1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,637
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you
from New York City,
2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,038
the only city in America,
3
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,541
it's The Daily Show.
4
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:11,011
Tonight--
Ukraine continues to fight,
5
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:14,281
election season is here again,
6
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:16,650
and Ziwe.
7
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:21,455
This is
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
8
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,858
(cheers and applause)
9
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,669
What's going on, everybody?
Welcome to The Daily Show.
10
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,638
I'm Trevor Noah.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
11
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:41,842
Thank you for coming out
in person. Look at this.
12
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,610
Look at you. Wow.
13
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,747
Take a seat, everybody. Take a
seat. Thank you for being here.
14
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,215
Wow. Take a seat. Let's do it.
15
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,517
Take a seat. Let's get into it.
Let's get into it.
16
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,253
We got this thing. You guys
are a really great audience.
17
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,689
I can tell already.
You know how I know?
18
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,158
Is because you chose to be
in a room with me knowing
19
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,360
that I've just returned from
a super spreader event in D.C.
20
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,496
-So, uh, that's love. I feel it.
-(applause and cheering)
21
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,431
I feel it.
I hope it's love that I feel.
22
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:06,533
We've got a really great show
for you tonight.
23
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,102
From the hit Showtime
talk show Ziwe,
24
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,871
Ziwe is joining us, everyone.
25
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,873
-(applause and cheering)
-Yeah.
26
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,675
It'd be weird
if it was someone else.
27
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,743
Plus, the midterm elections
are heating up,
28
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,345
and so, we're going to find out
29
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,615
which politicians are
morphing into Donald Trump.
30
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,950
So, let's do this, people.
31
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,185
Let's jump straight
into today's headlines.
32
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:28,088
-♪ ♪
-(applause and cheering)
33
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,629
Okay, let's kick things off
34
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,398
with the latest news
coming out of Ukraine.
35
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,869
It has now been ten weeks
since Vladimir Putin decided
36
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,737
to man-spread
in the worst way possible.
37
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,273
And all over the world,
everyone has been inspired
38
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:49,443
and impressed by the fortitude
of the Ukrainian people.
39
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,278
I mean, I know I am.
40
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,014
You know, if the Russian army
came to my apartment and said,
41
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,550
"Trevor, this apartment belongs
to Russia,"
42
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,585
I'd have just been like,
"Ah, okay."
43
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,321
(speaking Russian)
"I'll sleep on the couch? Fine."
44
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,424
But Ukraine hasn't done that.
No, they've not backed down.
45
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:07,060
And over the weekend, the
country got some moral support
46
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,396
from the United States
47
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,798
when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
lead a small group
48
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:15,135
of Democratic Congress people
on a surprise visit
49
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,705
to President Volodymyr Zelenskyy
in Kyiv.
50
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,408
Yeah. And when I say surprise,
I mean it was a surprise to us.
51
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:24,411
-(laughter) - Not like... I hope
it wasn't a surprise to Ukraine.
52
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,846
You know,
they've got enough going on
53
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,080
without having to rush out
54
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,782
at the last minute
for a veggie platter.
55
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,351
Just like, "Nancy's here!
Nancy's here! What does she eat?
56
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,554
"Get some hummus, uh,
maybe also a kente cloth.
57
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:34,955
She likes those."
58
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,258
Meanwhile, many countries
have condemned Russia
59
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,493
since the invasion.
60
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,795
But Israel, specifically,
61
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,932
has had one thing that has
particularly upset them.
62
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,500
You see,
before launching their war,
63
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,570
Russia claimed the reason
it was invading was
64
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,306
to remove Ukraine's
Nazi government from power.
65
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,408
That's what they said.
Yeah. And people were like,
66
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:59,112
"Well, that's weird, because
Zelenskyy is literally Jewish."
67
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,315
But okay.
It was a weird accusation.
68
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,083
Yeah, and so now,
69
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,685
Russian Foreign Minister
Sergey Lavrov--
70
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,154
he tried
to explain Russia's comments.
71
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,957
And if he was trying to make
things worse with Israel,
72
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,758
well, mission accomplished.
73
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,361
Israel is summoning the
Russian ambassador for talks
74
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,496
after Russia's foreign minister
claimed in an interview
75
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,832
that it doesn't matter that
the Ukrainian president
76
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,869
is Jewish, since, "Hitler
had Jewish blood," and that
77
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,204
"the worst
anti-Semites are Jews."
78
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,807
Israel's Foreign Minister, Yair
Lapid, said Lavrov's remarks are
79
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,776
both an unforgivable and
outrageous statement as well as
80
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:33,080
a terrible historical error, and
that the lowest level of racism
81
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:36,183
against Jews is to accuse
Jews of anti-Semitism.
82
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:40,854
Did this guy say that
Jews are the worst anti-Semites?
83
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,556
You couldn't
think of anyone else?
84
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,892
Everyone else above them?
What...
85
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,593
That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard,
86
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,395
and I've heard ridiculous
things. Yeah, I once heard
87
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,098
someone say that Hawkeye should
get his own spin-off movie.
88
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,301
(laughs) I'm sorry, no. No.
I'm not watching archery
89
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,837
for three hours,
that's just the Olympics.
90
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,539
That's an insane thought. What
else does this guy believe?
91
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,674
That the Johnson & Johnson
is the cool vaccine?
92
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,243
Who are you, man?
93
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,546
And keep in mind, all of
this is happening because
94
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,347
Russia painted themselves
into a corner. You see,
95
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,551
what they did is they claimed
that their war was about
96
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,320
"denazifying" Ukraine,
and everyone could tell that
97
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,454
that was bullshit. You know?
98
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,056
They should have
given an excuse that
99
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,792
wasn't so easy to disprove.
They should have said they were
100
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,596
going in to defeat, like,
Ukraine's ghosts. Yeah.
101
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,631
Oh, yeah, no, think about it.
T-Then they could just declare
102
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,366
victory and-and go home.
They could just be like,
103
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,435
(Russian Accent): "All ghosts
have been removed from spooky
104
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:31,738
"positions in Ukrainian
government. Is shame you cannot
105
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,640
"see how successful we are,
because, as I said,
106
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,609
"they are ghosts.
