- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- DADDY, REMEMBER THAT TUTORING YOU WANTED ME TO TAKE FOR MATH?
IT'S GOING TO BE $50 AN HOUR.
- $50 AN HOUR?
- WELL, I GOT THE BAD NEWS FROM THE PERIODONTIST:
SIX MONTHS' WORK OF GUM WORK, $800 A MONTH.
- $800 A MONTH?
- MAIL'S HERE.
DID YOU KNOW CONGRESS STILL SPENDS $250 BILLION A YEAR
ON THE MILITARY?
- $250 BILLION A YEAR?
DAMN IT! THAT'S IT, DARIA.
WHAT AM I, MADE OF MONEY?
- JAKE, WERE YOU LISTENING?
DARIA SAID--
- TUTORING, DENTAL WORK, CONGRESS!
I'M NOT A MACHINE, DAMN IT. I'M A MAN!
FOR ONCE IN MY STINKIN' LIFE, SHOW A LITTLE--
GAH! GAH!
- OH, JAKEY, NOT AGAIN.
- IT'S MY EYE!
OH, GOD, IT'S MY EYE!
- OH, NO.
GET THE CAMERA.
- NO CAMERA, DARIA.
REMEMBER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID
LAST TIME YOU BURST A BLOOD VESSEL?
- YEAH, HE SAID, "THAT'LL BE $200."
- BEFORE THAT.
HE SAID YOU NEED TO CUT DOWN ON YOUR STRESS.
AND WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT THIS WEEKEND.
WE'RE GOING CAMPING, LIKE WE USED TO BEFORE--
I'LL TAKE FRIDAY OFF, AND WE'LL MAKE A LONG WEEKEND OF IT.
- YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE A DAY OFF?
- DARIA, A HEALTHY, HAPPY FAMILY COMES BEFORE WORK...ALWAYS.
BESIDES, I HAVE VACATION TIME COMING,
AND ERIC TOLD ME IF I DON'T USE IT, I LOSE IT.
DAMN IT, THOSE BASTARDS AREN'T GOING TO TAKE AWAY MY DAYS.
COME ON, JAKE.
LET'S FIND THE PAINKILLERS.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT US, MOM.
WE'LL BE FINE. RIGHT, DARIA?
- ABSOLUTELY.
NO GUESTS, NO LATE NIGHTS.
- DON'T EVEN BOTHER, GIRLS.
YOU'RE COMING WITH US.
- DAMN IT, DARIA!
YOU COULD HAVE SOUNDED LIKE YOU MEANT IT.
- DAMN IT! IT'S MY TURN TO SAY, "DAMN IT."
- GUANO SEE SOME GUTSY CLIMBING?
SCALING THE WORLD'S TALLEST PILE OF SEAGULL DROPPINGS
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU, JAKE, HELEN, AND PRINCESS GRACE
ARE GOING CAMPING?
LIKE IN THE WOODS CAMPING?
- I HOPE THE RAGING ENVY YOU'RE FEELING
WON'T AFFECT OUR FRIENDSHIP.
- I DO ENVY YOU.
- THEN I'M AFRAID THE FEVER'S REACHED YOUR BRAIN
AND YOU'LL HAVE TO BE DESTROYED.
- DO YOU KNOW WHERE I'LL BE THIS WEEKEND?
THE LANE FAMILY REUNION--
DOZENS OF LANES FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
CONVERGING IN ONE MIDWESTERN SPLIT-LEVEL
TO REMINDED THEMSELVES
WHY THEY SCATTERED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- WOW.
I DIDN'T THINK YOUR PARENTS WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD
AT SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- THEY WOULDN'T.
WE'RE THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE CLAN.
WE'RE ONLY INVITED
BECAUSE HATING US BRINGS THEM ALL CLOSER TOGETHER.
MY PARENTS ARE MUCH TOO SMART TO FALL FOR THAT TRICK.
- I THOUGHT SO.
- SO THEY'RE SENDING ME AND TRENT
AS THEIR REPRESENTATIVES.
- YOU KNOW, A WEEKEND IN THE WOODS
IS STARTING TO LOOK PRETTY GOOD.
- A WEEKEND
ON THE WORLD'S TALLEST PILE OF SEAGULL DROPPINGS
IS STARTING TO LOOK PRETTY GOOD.
