1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:05,704
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
2
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,906
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,309
♪ LA-LA... ♪
4
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,845
- ♪ I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON THE RAILROAD ♪
5
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:16,181
COME ON, GUYS.
WE KNOW THIS ONE.
6
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,549
MMM.
7
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,750
thump!
8
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:19,918
- DADDY!
9
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,786
- IT WAS DEAD ALREADY,
SWEETHEART,
10
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:22,854
JUST LIKE THE OTHERS.
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,022
- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
12
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,257
- YOU DIDN'T HEAR
ANY SCREAMING, DID YOU?
13
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:28,093
- I THINK PEOPLE
WHO RUN OVER ANIMALS
14
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:30,628
SHOULD GET RUN OVER THEMSELVES
TO SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT.
15
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,632
- WHAT ABOUT UNPOPULAR ANIMALS?
16
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,601
- UNPOPULAR ANIMALS DON'T COUNT.
17
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,369
- WHAT ABOUT THE STUPID ONES?
18
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,037
- COME ON, GIRLS.
19
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,273
WE'LL BE AT SUSAN
AND DOUG'S SOON.
20
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,307
- [dryly] HOORAY.
21
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,642
- IT'LL BE FUN.
22
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,043
YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH RAMONA.
23
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,645
- RAMONA'S THREE.
24
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:50,382
- [snorting]
25
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,018
- DARIA, ON THE OTHER HAND,
IS MORE OF A LATE BLOOMER...
26
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,386
SOCIALLY.
27
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,322
AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT, RIGHT, HONEY?
28
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,024
- GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH.
29
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:00,191
GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH.
30
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:04,329
RAMONA.
RAMONA.
31
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,164
GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH.
32
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- [blowing nose]
33
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,802
- EW!
34
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,439
- READ TO ME.
35
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:16,407
- ISN'T SHE DARLING?
36
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,443
AND WHAT IS SHE READING NOW?
37
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,346
- WE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
COLLEGE APPLICATION TIME.
38
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:22,681
[sighs]
39
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:25,784
I MEAN, IT'S SO HARD TO GET
INTO A GOOD SCHOOL NOW.
40
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,852
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING
ABOUT IT?
41
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,396
- ONE MORE TIME, I AM NOT TAKING
A COLLEGE PREP COURSE.
42
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,999
ACTUALLY, I MAY JUST SKIP
COLLEGE AND STAY HOME.
43
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,535
IT'LL SAVE ME THE TROUBLE
OF MOVING BACK IN LATER.
44
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,836
[horn honking]
45
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,106
- WATCH THE ROAD!
46
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,873
DARIA, IF YOU DON'T GET
INTO A DECENT SCHOOL,
47
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,142
YOUR LIFE WILL BE RUINED.
48
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,176
END OF DISCUSSION.
49
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,311
- WAY TO GO, MOM.
50
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,879
SHE CAN'T GET HER WAY
ALL THE TIME.
51
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,149
- ACTUALLY, QUINN, IT WOULDN'T
HURT IF YOU TOOK THE COURSE TOO.
52
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:58,817
- WAIT A MINUTE!
53
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,853
- MAYBE WE CAN SIT TOGETHER.
54
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,825
- TODAY'S ADMISSION STANDARDS
ARE MORE RIGOROUS THAN EVER,
55
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,859
WHICH IS--
56
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:08,994
- CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?
57
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,762
I HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO.
58
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,497
TELEVISION COUNTS AS A PLACE.
59
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,965
- OKAY, OKAY.
60
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,801
TOPIC ONE, TESTING.
61
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,171
YOU HAVE TO KNOW
HOW TO TAKE A TEST,
62
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:22,040
LIKE WHEN YOU GET
A MULTIPLE-CHOICE QUESTION,
63
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,910
YOU CAN USUALLY ELIMINATE
TWO OF THE ANSWERS RIGHT OFF.
64
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:28,881
- EXCUSE ME, SIR,
DOES THAT WORK WITH TRUE-FALSE?
65
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:31,583
- [sighs]
66
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,419
OKAY, THIS IS
AN INFORMATIONAL SHEET
67
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,522
PUSH COMES TO LOVE SENDS AROUND
TO 600 LEADING COLLEGES.
