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♪ ♪
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ANNOUNCER: Coming to you
from New York City,
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the only city in America,
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it's The Daily Show.
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Tonight,
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hearing about January 6th,
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one cord to charge them all,
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and Iman Vellani.
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This is
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah!
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(cheering and applause)
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What's going on, everybody?
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Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah.
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
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Thank you
for coming out in person.
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Thank you for being here
in person. This is amazing.
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Wow! This is fun. Take a seat.
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Let's do this, people.
Let's do this.
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We've got a really,
really interesting show
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for you tonight.
The January 6th hearings
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are kicking off tomorrow,
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so we'll finally find out
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if Donald Trump
was a bad president.
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Also, Saudi Arabia
is dismembering the PGA,
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and Europe is telling Apple that
they're no longer in charge.
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Plus, Iman Vellani,
aka Ms. Marvel herself,
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is gonna be joining us
on the show.
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So, let's do this, people.
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Let's jump straight
into today's headlines.
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-♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause)
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All right. Let's kick things off
with January 6th.
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It's why your uncle is
calling you from a prison phone.
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January 6th wasn't just a way
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for QAnon members
to get their steps in.
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It was the culmination
of a high-level plot
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to overturn
the election results.
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And now, after a year
of gathering evidence
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and speaking
to over 1,000 witnesses,
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the January 6th committee
in Congress
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is ready to spill the tea
on what actually went down.
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NEWSMAN: Prime-time hearings.
The January 6th committee
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set to take their case
to the American public.
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How they plan to argue
that Donald Trump
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and his supporters
planned the insurrection
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in an effort to overturn
the presidential election.
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The committee and its members
really want these hearings
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to be blockbuster
Watergate-style hearings,
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and they are
meticulously crafted.
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NEWSMAN 2:
They're trying to make sure
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that this does not look
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like other
congressional hearings.
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Maryland Rep Jamie Raskin
has said
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that he expects
that the hearings
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will blow the roof off
of the house.
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Yeah, that's right.
The January 6th hearings
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are starting tomorrow,
and every broadcast network,
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every cable news network
is gonna be covering this.
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Obviously, except Fox. Yeah.
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Yeah, they're gonna be
spending all night
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talking about the real culprit.
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"Why is nobody talking
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"about how Congress
has too many doors?
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"If there was
only one door in and out,
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"this never would have happened.
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"The crowd would have
peacefully dispersed
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after hanging Mike Pence. Huh?"
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You know who's gonna be torn
about the coverage of this?
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Donald Trump.
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Yeah. 'Cause think about it.
On the one hand,
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he doesn't want anyone to know
what he did on January 6th.
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But on the other hand,
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you know he would love
his hearings
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to get the highest ratings
of all time.
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You know it.
He's gonna be out there like,
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"Don't watch the hearings,
folks.
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"The fake news is saying
I overthrew the government,
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"which I didn't do.
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"But it was the biggest
overthrow of all time.
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"But I didn't do it.
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"I didn't do it at all.
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Watch the hearings.
You'll see. You'll see."
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(applause)
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So, the Democrats are hoping
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that these hearings
are gonna finish Trump off
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the same way that Watergate
finished off Nixon.
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But the difference is
those Watergate hearings
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happened back in the 1970s.
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That was a different time.
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They only had, what,
three channels back then?
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Yeah. America's only choice
for entertainment in 1973
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was either watching
the Watergate hearings
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or chain-smoking
in between heart attacks.
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That's all they could do.
And I'll tell you this now.
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If the Democrats
want everyone to watch,
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if they want Americans
to pay attention,
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they can't just have their
regular, boring-ass hearings.
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You know?
You know those hearings
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where they act like
they just dropped a bombshell
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and the rest of us
have no idea why.
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But you'll never believe
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what happened next.
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The White House counsel
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emailed the chief of staff,
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and he bcc'd
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the assistant
White House Counsel!
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(imitates explosion)
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Wait, wh-why
are all the cameras leaving?
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What's going on?
What's going on?
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No.
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-No.
-(cheering and applause)
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What they need to do
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if you want people to watch
in America
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is you have to spice things up.
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You know, have a kiss cam going
for the witnesses.
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Yeah. Get Shakira
to do a halftime show.
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Or-or you know what?
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They should just get sex
involved. I'm gonna say it.
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Yeah. That's what made
the Bill Clinton scandal so big.
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Yeah, you got
to give people sex stuff.
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I don't know. Like, uh,
that guy who sold the podium?
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Did he have sex with it
afterwards?
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Huh? Or that guy who dressed
in the animal skins.
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That was a sex thing, right?
That had to be a sex thing.
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You know, actually, I-I've
been thinking about this hard,
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and I-- and I figured it out.
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Americans like entertainment.
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Congress wants Americans
to pay attention to politics.
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Those two don't mix.
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But there is one person
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who can make political
machinations interesting
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for the masses.
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There's only one man--
Lin-Manuel Miranda.
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♪ ♪
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♪ How could
a red hat, right-wing ♪
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♪ QAnon supporter
break the border ♪
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♪ To get into the Capitol ♪
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♪ Supporting law and order ♪
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♪ In the room where it happens ♪
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♪ The room where it happens ♪
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♪ But, yo, we don't talk
about Bruno-no-no. ♪
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High five, Bernie.
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-High five.
-(cheering and applause)
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High five.
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All right.
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Let's move on
to some international news.
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'Cause while America
is trying its hardest
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to preserve its democracy,
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Europe is tackling
major problems of its own--
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iPhone chargers.
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NEWSWOMAN: The European Union
is officially adopting
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a common charger,
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the USB-C.
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That's the type of charger
already used
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in most Android phones
and other devices.
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All electronics sold in the EU
will have to use a USB-C port.
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That's in order
to reduce cable clutter
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and electronic waste.
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Apple has
their own proprietary charger,
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and they say the proposed rule
could render
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as many as a billion devices
obsolete.
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Oh, really, Apple?
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You're mad about a change
coming out of nowhere
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that's gonna render
a billion devices obsolete?
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Oh, that's funny,
because I've got a drawer
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full of wired headphones
that agree with you!
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(cheering and applause)
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Now you know how it feels,
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Tim Cook!
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And, you know,
Apple claims, they claim
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that this new regulation
is gonna hurt them financially,
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but, guys, let's be real.
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Apple always finds a way to win.
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You know?
They have the regulation,
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but they'll find a way
to spin this into making money
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even if it's off of this.
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Thanks to the EU,
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your old phone is obsolete now.
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And in the old days,
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you might have just thrown it
into the garbage.
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But not anymore.
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Introducing the iGarbage.
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(cheering and applause)
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A groundbreaking new way
to throw out your phone.
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It's basically
a regular garbage can
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but, like, it's got round edges
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and it's kind of shiny.
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Anyway, it's $1,000.
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(cheering and applause)
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I'm gonna buy one of those.
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I will say this, if the USB-C
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is going to become the default
charger around the world,
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they've got to come up
with a better name than USB-C.
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That's boring.
No one wants to say that.
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You know? Like, Apple, they went
with "lightning charger."
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Yeah, it makes you want
to charge your phone.
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(nasally):
"USB-C."
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Sounds like you're filling out
taxes with that.
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"Did you fill out your USB-C?"
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They need to change the name to
something more badass, you know?
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"Want to charge your phone
so fast your dick falls off?
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You need the Thunder Blaster!"
