1 00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:05,704 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,906 ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 3 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,309 ♪ LA-LA... ♪ 4 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,845 - ♪ I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD ♪ 5 00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:16,181 COME ON, GUYS. WE KNOW THIS ONE. 6 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,549 MMM. 7 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,750 thump! 8 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:19,918 - DADDY! 9 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,786 - IT WAS DEAD ALREADY, SWEETHEART, 10 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:22,854 JUST LIKE THE OTHERS. 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,022 - HOW DO YOU KNOW? 12 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,257 - YOU DIDN'T HEAR ANY SCREAMING, DID YOU? 13 00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:28,093 - I THINK PEOPLE WHO RUN OVER ANIMALS 14 00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:30,628 SHOULD GET RUN OVER THEMSELVES TO SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT. 15 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,632 - WHAT ABOUT UNPOPULAR ANIMALS? 16 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,601 - UNPOPULAR ANIMALS DON'T COUNT. 17 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,369 - WHAT ABOUT THE STUPID ONES? 18 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,037 - COME ON, GIRLS. 19 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,273 WE'LL BE AT SUSAN AND DOUG'S SOON. 20 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,307 - [dryly] HOORAY. 21 00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,642 - IT'LL BE FUN. 22 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,043 YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH RAMONA. 23 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,645 - RAMONA'S THREE. 24 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:50,382 - [snorting] 25 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,018 - DARIA, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS MORE OF A LATE BLOOMER... 26 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,386 SOCIALLY. 27 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,322 AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, RIGHT, HONEY? 28 00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,024 - GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH. 29 00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:00,191 GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH. 30 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:04,329 RAMONA. RAMONA. 31 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,164 GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH. 32 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:09,034 - [blowing nose] 33 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,802 - EW! 34 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,439 - READ TO ME. 35 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:16,407 - ISN'T SHE DARLING? 36 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,443 AND WHAT IS SHE READING NOW? 37 00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,346 - WE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT COLLEGE APPLICATION TIME. 38 00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:22,681 [sighs] 39 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:25,784 I MEAN, IT'S SO HARD TO GET INTO A GOOD SCHOOL NOW. 40 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,852 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING ABOUT IT? 41 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,396 - ONE MORE TIME, I AM NOT TAKING A COLLEGE PREP COURSE. 42 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,999 ACTUALLY, I MAY JUST SKIP COLLEGE AND STAY HOME. 43 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,535 IT'LL SAVE ME THE TROUBLE OF MOVING BACK IN LATER. 44 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,836 [horn honking] 45 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,106 - WATCH THE ROAD! 46 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,873 DARIA, IF YOU DON'T GET INTO A DECENT SCHOOL, 47 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,142 YOUR LIFE WILL BE RUINED. 48 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,176 END OF DISCUSSION. 49 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,311 - WAY TO GO, MOM. 50 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,879 SHE CAN'T GET HER WAY ALL THE TIME. 51 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,149 - ACTUALLY, QUINN, IT WOULDN'T HURT IF YOU TOOK THE COURSE TOO. 52 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:58,817 - WAIT A MINUTE! 53 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,853 - MAYBE WE CAN SIT TOGETHER. 54 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,825 - TODAY'S ADMISSION STANDARDS ARE MORE RIGOROUS THAN EVER, 55 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,859 WHICH IS-- 56 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:08,994 - CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS? 57 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,762 I HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO. 58 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,497 TELEVISION COUNTS AS A PLACE. 59 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,965 - OKAY, OKAY. 60 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,801 TOPIC ONE, TESTING. 61 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,171 YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO TAKE A TEST, 62 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:22,040 LIKE WHEN YOU GET A MULTIPLE-CHOICE QUESTION, 63 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,910 YOU CAN USUALLY ELIMINATE TWO OF THE ANSWERS RIGHT OFF. 64 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:28,881 - EXCUSE ME, SIR, DOES THAT WORK WITH TRUE-FALSE? 