1 00:00:19,277 --> 00:00:22,235 My mother could be rich. She could be rich and smart. 2 00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:27,068 Or she could be rich and stupid. 3 00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:30,672 On the other hand, she could be just poor and good-hearted. 4 00:00:32,317 --> 00:00:34,512 Or she could be poor and mean. 5 00:00:34,597 --> 00:00:38,556 I mean, I-I have no idea what she's like. It's-- 6 00:00:38,637 --> 00:00:42,346 And there's my father, right? I look at guys on the street every day-- 7 00:00:42,437 --> 00:00:44,428 regular guys walking down the street. 8 00:00:44,517 --> 00:00:47,395 And depending on my mood, I imagine that any one of them could be my father. 9 00:00:47,477 --> 00:00:50,037 This guy. How about this guy? 10 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,472 Hi, Dad. 11 00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:55,746 Then I have to picture these two people having sex. 12 00:00:55,837 --> 00:00:58,351 Okay, maybe they're not together now. But at least 30 years ago... 13 00:00:58,437 --> 00:01:01,190 they had to hook up in order to have me, right? 14 00:01:02,517 --> 00:01:05,350 Mix and match, mix and match, all these people together. 15 00:01:05,437 --> 00:01:07,428 I can't help feeling... 16 00:01:07,517 --> 00:01:10,589 that if I'd been raised by at least one of my real parents... 17 00:01:10,677 --> 00:01:13,635 I wouldn't be such a nervous person, you know? 18 00:01:13,717 --> 00:01:18,108 I might be living a completely different life in a totally different city. 19 00:01:18,197 --> 00:01:21,075 I could be married to a totally different person with a different job. 20 00:01:21,157 --> 00:01:24,229 I mean, how do I know? I don't. Anything's possible. 21 00:01:26,717 --> 00:01:31,268 Well, the mystery of your unknown self is about to unfold. 22 00:01:31,357 --> 00:01:34,429 Your mother lives in San Diego, California. 23 00:01:38,117 --> 00:01:40,506 Her name is Valerie Swaney. 24 00:01:41,717 --> 00:01:43,708 Valerie Swaney? 25 00:01:43,797 --> 00:01:46,436 I told you it wouldn't take long. 26 00:01:46,517 --> 00:01:48,473 Can we arrange a meeting soon? 27 00:01:48,557 --> 00:01:50,548 How's, um-- How's next month? 28 00:01:50,637 --> 00:01:54,232 No, no. I told Nancy I'd do it sooner. I-I've been driving her crazy. 29 00:01:54,317 --> 00:01:56,228 Because you can't name your son? 30 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,354 I've just been distracted and tense ever since the baby was born. 31 00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:02,110 - A little unsteady? - Preoccupied. 32 00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:24,028 I heard a song 'bout clouds and rainbows 33 00:02:24,117 --> 00:02:28,315 I hum a tune that sings like a dove 34 00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:32,913 Found some words about anything 35 00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:37,275 Anything but love 36 00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:41,145 I paint a picture of my prison 37 00:02:41,237 --> 00:02:46,106 With blue and grey for the skies above 38 00:02:46,197 --> 00:02:50,475 Framed and signed with a title 39 00:02:50,557 --> 00:02:54,550 Anything but love 40 00:02:54,637 --> 00:02:59,028 He had to go but I won't miss him 41 00:02:59,117 --> 00:03:03,349 I have got better things to do 42 00:03:03,437 --> 00:03:07,749 Like writing stories and painting pictures 43 00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:11,273 Of anything but love 44 00:03:12,397 --> 00:03:16,549 Oh, anything but love 45 00:03:16,637 --> 00:03:20,550 Anything but love 46 00:03:24,277 --> 00:03:25,346 Nancy? 47 00:03:27,477 --> 00:03:29,388 I'm in the bedroom! 48 00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:34,356 Big news. I got big news. 49 00:03:34,437 --> 00:03:37,588 Hi, sweetie. You look great. Why are you dressed like that? 50 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:40,635 Did you forget about our date? 51 00:03:40,717 --> 00:03:43,550 Oh, my God! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 52 00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:46,470 - No. It's okay, you're here now. - No, no, no. I feel so bad. 53 00:03:46,557 --> 00:03:48,593 We're not gonna fight about it. 54 00:03:48,677 --> 00:03:51,271 Look at you. You look so sexy. 55 00:03:53,077 --> 00:03:55,352 But I want to tell you what I forgot. 56 00:03:55,437 --> 00:03:58,156 - Take your shoes off. - No, no, wait, wait. We have to talk. 57 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,148 - We have to talk. Talk. - No. No. Honey, no talking. 58 00:04:00,237 --> 00:04:02,512 No, no, we have to talk about wh-why I'm late. 59 00:04:02,597 --> 00:04:05,873 - Control freak, huh? - No. Yeah, maybe I am a control freak. - Control freak. 60 00:04:05,957 --> 00:04:07,868 Don't! 61 00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:19,513 - Nap time's over. - Nap time's over. 62 00:04:19,597 --> 00:04:21,906 Wait, wait. I'll get him. I'll get him. 63 00:04:21,997 --> 00:04:25,194 You don't have to put your pants on to get the baby. 64 00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:33,754 Honey, do you think we're ever gonna have sex? 65 00:04:33,837 --> 00:04:36,067 Definitely. 66 00:04:37,597 --> 00:04:41,749 There, buddy, Yeah. How ya doin'? 67 00:04:41,837 --> 00:04:44,795 It's okay. Yeah, yeah. You okay? 68 00:04:44,877 --> 00:04:47,596 - We'll be out in one second. - Oh. 69 00:04:47,677 --> 00:04:49,554 I feel like I'm keeping you from something. 70 00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,787 No. No, no, no. This is a priority. 71 00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:54,789 Is this a bad time for your wife? 'Cause, you know, I could come back. 72 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,755 Not at all. We just need a couple of minutes. 73 00:04:59,677 --> 00:05:01,395 This is crazy. 74 00:05:01,477 --> 00:05:04,549 I mean, all right, I feel guilty 'cause I missed the date. 75 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:08,391 I just gotta tell her. What am I afraid of, right? This is stupid. 76 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:13,594 - Hey, here you go. - No, no. This is good. 77 00:05:13,677 --> 00:05:16,191 - What? - This is good. You stay with Daddy. 78 00:05:16,277 --> 00:05:19,633 - Keep his hands occupied. - Oh, Nancy. Nancy. No, no, no. 79 00:05:19,717 --> 00:05:23,392 Honey. Honey. Can't we make another date, please? 80 00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:27,868 Thi-- Sweetie, this is-- Sweetie, he's looking right down at you. 81 00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:31,666 This isn't-- Oh. Oh, no, no. No. 82 00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:34,191 No. Oh, no, no, no. 83 00:05:35,557 --> 00:05:38,276 My real mother lives in San Diego. 84 00:05:38,357 --> 00:05:40,348 - What? - That's what I was trying to tell you. 85 00:05:40,437 --> 00:05:42,746 I went to the adoption agency, and they found my real mother. 86 00:05:42,837 --> 00:05:44,748 Just like that? You walked in, they found her? 87 00:05:44,837 --> 00:05:46,748 Well, it was the second trip, actually. 88 00:05:46,837 --> 00:05:49,032 - Ohh. - I know, I know. 89 00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:51,028 - Honey. - I know. So listen... 90 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,585 why don't you put something on and come over and say hello to Tina. 91 00:05:53,677 --> 00:05:57,147 - Who? - The woman who helped arrange everything. 92 00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:59,910 This woman's in our apartment right now? She's here? 93 00:05:59,997 --> 00:06:02,875 Yeah. Well I-- You know, I-I was trying to tell you before... 94 00:06:02,957 --> 00:06:05,232 but you got all sexed up and everything-- 95 00:06:05,317 --> 00:06:08,548 Well, I got sexed up because we had a date, not because I'm some kind of freak or something. 96 00:06:08,637 --> 00:06:10,593 - I didn't say you were a freak. Did I say you were a freak, honey? - No. 97 00:06:10,677 --> 00:06:13,475 - No, no. Come on, this is good, right? - Hi. I'm Tina Kalb. 98 00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:15,548 I'm sorry to burst in on you like this... 99 00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:17,912 but Mel said he didn't want to waste any time. 100 00:06:17,997 --> 00:06:20,636 That's all right. Nancy understands how important this whole thing is. 101 00:06:20,717 --> 00:06:23,436 - Great. The baby's gorgeous, by the way. It looks just like Mel. - Ohh. 102 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,589 Thanks. Really? You really think so? Everybody always says he looks like me. 103 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:30,431 Well, what do I know? I'm just another 30-year-old woman desperate for a baby of her own. 104 00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:32,633 Your husband doesn't want to have kids? 105 00:06:32,717 --> 00:06:34,708 Yeah, I'm in the middle of a divorce, actually. 106 00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:37,470 I just can't seem to part with the ring. 107 00:06:37,557 --> 00:06:41,391 - Sorry. - Oh, no. You know, it was one of those death marriages-- 108 00:06:41,477 --> 00:06:44,037 you know, the kind where you have to start making dates to have sex. 109 00:06:47,077 --> 00:06:49,830 Well, I'm sure it'll work out. I mean, I'm sure you'll meet somebody else... 110 00:06:49,917 --> 00:06:52,067 and you'll be happy and you'll fall in love again... 111 00:06:52,157 --> 00:06:54,876 - and things'll just be wonderful. - Yeah, I don't know. 112 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:56,868 I think it might be easier at this point... 113 00:06:56,957 --> 00:06:59,266 just to find an intelligent man to impregnate me. 114 00:07:00,797 --> 00:07:03,709 I'm sorry. I don't understand exactly who you are. 115 00:07:03,797 --> 00:07:05,947 Oh, didn't I tell you? She's-She's doing the study. 116 00:07:06,037 --> 00:07:08,505 I'm gonna be coming along to San Diego next week... 117 00:07:08,597 --> 00:07:10,508 to document the reunion. 118 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,395 In fact, Nancy, I've got some waivers that I need you to sign. 119 00:07:13,477 --> 00:07:16,594 You see, there's such a dearth of in-depth documentation... 120 00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:19,475 into the psychological impact that these reunions have... 121 00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:23,470 on, for instance, you, the spouse, as well as Mel's adoptive family. 122 00:07:23,557 --> 00:07:25,912 - Ah, so you're a psychologist? - Not quite. 123 00:07:25,997 --> 00:07:28,272 I'm just finishing my doctorate. 124 00:07:28,357 --> 00:07:30,507 Tina used to be a dancer. 125 00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:34,476 Oh, those days are long gone. I-- Listen, I've gotta call the office. 126 00:07:34,557 --> 00:07:37,708 Oh, there's a phone in the kitchen. It's right there on your left. 127 00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:40,265 - Got one right here. - Well, next week? 128 00:07:40,357 --> 00:07:41,870 - Yeah, yeah. - God, that's soon. 129 00:07:41,957 --> 00:07:45,313 Well, they're gonna pay for everything. Isn't that great, sweetie? Honey? 130 00:07:49,237 --> 00:07:51,956 After I had my baby, I wanted my husband to stay home... 131 00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,948 and help with night feedings... 132 00:07:54,037 --> 00:07:56,631 not drag me on some plane for San Diego. 133 00:07:56,717 --> 00:07:59,754 I like travelling. The baby's five months old. 134 00:07:59,837 --> 00:08:02,510 I really think this is gonna get us closer together. 135 00:08:02,597 --> 00:08:07,273 Oh, honey, after you're married, he feels like he's kissing his mother half the time, anyway. 136 00:08:07,357 --> 00:08:12,192 Our kissing is still nice, but he's so controlling about the oral sex. 137 00:08:12,277 --> 00:08:14,586 Well, have you tried the warm water method? 138 00:08:14,677 --> 00:08:16,668 - Are you kidding? - No. - You're kidding. 139 00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,873 - No.Joe loves it. - Hey. 140 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,948 - Oh, hi, Mel. - Hi. - Look what I found. 141 00:08:21,037 --> 00:08:22,948 What did you find? 142 00:08:24,597 --> 00:08:26,553 - What made you dig these out? - Remember? 143 00:08:26,637 --> 00:08:28,946 I don't know. I was just feeling nostalgic for some reason. 144 00:08:29,037 --> 00:08:33,030 That's so sweet. We found these on our first field trip together. 145 00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:36,905 Very sweet. Oh, congratulations on finding your mother, Mel. 146 00:08:36,997 --> 00:08:40,228 - Thank you. - That oughta settle some big issues for you, huh? 147 00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,547 Definitely. Which issues are you talking about? 148 00:08:42,637 --> 00:08:47,074 - Starting with the whole sex thing. - Sex. Baby's name. The baby's name. 149 00:08:47,157 --> 00:08:49,512 - 'Cause you said Ethan-- - No, no, wait a minute. She just said the sex thing. 150 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,747 - You said that Ethan was too feminine. - Right. 151 00:08:51,837 --> 00:08:55,113 - We were trying to think of a more masculine baby name, right? So-- - Okay, but she said the sex thing. 152 00:08:55,197 --> 00:08:57,427 - Didn't you just say the sex thing? - But she meant that. 153 00:08:57,517 --> 00:09:00,077 - Well, why don't you just let her speak for herself? Wh-What did you mean? - Well, tell him. Tell him. Go on. 154 00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:02,876 Actually, it was oral sex I was referring to. 155 00:09:02,957 --> 00:09:05,187 Oral sex, really? I think I just walked in... 156 00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:07,632 - on a ladies' conversation that guys aren't supposed to-- - No, you didn't. 157 00:09:07,717 --> 00:09:10,026 - Yes, I-- I'm gonna go. - No, no, no, no, no. - I'm gonna leave. - No, stay. 158 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,870 - No. No. Leave. - Don't go. Come on. - Go. Stay? No. 159 00:09:12,957 --> 00:09:15,266 - Honey, we weren't talking about us. - I-- What? 160 00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:17,268 - We wouldn't-- I wouldn't-- - No. I know. - You've gotta know that. 161 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,076 - I know that so much. - Bye. - So true. 162 00:09:20,157 --> 00:09:22,671 Hey, I didn't go around telling my friends you didn't want to make love... 163 00:09:22,757 --> 00:09:25,032 for almost two months after the baby was born, did I? 164 00:09:25,117 --> 00:09:28,632 - Probably. - Okay, but it didn't get back to you, did it? Huh? 165 00:09:30,677 --> 00:09:34,067 Are you sure you're okay about this woman coming along? It's not weird or anything? 166 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:38,070 Well, it's a little strange to be travelling with a chaperone. 167 00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:42,550 But if you're okay with it, I'm okay with it. 168 00:09:42,637 --> 00:09:47,267 Well, it's just, she's been through the process so many times. I think it's a good thing. 169 00:09:47,357 --> 00:09:51,589 Honey, if this helps you get what you need inside... 170 00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:54,475 - then I'm all for it. - Thanks, sweetie. 171 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,470 This cheese is disgusting. Get it away from me. 172 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,593 - What's wrong with this cheese? - It smells like vomit. 173 00:10:01,677 --> 00:10:04,635 - Oh, stop being such a baby. - Mom, Dad, this is Tina. - I'm a baby who smells like vomit? 174 00:10:04,717 --> 00:10:07,709 - Yes. - You okay? - Nancy, did you get that support bra yet? 175 00:10:07,797 --> 00:10:10,948 - Not yet. - What are you waiting for? - Hey, I want to introduce you to somebody. 176 00:10:11,037 --> 00:10:13,392 Please don't make such a big deal out of it. 177 00:10:13,477 --> 00:10:16,549 - It makes a real difference. - All right, could we not talk about this right now? 178 00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:20,789 Uh, yes, we're gonna talk about this because she's not listening to me. 179 00:10:20,877 --> 00:10:23,869 - I want you to see something. - Ohh. - Very nice, Pearl. - For God's sake. 180 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,996 - I want you to consider my age and ask yourself how I maintain this. - Mom, why are you doing this? 181 00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:31,069 - How? I don't know. How? - This is it. All right, can we not deal with this right now, please? - I couldn't have a baby. 182 00:10:31,157 --> 00:10:33,148 But I had to fight the laws of gravity just the same... 183 00:10:33,237 --> 00:10:35,751 and you need the help of a good bra. 184 00:10:35,837 --> 00:10:39,193 And believe you me, if you want to keep your husband's attention, you'll get one pronto. 185 00:10:39,277 --> 00:10:42,075 You know, if my breasts drop, they drop, and there's nothing I can do about that. 186 00:10:42,157 --> 00:10:44,113 - Wrong! - That's right. Good for you, honey. 187 00:10:44,197 --> 00:10:46,631 - Wrong! -Just back off, will ya? - You've had five of these. 188 00:10:46,717 --> 00:10:48,753 - I don't think-- - Don't monitor me. 189 00:10:48,837 --> 00:10:52,307 - Your new friend is, uh, very long-waisted, isn't she? - Okay, that's it! 190 00:10:52,397 --> 00:10:55,036 - We're not talking about this any more, okay? - It's a free country. 