1 00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:03,704 Coming to you from New York City, 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:07,641 the only city in America, it's The Daily Show. 3 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:11,945 Tonight, the Metaverse has legs. 4 00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:14,615 Kanye gets booted from Twitter. 5 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,184 And Michael Fanone. 6 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:22,055 This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 7 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:23,056 [applause] 8 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:30,163 [cheering] 9 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,902 What's going on, everybody? 10 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:35,903 Welcome to The Daily Show. 11 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:36,904 I'm Trevor Noah. 12 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,438 Thank you so much for tuning in. 13 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,806 Thank you for coming out in person. 14 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,341 Good to see you. 15 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:42,342 Thank you for being here. 16 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:43,443 Thank you so much for being here. 17 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,545 Thank you so much for being here. 18 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,846 Take a seat, everybody. 19 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,215 We have got a great show for you tonight. 20 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,185 Mark Zuckerberg has just invented legs. 21 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,953 Vladimir Putin is getting desperate. 22 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,856 And in New Zealand, cows are going to become taxpayers. 23 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,291 So let's do this, people. 24 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:04,398 Let's jump straight into today's headlines. 25 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,135 All right, before we get into the big stories, 26 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:11,705 let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world, 27 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:15,075 starting with some big tech news. 28 00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:18,645 Mark Zuckerberg has just revealed that from now on, 29 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:23,584 people will have legs in the Metaverse. 30 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,620 Yeah, and I for one, am truly excited for what this means. 31 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,256 Because first you get legs, then you will get feet. 32 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,792 Pretty soon you'll be able to walk out of the Metaverse 33 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:35,162 and go literally anywhere else. 34 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,164 In climate news, New Zealand has just 35 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:41,502 announced a plan to fight methane emissions by taxing 36 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,672 cows for their burps. 37 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,441 And this is how much billionaires 38 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,509 are winning in the world. 39 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:52,312 Even cows are getting taxed before them. 40 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,214 And by the way, even if you support this general idea 41 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,483 to try and slow climate change, you have to admit, 42 00:01:56,583 --> 00:02:02,523 if you were a cow, you'd be pretty pissed about this. 43 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:06,927 Oh, oh, hold on, hold on. 44 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,061 You steal my milk. 45 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,730 Make me spend my whole life on death row, 46 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,798 and now you two-nipple bitches are 47 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:15,702 going to tax me for burping! 48 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,104 Are you all driving electric cars? 49 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,105 No! 50 00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,640 Are you all using solar panels now? 51 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,275 No! 52 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,277 You're still flying private jets, but I get taxed. 53 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,646 OK, well how about this? 54 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:26,947 [burping] 55 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,148 You bitches. 56 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,984 Take that, you bitches. 57 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,452 Those New Zealand cows are angry. 58 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:39,326 All right, in sports news, after it came out 59 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,796 that NBA star Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors 60 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,199 punched his teammate in the face during practice, 61 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:48,702 Green has announced that he will be taking some time off, 62 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,470 which is a great reminder for everyone. 63 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,841 Do not punch your coworkers unless you 64 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:57,477 want some extra vacation time. 65 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,112 All right, let's move on to some of the biggest 66 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,215 stories of the day, which for some reason, 67 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,217 all involve racism. 68 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,552 Yeah, I don't know if you guys have ever heard of racism, 69 00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,087 but it's a pretty hot thing these days. 70 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,057 And by these days, I mean the last like 1,000 years. 71 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,458 Now for some reason, for some reason, 72 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:14,161 it seemed like everyone was extra racist this weekend. 73 00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:17,064 I don't know, maybe because it was like a three-day weekend, 74 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,166 you know, people had a little more time to kick 75 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,634 back and work on their racism. 76 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,603 Whatever it was, it almost seemed 77 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,505 like people were competing to see 78 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,073 who could be the most racist. 79 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:29,476 So let's dive in to all the competition for a segment 80 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:36,583 we call "The Amazing Racism." 81 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,786 Our first story involving racism 82 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,089 hails from the great state of Alabama. 83 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,758 I know, I'm shocked, too. 84 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,426 But what makes this racism special 85 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:49,162 is that it's from a Senator, one of the 100 86 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,430 best people in America. 87 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,500 And he said it out loud on TV. 88 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,969 Senator Tommy Tuberville of Alabama 89 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,105 is facing a significant backlash 90 00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,407 from major civil rights groups for comments 91 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,043 he made at a Trump rally over the weekend. 92 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,613 Senator Tuberville called out Democrats as being pro crime. 