65 00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:31,583 - [sighs] 66 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,419 OKAY, THIS IS AN INFORMATIONAL SHEET 67 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,522 PUSH COMES TO LOVE SENDS AROUND TO 600 LEADING COLLEGES. 68 00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:41,226 IT'S CALLED MY PERSONAL GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS. 69 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,460 LET'S ALL TALK ABOUT COLLEGE-- 70 00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:45,363 - PSST, DARIA, WHAT'D YOU GET FOR NUMBER ONE? 71 00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,465 - THE THING ABOUT WHO I REALLY AM? 72 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,566 - YEAH. 73 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,501 - TRY "CROSS-DRESSER." 74 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,970 - THANKS, MAN. I OWE YOU ONE. 75 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,338 - THE GOAL OF THE WORKSHEET IS TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON 76 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,974 WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF COLLEGE. 77 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:59,844 OKAY, WHEN YOU GET A MULTIPLE-CHOICE... 78 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,847 [funky guitar music] 79 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,883 ♪ ♪ 80 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:08,420 ...TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON PERSONAL GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS. 81 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:12,357 [funky guitar music] 82 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:17,795 - KEVIN, THANK YOU FOR MY BEAUTIFUL ROSES. 83 00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,831 WHERE DID YOU GET THEM? 84 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,034 - OH, IT WAS NOTHING. 85 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,902 MY HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND SENT THEM TO ME. 86 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:27,305 - [laughs] WHAT A CHILD. 87 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,975 - OKAY, THE GOAL OF COLLEGE EXPERIENCE... 88 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,009 [cheers and applause] 89 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,210 - OH, BRITTANY. 90 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,114 - ♪ SHE'S GOT A DARK DREADING LOOK ♪ 91 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:40,752 ♪ SHE'D NEVER CRACK NO BOOKS ♪ 92 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,622 - BRITTANY, YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED! 93 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:46,791 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 94 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,727 [cheers and applause] 95 00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,171 - THIS IS ALL QUITE AMAZING. 96 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:03,308 HOW COULD YOU AFFORD SUCH A SPACE IN NEW YORK? 97 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,378 - I USED THE MONEY MY PARENTS SAVED FOR COLLEGE. 98 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:10,515 - BRILLIANT, JUST LIKE YOUR ART. 99 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,252 - IT'S CALLED FOCUS ON HOW TO TAKE A TEST... 100 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,787 [knocks on door] 101 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,890 - HEY, THIS MUST BE THE NEW ROOMMATE. 102 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:19,991 GUYS! 103 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,094 - EXCELLENT, THE NEW ROOMMATE. 104 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,129 - HOWDY, ROOMIE. 105 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,230 - HI. 106 00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:29,567 - ALL RIGHT, GUYS, BEST MAN WINS. 107 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:32,904 [all grunting and yelling] 108 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:38,509 - LIKE, TWO OF THE ANSWERS ARE MORE RIGOROUS THAN EVER... 109 00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:41,880 - DARIA, I KNOW IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK OF FRESHMAN YEAR, 110 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,348 BUT I WONDER IF YOU'D CONSIDER 111 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,416 TRANSFERRING TO THE GRADUATE SCHOOL. 112 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,486 - I'M NOT REALLY SURE I WANT TO BE A PROFESSIONAL STUDENT. 113 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:50,455 - BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO STUDY. 114 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,890 I WANT YOU TO TEACH. 115 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:52,924 - WELL-- 116 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,625 - NOT HERE, OF COURSE. 117 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,594 ON OUR PARIS CAMPUS. 118 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,363 - OH, OKAY. 119 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,630 - SUPERB. 120 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,466 NOW I CAN USE YOUR DORM ROOM TO CARRY ON AFFAIRS 121 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,601 WITH SOME OF THE MORE BEAUTIFUL UNDERGRADUATES. 122 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,237 THANK YOU. 123 00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:09,107 - HOW COME EVEN IN MY FANTASIES EVERYONE'S A JERK? 124 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,410 THEN WE FILLED OUT THIS WORKSHEET, 125 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,546 AND THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH IT. 126 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,516 MONEY WELL SPENT, SINCE IT WASN'T MY MONEY. 