- ♪ GIVE MY REGARDS TO BROADWAY ♪
♪ REMEMBER ME TO HERALD SQUARE ♪
♪ TELL ALL THE GANG AT 42nd STREET ♪
♪ THAT I WILL SOON BE THERE ♪
IS THIS GREAT OR WHAT?
FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS,
WE'RE GOING TO LIVE OFF WHAT NATURE SENDS OUR WAY.
SEE THAT STREAM?
THAT'S OUR DRINKING WATER.
SEE THOSE BERRIES?
THAT'S OUR BREAKFAST.
- SEE THAT SKELETON?
THAT'S OUR FUTURE.
MADE YOU LOOK.
- TRENT.
TRENT.
TRENT!
- OFFICER, IT'S NOT EVEN MY CAR.
AW, JANEY.
WHAT?
- LET'S TALK STRATEGY.
I DON'T WANT TO ARRIVE WITHOUT A PLAN.
- HEY, I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT.
AS SOON AS WE GET THERE, WE FIND THE BAR
AND WE DON'T LEAVE IT UNTIL WE'RE UNCONSCIOUS.
- GOOD PLAN.
BUT FIRST OF ALL, THEY PROBABLY WON'T SERVE ME.
SECOND, I DON'T WANT TO PASS OUT.
AND THIRD, SOMETIME BEFORE YOU PASS OUT,
YOU'LL DECIDE IT'S TIME TO BE HONEST WITH EVERYONE.
- OH, YEAH, BAD IDEA.
DON'T WANT TO BE HONEST WITH AUNT ELLIE
ABOUT HER VACATION PICTURES.
- OR COUSIN JIMMY ABOUT HIS MODELING CAREER.
- OR AUNT BERNICE ABOUT HER HATS.
- WHO'S AUNT BERNICE?
- YOU KNOW, FROM MIDDLEBURY.
SHE WEARS THOSE STRAW HATS.
THINKS THEY'RE COUNTRY OR SOMETHING.
THEY LOOK LIKE THE KIND THEY PUT ON HORSES
TO KEEP THE SUN OFF THEIR HEADS.
- YOU SAY SHE'S FROM MIDDLEBURY?
- YEAH.
- SO WE'D BE FLYING OUT OF THE SAME AIRPORT.
- YEAH, YEAH, JANEY.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
- HELLO, TRENT.
- OH.
HELLO, AUNT BERNICE.
I LIKE YOUR HAT.
- [happily] TOTAL ISOLATION!
- NO PHONE, NO FAX, NO EMAIL, NO VOICEMAIL.
NO WAY TO CONTACT THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
WHAT A LUXURY.
- TONIGHT WE'LL TELL SPOOKY STORIES AROUND THE CAMPFIRE.
TOMORROW WE HIKE TILL WE DROP.
- JUST LIKE WE USED TO.
- REMEMBER?
- YOU WERE SO RELAXED IN THOSE DAYS.
- YOU CAN'T HIKE IN THESE DAMN EARTH SHOES!
THEY MAKE YOU TILT!
- COME ON, JAKE.
JUST DIG THE SCENE.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
IT IS A STONE GROOVE.
WE'RE LUCKY WE GOT HERE
BEFORE THE OIL COMPANIES PAVE IT ALL OVER.
- AND PUT UP A PARKING LOT.
[laughter]
CAPITALIST VULTURES!
OFF THE FAT CATS!
- IT'S SO OUT OF SIGHT THAT WE'RE GOING TO CAMP
WITH NOTHING BUT OUR TENT AND SLEEPING BAGS.
- SLEEPING BAG.
- [laughs]
- WE DON'T NEED BIG-BUSINESS ELECTRICITY.
WE DON'T NEED MANUFACTURED FOODS.
WE DON'T NEED CHEMICALLY SOFTENED TOILET PAPER.
- WE DON'T?
- GIRLS, DOESN'T ALL THIS BEAUTY
JUST TAKE YOU RIGHT OUT OF YOURSELVES?
- DARIA?
- I THINK I'M GETTING A CHILL.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'M GOING TO CRAWL BACK INTO MYSELF FOR A WHILE.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, QUINN?
- NO PHONE?
- DO YOU SEE ANY BUSES OR TAXIS?
- I SEE NO MASS TRANSIT OF ANY KIND.
- WELL, WE'VE GOT NO WAY TO GET TO THE PARTY.
