♪ ♪
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New York City,
the only city in America,
it's The Daily Show.
Tonight,
Turkey plays the name game.
Russia's regifting grain.
And Eliot Schrefer.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
What's going on, everybody? Welcome to The Daily Show!
I'm Trevor Noah.
Thank you so much for tuning in!
Thank you for coming out in person!
So much fun!
So much fun! Look at you guys!
Take a seat, everybody. Take a seat.
We've got a jam-packed show for you today.
The nation of Turkey is tired of your jokes,
CNN is done with breaking news,
and Vladimir Putin blesses the grains down in Africa.
What does that even mean? Well, stay tuned to find out.
Plus, we've got author Eliot Schrefer on the show
to tell us about gay animals.
Yeah, I said that.
So let's do this, people.
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
Okay.
Our first story is all about language.
Like when I say the word "turkey,"
what do you think of?
Probably a big bird that people eat
while arguing with their family
about whether or not gender is a spectrum, right?
Yeah?
Well, the country of Turkey knows
that's what you think about when you hear their name,
and they're sick of that shit.
The country of Turkey is ready to change its name.
Officials have notified the United Nations,
asking that the country be referred to as "Türkiye,"
the way it's spelled and pronounced in Turkish.
It's a way to disassociate its name from the bird
and negative connotations that sometimes come with it.
NEWSMAN: The official request follows the release
of an ad campaign promoting the new name.
Hey, Mom. I just landed.
-Oh, hello, Türkiye! -(chuckles)
Hello, Türkiye.
ALL: Hello, Türkiye! (whooping)
Hello, Türkiye!
'Ey!
Türkiye!
I like this. I like this.
And I-I'm willing. I'm willing to start saying "Türkiye."
I don't mind. But I refuse
to use those little dots over the "U." All right?
And this has nothing to do with Turkey
and everything to do with drawing a line
for how many keyboards I'm willing to have on my phone.
I'm already three keyboards deep.
I've got emoji keyboards. I got my gif keyboard.
Then my symbols keyboard. Then a secret symbols keyboard
behind that keyboard. Now I got to add another keyboard
so I can type a "U" with the dots that makes it look like
it's staring at me? It's too much!
It's too much, Türkiye.
And I know what some of you are saying right now.
You're like, "Oh, Trevor, you don't need another keyboard.
You can just hold down the 'U' key."
Yeah. But it's about the extra effort.
If you use your thumbs too much, they're gonna bulk up.
I'm trying to get mine long and slender for the summer, baby.
That's right.
So I'll say "Türkiye,"
but you got to help me help you.
And not the "U" with the dots, Türkiye. All right?
'Cause, no, I-I get why Turkey's doing this.
I get it.
A country's name is its brand.
Nobody wants their brand associated with an animal
that people don't even like that much.
I mean, if you're gonna get mistaken for a bird,
at least let it be a bird with some flavor, some juice.
You know? Like, if their country was named
Spicy Chicken Sandwich,
they wouldn't be changing anything.
I will say, Turkey should just know this though--
just because they got the U.N. to agree on this
doesn't mean that people are actually gonna start
calling them Türkiye.
It's not that easy.
Trust me, I know this. Back in middle school,
I tried to get everyone to call me Trevolva.
-(laughter) -Yeah.
And they just laughed, like you guys did now.
They said it was a stupid name.
Which I guess, in retrospect, it kind of was. You know?
Unless you guys like it. No?
Okay, fine. Trevolva, Trevolva, no, is stupid.
Forget it. Let's move on.
Wait, did someone say it was c-cool? No? Okay.
Any...
I just thought I heard someone say it is a cool--
'Cause it could-- No? All right, still no. All right.
I actually think this is a good idea.
You know what? A lot of countries
should be updating their names. Yeah.
They just update it to-to make it modern.
Like this isn't the United States of America.
Let's be honest, it's more like
the States that Barely Put Up with Each Other of America.
Yeah?
Every country.
Like, "Greece" makes it sound messy,
but it's not.
"Hungary." What if they've eaten, huh?
Yeah. Niger.
Oh, you need to change that name to be safe.
You just need to change that name to be safe.