127 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,551 - YOU LEFT OUT THE BEST PART. 128 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,253 - GETTING A DATE WITH THE INSTRUCTOR 129 00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,321 IS ONLY THE BEST PART TO YOU. 130 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,223 - IT'S NOT A DATE. 131 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,959 WE'RE MEETING TO DISCUSS SCHOLARSHIP OPTIONS. 132 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,060 - SCHOLARSHIP? 133 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,163 WAY TO GO, SWEETIE. 134 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,799 - THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A MAKING OUT SCHOLARSHIP. 135 00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,003 - UH, EXCUSE ME, BUT I THINK HE WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN YOU. 136 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,706 ANYWAY, THE BEST PART, I MEANT, WAS THE TRIP. 137 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:42,974 - WHAT TRIP? 138 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:46,210 - WE HAVE TO VISIT A COLLEGE OF OUR CHOOSING. 139 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,947 - GREAT. WE'LL GO TO MIDDLETON. 140 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,682 - WE'LL ALL HEAD UP TO THE OLD ALMA MATER THIS WEEKEND. 141 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:55,186 - WAIT, WE GET TO PICK THE COLLEGE, 142 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,721 AND NO ONE SAID YOU COULD COME. 143 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,990 - BUT, QUINN, YOUR FATHER AND I WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU KIDS 144 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,358 FOLLOWED IN OUR FOOTSTEPS. 145 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,960 - WE'RE WALKING? 146 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,928 UGH! 147 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,099 - MAYBE WE SHOULD VISIT YOUR OLD NURSERY SCHOOL FIRST. 148 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,737 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 149 00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,506 ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 150 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,314 - GOSH, THE OLD PLACE HAS HARDLY CHANGED A BIT. 151 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,416 HEY, HEY, MY MAN. 152 00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,052 TOSS ME THAT DISC, DUDE. 153 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,253 - GET A LIFE! 154 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,287 - YEAH, RIGHT, OLD MAN. 155 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:30,322 - COOL, WHATEVER. 156 00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:31,823 MAYBE NEXT TIME. 157 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,059 COLLEGE PUNKS. 158 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,427 - HI, ARE YOU THE MORGENDORFFERS? 159 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,996 I'M YOUR TOUR GUIDE, HEATHER. 160 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,198 WELCOME TO MIDDLETON. 161 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,432 - HEY, HEATHER. 162 00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,034 WASSUP? 163 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:46,237 - UH...SHALL WE GET STARTED? 164 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,908 THESE BUILDINGS DATE FROM WHEN MIDDLETON 165 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,110 WAS A COLONIAL RELIGIOUS COLLEGE. 166 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,579 BACK THEN, THE ALL-MALE STUDENT BODY 167 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,881 ATTENDED CHAPEL TWICE A DAY 168 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:59,784 AND ENDURED WHIPPINGS AS PUNISHMENT FOR IMPURE THOUGHTS. 169 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,520 - WHAT A BUNCH OF STIFFS THEY MUST HAVE BEEN, EH, GIRLS? 170 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,555 splat! 171 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,623 [laughter] 172 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,891 DAMN IT! I'LL KILL YOU COLLEGE SCUM! 173 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,527 - BUT MIDDLETON'S TIME-HONORED TRADITION 174 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:12,230 OF TOMFOOLERY CONTINUES. 175 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,299 - JAKE, HONEY, DIDN'T THAT BALLOON 176 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,268 JUST COME OUT OF YOUR OLD DORM WINDOW? 177 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,435 - WHAT? 178 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,003 HEY, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 179 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,805 COME ON, LET'S GO TAKE A LOOK AT THE OLD CELL. 180 00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,874 WE GOT TIME BEFORE WE GO SEE THE BURSAR. 181 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,442 GIRLS. 182 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,845 - I'M SURE WE'D ONLY GET IN THE WAY. 183 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,481 - OKAY, NEXT IS THE OLD BELL TOWER 184 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,716 IN THE CENTER OF CAMPUS, 185 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,417 THE HISTORICAL MEETING PLACE OF THE-- 186 00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:35,519 - THAT SOUNDS REALLY INTERESTING. 187 00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,656 WHICH HISTORIC STREET ARE ALL THE FRATERNITIES ON? 188 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,226 - MY SISTER WANTS TO STUDY GROUP PSYCHOLOGY. 189 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:42,994 - RIGHT. 190 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:51,403 - AT LAST, COLLEGE. 