(cheering)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight is a former Nickelodeon star
who is here to talk about her best-selling memoir
I'm Glad My Mom Died.
Please welcome Jennette McCurdy.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
Hi.
Thank you.
-Jennette McCurdy, -Hi.
-welcome to The Daily Show. -I feel so short.
-My feet aren't touching the floor. -Oh, that's-that's fine.
As long as, like, you can-you can swing them--
-I can swing 'em around. -You can-- Yeah. It's, uh,
-as long as you enjoy it. -Oh, yeah, it's good.
I can lower the desk as well, if you'd like.
-This is-this is good. -Okay, good. Okay.
I can't actually do it. I'm glad you didn't ask me to do it.
Um, welcome to the show and congratulations
on writing a book that,
I think, for many people, is seen as
not just something funny,
not just a story that's interesting,
but in many ways a cathartic exploration
of how we see the relationships that we have
with many of our parents, our caregivers,
whoever it was in our world, because
you wrote a book entitled I'm Glad My Mom Died.
Yeah.
And it is a massive hit.
So, two questions. One,
did you hate your mom?
And two, does everybody?
Um, no, I definitely don't hate my mom. Uh,
I think she was a really complicated and nuanced person.
And I try to kind of articulate her
to the best of my ability
and all of her many shades and colors.
To me, her humor is really, uh...
She could say things that were so wild
and at times abusive, but she just had a certain cadence
and a rhythm that was so humorous,
so I tried to capture that, um, but I certainly didn't hate her.
And I think... I think that's why
it was so important for me to write this book.
Because getting to the place where I was finally glad
and relieved that she was dead, you know,
it took me so long to be able to accept that, um, reality.
And I also think that's something that people...
You-you-- I didn't hear anybody talking about.
I didn't hear anybody saying, you know,
that the sort of honest reality of what their experience
with their-with their parent was, if they had a similar one,
it feels like a thing that you can't say because
society doesn't accept it. It just--
You have to keep moms on a pedestal and we all
have to have the same experience.
And that just wasn't mine,
so it felt even more important to express it in the book.
You-you go through your entire journey.
Many people, you know, in America
and some parts of the world will remember you from iCarly.
You were-you were this massive child star.
And on the camera, you were all smiles.
You made people laugh, everybody enjoyed what you were doing.
As soon as you read through the book, you realize
you-you were suffering. You were experiencing trauma.
It was really abusive,
in-in how you were doing what you were doing.
It feels like, in many ways,
you were living your mom's dream
and she was making you do this.
-Yeah. -I-I would love to know how you did it.
Like, did you have a switch, did you have a--
did you compartmentalize?
'Cause you-you talk about it in the book,
but you could-you could never tell, you could never tell
on screen what were you going through.
No, no. So, my mom always wanted to be an actress.
Her dream was to be... famous.
Uh, and she would recount, sort of, these tales
of how her parents wouldn't let her.
She would camp out in front of Donny Osmond's house,
bring him, like, posters.
Um, Chris Knight, who played Peter Brady in The Brady Bunch,
she swore, like, oh, they had a relationship.
I think that was... not true.
Um, Chris Knight, if you're watching, please let me know
-if my mom actually had a relationship with you. -(laughs)
Um, but so she-she was always fascinated with,
kind of, Hollywood and the aura and the romance,
as she saw it, and so she put me in acting when I six
to kind of give, I think--
in my eyes, it was to live vicariously through me
and to fulfill her dream of what she had always wanted.
But it seems like she subjected you to a nightmare.
-Yeah. -Because-because you were in a world
where it's supposed to be fun, you know,
-you're making kid's television, and-and yet... -Yeah.
...it-it seems pretty horrible.
I also wonder if this is the relationship
of many child stars. Or do you know,
was-was this isolated or do you think this is
a lot more normal that we'd like to admit?
I think it's way more common than anyone would care to admit.
I know just from my experience of going into auditions,
countless times, I'd have, like, 103 fever.
My mom would be having me chug Gatorade.
I'd be walking in to, like, pretend to be a homeless child,
which is just already so, kind of, messed up as it is.
And there's these-- this-- you know, dozens of other girls
lined up to also try and be this homeless child.
And the moms are, like, eyeing each other and like,
"Oh, I hope my daughter's better at being homeless than yours."
-And it's like, this is so-- What is this world? -(chuckles)
It's so weird.
Uh, but I-I am able to now, kind of, look back
and see the-the humor in it,
and I think it is a very absurd reality,
but I do think there's a lot of inherent, um,
ironic humor there.
I think what-what you've done in the book is precisely that.
You've looked back and you've seen the humor.
You-you use the humor. Because this book without the humor
is a devastating tale of a young child
-who is put into a world... -A pity grab.
-It-it really seemed... -It would be so awful.
-Oh, my God. -I don't think it would be awful.
I think it just would be-- It would be a lot harder
for people to read. I-I think it would be-- It would be painful.
-'Cause it is still the real thing. You know? -Mm.
I-I wouldn't even think of it as a pity grab.
But-but the humor is-is a coping mechanism.
It's a tool you're processing your life through.
There's a point in the book where I-I find myself
-reading the stories of your mom... -Yeah.
...understanding the complicated world
-that she existed in... -Yes.
...but then wondering,
you know, like, how you see her.
Like-like, did you forgive her?
Were you able to let it all go?
Do you still-- do you still hold some of those feelings?
Like, wh-what has your journey been?
Oh, my God, what a big, good question.
That's such a deep-- Like, this is what I spent
ten years in therapy, to be able to now say on The Daily Show.
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
That's so cool.
That's really awesome.
Um, well, I'm glad you initially,
you know, you were speaking of kind of the humor,
and I do think it's a great coping mechanism.