68
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:41,226
IT'S CALLED MY PERSONAL GOALS
AND ASPIRATIONS.
69
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,460
LET'S ALL TALK ABOUT COLLEGE--
70
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:45,363
- PSST, DARIA, WHAT'D YOU GET
FOR NUMBER ONE?
71
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,465
- THE THING ABOUT
WHO I REALLY AM?
72
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,566
- YEAH.
73
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,501
- TRY "CROSS-DRESSER."
74
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,970
- THANKS, MAN.
I OWE YOU ONE.
75
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,338
- THE GOAL OF THE WORKSHEET
IS TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON
76
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,974
WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF COLLEGE.
77
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:59,844
OKAY, WHEN YOU GET
A MULTIPLE-CHOICE...
78
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,847
[funky guitar music]
79
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,883
♪ ♪
80
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:08,420
...TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON
PERSONAL GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS.
81
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:12,357
[funky guitar music]
82
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:17,795
- KEVIN, THANK YOU
FOR MY BEAUTIFUL ROSES.
83
00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,831
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM?
84
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,034
- OH, IT WAS NOTHING.
85
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,902
MY HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND
SENT THEM TO ME.
86
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:27,305
- [laughs]
WHAT A CHILD.
87
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,975
- OKAY, THE GOAL
OF COLLEGE EXPERIENCE...
88
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,009
[cheers and applause]
89
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,210
- OH, BRITTANY.
90
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,114
- ♪ SHE'S GOT A DARK
DREADING LOOK ♪
91
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:40,752
♪ SHE'D NEVER CRACK NO BOOKS ♪
92
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,622
- BRITTANY, YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL
I EVER LOVED!
93
00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:46,791
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
94
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,727
[cheers and applause]
95
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,171
- THIS IS ALL QUITE AMAZING.
96
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:03,308
HOW COULD YOU AFFORD
SUCH A SPACE IN NEW YORK?
97
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,378
- I USED THE MONEY MY PARENTS
SAVED FOR COLLEGE.
98
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:10,515
- BRILLIANT,
JUST LIKE YOUR ART.
99
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,252
- IT'S CALLED
FOCUS ON HOW TO TAKE A TEST...
100
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,787
[knocks on door]
101
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,890
- HEY, THIS MUST BE
THE NEW ROOMMATE.
102
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:19,991
GUYS!
103
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,094
- EXCELLENT, THE NEW ROOMMATE.
104
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,129
- HOWDY, ROOMIE.
105
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,230
- HI.
106
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:29,567
- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
BEST MAN WINS.
107
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:32,904
[all grunting and yelling]
108
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:38,509
- LIKE, TWO OF THE ANSWERS
ARE MORE RIGOROUS THAN EVER...
109
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:41,880
- DARIA, I KNOW IT'S ONLY
THE FIRST WEEK OF FRESHMAN YEAR,
110
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,348
BUT I WONDER IF YOU'D CONSIDER
111
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,416
TRANSFERRING
TO THE GRADUATE SCHOOL.
112
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,486
- I'M NOT REALLY SURE I WANT
TO BE A PROFESSIONAL STUDENT.
113
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:50,455
- BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO STUDY.
114
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,890
I WANT YOU TO TEACH.
115
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:52,924
- WELL--
116
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,625
- NOT HERE, OF COURSE.
117
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,594
ON OUR PARIS CAMPUS.
118
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,363
- OH, OKAY.
119
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,630
- SUPERB.
120
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,466
NOW I CAN USE YOUR DORM ROOM
TO CARRY ON AFFAIRS
121
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,601
WITH SOME OF THE MORE
BEAUTIFUL UNDERGRADUATES.
122
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,237
THANK YOU.
123
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:09,107
- HOW COME EVEN IN MY FANTASIES
EVERYONE'S A JERK?
124
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,410
THEN WE FILLED OUT
THIS WORKSHEET,
125
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,546
AND THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH IT.
126
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,516
MONEY WELL SPENT,
SINCE IT WASN'T MY MONEY.
127
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,551
- YOU LEFT OUT THE BEST PART.
128
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,253
- GETTING A DATE
WITH THE INSTRUCTOR
129
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,321
IS ONLY THE BEST PART TO YOU.
130
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,223
- IT'S NOT A DATE.
