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♪ ♪
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ANNOUNCER: Coming to you
from New York City,
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the only city in America,
it's The Daily Show.
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Tonight:
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COVID finally catches up
with Fauci.
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Who will save us?
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And Ed Helms.
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This is The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah.
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-♪ ♪
-(cheering, applause)
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What's going on, everybody.
Welcome to The Daily Show.
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I'm Trevor Noah.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
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Thank you for
coming out in person.
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Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
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Thank you,
thank you all so much.
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Take a seat, man,
we've got a really,
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really fun show for you tonight.
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Dr. Fauci and the coronavirus
are going head-to-head,
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swimming is gonna
be banned this summer,
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and Sweden has found a way
to make trash sexy.
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Plus, you know him
from The Hangover,
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you know him from The Office,
and season two
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of his hit show Rutherford Falls
is dropping today--
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the very funny Ed Helms
is here, everybody!
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-Oh, I'm so excited!
-(cheering, applause)
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So, let's do this people.
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Let's jump straight
into today's headlines.
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♪ ♪
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Okay, let's kick things off
with some good news.
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The Food and Drug Administration
has been given the green light
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to finally approve
COVID vaccines
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for children
under the age of five.
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Which means there are a lot
of toddlers who are about to be
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popping apple juice
in the club.
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It's just like, "I got a diaper,
I'm going all night, bitches!"
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And this is also very
good news for Herschel Walker,
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because, statistically, one out
of every five kids in America
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is secretly his.
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No, but for real, for real,
this is great news
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for parents of young children,
because while the rest of us
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you know, got vaccines
and went back to normal,
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a lot of parents
were stuck in pandemic mode
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with their unvaccinated kids.
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Yeah, they were just staring
out the window at everyone else
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having fun,
and they're just like,
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"Oh, they're going
to the movies again. Oh!
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I should have used a condom."
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Now, of course,
if you're not a parent,
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this is the worst news ever.
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'Cause, I don't know
about you guys,
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but I've definitely noticed
that over the past two years,
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you know, I haven't
heard any kids
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throwing tantrums
in the supermarket.
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There's been no toddlers
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kicking my seat
in the movie theater.
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And there were basically no
children screaming on airplanes.
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Yeah, only those
crazy Trump supporters
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who didn't want to wear a mask.
"Waah! Waah!
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Waah! I want my mommy!"
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But just because COVID
is on the back foot right now,
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it doesn't mean it's not
still putting up a fight.
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GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS:
Dr. Anthony Fauci has tested
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positive for COVID.
The 81-year-old
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chief medical advisor
to President Biden
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is fully vaccinated,
double boosted.
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NEWSOWMAN: He currently taking
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the antiviral treatment
Paxlovid.
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The 81-year-old is only
experiencing mild symptoms.
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We are told he has not
been in close contact
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with the president
and will now work from home.
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That's right.
Dr. Fauci has COVID.
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Which feels a little like
finding out Smokey Bear
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got trapped in a forest fire.
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Just like, "Damn."
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I'm actually-- I'm actually
surprised that Fauci
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is only getting COVID now,
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and didn't get it-- didn't
get it while he was, like,
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with Trump every day.
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Well, think about it-- every
single day, Trump was like,
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"Okay, COVID task force,
we're gonna kick off
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"today's meeting by breathing
in each other's mouths
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"for ten or 15 minutes
just to get the energy flowing.
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"Anthony, come here, Anthony.
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"Open that beautiful mouth,
Anthony. Open it wide.
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Open it, ah, open it wide."
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And, you know,
the saddest part, Dr. Fauci--
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and, yes, I'm talking to you,
Dr. Fauci,
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I know you watch the show--
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is the fact that
you didn't come to
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the White House
Correspondents' Dinner. Yeah.
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The president was there,
Kim Kardashian was there,
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but you didn't come
'cause you said
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you didn't want to catch COVID.
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And then you
caught COVID anyway. Yeah.
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Probably from some
boring government meeting.
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And, you see, let me
tell you something now, people.
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That's my philosophy in life.
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I'm vaccinated,
so if I'm getting COVID,
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you best believe
I'm doing it in style, okay?
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Yeah, I'm not gonna
get it from some
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bitch-ass
PowerPoint presentation, no.
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People will ask me, "Trevor,
where'd you get your COVID?"
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And I'll be like, "Oh, that was
one hell of a night.
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"Oh! Oh, damn.
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Best believe."
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I will say, though, what a big
moment for COVID as well, huh?
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To finally infect
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Dr. Anthony Fauci.
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I bet COVID was
really starstruck
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when it got in his body.
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Oh, my God, oh, my God!
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Oh, my God, it's really you,
it's really you!
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Wow, I'm so excited.
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I need to catch my breath,
I need to catch my breath.
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Oh, oh, man, Dr. Fauci,
I'm inside you.
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This is so crazy.
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Hold on, I got to FaceTime
my boys.
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I got to FaceTime my boys.
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(line rings)
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Hey, yo,
guess whose lungs I'm in!
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I know, I know, and somehow
I'm still taller than him.
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This is crazy!
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Aah!
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(applause)
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Okay.
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Let's move on from the pandemic
in people's lungs
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to the pandemic
in America's democracy.
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Today was the third day
of the January 6 hearings,
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aka VH1's Behind the Riot.
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Now, this session focused
predominantly
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on Mike Pence,
former vice president
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and the inspiration
behind the white noise machine,
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because, you see, Trump's entire
plan to overturn the election
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hinged on Mike Pence agreeing
to break the law
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by not certifying
the election results,
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and today we heard what might be
the funniest recounting
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of the conversation that Trump
actually had with Mike Pence,
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where the vice president would
not agree to Trump's scheme
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no matter how hard
The Donald tried.
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In the book Peril, journalists
Bob Woodward and Robert Costa
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write that the president said,
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"If these people say
you have the power,
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wouldn't you want to?"
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The vice president says,
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"I wouldn't want any one person
to have that authority."
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The president responds,
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"But wouldn't it almost be cool
to have that power?"
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The vice president is
reported to have said,
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"No, look, I've read this
and I don't see a way to do it.
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"We've exhausted every option.