I bet you right now
they're losing a ton of white people tourism
'cause there's a lot of white people who are too nervous
to type that into Expedia.
Just like, "I'm heading to N-I-G...
"You know what? I'm just going to Paris.
"I'm just gonna go to Paris.
"I'm just going to go to Paris.
"I don't want any trouble here.
I'm just going to Paris."
(applause and cheering)
But let's move on to other international news.
Because while Turkey is changing its name,
Russia has spent the past three months trying
to change Ukraine's name to "Russia, Jr."
But Ukraine isn't the only country suffering
from Russia's invasion. Yeah.
What many people might not know is that Ukraine is one
of the world's top producers of grain.
But as part of its invasion,
Russia is blocking Ukraine's ports
and intercepting the grain.
So now, the world is facing a grain shortage,
which Russia is taking advantage of.
The U.S. has given now about 14 countries a heads-up
about stolen Ukrainian grain.
U.S. officials say that Russia stole grain from Ukraine,
and alerted these other countries, mainly in Africa,
that Russia will probably sell it.
Policy experts say, faced with starvation,
most countries in the area
likely won't hesitate to buy from Russia.
NEWSWOMAN 2: The director of one African think tank
told the New York Times...
Okay, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I get what you're saying,
but "Africans don't care where they get their food from."
Come on. Don't put it like that.
Yes, some parts of Africa are suffering from famine,
and their leaders can't afford to take the moral high ground
because they need the food, but not just,
"Africans don't care where they get their food from."
It makes it sound like us Africans--
we're just running around on the sidewalk,
grabbing people's brunches out of their plates.
-(laughter) -Just like, "Ha, ha!
"You did not guard your brioche.
"It's mine now, huh?
Ha, ha!"
And by the way, just in case you're wondering,
Africans are going to use the grain
to make, like, bread and shit, okay?
These stories always make it sound
like Africans are just gonna eat the grain right out of the sack.
Make it sound like that with us.
It's just like, "Ah, we love this!
Ah! Put the grain in my mouth, huh? Ah."
I know that's what you guys are picturing in your heads.
I know it. I said, "We need grain,"
and you guys were like, "I guess they eat grain.
I guess that's what they do."
We cook!
The situation is really messed up.
Not only is Russia stealing Ukraine's grain.
They're causing a food shortage in the rest of the world.
And then, they're gonna sell the grain
to make up for the shortage that they're causing.
And can we just take a moment to acknowledge
how humiliating this is for Russia? Huh?
When they started this invasion, Putin was like,
"Our glorious army will conquer Ukraine
for new Russian empire."
And now, he's just like, "Okay, Plan B.
"Let's just rub this bitch, okay?
"We're just going to steal it.
We're just going to steal now."
(applause and cheering)
"Plan B."
Yeah, you went from being all high and mighty,
and now, the dude's basically on the corner in Africa like,
"You-you want grain? I got grain.
"You want grain? I got grain.
"I also got Rolex. I got Rolex.
"Just the good stuff. just the good stuff.
You want grain? I got grain."
(applause)
But let's move on from the war in Ukraine
to the war zone that is America.
Ever since the Uvalde school shooting,
Congress has been working hard
to craft sensible gun safety measures
that can be narrowly defeated at the last minute.
But a lot of people are trying to make this time different.
I mean, just today, Matthew McConaughey, who's from Uvalde,
was at the White House pushing for reforms.
Unfortunately, though, nobody really expects a lot to change.
Now, that's where there is an upside to living in "the states
that barely put up with each other of America," all right?
And that is, individual states can break off
and pass their own gun laws,
which is exactly what's happening
right here in New York.
New York bolstered its already tough gun laws,
some of the strictest in the nation.
Governor Hochul signed a package of gun reform bills yesterday.
Now, among them, a measure that bans the sale
of semi-automatic rifles to anybody under 21.
New buyers are also required to obtain a permit.
Also, red flag laws are expanding.
Body armor for civilians is outlawed,
and ammo for semi-automatic handguns is required
to be micro-stamped to make it easier to trace.
Hochul celebrated the new laws in the Bronx.
It just keeps happening.
Shots ring out, flags come down,
and nothing ever changes,
except here in New York.
Wow.