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00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,353
-(howls)
-(electrical guitar plays)
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Wow-wa!
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Yeah, that's the sound it makes
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every time
you charge your phone.
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And, by the way,
can I-- can I just say
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how crazy it is that America
is struggling, like,
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"How do we protect
our children from gun violence?
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00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,834
"Oh, how do we stop people
from starving
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"even when they work three jobs?
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There's nothing we can do."
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Meanwhile,
Europe is so far ahead,
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they truly have
first-world problems.
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You know? They're like...
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(German accent): "You know,
I was thinking about this
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00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,579
"when I was
in the doctor's office
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00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,848
"not paying the other day.
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"But isn't it so stressful
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"how you have, like, one charger
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"but then you need, like,
a different charger?
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"I was thinking about this.
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"I mean, you know, there are
many changes we could make.
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"Yeah, I learned about this
in universities
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"that I also didn't have
to pay for.
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"You know? You can, like,
apply your mind
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"and you can do this, you know?
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"It's all about
your perspective, guys.
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"All right,
I'm going on paternity leave
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"for an entire year.
See you guys later.
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"Auf Wiedersehen.
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Tschüss!"
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00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,076
(cheering and applause)
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00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,748
All right. Enough about Europe.
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Right now, there's an
even-even bigger story brewing
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00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:10,918
in the world of sports.
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You know, usually in golf,
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the biggest controversy
is that a player
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00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:19,393
wore a too colorful shirt,
you know?
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00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:22,129
Or someone said a bad word
after they sliced their shot.
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00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,363
(whooshing sound)
"Aw, phooey!"
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00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,132
(gasping)
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00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,300
This time though,
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00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,902
golf is tied up
in a real scandal,
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00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,505
because some of its star players
are switching
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00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:35,042
to a new league
launching in Saudi Arabia.
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00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:38,345
It's caused a major split
in the golfing world.
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00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,515
A controversial Saudi-backed
golf series tees off tomorrow.
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00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:43,784
The tournament
has secured several big names
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00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:47,087
despite threats from
the PGA Tour to sanction them.
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00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,890
American golfer Dustin Johnson
quitting the PGA
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00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:53,260
and joining the controversial
league backed by Saudi Arabia.
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00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,529
And this is coming
after Phil Mickelson announced
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00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,664
his comeback
by joining the same league
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00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,234
despite previously describing
the Saudi regime
254
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:01,869
as "scary MF'ers
255
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,538
who have a horrible record
on human rights."
256
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:09,142
I understand that many people
have very strong opinions
257
00:10:09,243 --> 00:10:12,079
and may disagree
with my decision.
258
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,415
But, um,
259
00:10:15,516 --> 00:10:18,018
at this time,
260
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:22,022
this is, uh, an opportunity
that gives me a chance
261
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,725
to have the most balance, uh,
262
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,793
in my life going forward,
and I think
263
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,263
this is going to do a lot
of good for the game.
264
00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:32,833
We will agree
that when Phil Mickelson says
265
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,068
this gives him
"the most balance in my life,"
266
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,703
he means money, right?
267
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,872
(laughter, applause)
268
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,009
I mean, just say "money."
269
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,877
"The reason I'm here is money."
270
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,446
Yeah, because the Saudis
are reportedly paying him
271
00:10:46,547 --> 00:10:49,983
-$200 million.
-(gasping)
272
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,186
Yeah, so just say
it's the money.
273
00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:53,620
Stop coming up
with all these stories.
274
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,489
I would say that
to the audience if I was him.
275
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:56,957
I wouldn't even play
those games.
276
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,792
I'd be like, "Yeah, you know why
I'm going to Saudi Arabia?
277
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,861
"They're giving me $200 million.
278
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,830
-$200 million dollars."
-(applause)
279
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,399
'Cause you're telling me
why you're going, why you...
280
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,302
I'll give you a million dollars
if you shut the (bleep) up.
281
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:12,206
Acting like you've ever had
to make this decision.
282
00:11:12,306 --> 00:11:14,842
People are kidding themselves
about their morals.
283
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,276
Everyone's like, "Oh, I can't
believe he's doing it."
284
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,945
You're telling me
that for $200 million,
285
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,313
you wouldn't play golf
for the Saudis?
286
00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,081
Hell, let me tell you something.
For $200 million,
287
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,916
I would let the ruler
of Saudi Arabia set up his tee
288
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:27,087
on my crotch. That's where
he can hit it from.
289
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,889
Yeah, I can buy a new crotch
with that money,
290
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,390
a better crotch.
291
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,825
I'll be honest with you.
I am torn
292
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,328
when it comes to this issue.
Because on the one hand,
293
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,296
I do think boycotting a country
like Saudi Arabia
294
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,798
could effectively push them
295
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,534
to create a less oppressive
society. I believe that.
296
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,636
Happened with South Africa
during apartheid.
297
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,372
People boycotted, the country
was embarrassed, changed.
298
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,942
On the other hand,
there's an argument that maybe
299
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,778
by bringing them in and exposing
them to the rest of the world,
300
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,715
that might cause liberal values
to infiltrate their societies.
301
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,117
You know,
because it starts with golf.
302
00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:02,055
Then over time, it's racket
sports, squash, tennis, huh?
303
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,124
Yeah, yeah,
now they're wearing shorts.
304
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,426
Ooh. Getting more liberal. Yeah.
305
00:12:06,527 --> 00:12:08,595
Then maybe
you add a bar where people--
306
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:11,265
men and women-- can hang out
after their activities.
307
00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:13,066
And then, boom,
you got a liberal society.
308
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,537
Or at the very least,
a country club. It's progress.
309
00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:19,606
I mean, the real question here
is why you would you even want
310
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:22,843
to play golf in Saudi Arabia
in the first place?
311
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:27,214
The sand trap is the entire
country. What are you doing?
312
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,650
What are you doing?
All right, finally,
313
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,452
if you are one of those people
who can't seem to arrive on time
314
00:12:32,553 --> 00:12:35,122
for any meeting or any date
or any event in your calendar,
315
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:39,526
well, according to
trend watchers, your time is up.
316
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:42,196
Being fashionably late is
no longer in fashion,
317
00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:44,431
according
to a New York Times article.
318
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,700
It argues that now
being fashionably late
319
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,369
is out of fashion,
that punctuality is cool.
320
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,538
In the third year
of the pandemic,
321
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,508
apparently, people are less
sympathetic for old excuses
322
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,244
of why you show up late
to a meeting.
323
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:00,314
The author of this says
that now that more people have
324
00:13:00,414 --> 00:13:01,481
to go back into the office,
325
00:13:01,582 --> 00:13:04,284
they are more protective
of their time
326
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,619
that they got to be there.
327
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:08,689
and less forgiving
about people who are late.
328
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:12,259
That's right, people.
Being on time is cool now.
329
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:16,196
We're putting the "punk"
in punctuality.
330
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,332
-Ow!
-(rock guitar playing)
331
00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:21,235
-Yeah!
-(applause)
332
00:13:21,335 --> 00:13:25,072
Someone just charged
their phone.
333
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:28,075
But still, let's not get carried
away with this, all right?
334
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:31,445
I agree, yes,
it is good to be on time,
335
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:33,447
especially for big things.
336
00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:37,417
You know, like meetings
at work, or your wedding.
337
00:13:37,518 --> 00:13:39,386
Yeah, you don't want to be late
for that.