MIGHT AS WELL CATCH A FLIGHT HOME.
- WE GAVE IT OUR BEST SHOT.
DAMN.
HEY, IT'S AUNT BERNICE.
SHE RENTED A CAR.
- HEY, AUNT BERNICE.
[horn honks]
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- [grunting]
[yells]
- WE SHOULD HAVE STARTED THIS EARLIER.
- [grumbles] YOU SOUND LIKE MY FATHER.
- WHAT?
- OH, HE KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT CAMPING.
OF COURSE, HE HAD A DIFFERENT APPROACH.
NO TENT FOR MAD DOG MORGENDORFFER.
OH, NO. NO SLEEPING BAG EITHER.
YOU LASHED SOME DAMN STICKS TOGETHER FOR A LEAN-TO,
SLEPT ON A BED OF PINE NEEDLES,
AND IF IT RAINED, WELL, TOUGH CRAP!
NO TENT FOR MAD DOG,
AND NO TENT FOR LITTLE JAKEY EITHER.
- THAT'S GOOD, HONEY.
YOU'RE LETTING OUT SOME OF THAT TENSION.
- WHY COULDN'T HE JUST LOVE ME FOR WHO I WAS?
- ALL RIGHT, JAKE.
UM, NOW YOU'RE LETTING OUT TOO MUCH TENSION.
- WHY DID HE THINK I WAS STILL WETTING THE BED AT 15?
OH, HI, GIRLS.
- SO LET'S JUST WALK IN AND MEET THEM HEAD-ON.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO INTIMIDATE US.
- NO WAY.
[doorbell rings]
HEY, I THINK I LEFT MY IN-FLIGHT MAGAZINE BACK THERE.
- WE'D BETTER GO GET IT.
- JANE, TRENT.
I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN YOU'D COME LOOKING LIKE THIS.
- THEN, LYING THERE IN THE DARKNESS,
THE BOY HEARD A TINY SPLASHING SOUND...
[makes splashing noises]
LIKE WAVES ON A FARAWAY SHORE,
EXCEPT THE NEAREST OCEAN WAS 100 MILES AWAY.
THE BOY REACHED OUT FOR HIS SLEEPING FATHER,
BUT HE WAS GONE.
SHAKING WITH FEAR,
THE BOY STUMBLED OUT OF THE RICKETY LEAN-TO.
AND THAT'S WHEN HE SAW IT:
HIS FATHER SITTING ALONE AT THE CAMPFIRE,
ALONE...
WITH A WHOLE CASE OF BEER.
[sound of cans opening]
THE SELFISH OLD BASTARD WAS WASTED AGAIN!
[animals calling]
- AND HOW'S YOUR SISTER PENNY?
- I THINK SHE'S A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED
IN THE MEXICAN JOB MARKET.
SHE MAY TRY NICARAGUA NEXT.
- AND YOUR BROTHER WIND?
- HE'S THINKING ABOUT GETTING REMARRIED
IF HE CAN JUST FIGURE OUT WHETHER HIS DIVORCES WERE LEGAL.
- HOW ABOUT YOUR SISTER SUMMER?
- YOU KNOW, THE PRIVATE DETECTIVES
FOUND THREE OUT OF HER FOUR KIDS.
- REALLY?
- "YOU'RE A VAMPIRE,"
SHE WHISPERED TO THE PALE STRANGER
WITH THE BROODING EYES.
SHE FELT HER BOSOM FLUSH AND HEAVE WITH EXCITEMENT.
"YOU'VE COME TO TAKE MY BLOOD."
- "YOUR BLOOD?" HE LAUGHED.
"OH, THERE'S TIME ENOUGH TO TAKE YOUR BLOOD.
"TONIGHT I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR--
"TAKE YOUR PULSE AND MAKE SURE THAT, YOU KNOW,
THE BLOOD WILL BE THERE WHEN I COME BACK."
[animals calling]
- [slurring] I ALWAYS LIKED YOU, TRENT.
YOU WERE MY FAVORITE.
- AND WHY IS THAT, UNCLE MAX?
- 'CAUSE YOU'RE A BUM.
YOU'RE A LOUSY BUM.
YOU'RE A ROTTEN BUM.
YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF.
YOU KNOW WHY?
- 'CAUSE I'M A BUM.
- [laughs]
THAT'S RIGHT, YA BUM.