Anyway, we win. War is over.
107
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,744
Goodbye now, goodbye."
108
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,382
(regular accent):
But let's move on
109
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,818
to a story that's
actually an update
110
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,720
from something
that we covered last week.
111
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,923
And it takes place in England,
the country holding on
112
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,893
to the rest of the world's
artifacts for "safekeeping."
113
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,261
(English accent): "Yes, because,
I mean, if someone
114
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,163
"colonized you, then they
would take all your stuff.
115
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,865
At least, with us, it's safe.
Think about it."
116
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,766
(regular accent): Now, last
week, a British lawmaker
117
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,035
was busted for watching
pornography on his phone
118
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,738
during a session of Parliament.
Right? This was a big deal.
119
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,040
Yeah. Yes. Because this is
England. This is not France,
120
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,644
right? Caused a huge uproar.
And it was such a big uproar,
121
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:14,581
in fact, that the MP
resigned from his position
122
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,416
and issued an apology
123
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,219
and an explanation
for why he was
124
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:23,457
watching porn on the job.
And-and apparently, he says
125
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:27,127
he was actually looking for
some equipment for his farm
126
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,530
and things took a wrong turn.
127
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,865
Funny enough, it was tractors
that I was looking at.
128
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,202
And, um, so, I did get
into another website, um,
129
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:38,405
it had a sort of very
similar name. Um, and I
130
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,674
watched it for a bit,
which I shouldn't have done.
131
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:45,646
But my-my crime, mo--
biggest crime, um, is that
132
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,315
on another occasion
I went in a second time.
133
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,956
Oh, man.
134
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,192
Yeah, this guy says he was
looking for a website
135
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,195
for farmers and accidentally
ended up on a sex site
136
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:02,563
with a similar name.
137
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,464
(English accent): "No, no, no,
I wanted Cornhub.com!
138
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,733
Oh, bother. Oh, bother. No!"
139
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,236
(regular accent): You know,
if I'm honest with you,
140
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,771
it actually sounds like he's
telling the truth, honestly.
141
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,340
No, because, like, he-he
incriminates himself there,
142
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,043
you know? He says he tried
to search for farm equipment,
143
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,245
landed in a porn website,
switched it off.
144
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,214
But then he says that, later,
"I was like, oh, maybe I should
145
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:23,050
look for another tractor."
146
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,485
I actually like that.
147
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,387
Because in the beginning,
I didn't buy this guy's excuse.
148
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,857
That he was just looking for
"tractors" and farm equipment.
149
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,725
And then I...
150
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:35,462
I-I-I started googling
farm equipment.
151
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,130
And, people, you'd be shocked
152
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:40,567
at how naughty
farm equipment actually sounds.
153
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,802
You could... It could happen.
154
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,170
Google could, like,
throw you off.
155
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,506
Yeah, farm stuff.
They've got pipe layers.
156
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,908
They've got spinner spreaders.
157
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,078
They got backhoes.
They got turf sprayers.
158
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,780
They got double-furrow plows.
159
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,315
It all sounds obscene.
160
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,451
Yeah, all I wanted
was to start a farm
161
00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,587
to raise my giant cocks,
and now you've ruined me.
162
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,389
(laughter)
163
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,124
But, you know, what's amazing
to me about this story
164
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,526
is how politicians
can lose their jobs
165
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,060
for normal things
that everyone does, right?
166
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,562
Like watching porn
or having an affair.
167
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,264
But if they're busted
for doing something
168
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:11,832
that destroys
other people's lives,
169
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,400
then nothing happens. You know?
170
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,035
People are like,
"Hey! Did you just make a deal
171
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,503
"with a corporation
that allowed them
172
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,738
"to pollute our rivers
and our lakes,
173
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,173
which made
a ton of people sick?"
174
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,440
Be like, "Yes, I did."
175
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,876
"Well, at least
you weren't watching porn.
176
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,545
"Just try not to do it again.
177
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,413
"All right,
that's all that matters.
178
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,749
That's all that matters."
179
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,084
(applause)
180
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:32,686
And finally,
181
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,856
this next story
takes place in space,
182
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,491
Earth's attic.
183
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,227
For decades now,
humans have been obsessed
184
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,496
with trying to get to Mars.
185
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:46,200
Why? Well, we just want to see
what it's like, you know?
186
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,835
It's not like there's
anything wrong with Earth.
187
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,070
We just want to see what's
going on out there, you know?
188
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,505
Yeah, it's the same way your dad
189
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,773
is currently looking
for apartments.
190
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,641
The marriage is fine. He just...
191
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,410
He just needs a place to hang,
you know?
192
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,845
The important thing
is that it's not your fault.
193
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,079
It's not your fault.
194
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,014
Anyway, the point is
humans are desperate
195
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,917
to find out everything we can
about Mars.
196
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,285
You know,
did it used to have water?
197
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,921
Can it support life?
Can it be gentrified?
198
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,623
And now,
199
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,192
thanks to NASA, we've discovered
200
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,729
something amazing
on the Red Planet.
201
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,465
NASA says
its Ingenuity Mars Helicopter
202
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,901
recently discovered
and surveyed the debris
203
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,137
from the agency's Perseverance
rover mission on Mars
204
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,472
one year ago.
205
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,808
NEWSWOMAN: NASA photos
show both the parachute
206
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,710
that helped the rover
land on Mars
207
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,646
as well as
the cone-shaped backshell
208
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,648
that protected it
during its fiery descent
209
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,883
toward the martian surface
210
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,286
on February 18, 2021.
211
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,089
NASA says being able to look
at some of the components
212
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,058
that enabled the rover to get
safely to the martian surface
213
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:49,062
could provide valuable insights
for future missions.
214
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,099
(laughter)
215
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:54,968
That's it?
216
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,870
Wait, are you kidding me?
That's-that's...
217
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,072
NASA's big discovery on Mars
218
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,575
is some garbage
that they left there?
219
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,043
(laughter and applause)
220
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,745
Why are you announcing...
What are you...
221
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,713
Like, I expect this shit
from a five-year-old,
222
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,016
not the greatest space agency
in the world.
223
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,817
"Look, Mommy,
I found a poop in the toilet."