131
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,959
WE'RE MEETING TO DISCUSS
SCHOLARSHIP OPTIONS.
132
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,060
- SCHOLARSHIP?
133
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,163
WAY TO GO, SWEETIE.
134
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,799
- THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS A MAKING OUT SCHOLARSHIP.
135
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,003
- UH, EXCUSE ME, BUT I THINK
HE WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN YOU.
136
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,706
ANYWAY, THE BEST PART,
I MEANT, WAS THE TRIP.
137
00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:42,974
- WHAT TRIP?
138
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:46,210
- WE HAVE TO VISIT A COLLEGE
OF OUR CHOOSING.
139
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,947
- GREAT.
WE'LL GO TO MIDDLETON.
140
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,682
- WE'LL ALL HEAD UP TO THE OLD
ALMA MATER THIS WEEKEND.
141
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:55,186
- WAIT, WE GET TO PICK
THE COLLEGE,
142
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,721
AND NO ONE SAID YOU COULD COME.
143
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,990
- BUT, QUINN, YOUR FATHER AND I
WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU KIDS
144
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,358
FOLLOWED IN OUR FOOTSTEPS.
145
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,960
- WE'RE WALKING?
146
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,928
UGH!
147
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,099
- MAYBE WE SHOULD VISIT
YOUR OLD NURSERY SCHOOL FIRST.
148
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,737
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
149
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,506
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
150
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,314
- GOSH, THE OLD PLACE
HAS HARDLY CHANGED A BIT.
151
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,416
HEY, HEY, MY MAN.
152
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,052
TOSS ME THAT DISC, DUDE.
153
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,253
- GET A LIFE!
154
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,287
- YEAH, RIGHT, OLD MAN.
155
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:30,322
- COOL, WHATEVER.
156
00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:31,823
MAYBE NEXT TIME.
157
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,059
COLLEGE PUNKS.
158
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,427
- HI, ARE YOU
THE MORGENDORFFERS?
159
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,996
I'M YOUR TOUR GUIDE, HEATHER.
160
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,198
WELCOME TO MIDDLETON.
161
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,432
- HEY, HEATHER.
162
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,034
WASSUP?
163
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:46,237
- UH...SHALL WE GET STARTED?
164
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,908
THESE BUILDINGS DATE
FROM WHEN MIDDLETON
165
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,110
WAS A COLONIAL
RELIGIOUS COLLEGE.
166
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,579
BACK THEN,
THE ALL-MALE STUDENT BODY
167
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,881
ATTENDED CHAPEL TWICE A DAY
168
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:59,784
AND ENDURED WHIPPINGS AS
PUNISHMENT FOR IMPURE THOUGHTS.
169
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,520
- WHAT A BUNCH OF STIFFS
THEY MUST HAVE BEEN, EH, GIRLS?
170
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,555
splat!
171
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,623
[laughter]
172
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,891
DAMN IT!
I'LL KILL YOU COLLEGE SCUM!
173
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,527
- BUT MIDDLETON'S
TIME-HONORED TRADITION
174
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:12,230
OF TOMFOOLERY CONTINUES.
175
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,299
- JAKE, HONEY,
DIDN'T THAT BALLOON
176
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,268
JUST COME OUT
OF YOUR OLD DORM WINDOW?
177
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,435
- WHAT?
178
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,003
HEY, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
179
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,805
COME ON, LET'S GO TAKE A LOOK
AT THE OLD CELL.
180
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,874
WE GOT TIME
BEFORE WE GO SEE THE BURSAR.
181
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,442
GIRLS.
182
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,845
- I'M SURE WE'D ONLY
GET IN THE WAY.
183
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,481
- OKAY, NEXT IS
THE OLD BELL TOWER
184
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,716
IN THE CENTER OF CAMPUS,
185
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,417
THE HISTORICAL MEETING PLACE
OF THE--
186
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:35,519
- THAT SOUNDS
REALLY INTERESTING.
187
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,656
WHICH HISTORIC STREET
ARE ALL THE FRATERNITIES ON?
188
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,226
- MY SISTER WANTS TO STUDY
GROUP PSYCHOLOGY.
189
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:42,994
- RIGHT.
190
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:51,403
- AT LAST, COLLEGE.
191
00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,003
- AREN'T YOU A THETA PLEDGE?
