♪ ♪
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New York City,
the only city in America, it's The Daily Show.
Tonight:
Trump's latest excuses.
Should we go back to school?
And Xolo Maridueña.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
What's going on, everybody. welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Thank you for coming out in person.
Thank you for being here, everybody.
Thank you so much for being here. We have got
a wild show for you tonight. Take a seat. Let's get into it.
Donald Trump is Professor X,
the New York subway is about to replace House of Dragon
as your favorite show, and we'll find out
why Russians are all going on vacation at the same time.
So let's do this, people.
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
All right. I'm gonna be honest.
With all the news that happened today, I...
I don't think we have enough space in today's show.
I-I'm-I'm really sorry. You know?
It's too mu-- No, it's like we were at
an all-you-can-eat news buffet, and there's just
only so many stories, like, your mom can fit in her purse
while the waiter's not looking. There-there--
there's just not enough time for it all.
Um, fortunately, not enough time is just enough time
for a segment we call Ain't Nobody Got Time For That.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
All right, let's kick things off with the ongoing legal troubles
of America's 45th president, Donald Jurisdiction Trump.
The only former president with a side gig
selling bedazzled classified documents on Etsy.
You see, Trump is still being investigated
by the Justice Department for keeping over 100
classified documents in a closet at Mar-a-Lago--
pretty much the least-secure place in the world,
outside of Adam Levine's DMs. And Trump...
and Trump World has been coming up with
all kinds of defenses for what he did.
They said, "Oh, the FBI planted the evidence."
They said, "Everyone takes work home with them."
A-And then they said, "Trump was trying
to protect the documents from Nicolas Cage."
But last night, last night,
during an interview with Sean Hannity,
Trump came up with a new excuse
that may have topped them all.
NEWSWOMAN: A defiant Donald Trump pushing back.
The former president is insisting
he had the power to declassify documents
seized from his Mar-a-Lago home just by thinking about it.
If you're the president of the United States,
you can declassify just by saying,
"I'm-- It's declassified," even by thinking about it.
And there doesn't have to be a process.
There can be a process, but there doesn't have to be.
Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Donald Trump can declassify documents with his brain? How?
How? He can't even read documents with his brain.
How-how does this happen?
I really hope that "I can make things happen with my mind"
is gonna be their actual argument at the trial.
That would be great.
"Your Honor, the defendant pleads Jedi."
So, Trump is saying that he declassified these documents
just by thinking about it.
Which I don't even believe, because that would be
the first time in his life that Trump has thought something
and not said it out loud. Think about it.
This is a man who thought to himself,
"Ooh, if I wasn't related to my daughter, I would date her,"
and then he told everyone on TV. He said it out of his mouth.
And by the way, by the way, if this all happened in his head,
you do realize that means now the FBI
is going to have to raid his brain for the evidence.
That's going to be a nightmare for them.
Oh, guys, all right, let's see what we have in here.
Wow, it's a... a lot of bikinis, a lot of bikinis in here.
Miss America in a bikini.
Is that Putin in a bikini?
A hamburger in a bikini?
Oh, what's... Hold up, hold up.
I think I found the documents.
I got them, the classified documents,
but they're in a bikini.
(laughter and applause)
Now... if we had more time,
we could talk about the massive ramifications
of Donald Trump having a superpower
that only applies to documents,
but we don't have the time, because in that same interview,
he gave a different excuse that was even more mind-boggling.
Here is Donald Trump's new theory revealed just an hour ago
about what the FBI was really looking for
with their search warrant.
There's also a lot of speculation
because of what they did,
the severity of the FBI coming and raiding Mar-a-Lago,
were they looking for the Hillary Clinton emails
that were deleted but they are around someplace?
Were they looking for the spying...?
HANNITY: Wait, wait, you're not saying you had it...
No, no, they may be saying...
-They may have thought that it was in there. -Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
What?
Even Sean Hannity's like, "Wait, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm...
I roll with you, but I-I don't understand."