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"I've done everything I could
and then some
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"to find a way around this.
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"It's simply not possible.
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My interpretation is no."
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To which the president says,
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"No, no, no,
you don't understand, Mike,
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"you can do this.
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I don't want to be your friend
anymore if you don't do this."
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(audience laughing)
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(laughing):
Yo, oh, man, you...
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You know, this is,
this is the part--
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the paradox of Donald Trump.
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Like, this is
really the paradox.
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Like, he has the most
terrifying schemes in the world,
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but he executes them
in the most hilarious ways.
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Because Trump basically--
he lives his entire life
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as if he's the bad kid in one
of those anti-smoking PSAs.
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You know, he's like,
"Come on, Mike,
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"just try overturning
the election.
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I thought you wanted
to be cool."
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Also, by the way,
if there's one person
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who you can't entice with cool,
it's Mike Pence.
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He's the least cool man
in the world.
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The man wouldn't even watch
the Teletubbies
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because they don't wear pants.
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And you know what's crazy
about this story.
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Because Trump said it like this,
because he said it like this,
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you actually believe
that it's true.
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Right?
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Because if the reporting was
that Pence said,
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"Sir, we cannot do this,"
and then Trump said,
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"My interpretation
of the Constitution offers
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ample precedent
both legal and historical,"
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people would be like, "Yeah,
there's no way that happened.
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"That didn't happen.
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That's not real."
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But "I don't want to be
your friend anymore"?
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You're like, "Yeah, that's,
that's-that's my dude.
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"That's my dude right there.
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That sounds like him."
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I also find it crazy that Trump
thought they were friends?
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Not coworkers,
not acquaintance-- friends?
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How-how would that
even be possible?
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What do Pence and Trump have
to bond over, huh?
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They're just hanging out
on the weekend like,
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"Thanks for bringing me
to this club, Mike.
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The music's a little lame, but
the ladies are looking good."
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"Uh, Mr. President,
it's church."
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00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:44,458
"Oh, that's why it burned
when I walked through the door.
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Totally get it, totally get it."
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All right, but let's move on
to some international news.
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Here in America,
global supply chain issues
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have caused shortages
of everything,
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from tampons to baby formula
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and even PlayStation 5s,
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which sucks 'cause now I have
to play Elden Ring in my head.
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00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,444
(groaning)
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Damn, this is so hard!
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But it turns out
the global supply chain
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also affects the globe.
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And right now, in Pakistan,
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the supply chain
is coming for an integral part
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of their daily life.
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Pakistani tea drinkers
remain divided
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a day after
a government minister urged them
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to cut down
on their daily hot beverage
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as the country struggles
with an economic crisis.
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00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,569
Pakistan's Planning
and Development minister says
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it's getting
increasingly expensive
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for the country to import tea
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as supplies outstrip demand.
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NEWSWOMAN: Tea is a hugely
popular drink in the country
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of 220 million people,
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and the government
has to spend about $600 million
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on tea imports every year.
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The average person in Pakistan
is believed
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to drink at least
three cups of tea a day.
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But the minister
called for people to drink
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one or two cups less per day,
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sparking outrage.
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I knew it.
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I knew this would happen.
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Yeah.
People have been running around,
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spilling the tea for the past
few years and now look!
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There's a shortage.
Are you happy, Shade Room?
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Are you happy?!
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(laughter, applause)
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By the way,
I love how they mix the tea.
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The rest of us do tea boring,
just like, "Mm."
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They're like, "Wow.
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00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,856
Wah. Pwah."
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00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,893
And I know people
can get outraged about anything,
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00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,128
but-- I'm not gonna lie-- it is
kind of funny to hear a story
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00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,998
about anyone getting outraged
over tea.
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No, because you always think
of tea drinkers as very calm,
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00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,969
tranquil people, you know?
246
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,305
But, here, they're like,
"You can take my Earl Grey
247
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,041
out of my cold dead hands!"
248
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,210
It's so-- it's so wild.
249
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,179
It's like seeing Tom Hanks
dropping the F-bomb.
250
00:10:45,279 --> 00:10:46,613
I mean, that's where you know
you (bleep)ed up,
251
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,215
you know what I mean?
252
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,417
But when you understand
how popular tea is in Pakistan,
253
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,618
it makes sense. Right?
254
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:52,786
All of the outrage makes sense.
255
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,389
This is part
of their national identity.
256
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:58,225
It's like asking France
to cut out croissants
257
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,061
or North Korea to stop launching
missiles at dolphins.
258
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,230
That's just what they do.
259
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,232
And I don't know
if Pakistan will give up tea.
260
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,534
I mean, they wouldn't even
give up bin Laden, you know?
261
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:08,602
(laughter, gasping)
262
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,870
But...
263
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,471
Too soon?
264
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:14,474
I will say this,
265
00:11:14,575 --> 00:11:16,543
Pakistan's government
has to be careful about this.
266
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,644
Yeah.
267
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:18,846
Tea shortages are no joke.
268
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,180
Just look at America.
269
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,648
You see what happens
270
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:23,317
when your people get pissed off
about tea. Yeah.
271
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:24,985
First there's a tea party.
272
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,553
Then there's a revolution.
273
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,188
Before you know it,
there's a Great Depression.
274
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,690
They're you're fighting Vietnam,
275
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,825
no one can afford houses, and
suddenly you're making a movie
276
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,360
where Ryan Gosling is Barbie!
277
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,495
(screaming)
278
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,700
(cheering and applause)
279
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,835
Don't do it, Pakistan!
280
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,273
All right, finally,
281
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,442
cities all over the world
are always trying to find ways
282
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,245
to encourage people
not to litter.
283
00:11:51,345 --> 00:11:53,580
In Japan,
they use collective shame.
284
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,383
In Singapore,
they'll just whup your ass.
285
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,386
In New York, we've, uh,
just made the entire city
286
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,722
one big trash can,
so, technically,
287
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,590
it's not even possible
to litter.
288
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:07,160
But in Sweden,
they've come up with something
289
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:09,897
that might be
the most effective method yet.
290
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,199
Talking dirty in Sweden.
Literally.