- SO CINDERELLA SAID,
"I CAN'T GO TO THE BALL IN THESE RAGS."
AND HER FAIRY GODMOTHER WAVED HER WAND,
AND, BEHOLD, SHE WAS WEARING A GOWN OF SILVER AND GOLD--
BIG CLUNKY SILVER AND GOLD SEQUINS,
LIKE YOU WOULDN'T WEAR
TO ONE OF THOSE '70s NOSTALGIA PROMS,
MUCH LESS A FORMAL PARTY AT A PALACE.
AND WHEN SHE WENT TO CHECK HERSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR,
THE ONE THAT USUALLY MADE HER LOOK THIN,
INSTEAD SHE LOOKED BLOATED.
- QUINN, HONEY, IS THIS REALLY A SCARY STORY?
- WAIT!
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE SHOES YET.
- [weakly] JANE.
- YES, GRANDMA?
- COME CLOSER.
- YES, GRANDMA?
- CLOSER.
- YES, GRANDMA?
- CLOSER.
- YES, GRANDMA?
- [yells] WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- SO THE WITCH TORE HANSEL'S ARM OFF,
POPPED IT IN HER MOUTH, SAID, "HEY, PRETTY GOOD,"
AND WITHIN MINUTES HAD DEVOURED THE REST OF HIS BODY,
LEAVING ONLY THE LOWER INTESTINE FOR FEAR OF BACTERIA.
GRETEL, SHE DECIDED TO HOLD ON TO FOR A WHILE,
SO SHE CRAMMED HER INTO THE FREEZER AS BEST SHE COULD.
- DARIA?
- YES, QUINN.
- DO YOU FEEL WEIRD SHARING A TENT?
- AS LONG AS IT'S WITH YOU AND NOT A BEAR,
I GUESS I'M OKAY WITH IT.
- REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE LITTLE AND WE SHARED A ROOM?
- YES, QUINN.
- I HATED THAT.
- SO DID I.
- IT'S FUN TO REMINISCE, ISN'T IT?
- YOU BET.
- JANEY?
- YEAH, TRENT?
- YOU FEEL WEIRD SHARING A ROOM?
- WE'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
- YEAH, BUT NOT REALLY LIKE THIS.
- HEY, HOLD IT DOWN, GUYS, OKAY?
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.
- OW! WATCH IT.
- OOH, SORRY. THOUGHT YOU WERE A PILLOW.
- I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU.
- WAIT, WERE YOU TALKING TO ME?
- WELL, WHO ELSE?
OW! WATCH IT.
- SORRY, THOUGHT YOU WERE A PILLOW.
- DARIA, QUINN, GET UP.
I NEED YOU.
YOUR FATHER'S IN A SICKENING MOOD.
- ARE THEY DECENT, HELEN?
- YES, JAKE.
- UP AND AT 'EM, LADIES.
TIME TO JOIN THE FOREST MORNING, ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
BREAKFAST IS ON MOTHER NATURE.
YUM.
MEET YOU AROUND THE FIRE IN FIVE MINUTES.
- PLEASE, GIRLS.
I'M AFRAID I MAY HURT HIM.
- JANEY.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
- HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
EVEN IF I COULD MANAGE TO GET MY WATCH ON AT THIS HOUR,
MY EYES ARE TOO BLURRY TO READ IT.
- IT'S 7:00, DEAR.
WE'RE GETTING AN EARLY START,
BECAUSE TODAY'S THE FAMILY CROQUET TOURNAMENT.
- JANEY, IT'S 7:00 ON A SATURDAY,
AND WE'RE AWAKE.
- SOON THE WOODEN BALLS WILL BE CLACKING.
CLACK.
- WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
- WAS THAT BREAKFAST GREAT, KIDDO?
- ACTUALLY, UH, I'M NOT A BIG BERRY PERSON, DAD.
I SORT OF DIDN'T EAT MINE.
I'M WAITING FOR LUNCH.
- OH.
WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE MY ROASTED ACORNS A LA JAKE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE
THE WHOLE CONTINENT USED TO LOOK LIKE THIS?
- IT MAKES ME YEARN FOR THE PAST.
- LOOK AT THAT, DARIA.
A FORK IN THE TRAIL.
IF YOU GO ONE WAY, YOU CAN'T GO THE OTHER.
- THIS IS GOING TO DEPRESS ME, ISN'T IT?
