
You have, like, a very specific vision for what you want.
Some people don't get it at all.
Like, I heard that your parents don't...
-Oh, yeah. -They don't get what you do.
No, they have no understanding of what I do.
Do your parents know what you do?
Well, my mom sort of...
-She goes, like, I talk to people, I guess? -Yeah.
She-she sort of... But I... But I... But yeah, she gets it.
I think she gets it a little bit more, you know what I mean?
My parents think that I just talk to Gayle King for a living.
So, like, once a year, they see me on CBS This Morning,
and they're like, "Wow, Gayle's great."
Are they... Are they proud of you, though?
Like, 'cause I know, like, Nigerian parents
are, like, very proud when their kids do anything.
Like, Nigerian parents are just like, "You're crushing it,"
-whatever you're doing. -Mm.
So, are they proud of what you're doing?
They're definitely proud of what I'm doing,
although they do wish that I was a doctor.
But it's a little late.
-That's what I was wondering. -Yeah.
'Cause Nigerian parents have that vibe. Very much like,
"What are you doing on TV, huh?"
"Are you causing trouble?"
They literally are like, "Don't tell people your last name.
-We don't want people to know who we are." -Wow.
Wow. Um, so, you have all these guests on the show.
-You have, um... I mean, like in that clip, for instance. -Yeah.
So, for people who don't understand the c-context,
-Chet Hanks, Tom Hanks's son. -Yes. Yes.
He, like, blew up again online
because, like, you know, he-he-he'll speak...
He'll say things, like, in patois,
and then people were like, "Oh, you're appropriating
Jamaican culture."
And it was a really interesting story, though,
because Jamaicans were like, "We love this guy.
"He's doing it properly. He understands our culture.
This is our vibe."
And then people in America were like,
"This is disgusting. Don't do it."
And Chet was like, "I don't give a damn
what anyone says. I don't care about you."
But then you got him to come on your show.
-Yeah. -No... He doesn't, like, speak to anybody.
-How did you get him to come on? -Well,
Chet and I went to college together,
-and so... Yeah, fun fact. -Oh.
And, so, um, I tried to book him for my Instagram Live,
and he did not want to do that.
And then we had a guest drop out.
He was... We were texting.
He was congratulating me for whatever.
And I asked again, and he flew in two days later.
-That's amazing. -Yeah.
-You just were like, "Come in, Chet." -(applause)
Yeah. Yes. Brave!
It's brave that I text Chet Hanks.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
iCloud hacks.
Um, no, it's-it's... It was great.
I mean, he asked... he asked if we could promote
his fitness app, which we do on the show.
-Yeah? -So there's about 20 minutes of Chet
-in the next episode. -I like that.
Yeah. Chester Marlon Hanks. You got to love him.
You also interviewed, uh, Charlamagne tha God.
-Yes. -Yes. Uh, Lenard. And, um...
-Lenard. -I-I mean, he's-he's a controversial figure,
-like, you know, for some people. -Mm.
And then others are like, "Oh, he's just doing his thing."
Was that, like, a clash of the titans for you?
Was it a clash of the titans? No.
I-I like to think that I'm embracing
every single one of my guests,
giving them a warm hug.
(chuckling)
(laughter)
(laughing)
I like that you think that.
And I like that they have this feeling, you know?
Who-who do you think's been your favorite guest,
like, of season one, at least?
Uh, it's hard to-- Every-- It's--
Guests are like children. You can't pick a favorite.
-But you can. -Fr-- You can.
But, like, Fran Lebowitz is so different than Andrew Yang,
-which is different than Phoebe Bridgers. -Okay. Okay.
-They're different energies. -Yeah, yeah. But you can--
but you can pick. Every parent knows...
every parent, deep down inside, knows knows.
They say they don't,
-but they know. -You're an only child.
-That's why you say that. -No, no, no, no, no.
-Okay. -I've got-- I've got two brothers, and my mum knows.
I mean...
it's like-- it's like every parent knows.
-Every kid also assumes it's them, by the way. -Yeah.
But... I think every parent knows.
But do they say?
Oh, okay. So you won't say but you know.
So don't say it. Just look at me and I'll know.
Just-just look at me and think of your favorite.
(laughter)
Now I know.
Yeah. I know.
-(cheering and applause) -I can feel that. I know now.
I know.
The show's become a-a critical smash hit.
You-You've turned portions of it into, like,
-a live performance as well. -Mm.
Um, you've-you've created something completely new,
completely different. What do you-- what do you plan
to do for the future? Like, where's Ziwe gonna go
for-- from this? I mean, obviously, you're gonna keep
-doing the show, hopefully. -Yes.
And then what do you want to do?
The White House.
The presidency.
(cheering and applause)
Oh, like the actual...
Oh, wow.
All right, so then let's talk about it.
So Ziwe becomes president. What are some of your policies?
Stop being poor.
Yeah. Okay. Powerful.
-Nobody has thought of that. I like that. -Yes.
No one has said that. I don't think there's any politician
who's thought of that as a-- It-it may work.
Very powerful. Um...
Any-any other ideas for-- to fix the country?
-Get rich myself. -Yes, okay. Okay.
All right. A-Anything in addition to that?
Um, Bratz dolls for every human and American.
Wow.
These are powerful, powerful policies
that you are... that you're putting forward.
Thank you. I haven't thought about my platform,
but you don't really need a platform anymore.
You just got to be.
Famous.
(laughing)
Oh, man!
All right, people, don't forget-- new episodes
of Ziwe stream Fridays on Showtime.
We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
(cheering and applause)
Well, that's our show for tonight.
But before we go, before we go,
please consider supporting Counseling4Kids,
an organization founded with the goal
of providing mental health services to children
in Los Angeles County's foster care system.
Counseling4Kids has grown
to serve approximately 1,600 children per year
with a large team of highly skilled licensed therapists
providing assessments and weekly therapy to children and youth.
So if you can support them in their work,
then please donate at the link below.
Until tomorrow, stay safe out there.
And, remember, if people think
you're a piece of trash on Earth,
just go to space. They'll love you.
Now here it is, Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
One joke that he did say that I-- that I kind of like,
by Biden, he said Republicans seem to support
some guy named Brandon.
I kind of like that. But that was the only thing
that I thought was worthy of laughing at.
-So, Jimmy goes to Washington. -I'm okay.
Yeah, I don't know how this would've went if I was sober,
-but I feel good about it. -I agree. Okay.
I didn't watch any of it last night.
I was busy squeezing my dog's butt glands
and watching Is It Cake?
So, that's all I've got.