Like... (stammering) I'm so confused.
What, so is Trump saying the FBI raided his house
to find Hillary's emails?
So they didn't want the documents
he declassified with his mind.
No, they wanted the emails he couldn't find
but that he actually had the whole time at his house?
Because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton?
-(applause) -What?
What?!
So... America really did elect its first female president?
What?!
This is so insane.
And if we had more time, we could talk about
how great it is that Hillary Trump broke the glass ceiling
or we could talk about how amazing it is
that Sean Hannity basically gave Trump a softball
and Trump hit himself in the dick with his bat,
but we don't have the fun...
we don't have the time to have fun with all of that
because While American people are getting embarrassed
by their leaders, Iran's people are rising up against theirs.
TAPPER: Hundreds of Iranians risking their lives
to protest the country's ultraconservative dress code
for women and much more.
They were sparked by the death of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini
while she was in the custody
of Iran's notorious morality police.
She was detained for the crime of showing her hair in public.
-(crowd shouting) -In a brave show of defiance,
women in Iran's capital of Tehran
are now removing their state-mandated hijabs.
JOMANA KARADSHEH: The scope of these protests, John, are rare
but also unprecedented in their feminist nature,
where you're seeing women at the forefront
at these protests, leading these protests,
taking to the streets, removing their headscarves,
setting up bonfires, burning their headscarves,
and chanting "Death to the dictator"
in reference to the Supreme, uh, Leader.
Yeah, women in Iran...
(cheering and applause)
...women in Iran...
who...
who all have stories of being detained
or harassed by the morality police,
are fighting back, and rightfully so.
Rightfully so-- think about it.
You're gonna have a bunch of random people
walking around Iran, telling women
what to do with their own bodies. Huh?
In America you have to be on the Supreme Court to do that.
And what the women of Iran are doing
is inspiring people all over the world.
I mean, you saw them. They're chanting "Death to the dictator"
in front of the dictator's troops.
That is the definition of bravery,
like actual bravery, real bravery.
-(applause) -Yeah.
Not like, not like the way we use it here,
like when a musician tries acting.
"Oh, this was a real risk for you."
And that bravery has been contagious
because in the past week
these protests have gotten bigger and angrier,
and in response the Iranian government
is trying to control the flow of information
by shutting down access to apps like WhatsApp and Instagram.
But this is something I-I wonder with these governments sometime.
Do they, do they realize that people protested
before social media, right?
Yeah, like, civil rights leaders didn't have Facebook, all right?
Nelson Mandela wasn't on TikTok like,
"Yo, it's your boy Nelson,
straight-up kicking it in prison, ha-ha-ha."
Now, if we had more time we could talk
about how this protest follows
on the heels of a series of events
that has turned Iran into a powder keg.
The government's COVID response was terrible,
water mismanagement has caused massive droughts,
the government has brutally suppressed labor protests,
and on top of all of that,
the United States has sanctioned Iran so badly
that people can barely afford medicine,
so this protest and this moment in time has many people in Iran
wondering if this is going to be a tipping point.
But we don't have the time to cover all of that
because it turns out, Iran's government
is not the only one that's feeling the heat.
NEWSWOMAN: This morning more than 1,000 Russian protesters
detained by Russian police after taking to the streets.
Young men chanting "I don't want to die for Putin."
Mothers screaming "Send Putin to the trenches,
let our children live."
This after President Putin suddenly announcing
he would call up 300,000 men for military service
after his massive losses in Ukraine.
NEWSMAN: Other Russians are fleeing the country.
Flights from Moscow to all visa-free destinations
selling out quickly.
There are also long lines of cars
heading to Finland, which has open borders.
Yeah, that's right.
After Russia's angriest elf announced that he was going
to be drafting 300,000 people into his war in Ukraine,
the Russian people are trying everything
to get out of country, which I totally get. I get it.
-(applause) -I mean, think about it, think about it.
This guy is fighting a war for no reason. He made it up.