291
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,568
A Swedish city
has launched a campaign
292
00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,637
to encourage people
to throw away their trash.
293
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,639
Yeah, a couple of trash cans
have been installed
294
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:22,309
and are programmed to respond
with seductive audio messages
295
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,144
after somebody throws away
their trash.
296
00:12:44,398 --> 00:12:45,999
(gasping)
297
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,202
Well, I guess
now we know what it's like
298
00:12:48,302 --> 00:12:50,270
when Oscar the Grouch
gets his (bleep) on.
299
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,674
I, uh, did not see that coming.
300
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,376
Just-- And just, by the way, um,
301
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,111
all the guys
who are using that trash can,
302
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:01,248
I hope you know
that it's faking it, right?
303
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,749
There's probably dudes
walking away thinking,
304
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:06,053
"Oh-ho, I throw good trash."
305
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,188
No, you don't. No, you don't.
306
00:13:09,423 --> 00:13:11,859
It's actually funny
how stupid men are.
307
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,128
We're such simple,
stupid creatures.
308
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,430
This would never work on women.
309
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,931
On men, it works.
310
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,933
Yeah, like, we can wear
as many ties as we want,
311
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,069
but we're
just basically stupid animals
312
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,704
responding to a mating call.
313
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,939
You put a sexy woman's voice
314
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:28,709
and you can literally get men
to do anything.
315
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,712
You realize, we're being
catfished by garbage cans.
316
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,880
Right?
317
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,649
And we can see
that they're garbage cans.
318
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,485
But then we hear
that sexy voice and we're like,
319
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,354
"Well, maybe."
320
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,089
(laughs)
321
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,260
Not to mention,
this is going to undo a lot
322
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,295
of parental lessons
about littering.
323
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,297
Some ten-year-old boy
is going to be like,
324
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,766
"Mommy, I'm going
to throw away my empty cup."
325
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,735
And the mom will be like,
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
326
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,403
"Just throw it in the lake.
Throw it in the late.
327
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,539
It's better that way.
You're not ready."
328
00:13:58,639 --> 00:14:01,041
(laughter)
329
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,777
And you know who this really
isn't great for,
330
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:07,047
is your trashcan at home. Yeah.
331
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,483
Because when it finds out
what you've been doing
332
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,318
out there in the streets,
333
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:15,055
oh, it's going
to get super jealous.
334
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:21,261
Well, you're home late.
335
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,564
Probably because were you out
on the streets
336
00:14:23,664 --> 00:14:25,566
shoving your trash
into that whore again!
337
00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:27,568
(laughter)
338
00:14:27,668 --> 00:14:31,205
You know that anyone
can throw trash there, anyone.
339
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,207
You're not special!
I want a divorce!
340
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:38,779
And I'm taking the rotten
banana peels with me! Aah!
341
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,814
(applause)
342
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,716
All right,
that's it for the headlines,
343
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:45,352
but before we go,
let's check in on traffic
344
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,654
with our very own Roy Wood, Jr.,
everybody!
345
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,824
-(cheers and applause)
-Yeah. What's up, man?
346
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,826
What is happening, Roy?
347
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,595
-Yes, Lord.
-Weekend's coming up.
348
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,263
-What's going on
in the traffic? -Yes, Lord.
349
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,165
Man, I'm just looking
at all these rich people
350
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,334
out there on the road, man.
351
00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:02,503
Yeah, gas, gas
ten dollars a gallon.
352
00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:05,539
Being stuck in traffic-- that's
the new balling right there.
353
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,307
I don't care nothing
about your jewelry.
354
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,177
-Tell me how long you was
in traffic today. -(laughter)
355
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:11,912
Like, if a woman want
to meet a rich dude,
356
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,547
just go stand on the freeway,
go stand right here.
357
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:16,583
This is Boston.
That's... What... Yeah.
358
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,151
Yeah, go stand on the freeway
in Boston.
359
00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:19,786
Them rich people.
Them rich people, man.
360
00:15:19,887 --> 00:15:21,822
You think
that traffic is a flex?
361
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:25,259
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
362
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:27,261
Traffic ain't
for no broke bitches. This is...
363
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:31,131
-(laughter) -...strictly
for ballers right there, man.
364
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,499
All right, what's going on
in the traffic?
365
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,967
Yeah, I'll get to the traffic
in a second, man.
366
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,970
You know, what's good
about the infant thing...
367
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,605
Like, I know people...
368
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:39,973
You know, some people don't want
369
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,542
to vaccinate infants
or whatever.
370
00:15:41,642 --> 00:15:43,510
-Oh, yeah, yeah. -But I think
that's a good thing.
371
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,345
I think it is a good thing
if you give the vaccine
372
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,115
to the baby 'cause now
they got the microchip in 'em,
373
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,117
-and no more kidnappings.
-(laughter)
374
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,419
-Now we know where all the kids
will be. -I-I don't...
375
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,355
And we can track 'em down,
'cause once you get the vaccine,
376
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,090
-you get the microchip, and...
-No, there is no microchip.
377
00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:59,526
Where did you hear this?
378
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,197
Did you enjoy the ramen you had
last night on 41st Street?
379
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,132
I think you were there
from 7:30 to 9:15,
380
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,867
and then, when you left,
you went southbound
381
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,169
down 9th Avenue
if I'm not mistaken?
382
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,306
You're vaccinated, right?
383
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,308
-Yeah.
-(laughter)
384
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,243
Yeah, I know. It's an app.
It's an app
385
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,678
where it links you
with other people who have...
386
00:16:17,778 --> 00:16:19,213
But like, "No."
You know, they could be like,
387
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:20,681
"I'm stalking you."
-I don't know if I'm... I'm...
388
00:16:20,781 --> 00:16:22,249
I'm not stalking you.
The app told me where you was.
389
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,584
It's the vaccine tracking app.
390
00:16:23,684 --> 00:16:24,918
You ain't got
the vaccine tracking app?
391
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:25,953
I don't have
the vaccine tracking app.
392
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,120
Well, I got the app...
393
00:16:27,221 --> 00:16:29,256
What's happening
with the traffic, Roy?
394
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,592
-You know what's really
messed up about the tea? -Okay.
