Over the last few years, mankind has been witness
to a continual parade of environmental disasters,
leaving many searching for a ray of hope in an already bleak landscape.
This is it, isn't it? Oh, jeez.
Look at this. Look at this! And it's mine.
The place is the Arizona desert.
A team of scientists and investors, led by Dr Noah Faulkner,
has come together to create the first space station on Earth,
a self-contained world, a pure environment,
unspoiled, unpolluted, a world that no longer exists outside.
This Earth Day, Dr Faulkner and four carefully chosen, qualified scientists
will seal themselves inside, their mission to sustain life for one year
while living in harmony with nature.
Welcome to Bio-Dome! Congratulations, Bio-Dome Five, and good luck!
On your steady shoulders rest the hopes and dreams of the scientific community,
and perhaps the very survival of the human race.
OK, ready?
Paper covers rock! You lose, Buckwheat!
Sorry, you're gonna have to assume the position.
Cos I'm the king, and you're the peasant.
I win, you lose!
- OK, you ready? - Copy that, Squirly Control.
- Stubby! - Squirly!
Should've been harder.
Perfect.
Hi, Mo-Mo! Porky! Thanks for coming over!
Hey, Budly.
- You guys ready to go? - See, that's the thing...
You know we're meant to go with you to this thing in the park?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Don't mimic me. - Don't mimic me.
Listen, we can't go. Doyle had a bad accident.
- What? - I'll show you.
- Look at his wrist. It's quivering. - My God! What happened?
- I'm no doctor, but I think he's braindead. - Yeah. And?
Well, in tribute to Earth Day, right,
Doyle was up on the couch trying to take down the mahimahi,
and set it free.
Free mahimahi! Free mahimahi! If you will, and then kaboom!
Gravity snatched the poor little boy, and he fell down like a rag doll.
This wouldn't be one of your convenient accidents, would it?
Monique, look. You call a huge welt in the guy's head an accident?
I can't make that up. See?
Please let me out, Mommy.
Or at least slide another pancake under the door.
Oh, my poor Doyly. I'll nurse you.
OK, let's play nurse.
- I smell a scam. - No, it's Doyle. He's got a quivery colon.
Damn it, but you guys promised to help us pick up trash today.
Yeah. Earth Day's all about saving the environment.
You're thinking too globally. You have to act locally.
We need to stay here and help Doyle merge on the road to recovery.
All right, Bud. You win again.
Win? This isn't a contest, Monique. It's not a game here.
Come on. Give me a kiss.
Come on. It's not my fault his brain cramped up.
You little dick!
Brain cramp my butt! The only thing that hit Doyle's head is this book!
I can't believe you'd crack Doyle's skull just to get out of this!
You don't understand. The book fell on him. I mean...
- He fell on the book. They collided. - Bullshit!
It is just like you to try to weasel out of your responsibilities on Earth Day.
This is Hands Across America all over again!
- I had arthritis. - Farm Aid?
- I had fleas. - The Save the Whales rally?
- Salt water makes Doyle bloat? - You guys are pathetic.
Thanks for coming, Mo... Mo.
- Face it. We are dating primates. - They're getting better.
They're taking yoga. And you're the one who keeps raving
about how flexible Bud is getting.
There is something about a man who can lick his own back.
- We just have to be patient. - Freeing the mahimahi?
What kind of mind thinks up crap like that?
- They should be taught a lesson. - They should be punished.
This is Uncle Fred, from the Carolina School of Bartending...
What are you doing? Grab it. Eat it!
The opportunities available to bartenders today...
The one with the corn!
You like it.
Good one.
Johnson residence, Bud MacIntosh here.
That's my name. Ask me once, I say the same.
Hey, Budweezer.
The girls.
Hey, Mo-Mo. How's the sanitation detail going, huh?
It's great, but we're gonna split.
These guys from Arizona Tech are taking us to a kegger at Vasquez Lake.
What? You met men? Of the male persuasion?
Oh, and they're on the swim team.
- Please hold. - What's goin' on? What?
Monique, Doyle and I just talked it over,
and we decided you cannot go to that kegger party with the swimmers, OK?
- What are you talkin' about? - Hold on, guys. We're coming.
Whatever, Bud.
Doyle, our girls have been seduced by breaststrokers.
They bought it!
Swimmers!
Do you know how many diseases there are in pools?
- Especially after we swim in them. - I know.
I can't believe this! Shaved-down pool Nazis oiling up our women, man!
And swimming with them in an Olympic-size toilet.
You ever see the bathing suits they wear?
Grape smugglers.
Can you believe those girls?
I mean, it's not like we're not into saving the environment.
All's I know is, I'm not gonna lose my beloved
to some steroid-friendly, web-footed, porpoise-prissy punk!
Don't worry about it though. I think when they see we've gotten off the couch,
- they're gonna go into seizures. - You think?
Total.
Check out that mall, man.
Must be the grand opening.
Bio-Dome.
- Think that means it goes both ways? - I don't know, but we do!
I don't think there's a kegger at Vasquez Lake, Doyle.
We've been had, Squirly.
Makes you proud knowing we got such crafty girlfriends though.
- We're lucky guys. - That's for sure.
- Vasquez Lake? - More like Vasquez Craphole.
- There used to be fish here, remember? - Yes, I do, Doyle.
A long time ago, when we were kids, right?
Leave Bud alone, Mom.
I'm teaching Bud how to hold his breath underwater.
Much better, Bud. Now let's try for three minutes.
- Those were the days. - Yeah, I'll say.
Hey! Don't leave that there, Stub.
- Free refills with proof of purchase seal. - Nice call.
Tribal!
- I gotta take a piss. - Can you cork it?
- Negatory. - OK. Let's go at the mall.
- Welcome to Bio-Dome! - Welcome to the future!