338
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,455
Especially if you're the bride
because then, like,
339
00:13:41,555 --> 00:13:44,458
the organ player-- they're gonna
have to fill time, you know.
340
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,894
And they'll just be like...
♪ Dun, dun, dun-dun. ♪
341
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,262
"No, not yet."
342
00:13:48,362 --> 00:13:50,364
♪ Dun, dun, dun-dun, dun ♪
343
00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:52,399
♪ Dun-dun, dun, dun-dun. ♪
344
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,800
"Still nothing?"
345
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:56,970
(playing upbeat circus tune)
346
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,173
"Still n... Aah!"
347
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,041
So, look, I agree, I agree.
I think it is good
348
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,810
for people to arrive on time,
but I will say this.
349
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:08,115
I hate this culture of people
who are personally offended
350
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,484
by people
who weren't there on the dot.
351
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:15,355
Oh, you disrespected my time
and you disrespected my family!
352
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:18,825
Calm down!
Don't get so touchy about it.
353
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:19,893
Oh, you weren't here on time.
354
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,428
Yo, back in the day, I get it.
355
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,063
You had to wait at the mall
until your friends showed up.
356
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,431
You didn't know where they were.
357
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,799
You didn't know
if they were late or dead.
358
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,601
You had no clue. Yeah.
359
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,403
You didn't even know
if you were stood up for a date
360
00:14:29,503 --> 00:14:31,071
until you saw the person
the next time.
361
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,706
"Hey, what happened?"
"Oh, I got married."
362
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,274
"What?!"
363
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,476
But in 2022,
no one should be pissed off
364
00:14:36,577 --> 00:14:38,545
that they had to wait a little
bit for somebody to show up.
365
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,681
You've got a phone,
people. Use it.
366
00:14:40,781 --> 00:14:44,618
Right? Read the news.
Play a game. Learn Japanese.
367
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,588
Maybe you should answer
one of those 2,000 unread emails
368
00:14:47,688 --> 00:14:49,089
that I've seen on your phone.
369
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,724
"Oh, I was waiting for you."
370
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,526
They're waiting for you.
371
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,161
You're gonna be mad
that I'm late to dinner.
372
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,529
Then when I finally get
to dinner,
373
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:57,097
you spend half of the time
looking at your phone.
374
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,966
Why didn't you do this shit
before I got there, huh?
375
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,467
-(laughter and applause)
-Why?
376
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,903
-(cheering and applause)
-You got the phone. Use it.
377
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,438
"I'm late."
378
00:15:04,538 --> 00:15:06,173
"Ugh, Trevor, you came late.
379
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,408
You came late, Trevor."
I'm not late!
380
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:11,144
I'm giving you an opportunity
to watch things online.
381
00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:15,115
I'm giving you an opportunity
to watch a video of an orangutan
382
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,051
pulling a guy through a cage.
383
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,053
Yeah. Pulling a man.
384
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,089
You've seen me before.
You've never seen
385
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:25,492
an orangutan
pull a grown man into a cage.
386
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,160
And then another guy
comes to help him,
387
00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:28,695
and the orangutan blocks him
with his foot.
388
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:29,930
And that other guy is like,
"All right,
389
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,065
I'm not helping anymore.
This shit is crazy."
390
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,467
And if you haven't seen
that video,
391
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,303
that's because
you're probably always on time.
392
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,804
All right,
that's it for the headlines.
393
00:15:37,905 --> 00:15:39,139
But before we go to a break,
394
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,607
it's time to check in
on the weather forecast
395
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,943
with our own Desi Lydic,
everybody!
396
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:45,078
(cheering and applause)
397
00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:50,817
Desi...
398
00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:52,886
Uh, morning, Trevor.
399
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:56,290
-Sorry, D-Desi, uh...
-Yeah, hey, what's up?
400
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:57,558
The weather--
401
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,196
-Sorry, do we-do we need to cut?
What's up? Desi, we-- -Oh.
402
00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:04,565
Hey, let me know when you
need me on the show, okay?
403
00:16:04,665 --> 00:16:07,935
We-we needed you on the show,
like, 20 minutes ago, Desi.
404
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,137
-Hmm?
-We started.
405
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,772
Oh, shit.
406
00:16:11,872 --> 00:16:13,207
-Yeah.
-Oh, yeah. Okay, cool.
407
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,042
Cool, cool, cool.
Here, let me just, uh,
408
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,944
take my stuff off.
409
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,847
-Okay. You got some space down
there. -We started a--
410
00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:21,281
You don't mind
sticking that there.
411
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,716
-I-I actually do. We should be--
-You got a recycling bin?
412
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,084
-Yeah, no, I don't have
recycling. -It's fine, I'll just
413
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,919
-take it with me. That's good.
-Ok--
414
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,121
-We should be on the weather
already. Is-- -Oh, yeah.
415
00:16:28,222 --> 00:16:29,957
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
no, it's good, it's good.
416
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,425
What-what's happening
in the weather, Desi?
417
00:16:31,525 --> 00:16:35,162
(exhales) Oh, it is hot. I know,
'cause I was just outside.
418
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,065
-I mean...
-Ooh.
419
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,566
Hotter than Saudi Arabia.
420
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,668
Oh, you know you what should
cover on the show tonight?
421
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:44,338
-That whole golf Saudi story.
-Oh.
422
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,473
-That'd be really good.
-You think so?
423
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,609
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah, maybe we should. Yeah.
424
00:16:48,709 --> 00:16:50,911
You know what's so crazy
is the fact that
425
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:54,081
American country clubs have just
started letting women play golf,
426
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,117
and these guys are like,
"Let's move it to Saudi Arabia."
427
00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:00,621
Every time I play golf,
428
00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:02,556
men criticize the way I play.
429
00:17:02,656 --> 00:17:04,424
They're all nitpicky about
430
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:07,027
how I drive my real car
on the course.
431
00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:09,696
Let me tell you something,
432
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,865
I beat them
to the next hole every time,
433
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,201
so who's laughing now?
434
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,170
-I-- Yeah, I hear you there.
Um... -Yeah.
435
00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:18,472
Desi, we-we're very late now.
Would you mind, um...
436
00:17:18,572 --> 00:17:20,307
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I just got to charge my phone.
437
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,643
Can you grab my charger
out of my backpack?
438
00:17:22,743 --> 00:17:24,111
-Okay, Jesus, Desi, I don't have
-Yeah.
439
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,245
-the time for this thing. I--
-It's just right there.
440
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,648
Oh, Lord,
what-what the hell is this?
441
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:29,783
What is this?
442
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,785
It's that one.
443
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,154
-What is this?
-Yeah. Those are my chargers.
444
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,524
yeah, I got my iPhone,
my iPad, my iPad mini,
445
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:41,562
my sound machine,
my Crockpot, my Crockpot mini.
446
00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:44,198
But-but, careful, though,
there's a system.
447
00:17:44,298 --> 00:17:46,066
-Okay. What-what--
-Yeah, don't pull the wrong one,
448
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,268
'cause there is a bomb in there.
449
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,970
Desi, this is ridiculous.
You can't
450
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,505
go around like this.
This is madness.
451
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:53,740
Oh, you know what, there's
a story on this, out of Europe.
452
00:17:53,841 --> 00:17:56,376
They're trying to condense
down to one port.
453
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,613
Here's my thing on it.