224
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,519
"That's your poop,
you (bleep) idiot."
225
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,887
(laughter and applause)
226
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,389
What?
227
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,758
How is NASA proud
that we left trash on Mars?
228
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,892
Think about that. Huh?
229
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,327
If anything,
we should be embarrassed.
230
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,697
The first thing we do
on another planet is litter?
231
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,065
(laughter)
232
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,167
I mean, I guess it's good
to set expectations early,
233
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,702
but still, guys.
234
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,937
Can you imagine
235
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,739
what the martians
think of us right now?
236
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,043
"Sheila! Sheila!
237
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,512
"The two-legged freaks
came back again
238
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,180
"and left more trash!
239
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,748
"I swear to Glorp,
240
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:44,484
if they move here,
we're going to Venus."
241
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,655
Yeah, I don't care if
it's further from your sister.
242
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,758
At least it doesn't have
these shaved monkeys showing up
243
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,794
and leaving
their shit on our lawn!
244
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:57,297
I would love some tea.
Thank you, honey.
245
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,334
All right,
that's it for the headlines.
246
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,002
(cheering and applause)
247
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,837
Before we go to break,
248
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,205
let's check in
on the stock market
249
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:08,242
with our finance expert
Michael Kosta, everybody!
250
00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,377
(cheering and applause)
251
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,980
-What's going on, Michael?
-Yeah.
252
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,648
What's happening
in the market today?
253
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,950
Well, you know, the market,
I am crushing it.
254
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,052
-I am crushing the market.
-S-So you say.
255
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,221
-So you say. -I'm crushing.
I got a hot tip for you,
256
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,557
and I got a hot tip for all you.
Uh, and so--
257
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,326
But before we get into it,
that story, uh, about Mars,
258
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:29,062
I mean, you don't have to go
to Mars to photograph trash.
259
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,999
You know? New York City hasn't
picked up trash in Brooklyn
260
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,200
since 2020.
261
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,801
If you want to see--
if you want to see
262
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:37,337
some out-of-this-world trash,
go to 34 Macon Street.
263
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,072
That's where I live. Okay?
264
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,674
-Um, let's get... -I don't think
you should give your address
265
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,476
-on TV, but carry on.
-Yeah. Right.
266
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:45,045
Let's-- Actually, one other
thing. That-that minister,
267
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,980
-the-the one
who was watching porn? -Yeah?
268
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,116
That's...
that's-that's not funny.
269
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,552
You know,
that-that is appalling.
270
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,488
It is disgusting.
It is very unprofessional.
271
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:55,989
'Kay?
272
00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:00,427
-O-Okay.
-Yeah. Let's get to the stocks.
273
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,362
-Cool.
-Okay? All right.
274
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,965
-Wow. -Now, typically,
an expert investor like myself,
275
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,067
I would say invest in the S&P,
276
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,069
invest in the DGIA
277
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,338
or even an ETF like the VTI.
278
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,073
But-but when things...
279
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,875
when things are this volatile,
280
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,277
you need an alternative
investment strategy.
281
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,079
And that's why I like to promote
282
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:22,649
the Monetary International
Liquidated Fund, okay?
283
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,585
-Okay. -It all-- I-If you need
to know more about it,
284
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,520
you just grab your computer,
go somewhere safe,
285
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:29,256
and type in M-I-L-F.
286
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,924
Okay? Now...
287
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,093
now, lock the door.
288
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,095
Uh, experts like myself
like to, you know,
289
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,164
"do your research," so to speak.
290
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,565
If-if you--
if you want something
291
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,467
a little more aggressive,
292
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,102
maybe not as used,
there's always
293
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,305
the annuity net asset loan,
okay?
294
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,375
Uh, just type in A-N-A-L.
295
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,511
And, uh, look, look, look, look,
296
00:11:50,611 --> 00:11:51,812
sometimes it's gonna hurt.
297
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,547
Uh, but...
298
00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:54,982
you're gonna get out
of your comfort zone
299
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,216
and there's gonna be growth.
300
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,552
Now...
301
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,054
it's not just all ticker symbol
recommendations
302
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,222
from an expert like myself.
303
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:05,092
I r-- I read
a heartbreaking story recently
304
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,829
of a young woman who ruined
her father's inheritance.
305
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,964
And we have to learn
from these types of stories,
306
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,766
because it helps us
to protect our money,
307
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,334
to be smart with our finances.
308
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,337
Uh, grab your computer
and just google, uh,
309
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,941
"stepdaughter blows
father's load."
310
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,210
-Um...
-(laughter, groaning)
311
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,247
I think you'll take a lot away
from it, personally.
312
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,917
-But, uh, al-- Oh, my hot tip.
My hot tip. -Yeah.
313
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,319
All of you, hot tip, uh,
you know those privacy screens
314
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,987
that we put on computers
so people can't look
315
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,455
-at our computer screens?
-Oh, yeah.
316
00:12:35,556 --> 00:12:36,890
-You have 'em on your phone
as well. -Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
317
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,659
Yeah. We should buy those.
318
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,094
Yeah. Invest in those.
319
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,462
-Invest in those.
Michael Kosta, everybody. -Yeah.
320
00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,198
-Yeah, you should buy them.
Thank you. -(cheering, applause)
321
00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:45,666
Thank you so much, Michael.
322
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,201
All right, don't go away,
'cause, when we come back,
323
00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:49,770
Republicans want
to punch each other in Ohio
324
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,206
and Ziwe is still joining us
on the show. Don't go away.
325
00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:54,341
(cheering and applause)
326
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,983
(applause and cheering)
327
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:11,924
Welcome back to
The Daily Show.
328
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:15,327
America is once again
getting ready for the midterms--
329
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:19,298
the time of year
when voters ask for a refund.
330
00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,600
But before you get
to election day,
331
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,335
you have to make it
through the primaries,
332
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,703
which is when the voters decide
333
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,939
which candidates
they really hate,
334
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,141
and which ones
they only kind of hate.
335
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:31,811
And tomorrow, there's a major
primary happening in Ohio,
336
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:35,014
which everyone is watching.
Because you know what they say.
337
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:39,485
"As Ohio goes,
so goes the nation." Yeah.