395
00:16:31,692 --> 00:16:33,760
-The tea over there in Pakistan.
-Yeah.
396
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:35,062
Like,
when there was a tea shortage,
397
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,663
that's going
to throw off the balance
398
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:39,099
of the Arnold Palmers
in Pakistan.
399
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,970
You ever had an Arnold Palmer
and the balance ain't right?
400
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,505
That'll piss you off.
401
00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,673
Too much lemonade, too much tea,
it's the wrong...
402
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:50,077
You got to have the Arnold
Palmer just perfect amount.
403
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,912
Watch and see
if the Al-Qaeda get ahold
404
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,547
of some unbalanced
Arnold Palmers.
405
00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:56,350
They're like, "Oh! We got
to go blow something up!"
406
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,819
They're gonna be mad. Okay.
407
00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:00,687
I'm telling you, man.
I'm telling you, dawg.
408
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,489
All right, well, tell me
about the traffic, though.
409
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,424
I do... What do you want me
to tell you about the traffic?
410
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:06,093
-I already told you.
-I just want to...
411
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,028
Rich people go
and doing rich people...
412
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,363
Yeah, but, like,
which roads are blocked,
413
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,064
and which ones are open?
It's important, man.
414
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,066
(sighs heavily)
415
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:17,838
-Let me ask you a question.
-(laughter)
416
00:17:17,938 --> 00:17:19,740
If your friend-- let's say
you had a friend, right?
417
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:20,941
Let's say you had a homeboy.
You're all cool.
418
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,309
-Real good friend, right?
-Mm-hmm.
419
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,211
And you go over to his house,
420
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,480
and he got one
of them sex trash cans.
421
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,650
(laughter)
422
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:31,718
Y'all would still be cool,
right?
423
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,788
Like, if you knew somebody
that had, like,
424
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,924
ordered one of these
425
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:41,161
sex-talking cans,
the freaky-deaky trash can...
426
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,130
Like, if you went
over your friend house,
427
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,499
-and he had the freaky-deaky
trash can... -Yeah.
428
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:49,503
...you wouldn't judge him
for having a... a...?
429
00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:52,706
Roy, did you order one
of the sex trash cans?
430
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:56,476
No, I didn't order
no sex trash can with custom,
431
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:59,847
you know, with custom phrases.
I didn't do that.
432
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,216
I didn't say anything
about custom phrases.
433
00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:03,750
I didn't say nothing
about custom phrases, either.
434
00:18:03,851 --> 00:18:05,752
(laughter)
435
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:07,888
I got
to go throw something away.
436
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:10,357
I'll be right back, all right?
I got to throw something away.
437
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,492
(applause and cheering)
438
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,564
It's suspicious.
439
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,099
I was really suspicious.
440
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,601
All right,
thank you so much, Roy.
441
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,169
All right, when we come back,
442
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:25,272
we're going to throw America
a giant pool party.
443
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:28,609
FEMALE VOICE: Oh, Roy,
I love swallowing your trash.
444
00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:29,843
(laughter)
445
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,779
We'll be right back.
446
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,615
Roy, what are you doing?
447
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:36,416
Want to see?
448
00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:38,552
(applause and cheering)
449
00:18:43,037 --> 00:18:45,072
(cheering, applause)
450
00:18:52,046 --> 00:18:53,480
Welcome back
to The Daily Show.
451
00:18:53,581 --> 00:18:55,449
This whole week,
much of the United States
452
00:18:55,549 --> 00:18:57,651
has been suffering
through a heat wave.
453
00:18:57,751 --> 00:18:59,920
And if you've
been stuck in it,
454
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:03,090
please, don't forget
to drink water, stay inside
455
00:19:03,190 --> 00:19:05,292
and check in
on your elderly neighbors,
456
00:19:05,392 --> 00:19:07,428
'cause they might have
air conditioners you can steal.
457
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:10,197
But if you've been
hoping to cool down
458
00:19:10,297 --> 00:19:12,232
at the beach or at the pool,
459
00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:14,335
you might be out of luck.
460
00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,437
NEWSMAN: As summer heats up,
some families
461
00:19:16,537 --> 00:19:20,174
are cooling down in the water
at their own risk.
462
00:19:20,274 --> 00:19:24,278
A major lifeguard shortage is
leaving many beaches unguarded
463
00:19:24,378 --> 00:19:28,148
and pools understaffed,
forcing some to close.
464
00:19:28,249 --> 00:19:30,951
The American Lifeguard
Association estimating
465
00:19:31,051 --> 00:19:33,854
one-third of the nation's
public pools are impacted.
466
00:19:33,954 --> 00:19:36,257
The shortage is caused
by a wave of factors.
467
00:19:36,357 --> 00:19:39,560
Young people have plenty of
other job options to choose from
468
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:42,963
and training courses were
canceled during the pandemic.
469
00:19:43,130 --> 00:19:45,733
Some pools looking
to pull in new lifeguards
470
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:47,735
by upping salaries.
471
00:19:47,835 --> 00:19:51,205
Six Flags St. Louis is offering
$18 an hour to lifeguards,
472
00:19:51,305 --> 00:19:53,974
plus a $500 bonus.
473
00:19:54,141 --> 00:19:57,144
Ooh! Pools are closed
for the summer?
474
00:19:57,211 --> 00:20:00,447
I won't have nowhere to pee.
475
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:03,183
But yeah, pools and beaches
are in big trouble
476
00:20:03,284 --> 00:20:06,387
because nobody wants
to be a lifeguard right now.
477
00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:08,389
Which is surprising to me.
478
00:20:08,489 --> 00:20:10,357
I mean, you'd think every
teenager would want this job.
479
00:20:10,457 --> 00:20:14,028
I mean, you get to work on your
tan, it's a relaxed dress code
480
00:20:14,161 --> 00:20:17,464
and you get to make out with all
those drowning people, you know?
481
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:20,534
You know, if you ask me,
Americans are too soft. Yeah.
482
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:22,670
I saw this story and I was like,
"Americans are too soft."
483
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,471
You won't swim because
there's no lifeguard?
484
00:20:24,572 --> 00:20:25,873
(clicks tongue) Man.
