1 00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,236 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,570 ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New York City, 3 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:07,508 the only city in America, it's The Daily Show. 4 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:11,044 Tonight: the queen's throwing a rager. 5 00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:13,881 The door-control debate. 6 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,617 And Sergiy Kyslytsya. 7 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:20,454 This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 8 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,523 ♪ ♪ 9 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,658 (cheering, applause) 10 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,203 What's going on, everybody? Welcome to The Daily Show. 11 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,238 I'm Trevor Noah. Thank you so much for tuning in. 12 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:39,873 Thank you for coming out in person. 13 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,041 (cheering continuing) 14 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,843 Thank you so much, thank you so much. 15 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,511 Take a seat. Let's do this, everybody. 16 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,947 Welcome to the show. We've got a really, 17 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,216 really fun episode for you tonight. 18 00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,719 The midterm elections have already been decided-- surprise. 19 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:56,123 America's fish are doing drugs, and Her Majesty the Queen 20 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,292 is celebrating 70 years as the world's 21 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,895 most beloved unelected dictator. So let's do this, people. 22 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,464 Let's jump straight into today's headlines. 23 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,733 -♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause) 24 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:15,242 All right, everybody, as you may know and as you should know, 25 00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,411 today was a very special day for the queen. 26 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,246 And, no, I'm not talking about Beyoncé. 27 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,949 I'm talking about the original queen-- 28 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,785 the crown-wearing, Range-Rover-driving 96-year-old 29 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:28,088 five-foot giant whose face has been on money 30 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,657 longer than any of us losers have even been alive. 31 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,460 -Long live the queen! -(cheering, applause) 32 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,129 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 33 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,564 Every one of us from the colonies, 34 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,800 we just get so excited when we talk about the queen. 35 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,668 Yeah. They whipped it into us when we were kids. 36 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,537 It's not my fault. Where was I? Oh, yes, yes. 37 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,405 Queen Elizabeth II has now 38 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:48,709 officially been on the throne for 70 years, 39 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,712 which means it's time to throw a little party. 40 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,348 NEWSWOMAN: Four days of parades and pageantry underway 41 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,884 in London this morning to celebrate the historic 42 00:01:56,984 --> 00:02:00,287 70-year reign of Queen Elizabeth. 43 00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:03,724 Hundreds of thousands gathering outside of Buckingham Palace. 44 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,059 (cheering) 45 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,862 Tens of millions watching around the world, 46 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,965 an event filled with royal tradition and ceremony. 47 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:15,736 NEWSMAN: 1,500 troops, 350 horses, 48 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:19,072 this pageantry is the envy of the world. 49 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:22,543 At Stonehenge, they have been showing pictures of the queen 50 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:25,078 from different decades. 51 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,880 NEWSMAN 2: The jubilee's official dessert: 52 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:30,250 a seven-layer lemon trifle in honor of the queen's 53 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,252 seven decades of service. 54 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:35,856 The queen has gi-has given us her life, really. 55 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,691 I love her. She's beautiful. 56 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,860 -(people whooping) -God save the queen! 57 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,563 The incredible composure of the queen herself, 58 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,199 standing on that balcony. 59 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:48,168 Just how glamorous Kate looked. 60 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,537 I mean, she is becoming an icon. 61 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:53,473 And, uh, then little Prince Louis, who looked, 62 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,543 frankly, bored and a little unimpressed by the whole thing. 63 00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,679 Yeah, of course he's bored. 64 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,848 Don't forget, he's a prince, okay? 65 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:04,852 So, to him, she's not the queen of England in her palace. 66 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,087 She's just Granny in her house 67 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,157 with the grandma smell, all right? 68 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,458 It doesn't matter what the spectacle is, 69 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:12,826 at the end of the day, he is still a little kid 70 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,495 at a family party. If you want to hold his interest, 71 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,265 you know what you got to do? You got to give him an iPad. Yeah. 72 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,601 That's what I do with four-year- olds whenever I look after them. 73 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,069 Yeah. I put YouTube on autoplay 74 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,438 and then, boom-- they sit for, like, ten hours straight. 75 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,673 Yeah. I'm the world's best babysitter and 76 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,409 they come away understanding that Bush did 9/11. 77 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,981 But, seriously, this looked like so much fun. 78 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,216 Four days of parties. 79 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,952 It's like a Burning Man where nobody's pretending to be poor. 80 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,755 They've got 1,500 troops, hundreds of horses, 81 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:45,692 seven-layer desserts. The only part I didn't enjoy 82 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:49,229 was when they projected the queen onto Stonehenge. 83 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,099 Yeah, that felt kind of like an age thing, you know? 84 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:56,003 It was like, "Hey, you two know each other, don't you? Yeah. 85 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:59,106 Queen, say hi to the stone faces." 86 00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,475 And while this extravaganza may seem excessive to people, 87 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,411 you got to admit, 70 years on the throne is impressive. 