191 00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,003 - AREN'T YOU A THETA PLEDGE? 192 00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,206 - WELL, UH...YES. 193 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,774 YES, I AM. 194 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,309 - THEN YOU'D BETTER GET OVER THERE 195 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,844 AND HELP CLEAN THE HOUSE STEPS, 196 00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,547 OR THE COUNCIL OF ANCIENTS WILL GIVE YOU A NOODLE WHIPPING 197 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,648 YOU WON'T SOON FORGET. 198 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,082 - A WHIPPING. 199 00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:07,485 IT'S NICE THAT THEY KEEP SOME OF THE OLD TRADITIONS. 200 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,087 - YES, MA'AM. 201 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:12,457 I WAS JUST DIRECTING THESE GIRLS TO THE HAIR AND NAIL SALON. 202 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,225 YOU KNOW, COMMUNITY SERVICE. 203 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,661 - YOU'RE EXCUSED, BUT MAKE IT QUICK. 204 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,129 DO YOU HAVE YOUR SCRUB BRUSH? 205 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,798 - NO, MA'AM. 206 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,902 - GOOD LUCK, PLEDGE. 207 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,971 - QUINN, YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 208 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:30,208 - LISTEN, DARIA, I DON'T STOP YOU FROM READING. 209 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:34,746 DON'T STOP ME FROM THIS. 210 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,147 - SHE'S GOD'S PROBLEM NOW, KID. 211 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,215 LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 212 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,917 THIS PLACE GIVES ME THE CREEPS. 213 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,019 [aggressive heavy metal music] 214 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:45,590 - WELL, IT SMELLS LIKE YOUR OLD ROOM. 215 00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,491 - HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S GOING DOWN? 216 00:08:47,493 --> 00:08:50,227 YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY CRIB 217 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,462 WHEN I WENT HERE. 218 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:55,934 IT'S "CRIB" NOW, RIGHT? 219 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,802 [laughs] 220 00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,971 WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE A QUICK LOOK-SEE, 'KAY? 221 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,572 OKAY. 222 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,776 [keyboard clacking] 223 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,745 - HOW REFRESHING TO SEE SOMEONE DOING SCHOOLWORK. 224 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,514 - ACTUALLY, I'M SENDING AN EROTIC LETTER 225 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,816 TO A FEMALE INMATE I MET ON THE INTERNET. 226 00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:14,451 I THINK SHE'S FEMALE. 227 00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,489 - REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO WALK THROUGH THE COURTYARD? 228 00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,958 YOU AND ALL THE OTHER GUYS WOULD LEAN OUT THE WINDOW 229 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,026 AND SHOUT OBSCENE COMMENTS. 230 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,194 [laughs] 231 00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:27,465 COLLEGE MEN...ANIMALS. 232 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,435 QUINN! 233 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,936 - DON'T WORRY, MEN. 234 00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,606 SITUATION UNDER CONTROL. 235 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,107 HEY, CAN ANY OF YOU DUDES TELL ME 236 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,077 HOW TO GET TO THE BURSAR'S OFFICE? 237 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,046 OKAY, NO PROBLEM. I'LL FIND IT MYSELF. 238 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,485 - SO THIS IS COLLEGE? 239 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,820 - PRETTY MUCH. 240 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,322 THERE'S ALSO THE PART ABOUT WORKING A STUPID JOB 241 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,090 AND BEGGING YOUR PARENTS FOR MONEY. 242 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,027 - HEATHER? 243 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,162 - MY PSYCH TERM PAPER. 244 00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,664 FINALLY. 245 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:04,736 NOBODY RESPECTS DEADLINES ANYMORE. 246 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:08,006 - UH, YOU PAID SOMEBODY TO WRITE THIS FOR YOU? 247 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,473 - IT WAS A COLLABORATION. 248 00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,475 MY PART WAS TO SAY HOW LONG IT SHOULD BE 249 00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,344 AND WHEN IT WAS DUE. 250 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,613 - BUT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. 251 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,849 HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THIS? 252 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,350 - 50 BUCKS. 253 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,152 - I CAN FIX THIS FOR YOU FOR 10 BUCKS. 254 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,921 - REALLY? GREAT. 