191 00:10:55,117 --> 00:10:57,585 - Why can't I talk? - Let him alone. 192 00:10:57,677 --> 00:11:00,111 You're making an ass out of yourself again! 193 00:11:00,197 --> 00:11:04,031 - Why don't you leave me alone! Why don't you just have a little sniff? - Don't do that. Hey, hey. 194 00:11:04,117 --> 00:11:06,950 - The baby's crying. - Get that away from me, or I'll smack it off. 195 00:11:07,037 --> 00:11:09,597 - Yeah, you're gonna beat me up in front of all these people? - Don't tempt me! 196 00:11:09,677 --> 00:11:12,510 Would you stop acting like this? That's it! All right? 197 00:11:12,597 --> 00:11:16,749 - Don't yell in front of the baby. - Don't yell in front of the baby. It's not good. 198 00:11:16,837 --> 00:11:19,146 Well, he wouldn't have to yell if you'd listen to him for two seconds! 199 00:11:19,237 --> 00:11:22,354 Well, what's gotten into my sweet daughter-in-law all of a sudden? 200 00:11:22,437 --> 00:11:25,554 - Hormones. No mystery there. - Does this baby have a name yet? 201 00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:28,071 - Four months old, doesn't have a name. - Well, don't blame me. 202 00:11:28,157 --> 00:11:30,546 - I like the name Ethan. - Oh, no, no. Ethan's too lame. 203 00:11:30,637 --> 00:11:35,267 - Everything's too lame, too bold. - This is becoming an embarrassing, neurotic thing, Mel. 204 00:11:35,357 --> 00:11:38,394 It's not an embarrassing, neurotic thing. This is about my real identity. 205 00:11:38,477 --> 00:11:40,832 - It's about my background, okay? - Don't be ridiculous. 206 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,953 You're Mel Coplin. That's who you are. 207 00:11:43,037 --> 00:11:46,632 You know, this process will go a long way towards clarifying that identity issue. 208 00:11:46,717 --> 00:11:49,993 What process? Who is this new friend with the camera already? 209 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,432 I've only been trying to introduce you to her for the last ten minutes. 210 00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:55,429 - Her name is Tina Kalb, and she's here for a very important reason. - You're getting a divorce. 211 00:11:55,517 --> 00:11:58,554 -She's a counsellor. No, she's a lawyer. -Would you-- Would you just zip it? 212 00:11:58,637 --> 00:12:01,276 - Don't talk to your mother like that. - We're not getting a divorce. 213 00:12:01,357 --> 00:12:03,632 Maybe you should if you can't name the baby. 214 00:12:03,717 --> 00:12:06,754 - That is a terrible, sick thing to say, Ed! - You said it first! 215 00:12:06,837 --> 00:12:09,715 - That's no excuse! - If you say it, fine. If I say it, I'm sick. 216 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,152 - Maybe. - Tina is with the adoption agency. 217 00:12:12,237 --> 00:12:16,116 - What adoption agency? - The adoption agency where you adopted me. 218 00:12:16,197 --> 00:12:19,633 - When I was a little baby, remember? - Oh, my God! 219 00:12:21,277 --> 00:12:26,305 Oh, God. I have to have a cigarette if we're gonna talk about this. 220 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:30,106 - Can I bum one of those? - No, you can't smoke around the baby. 221 00:12:30,197 --> 00:12:35,954 - Show a little compassion, will you? - This might be a good time to make an exception. For her. 222 00:12:36,037 --> 00:12:39,916 - Pearl! - I'd like to know what happened to the Constitution in this country. 223 00:12:39,997 --> 00:12:43,114 - Please, can you please put it out? - Oh, all right, all right! 224 00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:47,827 Why does he have to do this roots thing? Aren't we good enough parents? 225 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,830 I think you probably did the best that you could, but psychic scars can't be helped. 226 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:55,227 Psychic scars? What is she talking about? 227 00:13:01,037 --> 00:13:03,551 She's saying we failed completely. 228 00:13:03,637 --> 00:13:07,676 - That's way too extreme. - Yeah, maybe just 40 percent. 229 00:13:07,757 --> 00:13:10,510 Mom, you can't quantify it like that. I mean, what difference does it make... 230 00:13:10,597 --> 00:13:12,952 if it's 40 percent or 60 percent? 231 00:13:13,037 --> 00:13:14,948 Sixty percent? 232 00:13:15,037 --> 00:13:17,631 Why is everybody getting so serious all of a sudden? 233 00:13:17,717 --> 00:13:19,708 I thought we were gonna talk about buying new carpeting... 234 00:13:19,797 --> 00:13:22,675 getting rid of this crap, putting in the wall-to-wall. 235 00:13:22,757 --> 00:13:25,225 Life is so rich, so full. 236 00:13:25,317 --> 00:13:28,468 You have a wife, a child, a good job. 237 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,946 Why are you doing this? 238 00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:35,713 If I could pop in here for a second, I think that what Mel is trying to communicate here... 239 00:13:35,797 --> 00:13:39,870 is that no matter where we are in our lives, especially if we're adopted... 240 00:13:39,957 --> 00:13:42,790 we can't help but feel that there's something missing-- 241 00:13:42,877 --> 00:13:46,995 that there's something out there that's going to make us feel... 242 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:51,036 complete, give us a sense of belonging, connectedness if you will. 243 00:13:51,117 --> 00:13:54,746 This woman strikes me as being very dangerous. 244 00:13:54,837 --> 00:13:57,397 It's understandable that you would find me threatening. 245 00:13:57,477 --> 00:14:00,071 Why don't you psychoanalyze me? I'd love to hear this. Go ahead. 246 00:14:00,157 --> 00:14:03,786 I'm, uh, abrasive, pushy, defensive. 247 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,630 My husband is, uh, food-phobic, passive-aggressive. 248 00:14:06,717 --> 00:14:10,346 - Huh? Come on. Come on. - Look, the point is, we're going to San Diego in the morning, and-- 249 00:14:10,437 --> 00:14:12,473 What about your father's 60th birthday? 250 00:14:12,557 --> 00:14:16,470 Well, if you'd let me finish what I'm saying, I'd say that we have every intention of coming back for it. 251 00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:19,867 You are aware that they have a very big car theft problem in San Diego. 252 00:14:19,957 --> 00:14:22,755 - No, I wasn't aware of that. - Oh, yes, very big. 253 00:14:22,837 --> 00:14:24,873 I hadn't heard anything about that either. 254 00:14:24,957 --> 00:14:27,630 They bump you, and when you stop... 255 00:14:27,717 --> 00:14:29,628 they mutilate you and then take your car. 256 00:14:29,717 --> 00:14:32,151 - It happened to Art Sackhein. - What? 257 00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:34,671 - They killed Art Sackhein? - Oh, don't be ridiculous. 258 00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:37,635 They bumped him and took his car. Nobody said anything about killing. 259 00:14:37,717 --> 00:14:41,471 - You said mutilate. - Anyway-- - Please. 260 00:14:41,557 --> 00:14:45,186 Enjoy yourself. I understand they have a lovely zoo in San Diego. 261 00:14:49,157 --> 00:14:52,194 - Are you ready for San Diego? - Yeah! - Yes. 262 00:14:52,277 --> 00:14:54,552 - God, you look beautiful. - So do you. 263 00:14:54,637 --> 00:14:56,548 Oh, thanks. You know, maybe I'll just-- 264 00:14:56,637 --> 00:14:58,673 I'll run upstairs really quickly and change, 'cause I don't think-- 265 00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:01,191 - Don't be silly. You look adorable. - You look so elegant. - Honey. 266 00:15:01,277 --> 00:15:04,474 - I love that print. Come on. - Honey, you look great. Come on. 267 00:15:07,837 --> 00:15:09,589 Do you have the keys? 268 00:15:09,677 --> 00:15:13,272 I left with the feeling this road was endless 269 00:15:13,357 --> 00:15:18,511 Now it seems there's three days to heaven, it's okay 270 00:15:18,597 --> 00:15:22,476 'Cause these wheels are takin'me home again 271 00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:24,946 It's all right 272 00:15:25,037 --> 00:15:28,507 I've got three days to heaven then I'm gonna make you mine 273 00:15:34,317 --> 00:15:36,387 Boy, it's beautiful, here, isn't it? 274 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,230 Sweetie, I'm so happy we're doing this together. 275 00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:41,433 - Watch the road, please. - Me too. 276 00:15:41,517 --> 00:15:43,587 - How's the baby's diaper? - He's fine. 277 00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:46,635 - Good. - What's that? 278 00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:50,307 Oh, my God. It's happening. Shit! 279 00:15:50,397 --> 00:15:52,194 - Oh, God, no. - What's happening? 280 00:15:52,277 --> 00:15:55,474 It's the bump and rob. This is it. 281 00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:57,388 - Get down! - What? What? - Get down with the baby! 282 00:15:57,477 --> 00:15:59,513 - He's gaining on us! - Yo, slow down! 283 00:15:59,597 --> 00:16:02,031 - Back off, Jack! - Pull over! 284 00:16:02,117 --> 00:16:04,790 - How do you close this window? - Wait. I've got some Mace in my bag. - Damn it. 285 00:16:04,877 --> 00:16:07,994 - It's not working! - Listen to what he has to say. - Here it is. 286 00:16:08,077 --> 00:16:10,989 - Mace him! - Yeah, get him! - No! 287 00:16:11,077 --> 00:16:12,988 Fucker! 288 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:17,349 You left your jacket in the parking lot. 289 00:16:17,437 --> 00:16:19,587 Asshole! 290 00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:22,589 Thank you for the jacket. Sorry about the Mace. 291 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:24,269 Very sorry, sir. 292 00:16:26,237 --> 00:16:31,391 ''The Trinity Church Ministry of Hope.'' Oh, my God! 293 00:16:33,597 --> 00:16:37,306 They bump you, and when you stop... 294 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:40,867 they mutilate you and take your car. 295 00:16:40,957 --> 00:16:44,552 - I don't think it's funny at all. I mean, his father created this fear-- - It is too funny. - It's funny. 296 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,515 - Would you two, both of you, just stop, please? - And then-- - We're almost there. 297 00:16:47,597 --> 00:16:52,591 - I'm getting nervous. - Really, I'm not surprised at his reaction or by my reaction. 298 00:17:04,797 --> 00:17:08,631 - Okay, just breathe. - Ohh. 299 00:17:08,717 --> 00:17:12,266 - Should I ring the doorbell? - Okay. 300 00:17:12,357 --> 00:17:14,746 - I mean, no. Wait, wait, wait. I told you to wait. - You said yes first. 301 00:17:14,837 --> 00:17:17,067 - You didn't give me a chance to say no. - Well, I would've, but-- 302 00:17:17,157 --> 00:17:19,625 - Hi! - Hi. - Hi. 303 00:17:19,717 --> 00:17:23,835 Oh, what a pretty wife you have! And I see you've brought your nanny. 304 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:27,546 - Oh, I'm not the nanny. I'm the wife. - Oh, excuse me. 305 00:17:27,637 --> 00:17:30,197 - What a terrible way to start. - Oh, don't be silly. 306 00:17:30,277 --> 00:17:32,950 I'm Tina Kalb from the Maidstone Adoption Agency. 307 00:17:33,037 --> 00:17:36,074 - Right. - Hi. - Hi. 308 00:17:36,157 --> 00:17:38,671 - Valerie Swaney. - Mel Coplin. 309 00:17:42,837 --> 00:17:45,067 - This is great. I love the stained glass. - Lovely. 310 00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:48,991 - Thank you. - Oh! - Now, he was a great president. 311 00:17:49,077 --> 00:17:51,432 You know, I always felt like I should've appreciated him more. 312 00:17:51,517 --> 00:17:54,793 I know just what you mean. Come on, let's get something to drink. 313 00:17:59,637 --> 00:18:01,548 Your daddy was short. 314 00:18:03,157 --> 00:18:05,148 That would explain it. 315 00:18:05,237 --> 00:18:08,195 And we have the same forehead, don't we? 316 00:18:08,277 --> 00:18:11,747 And the same eyes. Oh. 317 00:18:11,837 --> 00:18:16,752 This is amazing. I never shared physical traits with family before. 318 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:22,356 I'm a bad person for what I did to you. 319 00:18:22,437 --> 00:18:24,871 - No, don't say that. - It's true. 320 00:18:24,957 --> 00:18:28,472 Look, Tina says that most women who gave up their children for adoption in the '60s... 321 00:18:28,557 --> 00:18:33,073 were independent young women acting against a conservative world. 322 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:38,110 - You're sayin' I was a slut? - No. 323 00:18:38,197 --> 00:18:41,553 - Oh, God! - I didn't think-- You're not a slut. 324 00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:44,595 I was tall, and I developed earlier-- 325 00:18:44,677 --> 00:18:48,386 If that's a crime, go ahead and sue me, but I am not from trashy people. 326 00:18:48,477 --> 00:18:52,152 - Really, I wasn't suggesting that at all. - Your daddy was poor. 327 00:18:52,237 --> 00:18:55,388 He worked in my father's liquor warehouse in Baton Rouge. 328 00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:58,310 - Really? Baton Rouge. - That's where you were conceived. 329 00:18:58,397 --> 00:19:01,036 In the liquor warehouse on the cement floor... 330 00:19:01,117 --> 00:19:05,156 - Wow! - in Baton Rouge. Oh, my parents hated Lars. 331 00:19:05,237 --> 00:19:08,786 - Lars Waara was his name. - Waara? Lars Waara! 332 00:19:08,877 --> 00:19:11,710 - What kind of name is that? - Finnish. 333 00:19:11,797 --> 00:19:14,265 - Finnish? I'm Finnish. - I knew that. 334 00:19:14,357 --> 00:19:16,552 I mean, look at your face. Absolutely. 335 00:19:16,637 --> 00:19:18,867 Finnish-American. Half Scottish-American. 336 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:22,916 Scottish-Finnish. What is that? I don't know how to do that. That's-- 337 00:19:24,357 --> 00:19:26,917 I'm gonna help. I'm gonna help you with that. 338 00:19:26,997 --> 00:19:30,785 This belonged to my great-great-grandmama who was of the Clan Bucanon... 339 00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:34,074 - Wow! - married to the Confederate General Beauregard. 340 00:19:34,157 --> 00:19:36,910 - I want you to have it. - A Confederate general? 341 00:19:36,997 --> 00:19:39,909 Mm-hmm. Expert boxer and marksman. 342 00:19:39,997 --> 00:19:42,557 - Really? Wow! - Wow! - What an athletic family, huh? 343 00:19:42,637 --> 00:19:46,596 - I was on two championship basketball teams myself. - I'm not athletic at all. 344 00:19:46,677 --> 00:19:50,465 - Look at this picture. This is-- Let's name the baby Beauregard, huh? - Beauregard? 345 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,468 - Beau. Beau Coplin. - Beau? - I'm so touched. 346 00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:54,548 - Beau Coplin. Ah, yeah! - Oh, damn it! 347 00:19:54,637 --> 00:19:57,788 - What? - The camera just jammed. - You didn't get that just now? 348 00:19:57,877 --> 00:20:00,949 - No, and that was a terrific moment. - Let me see. - Forget the camera. 349 00:20:01,037 --> 00:20:03,471 - No, I can't. - No, forget-- That's-- Forget about it. 350 00:20:03,557 --> 00:20:06,549 - What? Don't you want to get it on tape? - I'd like to have it on tape. 351 00:20:06,637 --> 00:20:09,310 - I know. I'm sorry. - Uh, the light's better in the living room. 352 00:20:09,397 --> 00:20:12,230 - Look, honey, I'll be right back, okay? - I-I don't know what happened. 353 00:20:12,317 --> 00:20:17,471 - He's a very decisive man, isn't he? - Well, actually he's not. But today, for some reason-- 354 00:20:17,557 --> 00:20:20,708 Do you see that, that wheel in there? There's like a glob of gunk. 355 00:20:20,797 --> 00:20:23,755 - Yeah, I do. - Tar. - We need something to wipe it off with. 356 00:20:23,837 --> 00:20:27,796 - If we could get like a-- - What? You know what? I don't-- Let's just use my skirt. 357 00:20:27,877 --> 00:20:30,345 - Your skirt? - I don't care about it. It's old. - Really? Okay. 358 00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:32,667 -Just hold this, okay? - Okay. Here. 359 00:20:32,757 --> 00:20:36,193 -Just-- If you can-- - Hold still. - Yeah. Okay. 360 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:39,155 I'm Beauregard from Dixie, hooray-- 361 00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:41,273 Technically, he's from New York. Right? 362 00:20:41,357 --> 00:20:44,030 - I'm sorry. Oh. I'm sorry. - Well-- 363 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:46,551 - Uh, you got it, though. You got it. - Good. 364 00:20:46,637 --> 00:20:49,435 - Yeah. So how long did you say you were a dancer for? - Oh, God, don't remind me. 365 00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:52,429 - I haven't been to the gym in months. - Well, you don't seem like you need to go to the gym. 366 00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:54,553 - I mean-- - Well, you're very generous. 367 00:20:54,637 --> 00:20:58,630 - Yeah. - But when I was dancing, you know, my calves did not look like this. 368 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:01,470 - Those look like very strong calves to me. - Well, strong, yeah. 369 00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:04,151 They've always been strong. When I was a kid, you know... 370 00:21:04,237 --> 00:21:07,149 I used to beat my brothers at Indian wrestling all the time. 371 00:21:07,237 --> 00:21:10,513 Away down south in Dixie 372 00:21:10,597 --> 00:21:13,270 He's a little cracker. 373 00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:15,268 - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not a cracker. - You can't deny-- 374 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,676 - I'm not a cracker! - Ohh. 375 00:21:17,757 --> 00:21:19,827 You feel it in your legs? 376 00:21:19,917 --> 00:21:22,112 It's really more about upper-body strength, isn't it? 377 00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:24,586 - No, it's all in the legs. - How? 378 00:21:24,677 --> 00:21:26,907 You'll see when you lose your balance. 