(applause and cheering)
Wow.
This is...
This is so weird.
A mass shooting happened, and then politicians did something.
(laughter)
I didn't even know that that was possible.
Yeah, it's like I showed up to McDonald's,
and the McFlurry machine is working.
It's just...
I don't know even know how to react to this. Do--
do I clap? Am I supposed to tip?
What's a good tip for passing gun laws, ten percent?
I'm sure it's ten percent.
You know what this feels like, this feels like when
you're ready to argue with your partner and before you can
say anything, they just apologize. Right?
Yeah, now you got a throat full of screams
and nothing to do with it. Just like,
"Thank you! I appreciate your apology. I love you, too."
And New York made a lot of changes. For instance,
it's raising the minimum age on semi-automatic rifles,
which seems like common sense to me. You know?
Although, in my opinion, instead of 21,
I feel like it should be 21 and four days.
Yeah, 'cause I don't want someone buying a gun
on the same night that they're slamming ten shots of Jäger.
Just spread it out. You know?
New York is also gonna be banning body armor,
and that makes sense. Right.
In fact, this is the first state in the country to do it,
which is a great idea. In fact, they should also
ban Under Armour while they're at it.
Yeah, it's not about the shootings.
I'm just tired of seeing people's nipples on the train.
You know? I get it-- you work out.
And I know-- I know some people are saying,
"But wait, I'm not a shooter.
I just want body armor for my protection."
Don't worry. You don't need body armor.
All right? If you're not doing anything nefarious,
you don't need body armor. Yeah.
Something I've learned from American movies is that you just
need to keep precious family heirloom on your body.
That stops any bullet. Anytime.
Just like, (imitates gunshot)
"Oh!
Thank God, my mom's Bible stopped the bullets."
(imitates gunshot) "Ah! Oh, thank goodness,
my grandpa's pocket watch saved me."
(imitates gunshot) "Oh! Thank God I carry Grandma's
"cherished dildo with me all the time.
"Saved my life once again. Thank you, Grandma.
Thank you so much."
I'm just gonna let that soak in for a second.
All right, finally, let's move on to a story about CNN,
which stands for Cable News... Ninjas?
Anyway, for years, CNN has been notorious for overhyping
every story like it's, you know, the zombie apocalypse.
They're just like, "Breaking news-- the midterm elections
are now six months away!"
And, not surprisingly, this approach has started to backfire
as viewers have learned to tune it out, you know,
like the boy who cried wolf.
Or, in this case, the Wolf who cried wolf.
So, because of that...
because of that, CNN is making a big change.
We start here with breaking news
about breaking news involving CNN.
The network has a new boss and he says CNN is now
cutting back on overhyping everything as "breaking news,"
so much so that CNN has actually added
a breaking news guideline to its style book.
So you'll soon see a lot less of that breaking news banner
at the bottom of the TV screen.
Yes, CNN is cutting back on the overuse of breaking news
And, to celebrate, it immediately put up
a countdown clock to the moment when it'll officially
reduce the amount of breaking news.
Very exciting. One thing at a time.
Look-- look, people,
the truth is-- the truth is most stories
aren't giant news in that way. I'm glad they're doing this.
You know? Great job, Chris Licht.
There's only been, like, three breaking news stories
of the past two decades. Let's be honest. Like,
9/11, coronavirus and that time
that guy put salt on his food, but from up here.
Yeah, most people put the salt from, like, down here,
but he did it from up here, yo.
That dude changed the game.
It's a technique, it's a whole thing.
And now that CNN is acknowledging this,
now that they're acknowledging that not everything
is breaking news, maybe-- just maybe--
all of cable news can acknowledge
that maybe news doesn't need to be 24 hours?
Maybe? Huh? It's not necessary, you know?
Maybe you-you can wait to get all the facts
and tell us the correct story at the end of the day.
Ju-Just me?
Possibly.
I mean, think about it. Think about it.
Think about it, honestly. The first ten hours
of any news story on cable news is just speculation.
Breaking news. We're hearing that
a tiger has escaped from the zoo
and mauled ten people.
It's a sad day-- Hold on, hold on.
Slight clarification. We're now hearing
that the tiger was in the mall,
and the mall has ten people.
