[glass shattering]
[alarm ringing]
[sirens blaring]
- COME ON, MACK DADDY.
I'LL GET THE COACH TO WRITE US A NOTE,
SAY WE NEED EXTRA TIME ON THE FREE WEIGHTS.
- DON'T CALL ME THAT, OKAY?
AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA EXCUSE YOU FROM ENGLISH
FOR WEIGHT TRAINING.
- I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS SHAKESPEARE DUDE, BRO.
HE'S, LIKE, A TOTAL CHICK WRITER.
- HI, MACK.
HI, ROMEO.
- SEE?
- MAYBE WE'LL START HAMLET TODAY.
THAT HAS A SKULL IN IT.
- REALLY?
- EXCUSE ME.
- DARIA, YOU'RE A CHICK, RIGHT?
- WHY?
YOU HAVE A BIOLOGY TEST TODAY?
- LIKE, WHY SHOULD I BE INTERESTED
IN ANYTHING THIS SHAKESPEARE GUY SAYS?
- YOU?
WELL...
HAMLET HAS A SKULL IN IT.
[bell rings]
- CLASS, I THOUGHT TODAY WE'D TAKE A BREAK
FROM THE TRAGEDY OF ROMEO AND JULIET
TO DISCUSS THE REAL-LIFE TRAGEDY
THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT HERE IN LAWNDALE.
LET'S SHARE OUR FEELINGS OF VIOLATION
FOLLOWING THE LOSS OF OUR BELOVED CYBER CAFE,
ALT.LAWNDALE.COM.
WHO WOULD LIKE TO START?
CHARLES?
CHARLES, DID YOU HEAR ME?
- YOU MEAN KEVIN?
- KEVIN, I'M SORRY.
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S HORRIBLE EVENT?
- I WAS HOME ALL NIGHT.
YOU CAN ASK MY PARENTS.
BESIDES, I ALREADY HAVE A COMPUTER.
- NO, KEVIN.
I MEAN, HOW DID THE THEFT MAKE YOU FEEL?
- UM...SAD?
- ARE YOU ASKING ME OR TELLING ME?
- ANGRY?
- HMM.
JODIE, HOW ABOUT YOU?
- I THINK THE CYBER CAFE
SERVED ONE VERY PARTICULAR SEGMENT
OF THE COMMUNITY,
BUT IT STILL PISSES ME OFF
WHEN PEOPLE TAKE WHAT ISN'T THEIRS.
- THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
- THANK YOU, KEVIN.
- JODIE, ABOUT THAT WORD "COMMUNITY,"
ISN'T THAT THE WHOLE IDEA OF A CYBER CAFE,
TO JACK US IN TO THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY?
I THINK WHAT'S MOST DISTURBING ABOUT THIS CRIME
IS THE SYMBOLISM INVOLVED.
DON'T YOU AGREE, JANE?
- NO.
- SUDDENLY, WE'RE CUT OFF.
WE CAN'T HAIL OUR FRIENDS ACROSS THE GLOBE AND SAY,
"IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE CYBER-HOOD."
THEY DIDN'T JUST TAKE A FEW COMPUTERS.
THEY TOOK THE SYMBOL OF OUR VIRTUAL COMMUNITY.
TO VISIT ALT.LAWNDALE.COM WAS TO COME TOGETHER WITH THE PLANET.
- OH, COME ON.
- YES?
- "COME TOGETHER WITH THE PLANET"?
BY STARING AT A SCREEN FOR HOURS,
SITTING IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE YOU NEVER SAY A WORD TO?
- HMM, INTERESTING POINT, DORIAN.
- DARIA.
- UGH. DAMN SPIDERS.
DARIA, YOU BELIEVE THAT WHILE CONNECTING LAWNDALE CITIZENS
TO OUR GLOBAL NEIGHBORS,
THE CAFE WAS ALIENATING US FROM EACH OTHER.
- I'M SAYING, IF YOU REALLY MISS THE PLACE,
PUT A MR. COFFEE IN THE COMPUTER LAB.