93 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,715 He also suggested that people who 94 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:11,585 want reparations for ancestral slavery 95 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,820 are to blame for the crime. 96 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,756 The Democratic party, they have a majority, 97 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,158 they could stop this crime today. 98 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,626 They want crime. 99 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,328 They want crime because they want 100 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,729 to take over what you got. 101 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,398 They want to control what you have. 102 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,067 They want reparation because they think the people that 103 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,769 do the crime are owed that. 104 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,137 Bullshit! 105 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,206 They are not owed that. 106 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:35,576 Whoo, yeah, you tell them, Tommy. 107 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,145 That thing you just made up right now about reparations. 108 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,213 It's bullshit! 109 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,348 We can't have that fake thing happening! 110 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,383 Whoo! 111 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:44,818 I've got to say, people, I've heard racists 112 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,086 say all kinds of things. 113 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,754 I've heard them say that Black people are criminals, 114 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,756 and I've heard them say that reparations 115 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:50,924 are reverse racism. 116 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,360 But it takes a true racism innovator to combine 117 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,096 both ideas at the same time. 118 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,765 Yeah, this is like the stuffed crust pizza of racism. 119 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,400 Because I knew you could have crust and I knew 120 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,402 that could have cheese, but I didn't know that you could put 121 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,804 the cheese inside the crust that's holding 122 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:04,805 the rest of the cheese. 123 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:05,873 Because now the crust is holding 124 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:06,874 the cheese at the same time. 125 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,510 That's genius! 126 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:14,915 Now, now, if you are confused, if you're 127 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,951 confused by what this man is saying, congratulations. 128 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,153 It means you're sane. 129 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:25,459 But his point is that Democrats want Black people to do crime 130 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,295 because that's basically reparations, 131 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:31,632 which the Democrats believe they deserve. 132 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,233 And there are just two things I can 133 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,402 think of off the top of my head, off the top of my head. 134 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,672 One, how does this argument explain 135 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,674 Black people who steal things from other Black people? 136 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,076 Because then, who's reparating who? 137 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,779 And secondly, how is this man going to stand on stage 138 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,348 and imply that all criminals are Black? 139 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:49,383 Huh? 140 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,084 That is disgusting. 141 00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,721 Has the Senator never watched Netflix, huh? 142 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,623 I'm not going to stand here and let 143 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,458 Tommy Tuberville erase all these white 144 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,527 people's contributions! 145 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:04,164 This is the real racism, my friend. 146 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,732 Trying to make it seem like white people can't 147 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:10,170 beat crime, how dare you! 148 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,605 White people do crime just like anybody. 149 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,873 These guys going to make it seem like, 150 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,708 all my white friends in here, you can do the crime, 151 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,176 you hear me. 152 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,244 You don't listen to these people 153 00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:18,245 saying you can't, you can't. 154 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:23,517 You do the crime. 155 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,485 Look, you know, while this is upsetting, you have to, 156 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,920 it's not exactly surprising. 157 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,156 I mean, he's an Alabama conservative 158 00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:32,192 named Tommy Tuberville. 159 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,627 This is not, what would be surprising, 160 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,195 is if he got up on stage and he was like, 161 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,564 I'd like to open today with my favorite passage 162 00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,934 from James Baldwin, y'all. 163 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,303 So that's our first story. 164 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,772 And I hope you're warmed up, because this next one 165 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,307 is a little more unexpected. 166 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,477 And it takes place in liberal LA. 167 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,980 In Los Angeles, the big political issue right now 168 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,449 is a blockbuster tape recording that could force three 169 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,084 city councilors to resign. 170 00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:00,654 Nouri Martinez, a rising star in LA politics, 171 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,390 potentially faces a career in ruins. 172 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,927 The first Latina chosen to lead the Los Angeles City Council 173 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:10,364 caught on tape making racist and offensive comments 174 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:14,101 during a redistricting meeting with three Latino Democrats. 175 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,770 At one point, Martinez talks about the Black child 176 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,306 of Mike Bonin, a white council member, 177 00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:22,743 in Spanish, calling the boy a little monkey. 178 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,513 And there's this white guy with the little Black kid 179 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,348 who's misbehaved. 180 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,052 The kid's bouncing off the effing walls on the float 181 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,654 practically tipping it over. 182 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,223 There's nothing you can do to control him. 183 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,357 Parece changuito. 184 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,926 They're raisin' him like he's a little white kid. 185 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,394 Which I was like, this kid needs a beatdown. 