♪ ♪
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New York City,
the only city in America,
it's The Daily Show!
Tonight,
Japan gets knocked up.
It's okay. The summer is almost over.
And Abbi Jacobson.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah!
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
What's going on, everybody?
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
Thank you, guys, for coming out in person!
Thank you for being here! Thank you so much!
Take a seat, everybody. Take a seat.
We've got a really fun show for you tonight.
Japan is faking a pregnancy,
Donald Trump needs a mole removed,
and New York wants you to commit murder.
Plus, our guest tonight is the one and only Abbi Jacobson.
-So, let's do this, people. -(cheering and applause)
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
♪ ♪
All right, people. I'm gonna be honest--
with all the news that happened today,
I don't think we have enough space for it in the show.
I-I tried everything.
I even tried putting it in a suitcase and standing on it,
you know, like...
so it closes, but the news just get-get--
kept getting caught in the zipper and...
And so I'm sorry, but we just don't have time for it all.
Fortunately,
not enough time is just enough time
for a segment we call Ain't Nobody Got Time for That.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
All right, let's kick things off with the ongoing saga
of Donald Judeo-Christian Trump
who, earlier this week, was rudely interrupted by the FBI
when he was trying to hoard classified documents.
And there's still a lot we don't know about this raid.
What did the FBI find?
Why would Trump be keeping these documents in the first place?
Has Trump secretly been able to read this entire time?!
But now we may be getting a little more insight
into why the FBI moved in on Mar-a-Lago.
Tonight, brand-new reporting about what led the FBI
to execute a search warrant Monday at Trump's Florida home.
The Wall Street Journal reporting
that the feds may have gotten a tip-off
from an insider after officials visited Mar-a-Lago back in June
to ask about government documents possibly stored there.
Someone familiar with the stored papers told investigators,
there may still be more classified documents
at the private club.
NEWSWOMAN 2: Trumpworld is now reportedly trying
to figure out who flipped.
According to Rolling Stone, Trump is worried
that he may have a rat or multiple rats in his midst.
He's wondering if his phones are tapped
or even if his buddies could be wearing a wire.
Oh, no.
One of Trump's friends could be wearing a wire?
This is the worst possible scenario
because now he's got to tell Rudy Giuliani and Steve Bannon
-to take their shirts off? -(audience groans)
Just be like, "Take-- you know what?
On second thought, I'll just kill myself."
And if this is actually true, I am going to be shocked.
I cannot believe someone would betray Trump's trust like this
without getting a book deal first.
You're leaving money on the table, people!
What are you doing?
Also, by the way, before MAGA World tears itself apart
trying to figure out who's the rat,
I think you should all consider the fact
that Trump could be the leak, okay?
No, because if there's one thing we're learned
over the past seven years,
it's that he's the king of snitching on himself.
Yeah, for all we know,
he was bragging about it at the Mar-a-Lago buffet.
He's just like, "This chocolate cake is almost as unforgettable
"as the classified documents I keep in my basement.
"But not a single person knows.
It was the perfect crime."
By the way, that's a real picture of him at the buffet.
We didn't create that.
There are many pictures of him at the buffet.
Now, if we had more time we could get into how Trump has had
such a tight hold on the Republican Party
that they're willing to put him above the law,
or we could talk about whether Merrick Garland unsealing
the search warrant will convince Republicans
that this search was justified, but we just don't have the time
because while Trump is fighting off the FBI,
two former Trump officials are trying to dodge
Iranian assassins.
Returning to a story overseas,
a member of Iran's elite Revolutionary Guard
is charged in an alleged plot to murder
former National Security Advisor John Bolton.
NEWSWOMAN: Investigators say the alleged murder-for-hire plot
began to take shape after this drone strike in Iraq
assassinated top Iranian general Qasem Soleimani
over two years ago.
Iran found retaliation.
The Justice Department is now charging Shahram Poursafi,
a member of Iran's Revolutionary Guard,
with offering $300,000 to murder Bolton.
NEWSWOMAN 2: The FBI also alleges that Poursafi
"had a second job for $1 million."
The target of that job?
Former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo.
Yeah, that's right.
America assassinated Iran's top general,
one of the country's most respected and feared man,
and Iran responded by trying to kill
John Bolton and Mike Pompeo?
(laughter)
It's... it's not the same level.
It's, like... it's like if your wife
slept with your best friend, and you're like, "Oh, yeah?
Well, I hooked up with the I.T. guy at your office."
Okay.
You know, in some ways, it actually says something
about how divided America is. Yeah.
That it has nobody as respected as Soleimani was in Iran.