Everybody is alive and-- Oh, hold on.
Our-our sources on the ground are telling us
it's not a tiger, it's a panda.
Express.
There is a Panda Express in the mall.
We're gonna stay on top of this story
for the next 24 hours.
Breaking news.
(cheering and applause)
Here's the thing. Even when there is news,
most of it isn't that exciting, right?
It's just everyday stuff that's boring but important.
The economy's up, the economy's down.
The government is doing something
or, more likely, not doing something, you know?
So this is good. And to lower expectations,
CNN is actually replacing breaking news
with a new graphic for stories that are just normal stuff,
and we have an exclusive look at what that'll be.
♪ ♪
(alarm blaring)
It's perfect. I think they did a great job.
Well done, CNN.
All right! That's it for the headlines,
but before we go to a break,
let's check in on the stock market
with our finance expert, Michael Kosta, everybody!
(cheering and applause)
-What's going on, Michael? -Yeah.
-More importantly... -Yeah. Yeah.
More importantly, Michael,
what's happening in the market today?
Well, I am crushing the markets.
I mean, I-I crush all markets.
Financial markets, uh, Whole Foods Market,
where I actually had to get a second job.
But, uh, I have a hot tip.
I'm gonna share it with you. A hot tip.
And I'm gonna share a hot tip with you.
-So, we'll get into the markets, okay? -Oh, all right.
-Let's do it. -Here we go. Actually, actually,
before we do that, that story about the African nations
-buying the grain, you know? -Yeah.
I mean, I... Why do we put this responsibility on them
to know where their grain comes from?
I mean, we don't even know where our food comes from.
-Right. -You know? I've probably enjoyed multiple avocados
from the Sinaloa Cartel,
you know, and I-I sleep fine at night.
But I would say this to these African nations.
Don't love this grain too much. This is white people grain,
and you might develop a gluten intolerance, okay?
Now, look, it's not gonna kill you,
but it's gonna make you very annoying, all right?
Next thing you know, you're gonna be in Tanzania,
doing yoga with Gwyneth Paltrow
while a vagina candle is lit in the back.
So, all right.
-(laughter) -Now, these markets...
(cheering and applause)
Oh, oh. And Turkey.
-Turkey changing its name. -Yeah. Yeah.
-I love this. I love... -Right?
You know, I love this. It got me thinking.
I feel like South Africa should do this.
-Wait. -I-I-I do. Look,
part of what's great about being a country in Africa
is you get to have this beautiful name.
Uganda, Senegal, Namibia.
South Africa?
I mean, what happened with South Africa?
You just went off the top of your head, Trevor? I mean...
-Well, what do you mean? -You're fr... You're from there.
-Yeah, but it's not like I named it. I didn't name it. -What?
-I'm just... I'm... -Are there other people from South Africa?
-WOMAN: Yeah! -Yeah, there's, like, six of us.
-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. -You know what I mean?
Great. Great. Great, great.
Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. All right. Great.
-Let's get to the markets. -Let's just do the markets.
Let's get... Okay, I'll do the markets. Um...
So, look, this is volatile.
It's almost as volatile as a teenage Michael Kosta
at a 311 concert.
But, look, when you step back,
take a look at all of this.
What do you see dominating?
I see this green line dominating.
It's the least volatile of everything here,
which is why I advise you,
be the green line, right?
When you have your money, be the green line.
Second thing to think about.
You see these squares right here?
Now, I have spent a lot of time
analyzing the dimensions,
the feel, the size of each square, okay?
Now, these squares, they don't mean anything, okay?
Last thing. You see all this red?
Typically, red is bad in finances,
but Michael Kosta, financial expert,
will tell you, when you have red,
like a stoplight, stop. Wait till it turns green.
Okay? So, in summary,
all right, green lines,
no squares, red turns green.
Boom. Now, here's my hot tip.
-This is... Okay. Yeah. -My hot tip, Trevor, okay?
-Invest in Turkey. Boom. -Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Turkey the food or Turkey the country?
Well, that is the million-dollar question.
Okay? Now, I got to go.
I got to go to Whole Foods for a shift.
Steve in produce got COVID, so...