88 00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,147 You know, in fact, it's impressive for any job. 89 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,284 Who else has held on to a job for that long? Huh? 90 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:11,718 I mean, if you think about it, in fact, 91 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:15,055 maybe it's time for the queen to try something new. 92 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,557 Yeah, I mean, with the skills she's learned at this job, 93 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,058 you know, she could try something else. 94 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,628 She would be an incredible Walmart greeter. You know? 95 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:24,965 Just like, "Plasma screens in aisle five." 96 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,867 She could be a consultant on the next season 97 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,870 of Bridgerton, you know? Yeah, just being like, "It's not bad, 98 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:33,974 but I wish we had this many chocolate hunks in my day." 99 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,076 Yeah, or-or the best one of all-- she could be a rapper. 100 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,477 Yeah, the queen would be seamless in that. You know? 101 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,179 She's got the bodyguard. She's got the bling. 102 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,415 She just went platinum. All she needs now 103 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,717 is to start a beef with another monarch. Yeah. 104 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,786 You want some of this, Emperor Naruhito? 105 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,722 Didn't think so, bitch! 106 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,257 But let's move on from someone 107 00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:51,925 who's been on the throne for 70 years 108 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,461 to someone who wishes they could be on the throne 109 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,296 for 70 years more: 110 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,899 Donald "jubilee" Trump. 111 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,067 Because, do you guys remember, 112 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,035 um, you know, how Trump and his people 113 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,438 pea-peacefully tried to, uh, dispute 114 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,073 the 2020 election? Do you guys remember that? Yeah? 115 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,508 Well, if you don't, if you don't, I understand. 116 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,243 It was, like, 34 years ago in pandemic time. 117 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,945 But, uh, it turns out that since Trump left office, 118 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,414 the MAGA crowd has been plotting their next move 119 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:15,883 like a cartoon villain. 120 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,151 And the reason we know this now is because yesterday, 121 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,687 Politico dropped a bombshell story 122 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:24,191 about how the GOP might plan to win the midterms 123 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,059 without having the most votes. 124 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,461 Yeah, because, you see, in 2020, 125 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,196 they were trying to challenge the election. 126 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:30,864 But thanks to a new leaked recording, 127 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,766 we now know the new MAGA plan 128 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,836 is to install Trump supporters as poll workers 129 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,206 to challenge the election from the inside. 130 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,574 NEWSWOMAN: In a stunning piece of reporting, 131 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,909 Politico has uncovered tapes 132 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,944 of Republican operatives strategizing 133 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:47,080 on how to overturn votes in Democratic precincts. 134 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:48,315 NEWSMAN: The idea, uh, 135 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,184 is to install party-trained volunteers 136 00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:52,286 prepared to challenge voters 137 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,454 at Democratic-majority polling places 138 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:58,091 and then to back up those party-trained poll workers 139 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:01,295 with a "army of party-friendly lawyers." 140 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,797 Those folks are largely QAnon, 141 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,766 uh, election deniers, 142 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,202 folks who think the election was corrupted 143 00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:11,939 who are now gonna be trained as p-poll workers, 144 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,173 sitting there, 145 00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,042 having their hands on the ballots, 146 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:18,212 taking in the information from the voters. 147 00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,080 Oh, boy, this is not good. 148 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,916 This is definitely not good. 149 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,119 Trump lovers are planning to install themselves 150 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,456 in place of nonpartisan poll workers. 151 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,458 It's a major conflict of interest. 152 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,961 It's like hiring death as a lifeguard. 153 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,295 (laughter) 154 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,697 I don't know if he's interested in saving you. 155 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,099 And look, I'm not surprised that Trump Republicans 156 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,868 are switching their things up for this coming election. 157 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,069 Because last time, what did they do? 158 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,637 They left it to this guy, right? 159 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:47,407 A man who was somehow even bad at sweating. 160 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:50,143 (laughs): I mean... I mean, look-look at that. 161 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,412 Right? That's-that's what it looks like 162 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,348 when hope physically leaves your body. 163 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,883 (laughter) 164 00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,584 And this is the thing about Republicans: 165 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,653 they're not deterred by setbacks. 166 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,756 Right? They tried to steal the election last time, 167 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,291 and-and what happened? Everyone laughed at them. 168 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,293 and they could have given up, you know, 169 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,594 and tried to win the election 170 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,329 based solely on the strength of their ideas. 171 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,597 But no, they got up. 172 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,165 They dusted themselves off, and they said, 173 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,801 "This time, we're not gonna need to overturn the votes 174 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,571 because we won't count them in the first place." 175 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,339 And let that be a lesson, kids. 176 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,841 You never give up on your dreams. 177 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,042 (laughter) 178 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,243 I think that's the lesson, right? 