192
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,206
- WELL, UH...YES.
193
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,774
YES, I AM.
194
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,309
- THEN YOU'D BETTER
GET OVER THERE
195
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,844
AND HELP CLEAN THE HOUSE STEPS,
196
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,547
OR THE COUNCIL OF ANCIENTS
WILL GIVE YOU A NOODLE WHIPPING
197
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,648
YOU WON'T SOON FORGET.
198
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,082
- A WHIPPING.
199
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:07,485
IT'S NICE THAT THEY KEEP
SOME OF THE OLD TRADITIONS.
200
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,087
- YES, MA'AM.
201
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:12,457
I WAS JUST DIRECTING THESE GIRLS
TO THE HAIR AND NAIL SALON.
202
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,225
YOU KNOW, COMMUNITY SERVICE.
203
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,661
- YOU'RE EXCUSED,
BUT MAKE IT QUICK.
204
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,129
DO YOU HAVE YOUR SCRUB BRUSH?
205
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,798
- NO, MA'AM.
206
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,902
- GOOD LUCK, PLEDGE.
207
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,971
- QUINN, YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
208
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:30,208
- LISTEN, DARIA,
I DON'T STOP YOU FROM READING.
209
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:34,746
DON'T STOP ME FROM THIS.
210
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,147
- SHE'S GOD'S PROBLEM NOW, KID.
211
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,215
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
212
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,917
THIS PLACE GIVES ME THE CREEPS.
213
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,019
[aggressive heavy metal music]
214
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:45,590
- WELL, IT SMELLS
LIKE YOUR OLD ROOM.
215
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,491
- HEY, GUYS,
WHAT'S GOING DOWN?
216
00:08:47,493 --> 00:08:50,227
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY CRIB
217
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,462
WHEN I WENT HERE.
218
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:55,934
IT'S "CRIB" NOW, RIGHT?
219
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,802
[laughs]
220
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,971
WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
A QUICK LOOK-SEE, 'KAY?
221
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,572
OKAY.
222
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,776
[keyboard clacking]
223
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,745
- HOW REFRESHING TO SEE
SOMEONE DOING SCHOOLWORK.
224
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,514
- ACTUALLY, I'M SENDING
AN EROTIC LETTER
225
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,816
TO A FEMALE INMATE
I MET ON THE INTERNET.
226
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:14,451
I THINK SHE'S FEMALE.
227
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,489
- REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO WALK
THROUGH THE COURTYARD?
228
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,958
YOU AND ALL THE OTHER GUYS
WOULD LEAN OUT THE WINDOW
229
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,026
AND SHOUT OBSCENE COMMENTS.
230
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,194
[laughs]
231
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:27,465
COLLEGE MEN...ANIMALS.
232
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,435
QUINN!
233
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,936
- DON'T WORRY, MEN.
234
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,606
SITUATION UNDER CONTROL.
235
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,107
HEY, CAN ANY OF YOU DUDES
TELL ME
236
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,077
HOW TO GET
TO THE BURSAR'S OFFICE?
237
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,046
OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
I'LL FIND IT MYSELF.
238
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,485
- SO THIS IS COLLEGE?
239
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,820
- PRETTY MUCH.
240
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,322
THERE'S ALSO THE PART
ABOUT WORKING A STUPID JOB
241
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,090
AND BEGGING YOUR PARENTS
FOR MONEY.
242
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,027
- HEATHER?
243
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,162
- MY PSYCH TERM PAPER.
244
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,664
FINALLY.
245
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:04,736
NOBODY RESPECTS DEADLINES
ANYMORE.
246
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:08,006
- UH, YOU PAID SOMEBODY
TO WRITE THIS FOR YOU?
247
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,473
- IT WAS A COLLABORATION.
248
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,475
MY PART WAS TO SAY
HOW LONG IT SHOULD BE
249
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,344
AND WHEN IT WAS DUE.
250
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,613
- BUT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH
DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
251
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,849
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THIS?
252
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,350
- 50 BUCKS.
253
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,152
- I CAN FIX THIS FOR YOU
FOR 10 BUCKS.
254
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,921
- REALLY? GREAT.
255
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:27,125
- WOW, YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR?
256
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,494
- HOW ABOUT
RENAISSANCE PAINTING?