It feels like if anyone got assassinated in America,
half the country would be like, "Hell, yeah, thank you, Iran."
And by the way, just as insult,
$300,000 for Bolton but a million for Pompeo?
(laughter)
You know, that's a big difference in price.
I almost, I almost feel bad for John Bolton.
'Cause I don't know what's worse,
being on an assassin's hit list
or having the assassin find you and the assassin jumping out
like, "John Bolton. Pedar sag.
"I'm looking for a more important person to kill.
"Uh, do you know where I could find him?
Yes, yes? Point me in the direction."
Also, by the way, if Iran was willing to pay
a million dollars to kill Trump's secretary of state,
they should've just asked Trump to do it.
I mean, he was gonna get his vice president killed for free.
Come on, people, think about it, think about it.
No, but for real, I do feel bad for John Bolton.
I mean, yes, he's always trying to bomb every other country,
yes, he brags about overthrowing governments
but being hunted by the Iranians can't be fun.
I mean, it definitely explains
why he's wearing the stupid fake mustache the whole time.
(laughter)
It's-it's real?
Oh, sorry. My bad.
Uh, now, now if we had more time,
we could talk about how America sees nothing wrong
with assassinating foreign officials whenever they like
but act surprised when other countries want to get revenge.
(gasp) "You should have turned the other cheek."
But we just don't have the time, goddamn it,
because while Iran is trying to get rid of people,
Japan is trying to figure out
how to add people to its population.
The only problem is who they put in charge of that.
NEWSMAN: Japan has replaced the female minister
in charge of reversing the country's falling birth rate
with a man who has never had children.
Masanobu Ogura said he gained an understanding
of the issues facing expectant mothers
by wearing a simulated pregnancy belly for 24 hours,
telling the reporters that wearing the 16-pound prosthetic
left him with sympathy for women and back pain.
(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
This is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life.
If having a big belly helped men understand women,
the patriarchy would be long gone.
What are you talking about?
That's the dumbest thing ever.
"All it left me with is back pain"?
Also, like, what a bitch-ass.
One day, and he was like, "Oh, my back!"
(laughter)
Now aside from trying
to Miss Doubtfire their falling population problem,
Japan is trying everything
to figure out why their people aren't having more babies.
And, look, I'm not a scientist,
but if you ask me,
maybe it's because they invented the PlayStation.
-(laughter) -Yeah.
That thing has prevented more pregnancies
than every condom, diaphragm and IUD ever made.
-(applause and cheering) -Ever.
That's real birth control.
Yeah. 'Cause he'll be... be like, "All right, baby.
"You just... you ready to have some sex?
"Oh, we're gonna have some real sex tonight, girl.
"It's gonna be... All right, let me just finish this mission.
"Let me just... Oh, shit! I just unlocked the RPG!
"Yo, boys get online! We're going all night!
"Baby, you're probably going to want to live
the rest of your life without me. Yeah!"
Now, if we had more time, we could talk
about how Japan is a warning
to every developed country in the world
that if your immigration policies are too restrictive,
at some point, your population is going to collapse.
Or if we had time, we could have so much fun
talking about how Japan basically has
a secretary of raw-dogging, which is wild.
Like, what does he do? Send the army
to just, like, snipe holes out of condoms?
I would love to figure it out,
but ain't nobody got time for that
because we have to go to a break.
But before we do, we have to check in on the weather
with our very own Desi Lydic, everybody!
(applause and cheering)
So good to see you, Desi.
So, uh, Desi, are you going to tell us about the weather?
Yes, Trevor. Let's talk
about whether a man should be wearing a fake pregnancy belly.
Let me just say, as someone who has been pregnant,
I can tell you the belly is only ten percent
of the full experience.
It'd be more realistic if you wore the fake belly
and then got punched in the dick for 36 hours straight.
And then that dick got ripped off.
And then he had to raise that dick for 18 years.
(laughter)
Ah, the miracle of life.
But at least he's trying, though.
And that goes-- that goes both ways.
I've always said that, which is why I've been trying
to understand the male experience better
by acting like a man.
Like, uh, I've been getting paid more for no reason.
I have, like, three friends named Kyle.
Talking a lot about Bitcoin
even though I don't know anything about Bitcoin.
Wow, Desi, it sounds like you really--
I've been interrupting people more.
Getting really good at that.
Well, great. Well-well, maybe--
It's easy once you get the hang of it.
-So if we-- -All you have to do is wait until someone
starts talking, and then you start talking.
Desi, I know what interrupting is.
It's when you speak on top of somebody else.
Oh, actually, Trevor,
it's when you interject
before someone's completed their thought.