179 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,078 That is the lesson? No, it's not that? 180 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:26,480 Oh, and by the way, if you're worried 181 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,549 that this means you won't get your "I voted" stickers, 182 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,083 calm down. You will. 183 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:32,920 Yeah. It'll just have a question mark at the end. 184 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,688 Spice things up. 185 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,523 -(laughter and applause) -All right. (laughs) 186 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,891 Let's move on. 187 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,227 (cheering and applause) 188 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,296 Are you one of those people who eats fish 189 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,565 instead of red meat because it's healthier for you? 190 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:48,335 Well, if you live in Florida, you might want to think again. 191 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,204 NEWSWOMAN: There's this alarming study out of Florida 192 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,072 finding fish off the coast 193 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,341 are contaminated with pharmaceuticals. 194 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:57,845 Researchers sampled 93 bonefish over three years 195 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,849 and found an average of seven meds per bonefish. 196 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,284 One fish had 17 different drugs. 197 00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,553 List includes blood pressure medication, 198 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,890 antidepressants, antibiotics, pain relievers and a lot more. 199 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,426 Researchers say the meds get in the wastewater 200 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,194 every time people flush. 201 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,629 You know, every time I think I've seen 202 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:17,030 the most American story of all time... 203 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,632 (laughter) 204 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,934 ...this kind of stuff comes up. 205 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,836 'Cause which other country can say, 206 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,372 "There's so much medication leaving our bodies, 207 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,541 "we're bosic... basically providing Obamacare 208 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,176 to the fish"? 209 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,211 Think about it. How much medication 210 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:32,946 are American doctors prescribing people? 211 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,314 I think it might be too much 212 00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:37,117 if I can shit out a full dose for somebody else. 213 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,852 (laughter) 214 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,754 I will say, this could be a good thing. 215 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,055 There is a silver lining. 216 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,091 Drug prices have gotten so high in America, 217 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,492 if you can't afford your heart medication, 218 00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,828 now you can just go to Red Lobster. Yeah. 219 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,796 Yeah, you might get your blood pressure down, 220 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,431 or you might get a four-hour erection. 221 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,901 Either way, you're happier. 222 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,102 You're happier. 223 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,204 (cheering and applause) 224 00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,741 And I know, I know there are some people who are like, 225 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,109 "Trevor, it's not about the people. 226 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,011 "This is unhealthy for the fish. 227 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,779 It's not about humans." 228 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,782 I actually think this is good for the fish. 229 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,484 I do. I think it's good that they got a hold 230 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,253 of some of those antidepressants, you know? 231 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,923 Yeah, if your habitat was slowly boiling around you, 232 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,558 you could use some Lexapro, you know? 233 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,560 Just chill you out. 234 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,628 And, you know, when I was watching the story, 235 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,432 like, I know that we put toilet water in the ocean, 236 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:27,801 but this story just reminded me 237 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,471 that we put our toilet water in the ocean. 238 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,174 Yeah, it's just like, whenever I'm having fun at the beach, 239 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,409 you know, frolicking in the waves... 240 00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:36,543 (laughs) 241 00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,645 (laughter and applause) 242 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,381 ...I never think, "Man, it's great to spend time 243 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,084 in a big, giant toilet." 244 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,452 We don't think of the ocean 245 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,687 as that when we're in it, you know? 246 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,590 You realize people propose at the beach. 247 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,258 Now once you remember 248 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,160 that our toilet water goes there, 249 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,295 it's not as romantic anymore. 250 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,598 You know? It's just like, "So, how did he propose?" 251 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,233 Like, "Oh, remember that huge dump 252 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,801 "you flushed the other day? 253 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,202 It was right next to that." 254 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,038 "Oh, my God." 255 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,673 All right, but let's move on to some exciting news 256 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,042 from the world of science, and in particular, robots. 257 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,011 There's no denying that robots have come a long way, 258 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,046 you know, from helping humans assemble cars, 259 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,148 to showing off their dance moves 260 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:17,117 to distract us from the apocalypse they're planning, 261 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,553 to even running some of the world's biggest 262 00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,054 social media companies. 263 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,457 But it turns out, 264 00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:28,729 the next big leap in robots might actually be really small. 265 00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,130 Well, a group of engineers 266 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,566 from Northwestern University developing the smallest, 267 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,501 remote-controlled robots ever created. 268 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,503 Look at this. So, this tiny crab robot 269 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,672 is only half a millimeter wide. 270 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,207 That's smaller than a flea. 271 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,676 It can walk along the edge of a penny, too. 272 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,879 Now, the bot has the ability to crawl, jump and even twist. 