- THIS WAY OVER HERE LEADS TO AN ENTRY-LEVEL JOB,
A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY IN YOUR POCKET.
SOON YOU'RE WEARING A SUIT AND TIE EVERY DAY,
LIKE ALL THE OTHER FACELESS SAPS,
LIVING IN A BORING LIVING HOUSE IN A BLAND LITTLE TOWN
AND DOING SO WELL,
YOU'RE IN DEBT UP TO YOUR DISAPPEARING HAIR.
THAT'S WHERE THAT TRAIL LEADS, DARIA.
- I GUESS THAT OTHER TRAIL IS THE ONE
THAT LEADS TO PERSONAL AND SPIRITUAL SATISFACTION.
THAT'S WHY THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE IT.
- DAMN IT, DARIA, YOU'RE BRILLIANT!
- WAIT.
IT WAS A JOKE?
[sighs]
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- I WISH YOUR FATHER WOULD STAY WHERE WE CAN SEE HIM.
- WHAT'S DAD SO WORKED UP ABOUT ANYWAY?
- OH, QUINN, IT'S NOT EASY BEING AN ADULT.
- HE CAN DRIVE, HE NEVER HAS TO TAKE A POP QUIZ,
AND HE CAN ORDER A MIMOSA ANY TIME HE WANTS.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- HE'S--IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE LIKE A FRESH NEW BUD
JUST ON THE THRESHOLD OF OPENING.
- EW!
MOM, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT PUBERTY, ARE YOU?
- QUINN, EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, YOU SEE DOORS OPENING.
EVERYWHERE YOUR FATHER LOOKS, HE SEES DOORS CLOSING,
A LONG CORRIDOR OF DOORS SLAMMING SHUT.
AND AT THE VERY END, THERE'S ONE OPEN DOOR
HE MUST SOMEDAY ENTER,
AND NEVER MAY HE RETURN.
I CAN'T GO ON.
LEAVE ME HERE.
- MO-OM!
- GO ON, QUINN.
YOU'RE SO YOUNG, SO BEAUTIFUL.
YOU SHOULD LEAD THE TRIBE INTO THE NEW CENTURY.
- WHAT TRIBE?
MOM, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
- NOW, GO TELL GRAY FOX I HAVE GIVEN MY BLESSING.
- DARIA!
- DAD, I DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.
- [mockingly] IT'S NOT CAUTIOUS, IS IT, DARIA?
IT'S NOT THE SORT OF THING
A RESPONSIBLE FAMILY MAN WOULD DO.
- ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?
YOU LOOK KIND OF PALE.
- MAYBE WE SHOULD GO BACK TO CAMP, HUH?
YOU GO BACK TO CAMP, DARIA!
I'M GOING TO SEE WHAT-- WHO IS DOWN THIS TRAIL.
YOU HEAR THAT, OLD MAN?
I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME, DARIA.
I'M PAST FEELING PAIN.
GAH! AH!
DAMN IT!
- DARIA!
- COME ON, DAD.
QUINN NEEDS US.
- I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET, OLD MAN.
- QUINN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MOM?
- SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT BUDS AND DOORS AND STUFF,
AND THEN SHE TOLD ME TO LEAD THE TRIBE,
AND SHE FELL ASLEEP.
- HELEN?
- WHA--
OH, JAKE, HONEY, YOU HAD US A LITTLE WORRIED.
- YOU HAD US WORRIED, MOM.
- THAT'S FUNNY; I DON'T REMEMBER BEING WORRIED ABOUT ANYONE.
- QUINN SAID YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT SOME KIND OF TRIBE?
- NO, HONEY, THE TIDE.
I WAS SAYING WE OUGHT TO SET SAIL
WHILE THE TIDE'S STILL HIGH.
- DAD?
- [laughs] OH, DON'T WORRY, SWEETIE.
YOUR MOM SOUNDS A LITTLE NUTTY,
BUT SHE'S MAKING PERFECT SENSE.
- SHE IS? - SURE.
IF WE TRIED TO SAIL AT LOW TIDE AND RAN AGROUND,
WE'D BE SITTING DUCKS FOR CAPTAIN CUTLASS'S MEN.
[laughs]
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I DON'T WANT
TO BE SKINNED ALIVE AND THROWN TO THE SHARKS.
RIGHT, GIRLS?
