[theme music]
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from New
York City, the only city in America, it's The Daily Show.
Tonight, another prime minister gone again,
gas stations are selling weed, and Tyler James Williams.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
[cheering]
Hey, what's going on, everybody?
Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
Thank you for coming out in person.
So good to see you.
Look at this. Oh, wow.
Take a seat, everybody.
Take a seat.
Wow, this feels amazing.
I feel like I've met you before.
This is wonderful.
We've got a great show for you tonight.
Coronavirus has a fun new side effect.
Britain loses another queen.
And we'll find out why Florida now has the greatest
gas stations of all time.
So let's do this, people.
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
[cheering]
[music playing]
All right.
I'm going to be honest, people.
With all the news that happened today,
I don't think we have enough space in today's show.
We tried everything we could to pack it all in.
You know, we tried to tighten it.
I even put the news on a crash diet, you know,
so it would get small enough to fit.
But those diets don't really work.
So now there's even more news than ever.
And I've got a pantry full of tummy tea.
The point is we just don't have the time.
Fortunately, not enough time is just
enough time for a segment we call Ain't
Nobody Got Time For That.
[cheering]
All right, let's kick things off with an old-school story
that's an update on the coronavirus pandemic
or, as we call it now, just life.
Now that pretty much everyone has gotten through COVID
at least, what, seven times, scientists are wondering what
that's doing to our bodies.
And the answer is not great.
We have some more concerning news now about the long-term
impact of COVID-19.
A study shows that it speeds up aging.
REPORTER: An epidemiology expert
from Washington University in St. Louis studied long COVID's
impacts on your organs.
In his research, he noticed patterns
indicating the kidneys, the brain, and the heart
all age faster after a bout with the virus.
Yeah, that's right.
Researchers say COVID can cause your organs
to age faster than you are.
I'm not even sure what that means.
I guess you turn on the TV to watch Euphoria,
and your kidneys are like, what about Blue Bloods?
Come on!
No, but for real, this is disturbing news.
Fighting COVID is so difficult that it ages your body parts.
I mean, that is a great excuse for the next time
you can't perform in bed, though, you know?
Baby, you got to understand, my penis is, like, 85.
[laughter]
And this is the scary thing about COVID.
Because it's a novel virus, we still
don't know what the long-term side effects might be.
And what sucks is that it's always going to be bad.
We know it's always going to be bad.
Like, viruses never have good side effects.
News anchors are never like, (DEEP VOICE) breaking news,
we're learning now that 9 out of 10
people suffering from long COVID get those sexy V things.
This is hot.
Now, if we had more time, we could
talk about the long-term strain COVID is going
to put on the medical system or how
weird organs are in general.
Like, why do we have so many?
Why don't we just have one big one that runs everything?
But we can't get into that important medical discussion.
Because while COVID keeps coming up with new ways
to attack our bodies, the virus of Russia, Vladimir Putin,
has found new ways to attack Ukraine.
Well, tonight a third of Ukraine
is without power after Russia destroyed power stations
in the last eight days.
President Zelensky says Russia has thrown the country
into massive blackouts, and is urging his nation
to brace for a tough winter.
REPORTER: For the last month, Russia
has targeted Ukraine's electricity grid,
especially substations that serve as junction
points between cities.
REPORTER: Just yesterday, Russia
unleashed these, a swarm of kamikaze drones
to dive bomb energy facilities throughout the city.
Yeah, after being beaten back by Ukraine's forces
on the ground, Putin has now resorted
to using kamikaze drones--
catty bitch.
And, you know, if this doesn't prove that Putin's strategy
is failing, nothing will.
Because you never need to use kamikaze when you're winning.
You know?
It's like, anytime you see someone rushing somewhere
with their hands full of paper towels,
you know things are not going according to plan.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
And, by the way, also, can we stop calling them
kamikaze drones?
If there's not a person inside, it's not kamikaze.
That's just ghost-riding the whip.
And kamikaze is from Japan.
So this is a war crime and cultural appropriation.
So you're canceled, Vladimir Putin!
Yeah, let's see if Twitter will do what the UN could not.