- SO IN YOUR OPINION,
WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS A RETURN
TO THE TRADITIONAL COFFEEHOUSE OF YORE,
WHERE YOU'D WATCH SOME PERFORMERS
AND SHARE A CUP WITH YOUR FRIENDS FACE-TO-FACE.
- YOU'RE A VISIONARY.
- RIGHT HERE AND NOW,
LET'S PLEDGE TO MAKE DARIA'S DREAM A REALITY.
- YOU MEAN, THE ONE WHERE PEOPLE WALKING DOWN THE STREET
BURST INTO FLAMES?
- THE COFFEEHOUSE.
WE'LL PLAN IT, LOCATE IT, RAISE THE MONEY, AND OPEN IT.
- WOULD THAT QUALIFY AS AN EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY?
- OF COURSE.
- THEN I'D LIKE TO REGISTER AS A CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR.
- HI.
GOT TO CHANGE. DINNER MEETING.
- DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
- MM, DEPENDS ON YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
- HI. NO DINNER FOR ME.
EMERGENCY MEETING OF THE FASHION CLUB.
- I'LL MAKE UP A NICE PLATE FOR YOU
AND COVER IT WITH CLING-WRAP.
- THAT WAS QUINN.
- YES, BUT YOU STILL HAVEN'T IDENTIFIED
OUR FIRST MYSTERY GUEST.
- DAMN IT.
I JUST CALLED ERIC FOR DIRECTIONS,
AND HE SAID THE MEETING'S CANCELLED.
WELL, THAT GIVES US THE CHANCE FOR A FAMILY DINNER.
- I'LL THROW ANOTHER STEAK ON THE GRILL.
- LATER.
- WHERE'S SHE GOING?
- CRISIS AT THE FASHION CLUB.
SOMEONE WOKE UP WITH FROSTED HAIR.
- YOU KNOW, DARIA,
IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO GET INVOLVED
IN SOME AFTER-SCHOOL PROJECTS ONCE IN A WHILE.
- CAN'T TALK NOW.
I'M CHAIRING A MEETING OF THE RESTING QUIETLY CLUB.
- I'M SERIOUS.
WHEN YOU APPLY TO COLLEGE,
THEY'RE GOING TO BE LOOKING FOR THAT KIND OF THING, RIGHT, JAKE?
- MM.
- THEY'RE GOING TO BE LOOKING TO SEE
WHETHER I CAN PAY FOR SCHOOL.
THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO TALK ABOUT SETTING UP A TRUST.
- JAKE, TELL HER.
TELL HER!
- YES, WHAT?
- ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES
FOR GETTING INTO COLLEGE.
- NO, WELL, THESE DAYS,
IT'S MORE ABOUT WHETHER YOU CAN PAY.
- YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME.
- HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT A LIVING WILL, DAD?
- YOU THINK I NEED ONE?
- JUST THINK ABOUT IT, DARIA.
THAT'S ALL I ASK.
- FAIR ENOUGH.
- BECAUSE, OTHERWISE,
WE MIGHT HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR IT OVER THE SUMMER,
SEND YOU TO MUSIC CAMP.
- YOU WOULDN'T.
- WHAT A GREAT IDEA.
HOW COME YOU DON'T EVER PLAY YOUR FLUTE ANYMORE, DARIA?
- BECAUSE YOU RAN OVER IT WHEN I WAS IN FIFTH GRADE,
WHICH WAS TWO YEARS AFTER I QUIT PLAYING ANYWAY,
WHICH IS WHY I'D HAVE TO INTERPRET MUSIC CAMP
AS PUNISHMENT FOR DOING SOMETHING VERY, VERY WRONG.
- NONSENSE.
IT WOULD JUST BE AN EASY WAY
OF GETTING SOME EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY
ON YOUR COLLEGE APPLICATIONS
IF YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO COME UP WITH ANY ON YOUR OWN.
- YOU'RE GOOD.
WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT, YOU'RE VERY, VERY GOOD.