273 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,048 The engineers hope micro robots 274 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,785 can eventually repair small machines in tight spaces. 275 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,388 -Ew! -(laughter) 276 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,889 Oh, those things look like something 277 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,925 WALL-E picked up at an airport La Quinta. 278 00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,160 Yeah. It's just like, "Ooh, you got to wrap it up, WALL-E. 279 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,695 That looks disgusting." 280 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,064 You know, I don't know why this kind of robot scares me 281 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,133 a lot more than the human-sized ones, you know? 282 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,135 'Cause at least, if a big robot goes berserk, 283 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,770 we can close the door. 284 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,371 I don't know, man. We're making tiny robots? 285 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,373 They're just going to wait until you're asleep, 286 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,777 and they crawl into your mouth, into your brain. Yeah. 287 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,745 And they get into your brain, and they trigger that memory 288 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,480 of the time you asked that girl to prom, and she said 289 00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:22,616 she was busy that night, but then, you saw her at the prom. 290 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,218 (laughter) 291 00:11:24,318 --> 00:11:26,353 (crying): "Now I wish that robot had killed me." 292 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,988 (laughter) 293 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,357 And you know, while it's cool to have a super tiny robot 294 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,492 to repair small machines, 295 00:11:32,593 --> 00:11:34,695 what are you going to do when the tiny robots break? 296 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,630 Do we think about that? Huh? 297 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,232 Yeah, you don't think about it, do you? 298 00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:39,833 Yeah, you realize what's going to happen. 299 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,101 You've got robots breaking, 300 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,703 you bring the tiny robots to fix those, 301 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,304 and then the tiny robots break, and then what are you gonna do? 302 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,106 You're gonna have to call the world's tiniest repairman 303 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,975 to your house. 304 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,776 Okay, before we get started, 305 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,845 there's a few things I'm going to need from you. 306 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,213 I'm going to get thirsty 307 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,415 so give me a drop of water for the day, okay? 308 00:11:55,516 --> 00:11:57,251 Secondly, I only take Venmo. 309 00:11:57,351 --> 00:12:00,053 Can't risk getting stuck under another dollar bill for a week. 310 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,488 No more of that. 311 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,957 And most importantly, make sure you lock up your cat. 312 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:08,662 That thing is like a T. rex to me. I'm tiny. I'm tiny. 313 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:11,365 (applause and cheering) 314 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:15,102 Okay, finally, 315 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,137 have you ever wondered what happens 316 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,572 between the time you click "order" 317 00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,073 on a food delivery app, 318 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,242 and the food actually arriving at your door? 319 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,211 And you might be saying, "Oh, I know what happens, Trevor. 320 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,680 -I rub one out while I wait." No. -(laughter) 321 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,482 What I mean is, what happens on the food side. 322 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,185 You guys are disgusting. 323 00:12:31,285 --> 00:12:33,387 Well, now, delivery drivers are revealing 324 00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:35,756 what's really happening behind the scenes. 325 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,292 You may want to pick it up instead of having it delivered. 326 00:12:38,392 --> 00:12:41,094 According to a new poll, 80% of delivery workers admit 327 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,097 to eating some of the food in their customers' orders. 328 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,867 NEWSWOMAN: Uh-uh. More than 500 delivery drivers were polled 329 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,670 for the survey, and the results show 25% confessed 330 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,438 to hooking up with someone in their vehicle. 331 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,708 (laughter) 332 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,177 I'm sorry. That is... that is shocking. 333 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,914 80% of drivers eat their customers' food? 334 00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:05,219 So that means 20% of drivers are delivering vegan meals? 335 00:13:05,319 --> 00:13:08,222 That can't be right. 336 00:13:08,322 --> 00:13:09,957 I actually don't necessarily have a problem 337 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,291 with sharing my food with someone. 338 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,061 I'm not Swedish, and also, 339 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,864 this news actually makes me feel better about ordering takeout. 340 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,298 Yeah, 'cause now when someone says, 341 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,400 "Do you know how many calories are in those fries?" 342 00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:23,270 I'll be like, "30% less, thanks to Barry. 343 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:26,807 Five stars, Barry, five stars." 344 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,076 And before you hear this news and go, 345 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,411 "Ah, delivery drivers are shit, they're eating our food," 346 00:13:31,512 --> 00:13:33,347 maybe you should be asking, why do these billion-dollar 347 00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:35,382 tech companies pay the delivery people so badly 348 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,651 -that they have to eat your food? -(applause and cheering) 349 00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:40,287 In fact, they should have an option where on top of the tip, 350 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,556 you can order extra food for them. 351 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,225 The only detail that threw me in this whole thing is the part 352 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,427 about hooking up in the car. That threw me off. 353 00:13:47,528 --> 00:13:49,296 Yeah, when they said, like, delivery drivers admit 354 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,164 to hooking up in the car. Like, when? 355 00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,967 I just want to know when. I don't mind, but when. 356 00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,536 Is it, like, when they're not delivering, 357 00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:56,937 or is it when they're on the job? 358 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,239 Is that, like, while they're delivering the food? 359 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,341 'Cause I'll be honest, man, you know. 360 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,878 I don't want my freshly-cooked dumplings to witness that. 361 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,314 Oh, boy, oh, boy! 362 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,450 I can't wait to go to my new house! 363 00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,320 Oh, it's gonna be... Wait! Why are we stopping?! 