Welcome to the place I'm going to drain my lizard.
Viva Las Bio-Dome!
After all our careful planning,
the many years of meticulous research and experimentation,
our dream is finally at hand.
Viva Las Bio-Dome!
Rip Van Tinkle-fest.
Dr Noah Faulkner.
Thank you. Thank you. We stand today at the bridge to a future
where man and the ecosystem can live in harmony,
and make it possible for us not only to balance our own fragile planet,
but one day to sustain life on new worlds far, far away.
You have entrusted us with an awesome responsibility.
Huh, swift, swift, huh, swift, swift...
- How can I help you fellas? - Is it OK if he goes and pees in your mall?
It didn't occur to him to go at the lake and he can't cork it.
- Back off, punks. - Sir, yes, sir!
Loosen up, bacon boy. Just wanna go in and take a pee, and then we gotta go.
- Yo, word up with that, G! - You girls wanna get physical?
- Exhale, Stubbs. - I kill you.
A little demonite...
Exhale, Stubbs. Go! Sorry about this.
Please, I would like to introduce my team.
Miss Olivia Biggs, our geologist.
Mr TC Romulus, our entomologist.
Miss Petra Von Kant, our oceanographer.
And Miss Mimi Simkins, our agriculturalist.
I can't do it here. Tiny Elvis has stage fright.
Just think of the water. Just... Come on, just let it go. Hurry.
I can't do it here.
Hey, come on. Give me your smoke.
With the cutting of this ribbon, a new era in science and technology begins.
- What are you doing? - Watch.
Over there on the grassy knoll! Assassins! Assassins!
- Holy Kennedy! - A little secret...
Section two, code three. 10-4.
- What kind of mall is this? - There's no stores, or food courts,
or toiletries.
There's gotta be a toiletry around here somewhere.
Now look at all the vegetation for your fertilisation.
Well, it seems as if someone was a little eager to celebrate!
God bless you. I know how you feel.
I've been waiting for this moment for a long time.
Give me the scissors.
Warning. Warning.
Warning. Toxins being introduced in the rain forest.
Homeostasis is at 99.1%.
- Here we go. - See you in a year.
Good luck!
- Are you OK? - Pulled a nad.
Let's get out of this Jurassic Mall,
find the girls, and take care of what we need to take care of.
Look! Look!
- Get them out of there! - Oh, my God.
Doyle...
- I don't think this is a mall. - Get them out of there!
- You gotta be kidding me! - My bug!
Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch!
Here we go. Here we go.
Mr Leaky, has there been some kind of security breach? Who are these men?
Has the Bio-Dome been contaminated?
No, no. Ladies and gentlemen, surprise, surprise.
We are pleased to announce the arrival of our two special scientists.
- Beam me up, Stubby. - Jim! He's a Vulcan!
This pre-planned addition to Team Bio-Dome
is intended to simulate the Chaos Theory as we encounter it in nature.
We'll have plenty more information on this a little later on and I'll get back to you,
but as you see, right now we have work to do.
Work to do!
Who could be stupid enough to think Bio-Dome was a mall?
Bud MacIntosh and Doyle Johnson.
Generation-X road kill on the superhighway of progress.
They're not terrorists, they're college students from Tucson.
They really did think it was a mall.
- Get them out now! - The doors are sealed for one year.
I can't open the doors. If I do, the integrity of all the scientific data is compromised.
Everything depends on the precise time frame of one year!
Screw the time frame! I have $100 million invested in this,
and I don't intend to lose it because two twits from Tucson
can't tell a mall toilet from a damned rain forest!
Squirl, break the ice.
- Excuse me, Miss. Are you tired? - I beg your pardon.
- Are you tired? - No. Why?
Cos you've been running through my mind all day.
Excuse me, Miss.
If you were a yoghurt, would you be fruit at the bottom, or stirred?
This is your problem. Fix it.
- Then they have to stay. - All our preparation was for five people.
Adding two more will throw the system off balance.
Then the system will adapt.
- Did it hurt? - Did what hurt?
When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?
Bud! Doyle! Hello!
I'm Dr Noah Faulkner. You may recognise me from my Bio-Dome films on television.
Are you the guy with the spray-on hair?
Anyway, as I'm sure you already know,
you have stumbled into an exciting new world.
Tell me, have you ever dreamt of being famous?
When I was a kid I wanted to be a rock star cos I could do this with my finger.
But as I got older I realised that the corporate rock world sucked.
And besides, you only knew one song.
Iron Man, Iron Man, does whatever an iron can.
- Pancake-flat, like a glove... - Hold it!
That's Spider-Man. Black Sabbath did Iron Man.
Oh, come on! What, do you think you're so smart?
Do you think you're some rocket scientist?
- Yes. - Sorry.
What do you boys want out of life?
To die and come back as a leotard.
Well...
I may be able to offer you a springboard to that future.
- We would like you to stay with us. - Wait a minute, man.
You guys aren't one of those freaky clans, are you?
Dancing naked, you want us to take off our clothes,
- and feed us some weird punch? - No.
Damn! We almost had it. It was this close.
Boys, this is where you'll be staying, and I want you to feel right at home.
We'd be obliged if we could get some nice cushy beds with magic fingers.
Like the ones at the mall that the big tourists lie in for free.
They just plop down, the little kids are around them.
Daddy, look at the little thing! And it just rolls...
See, I have a sciatic!
- Actually, we have no extra beds. - Can we just get our own mattress?
- Sorry, no. - Here, guys.
- Petra and I can live without this stuff. - I know it's not much.
Hey, have you ever been with a squirrel and a stub?
For the pillow.
You lose the pillow! For the blanket.
You lose the blanket!
For fun.
I can't sleep.
I can't sleep either.
Let's go find us some beds.
Get out of here!