- SURE, SHE IS.
- YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING TO GET INVOLVED WITH.
IT'LL BE FUN.
- WHERE'S QUINN?
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- OH.
- IT'S DARIA.
- HI, DARIA.
WHAT'S UP?
- I WANT TO VOLUNTEER TO WORK ON THE COFFEEHOUSE.
- FANTASTIC.
WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
- DID ANYONE EVER MAKE YOU PRACTICE POP GOES THE WEASEL
ON THE FLUTE EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR?
- UM, NO, BUT I ONCE HAD TO RECITE THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS
WEARING A RAINBOW WIG AND PANTIES THAT SAID "TUESDAY."
WHATEVER MADE ME WANT TO JOIN A FRATERNITY?
[laughs]
ANYWAY, THAT'S GREAT.
I GUESS YOU'LL WANT TO READ ONE OF YOUR ESSAYS.
- NO, I WASN'T ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT PERFORMING.
- MAYBE THAT ONE ABOUT FEELING LIKE A BIG MISFIT
WHOM EVERYBODY HATES.
THE OTHER KIDS'LL REALLY RELATE TO THAT.
I KNOW I DO.
- I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA.
THAT'S THE ONE THAT COMPARES THE SOPHOMORE CLASS
TO BARNYARD ANIMALS.
IT NAMES NAMES.
- OH, YEAH.
- I'M REALLY NOT MUCH OF A PERFORMER.
I'M THINKING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF FUND-RAISING.
- OH...
WELL, WE'RE SELLING MAGAZINES, CDs, AND WRAPPING PAPER.
JUMP IN.
- CAN I GO WITH MY FRIEND JANE?
- SURE.
SHE WANTS TO HELP OUT?
- MM-HMM.
SHE'S A BIG JOINER.
- NO WAY, BABY.
- COME ON.
DO IT FOR FRIENDSHIP.
- I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I WALK ALONE.
- WELL, THEN DO IT FOR SISTERHOOD OR SOMETHING.
- ARE YOU NUTS?
- THEN DO IT FOR THE OPPORTUNITY
TO LOOK INSIDE PEOPLE'S HOUSES
AND FIND OUT WHAT SCREWED-UP TASTE THEY HAVE.
- I'M BRINGING A POLAROID.
- THIS IS FUN.
- YEAH, PEOPLE GET A KICK OUT OF SEEING SOMEONE
FROM THE LAWNDALE LIONS.
- YOU WERE SO SMART TO WEAR YOUR JERSEY, KEVIN.
- AWW.
[doorbell rings]
- HAVE YOU BEEN PRACTICING YOUR LINES FOR THE COFFEEHOUSE?
- AH, THEY GIVE ME A HEADACHE, BABE.
- KEVIN, PLEASE LEARN THEM, OR I MIGHT GET A HEADACHE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL, WELL, KEVIN AND BRITTANY.
WHAT A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE.
- UH, HI.
- YOU'VE COME, NO DOUBT, TO APOLOGIZE
FOR YOUR ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE.
- UH, NO.
- BUT WE ARE SORRY ABOUT, LIKE, OUR GRADES AND STUFF.
- WELL, THEN.
TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE?
- WE'RE RAISING MONEY FOR THE NEW
LAWNDALE YOUNG ADULTS COFFEEHOUSE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME HOLIDAY WRAPPING PAPER?
- WE'VE GOT RELIGIOUS, FESTIVE, AND/OR MONTEL DOMITATIONAL.
- THAT'S NON-DOMINATIONAL, BABE.
- YEAH, NON-DOMINATIONAL.
- WHAT AN ATTRACTIVE OFFER.
TOO BAD THE HOLIDAYS AREN'T FOR MONTHS.
- HOW ABOUT A MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION?
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN A CD OR A CASSETTE CLUB?
20 ALBUMS FOR A PENNY, AND NO OBLIGATION TO BUY, EVER.
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE
FRAGRANT BLOOMING FLOWER SEEDS EVERY MONTH?
- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU BOTH SO ENTERPRISING.
I COULD MAKE A TRITE OBSERVATION
ABOUT WISHING YOU WERE AS ENTERPRISING
TOWARDS YOUR SCHOOLWORK AS YOU ARE IN THIS EFFORT
TO FIND FINANCING FOR A NEW PLACE TO LOAF,
BUT AM I THE SORT OF MAN
WHO ENGAGES IN TRITE OBSERVATIONS, BRITTANY?
- UH...NO?
- EXCELLENT, BRITTANY.
NOW, WHILE YOU'RE ON A ROLL,
AM I THE SORT OF MAN WHO YOU SUPPOSE
BELIEVES IN UNDERWRITING THE INDOLENCE
OF STUDENTS WHO ALREADY DISPLAY THE WORK HABITS OF GARDEN SLUGS?
- UH...I'LL GO WITH NO AGAIN?
- VERY GOOD, BRITTANY.
NOW, KEVIN, GIVEN WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED
FROM BRITTANY'S RAZOR-SHARP OBSERVATIONS,
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE YOU'D LIKE TO SAY
BEFORE DEPARTING FROM MY DOORSTEP
IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE HURRY?
- UH...YOU WANT TO BUY A CHOCOLATE BAR?
- HI, I'M SELLING LONG-DISTANCE PHONE CARDS.
- I JUST USE A CREDIT CARD.
- OH, WELL, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY WITH THE SERVICE?
- UH...IT'S FINE.
- I MEAN, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY?
- I DON'T GET YOU.
WHY SHOULDN'T I BE?
- I MEAN, ARE YOU EVER, LIKE,
REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO TALKING TO SOMEONE,
AND THEN YOU CAN'T HEAR THEM BECAUSE OF CRACKLING AND STATIC?
- NOT--
- I MEAN, I KNOW IF I WERE YOUR FRIEND
AND YOU WERE CALLING ME,
I'D WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU, NOT SOME STATIC.
I MEAN, YOU HAVE A REALLY NICE VOICE.
YOUR FRIENDS SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR IT.
- THEY USUALLY--
- LIKE, PRETEND YOU'RE CALLING ME.
- WHAT?
- REALLY, JUST TRY IT.
MY NAME'S QUINN.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- DANNY.
- SO CALL ME, DANNY.
- HELLO?
UH, QUINN?
- DANNY, IS THAT YOU?
- HI, QUINN.
- SPEAK UP, DANNY.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
- HI, QUINN.
IT'S ME, DANNY.
- I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY.
THE WAY YOUR HAIR FALLS OVER YOUR EYES WHEN YOU LAUGH,
I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.
- REALLY?
- YOU GOT TO SPEAK UP, DANNY.
LISTEN, DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER TONIGHT?
MY FOLKS WENT AWAY FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND.
- YEAH!
I MEAN, SURE, QUINN.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY, DANNY.
I UNDERSTAND.
I'LL SEE IF PETE WANTS TO COME OVER, HMM.
- BUT I SAID-- - BYE.
- WAIT. - CLICK.
SEE WHAT CAN HAPPEN WITH BAD LONG-DISTANCE SERVICE, DANNY?
- WHO'S PETE?
[doorbell rings]
- UH, HI.
I'M SELLING CHOCOLATE BARS FOR THE NEW STUDENT COFFEEHOUSE.
- [breathing heavily] NEW COFFEEHOUSE?
- OUR CYBER CAFE GOT TRASHED.
- WELL, I ENJOY CHOCOLATE.
DOCTOR SAYS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE TOO MUCH OF IT,
BUT HE WOULDN'T MIND IF IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
[breathing heavily]
JUST A SECOND, GIRLS.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, YEAH, JUST--
I WAS IN THE BASEMENT WHEN THE DOORBELL RANG.
NEED TO CATCH MY BREATH A LITTLE.
HOW MANY CHOCOLATE BARS YOU GOT THERE?