I mean, what's so bad
454
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:02,616
about having lots of different
types of ports, right?
455
00:18:02,716 --> 00:18:04,484
All ports are beautiful.
456
00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:09,122
Ports naturally come in
different shapes and sizes.
457
00:18:09,223 --> 00:18:11,391
You know, especially
out of Europe.
458
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,627
Whew. Oh, man.
459
00:18:13,727 --> 00:18:16,730
I have seen some
wild ports in Europe.
460
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,835
I did a semester abroad.
It was a crazy time, yeah.
461
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:25,305
But each one is-is beautiful
in its own way,
462
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,741
and I'm gonna be honest,
frankly, I don't really think
463
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:30,444
the government should
be regulating our ports, right?
464
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,613
My port, my choice.
465
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:40,654
-That's a-- -Do you, uh,
you need anything else from me?
466
00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:42,122
-Yeah-- -'Cause I got to go
meet some friends for drinks.
467
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,124
I hate being late.
468
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,059
Oh. Oh, you-you wouldn't say.
469
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,061
Um, all right, well,
just grab this, and we can--
470
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,397
-Yeah, I'll just--
-Thank you. Um...
471
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:51,598
It's just funny that were you
late for this and then now
472
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,268
-you-you're gonna just bounce--
-Oh, uh,
473
00:18:54,368 --> 00:18:56,803
I just-- I want to
be honest about something.
474
00:18:56,904 --> 00:19:00,073
I was talking
about vaginas earlier.
475
00:19:00,174 --> 00:19:01,175
When were you saying
the ports.
476
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:02,843
Yeah, I just
wanted you to know.
477
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:04,678
Yeah, I knew
it was a vagina joke.
478
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:06,780
See? That's what
I love about you.
479
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,383
You always know when I'm
secretly talking about vaginas.
480
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,019
-You're a feminist that way.
-That's-that's... that's
481
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:15,022
what they say about me.
All right, thank-thank you...
482
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:16,557
thank you so much
for doing the weather, Desi.
483
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:17,724
-Yeah, no problem.
-This was really informative.
484
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,026
-All right.
-Yeah.
485
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,061
-And you-you're leaving now?
-Huh? Yeah, yeah.
486
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,063
Okay, well, have fun out there.
I hear the weather's great.
487
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,164
Uh, yeah!
488
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,666
All right.
Desi Lydic, everybody.
489
00:19:25,766 --> 00:19:28,769
-Thank you so much.
-(cheering, applause)
490
00:19:28,869 --> 00:19:31,104
All right, don't go away,
'cause when we come back,
491
00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,940
Roy Wood Jr.
is going to Brooklyn.
492
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,908
You don't want to miss it.
493
00:19:35,042 --> 00:19:38,345
I've just-- No. no.
There is nothing.
494
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:39,713
There's nothing here.
There's nothing here.
495
00:19:39,813 --> 00:19:41,515
Desi Lydic, everybody!
496
00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:46,192
(cheering and applause)
497
00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:53,332
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
498
00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:57,537
We're gonna talk
about gentrification.
499
00:19:57,637 --> 00:19:59,605
It's why your old bodega
500
00:19:59,706 --> 00:20:03,276
is now a fancy brunch place
named Bodega.
501
00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:07,246
But can the gentrifiers
and the gentrifees make peace?
502
00:20:07,346 --> 00:20:10,149
Well, Roy Wood Jr.
went to find out.
503
00:20:10,249 --> 00:20:12,185
WOOD:
According to the latest census,
504
00:20:12,285 --> 00:20:15,455
the white population
is decreasing nationwide.
505
00:20:15,555 --> 00:20:17,223
NEWSWOMAN:
For the first time,
506
00:20:17,323 --> 00:20:19,992
the white population in
the United States has declined.
507
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:21,928
WOOD: But there's one place
their numbers are up
508
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:24,630
almost nine percent: Brooklyn.
509
00:20:24,731 --> 00:20:28,301
This wealthy white migration
has led to increases in rent,
510
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:31,804
cost of living and requests
to speak to the manager.
511
00:20:31,904 --> 00:20:33,539
So I followed a trail
of succulents
512
00:20:33,639 --> 00:20:35,174
and Wes Anderson DVDs
513
00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:37,710
deep into the den
of gentrifying Brooklyn,
514
00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:40,046
where I sat down
with Tommy Holley.
515
00:20:40,146 --> 00:20:43,049
The white population
has gone up almost nine percent.
516
00:20:43,149 --> 00:20:46,586
The Black population has
gone down almost nine percent.
517
00:20:46,686 --> 00:20:48,020
Would it be safe to say
518
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,323
that that's how they're showing
Black lives matter,
519
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:53,726
by just moving them out
to somewhere else?
520
00:20:53,826 --> 00:20:55,061
What they're doing
is they're just buying out
521
00:20:55,161 --> 00:20:56,829
and clearing out
the neighborhood,
522
00:20:56,929 --> 00:20:58,131
and-and it's not right.
523
00:20:58,264 --> 00:21:00,600
WOOD: Tommy's lived in Brooklyn
his entire life.
524
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:03,169
Everything is going up sky-high,
and it's harder to live.
525
00:21:03,269 --> 00:21:06,906
So, the way out
is to sell the house.
526
00:21:07,006 --> 00:21:09,976
WOOD: Tommy's mother
bought their brownstone in 1963
527
00:21:10,076 --> 00:21:12,578
when Black homeownership
in Brooklyn was booming.
528
00:21:12,678 --> 00:21:14,580
But lately, Black mortgages
529
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,949
have been going
the way of the dodo bird.
530
00:21:17,050 --> 00:21:20,319
We have the, you know, the white
population that's moving in.
531
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:21,988
And they walk
up and down the streets.
532
00:21:22,088 --> 00:21:25,558
Some speak.
Others walk past you like, um...
533
00:21:25,658 --> 00:21:26,959
"Why you here?"
534
00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:29,128
-But you got the stick, man.
-Yeah, but if they...
535
00:21:29,295 --> 00:21:30,997
They don't think
you like a magical Negro?
536
00:21:31,097 --> 00:21:32,365
-Yeah, well...
-Look at this. Look at...
537
00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:34,300
That's one
of them magical Negro sticks.
538
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,868
Okay, you just got to go...
539
00:21:35,968 --> 00:21:38,738
-(Wood grunts)
-(laughs)
540
00:21:38,838 --> 00:21:40,039
That'll scare gentrifiers.
541
00:21:40,139 --> 00:21:42,041
A Black dude with a magic stick?
542
00:21:42,141 --> 00:21:43,643
But no amount of Black wizardry
543
00:21:43,743 --> 00:21:45,912
could make
the block parties lit again.
544
00:21:46,012 --> 00:21:48,815
And residents like Judith Lovell
and Ayanna Prescott
545
00:21:48,915 --> 00:21:51,317
don't even recognize
their own neighborhood.
546
00:21:51,417 --> 00:21:52,952
So, this neighborhood
used to be Black.
547
00:21:53,052 --> 00:21:54,487
All Black, 100%.
548
00:21:54,587 --> 00:21:56,022
Like the '70s Black.
549
00:21:56,122 --> 00:21:57,523
-Right.
-Like when the music was good
550
00:21:57,623 --> 00:22:01,394
and O.J. Simpson was just
a really good football player.
551
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:04,330
It was all Black,
and you had discount stores
552
00:22:04,430 --> 00:22:07,467
where we could
get things cheaply.