It's like when your friend gets drunk
and then tries to get you involved
in a fight that they started.
He's like, "Come on, bro,
he spilled his shirt all over my beer."
It's like, "Yeah, I'm just gonna Uber home."
And, remember, the Russians don't have Uber,
so they're trying every other way to get out,
you know, any way they can.
Some are flying out. Others are driving across border.
Some are even hitting up Ron DeSantis,
pretending to be Venezuelans.
(Russian accent): "Yes, my name is Domingo.
We fly Martha's Vineyard, yes?"
And, look, if we had more time,
we could talk about whether the resistance to Putin's draft
could spur more opposition to the war itself
or we could talk about how Putin needing to have a draft
undermines everything he's said up until now.
Because, remember, he's always insisted
that this wasn't even a real war.
So what do you need 300,000 more soldiers for, huh?
Does he need help moving that giant table? What is it?
Well, we don't have the time to figure that out.
Because while Russia is ramping up the war in Ukraine,
here in New York City,
there is a major escalation in the war on crime.
The MTA taking some new action to make our subways safer.
It's going to install security cameras
in every New York City subway car.
NEWSMAN: The MTA adding surveillance
to more than 6,400 subway cars.
That's about 12,700 cameras,
a $5.5 million cost.
Today, Governor Hochul got to test a major expansion
of the surveillance system.
Watch here as Hochul and MTA Chairman Janno Lieber
board a 7 train at the Corona Yard.
And then the hidden camera on board records them.
Do you think Big Brother's watching you on the subways?
You're absolutely right.
That is our intent.
"That's right.
"I'm Big Brother watching over you.
Just like in that book I clearly didn't finish reading."
What do you-- Why would you want to be Big Brother?
I get that they're trying to address crime, but...
we already have cameras in all the subways.
Yeah. They're called iPhones.
Anything, anything that those security cameras
are gonna pick up was already on TikTok two days ago.
Don't get it twisted.
And here's the thing-- I'm not saying New York shouldn't try
to make the subways safer,
but is this the right way to spend the money?
Right? Especially when you consider how many other problems
with the subway require funding--
making them run on time,
upgrading the stations
to improve safety and accessibility,
maintaining them
so that they don't always look
like shit's about to go down.
Like, have you been in a New York City subway lately?
It looks like the world ended
and Will Smith is about to show up with his dog.
That's how it looks.
And, look, if we had the time,
we could talk about why officials are always quick
to spend money on cameras to catch homeless people
jerking off on the subway,
when they could be spending money investing in housing
so that those people could jerk off in their own homes.
-(cheering and applause) -Or...
we could talk about how America
loves investing in catching criminals,
as opposed to investing in a society
where people are less likely to commit crime.
But, unfortunately, we don't have the time
to talk about all that, because Big Brother is telling me
that it's time for us to take an ad break.
So we'll be right back.
(cheering and applause)
(cheering, applause)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
You know, there's
so much arguing in America today,
but we here at The Daily Show
think there could be even more.
So, to do our part, here's Dulcé Sloan
with another installment of Prove Me Wrong.
You know, it's that special time of year
where the crisp is back in the air,
your exes are calling you back,
and we have sent those bad-ass kids
back in that building.
So welcome to Prove Me Wrong: Back-to-School Edition.
♪ ♪
If kids ain't that bright anyway,
why keep using your tax dollars
to teach these little monsters?
Why do you think school should stop at third grade?
What did you learn in the fourth grade
that you still use? Cursive?
Now, how am I gonna remember what I learned
in the fourth grade?
I don't remember what I wore last week.
That's what I'm saying.
If you can't remember what you learned in the fourth grade,
then why did you need to go past the third?
Now, that's a valid point.
'Cause I can't tell you nothing I learned past third grade.
Mm-hmm. I want you you to prove me wrong.
Popularity in school does matter.
Prove me wrong!
-I think when you're showered with attention -Yeah.
and coddled, like, too early, like,
-all the people like you-- -Mm.