[applause]
By the way, an interesting detail in this story
is that Russia had to buy these drones
from Iran, which kind of makes you
question their military might.
You're supposed to be one of the most
powerful militaries in the world,
but you ran out of shit already.
Like, you realize America never runs out of weapons--
never.
America has so many weapons.
Sometimes it will sell weapons to countries
that it's going to fight just to make space, you know?
Be like, all right, here you go, Iraq.
All right, now let's do this.
Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!
Now, if we had more time, we could
talk about how Russia's access to weapons
from other countries reminds us that the global sanctions
aren't as global as we think.
Because they still have ties to Asia, South
America, and the Middle East.
Or we could talk about how this Ukraine war is completely
derailing not just Ukraine, but also Europe's economy
and their energy supplies.
But we don't have the time to get into that.
Because while Ukraine is in turmoil,
there's another country in Europe
that somehow is an even more of a shit situation today--
Great Britain.
And that's one story we definitely
need to make time for.
Breaking across the pond, a political earthquake.
Just 44 days-- that is how long Prime Minister Liz
Truss was in office before resigning
just in the last few hours.
I recognize, though, given the situation,
I cannot deliver the mandate on which I was elected
by the Conservative Party.
REPORTER: This makes Truss now the shortest-serving
prime minister in 301 years.
God damn, Britain, another prime minister?
Another prime minister?
And this one only lasted 44 days.
Boris Johnson had COVID parties that were longer than that.
[laughter]
You realize how hard it is to get tired of somebody
this quickly?
Usually, politicians get a period of time
where you like them first, and then you hate them.
But Britain hated Liz Truss basically from day one.
Imagine being on a first date--
on a first date with someone, and they're like, oh,
I'm so sick of all your shit.
Like, but we just met.
It's like, I know, and I'm suffocating.
[laughter]
Actually, if this was a relationship,
I feel like, at this point, Britain's friends would
be sitting down with it like, listen, honey,
you've been through four prime ministers in six years.
They can't all be the problem, huh?
I'm just saying, maybe it's time to turn the vote
of no confidence on yourself.
Yeah?
In fact, for the next prime minister,
maybe the UK should take things a little slow.
Yeah, this is chaos.
For the next one, maybe-- maybe don't put a label on it.
It's so much pressure, the prime minister.
Maybe just have them be the person who lives at 10
Downing Street.
In fact, don't even live there.
Just sleep over here and there, you know?
Yeah, then maybe leave a toothbrush behind, you know,
and then they get a drawer for their clothes.
And then, when you're sure that this
is the prime minister for you, then you bring them to meet
your friends at the G7. How about that?
You know?
Like, yeah, yeah, we're a thing now.
We're a thing.
[applause]
Oh, and by the way, remember, the reason Liz Truss
lost her job is because she came into office making worse
decisions than a company's social media manager
during Black History Month-- terrible budget plans,
firing finance ministers, going back on her own policies,
sending the queen to meet Jesus.
Things were going so badly--
so badly that the British press trolled her with vegetables.
REPORTER: In a sign of just how tenuous her standing was
and perhaps how brutal UK politics can be,
a British newspaper began tracking a head of lettuce
to see if the embattled Truss would last longer
than the produce, and it did.
[laughter]
Oh, that's humiliating.
That is humil-- imagine being so bad at your job
that you lose a joke contest.
Yeah, because at first, people were like, [laughs]
I bet she can't last longer than a head of lettuce.
And then by the end of it, they were like, (BRITISH ACCENT)
should the lettuce be prime minister?
[laughter]
And maybe the lettuce will be the only one
that wants the job.
Because right now Britain's parliament
sounds more chaotic than a family reunion
at Herschel Walker's house.
REPORTER: Yesterday was a shambolic day for her.
We heard early in the day that her interior minister,
the Home Secretary, Suella Braverman,
had resigned over an issue over improper use of her emails.
And then later in the day, we heard that she
had in fact been fired.
And then there was a vote in the House of Commons,
which descended into chaos.
Some lawmakers allege that government officials were
actually physically pushing them,
intimidating them into making decisions
that they wouldn't otherwise have made.
One lawmaker even alleged that some MPs
were crying in the toilets of the House of Commons.