553
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,369
-We don't have that anymore.
-Yeah.
554
00:22:09,469 --> 00:22:12,739
Our bodega's now a nail...
like, a high-end nail salon.
555
00:22:12,839 --> 00:22:14,374
-What new milks have arrived?
-Oh, my gosh.
556
00:22:14,474 --> 00:22:16,542
-(chuckles) -There's so much.
There's hemp. There's oat.
557
00:22:16,642 --> 00:22:19,145
There's, um, hazelnut.
558
00:22:19,278 --> 00:22:20,279
There's coconut. There's...
559
00:22:20,346 --> 00:22:21,881
WOOD: The Trojan horse
of gentrification
560
00:22:21,981 --> 00:22:24,183
seemed to increase
the volume of nut milks
561
00:22:24,283 --> 00:22:27,920
while decreasing
actual necessary food supply.
562
00:22:28,020 --> 00:22:31,724
And even common decency
was facing extinction.
563
00:22:31,824 --> 00:22:34,694
I've had, uh, neighbors
call 311.
564
00:22:34,794 --> 00:22:37,196
WOOD: 311 is a hotline
New Yorkers use to complain
565
00:22:37,296 --> 00:22:39,399
about nonemergency shit,
566
00:22:39,499 --> 00:22:42,702
and the gentrifiers
seem to have it on speed dial.
567
00:22:42,802 --> 00:22:44,637
-Um...
-So 311 is like the snitch line,
568
00:22:44,737 --> 00:22:46,305
but the police
don't come right away.
569
00:22:46,406 --> 00:22:48,674
-Right. -Exactly. -So it's like
the dry snitch line.
570
00:22:48,775 --> 00:22:50,643
-Exactly. Couldn't you ring
my bell? -Yeah. -Okay.
571
00:22:50,743 --> 00:22:52,278
Introduce yourself.
572
00:22:52,378 --> 00:22:53,780
Come up. Say hello.
573
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,149
So are these just people that
don't know how to make friends
574
00:22:56,249 --> 00:22:58,684
-or is there another issue...
-It's a combination of both,
575
00:22:58,785 --> 00:23:00,253
-maybe.
-...of...
576
00:23:00,319 --> 00:23:02,488
(groaning softly)
577
00:23:02,588 --> 00:23:03,923
-Is that...
-Possibly.
578
00:23:04,023 --> 00:23:06,826
WOOD: There's an anthropological
term for this.
579
00:23:06,926 --> 00:23:08,094
Racism!
580
00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:09,696
And the only thing rising faster
581
00:23:09,796 --> 00:23:12,465
than the number of man buns
is the real estate.
582
00:23:12,565 --> 00:23:14,734
The prices
are just skyrocketing.
583
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:16,335
Houses going for $3 million.
584
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:18,337
-Before... -Wait,
I'm sorry. What'd you say?
585
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:21,140
The houses in, uh, Bed-Stuy
go for $3 million now.
586
00:23:22,108 --> 00:23:23,943
$3 million.
587
00:23:24,043 --> 00:23:25,178
How much you pay for this house?
588
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:27,013
23-seven.
589
00:23:27,113 --> 00:23:29,882
$23,000
and you could sell it right now?
590
00:23:29,982 --> 00:23:32,285
For close to $2 million.
591
00:23:32,385 --> 00:23:33,820
Aw, you got to go.
592
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,888
Wait a minute, you the one
that said that I should stay!
593
00:23:35,988 --> 00:23:37,957
Well, I did that before you
told me what you was gettin'.
594
00:23:38,057 --> 00:23:39,158
(laughs)
595
00:23:39,292 --> 00:23:41,427
You know, the money i-is great.
596
00:23:41,527 --> 00:23:43,129
But it's not everything.
597
00:23:43,229 --> 00:23:45,231
WOOD: Right, right.
It's about the community.
598
00:23:45,264 --> 00:23:46,632
And if we're gonna save that,
599
00:23:46,733 --> 00:23:48,468
we need to set
some ground rules.
600
00:23:48,568 --> 00:23:50,636
What are some things that people
moving into the neighborhood
601
00:23:50,737 --> 00:23:54,440
could do to help honor what
has been built over the decades?
602
00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:57,510
Just be kind.
603
00:23:57,610 --> 00:23:58,845
Wait, just be-be kind?
604
00:23:58,945 --> 00:24:00,246
-Yeah, just be kind.
-Okay. Okay.
605
00:24:00,279 --> 00:24:02,548
I'm-a write that one down.
606
00:24:03,416 --> 00:24:06,152
-Just... be kind.
-Be kind. (chuckles)
607
00:24:06,252 --> 00:24:08,821
-Communication. Don't call 311.
-Communication.
608
00:24:08,921 --> 00:24:10,656
Don't... snitch.
609
00:24:10,757 --> 00:24:13,693
Support the local
small-owned businesses.
610
00:24:13,793 --> 00:24:15,728
The local weed dealers.
611
00:24:15,828 --> 00:24:17,730
If that's your thing, yes.
612
00:24:17,830 --> 00:24:20,266
Definitely introduce yourself
to your neighbors.
613
00:24:20,299 --> 00:24:22,735
Like I said,
embracing what was already here.
614
00:24:22,835 --> 00:24:24,971
Don't just think
that because you're here,
615
00:24:25,071 --> 00:24:27,940
you're entitled
to your $9 artisanal coffee.
616
00:24:28,041 --> 00:24:29,842
-Artisanal coffee?
-Mm-hmm.
617
00:24:29,942 --> 00:24:32,278
Arabica beans from Kenya
618
00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:34,881
-or, um... Yeah.
-That's wild.
619
00:24:34,981 --> 00:24:37,350
(chuckling): Is that where
your coffee came from?
620
00:24:38,384 --> 00:24:39,685
Got this from a bodega.
621
00:24:39,786 --> 00:24:42,321
No, you did not.
That's not a bodega cup.
622
00:24:42,422 --> 00:24:44,390
-(bleep) it.
It's good, all right? -(laughs)
623
00:24:44,490 --> 00:24:46,926
Damn, even I need caffeine.
I got to get the word out.
624
00:24:47,026 --> 00:24:48,361
And the only way to do that
625
00:24:48,461 --> 00:24:51,130
is in the universal language
of Brooklyn: the flyer.
626
00:24:51,230 --> 00:24:53,933
Give that a look, tell me what
you think. I'm making flyers.
627
00:24:54,033 --> 00:24:57,003
Tell me if that checks out.
You know, do respect
628
00:24:57,103 --> 00:25:00,239
the culture of the block.
Which means clap on beat.
629
00:25:00,273 --> 00:25:02,575
-"Clap on the twos and fours."
-That's big. Oh, my God, yeah.
630
00:25:02,675 --> 00:25:03,910
Got to be on beat,
You can't have a block party
631
00:25:04,010 --> 00:25:05,111
-if everybody off-beat.
-You can't, you can't.
632
00:25:05,244 --> 00:25:07,380
This one: "Don't start
a sentence with
633
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,449
-'When I was at NYU.'"
-Let's put these up.
634
00:25:09,549 --> 00:25:11,551
-Put 'em all around.
-Get the street scene together.
635
00:25:11,651 --> 00:25:12,785
-Yes, sir. All right.
-Thank you. All right.