Desi, stop mansplaining to me!
Just get to the weather!
Okay, all right, calm down.
Don't act crazy.
Take it easy.
Has anyone told you you should smile more?
Give it a try. Give it a try.
Let's see those dimples.
You know what, I'm-- I'm just gonna need a moment.
So let's take a break. Desi Lydic, everybody.
Desi Lydic. And when we come back,
Ronny Chieng will prove why summer is terrible,
-so don't go away. -(cheering, applause)
(cheering and applause)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
You know, there's so much arguing in America today,
but we here at The Daily Show
think there could be even more.
So, to do our part, here's Ronny Chieng
with another installment of Prove Me Wrong.
-♪ -♪ -Ice cream, vacations,
long walks on the beach.
I (bleep) hate all that shit.
Welcome to Prove Me Wrong:
-Summer Edition. -(buzzing)
♪ ♪
Summer is the worst season. Prove me wrong.
Well, I would say summer is the season
where everyone's the happiest.
During the summer, everyone gets to come outside.
Everybody's shirt turns into a Rorschach test.
But, during the summer, when everyone's sweaty and gross,
everyone's sweaty and gross.
We're all equal during the summer.
So you're making a Marxist argument
for B.O. during summer.
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah, sorry, this is the free world.
-Mm. -The top one percent should not have B.O.
-How do you smell? -Go ahead. Smell me.
I dare you. Smell this shit right now.
(sniffs)
You smell like me. See? We're the same.
That's not a compliment.
Pools are better than oceans. Prove me wrong.
Pools are stinky.
They have nasty people that go in there.
They just get in with their funky bodies
and their sweaty selves and just plop up in there.
Yeah, you think people don't pee and poop in the ocean?
-Oh, yeah. -And-and it's not just people, by the way.
You think whales are coming on land to take a shit?
Yeah, if they want to.
No, they're not. They're shitting in the ocean, okay?
It's whales, jellyfish, seals.
It's octopus. It's every (bleep) thing in there
just shitting into your mouth.
Oceans are just pools that are trying to kill you.
Do you know how many shark sightings have been here
this last week? There's five.
Like, did you see the shark?
-N-No. -Eh... -Interesting. Interesting.
Oh, so your argument is "I didn't see the shark
so therefore the ocean is safe"?
-I mean... -Well, good luck out there.
-I've never seen a shark at the beach myself. -Nope, and...
So, what, you're a shock denier.
Can't get food from the-- from pools either.
-There's no fish in pools. -Yeah.
-But in the ocean, I-I'd be sustaining myself. -Yeah.
-Fresh coconuts, fresh fish. -Yeah.
You can't eat anything near the ocean. The sand gets in it.
-Protein. -Put your money where your mouth is.
-This is food. -All right.
This is your food on the beach.
Do it.
(clears throat)
(munching)
Is that good enough for you? (muffled laugh)
Okay, I got some bad news for you.
There's no protein in sand.
-(bleep) out of here. -All right. -Thanks for the fries.
Yo, thanks, bro.
Pigeons are better than seagulls. Prove me wrong.
Pigeons are literally, like, rat with wings.
Genetically, they used to be white,
but then, out of, like, Darwinism, and, like,
after all these years, they actually turned black
to adapt to, like, certain environments,
-and they're so gross. -Why do you have
-to make it racial? -It's not racial.
We're talking about pigeons versus seagulls,
-not why are pigeons black. -It's scientific.
How many Info Wars do you watch?
No, but it's, like, just over time,
like, they start genetic... They used to be white,
but genetically, over time, they, like...
People have been canceled for less than that.
Popsicles are gross. Prove me wrong.
-Why are Popsicles gross? -I don't need
to watch someone fellate a dessert.
Eat ice cream's gross enough,
but at least you can't "Deep Throat" it.
I'm sorry. It prepares you for life.
-That's a lot of work. -(Chieng laughs)
And there's lots of instances where you have
to do things similarly
-to eating a Popsicle. It's... -Do you work in show business?
No, but Popsicles are good, man.
-You got all different kinds of flavors. -Like what?
50/50 bars, you got a red, uh, an Original Pop,
you've got Bomb Pops.
-You got... -None of those are flavors.
Okay, so you tell me what flavor that is.
This is grape, and I actually really love grape.
Everybody hates on it, but it's so good.
Grapes don't taste like that in real life.
Okay, the guy who created the flavor grape
clearly has never had a grape before.
Yeah? See?
No, that's...
You ate it like a pelican.
You didn't even chew it. How did you do that?
It's sticking to your beard now.