485
00:20:25,973 --> 00:20:28,542
If you told an African parent
that you won't swim
486
00:20:28,642 --> 00:20:30,411
without a lifeguard,
they'd be like,
487
00:20:30,511 --> 00:20:32,713
"Eh, do you know
who is your lifeguard?
488
00:20:32,813 --> 00:20:34,582
"Jesus.
489
00:20:34,682 --> 00:20:38,185
Don't forget that.
Don't ever forget that."
490
00:20:40,888 --> 00:20:43,490
But this is a major problem,
especially for pools
491
00:20:43,591 --> 00:20:46,193
that have to shut down because
they can't find lifeguards.
492
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:47,861
Luckily though, luckily,
493
00:20:47,962 --> 00:20:50,731
Leo Deblin
has a solution for you.
494
00:20:50,831 --> 00:20:53,033
-♪ ♪ -Are your beaches and pools
closed for the summer
495
00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:54,768
because of a lifeguard shortage?
496
00:20:54,868 --> 00:20:56,270
You just want to swim.
497
00:20:56,370 --> 00:20:58,005
But ain't nobody want
to save your ass
498
00:20:58,138 --> 00:20:59,506
-from a shark.
-(snarl)
499
00:20:59,607 --> 00:21:02,176
Well, break out
that swimsuit thong.
500
00:21:02,276 --> 00:21:04,278
'Cause summer is back on.
501
00:21:04,378 --> 00:21:06,547
Introducing...
502
00:21:08,182 --> 00:21:10,317
It's a cardboard cut-out of me
503
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:12,553
that you can put up
on your lifeguard chair.
504
00:21:12,653 --> 00:21:15,022
Guaranteed to look real enough
for the safety inspector
505
00:21:15,155 --> 00:21:16,290
as he's driving by.
506
00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:17,758
(honking)
507
00:21:17,858 --> 00:21:18,993
(tires screech, crash)
508
00:21:19,159 --> 00:21:22,162
So now you can get back
to doing what you love--
509
00:21:22,229 --> 00:21:24,064
-peeing in the pool.
-(urinating sounds)
510
00:21:24,164 --> 00:21:27,568
Choose your lifeguard type
from multiple Leo Deblin models.
511
00:21:27,668 --> 00:21:28,936
We have Mr. Nice Guy,
512
00:21:29,036 --> 00:21:30,204
the Whistleblower,
513
00:21:30,304 --> 00:21:31,472
and, of course,
514
00:21:31,572 --> 00:21:32,940
I Done Told Your Ass.
515
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,441
And if you start to drown,
516
00:21:34,541 --> 00:21:35,709
don't worry--
517
00:21:35,809 --> 00:21:38,279
all our lifeguards
come with a built-in speaker
518
00:21:38,379 --> 00:21:40,247
that's got you covered.
519
00:21:40,347 --> 00:21:42,583
Someone else save that dude.
I just ate.
520
00:21:44,018 --> 00:21:48,122
So save your summer with the
Leo Deblin Substitute Lifeguard.
521
00:21:48,155 --> 00:21:49,924
It ain't but $85.
522
00:21:50,024 --> 00:21:52,159
You can get that from your mama.
523
00:21:52,259 --> 00:21:53,627
Oh!
524
00:21:54,728 --> 00:21:56,563
SINGERS: ♪ Leo Deblin's
Substitute Lifeguard ♪
525
00:21:56,664 --> 00:21:59,366
♪ An institute of barbering ♪
526
00:22:00,334 --> 00:22:02,169
♪ Leo Deblin's
Substitute Lifeguard ♪
527
00:22:02,269 --> 00:22:04,772
♪ An institute of barbering. ♪
528
00:22:04,872 --> 00:22:06,574
DEBLIN:
Exit 120 by the fairgrounds,
529
00:22:06,674 --> 00:22:08,309
next to Foot Locker.
530
00:22:08,409 --> 00:22:09,977
Looks like summer's back on.
531
00:22:10,144 --> 00:22:12,246
All right, when we come back,
Ed Helms will be joining me
532
00:22:12,346 --> 00:22:13,614
on the show, so don't go away.
533
00:22:13,714 --> 00:22:15,749
(cheering and applause)
534
00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:27,834
(cheering)
535
00:22:30,537 --> 00:22:32,372
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
536
00:22:32,472 --> 00:22:35,975
My guest tonight is actor,
writer and producer Ed Helms.
537
00:22:36,076 --> 00:22:38,945
He's here to talk to us about
his show Rutherford Falls,
538
00:22:39,045 --> 00:22:41,748
which he co-created
and stars in.
539
00:22:41,848 --> 00:22:43,950
But what have you
been doing up here?
540
00:22:44,050 --> 00:22:45,618
I've been working on myself.
541
00:22:45,719 --> 00:22:47,487
You know?
Examining my blind spots.
542
00:22:47,587 --> 00:22:49,889
I read the book White Fragility
and then I read another book
543
00:22:49,989 --> 00:22:51,291
how about White Fragility
is bad,
544
00:22:51,391 --> 00:22:52,625
and then I read a third book
545
00:22:52,726 --> 00:22:54,728
called White White
Fragility Fragility
546
00:22:54,828 --> 00:22:57,197
about how white people
are super fragile
547
00:22:57,297 --> 00:22:59,232
about the book
White Fragility.
548
00:22:59,332 --> 00:23:01,634
It's been a real journey
for him. And for me, via text.
549
00:23:01,735 --> 00:23:04,471
I'm almost ready
to rejoin society, I just
550
00:23:04,571 --> 00:23:06,639
have to nail my reentry.
People think I'm a selfish jerk
551
00:23:06,740 --> 00:23:08,174
and they're not wrong.
552
00:23:08,274 --> 00:23:10,610
I have to apologize
to everyone
553
00:23:10,710 --> 00:23:12,178
and make sure they know
I've grown
554
00:23:12,278 --> 00:23:13,947
and changed as a person.
555
00:23:14,047 --> 00:23:16,182
I'm thinking
something splashy, mid-July.
556
00:23:16,282 --> 00:23:17,951
That's ten months away.
557
00:23:18,051 --> 00:23:19,486
Yeah, I know,
it's gonna be tight.