What a shit show.
Did you hear that?
People were shoving each other, crying, swearing,
quitting, unquitting.
It's almost like the whole government
turned into a high school drama club rehearsal.
I mean, members of parliament were
crying in the toilet-- multiple members of parliament.
Like, how many?
Was there a line?
You know?
There's people like, (BRITISH ACCENT)
are you almost done in there?
Are you almost done?
Other people are waiting to cry, too, you know?
It's coming out!
Hurry!
It's coming out!
It's actually too bad that this happened in Britain and not
in Japan.
Because at least Japanese toilets are so advanced,
they can probably actually help and console you.
You know?
[sobbing]
TOILET: There, there, Trevor.
You're doing the best you can.
Thanks, Toto.
TOILET: Don't forget to wipe.
Yeah, I remember.
TOILET: Wiping is very important.
Remember what happened last time?
Shut [bleep] up, Toto!
Just shut up! Shut up!
You're not--
TOILET: You got that big rash.
No, just shut up, Toto!
You're not helping.
[sobbing]
You know--
[laughter]
[cheering]
The craziest part of this whole story
is that Liz Truss only became prime minister because Boris
Johnson was embroiled in so many scandals
that he was forced to resign.
That's the only reason she got the job.
So you'll never guess who might be replacing her.
The big issue, though, for the Conservative Party
and for this country is that no one really knows who's going
to be able to replace her.
There are a number of names in the mix,
including, I have to say, Boris Johnson, who's
currently on holiday, on vacation at the moment
in the Caribbean.
REPORTER: There are a number of Conservative Party members
who are calling for Boris Johnson to return to the helm.
I went to my constituency at the weekend.
And the strong message that I got
was, bring back Boris Johnson.
Some supporters and some allies of Boris Johnson
say that he may throw his name into the ring, which would be
pretty remarkable since he was forced out by scandal
just six or seven weeks ago.
Oh, that's right, people.
Old Boris Johnson is looking pretty good right now,
isn't he?
Not physically, of course.
Physically, no, he looks like a Pomeranian
who got stuck in a dryer.
Politically, though, people like, he's not bad.
Here's an honest question though.
Britain, are you-- are you guys really going
to put Boris back in office?
Boris "Scandals" Johnson?
There is nobody else who could do this job?
Nobody in the entire country?
What about Paddington?
Everybody loves him.
[laughter]
Yeah.
With that voice, he could even have bad policies.
No one would care. (IMITATING PADDINGTON)
I want to burn all the migrants.
Aw, you crazy tyrant.
Now, look, if we had more time, we could try and figure out
Britain's next top minister.
Or we could place bets on how long they would last.
But we don't have the time because we have
to go to an ad break that is probably going
to last longer than Liz Truss.
We'll be right back.
[cheering]
[applause]
[cheering]
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
Let's take a moment to talk about marijuana, a.k.a.
weed, chronic, the devil's kale, George W. Kush.
Whatever you call it, weed is becoming more and more
mainstream in America.
And is now legal in some form in 37 states.
And while most people have to head to a specialized
dispensary to pick up some rocky broccoli, in Florida,
soon you'll be able to get it while you're
running your usual errands.
You can soon buy weed at the gas station.
Circle K convenience stores in Florida
will start selling cannabis next year.
They hope it will make marijuana more mainstream.
Customers will need special cards
though, to buy their weed.
Florida only allows medical marijuana sales.
But hey, stop by the old corner store, pick up some weed
and fill up your tank.
Stop by the old corner store, pick up some weed
and fill up your tank.
That's right, Florida is becoming
the first state in the country to sell weed at gas stations.
And I know some people think, they don't think
that weed should be this easily accessible,
but let's be honest.
It's probably going to be the healthiest thing that you're
selling at a gas station.
Yeah, now you're just going to reach past the Slim Jim's
and the unregulated boner pills and you can find something
with some actual nutrients.
The thing that surprised me about the story,
is that it's happening in Florida.
You have to admit, you have to admit, people,
Florida has range, you know?
Yeah, sometimes it's all CRT turned my kids trans!
Let's deport the illegals!