364 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,489 What-what are you two doing? Aah! Aah! 365 00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,524 I don't want to see this! I don't want to see this! 366 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:20,093 Close the lid! Close the lid! 367 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:22,095 Why does he have a sausage on him?! 368 00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:24,531 What's going on?! 369 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,601 (applause and cheering) 370 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,136 Tough life for the dumplings. 371 00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,637 All right, we got to take a quick break, 372 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,805 but don't go away, 'cause when we come back, 373 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,273 Michael Kosta hits the streets 374 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,475 to find solutions to America's gun problem. 375 00:14:35,576 --> 00:14:36,944 You don't want to miss it. 376 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,079 (applause and cheering) 377 00:14:43,037 --> 00:14:45,072 (cheering, applause) 378 00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:53,414 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 379 00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:55,549 On May 14, 380 00:14:55,649 --> 00:14:57,785 a man armed with an AR-15-style rifle 381 00:14:57,885 --> 00:14:59,987 shot up a supermarket in Buffalo. 382 00:15:00,087 --> 00:15:03,290 Ten days later, another man with an AR-15-style rifle 383 00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:05,092 shot up a school in Texas. 384 00:15:05,192 --> 00:15:07,227 And just yesterday, a man with an AR-15-style rifle 385 00:15:07,328 --> 00:15:10,097 shot up a medical building in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 386 00:15:10,197 --> 00:15:13,233 Now, you might think the problem here 387 00:15:13,334 --> 00:15:16,237 is all the AR-15-style rifles, 388 00:15:16,337 --> 00:15:19,273 but that just shows how little you know, 389 00:15:19,373 --> 00:15:21,375 because the real problem, according to some, 390 00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:23,711 is all the doors. 391 00:15:23,811 --> 00:15:26,714 Have one door into and out of the school, 392 00:15:26,814 --> 00:15:30,618 and have that one door armed, police officers at that door. 393 00:15:30,718 --> 00:15:33,220 There should be one entrance in and one entrance out 394 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,522 at all of our elementary and all of our middle schools. 395 00:15:35,623 --> 00:15:36,757 They're small enough to do that. 396 00:15:36,857 --> 00:15:39,593 It is about the single point of entry. 397 00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:41,762 If the school was on lockdown, could the doors have 398 00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:43,297 been locked where he couldn't have gotten in? 399 00:15:43,397 --> 00:15:46,867 Classroom doors should be hardened to make them lockable 400 00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:49,937 from the inside and closed to intruders 401 00:15:50,037 --> 00:15:52,139 from the outside. 402 00:15:52,172 --> 00:15:55,910 That's right-- America has a doors problem. 403 00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:58,212 In fact, some doors are totally unhinged, 404 00:15:58,312 --> 00:16:00,147 and yet politicians are doing nothing. 405 00:16:00,214 --> 00:16:02,549 Since we know other countries don't have America's 406 00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:04,852 mass shooting problem, that clearly means that 407 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,955 they know something about doors that we don't. 408 00:16:08,055 --> 00:16:10,157 So we asked Michael Kosta to hit the streets 409 00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:12,793 and find out how other countries 410 00:16:12,893 --> 00:16:15,029 deal with their doors. 411 00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:18,799 In the days since Uvalde, we've had 11 more mass shoot-- 412 00:16:18,899 --> 00:16:20,434 -(phone dings) -Hold on. 413 00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:23,170 Shit, another one. (sighs) 414 00:16:23,203 --> 00:16:26,340 In the days since Uvalde, we've had 12 more mass-- 415 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,675 -(phone dings) -Hold on, news alert. 416 00:16:27,775 --> 00:16:30,377 Thirteen! 417 00:16:30,477 --> 00:16:33,747 -(phone dings) -Shit. 14 mass shootings. 418 00:16:33,847 --> 00:16:35,616 -(phone dinging, buzzing) -Jesus. 419 00:16:35,716 --> 00:16:37,651 But for some reason, mass shootings are 420 00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,186 the one part of American culture that 421 00:16:39,219 --> 00:16:41,221 isn't popular in other countries. 422 00:16:41,322 --> 00:16:42,923 How often are you having mass shootings in India? 423 00:16:43,023 --> 00:16:44,191 Is it weekly? Is it daily? 424 00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:46,193 It's zero. None. 425 00:16:46,293 --> 00:16:48,462 -In our 30 years, never. -Absolutely none. 426 00:16:48,562 --> 00:16:50,230 Never. I've never heard of a mass shooting in Ireland. 427 00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:53,400 KOSTA: Wow. So what are they doing differently than us? 428 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,569 Mass shootings in America. 429 00:16:55,669 --> 00:16:56,937 Everyone knows what's causing them. 430 00:16:57,037 --> 00:16:58,539 No one's really saying it. 431 00:16:58,639 --> 00:17:00,908 It's the elephant in the room. Let's say it together. 432 00:17:01,008 --> 00:17:03,277 America has too many... 433 00:17:03,377 --> 00:17:05,579 -Guns. -...doors. Wait, what did you say? 434 00:17:05,679 --> 00:17:09,149 The one thing America can do to prevent mass shootings 435 00:17:09,216 --> 00:17:13,153 is to limit each school to one or, even better, zero doors. 436 00:17:13,254 --> 00:17:14,355 -I disagree. -KOSTA: Why? 437 00:17:14,455 --> 00:17:15,756 That doesn't make sense. 438 00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,291 One door? How is that gonna work? 439 00:17:17,391 --> 00:17:19,560 Like, one door for the entire school? 440 00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:21,795 -It's like a jail. -How are you gonna get out of a fire? 441 00:17:21,895 --> 00:17:23,163 Let's say we're in a school together 442 00:17:23,197 --> 00:17:24,365 with no doors, and we're in a fire. 443 00:17:24,465 --> 00:17:26,033 That's why the kids should have guns. 444 00:17:26,166 --> 00:17:27,768 -No. -You shoot out a circle. 445 00:17:27,868 --> 00:17:29,036 I'll grab your hand. It'll be like... 446 00:17:29,169 --> 00:17:30,638 I saw it in an action movie once. 447 00:17:30,738 --> 00:17:32,273 -Okay. -And then we... And then we-we go out. 448 00:17:32,373 --> 00:17:33,507 Or shoot out the window. 449 00:17:34,608 --> 00:17:36,777 -Do you know what I mean? -Well, what do guns have to do with it? 450 00:17:36,877 --> 00:17:38,479 -I'm talking about, like, doors. -Yeah. 451 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,614 You know, like, the shooters come in through doors. 452 00:17:40,714 --> 00:17:41,682 -Okay. Yeah. -Right? 453 00:17:41,782 --> 00:17:43,117 I wasn't sure why these tourists 454 00:17:43,217 --> 00:17:46,253 were ignoring the real threat to our nation: doors. 455 00:17:46,353 --> 00:17:48,722 How did the Polish government defeat the door lobby? 456 00:17:48,822 --> 00:17:51,926 They don't. They just let people have doors. 457 00:17:52,026 --> 00:17:53,861 Okay, and how many shootings have there been? 458 00:17:53,961 --> 00:17:55,329 -None. -Exact... 459 00:17:55,429 --> 00:17:56,797 What? 460 00:17:56,897 --> 00:17:58,365 -None? -Well, yeah. 461 00:17:58,465 --> 00:18:00,634 (sighs) But these are little European doors, 462 00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:02,836 like little ones that, like, Hansel and Gretel walk through? 463 00:18:02,937 --> 00:18:04,638 -No. -This isn't the old days 464 00:18:04,738 --> 00:18:07,608 with the old doors, the big wooden, heavy doors 465 00:18:07,708 --> 00:18:09,543 it was real difficult to open. 466 00:18:09,643 --> 00:18:11,412 Y-You know, these are new, modern doors. 467 00:18:11,512 --> 00:18:12,680 Like, even a kid can open them. 468 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,715 There are so many heartless manufacturers 469 00:18:14,815 --> 00:18:17,384 like Smith & Wess... No, like Crate & Barrel. 470 00:18:17,484 --> 00:18:18,586 They make doors. 471 00:18:18,686 --> 00:18:20,321 It doesn't have to do with the doors. 472 00:18:20,421 --> 00:18:22,356 Hey, I realize doors are a hot-button issue, 473 00:18:22,456 --> 00:18:23,557 but just keep your cool. 474 00:18:23,657 --> 00:18:25,159 I'm not saying anything crazy. 