186 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,497 Like, you need, let me take him around the corner 187 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:44,798 and then I'll bring him back. 188 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,667 Whoa, boy! 189 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:47,835 Yeah! 190 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,871 A Latina Democrat called the Black son 191 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,575 of a white colleague a little monkey, who was 192 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,343 bouncing all around the walls. 193 00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:59,813 I'm sorry, bouncing all around the effing walls. 194 00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,815 Yeah, thank you for censoring yourself. 195 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,016 I appreciate it. 196 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,017 That was weird. 197 00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,719 I mean, I'm not sure she censored 198 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:06,720 herself in the right place. 199 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,855 That was weird of her. 200 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,289 She be like, bouncing off the effing 201 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:10,524 walls like a little monkey. 202 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,926 You know, I think you would have censored the racism 203 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,094 and just say [bleep]. 204 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,896 I think that would be better. 205 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,030 But to each their own. 206 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,065 I guess. 207 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,367 I'm just effing crazy that way, you know. 208 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,402 Also, like do you know how racist you have 209 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,105 to be to see a kid misbehaving and your first instinct 210 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,807 is to use a racial slur against him? 211 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:27,808 It's a little kid. 212 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,209 Right? 213 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,144 We all see kids of every race throw a tantrum or misbehave. 214 00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:33,814 And I'm not trying to brag, but personally, I 215 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,249 hate all kids equally. 216 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,717 All right? 217 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,286 Yeah. 218 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,889 It's not, it's not the color of their skin 219 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,657 that makes them annoying, it's the content 220 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:47,427 of their shitty character. 221 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,962 What's especially wild about the story 222 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,797 as well, is that in the same conversation, 223 00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:52,833 she basically implies that because the kid 224 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:57,271 is Black, not white, he should be beaten so that he behaves. 225 00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,573 And I'm sorry, people, if you believe that Black kids 226 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,475 deserve to be beaten, you have no place 227 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,844 being on the LA City Council. 228 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:07,447 You clearly belong in the LAPD. 229 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:12,519 But before we run out of time, there is one story that 230 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,121 has the whole world talking. 231 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,290 I'm referring, of course, to Kanye West. 232 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,325 Rapper, entrepreneur, and the guy 233 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,260 who proved that not even Black people can make the MAGA 234 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,461 hat cool. 235 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,597 Kanye has been drifting more and more to the right 236 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,032 lately, from wearing a White Lives 237 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,733 Matter shirt to sitting down for an interview 238 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:27,734 with Tucker Carlson. 239 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,770 But over the weekend Kanye drifted 240 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,438 right off the deep end. 241 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,907 Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, 242 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,676 is now blocked from using Instagram 243 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,111 and Twitter because of racist and anti-Semitic 244 00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:39,847 messages that he posted. 245 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,782 On Friday, Instagram was the first site 246 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,951 to lock his account after Kanye posted 247 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,053 text messages between himself and the rapper Sean 248 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,321 Diddy Combs. 249 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,957 In those messages, he accused Diddy of being controlled 250 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,426 by Jewish people after Diddy criticized 251 00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,728 a shirt Kanye was photographed wearing that read, 252 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,330 White Lives Matter. 253 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,466 Then on Sunday, Kanye posted a series of tweets, 254 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,702 once again targeting Jewish people, 255 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,571 using the phrase Death con 3. 256 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:07,341 The rap star lashing out tweeting, "I'm a bit sleepy 257 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,576 tonight, but when I wake up, I am going 258 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,945 Death con 3 on Jewish people. 259 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,747 The funny thing is, I actually can't 260 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,518 be anti-Semitic because Black people are actually Jew. 261 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,586 Also, you guys have toyed with me 262 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:23,090 and tried to blackball anyone who ever opposes your agenda. 263 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,958 Oh, no, Kanye, you're going to do it again, 264 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,094 you're going to do it again. 265 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,829 I don't even know where to begin with this shit. 266 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,597 I mean, promoting anti anti-Semitism 267 00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,766 to your 50 million followers. 268 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,067 I'm not even joking about it. 269 00:10:34,168 --> 00:10:37,204 Threatening to go Death con 3 on Jewish people, which 270 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,006 by the way, I know this is not the point, 271 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,108 but that's not how you say it. 272 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:44,645 I know it's not the main issue here, I know that. 273 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:51,418 But it's Defcon 3, all right, not Death con 3. 274 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,087 Death con sounds like a trade show 275 00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:57,457 where they unveil all the latest coffins or something. 276 00:10:57,558 --> 00:10:59,526 This is like, our newest model comes with Bluetooth. 