- WE'VE GOT ABOUT TWO BOXES.
THAT'S 24.
- TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL TAKE ALL OF 'EM.
- ALL OF 'EM? REALLY?
- YOU SURE THAT'S OKAY WITH YOUR DOCTOR?
- IT'S OKAY AS LONG AS HE DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
DAMN IT, WHERE'S THAT PURSE?
[coughing]
[rock music]
- UH-OH.
- DID SHE HIT HER HEAD?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- DO YOU KNOW CPR OR ANYTHING?
- I ONCE GAVE THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER TO QUINN.
- DID IT WORK?
- SHE WASN'T CHOKING.
- WE SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING NOW.
I'M SURE OF IT.
- YEAH, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
[camera clicking and whirring]
- DAMN HYPOGLYCEMIA.
I'M SORRY, GIRLS. I'M HOLDING UP THE WORKS.
OKAY, NOW, HOW MUCH APIECE ON THOSE CHOCOLATE BARS?
- MA'AM, I'M NOT SURE I CAN SELL YOU ANY CHOCOLATE BARS.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
MY MONEY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
- IT'S NOT THAT; IT'S JUST-- MAYBE IT'S NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
- GIMME THOSE CHOCOLATE BARS.
- THANK YOU FOR YOUR OFFER, THOUGH, MA'AM,
AND FOR CARING ABOUT THE STUDENTS OF LAWNDALE HIGH.
- WE COULD CALL YOUR DOCTOR OR THE HOSPITAL IF YOU LIKE.
OTHERWISE, WE'LL BE GOING.
- I DON'T NEED A DAMN DOCTOR.
I NEED A DAMN CHOCOLATE BAR.
GIMME. I'LL PAY YA FIVE BUCKS APIECE.
- HAVE A NICE DAY, MA'AM.
- I WANT THOSE CHOCOLATE BARS.
I WANT CHOCOLATE, DAMN IT!
- FIVE DOLLARS APIECE.
WE WOULD HAVE MADE OVER 100 BUCKS.
- YEAH, AND ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS TAKE A HUMAN LIFE.
- YOU ALWAYS SEE THE DOWNSIDE, DON'T YOU?
[bell ringing]
- DARIA, JANE.
DARIA, JANE.
- COME IN, MS. MORGENDORFFER, MS. LANE.
SIT DOWN.
THE SCHOOL RECEIVED A PHONE CALL THIS MORNING
FROM A MRS. JOHANSEN.
SHE SAID TWO GIRLS CAME TO HER DOOR
TO SELL HER CHOCOLATE BARS
AND THEN SUDDENLY REFUSED TO DO SO, HMM.
EVEN AFTER SHE OFFERED $5 A BAR
OR MORE THAN TWICE THE ASKING PRICE.
- SHE WAS HYPOGLYCEMIC.
THE CHOCOLATE WOULD HAVE KILLED HER.
- SHE PASSED OUT WHILE WE WERE STANDING THERE.
- DID SHE ASK YOU TO FEED HER THE CHOCOLATE?
- NO.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T FOR HER FAMILY?
- SHE HAS NO FAMILY. SHE ATE THEM.
- DARIA, JEAN, WE'RE $200 SHORT
OF WHAT WE NEED TO OPEN THE COFFEEHOUSE.
- SO YOUR REFUSAL TO SELL CHOCOLATE TO THIS WOMAN
WAS BASED PURELY ON CONCERN FOR HER WELFARE.
- AND NOT WANTING TO DO TIME FOR MANSLAUGHTER.
- YOU HAVE NO OVERALL PROBLEM
WITH RAISING MONEY FOR THE COFFEEHOUSE?
- I BELIEVE IN COFFEE.
COFFEE FOR EVERYONE,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO SELL ANY MORE CHOCOLATE BARS.
IT MAKES ME FEEL DIRTY.
- THE BAD KIND OF DIRTY.
- WELL, I CAN'T FORCE YOU TO DO FUND-RAISING,
BUT I CAN'T GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR PARTICIPATING
IN THE COFFEEHOUSE PROJECT EITHER.