Wake up! Smell the coffee.
Good morning, and congratulations all. We have survived night one.
Congratulations, Doyle!
And the best thing is, homeostasis was maintained all night.
No!
It is bad enough that for the next year I must share my air, food and water
with these Neanderthals.
But I will not share my tools of hygiene!
Relax! It's sanitised. I dunked it in Olivia's Scope.
- Simian! - Dick!
Look, you guys are the ones that wanted us to stay.
Think back. Springboard into the future. We didn't prepare for this voyage.
We need clean teeth too, all right? His teeth... Look.
You are absolutely right.
You should be brought up to speed. It is time for a tour.
Boys. Boys! From here you can see all the regions of the Bio-Dome.
The rain forest, the tropical lagoon, the farm, and the great desert.
Every effort was made to duplicate them precisely,
and all of this is your home now.
But remember, the survival of this system is dependent upon homeostasis.
That means a balance within an enclosed system itself.
Faulkner?
Could we get some binoculars?
Let's make a rule.
Everything that you did at home, you're forbidden to do here.
Everything?
Shave poochie-poochie.
- Everything. - OK.
- All right. - Don't move.
- I'll be right back. - I got a wicked itch on my nads.
Don't move!
Bud, I got a wicked itch on my nads.
Faulkner said don't move.
I can't take it any more! I can't take it any more!
Well, I guess this means we're our own tour guides.
All right. Now, everybody, do not feed the animals, stay together,
and no flash photography.
Remember, at Bio-Dome we're dependent on balancing homos within the system.
OK. Now, everybody stay with the group. Follow me. This way.
Jerk! You shouldn't have hit me so hard.
No, wait. Come here, come here.
- Hey! There's no knob here! - Oh, God. Here we go.
Olivia, what's with this door? It's not opening.
Of course it won't open. It won't open again for an entire year.
Nothing comes in, nothing goes out. Not even air.
It would take a Sherman tank to open that door.
- So what you're saying is... - You can't get out.
- We're stuck here. - For 12 months.
- That's right. - 12 months?
- 52 weeks. - Yes!
Three hundred and eighty-five days?
Yes. Yes. Yes!
So what you're really trying to say is?
Stubby Squirly tribal!
I'm a Sherman tank!
Sherman tank!
Doyle, Doyle, Doyle of the jungle.
Friend to you and me.
Watch out for that tree!
Where'd you go?
Where did you come from?
My mom and the authorities are still trying to figure that out, but hey.
- D'you know there's a jungle in here? - Yes, I do.
Well, whoever thought of putting a jungle in Arizona is a pretty smart guy.
Barbarella!
- What are you doin', making smoothies? - No.
Nature is about miracles, Bud.
A goat is a miracle.
A carrot is a miracle.
And you're a miracle too, Petri.
What's up, Doc?
Why are you putting him in the rice paddy?
Tilapia are an integral part of our food supply.
- They eat the algae then fertilise the rice. - So then these tipatilia,
they're goin' unh-unh on the rice?
- I mean crappin' on the rice. - Well, in crude layman's terms, yes.
Does Uncle Ben know about this?
So... Hey, I know yoga. Look.
Do it like that. And sometimes I can lick my back too. Watch.
Petra!
The tide monitor needs attention.
When I really stretch, I can...
- Thank you. - Hey, wait! Don't go anywhere.
Maybe I'll show you some other manoeuvres later.
- God, my sciatic. - Squirly, Squirly! You gotta come quick.
You gotta come see this.
- Your sciatic? It's bad? - Hit it!
You should have seen what she did with a carrot!
Russell, there's beer cans in the trash in the kitchen, in the trash in the bathroom,
and in the trash in the basement.
- What does that say? - We're out of beer?
Mom, please tell your love slave
that if he's not part of the solution, he's part of the problem.
The only problem I have is that I've run out of Depends.
Russell, there is a bathroom right around the corner.
I cannot go to the bathroom. I hurt my bladder rollerblading.
Hey, look at that. There's that guy Bob I chased out of here the other day.
Bud?
Earth Day to Earth Day.
- That's a long time to be locked away... - They're on TV!
- Can you believe it? - This is Joachim West reporting.
I told you we were into nurturing Mother Earth, but you didn't believe us.
Now you guys are thinking locally, and we're acting globally!
- Just get out of there. - We can't.
We signed up. We're part of the few.
- Part of the problem! - It's an important biological experiment.
- You'll ruin everything. - Maybe you're not aware of it,
but we're a vital part of the homeosystem.
Don't you think your couch is having withdrawals?
So what are we supposed to do? Wait a year for you guys to get out?
Mo-Mo and Porkchop, there comes a time in life when we must sacrifice
what is most dear to us for the greater good of saving the world,
and now is that time.
- Is that how you really feel? - No. This is how I really feel.
Budly! There's people around.
I know. I miss you.
I'm proud of you.
So I guess this is goodbye.
I guess.
Attention. Dinner is served.
Well, we gotta go. Bye.
Bye.
Day one in the books.
Cheers, mate.
- What's with this Kibble? - Are you guys trying to poison us?
- You don't like soy casserole? - It tastes like it came out of Romulus.
Maybe it did.
Soy is our principal source of protein. You'll learn to love it.
Could you at least make it taste like chicken? A bouillon base, paprika...
Spice it up a little? Otherwise I'm gonna shrivel up like a supermodel.
- I am so fat! - No, you're not.
- Nobody likes me. - You're beautiful.
- People didn't like me in high school. - Everybody loves you.
Oh, thank you! You're so sweet, Naomi.
Avez-vous une cigarette?
Squirly, are you asleep, man?
Squirl!
Are you sleepin'?
- What'd you have to hit me for? - I can't sleep.
Hey, just think back to those sleepovers we used to have.
