Dexter: The horror...
Of the landmarks in the home of my parents.
My memory will forever rest
in the room that belongs to my sister Dee Dee.
I looked with large eyes to my future.
My invention was no longer a lazy bird with folded wings.
Sliced bread was possible.
I baked the bread...
[Ding]
And now the moment of truth is here.
My bread slicer!
But wait, wait!
It was just here!
How could it be?
I just had it.
I could hardly perceive its capture.
Thoughts of sandwich meat flitted by me.
No, no! Don't! Come back!
Toast ran free.
No! Please! Don't be like this!
Its whereabouts was a mystery.
I was haunted by hours of suspense,
only to realize the obvious--
Dee Dee.
Instead of proceeding at once to her room,
I made an excursion back to the lab.
Recalling my slicer from her chambers
would be no simple task,
for her room to me was more frightening
than the deepest bush of Africa.
You see, for years I have had immense fear
of the female germ...
The cootie.
I knew it would be flogging the current of sweetness,
so I took precautions.
It was a benevolent society
with no structure or foundation.
I did not share their flattering humor.
I thought they might be daughters
of generations of Molly mobby dolls,
and by their movements,
I saw they were preparing to strike a blow.
One of the creatures began to approach me.
Its fierce muscular structure reminded me
of the anatomy charts I drew up with Dr. Gray.
Though I did not know what crime I had committed,
I knew it wanted to beat me.
For 3 days, I took cover under a wicker wastebasket.
It was quiet.
I listened to the wind outside.
Strangely, I felt proud of the marks
I had left in the shag rug.
I believed they were the first footprints made by a boy
in Dee Dee's room.
The hope chest!
It most certainly contained my treasured slicer.
If I could breeze through the narrows without mishap,
I might be able to get closer to the hope chest.
I flew fast
but only to be reminded of that which I feared from the start--
the cooties.
I took much satisfaction in shooting them
as I would a tiger.
After all, the cooties are the tigers
of a little girl's room.
Aah!
Escape was impossible.
They drew upon me in a semicircle
but kept outside of an 8-foot radius,
which in self-defense would have been the death lock.
By great good fortune, however,
a band of bubble gum tape was at my feet,
and by the merest accident-- a flaw in the wind to favor me--
the trap, to stick these little buggers together...
Worked.
On approaching the hope chest,
my mouth became dry.
[Click]
I opened the lock.
My muscles tightened.
My recovery was realized.
I need no longer endure the many tortures of this room.
Why am I breathing so hard?
I knew the sound at once.
I ran for hundreds of miles to get back to the door.
Salvation!
Whew!
My suffering has come to an end.
Hi, Dexter!
The horror...