277 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,862 Now you can check on to make sure Nana's still dead. 278 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,198 Just use the app. 279 00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:05,566 Defcon. 280 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:08,535 Not to mention the Defcon scale goes from 1 to 5. 281 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:13,574 So Defcon 3 is like in the middle? 282 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,576 If you're trying to tell people how hard you're going to go, 283 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:18,145 that's just a weird way to do it, you know. 284 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,714 I'm about to open up a can of whip ass, 285 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,717 but I'm going to put half of it in some Tupperware for later. 286 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:24,985 You been warned. 287 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,555 I don't want to use all my whip ass at the same time. 288 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,457 Also, it's funny that he starts his threat with, 289 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,393 I'm a bit sleepy tonight. 290 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,095 What is that? 291 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,864 Does anti-Semitism make you tired? 292 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,866 Is that why MAGA people love the MyPillow guy? 293 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,301 Is that what this is? 294 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,937 But I will say, man, I feel bad for American right-wingers, 295 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:48,308 because they're getting Kanye now. 296 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,445 I think if they missed College Dropout, My Beautiful Dark 297 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,580 Twisted Fantasy, Graduation. 298 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,581 They missed all of that. 299 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,316 They're getting this Kanye. 300 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,752 It's like getting to date the high school prom king, 301 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:01,522 but decades after high school. 302 00:12:01,622 --> 00:12:02,656 Yeah, it's just like, you remember 303 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,125 Chad from high school? 304 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,428 Well, he's got uncontrollable flatulence now, yeah! 305 00:12:08,529 --> 00:12:11,899 They might even tax him in New Zealand. 306 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,502 So those are the contenders in this week's "Amazing Racism." 307 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,304 You've got a Black guy hating on Jews, 308 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,906 a white guy hating on Black people, 309 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,075 and a Hispanic woman hating on a white guy for how 310 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,444 he raises his Black kid. 311 00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:26,113 You've got like every combination of racism 312 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,247 in there. 313 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,249 And you could find that depressing, you could, 314 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,851 and I would understand why. 315 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,853 But I myself, choose to see this, 316 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:36,523 I choose to see all these things as the glass half full. 317 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:39,326 If everyone is being racist against everyone else, then 318 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,262 that means that no matter what color we are, 319 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:47,134 racism is at least one thing that we all have in common. 320 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,469 And what a beautiful thought that is. 321 00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:50,771 All right, that's it for the headlines. 322 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,105 But before we go to a break, it's 323 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,107 time to check in on all the latest social media trends 324 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,509 with our very own Ronnie Chang, everybody. 325 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:56,510 [applause] 326 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:57,978 [cheering] 327 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:03,383 Ronnie Chang! 328 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,484 Good to see you again, my friend. 329 00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:05,485 Hey, hey. 330 00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:06,520 What is happening online? 331 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,955 Hey, Trevor, thanks a lot. 332 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,224 Before we begin, I just want to check. 333 00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:12,793 Do you have any major announcements 334 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,228 you want to make first? 335 00:13:14,328 --> 00:13:17,664 Any emotional or life-changing decisions 336 00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:20,200 about your professional life that you might want to talk 337 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:24,071 about before I get started? 338 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,138 Actually, yes, there is one thing 339 00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,139 that I've had on my mind. 340 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,241 Shut the [bleep] up, all right! 341 00:13:27,341 --> 00:13:28,242 No announcements! 342 00:13:28,342 --> 00:13:29,243 No announcements! 343 00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:30,544 Let me get through this one segment 344 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,879 without becoming a surprise face 345 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:36,416 meme again with a stupid Curb Your Enthusiasm music. 346 00:13:36,517 --> 00:13:37,718 Yeah, very original. 347 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,188 Idiots memes are the comedy of lesser minds. 348 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,790 Let's get to the social media trends or whatever. 349 00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:46,760 This long weekend, it's fun times on the internet, 350 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,828 as usual. 351 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,731 Kanye West going off the rails, again. 352 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,966 His beard is clearly not helping. 353 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,868 He looks like Kimbo half a slice. 354 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:59,106 Just sending out this tweet. 355 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:03,043 As you've already examined, yes, a lot to unpack here. 356 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:07,481 First of all, any time you are writing something in lowercase 357 00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:09,616 and then you put the race of a people 358 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:13,787 in all caps, that's not a good place to be. 359 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,622 Because even if you're saying something nice, 360 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,324 it's not going to read well. 361 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:20,294 You could be saying like, I want to wish a Happy Hanukkah 362 00:14:20,394 --> 00:14:24,064 to the Jewish people. 363 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,066 It doesn't work. 364 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,701 And what's going on with this line? 365 00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:31,705 Also Jew, actually Jew also. 366 00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,441 I mean, it sounds like he let the iPhone predictive text 367 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,310 write a manifesto for him. 368 00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:41,081 I do like this though, I do like the spaces in between. 