(laughter)
-I-I don't know why you have... -(cheering and applause)
Back to you, Trevor.
Why do you need another job? Michael Kosta, everybody.
Don't go away, 'cause when we come back,
Roy Wood Jr. is gonna try to make friends
with right-wing extremists. You don't want to miss it.
(cheering and applause)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
You know, politics is so polarized in this country
that America needs a leader
who can bring the two sides together.
But, instead, we'll have to settle for Roy Wood Jr.
in a new segment we call Disagree to Disagree.
♪ ♪
America is too divided.
Republicans versus Democrats.
Billionaires versus billions of the rest of us broke bastards.
Karens versus everybody.
That's why I'm reaching out to the other side
to see if I can't find common ground
with people I disagree with strongly.
For this story, I traveled to Idaho
or Montana or...
Wyoming--
somewhere with no Black people--
to meet anti-government extremist
and big-hat enthusiast Ammon Bundy
and see if I could get him
to disagree to disagree.
♪ ♪
BUNDY: Doesn't matter if they call it Republican or Democrat,
it is poison to liberty.
(applause)
WOOD: You might remember Bundy from a 2014 standoff
with the government over grazing rights.
This is our land!
WOOD: Or from a standoff with the government
at a nature preserve in 2016.
Ammon Bundy, who pointed guns at law enforcement,
uh, in Arizona, now he's doing it in Oregon.
WOOD: Or from his protests against state COVID restrictions
in Idaho.
This dude is in a lot of standoffs.
And now a guy who spent two years in prison
for fighting the federal government
before getting out on a mistrial
is running for governor of Idaho.
BUNDY: As governor,
I will keep Idaho Idaho.
WOOD: The hell does that mean,
besides growing potatoes?
I decided to talk to some of Bundy's supporters.
Ammon is definitely a threat to the old boy network in Idaho.
Why? You know, I don't need
the government to tell me how to act.
-So Ammon Bundy for less governor? -Yes.
Our rights don't come from the government.
Our rights come from God, okay?
And certain people have said, "You know what?
-The buck has to stop somewhere." -Okay.
But you are Black and in Idaho. How did that happen?
So, I'm, like, third generation here.
-Yeah. -Okay.
Ammon Bundy is willing to do
what it takes to defend liberty,
just like Rosa Parks did on the bus.
WOOD: I had to meet with this white male version
of Sister Rosa.
Okay, so you've been called a militia leader,
you have been called, uh, the "T" word.
-Domestic. -Domestic terrorist.
-Domestic terrorist, yeah. -How do you not
come across as an anti-government person
who's now becoming part of the government?
Well, I want people to use the land
as God intended,
and for the government just to leave them alone,
other than to protect them.
You know, like, when you were a child,
your daddy would be all in your business,
come in your room, go through your toys.
That's-that's government now.
What we really want is a stepdaddy government
that comes in and just goes,
"Hey, don't kill each other. I'll be outside drinking."
Well, yeah, unless one of them tries to infringe
upon another person's right.
WOOD: Clearly, finding common ground would not be easy,
and sure enough, Bundy and I disagreed on a range
of issues from taxes...
I don't believe that property tax is a moral tax.
WOOD: ...to the social safety net...
Never should I say, "Look, Joe over here is needing help,
"and I'm going to force you with the barrel of the gun
to give me $150 so I can give it to Joe."
-That's right. -It's immoral.
(bleep) you, Joe.
WOOD: ...and the definition of slavery.
And then, pretty soon, you end up
with 30% of the people providing for the other 70%.
That's slavery.
WOOD: And that's all before we got
to the King Kong of divisive issues today-- COVID.
Government will go as far
as they-- the people allow them to go,
which is all the way to genocide.
-Explain genocide. -Well, let's look at the 1930s.
What was the Nazis claiming? What was their excuse?
It was a national health emergency
that the Jews and the Blacks,
that their genes were inferior.
And ultimately decided that they needed
to even put them to death.
-So-- -Like, there weren't, like, Jews and Blacks
dying in droves before Hitler came in and did what he did.
He chose to start doing that. Whereas, at least with COVID,
there was, "Oh, there's a bunch of dead people.
-How do we stop this? People are dying." -Yeah.