338
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,420
So America better pray
Ohio doesn't switch
339
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,589
to natural deodorants,
because, uh,
340
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,124
yeah, that shit doesn't work.
Have you tried it?
341
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,493
It's just a rock. Now I stink,
and my armpits hurt.
342
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,930
Anyway, Ohio Republicans
are battling it out
343
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,599
for the right to represent
The Buckeye State in the Senate.
344
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,334
And when I say
"battling it out," I mean it.
345
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:59,371
Because their debates
have almost come to blows.
346
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,840
NEWSWOMAN: And a GOP
Senate debate in Ohio
347
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:04,310
almost getting violent
when candidate Josh Mandel rose
348
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,079
from his seat to get in the face
of Mike Gibbons.
349
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:11,984
-Oh.
-Come on, come on.
350
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,286
Sit down.
351
00:14:14,386 --> 00:14:15,621
Yeah?
352
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,057
We'll square it away.
Come on, you guys.
353
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:25,631
Yeah! Kiss him!
Kiss him on the lips!
354
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,633
(applause and cheering)
355
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,636
Oh, is that...
is that not what's happening?
356
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,838
Sorry. I misread the situation.
357
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,373
Seemed like there was a lot
of sexual tension there.
358
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:37,543
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Hey, man, look, I knew
359
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,044
American politics
were unpredictable,
360
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,746
but I never thought
the Republican Party
361
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,048
would pick its leaders
Wakanda style, you know?
362
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:46,685
It's just like, "It's the
strength of the Black Panther."
363
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,622
In fact, maybe that's something
they should add to the debate.
364
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,090
Right? 'Cause I was watching
this, and was like,
365
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,025
"Yeah, you could you have,
like, a section
366
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,694
where the politicians get
to duke it out.
367
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,897
Yeah, it'll get more voters
engaged in politics,
368
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,433
and the candidates would be
a lot more willing to comprise
369
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,635
if they knew the other person
could beat their ass.
370
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,969
You know. Just be like,
371
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,038
"I'm never raising taxes
on the rich!
372
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,406
"Okay, maybe a little.
Maybe a little bit.
373
00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:09,275
Maybe a little bit.
I see your point."
374
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:12,445
Now as it stands, the GOP race
has five main candidates
375
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,879
vying for the top spot.
376
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,082
But there's one name
everyone keeps talking about--
377
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:17,683
J.D. Vance.
378
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,186
He's a Yale graduate,
a venture capitalist,
379
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:24,356
and he became famous for writing
the book turned horrible movie,
380
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,892
Hillbilly Elegy, right,
where he explained
381
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:30,429
that white people become racist
because they're poor. Yeah.
382
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,099
That's why they say
the "N" word with a hard "R,"
383
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,601
-because they can't afford
a vowel, but... -(laughter)
384
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:38,737
...what makes...
what makes J.D. Vance unique
385
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,907
in this field of Republicans is
all the trash that he's talked
386
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:45,344
about their dear leader--
Donald Jellyfish Trump.
387
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,880
I'm a Never Trump guy.
I never liked him.
388
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,415
NEWSWOMAN:
In February of 2016, he wrote,
389
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:53,185
"Trump's actual policy proposals
range from immoral to absurd.
390
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,386
"Mr. Trump is unfit
391
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,222
for our nation's
highest office."
392
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,692
Three months later, he wrote,
"Trump is cultural heroin.
393
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,161
"He makes some people
feel better for a bit,
394
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,263
"but he cannot fix
what ails them,
395
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,465
and one day,
they'll realize it."
396
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,067
NEWSWOMAN 2:
A former roommate of Mr. Vance
397
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:11,103
sharing his text messages
from 2016,
398
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:14,039
in which Mr. Vance
reportedly told people
399
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,608
how he thought that Donald Trump
400
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,210
was going to be
"America's Hitler."
401
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,345
VANCE:
I can't stomach Trump.
402
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,480
I think that he's noxious.
403
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,450
Wow. "I think Trump's noxious."
404
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,786
I can only imagine
that when Trump heard that,
405
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,888
he was probably like,
"What does 'noxious' mean?"
406
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,023
(laughter)
407
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:36,128
JD Vance slammed Trump
in every way possible.
408
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,898
Every way possible.
But in his defense,
409
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,066
he did all of that
before he realized
410
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,002
that Trump was gonna win.
411
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,837
'Cause, you see, now that Trump
412
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,907
has the GOP
in the palm of his tiny hands,
413
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:51,477
JD Vance is now
fully on board the Trump train.
414
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,312
And I mean fully.
And it's not just him.
415
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:55,081
Basically everyone in this race
416
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,716
has spent the entire campaign
417
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:01,554
trying to show
that they were the Trumpiest.
418
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,656
Trump fought back,
and so have I.
419
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,858
MAN: Trump and Gibbons
are businessmen with a backbone.
420
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,993
Trump saved our economy before.
421
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,229
Gibbons knows
how to do it again.
422
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,465
WOMAN: There are pretenders
in the Senate race.
423
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,468
Jane Timken
is the real Trump conservative.
424
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,836
MAN 2: Josh Mandel.
425
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,972
Pro-God. Progun. Pro-Trump
426
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:22,875
-(audience groaning)
-Wow.
427
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:25,511
Pro-God and Pro-Trump.
428
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,413
So he's saying those two
are different things?
429
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:30,549
Ooh, this dude's candidacy
is toast.
430
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,985
But this is
some serious devotion.
431
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,754
"I'm the real
Trump conservative."
432
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,689
"I can save the economy
just like Trump."
433
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:40,359
"I once shook Trump's hand,
and I haven't washed it since.
434
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:44,263
My doctor said
it's why I get sick so often."
435
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:47,733
So, yeah, basically,
everyone spent this entire race
436
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:51,036
trying to get the seal
of approval from King Donald.
437
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:53,439
Even the people who secretly
don't think too highly of him,
438
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,040
which we see
time and time again.
439
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,308
It's normal now, right?
440
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,744
Whether it's JD Vance
or Kevin McCarthy
441
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,379
or countless other Republicans,
442
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:03,716
the entire party right now
is basically mean girls.