379 00:21:29,397 --> 00:21:33,356 - Oh! - What in the world? 380 00:21:33,437 --> 00:21:36,315 Oh, my Lord! 381 00:21:36,397 --> 00:21:39,514 My Chinese zodiac is ruined! 382 00:21:39,597 --> 00:21:42,873 - I am so sorry. I really feel badly. - Oh, my goodness. My animals. - What else happened? 383 00:21:42,957 --> 00:21:46,188 - We were just in here, and then, um, freak accident. - I'm so sorry. 384 00:21:46,277 --> 00:21:49,587 - Yeah.Just-- - The shelf-- - What happened to the tail of my rooster? 385 00:21:49,677 --> 00:21:51,986 - You mean-- Is this it, maybe? - No. 386 00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:54,272 - That's the dog's pillow. Oh. 387 00:21:54,357 --> 00:21:56,587 Well, don't throw it! 388 00:21:56,677 --> 00:21:58,986 I want to pay for all this. Can I do that, please? 389 00:21:59,077 --> 00:22:01,193 - Absolutely not. - Why not? 390 00:22:01,277 --> 00:22:03,871 All children break things, and all children are forgiven. 391 00:22:03,957 --> 00:22:06,949 Now, you have never had that opportunity with me. 392 00:22:07,037 --> 00:22:10,473 Let's take this as a gift from God. 393 00:22:10,557 --> 00:22:14,709 And look, here's another gift from God. 394 00:22:14,797 --> 00:22:17,914 Ohhh, well, why is that a gift from God? 395 00:22:17,997 --> 00:22:22,070 The rabbit is still in one piece, and both you and your daddy were Year of the Rabbit. 396 00:22:22,157 --> 00:22:25,513 I always thought it was Year of the Dragon, at least in all those Chinese restaurant place mats. 397 00:22:25,597 --> 00:22:29,112 No, no, no. Lars is 1939. You're 1963. 398 00:22:29,197 --> 00:22:32,553 - Those are both rabbit years. - Actually, I was born in '65. 399 00:22:35,037 --> 00:22:39,474 - Don't you think I know when my own son was born? - 'Course you do, Valerie. 400 00:22:39,557 --> 00:22:42,754 Wait, that would make me two years older than I thought I was. Wow! 401 00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:47,308 - How? How is that? - You know what? I can clear this up with one phone call to the office. 402 00:22:47,397 --> 00:22:51,675 - Yeah, why don't you make sure? This really-- It kind of freaks me out. - Mom, why are those cars here? 403 00:22:51,757 --> 00:22:55,147 - Hey, girls, look who's here! - What happened to your glass animals? 404 00:22:55,237 --> 00:22:57,626 Oh, these are my twins from my third marriage. 405 00:22:57,717 --> 00:23:00,515 - This is Jane, and this is Sandra. - Hello. 406 00:23:00,597 --> 00:23:04,226 - This is your half brother, Mel. - He looks just like Uncle Freddie. - Oh, man! 407 00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:06,626 - Look at his nose. - What's so funny? 408 00:23:06,717 --> 00:23:09,754 - What's so funny? - He looks just like Uncle Freddie. 409 00:23:09,837 --> 00:23:12,590 Yes, he does. Why didn't I see that? 410 00:23:12,677 --> 00:23:14,747 Oh, Uncle Freddie. I'm flattered. What's he like? 411 00:23:14,837 --> 00:23:17,476 He's really sweet-natured. He's just that weird thing. What do you call it? 412 00:23:17,557 --> 00:23:19,593 - ''Frateurist.'' - Yeah, he's a frateurist. 413 00:23:19,677 --> 00:23:23,955 - Frateurist? What's that? - You rub up against people in crowded public places. 414 00:23:24,037 --> 00:23:26,267 - That's how I met Mel. - Seriously? 415 00:23:26,357 --> 00:23:28,791 - No, she's kidding. - This is not something to kid about. 416 00:23:28,877 --> 00:23:32,153 - Yeah. He went to jail for it. - Oh. - Can he come to the beach? 417 00:23:32,237 --> 00:23:34,910 - Oh, honey, I don't think he's got time for that, Jane. - Why not? 418 00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:38,069 - We're in the volleyball finals. - He can wear one of my shirts. - Oh, yeah, give him a shirt. 419 00:23:38,157 --> 00:23:41,433 - We'll go down to the beach. This is-- - You girls! - We're in the championship. 420 00:23:41,517 --> 00:23:43,075 - Oh, man, you should've been there yesterday. - Wow. Uh-huh. 421 00:23:43,157 --> 00:23:45,466 - It was so amazing. - It was match point. - Match point. 422 00:23:45,557 --> 00:23:48,594 - I went up for the spike. - She went up for the spike. - Shut up. Let me talk. 423 00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:50,986 - So I went up for the spike. - It was so intense. She went up for the spike-- - Shut up! 424 00:23:51,077 --> 00:23:54,706 - Girls, girls, calm down! - Listen, I, I, I don't believe this... 425 00:23:54,797 --> 00:23:57,550 but there's been a terrible, terrible mistake. 426 00:23:57,637 --> 00:24:00,071 And Valerie's not your mother, Mel. 427 00:24:00,157 --> 00:24:02,546 - What? - What are you talking about? Of course she's my mother. 428 00:24:02,637 --> 00:24:05,674 - We have the same forehead. - And he looks like Uncle Freddie. - Yeah, I look like Uncle Freddie. 429 00:24:05,757 --> 00:24:08,715 Please, just don't make this any harder on yourself than it already is. 430 00:24:08,797 --> 00:24:10,708 - Are you positive? - Yes. - He's not our brother? 431 00:24:10,797 --> 00:24:12,913 How could you make a mistake like that? I-- 432 00:24:12,997 --> 00:24:15,306 Well, our computer files were in transition... 433 00:24:15,397 --> 00:24:18,355 and Valerie's son is named Martin Coplin... 434 00:24:18,437 --> 00:24:22,225 - and he lives in Orlando, Florida-- - What? My son? Who is this man? 435 00:24:22,317 --> 00:24:26,515 Not your son. Mel, your father is named, uh... 436 00:24:26,597 --> 00:24:29,191 Fritz Boudreau, and he lives in Gundall, Michigan. 437 00:24:29,277 --> 00:24:33,111 - So I was thinking, maybe on our way to New York, we could stop off or-- - Who are these people in my home? 438 00:24:33,197 --> 00:24:35,665 -I feel like a complete idiot. I'm so-- -Well, I take these people into my home. 439 00:24:35,757 --> 00:24:38,988 - I know. - We fly all the way out here, we have this big, tearful reunion-- - Their child is here. 440 00:24:39,077 --> 00:24:41,750 Yeah, well, get it out, Nancy. It's gonna make us all feel a lot better. 441 00:24:41,837 --> 00:24:44,146 - Are you humouring me? - No, I am not humouring you. - I don't think this is funny. 442 00:24:44,237 --> 00:24:47,229 - I'm very serious. I certainly don't-- - Excuse-- No, excuse me! I expect you to pay for this damage. 443 00:24:47,317 --> 00:24:51,435 Well, w-wait a minute. You said it was a gift from God. Remember? 444 00:24:51,517 --> 00:24:53,428 That's when you were my son. 445 00:24:53,517 --> 00:24:56,589 - Well, don't you have insurance or something? - And raise my premiums? 446 00:24:56,677 --> 00:25:00,033 No, thank you. May I have my pendant back, please? 447 00:25:00,117 --> 00:25:03,951 - Can we have our shirt back? - We'd let you keep it. It's just that we don't have very many of them. 448 00:25:04,037 --> 00:25:06,949 - Yeah. There's only, like, ten left. - Yeah. No, sure. - I'm sorry. 449 00:25:07,037 --> 00:25:10,586 - Sorry. - I understand. - Thanks. 450 00:25:10,677 --> 00:25:13,714 - Have a nice life. - Yeah, good luck with this whole family thing, you know. 451 00:25:13,797 --> 00:25:16,436 - Thank you. - I hope it works out for you. 452 00:25:16,517 --> 00:25:18,826 You have my other knee pad? 453 00:25:24,757 --> 00:25:26,668 How could you be related? How? 454 00:25:26,757 --> 00:25:31,273 She is a six-foot blonde descendant from the clan Bucanon. 455 00:25:31,357 --> 00:25:34,076 We were only trying to be open to them. 456 00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,955 Well, we could be open with them, but we don't have to become them. 457 00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:40,507 I thought she was my mother. Come on, give me a break. 458 00:25:42,837 --> 00:25:46,512 How did you happen to knock down those glass shelves, anyway? 459 00:25:47,997 --> 00:25:49,908 I don't know. I just-- 460 00:25:49,997 --> 00:25:54,673 You know, we were trying to fix the camera, and we bumped into them. 461 00:25:54,757 --> 00:25:58,511 It's strange you would just happen to bump into them. 462 00:25:58,597 --> 00:26:01,589 Well, we were also Indian wrestling. 463 00:26:03,037 --> 00:26:06,473 Indian wrestling? What is that? 464 00:26:06,557 --> 00:26:10,948 It's just this game that kids play. It's a very innocent little kids' game. 465 00:26:11,037 --> 00:26:12,993 Why were you playing that? 466 00:26:14,557 --> 00:26:18,152 Because we were talking about athleticism in Tina's family... 467 00:26:18,237 --> 00:26:22,116 and then how Valerie's family was athletic also, and-- I don't know. 468 00:26:32,077 --> 00:26:36,150 - You're attracted to her, aren't you? - No. 469 00:26:36,237 --> 00:26:38,797 That's okay. She's attractive. 470 00:26:38,877 --> 00:26:42,426 Yeah, she's attractive, but I'm, I'm married to you. 471 00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:45,031 You know, she may be attractive, but she's got a screw loose. 472 00:26:45,117 --> 00:26:47,347 Yes, I agree with you. She's very eccentric. 473 00:26:47,437 --> 00:26:51,430 But I'm definitely-- I'm in love with you, honey. Honey? 474 00:26:52,557 --> 00:26:55,674 The revolution came and left today 475 00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:02,114 Nobody knew it came and went 476 00:27:02,197 --> 00:27:05,075 And so did Judgement Day 477 00:27:06,317 --> 00:27:09,195 In somebody else's body 478 00:27:09,277 --> 00:27:11,233 With someone else's head 479 00:27:12,917 --> 00:27:15,556 In somebody else's body 480 00:27:15,637 --> 00:27:19,266 When I was someone else instead 481 00:27:19,357 --> 00:27:22,474 In somebody else's body 482 00:27:22,557 --> 00:27:24,752 With someone else's head 483 00:27:24,837 --> 00:27:29,115 When you're in somebody else's body 484 00:27:29,197 --> 00:27:33,236 - In someone else's bed - Hey, I think this is the place. 485 00:27:41,357 --> 00:27:45,191 - This looks muy macho, doesn't it? - Creepy to me. 486 00:27:45,277 --> 00:27:47,188 Oh, no, look. Somebody's coming out, Mel. 487 00:27:47,277 --> 00:27:50,030 Hey! Hi! 488 00:27:51,237 --> 00:27:54,866 - Excuse me. Is one of you fellows Fritz Boudreau? - Hey! 489 00:27:54,957 --> 00:27:58,074 - Did I invite you onto my property? - Hey, take it easy! Take it easy! 490 00:27:58,157 --> 00:28:01,945 - Tina, don't go over there! - Hey! Oh, my God! 491 00:28:02,037 --> 00:28:05,586 Would you let me explain? We can talk about-- 492 00:28:05,677 --> 00:28:09,033 - Fuck! Run! - What's happening? 493 00:28:09,117 --> 00:28:11,187 Fuck! The car's this way! 494 00:28:13,257 --> 00:28:15,691 Would you stay away! Son of a bitch! 495 00:28:16,077 --> 00:28:20,468 - Doesn't he want to see me? - Well, I felt so bad about San Diego, I bent the rules a little bit. 496 00:28:20,557 --> 00:28:23,310 - Did you-- Did he-- Did you call them? - Yes, I tried to! 497 00:28:23,397 --> 00:28:25,672 - His phone isn't working. - What the fuck you people talking about? 498 00:28:25,757 --> 00:28:29,386 We just wanted to know if one of you is Fritz Boudreau, because they said he was my father. 499 00:28:29,477 --> 00:28:32,708 What did they say? Who said I'm your father? 500 00:28:32,797 --> 00:28:35,869 - She did. - The Maidstone Adoption Agency. 501 00:28:35,957 --> 00:28:38,994 Why, you little shit! Look at this turd face, Mitch! 502 00:28:39,077 --> 00:28:42,274 This turd is my son. I'm sorry, man. Did we scare you? 503 00:28:42,357 --> 00:28:45,269 - Yeah, a little. - A little bit. - We were scared too. 504 00:28:45,357 --> 00:28:48,474 How did we know? I dropped a lot of baby batter in my day. 505 00:28:48,557 --> 00:28:51,674 - This is the first son I ever met. - Wow. - What a wonderful moment. 506 00:28:51,757 --> 00:28:55,352 - I wish I had my camera. - You picked a hell of a time to drop by, turd face. 507 00:28:55,437 --> 00:29:01,069 - Well, your phone wasn't working. - Nah, I don't need no son to give me no guilt trip about a phone. 508 00:29:01,157 --> 00:29:04,069 Fritzie, Fritzie, we gotta get goin', pal. 509 00:29:04,157 --> 00:29:05,875 - Remember? - Shit. - What? 510 00:29:05,957 --> 00:29:07,913 - Come on. - Goin' somewhere? - Yeah. 511 00:29:07,997 --> 00:29:11,910 - Where do you have to go? - We gotta get the wheels balanced for a big trip tomorrow. 512 00:29:11,997 --> 00:29:14,909 - Where you goin'? - After Eugene balances the wheels... 513 00:29:14,997 --> 00:29:18,672 - we're gonna be out for about three weeks. - Three weeks? Really? - Damn. 514 00:29:18,757 --> 00:29:22,067 - Bad timing. - Why don't we bring 'em along? 515 00:29:22,157 --> 00:29:25,274 Huh? You know, it's only 20 minutes over to Eugene's. 516 00:29:25,357 --> 00:29:28,030 - Yeah. Come on with us. - What? In the truck? 517 00:29:28,117 --> 00:29:30,585 - Hey, you ever been in a truck before? - No, not really. 518 00:29:34,557 --> 00:29:37,151 How do you like this? First time in a rig, huh? 519 00:29:37,237 --> 00:29:40,309 - It's great. - It's really fabulous, Mr Boudreau. 520 00:29:40,397 --> 00:29:43,389 Some people look down on drivers, like we're low class. 521 00:29:43,477 --> 00:29:46,514 Not me. I always wanted to learn how to drive a big rig. 522 00:29:46,597 --> 00:29:49,270 - You never told me that. - Well, I might not have voiced it until now... 523 00:29:49,357 --> 00:29:52,474 -but it's always been a fantasy of mine. -You want a lesson? 524 00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:54,707 - You'd give me a lesson? - Sure! Why not? 525 00:29:54,797 --> 00:29:56,913 Let's not do this while the baby's in the truck. 526 00:29:56,997 --> 00:29:59,636 - Don't you trust me? - Of course I trust you. 527 00:29:59,717 --> 00:30:03,551 - But he's never done this before. - She's not gonna let you drive the truck, so forget about it. 528 00:30:03,637 --> 00:30:06,435 - Are you sayin' my son's a bitch boy? - I didn't say that! 529 00:30:06,517 --> 00:30:09,156 - What's your name again? - Mel. 530 00:30:09,237 --> 00:30:11,307 You ain't no bitch boy, are ya, Mel? 531 00:30:11,397 --> 00:30:14,036 No, I don't believe I'm a bitch boy. 532 00:30:14,117 --> 00:30:16,347 Don't let him bait you into doing something stupid, Mel. 533 00:30:16,437 --> 00:30:18,348 Nancy, Mel needs your support now. 534 00:30:18,437 --> 00:30:20,712 - Yeah, I need your support, honey. - Yeah. 535 00:30:20,797 --> 00:30:22,833 - I support you, Mel. - Me too! 536 00:30:22,917 --> 00:30:26,273 I wanna get out. You're acting like a real asshole. 537 00:30:26,357 --> 00:30:28,268 Pussy-whipped. 538 00:30:37,357 --> 00:30:40,155 We're comin' back in 15 minutes. What's the big deal? 539 00:30:40,237 --> 00:30:43,946 Hey! Get away! Have a great trip, okay? 540 00:30:44,037 --> 00:30:48,474 - We'll be supporting you from out here. May I have my baby, please? - Nancy. 541 00:30:48,557 --> 00:30:53,153 Just send us a postcard, 'cause we'll be right here at the Gundall Post Office, okay? 542 00:30:53,237 --> 00:30:56,673 This isn't gonna take long, honey. Just calm down. 543 00:30:56,757 --> 00:31:00,386 So remember, it's like a butterfly's wings. Use a little gas, a little clutch. 544 00:31:00,477 --> 00:31:03,037 - A little gas, a little clutch. - A little gas, a little clutch. What happens if I hit this? 545 00:31:03,117 --> 00:31:08,316 - What does that do? Is that okay? - You know somethin'? You got a-- You got a kind of Jew look, don't you? 546 00:31:08,397 --> 00:31:11,787 Well, the people who raised me are Jewish. Maybe that's what you're picking up on. 547 00:31:11,877 --> 00:31:14,072 They-They gave you a real ''Hebe'' look, kid. 548 00:31:14,157 --> 00:31:16,830 - Mitch, don't say that. That's not nice. - Wait a second. Wait-- 549 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:21,388 No, it's not a Jew face. It's-- It's a face like Old Needledick's! 550 00:31:21,477 --> 00:31:24,435 Yeah! You're not in some kind of science, are you, kid? 551 00:31:24,517 --> 00:31:26,587 Science? Actually, I'm an entomologist. 552 00:31:26,677 --> 00:31:28,747 -Entomologist sounds like science to me. -Wait, wait, wait. 553 00:31:28,837 --> 00:31:30,873 Who's-Who's Old Needledick? What are you talking about? 554 00:31:30,957 --> 00:31:34,506 When I met your mother, I was ridin' with the Angels in Oakland, Cal. 555 00:31:34,597 --> 00:31:36,508 - Uh-huh. The Hell's Angels? Uh-huh. - Yeah. 556 00:31:36,597 --> 00:31:38,906 And we got invited to all these fancy parties... 557 00:31:38,997 --> 00:31:41,750 because rich people liked to hang around with the Angels... 558 00:31:41,837 --> 00:31:44,305 and musical bands and whatnot. 559 00:31:44,397 --> 00:31:48,709 And your mother meets this guy, Richard Schlich-- 560 00:31:48,797 --> 00:31:52,028 - I can never pronounce that cocksucker's name. - Schlichling. 561 00:31:52,117 --> 00:31:54,950 Okay, okay. So she meets this guy, Richard Schlich-- Schlichling. 562 00:31:55,037 --> 00:31:58,473 -And what? What? They went off together? -They ran off together... 563 00:31:58,557 --> 00:32:01,151 to Antelope Wells. 564 00:32:02,797 --> 00:32:04,833 - You're saying-- - This can't be happening. 565 00:32:04,917 --> 00:32:07,272 You're saying you're not sure if you're my father? 566 00:32:07,357 --> 00:32:10,394 - I'm sorry to disappoint you. - But the records show... 567 00:32:10,477 --> 00:32:13,037 that-that you're the one who brought him into the agency. 568 00:32:13,117 --> 00:32:17,952 I did a good deed as a favour, because his mother and father were indisposed. 569 00:32:18,037 --> 00:32:20,756 - Indisposed how? - You'll have to ask your mother about that. 570 00:32:20,837 --> 00:32:23,635 But we don't know where she is. So isn't it possible... 571 00:32:23,717 --> 00:32:25,912 that you got her pregnant before she left you? 572 00:32:25,997 --> 00:32:29,433 - No, no, no! With this face, this science thing-- - Hey, we're movin' backwards here. 573 00:32:29,517 --> 00:32:32,031 - Where's the brake? Do I-- - Put it in first. 