-Ugh. -Oh, that's so good.
Yeah, see, that's... No, man.
Popsicles aren't gross, you are gross.
What's wrong-- What you got against popsicles?
They're messy. They make my hands sticky.
-Why, you don't eat it fast enough? -Yeah.
-Can't put it in your mouth fast enough? -No.
Why don't you demonstrate right now.
Ugh, yeah. Okay, that's...
very ex-experienced.
Look, no mess. Lookit. No mess.
Even still have my lip gloss on.
Okay, you know what, that was actually-- As much as I want
-(laughs) -to hate on that, that was actually pretty impressive.
I feel like you actually did prove me wrong.
-So you know what? -Am I good?
What's happening?
All right.
Is that what I win?
You get to wear the golden thong.
You have now earned the right to take my place
-No, I'm good. -behind the "prove me wrong" sign.
-I'm wearing my own thong. -No, you've clearly proved me wrong.
-That golden thong is-- -That's what happens when you
-prove me wrong. You have to take over. -No, no, it's okay.
-It's-- No, you got to take my place now. -I-- No.
-It's like Highlander. -No, it's on you.
You're right, now take--
Take my spot.
Thank you so much for that, Ronny. All right, stay tuned,
because when we come back, Abbi Jacobson
will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
(cheering, applause)
(cheering and applause)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight is actor, writer,
and producer Abbi Jacobson.
She's here to talk about co-creating and starring
in the new series A League of Their Own,
which will be available to stream August 12 on Prime Video.
-Hi! It's us again! -(chuckles)
-Henry. -Hi...
-(chuckles) -(inhales) Henry, okay, I need you...
to send this immediately.
-Abso... -All right? You need to make sure
-it goes out, all right? Immediately. -I will.
-Don't open it! -I... I won't open it.
Why would I open it? (chuckles softly)
-Why did you even bring that up though? -I-I'm not...
Is there someone else? I-I don't...
-This is sealed, so just keep... -You're bad.
...keep it that way.
Henry's a bad boy.
-I won't be-- I-I don't plan on being bad. -Don't be bad.
-BOTH: Don't be bad, Henry. -Please enjoy your stay.
-Do not-- Don't be bad! -Don't be bad!
Please welcome Abbi Jacobson!
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
-Abbi Jacobson. -Wow. Wow.
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
Thanks for having me back.
It is so good to have you back.
Last time you were on the show,
um, we were talking about the end of Broad City.
20 years ago.
(laughing)
-It feels like that. -It does feel like that.
-It really does feel like that. -It was, like, three years ago.
What-what I didn't know is you were already embarking
on a new journey to start League of Their Own.
And I love how you've taken a movie that's a classic
and turned it into something
that's super current to what's happening today,
but it feels like it's-it's very much in touch with the original.
I love to hear that, yeah.
It is a...
It's-it's quite a classic.
It's-it's people's favorite movie.
It's a lot of pressure.
(both laugh)
-It is, though, it was huge. -It is.
It's one of my favorite movies.
-Yeah. -That's why we wanted to do it, but,
-you know, it was made in 1992, when I... -Right.
And it's-it's a two-hour film, this is a TV version.
We have a lot more real estate
and we wanted to tell a lot more stories.
There's a lot of things
-that Penny Marshall hinted at in the film... -Yes, yes.
...that you-you're-- it's, like, alluding to, to things.
I feel like she had to do that, though, but what's,
what's great is that the story talks about everything.
-It talks about sexuality. -Yeah.
You know, it talks about, uh, acceptance.
It talks about, you know,
even-even that-that-that-that little nod to, oh, segregation.
It's like you've got the fight for women's rights,
but it's like Black women are often excluded
-from that conversation. -Yep.
And now you've gone, "I'm gonna bring all those conversations,
but I'm not going to allude to them."
No, we're-we're going full-on.
-I love it. -No alluding.
Yeah, I mean, it's a...
Women playing baseball, I think some of them
are going to be queer, I think, or...
-Yeah. -I think so,
and none of them were in the film,
even though it's like this kind of iconic gay movie
-somehow, but... -It really is.
...there's no, like, no one's gay in it.
Rosie's in it, not like...
-There's just, like, little touches. -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
And the more research we did,
the more we found out that this was a really queer league.
And queer people didn't just show up at Stonewall.
Like, we've been around forever, and so
the more research we did about queer culture in the '40s,
it was just like, it was so exciting
to dive into those stories.
And then there is this, this scene in the film
that you all know as well, which is an iconic scene
where there's a foul ball and a Black woman picks it up
-and chucks it back and it's, like, -Yes. Right.