369 00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:43,650 I think every racist rant needs a few blank spaces 370 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,788 where we can project our own prejudices into. 371 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,891 And, and if. 372 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:55,195 [applause] 373 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:58,398 And if this wasn't chaotic enough, luckily for everyone, 374 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,034 the world's second weirdest person, Elon Musk, 375 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:04,037 came in to calm everyone down. 376 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,040 Replying with this tweet, "Talked to Ye today 377 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,343 and expressed my concerns about his recent tweet, which 378 00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:10,477 I think he took to heart." 379 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,746 You know it's bad when Elon Musk thinks you're 380 00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:16,583 being unreasonable on Twitter. 381 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:20,053 And I mean, is this how Elon is going to do content moderation 382 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,722 when he owns Twitter? 383 00:15:21,822 --> 00:15:23,056 He's just going to have a heart to heart 384 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,359 with every single person who tweets something racist. 385 00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:28,495 Because I don't know if you checked Twitter lately, 386 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,364 because I don't think you're going to have a lot of time 387 00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:33,934 to go to Mars if you do that, OK? 388 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,936 You're going to be a little busy. 389 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,471 And what else is going on? 390 00:15:37,571 --> 00:15:40,340 Oh, yeah, Zuckerberg, another billionaire maniac. 391 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,077 Yo, Mark, why are you obsessed with the Metaverse? 392 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,413 The Metaverse sucks! 393 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,982 You made billions of dollars in real life. 394 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,952 Now you're losing billions to create a fake life? 395 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:52,953 So what now? 396 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,188 There's legs in the Metaverse. 397 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:57,391 Oh, wow, we got legs in the Metaverse now, yeah! 398 00:15:57,491 --> 00:15:58,392 You know what else? 399 00:15:58,492 --> 00:15:59,660 There's legs right here. 400 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,095 We got legs here already, OK? 401 00:16:02,196 --> 00:16:05,365 The guy who created an infinite universe 402 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:09,036 that could be anything, and you made legs, OK. 403 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:13,040 Not Jetpack legs, not teleporting legs, just legs. 404 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,341 Just legs. 405 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,677 What else are you going to invent in your magic world? 406 00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:20,247 College debt? 407 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:26,653 Yo, even Kanye is looking at this, going like, 408 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,555 yo, what are you doing, man? 409 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,958 You're making our people look bad. 410 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:34,661 And who here wants to be in a Metaverse made by Facebook? 411 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,630 I've never been on Facebook and said, you know what? 412 00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:39,833 I wish this was in three dimensions. 413 00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:42,169 How can I physically interact with this post 414 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,671 from a 60-year-old woman who was annoyed that no one spoke 415 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,107 English at the drugstore? 416 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,677 What kind of dork with nothing but time on his hands 417 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,579 would even be excited about the Metaverse? 418 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,814 All right? 419 00:16:53,914 --> 00:16:56,416 I mean, look at what people are tweeting about it. 420 00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:57,484 Look at this. 421 00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,854 Random idiots. 422 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:01,855 "Wow. 423 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,191 I just used VR for the first time. 424 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:05,592 Mind-blowing! 425 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:10,564 I can't imagine what it'll be like when it's basically real. 426 00:17:10,664 --> 00:17:13,033 You can't imagine what it'll be like if it's real? 427 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,835 Why don't you take off the [bleep] headset. 428 00:17:14,935 --> 00:17:16,103 Just look around. 429 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:17,171 It's happening right now. 430 00:17:17,271 --> 00:17:20,407 Reality is right here. 431 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,110 Who is this dumb effing idiot? 432 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,078 Anyway, back to you, Trevor. 433 00:17:25,179 --> 00:17:27,147 I think that tweet made some good points. 434 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:30,484 Ronny Chang, everybody. 435 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:31,485 I like that idea. 436 00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:32,886 All right, when we come back, we're 437 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,055 going to find out why Vladimir Putin is acting out, 438 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,890 so don't go away. 439 00:17:56,347 --> 00:17:59,050 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 440 00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,652 It has been seven months since Vladimir Putin 441 00:18:01,752 --> 00:18:04,588 went DEFCON 3 on Ukraine. 442 00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:07,625 And in the last month, Ukraine has been kicking Russia's 443 00:18:07,725 --> 00:18:09,527 ass all up and down the map. 444 00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:10,961 They have defeated Russian soldiers 445 00:18:11,062 --> 00:18:12,263 across the front lines. 446 00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:13,931 They blew up a key supply bridge 447 00:18:14,031 --> 00:18:15,132 deep in Russian territory. 448 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:17,802 And they even gave Putin's personal email to Bed 449 00:18:17,902 --> 00:18:21,906 Bath & Beyond's mailing list. 450 00:18:22,006 --> 00:18:25,976 Anyway, another week of the war means another week of updates. 451 00:18:26,077 --> 00:18:28,779 So let's catch up on how it's all going in another edition 452 00:18:28,879 --> 00:18:30,381 of "Vlad Gone Mad." 453 00:18:30,481 --> 00:18:37,021 [music playing] 454 00:18:38,022 --> 00:18:39,724 After series of defeats, Vladimir Putin 455 00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:42,860 has been so humiliated that it was just a matter of time 456 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:43,861 before he lashed out. 457 00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:45,396 And yesterday, he did just that, 458 00:18:45,496 --> 00:18:48,232 launching missile strikes against civilian targets 459 00:18:48,332 --> 00:18:50,334 all across Ukraine for the first time since the beginning 460 00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:51,602 of the war. 461 00:18:51,669 --> 00:18:53,404 Now, unfortunately for him, the missile strikes only 462 00:18:53,504 --> 00:18:56,340 seem to have emboldened the Ukrainian people, who 463 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,810 went right back outside off to the strikes 464 00:18:59,910 --> 00:19:02,780 to live their lives and get coffee. 465 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,448 And if you ask me, that is a testament 466 00:19:04,615 --> 00:19:06,350 to how resilient the Ukrainian people are, 467 00:19:06,450 --> 00:19:10,454 and to how addicted people are to coffee. 468 00:19:10,621 --> 00:19:11,689 These people were just at Starbucks 469 00:19:11,789 --> 00:19:12,890 like, I know missiles are coming, 470 00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:16,660 but pumpkin spice season is very limited. 