So, do you-you-- you're saying you believe
what the government is saying.
-I'm s-- -You believe the reports.
'Cause they're so honest, right? And they're so good.
How do I get the information you got?
-You can get it. -Why-- 'Cause, any time
people go, "I've done the research," they never say where.
-It's everywhere, and-- -No, that's not an answer!
-Where the (bleep) is it, Mr. Bundy? -Well, I can give it
-I need to know! -to you, I can give it to you if you want.
I mean, do you want to go over it right here on my phone?
Everybody say they done the research,
-(stammering) -but they can never give me a www.
And I haven't asked Bundy about his history
of armed standoffs against the government.
Well, so, these accusations
of me associating with violent groups--
never once have we ever done anything violent.
You're like a Gandhi of the Rocky Mountains.
I just can't get down with armed occupations,
especially when they end with death and prison.
Seemed like finding common ground was just too hard.
But then Bundy surprised me.
I was in prison for two years, federal prison.
And you got the whites are always over here,
and you got the, uh, Mexicans and the Native Americans.
-Everybody s-sticks with their own kind. -Yes.
I know I didn't feel that way.
Next thing I know, I'm out playing basketball
with Black guys. And... no problem, right?
Um, the white guys might have a little bit of a problem
with it, so I go back there and I talk to them and say,
"Hey, look, I'm sorry, this is the way I roll.
"I'm not a racist, but we're playing basketball,
-That's right. -and I really want to win."
Now the guards and the prison gets all concerned
because the way they can keep us,
uh, in the prison
is keep us divided,
and that's what's happening in society.
WOOD: As someone who also felt abused
by the criminal justice system,
Bundy was even supportive of a movement
on the opposite side of the spectrum.
You must have a problem in your mind
if you think that somehow that Black Lives Matter
is more dangerous than the police.
WOOD: What? This cowboy-hatted, beef-sweating constitutionalist
was siding with Black Lives Matter
and not the police?
What I'm hearing is a brother who...
some of his views
kind of line up with Black Lives Matter.
Well, I think they might line up with Black people.
And I think they might line up with white people, too.
And I-I guarantee that if I was to be able to communicate openly
with the majority of the people in Black Lives Matter,
that probably 95%, uh, of-of our beliefs
would-would align with each other.
-I think that's some common ground. -Mm.
WOOD: Maybe America is headed towards a civil war.
But for a moment,
two Americans who vehemently disagree
found a way to be civil.
Okay, it was a brief moment.
-Yeah, we... Yeah. -You know, we don't agree on everything.
I just think it's okay,
-and I just wanted to shake your hand. -Okay.
Good talking to you.
And there's something else we agree on.
I look damn good in a cowboy hat.
(cheering and applause)
Thank you so much for that, Roy Wood Jr.
All right, when we come back,
we're gonna be celebrating Pride Month
with author Eliot Schrefer.
You don't want to miss it.
(cheering and applause)
All right, well, that's our show for tonight.
But before we go, before we go,
please consider supporting Trans Lifeline.
They're a grassroots hotline
offering direct emotional and financial support
to trans people in crisis for the trans community
and by the trans community.
So, if you can, please donate at the link below
to help their vision for a world
where trans people have the connection,
the economic security and the care
that everyone needs and deserves.
Until tomorrow, stay safe out there.
And remember, if you don't like your name,
Turkey is now up for grabs.
Now, here it is, Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
Dream proposal crushed!
Oh. It's coming out of Disneyland Paris.
-NEWSWOMAN: Gets down on one knee. -NEWSMAN: Mm-hmm.
NEWSWOMAN: Starts to pop the question. Are you watching?
-NEWSMAN: Oh! -NEWSWOMAN: And then boom.
Out of the left corner, a Disneyland employee
runs out and snatches the ring from the guy's hand?
-Oh, my goodness! -NEWSMAN 2: L-Look...
NEWSMAN: He snatched it out of that hand.
NEWSWOMAN: Are you kidding me?
NEWSMAN 2: I'll tell you what, Disney should be happy
that someone is proposing at Disneyland Paris.
I never knew there was a Disneyland Paris.
NEWSWOMAN: I actually didn't.