574 00:32:34,757 --> 00:32:37,396 Oh, my God! Mel! 575 00:32:40,997 --> 00:32:44,387 I don't think it's wrong to want to take a driving lesson with your father, right? 576 00:32:44,477 --> 00:32:47,196 - I'm not speaking to you. - Sweetie, I'm sorry about this. 577 00:32:47,277 --> 00:32:50,314 Give me a kiss. Sweetie, give me-- 578 00:32:50,397 --> 00:32:53,150 - Hey, Mr Boudreau, where is Antelope Wells? - Please step off. 579 00:32:53,237 --> 00:32:55,876 - Sorry, do you know where Antelope Wells is? - I have no idea.Just-- 580 00:32:55,957 --> 00:32:59,267 She doesn't know what the hell she's doing. That man was a lunatic, a stranger! 581 00:32:59,357 --> 00:33:02,906 - Okay, okay. - Mr Boudreau, please, before you go... 582 00:33:02,997 --> 00:33:05,716 - Tommy, get her off me! Move! -just tell me where Antelope Wells is. 583 00:33:05,797 --> 00:33:09,551 - When I say step off, I mean step off! - Hey! I am from New York, okay? 584 00:33:09,637 --> 00:33:13,789 On the upside, Antelope Wells should be warmer than this place. 585 00:33:13,877 --> 00:33:16,914 So we're just gonna jump on a plane to New Mexico? Is that it? 586 00:33:16,997 --> 00:33:20,148 Well, I think that we should finish what we started. 587 00:33:20,917 --> 00:33:23,477 Agent Paul Harmon, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. 588 00:33:23,557 --> 00:33:26,230 This is Agent Tony Kent. Now let's see. 589 00:33:26,317 --> 00:33:30,435 You, uh, you thought this Fritz Boudreau was your father, but, in fact, he's not your father. 590 00:33:30,517 --> 00:33:33,668 - Well, no, I-- - Tony. Tony Kent. 591 00:33:33,757 --> 00:33:37,147 - Nancy Curwin. - This is unbelievable! 592 00:33:37,237 --> 00:33:39,148 We went to high school together in Chicago. 593 00:33:39,237 --> 00:33:42,070 - You look fantastic! - Now-- - No! 594 00:33:42,157 --> 00:33:44,591 - God! - What are you doing in this police job? 595 00:33:44,677 --> 00:33:47,635 Oh, I need a health plan while I'm writing my first book. What are you doing now? 596 00:33:47,717 --> 00:33:49,912 - I'm curating. - Excuse me. Excuse me. There's something here we gotta take care of. 597 00:33:49,997 --> 00:33:53,546 - Okay? - I'm sorry, Paul. Go ahead. 598 00:33:53,637 --> 00:33:57,346 You do know it's a Federal offence to destroy a United States post office. 599 00:33:57,437 --> 00:33:59,826 Well, it wasn't like it was some premeditated act of terrorism. 600 00:33:59,917 --> 00:34:01,828 - You know what I mean? - I'll be the judge of that. 601 00:34:01,917 --> 00:34:04,875 Now, the ostensible purpose for this truck ride was what exactly? 602 00:34:04,957 --> 00:34:06,948 He was giving me a lesson. It was very simple. 603 00:34:07,037 --> 00:34:10,393 - He just wanted to teach me how to drive the truck. - This baby is beautiful. 604 00:34:10,477 --> 00:34:12,513 - Thanks. - Oh, gorgeous blue eyes. 605 00:34:12,597 --> 00:34:15,395 - Tony, Tony, Tony. - You know, he looks a lot like you. 606 00:34:15,477 --> 00:34:17,866 - Tony. Tony. - Thank you. -Just-- In a minute. 607 00:34:17,957 --> 00:34:20,949 - Give the baby back. - Hey, feel his little grip. It's so strong. 608 00:34:21,037 --> 00:34:23,631 - Feel it. -Jesus Christ! 609 00:34:23,717 --> 00:34:26,072 - Hey. - I'm s-- I'm-- 610 00:34:26,157 --> 00:34:29,035 - You're under way too much stress. - Listen, this man drove a semi into a Federal building. 611 00:34:29,117 --> 00:34:31,551 You were gonna give him a warning. It's an accident, remember. 612 00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:34,629 - There's certain procedures that you have to follow. - Right. He's got a valid licence. 613 00:34:34,717 --> 00:34:37,151 - Not to drive a truck! He does not! - It was the trucker's fault... 614 00:34:37,237 --> 00:34:40,752 - for letting him drive in the first place. - All right, okay. Can I talk with you in private? 615 00:34:49,917 --> 00:34:51,953 This is my investigation. 616 00:34:52,037 --> 00:34:54,756 - I just said you didn't have to suspend his licence. - Here, I'll take the baby. 617 00:34:54,837 --> 00:34:58,386 - You gotta start taking the job-- - So what's the deal with this guy, huh? 618 00:34:58,477 --> 00:35:02,026 - We went to high school together. - You just went to high school together? 619 00:35:02,117 --> 00:35:05,075 - Mm-hmm. - Did you know him well, or is it-- 620 00:35:05,157 --> 00:35:08,229 - He was on the football team. - Oh, the football team. Oh. 621 00:35:08,317 --> 00:35:13,027 - It's not a murder. It's-It's not a bank robbery. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. 622 00:35:13,117 --> 00:35:16,154 -Just cut the baby crap. - Oh, all right. I'm sorry. 623 00:35:26,917 --> 00:35:29,829 So it looks like this Boudreau fellow... 624 00:35:29,917 --> 00:35:33,068 is gonna take the rap for you driving the truck, so... 625 00:35:33,157 --> 00:35:35,546 I'm just gonna give you a warning. 626 00:35:37,357 --> 00:35:39,268 But I'm-- If you-- 627 00:35:39,357 --> 00:35:43,316 If you drive a truck again, they're gonna take your licence away for sure. 628 00:35:43,397 --> 00:35:44,466 - Okay. - You understand? 629 00:35:44,557 --> 00:35:47,276 Yes, I understand. Thank you. 630 00:35:48,117 --> 00:35:50,870 - Is that it? Are we free to go now? - You are free to go, yes. 631 00:35:50,957 --> 00:35:54,108 - Great. Let's get out of here. - Uh, hey, do you guys have a place to stay tonight? 632 00:35:54,197 --> 00:35:56,427 - Probably check into a motel. - No, don't do that. 633 00:35:56,517 --> 00:35:59,793 - There's so many wonderful B-and-B's right here in Lake Michigan. - Oh, I hate B-and-B's. 634 00:35:59,877 --> 00:36:03,506 -Why do you hate B-and-B's? -Well, first of all, there's no privacy. 635 00:36:03,597 --> 00:36:06,589 - No privacy. Uh-huh. - Yeah. And you have to, you have to make chitchat... 636 00:36:06,677 --> 00:36:09,635 - with the boring old lady who runs the place-- - That's kind of the fun, isn't it? 637 00:36:09,717 --> 00:36:12,550 Yeah, there's always the little cat, little cat-- You have to pretend like you like the cat. 638 00:36:12,637 --> 00:36:15,470 Yeah, well, whatever we do, we need to eat first, 'cause I'm starving. 639 00:36:15,557 --> 00:36:17,946 - Why don't we take you out to dinner? - Are we apologizing for the arrest? 640 00:36:18,037 --> 00:36:19,948 No, but it would be nice to catch up with Nancy. 641 00:36:20,037 --> 00:36:22,505 - We could take them to Minetti's. - Minetti's is great... 642 00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:25,157 - but you're not gonna get a reservation this time of night at Minetti's. - You know what? Thanks. Thanks anyway. 643 00:36:25,237 --> 00:36:28,434 - But we'll be fine, really. - See? We don't want to intrude, Tony. 644 00:36:28,517 --> 00:36:31,987 No, no, no, no, no. Don't be silly. We're getting sick of each other's company anyways. 645 00:36:32,077 --> 00:36:33,795 - Oh. - You see? I told you. 646 00:36:35,077 --> 00:36:37,511 - Hey, stop that! - I can't believe you're a writer now. 647 00:36:37,597 --> 00:36:43,035 Well, an aspiring writer. I'm trying to get this whole book together, this crime fiction thing. 648 00:36:43,117 --> 00:36:46,507 You were such a jock in high school. You were so wild. 649 00:36:46,597 --> 00:36:49,669 I know. And you were such an egghead, remember? 650 00:36:49,757 --> 00:36:52,066 - No. - You were an egghead. - No! 651 00:36:52,157 --> 00:36:55,308 - So what I'm asking is, you fly into Albuquerque and then rent a car... - We're going to Texas tomorrow. 652 00:36:55,397 --> 00:36:58,753 - and how far-- - It's way down. Way down at the southeastern corner of the state. 653 00:36:58,837 --> 00:37:01,635 - Wait. Excuse me. Have you been there before? - It's almost in Mexico, in fact. I've been near there. 654 00:37:01,717 --> 00:37:05,995 - Antelope Wells is right near the White Sands National Monument. - Uh-huh. 655 00:37:06,077 --> 00:37:09,672 They've got this fantastic, uh, hot springs nearby that not many people know about. 656 00:37:09,757 --> 00:37:13,591 Oh, I wish you could come along and show me around while Mel meets his family. 657 00:37:13,677 --> 00:37:17,431 - You have the personal days. You should do it, Paul. - I can't take time off work right now. 658 00:37:17,517 --> 00:37:19,985 - Unbelievable line at the bathroom! - I told 'em they gotta get a bigger bathroom. 659 00:37:20,077 --> 00:37:23,592 Look at him. He loves you. You're wonderful with children. 660 00:37:23,677 --> 00:37:27,750 Oh, I want one of these so badly. I'm telling you. 661 00:37:27,837 --> 00:37:31,432 Hey, could you help me out with an adoption, Tina? 662 00:37:32,237 --> 00:37:35,707 Well, that depends on the specifics of your situation. 663 00:37:35,797 --> 00:37:39,267 - Well, like what? - Number one: Are you married? 664 00:37:39,357 --> 00:37:41,473 - Yes. - Number two: Does your spouse work? 665 00:37:41,557 --> 00:37:45,391 - Yeah. - And is she willing to adopt? - You see, that's where the snag is. 666 00:37:45,477 --> 00:37:47,433 Then you've got a real problem. 667 00:37:49,077 --> 00:37:51,671 What would my chances be as a single parent? 668 00:37:51,757 --> 00:37:54,908 - Excuse me, please. - Why can't you stay and discuss this? 669 00:37:56,757 --> 00:38:00,272 - 'Cause I believe in privacy, that's why. - Right. We have nothing to be ashamed of, though. 670 00:38:00,357 --> 00:38:03,588 Because I don't want to share my personal life with everybody I meet, okay? 671 00:38:03,677 --> 00:38:05,872 She's not just anyone. She works in an adoption agency. 672 00:38:05,957 --> 00:38:09,393 I thought that she could be helpful. God! 673 00:38:09,477 --> 00:38:14,028 You know, I keep telling him that having a baby will reduce stress by taking his mind off work... 674 00:38:14,117 --> 00:38:17,314 but he just-- he doesn't listen, you know? 675 00:38:17,397 --> 00:38:20,469 So where did you folks come down on the big circumcision controversy? 676 00:38:20,557 --> 00:38:22,787 'Cause, you know, there's a movement afoot these days to keep the foreskin... 677 00:38:22,877 --> 00:38:27,712 and, personally, I think a boy's penis should look just like his father's. 678 00:38:27,797 --> 00:38:30,630 - You know? - Yeah, mm-hmm. - Can I have the baby? 679 00:38:30,717 --> 00:38:35,427 Oh, sure. Yeah. Here we go. Oh, so cute. 680 00:38:41,957 --> 00:38:47,156 My late husband devised his own anti-erosion system... 681 00:38:47,237 --> 00:38:52,436 that later on we had patented on the advice of a dear friend... 682 00:38:52,517 --> 00:38:57,272 who was in a law office with Gerald Ford. 683 00:38:57,357 --> 00:39:01,828 My brother has the same birthday as President Ford... 684 00:39:01,917 --> 00:39:05,148 who is a very sweet man. 685 00:39:05,237 --> 00:39:07,512 We met him twice. 686 00:39:09,357 --> 00:39:14,067 Once at a political rally and once at a golf tournament. 687 00:39:14,157 --> 00:39:17,354 And his wife is such a sweet lady. 688 00:39:17,437 --> 00:39:20,315 Betty Ford is so pretty. 689 00:39:20,397 --> 00:39:22,865 And why couldn't we go to a motel? 690 00:39:22,957 --> 00:39:26,233 Because at a motel we don't have the bonus... 691 00:39:26,317 --> 00:39:31,550 of someone related to Gerald Ford's birthday. 692 00:39:31,637 --> 00:39:35,186 We forgot your father's birthday. 693 00:39:35,277 --> 00:39:37,427 Oh, fuck. 694 00:39:42,037 --> 00:39:44,835 - Hello? - Hi, Mom. 695 00:39:44,917 --> 00:39:47,067 So, how's the psychic healing going? 696 00:39:47,157 --> 00:39:49,625 I am really sorry we didn't get back for Dad's birthday. 697 00:39:49,717 --> 00:39:52,390 It's all right. We'll try it again when he turns 65... 698 00:39:52,477 --> 00:39:54,991 provided he lives that long and you're not too busy. 699 00:39:55,077 --> 00:39:57,352 - I said I was sorry. - Why are you whispering? 700 00:39:57,437 --> 00:40:00,554 - Because I'm not supposed to be using this phone. - Are you all right? 701 00:40:00,637 --> 00:40:02,753 We're fine. It's just-- There was a big mix-up in San Diego... 702 00:40:02,837 --> 00:40:05,510 and then I ended up flattening a post office with a truck. 703 00:40:05,597 --> 00:40:08,236 - What truck? - Truck? What's happening with a truck? 704 00:40:08,317 --> 00:40:11,389 We had the wrong information. But we have the right information now, and we're going to New Mexico. 705 00:40:11,477 --> 00:40:14,150 - New Mexico? - Tell him they got uranium in the water down there. 706 00:40:14,237 --> 00:40:16,273 Shush. He's in some kind of trouble. 707 00:40:16,357 --> 00:40:18,393 - Did your car get bumped in San Diego? - No! 708 00:40:18,477 --> 00:40:21,037 I mean, yes, there was a minor incident. Nothing-- 709 00:40:21,117 --> 00:40:25,235 No, no! We don't do this here, unless it's an emergency. 710 00:40:25,317 --> 00:40:27,433 - What's the emergency? - Is it the baby? 711 00:40:27,517 --> 00:40:30,077 -Oh, my God! What's wrong with the baby? -The baby is fine. 712 00:40:30,157 --> 00:40:32,193 - Good. Then hang up. - Do you need help? 713 00:40:32,277 --> 00:40:35,075 - Things aren't-- - Do you see this sign? ''No phone calls after 8:00 p.m. 714 00:40:35,157 --> 00:40:38,832 - Use gas station at corner.'' - All right. Could I, could I just have 30 seconds, please? 715 00:40:38,917 --> 00:40:41,226 No. Do you want to pay my phone bills? 716 00:40:41,317 --> 00:40:43,228 - Thirty seconds. - Hang up! 717 00:40:43,317 --> 00:40:45,626 - Is that tyrant your mother? - No. I have to go, all right? 718 00:40:45,717 --> 00:40:48,390 - We're gonna be with the Schlichtings. - The ''Shitkings''? 719 00:40:48,477 --> 00:40:51,708 - What kind of a name is Shitking? - Schlichting. Schlichting. They're my parents. 720 00:40:51,797 --> 00:40:54,231 - What kind of a name is Shitking? - Verboten means verboten! - I don't know. 721 00:40:54,317 --> 00:40:57,275 I think it's German. We're gonna be in Antelope Wells. 722 00:40:58,517 --> 00:41:01,429 Hello? Mel? 723 00:41:02,357 --> 00:41:05,315 - I used my calling card. - That's not the point! 724 00:41:19,077 --> 00:41:21,637 I think something terrible is happening to him. 725 00:41:21,717 --> 00:41:24,151 - Calm down, calm down. - I can't calm down! 726 00:41:24,237 --> 00:41:27,309 - What did he say? - We have to do something. 727 00:41:27,397 --> 00:41:29,831 - All right, well, we'll call back. - We can't call back. 728 00:41:29,917 --> 00:41:32,750 He's on his way to New Mexico, for God's sake! 729 00:41:32,837 --> 00:41:36,034 Who knows what kind of people he's with? Anything is possible. 730 00:41:36,117 --> 00:41:38,347 Don't say that! You're starting to scare me. 731 00:41:38,437 --> 00:41:40,712 - I am not. You were already scared. - I was not! 732 00:41:40,797 --> 00:41:43,595 - Yes, you were. - Eddie, we have to do something! 733 00:41:43,677 --> 00:41:46,350 Like what? There's nothing we can do. 734 00:41:46,997 --> 00:41:50,831 - The kitchen's off-limits after 8:00. - What are you, her spy? 735 00:41:50,917 --> 00:41:54,705 - Why didn't you use Tina's phone? - 'Cause Tina's phone isn't working. 736 00:41:54,797 --> 00:41:58,028 You know, it's starting to feel like this whole thing is a big waste of time. 737 00:42:00,797 --> 00:42:03,550 - You're feeling frustrated. - Yes, I'm feeling very frustrated. 738 00:42:03,637 --> 00:42:06,276 I was worried your expectations were too high for all of this. 739 00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:09,906 - You know, maybe we should just forget everything and go home. - Don't do that. 740 00:42:09,997 --> 00:42:13,273 You always get so pessimistic when you're close to finishing something you've started. 741 00:42:13,357 --> 00:42:15,552 - I do not. - Yes, you do. You did it with the apartment. 742 00:42:15,637 --> 00:42:19,596 You loved it so much. The day we go to sign the lease, you start freaking out. 743 00:42:19,677 --> 00:42:23,431 And the wedding. How many times did you change the date? 744 00:42:24,117 --> 00:42:26,312 You're right. You're right. I do this all the time. 745 00:42:26,397 --> 00:42:28,672 So stick to your plan for once, okay? 746 00:42:28,757 --> 00:42:31,555 If you want to find your parents, find your parents. 747 00:42:36,957 --> 00:42:39,312 - Oh! - Oh, hi. - Hi. 748 00:42:39,397 --> 00:42:44,027 - Are you okay? You seem upset. - I owe you a big apology. 749 00:42:44,117 --> 00:42:48,110 I mean, this was-- this is not the way I planned this trip, not the way I wanted it to turn out. 750 00:42:48,197 --> 00:42:51,314 Look, look, it's been kind of difficult, but I think we've gotten past the bumps. 751 00:42:51,397 --> 00:42:53,831 You know, I feel, I feel really good about, about where we're going. 752 00:42:53,917 --> 00:42:56,875 I really think it's gonna be great. 753 00:42:58,077 --> 00:43:01,194 You're such an optimist. Where does that come from? 754 00:43:04,237 --> 00:43:07,627 Well, you know, I've always said it's a mistake to let pessimism take over... 755 00:43:07,717 --> 00:43:10,515 right before you're about to finish something. 756 00:43:10,597 --> 00:43:15,193 That's the complete opposite of my ex-husband. He was such a pessimistic pig. 757 00:43:17,517 --> 00:43:20,429 Well, I think you're doing a great job. Really. 758 00:43:20,517 --> 00:43:22,667 - Really. - Thanks. 759 00:43:22,757 --> 00:43:25,066 - Good night. - Good night. Good night. 760 00:43:46,117 --> 00:43:48,028 Thanks. 761 00:43:49,917 --> 00:43:51,828 Shit. 762 00:44:01,677 --> 00:44:04,635 What was that noise? Did you drop something? 