475 00:18:25,225 --> 00:18:28,362 I'm just saying you should have a license to buy a door. 476 00:18:28,462 --> 00:18:31,932 You should have a-a background check to buy a door. 477 00:18:32,032 --> 00:18:33,834 If you have committed a violent crime 478 00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:35,302 in the last five years, 479 00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:38,172 maybe there's a waiting period for you to buy a door. 480 00:18:38,272 --> 00:18:41,175 So are you saying that buying a gun should be easier 481 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,776 than buying any door? 482 00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:44,612 Well, what do guns have to do with it? 483 00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:46,580 Guns are what keep us safe. 484 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,582 Foreigners like to say 485 00:18:48,682 --> 00:18:51,252 that Americans are obsessed with guns. 486 00:18:51,352 --> 00:18:53,120 Yet, when it comes to preventing mass shootings, 487 00:18:53,153 --> 00:18:55,689 all they wanted to talk about was guns. 488 00:18:55,789 --> 00:18:57,524 Now who's obsessed? 489 00:18:57,625 --> 00:18:59,727 Do you think it would help to ban revolvers? 490 00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,996 -Yeah. -You know the doors that go around like this? 491 00:19:02,129 --> 00:19:03,864 -Oh, I thought revolvers. Sorry. -Right. 492 00:19:03,964 --> 00:19:05,332 Oh, you were thinking of guns? 493 00:19:05,432 --> 00:19:07,701 Very. Yeah. 494 00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:08,903 But what about your constitutional right 495 00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:09,904 to have a gun? 496 00:19:10,004 --> 00:19:11,372 No constitutional right. 497 00:19:11,472 --> 00:19:13,140 Whoa! 498 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,975 Does it suck over there? 499 00:19:15,142 --> 00:19:17,278 We have a... a law. 500 00:19:17,378 --> 00:19:19,213 You can't buy a gun just like that. 501 00:19:19,313 --> 00:19:21,649 You have to have permission to have a gun. 502 00:19:21,749 --> 00:19:23,617 -A permit, a license? -Yeah, a license. 503 00:19:23,717 --> 00:19:25,786 You can't go in a shop and have a gun. 504 00:19:25,886 --> 00:19:27,821 -It's complicated. -It is. 505 00:19:27,922 --> 00:19:30,057 But let me tell you what's simple: 506 00:19:30,157 --> 00:19:32,159 one door. 507 00:19:32,259 --> 00:19:34,628 -You keep coming back to these guns. -Right. 508 00:19:34,728 --> 00:19:37,031 People are coming through the doors to do dangerous stuff. 509 00:19:37,164 --> 00:19:40,167 Well, they have to have something dangerous with them, 510 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:41,368 like a gun. 511 00:19:41,468 --> 00:19:44,104 And the doors-- I don't know. 512 00:19:44,138 --> 00:19:45,906 You walk through the doors. I can't see the rel... 513 00:19:46,006 --> 00:19:47,441 I'm sorry. I can't understand. 514 00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:49,810 I appreciate you apologizing. Apology accepted. 515 00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:52,680 Maybe one day, these foreigners will have some actual advice 516 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:54,582 on how to stop mass shootings in America. 517 00:19:54,682 --> 00:19:57,685 But until then, our door is open. 518 00:19:57,785 --> 00:20:01,288 (cheers and applause) 519 00:20:01,388 --> 00:20:03,123 We'll figure it out, Michael. 520 00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:05,259 Stay tuned, 'cause we're going to be joined 521 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,528 by Ukrainian ambassador to the United Nations, 522 00:20:07,628 --> 00:20:09,964 Sergiy Kyslytsya, so, please, don't go away. 523 00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:12,132 (applause and cheering) 524 00:20:21,191 --> 00:20:23,226 (cheers and applause) 525 00:20:26,196 --> 00:20:27,564 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 526 00:20:27,664 --> 00:20:29,766 My guest tonight is Ukraine's representative 527 00:20:29,866 --> 00:20:31,401 to the United Nations. 528 00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:33,970 He's here to talk about Russia's war in the Ukraine. 529 00:20:34,070 --> 00:20:36,873 Here he is addressing his Russian counterpart 530 00:20:36,973 --> 00:20:40,410 at an emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Council 531 00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:42,278 at the start of the war. 532 00:20:42,378 --> 00:20:44,013 It's too late, my dear colleagues, 533 00:20:44,114 --> 00:20:45,515 to speak about the escalation. 534 00:20:45,615 --> 00:20:47,851 Too late. 535 00:20:47,951 --> 00:20:50,987 The Russian president declared war on the record. 536 00:20:51,087 --> 00:20:53,990 Should I play the video of your president? 537 00:20:56,059 --> 00:20:58,061 Ambassador, shall I do that right now? 538 00:20:58,161 --> 00:21:00,764 You can confirm it. 539 00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:04,501 Do not interrupt me, please. 540 00:21:04,601 --> 00:21:06,536 Thank you. 541 00:21:06,636 --> 00:21:08,605 Then don't ask me questions when you are speaking. 542 00:21:08,705 --> 00:21:10,640 Proceed with your... proceed with your statement. 543 00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:12,575 KYSLYTSYA: Anyway, you declared the war. 544 00:21:12,675 --> 00:21:16,413 It is the responsibility of this body to stop the war. 545 00:21:16,513 --> 00:21:19,916 Please welcome Ambassador Sergiy Kyslytsya. 546 00:21:20,016 --> 00:21:21,985 (cheers and applause) 547 00:21:24,687 --> 00:21:25,955 Welcome. 548 00:21:26,055 --> 00:21:28,091 (cheers and applause continue) 549 00:21:32,729 --> 00:21:34,531 Ambassador, welcome to The Daily Show. 550 00:21:34,631 --> 00:21:35,965 Oh, thank you. Thank you for inviting me. 551 00:21:36,066 --> 00:21:40,036 You have a really position... uh, interesting position 552 00:21:40,136 --> 00:21:41,671 and a difficult undertaking right now, 553 00:21:41,771 --> 00:21:45,041 because you are representing Ukraine at the U.N. 554 00:21:45,141 --> 00:21:46,743 and Ukraine is in 555 00:21:46,843 --> 00:21:49,145 one of the most precarious positions right now. 556 00:21:49,312 --> 00:21:51,681 Before we get into where we are, 557 00:21:51,781 --> 00:21:53,416 let's maybe clear up the beginning. 558 00:21:53,516 --> 00:21:55,318 How did this start 559 00:21:55,351 --> 00:21:58,555 and what is the cause of what we're seeing in Ukraine? 560 00:21:58,655 --> 00:22:01,124 Well, do you want a long story, or you want a short version? 561 00:22:01,224 --> 00:22:02,659 (chuckles): I guess, we're on TV so the short version. 562 00:22:02,759 --> 00:22:05,361 Well, the long one is like 300... 300 years. 563 00:22:05,462 --> 00:22:08,498 The short one is Putin came to power, 564 00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:12,335 and, uh, he probably promised himself 565 00:22:12,435 --> 00:22:14,571 that he would restore the Soviet Empire, 566 00:22:14,671 --> 00:22:18,808 and ever since, uh, we are, um, in the state of war. 567 00:22:18,908 --> 00:22:20,910 And now we are in the state of hot war. 568 00:22:21,010 --> 00:22:25,014 Actually, the war started not on the 24th of February. 569 00:22:25,115 --> 00:22:28,985 -It started, uh, back in 2014. -Mm-hmm. 570 00:22:29,085 --> 00:22:30,720 And you-you're in a position now where... 571 00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:32,522 As you said, I like that you called it a "hot war" 572 00:22:32,622 --> 00:22:33,823 because it's a war that, you know, 573 00:22:33,923 --> 00:22:35,291 people that can see very clearly. 574 00:22:35,392 --> 00:22:36,793 There are many people who are being killed, 575 00:22:36,893 --> 00:22:38,161 there are tanks rolling in. 576 00:22:38,294 --> 00:22:40,964 It-It's a different type of war, though, 577 00:22:41,064 --> 00:22:44,634 because everybody agrees that Ukraine is in the right. 578 00:22:44,734 --> 00:22:46,403 Everybody agrees that Russia is doing something wrong. 579 00:22:46,503 --> 00:22:49,072 And yet, because of Russia being Russia, 580 00:22:49,172 --> 00:22:51,007 it seems like the United Nations 581 00:22:51,107 --> 00:22:53,309 and many other countries are scared to overact 582 00:22:53,343 --> 00:22:55,612 for fear of causing a world war. 583 00:22:55,712 --> 00:22:57,714 How-how do you then ask for help? 584 00:22:57,814 --> 00:23:00,850 And what do you... what do you hope will be achieved 585 00:23:00,950 --> 00:23:02,051 if countries, you know, 586 00:23:02,152 --> 00:23:03,486 have to balance this precarious position? 587 00:23:03,586 --> 00:23:06,222 Well, I think that, as a matter of fact, for me, 588 00:23:06,322 --> 00:23:08,792 we're already in the third world war, 589 00:23:08,892 --> 00:23:10,693 which may be kind of crazy to say. 590 00:23:10,794 --> 00:23:14,330 But, uh, the 21st century is not the 20th century, 591 00:23:14,431 --> 00:23:18,101 where we had these standard wars with tanks crossing the borders. 592 00:23:18,201 --> 00:23:20,270 We are in a hybrid world, 593 00:23:20,336 --> 00:23:21,871 and you don't really need to cross the border 594 00:23:21,971 --> 00:23:23,873 to attack, uh, the United States. 595 00:23:23,973 --> 00:23:26,076 You can do that in cyberspace, you know. 596 00:23:26,176 --> 00:23:29,379 Or you can do, like, terrorism or financial terrorism. 