And-and I don't-- I try not to use it
as a, as a defense mechanism.
I used it that way for a long time initially
when I was first kind of trying to grapple with everything.
And I think that led to really unfunny choices,
and my, my sense of humor's just sort of overcompensatory
and kind of flailing and obnoxious, to be honest.
Um, but I think finding humor in those really intense moments
and those tragedies can bring levity where it's necessary.
I hope I've done that.
Um, with my mom, uh,
I-I-I haven't gotten to a place of forgiveness,
and I was trying to get to a place of forgiveness
for so long in therapy.
I would, uh, sort of plead almost with my therapist, like,
"Why am I not able to get to this place?
"What is-- what's wrong with me
that I'm not able to forgive my mom for this abuse?"
-Hmm. -"Why am I so terrible
that I can't get to, get to that place?"
And she eventually said, "You know, Jennette,
"what if you just kind of dropped, uh, forgiveness
"and didn't make that your goal?
Because that's you still trying to do your mom's work."
-WOMAN: Mm. -I couldn't... Yeah, right?
I mean, that's exactly my reaction.
I mm'ed to Erin, yeah.
-Wow. -Yeah.
It's, um, yeah, it's-it's a journey that I think
far too many people have been on.
I think a lot of the success of the book has been that.
Obviously it's well written,
obviously it's-it's fantastically told,
but it is a very complicated topic.
How do you address the lack of love
or the lack, lack of parenting
that you were supposed to get from that figure?
Because, as you say, Mom is supposed to be
-this, this, you know, this god, this icon of everything. -Yep.
Dad in some ways as well but not the same,
-and yet you're in a world where you're going... -(laughter)
Oh, no, it's true, you know, people will be like,
"Oh, Dad, oh, my dad was okay."
-Yeah. -But Mom is-is untouchable.
Or even with dads,
you can be like, "Oh, my dad never showed up,"
and people are like, "Oh, mine neither, uh-huh."
-Right, right. -And then it's totally normal,
but I feel like, with moms, it is very, very much, um, this--
-there's this pedestal that they're on. -Mm-hmm.
When you, when you broached this topic,
when you started thinking about it,
were-were you worried that people would turn on you?
Um, I felt, even if they did, it was a message worth sharing.
I really, I really mean that.
-Wow, I love that. -Thanks.
-I really do. -Thank you.
'Cause that's a brave stance to take, 'cause a lot of people
would be like, "How dare you talk about your mom like that?"
-Yes, yes. -It's actually...
(applause)
(laughs) It's-it's-it's-it's so crazy how,
I mean, everything gets memefied and, you know...
-(laughs): Yeah. -There-there was a, there was a post I saw
online where someone was trying to chastise everybody
for talking about the queen, you know, and, like, just going,
-like, "We're glad this monarchy is ending in some way." -Yeah.
And someone was like, "Replace-- you think it's funny,
"try and replace the queen with your mom
and see how funny it is."
And someone put a picture of your book up,
and then it was like I'm Glad the Queen Died.
(laughs): Yeah.
And it feels like... no, but it feels like, that is...
It feels like that's what the book is dealing with,
is you dealing with the idea of a mom,
and how that... how that competes
or conflicts with your actual mom.
Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah.
-That should be on the backflap. -(laughter)
-I-I can write it. Um... -I wish you would.
You shared your story with us, you've gone through a world.
Now you are back in the world
of entertainment in a very different way.
You're behind the camera. You're directing,
you're writing, you've got a podcast.
It's interesting because it's a world
that was so toxic to you,
and now, you've come back in a different way.
Do you ever worry that it may suck you back in?
And how do you prevent yourself from going back into that space
of feeling like you're defined
by everything that you hated once?
Oh, my God. I'm-I'm so...
Can I just say, I respect you so much?
I... This is so cool.
-(applause and cheering) -I'm so happy to be here, truly.
-Like, this is amazing. -Thank you very much.
Um, I... I have been scared of that.
There have been a few times when I have done some, uh...
some press that shall not be named where it's so bizarre.
Because I'm, like, hearing the pre-roll of, you know, the...
They show, like, the clip of me from the past, or whatever.
And-and it's so dramatic.
It's like, "McCurdy vanished from the spotlight
"after her traumatic childhood
with the trauma and the devastation."
It's like, "Geez, can we calm down?"
And then I, like, walked out to this, you know,
to this, like, cold, domineering kind of set.
And then, there's the journalist,
and there's three inches of makeup on the guy's face.
And it's just, like, you know, it does feel kind of, um...
It feels easy to lose sight of reality in these environments.
-Huh. -And so I really try to keep myself grounded
and stay on top of, you know, therapy
and being in touch with things that really are good touchstones
and grounding tools for me.
'Cause I do not want to, um, get lost in it.
But also, I will say, I trust that I won't.
I-I don't think I had the tools before to not get lost in it.
-Mm-hmm. -To not feel sort of caught up
-in the whirlwind of-of showbiz. -Right.
Um, but now I feel like, you know what?
There are some elements that are really cool about it,
uh, like this, and then, there are some that aren't.
And-and that's fine. I can use my own discernment
and, uh... and just be grateful for the good experiences.
Well, we're grateful for you. Thank you for writing the book.
-Thank you. -Really wonderful having you.
-Thank you so much. -For real. Thank you so much.
I'm Glad My Mom Died is available now
wherever you buy your books. Jennette McCurdy, everybody.
We're going to take a quick break,
but we'll be right back after this.
-Thank you for real. -Oh, my God.
(applause and cheering)
Well, that's our show for tonight, but
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Until next time, stay safe out there and remember.
When life throws you a curveball,
you just ka-ka-ka-ka that thing away.
Now here it is-- Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
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