763 00:44:04,717 --> 00:44:08,676 Goddam cat flew out of nowhere. Scared the hell out of me. 764 00:44:08,757 --> 00:44:11,510 - What are you doing? - Huh? 765 00:44:11,597 --> 00:44:14,634 - Where'd you get the pup tent? - I-- 766 00:44:14,717 --> 00:44:17,595 I'm feeling very sexual. I don't know. 767 00:44:17,677 --> 00:44:19,747 I'm just feeling like I want to-- 768 00:44:21,317 --> 00:44:25,833 Wait. Let me just take my glasses off. 769 00:44:27,197 --> 00:44:31,270 Wait a second. Wait, Mel! Mel, look at me. 770 00:44:33,437 --> 00:44:35,951 Just slow down for a second. Let's take our time. 771 00:44:36,037 --> 00:44:38,426 - Look at me. - Huh? Why? 772 00:44:38,517 --> 00:44:40,747 - Why aren't you looking at me? - What? What? I'm looking at you! 773 00:44:40,837 --> 00:44:44,432 - Why do I have to look at you? I mean-- - Well, why can't you look at me? 774 00:44:51,677 --> 00:44:54,475 I don't know. I don't know what's going on. 775 00:44:54,557 --> 00:44:57,071 I mean, don't you ever think that maybe it's not natural... 776 00:44:57,157 --> 00:44:59,193 for two people to be together their entire lives? 777 00:44:59,277 --> 00:45:02,826 - Do you ever think that? - Oh, I get it. 778 00:45:04,277 --> 00:45:06,472 Your parents weren't good enough for you... 779 00:45:06,557 --> 00:45:11,392 and now I'm not good enough for you because Tina's a skinny dancer, right? 780 00:45:11,477 --> 00:45:13,433 - No. What? - You know, it takes some women... 781 00:45:13,517 --> 00:45:16,668 more than a year to get back to their normal weight after having a baby. 782 00:45:16,757 --> 00:45:22,229 - You are not good B-and-B people! - Yeah, well, that's because we hate B-and-B's! 783 00:45:22,477 --> 00:45:25,594 - Thanks. - Look, we need to talk. 784 00:45:25,677 --> 00:45:31,149 - Okay. - I'm, I'm not sure I'm ready for an affair with a married man right now. 785 00:45:31,237 --> 00:45:35,116 I'm feeling just as confused as you are, okay? About the whole thing, all right? 786 00:45:35,197 --> 00:45:37,631 I'm in the middle of a divorce. I'm going to school at night. 787 00:45:37,717 --> 00:45:39,867 You know, I need to be taken seriously as a woman. 788 00:45:39,957 --> 00:45:42,835 I want to have my own children. I want to have my own life, you know? 789 00:45:42,917 --> 00:45:46,796 Not just some sort of vicarious semblance of like somebody else's life. 790 00:45:49,277 --> 00:45:51,791 Shit. 791 00:45:51,877 --> 00:45:53,788 - What's the matter with her? - Hi. 792 00:45:53,877 --> 00:45:57,665 She's upset about the way everything's going. She's really-- Yeah. 793 00:45:57,757 --> 00:46:01,545 Listen, I feel like I owe you an apology about last night. 794 00:46:01,637 --> 00:46:03,753 - Okay. - Well, I mean, I think we should discuss it... 795 00:46:03,837 --> 00:46:05,907 - because, you know, there's two sides to everything. - Hey, you guys! 796 00:46:05,997 --> 00:46:08,750 That doesn't sound like an apology. 797 00:46:08,837 --> 00:46:10,828 What the hell? 798 00:46:10,917 --> 00:46:12,953 - Hey! - Hello again, strangers. 799 00:46:13,037 --> 00:46:16,712 - Hey. Hi. - I'm sorry that I stormed out like that last night. 800 00:46:16,797 --> 00:46:19,436 But I suffer from hypertension. You probably already knew that. 801 00:46:19,517 --> 00:46:23,795 The whole thing was a blessing, really, because it finally made Paul realize how much he needs some R-and-R. 802 00:46:23,877 --> 00:46:26,914 - Sometimes you gotta be zonked on the head. What can I say? - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 803 00:46:26,997 --> 00:46:29,636 - Wait a minute, wait a minute. You guys are going to New Mexico? - We're goin', yeah. 804 00:46:29,717 --> 00:46:32,595 Nothing like a cruel acceptance of a casual invitation, right? 805 00:46:32,677 --> 00:46:35,749 - Invitation? What invitation? - I think you were in the bathroom. 806 00:46:35,837 --> 00:46:38,749 - Oops. Did we jump the gun here? - No, this'll be fine. 807 00:46:38,837 --> 00:46:40,953 No, wait. What do you mean it's fine? It's fine? 808 00:46:41,037 --> 00:46:43,631 - We're sightseeing. We're not gonna get in your way. - I'm glad to have the company. 809 00:46:43,717 --> 00:46:46,834 - It's gonna be fun. - Look, we already checked in. Why don't I find a row for the baby, okay? 810 00:46:46,917 --> 00:46:48,828 - Terrific! - Okay. Bye-bye. - Thanks. 811 00:46:48,917 --> 00:46:51,431 - Bye. - We'll see you on board, Mel. 812 00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:54,429 I'm sorry about that. I didn't expect them to show up, honey. 813 00:46:54,517 --> 00:46:57,554 - So what? You just had a little extra hostility to work out? - It isn't hostility. 814 00:46:57,637 --> 00:47:00,549 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - I just barely mentioned it to them. - Right, great, great. - Right? 815 00:47:00,637 --> 00:47:03,026 - Great, great. - Right? - Whatever, okay? 816 00:47:03,117 --> 00:47:06,348 I wasn't circumcised until I was a year old. 817 00:47:06,437 --> 00:47:08,997 - Wow! Why? - I had hypospadias. 818 00:47:09,077 --> 00:47:13,275 - What is that? - Here you are, sir. - Well, hypospadias is like a curvature of the penis that-- 819 00:47:13,357 --> 00:47:15,746 - They have to adjust it with a whole operation. - Really? 820 00:47:15,837 --> 00:47:18,067 - Yeah. I had it done when I was young. I mean, it's fine now. - Oh, wow. 821 00:47:18,157 --> 00:47:21,752 - Here you go. Honey? - What? - Why don't you cover yourself, hmm? 822 00:47:21,837 --> 00:47:24,874 I just finished nursing him, okay? 823 00:47:27,317 --> 00:47:30,229 Ever heard of hypospadias? 824 00:47:30,317 --> 00:47:33,036 Is there something wrong with the plane? 825 00:47:35,037 --> 00:47:39,155 - How, how is the nipple irritation? - It's really bad, actually. 826 00:47:39,237 --> 00:47:41,148 You know why? 'Cause I, I was watching you... 827 00:47:41,237 --> 00:47:44,866 and I think you might be holding him at the wrong angle. Hey, I meant-- 828 00:47:44,957 --> 00:47:47,755 - I've been doing this for a while now. - Oh, I know you have. 829 00:47:47,837 --> 00:47:51,466 But, but, you see, when he's under, when he's under your breast like this... 830 00:47:51,557 --> 00:47:55,994 - Mm-hmm. - and, see, he pulls down on the nipple which obviously causes more irritation. 831 00:47:56,077 --> 00:47:59,911 - But if you're out here and bring him straight into the breasts-- - Uh-huh. 832 00:47:59,997 --> 00:48:05,071 - You know? I mean-- - How'd you get to be such an expert on all this? 833 00:48:05,157 --> 00:48:07,671 - I went out with a woman who was a midwife. - Really? 834 00:48:07,757 --> 00:48:11,067 - Yeah. You have very beautiful breasts, by the way. - Thank you. 835 00:48:11,157 --> 00:48:13,068 I re-- I remember them from high school. 836 00:48:13,157 --> 00:48:16,115 - Do you? - Yeah. No, not that I was like looking at them... 837 00:48:16,197 --> 00:48:18,347 but, I mean, I just saw them in passing. 838 00:48:18,437 --> 00:48:21,668 - Hey, Paul? - Yes, here. - Do you mind finding another seat? 839 00:48:21,757 --> 00:48:26,308 - I won't look. - No, no, no, no. We need it for the baby to stretch out. 840 00:48:26,397 --> 00:48:29,309 - It would really help us out. - Oh. Another seat, huh? 841 00:48:29,397 --> 00:48:31,672 - Yeah. - Oh, ok-- Yeah. 842 00:48:31,757 --> 00:48:35,113 - Yeah? Great. - Thanks a million. Thanks. - No, that's-- 843 00:48:35,197 --> 00:48:37,347 - Okay. - Thanks. - All right. 844 00:48:37,437 --> 00:48:40,429 - Hey, thanks for the water. - Yeah. - That's the headache pressure point. 845 00:48:40,517 --> 00:48:43,953 - Mmm. - Can you feel it? - Yeah. 846 00:48:44,037 --> 00:48:47,632 Is there something happening here that I haven't been clued into yet? 847 00:48:47,717 --> 00:48:50,914 Paul, would you mind finding another seat? 848 00:48:50,997 --> 00:48:55,388 This is wonderful. This is great. I just-- I can't believe how naive I am. 849 00:48:55,477 --> 00:48:58,435 Sir, I can't have you moving around. Please sit in your assigned seat, okay? 850 00:48:58,517 --> 00:49:02,192 Okay, okay. Is anybody sitting here? 851 00:49:02,277 --> 00:49:05,587 Does anybody actually own a white Taurus, or are they all just rentals? 852 00:49:05,677 --> 00:49:09,192 Are you kidding me? This is the most reliable mid-size in America, according to all the big reports. 853 00:49:09,277 --> 00:49:12,075 I'm feeling very depressed, and I would like to talk about what's happening here. 854 00:49:12,157 --> 00:49:15,388 - What are you feeling depressed about? - I feel like there's an agenda and it's not what I had in mind. 855 00:49:15,477 --> 00:49:18,355 - What agenda? - Well, do I have to spell it out? I'm the fifth wheel here. 856 00:49:18,437 --> 00:49:21,986 - How do you think that makes me feel? - We're riding in two cars until we get to the B-and-B, Paul. 857 00:49:22,077 --> 00:49:24,637 - That's not an agenda. - Let's just hit the road, okay? 858 00:49:24,717 --> 00:49:27,311 You don't mind if he rides with you, right? 859 00:49:27,397 --> 00:49:30,116 - Why can't he ride with you? - See what you're doing to me? 860 00:49:30,197 --> 00:49:33,872 - Ride with us. I don't care. Ride with us. - Oh, that's so generous of you, Tony. 861 00:49:33,957 --> 00:49:36,676 You know, I think I'll ride with illicit couple number two. 862 00:49:39,517 --> 00:49:42,429 Oh, no. He does this to me every eight months. 863 00:49:42,517 --> 00:49:45,907 -I ought to get used to it by now, but-- -What? What does he do? 864 00:49:45,997 --> 00:49:48,989 He gets antsy and he runs off with somebody else. 865 00:49:49,077 --> 00:49:52,308 Well, I think that that's common, you know, among certain types of married men. 866 00:49:52,397 --> 00:49:54,627 I'm the rock, he's the flake. So that's life. 867 00:49:54,717 --> 00:49:58,835 That's exactly what my ex-husband used to say when he was trying to feel superior to me. 868 00:49:58,917 --> 00:50:00,987 - Tony's flights of terror from his own life... - Ex. 869 00:50:01,077 --> 00:50:02,988 have nothing to do with my superiority. 870 00:50:03,077 --> 00:50:05,432 - Well, it's not terror that makes people wander. - I know. 871 00:50:05,517 --> 00:50:09,908 - It's vitality. - I see. Is it vitality that led Mel to leave his wife for you? 872 00:50:09,997 --> 00:50:12,511 - Paul, would you mind riding in the other car? - I don't know. I don't mind. 873 00:50:12,597 --> 00:50:14,872 - Good. Could we just pull over here? - Yeah. I think-- 874 00:50:14,957 --> 00:50:17,107 So what happened in the other car anyway? 875 00:50:17,197 --> 00:50:19,665 Oh, Paul was probably lecturing them, right? 876 00:50:19,757 --> 00:50:23,067 No, I wasn't lecturing them. I was asking questions. That's all. I wasn't lecturing. 877 00:50:23,157 --> 00:50:25,352 Oh, my God. Is that-- You brought your gun. 878 00:50:25,437 --> 00:50:28,156 Absolutely I brought it. You never-- You get beeped for an emergency. 879 00:50:28,237 --> 00:50:31,274 You know, you're such a hopeless workaholic. We're on vacation, for God's sake. 880 00:50:31,357 --> 00:50:34,110 - Oh, yeah, such a good time. - No, Mel's like that too. He cannot enjoy anything. - You know, if you-- 881 00:50:34,197 --> 00:50:37,826 If you can't commit to our marriage now, what are you gonna do when we have a baby? Huh? 882 00:50:42,202 --> 00:50:44,670 Why can't he ride with you, huh? Hey, you invited them in the first place. 883 00:50:44,762 --> 00:50:47,151 - Could you pass me the Baby Wipes? - Where are you going? 884 00:50:47,242 --> 00:50:49,915 - To pee. - You're just gonna-- Right here? 885 00:50:50,002 --> 00:50:53,233 You're just gonna squat? 886 00:50:55,522 --> 00:50:59,151 - Why do you have to take your keys with you to pee anyway? - I just wasn't thinking, okay? 887 00:50:59,242 --> 00:51:01,437 It's-- I don't know how many times I've told you to keep your keys... 888 00:51:01,522 --> 00:51:04,241 - in one place. -Just shut up! Fuck. 889 00:51:14,922 --> 00:51:19,040 Nancy was saying you guys were having some tension around oral sex? 890 00:51:19,122 --> 00:51:20,760 - Oh, was she? - Yeah. - Really? 891 00:51:20,842 --> 00:51:23,072 - Yeah. Uh-- Hey. - Oh. - It happens to me too, but... 892 00:51:23,162 --> 00:51:26,871 you know, a technique that I find useful-- humming to myself. 893 00:51:26,962 --> 00:51:28,873 - Humming to yourself? - Yep, humming. - Really? 894 00:51:28,962 --> 00:51:31,840 - Seems to release the tension so I can enjoy the fellatio. It's great. - Great. Great. 895 00:51:31,922 --> 00:51:34,117 - Thank you. Thanks for the tip. - You bet. - All right. 896 00:51:34,202 --> 00:51:37,000 Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex? 897 00:51:37,082 --> 00:51:40,518 You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. 898 00:51:40,602 --> 00:51:42,513 That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies. 899 00:51:42,602 --> 00:51:45,560 For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-- I mean, in, uh, in the sense... 900 00:51:45,642 --> 00:51:48,952 that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. 901 00:51:49,042 --> 00:51:52,352 - Not into penetration, at all. - To a fault. 902 00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:54,956 - Okay, do we have to talk about this right now? - Well, why not? 903 00:51:55,042 --> 00:51:57,237 - Are you a homophobic? - No, I-- - I think it's interesting. 904 00:51:57,322 --> 00:51:59,278 - Really? Well, I think maybe-- maybe we shouldn't. - No, I think it's very-- Oh, God. - Well-- Uh, no-- Uh-- 905 00:51:59,362 --> 00:52:03,037 - Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel. - How primeval. What? 906 00:52:03,122 --> 00:52:05,636 - Paul, don't patronize her. - I'm not patronizing her. 907 00:52:05,722 --> 00:52:07,758 She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS... 908 00:52:07,842 --> 00:52:11,437 and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? 909 00:52:11,522 --> 00:52:14,559 - Tested negative three times in the last seven months. - Really? 910 00:52:14,642 --> 00:52:17,110 - If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times. - What does that mean? 911 00:52:26,042 --> 00:52:29,478 I'm sorry. Uh, maybe we should've sprung for an updated edition, huh? 912 00:52:29,562 --> 00:52:33,077 Hmm. I mean, uh, the picture's right here. It was a nice B-and-B. 913 00:52:33,162 --> 00:52:37,360 Yeah, they probably had something about the uranium contamination in the new edition. Yeah. 914 00:52:37,442 --> 00:52:40,400 Did it ever occur to you to call first? Or-- 915 00:52:40,482 --> 00:52:43,440 Without spontaneity, the world of B-and-B's is fairly meaningless. 916 00:52:43,522 --> 00:52:46,719 Oh. Well, then, I hope you have a tent because that's the only way that you can be spontaneous... 917 00:52:46,802 --> 00:52:48,315 in the middle of the desert at this hour. 918 00:52:48,402 --> 00:52:50,677 Maybe Mel's parents can suggest a place. 919 00:52:50,762 --> 00:52:52,673 Oh, right, I'm just going to, uh, show up with 50 people. 920 00:52:52,762 --> 00:52:55,071 ''Hi. I haven't seen you for about 30 years. This is my posse. 921 00:52:55,162 --> 00:52:57,357 And, by the way, Nancy invited along these two gay guys just for fun... 922 00:52:57,442 --> 00:52:59,353 and, you know, we're gonna be here for a while.'' 923 00:52:59,442 --> 00:53:01,637 Wh-Wh-What does gay guys have to do with anything? 924 00:53:01,722 --> 00:53:04,077 Nothing. It has nothing to do with anything, okay? I didn't mean to be insulting. 925 00:53:04,162 --> 00:53:06,278 Then why'd you say it, neurotic guy? 926 00:53:07,962 --> 00:53:10,476 - Th-That's my designation? I'm ''neurotic guy''? - Mm-hmm. 927 00:53:10,562 --> 00:53:13,076 - Uh-huh, uh-huh. - Yeah. - I don't think you know me well enough to call me ''neurotic guy.'' 928 00:53:13,162 --> 00:53:15,232 Oh, really? ''Gay guy'' isn't intimate? 929 00:53:15,322 --> 00:53:17,961 - Look, do you wanna file an anti-defamation suit... - There's no intimacy happening here. 930 00:53:18,042 --> 00:53:19,953 or do you want to get to the ''Schwingkings''' before midnight? Okay? 931 00:53:20,042 --> 00:53:22,761 Is this another surprise visit, or did you call first this time? 932 00:53:22,842 --> 00:53:26,471 - You know, I spoke with them already. I told you that, Nancy. - What? What? 933 00:53:26,562 --> 00:53:28,917 - What? - What, do you want to get intimate? Is that what you're saying? 934 00:53:29,002 --> 00:53:31,152 - Hey, the baby's going to sleep. - Huh? No? 935 00:53:36,162 --> 00:53:40,121 - You hear that? - Yeah. Yeah. - Lend me your comb 936 00:53:40,202 --> 00:53:42,841 It's time to go home 937 00:53:42,922 --> 00:53:45,561 Gotta confess 938 00:53:45,642 --> 00:53:47,951 My hair is a mess 939 00:53:49,562 --> 00:53:52,793 Your mama will scold you 940 00:53:52,882 --> 00:53:55,442 Your daddy will shout 941 00:53:55,522 --> 00:53:58,116 As we come in 942 00:53:58,202 --> 00:54:00,921 The way we went out 943 00:54:02,682 --> 00:54:06,072 Kissin'you was fun Honey bun 944 00:54:06,162 --> 00:54:08,881 Thanks for the date 945 00:54:08,962 --> 00:54:12,079 Time has come Honey, honey bun 946 00:54:12,162 --> 00:54:15,359 You know, baby, it's a-gettin'late 947 00:54:15,442 --> 00:54:18,354 Just wait till I 948 00:54:18,442 --> 00:54:20,478 Straighten my tie 949 00:54:20,562 --> 00:54:23,076 Lend me your comb 950 00:54:23,162 --> 00:54:25,756 We've got to go home 951 00:54:25,842 --> 00:54:30,358 - This is a long porch. - It's a beautiful house, though. 952 00:54:34,642 --> 00:54:37,281 - Sorry. - Do you think you can wait back in the car? 953 00:54:37,362 --> 00:54:39,353 - Gotta go to the bathroom. - Hi! - Hi! 954 00:54:39,442 --> 00:54:42,036 - It's so late. We were getting worried about you. - I hope my directions were all right. 955 00:54:42,122 --> 00:54:45,797 - Oh, they were great. This place is so isolated. - Oh, that's what we love about it too. 956 00:54:45,882 --> 00:54:48,077 - I'm Tina Kalb. We spoke on the phone. - Tina. 957 00:54:48,162 --> 00:54:50,153 - Oh, yeah, right. Hi. Oh. - We were shocked to get your call yesterday. 