255 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:27,125 - WOW, YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR? 256 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,494 - HOW ABOUT RENAISSANCE PAINTING? 257 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:32,697 - WHAT I DON'T KNOW I CAN FAKE, BUT CASH ONLY. 258 00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:35,634 I DON'T TAKE CHECKS FROM COLLEGE STUDENTS. 259 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,802 - HER NAME'S QUINN, 260 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,705 AND SHE LOOKS, WELL, A LOT LIKE ME. 261 00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,373 SOME PEOPLE SAY SISTERS EVEN. 262 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:47,178 OF COURSE, I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER, TOO YOUNG, REALLY. 263 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,913 HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM? 264 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,882 - I DON'T REALLY--UM, I-- 265 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:54,886 - 43--THAT IS, IN FIVE YEARS, I'LL BE 43. 266 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:58,656 SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY I WAS PARTYING WITH THE BEST OF THEM. 267 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,526 I WAS PRETTY WILD. 268 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:04,662 STILL AM, WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, BUT YOU'RE A COLLEGE MAN. 269 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,064 YOU PROBABLY KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT. 270 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,999 - UM, I'M JUST A FRESHMAN, AND I-- 271 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,467 WELL, WE'RE NOT REALLY SUPPOSED TO. 272 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,868 I GET HEADACHES SOMETIMES, 273 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,937 'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, ALLERGIC TO THINGS, AND I, LIKE-- 274 00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,972 I SORT OF HAVE TO GO NOW. BYE. 275 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,507 - WELL, IF YOU SEE HER, 276 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,410 JUST TELL HER I'M LOOKING FOR HER. 277 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,913 COLLEGE PUNK. 278 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:26,117 - I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT ALL THIS IS PAYING FOR. 279 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,220 - I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS, MR. MORGENDORFFER. 280 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:34,926 MANY OF OUR PARENTS EXPERIENCE SIMILAR STICKER SHOCK, IF I MAY. 281 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:39,230 THAT'S WHY I REFER A LOT OF OUR PARENTS TO THIS INSTITUTION. 282 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,865 IT'S NOT A BANK 283 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,002 BUT A FAMILY BUSINESS THAT UNDERSTANDS FAMILIES. 284 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,104 THEY CAN SET YOU UP WITH A CASH LOAN 285 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,972 ON VERY AGREEABLE TERMS. 286 00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,074 - WHAT'S THIS ADDRESS? 287 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,943 - IT'S A CANDY STORE. 288 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,778 THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS. 289 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,714 THEY SELL CANDY... AND MAKE LOANS-- 290 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,683 OH, AND HAUL TRASH. 291 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,619 THEY GOT A VARIETY OF INTERESTS, ACTUALLY. 292 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:04,255 YOU PLAY THE PONIES, JAKE? 293 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,258 [dissonant rock music] 294 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:11,229 ♪ ♪ 295 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:18,002 - OKAY, LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO REWRITE THIS PAPER FOR YOU, 296 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,271 BUT I WILL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF TIPS 297 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,973 THAT WILL HELP YOU REWRITE IT. 298 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,942 FIRST, THE BOOK TITLE, SONS AND LOVERS, 299 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,946 DOES NOT HAVE AN APOSTROPHE IN IT ANYWHERE. 300 00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,415 SECOND, UNLESS YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND 301 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,450 IS AN AUTHORITY ON D.H. LAWRENCE, 302 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:35,420 DON'T BASE YOUR THESIS ON SOMETHING HE SAID 303 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,554 WHILE MAKING OUT. 304 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:37,788 - MMM. 305 00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,825 WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING HE SAID WHEN WE BROKE UP? 306 00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,727 - NO. - MMM. 307 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,362 OKAY, THANKS. 308 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:48,065 - THANK YOU, AND GOOD LUCK WITH THE DOCTORATE. 309 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,368 - YOU SEEM PRETTY COMFORTABLE WITH THE BRAIN-DEAD, 310 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,770 SO LET'S GO TO A PARTY. 311 00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,711 [staplers clanking] 312 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,517 - EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, COULD I TROUBLE YOU FOR YOUR UNDERWEAR? 