597 00:23:29,479 --> 00:23:31,614 So, basically, uh, 598 00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:34,117 we are there in the United Nations, 599 00:23:34,284 --> 00:23:35,652 and the United Nations is a product 600 00:23:35,752 --> 00:23:38,288 of, uh, three old gentlemen, 601 00:23:38,321 --> 00:23:40,090 among, uh, which were Joseph Stalin. 602 00:23:40,190 --> 00:23:41,357 So it's not perfect. 603 00:23:41,458 --> 00:23:44,894 And we still, uh, in the hundredth day of the war, 604 00:23:44,994 --> 00:23:46,796 we still have Russia sitting in front of us, 605 00:23:46,896 --> 00:23:50,200 and we still pretend that we have to, uh, respect it. 606 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:52,402 And the only reason we respect Russian Federation 607 00:23:52,502 --> 00:23:53,737 is because, uh... 608 00:23:53,837 --> 00:23:55,805 Well, I do not respect, but they have to respect. 609 00:23:55,905 --> 00:23:57,307 -Uh, they-they... (chuckles) -(laughter) 610 00:23:57,340 --> 00:23:59,309 Yeah, that's a very important correction. 611 00:23:59,342 --> 00:24:01,945 Because they-they possess the nuclear arsenal, 612 00:24:02,045 --> 00:24:03,313 and they are really paranoid 613 00:24:03,379 --> 00:24:06,082 that Russia may use, uh, nukes against them. 614 00:24:06,182 --> 00:24:07,917 So, is-is your argument, then, 615 00:24:08,017 --> 00:24:09,919 that Russia shouldn't be sitting 616 00:24:10,019 --> 00:24:11,988 as one of those permanent members of the U.N.? 617 00:24:12,088 --> 00:24:13,690 Oh, first of all, Russia is not a permanent member, 618 00:24:13,790 --> 00:24:14,691 if you ask me. 619 00:24:14,791 --> 00:24:15,992 I mean, Russia occupied 620 00:24:16,092 --> 00:24:18,895 the seat of the Soviet Union back in 1991 621 00:24:18,995 --> 00:24:21,131 the same way Russia occupied Georgia, 622 00:24:21,264 --> 00:24:24,067 the same way Russia occupied, uh, Transnistria in Moldova, 623 00:24:24,167 --> 00:24:27,270 the same way Russia invaded, uh, Syria. 624 00:24:27,370 --> 00:24:30,607 So, uh, Russia occupies, occupies, occupies, 625 00:24:30,707 --> 00:24:32,375 and we are all complacent with that. 626 00:24:32,475 --> 00:24:33,943 I mean, we were complacent with that 627 00:24:34,043 --> 00:24:36,045 until, uh, the night of the 23rd, 628 00:24:36,146 --> 00:24:38,381 and all of a sudden, we were surprised that it happened. 629 00:24:38,481 --> 00:24:40,750 I mean, which was imminent for 30 years. 630 00:24:40,850 --> 00:24:44,287 But do you... do you think that maybe this has been... 631 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:45,622 You know, it-it... 632 00:24:45,722 --> 00:24:47,690 Everything in hindsight is twenty-twenty. 633 00:24:47,791 --> 00:24:50,593 You know, and-and I've read, you know, some historians 634 00:24:50,693 --> 00:24:52,629 who would argue that, you know, 635 00:24:52,729 --> 00:24:54,464 there could have been a way for the world 636 00:24:54,564 --> 00:24:57,300 to bring Russia into the fold from the very beginning. 637 00:24:57,333 --> 00:24:58,568 Some say the problem 638 00:24:58,668 --> 00:25:00,303 was the fact that Russia was pushed out. 639 00:25:00,336 --> 00:25:02,105 -Russia felt like they were being isolated. -Oh, yeah, yeah. 640 00:25:02,205 --> 00:25:04,174 It felt like NATO was encroaching on their territory. 641 00:25:04,307 --> 00:25:05,842 If Putin was brought into the fold, 642 00:25:05,942 --> 00:25:06,976 he would have had a vested interest 643 00:25:07,077 --> 00:25:08,178 in being part of the world. 644 00:25:08,311 --> 00:25:10,180 Do you see any credence in that argument? 645 00:25:10,313 --> 00:25:12,682 Well, you know, I saw many kremlinologists 646 00:25:12,782 --> 00:25:15,885 or Sovietologists, as, uh, they call, they're called often. 647 00:25:15,985 --> 00:25:19,222 And they are tunneled with their vision of the world 648 00:25:19,322 --> 00:25:21,624 the same way, like, Germany was tunneled with Nord Stream. 649 00:25:21,725 --> 00:25:23,727 Uh, you know, they saw the world 650 00:25:23,827 --> 00:25:25,628 through the tunnel of Nord Stream. 651 00:25:25,729 --> 00:25:27,597 And, uh, we were... 652 00:25:27,697 --> 00:25:29,632 All of us, we, uh, we're guilty 653 00:25:29,733 --> 00:25:33,937 of, uh, uh, letting Putin grow as a dictator, 654 00:25:34,037 --> 00:25:36,906 uh, of unprecedented scale in Europe. 655 00:25:37,006 --> 00:25:38,708 Well, probably Hitler is only the one 656 00:25:38,808 --> 00:25:40,376 we can compare him with. 657 00:25:40,477 --> 00:25:42,378 Uh, no, I don't believe in appeasement. 658 00:25:42,479 --> 00:25:45,548 I believe in the need to fight the virus. 659 00:25:45,648 --> 00:25:49,753 And, uh, Russian, uh, Putinism is the same as COVID, 660 00:25:49,853 --> 00:25:52,489 but it's only the international politics COVID, you know. 661 00:25:52,589 --> 00:25:55,759 Right. Right. And-and it is taking its toll, as well. 662 00:25:55,859 --> 00:25:57,894 You know, your country's in a position now 663 00:25:57,994 --> 00:25:59,162 where every day, we read 664 00:25:59,295 --> 00:26:01,831 about how Russia is-is changing its tactics. 665 00:26:01,931 --> 00:26:04,134 You know, it's slowly becoming a war of attrition 666 00:26:04,300 --> 00:26:05,769 as opposed to a direct assault. 667 00:26:05,869 --> 00:26:07,737 You know, Ukraine has inspired the world 668 00:26:07,837 --> 00:26:09,305 in how... in how you're fighting back. 669 00:26:09,372 --> 00:26:11,341 You know, your-your president has been there, 670 00:26:11,441 --> 00:26:13,209 staying in the country, you know, 671 00:26:13,309 --> 00:26:15,445 despite what everyone thought he would do. 672 00:26:15,545 --> 00:26:19,516 Um, when you get to the point, though, where it feels like 673 00:26:19,616 --> 00:26:25,088 European nations are almost encouraging Ukraine to, 674 00:26:25,255 --> 00:26:27,257 in some way, you know, give up a piece of territory... 675 00:26:27,323 --> 00:26:28,858 You see many European nations saying 676 00:26:28,958 --> 00:26:31,694 "Ukraine, maybe you should give them the Donbas region. 677 00:26:31,795 --> 00:26:34,330 "Just give them that part that has already expressed 678 00:26:34,431 --> 00:26:36,266 some sort of interest in becoming part of Russia." 679 00:26:36,299 --> 00:26:38,802 You have said that that is a complete nonstarter. Why? 680 00:26:38,902 --> 00:26:41,271 Yeah, it's absolutely... I mean, no, unless 681 00:26:41,304 --> 00:26:42,705 everybody is an amnesiac, you know? 682 00:26:42,806 --> 00:26:45,575 Let me remind you what happened in 1938, 683 00:26:45,675 --> 00:26:50,113 when Hitler signed the Munich Agreement with Chamberlain. 684 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:54,551 The New York Times literally, literally ran an article, 685 00:26:54,651 --> 00:26:56,052 and I can quote from it. 686 00:26:56,152 --> 00:26:58,455 "The world has never been pregnant with hope 687 00:26:58,555 --> 00:27:00,356 as it is now." 688 00:27:00,457 --> 00:27:01,691 -Ooh. -And then what happened? 689 00:27:01,791 --> 00:27:05,328 Czechoslovakia lost one fifth of its territory. 690 00:27:05,428 --> 00:27:07,397 The Nazi troops moved in. 691 00:27:07,497 --> 00:27:09,466 And then, in less than 12 months, 692 00:27:09,566 --> 00:27:10,967 the second world war started, 693 00:27:11,067 --> 00:27:13,203 and the whole Czechoslovakia was invaded. 694 00:27:13,303 --> 00:27:17,807 So, basically, if people are not very... 695 00:27:17,907 --> 00:27:20,877 cognizant of the history lessons, 696 00:27:20,977 --> 00:27:22,645 they have to go back to school, I think. 697 00:27:22,746 --> 00:27:26,382 And it's a duty of all of us to make them study the history. 698 00:27:26,483 --> 00:27:30,787 Are you worried that European countries may, 699 00:27:30,887 --> 00:27:33,056 at some point, say, "This is too much for us, 700 00:27:33,156 --> 00:27:35,058 and we don't know if we're going to back Ukraine through this"? 701 00:27:35,158 --> 00:27:36,893 Because we've seen, again, through history, 702 00:27:36,993 --> 00:27:41,464 Russia is not afraid to fight long, painful wars. 703 00:27:41,564 --> 00:27:42,899 You know, it seems like Vladimir Putin's not afraid 704 00:27:42,999 --> 00:27:45,034 to send his troops out onto the front lines 705 00:27:45,135 --> 00:27:46,636 and have them perish 'cause he doesn't have to worry 706 00:27:46,736 --> 00:27:48,405 about an election that he's losing. 707 00:27:48,505 --> 00:27:50,039 You know, approval is not his issue. 708 00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:53,276 And so, if you're in that position, you know, 709 00:27:53,309 --> 00:27:55,845 Ukraine is in a space where you have 710 00:27:55,945 --> 00:27:58,948 your-your people who may get demoralized, 711 00:27:59,048 --> 00:28:01,885 you know, you have a nation that is constantly bombarded. 712 00:28:01,985 --> 00:28:03,453 You know, obviously, the U.S. is helping you. 713 00:28:03,553 --> 00:28:06,289 But what would you hope the next steps would be then? 714 00:28:06,356 --> 00:28:08,992 Where do you see the world moving towards to help Ukraine? 715 00:28:09,092 --> 00:28:11,594 Well, Trevor, you just came from Europe on tour, right? 