636
00:25:12,885 --> 00:25:15,488
WOOD: The community
approved the gentriflyer.
637
00:25:15,588 --> 00:25:16,789
But would it work?
638
00:25:16,889 --> 00:25:19,258
So, would you consider
yourself a gentrifier?
639
00:25:19,292 --> 00:25:21,994
I don't know, I've never
really thought of it before.
640
00:25:22,095 --> 00:25:24,897
-Do you speak to your neighbors?
-One of 'em, one time.
641
00:25:24,997 --> 00:25:26,866
Just, like, ran into
each other in the hallway.
642
00:25:26,966 --> 00:25:29,268
-♪ ♪ -WOOD: Damn!
This man needs an education.
643
00:25:29,302 --> 00:25:31,704
We're trying to spread the word
on ways you can
644
00:25:31,804 --> 00:25:34,173
help gentrifiers.
I could flyer the whole town,
645
00:25:34,273 --> 00:25:36,609
but would it make people respect
their Black neighbors?
646
00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:40,179
Would it stop the 311 calls,
the dog shit everywhere?
647
00:25:40,279 --> 00:25:42,482
Wait, should I say
"dog shit" or "dog poop"?
648
00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:44,917
-"Dog shit," for sure.
-WOOD: Can anything I do
649
00:25:45,017 --> 00:25:47,520
make a difference?
Just told you,
650
00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:49,756
-give you some of these ideas.
-Um...
651
00:25:49,856 --> 00:25:52,425
"No phones for Karens."
652
00:25:52,525 --> 00:25:55,261
-"311 for murder only."
-Mm-hmm.
653
00:25:55,361 --> 00:25:59,399
"Contribute-- give the closest
Black person to you $50."
654
00:26:05,304 --> 00:26:07,240
I don't carry cash on me.
655
00:26:07,306 --> 00:26:10,810
I'll shoot you my Venmo.
656
00:26:10,910 --> 00:26:13,913
You ready?
657
00:26:14,013 --> 00:26:17,316
Just scan that.
658
00:26:17,417 --> 00:26:18,785
All right.
659
00:26:18,885 --> 00:26:21,754
All right, I got it. Boom,
Appreciate that. Thank you.
660
00:26:21,854 --> 00:26:25,458
Damn. Flyering does work.
But is it enough to stop
661
00:26:25,558 --> 00:26:26,993
the erosion of this
historic community
662
00:26:27,093 --> 00:26:30,797
and hold on
to legacy residents like Tommy?
663
00:26:30,897 --> 00:26:33,132
-I'm going to Florida.
-The (bleep)?
664
00:26:33,266 --> 00:26:35,935
-You going to Florida?
-I'm tired of the snow.
665
00:26:36,035 --> 00:26:38,071
I'm tired of shoveling the snow.
666
00:26:38,171 --> 00:26:39,639
I'm tired of the leaves.
667
00:26:39,739 --> 00:26:41,074
Are you tired of racism?
668
00:26:42,075 --> 00:26:44,210
Yes, I am.
669
00:26:44,243 --> 00:26:45,945
You gonna go to Florida?
670
00:26:46,045 --> 00:26:47,213
Aw, shit.
671
00:26:47,313 --> 00:26:50,283
-I'm sorry for cussin'.
-It's okay.
672
00:26:50,383 --> 00:26:52,285
Thank you so much for that, Roy.
All right, when we come back,
673
00:26:52,385 --> 00:26:54,253
Iman Vellani,
aka Ms. Marvel herself,
674
00:26:54,353 --> 00:26:55,855
will be joining me on the show,
so don't go away.
675
00:26:55,955 --> 00:26:57,990
(cheering, applause)
676
00:27:06,533 --> 00:27:08,568
(cheering and applause)
677
00:27:11,438 --> 00:27:12,672
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
678
00:27:12,772 --> 00:27:15,975
My guest tonight
is actor Iman Vellani.
679
00:27:16,076 --> 00:27:17,977
She's here to talk
about starring
680
00:27:18,078 --> 00:27:21,347
in the new Disney+ series
Ms. Marvel.
681
00:27:21,448 --> 00:27:23,349
♪ ♪
682
00:27:23,450 --> 00:27:25,351
Wow, that's...
683
00:27:25,452 --> 00:27:28,121
amazing.
684
00:27:28,221 --> 00:27:30,123
How does it feel?
685
00:27:31,458 --> 00:27:33,493
Like an idea come to life.
686
00:27:36,229 --> 00:27:38,131
Uh...
687
00:27:38,231 --> 00:27:39,733
(grunts)
688
00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:42,368
So I guess superstrength
is not a part of the equation.
689
00:27:42,469 --> 00:27:44,971
Yeah, well, maybe I should've
tried harder in gym.
690
00:27:45,071 --> 00:27:46,172
(grunts)
691
00:27:48,508 --> 00:27:49,876
(grunts)
692
00:27:51,177 --> 00:27:52,512
I saved you.
693
00:27:52,612 --> 00:27:54,881
Please welcome Iman Vellani.
694
00:27:54,981 --> 00:27:57,016
-♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause)
695
00:27:59,753 --> 00:28:01,788
-Welcome.
-Thanks.
696
00:28:05,425 --> 00:28:07,060
Whoa.
697
00:28:10,029 --> 00:28:11,898
Ms. Marvel,
welcome to The Daily Show.
698
00:28:11,998 --> 00:28:13,800
-Thank you, thank you.
-Are you used to that yet,
699
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:15,335
the fact
that you are Ms. Marvel?
700
00:28:15,435 --> 00:28:17,303
-And not just Ms. Marvel, by the
way. Not just Ms. Marvel. -No.
701
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:21,374
But you are officially
currently the most liked show
702
00:28:21,474 --> 00:28:23,743
-on Rotten Tomatoes
in the Marvel Universe. -I...
703
00:28:23,843 --> 00:28:26,946
-(cheering and applause)
-95%. How does it feel?
704
00:28:27,046 --> 00:28:28,548
It feels great.
705
00:28:28,648 --> 00:28:30,350
It's weird that, like,
people who doubted us...
706
00:28:30,450 --> 00:28:31,785
(chuckles):
Like, we're the underdogs now,
707
00:28:31,885 --> 00:28:33,553
and so the amount of "actuallys"
in a sentence.
708
00:28:33,653 --> 00:28:34,821
"Oh, it's actually pretty good."
709
00:28:34,921 --> 00:28:36,823
"Actually,
I think I'm kind of liking it."
710
00:28:36,923 --> 00:28:38,658
So, that's-that's
my favorite part. Yeah.
711
00:28:38,725 --> 00:28:39,993
You've been a fan
for a long time.
712
00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:41,694
A hot minute.
(chuckles)
713
00:28:41,795 --> 00:28:43,363
-Yeah. -I want to know...
I want to know how,
714
00:28:43,463 --> 00:28:45,665
because everyone has a story
about how they became a fan
715
00:28:45,732 --> 00:28:48,468
of one of the Marvel characters
that not everybody knows about.
716
00:28:48,568 --> 00:28:51,171
Ooh. I mean, I was, like,
six when Iron Man came out,
717
00:28:51,271 --> 00:28:52,705
so the MCU's
always been in my life.