958 00:54:50,242 --> 00:54:54,155 - Yeah. I'm, I'm just amazed that you ran into Fritz Boudreau after all these years. - Nice to meet you. 959 00:54:54,242 --> 00:54:58,758 - He's something. - Yeah. Well, he never got over the fact that Mary left him for me. 960 00:54:58,842 --> 00:55:01,072 Which one of you is Mel? 961 00:55:01,162 --> 00:55:03,471 That's me. 962 00:55:03,562 --> 00:55:06,998 - Mary Schlichting. - Oh, so that's how you pronounce it. - Oh! 963 00:55:07,082 --> 00:55:09,721 - Nobody ever gets it right. Hi. - Hi. - And this must be your wife. 964 00:55:09,802 --> 00:55:13,317 - Nancy. - Nancy, hi. Welcome to our family. - Hi. Look at the baby. 965 00:55:13,402 --> 00:55:16,155 - Well, he's sleeping. - These are our friends. 966 00:55:16,242 --> 00:55:18,756 - Uh, Tony and Paul. - Tony. - Paul. Mr Schlichting. 967 00:55:18,842 --> 00:55:21,037 - Hello, uh, Paul. Hi. Hello. How you doing? - I'm Tony. 968 00:55:21,122 --> 00:55:23,078 They were going to stay at Rancho Arroyo. 969 00:55:23,162 --> 00:55:27,280 - Oh, my goodness. You can't stay there. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no. They, they found that-- We read about that. 970 00:55:27,362 --> 00:55:29,478 - Uranium, yeah. - Uranium, yeah. - Yeah. - Highly toxic. 971 00:55:29,562 --> 00:55:31,837 Thank God that's far away from here. You don't have to worry about that. 972 00:55:31,922 --> 00:55:34,880 - Well, could you recommend a motel? - Oh, no! No, no, no. - Oh, no need to go to a motel. 973 00:55:34,962 --> 00:55:38,591 - There isn't a decent motel for a hundred miles. - And we have plenty of room here for all of you. 974 00:55:38,682 --> 00:55:40,274 - Oh, thank you. - Great. - Sure, sure. 975 00:55:40,362 --> 00:55:43,672 - I-I-I don't want everyone to stay here with you. It's-- - Why can't everyone stay here? 976 00:55:43,762 --> 00:55:47,232 - Because this is a private thing. - You know, if I could just lay down. I'd like to go right to bed and put the baby to sleep. 977 00:55:47,322 --> 00:55:50,234 Sure. Let me help you. Don't you want to eat something before you-- 978 00:55:50,322 --> 00:55:54,634 - No. Thanks. I'm not hungry. - Nancy, come on. You're always hungry. 979 00:55:54,722 --> 00:55:57,634 - Fuck you. - What? I'm, I'm sorry? 980 00:55:57,722 --> 00:56:00,111 It's just-- You know, this isn't the time or the place for this, okay? 981 00:56:00,202 --> 00:56:03,194 Oh, but it was the time and place to wrestle with her... 982 00:56:03,282 --> 00:56:05,750 in San Diego, right, and break a bunch of glass animals? 983 00:56:05,842 --> 00:56:08,959 That's i-- That's fine? That was a perfect time? 984 00:56:09,042 --> 00:56:13,354 -I'm sorry, is this inappropriate? -Nothing in this house is inappropriate. We'll be upstairs. 985 00:56:13,442 --> 00:56:16,752 You know, I-I'll get the, the bags. I think I want to lay down too. 986 00:56:16,842 --> 00:56:19,640 I bet you would. 987 00:56:19,722 --> 00:56:23,237 - Hmm. Hmm. - Having some problems, huh? 988 00:56:23,322 --> 00:56:25,836 Yeah, we're kind of having a little bit of a-- 989 00:56:25,922 --> 00:56:29,039 - Yeah. It's, uh-- - This, uh, some kind of a swapping thing you got here? 990 00:56:29,122 --> 00:56:32,558 - That what it is? - No. No, no, no, no.Just, you know, there's a little friction, that's all. 991 00:56:32,642 --> 00:56:35,600 - I mean, you know-- - And then, and, and these guys came along with us. - Well, you know, you know-- 992 00:56:35,682 --> 00:56:39,561 - You know, marriage is tough. You just got-- You gotta be flexible in marriage, right? - Yeah. Yeah. 993 00:56:39,642 --> 00:56:42,076 - This thing is wonderful, by the way. Who made this? - That's my work. 994 00:56:42,162 --> 00:56:43,834 - Really? You did this? Wow. - Yeah. 995 00:56:43,922 --> 00:56:46,641 - Yeah, I got a blacksmith shop out in the barn, and I do my sculptures there... - Oh. 996 00:56:46,722 --> 00:56:48,952 - and Mary throws her pots. - Great. 997 00:56:49,042 --> 00:56:52,557 - Really? She's into, into pottery? Pottery? - Oh, she's gonna love showing you her pottery. Yeah, look at this. 998 00:56:52,642 --> 00:56:55,679 - See, this, this is slab construction. If you can see the-- - Yeah. 999 00:56:55,762 --> 00:56:58,322 Uh, when I roll it out, then I have weeds in with the rolling pin. 1000 00:56:58,402 --> 00:57:00,916 - I press them right into the surface. - You know, just ordinary weeds. - You put the weeds in the clay, yeah. 1001 00:57:01,002 --> 00:57:03,311 And then when you fire it, the weed-- the weeds burn off. Here, just stick-- 1002 00:57:03,402 --> 00:57:05,791 - See, so where the weeds were, you get the-- - Stick your fingers in here, you know. 1003 00:57:05,882 --> 00:57:08,442 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah-- - Now, stick two fingers inside... 1004 00:57:08,522 --> 00:57:10,638 - and just caress the-- That's it. Now-- - Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah. 1005 00:57:10,722 --> 00:57:14,237 - Uh-huh. Now feel the texture on the out-- No, against your face. - Yeah, so it's much-- Up here. 1006 00:57:14,322 --> 00:57:16,233 - That texture is-- - Oh, it's kind of-- Yeah, it's very rough. 1007 00:57:16,322 --> 00:57:18,233 - That texture is really amazing. - Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's great. - It looks rough... 1008 00:57:18,322 --> 00:57:20,438 - but it's very smooth, isn't it? - Doesn't that feel good? Isn't it something? - Right, right, it's smooth. 1009 00:57:20,522 --> 00:57:22,752 - Smoother than you would think, but, but still, still really-- - Yeah. 1010 00:57:22,842 --> 00:57:26,471 This is wonderful. Great stu-- I mean, and you guys, you guys are making a living through the arts, huh? 1011 00:57:26,562 --> 00:57:28,871 - Well, we try. We-- Sometimes you have to supplement. - We try to, but, you know, sometimes-- 1012 00:57:28,962 --> 00:57:31,601 - Yeah, you have to supplement with other things. - These are all mine. 1013 00:57:31,682 --> 00:57:35,118 Every one of them, I made-- Oh, let-- I want to show you a big one I love. 1014 00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:37,318 This environment is so much more creative than the one I grew up in. 1015 00:57:37,402 --> 00:57:40,758 - Oh, thanks. That's nice. - It's really-- - This is a wood fire process. 1016 00:57:40,842 --> 00:57:43,231 - Uh-huh. Uh, is this-- - See how this-- Hmm? 1017 00:57:43,322 --> 00:57:46,951 - Who's that? - That's our other son. 1018 00:57:47,042 --> 00:57:49,840 - You mean I have a brother? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - You wanna say hello to Lonnie? 1019 00:57:49,922 --> 00:57:53,551 - Yes. He's been feeling a little threatened about meeting you, so be patient. - Uh-huh. 1020 00:57:53,642 --> 00:57:57,555 Hi. How you doing? That's a beautiful song you're playing there. 1021 00:57:59,762 --> 00:58:03,994 - Is supper almost ready? Lonnie? - Yeah, we better-- We better go in and, and eat. 1022 00:58:04,082 --> 00:58:07,518 He's been cooking all day. Bagged the quail himself this morning. 1023 00:58:07,602 --> 00:58:10,036 Ooh, wild quail. That's terrific. 1024 00:58:10,122 --> 00:58:12,431 Oh, you're in for a great treat. Lonnie's a really good cook. 1025 00:58:15,602 --> 00:58:20,471 Ooh, the special son is here tonight 1026 00:58:20,562 --> 00:58:22,553 Little Cinderella oughta cook up 1027 00:58:22,642 --> 00:58:25,918 Something special for him 1028 00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:27,913 Lonnie, can you make 1029 00:58:28,002 --> 00:58:31,517 Your quail tonight 1030 00:58:33,962 --> 00:58:35,998 Okay. 1031 00:58:37,322 --> 00:58:39,711 You know-- You know what I want, I want to have happen? I want Mel-- 1032 00:58:39,802 --> 00:58:42,111 I want you to sit over there next to your father. 1033 00:58:42,202 --> 00:58:43,920 - Oh, it's okay. - Oh, it's no problem. 1034 00:58:44,002 --> 00:58:46,197 Then I have all three of my fellows in a row. 1035 00:58:46,282 --> 00:58:48,159 All right. Come on. Come on. Come around. 1036 00:58:48,242 --> 00:58:50,836 - Um, maybe you should take your, your plate with you. - You don't mind, do you, Paul? - That's all right. I didn't touch it. 1037 00:58:50,922 --> 00:58:53,356 Come on, come on. Sit down. You like quail? 1038 00:58:53,442 --> 00:58:56,400 - See? - No, I never had quail. - Where are you? 1039 00:58:56,482 --> 00:58:58,757 You all right? 1040 00:58:58,842 --> 00:59:00,833 - I just don't wanna talk about it. I need to calm down. - All right. 1041 00:59:00,922 --> 00:59:03,561 Well, if you do wanna talk about it, you know, I, I wanna be here for you. 1042 00:59:03,642 --> 00:59:06,156 - Thank you. - Want me to take care of the baby? 1043 00:59:06,242 --> 00:59:09,154 He's fine. He's sleeping. 1044 00:59:09,242 --> 00:59:13,235 - Um, do you mind if I take a shower? - No, I don't care, but could I-- 1045 00:59:13,322 --> 00:59:15,631 - Could I just have a second? - Okay. 1046 00:59:16,162 --> 00:59:18,960 So, um, Fritz said you were a scientist, Richard. 1047 00:59:19,042 --> 00:59:23,081 Yeah, I was a-- I was a chemist for Maple Brothers in the Bay Area before we came out here. 1048 00:59:23,162 --> 00:59:25,437 - Right, the aspirin company. - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 1049 00:59:25,522 --> 00:59:29,800 Decongestants, nasal sprays, all that, uh, you know, that consumer crap. I couldn't wait to quit. 1050 00:59:29,882 --> 00:59:32,350 - Oh, he hated it. - Mm-hmm. I'm a scientist too. 1051 00:59:32,442 --> 00:59:33,875 - No, you're kidding! - Yeah. - Oh, you're kidding! 1052 00:59:33,962 --> 00:59:36,476 - Oh, my God! What are you-- What's, what's your specialty? What, what's your field? - Entomology. 1053 00:59:36,562 --> 00:59:38,473 - No! Isn't that incredible? - I love it. - Yeah. 1054 00:59:38,562 --> 00:59:42,475 - A genetic connection! - Yeah. See, that is wonderful. - Oh, my God! That's incredible! 1055 00:59:42,562 --> 00:59:45,759 - That is wonderful. - Oh, that's amazing. - For some reason, Lonnie never seemed to have an interest in science. 1056 00:59:45,842 --> 00:59:48,754 - Mm, what does that mean? - Hey, she doesn't mean anything. 1057 00:59:48,842 --> 00:59:52,881 It means something that you never had-- an interest in science. Look at the other things you do. 1058 00:59:52,962 --> 00:59:55,920 Yeah, well, who knows? I might have had an interest in sculpture if these guys didn't give me away. 1059 00:59:56,002 --> 00:59:57,913 - Yeah, who knows what might have happened? - Yeah, I know. 1060 00:59:58,002 --> 01:00:01,881 - Give me a kiss. - Yeah, wh-wh-wh-what did happen? 1061 01:00:01,962 --> 01:00:06,160 - About what? - Well, why did you guys give me up? 1062 01:00:06,242 --> 01:00:08,358 Why did we give him away? 1063 01:00:08,442 --> 01:00:10,433 - The big question. - That's the question. 1064 01:00:10,522 --> 01:00:12,558 Well, Fritz Boudreau said that you were indisposed... 1065 01:00:12,642 --> 01:00:15,076 and so that's how he came to bring Mel to the agency. 1066 01:00:15,162 --> 01:00:17,278 - ''Indisposed''? Is that what he said? - Yeah, indisp-- 1067 01:00:17,362 --> 01:00:20,593 - That's the word Fritz used? - That's-- That would have been nice. - Big word for the fellow, huh? 1068 01:00:20,682 --> 01:00:23,754 - I wouldn't mind being indisposed. - Okay, I'm gonna tell the story. 1069 01:00:23,842 --> 01:00:28,154 Um, how, how much detail do you have to go into here? 1070 01:00:28,242 --> 01:00:30,961 I want Mel to know what happened, or he'll never believe we cared about him. 1071 01:00:31,042 --> 01:00:34,352 - What are you hanging onto that for? - You're holding onto it. 1072 01:00:34,442 --> 01:00:37,434 - I'm not holding onto anything. - I'm letting it go. - Uh, you're holding onto these things. 1073 01:00:37,522 --> 01:00:39,638 Uh, tell him. Go ahead, tell him. I don't care. Go ahead. 1074 01:00:39,722 --> 01:00:43,158 So, Mel, you know we were living in San Francisco, and it was the mid '60s, right? 1075 01:00:43,242 --> 01:00:46,951 - Uh-huh, yeah. - And we were part of a very progressive group of artists... 1076 01:00:47,042 --> 01:00:51,558 - and there was one band at the centre of it. - A band? Wh-Wh-What band? 1077 01:00:51,642 --> 01:00:54,475 Jerry Garcia, blah, blah, blah. 1078 01:00:54,562 --> 01:00:57,156 I am so sick of this fucking story! 1079 01:00:57,242 --> 01:01:00,552 It's so boring! You've been telling it for years! Give it up! 1080 01:01:06,042 --> 01:01:08,636 - He doesn't like it when I tell this story. - What happened with Jerry Garcia? 1081 01:01:08,722 --> 01:01:11,555 - Nothing. - Nothing happened with Jerry Garcia, but Richard and I went to prison-- 1082 01:01:11,642 --> 01:01:14,031 -Right-- Right after you were born. -And that's why we had to give you away. 1083 01:01:14,122 --> 01:01:17,512 - You went to prison? - Oh, don't be stigmatized by it. 1084 01:01:17,602 --> 01:01:19,718 - It wasn't a serious crime. - Oh, God, it was nothing. 1085 01:01:19,802 --> 01:01:22,111 - Not even a crime. - It was absolutely nothing. 1086 01:01:22,202 --> 01:01:24,318 - Next to nothing, really. - Less than nothing. Have you ever, you know, like, driven... 1087 01:01:24,402 --> 01:01:26,711 a few miles over the speed limit, or something like that? 1088 01:01:26,802 --> 01:01:28,918 - Yeah, sure. - It was less than that. 1089 01:01:29,002 --> 01:01:31,038 If you speed, y-you know, you could hurt somebody. 1090 01:01:31,122 --> 01:01:33,113 - This is-- - So, were you-- you were jailed for driving? 1091 01:01:33,202 --> 01:01:36,160 - No, no, no. No, there was no driving. I tried-- - How did they get that? 1092 01:01:36,242 --> 01:01:39,359 I'm, I'm, I'm, uh-- I'm sorry, I'm totally lost here. 1093 01:01:45,362 --> 01:01:47,432 - Hi. - Hi. 1094 01:01:47,522 --> 01:01:49,752 - Here, I'll get out of your way. Aah! - Ooh. 1095 01:01:49,842 --> 01:01:52,037 - What are you doing? - Oh, I don't know. What did I do? 1096 01:01:52,122 --> 01:01:54,556 - Oh, no, no. It's okay. Relax. Relax. - No, watch out. You-- 1097 01:01:54,642 --> 01:01:57,281 - I-- You could hurt your fingers. - Watch how you-- 1098 01:01:57,362 --> 01:01:59,956 - Whoops. - Sh-- 1099 01:02:00,042 --> 01:02:02,351 - I'm so clumsy. - No, you're not. 1100 01:02:02,442 --> 01:02:04,558 You know, I have these, uh, these, these-- 1101 01:02:04,642 --> 01:02:07,110 - three Italian prints at home that I keep, uh-- - Mm-hmm. 1102 01:02:07,202 --> 01:02:09,113 I don't know what to do-- if I should frame them myself... 1103 01:02:09,202 --> 01:02:12,080 - or maybe I should take them to somebody else. - I, uh-- I would-- I would take them to the framer. 1104 01:02:12,162 --> 01:02:14,471 - Yeah? - Yeah, well-- 1105 01:02:14,562 --> 01:02:17,679 - So maybe that's what I'll do. I think that-- Yeah. - Do you want to take a shower? 1106 01:02:17,762 --> 01:02:21,471 - No, go ahead. - No, I mean together? 1107 01:02:21,562 --> 01:02:26,158 Your husband's been taking you for granted a little bit, don't you think? 1108 01:02:26,242 --> 01:02:29,234 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1109 01:02:29,322 --> 01:02:31,552 Here. Let me go get my shower cap. 1110 01:02:31,642 --> 01:02:34,361 - You made LSD? Is that-- That's what you're saying? - Yeah. Oh, yeah, but-- 1111 01:02:34,442 --> 01:02:38,230 - We made LSD. - Yes, yes. We made acid. - And we gave it out to people who needed it. 1112 01:02:38,322 --> 01:02:41,678 You know that there are hundreds of pharmaceutical executives in this country... 1113 01:02:41,762 --> 01:02:45,596 - Oh! - that are selling drugs, FDA approved drugs? 1114 01:02:45,682 --> 01:02:49,436 - Oh! - On the open market. - Oh, on the-- Over the counter with incredible side-- 1115 01:02:49,522 --> 01:02:51,513 - Horrible side effects. - Terrible side effects. 1116 01:02:51,602 --> 01:02:53,513 - And these people are not in jail. - They're not in prison anywhere. 1117 01:02:53,602 --> 01:02:56,241 They're, they're, they're in country clubs or playing golf. They're having drinks. 1118 01:02:56,322 --> 01:02:58,233 - They're running the country. - They're not-- - They're running the country, Mel. 1119 01:02:58,322 --> 01:03:01,473 - Y-You know, LSD shouldn't be a felony in the first place. - It's not addictive. 1120 01:03:01,562 --> 01:03:03,553 - It doesn't lead to violent crime. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. 1121 01:03:03,642 --> 01:03:06,202 - It's really the only hope for the species. - Yeah. 1122 01:03:06,282 --> 01:03:08,512 D-Did you take acid while you were pregnant with me? 1123 01:03:08,602 --> 01:03:10,638 You're not gonna bring that thing up, are you? 1124 01:03:10,722 --> 01:03:13,520 You know the stuff they tell you about, you know, chromosome damage and all that stuff? 1125 01:03:13,602 --> 01:03:15,718 - Yeah, I do! - That's government propaganda. 1126 01:03:15,802 --> 01:03:18,760 - Total propaganda. - They just want to get a hold of your head, that's all. 1127 01:03:18,842 --> 01:03:23,632 I was relieved, though, when you came out in the hospital and you only had one head. 1128 01:03:25,762 --> 01:03:28,879 - Very funny. - She-- She kills me! 1129 01:03:28,962 --> 01:03:31,271 - Oh, he was such a cute baby. - It would've been kinda nice... 1130 01:03:31,362 --> 01:03:35,321 - if he had, like, a third eye right there, you know? - Mm-hmm. 1131 01:03:35,402 --> 01:03:37,916 - I-- M-Mel-- - You know, you know, a third eye is a symbol of enlightenment. 1132 01:03:38,002 --> 01:03:40,038 - You kn-- You know, he's not-- he's not, he's not getting it. He's-- - Mel. 1133 01:03:40,122 --> 01:03:43,831 - Identity is nothing but a mental construct. - Mental construct? 1134 01:03:43,922 --> 01:03:48,234 - You mustn't fixate on it. - Have you ever read any Tibetan Buddhism, like Chaos theory? 1135 01:03:48,322 --> 01:03:51,553 - Oh, Geez. - Paul? 1136 01:03:51,642 --> 01:03:54,873 - Is he okay? - Oh! - Are you okay there, Paul? 1137 01:03:54,962 --> 01:03:58,477 - Is this a musical table? - ''Is this a musical table''? - Paul, can I get you something? 1138 01:03:58,562 --> 01:04:01,713 - I'm not feeling very well. - What, what do you mean? What is it? What, what is it? - Let me help you. What is it? 1139 01:04:01,802 --> 01:04:04,362 - What are you going through? - Do you want-- Do you want to lie down? - I don't know. 1140 01:04:04,442 --> 01:04:08,151 - Can, can I get you something, Paul? - How do you feel? - Vivid. 