- WAIT, DARIA, WHAT ABOUT WHAT WE DISCUSSED,
READING SOMETHING ON OPENING NIGHT?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- YOU DO WANT THIS EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY,
DON'T YOU?
- ♪ POP GOES THE WEASEL ♪
- FINE.
- FABULOUS.
- ALTHOUGH I STILL DON'T KNOW
WHERE WE'RE GOING TO FIND THAT $200.
WELL, MAYBE THE FRESHMEN VOLUNTEERS
WILL MAKE UP SOME OF IT.
- HI, YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THOSE PHONE CARDS?
- HOW ABOUT THE BLEAKNESS THAT LIES AHEAD?
- TOO SENTIMENTAL.
- NO LIFE, NO HOPE, NO FUTURE.
- TOO PIE-IN-THE-SKY.
- MOMMY'S LITTLE HYPOCRITE.
- TOO MUCH LIKE A CHILDREN'S BOOK.
- I WISH I WERE DEAD.
- THAT SOUNDS PROMISING.
LISTEN, YOU GOT TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING
THEY'LL REALLY APPRECIATE.
PICTURE KEVIN AND BRITTANY DRINKING IN YOUR WORDS
LIKE AN ELIXIR OF KNOWLEDGE, HEADY, POTENT, SEDUCTIVE.
- ARE YOU MARKETING YOUR OWN FRAGRANCE NOW?
I'M GONNA HAVE TO WRITE SOMETHING NEW FOR THE OCCASION.
[screeching guitar music]
- ♪ CAN'T STAND YOUR LIPS ♪
♪ CAN'T STAND YOUR EYES ♪
♪ CAN'T STAND YOUR TEETH ♪
♪ CAN'T STAND YOUR THIGHS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU ♪
DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!
- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.
WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROMEO?
- I'M RIGHT HERE, BABE.
[cheers and catcalls]
- DENY THY FATHER AND REFUSE THY NAME,
OR IF THOU WILT NOT,
BE BUT SWORN MY LOVE,
AND I'LL NO LONGER BE A CAPULET.
- HEY, YO, I'M DOWN HERE.
CHECK IT OUT.
- "CHECK IT OUT"?
YOU PROMISED TO LEARN YOUR LINES.
YOU, YOU CLOWN!
AND WHAT'S THAT SKULL SUPPOSED TO BE?
UGH.
- THE SKULL'S COOL.
- I'M HERE.
BUT WHERE ARE YOU?
SURE, I SEE YOUR BODY.
ANYBODY HOME IN THAT ROTTING BAG OF FLESH?
- SEE?
YOU DON'T WANT TO DO POETRY FOR THIS CROWD.
- YOU THINK IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME TO LEARN JUGGLING?
- YEP.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH, ANDREA.
IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE
TO EXPOSE YOUR RAW EMOTIONS THAT WAY.
NOW, SPEAKING OF RAW EMOTIONS,
IT'S MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE
ONE OF LAWNDALE HIGH'S MOST GIFTED WRITERS,
DARIA MORGENDORFFER.
[scattered applause]
- THANK YOU.
TONIGHT I'D LIKE TO READ A NEW STORY I'VE WRITTEN
TITLED WHERE THE FUTURE TAKES US.
- YOU INSENSITIVE JERK!
[glass shattering]
- OW.
- "AS STUDENTS STANDING AT THE DAWN OF A BRAND-NEW CENTURY,
"WE FACE CERTAIN CHOICES.
"HOW DO WE PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE?
"MELODY POWERS KNEW HOW SHE WAS GOING TO PREPARE.
"AS SHE CHECKED THE FIT ONE MORE TIME
"ON HER TOOL LEATHER SHOULDER HOLSTER,
"SHE THOUGHT ABOUT ALL THE COMMUNISTS
"SHE'D BE TAKING OUT TONIGHT.