If you think back, then maybe you'll be able to sleep.
- OK. - OK.
What's up, buddy? Cos I'm the weasel.
OK, my turn.
Peanut butter and jelly with bacon. That's easy.
Good call, man! Keep on cruisin'. Keep on goin'.
Keep on goin' down the line.
Mixed green salad with 1000 blue cheese dressing.
Rad, dude! That was fully major. Your beaker always knows, buddy.
Keep on cruisin'. Come on, buddy. It's OK. Keep on cruisin'.
Wait. It's over here now.
Yo, Mone. Check it out. Your friends Bob and Darryl are gettin' tail.
- Assholes! - If I were you, Mone,
I'd go out and hump for the next year.
If I were you, Russ,
I'd have my mouth full of shotgun with my toe on the trigger.
It's frightening how much you want me.
Stubby! Thriving on Chaos!
Those'll sell better than Iron Maiden merch.
Let's hope so. I just want you gentlemen to remember
how important you are to this whole experiment.
Feel free to contribute. You are an integral part of the Bio-Dome system.
Since you put it that way,
we were thinking of you producing maybe environmental condoms,
so when you rip the packet, it's automatic sap lubrication.
No chalk on the bark. And then when you're pollinating your flower...
Slide, slide, slipperty-slide. Just smooth.
- Right in. - And the Bud and Doyle action figures.
- Action figures. - Anatomically correct, of course.
And last but not least, 1-900-SQUIRLY-STUB.
Watch this.
- Hi, I'm Doyle. - And I'm Bud.
And when we're not out saving the environment,
we're thinking of you, naked, thigh-deep in tofu.
You likey, Leaky?
Our home is the Garden of Eden!
More like the Garden of Boredom, and I'm chairman of the bored.
Come on, Stub. We can have our own fun.
Remember the time the Magnavox went out? What did we do?
Fly, Mary Poppins! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Can we do it again, Squirly?
- Those were the days. - Cheer up, buckaroo.
Just cos we're stuck in a bubble doesn't mean we can't cause any trouble.
We're the everlasting force
of Squirly!
Stubby!
You ready? Hut one, hut two, hut, hut, hike!
- Let me through! - No!
- Come on, let me through. - No!
- Neon Deion! - No fair!
- No fair! Personal foul! - You want some of me?
I told you you shouldn't have had some of me.
Squirly!
Fish on the play!
My proposal is that we plant these seeds.
And I know you're thinkin' illegal, illegal!
But the value of purple sticky punge goes way beyond just tokin' it.
- Ain't that right, Professor Johnson? - That's correct, Professor MacIntosh.
Purple sticky punge, or hemp, is an excellent source of paper.
It makes a fine rope.
It can even make a contaminant-free fuel.
But the greatest value to us Bio-Domers is its rapid rate of photosyninthesis,
which means more oxygen for everyone.
- On three... - Three!
Cannonball!
- There you go, Mr Bloom. - Thanks, girls.
Tell Bud and Doyle I'm writin' a song about them, OK?
Cool!
- Mone! - Oh, God.
Check it out. This is the event you've been waiting for.
The Annual at Arizona Tech, a three-day blowout to benefit the rain forest.
There's gonna be, like, seminars and lectures, and kegs and dudes galore.
- Monique, we cannot go to this. - Why not, pray tell?
- Do the names Bud and Doyle ring a bell? - A year's a long time to wait.
- Do you know how old we'll be in a year? - Old.
- Real old. - As in not spring chickens, over the hill...
OK, OK, OK!
Plus, did you see the pictures of the chicks they're in there with?
- They're hot. - So? I trust Doyle.
Listen, I love Bud just as much as you love Doyle.
But we gotta start thinking about ourselves. They are.
OK.
- Now, pay attention, Soave Bolla. - You're king, I'm peasant.
Good afternoon, Petri dish.
May-may.
Perhaps you'd like to join us for a little apéritif on the ridge.
Allow me to present Chateau Squirly Stub.
It's a bit plucky, a bit fruity perhaps,
but it'll satisfy your palate, especially with a big piece of pork.
So that's what happened to our fruit harvest?
You're incorrigible.
- I think they're into us. - In a huge way.
Mini tribal.
- Marco! - Cholo!
Look. Biodegradable pineapple.
Olivia, Romuli. Why don't you guys join us for a little soak?
That's not for bathing. This is the artificial rain generator.
It just got a little warmer.
- There's nothing artificial about that. - A little acid rain.
They dominate a number of pivotal processes occurring in the soil,
and that's what makes this so exciting.
Ladies and gentlemen, here are Bud and Doyle.
Doyle! What's the hot gossip on the inside?
I can't make any comment at this time,
but all I know is, if I see one more massive orgy, I'm movin' to Tibet.
And Faulkner? Quit hogging the KY!
Thirty-one,
forty-two, sixty-nine,
seventy-four...
A hundred... a thousand!
Here I come!
Rombo! You gotta hide me.
Not in here! You'll upset my bugs.
Look out! It's...
May I help you?
- What are these guys? - Well...
They're two of the rarest lepidoptera in the world.
Leppard? Didn't their drummer lose an arm?
No. They're butterflies from the Brazilian rain forest.
So are you tryin' to get 'em to start porking?
Actually, yes. In nature, the chances of these two finding each other,
or porking,
are very remote.
We hope to breed thousands here.
Easy, Rombo.
- Got ya! - You gotta take me first!
Mothra! Come back, Mothra! Please come back, Mothra!
Lepidoptera!
- Monique, should we be doing this? - Yes!
Jen, we are not doing anything wrong. Besides, it's to save the rain forest.
- Denise. - Roach.
One word. Raid.
Hey, man.
She thinks she's cool cos she hangs out with Bud and Doyle's girlfriends.