443
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,285
They'll talk shit about Trump
behind his back,
444
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:07,520
but then to his face,
it's all like,
445
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,488
"Oh, my God, Donald,
you look so hot.
446
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,958
"Oh, my God.
I wish I had your FUPA.
447
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,126
Oh, my God."
448
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,861
(laughter and applause)
449
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,830
And guess what?
Guess what? In the end,
450
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,866
after months of competing
to see who...
451
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:24,003
who could stick their nose
the furthest up Trump's ass,
452
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,371
the Trump endorsement
453
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:28,274
went to none other
than JD Vance.
454
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,543
Although, clearly,
Trump doesn't really care
455
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,178
about these people
as much as they care about him.
456
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,414
Because listen
to what Trump says
457
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,483
when he tries to promote
JD Vance.
458
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,852
This happened
in a speech yesterday.
459
00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:40,853
That's what they're waiting for.
460
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:42,121
They're waiting for one race.
461
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:43,889
You know, we've endorsed Dr. Oz.
462
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:45,624
-We've endorsed...
-(light clapping)
463
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,992
JP, right?
464
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,694
JD Mandel,
465
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,362
and he's doing great.
466
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,697
They're all doing good.
467
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,032
Yeah, that was weird.
468
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,467
That was weird.
469
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,435
You could see. E-Even the-- even
the crowd was looking, like,
470
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,003
"Aw, man."
They look like parents
471
00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,572
watching their kid bombing
in a spelling bee.
472
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,540
They're just like,
"Aw, that's...
473
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,843
Those are your genes. Yeah."
474
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,479
'Cause you realize, not only
did Trump mess up JD Vance,
475
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,214
right,
which is a tongue twister,
476
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,849
he also combined his name
477
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,651
with another candidate,
Josh Mandel.
478
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:13,786
Which is so shitty.
479
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,087
I feel bad for JD Vance,
480
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:18,758
because now he's gonna have
to change his name
481
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,460
to JP JD Mandel.
482
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,962
Yeah.
'Cause if you're a Republican,
483
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:25,030
Trump is never wrong.
484
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:28,000
At the GOP Starbucks, whatever
name Trump calls, that's you.
485
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,436
"J-J-JD JP Mandel?"
486
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,471
"Yeah, that's me. I'll take it."
487
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,777
So that's the Republican
Senate race in Ohio right now.
488
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,279
And, honestly,
anything can happen. Anything.
489
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:41,414
In fact, there's even a chance
490
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,748
that all
of these MAGA candidates,
491
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,251
they could split the vote
and then Matt Dolan,
492
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,420
the one candidate in the race
who doesn't think
493
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,422
Joe Biden stole the election
with the help of aliens
494
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,756
and zombie Osama bin Laden,
495
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,758
he could actually squeeze out
a win.
496
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,693
And so for all the voters
out there
497
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,896
who don't really like
any of these candidates
498
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,698
and you're in Ohio, remember
that you can still write in
499
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,701
the name of the true underdog
in this race,
500
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,937
JP JD JC
501
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,973
JG J-Man Mandel.
I'm rooting for you, buddy.
502
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:09,608
All right, don't go away.
After the break,
503
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,110
Ziwe's gonna join me
on the show.
504
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,311
We'll be right back.
505
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,447
(cheering and applause)
506
00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:25,323
(applause and cheering)
507
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,227
Welcome back to
The Daily Show.
508
00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:32,931
My guest tonight is writer
and comedian Ziwe.
509
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,233
She's also here to talk
about being the star
510
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:39,370
of her second season of her
hit Showtime series Ziwe.
511
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,805
Are there any
marginalized communities
512
00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:42,307
you want to apologize to?
513
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,842
I don't know.
Maybe the Patois community.
514
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,977
Hmm.
515
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:50,982
Nah.
516
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:52,217
Uh, I don't feel like
517
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,486
I've truly
done anything offensive, so...
518
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,920
You don't see it
as cultural appropriation.
519
00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:57,689
You see it as, like,
a celebration of culture?
520
00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:00,525
-Mm-hmm. -And then, it's like
social justice warriors
521
00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:01,526
can, like, go kick rocks?
522
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:04,028
Yeah, yeah.
523
00:21:08,466 --> 00:21:10,668
Yeah.
524
00:21:11,836 --> 00:21:13,004
No comment. Got it.
525
00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:15,106
Please welcome Ziwe!
526
00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:18,276
-(applause and cheering)
-♪ ♪
527
00:21:28,653 --> 00:21:31,489
Hello.
528
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,060
-Welcome to the show, Ziwe.
-Thank you for having me.
529
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,761
I'm beyond excited to be here.
530
00:21:36,861 --> 00:21:38,530
-You're beyond excited.
-Yes.
531
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,733
I am enthralled by everything
that you're doing, genuinely,
532
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:44,536
because, like, you have
what has quickly become,
533
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,539
-like, people's favorite show
on TV, because... -Wow.
534
00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:49,207
Yeah, because, I mean,
we just saw in that clip.
535
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:52,377
You've created a show
that is uniquely you
536
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,045
in that you'll interview people,
537
00:21:54,145 --> 00:21:57,582
and it's like the most
awkward interview of all time.
538
00:21:57,682 --> 00:21:59,584
-(laughter)
-People would say that.
539
00:21:59,684 --> 00:22:02,921
I don't make it awkward
on purpose.
540
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:06,024
-I'm just a little strange.
-Okay, okay. -(laughter)
541
00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:07,592
But here's the thing.
542
00:22:07,692 --> 00:22:09,461
So I remember
when you first started this.
543
00:22:09,561 --> 00:22:11,730
-This was, uh... It was on
YouTube originally right? -Yes.
544
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,332
And then, it really blew up
on Instagram,
545
00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:15,667
like, during the pandemic.
546
00:22:15,767 --> 00:22:17,869
And I would watch people,
and they would talk to you
547
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,404
on Instagram,
like, the biggest celebrities.
548
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,606
They'd be like, "Oh, I'm gonna
let Ziwe interview me."
549
00:22:21,706 --> 00:22:24,275
And they looked like idiots
sometimes.