-it's not good for-for your development. -Ment--
Now, where'd you go to school?
-Uh, in Germany. -Germany?
Yeah, southern Germany.
So you're saying that-that you shouldn't be popular
because the popular kids
end up selling schnitzel or some shit.
Which is not bad for itself, right?
But, yeah, I-I'd say so.
There is no reason to teach spelling anymore.
-Prove me wrong. -Spelling is so important. Sorry.
-Why? -I don't-I don't mean to be rude, but, I mean,
-spelling is, like-- -You're not being rude.
I said "prove me wrong," you walked over here.
I mean, spelling is, like,
it's the first thing you learn in school.
We have all of these computers that tell us,
"Hey, the words are spelled wrong."
What about the people who aren't as lucky as us
who don't have the technology to have autocorrect?
And they're-- You know, maybe they're still writing...
I don't know. Like, people around the world.
I've-I've-- Yeah. I haven't lived that life,
-but I know they exist. -No, I'm only talking about the-the...
-the fools here. -Okay, so this is a...
"no reason to teach spelling anymore in the U.S."?
Listen, I'm an American. I don't think about anyone else.
-(chuckles): Okay. -Why would I think this extrapolates
-to the rest of the world? -Well, I'm jealous of you.
I'm jealous-- I-I wish I could just think about myself.
Attractive people shouldn't be allowed to be teachers.
Prove me wrong!
Well, I think attractiveness is a very subjective thing.
He could be attractive to you and not to me.
There's no way we can, like, say, "Ugly people."
-I don't want to play this game. We know who's ugly. -(laughs)
We do this all the time, as people. It's like,
"Oh, attractiveness is relative." No, it's not.
I definitely paid more attention in class
-when there was an attractive teacher. -I agree.
I failed math four times.
You only get to take it four times.
-Yeah, I... -You failed it all four times? -(laughs)
No, I finally passed on the fourth time, actually.
But what about all the other math you had to take?
I think your counting might be still off.
Had a hot physics teacher.
Don't know what physics are.
I know biology's is bodies.
-Chemistry's is the chemicals. -Mm-hmm.
What the hell is physics, physicals?
I think a hot or not teacher doing physics isn't gonna help.
Well, thank you so much.
I think we've figured out that...
hot teachers are a detriment to us all.
-Wait, we... (laughs) -Disagree. (laughs)
Are you a teacher?!
Really?! What school is this?!
Can I enroll?!
See, that's my point. You can't have hot teachers.
I wouldn't learn shit with him standing in front of me.
Did you see them pecs on that man?
The disrespect. He should be fired immediately.
♪ ♪
Thank you so much for that, Dulcé. All right, stay tuned,
because when we come back, Xolo Maridueña
will be joining me on the show.
You don't want to miss it.
(cheering and applause)
(cheering)
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight will soon be known everywhere
as the D.C. superhero Blue Beetle,
but today he's here to talk about being in
the new season of Cobra Kai,
which is streaming right now on Netflix.
-She finally text you back? -Yeah. Says
she wants to, uh, talk to me.
(sharp inhale)
What did she say, exactly?
"We should talk tonight."
What?
It says "we should talk"?
-Oh, brother, you're in deep. -I mean, she's right,
We should talk. The last time we spoke we had a huge fight.
Yeah, but "we should talk" is code for "I-I want to break up."
-What? It is? Wha-- -Not necessarily.
Moon is really big on communication.
Maybe Sam does just actually does want to talk?
No, no, we need more information. Uh,
we should send a trial balloon. Something that
puts the ball in her court.
Please welcome Xolo Maridueña.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
-Xolo Maridueña, welcome to the show. -Yes. Thank you.
-Thank you for having me. -It's so good to have you here.
You-you are experiencing a trajectory
that few people have ever experienced.
Obviously, people love you on Cobra Kai, you know?
Every outlet from E! News
all the way through to, like--
every publication online is just like, you are the it guy.