257
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:32,697
- WHAT I DON'T KNOW I CAN FAKE,
BUT CASH ONLY.
258
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:35,634
I DON'T TAKE CHECKS
FROM COLLEGE STUDENTS.
259
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,802
- HER NAME'S QUINN,
260
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,705
AND SHE LOOKS,
WELL, A LOT LIKE ME.
261
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,373
SOME PEOPLE SAY SISTERS EVEN.
262
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:47,178
OF COURSE, I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER,
TOO YOUNG, REALLY.
263
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,913
HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?
264
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,882
- I DON'T REALLY--UM, I--
265
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:54,886
- 43--THAT IS,
IN FIVE YEARS, I'LL BE 43.
266
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:58,656
SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY I WAS
PARTYING WITH THE BEST OF THEM.
267
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,526
I WAS PRETTY WILD.
268
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:04,662
STILL AM, WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT,
BUT YOU'RE A COLLEGE MAN.
269
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,064
YOU PROBABLY KNOW
ALL ABOUT THAT.
270
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,999
- UM, I'M JUST A FRESHMAN,
AND I--
271
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,467
WELL, WE'RE NOT
REALLY SUPPOSED TO.
272
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,868
I GET HEADACHES SOMETIMES,
273
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,937
'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, ALLERGIC
TO THINGS, AND I, LIKE--
274
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,972
I SORT OF HAVE TO GO NOW.
BYE.
275
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,507
- WELL, IF YOU SEE HER,
276
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,410
JUST TELL HER
I'M LOOKING FOR HER.
277
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,913
COLLEGE PUNK.
278
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:26,117
- I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT
WHAT ALL THIS IS PAYING FOR.
279
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,220
- I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS,
MR. MORGENDORFFER.
280
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:34,926
MANY OF OUR PARENTS EXPERIENCE
SIMILAR STICKER SHOCK, IF I MAY.
281
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:39,230
THAT'S WHY I REFER A LOT OF
OUR PARENTS TO THIS INSTITUTION.
282
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,865
IT'S NOT A BANK
283
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,002
BUT A FAMILY BUSINESS
THAT UNDERSTANDS FAMILIES.
284
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,104
THEY CAN SET YOU UP
WITH A CASH LOAN
285
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,972
ON VERY AGREEABLE TERMS.
286
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,074
- WHAT'S THIS ADDRESS?
287
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,943
- IT'S A CANDY STORE.
288
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,778
THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS.
289
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,714
THEY SELL CANDY...
AND MAKE LOANS--
290
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,683
OH, AND HAUL TRASH.
291
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,619
THEY GOT A VARIETY OF INTERESTS,
ACTUALLY.
292
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:04,255
YOU PLAY THE PONIES, JAKE?
293
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,258
[dissonant rock music]
294
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:11,229
♪ ♪
295
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:18,002
- OKAY, LOOK, I'M NOT GOING
TO REWRITE THIS PAPER FOR YOU,
296
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,271
BUT I WILL GIVE YOU
A COUPLE OF TIPS
297
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,973
THAT WILL HELP YOU REWRITE IT.
298
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,942
FIRST, THE BOOK TITLE,
SONS AND LOVERS,
299
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,946
DOES NOT HAVE AN APOSTROPHE
IN IT ANYWHERE.
300
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,415
SECOND,
UNLESS YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND
301
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,450
IS AN AUTHORITY
ON D.H. LAWRENCE,
302
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:35,420
DON'T BASE YOUR THESIS
ON SOMETHING HE SAID
303
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,554
WHILE MAKING OUT.
304
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:37,788
- MMM.
305
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,825
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING HE SAID
WHEN WE BROKE UP?
306
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,727
- NO.
- MMM.
307
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,362
OKAY, THANKS.
308
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:48,065
- THANK YOU, AND GOOD LUCK
WITH THE DOCTORATE.
309
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,368
- YOU SEEM PRETTY COMFORTABLE
WITH THE BRAIN-DEAD,
310
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,770
SO LET'S GO TO A PARTY.
311
00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,711
[staplers clanking]
312
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,517
- EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, COULD I
TROUBLE YOU FOR YOUR UNDERWEAR?
313
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,651
- SAY WHAT?
314
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,354
- YOUR PANTIES,
MAY I HAVE THEM?