313 00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,651 - SAY WHAT? 314 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,354 - YOUR PANTIES, MAY I HAVE THEM? 315 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,222 - WHY, YOU LITTLE BASTARD. 316 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,423 OH, WAIT A MINUTE. 317 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,859 HOLD ON HERE. ARE YOU IN A FRATERNITY? 318 00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,126 - YES, MA'AM. 319 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,731 SIGMA STIGMATA, AKA, SIGMA YOUR MAMA. 320 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,332 [laughs] 321 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,867 - THIS IS A PRANK, ISN'T IT? 322 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,035 - SORT OF, MA'AM. 323 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,270 SEE, IT'S A STIGMATA TRADITION 324 00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:29,640 TO FLY A MIDDLETON WOMAN'S PANTIES FROM OUR FLAGPOLE. 325 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,142 - YOU GUYS. 326 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,977 - BUT SINCE THE HOUSE MOVED OFF CAMPUS, 327 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,779 WE'VE FOUND THAT STUDENT PANTIES 328 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,847 AREN'T BIG ENOUGH TO BE SEEN FROM THE QUAD. 329 00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:39,049 I'VE BEEN OBSERVING YOU, MA'AM. 330 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,586 I THINK YOUR UNDERWEAR JUST MIGHT DO THE TRICK. 331 00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,588 - "DO THE TRICK"? 332 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:46,057 I'LL DO THE TRICK TO YOU, YOU LITTLE TWERP, 333 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,227 AND YOUR BROTHERS TOO, FRAT GEEK. 334 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:52,630 - HELEN, HELEN, TERRIBLE NEWS. 335 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,098 - OH, MY GOD, THE GIRLS. 336 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,466 - NO, NO. - WHAT'S HAPPENED? 337 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,102 - [panting] TUITION, CRIPPLING EXPENSE. 338 00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:02,173 MAYBE WE CAN JUST SEND ONE OF THEM TO COLLEGE. 339 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:05,944 QUINN--GO TO BEAUTY SCHOOL. 340 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,845 - JAKE, GET A GRIP. 341 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,981 RIGHT NOW, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. 342 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,115 - RIGHT. 343 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,085 THEN LET'S GO--CAMPUS POLICE. 344 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,152 - THE FUZZ? 345 00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:17,555 - WE'RE PARENTS NOW. 346 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,390 POLICE GOOD. 347 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,459 MISSING DAUGHTERS BAD. 348 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,260 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 349 00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:26,830 THOSE POOR KIDS ARE PROBABLY SCARED TO DEATH. 350 00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:29,833 [funky dance music] 351 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:33,070 - OKAY, LOOK, I CAN'T PLAY THE GAME FOR YOU, 352 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:36,840 BUT I WILL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF TIPS SO YOU CAN PLAY. 353 00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,743 AS YOU GO AROUND COUNTING OFF, 354 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,944 FOR EVERY NUMBER THAT HAS A THREE IN IT 355 00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:43,814 OR IS A MULTIPLE OF THREE, YOU SAY "ZOOM." 356 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,850 EVERY MULTIPLE OF SEVEN OR NUMBER WITH A SEVEN IN IT, 357 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,252 YOU SAY "SCHWARTZ." 358 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,154 - CAN'T WE JUST PLAY THE ONE WITH THE QUARTER? 359 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:54,792 - BUT YOU LOOK SO CUTE WHEN YOU SAY FUNNY WORDS. 360 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:58,162 BESIDES, SHOULDN'T YOU BE SAVING YOUR QUARTERS FOR TAKING US OUT? 361 00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,998 - ONE. 362 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,398 - TWO. 363 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,433 - ZOOM. 364 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,101 - GOOD. 365 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,638 - [together] KEG QUEEN. 366 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,307 KEG QUEEN. KEG QUEEN. 367 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:12,143 - AH, THEY'VE CHOSEN THE KEG QUEEN. 368 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,646 IT'S A HUGE HONOR. 369 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:17,649 SHE GETS TO DRIVE THE KEGS TO AND FROM THE DISTRIBUTOR. 370 00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:18,683 [sirens blaring] 371 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,717 - WAIT A MINUTE. 372 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:20,952 THAT'S NO QUEEN. 373 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,353 THAT'S MY SISTER, 374 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,588 AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LEARNER'S PERMIT. 375 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,963 - QUINN, WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU? 376 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,231 - THEY MADE ME THEIR QUEEN. 377 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,800 ISN'T IT GREAT? 378 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,169 - I THINK NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TEACH QUINN 379 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,004 A LESSON ABOUT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. 