- She digs me though. - Are those Bud and Doyle's girlfriends?
- Yeah. - Put that back.
Excuse me. Are you guys done with those beers?
Thanks, but we're having too much fun sober.
We were just going around trying to collect empties and recycle 'em.
- Well, here, take this. - Take mine.
- There's a lot of waste at these parties. - That's awfully noble of you.
It's just what we're compelled to do.
We're having a fête to save the rain forest. If you guys'd like to show your support...
- It's not gonna be like this, is it? - Not at all.
- It's gonna be decent. - It's at the quad.
OK, we'll be there. We'll see you tomorrow. Thanks.
Noah, it's been a nonstop moronathon,
and I did not dedicate my life to science to baby-sit a couple of baboons.
They eat like savages. At the rate they're going, we'll run out of foodstuffs.
They're going to ruin everything.
Sliced it!
Damn it, Billy. Damn it, damn it, damn it.
How am I supposed to hit a double birdie with my bogey billy with a shower iron?
You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!
- Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy. - Come on, Billy.
Anatomically correct.
Are you sure this flypaper's gonna work?
Positive. It's really sticky. My dad used it to line my playpen all the time.
So you must have been stuck in this position a lot.
Help, Daddy! Please, get me down! I wet my Huggies! Nobody loves me!
OK! I'll shut up!
CD-ROM! You gotta come with us quick. We got a big surprise for ya.
You've been diagnosed with Ebola, and you're about to bleed out?
No, Doyle's got a boner and he wants to put it in your ear.
No, there's a really big surprise. We want you to come with us, please.
If it's about Faulkner's third nipple, don't bother. I know that.
- Faulkner's got three nipples? - Yeah.
- Cool. Come on. - Come on, let's go. Hurry.
Rommy, we felt pretty awful when we let all your bugs out.
We promised we wouldn't get a wink of sleep until we brought back every bug.
You mean you found my bugs?
Look!
- Giant flypaper! - I think we got all the little 'squitos,
but there's still a couple flapping right there.
No! The horror! The pain!
Come on!
We're sorry!
What I wouldn't do for just a Big Mac right now.
Dude! Don't even say that word.
Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, boy!
On a sesame-seed bun.
Bladder buster, no ice...
- Breakfast burrito. - I can't take it any more!
I gotta get outta here.
We should just relax a little before Chaulkner chills out, don't you think?
What's he gonna do? Expel us?
You're right, Stub. You're right. We own this place.
- The whole world! - The whole world.
Hey. OK, turn into a table.
Uppity-up. OK, you're pretty steady on all fours. Get me up.
Right down here.
- Are you sure? - Look, I can tell it.
My beak has got a hunch, like a Doberman pinscher.
OK, the coast is clear.
Stop. OK. Come down.
- This is it. Open it up. - Are you sure?
- Bring it down. - All right.
Come on. Be careful.
This is the one. I know there's food in there. I can feel it.
I can feel the aroma.
Hey, Squirl?
If we blow up, it's been nice knowin' you, OK?
OK. Open it.
Right?
Didn't I tell you? Who's the master? Who's the king?
- Squirly! - Who's the shrewdest?
Let's eat!
We have Chippies, we have Chippies, we got lots of stuff to eat.
- Is that laughing gas? - No way.
Turn it on.
Let me try it, let me try it. Let go.
Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet. Oh, I'm slutty! Oh, I'm slutty!
I don't feel anything. You?
Me neither. You?
Nothin'.
It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring.
I gotta have Spam. I feel like a duck-billed platypus.
Goin' halves?
Perfect. Squirly!
Anything?
I didn't feel anything. Nothing!
Nitrous oxide? Are you crazy?
What the hell is going on here?
- The desert? But we'll starve. - Not necessarily.
It is life on a taut tensile line, but the desert is an integral part of nature.
Unbelievable. So this is how it's gonna be? Vamos. Get outta here.
You guys go your thing, and we go, go, go our thing?
Yes. The idea being that while we are here, you are there.
Like we even want to hang with you guys anyways any more, OK?
We're gonna go start our own Bio-Dome.
One with a dome within a dome. So don't come knockin' on our door!
D'you understand? All we need are two helpers.
So, girls, come with us, cos as you know, girls are an integral part of nature too.
Come on.
We still got each other, Squirl.
You won't have to eat any more of that food. Don't worry.
- Petri... Romu... - Girls, don't do this.
- Girls? - I can't see you.
- I'm so hungry. - We gotta get outta here.
We gotta get outta here.
Bud? I don't wanna have to eat you.
I don't want you to eat me either.
Squirl, the Grim Reaper is breathing down our necks.
It's not lookin' too good.
There's something I have to get off my chest before we die.
Remember that really cute little teeny tiny turtle you had when we were growin' up
that disappeared and they put your kitty-cat to sleep for eating him?
What really happened was that I stepped on him
then flushed him down the toilet and let the cat take the rap.
- Frisky? - He went down like a champ, Squirl.
Remember your uncle divorced your aunt for sleeping with that flamingo dancer?
Her children disowned her, the church shunned her,
she started a drinking binge?
That flamingo dancer's outfit he found was mine.
My mom was trying to make me take lessons to impress the neighbours.
So I took the outfit, I hid it in Aunt Flo's bedroom, I said I got mugged.
Aunt Flo's insane now.
Yeah, but she has her independence.
Remember the great fire of 1979 that supposedly started in your garage
when that chipmunk ingested fertiliser then fell onto a can of kerosene,
instantly turning him into a fluffy little Molotov cocktail that set ablaze,
levelling the whole neighbourhood west of Newton's hardware store?
You started that fire?
No, but that was pretty cool, huh?
- Noah? - Can we talk to you?
Yes.
We're concerned about Bud and Doyle. We think they've been there long enough.
- Do you? - Yes. We can't just leave them there.