550
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:26,277
And then, other times,
they just looked like
551
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,012
they didn't know what was
going on. And I was like,
552
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:29,481
"Why-why do they...?"
How do you get the people
553
00:22:29,581 --> 00:22:32,851
-to keep talking to you?
-Well, I celebrate icons,
554
00:22:32,951 --> 00:22:35,787
and I enable icons
to say iconic things.
555
00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:38,890
(laughter, applause)
556
00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:42,093
Oh, I love that.
557
00:22:42,193 --> 00:22:44,662
Oh, man.
558
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:47,298
So when people come to the show,
559
00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:49,868
-do they know the vibe
ahead of time? -Yes.
560
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:51,503
-Okay. -There are...
The episodes are available
561
00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:53,738
for streaming.
562
00:22:53,838 --> 00:22:55,340
But it seems like
they don't expect it sometimes.
563
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,708
Like, they feel, you know?
564
00:22:56,808 --> 00:22:58,309
-Like, we love it
as the viewers. -Yeah.
565
00:22:58,343 --> 00:23:00,845
And then we watch, like,
your guests, and it seems like
566
00:23:00,945 --> 00:23:03,214
they've just been hit
by, like, a ten-ton truck.
567
00:23:03,314 --> 00:23:04,849
-(laughter)
-Yeah, I think...
568
00:23:04,949 --> 00:23:08,620
Well, so, I am very personable,
and so, I connect with them,
569
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,457
and maybe that's surprising--
that I'm so kind and hospitable.
570
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:14,759
(laughter)
571
00:23:14,859 --> 00:23:18,897
I also love that the show has,
like, all these segments
572
00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,899
that you've created
that have gone not just viral,
573
00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:23,168
but is, like,
into people's hearts.
574
00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:24,969
So, you know,
we've got the guest segments
575
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,271
where you interview people.
576
00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:29,774
-Um, you also have the music,
which... -Yes.
577
00:23:29,874 --> 00:23:31,643
There's gonna be an album
at some point, yes?
578
00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:33,978
-Yeah?
-Yes, definitely, definitely.
579
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:35,313
I identify as a pop star.
580
00:23:35,413 --> 00:23:36,714
-Yeah?
-Yes.
581
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:38,349
'Cause I love...
What is it, "Don't Be Poor"?
582
00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:40,585
-"Stop Being Poor." Yes.
-"Stop Being Poor." Yes.
583
00:23:40,685 --> 00:23:42,620
-That's a bomb.
-Thank you. Thank...
584
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:44,756
And, you guys, are you guys
living by Reaganomics today?
585
00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:46,291
(laughter)
586
00:23:46,357 --> 00:23:47,859
It's a very powerful song.
It's a...
587
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:51,129
Like, the lyrics don't match,
but it's, like, it's a... Yeah.
588
00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:52,764
Yeah. I-I like...
589
00:23:52,864 --> 00:23:55,333
I just think that trickle-down
economics, it works.
590
00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:57,836
And I think if you look
at yourself in the mirror
591
00:23:57,936 --> 00:24:00,338
and say, "Stop being poor,"
eventually it will happen.
592
00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:02,741
And that's why I'm running
for Congress.
593
00:24:02,841 --> 00:24:04,876
-(laughs)
-(cheering and applause)
594
00:24:08,313 --> 00:24:11,416
It-it feels like this is
the kind of show
595
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,918
that you
probably couldn't have made
596
00:24:14,018 --> 00:24:15,420
years and years ago.
597
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,090
Like, it's so unique.
It's so you. It's so specific.
598
00:24:19,190 --> 00:24:22,093
It's loved by people who know
exactly what the show is about.
599
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:24,262
Like, do you think
you could have always done this?
600
00:24:24,362 --> 00:24:26,264
H-Has this always been,
like, your brand of comedy?
601
00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,266
Um, so,
can I have always done this?
602
00:24:28,299 --> 00:24:31,102
No. Because this show pulls
from, like, Real Housewives
603
00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:33,371
and Eric Andre
and Colbert Report.
604
00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:35,473
-Mm-hmm. -So, these things
didn't exist 15 years ago.
605
00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:38,443
-Right. -Um, but the brand
of comedy is consistent.
606
00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:39,978
Again, this is my personality.
607
00:24:40,078 --> 00:24:43,481
Um, it's a hyperbolic character,
but there's a kernel in there.
608
00:24:43,581 --> 00:24:45,417
This is you, like,
deep down inside.
609
00:24:45,517 --> 00:24:49,054
I mean, I, Ziwe, am kinder
than the character Ziwe.
610
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:51,289
-(laughter)
-Thank you.
611
00:24:51,356 --> 00:24:54,526
You are also... You are also,
um, supremely talented
612
00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:56,127
not just as the character Ziwe
but as yourself.
613
00:24:56,294 --> 00:24:57,362
-I mean, writing.
-Thank you.
614
00:24:57,462 --> 00:24:59,297
Like, creating, performing.
The whole...
615
00:24:59,364 --> 00:25:02,434
You have, like, a very specific
vision for what you want.
616
00:25:02,534 --> 00:25:04,636
Some people don't get it at all.
617
00:25:04,736 --> 00:25:06,838
Like, I heard
that your parents don't...
618
00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:08,339
-Oh, yeah.
-They don't get what you do.
619
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,141
No, they have no understanding
of what I do.
620
00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:11,309
Do your parents know
what you do?
621
00:25:11,409 --> 00:25:13,111
Well, my mom sort of...
622
00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:14,813
-She goes, like, I talk
to people, I guess? -Yeah.
623
00:25:14,913 --> 00:25:17,415
She-she sort of... But I...
But I... But yeah, she gets it.
624
00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:19,451
I think she gets it a little bit
more, you know what I mean?
625
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,986
My parents think that I just
talk to Gayle King for a living.
626
00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:24,456
So, like, once a year,
they see me on CBS This Morning,
627
00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:26,157
and they're like,
"Wow, Gayle's great."
628
00:25:26,257 --> 00:25:27,592
Are they...
Are they proud of you, though?
629
00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:28,993
Like, 'cause I know,
like, Nigerian parents
630
00:25:29,094 --> 00:25:30,762
are, like, very proud
when their kids do anything.