380 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,372 - YOUNG LADY, AS THE ELDER SISTER, 381 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,841 I HOLD YOU PARTIALLY TO BLAME. 382 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,177 - BUT I STAYED WITH THE TOUR GUIDE. 383 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,478 - HI. 384 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,381 - ARE THESE YOUR DAUGHTERS, MR. MORGENDORFFER? 385 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,449 - YES, OFFICER. 386 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,616 THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP. 387 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,018 - THEY APPEAR TO BE UNDERAGE, SIR. 388 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,386 - WELL, OF COURSE THEY'RE UNDER-- 389 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,321 - DON'T WORRY, DADDY. I HAVE I.D. 390 00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:00,425 - WE HAVE STRICT RULES ABOUT MINORS AT FRATERNITY PARTIES. 391 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,326 I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ESCORT YOU ALL 392 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,728 OFF THE CAMPUS IMMEDIATELY. 393 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,095 - BUT-- 394 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:07,498 - DON'T MAKE ME USE THE CUFFS, MR. MORGENDORFFER. 395 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,967 - CAN WE KEEP HER? 396 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,903 - YOU CERTAINLY CANNOT. 397 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,804 - THEN CAN WE HAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR? 398 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,838 - YOU SON OF A-- 399 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,873 [bell ringing] 400 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,274 - OKAY, OKAY. 401 00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:22,180 SO, LIKE, LET'S ALL TALK ABOUT OUR COLLEGE EXPERIENCES. 402 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,881 - MY BIG BROTHERS STRIPPED ME NAKED 403 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,183 AND COVERED ME WITH MOLASSES 404 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,151 AND LEFT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD AT NIGHT. 405 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,452 IT WAS AWESOME. 406 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,421 - I HAD A GOOD TIME TOO. 407 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,156 I WALKED INTO THE STUDENT CENTER, 408 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,325 AND THESE KIDS WERE READING POETRY. 409 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,028 THEN THEY LET ME MAKE UP SOME OF MY OWN, 410 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,795 AND THEY WERE REALLY INTERESTED 411 00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:42,166 IN MY FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS AND STUFF. 412 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,235 - HUH, THAT SOUNDS STUPID. 413 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,870 - SHUT UP, NAKED BOY. 414 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,538 - HOW ABOUT YOU? 415 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,873 - I LEARNED ABOUT THE FIRST RING EXEMPTION. 416 00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,009 TURNS OUT, IF YOU MAKE THE STARTING SQUAD, 417 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,577 YOU NEVER HAVE TO TAKE ANY EXAMS. 418 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,246 - ALL RIGHT. 419 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,948 - YEAH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO A GREAT EDUCATION. 420 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,151 MAY I PLEASE HAVE MY MONEY BACK NOW? 421 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,052 - [chuckles] [mumbles] YOU LITTLE... 422 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,356 AND YOU TWO, HOW DID YOU LIKE THE FAMOUS MIDDLETON COLLEGE? 423 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,058 - DARIA GOT US THROWN OUT. 424 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,793 - I GOT US THROWN OUT? 425 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,962 I BEG TO DIFFER, KEG QUEEN. 426 00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,230 - KEG QUEEN? 427 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,998 CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? 428 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,633 - DREAM ON, NAKED BOY. 429 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,368 - WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. 430 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,837 YOU GOT THROWN OUT OF MIDDLETON? 431 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,273 I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU KIDS SOMETIMES. 432 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,942 IN MY DAY, WE HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED RESPECT. 433 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,177 - UH...ARE WE GONNA NEED TO KNOW THIS, 434 00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:29,246 OR IS THIS, LIKE, PERSONAL ADVICE OR SOMETHING? 435 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,881 [bell ringing] 436 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:34,018 - THROWN OUT OF COLLEGE WITHOUT ENROLLING FIRST. 437 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,287 I AM DAMN PROUD OF YOU. 438 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,487 - THANKS. 439 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,123 - HOW'S BUSINESS? 440 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,525 - BOOMING. 