I-I think I read somewhere,
they said you are the Internet's boyfriend.
-The Internet's boyfriend. Okay. That's-- -Yeah.
I haven't heard that one before.
I should-- I think my mom maybe wrote that.
Maybe she was-she was-- I think maybe she was
-putting in a good word for me. -But you really are
-having a great run. Congratulations -Thank you.
I mean, Cobra Kai-- what is it, season five now?
Season five, yeah, yeah. I hope we get to do another one.
-(cheering, applause) -Seems like you will.
-Five seasons. -It seems like you will.
It's a really popular show. I-I've always wondered this--
you know, because the show is so popular,
I grew up watching The Karate Kid, right? -Right.
And then I see this show, and then you're on it,
and I'm like, "You weren't even alive
-No. No. -when the The Karate Kid came out."
I was barely alive when the Jaden Smith one came out.
-I-I... I, uh... - (laughing)
No, I had seen it, though.
-I mean, it-it's pivotal. -Okay, okay, okay.
It's every, yeah, I feel like everyone has seen it, right?
-I-I... Yeah, it's... -(applause)
It definitely is-is, uh...
-something that only until the show had released -Yeah.
did I realize was so close to so many people's hearts.
-It-it's like, it-it's part of the lore. -Mm-hmm.
It's part of, you know, it went around the world...
It's like they got their own Marvel Cinematic Universe.
They're bringing people from the past. Yeah, they're...
-It does feel like that. -Yeah, yeah.
-Let's talk a little bit about, um, the show itself. -Yes.
You know, you're learning martial arts and everything.
-You're learning your karate. -Mm-hmm, yeah.
Do-do you actually learn?
'Cause I like how people get to learn the stuff
on the shows they're doing.
Can you fight?
I can fight, yes.
-I don't know if I can fight well. -Ah.
I think, if I were to be in a fight in real life,
I'd be like, "Can you throw it with the other hand?
I only know how to block it on this side."
-I practiced it this way. -Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
"If there was a camera, I'd beat you up right."
-Exactly, exactly, exactly. -It's that type of vibe. Yes.
But, uh, you know, I was very fortunate that the character
didn't know karate either at the beginning.
So I was able to play it along.
Like, I remember being in the chemistry read
and-and faking that I couldn't do a push-up.
And they were like, "This guy's hilarious.
This guy's... this guy's our guy."
And I was like, "What?"
"His timing is crazy."
But now you've gotten better, I'm assuming.
But now I can do a push-up, yes.
-(laughter and applause) -Yeah.
Um...
You know, the-the show is beloved.
You are also somebody who people are getting to know.
You-You've had a really interesting journey.
I mean, you started acting at the age of ten, I believe.
Ten, yeah, yeah.
Like, how are you normal?
-I... -No, and I ask this honestly.
I feel like a lot of child stars aren't well-adjusted,
and as they grow up, they become, they become like...
And I understand what happens to them.
-I'm not even blaming them. -No, no, no.
But you seem normal. You know, I-I met your mom.
-She's great and... -Yeah, she's like...
Yeah, she's normal as well.
I, you know, I think...
I mean, I-I to public school most of my life.
Like, I, even in high school, I was,
I kept along with the curriculum.
-I was in a regular high school. I-I... -Okay.
And my-my core group of friends are the friends
that I've had for the longest time,
-I think. -That's the secret.
A-And I was also really blessed
that Cobra Kai blew up over the pandemic.
So I wasn't, I wasn't out and about.
-Right, right, right. -There wasn't, like,
walking around with, you know, the Stranger Things kids,
like, "Oh, don't take pictures!"
It was, it was-- I was at home like, "Oh, man."
(both laugh)
Going to Trader Joe's with my mask on, like,
-"Guys? Nobody?" -"Do you know who's under here?"
-Yeah. Yeah. -Oh...
It's-it's-it's-it's been so cool to see y-your rise because,
I mean, obviously Cobra Kai is great,
but now, I mean, to be a superhero--
this is, this is almost everyone's dream.