- They can't survive. - It would be murder.
No, it's progress.
We're culling the herd.
They are a symbol of everything that is wrong with this world.
They don't care. They don't matter.
Doyle? There's a tasty dactyl.
Got him, Squirl.
I wanna eat you.
I wanna eat it with the frog leg.
Squirl, wait! Wait!
A key!
No way.
Parking tickets!
No!
- What am I gonna do? - After all we've done...
- Oh, my... A boot! - I can't believe it!
I can't believe they would put a boot on a Bio-Dome scientist's car!
It's not like we didn't try and help the ecological system.
Aw, don't cry, Doyle. It's OK.
Come on. We'll get you some food. A little bladder buster?
Hey, coach! Pizza!
Stop, stop, stop!
Here are the pizzas. The bladder buster's free cos I couldn't find the damn place.
Russell!
- Bob! - How'd you get a job?
- Fucking President Clinton. - You had sex with President Clinton?
That's really cool. So, how's my juicy treat?
She and that other bimbo, they picked up two guys at Arizona Tech.
They're having a party to save the environment.
- You owe me $57.50 plus a tip. - What does in the flesh mean?
I don't know, but I think it has something to do with tassels.
- You gotta take us to this party! - Right now!
I got pies to deliver. Get off the goddamn car!
Russell!
Can you believe this? The whole ATU campus is probably being overrun
by some touchy-feely save-the-environment mania,
- and guess who's right in the middle of it? - Our chicks.
They're probably swapping Mark Spitz with those grape smugglers!
No preppy blowhard steals my chick without a fight. First Frisky, now this.
- All I know is, someone's goin' down! - Hey, hey! Put the gun away, Stub.
Put the gun away. Evil's not a good thing right now. Just relax. Exhale.
All we gotta do, bro, is out-party the partyers.
Bring the mountain to Mohammed.
Throw a bigger, badder bash than any college would ever allow,
show the girls that we care about the environment too.
- Do we? - No.
Where are we gonna throw this party?
Viva Las Bio-Dome!
- Cornucopy-A, Roach here. - Roach! It's me, Bud.
Thanks for blowin' me off on my birthday, nature boy.
I guess now you're Mr Scientist you don't have time for your bourgeois friends.
Don't bourgeois-shwourgeois me, OK? We've been stuck in a bubble.
You gotta do me a favour. Remember last year when we had that freaked-out festival
and I made you my little buddy and you went and passed out... Give me the drink!
And I made you pass out fliers?
I need you to do the same thing, but this time... whoo!
OK.
OK, everybody turn!
Can someone explain how drinking beer and playing Hacky Sack
- can help improve the environment? - It's all about raising consciousness.
You just can't stand up and preach about it.
Let me open up your chakras, Monique.
- No, thanks, Siddhartha. - The fifth need is to save some trees.
We just wanna save some trees.
Don't say we didn't save some friggin' trees.
Party at Bio-Dome? All right, let's go!
Bud and Doyle are having a party at the Bio-Dome?
- That's crazy. What are they thinking? - How?
- Wait a minute. What about our party? - I'm going to Bio-Dome.
Thanks for the back rub.
Maybe they're having a lecture in the parking lot.
Wouldn't it be cool if they had those huge TV setups
so we could see what's going on inside?
- Moths? - Noctuidae principalis.
- We don't have them here. - Something is happening.
All hell is breaking loose.
And her money's green
She's a tease like a social disease
But she's still so close to my reach
If I call, if I call at all
Any time at all
Jackknife!
Are you guys in a band?
We're the Bio-Dome Five.
Which one's Tito?
He's a whore, do anything for money
He's a whore...
There is no law now.
He's a whore, and the stories I could tell...
Look out!
- Oh, my God! - They're going inside?
I'm a whore, do anything for money
I'm a whore, so the story goes
Monique. Jen.
- Buena notte. - Where are they?
- Bud and Doyle? - No.
- Here you are. Half-price. - Yeah, right!
Fine! Be that way, snivellers!
Oh my...
This can't be.
En garde!
- What are you doing? - We're partying.
You're thrashing this place, you phonies!
You're thrashing the place, you phonies! So?
- Don't you care about the environment? - No. We just wanna get laid.
Hell, I'd strangle a dolphin to get into her pants.
Bud and Doyle! Bud and Doyle!
Hey, everybody! Welcome to the party!
- I could get used to this, Squirly. - It was just a matter of time.
Monique, Jen! Welcome to paradise!
Ladies! So good of you to come. Join us!
My queen, this is your kingdom. And now we're all acting globally!
Bud! Bud, stop this.
- Stop what? - This!
Doyle, this place is being destroyed!
We thought you guys wanted a big environmental party.
You assholes! Don't you care about anything?
Bud, you're killing the Bio-Dome.
- Monique. - Jen.
You shouldn't be doing this. This is our mess.
Yeah, this is our problem.
Don't touch me!
Stop! Come on, you guys! You're making us feel worse.
- Good. - Do you even realise what you've done?
You're scum.
Do you know how embarrassed I am that I even know you?
- We're sorry. - We didn't think.
- That's the problem. You never think. - About anything.
Wait. Monique, stop.
- Could we call you later? - Bud, this isn't a joke.
I never wanna see you again.
- Jen? - I don't know you.
I'm Doyle Johnson. You've seen me naked!
Faulkner's gone. He disappeared.
All we found were these.
They look like they've been chewed through by a rat.
First rat to desert a sinking ship.
Romulus. I should have left you in charge.
Well, maybe not.
Mr Leaky, the damage is devastating.
The toxins are way off the scale, and the pH is acidic enough to digest a battery.
It took years to build this world,
and you geniuses took only one month to destroy it!
God couldn't work at such a fast pace.