315
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,222
- WHY, YOU LITTLE BASTARD.
316
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,423
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
317
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,859
HOLD ON HERE.
ARE YOU IN A FRATERNITY?
318
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,126
- YES, MA'AM.
319
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,731
SIGMA STIGMATA,
AKA, SIGMA YOUR MAMA.
320
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,332
[laughs]
321
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,867
- THIS IS A PRANK, ISN'T IT?
322
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,035
- SORT OF, MA'AM.
323
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,270
SEE, IT'S A STIGMATA TRADITION
324
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:29,640
TO FLY A MIDDLETON WOMAN'S
PANTIES FROM OUR FLAGPOLE.
325
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,142
- YOU GUYS.
326
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,977
- BUT SINCE THE HOUSE
MOVED OFF CAMPUS,
327
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,779
WE'VE FOUND
THAT STUDENT PANTIES
328
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,847
AREN'T BIG ENOUGH TO BE SEEN
FROM THE QUAD.
329
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:39,049
I'VE BEEN OBSERVING YOU, MA'AM.
330
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,586
I THINK YOUR UNDERWEAR
JUST MIGHT DO THE TRICK.
331
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,588
- "DO THE TRICK"?
332
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:46,057
I'LL DO THE TRICK TO YOU,
YOU LITTLE TWERP,
333
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,227
AND YOUR BROTHERS TOO,
FRAT GEEK.
334
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:52,630
- HELEN, HELEN, TERRIBLE NEWS.
335
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,098
- OH, MY GOD, THE GIRLS.
336
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,466
- NO, NO.
- WHAT'S HAPPENED?
337
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,102
- [panting] TUITION,
CRIPPLING EXPENSE.
338
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:02,173
MAYBE WE CAN JUST SEND
ONE OF THEM TO COLLEGE.
339
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:05,944
QUINN--GO TO BEAUTY SCHOOL.
340
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,845
- JAKE, GET A GRIP.
341
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,981
RIGHT NOW, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE THEY ARE.
342
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,115
- RIGHT.
343
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,085
THEN LET'S GO--CAMPUS POLICE.
344
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,152
- THE FUZZ?
345
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:17,555
- WE'RE PARENTS NOW.
346
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,390
POLICE GOOD.
347
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,459
MISSING DAUGHTERS BAD.
348
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,260
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
349
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:26,830
THOSE POOR KIDS ARE PROBABLY
SCARED TO DEATH.
350
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:29,833
[funky dance music]
351
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:33,070
- OKAY, LOOK, I CAN'T PLAY
THE GAME FOR YOU,
352
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:36,840
BUT I WILL GIVE YOU A COUPLE
OF TIPS SO YOU CAN PLAY.
353
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,743
AS YOU GO AROUND COUNTING OFF,
354
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,944
FOR EVERY NUMBER
THAT HAS A THREE IN IT
355
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:43,814
OR IS A MULTIPLE OF THREE,
YOU SAY "ZOOM."
356
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,850
EVERY MULTIPLE OF SEVEN
OR NUMBER WITH A SEVEN IN IT,
357
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,252
YOU SAY "SCHWARTZ."
358
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,154
- CAN'T WE JUST PLAY THE ONE
WITH THE QUARTER?
359
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:54,792
- BUT YOU LOOK SO CUTE
WHEN YOU SAY FUNNY WORDS.
360
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:58,162
BESIDES, SHOULDN'T YOU BE SAVING
YOUR QUARTERS FOR TAKING US OUT?
361
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,998
- ONE.
362
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,398
- TWO.
363
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,433
- ZOOM.
364
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,101
- GOOD.
365
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,638
- [together] KEG QUEEN.
366
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,307
KEG QUEEN.
KEG QUEEN.
367
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:12,143
- AH, THEY'VE CHOSEN
THE KEG QUEEN.
368
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,646
IT'S A HUGE HONOR.
369
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:17,649
SHE GETS TO DRIVE THE KEGS
TO AND FROM THE DISTRIBUTOR.
370
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:18,683
[sirens blaring]
371
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,717
- WAIT A MINUTE.
372
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:20,952
THAT'S NO QUEEN.
373
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,353
THAT'S MY SISTER,
374
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,588
AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE
A LEARNER'S PERMIT.