You know, DC tapped you as the Blue Beetle, which is historic,
and what's also impressive is that you-- they didn't ask you
to audition for the role.
No.
I think-- you know, I was very fortunate.
I-I had met the director Angel Manuel Soto, who is, who is--
you know, I-I give him credit for all of this
because he-he really believed in me.
And, uh, I had met him at-at Sundance
a few years prior to the movie
and, and I guess I left somewhat of an impression,
and he had watched the show and he was like,
"Ah, I think this is perfect."
And obviously we had had conversations.
It wasn't like I got a call like, "You got it.
-You're the guy," and I was like... -That would be great.
Yes, that would, that would be great.
-"You are the Blue Beetle." -"You are..."
I'm like, "What? Okay."
A package gets sent with the scarab-- no, no, no.
Um, but we had conversations about it.
-Yeah. -And I think we were really on the same page
with what the movie, what the movie meant, you know,
not only to myself and him but to the greater community.
-Right, right, right. -The greater, uh, you know,
-brown community? -Yeah, definitely.
-Latino community? -Yeah, no.
And we were on the same page, so we were like, "Let's do it!"
-(applause) -It means so much to the community...
It-it also means so much to see somebody as young as you
in an industry that for so long was defined in a certain way
redefining what that industry is.
I-- you know, I-I wonder, even beyond how people perceive you,
how do you process the world that you're in,
you know, with social media, with all these things?
Because the previous generation of actors and, and celebrities
didn't have to deal with that.
D-Do you ever find that there's a lot of pressure
to be in two worlds? You can't just focus on what you do?
You have to focus on how people see you online?
Or is that just part of your life?
I-- Yes, I think it definitely is...
-something to think about. -Mm-hmm.
But, also, I-I like to have fun.
I-- Like, I-I definitely am a big proponent of, like,
you can't-- you can't take yourself too seriously.
Like, I-I would love to do Vogue and stuff like that,
-but, also, I, uh... -(laughs)
...pull out my butt cheeks all the time.
Like, I-I... I'm definitely a normal 21-year-old.
And-and my family was super...
Like, they are also always like, "Just-- You're also a kid.
-Like, you can be a kid, and that's okay." -Yeah.
And-and, obviously, there's a sense of professionalism
-that comes with being in this industry. -Right, right.
But that all kind of came naturally,
-working around adults all the time and-and... -Mm-hmm.
The first show that I ever worked on for a couple years,
uh, was this show called Parenthood,
and I was around only adults.
So it was-- it was kind of odd being around, like,
Ray Romano or these guys.
And I was just like, "Yeah, we're-we're having
-regular conversations and..." -These are my coworkers.
Yeah, these are my coworkers.
And then I would go back to school.
Like, nobody would believe me, 'cause nobody at--
as a middle schooler, watched Parenthood.
-They were like-- So... -(laughs)
They were like, "My mom's cried to you."
But I don't-- I don't know. The-- So, I-I was...
You know, with the social media, I-I've been able to, uh,
-kind of just do me, I suppose. -I like that. I like...
-Thanks. -I think that's a great motto for life,
is, like, you know, do what you do, work really hard,
but always remember
-to pull your butt cheeks out. -Always remember
-to pull your butt cheeks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -I like that.
-Congratulations on everything. -Thank you. Thank you,
-thank you. -Thank you for coming on the show.
Xolo Maridueña, everybody. We're gonna take a quick break,
but we'll be right back after this.
Thank you, my dude. For real.
(cheering and applause)
Well, that's our show for tonight!
Charlamagne is coming up next!
Now here it is, Your Moment of Zen.
The best thing to do, probably, is do not tweet.
(tweet)
But if you must tweet...
(tweeting)
...and I am guilty of that offense myself...
-(tweeting) -...remember that your tweets
-can and will be used against you... -(tweeting)
(echoing): ...that the Internet is forever.