631
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,430
Like, Nigerian parents are
just like, "You're crushing it,"
632
00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:33,665
-whatever you're doing.
-Mm.
633
00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:34,966
So, are they proud
of what you're doing?
634
00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:36,334
They're definitely proud
of what I'm doing,
635
00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:38,169
although they do wish
that I was a doctor.
636
00:25:38,269 --> 00:25:40,305
But it's a little late.
637
00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:41,906
-That's what I was wondering.
-Yeah.
638
00:25:42,006 --> 00:25:43,441
'Cause Nigerian parents
have that vibe. Very much like,
639
00:25:43,541 --> 00:25:45,510
"What are you doing on TV, huh?"
640
00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:47,078
"Are you causing trouble?"
641
00:25:47,178 --> 00:25:49,013
They literally are like, "Don't
tell people your last name.
642
00:25:49,114 --> 00:25:50,949
-We don't want people to know
who we are." -Wow.
643
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,685
Wow. Um, so, you have
all these guests on the show.
644
00:25:53,785 --> 00:25:55,920
-You have, um... I mean, like in
that clip, for instance. -Yeah.
645
00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:57,956
So, for people who don't
understand the c-context,
646
00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,859
-Chet Hanks, Tom Hanks's son.
-Yes. Yes.
647
00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:03,128
He, like, blew up again online
648
00:26:03,294 --> 00:26:05,597
because, like, you know,
he-he-he'll speak...
649
00:26:05,697 --> 00:26:07,298
He'll say things,
like, in patois,
650
00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:08,833
and then people were like,
"Oh, you're appropriating
651
00:26:08,933 --> 00:26:10,168
Jamaican culture."
652
00:26:10,301 --> 00:26:11,603
And it was a really
interesting story, though,
653
00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:13,405
because Jamaicans were like,
"We love this guy.
654
00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:14,839
"He's doing it properly.
He understands our culture.
655
00:26:14,939 --> 00:26:16,007
This is our vibe."
656
00:26:16,107 --> 00:26:17,142
And then people in America
were like,
657
00:26:17,308 --> 00:26:18,343
"This is disgusting.
Don't do it."
658
00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:19,711
And Chet was like,
"I don't give a damn
659
00:26:19,811 --> 00:26:21,212
what anyone says.
I don't care about you."
660
00:26:21,312 --> 00:26:22,881
But then you got him
to come on your show.
661
00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:24,082
-Yeah. -No... He doesn't,
like, speak to anybody.
662
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:25,583
-How did you get him to come on?
-Well,
663
00:26:25,683 --> 00:26:27,285
Chet and I
went to college together,
664
00:26:27,385 --> 00:26:28,887
-and so... Yeah, fun fact.
-Oh.
665
00:26:28,987 --> 00:26:31,389
And, so, um, I tried to book him
for my Instagram Live,
666
00:26:31,489 --> 00:26:32,690
and he did not want to do that.
667
00:26:32,791 --> 00:26:34,793
And then we had
a guest drop out.
668
00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:36,127
He was... We were texting.
669
00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:37,562
He was congratulating me
for whatever.
670
00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:40,532
And I asked again,
and he flew in two days later.
671
00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:41,900
-That's amazing.
-Yeah.
672
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,268
-You just were like,
"Come in, Chet." -(applause)
673
00:26:43,368 --> 00:26:45,270
Yeah. Yes. Brave!
674
00:26:45,336 --> 00:26:47,839
It's brave
that I text Chet Hanks.
675
00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,774
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
676
00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:51,009
iCloud hacks.
677
00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:53,878
Um, no, it's-it's...
It was great.
678
00:26:53,978 --> 00:26:55,580
I mean, he asked... he asked
if we could promote
679
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,515
his fitness app,
which we do on the show.
680
00:26:57,615 --> 00:26:58,783
-Yeah? -So there's
about 20 minutes of Chet
681
00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,318
-in the next episode.
-I like that.
682
00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:02,287
Yeah. Chester Marlon Hanks.
You got to love him.
683
00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:04,189
You also interviewed,
uh, Charlamagne tha God.
684
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,458
-Yes.
-Yes. Uh, Lenard. And, um...
685
00:27:06,558 --> 00:27:09,027
-Lenard. -I-I mean, he's-he's
a controversial figure,
686
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:10,462
-like, you know,
for some people. -Mm.
687
00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:12,664
And then others are like,
"Oh, he's just doing his thing."
688
00:27:12,764 --> 00:27:14,666
Was that, like,
a clash of the titans for you?
689
00:27:14,766 --> 00:27:16,501
Was it a clash of the titans?
No.
690
00:27:16,601 --> 00:27:18,536
I-I like to think
that I'm embracing
691
00:27:18,636 --> 00:27:19,804
every single one of my guests,
692
00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:21,606
giving them a warm hug.
693
00:27:21,706 --> 00:27:23,675
(chuckling)
694
00:27:25,110 --> 00:27:26,411
(laughter)
695
00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:29,347
(laughing)
696
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:31,282
I like that you think that.
697
00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:34,853
And I like that they have
this feeling, you know?
698
00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:36,254
Who-who do you think's
been your favorite guest,
699
00:27:36,354 --> 00:27:37,722
like, of season one, at least?
700
00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:39,791
Uh, it's hard to--
Every-- It's--
701
00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:42,660
Guests are like children.
You can't pick a favorite.
702
00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:44,329
-But you can.
-Fr-- You can.
703
00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:46,831
But, like, Fran Lebowitz is
so different than Andrew Yang,
704
00:27:46,931 --> 00:27:48,400
-which is different than
Phoebe Bridgers. -Okay. Okay.
705
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,335
-They're different energies.
-Yeah, yeah. But you can--
706
00:27:50,435 --> 00:27:53,271
but you can pick.
Every parent knows...
707
00:27:53,371 --> 00:27:56,007
every parent,
deep down inside, knows knows.
708
00:27:56,107 --> 00:27:57,275
They say they don't,
709
00:27:57,375 --> 00:27:58,476
-but they know.
-You're an only child.
710
00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:00,044
-That's why you say that.
-No, no, no, no, no.
711
00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:03,081
-Okay. -I've got-- I've got
two brothers, and my mum knows.