558
00:23:19,586 --> 00:23:21,287
Please welcome Ed Helms.
559
00:23:21,388 --> 00:23:23,423
-♪ ♪
-(cheering, applause)
560
00:23:36,636 --> 00:23:38,038
-Ed Helms.
-All right, all right.
561
00:23:38,138 --> 00:23:41,007
-Welcome to The Daily Show.
-Thank you so much.
562
00:23:41,107 --> 00:23:42,909
Although, is welc--
It's-it's a little weird,
563
00:23:42,942 --> 00:23:45,278
because you-you worked
in this very same studio
564
00:23:45,378 --> 00:23:47,013
-for how many years?
-Yes.
565
00:23:47,113 --> 00:23:48,915
Like fi-- four,
four and a half years.
566
00:23:48,948 --> 00:23:50,216
-Four and a half years.
-Something like that, yeah.
567
00:23:50,316 --> 00:23:51,618
-Yeah. -I like what
you've done with the place.
568
00:23:51,718 --> 00:23:53,153
-Oh, thank you very much,
thank you very much. -Yeah.
569
00:23:53,253 --> 00:23:55,021
Yeah, spruced it up a little
bit, we had a little pandemic
570
00:23:55,121 --> 00:23:57,190
in the middle, you know, touched
a few things up, you know.
571
00:23:57,290 --> 00:23:58,758
-Yeah? It's looking good.
-Yeah. But your stuff
572
00:23:58,925 --> 00:24:00,293
is still here,
if you want anything.
573
00:24:00,393 --> 00:24:02,996
I hope so. No one's moved
into my office, right?
574
00:24:03,096 --> 00:24:04,764
-Oh, no. No, no, of course not.
-Yeah, good. Because
575
00:24:04,931 --> 00:24:07,100
that's sacred space.
576
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,069
-Welcome-welcome to the show.
-Thank you, thank you.
577
00:24:09,169 --> 00:24:12,105
And by the way,
I love what you have done,
578
00:24:12,205 --> 00:24:15,108
not only with the furniture,
but with the show.
579
00:24:15,208 --> 00:24:16,276
-You're crushing it.
-Thank you.
580
00:24:16,376 --> 00:24:17,310
-Trevor Noah!
-Thank you very much.
581
00:24:17,410 --> 00:24:19,245
-(cheering, applause)
-Yes.
582
00:24:19,346 --> 00:24:21,247
I love what you've done
with everything.
583
00:24:21,348 --> 00:24:23,616
-Thank you.
-Um... 'Cause I'm-- You-you--
584
00:24:23,717 --> 00:24:25,552
You're easily one
the funniest people around.
585
00:24:25,652 --> 00:24:27,554
You know, many people
were introduced to you
586
00:24:27,654 --> 00:24:29,022
uh, you know,
through The Hangover,
587
00:24:29,122 --> 00:24:30,957
but everything that you've
done has just been so funny,
588
00:24:31,057 --> 00:24:34,194
and Rutherford-- when I first
read about it-- seemed like,
589
00:24:34,294 --> 00:24:37,163
"Oh, you-you're trying
to throw it all away."
590
00:24:37,263 --> 00:24:39,399
Because it was a story of--
Really, it seemed like
591
00:24:39,499 --> 00:24:41,901
a crazy story. It's like,
"Oh, I'm gonna play a white guy
592
00:24:42,002 --> 00:24:45,238
who goes into a Native American
community and basically, like,
593
00:24:45,338 --> 00:24:46,539
fights with them
about their own land.
594
00:24:46,639 --> 00:24:48,174
-It doesn't seem like comedy.
-Yeah. Yeah.
595
00:24:48,274 --> 00:24:49,809
But it's really funny
and it's a great story.
596
00:24:49,909 --> 00:24:51,745
Yeah, well, it's,
uh, you know, I guess
597
00:24:51,911 --> 00:24:53,079
that was-that was
the challenge--
598
00:24:53,179 --> 00:24:56,049
was to try to keep
that character sympathetic.
599
00:24:56,149 --> 00:24:58,651
I mean, it really is, uh...
600
00:24:58,752 --> 00:25:02,155
Like, the-the show was born out
of this observation
601
00:25:02,255 --> 00:25:06,159
just that people were kind of
not listening to each other
602
00:25:06,259 --> 00:25:08,962
and being crazy and-and...
603
00:25:09,062 --> 00:25:12,132
And-and so we wanted
to kind of depict somebody
604
00:25:12,232 --> 00:25:15,935
who-who is having trouble
kind of hearing opposing views
605
00:25:16,036 --> 00:25:18,738
or hearing some-- that maybe
his interpretation of history
606
00:25:18,838 --> 00:25:20,640
is very wrong...
607
00:25:20,740 --> 00:25:22,342
-(laughs)
-...and, uh...
608
00:25:22,442 --> 00:25:24,577
and-and yet also, uh,
609
00:25:24,678 --> 00:25:25,745
that-that-that's--
610
00:25:25,879 --> 00:25:27,447
that can be a good person
611
00:25:27,547 --> 00:25:28,982
-who wants to do better also.
-Right.
612
00:25:29,082 --> 00:25:31,384
Right. Can I tell you
what I love about the show?
613
00:25:31,484 --> 00:25:33,453
Is that it's funny,
it's poignant,
614
00:25:33,553 --> 00:25:36,322
it has, I think--
I'll stand to be corrected--
615
00:25:36,423 --> 00:25:39,926
possibly the largest, um,
Native American writing room
616
00:25:40,026 --> 00:25:41,428
-in all of television, maybe.
-(cheering and applause)
617
00:25:41,528 --> 00:25:43,263
It's, like, giant.
It's up there.
618
00:25:43,363 --> 00:25:44,764
-Even if it's not top,
it's up there. -Yeah.
619
00:25:44,898 --> 00:25:48,068
-It's up there. -You-you have,
like, a Native American cast.
620
00:25:48,168 --> 00:25:50,103
You've done the thing that
everyone says is impossible.
621
00:25:50,203 --> 00:25:52,172
Everyone goes like,
"If you include people,
622
00:25:52,272 --> 00:25:53,907
then white people don't work."