471 00:19:16,761 --> 00:19:17,661 But it turns out-- 472 00:19:17,762 --> 00:19:18,729 It turns out a lot of people don't 473 00:19:18,829 --> 00:19:19,730 know this part of the story. 474 00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:21,399 Vladimir Putin and his people weren't 475 00:19:21,499 --> 00:19:22,633 just lashing out at Ukraine. 476 00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:23,868 No. 477 00:19:23,968 --> 00:19:26,437 They decided to take a piece of the war to America. 478 00:19:26,537 --> 00:19:28,372 (ON TV): The TSA is investigating 479 00:19:28,472 --> 00:19:31,409 a coordinated cyber attack on the websites 480 00:19:31,509 --> 00:19:34,545 of more than a dozen us airports, including LaGuardia. 481 00:19:34,645 --> 00:19:37,815 And Russian speaking hackers are claiming responsibility. 482 00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:40,418 LaGuardia was the first to be impacted around 3:00 483 00:19:40,518 --> 00:19:41,886 yesterday morning. 484 00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:45,222 And as of last night, Denver International Airport's 485 00:19:45,322 --> 00:19:47,291 website was still being attacked. 486 00:19:47,391 --> 00:19:50,294 The websites were temporarily knocked offline. 487 00:19:50,394 --> 00:19:52,863 There were no immediate signs of impact 488 00:19:52,963 --> 00:19:55,132 to actual air travel. 489 00:19:55,232 --> 00:19:56,767 That's right, people. 490 00:19:56,867 --> 00:20:00,604 The Russians took out websites for some American airports. 491 00:20:00,671 --> 00:20:02,006 And please, everyone calm down. 492 00:20:02,106 --> 00:20:03,708 Calm down. 493 00:20:03,808 --> 00:20:08,012 I know we all log onto laguardia.com see the latest 494 00:20:08,112 --> 00:20:09,980 news about which terminal will be under construction 495 00:20:10,081 --> 00:20:11,082 for the next 17 years. 496 00:20:11,182 --> 00:20:12,850 But today, we will all have to discover 497 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,853 which area is under construction for ourselves. 498 00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:16,854 Stay calm. 499 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:20,891 Just stay calm. 500 00:20:20,991 --> 00:20:22,693 This is a major story, people. 501 00:20:22,793 --> 00:20:25,162 And for more on this, we go live to our own Desi Lydic, 502 00:20:25,262 --> 00:20:26,530 who is at LaGuardia right now. 503 00:20:26,630 --> 00:20:29,800 Desi Lydic, everybody. 504 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:35,473 Desi, what is the situation over there right now? 505 00:20:35,639 --> 00:20:36,874 Well, Trevor, as someone who's 506 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:39,643 been a huge fan of LaGuardia's website 507 00:20:39,677 --> 00:20:43,881 ever since I found out it existed at 10:45 this morning, 508 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:46,283 let me tell you, it is chaos. 509 00:20:46,384 --> 00:20:48,586 Trash bins are overflowing. 510 00:20:48,619 --> 00:20:51,155 People are sleeping half naked on the carpet. 511 00:20:51,255 --> 00:20:52,256 Oh no, Desi. 512 00:20:52,356 --> 00:20:54,024 That's because of the website being down? 513 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:56,660 No, no, this is always LaGuardia, Trevor. 514 00:20:56,761 --> 00:21:00,231 But somehow it seems worse right now. 515 00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:01,599 You're TSA pre-check. 516 00:21:01,699 --> 00:21:02,900 You don't know what it's like. 517 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,402 Let me tell you how bad this is. 518 00:21:04,502 --> 00:21:06,337 All the ladies rooms were closed 519 00:21:06,437 --> 00:21:07,638 for cleaning, all of them. 520 00:21:07,738 --> 00:21:10,975 I was forced to pee in one of those breastfeeding pods. 521 00:21:11,075 --> 00:21:13,377 Wow, I didn't the breastfeeding pods 522 00:21:13,477 --> 00:21:14,445 have toilets? 523 00:21:14,612 --> 00:21:17,615 No, no they don't, Trevor. 524 00:21:17,715 --> 00:21:21,318 And the babies were super judgy about it. 525 00:21:21,419 --> 00:21:24,055 So, Desi, do you think this is all going down because 526 00:21:24,155 --> 00:21:25,623 of the website being attacked? 527 00:21:25,723 --> 00:21:28,125 Well, clearly, something's going on here. 528 00:21:28,225 --> 00:21:31,729 There are three Sunglass Huts next to each other. 529 00:21:31,829 --> 00:21:34,432 And I just walked past a bathing suit store. 530 00:21:34,532 --> 00:21:38,636 What kind of psychopath buys a bathing suit at the airport? 531 00:21:38,669 --> 00:21:42,339 Did you not know where you were going? 532 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:47,111 Anyway, the good news is, I found the Cinnabon. 533 00:21:47,211 --> 00:21:48,746 Wait, that's-- Oh, that's. 534 00:21:48,846 --> 00:21:51,649 OK, well, Desi, did you learn anything valuable that you can 535 00:21:51,749 --> 00:21:53,317 report to our viewers at home? 536 00:21:53,417 --> 00:21:55,019 Oh, my god. 537 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:56,020 Yeah. 538 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,089 (MUFFLED) Do not come to LaGuardia 539 00:21:58,189 --> 00:22:01,425 unless you absolutely need to. 540 00:22:01,592 --> 00:22:02,426 I'm sorry. 541 00:22:02,593 --> 00:22:04,361 Desi, there was Cinnabon in your mouth. 542 00:22:04,462 --> 00:22:05,596 What did you say? - Yeah, yeah. 543 00:22:05,696 --> 00:22:06,964 Hold on. I'm sorry. 544 00:22:07,064 --> 00:22:08,999 TREVOR NOAH: Yeah, we can't hear what you're saying, Desi. 545 00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:10,000 Hold on. 546 00:22:10,101 --> 00:22:11,202 I'm going to get something to drink. 547 00:22:11,302 --> 00:22:16,073 TREVOR NOAH: Yeah. 548 00:22:16,173 --> 00:22:17,441 Just a second. Hang on. 549 00:22:17,608 --> 00:22:18,442 TREVOR NOAH: That's a-- 550 00:22:18,609 --> 00:22:21,312 gah! 551 00:22:21,412 --> 00:22:25,816 Mm, surprisingly good. 552 00:22:25,916 --> 00:22:28,386 Anyway, please do not come to LaGuardia 553 00:22:28,486 --> 00:22:30,187 unless you absolutely need to. 554 00:22:30,287 --> 00:22:32,490 Yeah well, why would anyone go to LaGuardia 555 00:22:32,623 --> 00:22:34,458 if they don't need to? 556 00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:35,459 I don't know. 557 00:22:35,626 --> 00:22:37,361 For a Cinnabon? 558 00:22:37,461 --> 00:22:38,362 Powerful reporting. 559 00:22:38,462 --> 00:22:41,132 Desi Lydic, everybody. 560 00:22:44,568 --> 00:22:49,139 [applause] 561 00:22:49,239 --> 00:22:50,507 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 562 00:22:50,608 --> 00:22:54,778 My guest tonight is a former DC Metropolitan police officer 563 00:22:54,878 --> 00:22:56,614 who nearly lost his life defending 564 00:22:56,714 --> 00:22:59,583 the US Capitol during the insurrection on January 6. 565 00:22:59,683 --> 00:23:02,186 He writes about that and policing in America 566 00:23:02,286 --> 00:23:05,589 in his new book, Hold the Line, the Insurrection and One Cop's 567 00:23:05,689 --> 00:23:06,657 Battle for America's Soul. 568 00:23:06,757 --> 00:23:08,359 Please welcome Michael Fanone. 569 00:23:08,459 --> 00:23:11,729 [music playing] 570 00:23:11,829 --> 00:23:12,730 Welcome to the show. 571 00:23:12,830 --> 00:23:13,731 Thank you very much. 572 00:23:13,831 --> 00:23:16,634 [music playing] 573 00:23:16,734 --> 00:23:20,537 [applause] 574 00:23:20,638 --> 00:23:22,139 Michael Fanone, welcome to The Daily Show. 575 00:23:22,239 --> 00:23:23,374 Yeah, thanks for having me, man. 576 00:23:23,474 --> 00:23:24,541 I appreciate it. 577 00:23:24,642 --> 00:23:27,845 You have written a book that would 578 00:23:27,945 --> 00:23:31,515 have been remarkable even before January 6 happened. 579 00:23:31,615 --> 00:23:34,918 You know, you've lived a life in law enforcement. 580 00:23:35,019 --> 00:23:36,587 You have a really interesting story 581 00:23:36,687 --> 00:23:38,389 in and around law enforcement. 582 00:23:38,489 --> 00:23:42,226 But there is no denying that January 6 is a day, you know, 583 00:23:42,326 --> 00:23:43,861 that America will probably never forget, 584 00:23:43,961 --> 00:23:47,531 and a day that will be etched into your memory forever. 585 00:23:47,631 --> 00:23:50,334 Some people have seen the footage. 586 00:23:50,434 --> 00:23:52,903 And those who have have all said the same thing-- 587 00:23:53,003 --> 00:23:53,904 it is harrowing. 588 00:23:54,004 --> 00:23:56,907 But you actually experienced that. 589 00:23:57,007 --> 00:24:01,478 If you wouldn't mind, take me through not what happened, 590 00:24:01,578 --> 00:24:05,449 but how you feel about people commenting on that day 591 00:24:05,549 --> 00:24:07,184 as if it wasn't a big deal. 592 00:24:07,284 --> 00:24:08,719 You know, many people say wasn't that bad, 593 00:24:08,819 --> 00:24:11,355 it wasn't an insurrection, it wasn't-- this was just-- 594 00:24:11,455 --> 00:24:12,356 you know, it was calm. 595 00:24:12,456 --> 00:24:13,357 People need to relax. 