712
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,618
I mean...
713
00:28:06,718 --> 00:28:08,019
it's like--
it's like every parent knows.
714
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:09,954
-Every kid also assumes
it's them, by the way. -Yeah.
715
00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,957
But...
I think every parent knows.
716
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:14,559
But do they say?
717
00:28:14,659 --> 00:28:17,295
Oh, okay.
So you won't say but you know.
718
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,797
So don't say it.
Just look at me and I'll know.
719
00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:21,299
Just-just look at me
and think of your favorite.
720
00:28:22,734 --> 00:28:24,769
(laughter)
721
00:28:25,837 --> 00:28:27,672
Now I know.
722
00:28:27,772 --> 00:28:29,107
Yeah. I know.
723
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,076
-(cheering and applause)
-I can feel that. I know now.
724
00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:32,510
I know.
725
00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,548
The show's become
a-a critical smash hit.
726
00:28:36,648 --> 00:28:38,616
You-You've turned portions of it
into, like,
727
00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:40,251
-a live performance as well.
-Mm.
728
00:28:40,351 --> 00:28:41,986
Um, you've-you've created
something completely new,
729
00:28:42,087 --> 00:28:43,521
completely different.
What do you-- what do you plan
730
00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:44,956
to do for the future?
Like, where's Ziwe gonna go
731
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:46,291
for-- from this? I mean,
obviously, you're gonna keep
732
00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:47,392
-doing the show, hopefully.
-Yes.
733
00:28:47,492 --> 00:28:48,426
And then what do you want to do?
734
00:28:48,526 --> 00:28:49,627
The White House.
735
00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:50,962
The presidency.
736
00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:51,963
(cheering and applause)
737
00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:53,765
Oh, like the actual...
738
00:28:53,865 --> 00:28:54,966
Oh, wow.
739
00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,434
All right,
so then let's talk about it.
740
00:28:56,534 --> 00:28:58,837
So Ziwe becomes president.
What are some of your policies?
741
00:28:58,937 --> 00:28:59,938
Stop being poor.
742
00:29:00,038 --> 00:29:02,273
Yeah. Okay. Powerful.
743
00:29:02,373 --> 00:29:03,975
-Nobody has thought of that.
I like that. -Yes.
744
00:29:04,075 --> 00:29:05,777
No one has said that. I don't
think there's any politician
745
00:29:05,877 --> 00:29:07,712
who's thought of that as a--
It-it may work.
746
00:29:07,812 --> 00:29:09,047
Very powerful. Um...
747
00:29:09,147 --> 00:29:11,116
Any-any other ideas for--
to fix the country?
748
00:29:11,282 --> 00:29:13,451
-Get rich myself.
-Yes, okay. Okay.
749
00:29:13,551 --> 00:29:15,386
All right.
A-Anything in addition to that?
750
00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:19,124
Um, Bratz dolls
for every human and American.
751
00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:20,191
Wow.
752
00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:22,227
These are powerful,
powerful policies
753
00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:23,595
that you are...
that you're putting forward.
754
00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:25,397
Thank you. I haven't thought
about my platform,
755
00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:27,365
but you don't really need
a platform anymore.
756
00:29:29,234 --> 00:29:30,835
You just got to be.
757
00:29:30,935 --> 00:29:32,070
Famous.
758
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:34,239
(laughing)
759
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:38,510
Oh, man!
760
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:40,078
All right, people,
don't forget-- new episodes
761
00:29:40,245 --> 00:29:42,313
of Ziwe stream Fridays
on Showtime.
762
00:29:42,414 --> 00:29:44,649
We're gonna take a quick break.
We'll be right back after this.
763
00:29:44,749 --> 00:29:46,785
(cheering and applause)
764
00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:53,724
(cheering and applause)
765
00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,426
Well, that's our show
for tonight.
766
00:29:55,526 --> 00:29:57,862
But before we go, before we go,
767
00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:01,299
please consider supporting
Counseling4Kids,
768
00:30:01,399 --> 00:30:03,034
an organization founded
with the goal
769
00:30:03,134 --> 00:30:05,369
of providing mental health
services to children
770
00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:08,106
in Los Angeles County's
foster care system.
771
00:30:08,206 --> 00:30:10,041
Counseling4Kids has grown
772
00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:12,977
to serve approximately
1,600 children per year
773
00:30:13,077 --> 00:30:15,646
with a large team of highly
skilled licensed therapists
774
00:30:15,746 --> 00:30:18,783
providing assessments and weekly
therapy to children and youth.
775
00:30:18,883 --> 00:30:20,451
So if you can support them
in their work,
776
00:30:20,551 --> 00:30:21,986
then please donate at the link
below.
777
00:30:22,086 --> 00:30:23,921
Until tomorrow,
stay safe out there.
778
00:30:24,021 --> 00:30:25,723
And, remember, if people think
779
00:30:25,823 --> 00:30:27,625
you're a piece of trash
on Earth,
780
00:30:27,725 --> 00:30:29,227
just go to space.
They'll love you.
781
00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,829
Now here it is,
Your Moment of Zen.
782
00:30:31,929 --> 00:30:33,898
♪ ♪
783
00:30:34,866 --> 00:30:37,201
One joke that he did say
that I-- that I kind of like,
784
00:30:37,301 --> 00:30:39,470
by Biden, he said
Republicans seem to support
785
00:30:39,570 --> 00:30:41,105
some guy named Brandon.
786
00:30:41,205 --> 00:30:42,907
I kind of like that.
But that was the only thing
787
00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:44,942
that I thought was worthy
of laughing at.
788
00:30:45,042 --> 00:30:46,410
-So, Jimmy goes to Washington.
-I'm okay.
789
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,346
Yeah, I don't know how this
would've went if I was sober,
790
00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:49,947
-but I feel good about it.
-I agree. Okay.
791
00:30:50,047 --> 00:30:52,450
I didn't watch any of it
last night.
792
00:30:52,550 --> 00:30:55,720
I was busy squeezing
my dog's butt glands
793
00:30:55,820 --> 00:30:58,322
and watching Is It Cake?
794
00:30:58,423 --> 00:31:00,992
So, that's all I've got.