375
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,963
- QUINN, WHAT DID THEY
DO TO YOU?
376
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,231
- THEY MADE ME THEIR QUEEN.
377
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,800
ISN'T IT GREAT?
378
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,169
- I THINK NOW WOULD BE
A GOOD TIME TO TEACH QUINN
379
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,004
A LESSON ABOUT
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
380
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,372
- YOUNG LADY,
AS THE ELDER SISTER,
381
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,841
I HOLD YOU PARTIALLY TO BLAME.
382
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,177
- BUT I STAYED
WITH THE TOUR GUIDE.
383
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,478
- HI.
384
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,381
- ARE THESE YOUR DAUGHTERS,
MR. MORGENDORFFER?
385
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,449
- YES, OFFICER.
386
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,616
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.
387
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,018
- THEY APPEAR TO BE
UNDERAGE, SIR.
388
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,386
- WELL, OF COURSE
THEY'RE UNDER--
389
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,321
- DON'T WORRY, DADDY.
I HAVE I.D.
390
00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:00,425
- WE HAVE STRICT RULES ABOUT
MINORS AT FRATERNITY PARTIES.
391
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,326
I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO ESCORT YOU ALL
392
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,728
OFF THE CAMPUS IMMEDIATELY.
393
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,095
- BUT--
394
00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:07,498
- DON'T MAKE ME USE THE CUFFS,
MR. MORGENDORFFER.
395
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,967
- CAN WE KEEP HER?
396
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,903
- YOU CERTAINLY CANNOT.
397
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,804
- THEN CAN WE HAVE
YOUR UNDERWEAR?
398
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,838
- YOU SON OF A--
399
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,873
[bell ringing]
400
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,274
- OKAY, OKAY.
401
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:22,180
SO, LIKE, LET'S ALL TALK ABOUT
OUR COLLEGE EXPERIENCES.
402
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,881
- MY BIG BROTHERS
STRIPPED ME NAKED
403
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,183
AND COVERED ME WITH MOLASSES
404
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,151
AND LEFT ME IN THE MIDDLE
OF A FIELD AT NIGHT.
405
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,452
IT WAS AWESOME.
406
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,421
- I HAD A GOOD TIME TOO.
407
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,156
I WALKED
INTO THE STUDENT CENTER,
408
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,325
AND THESE KIDS
WERE READING POETRY.
409
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,028
THEN THEY LET ME MAKE UP
SOME OF MY OWN,
410
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,795
AND THEY WERE
REALLY INTERESTED
411
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:42,166
IN MY FEELINGS
AND THOUGHTS AND STUFF.
412
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,235
- HUH, THAT SOUNDS STUPID.
413
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,870
- SHUT UP, NAKED BOY.
414
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,538
- HOW ABOUT YOU?
415
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,873
- I LEARNED ABOUT
THE FIRST RING EXEMPTION.
416
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,009
TURNS OUT, IF YOU MAKE
THE STARTING SQUAD,
417
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,577
YOU NEVER HAVE TO TAKE
ANY EXAMS.
418
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,246
- ALL RIGHT.
419
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,948
- YEAH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO A GREAT EDUCATION.
420
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,151
MAY I PLEASE HAVE
MY MONEY BACK NOW?
421
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,052
- [chuckles]
[mumbles] YOU LITTLE...
422
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,356
AND YOU TWO, HOW DID YOU LIKE
THE FAMOUS MIDDLETON COLLEGE?
423
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,058
- DARIA GOT US THROWN OUT.
424
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,793
- I GOT US THROWN OUT?
425
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,962
I BEG TO DIFFER, KEG QUEEN.
426
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,230
- KEG QUEEN?
427
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,998
CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
428
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,633
- DREAM ON, NAKED BOY.
429
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,368
- WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.
430
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,837
YOU GOT THROWN OUT
OF MIDDLETON?
431
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,273
I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND
YOU KIDS SOMETIMES.
432
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,942
IN MY DAY, WE HAD A LITTLE
SOMETHING CALLED RESPECT.
433
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,177
- UH...ARE WE GONNA NEED
TO KNOW THIS,
434
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:29,246
OR IS THIS, LIKE,
PERSONAL ADVICE OR SOMETHING?