623
00:25:53,973 --> 00:25:55,909
-And it's like, you're working,
they're working. -(laughs)
624
00:25:55,975 --> 00:25:58,078
-It's a great show. Renewed
for season two. -I seem to be--
625
00:25:58,178 --> 00:26:00,113
-I'm doing okay. Yeah, yeah.
-You're doing okay.
626
00:26:00,213 --> 00:26:02,449
-They're doing okay.
-Yeah. Um... yeah.
627
00:26:02,549 --> 00:26:04,384
There's another show called
Reservation Dogs,
628
00:26:04,484 --> 00:26:06,386
-which is also amazing. Yeah.
-Yeah. Amazing.
629
00:26:06,486 --> 00:26:07,921
-(cheering and applause)
-And that-- and that show has
630
00:26:07,954 --> 00:26:11,291
-a ton of-of Native American
writers and directors. -Right.
631
00:26:11,391 --> 00:26:13,960
A lot of our directors, we've
shared a lot of, uh, directors
632
00:26:14,060 --> 00:26:15,161
between the shows.
633
00:26:15,261 --> 00:26:18,531
Um... And, yeah,
it's just, uh...
634
00:26:18,631 --> 00:26:22,335
it's been an incredibly humbling
experience for me.
635
00:26:22,435 --> 00:26:24,471
I think-- I think,
before getting into this,
636
00:26:24,571 --> 00:26:27,540
I-I intellectually understood...
(stammers)
637
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,276
the-the value of representation,
and I would-- I would--
638
00:26:30,377 --> 00:26:32,712
I could talk about it
very fluently
639
00:26:32,879 --> 00:26:34,047
and-and advocate for it.
640
00:26:34,147 --> 00:26:37,417
But-but being in this experience
has just, like,
641
00:26:37,517 --> 00:26:40,754
really made it kick in
for ma-- me in a way that...
642
00:26:40,887 --> 00:26:42,455
I don't know, it's been--
it's been incredible.
643
00:26:42,555 --> 00:26:44,057
It shows, you know?
Because, like,
644
00:26:44,157 --> 00:26:45,492
the jokes that you're telling,
645
00:26:45,592 --> 00:26:47,327
the storylines
that you-- that you have,
646
00:26:47,427 --> 00:26:50,163
it doesn't become something
that it's not supposed to be.
647
00:26:50,263 --> 00:26:51,898
It becomes fresh.
It becomes authentic.
648
00:26:51,998 --> 00:26:53,800
It's-it's-- I mean,
that's why it got renewed,
649
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:55,168
-is-is what I think, you know?
-Yeah.
650
00:26:55,268 --> 00:26:58,171
Season two, it's-it's an
exciting season change as well.
651
00:26:58,271 --> 00:26:59,572
I don't want to spoil anything
for those who haven't seen
652
00:26:59,673 --> 00:27:01,307
the first season,
but, essentially,
653
00:27:01,408 --> 00:27:02,575
your character
comes into this world
654
00:27:02,676 --> 00:27:04,177
where he's trying
to preserve his name,
655
00:27:04,277 --> 00:27:05,445
the Rutherford name.
656
00:27:05,545 --> 00:27:07,480
Comes in, realizes at some point
657
00:27:07,580 --> 00:27:08,915
that, you know, his "family"
658
00:27:09,015 --> 00:27:11,718
doesn't stand for the best
thing, you know, in the past.
659
00:27:11,818 --> 00:27:13,353
But as we go into season two,
660
00:27:13,453 --> 00:27:14,754
the journey changes slightly.
661
00:27:14,921 --> 00:27:16,423
What-what can you tell us
about it?
662
00:27:16,523 --> 00:27:18,425
Uh, so, yeah, the--
663
00:27:18,525 --> 00:27:20,193
you know, we left--
At the end of season one,
664
00:27:20,293 --> 00:27:22,028
my character really had this,
like,
665
00:27:22,128 --> 00:27:24,597
-catastrophic identity crisis.
-Right.
666
00:27:24,698 --> 00:27:27,467
And, uh...
and I think going into...
667
00:27:27,567 --> 00:27:31,104
And all of season one,
really, I think,
668
00:27:31,204 --> 00:27:34,941
my cocreators, Mike Schur
and Sierra Teller Ornelas--
669
00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:36,876
the three of us, like,
really wanted to grapple
670
00:27:36,910 --> 00:27:39,379
-with some big ideas and some
big issues. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
671
00:27:39,479 --> 00:27:44,317
Season two, we were like, "Well,
we kind of did a lot of homework
672
00:27:44,417 --> 00:27:47,187
"in season one,
and this ensemble is so funny,
673
00:27:47,287 --> 00:27:48,888
"and our writers are so funny.
674
00:27:48,922 --> 00:27:50,557
Let's just, like,
lean into the comedy more."
675
00:27:50,657 --> 00:27:53,126
And so, I think
this season, we still...
676
00:27:53,226 --> 00:27:55,362
There's still a lot
of very sharp satire
677
00:27:55,462 --> 00:27:56,796
-that I'm very, very proud of.
-Right.
678
00:27:56,896 --> 00:27:58,498
But it's also...
679
00:27:58,598 --> 00:28:01,034
It's more joyful,
it's sillier, it's just...
680
00:28:01,134 --> 00:28:02,635
-I don't know. It's a blast.
-When you say,
681
00:28:02,736 --> 00:28:04,938
"lean into the comedy more,"
I'm excited,
682
00:28:05,038 --> 00:28:07,173
but I'm also a little worried
because...
683
00:28:07,273 --> 00:28:09,642
No. I've heard...
I've heard stories about you.
684
00:28:09,743 --> 00:28:12,612
I mean, at The Daily Show,
you know, with Jon Stewart
685
00:28:12,712 --> 00:28:15,582
when were you a correspondent,
you had a mole removed
686
00:28:15,682 --> 00:28:17,917
-on camera for the show.
-Yeah, that's true.
687
00:28:17,984 --> 00:28:20,320
-Like, actually, like,
the procedure done. -Yes. Yeah.
688
00:28:20,420 --> 00:28:22,655
On The Hangover,
you allowed them
689
00:28:22,756 --> 00:28:25,358
-to take out one of your teeth
for the movie. -Yes.