"But, she... Why isn't... She has a great arm,"
and, and then that's truly it.
-If you blink, you miss the scene. -Yeah.
It's so short, and in '92,
I think Penny couldn't tell that story
as thoroughly as we can now.
And so, in that league, that the film features,
women of color were not allowed to try out,
-they weren't allowed to play. -Right. Right.
And, so, in this show, we find out,
well, what happens when that door opens for my character
and a lot of other white women and white-passing women
to get to play in that league and what happens when it closes.
And, and this other main character in the show--
which you're all going to find out,
uh, when you watch the whole thing--
uh, finds her own team and her character
is loosely based on these three women
-who played in the Negro leagues. -Right.
-Right. -Toni Stone, Mamie Johnson and Connie Morgan.
So once we, like, found out...
Or once I found out all about them,
that was the most exciting part-- to tell their story.
I think you tell it well.
I think it's really funny.
I think it brings so many stories together.
One of the most amazing moments for me...
You know, you say the word "research" a lot.
And I hope everybody understands.
You actually did research the league itself.
-You talked to women who played baseball. -Yeah.
You talked to them about their experiences.
You had one of the most amazing moments
where you shared the fact
that you're queer with a baseball legend.
-Yeah. Maybelle. -Yeah, and she came out.
Yeah, so, again, we've been working
on this since 2017, and research was such...
Like, every iteration of the writers room, the...
All the department heads had access to all the research.
-And so, in doing that, we met a lot of the players... -Uh-huh.
from the league and a lot of other softball players
that are still around.
And Maybelle Blair, who was consulting with us
on, like, the baseball part...
You know, Will Graham and I, who co-created it with me--
we... we had a drink with her.
She has this, like, dive bar down by...
in California that she loves,
and she brought us out to, like, a 5:00 p.m. dinner, and...
-She's 95. -She's 95 years old?
-She's 95. -I think this is crucial for people to remember.
-Uh, yeah, yeah, she's 95. -NOAH: This is a late night.
-Yeah. Yeah. -NOAH: You're 95 years old.
And so, I... We were like, "We got to bring this part up."
And I was like, "You know,
I'm queer, Will's queer." I was just, like, outing us all.
Uh, you know, "I feel like that was missing from the film.
-"Like... -Uh-huh.
"there had to have been queer characters.
Do you feel like that was missing from the film?"
And she s-- like, took a breath
and was like, "Well, you know, I'm gay
and I've never said that to really anybody."
And "queer" is not a-not a term--
-She was like, "That was a slur for a very long time." -Yeah.
And so she told us about four years ago,
but we just premiered at Tribeca in June,
-and she came out on stage, publicly. -That is amazing.
-(cheering, applause) -And-- -That is amazing.
-And, I mean, she's 95. -Right.
And if this shows, like, these stories we're telling
in the show-- I just feel very proud to be-to be
showing this kind of representation 'cause, I mean,
it took her nine-- it was an incredible moment,
-but it also took her to be 95. -Yes.
So that shows how dangerous and-and--
it was to be queer and still is to be queer,
and how important it is to show these stories, so...
I-I think that's-that's what makes it so powerful
is you know, you use the comedy to get us in,
and it's a really funny show-- I hope everybody-- like,
watch it for that reason alone if you want, it's super funny--
but the reason you're gonna stay
is because there's so much heart.
It, like, talks to the precarious nature of being queer
-and how you can and cannot exist in certain spaces. -Yeah.
And then it talks about everything. It talks about,
like, how women have to, like, sort of
step out of the spotlight when the men are, like,
-"We're coming back to take our league." -Yeah.
It's-it's-- it's a really funny show. I think you've done
a great job. I hope it goes on for many, many,
-many seasons. -Thank you.
I hope we just see you again, with more
-and more and more and more. -Maybe I'll come back,
-come back, couple months. -Yeah. Just keep coming back.
Thank you so much for joining me again. Wonderful seeing you.
So much fun. Abbi Jacobson, everybody. We're gonna take
a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
-(cheering, applause) -Thank you again.
(cheering)
Well, that's our show for tonight,
but before we go, before we go, don't miss
Hell of a Week with Charlamagne Tha God.
It's been a week, and he's about to take it down.
And it starts right now, so don't move.
Like, right now, right now. Watch it. Until next time,
Stay safe out there, and remember--
your best friends could be wiretapping your conversations,
so you should probably talk that trash straight to their face.
Now here it is, Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
If you could plan your last meal on earth, what would it be?
It won't be dog penis.
I ate a whole plate of dog penis one time--
-not doing that again. -♪ ♪