COME ON; LET'S GO GATHER SOME PROVISIONS.
[Helen and Jake laughing]
- THIS IS REALLY SCARY, DARIA.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT GET PANICKED.
WE'RE GOING TO LOOK AT THE SITUATION
CALMLY AND OBJECTIVELY.
AGREED?
- OKAY.
- WE'RE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
NOBODY KNOWS WE'RE HERE.
WE HAVE NO WAY TO CONTACT ANYONE.
AND OUR PARENTS HAVE GONE INSANE.
- YES.
- THIS IS REALLY SCARY, QUINN.
- BUT WHY DID THEY GO INSANE?
- KNOWING DAD AND HIS EXCELLENT WOODLAND SKILLS,
I'D SAY IT WAS THE BERRIES, EXCEPT--
- IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE BERRIES.
- THAT'S WHAT I THINK,
BECAUSE YOU ATE THE BERRIES TOO, AND YOU SEEM OKAY.
- NO, I MEANT
BECAUSE THOSE WEREN'T THE GLITTERBERRIES.
- GLITTERBERRIES?
- YOU KNOW, THE GLITTERBERRIES,
THE ONES THAT FILL YOUR MOUTH WITH BEAUTIFUL SPARKLING GLITTER
WHEN YOU BITE INTO THEM.
THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT MAKE YOU ACT WEIRD--
I MEAN, UNTIL YOU SPREAD YOUR SHIMMERING WINGS
AND FLY AWAY.
- UH-OH.
- DARIA, YOU DON'T HAVE A MIRROR, DO YOU?
I WANT TO CHECK MY MAKE UP.
- YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY MAKEUP.
- I'M NOT?
OH, NO.
- QUINN, MAYBE YOU BETTER TAKE IT EASY FOR A WHILE.
- SPIRIT ANIMAL!
COME BACK, SPIRIT ANIMAL!
- GIRLS, HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR FATHER'S SPIRIT ANIMAL?
HE WAS JUST TELLING IT ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD
WHEN IT JUMPED UP AND SCAMPERED OFF.
- SCAMPERED?
- WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE, MOM?
- OH, YOU KNOW.
YELLOW WITH STRIPES ON THE BACK,
POWERFUL HIND LEGS,
THREE HORNS UP HERE--
- COME ON; I SAW WHERE IT WENT.
- OKAY, REMAIN CALM.
FAMILY'S GONE MAD.
MUST GET THEM BACK TO CIVILIZATION.
BUT NO WAY TO CONTACT CIVILIZATION,
BECAUSE MOTHER MADE BIG DEAL
ABOUT CUTTING OFF ALL COMMUNICATION.
WHAT TO DO.
[cell phone ringing]
RELY ON MOTHER'S HYPOCRISY TO SEE US THROUGH THIS CRISIS.
- HELEN.
HAVE YOU GOT A FEW MINUTES TO GO OVER THESE DEPOSITIONS?
- THERE HE IS, BEHIND THAT PACK OF ZEBRAS!
- SHE'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.
HELLO? 911?
- [Jake laughing]
I LOVE CAMPING.
I LOVE IT!
HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY PANTS?
[telephone line rings]
- YO.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
- WHAT ARE YOU?
- AH, MY FAMILY WENT CRAZY
FROM EATING PSYCHOTROPIC BERRIES,
SO WE WERE EVACUATED FROM THE WOODS,
AND THEY HAD THEIR STOMACHS PUMPED.
- WOW, THAT'S COOL.
MY FAMILY WAS ALREADY CRAZY WITHOUT ANY BERRIES,
SO TRENT AND I EVACUATED OURSELVES TO THE AIRPORT
IN MY AUNT'S RENTAL CAR
AND FLEW THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
- OH, WELL, ANYTHING ELSE NEW?
- NAH. YOU?
- NAH.
MAIL'S HERE.
- THANKS, KIDDO.
- NOW, YOU CLAIM THAT NOT ONLY DID YOU SEE A YETI
BUT HE WAS WEARING A BUSINESS SUIT
AND CARRYING AN ATTACHE CASE.
- A LEATHER ATTACHE CASE.
- $15,000 FOR A HELICOPTER RIDE?
WHAT THE HELL DO THEY THINK-- AH! AH!
OH, MY GOD.
- MOM, GET THE PAINKILLERS.
QUINN, GET THE CAMERA.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com