716 00:28:11,694 --> 00:28:13,463 -I did, yeah. -Yeah, you see... you saw 717 00:28:13,563 --> 00:28:16,599 with your own eyes that Europe is not really homogeneous. 718 00:28:16,699 --> 00:28:19,035 Uh, it is so diverse. It's like a bouquet of nations. 719 00:28:19,135 --> 00:28:21,838 -Right. -So it would be kind of an overgeneralization 720 00:28:21,938 --> 00:28:25,041 to say that "Europe believes, Europe says." 721 00:28:25,141 --> 00:28:28,478 I mean, we have wonderful, wonderful nations, 722 00:28:28,578 --> 00:28:32,849 like Poland, like the U.K., like Portugal. 723 00:28:32,949 --> 00:28:34,584 I just talked to the Portuguese ambassador. 724 00:28:34,684 --> 00:28:36,486 Like Baltic states. 725 00:28:36,586 --> 00:28:40,390 They will fight hard until the very end 726 00:28:40,490 --> 00:28:42,559 to defeat the Russian despotism. 727 00:28:42,659 --> 00:28:45,762 You know, we have some countries that got used 728 00:28:45,862 --> 00:28:47,564 -to living in comfort for so long... -Mm-hmm. 729 00:28:47,664 --> 00:28:49,566 -that they're out of context all together. -Hmm. 730 00:28:49,666 --> 00:28:51,134 But the thing is 731 00:28:51,267 --> 00:28:55,972 that if we do not defeat Putinism today, right, 732 00:28:56,072 --> 00:28:59,042 if we will be satisfied with just a military defeat 733 00:28:59,142 --> 00:29:01,277 of Russia in Ukraine, 734 00:29:01,344 --> 00:29:06,149 then we will let this dictator 735 00:29:06,282 --> 00:29:09,385 to regrow his chopped-back claws. 736 00:29:09,486 --> 00:29:12,288 They will hit all of you again, 737 00:29:12,388 --> 00:29:13,890 like in five or seven years from now, 738 00:29:13,990 --> 00:29:16,693 and then we all pay triple price for it. 739 00:29:16,793 --> 00:29:20,363 So, even from the point of view of, uh... 740 00:29:21,331 --> 00:29:24,033 ...investing money in Ukrainian, uh, victory, 741 00:29:24,134 --> 00:29:25,635 investing money in Ukrainian victory 742 00:29:25,735 --> 00:29:28,405 is investing money in your own security. 743 00:29:28,505 --> 00:29:30,140 And you should be all grateful 744 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,008 that it is the U-Ukrainian soldiers, 745 00:29:32,108 --> 00:29:34,611 not the British soldiers, not the American soldiers, 746 00:29:34,711 --> 00:29:36,413 who are dying in the front, 747 00:29:36,513 --> 00:29:39,249 defending the collective democratic world. 748 00:29:39,315 --> 00:29:40,283 You know? 749 00:29:40,383 --> 00:29:41,785 So I have to remind about that, 750 00:29:41,885 --> 00:29:43,453 to all, uh, of our viewers 751 00:29:43,553 --> 00:29:45,588 and to all people in Europe, in North America. 752 00:29:45,688 --> 00:29:47,791 And not only there. 753 00:29:47,891 --> 00:29:49,592 I have to remind all Africans 754 00:29:49,692 --> 00:29:52,562 who will suffer from the food shortages 755 00:29:52,662 --> 00:29:54,164 in two months from now. 756 00:29:54,264 --> 00:29:55,598 A lot of people don't know about that. 757 00:29:55,698 --> 00:29:57,667 You know, I-I saw many people complaining 758 00:29:57,767 --> 00:29:59,269 about food prices going up. 759 00:29:59,302 --> 00:30:01,738 Many people in the Middle East and Africa struggling with, um, 760 00:30:01,838 --> 00:30:03,907 you know, a shortage of wheat and bread as, you know, 761 00:30:04,007 --> 00:30:06,176 -one of the most important food sources. -Exactly. 762 00:30:06,276 --> 00:30:09,279 Many people don't know how much of that grain 763 00:30:09,379 --> 00:30:11,081 is coming from Ukraine for the entire world. 764 00:30:11,181 --> 00:30:12,882 There are countries-- there are countries 765 00:30:12,982 --> 00:30:16,286 that are 70% dependent on Ukrainian grain. 766 00:30:16,319 --> 00:30:19,756 And those countries are devastated with civil wars 767 00:30:19,856 --> 00:30:22,959 or with droughts or with, uh, uh, climate calamities. 768 00:30:23,059 --> 00:30:25,462 They have no way to go on the market 769 00:30:25,562 --> 00:30:27,397 and buy grain from somewhere else. 770 00:30:27,497 --> 00:30:28,898 So, I mean, from-- for them, 771 00:30:28,998 --> 00:30:30,734 it is a matter of surviv-survival. 772 00:30:30,834 --> 00:30:34,804 And the fact is that we have 21 million tons of grain 773 00:30:34,904 --> 00:30:36,706 -sitting to be exported. -Right. 774 00:30:36,806 --> 00:30:39,776 And we can't do that because one crazy... 775 00:30:39,876 --> 00:30:41,511 little person in-in Kremlin 776 00:30:41,611 --> 00:30:43,980 does not really allow us to do that, you know? 777 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,215 And that's-that's amazing. 778 00:30:45,315 --> 00:30:46,583 I mean, that's amazing. 779 00:30:46,683 --> 00:30:49,219 And, uh, one of the jobs, uh, we have to do, 780 00:30:49,319 --> 00:30:50,787 one of the things we-we are doing currently 781 00:30:50,887 --> 00:30:52,255 in the United Nations, 782 00:30:52,355 --> 00:30:54,624 we are desperately seeking the way 783 00:30:54,724 --> 00:30:58,695 how to save millions of people 784 00:30:58,795 --> 00:31:02,799 who are literally under the threat of dying of starvation 785 00:31:02,899 --> 00:31:05,502 -10,000 miles away from-from Ukraine. -Mm-hmm. 786 00:31:05,602 --> 00:31:06,936 You know, and that is why 787 00:31:07,036 --> 00:31:11,408 this conflict has so many implications 788 00:31:11,508 --> 00:31:13,410 that, unlike in 2014, 789 00:31:13,510 --> 00:31:15,278 where we-- when we were all happy 790 00:31:15,378 --> 00:31:17,947 to have 100 nations voting, uh, in favor 791 00:31:18,047 --> 00:31:20,049 of the territorial integrity of Ukraine, 792 00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:21,918 we now have overwhelming majority. 793 00:31:22,018 --> 00:31:25,054 We have 141 nations 794 00:31:25,155 --> 00:31:27,490 that voted on the 2nd of March 795 00:31:27,590 --> 00:31:30,894 and that identify Russia as an aggressive state. 796 00:31:30,994 --> 00:31:33,963 You know, there were only four countries-- 797 00:31:34,064 --> 00:31:36,666 such wonderful countries as North Korea and Syria-- 798 00:31:36,766 --> 00:31:39,502 who voted in support of-of Russia. 799 00:31:39,602 --> 00:31:41,304 You know, and it's very important. It's very important. 800 00:31:41,404 --> 00:31:43,973 Because the world finally understood 801 00:31:44,074 --> 00:31:47,844 -that it's not just about Ukraine. -Mm-hmm. 802 00:31:47,944 --> 00:31:53,316 It's about the entire collective democratic community of nations. 803 00:31:53,349 --> 00:31:54,484 Thank you so much for joining us, Ambassador. 804 00:31:54,584 --> 00:31:55,518 Thank you for inviting me. 805 00:31:55,618 --> 00:31:56,753 I appreciate your time. 806 00:31:56,853 --> 00:31:58,321 -Hopefully we'll see you again. -Thank you. 807 00:31:58,388 --> 00:31:59,456 All right, we're gonna take a quick break, 808 00:31:59,556 --> 00:32:01,224 but we'll be right back after this. 809 00:32:01,324 --> 00:32:02,392 (cheering and applause) 810 00:32:02,492 --> 00:32:03,827 Yeah. It's funny... 811 00:32:03,927 --> 00:32:05,962 (cheering and applause) 812 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:12,708 (applause and cheering) 813 00:32:12,808 --> 00:32:14,710 Well, that's our show for tonight. 814 00:32:14,810 --> 00:32:16,712 But before we go, before we go, 815 00:32:16,812 --> 00:32:19,515 this year, on the one-year anniversary 816 00:32:19,615 --> 00:32:21,951 of the Capitol Insurrection, we erected 817 00:32:22,051 --> 00:32:23,886 a tribute right here in New York 818 00:32:23,986 --> 00:32:28,557 to the heroes who fought against America on January 6, and lost. 819 00:32:28,657 --> 00:32:31,060 This weekend, June 3 to June 5, 820 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:32,995 we'll be bringing those monuments to Los Angeles 821 00:32:33,095 --> 00:32:34,430 for one weekend only. 822 00:32:34,530 --> 00:32:37,633 And we've added two new, never-before-seen heroes. 823 00:32:37,733 --> 00:32:40,402 So, if you are in Los Angeles, come and see the pop-up 824 00:32:40,503 --> 00:32:42,071 at the Westfield Century City. 825 00:32:42,171 --> 00:32:43,272 For more information, keep an eye 826 00:32:43,372 --> 00:32:45,274 on The Daily Show social feeds. 827 00:32:45,374 --> 00:32:48,110 Until next time, stay safe out there, and remember: 828 00:32:48,210 --> 00:32:51,280 ask your doctor if fish from Florida is right for you. 829 00:32:51,380 --> 00:32:53,649 Now, here it is-- Your Moment of Zen! 830 00:32:53,749 --> 00:32:56,018 -(applause and cheering) -♪ ♪ 831 00:32:56,118 --> 00:32:57,753 -Live television, gang. -(laughter) 832 00:32:57,853 --> 00:32:59,388 That's live TV for you. 833 00:32:59,488 --> 00:33:02,224 Excuse me. My sid... my kids are here. Live television. 834 00:33:02,324 --> 00:33:03,793 -Well, do it live! (bleep) it! -(indistinct chatter) 835 00:33:03,893 --> 00:33:06,495 I think it is appropriate that they look at that timeline 836 00:33:06,595 --> 00:33:09,565 and understand what happened in that context. 837 00:33:09,665 --> 00:33:11,434 But I also think that we need to... 838 00:33:11,534 --> 00:33:13,602 we need to take very seriously that... 839 00:33:13,702 --> 00:33:15,304 Oh, oh, oh, oh. whoa, whoa, whoa. 840 00:33:15,337 --> 00:33:16,672 Whoa, whoa. Guys. 841 00:33:16,772 --> 00:33:19,475 Our camera fell down. Okay. 842 00:33:19,575 --> 00:33:22,545 -Brian Deese, thank you so much. -♪ ♪