718
00:28:52,806 --> 00:28:54,774
And then, like, my high school's
719
00:28:54,874 --> 00:28:56,276
right across
from a comic book shop,
720
00:28:56,376 --> 00:28:58,344
and I have the fattest crush
on Robert Downey Jr.,
721
00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:00,713
-so I just, like, needed
more Iron Man. -(laughter)
722
00:29:00,814 --> 00:29:03,149
(laughs): So it was...
I was, like, constantly reading
723
00:29:03,249 --> 00:29:05,618
more Invincible Iron Man.
And then I picked up Ironheart.
724
00:29:05,652 --> 00:29:07,620
-Okay. -And then through her,
I found Kamala.
725
00:29:07,654 --> 00:29:09,756
And I was like, "Oh, my God.
Brown person. Who's this?"
726
00:29:09,856 --> 00:29:11,958
And fell in love with her.
727
00:29:12,058 --> 00:29:13,827
-(cheering and applause)
-Yeah.
728
00:29:14,828 --> 00:29:16,296
It seems like...
729
00:29:16,396 --> 00:29:20,233
I mean, it-it feels like you
were made for this character.
730
00:29:20,333 --> 00:29:22,202
I... It was crazy.
I felt like the comics
731
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:24,704
-were written about me, for me
and only me. Like... -Yeah.
732
00:29:24,804 --> 00:29:27,006
It-it re-- No, it really does--
It, like--
733
00:29:27,107 --> 00:29:29,075
How many stories can you say
where-where you go like,
734
00:29:29,175 --> 00:29:31,177
"Oh, who is this character?"
Okay, uh, you know,
735
00:29:31,277 --> 00:29:32,912
here you have this girl
who's born
736
00:29:33,012 --> 00:29:34,714
-to immigrants from Pakistan.
-Yeah.
737
00:29:34,814 --> 00:29:36,316
And then she's, like, living
in this different world.
738
00:29:36,416 --> 00:29:38,184
And it's like you--
like, you-you're that.
739
00:29:38,284 --> 00:29:40,286
That-That's wild.
Like, Muslim superhero?
740
00:29:40,386 --> 00:29:41,454
Fully.
741
00:29:41,554 --> 00:29:43,556
(cheering and applause)
742
00:29:43,656 --> 00:29:45,024
It's crazy.
743
00:29:46,092 --> 00:29:47,393
This is...
744
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,763
I-I hope you were just
Ms. Marvel for every Halloween.
745
00:29:49,863 --> 00:29:51,431
-That's what I would do.
-Ooh. I-I dressed up as her
746
00:29:51,531 --> 00:29:52,899
-on Halloween when I was 15.
-Oh, you did?
747
00:29:52,999 --> 00:29:54,734
I fully manifested this.
748
00:29:54,834 --> 00:29:55,769
Yeah.
749
00:29:55,869 --> 00:29:57,103
Did people know who you were?
750
00:29:57,203 --> 00:29:59,172
No! I went to school
and I was so excited!
751
00:29:59,272 --> 00:30:02,175
I h-- Like, my grandma
helped me stitch the costume.
752
00:30:02,275 --> 00:30:03,710
And I went to school
and everyone was like,
753
00:30:03,810 --> 00:30:06,212
"Ooh. (stammers)
Cool Flash costume, man."
754
00:30:06,312 --> 00:30:08,148
-(laughs) -I was like,
"Are you kidding me?
755
00:30:08,248 --> 00:30:09,783
The lightning bolt
doesn't mean Flash."
756
00:30:09,883 --> 00:30:11,785
But, yeah,
I had to go across the street,
757
00:30:11,885 --> 00:30:13,887
buy a Ms. Marvel comic
and just carry it with me
758
00:30:13,987 --> 00:30:14,954
so people knew who I was.
759
00:30:15,054 --> 00:30:16,623
You had to reference the...
760
00:30:16,656 --> 00:30:19,325
You realize that's never gonna
happen again now right?
761
00:30:19,426 --> 00:30:20,627
(cheering and applause)
762
00:30:20,727 --> 00:30:21,961
You realize. That's...
763
00:30:22,061 --> 00:30:24,230
I mean, that's one of
the coolest stories of all time.
764
00:30:24,330 --> 00:30:26,866
-Yeah. -I-- You know,
the-the story's really great
765
00:30:26,966 --> 00:30:29,002
because some people, you know,
766
00:30:29,102 --> 00:30:30,437
feel like
it's a different world.
767
00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:32,739
They'll be like, "Oh, how do you
have a Muslim superhero?
768
00:30:32,839 --> 00:30:34,174
And, you know,
she's from Pakistan."
769
00:30:34,274 --> 00:30:35,408
But everyone doesn't seem
to understand
770
00:30:35,508 --> 00:30:36,743
that every hero
comes from somewhere
771
00:30:36,843 --> 00:30:38,211
and they just have their story
and that it's just,
772
00:30:38,311 --> 00:30:39,345
-like, normal for them.
-Yeah.
773
00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:40,713
I love how the show is seamless.
774
00:30:40,814 --> 00:30:44,217
I love how it's just her story
and she's a superhero.
775
00:30:44,317 --> 00:30:46,486
Yeah, I think we've really,
like, done what the comics did
776
00:30:46,653 --> 00:30:49,689
in organically incorporating
diversity into her story.
777
00:30:49,789 --> 00:30:51,157
And it's not something
that just, like--
778
00:30:51,257 --> 00:30:53,660
It's not 100% her personality,
being Muslim or being Pakistani.
779
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,996
-Yes. -It's just she's
this Avengers-loving,
780
00:30:57,097 --> 00:30:59,833
fan fic-writing dork
who just happens to be Muslim
781
00:30:59,933 --> 00:31:01,968
and Pakistani,
and that side of her kind of,
782
00:31:02,068 --> 00:31:04,037
you know, guides her as--
It's her moral code.
783
00:31:04,137 --> 00:31:06,239
And-and then it uplifts her
and elevates her story
784
00:31:06,339 --> 00:31:09,609
in a really unique way that we
really haven't seen in the MCU.
785
00:31:09,676 --> 00:31:11,644
-So I think that's cool. Yeah.
-It is very cool.
786
00:31:11,745 --> 00:31:14,514
-It's super cool. The powers
are cool as well. -(cheering)
787
00:31:14,614 --> 00:31:16,382
Th-- Okay. That was something
I was intrigued by.
788
00:31:16,483 --> 00:31:18,151
Because, like, like,
789
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:20,653
I remember seeing some
of the-the old comics
790
00:31:20,754 --> 00:31:23,423
of Ms. Marvel, and-and she had,
like, stretching abilities.
791
00:31:23,523 --> 00:31:25,358
-Yeah. -And I-I know
you can't give anything away,
792
00:31:25,458 --> 00:31:27,193
but in-- you know,
you have different powers
793
00:31:27,293 --> 00:31:28,628
in the beginning. It's like
you can-- you can, like,
794
00:31:28,728 --> 00:31:31,097
shapeshift things and you can...
You know?
795
00:31:31,197 --> 00:31:33,233
-Yeah. -Is that-- Are-are--
Is she gonna get,
796
00:31:33,333 --> 00:31:35,101
-like, more powers
or is there... -More powers?
797
00:31:35,201 --> 00:31:37,971
-Yeah? -There's purple light
coming out of that.
798
00:31:38,071 --> 00:31:39,973
-I'm not being ungrateful.
I'm just say... -Well...