1141 01:04:08,242 --> 01:04:12,076 - Paul? Here. - What? - I'm seeing colours that I don't want to see. 1142 01:04:12,162 --> 01:04:15,120 -Did you hear that? He's seeing colours. -Just go with it. That's all right. He needs to lie down. 1143 01:04:15,202 --> 01:04:18,478 - Wait, let me move this. You're gonna have to help me. - Everything's moving. 1144 01:04:18,562 --> 01:04:22,157 - Paul, can you hear me? - Goddam it! Lonnie! 1145 01:04:22,242 --> 01:04:25,951 - Lonnie! - Don't fly off the handle. - Come in here. Come here. 1146 01:04:26,042 --> 01:04:28,431 - What did you do to Paul's quail? - Nothing. Why? 1147 01:04:28,522 --> 01:04:31,434 Come on. Don't give me that fake innocence. What did you do? 1148 01:04:31,522 --> 01:04:34,161 I dosed Mel's dish. I meant it for Mel, and then he ate it. 1149 01:04:34,242 --> 01:04:37,359 - Oh, my God. How much? - Two and a half tabs. 1150 01:04:37,442 --> 01:04:40,752 Two and a half tabs? Are you crazy? Are you nuts? 1151 01:04:40,842 --> 01:04:42,798 Doesn't your mother have enough to worry about tonight? 1152 01:04:42,882 --> 01:04:45,760 - I just don't understand this. - Why do you ha-- Now, why do you have to talk to me like that? 1153 01:04:45,842 --> 01:04:47,639 - Am I-- Am I talking to him in some special way? - It's really embarrassing to me... 1154 01:04:47,722 --> 01:04:49,633 and I really don't appreciate it in front of him. 1155 01:04:49,722 --> 01:04:52,077 - I mean, who is he? - What-- What's wrong with him? What-- - You got the whole science thing going... 1156 01:04:52,162 --> 01:04:55,313 and the next thing I, I know, you like him better than me because he's more like you than I am. 1157 01:04:55,402 --> 01:04:59,315 - We love you very much. Even if you were Jeffrey Dahmer, we would love you. - Yeah, sure! 1158 01:04:59,402 --> 01:05:01,711 - Oh, you know, Mom spare me the hyp-- - Wait, I'm not here to take your place. 1159 01:05:01,802 --> 01:05:03,918 - Please, Mel, please! - Where do you get this insecurity from? 1160 01:05:04,002 --> 01:05:06,038 - I don't understand it. This drives me nuts! - Uh, honey? 1161 01:05:06,122 --> 01:05:08,192 - Richard, you're criticizing. - All right, all right. 1162 01:05:08,282 --> 01:05:12,639 I want you to apologize to Mel and to Paul right now. C'mon. C'mon. 1163 01:05:12,722 --> 01:05:15,441 - I'm sorry. - You're sorry for what? - I'm sorry... 1164 01:05:15,522 --> 01:05:19,435 that I put windowpane in Mel's quail, and I'm sorry that you ate it. 1165 01:05:19,522 --> 01:05:22,241 All right. All right. Go sit down. I can't believe he-- 1166 01:05:22,322 --> 01:05:26,713 Let's not blow this out of proportion, everyone. Paul's gonna come down in about ten hours. 1167 01:05:26,802 --> 01:05:28,918 - Ten hours? - I-- It's-- I-- It's-- 1168 01:05:29,002 --> 01:05:32,790 I can't believe you-- you're actually keeping acid in the house after you went to prison for it. 1169 01:05:32,882 --> 01:05:35,715 - Wait till your son is 19. See if he does everything you want him to do. - Tina. 1170 01:05:35,802 --> 01:05:39,715 - This is classic! Yeah, just keep, uh-- keep blaming it all on me, all your crap. - Ah, just go with it. 1171 01:05:39,802 --> 01:05:44,000 You just simmer down, you. And you take a little responsibility for what you've done. 1172 01:05:44,082 --> 01:05:47,040 - Thank you, Mrs Cleaver. - Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me. - All there is. 1173 01:05:47,122 --> 01:05:50,637 - This is a non-smoking house. - You're gonna be all right. - Are you kidding? -Just go with it. 1174 01:05:50,722 --> 01:05:53,031 - We're gonna take quite a trip. - You know, it's been a long day... 1175 01:05:53,122 --> 01:05:55,113 and, uh, I'm really, really tired. 1176 01:05:55,202 --> 01:05:58,000 So, uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hit the hay. 1177 01:05:58,082 --> 01:06:00,232 Thank you very much for, um, dinner. It was wonderful. 1178 01:06:00,322 --> 01:06:02,711 - My love in Paris - Shh! 1179 01:06:02,802 --> 01:06:05,919 - Knows my secret -Just go with it.Just go with it. - He's gonna be fine. 1180 01:06:06,002 --> 01:06:08,721 - She's a great guide. - I'm, I'm sure you are an excellent guide. 1181 01:06:08,802 --> 01:06:13,318 And I would like to thank you again for this wonderful evening. It was really great. 1182 01:06:13,402 --> 01:06:16,041 - It was great seeing you. Yeah. - Yeah. Thanks. - I mean, I loved meeting you. 1183 01:06:16,122 --> 01:06:18,397 I loved meeting you too, and I'm just gonna hit the hay. 1184 01:06:18,482 --> 01:06:20,677 - Now, you're sure that you don't want dessert? - Really feel awful. - No. 1185 01:06:20,762 --> 01:06:23,560 - Um, I think I'm gonna lay off the food, yeah. - Close. 1186 01:06:23,642 --> 01:06:25,553 - If you get hungry later, it's in the fridge, okay? - Okay, good night. Nighty-night, you two. Uh, night. 1187 01:06:25,642 --> 01:06:28,634 - Will do. Yum! Good night. - Chocolate mousse. You're gonna love it. You're gonna-- Yeah. 1188 01:06:28,722 --> 01:06:31,031 - Very nice to meet you. It was really great. - See ya, Tina. - Tina! Good night, Tina. 1189 01:06:31,122 --> 01:06:34,512 - Go with it, Paul. - I guess it's just one of those ex-felon... 1190 01:06:34,602 --> 01:06:36,638 pro-acid kind of non-smoking homes. 1191 01:06:36,722 --> 01:06:39,953 It's a weird, weird home. And where's Nancy? Where is she? 1192 01:06:40,042 --> 01:06:44,035 - She's somewhere in one of these rooms with Tony. They're in there-- - You know what, Mel? 1193 01:06:44,122 --> 01:06:47,034 You need to settle down. This is overwhelming. This is hitting you all at once. 1194 01:06:47,122 --> 01:06:49,920 You know what, sweetheart? Just-- Just come in here for a second. 1195 01:06:50,002 --> 01:06:52,562 We'll just sit down, cool off a bit. 1196 01:06:52,642 --> 01:06:54,633 Boy! 1197 01:06:54,722 --> 01:06:57,282 Oh, boy. 1198 01:06:57,362 --> 01:07:00,877 Well, you know, what did I expect, right? 1199 01:07:05,402 --> 01:07:07,757 I'm sorry this is all hitting you at the same time... 1200 01:07:07,842 --> 01:07:12,358 but after it passes and things settle down, you can think about starting over. 1201 01:07:15,842 --> 01:07:18,879 - Why can't you just use soap? - You know, soap dries your skin out. 1202 01:07:18,962 --> 01:07:23,752 Not that I'm one of those women who obsesses about old-looking skin after pregnancy. 1203 01:07:23,842 --> 01:07:26,720 - I just happen to be obsessing about it right now. - Well-- 1204 01:07:26,802 --> 01:07:30,192 - Wait, wait, wait. - You know, you're absolutely right. We don't need to rush into this. 1205 01:07:30,282 --> 01:07:32,557 - I haven't even finalized my divorce yet. - No, I could've kissed you just now... 1206 01:07:32,642 --> 01:07:36,351 and felt okay about it, but I didn't, and I felt really wrong. 1207 01:07:37,842 --> 01:07:40,436 Don't take this personally, but with all your nervous energy... 1208 01:07:40,522 --> 01:07:43,480 you kinda remind me of my mother. Ow! 1209 01:07:43,562 --> 01:07:46,554 - Do you mind if I look at your armpit? - My armpit? 1210 01:07:46,642 --> 01:07:49,759 Yeah, it's my favourite part of a woman's body. I mean, it-- May I? 1211 01:07:49,842 --> 01:07:52,151 - What's attractive about an armpit? - Are you kidding? Lots of things. 1212 01:07:52,242 --> 01:07:55,996 Look at this, the definition. Look at the contours here. 1213 01:07:56,082 --> 01:07:59,392 The depth of the pocket. Feel that? So nice. 1214 01:07:59,482 --> 01:08:02,155 - Of course I feel rejected. - I'm sorry. 1215 01:08:02,242 --> 01:08:05,439 But I shouldn't. You're not an appropriate partner for me. 1216 01:08:05,522 --> 01:08:08,878 Your life's a mess, and you don't make enough money anyway. 1217 01:08:08,962 --> 01:08:11,271 That's a really nasty thing to say. 1218 01:08:11,362 --> 01:08:13,876 You just told me I reminded you of your mother. 1219 01:08:13,962 --> 01:08:16,999 Well, she's-- I mean, she's a good person. She's got a lot of great qualities. 1220 01:08:17,082 --> 01:08:19,118 Uh, uh-- 1221 01:08:21,802 --> 01:08:26,273 I don't want to wreck your marriage. I know how painful that that can be. 1222 01:08:26,362 --> 01:08:29,559 My marriage is obviously vulnerable at this point. 1223 01:08:29,642 --> 01:08:31,951 Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married... 1224 01:08:32,042 --> 01:08:34,556 wouldn't mean anything, would it? 1225 01:08:38,282 --> 01:08:40,273 - Paul. - Tony. I need to see Tony. - No, I want you to-- 1226 01:08:40,362 --> 01:08:42,876 - I want you to tell me if you have a favourite animal. - Oh, that's so stupid. 1227 01:08:42,962 --> 01:08:46,079 Listen to what Mary says. She's a great guide, okay? Just listen to her. 1228 01:08:46,162 --> 01:08:47,959 - Okay. - What's your-- - A dog. 1229 01:08:48,042 --> 01:08:51,079 - A dog. Uh, what is your favourite dog? - A coll-- St Bernard. St Bernard. 1230 01:08:51,162 --> 01:08:55,155 St Bernard. Good. I want you to picture a big, furry St Bernard curled up by the fireplace. 1231 01:08:55,242 --> 01:08:57,961 - Can I change my mind? Yeah. - No, no, we're-- we're gonna stick with the St Bernard. 1232 01:08:58,042 --> 01:09:00,351 - I want to do a Springer Spaniel. - No, it doesn't have to be the perfect dog. 1233 01:09:00,442 --> 01:09:03,275 - Uh, Dalmatian. Dal-- - No, no, no. D-- 1234 01:09:03,362 --> 01:09:07,480 - Okay, Dalmatian. Now, this dog represents security-- - Schnauzer. 1235 01:09:07,562 --> 01:09:09,757 - What? - Schnauzer. - Shut the fuck up! 1236 01:09:09,842 --> 01:09:13,039 - I am trying to help you. Do you understand me? - Hey, come on, sweetheart. 1237 01:09:13,122 --> 01:09:17,001 - You're so good.Just relax, okay? Just take it easy now. Take it easy. - Okay. Okay, okay. Paul! Paul! 1238 01:09:17,082 --> 01:09:20,518 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1239 01:09:20,602 --> 01:09:22,991 Can we stop all this craziness, huh? 1240 01:09:23,082 --> 01:09:26,518 - Yes! I wasn't even enjoying that. - It seems like you were enjoying it. 1241 01:09:26,602 --> 01:09:30,311 - The attention, maybe, but-- - Okay. All right. Time for you to go, okay? 1242 01:09:30,402 --> 01:09:32,836 You haven't been treating her very well. Do you know that? 1243 01:09:32,922 --> 01:09:35,755 Oh, uh-- You know what? You know what, buddy? You know, you got a lot of nerve. 1244 01:09:35,842 --> 01:09:38,151 You come in here, you lick my wife's armpit. 1245 01:09:38,242 --> 01:09:41,234 You know, you-- I, uh, uh, uh-- I'm gonna have that image in my head... 1246 01:09:41,322 --> 01:09:45,554 - for the rest of my life of your tongue in there. I-- It's, it's, it's-- - You deserve it. 1247 01:09:45,642 --> 01:09:47,553 - This is felonious, and I want to make an arrest. - Warm him up. 1248 01:09:47,642 --> 01:09:50,236 - Shh! - What? What he say? - He's tripping his brains out. 1249 01:09:50,322 --> 01:09:53,314 - He doesn't know who he is. - Did he say-- he say-- He said arrest. What do you mean he-- We don't know who he is. 1250 01:09:53,402 --> 01:09:57,315 - He's Mel's friend Paul. - I know exactly who I am. I'm Paul Harmon. 1251 01:09:57,402 --> 01:10:00,314 - Good. - Bureau of Tobacco, Tobacco, and Tobacco. 1252 01:10:00,402 --> 01:10:03,041 - Good. What is this, Paul? - It is a badge. 1253 01:10:03,122 --> 01:10:05,192 - What kind of badge? - I'm a Special Agent man. 1254 01:10:05,282 --> 01:10:09,878 Twenty years in the service. Graduated fourth in my class. 1255 01:10:09,962 --> 01:10:12,635 - Is this a-- Is this a joke? - I don't joke about those things. - Goddam it. 1256 01:10:12,722 --> 01:10:15,953 - I knew it was weird. I knew it. When they called up out of the blue like that, I knew. - He's-- 1257 01:10:16,042 --> 01:10:19,671 - No, you had to see your son. - He's kidding. He's making a joke. He's just-- Oh. 1258 01:10:19,762 --> 01:10:22,515 - You're not kidding. Shit. - I am not kidding. Everything is under control. - Okay. All right. 1259 01:10:22,602 --> 01:10:26,436 All right. I want you to both move over against that wall. This is an arrest. 1260 01:10:26,522 --> 01:10:28,911 You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney. 1261 01:10:29,002 --> 01:10:31,436 If you cannot afford an attorney, we will provide an attorney for you... 1262 01:10:31,522 --> 01:10:34,434 because we provide things for you people all the-- 1263 01:10:34,522 --> 01:10:36,831 Oh! That really hurt. 1264 01:10:38,882 --> 01:10:41,954 I can't follow your fickle little moods all over the place. 1265 01:10:42,042 --> 01:10:44,078 - That has got to change. - Okay, I will. I promise. 1266 01:10:44,162 --> 01:10:46,357 If you just give me a chance, let me show you I can be less selfish. 1267 01:10:46,442 --> 01:10:49,115 I-- I-I will show you. You will get concrete results. 1268 01:10:49,202 --> 01:10:52,319 You have got to earn that back with some consistent behaviour, pal. 1269 01:10:52,402 --> 01:10:55,519 Look, I'm sorry I acted this way. I'm sorry I've treated you this way. 1270 01:10:55,602 --> 01:10:58,070 I-- I've got to be out of my mind to risk losing you. 1271 01:10:58,162 --> 01:11:00,357 - You don't hit another human being! - Will you be quiet! - My-- Goddam it! 1272 01:11:00,442 --> 01:11:03,275 Just shut the hell up! Just be quiet. 1273 01:11:03,362 --> 01:11:06,559 All right, nobody heard us upstairs. We're all right. 1274 01:11:06,642 --> 01:11:08,758 - We have to get him to a doctor. - Oh, no. There's no doctor. Forget the doctor. 1275 01:11:08,842 --> 01:11:11,640 - What, no doctor? He's hurt. Paul. - I've gotta think of what we're gonna do.Just give me a minute. 1276 01:11:11,722 --> 01:11:14,077 - Paul, wake up. Wake up, Paul. - I'm not-- I'm not goin' back to jail. I'm not going back to jail. 1277 01:11:14,162 --> 01:11:16,801 - Paul, wake up. - You know where I'm goin'? I'm goin' to Mexico. We're all goin' to Mexico. 1278 01:11:16,882 --> 01:11:19,476 - And we're taking him as a hostage. - A hostage? 1279 01:11:19,562 --> 01:11:22,599 - Cool! - What are you talking about? - I'm not going to jail again. 1280 01:11:22,682 --> 01:11:24,877 - You understand me? I'm not going to jail! - Oh, my God. 1281 01:11:24,962 --> 01:11:27,601 This has to be a mistake. Mel wouldn't do this to us. 1282 01:11:27,682 --> 01:11:30,992 - How do you know it's Mel? How do you know who Mel is? Mel is probably in on this. Mel-- - He's a-- He's a pig! 1283 01:11:31,082 --> 01:11:34,119 How do you know it's our son? It's not our son. It's some fucking Federal Agent! 1284 01:11:34,202 --> 01:11:36,193 - Goddam it. - I know it's our son. I can tell. 1285 01:11:36,282 --> 01:11:39,354 - Uh, w-- - You think a mother doesn't know these things? -Just shut up for a minute and listen. 1286 01:11:39,442 --> 01:11:42,002 We're gonna take him in the car, then we go down to San Miguel to Stuart's place. 1287 01:11:42,082 --> 01:11:44,471 - We can be there by morning. Grab his foot. This guy is-- - Paul, wake-- No! 1288 01:11:44,562 --> 01:11:48,271 No. I am not walking away from a home that took us 20 years to put together. 1289 01:11:48,362 --> 01:11:51,320 - This guy is-- - No! - The wheel barrow. - This is insane. 1290 01:11:51,402 --> 01:11:55,315 We can't take him hostage. This is a much bigger crime. 1291 01:11:55,402 --> 01:11:57,996 - Well, what'll we do? What'll-- What'll we do with him? - Dump-- Dump him in the brush. 1292 01:11:58,082 --> 01:12:00,471 - Brush! Good, good. - Leave him and get outta here. 1293 01:12:00,562 --> 01:12:04,032 - Lonnie. - Yeah. - Go clean out the lab. - Right. 1294 01:12:04,122 --> 01:12:06,761 Don't break anything! 1295 01:12:27,082 --> 01:12:29,118 No, no, no. Wai-- Wait a minute. 1296 01:12:29,202 --> 01:12:32,194 Shit! This truck is not going to make it to Mexico. 1297 01:12:32,282 --> 01:12:35,035 - So what are we-- - Oh, shit! 1298 01:12:39,842 --> 01:12:41,958 Put it in here. 1299 01:13:01,522 --> 01:13:04,320 My sciatica is killing me. 1300 01:13:04,402 --> 01:13:06,313 Would've been here an hour ago if you'd listened to me. 1301 01:13:06,402 --> 01:13:09,439 It took two hours to find that there's no place to get a good sandwich around here. 1302 01:13:09,522 --> 01:13:12,559 You can't keep making U-turns in the middle of a highway, Eddie... 1303 01:13:12,642 --> 01:13:15,440 - even if you see what looks like a sandwich shop. - Let's get this over with. 1304 01:13:15,522 --> 01:13:18,912 Eddie-- Eddie, wait. Don't. 1305 01:13:19,002 --> 01:13:21,641 What's the matter? Come on! 1306 01:13:21,722 --> 01:13:25,920 - I can't go in there. - Why not? 1307 01:13:26,002 --> 01:13:28,516 - Look at this house. - What's the matter with it? 1308 01:13:28,602 --> 01:13:32,481 Well, it's so all-American. It's-- 1309 01:13:32,562 --> 01:13:35,360 - What are you talking about? - Well, they're probably... 1310 01:13:35,442 --> 01:13:37,956 quiet, reasonable, sensible people... 1311 01:13:38,042 --> 01:13:40,510 and Mel loves them, and, you know, we're neur-- 1312 01:13:40,602 --> 01:13:43,514 - And he-- We're a source of embarrassment to him. - But he's in trouble... 1313 01:13:43,602 --> 01:13:46,435 and that's why we came! 1314 01:13:46,522 --> 01:13:50,595 - It's possible I overreacted. - Now you think you overreacted? 1315 01:13:50,682 --> 01:13:52,434 - Yeah. We-- - We just got off an aeroplane. 1316 01:13:52,522 --> 01:13:54,240 - We drove five and a half hours in the desert... - Listen, Eddie... 1317 01:13:54,322 --> 01:13:57,120 - and you're telling me that you overreacted? - I am not going in there to be rejected in front of his new parents! 1318 01:13:57,202 --> 01:13:59,636 - Yes, you are! Come on. Pearl. - No, I'm not. Let go of me. 1319 01:13:59,722 --> 01:14:01,155 - Come on, Pearl. - You're hurting my arm. 1320 01:14:01,242 --> 01:14:03,153 - You feel that? - Get in the car before they hear us. 1321 01:14:03,242 --> 01:14:06,120 - I thought we were gonna eat here. I'm starving. - We'll go back to the taco place. 