And other times it's like, what if every oil
change came with a free blunt?
State has so many layers.
And we should appreciate that before they all get
washed away into the ocean.
For more on this story, we now go
live to Desi Lydic, who is at a Circle
K in Tallahassee, Florida.
Desi Lydic, everybody.
[applause]
[cheering]
Desi, this seems like such a momentous moment.
Are customers at the gas station
excited about this new development?
Yeah, yeah, The what?
The development?
Yes, the news about gas stations
in Florida selling weed.
It's the story that we sent you down there to cover.
Oh!
OK, I was trying to remember what I came here for.
Hold on, hold on, Desi, are you,
is that gas that you're spraying everywhere?
What is that?
Oh, I guess so.
Yeah, I was filling up my tank right over there.
And then you called, and I was like, oh shit, Trevor's
calling me, I got to do TV.
So, and then that's why I'm at the gas station.
No, no, you're at the gas station
to cover the story about them selling weed.
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, they're selling weed right over there.
Desi, Desi!
Jesus, stop spraying the gasoline everywhere!
What is wrong?
Desi, have you been smoking weed?
What?
No!
Oh, my God!
Trevor, I'm at work.
That would be so unprofessional.
[rustling]
OK, all right, good, because it just seems like you.
Oh, wait.
Maybe I have been smoking weed.
Is that a joint?
What are?
Wait, Desi, no!
Desi, don't do that, Desi!
[explosion]
[coughing]
Oh, shit, Desi, are you?
Oh, wow!
Oh, oh, thank God.
God damn this weed hits hard.
All right, we're calling a cab for you.
Desi Lydic, everybody.
When we come back, I'm going to be talking
to one of the stars of everyone's favorite new show,
Abbott Elementary.
Tyler James Williams is joining us.
You don't want to miss it.
[cheering]
[applause]
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight is an Emmy-nominated actor
who stars in the hit show, Abbott Elementary,
which is now in its second season
and airs Wednesdays on ABC.
What do we think happened to that ice cube?
I love bingo!
This isn't the first time Micah has disrupted my class.
From what I understand, he's obsessed with a TV
show about Australian dogs.
Blueish something, I don't know, it doesn't matter.
What matters is, I've tried everything to keep
him in line and nothing works.
It's gotten to the point where even
his classmates are annoyed.
Do you know how hard it is to annoy a first grader?
Bingo.
Bingo, bingo, bingo.
Everybody, eyes up here, right?
Bluey.
The show was called Bluey.
Please welcome Tyler James Williams.
[cheering]
[applause]
Tyler James Williams, welcome to The Daily Show.
It's good to be here.
It is great to see you here.
That's yours, yeah, enjoy it.
You can take the mug with you and everything.
Fantastic.
Yeah, one of the perks.
First of all, congratulations.
Thank you very much.
On all of your success, your continued success.
You know, I fell in love with you as an actor
on Everybody Hates Chris.
I've been following you ever since.
[cheering]
Thank you.
It was so good to see you.
I mean, you know, you've obviously
done cameos in other shows and you've played other parts,
but Abbott Elementary is a force.
You got an Emmy nomination for it.
Yeah, yeah.
Congratulations on that as well.
You've been phenomenal.
The whole cost has been phenomenal.
You know what's amazing about the show?
Isn't just the fact that it is a network
show that everyone said was, everyone said network is dead.
Dead, yeah.
TV comedies, nobody wants any more.
People want procedurals, people want,
and you brought a show that people watch live,
that people watch together, people want
to speak about the next day.
What do you, what do you think is
part of the reason the show is so successful and resonates?
I think people want to feel good, man.
I think after 2020 and what has continued
to be the pandemic and our political climate,
I think, we found a lot that we could be mad about
and a lot of things we could yell
at each other about, but not much that we
could laugh about together. - Right.
And this is one of those shows that kind of brings
people together and you can talk about it the day
after and kind of laugh at what we to be
a broken educational system.
Uh-huh.
But if we can't laugh about it, then what?
It's kind of the same concept is this, this thing
you got going on here.
You mean this thing right here.
I mean, now that I say it, yeah, this thing
right, this thing, yeah.