I haven't seen devastation of this magnitude
since the Great Chipmunk Fire of '79.
Go home! It's over.
We made Vasquez Lake.
- We've gotta fix it. - We gotta.
- Where are you guys headed? - Out.
Wait. You can't leave.
- We're gonna need your help. - For what?
- To clean this place up. - There's no point in staying.
- The ecosystem is dead. - It's not. It's just thrashed.
The aim was life in a sealed environment without contact from the outside world.
The entire experiment has been compromised.
Wait!
Screw the experiment!
No one leaves!
Now, listen. We're taking over this dome. And you guys are gonna help us fix it.
Do you have any idea how impossible it would be to make this place habitable?
Impossible's my nom de plum.
You guys have spent your whole lives trying to make the world a better place.
Well, here's your chance. Only it's not perfect.
It's like it is out there.
Come on, guys. We gotta save the Bio-Dome.
I've never quit anything in my whole life except Chinese calligraphy,
my thesis, Tuna and You The Early Years, kangaroo anatomy,
toe photography, booger sculpture, masturbation...
Well, maybe not masturbation. But give me a break. It's the only thing I'm good at.
You are very good at it, Stub. Very good.
So come on! Who's a quitter?
In five seconds, I'm gonna swallow this key, so if you wanna leave,
you'd better do it now.
Count it, Squirl.
One...
Two...
I'll do it.
Three...
Four...
Wait, wait, wait. I don't wanna get locked in. Just wait one second, please.
Let me get outta here. Open the door.
Thank you, Bob. Nice to see you again, Darryl.
Last chance.
Five.
- Dick! - Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! You did it! - We're all gonna die!
Grouse mate for life, year after year after year.
They travel thousands of miles to reunite and mate.
- We were watching that. - I'll put it back.
I wanna see if the sniper killed the clown.
If we slow it down, we can see the bullets enter and exit Buttercup.
Gross!
Back, and to the left.
A clown...
Elsewhere, the infamous Bio-Dome is back in the news.
A standoff has developed between scientists still inside
and project investors.
Our Joachim West is live at the scene.
The scientists are refusing to leave the world they destroyed.
- Bud and Doyle, I love you! - A standoff?
There's Mr Leaky, the project's principal investor.
I studied chemistry in Sweden!
All I can say right now is that we're still negotiating.
We're trying to keep them aware of the dangerously low level of oxygen inside.
That's all for now.
Homeostasis is 1% of normal.
Animal life will terminate in 14 days.
- 14 days. That's almost two weeks. - I don't see how it can be done.
Plant life must be revived in order to produce oxygen for survival.
Bingo! Revive plant life!
Now the plants will get that island tan. Photosynthesise, planties.
Hopefully it'll also produce what Doyle and I call the beer-can effect.
Heat inside stimulates condensation, like the outside of a cold brew.
That should increase the moisture inside here and bring on a downpour.
It'll work. All we gotta do is filter the air.
Light bulb!
Makin' a filter, makin' a filter.
Makin' a filter.
Don't worry, Stub. Olivia said we could just use wet bedsheets.
- What about all these butts? - At least you collected 'em.
Do you know how many laws you've broken?
How many?
Bud? Doyle? Where's the key to the back door?
- Doyle's got it. - Thank God!
- Doyle, give me the key. - Give the man the key.
- Are you sure? - Give him the key.
OK.
Push!
He needs a cup of Joe to let it flow!
Leaky!
- Reach on up in there and get it! - But make sure you take off your watch!
No, I was the last one out. And Bob, the last words he said to me were...
If I go, man, you take the torch, you save the planet. And I'm, like, wild.
- Excuse me. - Monique!
- I see Mom let you off your leash. - Make way.
Bud and Doyle refuse to speak to anyone but you.
You would be doing the world and posterity a great favour
if you could convince them both to give up this foolish quest.
Hi, guys.
So...
So when are you guys gonna come out?
Earth Day. You guys still mad at us?
- Is that what this is all about? - This isn't one of our pranks, Monique.
- We're for real. - You're really for real?
- We think about you guys all the time. - We miss you too.
You've come a long way, Bud.
Thanks. That really helped a lot.
I've used this technique in many siege situations.
It's pure torture. This'll definitely drive them out.
You're the expert.
Good boy, Billy. Good boy.
Romulus! Your popalopedos are porking!
- Excellent tree bark, y'all. - Tastes just like chicken.
Here you go, friend.
48 per cent of normal!
It's really like I have two sons, Doyle and Bud.
I have one from L'Institut de Nature in Strasbourg.
They want Bud and Doyle to stockpile their sperm bank.
Bladder Buster want the boys to endorse their new drink, the Colonic Cannon.
You're not gonna believe who this one's from, Mr Leaky.
Viva Las Bio-Dome.
Take the right leg, throw it up, push it to your chest, and then bam, behind there.
We could grow a whole new crop of tomatoes.
Trick or treat!
What? You don't have any candy?
Oh, look at you! Look at you!
And what's your little name?
Purple sticky punge.
You're gonna make someone really happy.
Checkin' Santa's list to see who's been naughty or nice!
Bud and Doyle! Bud and Doyle!
Happy New Year!
Crunchy soy patty with lactose-free cheese?
I need a few minutes. I need a fuse...
Ionised chlorophyll dilineate with red dye number two?
Yeah! Keep going!
- Senseless vandalism. - Do you think it's really Faulkner?
Whoever was in this closet knew what they were looking for.
I'll tell him we're sorry and that we'll try to make up for it.
We should get him back here involved. We could use another genius.
- I don't think that's a very good idea. - If he wanted to talk, he'd come to us.
What do you think he's been doing all this time?
I am God.
I'm God.
No, I am God.
I am God.
All is quiet as the Domers spend their last days inside,
trying to reach homeostasis. This is Joachim West reporting.