"MELODY HARBORED NO ILLUSIONS
"ABOUT UNILATERALLY STEMMING THE RESURGING RED TIDE,
"BUT, SHE REFLECTED WITH A GRIM SMILE,
"WHAT SPECIAL AGENT COULD RESIST THE OPPORTUNITY
TO FILL A FEW BOLSHEVIK CEMETERIES?"
"AS MELODY SUNBATHED ON THE RIO BEACH,
"SHE LOOKED BACK UPON THE PAST FEW DAYS
"WITH A CERTAIN QUIET SATISFACTION.
"TWELVE DEAD RUSSIANS, FIVE DEAD CHINESE,
"THREE OR FOUR DEAD CUBANS.
"'THE WORLD WAS ONCE AGAIN SAFE FOR DEMOCRACY,'
"SHE REFLECTED WHILE WATCHING TONIO'S EXQUISITE CHEST
"RISE AND FALL WITH HIS LIGHT SNORING.
"SAFE FOR DEMOCRACY, OR ALMOST SAFE.
"MELODY BRUSHED SOME ERRANT GRAINS OF SAND OFF HER FINGERS,
"TIED HER TOP BACK ON, AND REACHED INTO HER BEACH BAG.
"TONIO HEARD NOTHING, AND THAT WAS A PITY,
"BECAUSE HE WOULD NEVER HEAR ANYTHING AGAIN.
"'SO LONG, TONIO,' SHE THOUGHT AS SHE CALMLY STOOD UP.
"'I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU
"'IF YOU WEREN'T AS RED AS THE BLOOD STAIN
"NOW SPREADING ACROSS THE SAND.'
"MELODY WALKED CALMLY AWAY TOWARD THE HOTEL.
"THERE'D BE A MESSAGE THERE FROM HQ, NO DOUBT.
SHE HOPED SHE HAD TIME FOR A SHOWER."
- YEAH.
[cheers and applause]
- "CAFE LAWNDALE CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."
ISN'T THAT THE COFFEEHOUSE YOU WERE WORKING FOR?
- YEAH, BUT I ALREADY GOT MY EXTRA CREDIT.
THEY CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY NOW.
- "SCHOOL AUTHORITIES HAVE DECIDED TO CLOSE
"LAWNDALE'S NEW YOUNG ADULT COFFEEHOUSE
"AFTER ITS OPENING NIGHT
"SOMEHOW TURNED INTO AN ANTICOMMUNIST RALLY.
"'SOME UNSCHEDULED PROPAGANDIZING WENT ON,
"AND THE STUDENTS REACTED A LITTLE TOO FAVORABLY,'
"EXPLAINED COFFEEHOUSE DIRECTOR TIMOTHY O'NEAL,
A TEACHER AT LAWNDALE HIGH."
- BREAKFAST MEETING AT THE ROYALTON.
- BUT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TASTED MY SOUFFLE.
- "FOLLOWING A READING OF SOME RIGHT-WING LITERATURE,
"SEVERAL MEMBERS OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM
"MARCHED DOWN NORTH AVENUE,
"INTENDING TO STONE THE RUSSIAN EMBASSY.
OF COURSE, THERE ARE NO EMBASSIES IN LAWNDALE."
WOW, DID YOU GIRLS KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?
- I WASN'T THERE.
I HAD A REAL DATE.
- "'TEENS ARE IMPRESSIONABLE,' O'NEAL SAID,
"'AND THE LAST THING WE WANT IS TO PROVIDE A BASE OF OPERATIONS
FOR POLITICAL EXTREMISTS.'"
DARIA, DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WE HAD THESE KINDS OF RADICALS HERE IN TOWN?
- NO, BUT WE'VE GOT TO MAINTAIN CONSTANT VIGILANCE
AGAINST THOSE WHO WOULD MANIPULATE US
INTO ACTIONS WE'D NEVER TAKE ON OUR OWN.
- I'LL SAY.
- [humming Pop Goes the Weasel]
[glass shattering]
[alarm ringing]
[sirens blaring]
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[dissonant rock music]
♪ ♪
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