441 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,360 I HAVE TWO ECON. PROBLEM SETS AND A PAPER ON KEROUAC 442 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,696 THAT I HAVE TO GET TO THE DELIVERY GUY BY 9:00 P.M., 443 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,599 AND THEN I QUIT. 444 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,168 - BUT YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED. 445 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:52,937 - I ALREADY FEEL BURNED OUT ON COLLEGE, 446 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,472 AND I'M STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. 447 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,776 - HEY, DARIA, COME ON IN. 448 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,379 - UH...WHAT HAPPENED? 449 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,014 - NOTHING, ONLY SOMEBODY IN THIS FAMILY 450 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,384 TURNED OUT TO BE COLLEGE MATERIAL. 451 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:10,388 - QUINN WAS ACCEPTED TO MANATEE COLLEGE IN FLORIDA. 452 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,122 - REMEMBER THOSE STUPID WORKSHEETS 453 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,624 WE HAD TO FILL OUT FOR THAT COURSE? 454 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,725 MINE WON. 455 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,561 - I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, HONEY. 456 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,796 - MANATEE. 457 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,799 IT SOUNDS KIND OF EUROPEAN, DON'T YOU THINK? 458 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,602 - UH...DID YOU GUYS READ THIS LETTER? 459 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:29,139 - YES, AND IT SAYS RIGHT THERE THAT SHE'S IN. 460 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,941 - AND HERE AT THE BOTTOM, IT ALSO SAYS, 461 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,911 "MANATEE COLLEGE HAS NO CLASSES 462 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,946 "BUT OFFERS BEACHFRONT ACCOMMODATIONS 463 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,816 AT A COST OF $10,000 PER SEMESTER." 464 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,051 - THAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT, RIGHT, DAD? 465 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,886 - GIVE ME THAT. 466 00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:44,321 [doorbell rings] 467 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,257 - HI, SIR. 468 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,794 THIS IS SOMETHING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER, DARIA. 469 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,295 SHE WROTE A PAPER FOR ME. 470 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,364 - AND SHE MADE YOU PAY IN CASH. 471 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,498 - YES, SIR. 472 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,333 - GOOD GIRL. - JAKE. 473 00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,336 - HI, MA'AM. REMEMBER ME? 474 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,972 - NO. 475 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,042 - BY THE WAY, DO YOU MIND PAYING FOR THIS? 476 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,343 I'M BROKE. 477 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,279 - WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL YOUR PAPER-WRITING MONEY? 478 00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,281 - MY MOM WOULDN'T LET ME KEEP IT. 479 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,316 SHE SAID IT WAS WRONG TO ENCOURAGE CHEATERS 480 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,618 AND TO PROFIT FROM THEM. 481 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,621 - SO SHE'S GIVING UP BEING A LAWYER? 482 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,990 - I ASKED HER THAT, AND I'M SURE SOMEDAY 483 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,125 WE'LL ONCE AGAIN BE ON SPEAKING TERMS. 484 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,426 - ALL IN ALL THEN, 485 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:24,228 THE WHOLE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE KIND OF SUCKED. 486 00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,596 - PRETTY MUCH. 487 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:29,333 - DOES THAT MEAN THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES? 488 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,068 - I HOPE NOT. 489 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,337 - [screams] 490 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,172 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN DARIA WAS RIGHT 491 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:39,177 ABOUT THAT MAKING OUT SCHOLARSHIP. 492 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,711 - BUT YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT, 493 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,247 THERE ARE SOME PRETTY CHOICE MOMENTS. 494 00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:45,216 - ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 495 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,218 [dissonant rock music] 496 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:54,959 ♪ ♪ 497 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,962 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 498 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,630 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 499 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:04,368 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 500 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,507 ♪ LA, LA, LA ♪ 501 00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:17,448 ♪ ♪ 502 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,952 ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪ 503 00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,620 ♪ ♪