690
00:28:25,458 --> 00:28:27,460
-That's, like, real... not
tooth. -That really happened.
691
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:28,928
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah, you see that? You see?
692
00:28:29,029 --> 00:28:30,330
-You were like, "Oh, special
effects." No. -Yeah, yeah.
693
00:28:30,430 --> 00:28:32,065
That was just him.
It was just him being affected.
694
00:28:32,165 --> 00:28:34,034
-That's all it was.
-(laughter)
695
00:28:34,134 --> 00:28:36,302
So, when you say, "Lean in,"
are you still willing
696
00:28:36,403 --> 00:28:37,871
-to do the craziest thing
for the look? -Yeah.
697
00:28:37,937 --> 00:28:41,074
So, season two of this show,
I-I remove...
698
00:28:41,174 --> 00:28:43,877
-I get decapitated for real.
-(laughter)
699
00:28:43,910 --> 00:28:48,548
My head-- it's like...
And you know, thankfully,
700
00:28:48,648 --> 00:28:50,550
like, we've got great doctors
and everything.
701
00:28:50,650 --> 00:28:53,486
It's, like,
I'm fine, as you can see.
702
00:28:53,586 --> 00:28:55,555
But, yeah, I go the extra mile.
Like, I'm...
703
00:28:55,655 --> 00:28:57,323
-You really do, though.
-I'm super committed,
704
00:28:57,424 --> 00:28:59,025
super method. Yeah.
705
00:28:59,125 --> 00:29:00,794
Like, do your family and friends
worry about you?
706
00:29:00,894 --> 00:29:03,396
Because I know people who go
the extra mile for comedy.
707
00:29:03,496 --> 00:29:05,532
Like, does your dentist worry?
Does...?
708
00:29:05,632 --> 00:29:07,033
Like, you know,
do your doctors worry?
709
00:29:07,133 --> 00:29:09,035
Yeah, I guess, I...
There's nothing...
710
00:29:09,135 --> 00:29:11,738
I don't know
if this is a good thing,
711
00:29:11,905 --> 00:29:15,208
but there is virtually nothing
I won't do for a laugh.
712
00:29:15,308 --> 00:29:17,410
(laughter)
713
00:29:17,510 --> 00:29:20,747
I have no pride or dignity.
714
00:29:20,914 --> 00:29:23,950
And so, that's a very
freeing thing in show business.
715
00:29:24,050 --> 00:29:25,585
I think it's not just freeing.
It's the reason
716
00:29:25,685 --> 00:29:26,953
you're one of the funniest,
most amazing people
717
00:29:27,053 --> 00:29:28,488
-that we get to watch
on screen. -Oh, thank you.
718
00:29:28,588 --> 00:29:29,956
-Thank you for being
on the show. -Oh.
719
00:29:30,056 --> 00:29:31,925
Thank you for joining me here.
I appreciate you.
720
00:29:32,025 --> 00:29:35,962
Huge fan.
Season two of Rutherford Falls
721
00:29:36,062 --> 00:29:38,064
is now streaming on Peacock.
If you haven't watched it,
722
00:29:38,164 --> 00:29:39,399
watch one, jump into two.
723
00:29:39,499 --> 00:29:40,734
We're going
to take a quick break,
724
00:29:40,867 --> 00:29:42,469
but we'll be right back
after this.
725
00:29:42,569 --> 00:29:44,971
-Thank you man, for real.
Such a blast. -Oh, thank you.
726
00:29:45,071 --> 00:29:47,107
(applause and cheering)
727
00:29:49,822 --> 00:29:52,392
Well, that's our show
for tonight, but before we go,
728
00:29:52,492 --> 00:29:56,496
before we go, please consider
supporting Out Youth, right?
729
00:29:56,596 --> 00:29:58,998
They're an organization
that serves Central Texas
730
00:29:59,098 --> 00:30:03,036
LGBTQIA+ youth and their allies
with programs and services
731
00:30:03,136 --> 00:30:05,071
to ensure that these promising
young people develop
732
00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:07,473
into happy, healthy,
successful adults.
733
00:30:07,573 --> 00:30:10,243
Out Youth hosts a variety of
programs and provides training
734
00:30:10,343 --> 00:30:12,412
and resources
for parents, teachers
735
00:30:12,512 --> 00:30:14,013
and community members
free of charge.
736
00:30:14,113 --> 00:30:16,282
So if you can,
please donate at the link below.
737
00:30:16,382 --> 00:30:19,052
Until next time, stay safe
out there, and remember--
738
00:30:19,152 --> 00:30:21,687
if your sex life
is hitting a rut,
739
00:30:21,788 --> 00:30:24,724
you might want
to take the trash out.
740
00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:27,994
Now here it is--
Your Moment of Zen.
741
00:30:28,094 --> 00:30:31,130
-♪ ♪ -NARRATOR: In a dimension
between left and right,
742
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:33,700
between space lasers
and birtherism,
743
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,669
lies a dimension
of the imagination.
744
00:30:36,769 --> 00:30:38,504
It's an area we call...
745
00:30:38,604 --> 00:30:40,873
The Marjorie Zone.
746
00:30:40,973 --> 00:30:43,443
We've already warmed one
degree Celsius.
747
00:30:43,543 --> 00:30:45,511
And do you know
what's happened since then?
748
00:30:45,611 --> 00:30:47,246
Here, let me tell you.
749
00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:49,315
We have had more food grown
750
00:30:49,415 --> 00:30:51,951
-since then, which feeds people.
-Hmm.
751
00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:54,454
We are able
to producing fossil fuels,
752
00:30:54,587 --> 00:30:56,989
keeps people's houses warm
in the winter.
753
00:30:57,090 --> 00:30:58,725
That saves people's lives.
754
00:30:58,825 --> 00:31:00,426
-People die in the cold.
-Right.
755
00:31:00,593 --> 00:31:04,130
This-This Earth warming
and-and... and carbon
756
00:31:04,230 --> 00:31:06,165
is-is actually healthy for us.
757
00:31:06,265 --> 00:31:08,468
♪ ♪