435
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,881
[bell ringing]
436
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:34,018
- THROWN OUT OF COLLEGE
WITHOUT ENROLLING FIRST.
437
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,287
I AM DAMN PROUD OF YOU.
438
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,487
- THANKS.
439
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,123
- HOW'S BUSINESS?
440
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,525
- BOOMING.
441
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,360
I HAVE TWO ECON. PROBLEM SETS
AND A PAPER ON KEROUAC
442
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,696
THAT I HAVE TO GET TO
THE DELIVERY GUY BY 9:00 P.M.,
443
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,599
AND THEN I QUIT.
444
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,168
- BUT YOU'RE JUST
GETTING STARTED.
445
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:52,937
- I ALREADY FEEL BURNED OUT
ON COLLEGE,
446
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,472
AND I'M STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL.
447
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,776
- HEY, DARIA, COME ON IN.
448
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,379
- UH...WHAT HAPPENED?
449
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,014
- NOTHING, ONLY SOMEBODY
IN THIS FAMILY
450
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,384
TURNED OUT TO BE
COLLEGE MATERIAL.
451
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:10,388
- QUINN WAS ACCEPTED
TO MANATEE COLLEGE IN FLORIDA.
452
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,122
- REMEMBER
THOSE STUPID WORKSHEETS
453
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,624
WE HAD TO FILL OUT
FOR THAT COURSE?
454
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,725
MINE WON.
455
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,561
- I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, HONEY.
456
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,796
- MANATEE.
457
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,799
IT SOUNDS KIND OF EUROPEAN,
DON'T YOU THINK?
458
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,602
- UH...DID YOU GUYS READ
THIS LETTER?
459
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:29,139
- YES, AND IT SAYS RIGHT THERE
THAT SHE'S IN.
460
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,941
- AND HERE AT THE BOTTOM,
IT ALSO SAYS,
461
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,911
"MANATEE COLLEGE
HAS NO CLASSES
462
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,946
"BUT OFFERS
BEACHFRONT ACCOMMODATIONS
463
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,816
AT A COST OF $10,000
PER SEMESTER."
464
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,051
- THAT'S EVEN BETTER
THAN WE THOUGHT, RIGHT, DAD?
465
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,886
- GIVE ME THAT.
466
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:44,321
[doorbell rings]
467
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,257
- HI, SIR.
468
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,794
THIS IS SOMETHING
FOR YOUR DAUGHTER, DARIA.
469
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,295
SHE WROTE A PAPER FOR ME.
470
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,364
- AND SHE MADE YOU PAY IN CASH.
471
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,498
- YES, SIR.
472
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,333
- GOOD GIRL.
- JAKE.
473
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,336
- HI, MA'AM.
REMEMBER ME?
474
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,972
- NO.
475
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,042
- BY THE WAY, DO YOU MIND
PAYING FOR THIS?
476
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,343
I'M BROKE.
477
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,279
- WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL
YOUR PAPER-WRITING MONEY?
478
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,281
- MY MOM WOULDN'T LET ME
KEEP IT.
479
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,316
SHE SAID IT WAS WRONG
TO ENCOURAGE CHEATERS
480
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,618
AND TO PROFIT FROM THEM.
481
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,621
- SO SHE'S GIVING UP
BEING A LAWYER?
482
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,990
- I ASKED HER THAT,
AND I'M SURE SOMEDAY
483
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,125
WE'LL ONCE AGAIN BE
ON SPEAKING TERMS.
484
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,426
- ALL IN ALL THEN,
485
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:24,228
THE WHOLE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE
KIND OF SUCKED.
486
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,596
- PRETTY MUCH.
487
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:29,333
- DOES THAT MEAN THESE ARE
THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES?
488
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,068
- I HOPE NOT.
489
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,337
- [screams]
490
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,172
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
DARIA WAS RIGHT
491
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:39,177
ABOUT THAT MAKING OUT
SCHOLARSHIP.
492
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,711
- BUT YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
493
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,247
THERE ARE SOME
PRETTY CHOICE MOMENTS.
494
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:45,216
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
495
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,218
[dissonant rock music]
496
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:54,959
♪ ♪
497
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,962
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
498
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,630
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
499
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:04,368
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
500
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,507
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
501
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:17,448
♪ ♪
502
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,952
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
503
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,620
♪ ♪