596 00:24:13,457 --> 00:24:14,358 You were actually there. 597 00:24:14,458 --> 00:24:15,559 You were actually one of the people 598 00:24:15,659 --> 00:24:17,261 trying to stop those who were trying 599 00:24:17,361 --> 00:24:18,295 to come into the Capitol. 600 00:24:18,395 --> 00:24:19,596 What was your experience? 601 00:24:19,697 --> 00:24:23,067 And how different is it from what people try and claim? 602 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,202 I mean, I remember the brutality of that day 603 00:24:25,269 --> 00:24:28,205 like it was yesterday. 604 00:24:28,238 --> 00:24:31,609 And hearing people, you know, especially 605 00:24:31,709 --> 00:24:35,679 lawmakers, elected so-called leaders of this country, 606 00:24:35,779 --> 00:24:40,985 downplay or deny the reality of that day, I mean, 607 00:24:41,085 --> 00:24:43,354 to say it's infuriating is an understatement. 608 00:24:43,454 --> 00:24:48,258 I mean, it pisses me the [bleep] off. 609 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:49,326 Yeah. 610 00:24:49,426 --> 00:24:51,028 I don't know what it felt like for you. 611 00:24:51,161 --> 00:24:53,430 I mean, you suffered extreme injuries. 612 00:24:53,530 --> 00:24:56,000 How are you doing now, by the way? 613 00:24:56,166 --> 00:25:00,037 I mean, I'm good, like, physically. 614 00:25:00,170 --> 00:25:03,841 Mentally, I feel like I've had a lot 615 00:25:03,941 --> 00:25:10,314 of time to come to terms with what I experienced that day. 616 00:25:10,414 --> 00:25:12,950 But, I mean, a big part of writing this book 617 00:25:13,050 --> 00:25:15,552 was not just to memorialize what 618 00:25:15,653 --> 00:25:18,188 I did, but also what so many other officers did that day. 619 00:25:18,222 --> 00:25:19,189 TREVOR NOAH: Right. 620 00:25:19,290 --> 00:25:21,091 And, you know, there's a lot of them that 621 00:25:21,191 --> 00:25:23,594 are out there that are suffering in silence, that 622 00:25:23,694 --> 00:25:26,630 didn't get the acknowledgment that I've gotten, 623 00:25:26,730 --> 00:25:29,600 and that have kind of been-- 624 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:31,402 or at least feel that they've been forgotten. 625 00:25:31,502 --> 00:25:32,670 Because you were one of I think 626 00:25:32,770 --> 00:25:36,240 it was 850 officers who rushed to protect the Capitol 627 00:25:36,340 --> 00:25:37,975 during that moment. 628 00:25:38,075 --> 00:25:40,010 You were one of the many officers 629 00:25:40,110 --> 00:25:44,048 who were attacked by this mob who was rushing in. 630 00:25:44,148 --> 00:25:48,218 One of the darkest ironies in some of that footage 631 00:25:48,319 --> 00:25:52,256 is you being beaten by a mob where they're holding 632 00:25:52,356 --> 00:25:53,757 a Blue Lives Matter flag. 633 00:25:53,857 --> 00:25:55,726 And, you know, I've often said, one thing 634 00:25:55,826 --> 00:25:57,328 that perturbs me in America is how 635 00:25:57,428 --> 00:26:00,297 people will use the idea of either the military or law 636 00:26:00,397 --> 00:26:02,833 enforcement to further their narrative, 637 00:26:02,933 --> 00:26:04,501 but it seems like they don't actually 638 00:26:04,602 --> 00:26:06,370 have that same reverence for actual law 639 00:26:06,470 --> 00:26:07,905 enforcement or military. 640 00:26:08,005 --> 00:26:09,573 You know, you see people, veterans being homeless, 641 00:26:09,673 --> 00:26:13,077 or you see law enforcement treated like yourself. 642 00:26:13,177 --> 00:26:14,278 Do those people even acknowledge 643 00:26:14,378 --> 00:26:15,279 what was happening? 644 00:26:15,379 --> 00:26:16,313 Did they see you? 645 00:26:16,413 --> 00:26:17,781 Did they acknowledge you as a human? 646 00:26:17,881 --> 00:26:18,949 Could you communicate with them? 647 00:26:19,049 --> 00:26:21,185 Or did it feel like they were going 648 00:26:21,251 --> 00:26:24,555 through you at all costs? 649 00:26:24,655 --> 00:26:27,858 I mean, there was a point where, you know, 650 00:26:27,958 --> 00:26:30,561 I remember yelling out to the crowd that I had kids. 651 00:26:30,661 --> 00:26:32,229 And this is while I was being beaten 652 00:26:32,329 --> 00:26:34,431 and struck with a taser. 653 00:26:34,531 --> 00:26:38,302 And I did, I think, get through to maybe a handful 654 00:26:38,402 --> 00:26:39,703 of the individuals there. 655 00:26:39,803 --> 00:26:41,905 And they did try to, you know, offer some level of assistance 656 00:26:42,006 --> 00:26:42,906 to me. 657 00:26:43,007 --> 00:26:44,141 I mean, I remember, at one point, 658 00:26:44,208 --> 00:26:47,745 they were actually fighting with other rioters 659 00:26:47,845 --> 00:26:50,381 to try to prevent them from continuing 660 00:26:50,481 --> 00:26:51,749 their assault on me. 661 00:26:51,849 --> 00:26:52,983 TREVOR NOAH: Right. 662 00:26:53,150 --> 00:26:55,686 But, you know, for the most part, I think they just 663 00:26:55,786 --> 00:26:58,155 felt like I was an obstacle. 664 00:26:58,255 --> 00:27:00,658 And they were going to get through me and any 665 00:27:00,758 --> 00:27:02,960 of the other officers that were there trying to protect 666 00:27:03,060 --> 00:27:05,696 the building and protect ourselves 667 00:27:05,796 --> 00:27:08,866 to accomplish their goal, which was overturning 668 00:27:08,966 --> 00:27:10,901 a free and fair election. 669 00:27:11,001 --> 00:27:14,638 When you look at how lawmakers have responded-- 670 00:27:14,738 --> 00:27:16,874 you know, in the book, you talk about this. 671 00:27:16,974 --> 00:27:20,177 And it's been really scary and disappointing 672 00:27:20,277 --> 00:27:22,513 to see how lawmakers have spoken 673 00:27:22,613 --> 00:27:24,581 either to you in private or to any of the officers 674 00:27:24,682 --> 00:27:25,649 who were there. 675 00:27:25,749 --> 00:27:27,618 And it seems like the way they responded 676 00:27:27,718 --> 00:27:29,553 on that day and the things that they said behind 677 00:27:29,653 --> 00:27:31,822 closed doors are very different to what they 678 00:27:31,922 --> 00:27:33,991 now say when they're on TV downplaying 679 00:27:34,091 --> 00:27:35,326 everything that happens. 680 00:27:35,426 --> 00:27:37,194 For instance, you're really critical of Lindsey Graham, 681 00:27:37,261 --> 00:27:38,262 for instance. 682 00:27:38,362 --> 00:27:39,897 And I'd love to know, has it been strange 683 00:27:39,997 --> 00:27:42,833 for you to see him then publicly downplay the event 684 00:27:42,933 --> 00:27:45,135 after saying to you, you should have killed these people, 685 00:27:45,169 --> 00:27:47,671 and then publicly say it wasn't as bad as everyone says? 686 00:27:47,771 --> 00:27:50,040 Nothing shocks me anymore after all the time 687 00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:52,776 that I spent not only as a police officer for 20 years, 688 00:27:52,876 --> 00:27:55,346 but the time I spent on Capitol Hill. 689 00:27:55,446 --> 00:27:56,413 I mean, it's unfortunate. 690 00:27:56,513 --> 00:27:59,383 I think not just Republican lawmakers-- 691 00:27:59,483 --> 00:28:05,155 although they do deserve quite a bit of the scrutiny 692 00:28:05,222 --> 00:28:06,890 that they're getting right now. 693 00:28:06,991 --> 00:28:10,427 But lawmakers in general and how 694 00:28:10,527 --> 00:28:14,498 they are indifferent to the people 695 00:28:14,598 --> 00:28:18,702 that they are elected to represent and serve. 696 00:28:18,802 --> 00:28:23,173 I mean, that was the main takeaway that I got was people 697 00:28:23,274 --> 00:28:25,342 like Kevin McCarthy, Lindsey Graham, 698 00:28:25,442 --> 00:28:28,512 a lot of these lawmakers, they saw me as an inconvenience. 699 00:28:28,612 --> 00:28:31,749 And they were indifferent to what my experience was 700 00:28:31,849 --> 00:28:34,818 and what the experience of many of the other officers that 701 00:28:34,918 --> 00:28:35,986 day were. 702 00:28:36,086 --> 00:28:37,354 TREVOR NOAH: Right. 703 00:28:37,454 --> 00:28:39,456 And they were indifferent to the experience that, you know, 704 00:28:39,556 --> 00:28:41,925 what America is experiencing right 705 00:28:42,026 --> 00:28:46,897 now under their half-assed representation. 706 00:28:46,997 --> 00:28:50,434 In the book, you speak to so many of these ideas. 707 00:28:50,534 --> 00:28:52,569 And you have a really interesting journey. 708 00:28:52,670 --> 00:28:56,273 You know, like, I didn't know about your history 709 00:28:56,373 --> 00:28:57,942 in law enforcement until I read this book. 710 00:28:58,042 --> 00:29:00,411 And, you know, just talking about your tattoos, 711 00:29:00,511 --> 00:29:02,680 and the work that you did working undercover narcotics, 712 00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:04,615 and how you had the nickname-- 713 00:29:04,715 --> 00:29:06,183 I think it was the Spider-Man, right? 714 00:29:06,283 --> 00:29:07,184 Yes. 715 00:29:07,284 --> 00:29:08,319 And you were notorious for, like-- 716 00:29:08,419 --> 00:29:09,386 I think you were a rock climber. 717 00:29:09,486 --> 00:29:10,454 Do you still climb? 