What I've loved about the show,
is how beloved it has become in the education space.
Like, teachers love the show.
On multiple occasions, Abbott Elementary has, for instance,
given away its marketing budget to buy supplies for teachers
around the country, to raise awareness
for how they're not getting paid enough
or they don't have enough.
The stories talk about what's happening
in the American schooling system, but with grace.
I think that's one of the things I've really appreciated
is that it's not like a mockery of teachers.
No!
And it doesn't shit on anybody,
but it's really honest in people's failings.
Yeah.
I mean, if we can't look at where we are right now
and make some kind of commentary on it
that isn't incredibly divisive, then
I don't know what we're doing.
That's what network TV is supposed to do.
It's woven into the fabric of American culture.
You know what I mean?
We've always sat down together and we've watched something
and we've talked about it at the water cooler or whatever.
So the American sitcom kind of can't die.
If the American sitcom dies, we're [bleeped]..
It's actually interesting you say that,
because I was talking to a friend about this
the other day, and I was saying people take
for granted how powerful and how connective it was to have
shows that people shared.
Yes.
You share a reality, you share an experience,
you share something that brings you
together as opposed to politics,
which always divides people.
You've been in this business forever.
Since you were what? - Four.
Four years old.
Since I was four.
You're normal though.
Enough.
I'm normal enough.
How?
I really like the work, man.
I really like telling stories and representing people
and empathizing with characters and going into people's
living rooms week to week.
You're great, but this is the part they pay me for.
- Right. - You know what I mean?
The press stuff is what they make me,
they send me out to do.
Oh, so they forced you to do this.
Ultimately, yeah, but it's great,
I'm so happy to be here.
No, no, no, it's cool, it's cool.
You're great.
You're a great time, you're really great time.
- I thought-- - Don't take it personally.
No, no that's fine.
No, because you're wonderful.
- No, no, I'm just saying, you. - Just go.
I love doing the thing--
It's not a reflection of you in any way, shape, or form.
Why would it be a reflection of me?
You just forced yourself to, you know what?
It's fine.
Let's watch a clip of you when you were a lot nicer.
No, this is one of my favorite.
I just, I've watched so many different clips of you
doing so many different shows.
This is one of my favorites of you on Sesame Street.
Have we got this?
Rubber Ducky wants you to draw
something on the computer.
[quacking]
And he and I will try to guess what it is you drew.
OK.
So how do you do it?
You take this.
What's that thing?
It's a mouse.
Are you kidding me!
What?
So as you can tell, my voice has not changed at all.
It hasn't changed at all.
It's the exact same.
Wow, that goes all the way back.
Yeah, I was about four or five for that.
Yeah, that is, I mean, you say
you want to talk about woven into the fabric, that is you
and that is your career.
Yeah.
When you look at your journey,
I know everyone talks about being grateful
and it's always easy to be grateful
for the momentous moments.
What is the most insignificant seeming moment in your life
that you're the most grateful for because
of how it shaped you or how it's shaped
the life that you live now?
Oh, that's a good one.
Um, you know, I think it would be a series
of moments, if anything.
It's the fact that I guess more of a concept.
The fact that my audience has literally grown up with me.
Right.
And we're all here together now.
That, that's the thing that when I sit down
at night and like all the lights are off
and like last thoughts are going through your head,
that's kind of the craziest thing for me is,
like we all grew up together and now we're all here.
We're trying to figure this life out together.
And hopefully, I can continue to do that until we
all are deep in our 80s.
Man, that gave me goosebumps.
I love you so much, brother, thank
you so much for being here.
For real, man.
One of the funniest human beings
I've ever watched and had the pleasure of speaking to.
Tyler James Williams, everybody.
We're going to take a quick break
and we'll be right back after this.
Man, for real.
That's our show for today.
Charlamagne is coming up next.
Now here it is, your moment of zen.
If Donald Trump is the Republican nominee
for president in 2024, will you vote for him?
Well, there might be somebody else I'd prefer more.
Mike Pence, it is your God.
Do not run for president.
No one likes you.
You'll get like six votes.
Your own party tried to hang you, for Christ's sake.