799
00:31:40,073 --> 00:31:42,108
I-- That sounded like-- I was
just asking if she's gonna get,
800
00:31:42,208 --> 00:31:43,643
like, different--
Are there, like, things that--
801
00:31:43,743 --> 00:31:45,879
You-you don't want
to tell me anything. I see you.
802
00:31:45,979 --> 00:31:48,114
It premiered today and then
Disney told me, they're like,
803
00:31:48,214 --> 00:31:49,649
"Iman's not gonna tell you
anything if you ask her
804
00:31:49,749 --> 00:31:52,185
-about it, and..." -I, like,
swore an oath to Kevin Feige.
805
00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:54,254
I'm like "You will not
get a Tom Holland out of me.
806
00:31:54,354 --> 00:31:55,955
Nothing's coming out."
807
00:31:56,055 --> 00:31:57,657
-No spoilers!
-It's like-- Yeah.
808
00:31:57,724 --> 00:32:00,827
No spoilers whatsoever.
809
00:32:00,927 --> 00:32:03,363
So this is just the beginning.
You realize this.
810
00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:05,298
-You are, I mean,
-(snorts)
811
00:32:05,398 --> 00:32:07,901
-this is such a fun, wild story,
-Yeah.
812
00:32:08,001 --> 00:32:10,003
You-you-- you-you
got this role
813
00:32:10,103 --> 00:32:13,406
one of the craziest ways
possible, 'cause I heard a rumor
814
00:32:13,506 --> 00:32:16,176
that you heard about this
from, like, a family member.
815
00:32:16,276 --> 00:32:18,812
-They didn't call you directly.
-WhatsApp. WhatsApp.
816
00:32:18,912 --> 00:32:20,180
Which is, like, funny,
'cause, like,
817
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,450
brown people thrive
on WhatsApp.
818
00:32:23,616 --> 00:32:25,018
So, like...
819
00:32:25,118 --> 00:32:28,688
the fact that this happened
through a WhatsApp forward--
820
00:32:28,788 --> 00:32:30,957
-Wait, how, how?
-My-my aunt was a part of some
821
00:32:31,057 --> 00:32:33,493
brown group chat that she never
opens, and one day she opened it
822
00:32:33,626 --> 00:32:35,161
and someone had forwarded this
casting call,
823
00:32:35,261 --> 00:32:36,329
and she sent it to me
and I'm like,
824
00:32:36,429 --> 00:32:40,066
"Look, this is
what a scam is. Um...
825
00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:42,702
We don't--
I-I'm not an actor, I can't--"
826
00:32:42,802 --> 00:32:44,637
Like, it-it was fully a blank
page that said,
827
00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:46,372
"Send head shot and résumé
here. Ms. Marvel casting."
828
00:32:46,473 --> 00:32:47,774
I was like, "Okay."
829
00:32:47,874 --> 00:32:50,777
Um, and then they sent a
self-tape and then, uh, sides
830
00:32:50,877 --> 00:32:52,712
for the self-tape and an NDA,
and I was like, "Oh, my God,
831
00:32:52,812 --> 00:32:54,080
it's real, I know exactly
which comic books
832
00:32:54,180 --> 00:32:56,116
they pulled these scenes from."
833
00:32:56,216 --> 00:32:57,851
And so I wasn't gonna do it
just out of, like,
834
00:32:57,951 --> 00:33:00,720
-sheer fear of failure.
-No, really?
835
00:33:00,820 --> 00:33:03,123
Yeah, and then, like, 3:00 a.m.
hit the night it was due,
836
00:33:03,223 --> 00:33:04,824
and I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna
regret this, aren't I?"
837
00:33:04,924 --> 00:33:06,993
So, I, like, don't know how
self-tapes work, so I recorded
838
00:33:07,093 --> 00:33:08,628
my own voice as
the other character and then
839
00:33:08,728 --> 00:33:11,231
lowered the pitch.
840
00:33:11,331 --> 00:33:12,632
So it sounded like
I was talking to someone
841
00:33:12,732 --> 00:33:15,435
and then just, like,
acted off of my own voice.
842
00:33:15,602 --> 00:33:16,903
And the next day I get a call,
they're like,
843
00:33:17,003 --> 00:33:18,438
"Do you have a lawyer?
We want to fly to you L.A."
844
00:33:18,605 --> 00:33:20,707
I was like, "Cool."
845
00:33:23,610 --> 00:33:26,012
-I mean...
-Yeah.
846
00:33:26,112 --> 00:33:29,115
You-you know what, you know
what this means, though,
847
00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:31,184
is now...
848
00:33:31,284 --> 00:33:32,752
your aunt is gonna answer
every single WhatsApp
849
00:33:32,852 --> 00:33:34,421
-that ever comes her way.
-I know!
850
00:33:34,521 --> 00:33:35,889
You've messed up her life.
Like, she's never gonna
851
00:33:35,989 --> 00:33:37,791
-be the same now. -No, she
holds this on me now, like--
852
00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:39,626
Yeah.
Congratulations on the show.
853
00:33:39,659 --> 00:33:41,027
-Congratulations on it being so
successful. -Thank you so much.
854
00:33:41,127 --> 00:33:42,996
Wonderful meeting you.
Thank you for being here.
855
00:33:43,096 --> 00:33:46,266
Everybody's gonna watch.
You didn't give us any spoilers.
856
00:33:46,366 --> 00:33:48,768
Ms. Marvel is streaming
right now on Disney+.
857
00:33:48,868 --> 00:33:51,538
95% from Rotten Tomatoes.
We're gonna take a quick break,
858
00:33:51,638 --> 00:33:54,374
but we'll be right back
after this. Congratulations.
859
00:33:54,474 --> 00:33:56,509
(cheering, applause)
860
00:34:00,058 --> 00:34:02,293
(cheering, applause)
861
00:34:02,393 --> 00:34:04,696
All right, everybody, well,
that's our show for tonight.
862
00:34:04,796 --> 00:34:06,698
But before we go,
863
00:34:06,798 --> 00:34:10,735
please consider supporting
Trans Lifeline.
864
00:34:10,835 --> 00:34:12,704
They're a grassroots hotline
offering direct
865
00:34:12,804 --> 00:34:15,807
emotional and financial support
to trans people in crisis
866
00:34:15,907 --> 00:34:18,509
for the trans community
by the trans community.
867
00:34:18,610 --> 00:34:20,678
So, if you can,
please donate to the link below
868
00:34:20,778 --> 00:34:22,647
to help their vision
for a world where trans people
869
00:34:22,747 --> 00:34:25,717
have the connection, the
economic security and the care
870
00:34:25,817 --> 00:34:27,285
that everyone
needs and deserves.
871
00:34:27,385 --> 00:34:30,254
Until tomorrow, stay
safe out there and remember:
872
00:34:30,355 --> 00:34:32,023
you're not late,
you're just early
873
00:34:32,123 --> 00:34:33,891
for something
that hasn't happened yet.
874
00:34:33,992 --> 00:34:36,127
Now here it is,
Your Moment of Zen.
875
00:34:36,227 --> 00:34:39,097
♪ ♪
876
00:34:39,197 --> 00:34:41,799
I don't know about
where you live, Jessie,
877
00:34:41,899 --> 00:34:44,602
but... uh, in-in my state,
878
00:34:44,702 --> 00:34:47,705
the price of gas is so high
879
00:34:47,805 --> 00:34:50,308
that it would be cheaper
880
00:34:50,408 --> 00:34:53,411
to buy cocaine
and just run everywhere.