- It's gonna be a blast. - A three-day rally to boycott fur.
- Start with the fur on your back, homos. - Sapiens!
That was good.
No, I am God.
Homeostasis is at 98%.
We're close. It's gonna come down to the wire.
Only ten hours left.
- If only we had another day. - Or another 24 hours.
- Ladies. - Hey, guys.
We just wanted to say thanks for everything.
We thought you were brain-damaged or something, but we were wrong.
- You're very special. - You mean, like,
special like riding on a little yellow bus to school special?
Very special.
And I've been thinking about that yoghurt thing.
Fruit at the bottom, waiting to be stirred.
Wait. I have a girlfriend.
Doyle! Doyle!
Doyle!
Excuse me, please.
We're sorry. It's just, we have girlfriends outside the dome. But you are just...
- Good night, Squirly. - Good night, Doyle.
Wait... wait...
That might have been the smartest or the dumbest thing we've ever done.
Probably both.
What's that? That noise?
- What? - Do you hear that?
- What is it? - I don't know.
Check out Faulkner's secret-hatch action.
- Cool. - Yeah. How James Bond-ish.
Hurry up.
Come on, Stub.
What is that?
Ahoy, Noah!
- Matey! - Oh, hi.
- You don't look so good. - You're lookin' kinda grizzly.
I have a lovely sack of coconuts
that I've altered in a small way,
and I wondered, would you be kind enough to hold them for me?
- OK. - Sure.
- Where you been, man? - We missed ya.
Smelly.
In case you've been wondering, we have been kicking some serious ass
on the homeostasis front.
This place is almost back to normal. So what are the coconuts for?
Piña coladas?
I'm rigging some pyrotechnics for the door-opening ceremony tomorrow,
which I feel is essential for the culmination of this whole process.
Let me... please.
I don't think he liked the way you played with his coconuts.
When the doors open, I don't anticipate any problems. Just let them come out.
Boys, isn't it amazing how clear everything gets sometimes?
Haven't you felt that? That moment when everything is proportionally correct?
That's how I am now. Anyway, boys, keep your eye on the clock.
When it hits zero, you will like what you see.
- Adieu! - Adieu!
And off he goes.
- Into the wild blue. - Come on.
OK.
- Hey, wait a minute. - A cluster.
- Coconut. - Hey, you know, he's not such a bad guy.
- For a grizzly guy. - Yeah. He's just, like, a little...
- He's like misunderstood. - Exactly.
- We bring out the best in people. - And people bring out the best in us.
I mean, look at us right now. Who'd ever have thought?
Look! Right.
Here. Go long.
Stubby going long!
You OK, Stub?
That was no ordinary coconut.
- We rigged tons of those things. - They could level this place!
- Help! Let us out of here! - There's a bomb in here! Open the door!
Hey, what's going on? What's going on?
Don't worry.
You can't do that! It cost $2,000 a sheet!
- Damn bionic glass! - What are we gonna do?
- We gotta stop that mother Faulkner! - Stubby!
Squirly!
You boys come back! It's too dangerous back there!
Remote link activated, Doctor.
My creation, I know thee not.
But go gently into the maelstrom.
Freeze!
Roshambo for the dome, Doc? You feel lucky?
Well, yeah, I think I do.
On three. One, two, three.
- Paper? - Don't feel bad.
I would have done it anyway.
- No! - Give me the detonator.
What is the magic word?
Destruct sequence activated.
- Destruct sequence activated. - There has to be a magic word.
The magic word's on three.
Three!
You cut him off through the tunnel. I'm gonna go get his maelstrom.
I got ya now, Faulkner! Come on, baby!
I'm comin' for ya! I'm comin' for ya!
Wheels! So that's how that rat's been gettin' around.
When I get you, I'm gonna...
Slow down!
- I'm going back in! - I'm going with you.
I'm going to worry about you guys while you're in there.
- Come on! - Just kidding.
When I see you, I'm gonna... When I get you, I'm gonna...
Will you finish a complete thought?
Got it! I got it!
You idiot!
I got it!
Hang on, Squirl!
Get him, Squirl!
You're choking me!
- Give it to me! Give me the detonator! - No!
- I'm coming, Squirl! - Give me the detonator!
Assume the position!
Warning. Detonation in five, four...
three, two, one...
Destruct sequence deactivated.
Homeostasis restored to 100%.
- Happy Earth Day. - What's happening?
We did it!
That was the stupidest thing we've ever done.
But sometimes stupid can be pretty cool.
- Bud! - Doyle!
Hey! We did it! We stopped Faulkner!
I like you.
God, Romulus! Easy with the tongue action.
Yeah!
- Those poor folks! They must be toast. - Remember your training.
- Where's Faulkner? - Let's go arrest him!
I underestimated you fellas. Interested in a permanent job at Bio-Dome? Big bucks.
You guys are my heroes.
- Bye, Doyle. - Bye, Mimi.
- Bye-bye. We'll miss you. - Well, Petri dish, what can I say?
How about goodbye? You can save the world from your couch.
Bye.
- I'm so proud of you, Doyle. - I'm proud of me too.
- You should be. - Love you.
We definitely learnt a few things. For one, we definitely have to listen to...
- Your girlfriends. - Yes, but most importantly Mother Nature.
What's wrong, sweetie?
I think Mother Nature's callin' me again, Squirl.
- Can you cork it? - Negatory.
- There's no place to go out here. - Hey, what about that factory?
- I don't think so, Bud. - Trust me, OK? We're celebrities.
- Squirly! - Stubby!
Drive up!
Anybody seen Faulkner?
- No sign of him over here. - How could he have gotten out?
- He's not here. I don't see him. - Check the lagoon.
- He's not here. - He must've gone through the back door.
Where'd he get the key?