718 00:29:10,554 --> 00:29:11,455 I do. 719 00:29:11,555 --> 00:29:12,589 You still have the skills? 720 00:29:12,690 --> 00:29:13,657 Yeah. 721 00:29:13,757 --> 00:29:15,025 I mean, I wouldn't say I have the skills, 722 00:29:15,159 --> 00:29:16,493 but I give it a shot. 723 00:29:16,593 --> 00:29:17,761 OK, OK. 724 00:29:17,861 --> 00:29:19,697 But, no, it was really interesting because, like, you 725 00:29:19,797 --> 00:29:20,898 were connected. 726 00:29:20,998 --> 00:29:22,599 It was almost-- you know, it was a double entendre 727 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:24,468 because you were connected and, you know, the people 728 00:29:24,568 --> 00:29:25,569 in the community knew you. 729 00:29:25,669 --> 00:29:27,438 But you also would climb up to perch yourself 730 00:29:27,538 --> 00:29:30,307 for sting operations and to be in the right place 731 00:29:30,407 --> 00:29:33,177 for what you were doing. 732 00:29:33,243 --> 00:29:35,212 What's interesting is how you talk about law 733 00:29:35,312 --> 00:29:36,380 enforcement in the book. 734 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:40,584 It's a longer conversation than just January 6. 735 00:29:40,684 --> 00:29:44,188 And you share some really interesting insights 736 00:29:44,288 --> 00:29:48,759 about how you see the failings of American law enforcement 737 00:29:48,859 --> 00:29:51,428 and how it is incongruous with what 738 00:29:51,528 --> 00:29:52,796 it's actually trying to do. 739 00:29:52,896 --> 00:29:55,799 For instance, talking about how to bring down drug rates, 740 00:29:55,899 --> 00:29:58,502 drug crimes, drug usage, et cetera. 741 00:29:58,602 --> 00:30:01,839 You don't seem to be pro-locking everybody up 742 00:30:01,939 --> 00:30:03,340 with every minor infraction. 743 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,676 I'd love to know why. 744 00:30:05,776 --> 00:30:08,946 I mean, I learned pretty early on in my career-- 745 00:30:09,046 --> 00:30:13,784 I mean, for me, I aspired only to be a vice officer, 746 00:30:13,884 --> 00:30:15,386 to work in narcotics. 747 00:30:15,486 --> 00:30:16,754 I mean, that was, like, the pinnacle. 748 00:30:16,854 --> 00:30:19,623 I never sought promotion, was not interested 749 00:30:19,723 --> 00:30:22,192 in supervising other officers. 750 00:30:22,293 --> 00:30:24,461 I can barely supervise myself. 751 00:30:24,561 --> 00:30:28,198 So, I mean, for me, the pinnacle of my career 752 00:30:28,299 --> 00:30:29,900 was when I went to vice. 753 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,703 And, like I said, I saw-- 754 00:30:32,803 --> 00:30:38,542 you know, the idea of going out and going 755 00:30:38,642 --> 00:30:42,880 into an area in which violent crime was prevalent, where 756 00:30:42,980 --> 00:30:46,483 open-air drug markets existed, and locking up 757 00:30:46,583 --> 00:30:49,486 hundreds and hundreds of people, that 758 00:30:49,586 --> 00:30:52,489 was not solving the problems. 759 00:30:52,589 --> 00:30:54,558 It was not addressing violent crime. 760 00:30:54,658 --> 00:30:58,529 It was not addressing the open-air drug markets. 761 00:30:58,629 --> 00:31:05,369 What I saw was a need for much more surgical precision 762 00:31:05,469 --> 00:31:10,441 strikes, if you will, against very specific individuals 763 00:31:10,541 --> 00:31:13,143 who are committing these violent crimes 764 00:31:13,177 --> 00:31:16,947 in those neighborhoods. 765 00:31:17,047 --> 00:31:18,649 Quality over quantity. 766 00:31:18,749 --> 00:31:19,917 Right. 767 00:31:20,017 --> 00:31:25,289 Unfortunately, whether it was through laziness or-- 768 00:31:25,389 --> 00:31:27,958 and, again, it is complicated. 769 00:31:28,058 --> 00:31:32,896 Law enforcement had opted for-- 770 00:31:32,997 --> 00:31:36,967 we looked at success as the quantity of arrests. 771 00:31:37,067 --> 00:31:39,503 How many arrests were made in a specific area, 772 00:31:39,603 --> 00:31:42,439 that's how we determined that we were 773 00:31:42,539 --> 00:31:45,109 being successful in that area. 774 00:31:45,175 --> 00:31:47,745 But it wasn't-- as a lot of people might think, 775 00:31:47,845 --> 00:31:53,117 it was not fueled by law enforcement officials. 776 00:31:53,217 --> 00:31:57,254 That actually came from our city council 777 00:31:57,354 --> 00:31:59,123 and from the mayor's office. 778 00:31:59,223 --> 00:32:02,593 I mean, these concepts-- 779 00:32:02,693 --> 00:32:05,462 I guess, to streamline the explanation, 780 00:32:05,562 --> 00:32:07,598 you would have-- citizens would complain 781 00:32:07,698 --> 00:32:12,136 about an area in which there was a large amount 782 00:32:12,236 --> 00:32:13,437 of violent crime or drugs. 783 00:32:13,537 --> 00:32:14,438 TREVOR NOAH: Yeah. 784 00:32:14,538 --> 00:32:15,739 And then you would have-- 785 00:32:15,839 --> 00:32:19,276 politicians would, you know, receive those complaints, 786 00:32:19,376 --> 00:32:21,145 and they would forward them on to the police department. 787 00:32:21,245 --> 00:32:23,147 And they would want to know, what is the police department 788 00:32:23,247 --> 00:32:24,648 doing to address this issue? 789 00:32:24,748 --> 00:32:26,150 They want results now. 790 00:32:26,183 --> 00:32:27,451 They want officers out there. 791 00:32:27,551 --> 00:32:29,286 They want them out there making arrests. 792 00:32:29,386 --> 00:32:31,422 And they want to be able to go back to these citizens 793 00:32:31,522 --> 00:32:35,826 and say, well, we made these arrests, and that's success. 794 00:32:35,926 --> 00:32:40,197 So, again, it's not-- you know, law enforcement 795 00:32:40,297 --> 00:32:41,699 has a role to play. 796 00:32:41,799 --> 00:32:43,701 Politicians have their role to play. 797 00:32:43,801 --> 00:32:45,402 And citizens have their role to play. 798 00:32:45,502 --> 00:32:49,139 The issue is not as comp-- or it's not as simple as I think 799 00:32:49,239 --> 00:32:52,042 a lot of people would think. 800 00:32:52,142 --> 00:32:54,478 And, again, another big point that I tried 801 00:32:54,578 --> 00:32:57,381 to make in my book is that I feel like the politicians are 802 00:32:57,481 --> 00:33:00,684 failing us in that their role to play 803 00:33:00,784 --> 00:33:04,254 is to facilitate positive, constructive conversations 804 00:33:04,355 --> 00:33:06,757 between law enforcement and the people that 805 00:33:06,857 --> 00:33:08,726 were charged with serving. 806 00:33:08,826 --> 00:33:12,229 And, right now, I don't feel like that's what's happening. 807 00:33:12,329 --> 00:33:14,064 It's a really complicated journey. 808 00:33:14,164 --> 00:33:18,802 And I think it's revealing, it is honest, 809 00:33:18,902 --> 00:33:21,138 and it's a painful account of what 810 00:33:21,238 --> 00:33:22,273 you went through on that day. 811 00:33:22,373 --> 00:33:25,242 And, as you said, with the 800 plus officers 812 00:33:25,342 --> 00:33:26,510 who also stepped up. 813 00:33:26,610 --> 00:33:27,845 Thank you so much for taking the time. 814 00:33:27,945 --> 00:33:29,146 I appreciate you for being on the show. 815 00:33:29,246 --> 00:33:30,614 Thanks for having me. Thank you. 816 00:33:30,714 --> 00:33:31,882 [applause] 817 00:33:31,982 --> 00:33:34,385 All right, everybody, Hold the Line is available now 818 00:33:34,485 --> 00:33:35,986 wherever you find your books. 819 00:33:36,086 --> 00:33:36,987 Michael Fanone, everybody. 820 00:33:37,087 --> 00:33:38,088 We're going to take a quick break. 821 00:33:38,188 --> 00:33:39,523 We'll be right back after this. 822 00:33:39,623 --> 00:33:40,524 Thank you so much. 823 00:33:40,624 --> 00:33:43,694 [applause] 824 00:33:53,617 --> 00:33:54,918 Well, that's our show for tonight. 825 00:33:55,018 --> 00:33:57,554 But, before we go-- before we go, 826 00:33:57,654 --> 00:33:59,656 The Daily Show's official VOTEDEMIC 827 00:33:59,756 --> 00:34:01,525 2022 merch has just dropped. 828 00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:04,595 Proceeds from select items will benefit HeadCount, 829 00:34:04,695 --> 00:34:07,364 a non-partisan, non-profit organization that 830 00:34:07,464 --> 00:34:09,266 promotes voter registration. 831 00:34:09,366 --> 00:34:11,969 So if you want to support HeadCount and look fresh 832 00:34:12,069 --> 00:34:13,904 on election day, scan the QR code and head to the 833 00:34:14,004 --> 00:34:15,072 link below. 834 00:34:15,172 --> 00:34:16,707 Until next time, stay safe out there. 835 00:34:16,807 --> 00:34:21,011 And remember, don't skip leg day because you'll 836 00:34:21,111 --> 00:34:22,279 need it in the metaverse. 837 00:34:22,379 --> 00:34:24,214 Now here it is, your moment of zen. 838 00:34:24,314 --> 00:34:26,884 Is it Indigenous Peoples' Day, or is it Columbus Day? 839 00:34:26,984 --> 00:34:28,886 It's Columbus Day! 840 00:34:28,986 --> 00:34:30,287 Let's say you were Christopher Columbus. 841 00:34:30,387 --> 00:34:31,388 You come to America. 842 00:34:31,488 --> 00:34:33,557 How would you handle the Native Americans? 843 00:34:33,657 --> 00:34:35,692 Give them pasta fazool and some lasagna 844 00:34:35,793 --> 00:34:37,961 and homemade wine.