1322 01:14:06,202 --> 01:14:09,638 - Tacos have cheese in them. - Not all tacos have cheese in them, Eddie. 1323 01:14:09,722 --> 01:14:12,156 - Wait, is this our car? - Of course it's our car. 1324 01:14:12,242 --> 01:14:17,475 - Do you remember this truck? - What, do you have early Alzheimer's? It's a white rental car-- 1325 01:14:32,162 --> 01:14:34,357 - Where's the car? - It's over here. What's the matter with you? 1326 01:14:34,442 --> 01:14:36,512 - Why did you move it? - I thought you moved it. 1327 01:14:36,602 --> 01:14:39,639 - Why would I move it? - I don't know, Dad. - What are we taking that car for? 1328 01:14:39,722 --> 01:14:41,633 - I wanna take the blue truck. - No, no, we can't take the truck. 1329 01:14:41,722 --> 01:14:44,998 - The truck can't make an 800-mile trip. - Oh, no. My blue truck. I want my blue truck. 1330 01:14:45,082 --> 01:14:47,835 - Mom, come o-- come on! - But my water broke in this truck. 1331 01:14:47,922 --> 01:14:51,517 Get in the car. I love you. Get in the car. 1332 01:14:51,602 --> 01:14:55,675 Are you sure all your doubting is over? 1333 01:14:55,762 --> 01:14:59,357 I'm sorry I took you for granted. I'm sorry I hurt you. 1334 01:15:02,962 --> 01:15:04,953 I want to go home tomorrow. 1335 01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:09,035 So do I. I want to get out of here. 1336 01:15:28,842 --> 01:15:31,675 - Slow down. There's the taco place. - Why didn't you tell me you saw it? 1337 01:15:31,762 --> 01:15:34,117 I did tell you. You were driving too fast. 1338 01:15:34,202 --> 01:15:36,762 You can't make U-turns like this, Eddie. 1339 01:15:36,842 --> 01:15:39,800 - Relax. We're in the middle of nowhere. - The, the sign! 1340 01:15:39,882 --> 01:15:43,318 The sign, the sign! The-- Aah! The car! 1341 01:15:44,842 --> 01:15:46,912 Goddam tourists! Shit! 1342 01:15:47,002 --> 01:15:50,358 - What did I just tell you about the U-turns? - He was in my blind spot. 1343 01:15:50,442 --> 01:15:54,071 You could fit the state of Wisconsin in your blind spot. 1344 01:15:54,162 --> 01:15:57,154 -It's their fault. They're in the wrong. -Doesn't matter. I don't want some sheriff to come by here. 1345 01:15:57,242 --> 01:16:00,075 - Wh-Where's the-- Where's the acid? - It's in the trunk, Dad. Yeah. - It's in the trunk? 1346 01:16:00,162 --> 01:16:04,235 Look. Look, if things get tight, I want you to do that spastic colon thing you do. 1347 01:16:04,322 --> 01:16:06,517 -No, no, I'm not gonna do spastic colon. -Okay, now, do-- something. 1348 01:16:06,602 --> 01:16:11,039 That thing you did when the cops stopped us in Albuquerque, you know? That, that, what, that ulcer thing. 1349 01:16:11,122 --> 01:16:15,161 - Um-- Uh, okay, I-- I'll do reflux. - All right. That's good. Okay. 1350 01:16:20,602 --> 01:16:23,480 - I am so sorry! - Are you all right? - Yeah, we're fine. 1351 01:16:23,562 --> 01:16:25,518 You can't just make a blind U-turn like that. 1352 01:16:25,602 --> 01:16:28,241 I've got a sizable blind spot, is my problem. 1353 01:16:28,322 --> 01:16:31,155 - Well, I don't see much damage here. - No, it looks mostly cosmetic. 1354 01:16:31,242 --> 01:16:33,631 - Yeah. It's nothing. Why don't we just forget about it, all right? - No, no. 1355 01:16:33,722 --> 01:16:36,873 Well, I don't know. We shouldn't leave the scene of an accident. I'll call the police from the taco place. 1356 01:16:36,962 --> 01:16:38,918 Well, you can call the police if you want to, but, I mean... 1357 01:16:39,002 --> 01:16:41,311 I-I'll tell you right now, this, this is your fault here. 1358 01:16:41,402 --> 01:16:45,441 I mean, if we make a report, y-your insurance rates are gonna go sky-high. 1359 01:16:45,522 --> 01:16:49,037 - I mean, it's up to you, but, I mean, I don't, I don't see the point of it. - Uh, Pearl, he's making sense. 1360 01:16:49,122 --> 01:16:52,956 No! I have never broken the law. I am not going to be irresponsible now. 1361 01:16:53,042 --> 01:16:56,352 - Yeah, there's nothing irresponsible about this. - No, absolutely. We're all fine. 1362 01:16:56,442 --> 01:16:58,558 There's-- You can see that we're perfectly okay. 1363 01:16:58,642 --> 01:17:01,918 I, uh, I, I just have this preexisting medical condition. 1364 01:17:02,002 --> 01:17:05,278 My ileocecal valve is, uh-- doesn't work as it should. 1365 01:17:05,362 --> 01:17:07,830 And it allows c-corrosive juices-- 1366 01:17:07,922 --> 01:17:10,755 They seem to rise up into my oesophagus, and I-- 1367 01:17:10,842 --> 01:17:14,152 I, I, I need to get home so that I can lie down and-- 1368 01:17:14,242 --> 01:17:18,360 - We, we really have to go. - With my head elevated. 1369 01:17:18,442 --> 01:17:21,479 - Ileocecal valve? - It's chronic. - Nice meeting you. 1370 01:17:21,562 --> 01:17:24,474 Why did you let them get away? 1371 01:17:24,562 --> 01:17:27,156 We're better off. Who knows what our liability is? 1372 01:17:27,242 --> 01:17:31,997 Y-Yes! What, what exactly is our deductible damage waiver? 1373 01:17:32,082 --> 01:17:34,550 Here-- Oh, my God! 1374 01:17:34,642 --> 01:17:38,032 - The car-- it's registered to Mel! - What? 1375 01:17:38,122 --> 01:17:42,161 Look at the-- Check and see if our luggage is in the trunk. 1376 01:17:48,642 --> 01:17:50,678 Huh? 1377 01:17:52,522 --> 01:17:54,831 What the hell is this? 1378 01:18:03,202 --> 01:18:07,275 Sometimes the light's all shining on me 1379 01:18:09,522 --> 01:18:13,640 Other times, I can barely see 1380 01:18:13,722 --> 01:18:16,077 - So then what happened? - I don't know-- I don't know where anybody is. 1381 01:18:16,162 --> 01:18:18,357 - I mean, I assume-- I mean, look at this place. It's a wreck. - Well, I see the place. 1382 01:18:18,442 --> 01:18:20,637 - I-I guess they probably-- Well, then-- - And I'm looking for him, and I can't find him. 1383 01:18:20,722 --> 01:18:24,954 - So where-- - They probably took him to the hospital, Tony. I mean, he, he was-- 1384 01:18:25,042 --> 01:18:28,591 They didn't take him to the hospital. Look. Paul! 1385 01:18:28,682 --> 01:18:31,037 Oh, my God! 1386 01:18:32,842 --> 01:18:36,357 - Truckin', I'm a-going home - You can't catch the wind! 1387 01:18:36,442 --> 01:18:38,876 Whoa, whoa, baby back where I belong 1388 01:18:38,962 --> 01:18:41,271 -Jerry? W-- - Mm-hmm. 1389 01:18:41,362 --> 01:18:43,273 -Jerry Garcia Jerry? - Yeah! 1390 01:18:43,362 --> 01:18:46,240 I mean, it's in the family. It's got a whole history to it. 1391 01:18:46,322 --> 01:18:48,711 You don't even like the Grateful Dead. 1392 01:18:48,802 --> 01:18:51,999 I never said I don't like them. I just haven't ever listened to that much of their music. 1393 01:18:52,082 --> 01:18:54,038 Unless you still like Ethan. 1394 01:18:54,122 --> 01:18:58,001 This is obviously much more important to you than it is to me. 1395 01:18:58,082 --> 01:19:01,154 Okay? So you pick the name. But I'll just say one thing. 1396 01:19:01,242 --> 01:19:03,517 - What? - I think Jerry is very pedestrian. 1397 01:19:03,602 --> 01:19:05,911 How 'bout Garcia? 1398 01:19:06,002 --> 01:19:08,596 - Garcia? - Garcia Coplin. 1399 01:19:08,682 --> 01:19:11,913 Garcia! Garcia Coplin. 1400 01:19:12,002 --> 01:19:14,232 - Look. Look, he likes it. - I like it too. 1401 01:19:14,322 --> 01:19:16,916 - Garcia Coplin. - Yeah. 1402 01:19:17,002 --> 01:19:19,118 - Garcia. - Yeah. 1403 01:19:21,402 --> 01:19:24,200 - You think I should get that? - Sure. 1404 01:19:26,802 --> 01:19:29,191 Hello? Shit-- Shitkings-- 1405 01:19:29,282 --> 01:19:32,115 - Schlichting. - Schlichtings' residence. 1406 01:19:32,362 --> 01:19:34,956 - What kind of trouble are you in? - Us? We're not in trouble. You're the ones who're in jail. 1407 01:19:35,042 --> 01:19:37,761 There were drugs in the trunk of your car. Why are there drugs in the trunk of your car? 1408 01:19:37,842 --> 01:19:40,231 - How did you get our car? - We tracked you to the ''Shitkings''... 1409 01:19:40,322 --> 01:19:42,517 -Will you-- Will you hurry. -because we thought you were in trouble. 1410 01:19:42,602 --> 01:19:45,070 - Well, why did you think we were in trouble? - Because of the phone call. 1411 01:19:45,162 --> 01:19:49,872 - The truck and the baby. - Oh, no-- No, Ma, I was talking to that evil little dwarf woman at the B-and-B. 1412 01:19:49,962 --> 01:19:52,920 - We wer-- We weren't in trouble. - Oh. - Your mother as usual has overreacted. 1413 01:19:53,002 --> 01:19:55,596 - I did not overreact, Eddie! If I overreacted... - Well, you said in front of-- 1414 01:19:55,682 --> 01:19:58,879 why am I wearing handcuffs in the middle of a jail? 1415 01:19:58,962 --> 01:20:02,557 Th-There's obviously been some mishap, sir. These people are not drug runners. 1416 01:20:02,642 --> 01:20:05,554 I mean, look at them. They're, they're from New York. They're, they're my parents. 1417 01:20:05,642 --> 01:20:07,758 You hear that, Eddie? He called us his parents. 1418 01:20:07,842 --> 01:20:10,356 Of course you're my parents. Mom-- 1419 01:20:10,442 --> 01:20:12,831 Oh, Mel. 1420 01:20:12,922 --> 01:20:15,356 - Ow, Ma, your chain's pulling on my hair. - Wait a minute. Wait. 1421 01:20:15,442 --> 01:20:17,672 Sorry, darling. 1422 01:20:17,762 --> 01:20:20,674 Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms. 1423 01:20:20,762 --> 01:20:24,072 And get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. 1424 01:20:24,162 --> 01:20:27,393 This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the ''Shlytings.'' 1425 01:20:27,482 --> 01:20:29,996 - ''Schlitinooks.'' - ''Shitkings.'' - No, Schlichtings. 1426 01:20:30,082 --> 01:20:32,880 Well, anyway, it's clear that we have the wrong people here. 1427 01:20:32,962 --> 01:20:36,750 - They found-- - That's what I've been trying to tell this guy for the last half hour. - Thank God for this Federal agent. 1428 01:20:36,842 --> 01:20:40,596 And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants? 1429 01:20:40,682 --> 01:20:43,321 - I had an experience, that's why. - What do you mean? 1430 01:20:43,402 --> 01:20:48,556 I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me. 1431 01:20:48,642 --> 01:20:52,112 I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I got some jewellery somewhere, if you please. 1432 01:20:52,202 --> 01:20:54,875 - A diamond and some turquoise. - Yes, ma'am. Sure, just let me get those cuffs for you. 1433 01:20:55,122 --> 01:20:59,115 I don't know. We may be able to work out a private adoption through some people I know in Colorado. 1434 01:20:59,202 --> 01:21:02,433 - How long will that take? - Usually six to-- months to a year. I don't know. 1435 01:21:02,522 --> 01:21:05,480 But if you're willing to wait, you know, I may be able to find a couple of lesbians... 1436 01:21:05,562 --> 01:21:07,757 - who would be willing to conceive... - That's good. Lesbians are good. 1437 01:21:07,842 --> 01:21:10,993 - and then you could share the baby with them. - No way. I'm not gonna do that. - No? Why? 1438 01:21:11,082 --> 01:21:14,995 - I think these two are homosexuals. - They want to adopt a kid. That's so sick. 1439 01:21:15,082 --> 01:21:18,597 Can you imagine the neurosis that child would be exposed to? 1440 01:21:18,682 --> 01:21:20,752 - Okay. Okay, here we go. - Okay. 1441 01:21:20,842 --> 01:21:23,151 - Everyone, pull together. Paul, smile. - Are we ready? Okay. 1442 01:21:23,242 --> 01:21:25,551 One, two! 1443 01:21:51,042 --> 01:21:54,876 - Yo, ye pharaohs, let us walk - Are you okay? 1444 01:21:54,962 --> 01:21:57,874 Through this barren desert in search of truth 1445 01:21:57,962 --> 01:22:02,035 And some pointy boots and maybe a few snack crackers 1446 01:22:04,962 --> 01:22:08,511 Baby, you make me wanna walk 1447 01:22:08,602 --> 01:22:10,718 - All right. All right. - Like a camel 1448 01:22:10,802 --> 01:22:13,714 - Why do we have to baby-sit tonight? - Oh, sweetie. 1449 01:22:13,802 --> 01:22:17,511 - Come on, come on. Ahh, yes. - All right. Shh. 1450 01:22:17,602 --> 01:22:19,832 Okay. Here. That's-- Oh, I know-- 1451 01:22:19,922 --> 01:22:22,880 - Because the kids need some time alone. - The kids need time alone? 1452 01:22:22,962 --> 01:22:27,399 Yes! God, Eddie, where's your sense of romance? 1453 01:22:32,682 --> 01:22:34,479 Who's in charge here 1454 01:22:34,562 --> 01:22:37,201 - Where's my captain's wafers - I can't, I can't. It's making me too nervous. 1455 01:22:37,282 --> 01:22:40,957 - Oh, it made you nervous when he was in the other room. Come on. - Okay. 1456 01:22:41,042 --> 01:22:43,431 - Maybe next-- - Will you relax, please? 1457 01:22:43,522 --> 01:22:45,478 - Is that my beeper? - No, that's not your beeper. 1458 01:22:45,562 --> 01:22:48,315 - Let's get this beeper and this gun out of here. - No, my gun-- 1459 01:22:48,402 --> 01:22:50,996 Wanna walk 1460 01:22:51,082 --> 01:22:53,232 Like a camel 1461 01:22:55,322 --> 01:22:58,155 It's a blind date. I don't know. Some benefit or something. 1462 01:22:58,242 --> 01:23:01,120 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 1463 01:23:01,202 --> 01:23:03,762 No, I am not smoking, Mother. Look, I gotta go. 1464 01:23:03,842 --> 01:23:07,881 He's here. Yeah, he knows. Mm-hmm. 1465 01:23:07,962 --> 01:23:11,432 Yeah, I know. I'll call you tomorrow. Uh-- Uh-huh. 1466 01:23:11,522 --> 01:23:14,719 Pain in my ass. I'm coming! 1467 01:23:14,802 --> 01:23:18,681 Say, you don't think there's, uh any way I can get that quarter 1468 01:23:18,762 --> 01:23:22,437 From underneath of your pointy boot, do you All I want-- 1469 01:23:22,522 --> 01:23:25,719 - Shalom, shalom. - Shalom, shalom. 1470 01:23:25,802 --> 01:23:28,316 Shalom. Deeper. 1471 01:23:28,402 --> 01:23:31,838 You guys, this place sucks. Everybody speaks Spanish. 1472 01:23:31,922 --> 01:23:34,436 - Did you ever hear of knocking? - What are you looking for? 1473 01:23:34,522 --> 01:23:36,638 - I'm looking for some weed. - No, you find your own weed. 1474 01:23:36,722 --> 01:23:39,361 - Get out of that drawer. - You guys, I'm totally bored here. 1475 01:23:39,442 --> 01:23:43,276 Honey-- Honey, it takes time to make new friends. Be patient. 1476 01:23:45,242 --> 01:23:47,881 Say, you don't think there's, uh, any way 1477 01:23:47,962 --> 01:23:52,672 I could get that quarter from underneath of your pointy boot, do you 1478 01:23:52,762 --> 01:23:56,038 All I want is just one more oatmeal pie 1479 01:23:59,002 --> 01:24:02,677 Little Debbie, Little Debbie I'm a-comin'on home, baby 1480 01:24:02,762 --> 01:24:05,993 'Cause you make me wanna walk 1481 01:24:06,082 --> 01:24:07,993 Like a camel 1482 01:24:29,682 --> 01:24:34,039 I sing a song 'bout clouds and rainbows 1483 01:24:34,122 --> 01:24:38,434 I hum a tune that sings like a dove 1484 01:24:38,522 --> 01:24:43,118 Found some words 'bout anything 1485 01:24:43,202 --> 01:24:47,320 Anything but love 1486 01:24:47,402 --> 01:24:51,634 I paint a picture of my prison 1487 01:24:51,722 --> 01:24:56,432 With blue and grey from the sky above 1488 01:24:56,522 --> 01:25:00,834 Framed and signed with the title 1489 01:25:00,922 --> 01:25:03,994 Anything but love 1490 01:25:05,202 --> 01:25:09,480 He had to go But I won't miss him 1491 01:25:09,562 --> 01:25:13,953 I've got better things to do 1492 01:25:14,042 --> 01:25:18,354 Like writing stories and painting pictures 1493 01:25:18,442 --> 01:25:21,479 Of anything but love 1494 01:25:23,082 --> 01:25:25,960 Anything but love 1495 01:25:27,562 --> 01:25:30,998 Anything but love 1496 01:25:42,522 --> 01:25:47,152 It's a terrible predicament 1497 01:25:47,242 --> 01:25:50,473 That we're in again 1498 01:25:52,322 --> 01:25:56,952 Goin'down faster and faster 1499 01:25:57,042 --> 01:25:58,953 Feel like we're fallin' 1500 01:25:59,042 --> 01:26:01,351 With the ceiling plaster 1501 01:26:05,762 --> 01:26:08,720 Flirting with disaster 1502 01:26:12,562 --> 01:26:15,030 It's a revoltin'development 1503 01:26:15,122 --> 01:26:19,559 -Amen -Amen 1504 01:26:19,642 --> 01:26:22,679 Say it again 1505 01:26:22,762 --> 01:26:27,472 This old world is tryin'to trash us 1506 01:26:27,562 --> 01:26:32,556 Love is here if it don't gas us 1507 01:26:35,842 --> 01:26:38,959 We're flirting with disaster 1508 01:26:42,642 --> 01:26:44,633 Caught in a whirlpool 1509 01:26:44,722 --> 01:26:47,282 My thinkin's too heady 1510 01:26:47,362 --> 01:26:49,637 Life is going by 1511 01:26:49,722 --> 01:26:52,680 And I'm not ready 1512 01:26:52,762 --> 01:26:57,472 Tryin'to find out who I am 1513 01:26:57,562 --> 01:27:00,156 Roarin'like a lion 1514 01:27:00,242 --> 01:27:03,678 Gentle as a lamb 1515 01:27:03,762 --> 01:27:08,278 - I'm gettin'a bad reputation - You bet 1516 01:27:08,362 --> 01:27:11,274 For not knowing my mind 1517 01:27:13,322 --> 01:27:15,438 That's what I heard 1518 01:27:15,522 --> 01:27:18,275 From the schoolmaster 1519 01:27:18,362 --> 01:27:22,150 Rabbi, I ain't a bastard 1520 01:27:27,242 --> 01:27:30,154 Flirting with disaster 1521 01:27:33,682 --> 01:27:37,470 It's a terrible predicament 1522 01:27:37,562 --> 01:27:41,874 Oh, that we're in again 1523 01:27:43,802 --> 01:27:48,034 Goin'down faster and faster 1524 01:27:48,122 --> 01:27:51,671 I feel like I'm fallin' 1525 01:27:51,762 --> 01:27:54,151 With the ceiling plaster 1526 01:27:57,762 --> 01:28:00,276 Flirting with disaster 1527 01:28:03,322 --> 01:28:06,041 It's a revoltin'development 1528 01:28:06,122 --> 01:28:09,159 -Amen -Amen 1529 01:28:09,242 --> 01:28:11,312 Amen 1530 01:28:11,402 --> 01:28:14,235 Say it again 1531 01:28:14,322 --> 01:28:18,031 This old world's tryin'to trash us 1532 01:28:18,122 --> 01:28:21,353 Our love is here, babe 1533 01:28:21,442 --> 01:28:23,956 If it don't gas us 1534 01:28:24,042 --> 01:28:27,830 Oh, yeah, we're 1535 01:28:27,922 --> 01:28:32,154 Flirting with disaster, baby 1536 01:28:33,602 --> 01:28:37,515 Oh, we're flirting with disaster 1537 01:28:43,522 --> 01:28:47,435 Flirting with disaster 1538 01:28:52,442 --> 01:28:56,560 Amen